The Beautiful Struggle: The Joys and Pains of Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a journey like no other—filled with excitement, transformation, and yes, a fair share of discomfort. In this episode, the Hot Topix Podcast team dive into the raw, real, and sometimes hilarious truths about growing a tiny human. From the magical first heartbeat to swollen ankles and midnight cravings, we’re talking about it all. Whether you’re currently pregnant, thinking about it, or just curious, join us for a heartfelt conversation about the highs, lows, and everything in between. Because growing life is beautiful—but let’s be honest, it’s also really hard.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
You're listening to the Hot Topics podcast Cycle for one
Lovely Lady Lamp Shop and babulous Slonius Feather. Let's get
into it. Welcome everyone to another episode of Hot Topics
Podcasts Cycle forty one, and I'm here with my two
lovely hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
I'm saying, I'm saying, hosts.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
They're back from after two long weeks.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Has it been two weeks?

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Has it been two weeks?

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yes, I just remember one week.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
Yes, two weeks, because you know, we did Adulting one
on one part one and two.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Oh yeah, so we missed both of those. Yes, okay,
so what adults?

Speaker 1 (00:48):
So yeah, and I learned a lot from it, I
really did, and I need to get working on it.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
I learned that I'm not officially adult right if I
had to have all these things and rubble.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
So today is going to be a special episode.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
I should have did this around Mother's Day.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Probably, I just thought about that. I think I did.
I probably came up with that. But we also had
a Mother's Day thing around that time too, gotcha. But
today we're gonna talk about the joys and pains of pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Now I'm gonna give you my expert experience on that because.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Because you've had Yes, I wish men could carry a baby.
I wish they could. I really did.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
So you guys, I want to really know what you
experienced and how you felt about it. And you know
how crazy you was at the time, so I know
you were. So we're going to share with the people
out there who are mothers to be mm hmm right, aspirings.

(01:54):
I was trying to limit that. We're aspiring. So yes,
all you mothers out there, or you people who want
to one day be mothers, this is for you.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Okay, thinking, oh, well you need that part. Well that's
not true because you can adopt, so you don't necessarily
need that part.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Well, this is the joys and pains of.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Pregnancy, so you're right, you do need that law.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Yeah, So being gonna exploy explore the challenges of pregnancy
and offer a well rounded view of the experience. And
when I mean rounded, that means you too.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah. I'm not sure how much you can. Well you can't.
You can't give the mail perspective of pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
You can, I can't can. And my disclaimer is I
apologize in advance. So first we're going to talk about
the physical experience. That's the first thing people think about,
because you know, people who don't know anything about pregnancy,
they think about, like myself, the physical part, right, right,
which is a major part. I would assume you assume.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah, you try to put on just like random fifty pounds,
and your ankles swell and your hands swell, and your
boobs heard, and yeah, try to Oh oh, let's not
forget the hemorrhoids that comes to Yeah, I don't forget
that part, right.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
So, speaking of which, what were some of the most
surprising physical changes you've experienced or witnessed.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Definitely the hemorrhoids. I was not expected.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
That was a surprise.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, I mean, oh that's a surprise. All the books
tell you that it could happen, but you don't think
that it's going to happen. But yeah, absolutely it does. Yeah.
Not fun. Not fun.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
That's only the surprise.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
I mean, you know, all the other stuff you kind
of expect to happen. You know, you've seen the pregnant
women in your family, so you know kind of sort
of know what things to expect.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
But yeah, I was I was the first pregnant woman
to me ever. Really, Yeah, I'm the only girl and
my mom had kids before and then I wasn't close,
Like it was just me and my brothers and my mom.
So my aunt's cousins like that I stayed with. No,
Yeah they were I don't know, Oh my aunts and mine?

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Let me say, did they have.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
But you obviously didn't spend a lot of time with them.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
You have younger siblings.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Right, younger have a brother?

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah? So were you around?

Speaker 2 (04:27):
We're just two years apart. Oh okay, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Oh yeah, So my pregnance is like the first and
my pregnancy was sweet really yea, it was so from
the back you cannot never tell that I was pregnant
onto the front, like my stomach usually goes so like
it's always so long, like long.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
So you had no surprising physical changes? So everything just.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
Okay, boobs, I've always had boobs, but the bigger boobs.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
But was really a change?

Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah? So food eating.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
I'm I'm not much of an eater, but I was
eating a lot and drinking so that as always.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
I'm gonna tell you, this is the physical change that
I not that I had a surprise. This was this
was a good surprise. So I know that when my
wife at the time, when she was pregnant, she she
didn't get all those things that she didn't get no
stretch marks, did she mean? She was you know, and
then after the end, she went right back to the

(05:31):
same size, which was our surprise about that.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
I mean mine, mine was the same to I was
just the same size I've always been. But then pregnancies
are different. So I had one.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
That's so you used to say, after the you went
back to your hundred and I mean your eighty eight
pounds whatever that's all the pictures.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah, so yeah, I went back to being like zero. Okay, yeah,
so pregnancy, I just gained like a little weight. Oh
according to then, I used to weigh fifty and then
pregnant in kg.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
I don't know, it.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Was pounds kg for us.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
It was nothing.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
What with you, I saw that's not true.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
It was fifty, then pregnancy fifty five, and then right
back to fifty when I started. So it was just
five pounds for the pregnant really, yes, and then back
to me. So yeah, and then recently I had one
pregnancy that was oh my god, it was it was

(06:40):
maybe the age maybe whatever.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
It was. It was awful the second the second no recently, okay, okay,
so it was awful.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
It was awful. I couldn't I started. I couldn't at
maybe three weeks. I couldn't take water, I couldn't take nothing.
My lips were dry, my mouth was dry. I was
I couldn't bought in my pants at three weeks. It
was so uncomfortable. It was like the age I was

(07:13):
so sick. I looked so sick. Compared to my other two,
it was those ones were like, okay, for my second child,
it was that I had.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
I was sick for like two weeks. Oh my god
at the beginning. So I'm like, am I pregnant? Am
I not pregnant? What was going on? But when I
when I was, I got pregnant when my daughter was
six months, okay, okay, so she was breastfeeding. I got pregnant.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
So I had to stop. So then that when I
was sick for like two weeks and right back I
bounced off and was back to normal, back to me normal,
nothing stretchmark, I see each my told me a lot.
Oh yeah, I didn't use like she bought I did.
So it's just I think it's a family thing because

(08:02):
when when my mom was when my mom was alive,
she had this kind of tummy and then I used
to laugh a lot and then she's like, oh.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Don't worry, hold on someone, and I'm like, no, never.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
So I used to call her Tommy. There's this food
we eat, we call it amla.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
So I.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
Used to say, he looks like and then guess who
stop me?

