How to Set Godly Boundaries in Christian Dating (Without Feeling Guilty

Learn how to set clear, God-honoring dating boundaries that protect your purity, help you control urges, and still enjoy getting to know someone. This episode shares practical steps, emotional safeguards, and biblical wisdom for Christian singles navigating modern relationships.


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome to Here is Eden, the space where there is peace, innocence,
growth and joy. You may now leave your fear, your
judgment and murmur at the game. I am a beautiful,

(00:38):
loving souls. I hope I find you well and if not,
as I always say, do not despair. It is just
a season and they will be bad. It is coming.
For those of you who do not know me, my
name is Rita aka Babyface, and I want to welcome
you to Here's Eden Podcast and Eden Purity Channel, depending
on where you're listening to, a safe space where we

(00:59):
explore faith, purity, relationships rounded in God's Word and which
mission is to serve and respond to the needs of
Christians abstinent and celibate, and where we also speak about
relationship topics who aim to help you navigate the challenges
and misunderstandings of your journey. Today's episode digs into setting

(01:21):
healthy boundaries in Christians dating, because honoring God includes protecting
your heart, body, and future. If you find this helpful,
don't forget to subscribe and share with someone needing encouragement today.
So let's get into it. For the first part of
this podcast, I'd like to start by answering the question

(01:43):
why boundaries matter. Since we want to honor God in
every step, Let's start with scripture. Second Currenthian six fourteen says,
do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This verse sets
right away the pace for spiritual alignment. What this means is,
do not have a partnership with anyone whose values and

(02:07):
purposes are not compatible with Christ. While these verse can
be applied to many other situations where a believer compromises
his or her spiritual integrity by following the influences of
this world through rather friendships, business, or any other associations,
I'd like to keep to this conversation focused onto setting

(02:29):
healthy boundaries in Christian dating. With that stiate healthy boundaries
are designed not just to protect us, but also to
honor God and build relationship rooted in Christ. Here, I
want to start by clarifying this and say that setting
boundaries does not equate to not loving someone. I know

(02:50):
we live in an era of acceptance and tolerance of
everything and everyone, and that many may want to push
back and say that Christianity calls us to love one
another like ourselves and so on and so forth. True,
and you are right, but it does not say love
your neighbor unconditionally wow. For God himself through Christ, has

(03:14):
set rules, condition and commendments in order for us to
be accepted and have access in His kingdom. And what
are these conditions? Being born again of water and the spirit, repentance, faith,
and surroundings one's life to God. In other words, this
means a person must change their mind, be pent, be

(03:35):
changed by the Holy Spirit, and receive Jesus Christ Yehoshua
as their savior and Messiah in order to have eternal life.
That said, setting boundaries in dating as a Christian helps
you avoid temptation and heartache as you set cenders for
yourself and your partner, especially if you date with purpose,

(03:57):
and there is nothing wrong with that. In our everyday life,
we have limits and rules that we've set for ourselves,
from personal interactions to professional life in order to maintain
well being and protect our energy and ensure healthy relationships.
The way we do it, we may choose to limit
certain conversation topics, the fine safe personal physical space, choose

(04:21):
to not attend to some events in order to recharge
or for any personal reason, or establish strict work hours,
et cetera. All that to say, it is totally normal
and acceptable and matter of fact healthy to set boundaries. Otherwise,
if not done, the danger is to find ourselves intertwined
or entangled in undesirable situations. Therefore, setting boundaries and Christian

(04:47):
dating are about choosing to walk together with God as
the center of our life and refusing anything that pulls
you away. And FYI know that your beliefs, requirements, and
boundaries are important and matter. Second part, spiritual and physical

(05:17):
boundaries the consider. Now that we have established why setting
boundaries matter in Christian dating, let us define concretely what
are spiritual and physical boundaries to consider in dating. Starting
with spiritual boundaries, one of the main focal points should
be that both partners be rooted in Christ and committed

(05:38):
to walking with Him. For as it is said in
Ecclesiasts four, verse twelve, though one may be overpowered, two
can defend themselves. A court of three strengths is not
quickly broken. In other words, there is strength found in
unity and mutual support if you and your partners share
the sym belief core values. However, the attack of the

