Funny Stories: Real Life Experiences

Get ready to laugh until your sides hurt! In this episode of Hot Topix Podcast, the team sits down with a special guest for a hilarious ride through some of the most outrageous, unexpected, and downright ridiculous real-life stories. From awkward encounters to wild misunderstandings, no topic is off-limits and no moment is too embarrassing to share. Tune in as we swap stories, roast ourselves, and try not to cry laughing. Whether you're commuting, cleaning, or just vibing at home—this episode is guaranteed to bring the chaos and the comedy.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Hot Topics Podcast for Psycho forty
eighty one. It's a lovely Lady Lamb Chop and the
fabulous Felonious Feather. Let's get into it. Welcome everyone to
another episode of the Hot Topics podcast. Thank you for
all joining in. Today. We're gonna be off the cuff

(00:27):
with some.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Things off the cuff any day.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
So what was originally scheduled was a mind of Megah. Right,
so we switching today. We're gonna we're gonna talk about
something more relaxing, because you know, summertime, everybody wants to
relax the weekend. We're gonna talk about funny stories. All right.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
I have one thing about Mega, and we're gonna move on.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
I saw my uncle uncle coach Mike posted a thing
that says, make make the asshole go away for Mega,
make the asshole go away.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
Yeah, so that's good. I like that.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Well, the guy that I had trying to come on,
he don't like me, right because we go at it.
He's a former well his officer again. Okay, you know,
we go in our little police sight, we go at it,
you know, so we you know, exchange words all the time.
He don't like me. I don't like him, and we
make it known.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
Okay, so that probably would be a hard get.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I'm not even gonna say I don't like him. I'm
gonna say I I think you don't like this pilot. No,
I just think he's stupid. Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Yeah, we all gonna move on and have some fun.
That's what we're gonna do.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm lady Lamb Chop. We didn't introduce ourselves.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
We'll kind of the intro introduce you.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
But okay, but let's connect the voice to the to
the Yeah, there you go to the name.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah, Hi, everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
She's whispering, Wilma.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
I'm no whispering. I'm trying. I'm no whispering.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Okay, my voice, your voice singing low?

Speaker 5 (02:02):
It is.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
That was not only when when i'm because half the
time I thing blows the whole meter off. It does
it does? Yes, well, I just so that's why that's
what I have to keep breaking it up in segments.
It's my fault.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Oh lord, we have a guest today.

Speaker 5 (02:25):
I think I'm gonna call myself Diamond in a rough
but I won't figure.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
I won't remember that name. You have to tell me everything.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
You're gonna be Domond No, he ain't. That sounds like
a stripper name.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
That's a woman. Okay, Uh, my name was Diamond Woman,
Destiny's Night.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
No, that's your name.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yeah, Destiny's child.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
Boy.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
That sounds gay, definitely really Destiny really start with what
sounds gay?

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Stop it. We're gonna work there, you go, thank you.

Speaker 4 (03:03):
What's that we stopped Matris before? What are you forgetting dimitrics?

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, dimitric cinema.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
Okay, that's why I didn't put cinema. I put dimetrics.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Yeah that's what she called.

Speaker 5 (03:17):
Yes, I'll call myself Ja Rices.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
Here we go.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
All right, So we're gonna we're gonna talk about some
funny things that's happened to either ourselves, others whatever, from
our lives, or some of our friends. Yes, I'm gonna
put some friends on the spot too. Why not? So
it's going to be pretty entertaining. So and a word

(03:51):
from our sponsor, job.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Sponsor, Oh the place I went to this weekend?

Speaker 1 (03:58):
No, the sponsor Ultra Max.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Stop talking ultra little my nerves.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Like, what did we get a sponsor?

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Moving up in the world. See silliness foolishness and no sense.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
All right, so we're gonna we're gonna talk about some stories, right,
I said, just as a warning. I hope nobody's offended
by it. But you know, oh well, I'm.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Sure we offend somebody with every show.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
And that's our disclaimer. So felonious father. Yeah you're you're
a young lady. I'm pretty sure you got some funny things.
Yes you do.

Speaker 4 (04:42):
I'm just hearing this for the first time.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
You go, you know what, you better tell someone what
I tell them for you.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
I don't know what are we talking about again?

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Funny stories?

Speaker 4 (04:55):
Funny stories?

Speaker 6 (04:56):
Yes, Oh well I might have one my experience when
I came to America. Oh yeah, so usually in my
country they help us with that. We have attendance gas
attendance when you buy your gas and stuff. So just

(05:17):
a couple of months in coming in, I decided, I'm like, okay,
this gas is low. I never bought it before. I'm like, oh,
it's low. I don't like seeing the light come on. Yeah,
So I'm like, okay, I'm just going to stop by
the gas station and just buy gas real quick.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
And then what's yeah, yeah, well, we don't like the
light coming on.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
Either your light lives on it.

Speaker 6 (05:47):
So I went in to the gas station. I had cash,
I gave the guy, I paid and went back to
my vehicle and pulled out the thing and put it in.
Put that word the nozzle, okay, and then he went
in and it was I was done. I think it
was like thirty forty dollars and I was done. And
I replaced it and I went into my car and

(06:10):
I started my car.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ah, I got this in my head.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Ok okay, just just let her go.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Let her go.

Speaker 6 (06:24):
And I started the car and I'm like, all the
lights came on. I'm like, I just literally bod guess
what's going on? Oh my god? And I tried again.
I'm like, Then I got in and I'm like, what's
going what could be going on with my car? And
then I realized what was going on, and then I
went in to fight to the guy, the attendant, because

(06:46):
I'm like, hey, did you put in diesel for my thing?

Speaker 3 (06:50):
I didn't tell you. I want to diesel. I want
to actual So I went to fight.

Speaker 6 (06:56):
I went to fight him because I didn't know, because
I'm like, I didn't tell you to put the diesel part.
I wanted the part, and I was like, no, whatever
you put this you blah blah blah. I'm like, no,
how come there's diesel in my thing? And I went
out and I'm like, oh my god, how is it diesel?

Speaker 4 (07:12):
What did I do?

Speaker 6 (07:14):
Funnily, the nozzle was bigger than the whole the tank.
It was big, but I forced it in.

Speaker 7 (07:29):
Oh no, so fluffing you.

Speaker 4 (07:42):
I kept going like boom, boom boom, going in and
then and then.

Speaker 6 (07:48):
But luckily for me, they said because the the gas
was empty already, it was just the diesel in like
if it was like if I had like pasttime, it
was mixed.

Speaker 4 (07:58):
The engine was will be gone. But it did even
move at all.

Speaker 6 (08:02):
So luckily there was a mechanic store or shop in
the gas station, so we just pushed it the next day.
So even til date, that's been like nine years now
to date, every time I try to buy gas, I
opened my eyes.

