August 25, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode, we dive into a question that frustrates and confuses many: Why do some men hold on to women they don't actually want a relationship with? Whether it's emotional convenience, ego, fear of being alone, or simply not wanting to see her with someone else — we unpack the complex reasons behind this behavior. Join us as we explore:
- The psychology behind emotional attachment without commitment
- Mixed signals and the consequences of blurred boundaries
- Why some men won’t let go — even when they know they’re not ready or willing to commit
- How women can recognize these patterns and protect their emotional well-being
Whether you’ve experienced this firsthand or are trying to understand the dynamics better, this episode offers raw insights and practical takeaways.
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- The psychology behind emotional attachment without commitment
- Mixed signals and the consequences of blurred boundaries
- Why some men won’t let go — even when they know they’re not ready or willing to commit
- How women can recognize these patterns and protect their emotional well-being
Whether you’ve experienced this firsthand or are trying to understand the dynamics better, this episode offers raw insights and practical takeaways.
Follow us on your favorite platforms:
YouTube, Apple Podcast, Podfriend, Overcast, Spotify, Spreaker, iHeart Radio, Deezer, Podchaser, Goodpods, Jio Saavn, Podcast Addict, Castbox, Pocket Cast and more...
Become an exclusive supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podca...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You're listening to the Hot Topics podcast or Psycho for
any One, the Lovely Lady, Lamb Shop and Fabulous Columnia's Feathers.
Let's get into it. Welcome everybody to another Hot Topics
podcast episode. And if you always listening, you notice I
said fabulous, I.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Keep forgetting the pain. It was about to make a mistake,
I was.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
So today's episode we're going to talk about why do
men hold on to women they don't want in relationships?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Why do men want women to do want in a relationship?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Why do men hold on to them if they don't
want to be in a relationship with them?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I know, because you're selfish period podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
So I did came because one of the comedians is
on spoke. She put that as her post, you know,
and I thought about it. I said, you know, that's
something something to talk about whatever. But for that comedian,
I don't know her name, I forgot it. I can't
believe I forgot it. But yeah, I would never do
that to you, uh huh. And I know you're listening.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
She most got a big butt. No, she's actually skinny.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, you've seen her before. She's she's like really really loud.
The comedian that's on, she'd be on Facebook all time
making theseus before because you want Facebook all time?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Or or no, I we don't have the sing. Doesn't
mean we have the sing. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I can't imagine you're having the same algorithm.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
All right, okay, anyways.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, you looking at old people stuff exactly and probably
asked boobs and stuff like that. I don't want to
see all of that.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I wouldn't want that on my timeline.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm trying to scoop my chair over, so want a
light to come and strike you for that one. I
won't forget it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
All right? What does what does when they say men
holding on? What does that mean to you? Guys? Being women?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Men holding on to women?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Just the whole thing about holding on. It could be
women too, but we're gonna talk about men this time,
and then we'll talk about women women next, scandalous cells,
next thing selves. What what does holding on actually mean?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Are you looking? I mean something you mean?
Speaker 3 (02:27):
For the man we're holding on, I think it's it's
something that benefits him in some kind of way, either
sex or money or prestige.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's something that.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, she could be the in between girl until he
founds something that he really wants, so he's just holding
on until the next best thing comes.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Men are selfish like that, why you're laughing because you approve.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You can't call women what you approve.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I approve, concord, you know what she said, I'm not
I'm not gonna let you beat off in my presence.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
All right, So so we can all agree that holding
on means it's not a bad thing, just that because
people hold on, Yeah, because you can. You want to
hold on the people that you love, You want to
hold on the people you don't have. It doesn't have
to be a negative context.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I don't know in this context. I don't feel like just.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
In this context that he doesn't that they don't want
to have a relationship with You still want to hold
because you might love the person. You mean, no, you can.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
You can.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
You can still love the person and want to be
with them. You just don't want to be in a
relationship with them because they might have some issues. You
know that's true.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Then don't be with them, Like, don't hold on then,
because you're wasting time, right right, yeah, right, you don't
want to be in the relationship with her, You're wasting
that time.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Okay, we're gonna talk about that. Okay, let's let's start
with you. Yeah, fellows, if they don't want a relationship,
what do they want?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I just told you, Sime.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Sex, it's money, is prestige, it's something, money is something,
it's you know, yeah, I think she's a spaceholder.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
A spaceholder. Okay. So we did a poll, okay, and
it was all women. Okay, so probably out of it
it was actually just kidding, twelve hundred women. Out of
twelve hundred women, ninety percent says it was for companionship,
(04:29):
emotional support, physical intimacy, or just ego validation.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
So they said it was because of all of those things.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
I think they were generous. I say, I don't know
about that.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
So let me tell you as a man. As a man,
you would typically a guy would want to hold on
to any person, not just you know, for those things. Companionship,
even though that person may work your nerves, or that
person you know that person's bad for you, you know,
any long lines you want that, the emotional, physical intimacy
like you mentioned right, or like I think you mentioned
(05:07):
that too. The ego thing yeah she did, yeah, okay, Oh,
you said, Ego, I probably didn't understand what you were saying.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yeah, because I speak friends miss a genius level.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Right, Well, do you think that men are more likely
unaware that that's what they're doing? Now you think, really, no.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I think they are aware of what they're doing.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
So that's that means you're suggesting there's there's a nefarious intent.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
That's exactly what I'm in suggesting.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I'm wouldn't disagree with that. Okay, I think a lot
of times men, I think that particular thing is is
really about perspective. The woman may think that, you know,
oh you're just holding on you don't want a relationship,
But that guy might have other reasons why they're not
in a particular type of relationship. It might be, well,
(06:01):
I like this person, we kick it off, we do this,
this and that whatever, but that person might have some
items that we need to you know, resolve, you know before.
And I'm saying I'm not talking about just like a
boyfriend girlfriend relationship that even take the relationship further. Now,
if it was something like I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Sorry, like what go on?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Right? So let me let me so all right, For example,
if you're in a relationship, you're like your boyfriend and girlfriend. Right,
let me give you two different scenarios. Your boyfriend and girlfriend.
Everything is good, but you know that you know if
you take it higher, you know there's bound to be
problems because you haven't worked these certain things out yet.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Things aren't good.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
No, some things are good, you just can't get you
can't get over certain like all right, let me throw
something out there. Let's say what I've experience. But I'm
just saying you might have you might have a situation
where you just can't get over certain humps. Whether it
be could be trust, could be, finances, could be you
(07:09):
know whatever. You just don't have that confidence to say
you know, this is gonna be good, this is gonna
be good. Let's let's work these out first. Now, the
other person might be saying, well, you know, we've been
here together for thirty years, twenty five years, and we
still haven't gotten married.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Raises Christ, while you're staying that long.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
But it happens, it does, right, it does, so okay, perfect.
So now when you talk about somebody who has no relationship,
has no relationship, this is why I always get up
for somebody who has no relationship whatsoever. And I'm saying
(07:47):
not a committed thing.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Then so y'all did that's just a booty call?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Now you could you can have a you can have
an understanding, not really a booty You could do things,
you could do whatever. But you know, when it comes
down to it, don't ask me nothing, and I want
to ask you nothing. That type of deal you get
me now? All right? Remember the type of relationship we had.
