Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Hello everyone and welcome to ideas fora better life. I am Eugenio Palla
ruiz, reader, hardworking, writerand lover of personal development. In today
' s episode we' re goingto talk about the present over perfect book
which is an English expression that wouldmean something like being present. Not to
(00:29):
be perfect. A book written byShauna Nickist. Despite having a successful career,
despite having a family that loved hervery much, the author of this
book felt exhausted, she felt disconnectedfrom everything and everyone. Her day-
to- day life was a whirlwindof work responsibilities, social commitments, family
(00:56):
obligations that had her permanently occupied.Then, to me less the idea that
time passed, her health began toresent herself had headaches, suffered insomnia and
a constant feeling of fatigue accompanied herday and night. But, in addition
to those physical symptoms, I alsofelt a deep dissatisfaction. It is true
(01:19):
that he loved his family, itis true that he valued his work,
but he realized that he was livingin a frantic way, that he had
no space for reflection, that hehad no time even to rest. He
felt that he could not enjoy themoments with his loved ones, because his
mind was always busy with the nexttask or with the next problem or with
(01:42):
the next concern, so even emotionalties with his family began to weaken.
She felt disconnected from herself as ifshe had lost sight of who she really
was and what made her happy.But one day he had a moment of
(02:04):
clarity. She was alone in heroffice, surrounded by screens, with a
dozen unanswered emails and realized she waspursuing an idea of unattainable perfection. He
realized that he was trying to meetexternal expectations and that he was not taking
into account either his own needs orhis own desires. And at that moment
(02:30):
he realized that he needed a changein his life, a major change.
He decided to stop seeking perfection andfocus on the three things that really matter,
peace, connection with others and beingpresent. One of the most important
(02:51):
changes he made and tells us inthe book, is that he learned to
say no, after years of sayingyes to everything and everyone. She understood
that this habit had exhausted her,had brought her to the brink of physical
collapse and emotional collapse, because everytime she accepted a task or a commitment,
(03:13):
her energy was a little more exhausted, leaving her with no time,
no space also to attend to herown needs. So, the first thing
he did is start taking control andputting clear boundaries, and he did it
through the word no. Not theword. It became a tool and that
(03:35):
tool allowed him to regain his life. He started saying no to protect the
things he really cared about. So, instead of accepting each invitation, he
began to think about whether those activitiesreally aligned with his priorities were aligned with
his values and, at first,obviously, doing this was extremely difficult for
(03:58):
him in Russia. He felt guiltyand also felt why not to say it,
afraid to disappoint others. But intime it was discovered that saying that
no, in reality it is notan act of selfishness, but a form
of self- care. So thatnew ability to say no, to set
(04:19):
limits, gave him a sense offreedom that he had never experienced before.
By saying no to things that werenot essential, he had room in his
life for what really mattered to hiswell- being. He began to spend
time, to meditate, to walkthrough nature, to be silent with himself,
(04:41):
and those moments of calm were preciselythose that allowed him to reconnect with
his thoughts, to reconnect with hisemotions, and thus he achieved a clarity
that he had not had in years. He began to value a simpler way
of life, where it wasn't about doing more, It was about
(05:02):
doing what really mattered in our modernsociety. There are many people who are
at that point. There are manypeople who seek to fill the void with
noise with constant activity, either withsocial networks, whether working many hours or
with that entertainment, endlessly offered byseries platforms, etcetera, etcetera. This
(05:30):
frenzy actually serves for one thing,it serves to confront us or to avoid.
Face us with our own thoughts,with our own emotions. They create
an illusion of productivity that we arebeing productive, but we are actually avoiding
confronting our thoughts and emotions. Andthe cure to this, true healing,
(05:56):
is in silence. It is insilence that one has the opportunity to confront
his thoughts and his deepest emotions,to understand them, to process them.