Speaker 4 (08:18):
I'm like green. So that was an experience.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
So what did they like siphon the diesel out of
the Yes, I know that was an experience. I would
have had a heart attack.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
I would have had what's ultra funny about that whole story, right,
didn't have diesel right here?

Speaker 6 (08:48):
You just I didn't know, right, just paying attention. You
just think that was my first time. I just usually
did do it for us. I've never had to do
any of that before. So it's like, oh, just get
one and everything is gay. Oh so because in Nigeria,
where I come from, we have a separate town.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
Yeah diesel.

Speaker 6 (09:08):
So I didn't ever think it was diesel was green.
I saw it green, but I don't know now.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Just think you you could have easily created a spark
shoving our He was in Maryland, Yeah, he was almost
in Delaware. You would have ended.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
Up there part to her anyway. That's so scary. Yeah,
flying through the air, Yeah, they definitely used to. It
used to be attendance and they got rid of that,

(09:56):
and it used to be some places in Maryland had
a separate tank as a separate thing for diesel.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
I don't remember that.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
I remember, well, I got a little bit of age
on you. I remember that.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
So in New Jersey it was I think they softening
it up now. But you can't. You couldn't before. You
couldn't put you had to. So I don't know even
when I first got out of New Jersey and I
went to the gas station. I sat there and waited
coming out, you got yours. Yeah, you see exactly could.

Speaker 4 (10:34):
Have been anybody, but.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
You know, extra cautiously.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
You forced the square block into the the whole. She
didn't blow up.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
Yes, yes, orwin the car.

Speaker 6 (10:51):
So this year April April, first edge to play a
prank and I'm like, I called someone and I'm.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
Like, you know, oh my god, I'm this is this
happened again.

Speaker 6 (11:02):
I didn't know that was like at your age, really
you're doing this over again, like how many years and
now you're doing this again And I'm like, oh my god,
yeahs a funny experience. But it wasn't funny at that time. Buddy, Yeah,

(11:22):
it's funny now, but yeah, oh.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
My gosh, oh lord wow. I flashed a whole entire
Walmart parking lot on.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Did you whoa? It was right, that's worse.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Girlfriend and I went to Walmart and while we were
in there, it started raining, like it was like pouring rain.
So we're gonna make a mad dash to the car, right,
were pushing a car, and she was like, I had
one of those big things of paper towels.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
And She's like, it fell off the bottom, grab it.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
So I grab it and I had on like one
of those long skirts you know the women were in
the summer.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
So I pulled it up, thinking a little bit so
it don't get wet the bottom. Right I'm running, I
pull it up a little bit.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
She's like, grab the paper towels. So I grabbed the
paper towels. But as I scooped them up, I brought
the skirt up. So I'm holding the paper and the
skirt and I'm running across walbar parking lots, flapping in
the wed luckily, thank you g But she is She's

(12:22):
standing there like just staring like and I'm like, get
in the car.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
What are you doing? And she's just staring at me.
She was like your underwesh.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
So I'm like what And I can't really look down
because the paper towels huge, like they're bigger than me.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
So I was just like, am I really flashing the people?

Speaker 2 (12:42):
I dropped the paper towels because I'm thinking I'm flashing everybody,
and it is it's pouring, like we look like drowned
rats at this at this stage of game, I pick
it up.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
I'm just underwear. Soaked skirted.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
So did you have did you have?

Speaker 2 (12:57):
No?

Speaker 3 (12:57):
I had good ones on because at least I had
them on.

Speaker 6 (13:01):
But I don't think there'll be so many people because
it was poor.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Anybody who's listening, if you have any video footage from
somebody listened it into Hot Topics podcast.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
It was so bad. I'm like, I don't care. I
don't care if they see him or not. I just
got to get the car.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
It was horrible, right, and I'm gonna tell a story.
But it didn't gonna be my story close to that.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Why are you looking at me?

Speaker 2 (13:29):
You tell people's stories. You need to tell you because
we put I put everybody.

Speaker 4 (13:33):
I've never flashed anybody before.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
No, I don't worry about it. I'll let you tell
that story. Dermatologists.

Speaker 4 (13:54):
Uh, I don't know what.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
You cannot hang somebody else's story out there. He's talking
about her.

Speaker 4 (14:07):
Never taking.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
She's looking at it.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
I'm like, what, No, he's talking about her. You can't
be telling story on me. Don't we telling other people's stories.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
I'm telling everybody's story. Told the story.

Speaker 5 (14:23):
So I'm gonna tell the Harrison story. Oh boy, that's
a pretty funny story.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yes, Glass, you need to tell your own story. I mean,
psychle forty eighty one.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
You said, if it's yours or somebody else's or something
you heard, I got funny stories about all three of y'all.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
I don't care. What about these stories about me?

Speaker 1 (14:42):
I want to hear one about me, Yes, I do.

Speaker 4 (14:47):
My only me is just maybe my.

Speaker 6 (14:53):
Solad, my chicken, Oh your chicken saladce you poor baby.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
That was awful.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
I w wasn't here what Brian got on me?

Speaker 3 (15:02):
That was awful.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
Oh that's that's what he has stories about us, but
we don't know about him, remember.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
Yeah, that's what it is. I just don't remember.

Speaker 4 (15:13):
I have to think about it.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, I got a good one for you though.

Speaker 4 (15:16):
All right, let's go dimitricks.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, what's your funny? Yes?

Speaker 1 (15:19):
Which one?

Speaker 3 (15:20):
Anyone?

Speaker 1 (15:21):
Anyone? Whatever you feel like? All right, we're on the
subject at Walmart.

Speaker 5 (15:29):
So a while ago. This is a long time ago,
so y'all, let's listen. Don't get a twisted.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yesterday twenty yesterday, maybe twenty years twenty years ago. Yeah, yeah,
so you know it was, so you don't Yeah he was. Yeah,
I was still a young pup coming up.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
Okay, I'm cage, So I was at going to Walmart
and Womington, North Carolina, and uh, you know, I went
inside and then as I was coming out a friend
of mine. I ran into a friend of mine and
we started talking. And we're both movie buffs, you know.

(16:16):
So we started talking.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
About male friend, female friend.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
Male.

Speaker 5 (16:19):
Okay, so we started this story includes two males, okay,
three males included me. So you know, we started talking
about movies or whatever, and me and him we're passionate,
you know. So this guy come up. He looked like
John Telly. For y'all don't know who John Sally is.
He'ss a retired NBA basketball player, black ballhead with glasses,

(16:43):
but he's really tall. This guy will look exactly like him.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
But he was short.

Speaker 5 (16:48):
So he started walking down to us. And first thing
I first impressonedn't get he's just a homeless guy. He
probably gonna ask for some money, even though he wasn't
really dressed like a homeless guy, but he.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
Was just Yeah, you know, people bathe and stuff, they still.