(06:01):
enemy maybe stronger and more resilient. You'd be together rather
than alone. This is why ensuring an equally yoked relationship,
as mentioned at the beginning, is important for dating someone
whose faith, beliefs, and values are aligned with your own
as well as their relationship with God. Being deep will

(06:23):
help you and your partner navigate with more ease than
multiple trials encountered in the realm of relationship, for God
knows how difficult relationship can be. Now Here are a
few examples of spiritual boundaries you may set while dating
as a Christian. Number one, you may start by integrating

(06:44):
praying together. Tear me out what this will do. It
will build a deeper intimacy between the both of you,
for not only you pray together and for each other,
but you read the scripture and discuss different spiritual topics together,
which also will help facilitate and learn how to communicate
respectfully in a godly manner and how to approach disagreements

(07:08):
by bringing God into the situation. Though it is great
to put together, you also want to be careful now
and not make your partner your only spiritual focus. For
before any man, love God first with all your heart,
your mind, and soul. Amen, You would want to protect
your emotional intimacy. This is one important spiritual boundary that said,

(07:34):
I want to follow with the next point number two
by saying, prioritize your personal walk with God. When we're
in love, it is easy to want to make this
special person our everything, for it is said that through
marriage we become one. But let's pump our breaks a little.

(07:54):
We are not marrying him or her yet, we are
just dating. Therefore, continue to seek God first, and all
other things will be given to you. Indeed, and very important,
let us remember that salvation is individual. So let's prioritize
our personal walk with God. Number three in the same

(08:17):
umbrella of the previous point. Maintain your existing previous friendships,
family and community relationship, and do not isolate yourself. For
even if your relationship evolves to marriage and now you
become one, you'd still need a community around you to
help you alleviate some burdens or show you the light

(08:39):
to find your path. In the case you lose yourself,
organ they would make sure you never forget who you are.
When Moses had to lead the Israelites in the desert,
he created around him knowledgible and trustworthy people to help
alleviate the amount of work he had to do. This
is why community is important. Number four, When you go

(09:02):
on a date, do not be afraid to set a
clear purpose for you with the intention of finding a
lifelong partner in christ not just a casual fleeing or
have a good time body, but a partner with whom
you build lifelong good time memories. In other words, a
true companion. Be honest with them so right away they

(09:27):
know what to expect, and careful not to give too
much to fast, be too vulnerable too soon, especially with
someone you don't fully know nor trust like that, to
avoid unnecessary heartache, because honestly, why would you expose all
your deepest secrets and thoughts in the early stages and
in the end not end up being together? And now

(09:47):
you have a stranger withholding information about you that they
should have had in the first place. Guard your heart
and wait until you have established trust before moving into
more intimate conversations. Why not agree beforehand on how to
pursue fate together first before diving into deeper intimate conversation

(10:10):
moving on to physical boundaries to consider setting while dating
as a Christian. Number one first off, very important and
often neglected for many. Assume that because you are dating
a Christian, they should know the limits wrong. Our walk

(10:33):
with God is personal. Therefore, it is necessary to establish
pre agreed limits, meaning what is off limits. Do not
assume that your definition and understanding of courting or abstinence
before marriage is the same as your partner. How many
times have these happened? Where one start dating someone with

(10:54):
the general rule of no intercourse, and as time progresses,
one partner wants to kiss thatch and you know, do
a little extra. One thing you do not want is
to be in a combative and frustrating relationship. That is why,
once again, from the early stages of the relationship, specify

(11:15):
and agree mutually on the actions that are acceptable and
non acceptable, things like do you want an kissing until engagement?
No private time alone in tempting situations, never sleep in
the same bed or even in the same home, sleepovers
per se, hugging only in public or family spaces, or

(11:35):
you rather stay away completely from any form of physical
contact that could lead to temptation or physical or emotional
over involvement. Now, in order for these set physical boundaries
to be successful, it will be crucial to maintain accountability
with either trusted friends or mentors whould help you reach

(11:58):
your goals or again communicy it openly with your partner
about your boundaries and any feelings of temptation that may arise.
They must know how your emotions and feelings have evolved,
and together you may have to discuss and revisit these
boundaries and see how you can palliate and find a
middle ground to allow the relationship to continue growing healthy.

