EP 79 - The Colonization of Hawaii - History for Foos

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Ducts tactric datis doctor doctric doctric tractric doctors truct doctor
structor tact the dactress tact tactress tacts.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Up song Where Oh World, rainbow way.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
Illohai everybody, Aloha alohawaka, what's up everybody?

Speaker 4 (01:12):
Alo heloh?

Speaker 3 (01:14):
I heard with my my my brother, my brother right here,
my brother, but who likes to suck a dicky all
the time, and over there in waiki kiki. Yeah, he
was at the bar at one time. I'll talk about
her to a bar hon alulu brother, brother, it was
all les, but it was called the no like a dicky.

(01:35):
Wa ho Helloha.

Speaker 4 (01:40):
Welcome brother, brother.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
There's too many homeless people in Hawaii, okay, brother, Enough
about the Portuguese.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
Brother. Helloha, loh everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
This is history of the first white man to show
up up and Haaii Haveaii, Haaii Hawaii. You've probably been
on vacation man and never left the shera tan he
never ventured out there.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
That's so close to the reality though.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
That's the thing is. It's really hey. But you know what, bro,
I've never stood at the resort. But next time I go,
if I go, like just me and my lady or
I think if I ever were to go the resort,
it'll probably be when I'm sixty nine or seventy years old.

Speaker 4 (02:35):
But not now.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
Now I've got to pick a five with somebody over there. Bro,
have a real story, right, yeah, helloha, man, there's a
show right now. If you want to watch it, We're
not promoting it, but if you want to look it up, man,
look it up.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
Yeah, it's a great show. Actually, I was actually really
satisfied with it.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yeah, man, they have real Hawaiians.

Speaker 4 (02:59):
What is it called the gun Chief of the Sun,
Chief of war, Chief of war. Yeah, that's how that's
how much I Yeah, hey man, I read a lot
up on this after I did the research.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
For like the Danny Treyhill of Polynesian Actors. Huh kind
of is because because like he's played every hardcore Polynesian
thing like Aquaman. Alright, Aquman with a white guy, bud
you know what they threw men.

Speaker 4 (03:25):
Well, that's the thing is they switched Aquaman to you know,
like more fitting Polynesian guy who swims around. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
When because the original Aquaman was based on on a
British soldier that was drowned by a by a Fiji warrior.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
That uh yeah, no, I like that new Aquaman.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
That I thought that Aquaman was pointless, like pointless character
bro like oh and overall overall, like especially when they
were to go fight people in other countries, right, he
would have to be writing bitch next to wonder woman
have a car, which is weird, swim over motherfucker.

Speaker 4 (04:11):
Right, That's I always wondered that, Like why is he
writing he's a fucking he's Aquaman. He could be anywhere
in the ocean, like did the navy, I mean, in
any part of history the most conquering people who were
naval people. Why the fuck wasn't Aquaman like the strongest character.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Oh yeah in Hakman villain, wasn't a pirate bro?

Speaker 4 (04:32):
That's right?

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Like it should be like like a mean pirate bro, right,
like a mean ass pirate like the Pirate of the Caribbean. Yeah,
HELLOHI everybody. Aloha walko to history for food, Aloha waki lucky.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
Houka.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Hawaiian is like a language that you can you can
miss it up and you might be saying something that's meaningful.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
It really is. That's the thing is like, uh uh,
there's a lot of stuff where I was like, oh,
that's actual words, because like you think cohuna, right, is
like because whenever whenever they over whenever Anglo people over
use Spanish, it becomes the incorrect use of it in
almost every language. You know. But like, uh, I thought

(05:15):
cohuna was something that we made up for, like Hawaiian punch,
but is actually grandfather right? So did you see in
Grandfather kahuna is like an overseer. So the lady that
was watching them have sex in the TV show that
was a kahuna.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
But in.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
Watching the people have sex, Okay. So in the TV
show Chief of War, there's a part where Kamehameha has
sex with Uh, his wife, his first wife that he has,
and they watched there's a person sitting there watching them
have sex.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (05:52):
And because it's a it's a spiritual ritual and those
are called kahunas. But that's not all they do. They
give advice. They give spiritual war advice and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
I wishould have known that, bro, when I was little.
You're peeping tom. No, Bro, it's a spiritual you don't
see my you don't see my lane.

Speaker 4 (06:11):
I'm a cahula, bro, Keep just don't worry about me.
I'm a cohuna.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Do you think I'm not wearing pants? Bro? I told
you a part of the ritual.

Speaker 4 (06:23):
Cheat to me a little bit though I can't see
her her body parts.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
The wonder Bro. I did the Hawaiian Girl one time, Bro,
and I was like, weird, Bro, like your mom watching us. Yeah,
she's a little she's a little.

Speaker 4 (06:43):
Well actually in this scene, it's a it's a lady,
old lady sitting in there while he's he's having sex
with her, but there's a whole crowd of people around
the tent watching the like shadows have sex from the
from the tent because it was I mean, you know, just.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
Hawaiian box office. Did you finish the whole book?

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Uh? No?

Speaker 4 (07:11):
I got halfway through because I knew that we were
only going to cover Yeah, I got it. So I
got up to there's this part of Hawaiian history called
the Great Mahle and we could do a part two
if you guys would like or whatever, the Great ma Hale,
which is where that's when they.

Speaker 3 (07:28):
That's funny you say that because Jamore Whiskey is called Melee,
is it really? And I thought when it was called melee,
and I thought it was after like a fight, like
there was a melee, right, that might.

Speaker 4 (07:40):
Have been it, but because Hale is it's not so
great for Hawaiians. It's when Americans take up four fifths
of their property and start to That's funny.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
I called mathematia Hawaii. They were calling me Melahallow. That
was like what they calling me Melahallow. I wanted to
just be called who caught me?

Speaker 4 (08:04):
Bro? Yeah? My nickname was Mela Hallow. This is coming
full circle.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah. They told me about old hands. You should be carving.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
You're a big stroking You're a bighna out there carving tikis.
Use those risks for good, not so much for evil.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
Yeah, man, yeah what I I went over the stuff
you gave me and I went into especially yesterday, Man,
I went a rabbit hole, bro, Like, I went like
three hours non stop on Hawaiian history. Yes, it's so
that I fell asleep. And I can still hear that

(08:54):
lady talking a little a little red dress. She was
talking about the battles of of the Eye Islands. Okay,
and that didn't And then I laughed because they wanted
to name the islands the Duke of Earl Sandwiches.

Speaker 4 (09:10):
Yeah, I didn't know that the it was named after
the Earl of Sandwich.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
Earl of Sandwich. Yes, I didn't even know that Sandwich
was actually a person.

Speaker 4 (09:20):
At one time. Yes. Yeah. And he invented this sandwich
pitcher for fools. Yeah, there's a little piece right there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
So he invented the sandwich because he wanted up put
the islands together.

Speaker 4 (09:33):
Well, uh no, you made that up because he didn't
even know about the islands. He I think he passed away.
Captain Cook is who discovered the Hawaiian Islands before the
Hawaiians discovered the Hawaiian Islands. It's so weird when we
are like this guy. So they were not battling before
Captain Cook showed up. They were already almost established before

(09:56):
Captain Cook showed up.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
But he said the islands. They didn't know about the
other the other islands before.

Speaker 4 (10:02):
So here's the thing that we could start. And this
is a perfect way to start out.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
Because I read this like before I went deep bro
way back, way back, bro to fucking eleven hundred ninety eight.

Speaker 4 (10:15):
So you're talking about Polynesians, Tahitians maybe, and.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
They said those motherfuckers because there's like three different stories
yeah about them, but there's the one I read and
the one I remember the most was that they actually
migrated all the way to South America and from Taiwan.
From Taiwan, they made it all the way to South

(10:42):
America and even know up to Alaska. But they kept
and this is a trip that they kept doing forever
when they were trading back and forth back and forth.
But then after a while, like you said we're talking
about earlier, there was a moment where they stopped moving.

(11:03):
They stopped moving around, right, they just stood there.

Speaker 4 (11:05):
So Polynesian people started out in what we assume is
either Tahiti and some some there's some theories that it
started out in South America as well ended up there. Well,
if they did end up there's and they will go
back and forth, back and forth. But there is some
theories that that they came that they came from there

(11:25):
to there, But the strongest is that they came from
Tahiti to the Philippines, and then from the Philippines they
went to uh Papua New Guinea and are not Papua
New Guinea. I can't remember what island that is where
all the Madagascar, okay, and so so what they're doing
is and this is dude, this is amazing because like

(11:48):
when we talk about like uh, European navigators and European
people in boats like uh, you know, like the Spanish
and the conquerors and stuff, they would find an island
like a chain of islands, the Marshall Islands, and it
would take them ten years to go back and find
it again, even though they navigated and they wrote it
down because they were not precise in how they navigated. However,

(12:10):
the Polynesians, and this is important going forward because these
motherfuckers but at some point knew exactly how to get
to each island. And not only were they getting to
each island, they were like, Okay, we're gonna bring a
village full of people on two boats and set them
off in this island, and then you guys make an island,

(12:31):
have babies. Then they go to another island, bring more people.
And then because some of the islands didn't have certain
plants or food they needed, they would go bring it
from Tahiti. And so that's the thing is like the
Hawaiian Islands is almost all introduced species of plants and
animals because of the Tahitians bringing things in. And what

(12:51):
you had was you had two different types of people.
Who had the inland people which were the Polynesians right,
which were like and then you have these people from
Tahiti that were pulling up and chilling on the outside
of the beach. And there's another thing, man is, they
weren't like other tribes where they would fight with each other.
They were like, hey, what's up. You guys are inlanders,
we're outlanders. We should trade things together. And then so

(13:14):
that started a lot of populations and islands, and like
you said earlier, it held at some point and they
were like, this is just how we are. And then
now you have islands that are settled on by people,
and then now we start the tribal wars. But even then, man,
and this is the thing is, you know, as the
Native Americans are out there still trying to figure out

(13:35):
their lands and they're having tribal wars, these guys know
what their lands are. And as they as they take
over a whole island, they establish a government. And that's
the thing, man is. That's what makes the Hawaiians kind
of different here, is that you know, they had a
government that like at some point, you know, we'll get
to it. Kamehamea started a government after he combined all

(13:58):
the islands and brought them together. He formed a government
like a working government.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
The government is similar to a Native American thumb. Yes,
because but the Native American have a chief and they
were a warriors also have a chief in charge of
all the warriors. Yes, and they have a medicine man
who probably does like though like the cohuna the old school, right,
and pretty much the medicine man knows pretty much is

(14:24):
the history.

Speaker 4 (14:25):
Yes, yes, he knows.

Speaker 3 (14:27):
He knows if a white man showed up fifty years ago, right,
and so this is and he lays that to the
next guy.