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Looks like yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
So I've had other people crave stuff like the but
then sometimes I feel like they exaggerated, but then maybe not,
because like in the middle of the night, you want
ice cream, you want whatever, you want, different stuff the
only thing in the middle of the Okay, then I
had for both of them, I had bad crampings like

(08:53):
stretch mak I mean for the game, not stretch ma
muzzle pless. Yes, oh my god, it was awful, like
for my sleep, for my sleep, it just comes and
then I cannot for like five minutes.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
It's like, oh my god, am I God, I'm going
to die that kind of pain. It was so awful.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
So when you was big, pregnant didn't have any effect
on your daily life. When I was pregnant, just went
about normal, just no.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
But then of course you get tired like than usual.
But then besides that, it was for me, it was
I've had people that they have to be on bed rest,
they cannot do nothing. They have all through from the
like the or some people either the first trimester they
have to be. And I've had some people that I

(09:43):
know that their wound is kind of weak, and then
they had to at four months or whatever, five months,
they had to.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Take out the babies. Oh, take out the babies and
put in the niq.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
So the babies grew out I think from four months
because had her woman cannot carry baby to term.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
So yeah, I know some women who had to get
the operation, like they give up a little stitch the
whole de baby did she.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Did the first one, but still I think after a
couple of months, maybe first two months, she would go
get the stitch to tighten the womb. But then at
four months they have to take out the baby and
then they stayed the rest of their growth in the nicks.
A lot, Yeah, some people, well with that, we can

(10:29):
do like full baby things without issues. It doesn't really
come to a lot of women like that. A lot
of people have different issues. Different Some people develop high
blood pressure, different different different issues with different people.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
So if you see they look so awful, awful when pregnant,
look miserable.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
All noses absolutely affect your mental health. That was on
that you never yours just stay the same.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yes, I was just I'm trying to think. I'm trying
to think. It has been like eighty years. Yes, it's
been like a hundred years. I'm not sure what affected
my mental health, but was just miserable. I was just
faishful the whole time. I had around the corner, around
the corner, around the clock morning sickness for like four

(11:25):
straight months. So yeah, I was just miserable. I was
just sick all the time, gained an insane amount of weight,
and it was just like, why people think this is fun?
I don't. I don't know why, because you do. You
hear women all the time You're like, I love being pregnant.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
I've heard that.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
What is wrong with.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
I like the pregnancy. I'm okay with the pregnancy. It's
just so I always have a problem with my labor. Okay,
that's I have a problem. So I cannot by myself.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Push the bait.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
No, I can't push the baby, but I can my
my cervix were not open okay without help.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
So I always go through.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
Ripening and then they have to induce me, which is paper.
Oh my god, I don't wish that my enemy is
super painful, so I always have to go for my
first and my second. I had to go through that.
The first one I had to get the drip at.
That was like for like seven animals for seven hours.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
It was awful.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
I was crying, I was begging, I was in pain.
I was oh my god, it was awful.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
It was off.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
I don't wish that my enemy was awful because the
labor comes induced.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
So it's like you told me, it's like it's not normal,
it's not natural.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
So usually my best part is I can I can
only go by myself three centimeters and then they have
to help me. So three centimeters can be okay. From
my last job, it was I was diluted the previous day.
The next day I was still.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
It wasn't going nowhere. I try this.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
I will go stuff, touch your nipples, do whatever he
had food.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
They tell you to all kind of crazy, take a walk.
It was go climb up down the stairs.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
It wasn't working for me, So that's like Oh my god,
So this is how all my pregnancies are going to be.
So if that's the hard part for me, not the
pregnancy is just pre giving birthright.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
But but but you had the morning sicknesses and you
know all those different things. Did you know of any
practices to do anything like self care?

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Wow? My doctor like my morning sectors. The first with
my first one, the morning sectors was bad, but the
second one, it was untolerable, like I just couldn't deal
with it. And he told me to eat burnt food,
burnt toast. That's what it started with. He's like, tried
burnt toasts, something about the burnt food that helps with
the nausea. So I tried it and it works. So

(14:09):
that's probably why I like burnt food now, Like I
could tolerate burnt food, you know. So I tried to
burnt toast. The burnt toast work, so I burnt other
stuff and that worked too, So that was really helpful.
And then I had, well both of them. My head
cravings for steak and fries. That's all I wanted was
steak and French fries.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think it was Stacey had her thing was broccoli.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Really, Oh, that's so funky gas because you already got
gas when you're pregnant, unnecessarily gas, so now you adding
broccoli to it. But my friend who recently well he's
five now, and she was doing COVID the whole time.
She couldn't keep anything down, nothing, and it got to
the point where they told her that whatever you can eat,

(14:52):
just eat it. And he is a doritos and pepsi baby.
That's all she could hold down. That's even she said.
Brushing her teeth with make her sick. Everything would make
her sick. And she had limited support because it was COVID,
so nobody could go over and help her. None of
that stuff, you know. So yeah, she she went through it.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
She went through it, And what did you do?

Speaker 3 (15:16):
I didn't have any of that. I didn't want sickness,
I didn't have nothing. I didn't have cravings. I just
had food normally whatever I wanted to eat, like we
had everything that. It was like normal food, like whatever.
I just felt like eating, not like something. So it
was just normal, normal, normal, normal for me.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
So I'm happy for you. I'm so happy for you.
I was miserable, man, like nothing, but my labor and
delivery was fast, both times. The second time I push.
I don't remember they a hundred now, why would I remember?
But I did remember, like the second my second pregnancy,
I was having cramping and we went to the doctors

(16:02):
and I was only two centimeters and he sent me home.
And I think I stayed at two centimeters for a week,
a week and a half, maybe two. But you know,
when I knew it was coming, I was calling. I
was just like, the baby's coming. And he's like, oh, no,
you got time. I'm like, no, I don't have time
because I knew I was already two. And I was like, no,
I don't have time. I'm heading to the hospital. You know,
I'm telling the pediatric I'm heading to the hospital. Police

(16:25):
meet me there. He's like, oh no, you got time. Like, Nope,
don't have time. Had the baby and he just showing
up and she was like he was just like, you
didn't wait for me. I was like, I told you
I didn't have time. I knew I didn't have time.
So I felt like I paid you all of this
time for nothing because you wasn't even there. I was
pregnant with David. Here does see no change?

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Who was it me?

