Finding Purpose Through LIFE'S Unexpected Seasons with Jenny Townsend

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
So I essentially equate my business to an affair because
I became more of that. An affair could be someone
with a drug addiction, or a gambling addition, or you know,
there could be all these things. But essentially, if there's
something else that's pulling you out of your marriage or
coming in between you and your partner, I believe that
you should be number one. Become self aware, Become honest

(00:25):
with yourself. I mean, I knew it was happening, but
I just didn't want to fight. I didn't want to
fight with him. I didn't want to fight for the marriage,
and there was all these things. So I think truly
believing what you want and understanding that you're going to
fight for your marriage or the relationship, no matter who
it is with. So my advice would be first and
foremost to pause, take a step back, review the situation

(00:50):
and take ownership. Take ownership of how you show up,
Take ownership of how you're contributing, take ownership to maybe
where you failed, and then take ownership of what you
truly want.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
Welcome to her unshakeable confidence with dynamic mother daughter duo
Simone and Olivia Canego, where they discuss the secrets of
transformation and how to build bold confidence and unwavering resilience.
From intimate conversations with inspiring guests to sharing their personal
journeys of triumph and challenge, Simone and Olivia create a
supportive space where every woman is encouraged to rise above

(01:27):
her fears and love the woman in the mirror, Tune
into her unshakeable confidence, and join this special journey of
connection and growth. It's like catching up with old friends
who inspire you to be bravely and uniquely.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
You welcome to this week's episode of Her Unshakeable Confidence.
I'm Simone Canego and I'm Olivia Conego, and today we
have an amazing guest, Jenny Jenny Townsend. So I know
Jenny from I don't know so many places, but everything

(02:00):
to do with women. She's got an amazing place in
town called the Music Compound, which we'll talk about. But
she also wrote a book. Was it Has it been
a year?

Speaker 4 (02:11):
It'll be a year?

Speaker 3 (02:12):
Yeah, April, Wow, I mean time flies. So we're gonna
talk about all the things, but I want to just
jump in and start with because we're talking about confidence,
what advice do you have for a woman who's maybe
struggling with confidence or doesn't know where to start. What's
something that you do or something that works for you.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
So I always look within, and I think it just
spoils down to my upbringing of my parents making me
feel like I was good enough and amazing and all
the things, even though maybe they really didn't think that
it was not the best student growing up, but they
always made me feel that I could be the President
of the United States, or I could do anything I
absolutely wanted if I put my mind to it. So

(02:54):
when I think of confidence, it's believing in myself, going
for what I believe or what I want that I
may not always know how I'm going to get there.
I think that has been part of my success with confidence,
and I think throughout the journey of life, I've had
really great confidence at times and I've blocked confidence at others.
Just in the past couple of years, you know, confidence

(03:16):
to me has been just being really comfortable my skin
and my environment with who I am, and that has
been new for me.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
Just being content.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
Thank you for that, And I think that's really helpful
because I think a lot of people are not comfortable
in their skin right they struggle to believe in themselves,
and I think the more we hear other women say
what they're working on, I think the more it helps
women in general.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
M Yeah, we're all in this together.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
We are all in this together. So Olivia was texting
me right before this, She's like, Okay, why do I
know music compound? And I was like saying, because, you know,
I was trying to explain it to her, and she
was like, I think I've actually been there.

Speaker 5 (03:55):
I don't know why I would have been there though.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
We have a lot of events and we have a
lot of kids. I mean, we have over four hundred
members that come to you on a weekly basis. And
a lot of people think, oh, if you just cater
to children, but we cater to all ages.

Speaker 4 (04:09):
So we actually just did a.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
YouTube concert this past weekend. We have another one coming
up as well where students and then adults of you know,
children of all ages is what I typically say.

Speaker 4 (04:19):
So, yeah, we did music.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Education on the Gulf Coast and we're in our tip
year business. We've been recognized as Women Owned Business of
the Year, Small Business of the Year. We just want
a best music school in the country. So I'll be
actually traveling to king Wow a couple of weeks.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Now, that's awesome that award.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
And talk to business fantastic on the journey.

Speaker 5 (04:40):
You know, part of the you have a background in music,
so I do not.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I actually just tod my first music lesson a couple
of years ago.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
So wow.

Speaker 5 (04:50):
Okay, I did take choir.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
When I was in high school, but that's because I
got kicked out of Spanish class and the only elective
available was a choir.

Speaker 4 (04:58):
I'm not a very good singer.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah, I just took a ukulele classes a couple of
years ago. I wrote a song two years ago, and yeah,
we'll see if I learned anything in the future. Right now,
I'm pretty much playing the keyboard of my computer making
things happen because I am the business side of the business.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, it's pretty cool. Like when you hear that though,
you don't have to have a background in something. If
you really want to do it right, you just make
it happen.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
And I think for some yeah, a lot of people
think I have an education background or a music background,
or I have all these children and I do not,
so which has been fun. And I'll tell you, speaking
of confidence, you know a lot of people when I
was getting this started and talking about doing it, They're like,
that's never going to happen. You don't have a music degree,
you don't have an education degree, you're not a parent,
you're not all these things.

Speaker 4 (05:43):
And I was like, I'm still going to do this.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
So there was a lot of no's and a lot
of people saying that I wasn't going to be able
to do it. So it's kind of cool.

