The Truth About Couples Cohabitating Before Marriage and the Divorce Rate

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Though it seems as if experts don't seem to find
common ground on the topic about the impact of couples
living together before marriage. Several studies have found that couples
who live together before marriage are most likely to get divorced.

(00:22):
I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the topic and
this statement. Please let me know. Until then, let's dive
into today's conversation. Shall we welcome to Here is Eden,

(00:53):
the space where there is peace, innocence, growth, and joy.
You may now leave your fear, your judgment and murmur
at the game disclaimer. The atmosphere you're about to enter

(01:22):
will suscitate questioning, opinions, conversation, thinking, growth or not. Be
informed that what you're about to hear is not from
an expert. And remember that the greatest specialist an expert
that there is is Elohim himself. Now, if you may,

(01:43):
let's get comfortable and enjoy. Hi am, my beautiful souls.
How are you doing? A house life has your relationship
with God, But most importantly, how are you doing? I
hope you are doing fine, And if you do not,
as I always say, do not despair. They will be

(02:06):
brighter days coming. As for me, I am doing great.
It's another days getting colder, but hey, we are up.
We woke up this morning and we're ready to go.
For those of you who do not know me, my
name is Rita aka Babyface, and I want to welcome
you to this podcast that is Here is Eden. So

(02:27):
if you are a regular listener, you know I want
to wish you come back. Yes, if you are a
new listener, yes, welcome to Here is Eden podcast, which
mission is to serve and respond to the needs of
Christian celebrate and where we also speak about relationship in general.

(02:53):
So if you find value intoday's conversation, you'd probably also
like the previous and the next next episode. Do not
hesitate to link up on socials. My wish for you
today is that you find anything into Thisay's conversation and
so together we enjoy, we grow, and we learn. So

(03:15):
if you are a regular you know how we do,
so we'd have further ado. Let me please give thanks
and grace to my father, Father, God. I just want
to say thank you, thank you for being Thank you
for all the opportunity that you allow me to have.
Less of me, Father and more of you, As I
always say, you are worthy our God and Lord to
be praised and to receive glory, honor, and power for you, Father,

(03:41):
You created all things, and buy your will. They were
created and have their being. Amen. Let's go. I am
my love, Liz. How do you feel about this kind
of statement regarding couples living together before marriage? As a reminder,

(04:04):
this is a Christian channel, so please do expect some
Bible inputs and references are right so great now that
it's out there, will We decided to move in together
before getting married in order to find out whether we
were compatible together or are not. We want to be

(04:27):
We want to be able to spend more time together,
so it's easier if we live together. What other best
way is there to prepare ourselves spiritually for our upcoming
marriage than living together. We're moving in together because we're
trying to save money for the wedding. It's just more

(04:47):
economic all this way because of the high divorce rate.
We want to see if things will work out first.
Living together just a normal thing. Religion and all of
that is outdated and need to get on board with
the new era. Birth control takes care of all of
the pregnancies, so chill not to worry I'm sure people

(05:19):
read the title of today's discussion and wondered, what's wrong
with living together before marriage? Right? Seems like the norm nowadays?
And why not? Right? Well, my podcast being a Christian
oriented one to start with, and a celibate or oriented one
at that, though I speak also on different general relationship topics,

(05:42):
I just like to ask these questions that may seem
pretty casual and reflect on the Bible recommendations. With the
modernization of the world, which by the way, is a
necessary negative thing, we tend not to realize how quick
we adapt into the new ways and possibly how it
may affect us and many more. Each time that we

(06:06):
grow and evolve, we change. Therefore, there are impacts from
these changes for your knowledge and information. According to the
National Survey of Family Growth, yes I'm bad. Yeah, it
has been a while since I haven't shared stat with you.

