Bat Mitzvah

The ladies recap their weekend spent together as Melissa became bat mitzvah, including their quick trip to the gorgeous TWA.Warm fuzzies and too-long hugs all around. Ewwww. *hearts emojis*

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Would we like to start with,um, a breathing exercise? Yeah,
sure, let's let's do that.Okay, you got one fitness instructors,
oh I do? Okay, Wellthere's one that you you can use for
little children, retell them to smellthe flowers and blow out the candle.
I love that one. Okay,okay, so um, but you have

(00:22):
to take let's see which one isit. I feel like one of them
has to take longer than the other. I think the exhale has to take
longer than the inhale. So we'llbreathe in for four counts and then we'll
excel for eight. How's that soundOkay, okay, so you breathe and
then I'll count for you because Ican't breathe in count at the same time.
Ready, okay, we go inone, two, three four,

(00:44):
blow out the candle eight seven,six, five four three two one m

(01:19):
okay, ready, carey, breathein one two three four and out one
two, three, four, five, six seven eight. All right?

(01:42):
All right? Do you feel better? Yep? I feel ready to recap.
I mean, wow, I stayedup until midnight. I just I
think that that's just like a greatsummer. I was up past my bedtime.

(02:05):
There was so much going on,and I have to say, you
know what, it really was absolutelymore perfect than I could have imagined.
You know, leading up to abig, giant event, you're very stressed
out. You're it's impossible for anythingto get done, but everything has to
get done, and you're running aroundand some things fall by the wayside,

(02:28):
ideas that you had that you couldn'texecute in time, etc. And so
you're upset about those things, butyou're still moving forward. I think that
the way that the whole shebang turnedout top to bottom, the two days
celebration was exactly perfect and exactly whatit should have been and exactly what I

(02:51):
personally could handle. Yeah, itwas so lovely. It was only things
I love, only people I love, in spaces I love, and it
was just really really perfect. Today. I did not wake up very upset

(03:12):
about debt. I just it was. I mean, it was really perfect.
And what should have been stressful becausebecause I have, you know,
my parents in town, and I'mtaking time off work and my kids have
graduation ceremonies and doctor's appointments and incamp registrations and all kind of shit going

(03:37):
on. Yeah, the bottom midsphaceremony and the celebration brunch were actually very
easy events, like I had fun. Yeah, I saw people that I
love. It was just I don'tknow, I mean, I guess,
I guess it was perfect for me. Really, I should be taking it

(03:59):
from the perspective of a guest.I'm so happy that you came so well,
I'm I'm so happy you invited me. I had so much fun.
And as somebody who is not interestedin organized religion or any kind of religion
in any way, shape or form, I have to admit I was sitting
there Friday night like I could fuckwith Judaism. This looks it's fun,

(04:25):
it's fun. I felt I felta little left out because it's not like
if you've ever anybody listening, ifyou've ever been to like Catholic mass or
a Christening or you know, aChristian like a you know, Christian service,
like you can kind of like youknow, budge your way through it
and pretend like you're singing or there. You cannot if you are not Jewish

(04:45):
and you have no idea, youcannot sit in the back and hum along
to the songs. Because I couldnot read. I could barely follow along.
Marlene and I are sitting in theback like trying to follow along in
that program, like where did theygo now? But I looked over and
Claire and her husband are singing.I look over and I see your mother
in law kind of mouth in thewords along, and I was like,
wow, this looks like a reallygood time. And the there was one

(05:10):
point during the presentation or what howdo you what do you refer to it
as a ceremony? I mean,I guess, I mean, listen,
you have to understand and know thatthis is not a standard bought Mitzvah specifically
Long Island bought Mitzvah event. Ifno, this was this was you know,

(05:31):
a back family, upside down version. But I also think it was
the exact version that I would likebecause I can't sit in a temple and
you know, see people swaying andjust over droning on. It's it's very
boring and exhaust you know, whenlike you're sitting for a really long time

(05:54):
trying really hard to listen, butyou're starting to doze off, your breath
starts to stink. You're not doinganything setting there, like wow, what
happened here? I didn't watch longer. Yeah, I didn't want any of
those feelings. I wanted it togo buy quickly, and then I wanted
it I wanted it to be funnyand engaging, but then I also wanted
to have a lot of food,and then I also wanted there to be

(06:15):
a clear exit, you know whatI mean, Like I, yeah,
no, maybe, And maybe that'swhy I really loved it so much,
because I was like, if thiswere like me having something like this,
it felt authentic. And there wasa moment where your parents and Justin's parents
and like the girls were up therewith you guys, and everybody was like