Speaker 6 (05:51):
Ten years down the road and I'm ye celebrating so
many things that many people thought were not possible. And
I think it is a reminder of that. I never
understand when people say things to bring you down, and
what I've realized it's typically about that person, right, It's
something they can't see themselves in that role, so therefore
you can't do it either. And it's absolutely the wrong

(06:14):
way to look at it. When someone tells me the
amazing things they're they want to do, I'm like, yes,
you should go for it, instead of oh, no, that's
going to fail. I mean, you're not a musician, you're
not a teacher. Well that's ridiculous, right.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Well, I hadn't know what the rules were. I didn't
know how everybody else did it. I just knew how
I wanted it to play out, and how I wanted
the company to be, and the skills and the programs
that I wanted incorporated into it, and a lot of
things that we do. We focus on life skills, so
stage presence, confidence, ego boosting, social skills, so a lot
of things that are transferable into the future lives of

(06:47):
these children. So I grew up doing four H and
that's where a lot of those skills came into play.
And I think it's a great program. So if anyone
out there has children, check out for H for sure,
because that's where a lot of these skills that came
into play. And so yeah, it's it's been a great journey.
And you know, they're learning from me, I'm learning from them,
So it makes a great marriage.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
I love it. And I actually did four H when
I was a kid, I with my horse. Yeah, yeah,
so it was something I agree that, And I love
what you said about the life skills part. So everything
we do it doesn't have to be about that tiny
little thing that you're working on. So if you play violin,
it's more than just violin, right, It's how you step

(07:28):
out into the world, it's how you interact with other people.
There's so many more parts to it. So I love
that you talk about the life skills part of it
because I think that's so important, especially for kids these
days and adults adults too, adults too.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, And it's so therapeutic as well. So I feel
like music can help people process emotions, feelings. Maybe they're
going through something and a song may help them get
through that. Even the process of writing a song that
was really helpful for me when I was going through
a hard time where I was lacking confidence and I
didn't believe it myself. That's when I started journaling and

(08:02):
I started writing a song and I was able to
share that and I was able to process so much
emotions and overcome the challenges. And now I look back
and I'm like, what a beautiful journey and how far
I've came from where I was and those emotions and
those feelings and music can just be.

Speaker 4 (08:17):
So beneficial in so many different ways.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
So let's step back to that time that you were
really struggling, because you talk about it in your book.
I mean, we've talked about it openly, and I'd love
to start there and then really talk about the book itself.

Speaker 4 (08:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
So I started my company in twenty sixteen, happily married,
but I had nothing to risk. I was like, I
don't have anything to lose. Let's go all in.

Speaker 4 (08:45):
And I did.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
And I truly believe that because of my grit, because
of my determination, and because of my focus on making
that company successful, the company is where it is today.
During that timeframe, I was married and I forgot I
was married, and my company became my life, my love,
my passion, absolutely everything to me. If a Friday night came,

(09:07):
there was a concert, or there was a family birthday party,
I chose music compound. I chose music compound over everything,
including my family and my husband. And after several years
of that, my husband decided to become really friendly with
a coworker, which is super common for affairs in the
workplace to happen. And at that time I knew it

(09:28):
was happening. I just couldn't prove it, and quite honestly,
I really just didn't care.

Speaker 4 (09:32):
I was so.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Focused on my business, and I think as business owners
we become obsessed with that mission and that passion and
we see all.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
The good we're doing.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
I wasn't necessarily being paid financially monetarily, but I was
being paid in smiles and impact, and to me, that
was a dream come true for me.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
And I was.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
Completely content in the relationship that I had with my work.

Speaker 4 (09:52):
And that led to.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
Obviously me discovering my husband was having an affair, and
during that time I became very angry and becing very sad.
I started thinking, oh, my god, so ugly, I need
a boob job.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
What's wrong with me?

Speaker 1 (10:07):
And you know, you have all these other people that
are seeing your praises and you're so amazing, and you're
living out your dream. You have all of this, but
at home, within what your relationship, you don't have that.
And it was a really, really hard time for me.
And at that point, you know, I did point some
fingers and I did get really angry, but I didn't
want to continue down that road. My parents were both

(10:28):
to wit through the same thing. My mom had an
affair and my dad could never forgive her. And I
saw my dad, you know, in his fifties and sixties,
still angry and holding a grudge, and I said to myself,
I don't want to be that. I want to find
forgiveness first, and foremost for myself, because I thought I
was the blame for so many things. And anyways, I

(10:49):
went through the journey. But I could have sat there
and pointed fingers and then really angry for the rest
of my life. But I took a step back, decided
to take some ownership, take some time away from work,
and really sorted to look within and find out who
really was I. You know, I was like my company
was my identity, and I didn't have my own identity,

(11:10):
and I didn't even know I didn't have any hobbies.
I didn't really know what I wanted to do or
what I'd like to do for fun other than work.
So that's really where this whole journey began, was back
in twenty eighteen, and I can share more through that,
but I will say that I am happily married my
husband there madly in love in twenty twenty five, and
I'm so grateful that I decided to take ownership he did,

(11:33):
and for us to work towards finding forgiveness so that
we can rebuild our marriage to each other. And it's
just been an amazing journey.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
What advice would you give someone that is maybe in
a similar situation where and It doesn't have to be
someone that has, you know, just their whole business. Their
life is their whole business. But they're going through a
similar thing where they're like, oh my gosh, my marriage
is going to end. What do I do? Do I
just cut it today or do I work on it?