(06:27):
Come on now, and you know how I get and
I love my numbers. Right ay, So, as I was
saying before, I get excited with stats. According to the
National Survey of Family Growth, between nineteen sixty five and
nineteen seventy four, eleven percent of women first marriages in

(06:50):
the United States South America were preceded by cohabitation, meaning
eleven percent of couples lived together before marriage. Then, since
the nineteen nineties, over half of the first marriages were
preceded by cohabitation. Then, since two fifteen and twenty nineteen,

(07:12):
three quarters of recent marriages cohabited together before tying the knot.
You see the trend ride The vast majority of married
couples lived with a cohabitating partner prior to marriage, and
I wouldn't be surprised to see this trend continuing to

(07:33):
arise as commitment isn't too popular in relationship nowadays. According
to the US Centsius Bureau, the number of unmarried partners
living together in the United States nearly tripled in two decades,
from six million to seventeen million, which consists of seven

(07:53):
percent of the total adult population. It was also noted
that the unmarried partners are now older, more racially diverse,
more educated, and most likely to earn higher wages. Let's
just say that with the ramping rate of divorce, most
people may be even less interested about getting married. I'm

(08:14):
sure many are wondering who would want to commit so
seriously and commit to that level and have to endure
all the responsibilities that come with marriage. Well, some people

(08:36):
will choose cohabitation because with cohabitation you may decide to
move in together at any time, and if it doesn't
work out after a certain time, all you need and
can do is split and separate everything you've owned together.
For example, if you share the space together, y'all can
come up with a mutual arrangement that won't be too costly.

(08:58):
All you got to do is be sides. Who keeps
the apartment, the dog, the furniture, et ceda. You literally
can walk away from everything and there won't be much
consequences except invested time, a broken heart, and maybe a
bruised self esteem. Also, you don't have to spend for
the legal divorce fees required, nor don't you have to

(09:21):
deal with the formalities involved with the legal marriage. Furthermore,
when you cohabitate, you may keep your financial affairs to
yourself and keep your debts burdened separate. You're not responsible
for your partner's debts. You as well don't have to
spend for the marriage ceremony, and pretty much you get

(09:42):
the point now regarding marriage. Some people who choose tying
the knot before cohabitating for also different reasons. At first,
let's just say that culture plays a big role in
your decision to whether get married or not. If you
grew up surrounded by married people, it'll make just sense

(10:03):
for you to get married right. Also, your beliefs may
influence your decision and choice to whether cohabitate or marry.
For us Christians and believers, the Bible does not command
nor prohibit specifically couples about living together outside of marriage
hear me out, please. However, it strongly affirms that two

(10:26):
people living together and calling themselves a couple should engage
into intimate relationship within God's covenant, which means marriage. Therefore,
they'll avoid falling into sexual immorality by living separately. So
if you want to live together as platonic friends, well

(10:48):
it had a problem. But remember how the Bible says
to flee temptations Personally, I won't put myself in a
position to fail, and later on a story to tell.
What I mean by that, more specifically, is that, knowing
that we both shall wait after marriage before indulging in

(11:08):
physical intimate activities, I wouldn't feel safe nor confident to
live with my partner in the same space just the
two of us, because boy, boy, the flesh she's with
my friends. At some point we'll both start looking at

(11:31):
each other like we're two gold miners standing in front
of a precious goal, gazing at each other and just
waiting to see who make the first move. Like have
found that is not for me. The proximity, the you
and me smelling delicious after a shower, or the pheromones

(11:53):
or hormones action, the staring, the daily darkness together where
yeah yeah, uh uh, as soon as that sun sets,
you know it is up for no good. So no, no, no, no,

(12:14):
my friend. Mmmmmm. If you think that nafam me, I
have a very strong self control of my carnal desire,
well I tell you this. Either you are what they
call a unicorn, somebody out of this world, or you
are a priest or a monk or castrated, or let's

(12:39):
just be honest, you're lying to yourself. What I know
is that even the wisest man in the Bible failed
when it came to display self control in the area
of physical intimacy. The man ended up with seven hundred
wives and three hundred concubines. Yes you've heard me right,
one man, So I don't know. As for me and

(13:02):
my house, we shall serve lower it. Okay, all right,
all right, Sorry I went a bit of strae, but
and nothing wrong with having a bit of fun, right,
so let's go as I was saying. Some people will

(13:22):
choose to get married either because of their culture, their beliefs,
or simply the benefits that come with marriage, such as
employment benefits, insurance, family leave, social security, tax and estate planning,
financial security, et cetera. Getting married, for many people is
also a way of taking a partnership to the next level.