Speaker 2 (16:51):
I it's not you definitely couldn't tell a boy that
picture at all. You know, my nose was big, my
cheeks were big, everything was big, My ass was big.
I was just big.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
So did they give you any noticing these changes? Had
getting the emotional highs and lows? Like one minute you
was crying.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
Oh yeah yeah, people get that.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah, but you didn't experience none of that. So you
didn't have.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Make up all the old night going to the bar.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
To the clog.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
So you just experienced emotional ups and downs.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
No, I mean you can't help with your hormowns are
all out of whack, you know, they're all over the place.
I just wanted to like eat like normal people at
some point, Like I just wanted. And both of my
kids are born in August, so it was hell August.
Wou Anthony just had the little one had his birthday

(17:43):
on the ninth, and the other one that's the fourteen,
so it was hell of a hot both thinking times
my birthday. Just I know you're trying to count back birthday, birthday, sexy,
I know you're going back. She gets her there you go, yeah,

(18:06):
so oh.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Yeah, and then oh that's the increased urination. You know,
always pee have to pee every five minutes.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
That is that part I do remember.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
It's like, oh my god, yeah, yeah, just be glad.
That's you know, all you had to do was pull over.
You weren't the one who actually had to pee, and
at least like when you were, they had pretty maternity clothes.
I had the god awful ugliest maternity clothes ever. I
didn't wear maternity that's what. Oh my god. They were ugly,

(18:43):
like they had the dress, the pants with the big
rubber band around the Oh my god, those things are
hideous and just big tops. Like you know, it wasn't
anything sophisticated or cute about any of those that was
that was your choice. No, that's all we Hey, that
wasn't a choice.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
Clothes, Yeah, but the difference would be all then sometimes
I wore my husband's shirt, his shirt because they were bigger,
so that was it. And then just the zepper just
took no my pants and that was it.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
We had ugly, ugly, ugly maternity almost, like what.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Is the right. So for those women out there who
are going to have those hormonal changes like you mentioned,
what are some things that they can do to get
support when they go through those crazy periods.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
I don't know. I have no idea.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
These are things that just come naturally, and then they how.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
About people that have no wait a minute, hold on,
hold on, there's nothing that comes naturally because I'm gonna
tell you no, it's not their fault, but from the
person that's on the outside, they grew through a lot too.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
You know, some women.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
For me, I feel like sometimes some women exaggerate because
they just want you to feel that, Okay, you can't
be having peace while I'm going through I feel like,
sometimes did you? And other times yeah, they have. But
then sometimes some people just want you not to have.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Rest or want their extra attention.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
So when you was pregnant, what could a person do
or you're not just your husband, but people around you,
what could they do to help you emotionally?

Speaker 2 (20:27):
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
I didn't want a certain thing.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
I don't know. Some days you just like I don't
want to be bothered with anybody. I don't want to
look at people, I don't want to see people. I
just want to lay down and I want people to
leave me, yeah and just kind of give me some space.
What I didn't like was people would just like, oh,
she's pregnant. Just let her can you know she's pregnant,
Just let her be, Just let her act the way
she wants to act. It's just like, you know what,

(20:52):
I can hear you talking about me, like what are
you doing? I can hear you, And yes, I am pregnant.
Yes I do have these emotions. And don't discount you
know that that may be the one thing, like, don't
discount discount how you feel because you can't control it.
Like she said, you know, you don't know if you're
gonna wake up in the morning and just hurl your
brains out for two hours, and then every everybody thinks

(21:14):
you're supposed to be happy, Like how you're gonna be
happy if you can't keep food down and you know
you've been throwing up for the last two hours.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
So yeah, And then I wonder how men from a monsters,
how men also feel. And then the part where when
when I went to my first my first real check up,
because I'm like, I'm strong, and I never for my
first job and the second one, but the first one, yes,
the first to oh, the first one, I registered early,

(21:41):
like four or five months.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
That's when I registered at the hospital. Okay, so it's
like so the first okay, so I had to go
to the Republic of Benin for something for a cars
and then they told me. Then the doctor was like, oh,
you know what, you have to start having sex a
lot really open. Yeah, to open. You're too tight.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
I've heard that.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
Okay, you're too tight.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
So they had to give me an injection as well,
kind of whatever that you're too tight, so you need
two to have sex. So for in, man, how does
it feel like in that kind of situation where you're
having sex?

Speaker 2 (22:21):
Oh? Yeah, him, he just didn't even hesitate.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, no, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you
it was all right. So when it was my wife
at the time, when she was pregnant, you know, obviously
you have to do certain things where you know you
don't want to in your head think you're gonna hurt
the baby. You change accordingly. But I mean it was

(22:49):
somebody else, well, no, it was somebody else that was pregnant.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
But while talking about your experience, I'm telling you, but
do you have so my nerves And I'm looking at
him like wait a minute, I'm trying to calculate in
my head, like I get my nerves someone else is
coming from. I just need to stamp that on his
head like you get on my I need, I need
a thing. You can help help all the pregnant ladies. Yes,

(23:18):
so gives them out.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
Let me let me tell you this, thank you for
our perspective. Is obviously you want you have to be
kind of more tender, more light with everything. And that's
what everything not just that, but you have to you know,
and you're always walking on eggshells because you don't know
if she's going to zap. Let me tell you a
story real quick. Right, So when my my first time

(23:41):
was born, when my first shot was born, my son, right,
so I was like, I was like super duper happy.
And I remember I looked up, you know, I looked
up everything. I want to know all the benefits of
every fruit, vegetable, food, this, that, whatever. Right, So I
made a chart. I put it, I put it on

(24:07):
the refrigerator. I put the refrigerator every fruit, like everything
that was good. Right. And so when when she was pregnant,
so I would just buy all the stuff and I
would cut it up in the little pieces that put
it in a little tupper were bowls. So you know,
when she goes to work, she has this, you know,
stuff there, so if she man goes watermelon whatever, it
was all there. And I was like, well, you can

(24:29):
only have the stuff that's on this chart. But it
was it was good stuff, like you know, it's not
something that she didn't like. It was just things. I'm like, here,
let's stick to this chart, right, and you know, came
out nice whatever, So I learned later she was like,
I hated you. I was like, but but I'm getting

(24:50):
up early. I'm making sure you got everything you want
some broccoli, you want some this that, whatever, I'm gonna
cut it up. I'm gonna put it in the little pieces,
you know, to pack you off that. You know, whatever,
you're gonna be good. Whatever you need, you're gonna.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
That's what you control of her. But said she could
only have what's all the.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
Child like, she didn't need to have no pork chops
and stuff like that. It was it was regular stuff,
you know it. You know, it wasn't like I eliminated
like a whole bunch of bad stuff. I mean, I
did eliminate bad stuff, but it wasn't like, you know.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
You trying to justify she can always stick to this charge.
It was.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
It was a big chart. But the but the next one,
you know, I was like, you do you so I'm
not going through all that again. But yeah, that's that's
that's how it was with me. You know, I just
wanted to make sure that, you know that the child
and the mother had the best of whatever. No struggle, no,

(25:46):
just you know, whatever you need, I'm having there for you.
So it's done, you know. But yeah, she didn't appreciate that, obviously,
and I understand, you know, she felt I was controlling
her whatever, but you.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Know, extra, that was very extra.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well. I would do it all again, damn it.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
Of course you would, because all you have to do
is cut up free yeah and make a charge.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
No, but I was. I was cooking. That was, you know, so.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
Controlling the dish, controlling the like. All right, so for example,
stop trying to act like he was doing things you
shouldn't have been doing.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
I was doing everything like and you know back then
that cooked a lot anyway. Okay, so most guys don't
do all that.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
And they should be, That's what I'm saying, and they should.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
You know, some guys actually run from home when their
wife is.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
Like yes, no, but but but see that's the thing
like on the from the male's perspective, like you guys
are really hard to deal with when you're pregnant, not
saying that you don't have a you know reason, you're
him so hard you are the women, a lot of
the women were hard to deal with. Like nothing you
nothing you do was good enough. You know if you

(26:56):
did women, well, I'm talking in general, I'm going to
buy my experience, okay, and extra somebody like you know,
at a certain time, you know, somebody, this is back
when we have pages, right, right, so somebody paid you
nine one one, you know, so you had to fly.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
To a phone.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
You panic, like what's going on? Can you get me
some KFC twisters?