(06:39):
I don't I don't even I don'tknow remember if they were like saying a
blessing over you, where guys weredoing something together, and I was just
like it felt so beautiful in themoment. I was like, this is
such a beautiful moment, Like everybodyis like celebrating these two and they are
so proud, sheer, and likeMaja was just like so happy to be
shaking those shells. She was reallyinto it. She's having a good old

(07:01):
time. You had that thing withthose silver beads, and I was like,
oh, now, Melissa's into it. You were dancing, Kia was
like, you know, raising herhands and having a good old time.
It was just I don't think Icould ever go to another bat mitzvah,
the regular ones, because I thinkeverything would be compared to this. This

(07:21):
was perfect. It was so good. It was so fun to see.
Oh, thank you. I invitedmy Israeli friends, who in Israel they
don't do barn bat mitzva's like this. They literally if even you know,
have a special This is what theytold me. I don't know. I
don't be living in Israel. ItIsraeli is listening right now and wrong.

(07:44):
No, but you know they toldme it's not a big deal. You
know it is. It's a religiousrite of passage. But you know,
your thirteenth birthday comes, say yourthing or whatever. You have a brunch,
or you have a lunch, oryou have a dinner, but like
it's not a thing. You geta little trinket of jewel and you go
on about your business. Only inthe United States have we made it such

(08:05):
a big extravaganza. And I understandwhy that is. You know, you
want to have a feeling of inclusion, you know, you know, I
feel like you are part of yourpeople, and so you do it big
so that everybody can know that youdid it. But I was just like,
I don't feel like that's me.It definitely was not shalom. And

(08:26):
she had been to many barnbott mitzpasat this point because she's fourteen. Now
we did the circuit and she andyou know, after a while, it
all starts to feel the same andnot special. Yeah, And I also
really felt like I wanted it tobe all the things I don't want to
deal with when I have to doa big thing, Like yeah, now

(08:50):
I gotta take this champagne flute that'setched with these people's initials and I only
have one of them. What amI going to do with this? I'm
gonna put it on. We've hadthis conversation about trinkets and up and I
didn't. I just didn't want anyof that. I didn't want anything.
I wanted you to leave here withnothing except a few desserts, maybe it
to go plate, and a literalfeeling of joy in your heart. That's

(09:11):
it. Yeah, that's exactly whatI left with. ASA left with the
program. It's on my bedside tableright underneath my little books. Oh but
I also really liked it because Ifeel like it honored my teacher. And
my teacher yeah, oh my god. She was so cute. She's so
cute. She worked really hard,but she also like the time that we

(09:35):
spent together. She genuinely loves us. She's like, I love you,
hey, girls, my favorite girls, my star students. Yeah you know,
like, yeah, you could tellshe was so proud. Yeah.
Yeah. I was trying to describeit to Chris. I was like,
so they were in the living roomand I was like, and the teacher
was like on a moog but nota moog and I was like, but
it was mint green and it wasvery cute, and I was like,

(09:56):
and then they had their little tableset up with all of their little things
on it. I said, itwas so fun. There was not a
moment when I was like, howmuch longer until this is over? Runch
was beautiful. That was so fun. I got to meet all of the
people that you've talked about for thelast three years, like in real life,

(10:16):
and I think every time I metsomebody, I was like, can
we hug? Because I think they'relike if it was kind of like this
weird moment where I was like,I know who you are, and like
I know things about you that Iprobably shouldn't know because I don't know you.
A handshake feels weird, but Iknow, like can we hug?
But hello. There were several ofmy friends who were like, is that
Amanda? Do you think I cango up to her? I'm like,

(10:37):
yes, goofy, I'm sorry.I didn't want to bother. I didn't
want to bother you, you know, like it's weird because like I'm a
fan. And I listened and Iwas like, dude, she's regular.
She's in here, she's you,she's in here, like you're in here,
It's okay, and everybody, Imean it just you know it.
Nothing felt like nobody there. Nothingfelt like out of place, you know,

(11:05):
no, like even like I like, my dad was like, uh,
the young lady with the purple hairin pictures, it don't come up
purple. And I'm like, whatdo you mean? And he's literally scrolling
his phone but I mean like multiplepages. I'm like, are you just
taking stalker picks of Amanda? Likewhat are you doing? And I called
your mom doing it? I didn'tknow your dad was also doing. Yeah,