And yet, a lot of peopleare afraid of silence, it seems to
panic. Silence is a place thathas no panic at all. Silence is
(06:20):
a safe place, it is aplace of clarity, it is a refuge
where the mind can rest, wherewe can reorganize. Silence allows us to
be more present, allows us toconnect more with the moment, helps us
to appreciate the pleasure of the littlethings that often pass us unnoticed. In
(06:43):
the middle of all that hustle andbustle around us. The next thing the
author of the book did is changeher professional career. In a world full
of social expectations, professional family members, it is very easy to fall into
predefined roles. It' s veryeasy to forget who you really are and
(07:05):
forget what it is that you trulylove and that' s to stop being
the owner or owner of your life. The book encourages us to make conscious
decisions that align with your true.Me. The book encourages us to enter
into a process of self- discoveryin which we allow ourselves to explore our
(07:28):
passions, our interests, our values, without the filter of the expectations of
others. And once again, thisrequires courage. This means challenging the rules,
it means breaking with traditions, butit is an absolutely essential step to
start living better, because many timesthose roles that we adopt are a construction
(07:54):
of what others think you should beand are based on their own experiences,
on their stens, their own fears, on their own expectations. And when
you get rid of those molds ofothers, then you' re opening the
door to a more authentic life.What happens is that it is not easy
to discover what you really love todiscover who you really are, it takes
(08:18):
time, it requires reflection and,above all, it requires an introspection of
which very few people are capable today. It' s a deep introspection in
which you' re going to askyourself what makes you feel alive, what
it is you' re passionate about, what values you have, what things
are unnegotiable to you, and it' s a process of trial and error
(08:43):
of trying things and learning from eachof those things. As you get to
know yourself better, you begin tobuild a life that reflects your essence,
rather than a life that is shapedby external expectations. And the end result
is a life consistent with your purpose. The end result is to feel more
connected to yourself and the world aroundyou. It is, in short,
(09:07):
to live in a more authentic way. But of course, in a world
where the accumulation of material goods andexternal achievements are often considered the only indicators
of success, it is very easyto fall into the trap of measuring our
worth only through those parameters, andthat way of thinking is a problem because
(09:30):
it can lead to an endless cycleof dissatisfaction, it can lead us to
exhaustion simply because there will always besomething more to achieve or there will always
be something more expensive to buy.Therefore, instead of trying to accumulate goods
or instead of trying to accumulate achievements, accumulate well- being, accumulate relationships
(09:52):
and, above all, accumulate peace, because these elements, even if intangible,
are the ones that will have areal impact on your quality of life
and eye. Leaving aside social expectationsdoes not mean isolating yourself, it does
not mean rejecting others. It meanslearning to balance external influences with your own
(10:13):
desires and needs. It means recognizingthat your well- being and happiness are
at least as important as the opinionsof others. And another big problem that
the author left behind in this changethat the book tells us is perfectionism.
(10:35):
Sometimes we want everything to be perfect. We feel pressure to meet standards that
are unattainable, and this happened tothe author for Christmas. She felt overcome
by the need to create parties thatwere perfect. The ornaments must be impeccable,
the food must be perfect, thegifts must also be wrapped in the
(10:58):
preferred way. And suddenly he realizedthat that desire for perfection was making him
miss the real, messy beauty hislife had. That those imperfect moments we
all have are the ones that reallymatter. It is the true spirit of
the Christmas holidays or of any otheroccasion that accepts imperfection is the message.
(11:24):
The real beauty is to be present, to connect with those around you.
When you seek perfection, what youdo is isolate yourself. You stay away
from the real thing, you stayaway from the others. And wealth is
in imperfection at real times. Andthat doesn' t mean settling for mediocrity.
(11:46):
It means recognizing that life is aset of messy moments that need not
be perfect to be valuable. Andanother thing the author left behind is envy.