Speaker 2 (27:27):
It was important she needed to have it.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yeah, but you from the guy, you put them through
a lot just to you know, put some chickens.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
And it's still not even half that goes through, still
not even half of what she goes through.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
But but but you know, the guy does go through
a lot of emotional ups and downs as well, because
that's like, how how are you gonna you're gonna be
with somebody? And then you always walking on eggshells even
though you know somebody says, hey, can you do this?
And you do it and it's like, this is what
you said. I didn't want it that way. You should
have known what I was thinking. You know that type

(28:02):
of stuff.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, that that's crazy. Nobody can know what you're thinking.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
We had, We had a lot of that.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
That part is crazy. Okay, I'm not gonna be okay
with that. Pregnant or not.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
Did you have any fears doing your pregnancy? Oh?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah, like how X you know, make sure the baby's here, okay, healthy,
all fingers all told. You know, mine is right, all
of that, you know, make sure they're physically mentally, well,
how am I going to afford this baby? Lord Jesus
think and you don't think about it. I mean, let's

(28:37):
be honest. Some people playing for what but a lot
of people in our community don't. We don't. We don't plan,
but a lot of people in a lot of communities do.
So neither of my pregnancies were planned. So you were
just like, Okay, we gotta get more money. We have
to get a bigger place. You know, where were staying
wasn't big enough. So all of all of those fears

(28:58):
you have, all of those fears.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
So for you guys out there, the fear of how
you're gonna pay for whatever. So the solution to that
is the plan.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Yeah, as best you can.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
That's best you can write. Or even if you don't,
you don't have that, you're not going to plan for
that specific date and all that type of stuff. Just
you know, you want to have children through a little
bit of extra aside and say, okay, one day we're
gonna have children, you know whatever.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
Another thing will be based on American system.

Speaker 3 (29:24):
Try to have your babies before September by school year,
that is true, so they coming up with the school Yeah,
because they either be left behind or ahead like I
was ahead.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
So do it in January around my birthday.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Oh jeez, no, please don't, please don't.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
They'll miss definitely missing that year.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
They will be in October. Yeah, definitely some fears and
I'm sure man have fears too that they don't necessarily express,
you know, to us, making that the mother is fine,
the baby's fine.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
There's a money and you know, honestly, money didn't factor anything.
It didn't factor anything. The biggest fear that I had was,
you know, all right, so let me tell you we
had this huge snowstorm back then, right, And when I
say a huge snowstorm, the complex that we had, I
guess people weren't paying their hoa fe so we didn't

(30:28):
have any snow removal. So it was like, oh, so
what happens if the baby comes? Right? So you had
those fears like how you're gonna get her to the hospital,
or if you're out somewhere, how are you gonna It
was a lot of that. So I remember me and
one of the neighbors we got we got in our
trucks and we drove back and forth and shovel shoveled

(30:48):
the snow I'm talking about I'm talking about three feet
of snow shoveling. I shoveled from you know, my porch,
my sidewalk, through the street, wow, across the street to
the lady's house that was across the street because she
was a nurse I have and shoveled up her things, shoveled.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
There make sure she could come just in case.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
We just kept driving back and forth, and you know,
for that long driveway and we did that. That was
a that was a fear.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
And then how how far along was she?

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Then? She was big I don't know how far along,
but she was big. She was enough like she can
yeah well no, no, no, let me think now.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
Because because if you were shoveling snow like snow.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
But you know, because my son was born in March,
so she must have been like seven.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, you know, March can give him nasty crazy yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah, but yeah, that was that was hard. And then
you know, especially if you had any incidents before where
you lost the baby. So we went through that, not
not we went through that, but I also went through
that as well with you know, yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
I didn't know that. Yeah, I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yeah, but I mean that was a struggle.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
I didn't even know you were an almost father before.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah I was almost five. I should have like seven kids.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Who wants that me? Because you ain't carrying you none
of them.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
That's why here's the thing.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
You then, I do have someone here here and African
that I know, and she gave it to all six kids.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
I'm like, you know, here's the thing you were just
you adjusted that because you seriously, because let me.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
Tell you, so you're adjust to what the sorry that.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
I'll lead you may get it naw, thank you, but
you adjust to it. Because like you just stopped doing
some of the things. I'm gonna tell you. The best
thing was you like, say you're dating and then you
used to go out and doing all that. Sen you
start having more.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Meals at home, at home dates.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
You And this is one of the things we considered
when the money thing did come in. All right, so
childcare is expensive, yes, and back then I think it's
like two fifty a week.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Yes, I'm like, it's still running about that.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
For all that, you might as well be a stay
home man, right, you know, And I'll just I just
that's what I like. I worked a lot, so you know,
for it, I wasn't gonna let her work.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
So it was more or less she wasn't gonna let
her work.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
She's not gonna work. I'm talking about like extra jobs. Okay, yeah,
let that's right. I shouldn't let So for me, it
was like, you know, I would just go ahead and
do two three. I had four jobs at one time,
you know, one full time and three part time jobs.
So you know, those are the things that you do. Yeah,
you know what.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Where I had my kids, it was fun.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
Under started school early, like to put them in school,
like when we're one and a half one and a
half in preschool. Yeah, and then after then, after that,
I put them in after kids.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah yeah, but then I was a stay at home mom.
I still just sit in.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Yeah daycare yeah yeah, well it was just for yeah yeah,
not as well, not here though, I don't know it
was here when I came here, we had.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
People in our support system.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yes, yeah, soh you just had to pay twenty dollars.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Oh twenty hours what yeah?

Speaker 3 (34:33):
Right.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
I loved other gradmas that come from nine. Yeah, there
you go. I loved up I had. I had really
good daycare, but I lucked up and found somebody that
was really good and really inexpensive. And kids that went
to her still talk about her, you know. They she
was just wonderful, wonderful, but it lucked out, Like I know,
somebody right now is paying two thirty a week, you know,

(34:57):
have your kids. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
So, speaking of that support system, you had somebody, you
had something, you had grandmama, right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, And I had my grandmother and my mother and
my daughter. Practically I left her with my mother in
law and then I went for her.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
So that's important to have a support system absolute, But
how can that's how family can help, But how can
friends help support a pregnant women physically emotionally?