(11:31):
they have like Hella pictures of you. And I was like okay,
and he's like, no, shereally pretty lady. I was like okay,
um, but you know, youknow Danna I from Carolina, Danna
from Carolina. She literally she couldn'tget you. I was like, you

(11:52):
know how a toddler's brain is developedin such a way where you can understand
what they're saying. Yeah, andyou will, you know that cognitively,
they're gonna get there, and they'regonna get to Amanda. But on the

(12:13):
way there, they're gonna say Dannaand you're gonna know that means you,
right, Mercy has this, AndI don't mean it that Mercy has this.
She called you Danna from Carolina.Oh, Donna Carolina, but like
but confident, Donna confident. Andthen as I was leaving, she said

(12:35):
it again and You're like, Amanda, And then she goes, oh,
okay, yes, Adam girl,how can she be Dana but also be
Adam? And like every every childof a Filipino lady understands this, and
and and and to to an outsider, it's like very fun and it's very

(12:58):
sweet, it's very cute. Itis until it ain't and like you as
the child, have an inner brewingrage inside you're like, oh man,
due, what do you think?Oh man, I just I couldn't.
I couldn't take it um. Butyeah, what I really, what I

(13:18):
really loved was that the dinner wasfun and and like I didn't put a
lot of I didn't put any energyinto seating arrangements or like trying to figure
out who could mesh with whom andand and and where good conversations could happen
between people, where that is veryimportant in a planning situation. It's very
important. You want everybody to havegood vibes and be in a good place.

(13:41):
This the way this brunch was setup the restaurant, I don't even
know. I couldn't have planned itbetter myself, that the layout was so
perfect. We had him brunch ata spot where the food is so good.
It's Israeli fooded, but it's justit's just so good and it just
kept coming, which is what Ilike. I like when you walk into
a space and the drinks are alreadyflowing and the food is coming, and

(14:05):
only while you're already having fun doesthe host interrupt and say, why we're
here and then you would get listenfor a little bit and then you're back
into your zone. And then everybody'shad so much fun, and everybody's you
know, just getting you know,liquored up just enough that when it's time
to go, they don't want togo, and there's lingering, and then

(14:26):
the conversations dwell out onto the sidewalkand then their long hubs goodbye. It
was that, and it was exactlywhat it was, exactly that I told
Chris. I was like, itwas like Beauty and the Beast. When
it was time to eat, wesat down and I was like Chris,
plates of food just kept coming,and I was like there were sauces,
there were yogurts, there were salads, and I was like, just when

(14:48):
you think like, oh, thisis it. Like when they brought out
the SHOOA was like, okay,this is like the ma and then here
comes the avocado toast. I waslike, oh my, and then here's
the French toast, and I waslike, this just keeps getting better.
It was so delicious. Everything Idon't I didn't put one thing in my
mouth this weekend that wasn't so tasty. Oh, I love it. It's

(15:09):
just it's just his favorite place becausehe loves the Shotschuka, it's my favorite,
my favorite place because I love thatthat that cocktail, that like frothy
vodka light. That was derecious cocktail. And it Shaloon's favorite place because she
loves the friend's choice. I mean, there was nothing, There was nothing
you can complain about. And andand I think that in the restaurant itself
was very cute, So there wasno reason for me to bring in my

(15:31):
little, you know, tawdry outdoorgoods. You know, I don't.
I didn't need to bring in ayeah, it was abolutely necessary arch or
any of that shit. I didn't. The only thing I brought in were
the place mats, and I thoughtthat was a really good look at me.
If I was a party planner,I'd be the ship dead ass.
It's everything that we talked about inMason Jar. If you have not listened

(15:54):
to Mason Jar in season one,we talk about all of the things that
we think make a good party,actually specifically a wedding, but those things
came through in this and when youwere talking about the seating, it was
so funny. Everybody just kind oflike naturally congregated to the table that suited
them the best. So like thekids were in the front, and then
it was your long Island friends.And then it was like out of town

(16:17):
friends. Um. It was Jadeand your sister and Kia and your cousin
and my favorite Megan um. Andthen it was me and Matt and yours
Israeli friends and your friend um.Uh she's so lovely. Yes, I'm
so embarrassed. She's adorable. Ilove her so much. Um. And

(16:37):
then I had the long row thatwas on the velvet bench of old people.
Yeah, which was the parents andthey were good and contained, you
know, which what I really like. And then all of your merch direct
yes, glass draw friends. Itwas so perfect. And then the teenagers,
and then the table of teenagers.Yeah, the table of teenagers was