(12:04):
Is it worth working on?

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah? So I would say we all have we all
have an affair. So I essentially equate my business to
an affair because I became more of that. An affair
could be someone with a drug addiction or a gambling addition,
or you know, there could be all these things. But essentially,
if there's something else that's pulling you out of your
marriage or coming in between you and your partner, I

(12:26):
believe that you should be number one. Become self aware,
become you know, honest with yourself. I was in denial.
I mean I knew what was happening, but I just
didn't want to fight. I didn't want to fight with him,
I didn't want to fight for the marriage, and there
was all these things.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
So I think truly believing.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
What you want and understanding that you're going to fight
for your marriage or the relationship no matter who it
is with.

Speaker 4 (12:49):
So my advice would be first and.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Foremost to pause, take a step back, review the situation,
and take ownership. Ownership of how you show up, take
ownership of how you're contributing, take ownership to maybe where
you've failed, and then take ownership of what you truly want.
Because sometimes we're in a relationship because it serves everybody else.

(13:14):
And I know a lot of parents sometimes stay in
a relationship because the children and they end up super,
super miserable and they end up living all of these
years unhappy. So I would really lean into what is
it that you want and take ownership of that. Start
speaking up and seek help. A lot of times we're
afraid to talk to other people because we're ashamed of

(13:35):
what we're going through or we don't want to be
honest with our friends. But when I started talking about this,
so many my friends were going through the same thing,
but we don't talked about it. So I would say
start talking to people about it, start journaling, and really
just look within. There's so many beneficial things that you
can do. Once you start looking within and finding out
who you are, your confidence will be boosted, your self

(13:59):
happiness will be boos did, and you'll start making decisions
based on what you truly need and what you truly want.

Speaker 5 (14:06):
What would you do differently if you could do it again?

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Well, first and foremost, I would have paid myself from
day one, Yes, absolutely. Secondly, I would have created more balance,
because you know, we always get well, not we always.

Speaker 4 (14:26):
I became so.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Obsessed with the company and the success and getting following
that one three five year plan and that financial goal
and getting these many members that I was constantly on.
I was on for an entire three years and never
took a break. I never took a vacation. So I
didn't understand the value of stepping back, stepping out and

(14:48):
working on the business versus in the business.

Speaker 4 (14:51):
And so I believe now you know, now that I'm in.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
This ten years, I truly believe in having balance. So
there's days I go to the office. There's days I
don't go to the office. I have CEO home days.
I make sure that I have a hobby. I'm doing
things for myself. I serve myself first and foremost every
single morning. So that's waking up and steadily with my husband,
doing a walk, playing tennis. I go do me before
I do anything else. Then I go and get the

(15:17):
work done. And I've found that instead of working sixty
seventy hours, I can get the same amount of work done,
if not more, and maybe twenty five thirty hours.

Speaker 4 (15:27):
So creating a.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
Really great balance and structure and making sure to keep
my relationship the priority. The money, the business, it will come,
it will go, but that relationship is the most important
thing to me. And I took that for granted, and
my husband did who.

Speaker 4 (15:42):
We boked it.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
But I think staying true to who you need, who
you are, what you want and I want to be married.

Speaker 4 (15:49):
I want to love my husband.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
I want my husband to love me, and that's really
the guarding guiding force for everything that I do.

Speaker 3 (15:55):
At this point, I think what you said about a
big part of the loving someone else is kind of
loving yourself first, right, And if you're not giving yourself
space to grow, or you're not taking care of yourself,
you're not loving yourself. So it makes it much harder
to be in the game to love someone else.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, one hundred percent. I will say that I have
more energy, more time, more for me, and that gives
me the ability to give to others. And before I
mean I was struggling, I was depleted, I was tired,
and I'm a better leader, I'm a better business owner
as well. And this situation back in twenty eighteen pulled

(16:38):
me out of my business the next day, and I
had to leave my business in the hands of team
members that I trusted, that I knew were capable, but
I was so micromanaging and so overbearing. I was preventing
the company from actually growing and soaring. So these individuals
basically took the company from red to black.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
It took it from old school new school.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
That wouldn't have happened if I would have been there.

Speaker 4 (17:03):
So it was a great.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Reminder for CEOs business owners that it's okay to step
out and to trust your team. And I have been
able to trust a lot of individuals. I made them
both delegate and basically I worked myself out of a
job through that process because I allowed the people that
I hired to do their jobs.

Speaker 7 (17:22):
I think that is a really important message for a
lot of business owners to hear, because when you picture
big corporations, you never think of the CEO actually doing
all that much, But when it comes to small businesses,
you think of the CEO as someone that's working twenty
four to seven, and you don't have to be You
hire these people for a reason. They're capable of doing

(17:45):
their jobs and they're capable of helping out in areas
where you need grace, and you know.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
That boosted their confidence. So as a team, I was,
you know, leading these people, but at the same time,
I was always over their shoulders where I was making
them second guess their decisions. So when I was not there,
they were able to make decisions confidently and move forward,
and they felt proud of themselves and they felt empowered,