Speaker 2 (35:28):
Just be be there and listen, you know, and if
she needs something, you bring it to her, you know,
like what like yeah, it was like, listen, I need
some readers, can you bring it to me? I'll be
right there.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
So you know, that's that's how That's what the father
is for and most but like that's what we did,
you know, but friends, that was good to the friends.
It helps to the husband and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
So and if you can, you know, babysit or you know,
do things like that. I already told my friends I'm
too old the babysit. Y'all better hurry up and have
these babies. I will write as many checks as you need.
But I'm not a babysitting anybody. I can't do it.
It ain't in me no more.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
Did you have people help you with shopping food?

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. Well you know what when
I had my first son, I was young, I was seventeen,
so I had wick which is women and infantsy, so
you know, they would bring helpful It was extremely helpful.
Eggs and milk and cereal and all of that. Yeah,
I'm old We did old school. They would drop it

(36:36):
off on the front of the house. Eggs, cheese, milk, cereal,
all of that stuffy juice, juicy juice. I think I
had Donald Duck orange juice. Yeah, I think I had
Donald Duck. But yeah, all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
We was fortunate enough to get that too.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
Yeah, and that helped a live. It was a lifesaver.
It was eggs, milk, yeah, eggs, milk, cire, all the
stuff that you need, fruits. So I was sad to
let that go. When I started working, I was like, oh,
I got to let it go on.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
All right, which challenges to do. Pregnant people's face when
it comes to balancing relationships with work, family and their own.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
Needs is a big child. It really is.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
Getting up in the morning, it's like a lot. So
having to go to work.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
Did you did you? Did you? Pete swell?

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Everything swollen on me, hers, she looks skinny. Everything swollen
on me.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
So you had to find you had to find appropriate
things to wear. I think that was comfortable keeping that work.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
And I went up with shoe size Like before, I
really want to kick him under this table so bad,
but I think I would hurt myself because that's how
hard I want to kick him.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
So you benefited though from pregnancy, how because you didn't
have to go to super kids?

Speaker 2 (38:00):
Stop talking about I would love to go to super
kids that cheap, cheaper than adult stores.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
But you worked when he was pregnant. I did you
worked when you didn't work when you was pregnant?

Speaker 2 (38:13):
I don't know. Maybe for the second one, it was
not it was no work work, but it was work.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
It was like, did you have to get up and
go out?

Speaker 3 (38:21):
Yeah, that's why I say we have this year one
year training that you have to go to in my country.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh yeah, I'm familiar with that.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yes, so I had to.

Speaker 3 (38:33):
I was working in the school, so I got to
do that, which is not a bad work work.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
I had a work work and I hated it.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
Now, what about the family, So we'll go for Lonies first.
Your family structure. Now, I'm assuming that you did like
domestic stuff, like you cooked and did all of that
type stuff. So how did that affect that.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
One day, I literally left turkey cooking for too long,
like we went to bed in the oven, no, on
the stove, and then I woke up like around two
three am. And I'm like oh, and then I'm like

(39:15):
I left something work and then I ran to the
kitchen and I'm like, oh my god, Oh the bones
are they turned to dust?

Speaker 2 (39:25):
Poor thing? I'm laughing.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
What's funny?

Speaker 2 (39:33):
Just be glad you didn't set the house.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
Yeah, because the kitchen was close to the entrance or
the exit of the house.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
So yeah, what are you laughing to.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
The bones turned to dust?

Speaker 3 (39:44):
Yeah, like there was nothing, and I just thank god
for life. I'm like, oh my god, this could have
gone back and worse.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
So what did you do to get around there? Obviously
he was tired. I'm assuming promise, you know.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
I mean, pregnancy brain is real. You forget things, you know,
pregnancy brain is real. It really is. It is.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
So but how did you how did you work it out?
Like obviously you had to make some changes.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yeah, well yeah, of course, I of course tried not
to cook at nights. Yeah, so I think, yeah, well,
the most idea for pregnant that was really was okay,
my son when I had my son, because then we
already that was my first time actually that so my

(40:32):
son was the one I actually really really trained myself.
The other one I had help. So in Africa, when
you have your first jolt, it's like yay, everybody comes,
they bring you give, they bring you melow that's hot cock,
a lot of that. The milk they bring a lot
of milk, a lot of stuff, and then everybody's around
you for like the first people come to see you,

(40:55):
say hello and all of that for like the first
until you have your Christian or Nami seven.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Days after Oh that's fairst yeah, seven days. We name
our babies.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
So how you guys always have Christian? Yeah the baby?
So how you guys always know your baby's name beforehand?

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Right? We don't.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
They're naming the naming ceremony. I think it's like I
think it's two weeks long.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
No, seven days No, So we have our naming ceremony
seven days, Like the baby was born today, Sunday, next
Sunday is.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Going to be I'm saying, but the name that the
whole ceremony lasts two weeks because you get it, you
get like two names a day.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, yeah, go to sleep. So Christian is that that's
not the same thing, right? So it is for us
on that name and it's Christian also because then that's
when everybody will say the name. Now you don't know
the name.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
We just called baby, baby baby onto that day. So
that day you go to a church or past the
cot and then they give the pastor the names that
they want the baby to be called, and the aunties,
your uncles, your grandma, and.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Everybody brings their names.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
Okay, and then then everybody pulled. Then everybody know.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
Then everybody gets all of them.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
Now they call out no, no, seriously.

Speaker 3 (42:14):
So but then now they're now everybody knows what the
baby's going to be called from that moment, and then
from then when I start calling the baby bye, did
I call you mommy?

Speaker 1 (42:23):
And how many names did you get when you're naming day?

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Like about thirty thirty? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (42:30):
Because mine was different because I was the only my
dad had two other boys before. I'm the first girl
and kind of like the first between my mom and
my dad as well. Okay, so yeah, so I had, yeah,
I had a name, Yes, they had. Everybody wanted to
give me a name.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
I was saying Christian because for us, it happens months
later like that, Chris, you know, we picked the name,
but months later they they're baptized Christian month.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
So you can pick so baptism is not I think
it depends on the church or whatever you attend.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
It's not something that you do like immediately.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
So how depressing it is for us in Africa, I
don't know about now, but for us, when you have
your baby, then you have to stay home for you
can go nowhere for forty one days?

Speaker 1 (43:16):
How many days?

Speaker 2 (43:16):
For one you have to be in the house.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
So when I had my son, my mom passed, I
had to be stuck and I was stuck in the
house for forty one days. Couldn't go out, couldn't people
everybody already went back to their homes, right, So I
was by myself.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
It was so depressed and I couldn't go nowhere.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah, so they say, oh, you're not you know, I'm
fitting enough, You're not okay yet to move out. So
they give a space of forty one days for you
to get your energy and make your baby stronger as well.
I think that's going to be like is that like
almost two months almost? Yeah, whatever you want for the
baby to get a little stronger before you can move
the baby around and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
It used to be like that, like with my first son,
they were like thirty days both of y'all are in
the house. You can't go anywhere. But these days, like
it's not like that at all. But to go to work, yeah,
two weeks later they going something, you know days later Yeah, yeah,
so they don't. So that's it's not like Yeah, so
I don't know about now. I don't know how it

(44:13):
is now Nigerians. Right when I had my kids, it
was still like that. Yeah, like you can't go nowhere,
and then when you're going out forty one days, they
do like a kind of ceremony, no ceremony, but then
the cook and then you give your neighbors, gotcha, Yeah
that's nice.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
How did you balance work?