Speaker 4 (14:33):
This is the Other thing that makes the Polynesians so
amazing is that they were already participating in eugenics, like
before the Nazis were they were like really yes, because.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
Because they never talked about the natives, never did that.

Speaker 4 (14:47):
So no, because and I don't know how the native
system worked because.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
We haven't done that when you talk to Custard.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
But I know that Polynesians were like, I'm gonna have
forty wives, but they're gonna be the finest. Some of them.
Ten of them are going to be the finest bit.
Ten of them are going to be like huge and
muscular women. Uh, and we're gonna be Well, what we're
doing is we're making babies here, and we're making strong
fighting babies. We're making warriors. And that's why, like you see,

(15:13):
like uh, in these shows, the women are more masculine.
This is why I love this show is because it's
a little accurate. Like you know, one of the main
female characters, she's like a masculine woman. And that was
the thing was that they were they were breeding masculine
women to make more masculine men, because more masculine men

(15:34):
made better fighters. And when you read like Captain Cook,
who's the first guy to pull up to the Hawaiian islands,
you read about these warriors and how intimidating they are,
like this first this first encounter with Captain Cook finding
Hawaii ends in his death and the defeat of this
British naval vessel. Because the Hawaiians are fierce fighters. Man.

(15:57):
That's all they've been doing is just practicing battle for
years amongst each other, and they have an establishment with
each other, like I know that Chief runs Maui and
then there's a chief who runs Oahu. The big island
is called Hawaii in this case, so when we refer
to Hawaii, because at this time they're not, the Hawaiian

(16:18):
Islands are called the Sandwich Islands, and so, you know.
But that's the thing that's most amazing about them is
that they they were processing people. And I don't mean
amazing in the way like that's great, we should do
that still. But that's what they were doing, is they
were practicing. And when I say that they use women
for product, it would be like, send four women over

(16:40):
to the king of wherever and have him send me
ten men, or I'm gonna send four women over because
we need more gold, or I'm gonna I mean, I'm
just I don't know if they use gold. But you know,
like women were just commodities. Yeah, hot women were like
send over five of my hottest women and tell them
to bring me twenty pigs, you know, And that's that's

(17:03):
how they worked. But everything was trade and and everything
was battle.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Well, they have for twenty pigs and they bring in
fifty chicks and stuff.

Speaker 4 (17:13):
That's it. I think that's the thing that's that's the
the sad part is that's a that's like, there's a
that's what do you call it? Someone got robbed?

Speaker 3 (17:21):
I know, the women fout like they valued when they're
sitting there, they're doing the training for them, and then
they're at this and she's going, I.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
Don't know the spear man.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
What, I don't know the spear One thing I noticed
and it was tripping me out and I had to
go in a rabbit hole, right because I always thought that, Okay,
the white Man came across the sea, he brought us
pain and iron maiden run through the hills. But besides gunpowder,

(17:59):
you know, the which natives you know, and people who
were like living in and the different parts of the world,
I never know, not to think about it that some
of them never seen metal. So that was tripping me out,
like like like people like now you could argue on
the internet like he goes, well, those guys showed up

(18:23):
with gunpowder, but yeah, but they they also showed up
with metal.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
And this is it, and this is different.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Natives didn't have metal, even in America. They were making
bowls out of out of rocks, you know, broken pieces
of lava rocks.

Speaker 4 (18:39):
This and this is the thing, is that with abundance,
there becomes a lack of necessity. So like we're all
the weapons were you don't need to fucking see that
thing right there, Yes, or any of those knives have
shark teeth, and these are much so when you first
see savinge scrape how you dude, the main shot to

(19:00):
go for another man when me and you were fighting
is to hit your balls with the fucking shark teeth
like knife and then drag it back. And that's going
rip so much your body out of your body. And
so yeah, they and then see that club and that's

(19:21):
a perfect example. B These people know that club is
just pure wood and the and and it solid, it's nodded.
And that's the thing is that these people they're fighting
tactics were hand to hand breaking bones like your fingers
pop your rip pop pop. And then I take this
huge club with the stick with this huge knotted end,

(19:43):
and I smash your head in and and I beat
it until like your your your head explodes. And then
I take your body back. I fucking I rip all
the meat off of it, and then I take your
bones and I add it to my war alter, which
is a huge tower of bones. And that's how they
would fight back then, dude, but they were. There was

(20:04):
a lack of the thing. Is what I mean is
lack of necessity? Is this bro The reason why we
fight mostly in this world is over over food. Back
in the day, over food and survival and and things well.
In at this time in Hawaii, there was no lack
of food. There was no lack of weaponry because you

(20:24):
didn't need metal. You had these big rocks. You had
like onyx everywhere that you could, and Onyx made the
best arrowheads, made the best spear heads.

Speaker 3 (20:35):
In Hawaii. They had onyx X.

Speaker 4 (20:38):
Yeah, so onyx is our obsidian is a product. It
looks like glass when you break it up. It's a
to show a rock of obsidian if you can on
the thing. It's it's a really easy product to make.
It's pretty hardy. You could break it up against stone
and make like arrowheads out of it. You can make
knives out of it. And so this is with the

(20:59):
names we're using as well, because we have z obsidian
on our continent as well because of lava. But it
didn't happen as it didn't take the weabinary rocks, the
weabinry that the natives had wasn't as sophisticated as the
Hawaiians had because the Natives were finding up in case

(21:24):
he tries to take down our volcano. But uh yeah,
so there was a lack of there was no lack
of necessity there. So they they thought that they had
a refinification of weapons until these fucking white dudes show up.
And that was the thing, dude, is like, uhd On
the first day that Cook shows up, they shoot a

(21:46):
guy for.

Speaker 3 (21:46):
Stealing and they shut the canon. Yes, they shoot the cannons, cane.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
Yeah, but they're like whatever, Like they're like kind of
like they duck and they go with.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
The Let's go back a little bit way back where
the Natives the Hawaiians were expected of God to show up.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
You're totally right. We left this out so at the
time that.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
The Mayans were also expecting a god. It's been like
every religion expecting the hero to show well, bro.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
Right, the time that that Cook shows up is during
a period of peace of peace, so all the tribes.
That's the thing, dude, is, that's what what what is Again?
Another difference between the Native Americans and Hawaiians in this
way that the Hawaiians were like, we need to pause

(22:40):
so we can grow food, we could nurture our people,
we could rest for a while. So there's no battles,
there's no fighting, there's no secret attacks, there's none of that.
There's no cheating. Everybody takes a break because it's Makahiki
and it lasts from September to November. I think our
October to decemb depending on the weather, because it has

(23:02):
something to do with the solstice. And the thing is
is that with Makahiki, you're celebrating the god. Lono and
Loo promised to come back during Makahiki at some point
in in with different colored skin or a different color.

(23:22):
They didn't.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
One of the natives sol Haley's comment, Oh so this okay,
and he sawid that's gonna be the guy's gonna come
up with fire.

Speaker 4 (23:29):
That's a different So that's that is you're talking about.
When Kame Mayhaw was born, Haley's comment, and this is accurate.
Haley's comment shot over the sky. And there was a
prophecy that when that happened, the but see, they thought
that that the king would be present already when that happened,

(23:52):
and it was when the king was born, and so
when they found out. And actually there's there's a story,
and I don't know how accurate this is, but that
Kamehameha when he was born, he was born under the comet,
and then he was ordained already to be the king slayer,
and so he, the king at the at the time,
wanted that baby dead. And so the mom went and
hit him in like uh the like somewhere in the

(24:16):
village and until he was old enough. But that's a
different thing than then.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
That's called christ right, That's.

Speaker 4 (24:26):
A different thing than makahiki and and and that is
that Lono is going to come back on a floating island,
on a group of full loading islands with different colored people,
which is what Captain Cook did. He pulled up white dude,
they never seen anybody before, fucking guns blazing, cannon's blazing

(24:47):
this huge floating island. And so when he gets off,
the chief meets him right that boat of the Native
that boat hut that boat, bro The Native people were
pretty clean. They actually he practiced hygiene on both ends
like Native Americans. And I read Native Hawaiian.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
Did you read that one part? A little bit of
forward here. When Captain Cook had a boat full of
dirty motherfuckers, and he knew they were all diseased.

Speaker 4 (25:15):
And he told him not to go on. Yes he did,
That was what I was.

Speaker 3 (25:18):
But that's how smart give a shut out Captain Cook
be traveling the whole continent in the world. He knew
the type of problem he was bringing everywhere already.

Speaker 4 (25:28):
Cook was a true in my mind from what I
because I went to the book that I read was
of his writings and the people on his ship's writings
and then also added information from the Hawaiian side.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
He went on an old map, hot Bro.

Speaker 4 (25:40):
He was an explorer, he was a scientist. He from
the eyelidst by reading an old map. Ho he wrote
down old maps from the Spaniards.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
So the Spaniard must have cruised through their weapon a day.

Speaker 4 (25:50):
Huh. There's no real evidence of that other than that
we do know that like things washed up, like that's
how they got their affinity for metal objects is because.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
What does that mean the winners write the history.

Speaker 4 (26:05):
That's fucking so true, dude. That's and that's the thing though,
is that that's why I love this, because there's no
real winners in this at this point, and so and
the Hawaiians are recording history. That's again another thing that
the Native Americans. We didn't have with the Native Americans necessarily,
and I'm sure they were recording history and it was destroyed.
They were songs that nobody translated. But the fucking Hawaiians.

(26:26):
The Polynesians. The Polynesians in a sense were a very
advanced culture in the way that they were. They were navigators,
they they knew the stars. They were alchemists where they
were experimenting with different chemicals, and they were genealogists where
they're experimenting with jeans. But they were also yeah, metal,
like they weren't. I'm sorry, they were not metal or

(26:47):
just they were they were weapon experts. And then when
metals started showing up, they were like, hey, this is
They knew it was man made and it was coming
from something. And the other thing is is that Cooks
going around and so are all Europeans, the Marshall Islands,
Polynesian Islands, the Austria, Austro European during this.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
Time right here, when Captain Cook shows up to Hawaii,
New Zealand and Tahiti has always already been colonized.

Speaker 4 (27:18):
Huh, they haven't been colonized, but they've been discovered. New
Zealand's been discovered, right, New Zealand is nearly discovered.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
But you more discovered in Hawaii because they could they
because they had to go through Australia first to get
through the Hawaiian.

Speaker 4 (27:30):
Yes, but it hadn't been conquered or or colonized yet. No,
not New Zealand. No, because you're talking within maybe a
few a few decades of each other.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
I thought that, Well, I don't know how true or
practice is, but in Chief of War, Jason Mamoa kills
the Maori warriors saw that boat first because he knew
right away that that guy was their guide.

