How to Effectively Apologize to Someone You've Hurt - Essential Steps Revealed - Here Is Eden

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why is it so hard to apologize? Right? We have
been hurting others since we were little, or at least
done something once that required of us to apologize. And
one of the most interesting things that I've observed is
that when we were kids sometimes we really had to
be forced before we could give in and apologize. Why

(00:22):
is that you think that after so many years of
practicing asking for forgiveness, it would be a little easier
when older. But nah, it is still very much a struggle,
almost as if he was innate a second nature. This
word of only five letters, sorry cares so much weight
and like nothing could eradicate so many evils of this world?

(00:46):
Did you know that the word apology originally meant a
defense or justification, not an expression of regret, and that
over time it evolved into the expression of regret. Question
for you, in your opinion, is it enough for a
person to just say sorry? Or should they elaborate a

(01:08):
little bit more when they apologize? Welcome to Here is Eden,

(01:29):
the space where there is peace, innocence, growth, and joy.
You may now leave your fear, your judgment and murmur
at the game disclaimer.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
The atmosphere you're about to enter will suscitate, questioning, opinions, conversation, thinking,
growth or not. Be informed that what you're about to
hear is not from an expert, and remember that the
greatest specialist and expert that there is is Elohim himself. Now,

(02:16):
if you may, let's get comfortable and enjoy.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
I am a beautiful, loving souls. How are you doing?
And house life? Has your work, has your family, but
most importantly has your relationship with God. I hope you
are doing well, and if you do not, as I
always say, do not despair because it is just a
season and there'll be better days coming. As for me,
I am doing great. I am grateful and I leave

(02:45):
to see another day and to be a light hopefully
to the nation. So for those of you who do
not know me, my name is Rita aka Babyface, and
I want to welcome you to this podcast. That is
here is Eden. So if you're a regular listener, I
want to say yes. If you are a new listener, yes,

(03:12):
so welcome to this podcast. That is here is Eden,
a podcast that aims to serve and respond to the
needs of Christian celibates and where we also speak about
relationship in general. If you find any values out of
today's topic. Please do not hesitate and get in touch
with me in the comments or in any of my

(03:33):
social media platforms down below. My prayer for you is
that you find anything within what will be discussed, and
so together we enjoy, we grow and learn. If you
are a regular listener, you know how we do. So
before I can keep on talking, please allow me to
give grace to my father. So let's pray. Father God,
I just want to say thank you, thank you for life,

(03:53):
thank you for breath, thank you for peace, thank you
for using me again for your mission as an I
always see you are worthy of God and Lord to
be praised and to receive glory, honor, and power. For
you Father created all things, and by your will they
were created and have their being. Amen. A man, Let's go,

(04:23):
my people. Welcome to this topic is very important, especially
for me an ex grudge holder, and you found apologizer
in progress. For many years when I was younger, holding
a grudge was like a second skin for me. I
didn't take any form of disrespect, disagreement, or any confrontation.

(04:45):
Anything that made me look at you sideways was enough
for me to temporarily cancel you. The thing is This thing,
which once was perceived as a child's wim quickly lost
its lightness when as an adult any differences could lead
to After two weeks of silent treatment, it was bad Joe.
Thank God, with the help of my family who initially

(05:08):
allowed me to see and acknowledge how disrupting holding grudges was,
and the help of God the Almighty, I was able
to change tremendously and improve. Today, holding grudges is no
longer an impulsive reaction to pain, and instead I understand
now that differences even amongst loved ones, actually mostly amongst

(05:29):
loved ones, is normal and expected to happen. I've learned
to respect others people's position, even if it doesn't align
with nine. I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but a
work in progress. Now. When I thought that I was
on the right track, about three to four years ago,
a grown woman that I was found out that I

(05:52):
had to learn to properly apologize. What what in the
actual world is there a proper way to apologize? A
Let us learn about what we should say and not
say while apologizing and the root of the struggle. So,
without any further delay, please allow me to properly introduce

(06:12):
to this topic, which is how to effectively apologize. First
of all, why do we struggle so much to apologize
for most people? And where does it stem from? Why?