Speaker 2 (44:33):
I just did it? You know, we didn't talk about
balancing and self care and none of that. Ship You
got up, you went to work, You got it done.
Did you did you?

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Did you do the normal like most of the cooking
and all other type of stuff.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Probably I really don't remember, but probably because I was
the person that did most of the cooking, so probably.
And then you know, we did like my first son,
I was home with him for two years. My second
son six weeks I had to go back to work.
So it was horrible. It was horrible. And that's when
my emotions kicked in because.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
Because you missed your child.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
Yeah, and I didn't want to be away from him,
like he's six weeks old, like you know, and I
would call it daycare and be like is he okay?
And finally she was like, don't call me anymore. He's like,
he's fine, don't call me anymore. But that's all. They're
still a little baby, you know, six weeks they're still
a little baby. They can't tell you if something's wrong.
They can't tell you if somebody's doing something to them.
It's just like, you don't want to leave your child

(45:27):
a young but you know, everybody had to eat. I
needed a place to live baby, so yeah, we had
to go to work.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Now, for you two, what was some of the most say,
more enjoyable things that you guys experienced That people don't
talk about, things that you wouldn't never know.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
So let me tell you. When I had my baby,
I'm like never doing this again, yes, yes, And then
they told me that's life because I used to go
Because that's I'm like, how do we always forget?

Speaker 2 (46:01):
You know, you forget? We always forget?

Speaker 3 (46:04):
Because I'm like, I'm never doing it because it was
so hard they had to. I was so tight they
cut me with the baby's head was so big. Yeah,
they had to cut me and teach me, and then
it had to take learning. They were like, so they're
always so tough, and oh my god, we have so
many things that they do to you when you have babies.
So they had to put like, okay, this kind of flat.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
You're not allowed to sit.

Speaker 3 (46:24):
On them, the couch, something like this kind of wooden
stuff that is even so that you can learn to
sit properly again.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
With the pain of the But you know, the question
was Joy, I'm still going to say.

Speaker 3 (46:39):
That's what I'm saying, Like you forget, I'm saying that
I forgot about it.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
I forgot about all I had to go through. You
know what I say. I forgot about all the pains.

Speaker 3 (46:48):
Everything I went through that I'm like, I'm never having
this baby again, but seeing your baby. So every time
I have my babies, every time, for both of them,
I cry.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Yeah, I cry.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I hate it when.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
Joy Immediately they come out crying okay.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Joy, Yeah, and.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
Then i cry and I'm like, oh my god, so
my baby's here. And from that moment, it's like you
totally forget all the bad stuff and everything you had
to go through, all these teaches and all the induction
and that. So yeah, seeing your baby, watching them grow,
dressing them. So my kids, I usually ship stuff from

(47:28):
here down to you were in anticipation of their group,
so I had stuff for like one month more to
one year, so I ship them and then it's just
like anticipation, like, oh my god, my baby's gonna wear this.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
So that's the joy for part. Anticipation of what's to come.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
Yea, yeah, yeah, that's a good. That's good. Yeah, okay,
that's good. That's for me. It is I agree that
anticipation of what to come is You're right, and I'm
with you. I was just like, I'm never doing this again,
and forgett my kids are five years apart, so I
meant that with all my heart. It's like, I'm never
doing this again. This is crazy. But you know what's

(48:05):
like seeing them smile for the first time, Oh my gosh,
that's everything, and they start laughing. Oh that is that's everything.
Is so cute.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
But just yeah, I saw we was in Walmart when
we took my daughter down to Colt right and it
was a young lady who was I think with her grandmother.
He said, her grandmother, great grandmother. So I was talking
to whatever. She talked to everybody and she but she
had a little baby then, and I kept looking at
the baby. The baby was so cute, and I was like,

(48:33):
I'm thinking the baby. She said that he was one year,
one year old, Like, well, that's a that's a little baby. Little.
I thought maybe it would have been like maybe three
four years it was, you know, but you know, I'm
sitting there, we in the this Walmart line. I'm turned
away from the thing. I'm just looking at the baby,
you know, trying to make faces, give him a smile
something that And I thought about some man.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
Yeah, they smelled so good, and that's the I think
that's part of the thing that makes you forget all
of these things. And the smell. Yeah, they smell good,
so you want to hold but then you smell so bad. Yes,
that smell like breast milk. Breast milk smells so horrible.
Did you breast me? Yeah? I did.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
My daughter, I did for six months, my son one year. Okay,
so it was yeah, so they had the best of me.
They yeah, my son sucks me off, Like, okay.

Speaker 2 (49:31):
So.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
Encourage exclusive, so exclusive. For the first six months both
of them and then my son refused to eat anything
else like breast milk and some food breast so everything.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Breast milk solved all my problems. So if I hear.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
This kid, I don't want to hear any sound.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
There was whatever. You can have it and you didn't
have to prepare it, and you didn't have to wait.
You just eat, hop the shirt off and you get
in the middle of the night and he cried, just
put it sleep. I just keep going, my gosh, oh
my god.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
Yeah, did you have issues with body image? Pregnant?

Speaker 2 (50:24):
I don't think so, not watching. And you know a
lot of times women take pregnancy as a way of
like I can do whatever I want. I'm pregnant, nobody cares,
you know, I can eat whatever I want, I can
look however I want, nobody cares. So that's why I
don't live with you. So I don't I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
I don't get the list of school some people go
through like post depression.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah, stuff like that, And it's real. Some people they
hate their babies to see the baby. They can't connect that.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
They actually really hate that babies, but they want to
do hard. That's something that you always have to be
conscious of it.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Yeah. Yeah, and I'm glad that people talk about it
now because you know, back in the day, they really
didn't talk about it, and they you know, they didn't
talk about a lot of stuff back in the day.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
So how long does did you go through postpartum?

Speaker 2 (51:19):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (51:19):
Really?

Speaker 2 (51:20):
Oh wow?

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Okay, that's interesting because you know some go through years.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah, yes, yeah, yes. I had a coworker who just
could not she had she had a baby very late
in life. I think she was almost forty, close to forty,
and you know, back in the eighties and nineties, women
weren't having babies that late, like this is like yeah,
and she just could not you know, connect with Yeah,

(51:48):
she couldn't connect with the baby. She couldn't comfort she
couldn't find that, you know, bond with the baby. And
you know she did a lot.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
But that's just weird to be because I don't know
how you can and a bond with like bond like
like it's just like like.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
She didn't want to she didn't want to hold the baby.