(18:10):
and there was so much greatness that came out of that,
where not only was I working on myself and my confidence,
they were growing as individuals within the company and for
themselves personally as well.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
So I want to take this story back into your book.
So I'd love to talk about your book. First of all,
the title, yes, and the title of your podcast, right,
I love all of it, So let's start there.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yeah, So, the origination story of the book was when
my husband and I were talking about how and why
and all the things. Basically, some of the things that
he had said was well, she listened to me, she
was present, she validated me, and he continued and then
my response to him was, oh, so she stroked you mentally, emotionally,

(18:57):
and physically. So that is where the whole stroke it
need came about. And when I was journaling, I was
thinking about my previous bosses and how they stroked me
and how I stroked them, and then I was like,
wait a minute, this is really great for leadership. And
then obviously I need to learn how to stroke my
husband more and then my family members. So that's really

(19:21):
this whole journal process led to the book where each
chapter features a different stakeholder within our lives. So first
and foremost, Chapter one is all about you. It's the
longest chapter because going back to what you just said,
we need to feel fulfilled. We have to love ourselves
before we can love anyone else. We have to be
happy before we can be happy for other people. And

(19:43):
the second chapter goes into stroking your partner, so showing gratitude,
being president, showing appreciation, talking about the love languages, doing
the unexpected, and then it goes into employee an employer,
which we don't want to stroke them literally, please do not,
please please do.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
Not, but it does.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
It talks about appreciation and you know, understanding, do your
employees when they do a great job, do they want
a party?

Speaker 4 (20:11):
Do they want public praise?

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Do they just want to thank you? Note with understanding
the love languages as well. I had two managers, and
one manager her love language was gifts.

Speaker 4 (20:22):
And the other one was quality time.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
So if I were to say, hey, I have twenty bucks,
one would want it because she was going and go
hiking and the other wanted to go have breakfast. So
understanding their love languages and how those planned roles within
your company. And then there's you know, getting to know
me forms that I have within the book, and that's
when we hire someone, we have them feel out get

(20:45):
to know me for them. I want to know what
their coffee is. I want to know what they drink,
they do something spectacular or unexpected, or they.

Speaker 4 (20:51):
Do me a favor. I want to show up the
next day.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
With that coffee order or with their favorite snap. And
so it goes through those, and then we talk about
friends and family and if you are a friend out
there and maybe you feel like maybe a friend doesn't
care for you, I want to encourage you to reach
out to that friend. That friend is most likely going
through something that they don't feel confident enough to share
with you right now, or they're ashamed. So I always

(21:15):
say pick up the phone, make the first move, because
your friend may be waiting for someone else to call
and they may need you. And then, of course the
last chapter, since everyone thinks it's about sex, it's you know,
stroking it in the bedroom.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
It is PG.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
It was rated R, and my book coach said, oh no, no,
your parents sat, you're in laws and your boys are
gonna read this, So it is PG. So it just
talks about being intimate and having fun in the bedroom.
And you know, that is where David and I were
able to make a lot of moves. And it talks
about like scheduling sex states and intimacy and lots of

(21:50):
things that our therapist encouraged us to do. And it's
time that was super hard. We did not want to
be intimate, we didn't love each other. We were just
like on the verge of getting divorced. So there's a
lot of tips and tools within that chapter that will
help with rekindling your love and your passion with your partner.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
What did he think about you writing this book?

Speaker 1 (22:10):
So that was a struggle, a big struggle for him.
The whole journey has been a complete struggle for both
of us. I was able to overcome it much faster
than him first and foremost you would think it would
be the opposite way. But like I said, because we
were taking ownership and because I was journaling and I
focused on my I always say, from discovery to recovery,

(22:33):
I focused on my recovery and I really made that
my priority in life and through the past few years.
So it was really hard for him because before I
had shared the story, and I had shared what happened
with some of my closest friends and families, but I
never went publicly socially online, so there was always this
question of who knows and who doesn't know.

Speaker 4 (22:54):
So now everybody knows.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
Just everybody knows, and we have had so many people
to the both of us and say thank.

Speaker 4 (23:01):
You for sharing your story.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
And even though he hasn't really actually shared the story
in any capacity, he's part of the book and he's
part of the story. It's helped so many people, and
I think him seeing that impact plus the affair, was
the inspiration of the book. But that's not what I
talk about throughout the book. Really, it's about relationships and
it's about creating really solid, intimate, trustworthy relationships and how

(23:26):
to get people feel appreciated to where they essentially want
to do more and want to be part of whatever
you're doing, not that you're manipulating them, but there's more
buy in and there's more connection, and there's more of
a community as well.

Speaker 4 (23:38):
So yeah, I mean he was at the.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Book a launch parties and he's been supportive. He actually
doesn't even have a book yet. He ordered one and
then I needed to give it to somebody else. So
I don't think he's entirely read the entire book. But
at the end of the day, once his parents approved
that they were okay with it, I think he became
okay with his parents.

Speaker 4 (23:58):
Didn't know what the book was about.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
Moms like I'm going to order all these books, and
I'm going to order all these books.