Speaker 4 (27:54):
Oh really, when he goes when.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Before he gets on the boat and when they're like
when they're when he is running from the other when
he's running from the other Hawaiian guy and he sees
the white man across for the first time, and he
throws a knife and he kills the native that with him. Okay,
and that's a Mauri warrior. He kills them because they
know that guy knows the territory right, so he's trying

(28:20):
to keep him from Like I thought, you're doing it, bro,
So this is what I just read right now, you
kill the scout.

Speaker 4 (28:25):
I'm wrong, I am wrong. I do believe that New
Zealand probably was colonized at this point because New Zealand
is discovered around thirteen hundred eighty.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Yeah, so they were probably and we're.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Talking seventeen eighties is when they discover Hawaii. Hawaii is
that elusive because if you look at the Polynesian Triangle,
Hawaii is way at the top. It's super far up
to where they didn't even think the world existed. You
gotta remember, like we're still we have actual flat earthers
that still believe the Earth is flat and and that

(29:01):
you could fall off at some point. So no one's
trying to go that far up north.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
Everybody with a fray before Columbus, right, people, actually we
leave flat Earth.

Speaker 4 (29:09):
We would never went nowhere. We went nowhere. Bro Okay.
So here's your Polynesian Triangle. You have Hawaii at the top,
and then if you go down to the purple keep
going going right behind our box, there is in that
corner is uh Easter Island, and then you have New Zealand.

(29:29):
You Yeah, so you have Easter Island was conquered a
long time ago.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
Huh. Yes, and those people took over like the they
got they got weapons from from the from the British,
and it has taking over other Hawaiians to the other place.

Speaker 4 (29:47):
Yes, yes, well that's the thing, man, is that they're
as they're as they're finding these islands, they're leaving maps,
and then the Europeans are finding them Easter.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Island, that island were the chiefs there depleted all the resource, said,
then cut down on his tree. But the point where
there were no more I think that is the one
and disappeared.

Speaker 4 (30:06):
Yeah. Oh that's right, that they wanted the whole people
disappeared and that that's all that was left was all
this So you know those things are like, uh, they're
just half up. Like it's not just heads. Their bodies
are buried underneathing.

Speaker 3 (30:23):
Well, and I was writing that that I read that
book guns something and guns guns, guns, powder and whatever.
It was the beginning of and of the concrete stuff.
And they thought of an eastern island.

Speaker 4 (30:41):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
So those people they're king or whatever. When you were
building all those statues, they depleted other resources, bro.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
They had no more. That's what you were talking about.
We were in the kitchen and he said, but that
was kind of referring to something.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
That was they did the same thing. They wanted to
build all he wanted to be statue built in his honor,
and they cut down other trees and there were nothing
to left.

Speaker 4 (31:05):
And then they had no resources because they were fucking
stupid because they didn't have.

Speaker 3 (31:08):
Who I thought about the Hawaiian were really smart enough
to do that, really smart, really cut a tree, but
there were a plant one a year ago.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
And again I expressed this man like, I didn't know
anything about Hawaii until you guys, you want to do this.
And so I went and got a book and I
was like, oh man, this is a twelve hour book.
I'm gonna have to do all this work again and
I can't. You know, maybe it's gonna be boring, because
sometimes it's boring, like baseball, reading about baseball fucking boring.
But reading about this bro was like, this is an

(31:38):
amazing group of people, man like I got expressed. Their
their government lasted one hundred years after established it. They
were living in huts.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
They had a caste system or what do they call it,
a serf system, the the one in Hawaii, Kowa. I
don't remember the the kol like the way they live,
like if you're.

Speaker 4 (32:02):
A warrior, social structures called the cast system in the
same way it doesn't have a name.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
You said the name earlier, the government.

Speaker 4 (32:11):
Oh, the leiki, like the likhi is their government.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
But it was like a word call something like that.

Speaker 4 (32:19):
It's like.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
You're going to be a warrior, and that's your hope.
Father is going to be a warrior.

Speaker 4 (32:24):
That's it. I know what you're talking about. The I'm sorry, yes,
the coppa system. The system, that's what it is, the
copu system. And this is an important I hate to
move forward a little bit, but this is a very
important thing because the kapu system is what made Hawaii Hawaii.
And it was you know, and and and it was

(32:45):
already established, but that's the system that used to rule
Hawaii with. And part of the problem was is that again,
women were commodities. So it was like I want those headphones.
I'll send you two women for for you know, yeah exactly,
and I'll send you one and a half. But May

(33:10):
had died and his wife is in these these episodes,
his first wife, who actually didn't bear him any children,
takes over a little bit. He leaves his son who's
a little bit lazy and doesn't want to be a
king really, so she kind of slips in and is like, look,
we're too archaic with how we treat women. We can't

(33:31):
even eat together. So I say we get rid of
the Coppas system, and how we do it is me
and you have lunch together in front of our people
that way. And so that smashed to part the Coppas
system almost immediately. But also the island was kind of
ready to get rid of it. But the problem was
is that once they got rid of the Kappas system,
it left a vacuum for a religion. And so that's

(33:53):
when you have Christianity come in and Christianity, what's that? Protestants, Yes,
and they come in, dude Calvinists to be exact, and
they come in really quick, and they offer to help,
they offer to help establish the island. And so far
white uh, white intervention has kind of been a gift

(34:15):
because after the after Cook leaves, right now Europeans starts
showing up and showing up, and there there is a
little bit of tension between the islanders and white people.
But the islanders want guns and the white people need
fresh water, salt, and pigs to eat. So there's a

(34:36):
there's a bit of a of a relationship that's starting
to happen here, and you think, span your left pigs there, Yes,
they would do the same thing that that we talked
about during the pirates the.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
Most of the pigs there back in the day to one,
well they did and that was the.

Speaker 4 (34:51):
Thing is that's what command man when he first started.
So after after Cook leaves, there's actually a seven year
app between the next time someone shows up and that
next person is going to be a guy named George Vancouver,
and he shows up and decides to help Kamehameha, and
Kamehameha is like, look, dude, I'll give you guys some

(35:13):
of our land. I'll give the British some of our
land if you give me a warship a warship and
and and Vancouver tries to please him with pigs and
ship and and he's like, no, fuck pigs. I need
fucking guns and I need warships. And this is really
Kamehameha's that's why the.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
Fool shows up to another island fights and then Blasthoms
fools hayes MAUI.

Speaker 4 (35:38):
So check this out. Okay, this is a dope story.
So there's this other ship that comes in called the
cock Bloca, the Coca Bloca. There's a ship called the Eleonora.
That's uh, that's that's captained by this guy named Metcalf
and he and as they're sleeping, some natives steal a

(36:03):
boat and he finds out who steals the boat cutter,
so he gets pissed. He tells the cap the the chief,
you bring me three pigs and so many women or
whatever and we'll call it a day. And so the
chief shows up with the people and he tells the people,
come on up in front. Here, come up in front
of my boat. It's okay, we're fine, we're good. All

(36:24):
these families come up and kids and adults and wives
and husbands, and they get up in front of the
boat and he blasts them. He kills a hundred of
them in like a couple of shots, and so that
pisses off the another local chief. That guy takes off,
and that's on the Eleonora. The sister ship of that
is run by his son, another Metcalf that pulls in

(36:47):
called the Fair American.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
And he didn't know that what he came in not
knowing what that had done. Huh No, yes, he had
no idea.

Speaker 4 (36:55):
What that had right, but he has no idea what
his dad has done, but that she his pissed. So
he kills the whole fucking ship except for one guy,
and that guy's name is.

Speaker 3 (37:05):
And then they they kept three guys, and they told
those three guys, listen, man, you can either join those
motherfucker die or you're gonna teach you how to shoot guns.
You're gonna teach you how to make boats, and you're
gonna teach us how to how to fucking melt metal.

Speaker 4 (37:23):
But he also says in return, and actually one dude
comes from that ship, another dude comes from the American ship,
but they're both from those ships, that group of ships,
and Kamehamea keeps the American, the fair American. But he says,
I'm gonna do all what you just said, but in return,
you either get death if you say no, or you

(37:43):
get to have pieces of land. I'm gonna give you land,
I'm gonna give you women, and I'm gonna give you
gold and so fucking.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
Or the old joke bro were Listen, man, you're either
gonna die or we're gonna make a canoe out of you,
and I gotta go fuck you, and they make they
make a canoe out of him. Then they get down
to the Mexican guy, right, hey, HOMEI you're gonna be
a canoe. You're gonna die. So that fool gets he
got two knives and starts stabbing himself.

Speaker 4 (38:14):
And what are you doing?

Speaker 3 (38:15):
You ain't making no canoe?

Speaker 4 (38:17):
Ouder me, homes.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
I think I heard the joke.

Speaker 4 (38:22):
Out from It's where it started. The origination of that
joke started in Hawaii. Yeah, so that's the thing is that. Yeah,
he hires these two guys by the name of Isaac
Davis and John Young, and John Young pops up in
the TV show, but he's kind of got a different role,
but he is teaching them English. But those are his gunners.

(38:43):
And then they have a gun. They steal the cannon
off the fair American and they put it on a
canoe and they call that they call that gun the Kleeka.

Speaker 3 (38:53):
I think I tripped out there when I read about
them doing that. Bro like like nothing against the no
natives from any countries, Like, we don't know what you did, right,
we don't know what you did because because especially in America,
they will never write it down. If a Native America,
they will never write down that a crazy Apache warrior

(39:17):
stole the gatling gun and rode on horseback with another
guy and we're blasting the cavalry, no ship. But if
that happened, they will never write it down.

Speaker 4 (39:28):
No, no, because you can't write. What did you say
that in Spanish before? What about the people who win
victories write history.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Or the winner's craven?

Speaker 4 (39:42):
I thought, And that's exactly. The winners write the history, right,
winners write the history, and so we're not going to
hear it. And we're definitely not going to hear because
natives didn't have a writing system. I don't think they sang,
and they they told each other stories, you know, which
is how mo I could just picture those Hawaiians.

Speaker 3 (40:02):
Bro Most societies did like telling the history the Manistine
man and everybody laughing, like being funny about it, going man,
there was one time it was this white motherfucker showed
up and we thought he was.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
A god.

Speaker 3 (40:18):
And then we really tell you with the god man.
But then I came back seven year later and we stabbed.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Them, right, And that's that's the I think we should
finish the story.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
Bro. Okay, but let's talk more about we're getting so
much about how upseess Hawaiian War was. Fucking metal every
historian it is what I mean, how the winner right
the history because if if we were written by Hawaiians,
Hawaiian would not be saying, yeah, we were good thieves.

Speaker 4 (40:49):
Right, yes, well, because we were good.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Thieves, nobody stills like us. Nobody still like us. The
guy who's telling the story, motherfucker, you're white. You guys
stole everything every and you're gonna talk about motherfucker's stealing
nails off a boat.

