Why Would Some Choose Abstinence in a Married Relationship?

   Hiya my lovelies,

  Welcome! Hope I find you well, and as intrigued than I was when I first heard of physical intimacy abstinence amongst married couples. When they say that marriage is intricate and mysterious, it is not a joke.
We see people, married couples, outside, holding hands, smiling and selling us a dream. Some of them truly are living the dream, but I just wish a lot more would speak and share the hard truth and reality of marriage to those who are aspiring to get married. This way, anyone who chooses to walk into it, does it with a better understanding and will.

Would you please join me and find  out all about it!

One Love,


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome to Here is Eden, the space where there is peace, innocence, growth,
and joy. You may now leave your fear, your judgment
and murmur at the game disclaimer.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
The atmosphere you're about to enter will suscitate questioning, opinions, conversation, thinking,
growth or not. Be informed that what you're about to
hear is not from an expert, and remember that the
great it is specialist. An expert that there is is
Elohim himself. Now, if you may, let's get comfortable and enjoy.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
I am a beautiful souls. How are you doing? A
how's life? How's your work? How's your family? But most importantly,
how is your relationship with God? I hope you are
doing well, and if you are not, as I always say,
to not despair, as they will be brighter days and
it is just a season. As for me, if you

(01:33):
are wondering, I am alive. I'm still adapting and I'm
learning and re learning to dependfully end my creator and
to trust that he is in control of it all.
For those of you who do not know me, my
name is Rita aka Babyface, and I want to welcome
you to this podcast. That is here is Eden. So

(01:57):
if you are a regular listener, I want to say God, yes, sir.
If you are a new listener, welcome to here Eiden podcast,
which mission is to serve and respond to the needs
of Christian celibate and where we also speak about relationship

(02:17):
in general. My prayer for you is that you find
anything within what will be discussed, and that together we enjoy,
we grow and learn. Before I can keep on going,
I just want to take this woman and give grace
to my Father, Father, God, I just want to say
thank you, thank you for always showing up in my

(02:40):
life and showing me that you are in control of
it all and that everything you do is for the best.
As I always say, you are worthy our God and Lord,
to be praised and to receive glory, honor and power.
For you, Father, you created all things, and by you

(03:00):
will they were created and have there being a man
a man, let's go, my people. Welcome. If you are
here listening to this topic, I want to believe that

(03:20):
you've read the title and got intrigued, just like myself.
The first time I've heard of physical intimacy abstinence after marriage.
You know, the meme of a confused woman staring in
a space with lots of math equations all over her face. Yep,
that was me. I was confused as to why it

(03:41):
is even a thing. Let's just say that it was
more than why it was how what happened? Who would
even decide to be abstinent from physical intimacy after and
while you're married, especially if you've already waited for however
long it is, whether that is a year, six months,
five years, or whatever. I wondered, what can motivate a

(04:06):
married couple to abstain from intimate relations? Imagine you and
your partner waited for our legasay, two years before consummitting
the marriage, and somewhere within your marriage journey, one of
you wake up one morning with this suggestion for your couple.
How would you feel and how would you handle it?

(04:28):
The thing is, when you stop reacting for a second
and take a moment to reflect and think about it,
you will be surprised as to the possibility of answers
that may come out of your brain just saying any who,
without any further delay, how about we find out, shall we?
So today's episode is abstinence in physical intimacy while married.

(04:59):
First and foremost, let us all be on the same pitch.
Shall we and agree about one thing? In this case,
it has nothing to do with one partner choosing to
starve their spouse out of a revengeful, pettiness or manipulative situation.
It's now you trying to get back at him or
her by keeping or holding yourself from them as a payback. Listen, that,

(05:22):
on itself will be a very interesting topic to touch upon.
What do you think? Please let me know in the comments.
All right, So back to the actual topic. I'm curious
to know. How do you first receive this idea of
practicing abstinence well merried, and how do you process it
after receiving the info? Is this something you've ever considered

(05:43):
or can possibly comprehend or understand well? As Christians, we
know that physical intimacy is a gift given by God
to married couples in which one's consummated, the two people
become as one flesh, and the general idea is that
through this union men and women would produce life and
fashion children in the image and likeness of our creator Elohim. Also,