We had a podcast episode on that, and we're talking
about the different types. Right, Okay, so you have a
relationship where you guys are really friends, but you could
(08:14):
be exclusive when it comes to that that part, okay,
And you know one person might want since we talk
about men, the man might not want to go into
the next level because everything's put a name on it
or yes, because then that, like you said, they might
complicate things. And two, you know, it might be good
(08:36):
for now, but you know later later it might not be.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
So I took this topic as we're in a relationship,
not just you know, so my answers are based on
we're in a relationship already.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Of course, if you say holding on to something, it
means you already have some sort of relationship with that person.
So you're just not trying to levels that. Yeah, whatever,
you guys are already having sex, that's the major thing. You
guys are already together, having some sort of relationship, talking
every day, whatever it is. And then okay, now I'm like, okay,
I'm now emotionally attached to you, but you don't want
(09:15):
to let me go. But you don't want to do
what I want to next, you know what I'm saying.
So we are your options. You don't want to let
me go. You don't want to put a name on
whatever we have. You have to pick or men just
like to either. They're always selfish normally in life. It's
just a man.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I'm glad you can give it unbiased opinion. But ad.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Ninety nine point nine percent are selfish. So they think
of they think about themselves all the time. That's it.
And then they because of their ego, they don't want
to get hurt and all of that, but they don't
also think about the other person and what she's coming from, Like, Okay,
how do my actions affect this other person? I can't
think for my Okay, I want this person, I love
(09:57):
this person. I also feel this way, but I'm here
to go higher I don't want to take it to
the next level. How about you think about, Okay, this
sort of person number one age is non aside, like
she needs to she needs to either have a child
or she needs to just for do something. She needs
something stability and stuff like that. You're not thinking in
(10:18):
that perspective. As long as someone comes home, you have
someone to fuck you. Every someone comes to your cleaning
or did this. But you don't want to take it
to the next level. You just want to remain that
way that is selfish until did not find another person,
that is you should she found somebody else. Oh to
hear or he finds somebody else. That is all perfect.
(10:41):
You know how It's funny how some people you date
them or you caught them for ten years and then
they see someone in the year and they married and
they married right right right. But I'm over here, like yeah,
five years ago saying we need to get married, and
then you're married like that again.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
It goes back to you know.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And that's why half the time women kill man.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
But but it goes back to you know that person,
you know, you might not have had those things that
that you worked out. Then you somebody comes along and
they got all those things worked out.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, but why would you move on?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Why would you move on if you if you're both
enjoying that time. It's not just one way you both enjoined.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I've seen on the internet Nigerian whatever it was man man.
Maybe they leave their girlfriends. They leave their girlfriends in
the house or someone there exclusive with their boyfriend girlfriend
in the house, and they travel to another state to
get married to somebody else. They say, oh, I'm God's
gone for the weekend, and they leave the house to
go marry somebody else.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Like, that's right, dirty, they do that.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
They do that a lot of times. I've seen it
pop up where the man yes, or you're having a
child with somebody else somewhere too. Yeah, that is so
sometimes that's been considering. You know that that.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Happens on both ways, both that that happens both ways.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Women, I'm gonna marry. If I'm going to marry someone,
I'm not going to tell you I'm going for the
weekend and gone by folios. So I don't understand why,
like and I can't understand why because I'm a woman,
and like you said, we have some things going on
that we need to know where this relationship is going
you know, like maybe I want to have kids. We
(12:30):
have a ticking time clock says after a certain amount
of time, you're limited your chances of having children, So
to stop talking to me.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
So you know, why am I sitting here for ten
years and you know that you have no intention of
moving this relationship to the point where we're married, we
can have children whatever. You know that you don't have
those intentions, Why are you still.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
With me? This is what's going to hapen GP. No,
it's not GP and explained. I know, I know what. Okay,
just for general purposes, it's not okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
All right, So again.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
GP comes with a whole package. The whole package. If
you want that, then put a ring in. I don't know,
because I guess I feel like maybe it's my delusional
mind that she's had that conversation with him, yeah, saying
that you know, hey, we've been at this a couple
of years. Now, what are we going to do? I
(13:37):
don't know. I don't I can't stay ten years with
a man.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Ten years is too long, I think before I think, guys,
if you somebody for ten years and you're not elevating.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
That you've wasted her time, wasting her time.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
No, no, it's not waste.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
She was allowed him to waste exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
So it's a two ways thing. It's not like, you know,
you know, it's not like the guy has to make
the proposal all the time. This is, this is, this
is twenty twenty. Still women do.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
That that I don't know. Then I don't want to
force you to do what you don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
So we mean, yeah, so what did the guy. The
guy proposes and you say.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
No, half time to have the time to say yes, Well.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
That's fifty percent of the time to get or I
saw again on where they said the guy proposed and
she said no because she didn't like the size of
the engagement room.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Now that's just ridiculous, so to me, and you might
have these red flags that you just can't You try
to say we could work this out, or maybe it's
going to go away or something, it will resolve itself,
but then it just never does. And you're just sitting
there waiting and hoping and praying, and you know, and
you you know, you talk to your pastor and this
(14:56):
because I'm just using my experience, you know, I talked
I talked to the pastor you know, get that, you
know the guidance. But all right, so I'm gonna assume this.
You said that this behavior is always intentional.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I feel like it is. Sometimes maybe not, sometimes maybe not.
Maybe they just string each other along or he just
strings out along.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
To me, could come from or confusion.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It could just be like when you're used to someone,
you know it just that person, and you just got comfortable,
you know, and let's just keep going. And then you're like, Okay,
this person, probably for me, probably snows in his sleep.
I don't want to wake up to that every night,
like okay, And you know what I'm saying, so stuff
(15:47):
like that, like okay, I can understand why, but then
I'm not going to.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Want that.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I'm gonna if you were me, if it was something
like that, something that's mind as that. Of course, snoring.
We can get somewhere. I can sleep in another room.
That's fine. So it depends on what the problem is why.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
But it's different for you though, that's that's totally different,
because really all you got to do is get with six.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Goats for what for the wedding?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yes, I don't know that's expected. Deliver sixt.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Talk to him.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
So could it be fear of being alone?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah? Yeah, right, okay, women mostly for women is just
they just string themselves alone.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I think I think, I think they just won't admit it.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What men can get any girl one?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, but see, but then you can't get any girl
that that. You come home and she's still doing lifely stuff.
She's doing she's paring your meals, she's doing all the
things that make you comfortable. Right, you're you fear losing that,
but you might have.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But you don't want to do it on a permanent base.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Right or or you know, she's she's providing that comfort.
And then you know, you know, every once in a while,
like every week, once a week, every two weeks, you
get into this, you know, big argument where you all
cursing each other out of and I'm going, I'm just
going by what I've seen.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Wemen, if you have a guy, make him jealous, then yeah,
just make him jealous.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Then he'll just walk away.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
No, if it's scared of being alone, or you'll be
in the house of rooms making jealous. That's it.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
This is what happens. This is what happens. The woman
makes the guy jealous. Right, and you're thinking that that's gonna,
you know, bring him back into the fold. No, what
happens is.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
To realize that, yeah, I can be lost, you can
lose me.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah. But also that person can say, well, if I
can't have you, nobody's going to have you.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
And then it just does Americans.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I looked up the stats. It's not an American. I
guarantee you do. I guarantee you. So anyway, so you're
being alone, not ready to commit, but still craving the connection.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yeah you're a dog.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Yeah, you won't be alone and you have a connection.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Or it said or just lazy emotional management where you
just you just go along and not really think about
the future, which is kind of that is lazy, that's
you know, hmm. I think personally, I think it's more
or less of the not ready to commit but still
creaming connection.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay, So if it is that he needs to say
I'm not ready to commit, he needs to say that to.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Her, but they do sometimes would he ever.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Be ready to commit? That's another question.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
But sometimes they do say that and they're not ready
to come in.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
If you say I'm not ready to commit, okay, we
can give it two years like at least by then
you should know. But permanently, I'm not ready to commit
to you. It's a different thing. I'm not right.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Well, they never say permanently, it's always gonna be, you know,
I'm not I'm not right.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Now is going to be the right time.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So and then what happens is the woman will put
a time frame on there. You can't put a time
frame because you can't because you can have You can
meet with somebody right and be together for like two
years and go through everything everything you could possibly be.