(13:46):
It just brings a sense of security, or it just
solidifies the relationship on a rock instead of sand. Now
that we've explored some of the reasons why one would
choose gravitation and another marriage, and we saw that cohabitations
seemed to have valid arguments as well as marriage, why
then many studies seem to find that couples who've lived

(14:08):
together before marriage are most likely to divorce. Though almost

(14:31):
half to two thirds of Americans believe that living together
before marriage will help their relationship to last, and we
prepare their marriage to endure trials. Two Universities of Denver
Research Psychology found two of their research performed on sixteen
hundred and twenty one Americans no older than fifty years

(14:51):
of age, never been married before, and no widowed that
unless a couple has at least been engaged before they
move in together, the relationship is that increased risk of
failing apart. As cohabitation has become a norm, the experts
who studied aspects of coabitation for more than two decades

(15:11):
remained surprised that it hasn't improved the lastingness of marriage.
The thing is, before cohabitation was a precedent or potential
precursor to marriage. Now it is more part of a
dating culture and an alternative to marriage unless the partners
have agreed and planned to wed before moving in together.

(15:34):
According to them, the risks of failing marriage is high.
So they've studied couples married for the first time between
twenty ten to twenty nineteen, and they found out that
the couples in this study group who had lived together
before tying the not their breakup or divorced percentage was
higher than the opposite group. They also reported that thirty

(15:58):
four percent of the people living together before marriage ended
up divorcing between the time frame used for the study,
as opposed to less than a quarter meaning less than
twenty five percent of the marriages of those who were
engaged or married before moving in together. Basically, they found
that getting engaged or marrying before moving in is a

(16:21):
public declaration of commitment m M yep. Commitment. This famous
word who slowly losing its power and importance in this
day and age, very sad. So they said that this
declaration and commitment from the couple is a clear expression

(16:43):
of their desire to build their future together and it's
a form of assurance. The researchers stated that couples moving
in together before clearly committing expose themselves to later marital
difficulties as they may not have yet decided about the
implications of their future together and therefore find themselves within

(17:07):
something they weren't ready for. And at this point some
other choose to settle, and others find themselves stuck and
just don't know what to do, maybe because of how
much involved they find themselves in. But in reality, if
it wasn't for all of these no responsibilities meaning possible
and plan pregnancies, the rant the lease financial investments increase

(17:33):
social pressure to stay together, you know, after a certain
while living together, people start asking questions or when are
you going to get married? Are you going to have kids? Yeah,
and sometimes they do get married. But if it was
not for all of that, I'm sure these people would

(17:55):
have left a long time ago. This is not to
say that these things don't happened while married, of course,
it does, just because marriage can be difficult on its own.

(18:15):
In this study, they just noted some differences and are
comparing the couples who've move in together before marrying versus
those who married before moving in together. Trials, challenges, divorce.
All of that happened in both cases, but they observed
that the risks for divorce seemed to be slightly higher

(18:37):
within the couples who choose to live together before marriage.
Truth is, every marriage requires from both parties to put
in the work in order to make it work and last.
That's why it is important to take our time dating
separately and not jump too fast into anything we haven't
thought through and in the end feel or find ourselves

(19:00):
or having to settle. Because, as the experts are saying,
cohabitating want improve the chance of a lasting marriage. Besides,
we can confirm it with the high rate of divorce annually,
forty to fifty percent of first marriages end up in
a divorce and sixty to sixty seven percent for second marriages,

