May 21, 2025 • 31 mins
Is it possible to love solitude and still value deep, meaningful connection? In this episode, we’re diving into what it really means to be a “hermit” at heart—especially in a world that often rewards constant availability and social energy.
We talk about the very real tension between needing quiet time to recharge and wanting to be there for the people we care about. From overstimulation and guilt to boundaries and safe relationships, this is a conversation for anyone who's ever felt “too quiet” or wondered if they’re doing connection wrong.
Inside this episode:
✨ How we each define our “hermit” tendencies
✨ The internal struggle between craving solitude and connection
✨ Ways to stay connected without draining your energy
✨ The beauty of friendships that honor your quiet heart
✨ Encouragement for asking for help when you’re feeling off-balance
Whether you're in your hermit era, healing era, or both—you're not alone. You’re allowed to move slowly, take your time, and show up in a way that feels true to you.
🕊 Join our cozy Facebook community to share your reflections!
🧡 Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review if this episode resonated with you!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/hermit-haven--6315196/support.
We talk about the very real tension between needing quiet time to recharge and wanting to be there for the people we care about. From overstimulation and guilt to boundaries and safe relationships, this is a conversation for anyone who's ever felt “too quiet” or wondered if they’re doing connection wrong.
Inside this episode:
✨ How we each define our “hermit” tendencies
✨ The internal struggle between craving solitude and connection
✨ Ways to stay connected without draining your energy
✨ The beauty of friendships that honor your quiet heart
✨ Encouragement for asking for help when you’re feeling off-balance
Whether you're in your hermit era, healing era, or both—you're not alone. You’re allowed to move slowly, take your time, and show up in a way that feels true to you.
🕊 Join our cozy Facebook community to share your reflections!
🧡 Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review if this episode resonated with you!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/hermit-haven--6315196/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, Welcome to herm and Aven. I'm Ashley and
I'm Jackie.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We're so excited to in bite you into our safe space.
Hermit Haven is like a cozy little hideout where we
celebrate being confident in ourselves as we find happiness in
quiet moments.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
So got your favorite blanket and your favorite drink and
let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome back to hermit Haven. I'm Jackie.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hi, I'm Ashley. Excited to have you. This week.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
We're gonna be chatting about signing the balance and navigating
being a hermit and nurturing relationships. And I think this
is like an awesome topic because that's kind of like
our name obviously, hermit Haven. That's kind of like how
this all started, is like us being a herman and
be like, oh hey, like it's been like five days,
so sorry, I'm back.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I'm always like I know I was Mia, but I'm back.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Hi. Literally us the last like four days we've been
playing like texting tag, like I'll send you a message
and then I'll be like a day later, she'll send
me a message, and then a day later I sent
a message.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Well between like life being busy because I've you know,
I think it's just I've been more present this year,
like in my family life, which we were. It's part
of my vision for the year, one of my goals
for the year. But anyway, like being kind of more
present and then also being someone that needs like quiet
alone time where I'm literally not talking to anyone. It
(01:22):
just like I just sometimes go at my a like
that's just what happened.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yes, I get it, because like I feel like like
we went out yesterday, we had like a great time.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
We went like our friends, we went out, we had
a great time.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I was like I came home and I was just like,
I mean, like tenmens to myself, like.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Like you'll be a hermit, Like yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
This is actually a really good conversation too for like
moms going into the summer because our kids, if we
had kids that were in school, you know, even though
Pierce has been like half day four days a week,
but still like that gives me some time to myself.
And so now going into the summer where I'm not
going to have that like dedicated time to myself, I'm
(02:01):
then I have to plan it or ask for it. Uh,
that kind of goes I feel like with this, yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Like it's like also like I'm in that season where
like my baby needs something like every couple hours. So
like I sometimes just like, even though pumping is like
the most like mentally like saddest thing, sometimes it's like, Okay,
I'm just gonna go watch a Disney movie or like
I'll put in my corrible pumps and I'll just scrol
and I'm like, this is my time to myself, Like
(02:31):
don't interrupt me.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah, I mean I feel like, uh, that's gonna be
like some of the things that we talk about, but
somebody we can just jump there just because we like
to just like jump in. But I feel like, as
a mom finding for me anyway, I want to speak
to everyone. I have a lot of mom guilt. I'm
trying to get over. I've been trying to get over
it since Gavin's and born and he's nine. But I
(02:54):
feel guilty taking time for myself. And so when I
have things like that, like when I used to pump,
like I couldn't hump and hold a child most of
the time anyway, so that was like my time. So like, oh,
I'm going to pump, and then I would mentally not
feel as guilty for just like taking time for myself.
So I've now that I don't obviously don't have a
little small child that I'm pumping for, but like I
try to find things like that where I'm like, okay,
(03:18):
I'm doing this so I don't feel as guilty taking
this time. One of them is the walking pad, which
some people don't know what a walking pad is. It
is like a treadmill, but just like the bottom part.
I keep I keep saying walking pad to people and
they're like, what the walking pad? And I don't know.
I guess because I see it all over the internet.
I'm like, oo mean, but I'll have my walking pad
(03:38):
and then I set up my tripod and I'll have
my kindle on the tripod and so I'm reading while
I'm walking and I don't know. I guess because Lenn
and I are like right now both in like this
workout mode, like we're both really into like physically working
our bodies out. I don't feel guilty when I'm on
there where if I just sat in this chair over
(04:01):
here and read, I'd be like, oh, did the kids
need something? Or feel bad because Len had to go,
you know, take care of his own children, like not
that he makes me feel bad. He doesn't, just like
in my own head, you know what I mean. And
so yeah, I'm just trying to not feel guilty and
take those times where feel less guilty. I should not
(04:24):
feel guilty for any of it.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
But no, and I think, like you know, it's like
bringing up like a good point, Like it's not just
nurturing like your friendships. It's not just like nurturing like that.
It's also nurturing your relationships with your children and your
your spouse, Like that's part of like how do you
find that balance between being a hermit, which is like
I would say the definition of being a hermit is
like needing your own alone time, like need to just
(04:48):
like be by yourself, Like that is what a hermit means,
is just having you know, and I think you know too,
is like you're saying, like, you know, how do I
not feel guilty being a hermit?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But that's just completely natural?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Well, right, so how can you be a hermit and
still have these amazing relationships and still make time for yourself?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yeah? I think And a lot of it is communication
and everything comes down to communication. But you know, communicating
like with Blunn like last night, I was like, I
need like date night after the kids go to bed,
so like after the kids go to bed, like you
and me time, you know, like letting him know, like
I need that time for us, or hey tonight, like
I just need to sit and read M kindle, Like
(05:27):
I just I just need to sit and just zone out,
maybe put my headphones in. Usually he knows if I
have my headphones in. Like he doesn't obviously try to
talk to me, but actually averted very extroverted, so he
likes to talk to me all the time. And I
love talking to him, and that is one of the
relationships that I'm having a balance with this year, which
obviously it should he's my husband. But I just think
(05:50):
after everything that happened in twenty twenty three and then
last year was like my healing year, I'm really trying
this year. Like I said, it was on my vision
board to be better about connecting with people. And it
takes more energy out of me to connect with people.