You know, you can go through the ups, the downs,
the TURMOI the times of adversity, which I always says
you have to have that right to see what who
(19:11):
you really have. And then after that, like you get
stranded on the island blew lagoon type whatever. And actually
after that, you know you've been there six months. You
know this is a person for you versus somebody who's
been with you for six years and it's all been
greedy because you've been bringing in money and she got
his own thing. Everything's been good, right. You had the
arguments here and there, but you never really built anything
(19:33):
on substance. You never it's never been tested you know.
So that's when people they go when everything's good and
then think it's always going to be good until the
life stresses come in, right, or that person might again
those red flags that we said, all right, that's not
a big deal until it is.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And I also think, and I really hate that I'm
saying this out loud, women think they can change men. Yes, true,
really true, And you can't just a bottle, especially when
you see your pardon like pardon like he had twenty
baby mamas he had, right, yes, okay, I love you too.
(20:17):
So yeah, so like twenty baby mama's five, Like okay,
what makes you different? I think? Right, But then we
all have this mentality like, oh yeah, it's gonna be me.
It's going to be different, different now.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
And that small percentage I think it does work because
you know what, sometimes it takes a good woman or
a certain type of woman to bring certain things out
of a man.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
You might have a man that's just kind of lazy,
I don't want to do, just just go through life whatever,
and that that special woman comes in and inspires him, says,
you know what, I'm want to do it because I
want to make her happy. I want her to be
proud of me. I'm gonna do this, this, this, and
and it does happen.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Unfortunately, I've not been able to inspire him because we
keep talking about his outfit every time. It never changes.
So I'm definitely not the woman for him. That's the
problem with that. He's double Nichols, and the likelihood that
that's gonna change is really slim to none.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Well, no, I'm a perfect example, right, So I haven't
always been this way, right, So we talked about that, right,
so it might be No, I haven't always been this way.
So when when I was out there dating and I
was out.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
There and that was before I knew you, I was like, yeah,
he's been this way since.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I don't know, because you get to a point where
you know you don't.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
When I even knew you, even after you were not bad, right,
so you get to know you. You came back here,
that's when you came.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
So again you start really, you know, not caring about
certain things, your mentality. Something could have caused you to say,
you know, I don't really give you about that, so
you can't. It does happen. You can say all right,
you might say, well, hey, I like going out with
sudden and such, and you gotta go out with sudden
and such to certain places, you gotta dress certain way,
(22:01):
and you have fun. It changes. Right, So, if you're
in a situation where you're not really doing anything, you
might be depressed. You might just be depressed. I'm not
talking about me, but I'm saying you might just not
you know, give a damn or whatever. And then then
(22:21):
but then you might have somebody that says, well, hey,
let's do this and do that and whatever, and you
start enjoying it and you start you motivated. So things change.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Okay, So you're saying, if so only I said, I said,
we're gonna start dressing up once a week and go out.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
You're gonna start doing that.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I would do it. I would, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
We're gonna test that theory, and you can put on
a lovely shirt and then put on this stupid, stupid
We're gonna test that theory, and we're gonna let the
viewers know what happened, all right. No dog walking clothes,
(23:02):
no dog walking clothes, none of that, No costco clothes.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
All right. So we talked about men. Is this really
about men? Or do people of all genders do it. Oh.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I definitely think women do it too. I definitely think.
I've heard my girlfriend say he just a spaceholder women.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Okay, so it's not a gender thing, it's not a
cultural thing. So people do it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Different, okay, okay, oh yeah for benefits. Women mostly for
benefits like okay, maybe he gives me money, or he
for the sex or whatever, Okay, pending the time I
find somebody. He might not be alder for me, but
just someone to right down, yeah for right now.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
So how much of this ties? This ties to ego
and control.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
For men? Yes, for men, I think for both. Yeah,
I thank for both.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah, yeah, both, but more more men than the ego
that's I got. I got, you know, this person home
and blah blah blah, you know she does this, that
and that whatever.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
And but when I want to go tip off, I
can go tip off off and it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
You can go go out together and shore off and
you know, so I can see that true man, okay,
is the fear of the woman moving on to someone better?
Is that there?
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yeah? That that too? Yeah? I think so? Yeah, I think.
So you know you're not giving all the all you're
all and then you feel like, Okay, there's somebody you know,
she deserves more.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
And then no, no, no, no, no, no no, she deserves
what we.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Give them, she deserves you give. And then you know
she's a gem.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
And it might be that's what she thinks, you know,
you know the time, she's a gem. No, it's all perspective. Sometimes,
let's be realistic. Sometimes women have an inflated view of
their importance. So they're there. Whatever that they give to
the world, women, and especially in their relationship, how they
see themselves that men too.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I was saying, men don't get men.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Men too. But when in this in this context, you're saying, well,
you know you're holding on to such and such, I
deserve better. Blah blah. No, sometimes you deserve less. It
just just happens that way. I mean, it's be realistic.
Sometimes he deserves less. And I momently say this because
we're talking about men. But if the conversation was splipped,
same thing, men deserve less, you know, so they don't
(25:29):
deserve what they have, you know, and.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
You know there is a set of women out there
who are just happy that somebody is with them, Yes,
which is unfortunate.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
You know, that's unfortunate.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
And I think sometimes the men know, because there's a
certain set of men who know the zero in on
that emotion and just be like, I do whatever I want.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
She just happy that I'm here, you know, ready, sad.
I can't threaten him on air to be out there
when we go to courts.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
So okay, So again, why don't they just let her go?
That's what you said, let her go.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Just go on, move on, go to the next I
had to you know, Yeah, that's a big one too.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Absolutely, you might not want to get a knife thrown
at you. He might not want to, you know, hurt
the person.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Or living living together, having to move or stuff like that. Yes, yeah, yeah,
big yeah. So does so both of y'all live there unhappily?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah yeah? So does communication have a role in this?
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I don't even know why he asked these dumb questions,
you know, it's true.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Because yeah, sometimes sometimes, but you might and I'm gonna
saying most of the time, women do communicate these things
very well. They do, and the man communicates it too.
That's where you have the problems. But you get sometimes
you get the people that just blow it off, or
they might not even you know, we're assuming that person
is we call it that has the emotional intelligence, right.
