September 24, 2025 • 21 mins
Step into the quirky world of Dolliver Wims, a misunderstood teenager from the backwoods who seems to attract chaos wherever he goes. Is he truly malevolent, or is there something deeper at play? Dolliver is a gentle soul who only wishes to be liked and to lend a helping hand. Yet, inexplicably, he finds himself blamed for every mishap at the university research facility where he works as a porter. Accidents occur around him‚Aîsharp knives turn dangerous, bookcases fall without warning, and guns discharge from their holsters‚Aîyet he remains unscathed. As he joins the army, the stakes heighten, and disaster seems to follow him like a shadow. Is Dolliver Wims the secret weapon to world peace, or is it the very chaos he unwittingly brings that holds the key? Tune in to this captivating tale filled with humor, intrigue, and a touch of the absurd. (Summary by Phil Chenevert)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Part four of I Was a Teenage Secret Weapon by
Richard Sabya. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
Part four Plakoskaya took a sip of wine. There is
obviously some kind of political readjustment going on within the government,
(00:22):
And the unpleasant thing about these little disturbances is that
one can never be certain who will emerge to inform
the people that he is their unanimous choice for leader.
So don't be in so much of a hurry to
rush off to Moscow to commit yourself. You might pick
the wrong one. Kodorovitch shrugged and sat down at the table.
(00:47):
Perhaps you are right. Do you have any idea who
is involved this time? Hum? Who isn't involved? Plakoskaya snorted,
You and I know a sensible men must that in
our milieu there are, at any given moment, thousands of intrigues,
in plots and counterplots, simmering away in the party halls,
(01:11):
the ministries, the barracks, and anywhere else you care to look.
Of course, it is treason, don't misunderstand general, But most
of it is really quite harmless. It is the national
pastime of Zipower elite, a sort of political maijong, and
most of these little bubbling kettles cool and sour from
(01:34):
the inaction. However, this time it is evident that some
drastic catalyst has caused a most violent reaction of these
subversive ingredients, and the incredible one in a million possibility
has occurred. All the pots are suddenly all at once
(01:56):
boiling over erupting into action. By the way, Plakoskaya continued
with a smile, you might be attested to know that
when I reached Moscow, I am supposed to relieve you
of command of the seventy first and place you under
arrest for unsocialistic activities. Kodorovitch, looking dazed, took a glass
(02:19):
of wine. Who signed your orders? Major Olim Tchowoski of
the mv D. Kodorovitch smiled for the first time since
they had met under the trees. I have orders for
your arrest also to take effect when we reach Moscow,
signed by Major komashev m v D. I am sorry,
(02:42):
Plakoskaya said, but you will have to wait your turn.
The commanders of the one hundred and sixteenth and the
forty eighth are both ahead of you. Kodorovitch suddenly stood
up frowning and stared around at the fields where the
peasants were working. I don't like to vade those people
keep glancing at the troops and snickering. I can hear
(03:03):
some of their remarks. Don't trouble yourself about it. I've
been doing it all morning. It's only good natured jesting.
It breeds disrespect of the army, and this respect of
authority is the first step on the road to anarchy.
Kudorovitch said severely, Well, at least there's a movement to somewhere,
(03:25):
Plakuskaya said, can you blame them for smiling? That's the
one hundred twenty fourth, the famous lightning division that's been
colluded to the road in front of them for the
past six hours. In that time, it has moved perhaps
a hundred or so feet, and I suspect it is
only because your seventy first is very ill manneredly pushing
(03:48):
from behind. I still don't like their smirking. Plakuskaya suddenly
became solemn. It is when they began to laugh openly
that we should become concerned. How did you get the
American lieutenant out of Moscow? Colonel Pang's superior was asking him.
Bushmilov was conducting the interrogation. Colonel Pang replied, Then suddenly
(04:12):
somebody started shooting through the window from another office across
the way. I heard Bushmilov yell something about plotters and
counter revolutionaries, and he and his men started shooting back.
Within minutes, the entire building was like a battle field.
In the confusion, we snatched the American and hustled him away.
