August 4, 2023 • 14 mins
In episode one of the "Here I Stand" podcast, the focus is on the intriguing world of dating. Through candid conversations and personal anecdotes, the hosts Tameka, Ericka and Rolonda explore the ups and downs, the joys and challenges of modern dating. From first dates and awkward encounters to navigating online platforms and finding genuine connections, the episode delves into the diverse experiences individuals face in their quest for love. With a mix of humor and heartfelt insights, "Here I Stand" sets the stage for an engaging and relatable journey through the intricacies of dating in today's ever-changing landscape.--
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
So dating, that's that's where weare. Dating is a very interesting thing
after having been married. You compare, I'd lie if I said I didn't
compare, and not necessarily physical comparisons. You compare the treatment, you compare
the lifestyle. You compare the lifestyleis kind of a dumb comparison, you
(00:29):
know. I try not to dothat one often, but um, how
do you ladies manage that? Youknow where men have a point of reference?
You know this whole googleble thing,right, and how how googleable you
are can play a huge role inmeeting people and dating people and preconceived notions
or how how's your experience been withthat's whacked for me. I'd just like
(00:52):
to say that people will goog they'llmeet me, and then they'll have something
in her mind like cool, she'sso funda dada. Then they'll google and
things be like you feel the wheelsturning backwards on the tricycle, like the
reverse Uh no, no, notroman's going on that maybe backwards she's gonnature,
(01:19):
yes, the shining. So you'resaying they they they judge based on
what they oh man, based onreading, like whatever they google or if
they can find an old article oranything find on my exes. They just
they back up for three reasons.One, they're intimidated by him, so
(01:40):
they feel like, I don't knowthe moon walk. I'm like, walk,
that's the first I've been in thegym, and somebody said I was
looking at me like I asked youto help me with this weight? All
moonwalker makes little chili. I didn'task you none what you do? All
right, So there's that. Thenthe second thing is they think, oh,
(02:02):
rich so monetarily, they can't guesswhat I'm not even looking. I
don't. If I cared about it, I'd still probably be there, you
know what I'm saying, Like,so that's not I mean, you can't
be now right, you know,but you know, but you gotta be
able to hold job, to holdyour own. But I'm not looking for
a Rose Royce right in your life. I don't care. I don't have
one, So why would I belooking for I don't care, you know
(02:23):
what I mean? And then um, so it's just that and then just
just the rumor mill, the drama. So then they think automatic like,
oh, you're gonna come with allthat. I like, if you think
that was me, then you knowwhat I'm saying, so people, just
people, I think have to givepeople a chance to get to know them
on their own and not go bywhat they've read and what they heard and
all that stuff. So mine ishard with having any kind of a public
(02:46):
persona. I have only had successin relationships that I met through other people
in my entire life. Really well, introduced me to some damn body because
I need this. I don't know. Has anybody ever tried online? I
did years ago? No, Ihave crazy stories. So I in like
mid two thousands, decided I wasgonna I was gonna join e Harmony because
(03:09):
it felt like oh school right,because I was like, Okay, this
feels like it's science, right exactly, No, it felt like it was
science. It felt like, Okay, they're gonna really, you know,
do some behavioral stuff and match mewith some people. Come and like once
I did my profile, they wereonly matching me with it guys stockbrokers plugging
(03:34):
up shit that if they don't workin tech and they ain't came up with
the app in the program and thealgorithm and the freaking AI and they didn't
come up with the whole holding situationthat it I've never messed for me it
guys in my life. I'm like, are y'all all in exactly the interview
it? And I didn't know,but I was like, what is it
(03:54):
in my personality that's drawing the ITand the stockbroker guys? Because that's like
polar opposite, right, that waswho was coming up from my profile.
I didn't you know, I didn'tnecessarily meet a ton of This was years
ago, but the dates were incrediblyawkward. You know, we had conversations
and then we would meet for coffee. I had one guy. I met
(04:14):
him at a Starbucks, you know, trying to keep it really basic.