(27:04):
We assume that they might not even know right. She
might she might not know why she keeps this man
in her life, knowing she wants more, right, but she's
still she's still happy.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
With him on some level.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
But society, that's another one. Society plays. The society says, oh,
you must be this, you must have this right, you know,
And a guy might be like, Okay, everything's fine. Why
do we need any society? Yeah, so it could be,
you know, both. It doesn't have to be always, you know,
a bad thing.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I don't think, Yeah, I got I don't know, I
don't know. No, No, I don't know. Yeah, you know,
it can't be a good thing if if he's just
holding on, like how is that a good thing? Especially
if he's holding on with the idea that I know,
this isn't a long term thing. If you start out,
we're just dating. That's all we're doing, you know, maybe
(27:56):
a little bumping ground every now and then, and that's
all we're doing. And for your head to clear understanding
that sometimes sometimes sometimes understanding some people's feelings change and
emotion change. That's true. And then it gets complicated and
stuff like that. Sometimes you just go into a relationship
with Okay, let's just go with the floor, let's just
(28:19):
do something while I'm bored or something, and then she
grows on you, he grows on you, and then you
can't go back and say, hey, let's break up or whatever. Whatever.
It could be something from the start like oh, okay,
it's a taboo for us to be together or whatever whatever.
You know, maybe some sometimes genotype or whatever, like oh,
(28:40):
you guys are use that gender, so like S S
and oh everybody marries everybody.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
So they don't they don't test things like that, you know,
So where you guys, so you know going in, Hey
we need to make sure these things are right.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
So yeah, so like S S A S and then yeah,
I gets get married. You know you're not supposed to
an yes no or S S SC no, So you
should not be you're not compatible. So why are you
giving me because there's something wrong with him, let's just
put it out. So yeah, so stuff like that, so
(29:17):
you know we should not be together, you know. And
then but you do it anyway, yes, and you know
you cannot go further because you can't have kids. But
I think these days they have medication or whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
No, but I don't still think so I wouldn't. All right,
so no one knowing, but I know now. But beforehand,
I never thought about it. I never thought I was.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Supposed to be. I never thought about it until she
started talking about it. I never, never, never, never.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Thought about it. But when my children were born, you know,
and when you know, you go see the doctor talk
about this net whatever. So it's okay, well, yeah, we're
both us, right, it's like, oh, there's a good chance
that have you know, But at that time it's kind
of too lead, right. Luckily we got the good percentage
(30:06):
came out both kids, you know. But yeah, you don't
think about stuff like that. You guys do. So I'm
a I'm a A and your your A.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
No, no, that's you yours. I have no idea, that's
not a s S. But you say, you know what,
you know what I was just like, why are you
talking to him? Why are you talking to him? So
at some point we definitely need to have this this
podcast about that about because we don't we don't know
you guys, for the most part, we do, we do, okay,
(30:38):
So we genotype is like really important. And then after
comes blood group. But genotype is very very, very very
So that's the first thing we do going into Now
this is before you date or before you get married.
Before you date like dating dating, and like, okay, now
we're talking about marriage, because dating, you want to know that. Okay,
(30:59):
what we gotta of what happens, I'm safe, safe, we
can get married.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Just know someone becomes serious, right, so just know in.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Advance that Okay, you're a A or your a S
M A A, but not S S and stuff like that.
So because yeah, but these days I think things that
but still they don't recommend you're doing You don't do
any of that. I don't want to kick so you
don't they recommend not doing any because the kids after time,
they don't they don't leave long. They're usually in pain.
(31:29):
They have pain like bone pain from birth till till forever,
and they don't leave past a certain age.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
So getting back to the because we're going to have
one on that, Yeah, before the baby comes. So that's
that's a good thing to bring up. So can we
say the responsibility on that should be on both people.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, responsibility as far as holding.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
On Yeah, soever, man is holding on without being in
a relationship. Who's who's who's uh responsibility? Is that both faults?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I mean, does she know he's just holding on? That's
the other thing.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Like he's not gonna walk around saying I just got
you here until I find somebody better.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
So how does she know he don't?
Speaker 2 (32:14):
I don't think that comes up until you, like one
person says, hey, I've had enough of this or I
want I want more. Indeed, because they could, you know,
they could just be going through life and enjoying each
other's company and having the time of their life, loving
each other to death, and then somebody says, either one
of them says, you know what, I think we should
do this, because in the back of the head, society
(32:35):
says we should do this. Put that she.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Just messed it up, she said the muld right in
his head. That's exactly what he's thinking. Like she'd have
messed it up. Yeah, because she knew you was acting
out of pocket, that's why.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
So But okay, so it's a fifty to fifty uh
thing on this.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's horrible if he knows
that that's what he's doing, If he knows that that's
what he's doing, then that that's not fair. But I
also feel like Calma is going to get him, and
he's gonna be with somebody that he wants to really
be with, and he's going to be her placeholder.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
All right. So two last questions, Well, for you, how
can you tell if the man is just figuring things
out or deliberately wasting your time?
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I don't think you can tell, can you unless he
says it? Like how can you do?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Little little things that pop up a little.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Ye, that stuff like red flags little.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Or like you say, yeah, you know we're not you
know fires now when I go and I'm living in
such and such and y'all didn't discuss us, right, so
little things, so you have to pick up those little
things you kind of had, didn't have the conversation, okay,
all right?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Like, well, where am I in your picture?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Where am I in?
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Yeah? Oh, there you go? Your future? I don't see
you put in You don't think And it's probably more
likely that that she's going to be the one that
says I want to have yeah, like or we have
our kids yeah and married. No.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Despite my experience with my friends, even when I was
back in the Navy. We thought those things out too,
because we always had these ideas like, yeah, I have
these many kids, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that,
I'm gonna do this. You know, we already had that
in our head planned for the most part, responsible people,
most of it. But but when you get the woman
in there, the woman can change that. The woman, the
(34:32):
woman can change that. I might see my friend going
through his relationship and my friend over here going through
his relationship, like, no, I don't think I want that,
you know, So that that does make a difference. So
now when is it time to give up the giving
the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
You're talking about her after after her.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Now we're talking about should be a time limit? Yeah,
I I should with your.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
So for me, it depends on the situation, right, Every
situation is peculiar. Like so if it's like, Okay, he's
waiting to get a better job or get something better,
you know, so it could be that like, okay, he's
trying to be able to provide, to be a provider
for us, like he wants our stitution to be better before.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
You want to exact. So you can understand if a
man doesn't want to get married to. He has all
these things.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Yeah, but that's all this. I'm not going to wait
twenty years, ten years, two years. Two years is the.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Most two years I was.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
I went back out at two years for me. Okay,
you can't get a ship together in two years.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
We're done, all right, ladies, what do you guys think?
And we'll put this on social media as well as
a question why do you think that men hold on
to women that they don't want a relationship with? I
want to know you guys that are selfish. Then we're
(35:57):
going to come back. I'm going to ask the same
thing about women.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Women, right, So we'll do part two about women. But
I think I gotta feeling the answers are gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Be sae.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Or at least close to the same. Probably.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
That's a that's a pretty deep conversation.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
You really get into it, and it'll take a long
time because there's so many veritables in there. You know,
so many things that could be different. But you know,
just on the side note, my mother was with somebody
for twenty years and she was happy and never got married. No,
they broke up because she wanted more twenty years and
after twenty years it took her that long.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
To figure it out. The kids involved, Now, we.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Were already here, me and my sister already here. They
didn't Yeah, so they didn't have kids together at a time,
they didn't have kids together.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
No, wheny broke up.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Yeah, but thirty years.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
So she went at twenty years to break up with him.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yes, twenty all right, so in twenty years? What did
he say? I mean, what could he possibly said after
twenty years?
Speaker 1 (36:57):
I don't think it was him. I think it was her.
I think she was just like, this ain't going to
where I'm over this, Like, this is not going to
I don't think so. I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
Yeah, but at his funeral we found out he was
still married.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Oh so was the reason?