Speaker 4 (41:06):
Well, if you ask the natives why they were stealing
nails or why they were stealing necessity, bros. Because out
of necessity. But when they were stealing like the boats
and the bigger things, it was out of rebellion, like
get the fuck off our fucking lands.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Hey, but but that But the guy they are cooking
you right away, bro, because he he will tell his
I remember there was a part where he's saying that
because people are warriors. He goes, they know what we're
here for, right to just be nice to us. We're
gonna be nice too.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
Right yeah. Yeah, And that's the thing, man is like, because.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
They were testing them, how every man every second.

Speaker 4 (41:41):
Now, well they were testing him, you know. Now. The
thing is that the warriors knew that there was something up.
The warriors were like, I don't trust these guys.

Speaker 3 (41:47):
First of all, man, you guys show up with no bitches.
So Captain Cook right, right, that's the first thing they've
looked at. There's a bunch of stinky ass fools and
there's no bitches.

Speaker 4 (41:58):
Well, and we got all the That was the problem though, too,
is that the women. So they thought he was a god.
So the men, the common men were sending their women
to go have sex with these gods, you know, because
they were like, yeah, go have a god baby with
these kids. Anything.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
I came back pregnant, ah.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
God, bro. They came back with a lot of disease
that ended up wiping out eighty five percent of the
population over the next twenty thirty years.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
But that happened on a seventh trip and a second
time they came.

Speaker 4 (42:24):
So the first time he comes, right, and he's he's
revered as a god.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
I read that one where the native women will go
on the boat and having a great time. Yeah, and
then like the the Hawaiians will swim under the boat
and really take those nails.

Speaker 4 (42:40):
They're taking the nails out, and then also you have
guys from the inside that are taking nails out as
well to give to the women to have sex with them.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
But they nailed her, let's just for that's where the
this has to be the clip right here. This is
where the word the word nailed, I nailed her come from.
When they were trading nails for sex. It might be
what happened, bro, I nailed her, Bro when it cast
you three nails?

Speaker 4 (43:09):
I saw one? Bro.

Speaker 3 (43:10):
There were like these uh the British were trading handcuffs
for like seven payers, yes, yeah, like metal handcuffs.

Speaker 4 (43:21):
Yeah, yeah, they were trading. Well there was like I'll
give you ten nails for ten pigs, which is like astronomically,
like so.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
What who was that warrior that they took on their boat?
And then I Foo went to China and traded and
came back with a cat, came back with a cannon
and got and a barrel of gun powder and he
actually read the Art of war. That's the guy can what's.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
The name, Uh, dude, this is what's crazy. Kyana, Kyana
I'm so having such a hard time with the names
because they're so difficult. But let's explain and Cook first,
because Captain Cook, this is real quick. He let's talk
about his death right, but let's talk about I want
to get to how he came so people understand the

(44:10):
essence of So he comes, they think he's a god
in peace right there. Peace, they're in a motive peace
with each other. They think he's a god. He fucking
eats for a while, they fuck a bunch of women.
They take off. Later, they decide to go up north.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
He leaves so much disease behind, like again his his
what I read was statistically he wiped out eighty five
percent of the population with just his visit alone. Like
and this is like over a period of time. But anyway,
he takes off, goes up to them, tries to get
to the North Pole. It's it's there's a huge wall
of ice that's blocking him. So he's like, you know what,

(44:48):
let's go spend the winter back at the Sandwich Islands,
which was now Hawaii and and chill. And so when
he comes back, they're like, what the fuck, why are
you here? You're not so suposed to be here. You're
a god. You're supposed to have gone back to your cloud.
And so that's when the warriors. The warriors are like,
I knew they were full of shit, so let's fucking

(45:08):
start fucking with them. And then they fight him. And
then that's the thing, man, is that they're starting to
fuck with him, and they steal one of his boats,
the cutter. The cutter, that's a boat that hangs out
out by the way.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
If you've never seen a boat, an actual boat and
a pirate, any kind of boat, there's always a boat,
the big ship and the cutters, the cutters a little
boat where they use that boat to go into land
and anchor. And the thing was, a boat is only
as good as its cutter.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Is that really what they say?

Speaker 3 (45:44):
Yeah, because the cutter, I didn't know what a cutter was.
I really thought that these fools took a whole ship
and dragged it inside the jungle. Bro.

Speaker 4 (45:54):
That's how fucking high I was. And it actually the
cutter is pretty huge.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
But they took the cutter, bro and that that's part
of the one they use for a gun.

Speaker 4 (46:01):
Well they yeah, they put well, he put it on
his canoes, you know, which is crazy, but yeah, so
they so he gets he tries to get the cutter
back and his idea is, I know what I'll do
to get this cutter back and then we could bounce.
Let's kidnap where that's kidnapped the chief the chief and
then they try to get the chief back to the
boat and then his people are you know what's up?

(46:24):
He started to figure it out, and then then there's
a fight that kind of breaks out there. There's a
bunch that happens with basically a fight breaks out and
someone comes from out of the corner, just like like
in prison, bro, Like, what's so full? And they fucking
stab this guy.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
They stab him right in the back of the neck twice.
He dies, well the same knife they traded, huh with
the same knife that he traded with them earlier. And
so the crew takes off and leaves the body.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
He will never trade a knife with Native bananas.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
Again, see him? Right?

Speaker 2 (47:01):
Uh?

Speaker 4 (47:01):
So they kill him and then his crew takes off
back to the boat and they're like, hey, man, like, fuck,
what do we do? Like if we fight these guys,
we're gonna lose.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
And then and they wanted they also wanted to retrieve
Captain Cook's body, and the natives, oh my god, they
all wanted to take stabing them. Yeah, it became a ritual.

Speaker 4 (47:24):
They took turns stabbing him. And then on top of it,
they because it's just part of war rituals, they stripped
the bones. And bones are important, bro borne bones.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
Bones are important, just as noses and ears were fucking
important during the Gangs of New York.

Speaker 4 (47:46):
Seriously, though, because the bones held mana. And that's what
they're fighting for, is mana. Mana is a magical resource
that that that the braver and stronger the warrior is,
the more mana they have. And if you have a
lot of mana and I kill you, I reap your mana.
Your hair has your mana, and your bones carry your

(48:07):
mana as well. So bone preservation is huge, you know.
In the in the show, I don't know if you
got to the part where they hand them the bag
of bones and it's a big deal, And me and
my girl were laughing because it looked like a little
stuffed animal with googly eyes, but it was a bag
of his bones. Because the meat, the flesh rots, and
for some reason, I think they just know that it's diseased.

(48:30):
So they strip the they cook the body in a flame,
and then like ribs, they just pull the meat right
off the bones and then they keep the bones and
then the bones are part of the mana. And that's
why you see again in the show. I like referencing
the show because it's really accurate. They have a tower
of bones.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
You see. Yeah, Man, that guy on the actor Tom Morrison.
Look up that actor, which is like the most baddest Mauri.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
Kayakia is who he plays, who is the god Uh
is a chief named after the god of Thunder. That's
who kills everybody.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Dog.

Speaker 4 (49:09):
He kills a lot of people. Look.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
Look him up in a movie called Once When We
Were Warriors and and show the video of him beating
up a biker.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Yeah, brother, badass movie.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (49:23):
Oh this is that Maori movie. Yeah that's him.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (49:25):
That's yes, I saw this movie. I just laughed at
they're both in the movie. Bro. It's a great movie.
By the way.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Anyways, I'll these actually heard in that movie.

Speaker 4 (49:39):
So yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's a limit, but
kill Kaya kill is Uh the god of is the
god of Thunder, and so this guy who is the
King of Maui, the chief of Maui. He he models
himself after him, and he paints himself. He tattoos his
whole half body black. That that's that guy. Yeah, and

(50:01):
that's that's Kayaki is his name.

Speaker 3 (50:06):
So the natives they're messing with tattoos.

Speaker 4 (50:09):
The tattoos have a lot of meaning. Their their fins
or their farm, sorry, their shark teeth, and so they
have a lot of meaning. I don't understand really what
they mean. I'm sure they all have a different thing,
but I think you probably get them as you move
along as a warrior and your tattoos.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
There was a part where one of the first when
they showed up and the warriors wanted to show their
their fighting skills and had this crazy battle. Bro not
the one who told me about they break bowl this ship. Yeah,
they have a fist fight to the end.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
Huh they bro. This is a recreational activity too. This
isn't like let's have this this chief have his best
guy and you're just bro. It's me and you. Let's
go box on the beach and if you break a
couple of my bones, no problem. It's like and they
would do that. They would fight like that and like,
and that's one of the things they showed.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
So hey he did that, how Chief of war when
the guy threw in those spears at him, Yeah, he
does break that guy's finger and it raised and his elbow.

Speaker 4 (51:10):
Un Yes, that and that shows how they fight.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
Then he stuck a spear through his shoulder to fix
the problem.

Speaker 4 (51:19):
Give him a mark, let him know. Hey, dude, you
got now everybody knows he got defeated in in a
friendly battle.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
But he also fixed the thing for him out with
a pole.

Speaker 4 (51:31):
No oh no, and he did that guy no favors, bro.
That guy will never throw a fucking spear again in
his life. But that's the pricing, pa, what you thought
on when that they had no metal on their weapons, Bro,
they didn't need it.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
But there other notice that once they got guns, they
weren't as ready to fight it before right.

Speaker 4 (51:53):
Well, they started to get fat and they started like
if you look at command a man before he dies,
he's he's largely unhell healthy because white people, Bro, Westernization
happens really quickly, and now they just drop spam on them.
That's a World War two thing. But yeah, I mean
that's the thing, man is it's in a way it's.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
So Hawaii would never conquered, just colonized.

Speaker 4 (52:14):
They were colonized, but never conquered.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Yeah, because there's another island bro where and like in
Fiji where they fucking fought and they never lost.

Speaker 4 (52:23):
Fuck yeah they didn't due. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:25):
That's the thing is like Figi that never been like
conquered or colonized.

Speaker 4 (52:30):
You know. The thing is that you gotta look at
is like what's it worth? You know, what is it
worth if I fucking because like all's Whwaii is to
me right now is a conqueror is a spot where
I can get water, salt, and like the only real
thing that's valuable for me is sugar and that doesn't
that doesn't become a high commodity until you know, until

(52:52):
like the mid to eighteen hundreds. So there's no real
need to conquer these people for what what they could
do us, you know. Like that was the thing is
that Captain's Cook's men were like, we're gonna we can
go exact our revenge on these guys, but they're gonna
kill half of us before we can do anything. It's
not worth it. And that's the thing is like, especially

(53:14):
when you have fierce fighters, you know, natives, man, these
poor poor guys, especially like you talk about the Native
Americans up north were in Washington. Those are really peaceful nations.
Those were not beefing nations because there was no necessity,
you know. And that's the thing is, that's what's kind
of different about the Hawaiians is that they're fighting over
land even though they have necessity. They're more fighting over

(53:36):
just territory at this point when we pull up on
him because there's no need for food.