He comes right out, I don'town anything. I live with my brother.
I'm just letting you know, likeI can't afford it. And I'm
like, honey, I don't evenknow you. We were just having some
coffee. Don't email me. I'mgonna go ahead and leave this where it
is. Though it was nice meetingyou. Another guy I said, up,
we can meet it. I wasat a meeting and I ended up
(04:36):
meeting at Philippe in New York andhe stood me up. I sat there
and had two Martineys and was like, So I texted him like, hey,
are you coming? He starts cursingme out on the text. I
don't know who the f you thinkyou are to think I'm gonna come meet
for a twenty dollars cocktail. Isaid, oh, why, this is
(04:56):
a different experience. I'm not Idon't want to do this anymore. I
like about apps. I'm on anapp, and I like the fact that
I can vet the people before eithermeeting him. So you kind of talked
to him so like just through thelittle conversation and they'll say, like,
you know, where do you live? Can you meet me at the Walfle
House and lot Onia? Probably nooffense. I'm just I'm just saying,
(05:21):
like, if you know where Ilive, you should at least find like
a middle ground. And the factthat you're David walffah House, Yeah,
the fact that he was. Ilove waffle house, Okay, but I
don't want my first date to bethere. Yeah, there are a lot
of places we can meet besides theWaffa the first date. But you like,
(05:42):
I love you know, so whatwould that? But okay, so
look at like the practical love becauseI kind of get where men I'm just
playing Devil's advocates right now, Ikind of get at this point where men
feel like women could be materialistic.We have these standards in place, but
(06:08):
I kind of think once we reacha certain age, some things we don't
even we shouldn't even really worry about. Like to me, if someone introduced
me, because now you're talking abouty'all talking about online dating. But if
someone introduced me and they know meat least they better know me, and
he says, let's go to thewaffle house, I would ask, Okay,
(06:29):
hold on, I'm not judging,but I'm judging because why are we
gonna? You know, like youknow what I say, but I'm saying,
I don't see why at this agewe are afraid to have conversation and
ask questions. I would ask,Okay, I get it, because you
know my level and I know yours, But why are we going to the
(06:50):
waffle house? Is it because you'retrying to test? You know what I'm
saying. I don't know what thatis, but I would ask that question.
Okay, mind, I don't mindwhiff I say of making a snap
exactly the selection understand? Yeah,are going because it's comfortable, like it's
cool, you know what I'm saying, is versus going to a five star
restaurant if I know he's capable ofdoing that, or just a Star Wars
(07:14):
or just to Star right right,because that's what are you offering a gas
card? You're telling me to driveforty five minutes outside of my area to
Lithonia. You want me to goall the way to Lathonia for the waffle
House coffee house that he loved,that he wanted to introduce her to some
(07:36):
specific coffee being that they have inLithonia. That might be worth it.
But I just feel like there's justa ton of other things we could do
besides waffle House. Yeah. No, I will not date anyone who is
in the space of trying to getthere. Man, I can't. I
(07:59):
can't. I can't. I've beenthere, done it. I've helped leveled
men, have helped dada da dada. But at this age it can't
be a hope and a possibility.You need to already be there. I'm
fifty five. You should be boyready to retire. That part I can't,
or if you're about to retire,because I've met a couple of those
kind of people, have it togetherbecause you're not gonna have us at the
(08:24):
damn Piccadilly Line every week trying toget our breakfast and stuff. Yeah,
I mean, and I just,I just I think And and here's when
we have to get out of thisgeneralizing and putting these standards in the rules
in place for everybody, because oneway does not work for ever for everybody.