Speaker 3 (37:14):
So, like that's why he never made a commitment to her, gotcha.
So I don't know if she knew that or if
he you know, I don't know if she knew that.
But and maybe that was the thing. You know, when
I get divorced, we'll get married. So who knows? That
was the ultimate holding on?
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Right? Well, I'm giving you six months, okay, So the
word of today is going to be holding on? Are
we okay with that?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Holding don't see.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
People. Okay, so thank you everybody for joining us. I'm
sorry that this was a short show, but we will
do round two soon.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
See you.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Thank you family for listening to the latest episode of
Hot Topics. As usual, listen, like, share, subscribe, p
M hm.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You're listening to the Hot Topics podcast or Psycho for
any One, the Lovely Lady, Lamb Shop and Fabulous Columnia's Feathers.
Let's get into it. Welcome everybody to another Hot Topics
podcast episode. And if you always listening, you notice I
said fabulous, I.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Keep forgetting the pain. It was about to make a mistake,
I was.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
So today's episode we're going to talk about why do
men hold on to women they don't want in relationships?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Why do men want women to do want in a relationship?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Why do men hold on to them if they don't
want to be in a relationship with them?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I know, because you're selfish period podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
So I did came because one of the comedians is
on spoke. She put that as her post, you know,
and I thought about it. I said, you know, that's
something something to talk about whatever. But for that comedian,
I don't know her name, I forgot it. I can't
believe I forgot it. But yeah, I would never do
that to you, uh huh. And I know you're listening.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
She most got a big butt. No, she's actually skinny.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, you've seen her before. She's she's like really really loud.
The comedian that's on, she'd be on Facebook all time
making theseus before because you want Facebook all time?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Or or no, I we don't have the sing. Doesn't
mean we have the sing. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I can't imagine you're having the same algorithm.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
All right, okay, anyways.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, you looking at old people stuff exactly and probably
asked boobs and stuff like that. I don't want to
see all of that.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I wouldn't want that on my timeline.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm trying to scoop my chair over, so want a
light to come and strike you for that one. I
won't forget it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
All right? What does what does when they say men
holding on? What does that mean to you? Guys? Being women?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Men holding on to women?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Just the whole thing about holding on. It could be
women too, but we're gonna talk about men this time,
and then we'll talk about women women next, scandalous cells,
next thing selves. What what does holding on actually mean?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Are you looking? I mean something you mean?
Speaker 3 (02:27):
For the man we're holding on, I think it's it's
something that benefits him in some kind of way, either
sex or money or prestige.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's something that.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, she could be the in between girl until he
founds something that he really wants, so he's just holding
on until the next best thing comes.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Men are selfish like that, why you're laughing because you approve.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You can't call women what you approve.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I approve, concord, you know what she said, I'm not
I'm not gonna let you beat off in my presence.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
All right, So so we can all agree that holding
on means it's not a bad thing, just that because
people hold on, Yeah, because you can. You want to
hold on the people that you love, You want to
hold on the people you don't have. It doesn't have
to be a negative context.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I don't know in this context. I don't feel like just.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
In this context that he doesn't that they don't want
to have a relationship with You still want to hold
because you might love the person. You mean, no, you can.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
You can.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
You can still love the person and want to be
with them. You just don't want to be in a
relationship with them because they might have some issues. You
know that's true.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Then don't be with them, Like, don't hold on then,
because you're wasting time, right right, yeah, right, you don't
want to be in the relationship with her, You're wasting
that time.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Okay, we're gonna talk about that. Okay, let's let's start
with you. Yeah, fellows, if they don't want a relationship,
what do they want?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I just told you, Sime.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Sex, it's money, is prestige, it's something, money is something,
it's you know, yeah, I think she's a spaceholder.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
A spaceholder. Okay. So we did a poll, okay, and
it was all women. Okay, so probably out of it
it was actually just kidding, twelve hundred women. Out of
twelve hundred women, ninety percent says it was for companionship,
(04:29):
emotional support, physical intimacy, or just ego validation.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
So they said it was because of all of those things.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
I think they were generous. I say, I don't know
about that.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
So let me tell you as a man. As a man,
you would typically a guy would want to hold on
to any person, not just you know, for those things. Companionship,
even though that person may work your nerves, or that
person you know that person's bad for you, you know,
any long lines you want that, the emotional, physical intimacy
like you mentioned right, or like I think you mentioned
(05:07):
that too. The ego thing yeah she did, yeah, okay, Oh,
you said, Ego, I probably didn't understand what you were saying.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yeah, because I speak friends miss a genius level.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Right, Well, do you think that men are more likely
unaware that that's what they're doing? Now you think, really, no.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I think they are aware of what they're doing.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
So that's that means you're suggesting there's there's a nefarious intent.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
That's exactly what I'm in suggesting.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I'm wouldn't disagree with that. Okay, I think a lot
of times men, I think that particular thing is is
really about perspective. The woman may think that, you know,
oh you're just holding on you don't want a relationship,
But that guy might have other reasons why they're not
in a particular type of relationship. It might be, well,
(06:01):
I like this person, we kick it off, we do this,
this and that whatever, but that person might have some
items that we need to you know, resolve, you know before.
And I'm saying I'm not talking about just like a
boyfriend girlfriend relationship that even take the relationship further. Now,
if it was something like I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Sorry, like what go on?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Right? So let me let me so all right, For example,
if you're in a relationship, you're like your boyfriend and girlfriend. Right,
let me give you two different scenarios. Your boyfriend and girlfriend.
Everything is good, but you know that you know if
you take it higher, you know there's bound to be
problems because you haven't worked these certain things out yet.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Things aren't good.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
No, some things are good, you just can't get you
can't get over certain like all right, let me throw
something out there. Let's say what I've experience. But I'm
just saying you might have you might have a situation
where you just can't get over certain humps. Whether it
be could be trust, could be, finances, could be you
(07:09):
know whatever. You just don't have that confidence to say
you know, this is gonna be good, this is gonna
be good. Let's let's work these out first. Now, the
other person might be saying, well, you know, we've been
here together for thirty years, twenty five years, and we
still haven't gotten married.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Raises Christ, while you're staying that long.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
But it happens, it does, right, it does, so okay, perfect.
So now when you talk about somebody who has no relationship,
has no relationship, this is why I always get up
for somebody who has no relationship whatsoever. And I'm saying
(07:47):
not a committed thing.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Then so y'all did that's just a booty call?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Now you could you can have a you can have
an understanding, not really a booty You could do things,
you could do whatever. But you know, when it comes
down to it, don't ask me nothing, and I want
to ask you nothing. That type of deal you get
me now? All right? Remember the type of relationship we had.
We had a podcast episode on that, and we're talking
about the different types. Right, Okay, so you have a
relationship where you guys are really friends, but you could
(08:14):
be exclusive when it comes to that that part, okay,
And you know one person might want since we talk
about men, the man might not want to go into
the next level because everything's put a name on it
or yes, because then that, like you said, they might
complicate things. And two, you know, it might be good
(08:36):
for now, but you know later later it might not be.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
So I took this topic as we're in a relationship,
not just you know, so my answers are based on
we're in a relationship already.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Of course, if you say holding on to something, it
means you already have some sort of relationship with that person.
So you're just not trying to levels that. Yeah, whatever,
you guys are already having sex, that's the major thing. You
guys are already together, having some sort of relationship, talking
every day, whatever it is. And then okay, now I'm like, okay,
I'm now emotionally attached to you, but you don't want
(09:15):
to let me go. But you don't want to do
what I want to next, you know what I'm saying.