I mean, I guess it does. I don't know does
it for everyone, Like does it for an extrovert or
(06:11):
does it give them energy to connect with people? Because
I always thought like extroverts get energy from that connection.
Is that true? I think So.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I'm both like I'm an introvert and extrovert, so like
i love going out and be with people, but then
like I'm ready to go home and like be in
my blanket and like so like I do get energy
like when I'm talking to people, but then like it
becomes too much and I'm like, I gotta go, honey,
like this is over.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, it takes a lot of Sometimes it takes a
lot of energy just to text someone back. Like that
just sounds silly saying it out loud, but this is
like a non judgmental space. And that's why sometimes I
just don't text people back because I'm just like I
see it and I'm like I have to think of
my response, and then I'm overthinking. That's probably most of it.
I'm overthinking my response, and then I'm just tired.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I did this to the other day though I was
voicing you.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I was like in the car about to go babysit,
and I was like, hey, so sorry, Like it just
so much was happening today, Like I just didn't have
the mental capacity.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
To even respond.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
And I get it because it's like I don't know
like I feel like when there's so much going on,
you're like, as much as I love you and I
want to respond and I read your message, I just
like haven't gone there. Even like our friends that we
saw yesterday, me and Matt literally all week we're like, we're.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Gonna message them, We're gonna message them.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
I think I wrote like five messages in my head,
never even put those on paper because it's just so
like I'm just.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Like living my own life, doing my own thing.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Like it's not that I don't love these people, it's
just that like I don't have the mental capacity sometimes
till I come out of it. It's the same thing
like I feel like being in content, like trying to
create content, I'm like, I don't have the mental capacity,
Like I need help.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I need helps and help.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yes, I agree. I think something that was really helped
me because I know when I was, you know, last year,
and I was just like sad a lot. I was
very I had work I knew I needed to work on,
like my self validation. I promised this like all comes
full circle that I knew I needed to work on
my self validation because I was leaning on certain friends
(08:11):
in Glenn for and nothing wrong with leaning on someone,
like I needed my people in that moment for the support.
But then there came a point where I was like,
if someone didn't text me back within a certain which
coming from me, this is going to sound silly. If
someone didn't text me back in a certain time frame,
I was like, Oh, they just they just don't want
to hear about my sadness anymore. They just don't want
(08:31):
to talk to me anymore. And like they did, they
just are living their life and they can't. And I'm
the person that doesn't text someone back with for like days.
So I just knew that I needed to work on that,
like self validation, because if I'm expecting someone to text
me back within a very short time frame, like I
(08:53):
just feel like you can, I guess have whatever expectations
you want, but that's just not really realistic because they're
living their own life. Like if I needed someone right away,
then like maybe I need to call them. But I
feel like some people expect you to text back like
right away, And I don't know if that's just because
that's what they do, or if that's like a dependency
(09:16):
thing or what. But I wanted to make sure that
I was like had my own confidence, Like I can
sell falidate. When I say cell foundation, I mean like,
if something exciting happens, I don't necessarily need to run
to everyone and let them know about it. I can
like add a girl myself, like it's it's great to
tell people. But you know what I mean, like not
(09:37):
feel like I need Ashley to be like, oh, good
job in order for me to think good job about myself,
Like that's what I mean. And I just feel like
by working on all of that, I've come to a
point where now I can like, well, obviously, I don't
expect anyone to like answer me back right away, even
though like that's what I was expecting this time last
year or like earlier last year. But also I feel
(09:58):
like I now I can have that balance because I
can take time for myself and then also be able
to be like, Okay, who do I need to give
it to? Like who are my people that I need
to make sure that I am like loving on and supporting,
like who's it's worthy in my life? But like who
are the priority in my life?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Right?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
And like no, I don't know. I feel like a
lot of the work it did last year has put
me in a place now where I can make more connection.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, I got it.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I so I'm going to like add on or like
continue what you're saying. But like, I feel like I
used to be that person where like I was like,
I need your respond, like I don't understand why you're
not responding. And I think it took work in myself
being like, well I don't always want to respond. Why
do they have to respond? So I think, you know,
I used to be like that. And then we've talked
about this a few times probably, but I had a
(10:50):
friend that I asked for space for and they can
continue to text me and continue to text me, and
I was like, I need space though, like I can't,
like I just need space, like and they're like and
they ended up our friendship because I wouldn't like text
them back, and I was like, but.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I need space. So I think it like you have,
like you said, you have.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
To communicate, and you have to realize that like what
you expect from someone is not maybe what they're gonna do,
like this is who they are, and they might need
space also and they might just not be able to
communicate that right, And so I think it goes you know.
I feel like everything we talk about is you have
to work on yourself to understand people around you. So
(11:30):
like in this conversation, right, we're talking about being a
hermit but still having these like great relationships, but like,
first you have to understand.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You are a hermit.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
You what you need as a hermit right to succede,
and what you need is might be different than what
I need as a hermit to succede, right, And then
being open that maybe someone else has whatever they need
and not judging and not putting them in this place
where they feel like I have to now do something
I don't want to do because you're not respecting my
boundary of what I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, absolutely a lot. I mean a lot of it
is just your own work. And because I started communicating,
I don't think what happened forced me to communicate. I
just felt like I needed to start communicating what I needed,
and which you know, it started the started the nurturing relationships,
I suppose. But because I was able to like do that,
(12:23):
I feel like it helped me get what I needed.
I like you're saying I needed time to myself. I
needed whatever I needed. I needed to ask for it
and I just have a really hard time asking for
why I still do. But I'm getting better. But yeah,
(12:44):
and at the beginning of the year, one of the
little vision things on my vision board is like I
don't get still on here here. I think it was
like girls cheersing. It was like a like a shadow
basically of like girls cheers ing whatever. And because I
was like, Okay, I need it, I need to step out,
like I feel like last year I barely talked to
people like they need to step out, And so originally
(13:08):
I thought that I was going to be nurturing like
current relationships with people already knew or like girlfriends like
things like that. And I've honestly done a lot of
nurturing my marriage this year. And I didn't really like
we have a great marriage, but I just last year
I kind of neglected everyone, like everyone sometimes even neglected myself.
(13:31):
And so by putting that time into myself, now I'm
like able to just be more confident with Glen, like
talking to him, being open with him, like I don't know,
it's just changed a lot of our dynamic. I've made
new friendships this year go media like yeah, so it
(13:52):
really it really is a balance I don't think there's
a perfect balance. Like you said, you have to know
what you need and be able to take that time.
I think it's really hard, specifically for moms or people
that feel like I guess if you're not a mom,
but maybe you're someone that works all the time. It's
hard to step away because you always want to be,
(14:15):
you know, saying yes, especially you know, like keep a pleaser,
like you always want to be saying yes to helping friends,
helping your work, whatever, helping your family, and but you
have to be able to step away or know what
you need and communicate it. So like even if I'm
having like a i'm overstimulated day and it's five o'clock
(14:37):
and I can just be like, gone, I'm gonna go
take like thirty minutes in the room. And sometimes that's
all it takes is me sitting here for thirty minutes.