Speaker 3 (53:41):
There's when they got united, they united, they get united
for war against the Britain, or just as you get united.

Speaker 4 (53:48):
There's different theories on what Kamehameha was thinking. But his
thought was, look, you know, because that was the thing
is that Kamehameha when you think about what he did
after he gained guns and he went around and conquered
you know, in a way, you know, he's is like
another conqueror. He took over all the territories to make
them all his. But it's I think it's naturally what

(54:11):
we do. But also in his mind he was saying, look,
I need to conquer and unite us before they get here,
because if they get here and we're not united, then
then we're gonna be conquered. And so in a way
he did know that, you know. And that's the story
that the Hawaiians tell of Kamehameha. No one really knows
what he read the Art of war. I read that

(54:32):
the other guy did ka.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
Went and actually he was the first Hawaiian to step
into China and he made it. He traded over there.
He came back with a fucking gunpowder. Yes, like after
a while we're noticing bring him back a lot of
gunpower to alliance.

Speaker 4 (54:55):
That's the thing is that uh Kamehameha knew uh showed up.
Huh well, command man knew that gun guns and because
Kamandamea also had an interesting guns.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
And then.

Speaker 4 (55:10):
The guy who uh plays Kayana sorry Kayana not kay
k kaya kie is the old guy with the with
the tattooed face. Uh Kayana comes back from China. He's
also gone to other countries as well, and he comes
back and he meets Kamehameha and you know kaya kiely
is from Maui and and uh, what's the other who

(55:34):
wanted to conquer?

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Right?

Speaker 4 (55:35):
And he goes, hey, man, you know I'm into guns too.
If you're in the guns, let's fucking take this guy
out because he's fucking bad guy. You know, because when
when kaya Kie took a wahu, he killed his own prodigy,
He killed his own he killed his own king in
order to gain that island. He was like and in
the in the in the in the show, and in

(55:56):
real life he he lies to uh to Kayana, he
lies to get him to come out, and Kayana is like,
that's the thing, bro is Like, Kayana is a real
character in life, in real life, like at least ten
or eleven different captains wrote about him and how big
and fierce he was, but also how good looking he
was and and that you know, and that was the thing, man,

(56:18):
is that you have this good looking warrior who was
on a ship going from place to place and he's
wearing his garb and he's very confident in who he is.
He doesn't give a fuck about nobody else. And then
he comes back and you know, and he's a major
influence on Kamehameha. Also, granted, Kamehameha is a huge influence.
Like the TV show does a good job of highlighting

(56:42):
Kayana thus far, because we're only four episodes in, but dude,
you cannot take away what Kamehameha did and who he
was because he was also and again this is a
real prophet. I don't know if the prophecy is real
in itself, but Kamehameha was born under the under a
shooting under the comet, and there was a prophecy that

(57:04):
whoever that was was going to be a king slayer.
And this is what's the most interesting about this is
because his dad, who birthed him, was a king maker,
meaning he made all these kings, and he he would
establish lands and make kings. And and what was scary
for everybody was that Kamehameha was was the king slayer,
which actually ended up being overall true because after his death,

(57:28):
there was no more kings of Hawaii. You know, there
was a guy that sat there for a while and
and like there was a few more kings, his sons
and stuff, but there was no more other lords. There
was no there was no more battles, like Hawaii was
at peace with itself.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
Aloha, like the whole piece Aloha. There was a part
where I read that some king initiated the aloha.

Speaker 4 (57:56):
Oh, I don't know about that one.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
Yeah, you know, the good vibes. Yeah, hoppy, let's go
about be peaceful.

Speaker 4 (58:03):
Well, yeah, I know that Aloha is It is a
greeting that they came up with. It's not attributed to
single inventor. It says it has evolved over centuries and
is deeply rooted in the Proto Polynesian language, meaning it
predates the modern Hawaiian language, so Aloha isn't even actual Hawaiian.
The word itself is believed to have originated from the

(58:26):
Proto Polynesian word karafa, which also man love, pity, or compassion.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
It represents a means sharing, and oha means joy.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
Ah.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
There you go, Okay.

Speaker 3 (58:37):
Luna Lilo bro the sixth monarch of the Kingdom of
Hawaii from the election on January eighteenth, seventy three to
his death a year later.

Speaker 4 (58:45):
Oh, he was a quick out of tuberculosis. That's the
other thing.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Man is like.

Speaker 4 (58:49):
After Captain Cook came, he brought disease and sickness.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
And it grows me out brow that part where our
think Cook is telling his dirty ass sailors that he
knows are full of diseases. They go out there, they're
sick and they have narrow diseases. Right, and I'm like,
don't go out there, motherfucker.

Speaker 4 (59:11):
Don't give these people.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
And you kept thinking about when when white people showed
up to the island again and they're asking them like,
have you seen other people like us? And they're all
saying no, but they all have cold sores. Bro right, Yeah,
so they know they're because they can tell each other
they're lying.

Speaker 4 (59:29):
I could tell they're lying like that. Dude, did you
read that in the same book.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
Yeah, but I know because they're full of diseases and
there's some of the words are coffee. I mean, if
you're an outsider, you know there's been us here already.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
Yes, Yes, that's how they would know for the longest time.
That's how they could tell if they got to an island,
because they also, you know, they're not going to tell
the truth.

Speaker 3 (59:52):
You know they're gonna And also man like you're looking
at the warriors and and then at the end there's
a little lewis te K looking motherfucker right there with
a spear.

Speaker 4 (01:00:03):
I saw.

Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
Because that ran somewhere right out the way off. But
like the killed, it was inspired from the Hawaiian lay
bro It was because they had.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
Seen it, right, and it was a lot easier because
it was they must have seen it, yes, But well
that's the thing, man, is that, Like I wonder how
many inventions we have that came from the islands, Like
that'd be interesting thing to look up because it was weird.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
Bro I want to I did a show all the
time of the Steven Steakhouse and it was Saint Patrick's
Day and they had Polynesian dancers wow at the at
the show, and I was wondering, like, what's the connection.
That's probably the connection connection with Polynesian dancers and Irish
people scott I think it's Scottish, Scottish Scottish, and.

Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
I think that's I think Captain Cook there was there
is a significant Scottish moment here and I can't remember
because Captain Cook comes from from I mean, he represents England,
but you know, he could very much well be Scottish. Geographic,
geographic proximity and culture exchanges in Hawaii. The presence of

(01:01:19):
a vibrant Celtic community and Irish dance group in Hawaii
demonstrates an instance where Irish culture thrives alongside and potentially
interacts with the strong Polynesian culture influences in the islands.
That makes a lot of sense because they're both like like, right,
are they islanders? Is that? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:01:38):
Because I was one or two men like in Gangs
of New York. Yes, that Irin had a big club, bro, Yes,
And I recognized that club right there right away.

Speaker 4 (01:01:50):
And that's the clubs like show Hawaiian club, I guess
because that's the club. That's and again man like Hawaiians
out of lack of necessity, didn't need firearms. In fact,
to them, the more like you would fight with each
other with hands and like you know, and and and
the weapons were part of it, but a lot of
it was like hand to hand combat. Look at that thing, yeah,

(01:02:12):
look at look at that thing and it dude, if
you get my god, yeah, then they had That's the
other thing, man, Is that in that movie In that
Shoe show as well, they're called flingers. The women women
use flingers. And that was a real weapon, like I
played this so and it's refined boulders, like it's not

(01:02:35):
just that was the thing is they didn't just pick
up a rock and throw it. Because in your mind,
you go these native these third world people, they would
they would they would carve the boulders to be aerodynamic.

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
The one thing about guns Man, they brought like instant death, bro,
no suffering, right, yeah, no, Like this guy just broke
your neck, but now he's beating you with a that's like.

Speaker 4 (01:03:01):
Okay, you know, you get you get your arm broken,
then you get your back broken. Because that was the
other thing is one of the moves that they do
is once you were on your stomach, he would get
on you, your pony would get on you and then
pull your neck up until your back broke. And then
you're laying there with a broken back. You're probably not
dead yet.

Speaker 3 (01:03:21):
Remember history. For full wrestling, that's called the Boston crab,
or if you're jet or the camel clutch, or if
you're on the Honky talk man, that's the shake right
and row.

Speaker 4 (01:03:36):
Yeah, so imagine that, bro. That's like it's crazy to
like break someone in half, and they would. And that's
the other thing is they taught themselves how to punch
someone in the back at a point in the spine
that the spine would break easier.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
I learned that one they would they would.

Speaker 4 (01:03:53):
Learn how to eye gouge, you know, rip the tongue
out like you know with the fish hook move. That's
a Polynesian.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
I thought it was called Columbian necktie.

Speaker 4 (01:04:03):
That's a Colombian thing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
But without doing the gene and the breeding, they could
never accomplished this right, so they have to breed. Just
that's the spartans to read.

Speaker 4 (01:04:12):
These island people are necessarily most uh island people are
generally sorry, not necessarily, they're generally smaller because again, island
is a If you go to island an island, right,
your apples on the apple trees are going to be smaller,
your bananas and the banana trees are going to be smaller.
For some reason, islands create smaller fruits and smaller so

(01:04:33):
like the pygmies were small, and then there's stories about
the Manahunes, which were like a tiny tribe of people.
So yeah, they were genetically modifying themselves to be stronger
and bigger. And and that's why you go to like
Samoa or Tonga or Hawaii and you just have these
dudes that are as big as me and you are.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
Have you ever seen them? Mo we Clan of the
Bear or the Quest for Fire?

Speaker 4 (01:04:56):
No, that sounds amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
And in the Quest for Fire there's these two cavemen
they saw a modern man somewhere make make the fire, right,
and then they saw and the guy. The guy saw it,
and he went to go look for the fire. Bro
that his whole quest was to go look and learn

(01:05:20):
how to make fire. So along the way he meets
another tribe where they're smaller, and they sized him up right,
boom boom, they sized him up and they realized how
big he is, right, so they make his ugly friend
right there fuck all the fat chicks, bro and in

(01:05:41):
the tribe, oh wow, because they know that they're gonna
have bigger later, so they screw up. He screw at
least twenty of them. And then but but that's how
I advanced. Those k people were that they knew not
to kill this guy, and they fed him and he
impregnated all the hard working leading right. Yeah, well and

(01:06:05):
they left, they left, and then he ended up finding
fire somewhere else with a they made up. He made
another tribe where they're more modern, and the hottest chick
there she tried to take fire, and they brought her
over to his his fucking his land.

Speaker 4 (01:06:25):
Whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:06:26):
But that's something that I guess, I don't know if
if it's a human need to do this, but it
works for them. And I think the Hitler was trying
to do that too with the German soldier, so.