Speaker 5 (17:01):
Be out there asking for money. So I'm like, he's
trying to jump in on the conversation with us. He's
gonna ask for money. One of us walk off. So
you know, we start we finished talking or whatever. So
my friend, you know, he walks off or whatever, I'll
catch you tomorrow. I said, all right, I'll catch you tomorrow.
So this guy looks at me, and I found it
kind of weird. I'm like, I thought he would have

(17:23):
walked off asking me by money by now. So he
started talking to me. He was like, yeah, man, you
know you're in another assist and that, and you know,
I think I don't know. I can't remember what movie
was talking about. But he was just like, yeah, this,
and and then it got heated because he went from
a talk to a debate, to heat the debate to
argument about a movie about him with a stranger.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Happened to me in life, just understand.

Speaker 5 (17:47):
So we're arguing about a movie because I'm passionate too, right.
So he's like, you know, man, he took it there.
I didn't say. I didn't disrespect him, no, crit So
he's like, man, after you man this and that, you know,
your mama don't even know about movies.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
You don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 5 (18:02):
And I'm like, you know, U MF you know, I'm
like going in like and now I'm yelling until the
point the Walmart lady comes out and go, hey, listen,
I guess somebody went and got it. Hey, you know,
if you guys are out here still fighting, you better
cut that out because I'm I'm about to go in
there and call the cops. So as he when she

(18:25):
said that, I was, you know, I turned my head because.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
I'm like, oh, no, you ain't. I ain't do nothing.

Speaker 5 (18:31):
When I turn my head, I'm like, wait a minute,
You're gonna call the cops on me. This guy come
up to me and start talking to me, and he's
cussing me out and this and that you need to
call the cops on him. And as I'm turning back around,
I guess he was sizing me up when I turned
the other way. As I come turning rock around, he
bulletproof kicked.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Me sidekick in my head.

Speaker 5 (18:53):
And that kick was so hard I thought my eyebrows
fell off and pick them back.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
I was Richard for my eyebrows off the floor.

Speaker 8 (19:00):
What I'm like, dude, you're sitting there like house Yeah,
he round house speed, he read he revised stranger Bruce
Lee's tennch kicked.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
To a sidekick. So I'll turn around grabbing my head
that because that ship hurt.

Speaker 5 (19:19):
As him grabbed my hand, I'm looking at him. I'm
like I look up at him like you just can't.
And he starts sizing up again like he was like, yeah,
I'm about to do it again. I was like, oh,
you lost your So he went for a second one.
This time he didn't go for a sidekick. He came
into my chest boom, and I caught it. I tried
to break his up. I had him on the ground.

(19:41):
I was I was trying to.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Break his leg.

Speaker 5 (19:43):
I was so mad because you know, you would think
black people don't kick each other.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
That come full ship.

Speaker 5 (19:51):
So it's like, you know what I'm saying, we size
up and we you know we said we grab each other.
Throw him on the ground and size up in box
like you know what I'm saying, like stuff. So I'm
just like I'm trying to break his leg. I'm thinking
my head, I can't believe this dude. I just got
kicked number one and it's a black dude kicked me.
I would expect that from a Chinese, not no offense.

(20:19):
I'm sitting there like so I'm just kind of so
do they come and grab security come out. I guess
that stupid woman called the securities. They come on and
grab me off. I'm like, hold up, wait a minute,
hold up. I just got kicked in the half. You
know Baverley Hills Cop when Bruce Lely got thrown out,
I mean Eddie Murphy got thrown out the window.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
I just got thrown out. I felt like that.

Speaker 5 (20:44):
I'm like, Yo, this dude just kicked me, and they're.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
Holding me back and let this dude get up and
walk away.

Speaker 5 (20:51):
And I'm like, oh, you better hurry up and get
out of here because I'm they're gonna be pulling They're
gonna be pulling me back again.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Oh no, I never told.

Speaker 5 (21:00):
I told my brother that the first time, and I
told my cousin that, and I always kept that to myself.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
My roommates knew about it, but he had passed away.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
So you got.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
Here's the funnier part. So I go home. I had
two rooms.

Speaker 4 (21:16):
Did you get charged or what?

Speaker 1 (21:18):
No, what they're gonna charge me for?

Speaker 5 (21:20):
Well, everybody know people, people see those people out there
that actually sing okay started.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah, the lady saw him kick me, charge me. I
got round house. So they did the interview said yeah,
there was two homeless guys.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
The market.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
So here's the here's the funny part.

Speaker 5 (21:43):
The funny part is I go home and I'm debating
in my head because I had two roommates. I go
home debating in my hand. Should I tell them. I'm like,
this is pretty embarrassing. They're gonna laugh at.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Me, or I don't want them to get mad.

Speaker 5 (21:55):
Try to go beat this dude because one of my roommates,
you know, he crazy. So so I get home and
I don't realize I'm walking in. I'm like, Noah, ain't
gonna say that yet. I'm gonna tell them, but ain't
gonna say nothing yet. So somewise I'm going to my room.
They stopped me and mom was what I said, What
you're talking about? That?

Speaker 1 (22:13):
Man? You got that big ass timbling.

Speaker 5 (22:16):
You got the timbling print right right your chest because
I had I had a white T shirt on and
it was a big, big timbling and then it was
there was a side of printside my head.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
See I'm glad you laugh because this is really really
happened to me. That's the funny part.

Speaker 5 (22:34):
So I'm sitting there like I'm looking in my print,
got a dirt tembling print.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
I'm like, so I had the time. I'm like, man, listen, man,
I got round house. There was a day. One of
them started laughing right away that other members like what
what you hold on? Come on? Who catched you?

Speaker 5 (22:56):
Was he a white guy? No, he was a black dude.
He like a computer her It looked like John Sally.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
From That's that. Yeah, I was trying, but yeah.

Speaker 5 (23:07):
So that, yeah, unfortunately I got the Holy Spirit kicked out.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
So he goes, he gets probably got a bootprint in
his shirt that was on his head. That was so embarrassing.
That was embarrassed.

Speaker 4 (23:23):
That's why, that's actually why they didn't charge you, because.

Speaker 5 (23:28):
You know, well one of the ladies who came out
when the cops came out, one of the ladies was like,
I'm surprised you didn't.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
He didn't put you to sleep, but that was a
really hard kick. I was so mad she said that.
I like, I rolled my eyes and kept going. So,
so you you drove all the way home with THEE
on your head. I had it.

Speaker 5 (23:49):
It was almost like the rock, you know how the
rock got that tattooed on the side of Mike Tyson
looked like a Mike tyson print for.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
His shoe traded like yeah, and that.

Speaker 3 (23:58):
Was since then I said it should not be a funny.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
The lesson learned.

Speaker 5 (24:05):
That part, No, Rice, The lesson learned is don't ever underestimate.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Culture or anybody.

Speaker 5 (24:15):
Because I'm thinking if I were known he was going
roundhouse me, I would have been more prepared.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
You know, I want to turn around.