(06:08):
both parties in this unity are called to fulfill their
marital duties towards one another. As it is mentioned in
First Corinthians, Chapter seven, verses three to four, the husband
should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise
the wife to her husband. The wife does not have
the authority over her own body, but yields it to

(06:29):
her husband. In the same way, the husband does not
have authority over his own body, but yields it to
his wife. Later disclaimer to all of you who disagree
with these verses, Ah and just the messenger, So I
kindly invite you to take it up with the greatest
of all up there, our Elohim. I am simply sharing

(06:51):
what has been commanded and requested of us for now
thousands of years, how we should walk in this mysterious
thing called marriage. With that being said, how could some
married couples be abstinent in their relations Later anecdote growing
up in an African Christian household, I do not remember

(07:12):
where and when I was properly educated and taught about
the essentials of physical intimacy ever in a relationship, And
that even after I became an adult, most of my
knowledge I learned it from the street. To be honest,
I'm kidding with the street thing, or maybe not. I've

(07:35):
learned the majority of it through friends, school TV shows,
social media, co workers, strangers, et cetera. At home, we
were mostly taught to first focus on school education, then
boys will come last. I am sure that many Christian

(07:55):
folks can relate. And if you are, I got you. Now.
As far as the church is concerned, let's not even
go there. All that has been hammered into us is
no fornication before marriage. Physical intimacy almost equated to sin. Sadly,
in the mind of many, the nuance about physical intimacy

(08:16):
not being a sin in the right context is usually
not clear. Then, when you reach the age to get married,
all of a sudden, as if it is expected of
you to magically unleash your sex appeal or sexual being
go out there and find you a handsome and beautiful person. Well,
I'm sorry, it just doesn't work like this. Unfortunately. Guess

(08:47):
what I stumble upon a research who said that prior
to their wedding night, fifty six percent of a group
of people going to a certain church who've practiced abstinence
before marriage and on whom study was conducted did not
talk about what would happen during that first night. You
know which one, right, The honeymoon of course, what to

(09:09):
expect and all you know.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
So.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
A group of doctors and researchers at Utah Valley University
involved in this study said that many people who struggle
with the transition from abstinence to intimacy lack of sexual knowledge.
All right, I think it's important to specify what kind
of sexual knowledge we are referring to here and how
and where you could get it. They're not sending you

(09:33):
to porn, but to family and marital counselors, people with
knowledge and experience who could guide you safely through the
process and allow you to be more comfortable to speak
on or discuss different topics with your spouse or spouse
to be I believe it is important to be able
to be vulnerable and show your nakedness truth to your

(09:54):
special person, your partner. Of course, the same way we
can talk about how many children we may want, we
should be also able to discuss the method of conception,
how these beautiful babies will be made, and I mean,
are we planning on using contraceptive methods? How much exposure
to sex have we individually experience? And here must also

(10:18):
maybe be the best time I believe to try talking
about our personal experiences if as Christians we have or
still do struggle with porn, the triggers and all that.
I'm not saying either that all of these discussions must
happen in one setting now, of course, but I'm saying
throughout the whole courtship, of course, and even after being married,

(10:41):
because as we are evolving beings, thanks change, and why
not it could also be nice to talk about our
visions of the first night together. I hope that it'd
be at least something you thought of if you claim
to love one another, because prior to being married, you
all must have had some action towards each other, whether

(11:01):
it is the way they look at you, touch you,
speak to you, the way they think, their passion in life,
their fundamentals, how they pray, or just the way they
moves you know, yo, I'm a sucker for love. I
love mature couples who, even after dac is together, can

(11:22):
get enough of one another, you know. Any who. What
I'm saying is that we should be able to discuss
how we like our intimacy to be, for a players,
what's allowed or not, the sexual frequency, et gena. I
say all this because many couples Christians in this study
who found themselves experiencing abstinence in their marriage. It wasn't

(11:47):
necessarily a voluntary decision, you know. They found themselves in
the relationship without the right tools to communicate their sexual needs,
fears and security and more. And just like in many cases,
they lacked skills in the communication department, which created misunderstandings,
a lack of emotional closeness and satisfaction, and therefore a

(12:10):
disconnection between both parties. I was reading the numbers in
that article, meaning the percentages of topics discussed by couples
prior to marriage, and it was taggering to see that
people seem to be diving into this mysterious and intricate
thing that is marriage, most of the time, almost blindly.