Speaker 4 (01:06:39):
He Hitler was very much trying to do eugenics.

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
Now they're trying to do now in America too by
illegal making abortion illegal because a lot of white women
are not going the same route as nineteen forty women
where I'm going to go to college and then come
back and stay home and read babies instead of having
a career. So that was like so, but all the

(01:07:06):
other nationalities are still having babies. But like us, like
we were where the where we're like our wife because
we come up like Latinos, you know, we want to
go go Colonnados. We come from a place where it's
okay to have to be pregnant and still work in
the fields, you know, and have a baby and still

(01:07:28):
be creative in life back and you still work. But now, man,
people don't think that way. They think they're like, I'm free, bro,
I'm not counting this cast system. I don't want to
have a baby. I don't have a baby.

Speaker 4 (01:07:41):
Yeah yeah, that's and that I mean, that's I'm thinking.

Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
Also the cast system works for that time and period
because you can't have.

Speaker 4 (01:07:52):
Motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (01:07:52):
I want to be for philosophers and want to do
stand up comedy where we need warriors like us.

Speaker 4 (01:08:01):
Me and you would make great warriors if we were
in good health and we like and focused and like,
let's say we didn't want to be comedians. Let's say
we're Let's flash us back to uh as As Deeca
or like whatever our month of Zuma or whoever the
fuck you want. What was his name, the guy who's
in charge of the Aztecs, not Monta. Zuma did no shot, right,

(01:08:26):
And let's say we me and you aren't gonna be
the storytellers. Ray is gonna be the storyteller, like you know,
But me and you are gonna send me sent out,
probably not even to the fields. We're gonna be sent
out to be warriors because we're big. And not only
that is they're gonna make us breed. They're gonna make
us have like ten wives, and we're gonna have to fuck.

Speaker 3 (01:08:48):
Lived long unless I'm a royalty.

Speaker 4 (01:08:50):
Well yeah, that's the thing though. But you can fight.
I don't know how it worked in ASTech, but you can.
In certain different tribes. You could work your way up
from being a warrior to a warrior king, you know,
which is how a lot of conquering happened. Was like
this guy was like, I'm fucking stronger than the stupid king.

Speaker 3 (01:09:08):
I probably would have died in my thirty Bro, coffee
and good blood building his pyramids.

Speaker 4 (01:09:11):
Broke, it's too hot. I would have been coffee and
as best. I would have died. Bro, I would have
been too lazy. They would have fucking because I would
have been like, dude, where's the air conditioning here? I'm
not hell now? Bro, you you're the way you look. Bro.

Speaker 3 (01:09:26):
There would have been drawings of your bro and the pyramids. Bro,
like every six years you'll come back, Bro with new story.
People he goes there, he is like, people will rather vagina, Bro,
slap it on your back.

Speaker 4 (01:09:43):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
To honor you.

Speaker 4 (01:09:46):
Man will bow to you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (01:09:49):
Don't look at your goal. You should run for a
sentence and give the power back to the people. Yeah,
not me that your name would have been terrible something Bro.

Speaker 4 (01:10:03):
Butch the terrible. I felt like I would have been
a good pirate. I definitely felt like I would have
been a good pirate. I don't think I would have
been a good Aztec warrior, though.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
I would have been a good that guy that works
under the king bro a surf.

Speaker 4 (01:10:18):
Yes, or the advisor. Advisors like to me, is the
most important role.

Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Because different king samon advisor.

Speaker 4 (01:10:26):
Right, but the advisor. See, that's the thing man is
like I read. This is one of my favorite things
in East of Eden is there's this Asian dude who's
the assistant to the main character and he speaks fake
pigeon like he speaking like this on purpose to make
everyone think he's from China and he's actually from San Francisco.

(01:10:48):
And this guy catches him in the act and goes, hey, bro,
you're you're a smart guy. What the fuck dude? You
could read? And this is during you know, nineteen twenties,
early eighteen hundreds, and we weren't reading. Everybody was reading.
He could read. You talk great English. Why are you
a fucking servant to this guy? And he's all because
that's the most important role you could become to a

(01:11:08):
powerful person, because I'm his voice. I'm the voice in
his ear. I'm the guy that fucking tells him what
he should do. I'm the first person he comes to
when he wants advice. He doesn't even go to his advisors. First,
he comes to me because I spent so much time
with him.

Speaker 3 (01:11:23):
That was Samuel Jackson roll and now that movie it
is and honestly it is. He had the biggest People
would laugh at Samuel Jackson Rolle, but he had. He
was higher than everybody on that field. And if and
if another copyrold Father was alive, he'll be higher than him.

Speaker 4 (01:11:42):
Right. Yeah, That's the thing is he wielded so much power.

Speaker 3 (01:11:45):
Because he probably was there when his grandfather was there.

Speaker 4 (01:11:48):
He was an advisor, He was a great and again
and you need that.

Speaker 3 (01:11:51):
Guy who goes it what's going on out there?

Speaker 4 (01:11:53):
Woman?

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
He got a couple of these bucking You got these
cracker and I wanted to do their job.

Speaker 4 (01:11:57):
Right, right. And that's the thing is, like, what what
would you do, bro? If you lived like like we
think now, Like okay, bro, you're in a gang, you're
in a jail in prison, and you you start to
be a rat, so you could have a better life.
I think that's a little different than if you're a
slave living like shit, getting your ass whipped to the
point where your skin pops open and your bones break

(01:12:19):
to like you know what I'm gonna be a little
rat and I'm gonna live inside the house and at
some point I'm gonna be an advisor and I'm gonna
have all the food everything I want. This mansion is
pretty much mine now, food, what would you what would
you know? What would you choose? Would you be like, No,
I'm gonna go be with the people fucking eating scraps?
Like that's the thing? Man is like I kind of

(01:12:41):
you watch Samuel Samuel's character and you love to hate him.

Speaker 3 (01:12:44):
I know I do.

Speaker 4 (01:12:45):
I love hating that guy. But when you think about
it and you get down to it, you're like, that
guy works really hard for that role, and that guy
worked really hard to be there, and that guy had
really no choice but to do that. What else is
he gonna do?

Speaker 3 (01:12:58):
Right exactly, if you get with it to quit and
get get another job, that.

Speaker 4 (01:13:02):
Well, yeah, yeah, you're the most powerful guy pretty much.
You're a black dude in the time of slaves, and
you're the most powerful person on this ranch next to
the owner of the ranch.

Speaker 3 (01:13:13):
That's why the guy and the horse with a threat.

Speaker 4 (01:13:15):
Yes, exactly, it's a threat. And again that's what so
that was what was so smart about our white conquerors
here on the mainland, is that they made us think
that we to this day, they make us think that
each other is a threat. Right, But that wasn't what
was happening in Hawaii. It was like, you know what,
let's fight half the year to learn how to fight

(01:13:38):
each other, and then the other half, let's just chill
fucking eat food, not war with each other fucking and
then we'll go back at it again in a few months.

Speaker 3 (01:13:49):
Man, when you watch the white men show up to
one of these these lands for the first time, do
we show them showing up where nobody is expecting them?
And ship, I wonder if they were they didn't see
that boat from far away.

Speaker 4 (01:14:09):
And well, you don't know what it is either, Like
you see it coming and you're getting closer.

Speaker 3 (01:14:14):
What do you do? And these fools come out bro
speaking of his playing language.

Speaker 4 (01:14:18):
Right, and these are just white guys on this show
and guys, and there's black guys and they don't know
like very diverse boats, very diverse. And the Native new
right away.

Speaker 3 (01:14:30):
BRO like watching their reactions because they had that one
dude just looking bro, counting guns, counting everything, bro. And
and even Captain Cook knew that that guy was counting
their guns and checking out on manpower they have. Immediately
they're both warriors, both.

Speaker 4 (01:14:47):
Well they're warriors, and they're both eyeballing each other, going like, well,
what do you got? What do you got? You know,
it's like the fools stink bro bro. I used to
think that men were more brotherly and more cool with
each other than women were, because and because I would
see men when we walk by each other there were like, hey,
what's up, dog, what's up? And like we see each other, hey, man, hey,

(01:15:07):
And we talked to each other at the store sometimes
and women. So my dad pointed this out and he goes,
you know what, because I go, that's why men rule
the world and women don't. That was my thought process
back then. My dad goes, you're full of shit. I'll
tell you why we do this. He's all because men
are more insecure, because I need to know what you're
up to. If you're standing behind me at the store

(01:15:30):
and I go, hey, what's up. I'm not doing it
to be friendly with you. I'm doing it to see
what you're up.

Speaker 3 (01:15:34):
To, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:15:35):
And that and men size each other up all the
time like that, and that's how we do it, you know,
And I thought about that. I'm like, holy fuck, we
do do that, dude. Like, as soon as I get
on the train, I look around to see who my
biggest threat is, and then I try to sit away
from him, especially if it's a crazy person.

Speaker 3 (01:15:51):
I took behind him, broth like a chokum.

Speaker 4 (01:15:53):
Bro, So you can establish dominance right off the bat.

Speaker 3 (01:16:01):
You don't when I go into a subway, bro, or
a metro link. Yeah, I look for the guy was
a boombox, okay, And I sit next to him. Really
and then when people talk getting loud, I go here,
I got your back, But I really don't.

Speaker 2 (01:16:14):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (01:16:14):
We're gonna bust a boom box over his head.

Speaker 4 (01:16:17):
Dog, You're gonna use it as a weapon.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
One time I did that, Bro, I told him some
guy when I was in my twenties. I got your back.

Speaker 4 (01:16:23):
Bro, I got your back.

Speaker 3 (01:16:25):
And then when they and then and then nowhere, Bro,
fuck this guy.

Speaker 4 (01:16:32):
Undercover? Why what did he do?

Speaker 3 (01:16:37):
You don't live in our neighborhood.

Speaker 4 (01:16:40):
You're not part of this island. He was talking part
of my try.

Speaker 3 (01:16:42):
He was talking at our liquor store.

Speaker 2 (01:16:44):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (01:16:45):
We shopped there.

Speaker 3 (01:16:46):
Bro. We never seen this guy catching his check and
arguing we.

Speaker 4 (01:16:50):
Are I love how tribal we still are as human beings,
because that's exactly no, that's exactly it. That's bro That
same thing happened, you know, however long Captain Cook came ago,
like hundreds of thousand years ago, whatever, a hundred years ago,
hundreds of years ago. Ah, that's the same fucking thing.

Speaker 3 (01:17:11):
How one like though, the winners, you know, the winners
of this say, well, we traded with the natives. No,
they say, give me that gun for that You said no. Right,
I'm pretty sure they want to trade for that gun.
You said no, You said no. Then you lowered them down,
and that's how they knew you were were you were
a problem. Well he was.