Speaker 5 (24:21):
I would have been, Oh, he's gonna do some project
you In my head, I'm thinking only only Chinese people.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
That that kind of self.

Speaker 3 (24:29):
So you know, I'm apologize thee community.

Speaker 5 (24:32):
He's gonna grab me and throw me on the ground,
and you know, if he didn't win it, anything, if
he beat me or whatever.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
But yeah, don't underestimate. No, I learned big on that.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
I still get.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
Trying to figure out how I can't stop laughing.

Speaker 5 (24:51):
Well, I was getting a lot of toys and Russ
headaches for the last couple of years. Recently stopped apparently,
so you know, I do it headache so hard, Tory,
rust on you.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
I don't want to grow up. I'm a toyson rust cake.

Speaker 5 (25:09):
I was saying, man, like, you know, learn your lesson.
When you learn your lesson, don't underestimate nobody. I'll be
looking at everybody now that they're gonna do that Kung
Fu ship.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
So so so to this day, you just walking around
with theme music.

Speaker 5 (25:25):
And you yeah, I mean he he kicked the headache
in and out of me.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
I was.

Speaker 5 (25:32):
You know, temblance hurt. Temblance hurt. We all know that,
but especially on the side. I thought I was gonna
have to have brain surgery after that.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
Kike. I was so that was just embarrassing, man. But
what did you have anything in your hand?

Speaker 5 (25:48):
This is why I wish we had a I had
a I had a check a sandwich. I really tried
to grab the sandwich when you keep me in, but
the kick hurt so hard. I grabbed my head. The
sandwich had to go. But I was they should have
they should have bought me more food, said he said,

(26:10):
He said, My cousin said a fish sandwich, sandwich and
the letters and tomatoes was still in the air by
the time you talked about by the time I fail,
the lettuce and tomatoes failed and I couldn't catch them.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
They all slept back on the sandwich.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
I can't, I can't. That is terrible.

Speaker 5 (26:35):
Timberlands will do that to you, okay, And I was
wearing Timberlain for the end. I was wearing Timberlands at
that because you know, I'm a timberlate more.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
We should have said that to the end, because I
don't think I.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Actually have more. Unfortunately, these kind of things happened. Happened
to me, hopefully.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Because it looks like Mike, Oh my gosh, okay Glass,
everybody says something, it's your turn, so I keep.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
Come on, psycho, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
So yeah, I don't have any funny stories. So all right,
I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you this. This
is one. We're talking about bad nights. So there was
back when I was a buff patrolman on police force,
right working years ago, just saying.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
I'm known for twenty we had.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
This was, this was this. This actually involves a lot
of people. But it was a midnight shift. So it
was a nice night. You know, when it's nice and
it's warm, you get active. You know, you want to
get the stuff. So me and two of my coworkers
responded to a house for domestic and the lady met
us out in the parking lot. Before the women to

(27:56):
the house, she says, you know, hey, my my boyfriend
or whatever was beating on me or whatever whatever. And
when we looked at her, you could see that she
had little blood in her teeth, right, this little blood whatever.
So he was like, all right, man, just stay here.
We're gonna go talk to him whatever, and then he
will beat We have five kids, so they're they're afraid
the death of police, right, so all right, are we

(28:17):
gonna do this? Cool and calm? So we go to
the to the house whatever, it's the townhouse and knocked
on the door. He comes out there and you can
see the kids upstairs at the top of the steps,
and he was crying. Right. You wonder when the funny
part comes.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
In, Yeah, because this sounds pretty sad.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
It starts off bad. So, you know, we explained to
him and in one of the guys his name is Joe,
I always call him Helmet. Heead Joe. He got a
bald head and it's complexion, looking like the Cleveland Brown's helmet.
So he was like, all right, man, look, this is
our job. We gotta do it, you know, blah blah blah.
Because the circumstances we gotta make an arrest, but we're

(28:55):
not gonna do it in front of your kids. So
we've been you know, super duper nice. Right, So we said, well,
just come and walk out outside the door and you know,
we'll do it there. So he walks outside the door,
and what did you think he did? Bolted took off.
But he was a dummy because he ran in the
street line. Right now, back then, I was in really,

(29:17):
really top shape, so I was the only one to
chase him. I'm flying, I'm you know, I'm I'm I'm
where I get my nickname from. So I'm chasing him
and I'm talking shit to him, you know. So I
finally grabbed him, and he because he went past the
you know, park lot into the grass whatever, I grabbed him.

(29:38):
We end up tumbling, rolling over whatever. Right, So I'm
thinking I'm tumbling. I hit my face on the ground,
and the guy didn't want to you know, he didn't
want to cooperate. I got him. So the other two
finally catch up to me. So we're trying to make
sure he you know, he puts his hands behind his back. Man,
one time, I use my ass time, which is a

(30:00):
extendable stick. I pulled that out and I'm popping them.
Give me your hands, give me your hands, give me hands.
So after that, the guy was like he was getting tired.
The guy was like, all right, Orlando Lily now Superintendent Lily.
He says. He was like, watch out, I'm about to
spray him. Right out comes to spray no in my mouth, yes, right.

(30:33):
So and it was that's first time I ever really
seen it. Whatever pepper spray. I was like, ate some
hot wings. Yeah. So we end up, you know, finally
getting them locked up or whatever. Right, so you know,
I'm my face is still hurting from the from the
you know, tumble or whatever. So as we're going back,

(30:53):
one of the other helmet here, Joe, he says, I'm sorry, man,
it's like what he's like. You know when when when
you guys was wrestling, I thought I meant to hit him,
but I hit you so this big ass guy, he
instead of hitting him, I got punched in the face. God,
that's why I thought I hit the ground. Face that
hit the ground. That was his fist.

Speaker 4 (31:16):
You had all boy things happening to you.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Wait, so that was taken care of. Yeah. So in
that same little area, after we had that done, we
was remember this, it's a nice warm night, so we
going to every every place together. So we another spot.
So I was kind of impatient. So it was all
three of us, so I didn't want to walk down
the steps, so I decided I'm gonna just walk down

(31:41):
the hill. This is you know, midnight ship whatever wet grass,
slippery slipped on that hit my tailbone, roll roll down
the hill in the middle of night. Also embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
So that particular night with the the mouthful of pepper
spry and pepper sprayed, punched in the face and rolled
down the hill.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
Now walking around for the rest of the with grass
things and you know of my pants, you know, faced
all half swollen.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
Oh man, Sorry.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
That was That was a good night. But we had fun.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Okay the fun in that but okay, if you say so,
I do not see any fun of.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
That was so I'm thinking I'm not sure if this
was the same night, but we had it was a
remember when Bennigans was there. You heard of Bennigans restaurant, Yes, right,
so they had a Benigans there, right, They always had
issues over there. So we because these girls, it was
a group of three girls.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
That.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Group of three girls that was kind of eyeing. These
other two girls were law enforcement. Yeah, so it was like,
you know, back and forth, and then they ended up
getting in this whole fight. So we go in there.
I ended up having a locker that was my post.
So I had to end up having a lock all
three of them up and uh, one day was under
each so they weren't even they weren't even supposed to drink.
Sending then locking them up, put him in a car.