Speaker 1 (52:07):
Yeah, it's like an internal thing that you just had,
right obviously at some point she didn't have it.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
She didn't well, and I think she also thought that
she never was going to get married and she never
was gonna have a baby, because yeah, that was her first.
So I think once you get to a certain age,
like this is just not gonna happen for me. And
when it did, it was like she got pregnant, they
got married. It was fast, and then the baby came.
So it wasn't even like I didn't even have time
to enjoy just my husband, just me and him in

(52:37):
that relationship. It was, you know, I found out I
was pregnant, We hurried up and got married, and then
the baby came. So it was a lot. It was
a lot at one time, a lot of everything. They
had to buy a new house, and that's what it
lasts for a good two years. I mean, she got
she got into therapy, you know, and that and then
that kind of thing. But it did. It took her
a while to just kind of, you know, get over

(53:00):
some things. And you know, we were talking about discount feelings.
I think a lot of people at the times like, oh,
don't worry about it's gonna happen. Don't worry about it. It's
gonna happen. You can't discount people's feelings and you can't
keep telling them don't worry about it, it's gonna happen,
because clearly it took her a while for it to
actually happen. So yeah, some some women just it just
doesn't happen for them.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
Now did it change your perspective? Now? Did it change
your perspective on life in general? Like how you view life?

Speaker 3 (53:27):
Family, And it's just like I have to care for somebody,
like this instinct kicked in, like that's it. The slightest noise,
I'm up, the slightest, you know. And that lasted for
like a while, like for a long time. So it's like,
now I'm in charge of somebody and I have to
care for somebody, somebody in my care and I have

(53:48):
I don't have have to always fix it, always be there, always.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Be more reliable and more accountable.

Speaker 3 (53:56):
Yes, no, Now I have to watch what I do.
I have to watch what she's said, what I said,
so they don't learn, they don't I want them to
be this type of way. I don't want them to
get this habit. I don't want them to be like this.
I want this is how I want my kids to be.
You know, you have to also more, there'll be a
room model to them, you know, and then groom them
or make them grow in the way that you know

(54:18):
you want them to.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Grow, you know, so keep them healthy. They have a
good perspective about the world. That kind of change like, oh.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
I'm not leaving for myself anymore. Like I cannot do
what I want to do when I want to do it.
I have to have people to consider, like, Okay, how
would my decisions, how will whatever I do affect them?
I don't want to see my naked videos on.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Internet exactly because it never goes away. But I didn't
have that problem, thank you.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
I did not have that problem only because they didn't
have the internet back then.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 3 (54:54):
But even now your kids can see whatever now, even
as grown adults, they can log onto whatever and then.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
Oh that's your mom. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
Even fighting people, some people forget like I don't. I
never want to see my kids to see me fight.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
That was the rule we had. Also, really we didn't.
It was no, none of that.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
We're not big fighters. But I think your kids should
should learn how to deal with their emotions, not necessarily fight,
but you know, you should show them that people get
angry sometimes, but and this is how you deal with
it versus this is not how you should deal with it. So,
I mean, we weren't big fighters boys, like.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
Even like on the streets you fight, you know how
all this I don't stereotype. But how they just go
down and pick their kids.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Let's go fight this right right, Yes, that's how they
do YouTube people. Let's go fight. Let's go fight those people.

Speaker 3 (55:49):
Let's go do this.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
No, I don't want my kids to see that. That's
not how we do No, you know what I'm saying.
So some people don't really care. They just like, we're
go and go fight. We're gonna go bust the house
then you do.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Let me let me tell you how it really changed
my life and my perspective of life. Right. So for me,
I was in the military, did eight years in the military,
came out, went to police department whatever. So up until then,
my whole outlook was I had no fear of anything.
I had no fear of dying, I had no fear
of nothing. I had like literally, you know, I was

(56:27):
to me, I looked at it, I was invincible and
if I if I die, I die, you know. But
once my son was born, it was like all of
that changes, like oh yeah, I can't, I can't go
in to certain places I would you know. So it's
not like you don't walk around with a death wish
or anything like that. You just kind of look at Okay,
I'm I have a challenge. I'm gonna take it. But

(56:48):
now you start thinking like, nah, you know what, I'm
gonna avoid even having that circumstance right there. So things
did change. It change my whole life on that, like,
oh now I have to live for right right. So yeah,
that that definitely changed. So but yeah that was a
good one.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
Yeah, definitely. It definitely changes, and it and it changed,
it evolves, you know, because you know, you're worried about
them at two, you know, maybe eating something or putting
something in their mouth they don't have to, and then
when they get ten, you're worried about the kids that
they're hanging out with. And then when they become teenagers,
you know, the kids that they're hanging out with. And

(57:27):
I mean, let's put it out there. Being the mother
of black male children, it's hard. It is hard. You
hear a police car, you hear ambulance. You just what
time is it? Are they supposed to be home? Oh
my god, they're driving now? But if the police stop them.
So you're worried and you're concerned about your kids evolve.
You know, you're gonna have it forever, right, You're gonna

(57:49):
have it forever. It's never gonna go away. But it
just becomes a different kind of worry. Yeah, right, it
really does.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
So that's why now I'm so scared to both my
kids are now in middle school, so I'm like, I'm
not going to be.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
Dropped off and picked up school bus.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
They were so they want to go on the bus
so bad.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
And I totally understand me. When I grew up, we
rode the bus. We were the trains. Like the city bus.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
Yeah, I rode the city bus.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
You never grew a school bus. So you know, if
I missed the bus, I walked to school. And it
was like talking about miles. That was not a big
deal to me. You cut through projects, We cut through
a lot of different things, right, So what I didn't
think about that, It was like, that's how things are
like my kids. My kids, I don't think they even
crossed the street by themselves, and today it was in
their teenage years, so I wouldn't. I definitely didn't want

(58:42):
them riding a bus because I knew how the buses
were just from my job and how it was when
I was, you know, growing up. So we didn't. We
didn't let them ride the bus. We didn't like, we know,
ride bikes and neighborhoods. We was on the other side
of the city or whatever it was. Nope, all that's
out out the window. Even with the like friends, I
gotta checked them out first.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
And then you always make me feel like I'm doing
something bad. But you see.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
That's different you. You you ultra strict. I'm the you
are no, no, whatever, I just said, let me whatever,
whever I just said. She's ten times worse whatever. Seriously
she is. She is like even even with the soul
was different from me. Like they're the school meets the

(59:29):
kids and stuff like that. I was always in the school,
so we would go in there, yeah, and we would.
We would for like birthdays. We would bring stuff like
pizza and whatever. And I had this little thing with
the teachers at her school because you know, me being
a Stealers fan, this was Raven's territory. So I was like,
oh yeah, I'm gona get these kids to be Steelers fans.
And I would come in and I get a whole

(59:50):
class froom. Hereby goes stealer, you know, because they knew
pizza was coming, right, So it was different. So I
I met the kids, I played with the kids. I
chep roomed them on trips, so I knew a lot
of the kids grown up to this day. You know,
let me tell you that is a that is an
eye opener because it gives you that they see you differently. Yeah,