Maybe I'm gonna read, maybe I'm just gonna stare at
the wall, maybe I'm gonna do whatever I'm going to do.
But like being able to know that is huge because
in order to have that balance, you can't just be
(14:59):
trying to keep the relationships and everyone happy, like you
are a huge part in that and keeping you're happy.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
I think something you were saying and I want to
like comment because I comment on the I say this
every single podcast. But you were in a season where
you didn't even know what you needed, right. You were
in a season where you need it your alone time,
but you also needed others, but you didn't even know that.
And that's okay too, Right. We all go through seasons.
I will say this every single episode because it relates
(15:28):
to every single episode there is season. So in this season, right,
I'm so focused on raising a little newborn that as
much as like I want to text back and respond
or reach out to people, like I don't have that
mental capacity. So like people reach out to me, it
might take four days, but thank you, I appreciate it.
(15:48):
Do you know, Like I was so excited having people
texted me and like I didn't ask for this, I
didn't need this, but so many people texted me happy.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
For his Mother's Day.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
And it was like those people, Yeah, no, it was
super saying. I loved it, right, And it was though
people reaching out to me to nurture our relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Sometimes you can't always be the person nurturing in the relationships.
Sometimes you need those people to respond to you, and
now those are the people you want in your circle,
Those are the people that you need in your friendship.
So when you were going through this season last year,
it was the people that reached out to you as
people that were just like, hey, how are you? But
they were like, you know, are you know? Are you
doing this? Like how's your summer?
Speaker 1 (16:23):
You know?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
It's really those small little details, right. So I think,
you know, when we're talking about nurture relationships, we're talking
about paying attention to a small little details, asking those questions. Right.
And I think something too is I always say like,
if you're thinking about someone, then.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Text them, call them, say hello to them.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
That is your Brian being like hey Ashley or hey Jackie,
like I haven't talked to this person in a while,
or if you know, it's been two days whatever, it is, right?
And I think too, like sometimes you have to explain
to people, Hey, I'm not responding because x y Z wait.
I love my aunt. We talked about this all the time.
I love my aunt so much, but it sometimes takes
(17:03):
me five to ten business days. And she's asked me before,
like why does it take so long to text back
and I'm like, I'm so sorry, like.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Life my life.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, like she.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Texted me like five days ago, I want to say,
And I remember today that she texted me because I
was looking at pictures of my son, which I probably
do every day, even though he's sitting right in front
of me, I'm always looking at pictures of him. And
I was like, oh, my aunt asked me for pictures
five days ago. Like we still have a great relationship.
(17:33):
It is what it is like that she's learned to
love me the way I am. And I think that's
the thing too, is when you have thereat relationships, you
don't need to worry about what that person's thinking about,
You don't need to worry that person's judging you, You don't
need to worry about those things because that person loves
you for the way you are.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, when you're just like in the thick of life,
when you're having an incredible life, Like sometimes an incredible
life is harder or easier, but when you're at present
in your life, like you're just the days just fly
by and the moments fly by, and then you're like,
oh my gosh, it's been three days and having texts
went back and like even though in my head, I'm like, oh,
I feel so bad, But also if you really think
(18:11):
about it, like it's because life has been good, like
life has been amazing and so therefore I just or
sometimes life isn't as amazing and you just need that
time to It could go either way, but in this
season for me, like sometimes life is just going so
well that I I just don't pick up my phone.
And you know, back when we were little that you
(18:33):
even have phones, you couldn't just expect a text from
someone that fast, Like not everything was super fast. You
had to call someone or whatever. Like I don't know,
sometimes just being present and letting things be slower can
be a good thing.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Yeah, Livy, in whatever season of life you're in, if
it's a slow season or a fast season, like just
really like loving that season and loving the who's in
that season with you. I think too, something like I
want to say is like you can't expect everyone to
show up in every season, Like people are going through
their own season, so expecting some want to be in
every season is not a realistical thing. You know, like
(19:12):
people are gonna show up when they can show up,
and those are the people that matter because they're still
showing up even if it's not this season, right, I
mean I think, you know, I guess like this is
relevant because this whatever. But you know, going through my
pregnancy having a baby, like the people that showed up,
you know, were different than the people that might have
showed up after the baby was born, right, And I
(19:34):
love all the people.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
The same way.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
You know, people showed up when they could show up,
no matter what it was. And so I think that's
important too, is realizing that, like even though you might
want this relationship with someone, it's sometimes not always gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
And that's why it's important to know.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Is like a hermit, like what relationship you have or
what you have, and you it's up to you if
you want to create new relationships or continue to like
make that relationship bigger or strong, right, Like you have
to like find that balance almost like okay, like maybe
instead of taking twenty minutes to stare at the wall,
I'm gonna take ten minutes and then ten minutes.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
To like respond, you know, or like something too.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
It's like I know I do better at responding early
in the morning, like first thing in the morning.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I'm better at responding like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Why, but like so I make a point to say, like, Okay,
who do I need to respond to right now? Like
who do I need to text back? So it's like
another thing is like finding those things that like right
as a hermit, finding like.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Where you can respond and be that person.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
And I think we keep saying texting responding, but like
maybe that's just like I don't have that many friends
here and so just texting people we have like literally
two friends.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Sometimes though, like sending a quick text or message or
whatever is the like like that sounds sound bad, Like
the least amount of energy is sometimes when you're just
in a low energy state and you're just like you
don't have a lot of energy, and sometimes texting is
even hard hard, But I feel like that's one of
the like easiest things that you can do to like
(21:04):
just check in with someone, you know, like if I'm
think like you said, if you're thinking about a friend,
like hey, I hope everything was going great. I was
just thinking about you and just wanted to say hi.
You know, it doesn't have to be a full blown conversation.
You can just say hey, I was thinking about you,
and that would make them so happy, Like who do
who doesn't feel happy when someone's like I was just
thinking about you, like oh.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Like too, Like I feel like, okay, so I'm the
same person.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
We're Like I'll think about people from like my past,
but I can't, like I can't text them, I can't
like MATHI them, like I feel like we're like past
that like ra or like even though like I'm thinking
about them, like it's like I'm thinking about them, but
like I'm just thinking about like how thankful I was
for them, Like I can't be like, hey, it's band forever,
like how you've been Like I'm just that Arabic something
like okay, so like having this baby, like we're so
(21:51):
thankful like all the people said those gifts. But like
I had to like reach out to people that like
I never reach out to and say thank you, and
that was hard. I was like someone that just like
wants to be in their own like bubble, like having
to like reach out to my aunts and I haven't
talked to in like eight months, like you.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Know, yeah, yeah, I mean if we can all just
like agree that it takes energy to nurture relationships and
it's it's I'm not like I don't talk to you know,
people that I haven't talked to in a while. But
I just try to like hone in most of my
energy to the people that are a priority in my life.
(22:27):
And I mean that's all you can do. You can't
be the person that's always all over the place, because
then you're not taking time for yourself or like the
people that really need it, like your family or you know,
best friends or whatever. So I've really tried to make
sure that a lot of my time and effort this
year have gone into, you know, the people that like
(22:48):
either have been there for me or just you know
that you feel those good vibes with, Like, those are
the people that you want to be around. If someone
doesn't make you feel great, then that is a sign
that that's not someone that you need to be, you know,
nurturing their relationship with. Like you can still say hi
to them, still be cordial, but like, you know, just
really think about, like how does that person make me feel?