(12:22):
How do you do that? You could start by maybe
avoiding spending the night together or be in private or
dark spaces alone, or choosing public settings for dates with
a curfew like Cinderella, or really are you sure? Pull
away when physical interaction becomes too intense, limit the intensity

(12:44):
and duration of kissing, avoid certain clothing or situations where
you're changing in separate rooms but in the same environment,
and or the fine how do we touch, no, do
we hold hands? Or do we avoid our position while

(13:04):
God lay, et cetera. All these suggestions may help decrease
the chances to increase kernel desires. At the end of
the day, one thing is certain, clear communication, prayer and
keeping God at the center will have to be an
important key success to your relationship, for temptation is real.

(13:26):
And one more thing you are not evil for desiring
your partner in that way. As Christ believers and followers,
we must know that we will be tempted, for Christ
him self have been tempted. But in order to overcome temptation,
we have to remember that first and foremost, our body

(13:46):
is to be treated as a temple of the Holy
Spirit and tools serving God and others, and that we
reflect God's holiness in our actions and choices. So your
body is a gain from God that needs to be
cared for and respected, rather than satisfy personal cravings or

(14:07):
self gratification driven by vanity, lust or a momentary feel
good moment. First Quarantine six nineteen to twenty says, do
you not know that your bodies are temples of the
Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received
from God. You are not your own, You were but

(14:29):
at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. Love
you were but at a high price, and you have value.
The devil knows it, hates it, and wants to destroy
it by lessening your value and deeming the Holy Spirit
in you amen. Last part of this discussion practical tips

(14:53):
and recap for setting boundaries. Number one, communicate clearly and
kindly about your boundaries early in the relationship. Talk about kissing, hugging, goddling,
not touching, the types of dates you want outings, the
fine physical, emotional, and spiritual limits. You do not have

(15:18):
to be angry and passionate about your likes and dislikes.
Just like something like vanilla, you may like chocolate. It's
about conversating and the finding if you are or not compatible.
That's all. Number two. Set mutual boundaries, not just for yourself,
but as a couple, aiming to honor God. The way

(15:39):
you two will start building considering one another through love
will shape what you'd be aiming for the both of
you's growth in the future. Set solid foundation straight from
the beginning, and increase your chances of success. Remember it
is no longer I but us. Discuss openly about the

(16:01):
triggers that necessitate lostful desires. Revisit the boundaries if necessary,
and do not feel inappropriate to communicate your feelings as
long as done always in respect and love. Number three,
invite accountability partners, meaning trusted mentors or couples to pray
over your relationship and help keep you accountable to honor

(16:24):
your contract with God. Finally, number four. Remember God's standards
of holiness. These ought to be your guide and bible
in life, not cultural norms or even peer pressure, for
they aren't reliable forever and cannot assure you stability. There,

(16:45):
my friends, setting boundaries isn't about legalism. It's about loving
God with your whole heart and protecting the precious gift
of your future marriage. I hope I have been able
to clearly explain the importance of setting boundaries as a
Christian when dating. Would you please share in the comments
any boundaries you find helpful or struggle with. I'd love

(17:08):
to pray for you, Father in heaven. You have created
all things, and nothing surprises you. You are a God
of order and not chaos. I pray and ask that you,
in your mighty power, help your loving creature and child
to overcome any inability to set boundaries in their lives
and honor you accordingly and defeat any struggle that they

(17:33):
may encounter. As I always say, you are worthy, our
garden Lord, to be praised and to receive glory, honor,
and power, for you have created all things, and by
your will they were created and have their being a
man a man, don't forget to subscribe and download the
Healthy Boundaries Discussion God in the link below. And before

(17:57):
I leave you, I want to share this last verse
week you, Proverbs for twenty three that says, above all else,
guard your heart from everything you do flows from it.
So thank you all heartedly for having allowed me in
your space ear precious time, and I want to wish

(18:18):
you to have an amazing day evening night. Just have
an amazing time. Stay safe out there. As I always say,
you are beautifully, peacefully and confidently blessed, for you are
a unique creation of Elohim. Stay blessed, my friends. In

(19:00):
to the relate, the relay, the Relati