That's true. So you could bea woman who's very well established,
got lots of money, straight up, and she will be okay with taking
(08:48):
care of I mean, she maybe, because I know some women that
are okay with that. But thenyou may have someone who been there,
done it. She's cool, she'syou know, self suf and shit because
she needs for that man to bethere too. But I have a couple
of theories on that though. SoI know older woman, wealthy, wealthy,
(09:09):
and her boyfriend, her partner islike twenty years younger. She's obviously
the breadwinner because she's very wealthy andestablished. I ain't mad at being a
sugar MoMA, Like I don't know, that's my point. If I really
got it and he's young and he'sreally making me happy, you know,
if he's making me like super happyand he puts a smile on my face,
(09:31):
and he likes to travel, andhe's also keeping my brain because I
believe that young people, you know, keep us on and keep us on
our toe My kids keep me onmy toes and keep me I was whack.
Why would you do that? Changedthis there fair of foster to her,
tell me besting my fair foster.Okay, she was out there,
(09:52):
she was out there. Okay.No, so I don't know that at
a certain age kind of like I'mgonn donna date's young, I can't never
share share Chris Jenner. Yeah,people day younger. I don't know if
I have a problem with it andnow there, but there has to be
levels. It can't be like that. It can't be thirty years younger.
(10:13):
That's no. But like I said, there's no one way to to it
all. So some some woman inher fifties would be okay with the bus
driver, okay, or any womanthat's thirty forty would be okay with with
the bus driver. But then youlad the bus driver. Right. But
but I got the I got herpoint when she says he I'm that owned
(10:35):
the day, gonna fleet fleet thebuses or be the whatever the owner.
I don't care. You know whatI'm saying. That that's what she wants,
then it's okay with that, Butdon't ostracize her or don't demean her
because that was her choice. Oneway does not feel I know her personally.
(10:56):
We're not dear friends. We're closecolleagues. We have we have people
in common that we both hold dearto us. Right now, I know
this woman. She is incredibly intelligent, She is incredibly objective, incredibly relatable,
accomplished and incredibly accomplished. And Ihave this thing about a couple of
things around equally yoked right and whatit means to be equally yoked truly right,
(11:16):
spiritually, financially, emotionally. There'sa level of compatibility that needs to
be there for anything to work.So from that standpoint, you can't expect
a woman that has accomplished what you'veaccomplished and has experienced what you've experienced to
operate the way a woman that mightbe ten years, fifteen years, twenty
(11:39):
years younger than you would operate right. And so your expectation around your man
is going to mirror that. That'snumber one, but number two, to
your point, nobody, not evena Yan Love von Zant, And I'm
saying it to the camera. AYan Love von Zant, who decides that
she's going to be for all blackpeople on an upliftment of us, gets
to ostracize, attack or or oror or demean someone's approach to how they
(12:07):
believe they want to live their lives. And I'm looking at these cameras intently
because i think it is absurd thatblack women don't get to have a voice
about what they want and how theyare going to operate in their lives and
what's going to make them happy.That woman didn't say anything about that man
being a bus driver. She saidthat if she wanted to date him,
he would need to own the bus. And that's her preference. Yeah,
(12:28):
just I mean, she may notlike broccoli, so it may thank you.
And that's it. That's it.That's all that was, and and
and and her absence of interest ina bus driver does not demean the bus
driver. Maybe she likes Asian men, Maybe she likes light skin black men,
Maybe she likes dark skin black man. Maybe she likes tall men,
(12:48):
short men. That's her business,right, that's They were so mean to
that woman, and they made heropinion mean something for the entire race.
Right, there's too much responsibility andwe got to stop attacking black women for
having a voice to what we weretalking about earlier and having an opinion.
And y'all could come and get me, thank you, because I don't care.
(13:09):
I have because y'all want to knowmy real personality. Like that's my
opinion and I have the right toit. I'm not knocking anyone in either
or shot with you and don't comefrom my friend I agree with. Don't
ask me, don't don't ant me, don't ant me, don't come for
me unless I said, we gotthese all our all our O. How
do you do it? Period?Poo period poop me that lady alone.