(33:13):
I obviously they're drinking. The girl starts going off. What
does she do her in the car? No, she kicked
my window? Whoa kicked my window out? No, it wasn't
the same time. It was two different incidents. It wasn't
the same time because I remember when she kicked my
window out, my window was gone. One of the guys
come over there. He sprays her in my car, spraised

(33:34):
her in my car. So I'm like, everybodys looking at
them up. Why would why would you do that?

Speaker 3 (33:38):
The whole call filled up with pepper sprays.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
So now I got to drive this girl from Bennegan's
all the way to the to the thing. It was
freezing cold, so the windows was down and I'm coughing
and tearing up. Yeah, So end up locking them up,
then get back there. We had this one guy name
I'm putting his name out there too. What is wrong
with my boy Tim? He's retired now too. So he

(34:03):
was a processing officer. Now the guys, I mean the girls,
was three of them there. They were cheerful, they drunk,
cheerful whatever, and we're going back and forth whatever. So
there was like officer officer like, what where's the guy
that the guy is supposed to process us? I was like,

(34:23):
who who's supposed to process you? You know that guy? Right?
The guy is wearing the side thirty two waist pants
and need to be it, need to wear thirty eight?

Speaker 5 (34:33):
What?

Speaker 1 (34:35):
That's what? No, So they was cracking on them.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
By Oh, oh drunk, you do weird things when you're drunk.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Oh jeez, yeah, that was that was something.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yeah, your your fun story sound painful.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Sorry, I'm gonna have to head. Sorry is painful? All right?
Oh jeez, you got any more?

Speaker 3 (35:15):
I can't tell you. It's like I don't know.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
Actually no, it's not. It's funny to me.

Speaker 3 (35:22):
Right, so, which means it wasn't funny to me.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
All right. So for you guys don't know, like you know,
I've known her for a long time. So we've been
we've been going on trips for a long time, you
know whatever. Whatever. So you look at her face when
I tell her, you see when it lights up. But
she remembers. So, so I was. I was in McDonald's
one time, one where you live, and you know, remember

(35:46):
they have the head for the smoothies, the mango smoothies
and stuff like that. So the guy when I got one,
he's like, he's like, you know what those are good?
You go get your little bottle room or whatever. You
put it in the smoothies, you know, and it tastes
like a you know whatever. Oh that's a good idea.
It's kind of cheaper than blah blah blah. So when
we go on the trips, we usually, you know, have
our little drinking drinks and stuff like that. Whatever. So

(36:08):
we went to I think it was like Western Maryland somewhere.
Oh my god, no.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
No, you cannot tell us story.

Speaker 4 (36:19):
You already started.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
A right, so embarrassed, I won't tell you started it.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
You don't know I restarted it is so it's so embarrassing.
It is so embarrassing.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
So we went on the training. I'm thinking, all right,
we got usually, you know, we go out with the
food and stuff like that, and you know, the drinks.
So just meeting her, she's in her room. I'm in
my room, and I think we left early from the
little training out there whatever. So you know, when we
leave early, we look at all the stuff and you know,
while we shopping, everybody in the training we just walk
into you know whatever, right, right, So later on at night,

(36:53):
I'm thinking, I'm preparing. You know, we're gonna go get
the drinks, saying much to do that. We're gonna get drinks,
pan some food. We're gonna have fun, gonna get right. So,
for some reason, I don't know what she was preparing,
she ended up taking the laxative.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
I was so sick to my stomach. I was so
sick to she took too much, Like wait, why did you?

Speaker 4 (37:11):
Why did you take one in the first list?

Speaker 3 (37:13):
I couldn't go, and I was and I got to
the point where.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
It's mean, It is so mean, you know, I got
you the point where I couldn't go, and I was
starting to feel really uncomflidented and not well you know
what I mean.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
It was just like I just gotta go, so you too,
you can continue.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
So she took too much. I guess she was trying
to make it work faster that entire time her door,
I can't.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
She was off the toilets, like you want to get
something to eat?

Speaker 3 (37:52):
No, I don't want to think about food. I don't
want to think about anything. I think I did eventually
send you off for rice, was like, just go to
the Chinese food to get and get me some rice.
Maybe not of help, it was.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
And you know, the whole the whole purpose, like when
we score on these trainers because we used to have fun. Yeah,
but everybody know we got there. And one time she
was stuck in I was I couldn't.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
I couldn't get out of that room. I couldn't get
off the toilet. Basically, that's bottom line.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
I couldn't. He was just not and he would come
and look so concerned.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
Oh you okay, No okay, And I'm not gonna be okay.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
I'm gonna ship just found like it was gonna be
non stopped.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
But I got something out of that though, right. So
when I was talking to people about how they travel
and they travel alone, I said, you know, you said, well,
you know, don't talk strangers and all the types stuff whatever,
And I thought about it, except what if that happens
to somebody and there's nobody to check up on you.
It could be something something as small as that.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
That's right. So yeah, that was Oh my god, remember that. Okay.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
So me and him and another one of our friends
went to Ocean City one year and for whatever reason,
the people in the room next to us was having
non stop set.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
And every time we would try to go to sleep,
you would just hear. He would just be.

Speaker 6 (39:24):
Like, really, we can't hear you.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
We can here.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
You're like, what are you doing?

Speaker 8 (39:31):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (39:32):
We can here.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
You was walking in the hall as the across the
way you could see how was the hotel was built
a certain way where you could see it cross and
see other people's rooms right, and for whatever reason, I
don't know, they had the lights on or something, or.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
The hall the windows were open, the curtains were open,
and they were going.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
To town, going to town and were standing there like
it was like one of those trains.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
I said, you couldn't stop watching, just like, okay, you move, No,
you move like should we've been watching us?

Speaker 3 (40:06):
It's gotta stop.

Speaker 9 (40:06):
So I'm like I do, okay, yes, we have had
some yeah them people was was like constant.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
It was like, it's got to be a prostitute. There's
no way that he's doing it to the same woman
every single night. And she tired by neck like and
we were out there a week and I don't remember
them not stopping the entire time we were there, Like,
shut up.

Speaker 6 (40:33):
You're gonna get the value for his money.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Listen, he had some blue pills. I don't care, but
nobody he had the little blue pills because that man
was going non stop. It's like, oh, yeah, stop going
to training with you.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
That's what we're going to We got pasted past the drink.
Oh geez, hey, past the dirty Thank you for popping
in there. You know, we on our funny stories. I
know you've got a whole suitcase full of them. Hey
pastor see it be still listening. Well whenever he'll chi

(41:16):
all right, I got one that I never told you about.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
Lord, I'm scared.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
We were talking about diarrhea effects and stuff. This one
man from there.