Speaker 4 (24:02):
And then he had to like.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Sit down and speak with them about it, because when
it all happened, they were very ashamed. They were very
like sliding under the rug, we're not going to talk
about this, and so you know, years later they were
faced with it again. But I think at that point
we were all ready to deal with it, and because
of the way that everything was phrasing the book and
the recovery story and the love and the passion that

(24:24):
we have. Now that's what people see there. I mean,
so so it's still I think it's still hard for him.
You know, trying to find forgiveness for someone is hard.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
And then once you finally.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Forgive them, unless your actions say.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
That, they don't really believe it.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
Because there was some time where I was still struggling
even though I said I forgive you, and I truly did,
but I was still angry and I still made digs
and I still would drop things. And those are not
actions that you can do if you're going to forgive someone, Like,
if you're going to forgive someone, you have to fully
like let that be in the past and move forward.
It's really hard and challenging to do, but it can

(25:02):
be done.

Speaker 5 (25:04):
How did you do it?

Speaker 7 (25:05):
I guess, and I listened to your story and it's
one of those things that I sit here and I think,
I don't know if I could do that.

Speaker 4 (25:11):
And most people think that. Most people, there was a
lot of judgment. There's a lot of shame.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
I actually had someone come up to me after and
say I'm so sorry. That I judged you. You're such
a powerful woman. I couldn't believe that you stayed or
you stood for that. And she apologized, and she apologized
because she then went through the same thing, and she
couldn't understand until she was in my shoes. And at
the end of the day, I remembered why I fell
in love with my husband. I remembered the qualities, and

(25:39):
I knew that he was still that man. But we
just got lost and we both drifted apart. We weren't
actively working on ourselves. We weren't actively working on our marriage.
We weren't talking about future goals, we weren't talking about
where we were going to travel.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
I mean, we were basically just on hamster.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Wheels in separate cages, basically, even though we were living
in the same home house. So once again, I really think,
truly the reason we are here today is because we
both took ownership. We both apologized, we both were committed
to making it work, and we both trusted in the future.
I one hundred percent trust to my husband. I don't

(26:18):
doubt like anything at all. There was times there was
like years if we would drive through Tampa where this
off kind of went down and I would have a
lot of anxiety or and we bought a business up there,
so there was a little time where I'm like, ooh,
what if he gets weak.

Speaker 4 (26:32):
What if he text? What if he steps by?

Speaker 1 (26:34):
And so, But I had to trust him fully because
I made a commitment to him to give him one
hundred percent of being.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
He gave me one hundred percent of him.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
So through time, I believe that everything can be healed.
And there's people that say that time doesn't heal certain wounds.

Speaker 4 (26:49):
But I do believe in.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Time, taking ownership, doing the work and creating a commitment,
but creating the time together where you can rebuild and travel.
We travel a lot now I ever traveled before, and
we travel a lot, and having the balance where I'm home.
I think that's most important is just being.

Speaker 7 (27:08):
On being president with the first of you're married, Yeah,
how did you gain the confidence to even tell the
first friend? And then how did you gain the confidence
to even write a book about it? Because it is
such a taboo subject. People are embarrassed or ashamed when
it's like you make it seem so not like that.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah, So I was quiet for about two to three
weeks after it happened. I didn't tell my mom, I
didn't tell anyone. I was like secretly struggling silently at
my house and falling apart. And the first people I
told were my two managers at my office, because I said, hey,
I'm neither. I got to step out. I can't be

(27:46):
here emotionally, I just couldn't do it. I was also
like driving a van driving kids around, and like I
left to school and I forgot a kid and I
had to go back, and at that point, I just
knew that I couldn't work anymore. And then I, because
my parents had went through this, I spoke to a
couple of my parents' friends that were around during that
time frame and that had actually experienced this as well, and.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
They gave me some advice.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
And then one of those individuals actually told a couple
of my family members. So I wasn't able to tell them,
but I told my dad, and he his advice was,
don't let the anger take over you, because once takes over,
you won't be able to rebound from it. And I
really took that to heart, and I never let that

(28:31):
anger take over me where I couldn't find love again
for my husband. So I would say, it was really hard.
And then I started just talking with my parents about it,
and then a couple of my friends, and you know,
it's kind of scary because you know, we've all broken
up with someone and got back together, and like, of
course you go and you talk about that person, and
then your friends are like, oh, I don't like him,

(28:52):
I can't believe you're at Then yeah, you go throughout that,
and then now you're married and you're going through all this.
So so it was a very scary time. So you
have to become very vulnerable. You have to be open
to people judging you.

Speaker 4 (29:06):
You have to let.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Things go in one ear and out the other. And
I would say the most important thing is to speak
to people that have been in your shoes before, because
those are the individuals that had made it through it
and had beautiful marriages and could speak from experience. The
people that have not been in your shoes don't know
the best advice because they've never been there. And I
plate this to even people that have cancer, like you know,

(29:30):
my mother in law, Like I could never understand when
she said she wasn't thirsty or she couldn't eat, because
I had never been in her shoes before, and same
thing with every other thing that people. If you like,
I'm not a mom, I can't understand things that moms
go through because I've never been a mom, and you
have to respect that. So I would say, lean in
and talk to people that have been in your shoes before.

(29:52):
And that even goes down to business, like, go talk
to CEOs if you want to know how to run
a really successful business. You know you want to be
a really great mom, go and talk to moms. You
want to be happy, go and hang out where happy
people are hanging out. So I think that there's just
so much that goes into it. But at the end
of the day, I've always been a confident person for
the most part, and I've always owned my beliefs and

(30:14):
I've always done everything the way that I've wanted to
do it. And I think talking about it really helps.
And you're going to see you're not alone.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Do you feel like your relationship is stronger now than
even when you first got married?