Speaker 4 (01:17:30):
They were really a gun. They were trying to get
guns from him, and he refused, and then George Vancouver
comes along, and even he refuses at some point, but
Kamehameha is like, look, these are the Hawaiian islands. At
the point you're gonna want to have access to these,
I'll give you access. Just give me a fucking bunch
of guns and a boat so me and my friends

(01:17:52):
could fucking conquer these islands.

Speaker 3 (01:17:53):
You know, the first native of the guns, shot himself
in the face.

Speaker 4 (01:17:57):
No, is that really? That's a true story. I'm making it.
Do you think I know I would.

Speaker 3 (01:18:03):
I'm gonna tell you that about that. You're talking about
you and I will be warriors, I said, no, man,
I'm talking a warrior that will kill five five coloniers,
call it colon colonizers, and then grab that gun and
shoot myself playing with it why and everybody'll be like, Okay,
that's a gun. Then there'll be then there'll be a

(01:18:24):
paint a picture of me on a cactus somewhere or
on a tree like this.

Speaker 4 (01:18:30):
Who's that?

Speaker 3 (01:18:31):
That's a that's Philippe. Shoot off himself, that name, shoot
up up himself. There goes my friend bang bang. So man,
it took him. It took him a long time to
to settle this island, because you know they settled the

(01:18:54):
west like this.

Speaker 4 (01:18:54):
Okay. So after after Hook leaves, Kamaha is the nephew
to the chief, and the chief leaves his son. When
the chief dies, which is like maybe two years later.

Speaker 3 (01:19:06):
Are they when they die they get made an island
out of them?

Speaker 2 (01:19:09):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:19:09):
No, no, he dies and he leaves his son in
charge of the tribe of then this guy's in charge
of Hawaii right now. Okay, there's only one other enemy
on the other south end of the island, which is
another great story that Kamehamea gets into. But Comanhamea is
made god of our chief of war, which is a

(01:19:30):
fucking powerful, fucking thing to be. So he kind of
disrespects his his cousin right away because his cousin brings
there's this thing called haya or heya and it's uh,
it's a little cave where they like, it's an altar
where they bring things and they pray to the gods.
And so there the son brings food to his dad's

(01:19:53):
body in the altar and the heya, and Commandmea comes
in and does it before he does, and then picks
up the body to present it to the gods, which
is his son's job. That creates a rift between the
two of them that doesn't last long because his the
son's best friend, goes after kaman Amaya's guy and then
he gets murdered. Command Maya's friend murders him and then

(01:20:16):
it does it. It's not long where Command Man just
takes out his son and then Command Man is chief
of Hawaii. And then command Man's next job is to
go fight Maui. He wants to take Maui. He goes
and he has a couple of battles with Kitty Keya,
but k Kea fights him off and so then uh
uh command Maa sends him a declaration of war or

(01:20:38):
uh not a declaration of war, but he sends him
two stones of black and a white and says, you
send back a white if you want peace, or send
black a black one and killie. KaiA says, we're not
ready for war yet, so don't even fucking go back
home and go fuck around. You got ship that you
need to handle, because there's a guy right now taking
over your your your villages back in Hawaii. Because ka

(01:21:01):
wants a solid person to fight. So Kamehamea has to
go back to Hawaii because there's a guy that's taking
over his villages. So Kamehameha goes to fight him. And
this is the last guy that he has to fight
over for Hawaii, for the island of Oahu. They fight,
nothing comes of it, but but Kamanamea has so much

(01:21:25):
luck in his story as well, because this dude dies
on the way back home. He takes his whole village
back through the Valley of of Words that the big
what's the big volcano on Hawaii, Krakatoa, Kakatoa. Yes, so
he takes him through the Valley of Krakatoa. Krakatoa explodes
and there's only a few people left, because that's who

(01:21:47):
tells this story of this village. And they go and
they go, look, dude, they made it. They made it
through the fucking through the through the gas and the
heat of the of the volcano, because they're in perfect shape.
And when they roll up on him, they're just ash
versus ash statues of themselves, and so it wipes out
almost the entire village. So Kamehameha takes that village right away,

(01:22:09):
and now he is the Lord of Hawaii. Now he
is in charge of all of Hawaii. His next goal
is to take Maui and Kawaii. And so that's that's
where you see this show start in Chief of War
is Uh where Kamehameha is getting poisoned, getting ready to
become king and take Maui. And then that's the other thing,

(01:22:33):
bro is I'm not trying to give any spoilers away here,
but I mean this is if he's if if if
Mamoa is sticking to true history, there's no battle between
Kamehameha and Kuila Keya because Quila Kea dies of of
natural causes, I think, but they don't fight. He dies,

(01:22:55):
and then he leaves his two sons in charge. This
ends anti climactically, really it does, because he leaves his
two sons in charge, and then Kila Ka's two sons
fight over Maui. And during that fight over Maui is
when Kamehameha comes in and takes half of Maui and
then there's this other half left and there's this great
battle between him and his last Yeah, okay to all

(01:23:20):
with Indonesia, and it was huge, Yeah okay Manaloa, sorry
my bad. And it's still it is still burning yo metal.
Well that's because Hawaii the island, the big island Oahu,
it's the youngest island out of the island chains. So
like uh, Maui's uh is dormant, and I think the
other one is too, and then but one on the

(01:23:42):
mainland is still cracking. But anyway, there's this dope battle
that happens between the Sun, the last son of Kuila
Keya and and Kamehameha. And it's dope in the way
that they fight him all the way to this one
thousand foot cliff and and Kamehamea just put all his
men over the cliff. He just kills him and pushes

(01:24:02):
him over the cliff. And then that's it. That's that's
the end of it, man, there's no there's no more
real battles after that. That's the final Battle of Maui.
And and now all is Kamehamea has to do is
take Kawai. And and he goes to take Kawai and
a big storm happens and pushes him back and he
faces a lot of loss.

Speaker 3 (01:24:23):
I almost started another war in Hawaii, bro Okay, because
I was booked in a shore Honolulu with Parrodriguez and
some other fool booked me for a show on Hilo,
okay the day before. So I went to Hilo and
that guy Honolulu was.

Speaker 4 (01:24:40):
Oh, really, this is you're starting fucking You're starting tribal
wars out there.

Speaker 3 (01:24:46):
Yeah, but he got a due island hot bro. But
with a plane out.

Speaker 4 (01:24:51):
That's so fucking fun, dude. I want to do that.
I want to do that's the thing is I would
love to.

Speaker 3 (01:24:57):
Do call something now in the moon and a show out.

Speaker 4 (01:25:01):
I'm sure it is because these are all new names.
They had to switch the names around because the because
like when before kamehameha uh it was Hawaii, you had Oahu,
you had Maui, and those were all different basically countries,
you know, or different tribes. And then he so he

(01:25:21):
unites it, He unites everybody, and then there's still Kawaii left.

Speaker 3 (01:25:25):
And people there were in peace forever.

Speaker 4 (01:25:28):
Well, Kawaii is like, look, bro, we know you want
to attack us. You know we and and there's nothing
we could do. You're you're you're too formidable there, so
let's make peace. I would like to still be king
of Kawaii, but you could rule over all the lands.
Just leave me in power here. And that's what he did.
That's basically what he did.

Speaker 3 (01:25:47):
There's a part of the show where they went when
they went to Hawaii and they were all farmers.

Speaker 4 (01:25:52):
Yes, when they go to Oahu and they attack, that's
the thing, bro, is that they weren't even ready to fight.
They're not ready. Then the prince goes, I just wanted
to be like you, Kila Kia was evil. Bro. He was. Uh,
he's made to look evil in this film, but he actually, Bro,
he did so much fucking damage, dude, Like you like.

Speaker 3 (01:26:13):
I thought one when he went to Hawaii telling a
story that this fool like murdered women and children there, Bro,
one hundred they weren't even armed.

Speaker 4 (01:26:23):
Murdering women and children was not.

Speaker 3 (01:26:26):
You were making like a tower out of bone that
he made a.

Speaker 4 (01:26:28):
Tower he made it's called a war shrine, and and
he made it out of there. So that particular battle
that you saw where he cuts the king's neck and
the King's like, I wanted to be like you. That
guy is one of the old school chiefs who's still
who's still like, h didn't do this. K was one
of the last ones to do this, where he would

(01:26:49):
cook the bodies of his enemies after defeating them, and
then he would rip the bones out of and oh
my god, god, Bro, that's a bad luau.

Speaker 3 (01:27:03):
That's because then when you go to a luo, there's
a big stele of bred of aloha and drinks and
they actually put a pig and the and uh he
gets cooked with cold and under the under the ground.

Speaker 4 (01:27:20):
Yeah, and when they pull them out bones just fly out, bro.
You might be onto something with that, because that's what
they did to the enemies, is they would they would
roast them. The pig is roasted, bro, and then they
fucking pull the bones out and build the bone tower.
That's what they would do, dude. That's because he knew
that the flesh was just flesh.

Speaker 3 (01:27:39):
I mean they was, you know, said mind of the
my tie and the and the Hawaiian guy driving a
buzz with the horrible jokes.

Speaker 4 (01:27:46):
Well they had I can't remember what it's called.

Speaker 3 (01:27:50):
They had that stuffy how forever. Yeah, and taro taro.

Speaker 4 (01:27:55):
Taro, uh not tarow? What's it called? They have caught
So it was cova, it's and they called it something
else in the movie and they call it something else. Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:28:07):
They were eating good?

Speaker 4 (01:28:08):
What is cova?

Speaker 2 (01:28:09):
Bro?

Speaker 4 (01:28:10):
They ate so good on those islands because it hurt
they look. Yeah, have you ever had this before? So
they have kabba bars all over La. I've gone a
few of them. This ship is so fucking good, bro.
This ship fucks you up, dude, it does and and
and I think they water it down at Kaba bars
because the way that it made it sound. And then

(01:28:31):
in the show, they fucking rub it on that shark and.

Speaker 3 (01:28:34):
The well, I saw the Hawaiian guy. He made like
an old timey meal and like you know, he got
some green bananas but he didn't wait for them to
get the raw. But they were noman they get black, right,
But then he just got raw green bananas right right,
and he boiled them with coconut milk and onions and

(01:28:56):
fucking whatever else spices Hawaiian used. And then he is
mapped all the banana ate it like that, bro, and
it was full of flavor, but like a masted potato.

Speaker 4 (01:29:06):
Okay, oh yeah, that's right. Bananas are basically massed potato,
mashed potatoes when they're not yellow. Yeah, when they're green,
they're just like a mush. Is that poi? I've never
had POI.

Speaker 3 (01:29:16):
I don't know with poi. But it was just banana
than onions.

Speaker 4 (01:29:18):
That's weird. That's weird. Good for him.

Speaker 3 (01:29:22):
But they felt were solid.