(16:59):
far off in a corner or soI never even felt like I was at
an event with children, which isanother thing that I really like. Actually,
yeah, now you know how likeyou'll go to you didn't hear or
see them. They were so busywith each other. They were there,
they were there, and they werehaving themselves a good old time. The
amazing part is they had the betthe small children had the best table in

(17:21):
the house. It's tucked in alittle it's tucked in a little um window
nook, floor to ceiling window outlookingthe street and the little shops and the
little you know world going by outside. But they're neatly tucked away. They
had their old assigned waitress. Theyhad their little food, They had their

(17:42):
little French fries, they had theirlittle dips, they had their their their
their pick of any non alcoholic beveragethat I know. They were surely templed
down. They were having themselves agreat time. They were giving They were
given two cups of crayons in theirplace, met to color, and in
two hours, I did not seea running child, a whining child,

(18:03):
none of that. No, noneof it. And that's what I like,
because you know how sometimes you're ata very busy party in a restaurant
and the children start to get restlessbecause there's nothing for them to do.
But they're also in an area thatthey can easily get in and out.
This was why would they want tocome into this mess? They were like,
no, we're good in this corner. And it was perfect. And

(18:26):
they were cute still, you know, like they were nobody got annoying.
I love that. And then theteenagers, I love that they were often
the far corner, opposite furthest fromthe old people. Because one thing that
a fourteen year old doesn't want ather about Mitzvah is to have to talk
to old ass aunt Sally. Idon't know you, lady, why don't

(18:49):
you say? I'm over here?Child with mahmies like I. Sloe never
had to deal with any of thatbecause for them to come out of that
big long velvet eventure, they wouldhave had to maneuver a bunch of people,
and nobody wanted to do. Yeah. But also it's only a two
hour event, so why do youneed to get up? What do you
need to do? Yeah? Um? It was so it was really really

(19:10):
everything was so sweet. Your littlespeeches. I loved both of your speeches.
I loved watching Shilohim cry. Iwas like, oh my god,
look at this little teenager. Sheis so moved with feelings, because they're
never moved with feelings, never,girl. I've practiced that speech in front
of her twice, but I meanI've done it fast and she's like,

(19:32):
oh mom, and gave me ahook. But this like when I read
it with you know, the flareand the impact and the slowing down and
mm hmmm, and my little babybroke down. I was like, I'm
noticed right, um um, Idon't know. It was just I had
me a good old time and myheart was so full, and normally after

(19:52):
a thing, I'm peopled out,like I'm done. Yeah, you know,
like at the two hour mark orwhatever, I'm like, my feet
at, my shoes are off.At the three hour mark, I'm like,
justin, we gotta come on,we gotta figure out how thanks it's
strategy here. We didn't have todo any of that. I was so
surrounded by like just warm fuzzies thatI was like, okay, I guess

(20:15):
now this is over. We wentback to the house. M I changed
it into my house dress, andI love that. There was no there
was no expectation of me to setup anything. I literally put out whatever
was going to come out. Y'allwant some water, y'all want some wine.
It's shit in the kitchen. Findinga bag of carrots. Yeah,
it's shit in the kitchen. Findit if you want it. Matt was

(20:37):
like, let me. I heardthere was a strawberry cake in the fridge
downstairs. I said, go onand get it, go have it.
I want you to have it,and he shirted. He shirted, and
it was so good. I'm gladhe did because that was such a good
cake. But like shout out toCostco. The children ran into the backyard
again. We didn't see them.M the adults. We're on the deck

(21:00):
just recapping and having a nice time. And then what's Amanda, are you
peopled out yet? And still yetand still not yet peopled out? Which
is insane because now we're going onwhat for five hours of togetherness? Yea.
Then we're like, hey, weshould go to the Twa. Amand

(21:21):
has never seen it and she lovesbid century modern. I'm gonna take Amanda
toe. It's five o'clock on theday of my bump mits for brunch,
and I'm like, let me takea quick shower and I will meet you
back here. Sure enough, wewent to the TWA yep, and I
just which was so amazing. It'sso cute. I had only been to

(21:42):
it recently, so like, Iwas so happy to show you because when
someone showed it to me, Idied. I was like, I can't
take it. This is crazy inhere. So like the fact that I
got to fucking pay it forward andshow it to you. Yeah, I
was just so happy it was.It's it's so cute and it's so you.