(04:34):
The corridors were full of groups of m v D
men running and shooting, and I have no idea what
it was all about, but whatever it was didn't affect us,
for we were allowed to pass unmolested. We managed to
escape stray bullets and get out of the building with
whole skins to our embassy. Get the out of Moscow
(04:56):
was the real problem. Within hours, the city was clogged
with troops. Slowly, as supplies were choked off by the congestion,
offices and factories and shops closed down, and the people
were on the streets strolling about as if on holiday,
laughing and joking about the tangle of tanks and vehicles
(05:16):
and military equipment that was effectively strangling the city. It
appears that not even the highest officers and officials were
making any effort to clear up the mess. Each one
seemed to be afraid to take any responsibility beyond the
last coherent orders that had brought practically the entire army
(05:37):
converging on Moscow. We tried to get out by air,
but that proved impossible. All civil flights were canceled so
that the fields could accommodate the armads of military aircraft
that swarmed into the area. We couldn't even get a
wireless message out because of the spreading chaos. We had
(05:58):
to proceed out of the city on foot, and by
then affairs were beginning to take an ugly turn. Food
supplies were becoming exhausted, and as long as the military
refused to budge, nothing could be brought in, even their
own supplies. Once out of the city, we took to
the river. No one attempted to stop us, but neither
(06:22):
did any official attempt to help their Chinese comrades. The
curious paralysis had spread. It was as if the entire
countryside was holding its breath, waiting for some positive sign
of authority. In Gorky, where there was less air congestion,
we managed to steal a plane and flew it to
(06:44):
Finland the rest you know, Ping's superior nodded. Our Russian
friends are losing their grip. That is because they do
not practice pure communism. Upon China. Now falls the mantle
of leadership of the people's republics, as we knew long
before it was destined to be. He rose from behind
(07:08):
his desk. Come, let us now turn our attention to
this strange American lieutenant and see how the interrogation is proceeding.
As Ping and his chief stepped into the hallway, they
heard a shadowing of glass and a cry of pain
from the room at the far into the hallway. It
(07:29):
sounds like someone falling through a window, Ping exclaimed. His
chief's face was shadowed with a momentary irritation. If that
is another one of my men having a foolish accident,
what do you mean, Ping inquired, mean, his chief repeated
in exasperation, I'll tell you what I mean. Since this
(07:51):
interrogation started, four of my men have injured themselves in silly,
stupid accidents, like the captain who fell off his chair
and broke his leg. If I didn't know my men,
I would swear they had all been drinking. There was
a sudden single shot. They hurried along the hall, but
(08:13):
before they could reach the room at the end, they
had to drop to the floor to escape the fusillade
of bullets that wind down the corridor. In the Great
Operations Room of the Pentagon, the uppermost echelons of the
American General Staff glared at doctor Titus, whose civilian presence
(08:33):
was defiling this military holy of holies. An admiral sitting
next to General Fife banged his fist on the table
and almost shouted at Titus. So you're one of the
idiots who's been advising the President not to let us
commit our forces in Afghanistan? Do you realize the Russians will?
(08:56):
Titus appealed to the Chairman of the General Staff. Do
I or do I not have the floor? Hm? Reluctantly,
The chairman restored order and motioned Titus to continue. It
is true that the President has been persuaded to not
commit the United States to any further military adventures until
(09:19):
we have given a plan of mine some little time
to take effect. Gentlemen, we have an operation, a secret
weapon that, if all goes well, will make any future
military undertakings unnecessary and bring about the destruction of our enemies.
(09:39):
At the mention of secret weapon, the entire General staff,
accepting Fife, creaked forward in their seats with eager interest.
The secret weapon is an eighteen year old boy named
Dolliver Whims, recently commissioned a lieutenant in the army and
now in Russian hands. An avalanche of derisive remarks concerning
(10:03):
his sanity roared down on Titus, but he ignored them
and continued. Whims came to work for us last spring,
and nothing in his manner or appearance indicated that he
was in any way unusual. However, he had hardly been
with us a month before complaints from my staff started
(10:23):
flooding my office. Our accident rate swords skyward, and all
staff fingers pointed at Whims. I investigated and discovered that,
in spite of the accusations, Whims was never directly involved
in these mishaps. He was present when they occurred, yes,
(10:44):
but he never pushed or bumped anyone, or dropped anything,
or even fingered anything he wasn't supposed to. And yet,
in the face of this fact, almost everyone, including my
most dispassionate researchers, in variably blamed Whims. Finding this extremely odd,
(11:05):
I kept the boy on and under various subterfuges, I probed, tested,
and observed him without his knowledge. Then one day I
became annoyed with him without just cause, I must admit,
merely because I was not getting any positive results, and
I handle him rather roughly. Within seconds, I sliced open
(11:27):
a finger. My irritation mounted, and later I went to
shove him rudely aside and down I went, giving my
head a nasty crack on the edge of a lab bench.