(13:35):
Yes, don't generalize like I said, one size does not fit. We
are not a monolis my size ninewords. We're not a monolist. No,
we're not a mon Okay, we'rewrapping up. Okay, all right,
thank you guys for tuning in.We love these conversations and we love
to happen with you with us,and we're gonna give you opportunity to let
(13:58):
us know what else you want usto talk about, because we want to
weigh in on it. Yes,yes, Thank you for tuning in to
the Here I Stand podcast. Everythingthat was cute
So dating, that's that's where weare. Dating is a very interesting thing
after having been married. You compare, I'd lie if I said I didn't
compare, and not necessarily physical comparisons. You compare the treatment, you compare
the lifestyle. You compare the lifestyleis kind of a dumb comparison, you
(00:29):
know. I try not to dothat one often, but um, how
do you ladies manage that? Youknow where men have a point of reference?
You know this whole googleble thing,right, and how how googleable you
are can play a huge role inmeeting people and dating people and preconceived notions
or how how's your experience been withthat's whacked for me. I'd just like
(00:52):
to say that people will goog they'llmeet me, and then they'll have something
in her mind like cool, she'sso funda dada. Then they'll google and
things be like you feel the wheelsturning backwards on the tricycle, like the
reverse Uh no, no, notroman's going on that maybe backwards she's gonnature,
(01:19):
yes, the shining. So you'resaying they they they judge based on
what they oh man, based onreading, like whatever they google or if
they can find an old article oranything find on my exes. They just
they back up for three reasons.One, they're intimidated by him, so
(01:40):
they feel like, I don't knowthe moon walk. I'm like, walk,
that's the first I've been in thegym, and somebody said I was
looking at me like I asked youto help me with this weight? All
moonwalker makes little chili. I didn'task you none what you do? All
right, So there's that. Thenthe second thing is they think, oh,
(02:02):
rich so monetarily, they can't guesswhat I'm not even looking. I
don't. If I cared about it, I'd still probably be there, you
know what I'm saying, Like,so that's not I mean, you can't
be now right, you know,but you know, but you gotta be
able to hold job, to holdyour own. But I'm not looking for
a Rose Royce right in your life. I don't care. I don't have
one, So why would I belooking for I don't care, you know
(02:23):
what I mean? And then um, so it's just that and then just
just the rumor mill, the drama. So then they think automatic like,
oh, you're gonna come with allthat. I like, if you think
that was me, then you knowwhat I'm saying, so people, just
people, I think have to givepeople a chance to get to know them
on their own and not go bywhat they've read and what they heard and
all that stuff. So mine ishard with having any kind of a public
(02:46):
persona. I have only had successin relationships that I met through other people
in my entire life. Really well, introduced me to some damn body because
I need this. I don't know. Has anybody ever tried online? I
did years ago? No, Ihave crazy stories. So I in like
mid two thousands, decided I wasgonna I was gonna join e Harmony because
(03:09):
it felt like oh school right,because I was like, Okay, this
feels like it's science, right exactly, No, it felt like it was
science. It felt like, Okay, they're gonna really, you know,
do some behavioral stuff and match mewith some people. Come and like once
I did my profile, they wereonly matching me with it guys stockbrokers plugging
(03:34):
up shit that if they don't workin tech and they ain't came up with
the app in the program and thealgorithm and the freaking AI and they didn't
come up with the whole holding situationthat it I've never messed for me it
guys in my life. I'm like, are y'all all in exactly the interview
it? And I didn't know,but I was like, what is it
(03:54):
in my personality that's drawing the ITand the stockbroker guys? Because that's like
polar opposite, right, that waswho was coming up from my profile.
I didn't you know, I didn'tnecessarily meet a ton of This was years
ago, but the dates were incrediblyawkward. You know, we had conversations
and then we would meet for coffee. I had one guy. I met
(04:14):
him at a Starbucks, you know, trying to keep it really basic.
He comes right out, I don'town anything. I live with my brother.