(23:09):
And if they don't make you feel amazing, then maybe
that's not the right relationship that you need to nurture.
And I wasn't sure which relationships of the years that
I needed to nurture because I felt like Ashley was
one of the only actually and like a few other
people were the only relationships I really had last year,
you know, besides my husband. And so this year I
was like, okay, like the people that I haven't talked
(23:30):
to and like really talked to you in like a year.
But I ended up, you know, making a couple of
new friends and like I joined a book club and
you know, so I feel like I've been stepping out
of my little, my little shell and making new relationships
and that's been really fun.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
So would you say, though, like making all these relationships,
you're still finding time to be your hermitself.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yes, absolutely, and like I'm really conscious of it now,
I think because I know how I felt, like after
everything that happened the other year, Like I just know
how I felt. And I don't not that you can
stop yourself from like feeling a certain way, but you can.
You you really can help yourself. And so, like I said,
I will and make sure do the walking pad because
(24:17):
that's like one place that I don't feel guilty for
taking the time because Glenn knows like it's important, like
we both agreed, is very important to work out and
so having that time or you know, working out just
here with dumbells or whatever, it's it's harder for me
to leave the house, I'd say, so I need to
make some time for that. What was the question again?
Am I still on topic? Wasn't an actual question? I
(24:42):
kind of like lost, I like, what's going A third way?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I live, asking like, do you still feel like you
have time to be like your hermit itself?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Even though yes, yes, but like so I really truly
just like love being alone. And so for me, being
a hermit is like literally being by myself, which I
don't always have that alone alone time because I have
two children and a husband he works from home part time. So,
like I said, usually if I need like alone alone time,
(25:09):
it's at night after the boys go to bed, and
Glenn sits out there and watches basketball whatever the heck
he watches, and I but I let him know I'm
not just because I used to kind of leave it
up to like as if he would just somehow know
in my brain that I needed the alone time, right
and he doesn't. There's no way he could know that,
And so then it would feel like probably I was
ignoring him because I didn't tell him, and I just
(25:31):
like get annoyed when he interrupts me, but like I
didn't tell him, And so if I'm just like, hey, tonight,
I just need to like put my headphones on, sit here,
read my book, just like have my own alone time,
you know, aside from like the walking pad, Like if
I truly need that, that's usually when I take it.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with moms. If
(25:53):
I needed to once he's done with work, go leave
the house and go to Starbucks and read from there,
or do whatever journal I don't know, go a sport
that you like, or go meet up with your girlfriends,
like please do it. Like I feel like once a
week moms should have time to either meet up with
friends or just go sit and just not have to
(26:13):
talk to anyone.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
No, I get it that it's so so like I'm
thinking about what you're saying and like so like I
don't really have like a hobby or something like I
want to do right now.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
I just being home is perfectly five of me. Like
as long as we have the house like two or
three days of the week, like I'm perfectly okay with
being home. Like I don't need to go anywhere.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
But like Matt is.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
More of a like extrovert, So he goes to the
gym like three or four days a week. Like he'll
tell me, he's like, I need to go to the
gym today. I'm going to the gym. He's also joined
a rugby team because he used to play rugby, and
so like I feel like, you know, I'm respecting, Like
that's what Matt needs to succede, right, And we still
find time for our relationship. We had like the other day,
a cute little ice cream date on the patio or balcony,
(26:56):
whatever you want to call it while the baby slept,
like you know, and that was.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Perfectly fine with me.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
But like I also communicated the other day, I was like,
we need to leave this house. Like on Sunday, I
was like, we need to leave the house, like I
need to go right, So like but like he's like,
what are we doing today? I was like, I'm home,
Like I'm not going anywhere, like right, It's and I
get that because it's finding that balance and I think
to its trial and error, like what works and what
doesn't work? Say, like you were saying, like just annoying
(27:22):
Glenn and not communicating does not work, right, But telling
Glenn like, hey, I need this time to myself works.
I think that's what's important about you know, being a
hermit and nurturing relationships is a communicating and if it's
hard to communicate, then finding like a way to say
it without saying it. Okay, it's okay, right, It's okay
(27:43):
to speak up for yourself though, and it's okay to
say and then it's also okay to say, hey, I
don't want to do something crazy today, Like I don't
want to go run a mile with you.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
I would probably just come over and watch a movie.
Is that okay? Right?
Speaker 3 (27:55):
So, like sometimes you need that other person, but you
just need to sit and do nothing with it, and
that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So I I.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Was gonna say, it's finding the balance between being a
hermit and sometimes nurturing that relationship at the same time.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, it doesn't say for moms. I mean not maybe
not just moms, could be anyone, but like with a spouse,
nurturing my marriage and like having a stronger marriage, he
is a lot more understanding of like the things that
I need and when I communicate and it's not just
like I don't know I know how to say this,
(28:31):
Like I feel like we've never had the issue of
the husband like not He's always been supportive of me,
so like I feel very lucky in that. But I
feel like some women, it's like you just want your
husband to like understand like I need this time and
to not have them make you feel guilty for whatever whatever.
And I feel like when you build that strong like
marriage that they want to understand you and they want
(28:54):
to help you, and they want to listen, they want
to be, you know, there for you to support you.
I just feel like that is really helpful.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Like I think that goes with friendships too, right, when
you have a good friendship and you are able to
love that person for who they are and respect them
for who they are. It's the same thing like Jackie said, hey,
you know, I need space, Like I'm not gonna be
like why why Why tell me why? Like I'm gonna
be like, Okay, enjoy your space. You know. It's the
same thing with your children, Like I think you know.
Something I have told Jackie before is I think, you know,
(29:23):
I admire how she tells our kids, like hey, mama,
is going in her room. I need some time. Can
you watch a movie? Can you do what you need
to do? And you know, again, you create that relationship
with your kids. You create that relationship, right, and that's
coming from someone that's a hermit. So it's all about
creating those relationships and putting your foot down saying this
is what I need.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah. I will literally say to them like, hey, buddy,
I love you, but I need some space, like if
they're on top of me, like sometimes I'm just touched out,
like I love you so much, I just need some space.
But doing that also shows them and that's probably a
whole other episode, but it shows them the boundaries that
you have for yourself and so they know that they're allowed.
Peers tell people like I need some space, Like he'll
(30:02):
say that, and I'm like, good for you, buddy, Like
have your boundaries because the more that you can communicate
what you need, the easier that it's going to be
for you to have that balance and feel and feel
the balance, you know.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
I think I think Jack, I think we hit the
nail on like how to be a hermit, but also
like having these great relationships, and again, it's all about communication.
It's all about respecting someone else. It's all about crime boundaries.
So I think I want to hear from you know,
everyone else, like what do you do as a hermit
to create those relationships still and how do you nurture them?
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Yeah, or even if you're maybe not as you know,
introverted as me and you are an extrovert, like, I
would love to hear what you do because it's everyone's
so different and it's just fun to hear you know,
what everyone needs and how you kind of make life. Yeah,
it's fun.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
You can communicate this to us in our Facebook group.