I felt wonderful as I sat in pain on the floor,
sopping the blood out of my eyes with the blow.
An idea had come to me, and I felt I
(11:49):
at last knew what Whims was and the factor that
triggered his dangerous potential. For weeks afterward, under carefully controlled conditions,
I was as nasty to him as I dared be.
It took my most delicate judgment to avoid fatal injury,
but I managed to document the world's first known accident
(12:12):
prone inducer. I call him Homo cosicadaree, the fall causer
whose activator is hostility. We have always had the accident prone,
the person who has a psychological proclivity for having more
than his share of mishaps. Whims is an individual who
(12:36):
can make an accident prone of any one who threatens
his well being and survival. This boy, who, as indicated
by the tests, hasn't an unkind thought for any creature
on this planet, has an unconscious, reactive, invulnerable defense against
persons who exhibit even the slightest hostility toward him. The
(12:59):
inneres of their own hostility are turned against them. The
greater the hostility, the more accidents they have, and the
more serious they become. And the increase in accidents gives
rise to an increase in hostility, and so it goes
in an ever widening circle of dislocation and destruction. As
(13:24):
a scientist, I would have preferred to take the many months,
perhaps years necessary to investigate this phenomenon thoroughly. However, these
are critical times, and I was possessed with an inspired
idea of how we might utilize this phenomenon against the
enemies of the free world. Through a colleague on the
(13:46):
Scientific Advisory Council, I got the President's here, and he
decided to let us try on the basis I'm certain
that the best way to handle screwball scientists. Is to
allow them one or two harmless, expensive insanities in the
hope that they will make an error and discover something useful.
(14:06):
Through the good offices of General Fife, who was appraised
of our plan, Whims was snatched into the army, commissioned
and sent to Burmer to be captured. Intelligence advises that
he has been taken to Moscow, which is for him
an American officer, ostensibly on a secret mission the most
hostile environment extant. Titus shook his head. I suppose I
(14:31):
should feel sorry for those four Russians. They don't have
a chance. Sorry for them, Fife bustered. Think what I've
had to go through those ridiculous ardors, couldn't explain to anyone.
All my people think I've lost my mind. Felt like
a fool. Given that idiot a battlefield commission during a
(14:53):
training exercise, it was necessary to give him some rank.
Titus explained. The Communists wouldn't expect that private to be
sent on a secret mission. They just wouldn't bother to
interrogate him. Now, an officer whose return was specially requested
the day following his capture would seize their attention and
(15:14):
surely they would apply their nasty pressures to find out
why he hasn't been returned through the regular monthly exchange.
And they even deny having captured him, which seems to
indicate that the plan is working. An admiral stirred and
shifted under his crust of gold. How long have they
(15:36):
had him? Six weeks and nothing's happened yet, the admiral commented,
My guess is that we could sit here for six
years and nothing would come of such a barnacle brained scheme.
An Air Force general spoke up, in the breezy jargon
(15:56):
of the youngest service. I'm with the old man from
the sea this one, he said, as the admiral winced,
I just don't see spending billions for alphabet bombs and
then warming our tails on them while the psycho noses
move in and try to fight these sandlot wars with
voodoo and all that jazz. An aide hurried in from
(16:20):
the adjoining message center and handed the chairman a paper.
Everyone waited in silence while the chairman seemed to take
an unusually long time to read it. Finally, he looked
up and said, this is a special relay from the
President's office, and since it concerns us all, i'll read
(16:41):
it aloud. He held a paper up and read all
propos of your present conference with doctor Titus. It may
please the general staff to learn that the Russian Communist
Party newspaper Pravda has just denounced the newspaper of the
Red Army is Vestia, as a tool of the decadent, warmongering,
(17:02):
capitalistic ruling circles of the imperialistic Western Bloc. Other evidence
of severe internal upheaval of a nature favorable to the
West is pouring in through news channels and being confirmed
by State and CIA sources. Congratulations, doctor Titus. Doctor Titus
arose with unconcealed triumph. Gentlemen, Apparently my hypothesis is correct.