Speaker 4 (30:30):
One hundred percent?

Speaker 1 (30:33):
I mean, the love that we have and the connection
we have is so much greater. You know, when you
lose something, you always you then know what you've got
to lose.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
And when you get it back, you're.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Never going to let it go, especially that's something that
you truly truly love and truly truly want.

Speaker 4 (30:51):
And so I feel that we got married.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
I mean, we got married in our early thirties, and
you know, we never had children, never wanted to children,
so really work was the only thing that we really did,
and we didn't have hobbies together, and you know, we
really just really didn't have a game plan. We're just like, Okay,
we dated, let's get married, let's buy a house.

Speaker 4 (31:11):
Okay. So now we are connected.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
We are we make our marriage a priority, we make
spending time together a priority, we make plans, we travel,
we are creating hobbies together. So we're I just I
can't explain it, but we are just so much more
in love and connected. And there are a lot of
times I'm really grateful for what happened, especially when I

(31:36):
think of like the personal side and the business side
of my life. I've been to such a great place now,
and horrible things have happened, and I went through hell,
and I was embarrassed, and I was ashamed, and I
was judged, and I was a lot of things. But
the woman that I am today is the most loving, caring, honest, vulnerable.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
Person that she ever was.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
And it's because of that journey. And I have an
amazing team within my company and people that genuinely care
about my company the way that I did at one point.
So you know, I truly just believe I'm where I'm
supposed to be and I'm really happy to be here.
And you know, there was a time I wanted to,
you know, put that girl's face on billboards in Tampa

(32:20):
as a homewrecker. And now there's a part of me
that's like really grateful for her because she made me
see what's really really important, and that's being home, being
with family, being with my husband, and not working all
the time.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
If I can ask, oh, no, you got I was
just gonna say that.

Speaker 7 (32:34):
I think that's such a beautiful message that at least,
I mean, I can't like personally relate to the story,
but I take so much away from that being like,
things do get better, even your darkest moments.

Speaker 5 (32:45):
Things do get better.

Speaker 4 (32:46):
They really do, and they can. But it is based.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
On mindset and actions in a lot of internal work.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
Yeah, it's definitely putting into work. Now. This is just
because I'm curious. Okay, did you ever have the opportunity
to confront her? And would you have if you were
able to?

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Like, uh, yeah, So my husband allowed one call and
I was loved three questions, not that she was being honest,
but one of the questions I did ask her is
it are you in love with my husband?

Speaker 4 (33:20):
And she said yes. And at that point I knew the.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Relationships was much more than what my husband had told
me it was, and he had a planned on leaving
me for her, And that's really hard to hear, be
really hard to hear. At that point, You're like, there's
no way we're coming back from this. So I did,
but you know, and then I tried calling her after,
but you know, I was a little psycho. I definitely

(33:45):
sent out an email to the entire company with her
picture on it on a CANBA flyer from an email
address I made on her behalf about her being a homewrecker,
and I did.

Speaker 4 (33:55):
Some lot of things as well.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
So you know, I was going to put her picture
in my book, but then I was like, why am
I kinda give her that platform? Yeah, and I obviously
it was like way past that.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
That was like at the very beginning so you.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
Know she's in the past, and I mean her name
is my sister's name, and she was my assistant's name,
and every for years, every time I heard that name,
I would have a trigger. That's another thing too, is
like working through the triggers can be super hard. And
you know this happened six seven years ago. I still
have triggers, like even just right now, like me talking about.

Speaker 4 (34:28):
That specific moment of sending that email.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, going back to that moment of like hate and
anger that triggers me. But do I go back to
that mentality for very long? I don't, And a lot
of times it comes because my husband always said to me,
think about how much I love you today, think of
where we are today. Can we please just focus on
the future and the past is the past. He can't

(34:51):
do anything to change it. I can't do anything to
change it. All we can do is move forward and
focus on our future. And that's really been a guiding
life both of us.

Speaker 3 (35:02):
I think. I know that was like a hard question
that I just asked you, but I think, to me,
that makes this story even stronger because there's a lot
behind it, right, I mean that being able to ask
someone three questions about their experience with your husband had

(35:24):
to be the hardest thing that you could ever do,
and then being able to take that and then completely
transform your relationship, that to me is so impressive.

Speaker 5 (35:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
Right, well, I will say it was very hard. It
was very very hard. Like this took years to get here.
There was a lot of times where you know, I
was half like, you know, it was into twenty eighteen.
I was still wondering what I was going to do.
And we had, like you know, been living downtown and
you know, we separated, so I had some fun and

(35:58):
that kind of makes it easier and a little bit
way to get over it as well.

Speaker 7 (36:05):
How do you keep I mean, but this is addressed
to you, mom, because it both of you are married.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
How what are practical.