I'm just letting you know, likeI can't afford it. And I'm
like, honey, I don't evenknow you. We were just having some
coffee. Don't email me. I'mgonna go ahead and leave this where it
is. Though it was nice meetingyou. Another guy I said, up,
we can meet it. I wasat a meeting and I ended up
(04:36):
meeting at Philippe in New York andhe stood me up. I sat there
and had two Martineys and was like, So I texted him like, hey,
are you coming? He starts cursingme out on the text. I
don't know who the f you thinkyou are to think I'm gonna come meet
for a twenty dollars cocktail. Isaid, oh, why, this is
(04:56):
a different experience. I'm not Idon't want to do this anymore. I
like about apps. I'm on anapp, and I like the fact that
I can vet the people before eithermeeting him. So you kind of talked
to him so like just through thelittle conversation and they'll say, like,
you know, where do you live? Can you meet me at the Walfle
House and lot Onia? Probably nooffense. I'm just I'm just saying,
(05:21):
like, if you know where Ilive, you should at least find like
a middle ground. And the factthat you're David walffah House, Yeah,
the fact that he was. Ilove waffle house, Okay, but I
don't want my first date to bethere. Yeah, there are a lot
of places we can meet besides theWaffa the first date. But you like,
(05:42):
I love you know, so whatwould that? But okay, so
look at like the practical love becauseI kind of get where men I'm just
playing Devil's advocates right now, Ikind of get at this point where men
feel like women could be materialistic.We have these standards in place, but
(06:08):
I kind of think once we reacha certain age, some things we don't
even we shouldn't even really worry about. Like to me, if someone introduced
me, because now you're talking abouty'all talking about online dating. But if
someone introduced me and they know meat least they better know me, and
he says, let's go to thewaffle house, I would ask, Okay,
(06:29):
hold on, I'm not judging,but I'm judging because why are we
gonna? You know, like youknow what I say, but I'm saying,
I don't see why at this agewe are afraid to have conversation and
ask questions. I would ask,Okay, I get it, because you
know my level and I know yours, But why are we going to the
(06:50):
waffle house? Is it because you'retrying to test? You know what I'm
saying. I don't know what thatis, but I would ask that question.
Okay, mind, I don't mindwhiff I say of making a snap
exactly the selection understand? Yeah,are going because it's comfortable, like it's
cool, you know what I'm saying, is versus going to a five star
restaurant if I know he's capable ofdoing that, or just a Star Wars
(07:14):
or just to Star right right,because that's what are you offering a gas
card? You're telling me to driveforty five minutes outside of my area to
Lithonia. You want me to goall the way to Lathonia for the waffle
House coffee house that he loved,that he wanted to introduce her to some
(07:36):
specific coffee being that they have inLithonia. That might be worth it.
But I just feel like there's justa ton of other things we could do
besides waffle House. Yeah. No, I will not date anyone who is
in the space of trying to getthere. Man, I can't. I
(07:59):
can't. I can't. I've beenthere, done it. I've helped leveled
men, have helped dada da dada. But at this age it can't
be a hope and a possibility.You need to already be there. I'm
fifty five. You should be boyready to retire. That part I can't,
or if you're about to retire,because I've met a couple of those
kind of people, have it togetherbecause you're not gonna have us at the
(08:24):
damn Piccadilly Line every week trying toget our breakfast and stuff. Yeah,
I mean, and I just,I just I think And and here's when
we have to get out of thisgeneralizing and putting these standards in the rules
in place for everybody, because oneway does not work for ever for everybody.
That's true. So you could bea woman who's very well established,
got lots of money, straight up, and she will be okay with taking
(08:48):
care of I mean, she maybe, because I know some women that
are okay with that. But thenyou may have someone who been there,
done it. She's cool, she'syou know, self suf and shit because
she needs for that man to bethere too. But I have a couple
of theories on that though. SoI know older woman, wealthy, wealthy,
(09:09):
and her boyfriend, her partner islike twenty years younger. She's obviously
the breadwinner because she's very wealthy andestablished. I ain't mad at being a
sugar MoMA, Like I don't know, that's my point. If I really
got it and he's young and he'sreally making me happy, you know,
if he's making me like super happyand he puts a smile on my face,
(09:31):
and he likes to travel, andhe's also keeping my brain because I
believe that young people, you know, keep us on and keep us on
our toe My kids keep me onmy toes and keep me I was whack.