(17:29):
The disintegration that will crumble our enemies has already begun.
Our secret weapon is a stunning success. The crusted admiral
looked sourly at Titus. Of course, you're only assuming that
this whim's person is responsible. We'll never know, why, won't we?
(17:50):
Titus demanded, you speak of him as if he were
dead or doomed, and I tell you he is no
such thing. Don't you understand he cannot be harmed. And
when he gets back here, and he will, he'll tell
you himself exactly what and how it happened. The AID
(18:11):
rushed in with another message, again from the President. He
announced it has been confirmed by CIA. He began reading
aloud that two weeks ago a group of Chinese officials
in a Russian aircraft landed at a Finish air field.
It is now known definitely that an ostensibly ill member
(18:31):
of their group who was put aboard their plane in
a stretcher, was in reality a young American officer. Among
other things, this explains the eighteen contradictory five year plans
announced by Peaking this week. CIA says they are going
the way of the Russians again. Congratulations, doctor Titus, Well,
(18:54):
General wife Titus said, smiling at him. Perhaps you now
feel somewhat differently about this whim's business. Hmmm, Fife roared,
unable to contain himself any longer. Do you really believe
that rot you've been feeding us? You have the audacity
(19:16):
to credit yourself with a downfall of two powerful nations,
even if it does happen, You think your insane ditherings
about an incompetent half wit has anything to do with anything.
You may have bamboozled the president, after all, he's only
a civilian, but you're not about to fool me. These
(19:39):
are perilous times, and I have no use for you
professors and your crazy, useless theories. Now, why don't you
get out of here and let us do our job
trying to keep this planet from blowing up in our faces.
For the first time in his life, Doctor Titus flew
into an unre reasoning fury. How could this fat, uniformed
(20:04):
mountain of stupidity still contrived to deny the facts and
dare to speak to him the way he did after
what he had just accomplished. His rage boiled over, and
Titus rushed at Fife, his fist already striking ahead. He
never touched the general Unaccountably, he got tangled in his
(20:28):
own legs and fell heavily to the floor. When he
tried to rise, hot pain burned in his ankle. He
sat there, staring up in astonishment at Fife, hulking over him.
It had happened so swiftly, no one had yet spoken
their mood. You, Titus screeched, incredulously, pointing directly at Fife. You, you,
(20:53):
of all people, and Titus sat there on the floor,
rubbing his injured ankle, and he laughed and laughed till
the tears came. End of I was a teenage secret
weapon by Richard Sibia. This story recorded by Phil Shinever
Part four of I Was a Teenage Secret Weapon by
Richard Sabya. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
Part four Plakoskaya took a sip of wine. There is
obviously some kind of political readjustment going on within the government,
(00:22):
And the unpleasant thing about these little disturbances is that
one can never be certain who will emerge to inform
the people that he is their unanimous choice for leader.
So don't be in so much of a hurry to
rush off to Moscow to commit yourself. You might pick
the wrong one. Kodorovitch shrugged and sat down at the table.
(00:47):
Perhaps you are right. Do you have any idea who
is involved this time? Hum? Who isn't involved? Plakoskaya snorted,
You and I know a sensible men must that in
our milieu there are, at any given moment, thousands of intrigues,
in plots and counterplots, simmering away in the party halls,
(01:11):
the ministries, the barracks, and anywhere else you care to look.
Of course, it is treason, don't misunderstand general, But most
of it is really quite harmless. It is the national
pastime of Zipower elite, a sort of political maijong, and
most of these little bubbling kettles cool and sour from
(01:34):
the inaction. However, this time it is evident that some
drastic catalyst has caused a most violent reaction of these
subversive ingredients, and the incredible one in a million possibility
has occurred. All the pots are suddenly all at once
(01:56):
boiling over erupting into action. By the way, Plakoskaya continued
with a smile, you might be attested to know that
when I reached Moscow, I am supposed to relieve you
of command of the seventy first and place you under
arrest for unsocialistic activities. Kodorovitch, looking dazed, took a glass
(02:19):
of wine. Who signed your orders? Major Olim Tchowoski of
the mv D. Kodorovitch smiled for the first time since
they had met under the trees. I have orders for
your arrest also to take effect when we reach Moscow,
signed by Major komashev m v D. I am sorry,
(02:42):
Plakoskaya said, but you will have to wait your turn.