(12:31):
It's as if they have the mentality of we'll figure
it out while in there. True, of course, even if
well advised, you'll still find yourselves trying to work things
out and so on. Listen, I'm still trying to figure
out myself, you know, just saying so. Can't expect to
think that anyone out there can boast about having figured

(12:53):
out marriage, But I say it this way. Usually, whenever
we are knowledgeable about anything, per se, we tend to
feel more secure about it. I don't know, that's just me.
Whereas when we present ourselves unprepared, stress, insecurity, lack of confidence, uncertainty,
pride at times become our protective mechanisms. Just to give

(13:32):
you an idea of the percentages of topics discussed by
couples before marriage, eighty seven percent of couples talked about
the family planning and eighty three about birth control. That's
not bad, actually not bad at all, So let's go.
But let's not be too excited because from now on

(13:53):
the percentages are decreasing. Twenty four percent discussed pornography, twenty
one percent, sexual boundaries thirty two percent, the frequency of intimacy.
Only six percent talked about being turned down, which can
be very pragmatic if not addressed. I've watched one time

(14:15):
a married couple on YouTube who had established a rule
about being turned down, because you know, it's never a
pleasant thing. So what they said is that the one
who had turned down intercourse, that person had forty eight
hours to initiate the next one, which I found very
smart and wise, because why making a temporary problem a

(14:36):
permanent one? It happens that sometimes we are not in
the mood or is not the right time, So all right,
and just to continue with the numbers. Less than half
of the couples. To be more specific, forty four percent
talked about the first night ight. Do you know how
imporing this conversation can be? Sometimes the the way you

(15:00):
start something can wrongly affect the way things play out
in the future. And sometimes sadly it was just from ignorance,
lack of knowledge, immaturity. But now you're stuck in your
past and mistake. Plus, this first night can be important
to talk about because you've waited so long for that night.
The anticipation and build up can create pressure, stress, anxiety

(15:23):
that may make this first night experience a very unpleasant memory.
No one wants that fy Have you ever heard of
vaginous miss? I know fancy words. Well, that concerns my ladies,
but fellas, you may want to hear about it because
you'll be impacted too if that occurs in your relationship.

(15:43):
So vaginousness is an automatic reaction of the veg that
we'll call it, which is the woman intimate part who
suddenly toattens up whenever there is a possibility to be entered.
And this does not only happen to virgins, but could
happen to any woman because it could be caused by

(16:04):
a too small VJ, a bad first or not sexual experience,
an unpleasant medical examination, shameful belief about the act of
physical intimacy, a painful medical condition, a general So being
aware about how your partner apprehend that night is important
because y'all can play ahead of time how you go

(16:25):
about it to make the best out of it. I
just hope this kind of information helps you. Let me
know if you'd like for me to talk about any
other topic, and I'll be pleased to look into it.
All right, I've realized that I mostly talked about involuntary
abstinence within marriage, but it isn't always the case, as
some couples may mutually consent to be abstinent for a time,

(16:51):
it's not forever, whether it is decided to devote themselves
to prayer or for any other personal agreement that the
couple agreed upon. It being the arrangement should not hurt
the couple. Since I haven't touched on involuntary causes that
may occur and create abstinence within the relationship and for
we have no control over. Please allow me to do so.

(17:15):
We could have medical issues, which by the way, still
affect fifty five percent of couples. We also have age
trauma and more so. Well there, my friends, let me
know where your thoughts are after having listened to all
these informations. Are your thoughts about the topic accidents, well

(17:36):
married the same as in the beginning of this conversation
or has it evolved. One thing this confirmed to me is,
dear future husband, I pray that you're not just my
best friend, but also my confidante in everything. I pray
that we both are wisely guided and instructed to talk

(17:58):
about everything and anything that there isn't a topic that
is classified taboo. Let us both grow together as a unity,
so with our knowledge, growth and experience, we may be
a helping vessel to others. Amen. And that is my
prayer to you as well. All Right, on this note,

(18:19):
I wish you to have an amazing day, evening night,
Just have an amazing time. May we all succeed in
our relationships. Stay safe out there and informed, as I
always say, stay beautifully, peacefully and confidently blessed because you

(18:43):
are a unique creation of Elohim stay blessed. My friends,
the Lama, the

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Pla