(06:36):
What if I say, because we're sinners? Too easy?

Speaker 2 (06:40):
Right?

Speaker 1 (06:41):
All right? Although it is true, let's just add some
more meat onto this bond, shall we? All right? Research
tells us that people may be hesitant to offer an
apology even if they recognize being in the wrong for
many reasons. But today we'll talk about it. Reasons and
influences that prevent us from apologizing, So let's dive rite

(07:05):
into it. Reason number one is our self esteem and
pride very important. Some people find it difficult apologizing because
it requires of them to admit their mistakes, and by
admitting their mistakes, they feel as if their self worth
and pride are threatened. In other words, a crack in

(07:27):
their perfect image of ethical people is exposed, and therefore
their integrity is questioned. This happens mostly to those who
think that they are very mindful of others and that
they cannot almost hurt a soul, so when they do,
they feel ashamed. Only thing is no one is perfect,

(07:48):
so we will hurt someone at some point in our lives,
even if it is unintentional. Reason number two fear of vulnerability.
Most of us struggle apologizing because we fear to be
exposed to judgment by others. No one wants to be
called or perceived negatively, especially after they have humbled themselves

(08:11):
by admitting they were wrong. But reality is these things
could and would happen. Apologizing doesn't, sadly, erase automatically the
pain experience by the concerned people. So as long as
we do what's right, it is the beginning of healing.
Reason number three is a little bit similar to the

(08:31):
second one, and it is the avoidance of guilt and shame.
People who are unwilling to apologize may be trying to
avoid the negative emotions associated with admitting wrongdoings, such as guilt, shame,
remorse and a said previously, fear of judgment, or fear

(08:52):
of rejection, So that one was quick. Reason number four
is one that is massively talked about lately. If you
haven't heard about it, narcissistic tendencies. If you have never
heard of narcissistic traits, are narcissistic people. These are individuals
who think very highly of themselves. They believe that they

(09:15):
are very important people and excessively seek for admiration. They
often have an inflated sense of self importance. They believe
they are special and unique, and hey, nothing wrong with
that unless it makes you think that you are superior
and above others. They also may be entitled, manipulative, and

(09:37):
lack empathy. That's them for you, so obviously, a person
showing these traits will have difficulty acknowledging that they could
have possibly been in the wrong, therefore hard for them
to apologize. Moving on to reason number five. This one
is another one also heard a lot in social medias

(09:58):
and all the platforms. Lack of emotional intelligence. Now what
does this mean for those who do not know about it.
A person with emotional intelligence will present themselves with a
strong self awareness, which will help them a lot in
recognizing their wrong Also, they have empathy and they are

(10:21):
able to manage their emotions well. They're good at building relationships,
communicate clearly, and adapt to change. Therefore, lacking emotional intelligence
makes it harder to understand the impact on our actions
on others, thus harder to apologize. The last three reasons

(10:52):
that make it difficult to want to apologize have to
do with social and cultural influences. So reason numbers is
gender roles. Yikes. Gender roles is a topic that is
very controversial depending on where you live, your beliefs, your culture, etc. So,

(11:15):
with that being said, traditional gender roles in history have
painted these expectations of men to be strong and dependent,
therefore difficult for most of them to admit their fault.
How can a king admit being wrong? Right? So, depending
on where you live, if men hold a superior position

(11:38):
to women, chances are that in that environment it will
be a little harder for men to humble themselves. I
don't know if that was clear. Reason number seven, a
continuation of number six is social context. In some social groups,
apologizing may be perceived as a sign of weakness or

(11:58):
lack of authority, can discourage many to do so. Simple
not any longer than that. And finally, reason number eight
the last and not the least power dynamics. What is
you talking about? Ea? Simple? Any position where there is

(12:20):
a power imbalance may likely make it difficult for the
people in positions of authority to apologize. For example, your boss,
not many employers will recognize their fault. If your boss,
on the other hand, shows emotional intelligence and have apologized
to you. Please do share in the comment section or
attack this episode and let me know in my socials.