You can also comment on this on YouTube or wherever
you're listening to it. Like it, so we know you
like it, so we know like this is something that
it relates to. So maybe we can go back and
tap into this later in the future. And we're here
every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
With these episodes.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
So we love you all and we're so say that
you're part of our conversations and just know you're not
alone and it's okay. I for you're a hermit, and
it's okay if you're not.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Have a good dame bye.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Thanks for spending time with us today and being part
of our hermit having community.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
We hope you enjoyed our cozy chat and are inspired
to embrace your inner hermit.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
Remember, even in the quiet moments, you're never alone on
this journey, because we are truly all in this together.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
So until next time, stay cozy, stay true to yourself,
and keep spreading.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Love wherever you go. Bye for now, We'll see you
next time.
Hey there, Welcome to herm and Aven. I'm Ashley and
I'm Jackie.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We're so excited to in bite you into our safe space.
Hermit Haven is like a cozy little hideout where we
celebrate being confident in ourselves as we find happiness in
quiet moments.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
So got your favorite blanket and your favorite drink and
let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome back to hermit Haven. I'm Jackie.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hi, I'm Ashley. Excited to have you. This week.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
We're gonna be chatting about signing the balance and navigating
being a hermit and nurturing relationships. And I think this
is like an awesome topic because that's kind of like
our name obviously, hermit Haven. That's kind of like how
this all started, is like us being a herman and
be like, oh hey, like it's been like five days,
so sorry, I'm back.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I'm always like I know I was Mia, but I'm back.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Hi. Literally us the last like four days we've been
playing like texting tag, like I'll send you a message
and then I'll be like a day later, she'll send
me a message, and then a day later I sent
a message.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Well between like life being busy because I've you know,
I think it's just I've been more present this year,
like in my family life, which we were. It's part
of my vision for the year, one of my goals
for the year. But anyway, like being kind of more
present and then also being someone that needs like quiet
alone time where I'm literally not talking to anyone. It
(01:22):
just like I just sometimes go at my a like
that's just what happened.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yes, I get it, because like I feel like like
we went out yesterday, we had like a great time.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
We went like our friends, we went out, we had
a great time.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I was like I came home and I was just like,
I mean, like tenmens to myself, like.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Like you'll be a hermit, Like yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
This is actually a really good conversation too for like
moms going into the summer because our kids, if we
had kids that were in school, you know, even though
Pierce has been like half day four days a week,
but still like that gives me some time to myself.
And so now going into the summer where I'm not
going to have that like dedicated time to myself, I'm
(02:01):
then I have to plan it or ask for it. Uh,
that kind of goes I feel like with this, yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Like it's like also like I'm in that season where
like my baby needs something like every couple hours. So
like I sometimes just like, even though pumping is like
the most like mentally like saddest thing, sometimes it's like, Okay,
I'm just gonna go watch a Disney movie or like
I'll put in my corrible pumps and I'll just scrol
and I'm like, this is my time to myself, Like
(02:31):
don't interrupt me.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah, I mean I feel like, uh, that's gonna be
like some of the things that we talk about, but
somebody we can just jump there just because we like
to just like jump in. But I feel like, as
a mom finding for me anyway, I want to speak
to everyone. I have a lot of mom guilt. I'm
trying to get over. I've been trying to get over
it since Gavin's and born and he's nine. But I
(02:54):
feel guilty taking time for myself. And so when I
have things like that, like when I used to pump,
like I couldn't hump and hold a child most of
the time anyway, so that was like my time. So like, oh,
I'm going to pump, and then I would mentally not
feel as guilty for just like taking time for myself.
So I've now that I don't obviously don't have a
little small child that I'm pumping for, but like I
try to find things like that where I'm like, okay,
(03:18):
I'm doing this so I don't feel as guilty taking
this time. One of them is the walking pad, which
some people don't know what a walking pad is. It
is like a treadmill, but just like the bottom part.
I keep I keep saying walking pad to people and
they're like, what the walking pad? And I don't know.
I guess because I see it all over the internet.
I'm like, oo mean, but I'll have my walking pad
(03:38):
and then I set up my tripod and I'll have
my kindle on the tripod and so I'm reading while
I'm walking and I don't know. I guess because Lenn
and I are like right now both in like this
workout mode, like we're both really into like physically working
our bodies out. I don't feel guilty when I'm on
there where if I just sat in this chair over
(04:01):
here and read, I'd be like, oh, did the kids
need something? Or feel bad because Len had to go,
you know, take care of his own children, like not
that he makes me feel bad. He doesn't, just like
in my own head, you know what I mean. And
so yeah, I'm just trying to not feel guilty and
take those times where feel less guilty. I should not
(04:24):
feel guilty for any of it.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
But no, and I think, like you know, it's like
bringing up like a good point, Like it's not just
nurturing like your friendships. It's not just like nurturing like that.
It's also nurturing your relationships with your children and your
your spouse, Like that's part of like how do you
find that balance between being a hermit, which is like
I would say the definition of being a hermit is
like needing your own alone time, like need to just
(04:48):
like be by yourself, Like that is what a hermit means,
is just having you know, and I think you know too,
is like you're saying, like, you know, how do I
not feel guilty being a hermit?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But that's just completely natural?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Well, right, so how can you be a hermit and
still have these amazing relationships and still make time for yourself?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yeah? I think And a lot of it is communication
and everything comes down to communication. But you know, communicating
like with Blunn like last night, I was like, I
need like date night after the kids go to bed,
so like after the kids go to bed, like you
and me time, you know, like letting him know, like
I need that time for us, or hey tonight, like
I just need to sit and read M kindle, Like
(05:27):
I just I just need to sit and just zone out,
maybe put my headphones in. Usually he knows if I
have my headphones in. Like he doesn't obviously try to
talk to me, but actually averted very extroverted, so he
likes to talk to me all the time. And I
love talking to him, and that is one of the
relationships that I'm having a balance with this year, which
obviously it should he's my husband. But I just think
(05:50):
after everything that happened in twenty twenty three and then
last year was like my healing year, I'm really trying
this year. Like I said, it was on my vision
board to be better about connecting with people. And it
takes more energy out of me to connect with people.
I mean, I guess it does. I don't know does
it for everyone, Like does it for an extrovert or
(06:11):
does it give them energy to connect with people? Because
I always thought like extroverts get energy from that connection.
Is that true? I think So.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I'm both like I'm an introvert and extrovert, so like
i love going out and be with people, but then
like I'm ready to go home and like be in
my blanket and like so like I do get energy
like when I'm talking to people, but then like it
becomes too much and I'm like, I gotta go, honey,
like this is over.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, it takes a lot of Sometimes it takes a
lot of energy just to text someone back. Like that
just sounds silly saying it out loud, but this is
like a non judgmental space. And that's why sometimes I
just don't text people back because I'm just like I
see it and I'm like I have to think of
my response, and then I'm overthinking. That's probably most of it.