(22:02):
I was trying to explain it toChris and I'm like showing pictures that.
I was showing pictures to Quinn lastnight, and I was like,
Quinn, I go it. Idon't know how to explain it, but
there are certain architectural things specifically relatedto mid century that I feel like this
is for people that like have ASMRfeelings, like it scratches a specific part

(22:25):
of their brain that feels really goodwalking into those concrete arches and the windows
and the carpet and the symmetry.It scratches a very specific piece of my
brain. And it was just likeeverywhere you looked, there was something new
to look at that is just soperfect. I can't describe it. I
feel like you have to have it. I'm sure everybody's got their thing,

(22:49):
but like for me, oh mygosh, the whole time, the whole
time, you walt ticking a visualdelight, yes, the ticking sign that
oh yeah, and the board changesand then the red expanses of carpet,
and then the fact that the tuliptables had matching shell chairs and they were

(23:11):
color coordinated with the carpet, andthen all of the little like banquette seatings
with their little it's so cute.It was just but also like the best
thing ever, weird color choices thatsomehow work, Like why would bright red
then work with this muted, depressingblush pink but also this gray but also

(23:33):
this yellow? But it does.Never in a million years would I have
been like, yeah, these thingswork together. Yeah, And if you
would have tried it at home,it wouldn't have worked. But somehow,
Um, oh my god. Whatabout the little the little secret hideaways,
which first of all, why whyare not why are airport in general?

(23:59):
Why is the airport not set uplike this? You realize how quiet it
was in those little secret nods.Yes, and it should have been so
loud, I mean, given theceiling height and all of the hard surfaces,
like, it should have felt likereally loud and obnoxious in there.
And I was it's funny that yousay that, because I was trying to
explain to Quinn what it was liketo fly in the fifties and sixties,

(24:22):
and like what a luxury it was, and people got dressed up and it
was like an event, and itwas an experience from the time you walked
into the airport until the time yougot off that plane. And I was
trying to explain it to her,and I was like, can you imagine
what this would have been like?And I showed her the hallway that we
walked down, and she's like,that kind of looks like a horror film.
And I was like, Nah,can you imagine walking to your plane,

(24:45):
like coming up this runway or comingout of it and then coming out
into this beautiful, expansive like caveof cement and glass and red carpet.
She was like, I said,Okay, well, maybe this is just
for me to imagine, But howmy fun would it be to like go
up dressed up like in a youknow, period appropriate fashions. Yes,
well, because the afternoon. It'sbecause we've gotten so far away from everything

(25:11):
being a visual delight. Yeah,everything has become practical. But I feel
like the visual delight was purposeful inthe way that the sound travels, in
the way that did you notice therewas no like rushing and bustling when they're

(25:33):
definitely should have been, because itis still actually a functioning part of the
actual airport, like people have luggageand are going through this terminal. But
it never felt rushed and crazy,like how you feel an instant anxiety when
you go into a terminal at anairport. Right, it didn't. How
it didn't. And it was weirdbecause I had to keep reminding myself,

(25:56):
like we're in an airport, likewe're having dinner in an air Who does
that? Yeah, why would wewant to have dinner in an airport?
But then you can go and havea little You can go order a cocktail
and then go upstairs and get tuckedaway in that room with the stripe wall
paper and the velvet seats. Ohmy god, that room is so cute.
I can't even so cute. It'sso cute. I mean, we

(26:18):
had a whole impromptu photo shoot,which if we had to rent the space,
get professional hair and makeup, youknow, have an art director and
all that. We literally did thisin an hour and a half in regular
clothes, regular makeup. My damnnear scrubbed all my aboutments with makeup off.

(26:41):
So I was in there real Iwas in there in house clothes,
wrangular, but the scenery lends itselfto taking these really professional looking photos.
I mean, once we photoshop them, motherfuckers, we are going to look
really good. Yeah. I wasso cute. I checked the discord this

(27:03):
morning and then realized I really didnot have my phone in my hand hardly
at all this weekend. At onepoint on Saturday, I was like,
oh shit, I should be takingpictures. I didn't touch my phone in
all Friday night. Girl, youwere mad present. I was so present,
and it's so sad that like thisis, you know, an anomaly

(27:27):
I think for a lot of us, but I really like I had to
make a conscious effort. I waslike, get out your phone and take
pictures because you're gonna leave this weekendand not have any pictures for any of
this. And I'm like asking,I'm like texting you, I'm like,
can you send me that? Andlike I was like, Matt, can
you send me the whole album?Because he had a bunch of stuff.
But I just there wasn't There wasn'ttime. I told Chris, like when
I gave the kids their little presents, which were like two stickers and a