(12:44):
So before we move on to the next section of
this podcast, so quick recap and the reasons that make
it difficult to apologize. Number one our self esteem and
pride that will prevent us from showing our flood humanity.
Number two the fear of vulnerability. Were scared to be judged.
Number three avoidance of guilt and shame. We're not trying

(13:05):
to feel bad over here. Number four being a narcissistic person,
you're too good to even think about apologizing. Number five
lack of emotional intelligence. You lack empathy and don't understand
others' feelings. Number six gender roles. As per history, men
have been the strong and independent ones, so it has

(13:27):
been hard for them to apologize. Number seven social context.
In some culture, men are perceived superior than women and
therefore it makes it difficult for them to apologize. And
finally number eight, which was the last one, power dynamics.
This one is just people in positions of authority hardly

(13:49):
would apologize. Now that we know a little bit more
about what could prevent one to offer apologies, Is there

(14:12):
a way to effectively apologize? As mentioned previously in the intro,
the word apology came from a place of defense or justification,
according to the Merriam Webster website, and it's only with
time that people have started expressing regrets to apologies, and
we can observe that some of us still use it

(14:35):
as its original meaning, if you know what I'm saying.
We apologize with justification, as in a I'm sorry, I've
heard your feelings, but I did this because the dot.
This form of apology after comes off as passive in
the sense word the apologizer partially admit the wrongdoing, but

(14:56):
not fully. Although it is recognized that apologize is hard.
An authentic apology, as per the Bible, consists of acknowledging
our wrongdoing, expressing genuine remorse, and taking steps to make amends.
This shows a sincere, heartfelt change and desire to restore

(15:16):
what was disrupted, and to do that we are to
desire and sek humility, which is the character quality of
our creator. Apologizing humbles us, and when we truly recognize
the harm we've caused, oftentimes we will feel remorseful and
these emotions will motivate us to make it right, not

(15:38):
only to the person we've heard, but with God as well,
and that is called repentance. Now, the way we apologize
always should be sincere, but the level of the apology
will also depend on the level of the wrong done.
If I step on someone's foot accidentally, saying I'm sorry

(15:59):
in tensionally could be enough. But on the other hand,
if I have truly wronged you, I must recognize your
pain and humble myself about the sin I have committed.
And that is even if you confront me about it,
and I have asked for forgiveness, for humility, as not
thinking of yourself as greater than but rather putting our

(16:22):
brother sisters need before ourselves. With that being said, if
someone comes to us and apologized, we also must be
gracious and extend forgiveness as Christ, our Savior, has forgiven us.
They're my friends. Nothing in this world is impossible with God.

(16:44):
Whatever it is that you are struggling with, submitted to
God and He will come through. Our sinful nature, full
of ego, often holds us back from getting closer to God,
and we easily fall short and find ourselves walking through
the wide and broad gate that leads to destruction instead
of the narrogate that leads to life. Many things that

(17:08):
aren't comfortable tend to shape us, teach us, mold us
to become better, just as gold is refined through intense heat.
If apologizing it's not yet easy for you, pray about
it and believe that God will help you change. If
to this topic brought some value to you, please share
your experience in the comments or tag me and this

(17:31):
episode in my social and let's grow and learn together.
Before I leave, I want to thank you wholeheartedly for
allowing me in your space, in your ears, and in
your time. And I wish you to have an amazing
day evening night. Just have an amazing time. Be safe

(17:52):
out there. As I always say, stay beautifully, peacefully, confidently,
blest because you are a unique creation of Elohem. Stay blessed,
my friends, permanent

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How to Effectively Apologize to Someone You've Hurt - Essential Steps Revealed

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