Speaker 5 (41:27):
Yeah, so the song about it, like the cooking job
I worked at Japanese restaurant my first you know, started
working at whatever. One of the things we did, we
had you know a recipe on the menu. Item on
the menu called the stuff hallowpens. Okay, so you know

(41:51):
we had the stuff open, cut the hallowpeens in the
middle and take the seeds out and then stuff it
would crab meat man, stop crap, so and then you know,
do it put it in timpoor and fry. So you know,

(42:11):
I had to chime in with there, like hey, come
on and help us. So me and the guys just
doing that whatever. I didn't realize that they were wearing gloves.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
I was doing this. So I'm sitting there.

Speaker 5 (42:27):
Like a happy kid, just scooping it out, having conversations
with them. They looking at me, So I'm just doing that,
you know. Just then about maybe like thirty minutes later,
I had to go.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
Use the bathroom.

Speaker 5 (42:41):
Oh no, So I went in there and I had
one of those long peas, you know, just you know,
one of those fifteen second piece. So then doing thing
come out, you know, going there, you know, wash my hands,

(43:04):
you know. So I just go back over there and
start doing it again.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
M hm.

Speaker 5 (43:09):
About maybe like three minutes later, I started dancing like
a strip of that money.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
I'm just and They're like what one of them just
started laughing right at Wicks. It's like that. I think
they was talking about it when I went in the bathroom.

Speaker 5 (43:25):
Or something so like like this food and uh, you
know when speaking their language though, they was just you know,
so I'm just like they laugh, I'm like, what's like ship?

Speaker 1 (43:38):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (43:38):
Like, I'm just kind of like I'm holding on to
it because we had like a steel table, so I'm
holding on to it. And now I'm look like I'm
in a position to having sex.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
I'm just and I'm touching myself and they're like, what's like,
what's wrong? What's wrong here? You know, because they speak differently, like.

Speaker 5 (43:56):
Ah, something, I ran out. I got some water about
the water from out.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
The front whatever makes it worse.

Speaker 5 (44:05):
I poured it down there and they're like, what's wrong.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
I was like, are your peepy hot?

Speaker 5 (44:12):
And I was like, what's happening?

Speaker 3 (44:17):
Why?

Speaker 2 (44:18):
You know?

Speaker 1 (44:18):
When you have the gloves? Are you telling me that ship?

Speaker 3 (44:21):
Now?

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Man?

Speaker 1 (44:23):
I had to go out and shit out back. I
was up there just like you know, man, that was
the most one of the most painful things.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
I ever went through because face fire.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
I'm talking about the fire like somebody took some.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Yeah, it was pretty bad. Touch a face always one.

Speaker 5 (44:52):
Of my friends, you know, he came up to calm down, man,
you dancing like a broke strip over, like laughing.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
He knew what was going on.

Speaker 3 (45:01):
I'm like, oh, you poor thing. That sounds so painful.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
I got to later on after this, I want I wanted.
I want them to hear the one about the church,
for sure, Okay, what about the what about the women
love me stories?

Speaker 4 (45:20):
Women don't love you? You don't talking about what you're
pointing at me?

Speaker 1 (45:30):
No, I want you to.

Speaker 5 (45:31):
I want you to tell your story, because I got
a story.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
For the office.

Speaker 4 (45:38):
What office is that? You just mind your business.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
Business? You don't want to tell her?

Speaker 1 (45:48):
You can't, all right, you don't have to tell it.

Speaker 4 (45:55):
It's nothing. It's just that I went.

Speaker 6 (45:57):
Okay, first time I did them, I tell just I
went because of my scalp. Okay, I'm like, my I
have a dry scalp and I wanted something I should
have set my ass down. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna
go to just have my everything checked out. And then
they're like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, come in. And
then they say, oh, you're gonna have to do to toe,

(46:19):
Like what does toe mean? They're gonna check me from
my head to my toe? And I'm like, oops, you're
a hater. See okay, so I had jeans on, but
I didn't have on the way.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Okay, okay, Oh so you had to strip down to oh.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
Oh you go on in there thinking that, you know.

Speaker 5 (46:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (46:46):
And then I told him like, hey, I'm sorry, so
can I get a dressing gas?

Speaker 1 (46:57):
Give me?

Speaker 4 (46:57):
And I'm like I'm sorry, don't have.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
She's like okay. So I'm like, that's.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Laughing for a person who's kind of hesitant to go
into the doctors, right you. So let's let me go
check my hand out. You know what? You guess naked?

Speaker 4 (47:21):
Yeah, because I didn't. I didn't plan. I told him.

Speaker 6 (47:23):
I'm like, I just want to get my and I'm
like what does he told me? So you have to strip?
And I'm like strip like from here right, and they're
like oh all over. I'm like, well, I don't have underwear.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
What am I going to do?

Speaker 4 (47:41):
Like, oh, you're fine.

Speaker 6 (47:43):
She just gave me the tiny rope, so I hit
it in all over and it was it was a
guy doctor.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
Too, ye old man. Yeah, I'm sure they've seen worse.

Speaker 4 (47:55):
So yeah, that's that's what you keep going on and
on and let me rest for.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
I'm so mad.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
I can't remember any funny stories about him, and it
only gives me drunk. So I don't remember any funny
stories about it because he's always he puts everybody else stuff.

Speaker 6 (48:13):
I know, right, And my other funny story, the only
one he heard the nose, is the one we all
went to where did we go again? And I ordered
the chickens like it was all. There was also a
series of unfortunate.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Events, yes, around your food. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (48:30):
The first time I ordered chicken salad and there was lettuce.

Speaker 4 (48:35):
Lettuce, and he's put of.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Its supposed to be chicken seal.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
It was supposed to be chicken salad like on a
fatter lettuce, you know, just.

Speaker 4 (48:45):
Chicken salad, chicken salad in the bowl.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Yeah. We were at a sandwich plate.

Speaker 6 (48:50):
No, yeah, and then it just put it like a
ball of letters of chicken, just a tel like a little.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
A little bit of like a little bit chicken one
this salty too.

Speaker 4 (49:08):
Yeah, it was so bad.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
It was expensive.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Yeah, it wasn't cheap.

Speaker 6 (49:14):
That place wasn't And then I went to the hotel
and I'm like, let's we're gonna I'm like, oh my god,
I'm so hungry.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
I'm gonna die.

Speaker 6 (49:20):
And I'm like, oh, he's like, oh, you didn't have
anything less other wings and I'm like, okay, I got
lemon pepper or something something.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
It came out horrible. I'm like, oh no, no.

Speaker 6 (49:29):
Then the dash there, we ordered door Dash and then
dash took the food or put the food outside.