(27:49):
pencil. But they were so cute. They were so cute. But I
was like, I live. Iwas like, guys because but Lennox was
like, did you go to thecity? Did you go to sun Park?
And I was like, I literallygot off the airplane and I said,
and I was just jumping from likeone errand or one place to the
next. And I was like,there was there was no time to do

(28:11):
anything. And I was like,but I didn't care. I didn't have
that like fomo of like not beingin the city or not doing anything else,
like because everything was entertaining, Likethere was never a time where I
was like, let me get backto my hotel room. And I do
not like a lot of people time. And that was crazy because I was
trying to be I was trying tobe conscious of that at the same time
being like, no, she's howmany times did you say, Melissa,

(28:32):
I'm fine, Melissa, Yeah,I'm fine. I'm fine with doing this.
I'm fine. But I was like, you're not people down? Are
you sure? Because I can getyou right back to your hotel. You're
not people down? Are you sure? I can get you right back to
your hotel? And then at onepoint I was like, am I people
down? And I was like,no, you know who was people?
Do? Who? You know?Who slinked away? And you didn't even
notice justin back? Oh yeah,you're right, he did. He did

(28:55):
disappear. I didn't see him allweekend. I did not see him all
weekend. I didn't. Yeah,that's so true. But I think that
I didn't see him all weekend becausehe was in host mode and he did
it so well and so um surreptitiouslyin the shadows that everything was going off

(29:17):
without a hitch. Like I wasn'tlike did you bring the such and such
to the such and such? Anddid you? Did you? Did you?
Did you? I didn't ever evenmake him a list. It was
just like, you know, wetalked about it on the Thursday. I
mean, everything was on the fly, but somehow felt very well coordinated.
It was just like, you know, dumb things like we need to make
sure we have ice, We needto make sure we have um, you

(29:40):
know, disposable silverware that's not ugly. Like we went to Costco on the
Thursday before you came. He andI went to Costco. We were in
there an hour. We bought sixtyroses. We bought some plates, We
bought some napkins, we bought someknives before, which who was doing that
the day before an event? Weare, but we were doing it mad

(30:03):
casual, and I was like,you think people would like these cash shoes
or those cash shoes, like itwas not. But then he had the
tools that he needed and then hejust did stuff like stuff just appeared like
my piano just got turned around,like you know, my icemaker just got
turned on. He was like areally wonderful, silent host so that me

(30:27):
and Shalom could do our thing,and it was just so lovely. And
then he continued that. At thebrunch, he was there before me.
I walked in there. The placemats were set up like normally you would
want to go to the place beforeand be like, are the flowers like
this? And run around? Igah. I showed up at ten o'clock

(30:47):
like everybody else, and he hadit all done, and it was done.
It was done. My pink roseswere there, the place mats were
there, the crayons were there.You know. She and Maga their job
was to say hi to people andtell them they can go to the bar.
I don't even know that they didthat, because Jessin Beck probably did
it. I don't remember. Itwas and that's great that you didn't have

(32:40):
to that you could go and enjoyyour time. And I think that's the
hardest part when you're having an eventlike this is finding time to like actually
experience it and enjoy it and notbe running around, you know, so
concerned. Everybody was taken care of. There was you know, there was
always food, there were always drinks. It never ever felt rushed, It
never felt stale or boring. Yeah, Like there was never a time where

(33:06):
I was like where should I putmy purse? And now what do I
do? And who do I talkto? I don't have any of that.
Yeah, it was really lovely.And then all throughout the day because
I too wasn't looking at my phonelike I was, people were just texting.
I didn't hire a photographer for thisevent, which is wild. I

(33:27):
know, no, why would you. Everybody was taking picture everybody was taking
pictures. I was my phone.I opened my phone and it was I
was bombarded with hundreds of pictures,hundreds of heart emojis, hundreds of I
had so much fun, hundreds ofThis was so beautiful. Melissa, this
was so perfect. I'm copying thisidea for my child. This is amazing,
this felt exactly right. Thank youthis. I have my whole day

(33:49):
ahead of me now after I gotto spend my time with you. This
is it was just NonStop, awall of compliments. When I got finally
got back to my phone and thenlike my heart was so full, and
me and Salon were up until IShalom, we're up until midnight last night
writing our thank you notes because oneof my things was we're not going to
the bank and depositing that money.Yeah, until every thank you note is

(34:10):
written, it'll be my responsibility toput them in envelopes and get the address
on there. But you and Iwill sit here and we will work these
thank you notes. And that's anotherthing impromptu off the top of our heads.
I got back to the house andjustin had there was a box of
stuff that was left over from theevent, So like all of the crayons
that were unused, all of theplace mats that were unused, flowers programs.