(01:00:13):
they see the kids see you differently, and then you
can see the behavior patterns on certain kids, and you
know that kind of fouls them and not for me.
I tell you what I really enjoyed, even along with
my son. I enjoyed seeing these kids that were you know,
didn't have any teeth back then. You know now they're grown. Yeah,
you know, so I think that, you know, kind of

(01:00:35):
helped me out, which kind of made me feel a
little bit better when it came to you know, kids
going on different things.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
But you always drove your kids every year. I did work.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
That's not for them, that's for me because you know,
you're saying sanity, trying to I don't want to kill nobody,
you know this this late stage, and I will yeah,
you know. So that's a little bit that's different because
I'm all right. So I'm gonna give you an example. Now,
my son's twenty two, right, So he was he was

(01:01:06):
at his market, right, and he was about to come out,
and I saw this guy. He must have had some
mental issues, but he was while he was inside, he
was at the he was at outside the window making
all these different things, and I don't know what he
was on. I pulled up, I rolled my windle down
and I yelled, I said, look that's my son. I
will you know whatever. Now my son didn't have he

(01:01:27):
didn't know, you know, what was going on, but I
made sure that this guy, like if you want my foot,
some weird move, move on somebody else's son, right, And
I was like, man, I can't do all this. I
can't do this until he's thirty four whatever. But I
thought about I said, yeah I can, I can.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
So I definitely enjoyed having the house that all the
kids came to my house. Enjoyed having the house because
I knew all the kids I pretty munch knew their
mom's you know, and I could just be like that
one right there. You need to watch out for that one.
But it was good because and like you said, I
see these kids now. These kids have their own kids,

(01:02:07):
so I've watched all of those kids grow up now.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
So it is definitely isolation. I tried to get my
kids everything they wanted the house.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
So that isolation.

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
Yeah, that's technically.

Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
The house I was going, but I let them spend
time with Hanna's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Kids one family.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
But you know what, kids now want to be in
the house. Like my kids were always outside, but my
granddaughter and my grandson are okay with being in the house.

Speaker 1 (01:02:36):
Her kids only want to be in the house because
that's the only choice they ever had.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
It is either that over her friend's house the coffee sometimes.

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Alrighty, So that was it. That was an enlightening discussion.
But did you say you have you can be honest,
did you have more joys or pains doing your pregnancy?

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Pain?

Speaker 3 (01:03:02):
Pains, joys of pregnancy?

Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
I was just in different.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
But then it was fun when the baby kicks. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
that was fun when baby kicks and you can feel
the baby and then some people say, oh, sen to.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
Your baby, talk to your baby. Baby knows your voice.

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
Music to the stomach.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Yeah, that's pretty cool, you know, so that was cool.
That is cool.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
I'll tell you the next ten he said, the next
the same thing.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
Yeo, hes fifty five.

Speaker 3 (01:03:34):
I know, right, I don't know how bad like if
you have you can't have a baby now because you're
going to be.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
Grandpa and your baby. Yeah, gona be what grandpa grandpa
in your baby?

Speaker 3 (01:03:48):
Your baby's ten, when your baby's ten, you don't have
someone pregnant now, So maybe next year. Let's say next
year you fifty six plus ten when the baby's ten,
six or six when baby's twenty. If you live that
long seventy six, right, well you gotta leave that kid.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
I'm gonna be I'm gonna be fit.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
He's like party you already agree at too far?

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
Yeah that you're all gonna say, is that your grandpa?
That's exactly yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
Said in elementary school.

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
It will be worse now.

Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
So yeah, they're not gonna see the great here. What's
gonna happen to be that dude with look looking like
I'm eighty with a twenty year old here like smoking.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
No, please do not do not with the baby's thirty
eighty six. Listen, I've done my job. Then my uncle
talking about, you know, I met this person and I
really think that she might be the one that I
might consider having a babys I'm not having kids, yes really,
And I'm just like, you know, you're like sixty. My dad,

(01:04:52):
my dadd is seventy six.

Speaker 3 (01:04:54):
He has a wife, and he is telling and he's like,
and I'm like, what are you saying?

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
You do it?

Speaker 3 (01:05:01):
And he's like, oh, I know my daughter is there.

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
She will always take it. Don't do what the daughter
is there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
That's right, you'll do it because you're the you're the
old daughter, the oldest daughter. And that's your response.

Speaker 2 (01:05:15):
He's the only daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
Well you're talking about you know, you know that's that's
for somebody else to have their kids.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
You can't take care of that kids. So now it's no.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
I told Corey, I said, you're gonna have a you
could be I have a built in babysitters. I'm not
watching the kids.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
No, that's right, don't do it. Oh you're telling her
you're going to have a kid.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
No, I told her because we was in there saying
I'm gonna have some I'm gonna have some more kids.
You know. It's like I said, of course, she's gonna
say with her smart mouth, you know you're too old.
And I'm saying, I got a babysitter. Now you know
I'm not baby no kids. I said, Look, now you
know I was joking all that, but after this, after
me paying for college, guess what right will you will

(01:05:55):
work this off?

Speaker 2 (01:05:58):
She could not. She could babysit for the breast that life, and.

Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
Our kids going to be my kids, and her kids
are going to beat her. Grand kids were going to
be play meats.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
I'm wondering how you would let her go. You know
you're not You're not in in high school today.

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
I know.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
I'm just like worried about Friday, and then that's a
Friday next Friday.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
That's what I'm thinking. He's gonna be calling me. What
you're doing. You won't ride down He gonna be down
there every other week. It's all good. It is all good.

Speaker 1 (01:06:33):
But I didn't cry anything.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
He probably did.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
No, I didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
Show you felt a little bit like when he cried.
I'm saying, no, I'm taking what I did cry. When
you got that bill.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
I went through and I looked at all the things
in there, and I looked at the security features. I
talked to the resident, we call them resident. All right,
you know this is this at these these floors. Okay,
where's I know which way? What steps to come up?

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
My gosh. Yeah, all right, well this was an enlightening discussion.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
Yes, we need a word of the day.

Speaker 2 (01:07:11):
Okay, maybody pick one? Joy and pain baby baby Okay,
we'll do baby baby, baby me because I'm not having
anymore baby baby.

Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
It's not being selfish all your life.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
I am selfish. This is this is my selfish era
of my life. This is it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:33):
So, ladies and gentlemen, again, if you get the word
of the day from all the podcast episodes from the
month of August, email us at Hot Topics Podcasts at
gmail dot com and be the first one to give
us all those of the day and you will win

(01:07:56):
the monthly prize and nice.

Speaker 2 (01:07:59):
Yes, episodes is gone, but we have some really nice
prices now.

Speaker 1 (01:08:03):
So make sure you thank you class. That's right, Tell a.

Speaker 2 (01:08:07):
Friend, thank you, family for listening to the latest episode
of Hot Topics. As usual, listen, like, share, subscribe, tal