Speaker 4 (49:36):
We didn't find the food.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
They so it was late late in the evening, the
most places was closing, so the DoorDash came and instead
of it was a hotel, it was a hotel. So
I was specific says, hey, let me know when you
get here, and they supposed to update you. The dummy
put the food outside of the main doors, so anybody
coming in got the food or a critter. Yeah, but

(50:01):
I was out there fast, so I'm like, you know,
walking from one end to the other, all the extra
doors looking for the thing. And then you know, obviously
somebody came in and took her food, so now she's starving.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
Yeah. It was bad.

Speaker 6 (50:14):
Yeah, And then then then I ordered Then I ordered
the kind of wings I didn't.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Like yeah, she ordered the wrong wings. And it's so
funny because when they when they came, I was like,
I'm not going to go through this again. So I
walked in the middle of the street, the middle of
this long street, so every every car that came through,
I was.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
Like, you right, yeah, you just had a bad food
experience that entire trip.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
And then she wanted to go to that buffet. Was
it Indian? Yes, yes, we drove all on the other
side of town to this Indian buffet.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
Yeah, the whole trip she just had that probably yeah, yeah, definitely.
Oh yeah, all right, we got time for one more story.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
It should be you.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
It really should be yes, you do like four more.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
We're gonna do this again, and I'm gonna remember some
glass stories. I'm gonna called my other friend who travels
with us, and she's gonna give me some cycle for
the eighty one stories.

Speaker 5 (51:33):
Want me to good which one, because I have to
just pick off the two that can go fast.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Okay, that's like one big, or I have the Catholic Church.
That's a that's a I got the women, or give
it the Catholic Church.

Speaker 3 (51:49):
I'm scared, So I'm scared.

Speaker 1 (51:52):
I used to live in Womenon, And.

Speaker 5 (51:55):
This is years ago. I had roommates and both of
my roommates was from Queens, New York. So one of
them was moving back home to you know, to Queens.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
And they were Irish. They Irish guys and so Irish Catholic,
but yeah, Catholics.

Speaker 5 (52:17):
And Irish or whatever, so I can go back. I mean,
He's like, hey, I want you to meet you. I
want you to come visit my family because I wasn't
doing nothing for Christmas, so I want you to come
visit my family. Man, you know. And I told my
father and my parents all about you. They we want
to meet you, this and that. And I said okay.
He said, you're not doing that, man, come on, you

(52:38):
gonna stay around the house Christmas or whatever. So I
was like, all right, yeah, I'll go with you. So
we rode him all the way to Manhattan. We didn't
go to Queens, but his parents lived in Manhattan, so
we rode all the way to Manhattan and I met
his dad.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
Dad really nice, gave me one hundred dollars as soon
as we put chriss to you. I thought it was
five bucks when I walked off and looked at it oh, whoa.

Speaker 5 (53:05):
My dad does that all the time. So you know,
I had fun. His parents cooked for me. His mother,
I had two hundred and ten dollars for food, spending money.
His mother would not let me spend no money on food.
She cooked more breakfast, lunch, and dinner and a lot
of food. They let me have their room to sleep,

(53:25):
and they forced me because I was doing that go
through it. My parents are, you know, they're Irish. So
one night we was going to a thing called Midnight Midnight.
I've never before I've never been to a Catholic church
before hour. Oh boy, I've been. I've been to like
regular Christian churches, Baptists, whatever you wanna call it, like

(53:47):
the basic black people.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
Like over here. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (53:53):
So I never knew anything about Catholic church. I just
knew her the word Catholic Church, and I just felt
like they were like different. They are, but I didn't
know nothing about them. So we go to this big
church in Queens where he used to live at when
he was younger. So he said, hey, the meet you.
We're going to midnight Mass tonight or whatever, so go

(54:15):
ahead and get dressed.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
So that was Christmas Eve.

Speaker 5 (54:18):
Christmas Eve, so he's like going to midnight Mass or whatever.
I'm like, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
What is that?

Speaker 5 (54:23):
He was like, you know, you go to you know,
like you've been to church before. Oh yeah, yeah, to
go to church services during a Christmas or Christmas eves.
Like yeah, yeah, that's what we're going. I was like, okay, cool.
So we get there. I'm the only black person.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
It's like probably like fifteen hundred people in this church.
That's a bit, and they're all white. So I felt
kind of weird a little bit. Anywhere.

Speaker 5 (54:46):
I'm like, you know, so we sitting down or whatever,
and here comes communion service. Now I explaining this to you.

Speaker 3 (54:54):
You don't explain to me.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Oh sh that's why you so.

Speaker 5 (55:05):
So regular church the churches I go to. The deacon
comes around, we sit, we stay in our pure The
deacon comes around or whatever and and gives everybody the wafer.
And then another deacon comes around, give everybody the juice,
the cranberry welchish juice, whatever. And then then and then
the past and then the pastor goes up to the yeah,

(55:27):
and he reads the scripture and goes you know, in
the Bible, the Night of Jesus.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 5 (55:32):
I say, break it thee eat it, the Boy of Christ,
and you break it. He said, this is the Boy
the Christ, and you eat it. And then he raised
the The other thing goes, this is Jesus. This is
my blood, drinking thief or whatever, the blood of Jesus
blood Jesus. Everybody said, you drink it. That's what I'm
used to midnight mines is once you said not that.

(55:56):
So we I'm sitting there and they everybody's get up
from a pew and walk and walking, you know. So
we're walking up to the thing, and I see everybody
getting it and eating it right. Get the cracker, eat
it right then and there, grab the.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
Juice and drink it right now. And why are they
doing that?

Speaker 5 (56:12):
Why they doing it? Back at the peow, one of
the guys will to read the scripture. So I'm walking up.
I grabbed the cracker from room, and I grabbed the
juice from keeping in mind I'm the only black person
and the only dumb ass.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
In there too.

Speaker 5 (56:27):
So I grabbed a cracker in the juice and I
walked back here here him go, and I stopped my
paused like like I was getting arrested, and I was like,
I turned around and looked at him, and he said,
and I swear to this day I still felt like.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
He said, hey, you're gonna put that in your nose.

Speaker 5 (56:48):
And I was like, all right, So I want to
be obedient to the preacher. So I was like, all right,
So I break the cracker and I don't all the
way and I should halfway in there. I thought about it.
I'm like, damn, this ship hurts.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
Wait, hold on, wait an, I'm saying like this. I said,
what you said? He said, I said, you gotta put
that in your mouth. You gotta eat that. And I
was like, oh, So I turned around and see if
anybody looking.

Speaker 5 (57:21):
Everybody's staring at me, and I go, all right, what
am I throw it in the trash and ask for
another one. So then he said you gotta drink. You
gotta drink that. You canna drink the water the juice.
I was like, okay. So then I throw it in
there in my roommates over there like this, so it's horrified.

(57:42):
I go up to the to the to the guy
that that yelled at me.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
I said, sir, I'm so sorry. Where where I'm used
to some something. Just go back to a pew.