(34:38):
I went in there, and youknow, me and Shalom are sitting
there. I went, why don'twe write the thank you notes on the
unused place mats, but we sithere and color them but have fun.
Oh that so that was a greatidea, dude. I passed out crayons
to everybody at the I mean,and it was a collaborative event. Everybody

(35:00):
had to call it. Yeah,So Shalom had to write the family's name
in bubble letters or however right shewanted to do it, because you know,
Shalom's also not going to write thankyou so much. She's not doing
all that. I'm going to dothe hard part of thank you for coming
and spending this wonderful day for us. Your gift was general, and I'm
keeping track of what the gifts are. We have the spreadsheet, so Shalom's
got the Google doc open, We'vegot the name, we've got the gift.

(35:22):
We're marking things off. She's doingthe bubble letters, I'm writing it,
she's signing her name, and thenwe're both working on the picture together,
and we came up with amazing designsfor each family. They're really cute.
I don't know how they're going tofit an envelope, but they're really
cute. And we have seven moreto go. But like, we worked

(35:45):
on it for like two hours,but had fun working on it. It
was so yeah, like you're saying, the brain scratch, this was a
thing that made my brain scratch becausethere was no waste. It was a
recall to the event you were justat where I said, yeah, where
I had asked everybody. What wasamazing was the plate was perfectly on top

(36:05):
of the face of the place Matt. So unless I told you that my
face was under there and that Shalom'sface was under there, you wouldn't have
known, because why would you havemoved your plate. So when I announced
it and I was like, oh, just for fun, if you color
the face, please sign your nameon it, I kept everybody's placement that
they colored it so cute that willkeep oh nice. Yeah, you know,
I think that this is really likeI think that this is a testament

(36:30):
to you do not have to dothe thing that everybody else is doing,
Like it's okay. You don't haveto have this huge expression of you know,
like wealth or stuff or activities.I feel that we often feel very

(36:52):
pressured, yes to either do somethingin the way that is expected of us,
and you know, whether it's abig life event or just something like
I think that it's okay to leaninto the thing that feels most comfortable and
authentic to you because the people thatare there love you regardless, and you
know, are just coming to likeshow up for you, and then if

(37:15):
they have a good time in additionto that, like this was just it
was so it wasn't stuffy, itwas relaxed. There was a moment where
where we were on Saturday, whenwe were sitting on the deck and I
was like, I told Chris,I go, I almost came outside of
my body. And I don't knowif it was Jade's weed or if it
was just like me like being inthe moment, and I thought, I'm

(37:37):
gonna say it was Jade's weed.Unfortunately, this is a beautiful moment that
you're sharing with me, and Ithink I would love to get credit for
having that warm, fuzzy with you. But it was definitely Jade's weed.
I was just I literally was likestanding behind my body looking at the circle
of women and Matt and I wasjust like, this is so nice.

(38:04):
The weather is perfect. The waythat the sun is like coming through the
leaves is perfect. Then we steppedinto the backyard and my feet touched that
warm grass and I was I waslike, Wow, this is one of
the best afternoons I've had in areally long time. We just we At
one point we just sat there andwatched jade reapply her deodorant and I was
like, this is fascinating, butI love that she she was like so

(38:30):
natural with it and we were allso fascinated by it. She goes,
oh God, she was like,I sorry, excuse what I just had
to do and the way, andit was like so specific to It was
so specific to a building block inmy relationship with you, because you know,
the first conversation we ever had wasvolatile and about deodorant. And it

(38:51):
was just such a nice little closingpiece because she was like, she goes,
I don't do chemicals, and Isaw you a little perk up.
I saw you a little oh youdon't And I was like, and then
me and Matt were like, nochemicals, one percent chemicals, like I
could ever. Everybody was like shackledup taking sides. But then she did
it and it was so I smelledit. I was like, is that
rose rose hip? That smells reallygood? And then you and her are

(39:14):
going in about the lime and thisand that, and I was like,
this is really it was an armpit. Don't get me wrong, but I
was like, this is really awarm and genuine conversation. And now everybody's
showing their armpits. You know.I'm like, I have no talking about
their armpits. Yeah. Marlene waslike, well, I don't do that,
and she goes, once I stoppedusing chemicals, all of the dark
spots, all of the discoloration,all of that went away. She lifts