I'm overthinking my response, and then I'm just tired.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I did this to the other day though I was
voicing you.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I was like in the car about to go babysit,
and I was like, hey, so sorry, Like it just
so much was happening today, Like I just didn't have
the mental capacity.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
To even respond.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
And I get it because it's like I don't know
like I feel like when there's so much going on,
you're like, as much as I love you and I
want to respond and I read your message, I just
like haven't gone there. Even like our friends that we
saw yesterday, me and Matt literally all week we're like, we're.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Gonna message them, We're gonna message them.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
I think I wrote like five messages in my head,
never even put those on paper because it's just so
like I'm just.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Like living my own life, doing my own thing.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Like it's not that I don't love these people, it's
just that like I don't have the mental capacity sometimes
till I come out of it. It's the same thing
like I feel like being in content, like trying to
create content, I'm like, I don't have the mental capacity,
Like I need help.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I need helps and help.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yes, I agree. I think something that was really helped
me because I know when I was, you know, last year,
and I was just like sad a lot. I was
very I had work I knew I needed to work on,
like my self validation. I promised this like all comes
full circle that I knew I needed to work on
my self validation because I was leaning on certain friends
(08:11):
in Glenn for and nothing wrong with leaning on someone,
like I needed my people in that moment for the support.
But then there came a point where I was like,
if someone didn't text me back within a certain which
coming from me, this is going to sound silly. If
someone didn't text me back in a certain time frame,
I was like, Oh, they just they just don't want
to hear about my sadness anymore. They just don't want
(08:31):
to talk to me anymore. And like they did, they
just are living their life and they can't. And I'm
the person that doesn't text someone back with for like days.
So I just knew that I needed to work on that,
like self validation, because if I'm expecting someone to text
me back within a very short time frame, like I
(08:53):
just feel like you can, I guess have whatever expectations
you want, but that's just not really realistic because they're
living their own life. Like if I needed someone right away,
then like maybe I need to call them. But I
feel like some people expect you to text back like
right away, And I don't know if that's just because
that's what they do, or if that's like a dependency
(09:16):
thing or what. But I wanted to make sure that
I was like had my own confidence, Like I can
sell falidate. When I say cell foundation, I mean like,
if something exciting happens, I don't necessarily need to run
to everyone and let them know about it. I can
like add a girl myself, like it's it's great to
tell people. But you know what I mean, like not
(09:37):
feel like I need Ashley to be like, oh, good
job in order for me to think good job about myself,
Like that's what I mean. And I just feel like
by working on all of that, I've come to a
point where now I can like, well, obviously, I don't
expect anyone to like answer me back right away, even
though like that's what I was expecting this time last
year or like earlier last year. But also I feel
(09:58):
like I now I can have that balance because I
can take time for myself and then also be able
to be like, Okay, who do I need to give
it to? Like who are my people that I need
to make sure that I am like loving on and supporting,
like who's it's worthy in my life? But like who
are the priority in my life?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Right?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
And like no, I don't know. I feel like a
lot of the work it did last year has put
me in a place now where I can make more connection.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, I got it.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I so I'm going to like add on or like
continue what you're saying. But like, I feel like I
used to be that person where like I was like,
I need your respond, like I don't understand why you're
not responding. And I think it took work in myself
being like, well I don't always want to respond. Why
do they have to respond? So I think, you know,
I used to be like that. And then we've talked
about this a few times probably, but I had a
(10:50):
friend that I asked for space for and they can
continue to text me and continue to text me, and
I was like, I need space though, like I can't,
like I just need space, like and they're like and
they ended up our friendship because I wouldn't like text
them back, and I was like, but.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I need space. So I think it like you have,
like you said, you have.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
To communicate, and you have to realize that like what
you expect from someone is not maybe what they're gonna do,
like this is who they are, and they might need
space also and they might just not be able to
communicate that right, And so I think it goes you know.
I feel like everything we talk about is you have
to work on yourself to understand people around you. So
(11:30):
like in this conversation, right, we're talking about being a
hermit but still having these like great relationships, but like,
first you have to understand.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You are a hermit.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
You what you need as a hermit right to succede,
and what you need is might be different than what
I need as a hermit to succede, right, And then
being open that maybe someone else has whatever they need
and not judging and not putting them in this place
where they feel like I have to now do something
I don't want to do because you're not respecting my
boundary of what I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, absolutely a lot. I mean a lot of it
is just your own work. And because I started communicating,
I don't think what happened forced me to communicate. I
just felt like I needed to start communicating what I needed,
and which you know, it started the started the nurturing relationships,
I suppose. But because I was able to like do that,
(12:23):
I feel like it helped me get what I needed.
I like you're saying I needed time to myself. I
needed whatever I needed. I needed to ask for it
and I just have a really hard time asking for
why I still do. But I'm getting better. But yeah,
(12:44):
and at the beginning of the year, one of the
little vision things on my vision board is like I
don't get still on here here. I think it was
like girls cheersing. It was like a like a shadow
basically of like girls cheers ing whatever. And because I
was like, Okay, I need it, I need to step out,
like I feel like last year I barely talked to
people like they need to step out, And so originally
(13:08):
I thought that I was going to be nurturing like
current relationships with people already knew or like girlfriends like
things like that. And I've honestly done a lot of
nurturing my marriage this year. And I didn't really like
we have a great marriage, but I just last year
I kind of neglected everyone, like everyone sometimes even neglected myself.
(13:31):
And so by putting that time into myself, now I'm
like able to just be more confident with Glen, like
talking to him, being open with him, like I don't know,
it's just changed a lot of our dynamic. I've made
new friendships this year go media like yeah, so it
(13:52):
really it really is a balance I don't think there's
a perfect balance. Like you said, you have to know
what you need and be able to take that time.
I think it's really hard, specifically for moms or people
that feel like I guess if you're not a mom,
but maybe you're someone that works all the time. It's
hard to step away because you always want to be,
(14:15):
you know, saying yes, especially you know, like keep a pleaser,
like you always want to be saying yes to helping friends,
helping your work, whatever, helping your family, and but you
have to be able to step away or know what
you need and communicate it. So like even if I'm
having like a i'm overstimulated day and it's five o'clock
(14:37):
and I can just be like, gone, I'm gonna go
take like thirty minutes in the room. And sometimes that's
all it takes is me sitting here for thirty minutes.
Maybe I'm gonna read, maybe I'm just gonna stare at
the wall, maybe I'm gonna do whatever I'm going to do.
But like being able to know that is huge because
in order to have that balance, you can't just be
(14:59):
trying to keep the relationships and everyone happy, like you
are a huge part in that and keeping you're happy.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
I think something you were saying and I want to
like comment because I comment on the I say this
every single podcast. But you were in a season where
you didn't even know what you needed, right. You were
in a season where you need it your alone time,
but you also needed others, but you didn't even know that.
And that's okay too, Right. We all go through seasons.
I will say this every single episode because it relates
(15:28):
to every single episode there is season. So in this season, right,
I'm so focused on raising a little newborn that as
much as like I want to text back and respond
or reach out to people, like I don't have that
mental capacity. So like people reach out to me, it
might take four days, but thank you, I appreciate it.