Speaker 5 (57:54):
Done enough, I walked back all to the pew, and
you know when you did something in the court wall
and everybody's just standing. I get all the way back
to the to the when my roommates sitting, he goes,
I said, yo, man, I didn't know you have to
do that, like they said, glad my father didn't.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
He takes that ship serious.

Speaker 5 (58:17):
His father just know his father was in the bathroom
and his parents stupidly nice to me, right right, like
I think, like the best parents in the world, nice
to me.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
All Oh my god. You know. So I didn't want
to mess that up. Like look, it's like, oh yeah,
they brought somebody from the jungle.

Speaker 5 (58:38):
He didn't even he didn't even tell his father when
he got back to the pew. He didn't even tell them. Yeah,
he didn't tell what happened.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
That's how he was, like, I want me to tell No,
you didn't see.

Speaker 3 (58:49):
What everybody else was doing, Like you just do what
everybody else is.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
I'm programmed.

Speaker 5 (58:57):
If I do something and I'm used to doing it,
I think everybody's supposed to do it. And I just
felt like you could do what you want at that
point or something like you could pick.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
The ticket back there or whatever. I'm walking back.

Speaker 5 (59:07):
Man, that man yelled at me as the hand of
God grabbed my shoulder.

Speaker 4 (59:13):
By you put in your nose.

Speaker 3 (59:20):
Listen, Catholic church.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
It was hackos halfway even halfway that ship hurt. Damn.
I'm glad to stick it all the way in there.

Speaker 6 (59:32):
Have you ever heard coming be putting the notes? So
if you did not say anything, you put a wine
as well in the.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
I ain't gonna do that, think about it.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
The thing about it is, I was trying to be obedient,
Yeah to what he was saying.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
He said, put that. I'm gonna do whatever I had.
I'm the only black person at church. I was trying
to geticked. Well guess what, I guess they remember that only.

Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
Yes, that whole neighborhood talking about that exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:00:07):
That's true, EXACTLYSS, the whole generation of black people.

Speaker 3 (01:00:13):
Till this day.

Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Yeah, they got a son.

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
Yeah, they're still talking about that.

Speaker 5 (01:00:20):
The roommate tells over me when we get up or whatever,
my friends around or people, he will not let me
live on that.

Speaker 3 (01:00:28):
Oh yeah, everybody, you're not You're not gonna ever live
that down.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
As far as he's tell him that story.

Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
Yeah, you're never gonna live that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
Bring that up every time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
So listen, Catholic church is culture shock to people who
are used to Catholic church period.

Speaker 3 (01:00:43):
That first off the top, it is.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
It is culture shock, right, the stained glass windows, all
of the gold stuff, the incense, the whole not. You know,
it's really culture shocks. Oh, don't forget kneelings.

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
Everything went fun until we did Median. I fit in
with them. I thought I was white at that point,
like you know, they took you back. But then no,
God revealed me. But then they had then they have
the big the big screen up top, yeah, the big
to show what, to show everything everybody. Yeah, look at

(01:01:19):
this food. So we had that. They had an eighty
ft screen a.

Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
Picture of your face?

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Did they zoom?

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Mean?

Speaker 4 (01:01:28):
And you like, hey, you poor thing.

Speaker 5 (01:01:31):
Poor That's what I kept to you, telling myself, poor
thing because you did not know, you did.

Speaker 4 (01:01:35):
Not know what that's That's not an excuse.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
Like if I go someplace that I don't know what's happening,
I just watch other people.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
So that's why I was like, you didn't want to.

Speaker 4 (01:01:45):
See Why would I ever ever in my mind.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
You was gonna get sneezing.

Speaker 6 (01:01:50):
My brain in my brain, in my brain, and I
won't bring where my brain is from.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
I would never who it was putting that nose.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
You're not obedient listening right now. Do not let her
in your Catholic not one negro leting it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
Let him believe with the nose. I'm telling you. If
they didn't say, why do you put that in your nose,
he would put the wine in his nose.

Speaker 3 (01:02:20):
I'm telling you.

Speaker 5 (01:02:22):
Want that's that's what he'd been sitting down and the
people to think, no, I would to put I want
to put that in there.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
So why does not going?

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
Why did you think that was? I was there. I
knew we had to eat that, but I thought to
make him work. Put it.

Speaker 6 (01:02:35):
You put it maybe some kind and I brought it
out and I'm putting back, Oh my.

Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
God, but it was good. That's the round.

Speaker 5 (01:02:46):
I would But I was gonna eat it. You know,
I just felt like he said put it. You know
you felt like it was a reason for you feel
pressure too.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
At the time.

Speaker 5 (01:02:55):
Yes, I was like, wait a minute, it's a good thing.
I thought about it because I would have. I was
walking I was walking back to my pupil. I would
have just put it in my nose and walk back
like this and ate, because I'm sure he went to
yell at me thought something was wrongly for real to

(01:03:19):
would have special, It would have went from a food
to a dumb ass.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
I said, take that story to your grief.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
But poor thing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
I got more.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
Well, part because I gotta think of some funny stories
for Psycho.

Speaker 3 (01:03:43):
Yeah, we'll do part two.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
That's funny because I don't have to think they're just there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:48):
Yeah, well.

Speaker 4 (01:03:52):
That's his life is full of that.

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
Yeah, you need to share some story about.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
Well you guys. I hope you enjoyed it as much
as I did.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
Oh, I'm sure you did. You have stories about everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
I want to know the story you had about me,
don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
Don't get them started.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
We'll hold it until the next we'll hold it to
the decks. Uh, he can't get it together. We need
a word of today.

Speaker 1 (01:04:15):
Word for the day about the train ride.

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
Just hold it.

Speaker 4 (01:04:18):
Yeah, the the what of the days?

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
Nose?

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
You got it?

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
You got it?

Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
Oh, I'll go tell I'll tell you mar No. Oh,
he told you to tell that. I was trying to
get him to tell it.

Speaker 5 (01:04:34):
See tried to set me up. See that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
That's why I said, you have to think of some
funny stories about him, because he's always he wants to
put everybody business out. I think I got one. We're
gonna we'll talk about it the next go around.

Speaker 3 (01:04:47):
Try to forget I want I don't write it down.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
For those newcombers, the word of Day is at the
end of the month, we have the you're able to
win a monthly prize. You get the word of the
word of the day, word of the episode, I should say,
but the whole month, and you email it to Hot
Topics Podcasts at gmail dot com. That's h O T

(01:05:12):
t O p i X podcast at gmail dot com.
And the first one who gets that through to us
you win the When the tickets or whatever, most likely
it's gonna be tickets, So do that, and uh don't
forget to go to www dot hottopics podcast dot com. Subscribe, like, share,
the whole nine, all that type of stuff. Thank you

(01:05:33):
for joining.

Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
Thank you family for listening to the latest episode of
Hot Topics. As usual, listen, like share, subscribe, Tom