The commanders of the one hundred and sixteenth and the
forty eighth are both ahead of you. Kodorovitch suddenly stood
up frowning and stared around at the fields where the
peasants were working. I don't like to vade those people
keep glancing at the troops and snickering. I can hear
(03:03):
some of their remarks. Don't trouble yourself about it. I've
been doing it all morning. It's only good natured jesting.
It breeds disrespect of the army, and this respect of
authority is the first step on the road to anarchy.
Kudorovitch said severely, Well, at least there's a movement to somewhere,
(03:25):
Plakuskaya said, can you blame them for smiling? That's the
one hundred twenty fourth, the famous lightning division that's been
colluded to the road in front of them for the
past six hours. In that time, it has moved perhaps
a hundred or so feet, and I suspect it is
only because your seventy first is very ill manneredly pushing
(03:48):
from behind. I still don't like their smirking. Plakuskaya suddenly
became solemn. It is when they began to laugh openly
that we should become concerned. How did you get the
American lieutenant out of Moscow? Colonel Pang's superior was asking him.
Bushmilov was conducting the interrogation. Colonel Pang replied, Then suddenly
(04:12):
somebody started shooting through the window from another office across
the way. I heard Bushmilov yell something about plotters and
counter revolutionaries, and he and his men started shooting back.
Within minutes, the entire building was like a battle field.
In the confusion, we snatched the American and hustled him away.
(04:34):
The corridors were full of groups of m v D
men running and shooting, and I have no idea what
it was all about, but whatever it was didn't affect us,
for we were allowed to pass unmolested. We managed to
escape stray bullets and get out of the building with
whole skins to our embassy. Get the out of Moscow
(04:56):
was the real problem. Within hours, the city was clogged
with troops. Slowly, as supplies were choked off by the congestion,
offices and factories and shops closed down, and the people
were on the streets strolling about as if on holiday,
laughing and joking about the tangle of tanks and vehicles
(05:16):
and military equipment that was effectively strangling the city. It
appears that not even the highest officers and officials were
making any effort to clear up the mess. Each one
seemed to be afraid to take any responsibility beyond the
last coherent orders that had brought practically the entire army
(05:37):
converging on Moscow. We tried to get out by air,
but that proved impossible. All civil flights were canceled so
that the fields could accommodate the armads of military aircraft
that swarmed into the area. We couldn't even get a
wireless message out because of the spreading chaos. We had
(05:58):
to proceed out of the city on foot, and by
then affairs were beginning to take an ugly turn. Food
supplies were becoming exhausted, and as long as the military
refused to budge, nothing could be brought in, even their
own supplies. Once out of the city, we took to
the river. No one attempted to stop us, but neither
(06:22):
did any official attempt to help their Chinese comrades. The
curious paralysis had spread. It was as if the entire
countryside was holding its breath, waiting for some positive sign
of authority. In Gorky, where there was less air congestion,
we managed to steal a plane and flew it to
(06:44):
Finland the rest you know, Ping's superior nodded. Our Russian
friends are losing their grip. That is because they do
not practice pure communism. Upon China. Now falls the mantle
of leadership of the people's republics, as we knew long
before it was destined to be. He rose from behind
(07:08):
his desk. Come, let us now turn our attention to
this strange American lieutenant and see how the interrogation is proceeding.
As Ping and his chief stepped into the hallway, they
heard a shadowing of glass and a cry of pain
from the room at the far into the hallway. It
(07:29):
sounds like someone falling through a window, Ping exclaimed. His
chief's face was shadowed with a momentary irritation. If that
is another one of my men having a foolish accident,
what do you mean, Ping inquired, mean, his chief repeated
in exasperation, I'll tell you what I mean. Since this
(07:51):
interrogation started, four of my men have injured themselves in silly,
stupid accidents, like the captain who fell off his chair
and broke his leg. If I didn't know my men,
I would swear they had all been drinking. There was
a sudden single shot. They hurried along the hall, but
(08:13):
before they could reach the room at the end, they
had to drop to the floor to escape the fusillade
of bullets that wind down the corridor. In the Great
Operations Room of the Pentagon, the uppermost echelons of the
American General Staff glared at doctor Titus, whose civilian presence
(08:33):
was defiling this military holy of holies. An admiral sitting
next to General Fife banged his fist on the table
and almost shouted at Titus. So you're one of the
idiots who's been advising the President not to let us
commit our forces in Afghanistan? Do you realize the Russians will?