(15:48):
Do you know, Like I was so excited having people
texted me and like I didn't ask for this, I
didn't need this, but so many people texted me happy.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
For his Mother's Day.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
And it was like those people, Yeah, no, it was
super saying. I loved it, right, And it was though
people reaching out to me to nurture our relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Sometimes you can't always be the person nurturing in the relationships.
Sometimes you need those people to respond to you, and
now those are the people you want in your circle,
Those are the people that you need in your friendship.
So when you were going through this season last year,
it was the people that reached out to you as
people that were just like, hey, how are you? But
they were like, you know, are you know? Are you
doing this? Like how's your summer?
Speaker 1 (16:23):
You know?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
It's really those small little details, right. So I think,
you know, when we're talking about nurture relationships, we're talking
about paying attention to a small little details, asking those questions. Right.
And I think something too is I always say like,
if you're thinking about someone, then.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Text them, call them, say hello to them.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
That is your Brian being like hey Ashley or hey Jackie,
like I haven't talked to this person in a while,
or if you know, it's been two days whatever, it is, right?
And I think too, like sometimes you have to explain
to people, Hey, I'm not responding because x y Z wait.
I love my aunt. We talked about this all the time.
I love my aunt so much, but it sometimes takes
(17:03):
me five to ten business days. And she's asked me before,
like why does it take so long to text back
and I'm like, I'm so sorry, like.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Life my life.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, like she.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Texted me like five days ago, I want to say,
And I remember today that she texted me because I
was looking at pictures of my son, which I probably
do every day, even though he's sitting right in front
of me, I'm always looking at pictures of him. And
I was like, oh, my aunt asked me for pictures
five days ago. Like we still have a great relationship.
(17:33):
It is what it is like that she's learned to
love me the way I am. And I think that's
the thing too, is when you have thereat relationships, you
don't need to worry about what that person's thinking about,
You don't need to worry that person's judging you, You don't
need to worry about those things because that person loves
you for the way you are.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, when you're just like in the thick of life,
when you're having an incredible life, Like sometimes an incredible
life is harder or easier, but when you're at present
in your life, like you're just the days just fly
by and the moments fly by, and then you're like,
oh my gosh, it's been three days and having texts
went back and like even though in my head, I'm like, oh,
I feel so bad, But also if you really think
(18:11):
about it, like it's because life has been good, like
life has been amazing and so therefore I just or
sometimes life isn't as amazing and you just need that
time to It could go either way, but in this
season for me, like sometimes life is just going so
well that I I just don't pick up my phone.
And you know, back when we were little that you
(18:33):
even have phones, you couldn't just expect a text from
someone that fast, Like not everything was super fast. You
had to call someone or whatever. Like I don't know,
sometimes just being present and letting things be slower can
be a good thing.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Yeah, Livy, in whatever season of life you're in, if
it's a slow season or a fast season, like just
really like loving that season and loving the who's in
that season with you. I think too, something like I
want to say is like you can't expect everyone to
show up in every season, Like people are going through
their own season, so expecting some want to be in
every season is not a realistical thing. You know, like
(19:12):
people are gonna show up when they can show up,
and those are the people that matter because they're still
showing up even if it's not this season, right, I
mean I think, you know, I guess like this is
relevant because this whatever. But you know, going through my
pregnancy having a baby, like the people that showed up,
you know, were different than the people that might have
showed up after the baby was born, right, And I
(19:34):
love all the people.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
The same way.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
You know, people showed up when they could show up,
no matter what it was. And so I think that's
important too, is realizing that, like even though you might
want this relationship with someone, it's sometimes not always gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
And that's why it's important to know.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Is like a hermit, like what relationship you have or
what you have, and you it's up to you if
you want to create new relationships or continue to like
make that relationship bigger or strong, right, Like you have
to like find that balance almost like okay, like maybe
instead of taking twenty minutes to stare at the wall,
I'm gonna take ten minutes and then ten minutes.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
To like respond, you know, or like something too.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
It's like I know I do better at responding early
in the morning, like first thing in the morning.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I'm better at responding like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Why, but like so I make a point to say, like, Okay,
who do I need to respond to right now? Like
who do I need to text back? So it's like
another thing is like finding those things that like right
as a hermit, finding like.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Where you can respond and be that person.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
And I think we keep saying texting responding, but like
maybe that's just like I don't have that many friends
here and so just texting people we have like literally
two friends.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Sometimes though, like sending a quick text or message or
whatever is the like like that sounds sound bad, Like
the least amount of energy is sometimes when you're just
in a low energy state and you're just like you
don't have a lot of energy, and sometimes texting is
even hard hard, But I feel like that's one of
the like easiest things that you can do to like
(21:04):
just check in with someone, you know, like if I'm
think like you said, if you're thinking about a friend,
like hey, I hope everything was going great. I was
just thinking about you and just wanted to say hi.
You know, it doesn't have to be a full blown conversation.
You can just say hey, I was thinking about you,
and that would make them so happy, Like who do
who doesn't feel happy when someone's like I was just
thinking about you, like oh.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Like too, Like I feel like, okay, so I'm the
same person.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
We're Like I'll think about people from like my past,
but I can't, like I can't text them, I can't
like MATHI them, like I feel like we're like past
that like ra or like even though like I'm thinking
about them, like it's like I'm thinking about them, but
like I'm just thinking about like how thankful I was
for them, Like I can't be like, hey, it's band forever,
like how you've been Like I'm just that Arabic something
like okay, so like having this baby, like we're so
(21:51):
thankful like all the people said those gifts. But like
I had to like reach out to people that like
I never reach out to and say thank you, and
that was hard. I was like someone that just like
wants to be in their own like bubble, like having
to like reach out to my aunts and I haven't
talked to in like eight months, like you.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Know, yeah, yeah, I mean if we can all just
like agree that it takes energy to nurture relationships and
it's it's I'm not like I don't talk to you know,
people that I haven't talked to in a while. But
I just try to like hone in most of my
energy to the people that are a priority in my life.
(22:27):
And I mean that's all you can do. You can't
be the person that's always all over the place, because
then you're not taking time for yourself or like the
people that really need it, like your family or you know,
best friends or whatever. So I've really tried to make
sure that a lot of my time and effort this
year have gone into, you know, the people that like
(22:48):
either have been there for me or just you know
that you feel those good vibes with, Like, those are
the people that you want to be around. If someone
doesn't make you feel great, then that is a sign
that that's not someone that you need to be, you know,
nurturing their relationship with. Like you can still say hi
to them, still be cordial, but like, you know, just
really think about, like how does that person make me feel?
(23:09):
And if they don't make you feel amazing, then maybe
that's not the right relationship that you need to nurture.
And I wasn't sure which relationships of the years that
I needed to nurture because I felt like Ashley was
one of the only actually and like a few other
people were the only relationships I really had last year,
you know, besides my husband. And so this year I
was like, okay, like the people that I haven't talked
(23:30):
to and like really talked to you in like a year.
But I ended up, you know, making a couple of
new friends and like I joined a book club and
you know, so I feel like I've been stepping out
of my little, my little shell and making new relationships
and that's been really fun.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
So would you say, though, like making all these relationships,
you're still finding time to be your hermitself.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yes, absolutely, and like I'm really conscious of it now,
I think because I know how I felt, like after
everything that happened the other year, Like I just know
how I felt. And I don't not that you can
stop yourself from like feeling a certain way, but you can.