So we are your options. You don't want to let
me go. You don't want to put a name on
whatever we have. You have to pick or men just
like to either. They're always selfish normally in life. It's
just a man.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I'm glad you can give it unbiased opinion. But ad.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Ninety nine point nine percent are selfish. So they think
of they think about themselves all the time. That's it.
And then they because of their ego, they don't want
to get hurt and all of that, but they don't
also think about the other person and what she's coming from, Like, Okay,
how do my actions affect this other person? I can't
think for my Okay, I want this person, I love
(09:57):
this person. I also feel this way, but I'm here
to go higher I don't want to take it to
the next level. How about you think about, Okay, this
sort of person number one age is non aside, like
she needs to she needs to either have a child
or she needs to just for do something. She needs
something stability and stuff like that. You're not thinking in
(10:18):
that perspective. As long as someone comes home, you have
someone to fuck you. Every someone comes to your cleaning
or did this. But you don't want to take it
to the next level. You just want to remain that
way that is selfish until did not find another person,
that is you should she found somebody else. Oh to
hear or he finds somebody else. That is all perfect.
(10:41):
You know how It's funny how some people you date
them or you caught them for ten years and then
they see someone in the year and they married and
they married right right right. But I'm over here, like yeah,
five years ago saying we need to get married, and
then you're married like that again.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
It goes back to you know.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And that's why half the time women kill man.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
But but it goes back to you know that person,
you know, you might not have had those things that
that you worked out. Then you somebody comes along and
they got all those things worked out.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, but why would you move on?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Why would you move on if you if you're both
enjoying that time. It's not just one way you both enjoined.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I've seen on the internet Nigerian whatever it was man man.
Maybe they leave their girlfriends. They leave their girlfriends in
the house or someone there exclusive with their boyfriend girlfriend
in the house, and they travel to another state to
get married to somebody else. They say, oh, I'm God's
gone for the weekend, and they leave the house to
go marry somebody else.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Like, that's right, dirty, they do that.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
They do that a lot of times. I've seen it
pop up where the man yes, or you're having a
child with somebody else somewhere too. Yeah, that is so
sometimes that's been considering. You know that that.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Happens on both ways, both that that happens both ways.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Women, I'm gonna marry. If I'm going to marry someone,
I'm not going to tell you I'm going for the
weekend and gone by folios. So I don't understand why,
like and I can't understand why because I'm a woman,
and like you said, we have some things going on
that we need to know where this relationship is going
you know, like maybe I want to have kids. We
(12:30):
have a ticking time clock says after a certain amount
of time, you're limited your chances of having children, So
to stop talking to me.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
So you know, why am I sitting here for ten
years and you know that you have no intention of
moving this relationship to the point where we're married, we
can have children whatever. You know that you don't have
those intentions, Why are you still.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
With me? This is what's going to hapen GP. No,
it's not GP and explained. I know, I know what. Okay,
just for general purposes, it's not okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
All right, So again.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
GP comes with a whole package. The whole package. If
you want that, then put a ring in. I don't know,
because I guess I feel like maybe it's my delusional
mind that she's had that conversation with him, yeah, saying
that you know, hey, we've been at this a couple
of years. Now, what are we going to do? I
(13:37):
don't know. I don't I can't stay ten years with
a man.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Ten years is too long, I think before I think, guys,
if you somebody for ten years and you're not elevating.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
That you've wasted her time, wasting her time.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
No, no, it's not waste.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
She was allowed him to waste exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
So it's a two ways thing. It's not like, you know,
you know, it's not like the guy has to make
the proposal all the time. This is, this is, this
is twenty twenty. Still women do.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
That that I don't know. Then I don't want to
force you to do what you don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
So we mean, yeah, so what did the guy. The
guy proposes and you say.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
No, half time to have the time to say yes, Well.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
That's fifty percent of the time to get or I
saw again on where they said the guy proposed and
she said no because she didn't like the size of
the engagement room.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Now that's just ridiculous, so to me, and you might
have these red flags that you just can't You try
to say we could work this out, or maybe it's
going to go away or something, it will resolve itself,
but then it just never does. And you're just sitting
there waiting and hoping and praying, and you know, and
you you know, you talk to your pastor and this
(14:56):
because I'm just using my experience, you know, I talked
I talked to the pastor you know, get that, you
know the guidance. But all right, so I'm gonna assume this.
You said that this behavior is always intentional.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I feel like it is. Sometimes maybe not, sometimes maybe not.
Maybe they just string each other along or he just
strings out along.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
To me, could come from or confusion.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It could just be like when you're used to someone,
you know it just that person, and you just got comfortable,
you know, and let's just keep going. And then you're like, Okay,
this person, probably for me, probably snows in his sleep.
I don't want to wake up to that every night,
like okay, And you know what I'm saying, so stuff
(15:47):
like that, like okay, I can understand why, but then
I'm not going to.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Want that.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I'm gonna if you were me, if it was something
like that, something that's mind as that. Of course, snoring.
We can get somewhere. I can sleep in another room.
That's fine. So it depends on what the problem is why.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
But it's different for you though, that's that's totally different,
because really all you got to do is get with six.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Goats for what for the wedding?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yes, I don't know that's expected. Deliver sixt.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Talk to him.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
So could it be fear of being alone?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah? Yeah, right, okay, women mostly for women is just
they just string themselves alone.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I think I think, I think they just won't admit it.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What men can get any girl one?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, but see, but then you can't get any girl
that that. You come home and she's still doing lifely stuff.
She's doing she's paring your meals, she's doing all the
things that make you comfortable. Right, you're you fear losing that,
but you might have.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But you don't want to do it on a permanent base.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Right or or you know, she's she's providing that comfort.
And then you know, you know, every once in a while,
like every week, once a week, every two weeks, you
get into this, you know, big argument where you all
cursing each other out of and I'm going, I'm just
going by what I've seen.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Wemen, if you have a guy, make him jealous, then yeah,
just make him jealous.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Then he'll just walk away.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
No, if it's scared of being alone, or you'll be
in the house of rooms making jealous. That's it.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
This is what happens. This is what happens. The woman
makes the guy jealous. Right, and you're thinking that that's gonna,
you know, bring him back into the fold. No, what
happens is.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
To realize that, yeah, I can be lost, you can
lose me.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah. But also that person can say, well, if I
can't have you, nobody's going to have you.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
And then it just does Americans.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I looked up the stats. It's not an American. I
guarantee you do. I guarantee you. So anyway, so you're
being alone, not ready to commit, but still craving the connection.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yeah you're a dog.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Yeah, you won't be alone and you have a connection.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Or it said or just lazy emotional management where you
just you just go along and not really think about
the future, which is kind of that is lazy, that's
you know, hmm. I think personally, I think it's more
or less of the not ready to commit but still
creaming connection.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay, So if it is that he needs to say
I'm not ready to commit, he needs to say that to.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Her, but they do sometimes would he ever.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Be ready to commit? That's another question.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
But sometimes they do say that and they're not ready
to come in.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
If you say I'm not ready to commit, okay, we
can give it two years like at least by then
you should know. But permanently, I'm not ready to commit
to you. It's a different thing. I'm not right.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Well, they never say permanently, it's always gonna be, you know,
I'm not I'm not right.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Now is going to be the right time.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So and then what happens is the woman will put
a time frame on there. You can't put a time
frame because you can't because you can have You can
meet with somebody right and be together for like two
years and go through everything everything you could possibly be.