(19:24):
So the numbers speak for themselves. Therefore, they recommend not
to cohabitate for reasons such as test driving the relationship
or for financial reasons, because they have not proved to
work evaluate thoroughly the reasons that justify your decision. That's

(19:46):
what we should do. By taking your time to consolidate
your reasons to either moving in together before marrying or
marrying before moving in together, it allows you and gives
you the freedom to turn away from something that wasn't
favorable to you in the first place, and helps you
avoiding sinning instead. Taking the time helps strengthening your future marriage,

(20:12):
deepen your friendship, and it also fosters deeper intimacy. It
helps you build up your problem solving and communication skills,
and therefore gives your marriage a greater chance for success.
Of course, some would say that there are benefits as
well in moving in together prior to marrying, as it
allows you to test your compatibility build stronger relationships, or

(20:35):
that it can be beneficial financially. Most probably, of course,
the truth is do. We may think that we are
different and that our passion for each other will never wane.
Sorry to disappoint, but that's what most people think or thought.
No one goes into a marriage planning for a divorce,

(20:56):
but the stat speaks for themselves. Nothing to be informed.
Even if we think that we are safe from problems,
especially if our goal is success, Choosing to learn why
many of those who chose to live together before marriage
ended in a divorce is not a commitment, but rather
an investment, a foundational preparation for a solid and successful

(21:21):
and happy and fulfilled future marriage. In the end, I
believe it is important to communicate clearly with your partner
and the fine for yourselves. For the both of you,
what cohabitating together means, have deep discussion about clear objectives
and goals, and reflect scrupulously about what your decision entels

(21:44):
in a short and long run. As a practicing Christian,
moving in together as a couple before marriage is not
an option for me anyways. In my culture, you have
at least to do the traditional marriage, which consists of
the couple vowing in front of their respective family members
and God to honor the principles of marriage well you

(22:09):
know what sounds like marriage still to me, So never mind. Well,
then take the time, just take the time to know
each other well enough, because you can't really know anyone
fully even if you spend ten years dating. As we
are evolving beings, we change. We're not static, nor are
we objects. You may be this way today and lefe

(22:32):
experience happens, and tomorrow you're a different person. That's just
how it is. So take the time to sincerely know
about the deal breakers, core values beliefs of the person
you are dating, and when you're convinced, well seal your
union legally and hold on tight together as you're embarking
in this great adventure that is, to say the least,

(22:55):
a great mystery, just like a grand nat. You have
to cry as this African problem says, getting married is nothing.
It's assuming the responsibility of marriage that counts. I don't
know why I said it like that. I'm African, So

(23:16):
to be serious, getting married is nothing. Is assuming the
responsibility of marriage that counts. They are my friends. I
am sure that many of you have a lot to
say about to this topic, and I will be glad
to hear from you in a kind and respectful way,
share with us your experience, because obviously there are many

(23:39):
ways to get to Rome and God throughout the Bible
has used many different people with and from different backgrounds
to serve His purpose and glorify his name. The point is,
as Christians and believers, we should consult with God prior
to making any decision, and His word is our guide
and compassnavigate our best in this world. I realized that trials, tribulations,

(24:04):
and challenges aren't just for non believers. I do realize that,
but even more so for believers as they help shape
and mold us in the people God intends us to be.
They are not punishment, but refine and strengthen our faith,
because just like gold is purified in fire, so is

(24:26):
our faith. Through challenges, He develops our character as long
as we're surrounding totally to our Lord and King and
let him be the path or the way of our lives. Well,
who should judge if not our creator himself. Well, on
that note, I wish you to have an amazing day, evening, night, week, weekend.

(24:53):
Just have an amazing time wherever you are and make
the oil of favor of God. Unless you continually as
I always say, stay beautifully, peacefully and confidently blessed because
you are a unique creation of Eloheim. Stay blessed, my friends.

(26:00):
The Old Man set a man who came

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