Why would you do that? Changedthis there fair of foster to her,
tell me besting my fair foster.Okay, she was out there,
(09:52):
she was out there. Okay.No, so I don't know that at
a certain age kind of like I'mgonn donna date's young, I can't never
share share Chris Jenner. Yeah,people day younger. I don't know if
I have a problem with it andnow there, but there has to be
levels. It can't be like that. It can't be thirty years younger.
(10:13):
That's no. But like I said, there's no one way to to it
all. So some some woman inher fifties would be okay with the bus
driver, okay, or any womanthat's thirty forty would be okay with with
the bus driver. But then youlad the bus driver. Right. But
but I got the I got herpoint when she says he I'm that owned
(10:35):
the day, gonna fleet fleet thebuses or be the whatever the owner.
I don't care. You know whatI'm saying. That that's what she wants,
then it's okay with that, Butdon't ostracize her or don't demean her
because that was her choice. Oneway does not feel I know her personally.
(10:56):
We're not dear friends. We're closecolleagues. We have we have people
in common that we both hold dearto us. Right now, I know
this woman. She is incredibly intelligent, She is incredibly objective, incredibly relatable,
accomplished and incredibly accomplished. And Ihave this thing about a couple of
things around equally yoked right and whatit means to be equally yoked truly right,
(11:16):
spiritually, financially, emotionally. There'sa level of compatibility that needs to
be there for anything to work.So from that standpoint, you can't expect
a woman that has accomplished what you'veaccomplished and has experienced what you've experienced to
operate the way a woman that mightbe ten years, fifteen years, twenty
(11:39):
years younger than you would operate right. And so your expectation around your man
is going to mirror that. That'snumber one, but number two, to
your point, nobody, not evena Yan Love von Zant, And I'm
saying it to the camera. AYan Love von Zant, who decides that
she's going to be for all blackpeople on an upliftment of us, gets
to ostracize, attack or or oror or demean someone's approach to how they
(12:07):
believe they want to live their lives. And I'm looking at these cameras intently
because i think it is absurd thatblack women don't get to have a voice
about what they want and how theyare going to operate in their lives and
what's going to make them happy.That woman didn't say anything about that man
being a bus driver. She saidthat if she wanted to date him,
he would need to own the bus. And that's her preference. Yeah,
(12:28):
just I mean, she may notlike broccoli, so it may thank you.
And that's it. That's it.That's all that was, and and
and and her absence of interest ina bus driver does not demean the bus
driver. Maybe she likes Asian men, Maybe she likes light skin black men,
Maybe she likes dark skin black man. Maybe she likes tall men,
(12:48):
short men. That's her business,right, that's They were so mean to
that woman, and they made heropinion mean something for the entire race.
Right, there's too much responsibility andwe got to stop attacking black women for
having a voice to what we weretalking about earlier and having an opinion.
And y'all could come and get me, thank you, because I don't care.
(13:09):
I have because y'all want to knowmy real personality. Like that's my
opinion and I have the right toit. I'm not knocking anyone in either
or shot with you and don't comefrom my friend I agree with. Don't
ask me, don't don't ant me, don't ant me, don't come for
me unless I said, we gotthese all our all our O. How
do you do it? Period?Poo period poop me that lady alone.
(13:35):
Yes, don't generalize like I said, one size does not fit. We
are not a monolis my size ninewords. We're not a monolist. No,
we're not a mon Okay, we'rewrapping up. Okay, all right,
thank you guys for tuning in.We love these conversations and we love
to happen with you with us,and we're gonna give you opportunity to let
(13:58):
us know what else you want usto talk about, because we want to
weigh in on it. Yes,yes, Thank you for tuning in to
the Here I Stand podcast. Everythingthat was cute
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