You know, you can go through the ups, the downs,
the TURMOI the times of adversity, which I always says
you have to have that right to see what who
(19:11):
you really have. And then after that, like you get
stranded on the island blew lagoon type whatever. And actually
after that, you know you've been there six months. You
know this is a person for you versus somebody who's
been with you for six years and it's all been
greedy because you've been bringing in money and she got
his own thing. Everything's been good, right. You had the
arguments here and there, but you never really built anything
(19:33):
on substance. You never it's never been tested you know.
So that's when people they go when everything's good and
then think it's always going to be good until the
life stresses come in, right, or that person might again
those red flags that we said, all right, that's not
a big deal until it is.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And I also think, and I really hate that I'm
saying this out loud, women think they can change men. Yes, true,
really true, And you can't just a bottle, especially when
you see your pardon like pardon like he had twenty
baby mamas he had, right, yes, okay, I love you too.
(20:17):
So yeah, so like twenty baby mama's five, Like okay,
what makes you different? I think? Right, But then we
all have this mentality like, oh yeah, it's gonna be me.
It's going to be different, different now.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
And that small percentage I think it does work because
you know what, sometimes it takes a good woman or
a certain type of woman to bring certain things out
of a man.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
You might have a man that's just kind of lazy,
I don't want to do, just just go through life whatever,
and that that special woman comes in and inspires him, says,
you know what, I'm want to do it because I
want to make her happy. I want her to be
proud of me. I'm gonna do this, this, this, and
and it does happen.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Unfortunately, I've not been able to inspire him because we
keep talking about his outfit every time. It never changes.
So I'm definitely not the woman for him. That's the
problem with that. He's double Nichols, and the likelihood that
that's gonna change is really slim to none.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Well, no, I'm a perfect example, right, So I haven't
always been this way, right, So we talked about that, right,
so it might be No, I haven't always been this way.
So when when I was out there dating and I
was out.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
There and that was before I knew you, I was like, yeah,
he's been this way since.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I don't know, because you get to a point where
you know you don't.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
When I even knew you, even after you were not bad, right,
so you get to know you. You came back here,
that's when you came.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
So again you start really, you know, not caring about
certain things, your mentality. Something could have caused you to say,
you know, I don't really give you about that, so
you can't. It does happen. You can say all right,
you might say, well, hey, I like going out with
sudden and such, and you gotta go out with sudden
and such to certain places, you gotta dress certain way,
(22:01):
and you have fun. It changes. Right, So, if you're
in a situation where you're not really doing anything, you
might be depressed. You might just be depressed. I'm not
talking about me, but I'm saying you might just not
you know, give a damn or whatever. And then then
(22:21):
but then you might have somebody that says, well, hey,
let's do this and do that and whatever, and you
start enjoying it and you start you motivated. So things change.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Okay, So you're saying, if so only I said, I said,
we're gonna start dressing up once a week and go out.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
You're gonna start doing that.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I would do it. I would, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
We're gonna test that theory, and you can put on
a lovely shirt and then put on this stupid, stupid
We're gonna test that theory, and we're gonna let the
viewers know what happened, all right. No dog walking clothes,
(23:02):
no dog walking clothes, none of that, No costco clothes.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
All right. So we talked about men. Is this really
about men? Or do people of all genders do it. Oh.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I definitely think women do it too. I definitely think.
I've heard my girlfriend say he just a spaceholder women.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Okay, so it's not a gender thing, it's not a
cultural thing. So people do it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Different, okay, okay, oh yeah for benefits. Women mostly for
benefits like okay, maybe he gives me money, or he
for the sex or whatever, Okay, pending the time I
find somebody. He might not be alder for me, but
just someone to right down, yeah for right now.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
So how much of this ties? This ties to ego
and control.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
For men? Yes, for men, I think for both. Yeah,
I thank for both.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah, yeah, both, but more more men than the ego
that's I got. I got, you know, this person home
and blah blah blah, you know she does this, that
and that whatever.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
And but when I want to go tip off, I
can go tip off off and it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
You can go go out together and shore off and
you know, so I can see that true man, okay,
is the fear of the woman moving on to someone better?
Is that there?
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yeah? That that too? Yeah? I think so? Yeah, I think.
So you know you're not giving all the all you're
all and then you feel like, Okay, there's somebody you know,
she deserves more.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
And then no, no, no, no, no, no no, she deserves
what we.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Give them, she deserves you give. And then you know
she's a gem.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
And it might be that's what she thinks, you know,
you know the time, she's a gem. No, it's all perspective. Sometimes,
let's be realistic. Sometimes women have an inflated view of
their importance. So they're there. Whatever that they give to
the world, women, and especially in their relationship, how they
see themselves that men too.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I was saying, men don't get men.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Men too. But when in this in this context, you're saying, well,
you know you're holding on to such and such, I
deserve better. Blah blah. No, sometimes you deserve less. It
just just happens that way. I mean, it's be realistic.
Sometimes he deserves less. And I momently say this because
we're talking about men. But if the conversation was splipped,
same thing, men deserve less, you know, so they don't
(25:29):
deserve what they have, you know, and.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
You know there is a set of women out there
who are just happy that somebody is with them, Yes,
which is unfortunate.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
You know, that's unfortunate.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
And I think sometimes the men know, because there's a
certain set of men who know the zero in on
that emotion and just be like, I do whatever I want.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
She just happy that I'm here, you know, ready, sad.
I can't threaten him on air to be out there
when we go to courts.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
So okay, So again, why don't they just let her go?
That's what you said, let her go.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Just go on, move on, go to the next I
had to you know, Yeah, that's a big one too.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Absolutely, you might not want to get a knife thrown
at you. He might not want to, you know, hurt
the person.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Or living living together, having to move or stuff like that. Yes, yeah, yeah,
big yeah. So does so both of y'all live there unhappily?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah yeah? So does communication have a role in this?
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I don't even know why he asked these dumb questions,
you know, it's true.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Because yeah, sometimes sometimes, but you might and I'm gonna
saying most of the time, women do communicate these things
very well. They do, and the man communicates it too.
That's where you have the problems. But you get sometimes
you get the people that just blow it off, or
they might not even you know, we're assuming that person
is we call it that has the emotional intelligence, right.
(27:04):
We assume that they might not even know right. She
might she might not know why she keeps this man
in her life, knowing she wants more, right, but she's
still she's still happy.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
With him on some level.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
But society, that's another one. Society plays. The society says, oh,
you must be this, you must have this right, you know,
And a guy might be like, Okay, everything's fine. Why
do we need any society? Yeah, so it could be,
you know, both. It doesn't have to be always, you know,
a bad thing.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I don't think, Yeah, I got I don't know, I
don't know. No, No, I don't know. Yeah, you know,
it can't be a good thing if if he's just
holding on, like how is that a good thing? Especially
if he's holding on with the idea that I know,
this isn't a long term thing. If you start out,
we're just dating. That's all we're doing, you know, maybe
(27:56):
a little bumping ground every now and then, and that's
all we're doing. And for your head to clear understanding
that sometimes sometimes sometimes understanding some people's feelings change and
emotion change. That's true. And then it gets complicated and
stuff like that. Sometimes you just go into a relationship
with Okay, let's just go with the floor, let's just
(28:19):
do something while I'm bored or something, and then she
grows on you, he grows on you, and then you
can't go back and say, hey, let's break up or whatever. Whatever.