Speaker 7 (36:12):
Tips for listeners that they can I guess not even
keep this spark. Just make sure you're giving your significant
other or any other relationship in your life the right attention.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
So that's a really great question. Sometimes it's really hard, right,
I mean, we have so many things going on all
the time, but it is about even taking the five minutes, right,
I mean, your dad will come in after being at
work until ten o'clock, at night and he walks in
and I'm like, I'm working, I'm doing something. But if

(36:45):
I don't acknowledge him, like the man's working to put
food on the table, to take care of all of us,
and so it's ridiculous if I just sit there and
be like, hey, what's up, Like, give him some attention, right,
do something? And we speak completely different love languages. He
is touch. I am words of affirmation and understanding that okay,

(37:11):
because I don't want a hug right now he does,
and give him the hug, right, I mean, it's it's
really understanding that it's not just about me. It's not
about me, right, it's about how do we work together.
It took me a long time. I mean April next month,
it's almost April, this will be past that we'll have
been married thirty two years. Right, that's a long time and.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
Right, amazing, congratulations, thank you.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
And it's something that I'm really proud of because there
were times where it was very difficult. Right, But it
took the working together on things and understanding that it's
not about me or it's not about him, it's about
how we work together.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Yeah, I think that in catering to their needs as
well is super important. And I don't mean just like
doing their laundry or always cleaning and all the things,
but like for you, I didn't know personal touch was
my husband's love language. So you know, holding his hand
and snuggling with him. You know, we were sitting on
the couch. He was on one end, I was on
the other end. I was on my phone, he was

(38:11):
watching TV. For years, I thought, hey, quality time. You know,
like we're in the same house, we're on the same couch,
And what he needed was that personal touch. And so
you know, I spend a lot of time snuggling with him.
If I'm on the couch, I want to make sure
I'm touching him, and he was always touching me. But
I was like asking him to massage me. But that's
not really what he wanted to be doing it.

Speaker 4 (38:32):
He wanted me to be.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Showing him love and affection. And knowing that his love
language's personal touch has been a game changer for us,
and I think a lot of that goes into our
upbringing as well. So for me, my parents showed us
love by putting food on.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
The table, a roof over our head.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
You know, my parents did not give us affection. They
did not tell us they loved us. They did not
read us bedtime stories. He came from a house where
his mom was a teacher, so she always write in
bud time stories. She always said they loved Like when
we first started dating, they were all like, oh, I
love you, And I was like, oh my God, tell
your parents to stop telling me they love me.

Speaker 4 (39:08):
This is weird. So you know, I we just.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Grew up very differently, and how we were shown love
and how we showed love was very different. So we've
had to learn how to love each other based on
our needs and that has been a game changer as well.

Speaker 7 (39:23):
I mentioned hobbies that you can have as a couple.
What do you guys do together?

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Well, First and foremost, we go for a walk almost
every single morning during that time frame. We find it's
super important. It's really uplifting. We kind of share what
we're doing. We don't take her phone, so it's completely
we're present with each other, whether we're holding hands or're
just talking. We'll go to the hill a couple days
a week as well. We bought golf clubs, so we've

(39:49):
started golfing together. I played tennis, so I kind of
do my own thing. He's still working on his things.
You know, it's like kids, you know, the parents are
always trying.

Speaker 4 (39:57):
To find their things.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Yeah. Activity, He's trying to find his activity, so you know,
walking and then we make a priority go to the
beach once a week and walk or just spend time outside.
And since we don't have children, we have like date
night every single night, so there's a lot of quality time.
I have had just set boundaries with my work schedules
that I'm home so many days, or I can't commit

(40:20):
to going out all the time with my girlfriends and
having a happy hour, or I can't attend every business
function that I want to that's at night time. Because
I do make being a home a priority now, so
you know, just being present, I think.

Speaker 3 (40:33):
You're doing a better job than I am. I'm still
on the couch. I like my little spot right.

Speaker 5 (40:38):
Oh, but that's you guys's hobby.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
Yeah, well we do. We hang out and like watch
TV shows and that kind of stuff. But he would
prefer if I sit like right next to him, and
I'm like, oh, but I'm in my comfy spot. Okay,
sometimes I move down and.

Speaker 4 (40:54):
Yeah, what's your quick for a green on? The same show.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Do you as like the same type of TV and
movie because we do not.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Uh yeah, we typically do. Well, that's a good one. Yeah.
So and honestly we don't even have TV anymore, so
we just watch whatever's onlike Netflix or Amazon Prime or something.

Speaker 5 (41:11):
Both watch everything, though, yeah we do.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
We're like, oh, let's try it. Why not? You know,
it's not like I have a certain genre that I
need to watch or anything like that. So yeah, so
that's but I do know, like when I'm sitting on
the couch, I'm like so tired sitting in my little
I'm like Archie Bunker, Like I have my part that
I like to sit on my I like my chair,
and he loves his part of the couch where he

(41:33):
like lays there and it's the most comfortable thing ever.
And he's like, come sit here. I'm like, why don't
you come sit here? So it's like this back and
forth banter of like you can move, oh, you can
move too.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
So maybe just kind of split up the days, like
to write these Sundays. You get to your days and
he gets the other days. But it is important like
that connection as well.

Speaker 4 (41:51):
But I'm with you.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
There's times where I just want to snuggle under my blanket. So,
you know, compromising marriage is a lot about compromising and
leaning in once. As you said, sman, it's not all
about me, it's sometimes got to be about them.

Speaker 7 (42:04):
Yeah, that is the hardest thing that I have done.
And so I've lived with my boyfriend. Now we've been
together for three years, but we've been living together for
a little bit more than six months, maybe eight months.
I honestly don't know. The hardest part is that, like,
it's not all about me. And in college we were
long distance and that was great for college because we

(42:24):
got to have our own like college experiences while still
being together.

Speaker 5 (42:28):
And I got to hang out with my girlfriends all
the time.

