How to become a total failure

How to become a total failure

Welcome, dear friends, to the grand unveiling of "How to Become a Total Failure," a uniquely crafted audio experience that's sure to tickle your fancy and pique your curiosity. This interactive radio play, presented in glorious high-definition sound, offers an unconventional path to self-improvement. Each of the 10 episodes in this mini-series, masterfully produced by our diverse virtual team, guides you down the winding road to a purposeless and solitary existence - all with a dash of irony, of course. 🎭🎧🎬 Our tongue-in-cheek advice, delivered in English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, Russian, and Chinese, aims to invert traditional self-help wisdom. Disregard our tips, and you might just stumble into a fulfilling, happy life! From the plethora of cookie-cutter workshops promising happiness, our series stands out as a refreshing departure, woven with playful humor and sounds that bring the story to life. Dare to join us on this audacious journey? 🌎🔊😄

Episodes

December 13, 2021 4 mins
Do you still have friends? Do you unswervingly lead a happy relationship? Or do you simply have no idea how to live a truly unhappy life?

In his tutorial How to Become a Total Failure, Fuckupcoach Dr. Cala Sana and his virtual team give foolproof tips on how to live an unpleasant, lonely, and completely pointless life.

After just a short time, a constant mood drop sets in to finally get rid of those pesky moments of contentment. Je...
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Now that you have established in our introduction that you possess the essential ingredient for success in this learning program, namely guilt, we will turn to the basics of self-tormenting behavior.

In today's episode, you'll learn five of the ten most successful patterns of negative thinking.
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January 15, 2022 7 mins
In today's episode, we're going to share with you five more examples of negative thinking. Even though you should already have mastered one or two of these behaviors, you may find yourself in a situation where your creativity is challenged to use the full range of negative behaviors.
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January 22, 2022 7 mins
After learning about the ten most successful negative thinking behaviors in the first two episodes, today we turn our attention to the benefits of holding on to the past.

Time heals all wounds, they say. But that doesn't have to discourage you, because in this episode you'll learn how to protect yourself from it. This way you can tap into an inexhaustible source of self-compassion and have the added effect of not having to deal wit...
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January 28, 2022 9 mins
After showing you the benefits of negative thinking in the first two episodes and teaching you to glorify the past in episode 3, today we turn to the benefits of cursing the present.

As early as 1966, the American author Dan Greenburg was already thinking about how to make a lasting mess of one's life. For the present, he has picked out 4 topics that others can envy and that have lost none of their topicality since then: Being rich,...
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February 6, 2022 7 mins
In the last four episodes, you learned about the benefits of thinking negatively out of purpose-pessimism, self-tormentingly holding on to the past, and cursing the present. Today we begin the practical part, where you will learn to put into practice the fears you have created in yourself.

The advantage of alienating yourself from more and more people is obvious: the more people you make reject you, the worse you can feel.
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February 12, 2022 6 mins
You can be proud of yourself because you are already halfway through our workshop.

In the last episode, you started creating a rejection image of yourself. This includes feelings of guilt or just anger about money or your appearance. This always works, whether you are poor or rich, look fantastic or are no beauty. Let's look at some examples.
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In the last two episodes, you learned how to become a stranger to others and how to consider money and looks like the most important criteria. Today, we're going to look at how you can create that feeling of being left out in yourself.

To feel excluded, it’s enough to assume that your colleagues are secretly making fun of you. Therefore, it is only natural not to trust them and to look for the smallest clues to do so. Then it's only...
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February 26, 2022 6 mins
So far we have familiarized you with the basics of rejection, how to bring about difficult situations yourself and how to avoid any success. In today's episode, you'll learn how to use the energy of rejection to finally lose your job and your loved ones.
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March 5, 2022 6 mins
If you have cooperated well so far, you will have already gotten rid of your job and your loved ones. Now it's time to scare away the friends you have left, to be all alone and wallow in self-pity.
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March 12, 2022 9 mins
Congratulations!

Using the techniques learned in this course to create fear in yourself and make other people reject you, you have now achieved your goal: total personal unhappiness. And you have been punished for all your guilt.

You have driven everyone you know out of your life. Unburdened by work, loved ones, or friends, you can now complain 24 hours a day about how mean life is and that you have been betrayed by everyone you kn...
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