This emotion is normal, it's common, it' s human,
but it can also be a trap. Envy, envy, and comparison
(12:09):
would get into the same sack.They' re destructive, they erode your
self- esteem, they generate constantdissatisfaction with what you have and what you
are You shouldn' t look longingfor other people' s lives, because
I' m sure they also havetheir problems. The thing is, you
don' t see them. Thebook recommends that we use envy as an
(12:33):
indicator to discover what our true desiresare, what our true needs are,
because envy is a sign that istelling you what areas of your life need
attention, what areas of your lifeneed change. For example, if you
are envious of someone who has aperfect balance between work and personal life,
(12:56):
that is an indicator that reflects yourown desire to slow down and spend more
time with your loved ones. Andseen that way, envy becomes a tool
that drives you to adjust your lifeto be more consistent with your own priorities,
so learn to rejoice in the goodthings that happen to others, without
(13:18):
feeling diminished by them. Another importantidea discovered by the author is to accept
the idea of wasting time amidst thefrantic rhythm of daily responsibilities. We often
forget how important it is to havefun engages in activities that are seemingly unproductive
(13:43):
or foolish. Colorea dance plays,because that will not only bring you happiness,
but it will also bring you morebalance and will bring you greater well
- being. Doing these silly thingsa priori allows us to disconnect from daily
worries. They are a respite forthe mind and for the spirit Coloring for
(14:07):
example, it can be a formof meditation because your mind frees itself and
concentrates on the present moment or dance. Dancing allows you to express yourself physically,
allow you to release accumulated tensions andallows you to generate endorphins that will
improve your mood. And the samething happens. With Playing with children,
for example, it brings us backto a state of innocence, of creativity.
(14:31):
It reminds us how important it isto enjoy the here and now without
worries. And another change he introducedis order. Clearing your physical spaces and
your mental spaces is a fundamental partof that process of change, because when
you eliminate disorder, you can focuson what really matters. So the author
(14:56):
of the book, what she didwas preserve only those objects that she actually
used or that she really loved.And that minimalist approach not only made his
home more orderly or more functional,but also cleared his mind, which is
the key to minimalism. Cleaning thephysical environment translates into a mental clarity that
(15:18):
allows you to focus on making importantdecisions. And minimalism is not only physical,
it also applies to your mind topractice full attention, meditation. All
that helps you clear your mind ofunnecessary thoughts, worries, and that leads
you to live more clearly. Soyou know if you lead a seemingly successful
(15:45):
life on paper. But you don' t feel comfortable, you don'
t feel happy. Try making thesame changes Shawn Nickis made that he tells
us in this book learns to hateyour time and your energy, to take
refuge in silence to heal your mindpose a professional change towards your true purpose,
even if that means leaving behind theexpectations of others. Forget about perfectionism,
(16:11):
accept imperfection. Use your envy tofind out what' s missing in
your life. Disconnect by doing seeminglyunproductive activities, such as coloring or playing,
and clear your home and mind bypracticing minimalism and full attention. And
now, before saying goodbye, letme remind you that you have at your
(16:34):
disposal a compilation of the best ideasabout personal development, told in a very
practical way, as I always tryto do in these episodes in my four
own books. The titles are free, healthy and happy thirty- one days
to improve your life minimalism for normalpeople and seven steps for a purposeful life.
(16:56):
You already know that you have themavailable on Amazon and that I leave
you dream link in the notes ofthe episode and, by the way,
this week I have something very excitingto share with you. I have launched
a new coaching service that is designedto help you find your purpose and start
transforming your life as your purpose coach. What I want to do is to
(17:21):
guide you step by step so thatyou can find that purpose and so that
you can align your professional life withyour talents and your passions, which is
the least we can conform to.You have all the information about this new
service in the link I leave youin the episode description. You can now
book your free 30- minute sessionwith me and start the road to the
(17:45):
future that you really want and deserve. And if you liked the episode,
please subscribe to the channel share iton social networks or visit three www ideas
to live better com where you candownload a free copy of my latest book
and just say goodbye. Thank youvery much, as always and until the next