It could be something from the start like oh, okay,
it's a taboo for us to be together or whatever whatever.
You know, maybe some sometimes genotype or whatever, like oh,
(28:40):
you guys are use that gender, so like S S
and oh everybody marries everybody.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
So they don't they don't test things like that, you know,
So where you guys, so you know going in, Hey
we need to make sure these things are right.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
So yeah, so like S S A S and then yeah,
I gets get married. You know you're not supposed to
an yes no or S S SC no, So you
should not be you're not compatible. So why are you
giving me because there's something wrong with him, let's just
put it out. So yeah, so stuff like that, so
(29:17):
you know we should not be together, you know. And
then but you do it anyway, yes, and you know
you cannot go further because you can't have kids. But
I think these days they have medication or whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
No, but I don't still think so I wouldn't. All right,
so no one knowing, but I know now. But beforehand,
I never thought about it. I never thought I was.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Supposed to be. I never thought about it until she
started talking about it. I never, never, never, never.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Thought about it. But when my children were born, you know,
and when you know, you go see the doctor talk
about this net whatever. So it's okay, well, yeah, we're
both us, right, it's like, oh, there's a good chance
that have you know, But at that time it's kind
of too lead, right. Luckily we got the good percentage
(30:06):
came out both kids, you know. But yeah, you don't
think about stuff like that. You guys do. So I'm
a I'm a A and your your A.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
No, no, that's you yours. I have no idea, that's
not a s S. But you say, you know what,
you know what I was just like, why are you
talking to him? Why are you talking to him? So
at some point we definitely need to have this this
podcast about that about because we don't we don't know
you guys, for the most part, we do, we do, okay,
(30:38):
So we genotype is like really important. And then after
comes blood group. But genotype is very very, very very
So that's the first thing we do going into Now
this is before you date or before you get married.
Before you date like dating dating, and like, okay, now
we're talking about marriage, because dating, you want to know that. Okay,
(30:59):
what we gotta of what happens, I'm safe, safe, we
can get married.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Just know someone becomes serious, right, so just know in.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Advance that Okay, you're a A or your a S
M A A, but not S S and stuff like that.
So because yeah, but these days I think things that
but still they don't recommend you're doing You don't do
any of that. I don't want to kick so you
don't they recommend not doing any because the kids after time,
they don't they don't leave long. They're usually in pain.
(31:29):
They have pain like bone pain from birth till till forever,
and they don't leave past a certain age.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
So getting back to the because we're going to have
one on that, Yeah, before the baby comes. So that's
that's a good thing to bring up. So can we
say the responsibility on that should be on both people.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, responsibility as far as holding.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
On Yeah, soever, man is holding on without being in
a relationship. Who's who's who's uh responsibility? Is that both faults?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I mean, does she know he's just holding on? That's
the other thing.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Like he's not gonna walk around saying I just got
you here until I find somebody better.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
So how does she know he don't?
Speaker 2 (32:14):
I don't think that comes up until you, like one
person says, hey, I've had enough of this or I
want I want more. Indeed, because they could, you know,
they could just be going through life and enjoying each
other's company and having the time of their life, loving
each other to death, and then somebody says, either one
of them says, you know what, I think we should
do this, because in the back of the head, society
(32:35):
says we should do this. Put that she.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Just messed it up, she said the muld right in
his head. That's exactly what he's thinking. Like she'd have
messed it up. Yeah, because she knew you was acting
out of pocket, that's why.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
So But okay, so it's a fifty to fifty uh
thing on this.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's horrible if he knows
that that's what he's doing, If he knows that that's
what he's doing, then that that's not fair. But I
also feel like Calma is going to get him, and
he's gonna be with somebody that he wants to really
be with, and he's going to be her placeholder.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
All right. So two last questions, Well, for you, how
can you tell if the man is just figuring things
out or deliberately wasting your time?
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I don't think you can tell, can you unless he
says it? Like how can you do?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Little little things that pop up a little.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Ye, that stuff like red flags little.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Or like you say, yeah, you know we're not you
know fires now when I go and I'm living in
such and such and y'all didn't discuss us, right, so
little things, so you have to pick up those little
things you kind of had, didn't have the conversation, okay,
all right?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Like, well, where am I in your picture?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Where am I in?
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Yeah? Oh, there you go? Your future? I don't see
you put in You don't think And it's probably more
likely that that she's going to be the one that
says I want to have yeah, like or we have
our kids yeah and married. No.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Despite my experience with my friends, even when I was
back in the Navy. We thought those things out too,
because we always had these ideas like, yeah, I have
these many kids, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that,
I'm gonna do this. You know, we already had that
in our head planned for the most part, responsible people,
most of it. But but when you get the woman
in there, the woman can change that. The woman, the
(34:32):
woman can change that. I might see my friend going
through his relationship and my friend over here going through
his relationship, like, no, I don't think I want that,
you know, So that that does make a difference. So
now when is it time to give up the giving
the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
You're talking about her after after her.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Now we're talking about should be a time limit? Yeah,
I I should with your.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
So for me, it depends on the situation, right, Every
situation is peculiar. Like so if it's like, Okay, he's
waiting to get a better job or get something better,
you know, so it could be that like, okay, he's
trying to be able to provide, to be a provider
for us, like he wants our stitution to be better before.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
You want to exact. So you can understand if a
man doesn't want to get married to. He has all
these things.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Yeah, but that's all this. I'm not going to wait
twenty years, ten years, two years. Two years is the.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Most two years I was.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
I went back out at two years for me. Okay,
you can't get a ship together in two years.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
We're done, all right, ladies, what do you guys think?
And we'll put this on social media as well as
a question why do you think that men hold on
to women that they don't want a relationship with? I
want to know you guys that are selfish. Then we're
(35:57):
going to come back. I'm going to ask the same
thing about women.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Women, right, So we'll do part two about women. But
I think I gotta feeling the answers are gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Be sae.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Or at least close to the same. Probably.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
That's a that's a pretty deep conversation.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
You really get into it, and it'll take a long
time because there's so many veritables in there. You know,
so many things that could be different. But you know,
just on the side note, my mother was with somebody
for twenty years and she was happy and never got married. No,
they broke up because she wanted more twenty years and
after twenty years it took her that long.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
To figure it out. The kids involved, Now, we.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Were already here, me and my sister already here. They
didn't Yeah, so they didn't have kids together at a time,
they didn't have kids together.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
No, wheny broke up.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Yeah, but thirty years.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
So she went at twenty years to break up with him.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yes, twenty all right, so in twenty years? What did
he say? I mean, what could he possibly said after
twenty years?
Speaker 1 (36:57):
I don't think it was him. I think it was her.
I think she was just like, this ain't going to
where I'm over this, Like, this is not going to
I don't think so. I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
Yeah, but at his funeral we found out he was
still married.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Oh so was the reason?
Speaker 3 (37:14):
So, like that's why he never made a commitment to her, gotcha.
So I don't know if she knew that or if
he you know, I don't know if she knew that.
But and maybe that was the thing. You know, when
I get divorced, we'll get married. So who knows? That
was the ultimate holding on?
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Right? Well, I'm giving you six months, okay, So the
word of today is going to be holding on? Are
we okay with that?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Holding don't see.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
People. Okay, so thank you everybody for joining us. I'm
sorry that this was a short show, but we will
do round two soon.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
See you.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Thank you family for listening to the latest episode of
Hot Topics. As usual, listen, like, share, subscribe, p
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