Speaker 7 (42:30):
But like now that I'm here, it's the first couple months,
we're definitely like a transition of like I have to
build time in for my weekends for you. And it's
not just like the same as it was with when
your roommates. It's like, oh, you're both home from class,
let's watch a movie. That's how we hang out. Like
it has to be way more intentional than that.

Speaker 1 (42:52):
That's good that you're learning that at a younger age
and while you're dating yeah, you're you're ahead of the game.

Speaker 5 (43:00):
Really great about honesty, I will say.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
And I think that's key too, like saying to your partner,
I need this, I want this. Like I always said,
why didn't you just come out and say you were
thinking about hooking up with a co worker?

Speaker 4 (43:14):
I would have woken up before you did it.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
But obviously you can't go in the past. But sometimes
we just are afraid to say what we mean or
what we want, or we're just afraid to be honest
with the partner. And so many things could be prevented
if we were just honest with ourselves and with our partners.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
Absolutely, mab, you got your question, you got your calendar.

Speaker 4 (43:39):
Uh, well, yes, I have both.

Speaker 5 (43:40):
Okay, what is the best advice?

Speaker 4 (43:43):
Wait?

Speaker 3 (43:44):
What is it?

Speaker 7 (43:44):
Okay, what's the best advice a woman in your life
ever gave you? I didn't know if we got rid
of the woman part. I was heard that we did it.
We asked, really worried.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
Are you okay? No, I'm okay, Okay, good, I'm glad
you're okay.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
So I I think my mother was trying to give
me good advice, but I didn't really fully understand it.

Speaker 4 (44:00):
And I don't really know where.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
She was going with this, but she always said take
care of your man, take care of your man, And
I was like, Oh, I am taking care of my
I'm making them smoothies, so I'm making a breakfast. I've
read all these things, but I obviously didn't know what
she meant when she was like, take care of your band,
like in the bedroom, and so that would be like,
probably the best advice is like just take care of
your partner and all different facets and not just in

(44:25):
the bedroom, but.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
In all areas as well.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
So that would be one thing as far as advice.

Speaker 4 (44:29):
When it comes to confidence. My parents, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (44:32):
They always just pushed me and believed in me and
told me I could do anything to where I feel.

Speaker 4 (44:37):
Like I can.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
I love that. Okay, live, what's your calendar say today?
So she reads from the calendar called the unf Yourself Calendar,
and we see if there's some connection that with what
we talked about today.

Speaker 5 (44:52):
Personal expansion lives outside of what you believe.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
Oh interesting, Okay, that does connect right, Yeah, you know,
I definitely believe in that for sure.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
Okay, And that's a good one for today.

Speaker 7 (45:06):
This was a really great episode because I feel like
I have a very new.

Speaker 5 (45:10):
Perspective about relationships in marriage.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
And you know, when you.

Speaker 7 (45:16):
See marriages as a kid, even like as a teenager,
you still think they're easy, and then you get into
your first relationship and then you're like, Okay, it's not
as easy as everyone says. But hearing it from you,
guys it you show it in a way that it
is a second job, in a job that you actually
want to be doing.

Speaker 5 (45:36):
So you should act like you actually want to be
doing it.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
Look at you yes, And it changes, just like we
change from the year after year, like the relationship, the
needs and the way that it grows changes as well.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
And I think most.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
People say like marriages will fall apart in year six
or seven, you know, and then you're twenty once all
the kids are out of the house as well, So
I think just being cautious and staying true to why
you got married. And you know, I talk with people
all this who are going through divorce. They have a
lot of friends that are getting divorced right now or
they're having affairs and they're doing all the things to
exit their marriage, and I always just tell them, think

(46:13):
about the beginning like lean into that and find a
picture from your wedding and try to relive that, because
if you can get back to the and remember the
person that you married, you may be able to make
this marriage work again. And I always want to encourage
everyone to try to make amend. If you throw before
you throw in the towel, and once again, that's going
to start with you taking a lot of ownership of
how you show up in your marriage and for yourself

(46:33):
and for your family.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
Very true. Thank you so much. This was a great episode.
Really love talking to you. Can you where can people
find you?

Speaker 1 (46:43):
So you can just go to my website, Jenny all
Day with one L Townsend dot com. So Jenny all
Daytownsend dot com. I'm on all the social platforms as well,
and if you're local in the Sarasota Manatee Lakewood Ranch area,
you can come to Music Compound and check out a.

Speaker 3 (46:58):
Show awesome and we will have everything about it in
the show notes. So we're doing something new and we're
going to leave you with a confidence tip of the
day I guess of the week since we do this
once a week, but okay, here's today's tip. Take action
before you feel ready. Confidence isn't something you wait for,
it's something you build by doing. The more you step

(47:19):
outside your comfort zone, the more proof you give yourself
that you can handle challenges. Even small winds create momentum.
So say yes, speak up, take the leap. Your confidence
will catch up. Always remember you are unshakable. Thank you
so much for joining us today. Bye guys, bye, Thank.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
You for listening to her unshakable confidence with Simone and
Olivia Canego.

Speaker 5 (47:47):
We hope this.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
Episode has made your day just a little bit brighter
and giving you the inspiration you need to confidently go
about your week. Always remember to be authentically. You don't
forget to like and subscribe so you never miss an episode,
and feel free to connect with them on Instagram at
Simone Conego and at Olivia Conego. Till next time,

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