(08:56):
Titus appealed to the Chairman of the General Staff. Do
I or do I not have the floor? Hm? Reluctantly,
The chairman restored order and motioned Titus to continue. It
is true that the President has been persuaded to not
commit the United States to any further military adventures until
(09:19):
we have given a plan of mine some little time
to take effect. Gentlemen, we have an operation, a secret
weapon that, if all goes well, will make any future
military undertakings unnecessary and bring about the destruction of our enemies.
(09:39):
At the mention of secret weapon, the entire General staff,
accepting Fife, creaked forward in their seats with eager interest.
The secret weapon is an eighteen year old boy named
Dolliver Whims, recently commissioned a lieutenant in the army and
now in Russian hands. An avalanche of derisive remarks concerning
(10:03):
his sanity roared down on Titus, but he ignored them
and continued. Whims came to work for us last spring,
and nothing in his manner or appearance indicated that he
was in any way unusual. However, he had hardly been
with us a month before complaints from my staff started
(10:23):
flooding my office. Our accident rate swords skyward, and all
staff fingers pointed at Whims. I investigated and discovered that,
in spite of the accusations, Whims was never directly involved
in these mishaps. He was present when they occurred, yes,
(10:44):
but he never pushed or bumped anyone, or dropped anything,
or even fingered anything he wasn't supposed to. And yet,
in the face of this fact, almost everyone, including my
most dispassionate researchers, in variably blamed Whims. Finding this extremely odd,
(11:05):
I kept the boy on and under various subterfuges, I probed, tested,
and observed him without his knowledge. Then one day I
became annoyed with him without just cause, I must admit,
merely because I was not getting any positive results, and
I handle him rather roughly. Within seconds, I sliced open
(11:27):
a finger. My irritation mounted, and later I went to
shove him rudely aside and down I went, giving my
head a nasty crack on the edge of a lab bench.
I felt wonderful as I sat in pain on the floor,
sopping the blood out of my eyes with the blow.
An idea had come to me, and I felt I
(11:49):
at last knew what Whims was and the factor that
triggered his dangerous potential. For weeks afterward, under carefully controlled conditions,
I was as nasty to him as I dared be.
It took my most delicate judgment to avoid fatal injury,
but I managed to document the world's first known accident
(12:12):
prone inducer. I call him Homo cosicadaree, the fall causer
whose activator is hostility. We have always had the accident prone,
the person who has a psychological proclivity for having more
than his share of mishaps. Whims is an individual who
(12:36):
can make an accident prone of any one who threatens
his well being and survival. This boy, who, as indicated
by the tests, hasn't an unkind thought for any creature
on this planet, has an unconscious, reactive, invulnerable defense against
persons who exhibit even the slightest hostility toward him. The
(12:59):
inneres of their own hostility are turned against them. The
greater the hostility, the more accidents they have, and the
more serious they become. And the increase in accidents gives
rise to an increase in hostility, and so it goes
in an ever widening circle of dislocation and destruction. As
(13:24):
a scientist, I would have preferred to take the many months,
perhaps years necessary to investigate this phenomenon thoroughly. However, these
are critical times, and I was possessed with an inspired
idea of how we might utilize this phenomenon against the
enemies of the free world. Through a colleague on the
(13:46):
Scientific Advisory Council, I got the President's here, and he
decided to let us try on the basis I'm certain
that the best way to handle screwball scientists. Is to
allow them one or two harmless, expensive insanities in the
hope that they will make an error and discover something useful.
(14:06):
Through the good offices of General Fife, who was appraised
of our plan, Whims was snatched into the army, commissioned
and sent to Burmer to be captured. Intelligence advises that
he has been taken to Moscow, which is for him
an American officer, ostensibly on a secret mission the most
hostile environment extant. Titus shook his head. I suppose I
(14:31):
should feel sorry for those four Russians. They don't have
a chance. Sorry for them, Fife bustered. Think what I've
had to go through those ridiculous ardors, couldn't explain to anyone.
All my people think I've lost my mind. Felt like
a fool. Given that idiot a battlefield commission during a
(14:53):
training exercise, it was necessary to give him some rank.