You you really can help yourself. And so, like I said,
I will and make sure do the walking pad because
(24:17):
that's like one place that I don't feel guilty for
taking the time because Glenn knows like it's important, like
we both agreed, is very important to work out and
so having that time or you know, working out just
here with dumbells or whatever, it's it's harder for me
to leave the house, I'd say, so I need to
make some time for that. What was the question again?
Am I still on topic? Wasn't an actual question? I
(24:42):
kind of like lost, I like, what's going A third way?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I live, asking like, do you still feel like you
have time to be like your hermit itself?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Even though yes, yes, but like so I really truly
just like love being alone. And so for me, being
a hermit is like literally being by myself, which I
don't always have that alone alone time because I have
two children and a husband he works from home part time. So,
like I said, usually if I need like alone alone time,
(25:09):
it's at night after the boys go to bed, and
Glenn sits out there and watches basketball whatever the heck
he watches, and I but I let him know I'm
not just because I used to kind of leave it
up to like as if he would just somehow know
in my brain that I needed the alone time, right
and he doesn't. There's no way he could know that,
And so then it would feel like probably I was
ignoring him because I didn't tell him, and I just
(25:31):
like get annoyed when he interrupts me, but like I
didn't tell him, And so if I'm just like, hey, tonight,
I just need to like put my headphones on, sit here,
read my book, just like have my own alone time,
you know, aside from like the walking pad, Like if
I truly need that, that's usually when I take it.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with moms. If
(25:53):
I needed to once he's done with work, go leave
the house and go to Starbucks and read from there,
or do whatever journal I don't know, go a sport
that you like, or go meet up with your girlfriends,
like please do it. Like I feel like once a
week moms should have time to either meet up with
friends or just go sit and just not have to
(26:13):
talk to anyone.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
No, I get it that it's so so like I'm
thinking about what you're saying and like so like I
don't really have like a hobby or something like I
want to do right now.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
I just being home is perfectly five of me. Like
as long as we have the house like two or
three days of the week, like I'm perfectly okay with
being home. Like I don't need to go anywhere.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
But like Matt is.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
More of a like extrovert, So he goes to the
gym like three or four days a week. Like he'll
tell me, he's like, I need to go to the
gym today. I'm going to the gym. He's also joined
a rugby team because he used to play rugby, and
so like I feel like, you know, I'm respecting, Like
that's what Matt needs to succede, right, And we still
find time for our relationship. We had like the other day,
a cute little ice cream date on the patio or balcony,
(26:56):
whatever you want to call it while the baby slept,
like you know, and that was.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Perfectly fine with me.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
But like I also communicated the other day, I was like,
we need to leave this house. Like on Sunday, I
was like, we need to leave the house, like I
need to go right, So like but like he's like,
what are we doing today? I was like, I'm home,
Like I'm not going anywhere, like right, It's and I
get that because it's finding that balance and I think
to its trial and error, like what works and what
doesn't work? Say, like you were saying, like just annoying
(27:22):
Glenn and not communicating does not work, right, But telling
Glenn like, hey, I need this time to myself works.
I think that's what's important about you know, being a
hermit and nurturing relationships is a communicating and if it's
hard to communicate, then finding like a way to say
it without saying it. Okay, it's okay, right, It's okay
(27:43):
to speak up for yourself though, and it's okay to
say and then it's also okay to say, hey, I
don't want to do something crazy today, Like I don't
want to go run a mile with you.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
I would probably just come over and watch a movie.
Is that okay? Right?
Speaker 3 (27:55):
So, like sometimes you need that other person, but you
just need to sit and do nothing with it, and
that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So I I.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Was gonna say, it's finding the balance between being a
hermit and sometimes nurturing that relationship at the same time.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, it doesn't say for moms. I mean not maybe
not just moms, could be anyone, but like with a spouse,
nurturing my marriage and like having a stronger marriage, he
is a lot more understanding of like the things that
I need and when I communicate and it's not just
like I don't know I know how to say this,
(28:31):
Like I feel like we've never had the issue of
the husband like not He's always been supportive of me,
so like I feel very lucky in that. But I
feel like some women, it's like you just want your
husband to like understand like I need this time and
to not have them make you feel guilty for whatever whatever.
And I feel like when you build that strong like
marriage that they want to understand you and they want
(28:54):
to help you, and they want to listen, they want
to be, you know, there for you to support you.
I just feel like that is really helpful.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Like I think that goes with friendships too, right, when
you have a good friendship and you are able to
love that person for who they are and respect them
for who they are. It's the same thing like Jackie said, hey,
you know, I need space, Like I'm not gonna be
like why why Why tell me why? Like I'm gonna
be like, Okay, enjoy your space. You know. It's the
same thing with your children, Like I think you know.
Something I have told Jackie before is I think, you know,
(29:23):
I admire how she tells our kids, like hey, mama,
is going in her room. I need some time. Can
you watch a movie? Can you do what you need
to do? And you know, again, you create that relationship
with your kids. You create that relationship, right, and that's
coming from someone that's a hermit. So it's all about
creating those relationships and putting your foot down saying this
is what I need.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah. I will literally say to them like, hey, buddy,
I love you, but I need some space, like if
they're on top of me, like sometimes I'm just touched out,
like I love you so much, I just need some space.
But doing that also shows them and that's probably a
whole other episode, but it shows them the boundaries that
you have for yourself and so they know that they're allowed.
Peers tell people like I need some space, Like he'll
(30:02):
say that, and I'm like, good for you, buddy, Like
have your boundaries because the more that you can communicate
what you need, the easier that it's going to be
for you to have that balance and feel and feel
the balance, you know.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
I think I think Jack, I think we hit the
nail on like how to be a hermit, but also
like having these great relationships, and again, it's all about communication.
It's all about respecting someone else. It's all about crime boundaries.
So I think I want to hear from you know,
everyone else, like what do you do as a hermit
to create those relationships still and how do you nurture them?
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Yeah, or even if you're maybe not as you know,
introverted as me and you are an extrovert, like, I
would love to hear what you do because it's everyone's
so different and it's just fun to hear you know,
what everyone needs and how you kind of make life. Yeah,
it's fun.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
You can communicate this to us in our Facebook group.
You can also comment on this on YouTube or wherever
you're listening to it. Like it, so we know you
like it, so we know like this is something that
it relates to. So maybe we can go back and
tap into this later in the future. And we're here
every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
With these episodes.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
So we love you all and we're so say that
you're part of our conversations and just know you're not
alone and it's okay. I for you're a hermit, and
it's okay if you're not.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Have a good dame bye.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Thanks for spending time with us today and being part
of our hermit having community.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
We hope you enjoyed our cozy chat and are inspired
to embrace your inner hermit.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
Remember, even in the quiet moments, you're never alone on
this journey, because we are truly all in this together.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
So until next time, stay cozy, stay true to yourself,
and keep spreading.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Love wherever you go. Bye for now, We'll see you
next time.
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