Speaker 4 (01:29:23):
Uh, they were solid, bro, they were These are warriors.
And that's the thing is that so I read about him.
Did you see that scene in Chief of War where
they go underwater with stones? Yeah, and to see who
who's the who? What they don't tell you is that
kamea man did that and then he walked all the
way back across to his where he lived, which is

(01:29:47):
like four days way with that stone, like he was strong,
he was in he and and that's the thing, bro,
It's like, you got to remember these guys, bro. You
know you look at you look at natives now, and
any any like native culture like ours, any anybody that
has indigenous roots. We're all fucking fat now. You know,
we've got too much to eat. We've we've been americanized,

(01:30:07):
we've been westernized. You know, these guys were hiking constantly,
they were working constantly.

Speaker 3 (01:30:12):
With that bowlard bro with a with a big old
M flag and that clown, the purple guy in the boat,
that guy the want to fuck me up, bro, mayor
Big Mac.

Speaker 4 (01:30:32):
From McDonald's boat came.

Speaker 3 (01:30:36):
And they bombarded up with souvenirs.

Speaker 4 (01:30:42):
They didn't give us weapons. They gave us happy meal toys.

Speaker 3 (01:30:45):
Don't remember of a book I read a long time ago.
You cannot stop the progress of time.

Speaker 4 (01:30:51):
You can't. You can't have been how no matter how you.

Speaker 3 (01:30:56):
Trying to stop it with immigration, legal great shot taking
people out, you cannot stop this conversation time. Right, people
need to immigrate. No matter what we're with moving, even
whether you move legally or illegally, we're constantly moving.

Speaker 4 (01:31:14):
You can't stop the tide of progress. And and and
here's it. Here's it.

Speaker 3 (01:31:18):
Can't stop robots coming. We have what the guy said,
I'm gonna coat you for all men. I'm afraid of
what's coming. And that guy goes, you can't change what
was coming. You either adapt or you.

Speaker 4 (01:31:29):
Die, right, And then and there's that scene in Chief
of War where he goes, you're you're you're doing the
white you're doing all the white man things. And she goes,
either you're going to or you're gonna die, you know,
And and she's basically saying, like, you need to get guns.
You need to start worrying like white people. You need

(01:31:50):
to start trading like white people, because if you don't,
your society will die. And and and we talked about earlier.
We had a conversation earlier before we started the SEP
about AI, and Ray was saying he doesn't like Ai.
My girls kids stop, like they stopped talking to us
for like almost half a day because me and my
girl made Ai caricatures of each other and they're young

(01:32:12):
and they're artists and they hate AI. But my thing
is this you I could be against AI too, but
it's still coming and it's still gonna take over your
job and our jobs, and we either adapt and and
and here's my thing, man, is like there are people
who are writing jokes right now on AI and they're
gonna be good jokes. But soon I will catch up

(01:32:34):
right and there, but they're not. But here's but see No,
this is the thing though, is that this is no?
So this is this is the thing. And my buddy
Johnny C shout out to Johnny, he's a tattoo artist
and a comic, and he was saying, like, I remember
when the iPads first came out and pop iPads and
people were tracing the tattoos on the iPads, and then

(01:32:56):
all of a sudden there was this new birth of
all these tattoo artists that were coming out and we
were tripping. But what started to happen is that they
couldn't rise above their post artistically.

Speaker 3 (01:33:06):
So do you mean like people who don't actually use
records to.

Speaker 4 (01:33:08):
Make right exactly? So here's the thing, Bro's, like, you
know Ray who's not a stand up. Comedian could go
and have Ai write a bunch of jokes and he's
gonna go try to use them.

Speaker 3 (01:33:18):
But I'm not gonna teach you timing.

Speaker 4 (01:33:21):
That's what I'm That's exactly what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:33:23):
Brom, gonna teach you how to how to react when
somebody tells you you're a hack.

Speaker 4 (01:33:29):
You suck, Yes, exactly. So that's the thing is, like,
I'm not as afraid of the progress as much as
everybody else is. But progress, good or bad, it's gonna come,
you know, it's gonna happen. Like I want to sit
here and be like, man, I sure wish that we
weren't conquered as a people and now I'm fat and
have Type two diabetes. It doesn't matter. It was gonna happen.

(01:33:52):
And if it wasn't white people, and let's say fucking
brown people were the more conquering people, then it'd be
brown people that were pissed at, you know. And that's
the thing, man, is that progress is progress fucking regardless.
And this whole fucking case if you take Hawaii and
look at it from an experimental standpoint and look at
it as a case study, this is a fucking great

(01:34:12):
case of like how you cannot stop progress, you can
only lean into it and use it to help you out.
Because that's what Kamehameha did. And really the only downfall
of Kamehameha, and I think it was inevitable of his
kingdom after he died, was his wife handed over religion
to to Uh to Uh to Christians, you know, and

(01:34:38):
they she didn't leave a place for other religions to
come in. So I think the only downfall for Hawaii
was Christianity, which brought in the Americans, which brought in Dole,
which brought down Hawaiian kingdom. But once again I contend, dude,
I mean that only happened because of progress. But I
do still contend that if we had left them alone,

(01:35:00):
you know how great woul their society have been. But again,
they wouldn't have developed gunpowder. They wouldn't have developed guns
because they didn't need it. Though they again they didn't
need it. We redeveloped metal here and in other places
because we needed metal because we had low resources and
we needed to fight over resources. And so you know,
we need better than those fucking arrows that those Indians have.

(01:35:23):
So let's create this AT's all the Chinese have gunpowder.
These people were like, we don't need to make anything
more lethal. We're already killing each other for what we need.
And that's the thing is that is progress comes from necessity,
and then who knows where it goes after that?

Speaker 3 (01:35:39):
Yeah, man, invention is the mother of necessity.

Speaker 4 (01:35:42):
Yes, that is absolutely right here, bro, you are talking. Bro.

Speaker 3 (01:35:46):
I asked chat Gpt to write me some Captain Hook,
I wrote, write me, write me some jokes about Captain
Hook Cook.

Speaker 4 (01:35:58):
Huh Cook?

Speaker 3 (01:35:58):
But Captain Cook Jason no, chief of war and Hawaiian.
Here are the jokes Captain Cook and Hawaiian jokes written
in three seconds by Chad Gipt. Why didn't Captain Cook
bring sunscreen to Hawaii because he thought burned at both
ends was just a metaphor?

Speaker 4 (01:36:20):
That's yeah, bro, I'll be honest with you. That's not
a bad joke, Dude, That's not a bad for.

Speaker 3 (01:36:26):
Our listeners, get it. What did the Hawaiian chiefs say
when Captain Cook asked if he could stay longer?

Speaker 4 (01:36:33):
What?

Speaker 3 (01:36:34):
Sure you can stay for dinner? What was the Hawaiian
chief's favorite board game?

Speaker 4 (01:36:44):
What was the Hawaiian chiefs for your favorite board game.

Speaker 3 (01:36:46):
Risk, especially when it involved British explorers.

Speaker 4 (01:36:50):
Okay, that's good, that's all right.

Speaker 3 (01:36:53):
How did Captain Cook introduce himself to the chief of
war ow Hi, I'm Cook, and the chief responding, great,
we were just looking for one. Okay, why don't British
ships dock in Hawaii anymore? Because the last time they
left with a cook and no crew? Captain Cook, I

(01:37:20):
come in peace, Hawaiian chief. That's funny. We come in
pieces too.

Speaker 4 (01:37:30):
It's not.

Speaker 3 (01:37:30):
It's funny when white people say come in peace, but
when every every where they come in peace, they leave
a lot.

Speaker 4 (01:37:35):
Of pieces of people. They do.

Speaker 3 (01:37:39):
If you want jokes that are more edgy or dark humor,
I can go a bit further. I loves dark humor
about Captain Cook and Hawaii. All right, here's a set
of dark humor. Bro before we leave. Captain Cook really
made a name for him stopping Hawaii to butt. It

(01:37:59):
was on a d in your menu.

Speaker 4 (01:38:01):
But oh, you know why this is. I know why
they're doing these cannibalistic jokes because when they were gutting
him and and at deboning him, Yeah, someone did took
a native, mistook his guts for pigguts and ate them

(01:38:21):
and so like they ate because that's the thing that
this book clarifies is that nobody actually ate them on purpose.
They just like so like because there was a thing
going around that Hawaiians were cannibals.

Speaker 3 (01:38:33):
After Yeah, man, they're all kindible jokes. Why didn't Captain
Cook leave Hawaii when tensions rose? Why because he thought
getting roasted was just iland.

Speaker 4 (01:38:41):
Slang is that's what they referred to it as roasting.

Speaker 3 (01:38:46):
Captain Cook with the first European to be fully immersed
in Hawaiian culture, like fully immersed at first.

Speaker 4 (01:38:53):
That's I was just gonna say, he was literally immersed.

Speaker 3 (01:38:56):
You know what They called Captain Cook's final voyage a
cruise to this member get the fuck out of here,
keeping that one.

Speaker 4 (01:39:06):
Bro, Ah bro, that is good, dude, that is good.
Yeah man, Joe, Yeah man, you know that. What's the name.

Speaker 3 (01:39:14):
Jeffrey Dahmer had a couple of friends. He called them
my disc members.

Speaker 4 (01:39:20):
Nice.

Speaker 3 (01:39:21):
Why don't you Why don't you play hide and seek
with Hawaiian warshief because when they find you, they don't
tell you. They marinate you. Alright, alright, Ai, you stupid.

Speaker 4 (01:39:33):
Hack fucking AI. Guess attaches itself to one thing we tried.

Speaker 3 (01:39:37):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (01:39:38):
Hello, hi everybody, thank you for watching History for fools. Yeah.
If you guys have any more any suggestions, please leave
him in the comments. Also, if you want a part
two this, let us know. If it's overwhelming, then we
probably might do a part two. I had a lot
of fun doing this. You even get to Hawaiian games.
We did not. We did not, but we could do.

(01:39:59):
We could cover all that next time. But this was
one of the ticktack cook. Oh, bro, this good break
out the chat chip.

Speaker 3 (01:40:07):
I worked on hockey one. Bro, did you hear about
the short Hawaiian? And then it was hello? Oh okay, damn,
it's just end this episode.

Speaker 4 (01:40:24):
My sister was a Hawaiian lesbian. Bro.

Speaker 3 (01:40:27):
She was called no Leaky Leaky, get the funk out
of here, I.

Speaker 4 (01:40:39):
Cover.

Speaker 3 (01:40:40):
Helloha, buddy, Hello.

Speaker 4 (01:40:43):
Thanks for watching. We love you. Goodnight book, take.

Speaker 1 (01:41:13):
Thinking so book, Stanmers, so.

Speaker 2 (01:41:24):
Thinking so

Speaker 4 (01:41:27):
Stem Pers

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EP 79 - The Colonization of Hawaii

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}EP 79 - The Colonization of Hawaii