Titus explained. The Communists wouldn't expect that private to be
sent on a secret mission. They just wouldn't bother to
interrogate him. Now, an officer whose return was specially requested
the day following his capture would seize their attention and
(15:14):
surely they would apply their nasty pressures to find out
why he hasn't been returned through the regular monthly exchange.
And they even deny having captured him, which seems to
indicate that the plan is working. An admiral stirred and
shifted under his crust of gold. How long have they
(15:36):
had him? Six weeks and nothing's happened yet, the admiral commented,
My guess is that we could sit here for six
years and nothing would come of such a barnacle brained scheme.
An Air Force general spoke up, in the breezy jargon
(15:56):
of the youngest service. I'm with the old man from
the sea this one, he said, as the admiral winced,
I just don't see spending billions for alphabet bombs and
then warming our tails on them while the psycho noses
move in and try to fight these sandlot wars with
voodoo and all that jazz. An aide hurried in from
(16:20):
the adjoining message center and handed the chairman a paper.
Everyone waited in silence while the chairman seemed to take
an unusually long time to read it. Finally, he looked
up and said, this is a special relay from the
President's office, and since it concerns us all, i'll read
(16:41):
it aloud. He held a paper up and read all
propos of your present conference with doctor Titus. It may
please the general staff to learn that the Russian Communist
Party newspaper Pravda has just denounced the newspaper of the
Red Army is Vestia, as a tool of the decadent, warmongering,
(17:02):
capitalistic ruling circles of the imperialistic Western Bloc. Other evidence
of severe internal upheaval of a nature favorable to the
West is pouring in through news channels and being confirmed
by State and CIA sources. Congratulations, doctor Titus. Doctor Titus
arose with unconcealed triumph. Gentlemen, Apparently my hypothesis is correct.
(17:29):
The disintegration that will crumble our enemies has already begun.
Our secret weapon is a stunning success. The crusted admiral
looked sourly at Titus. Of course, you're only assuming that
this whim's person is responsible. We'll never know, why, won't we?
(17:50):
Titus demanded, you speak of him as if he were
dead or doomed, and I tell you he is no
such thing. Don't you understand he cannot be harmed. And
when he gets back here, and he will, he'll tell
you himself exactly what and how it happened. The AID
(18:11):
rushed in with another message, again from the President. He
announced it has been confirmed by CIA. He began reading
aloud that two weeks ago a group of Chinese officials
in a Russian aircraft landed at a Finish air field.
It is now known definitely that an ostensibly ill member
(18:31):
of their group who was put aboard their plane in
a stretcher, was in reality a young American officer. Among
other things, this explains the eighteen contradictory five year plans
announced by Peaking this week. CIA says they are going
the way of the Russians again. Congratulations, doctor Titus, Well,
(18:54):
General wife Titus said, smiling at him. Perhaps you now
feel somewhat differently about this whim's business. Hmmm, Fife roared,
unable to contain himself any longer. Do you really believe
that rot you've been feeding us? You have the audacity
(19:16):
to credit yourself with a downfall of two powerful nations,
even if it does happen, You think your insane ditherings
about an incompetent half wit has anything to do with anything.
You may have bamboozled the president, after all, he's only
a civilian, but you're not about to fool me. These
(19:39):
are perilous times, and I have no use for you
professors and your crazy, useless theories. Now, why don't you
get out of here and let us do our job
trying to keep this planet from blowing up in our faces.
For the first time in his life, Doctor Titus flew
into an unre reasoning fury. How could this fat, uniformed
(20:04):
mountain of stupidity still contrived to deny the facts and
dare to speak to him the way he did after
what he had just accomplished. His rage boiled over, and
Titus rushed at Fife, his fist already striking ahead. He
never touched the general Unaccountably, he got tangled in his
(20:28):
own legs and fell heavily to the floor. When he
tried to rise, hot pain burned in his ankle. He
sat there, staring up in astonishment at Fife, hulking over him.
It had happened so swiftly, no one had yet spoken
their mood. You, Titus screeched, incredulously, pointing directly at Fife. You, you,
(20:53):
of all people, and Titus sat there on the floor,
rubbing his injured ankle, and he laughed and laughed till
the tears came. End of I was a teenage secret
weapon by Richard Sibia. This story recorded by Phil Shinever
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