(39:37):
her arm and jee It's like,wow, that's a really pretty armpit.
They're like, wow, that isa really nice armpit. She's like,
so once I got rid of thosechemicals, I have not had any of
these problems. And then, becauseI'm a bitch, I was like,
I use chemicals every day. Whateveryone liked to see my armpits, um,
and my arm perspect pristine. Thankyou with my chemicals. See,
so everybody can have a side here. Um. And then to really nail

(40:00):
home, now, I have toask this because at one point, so
Maja and Noah had left to gofeed the birds at the pond. Yeah,
and I was like, I couldtell you were nervous. Tell Jade
was nervous and then it disappeared thatconcern until Megan was like, is anybody

(40:21):
worried about the children? And Iwas like that nobody has thought a thought
about the children. And I waslike, but clearly Megan's concern because and
she knew exactly how long it hadbeen since they had left. Yeah,
and there's one functioning. But thatwas another expression of love because when they
originally said they wanted to ye,I watched her watch me and like,

(40:44):
Noah is a city kid. Jade'sdaughter is a city kid, so like
ponds and grass, She's like,let's go do that. And I didn't
want to break Noah's hard all weekend. I didn't want to break Noah's hard.
Whatever Noah wanted she could have.You know what I'm saying, yeah,
bubble teas all that. They overrodeeverything I said no to by going,

(41:04):
well, yeah, my mom said, maj said, my mom said
no. Did my dad say no, Let's rap on that angle? Um?
And I remember being like, yeah, that okay. And you saw
me stay together, hold keep mine. You were just in the neighborhood.
They did not go far. Theydid not go far. And it was

(41:28):
Father's Day weekend, right, thiswas not the weekend. They were going
to get snatched, like, youknow, people are driving, was another
kid? People are driving four milesan hour, and a mommy duck and
and and her ducklings have been crossingthe street all day in like a it's

(41:50):
fake there. You know there's alsoa swan in that pond, like it's
dumb. Um. So I finallylet them go, you know, after
I said fifty times, whold handsstay together, walk slow across the street,
right, yes, yes, yes, well we got it, um.
And then I you noticed I madethem stop and take a picture.

(42:12):
Oh you did. I didn't wantto stress them out, but I was
like, oh, hold on,I got to get my picture. I
was really trying to admit I wantto know exactly what color shoes Noah had
I'm crazy. I had a wholesinging my mind. I didn't. I
thought you were just trying to becute. Now I was like green jumpsuit.
They were so happy though that theywere so happy that feeling of like
independence. I would say, like, do you remember that? But I

(42:34):
know that you had a very independentchild. Yeah, Maza got to be
me for one shining moment. Sowhen Megan piped up and was like,
cause anybody checked on the kids,I like got right back. I was
like, oh fuck, And what'slovely about it is I had my niece.
I had my niece and my cousinwho are twenty six and thirty,

(42:59):
but they're still babies to me.I was like, y'all, first of
all, imagine telling an adult twoadult women that had heels on I go.
But she got right up. Yeah. She didn't complain. She didn't
say two adult women who traveled hereand were my guests, and they were
in heels, and they were infull of hair and makeup, and they

(43:22):
were in dresses with accessories. Kiradid not put her purse down. She
had a had She had on thejacket without her arms in this which kills
me. She had on the jacketwithout her She was their classy. She
was holding a glass of wine.My good glasses, by the way.
Um, it was a special occasion. I said, y'all, what'side shoe
you are? She was like,I'm in six. Um, Kira's like

(43:44):
I'm in six. I was like, okay, great. I really went
into the house and grabbed two pairsof crops. I was like, I'm
gonna need y'all too, not evenplease, not can you. I'm gonna
need y'all to go down and getthose children from the pond because they've been
gone twenty minutes. It feels alittle long to me. And also after
Megan had so informed us that actuallybread is really bad for the for the

(44:05):
ducks. No, she said waterfowls specifically. It wasn't just ducks,
yeah, she said all of this, it's actually a detrimental waterfowl. And
I was like, well, wedon't want them, you know, the
stomach's blowing up, so go getthe kids. And it was really just
you know, people talk about villagesand having them m h, like this

(44:30):
was my village and it was myvillage in action, and I was so
happy to share it and like nowyou're in it, you know, Like
it was so like I was WillieBeam and bitch. I was so happy.
Yeah, So like I late,I took my shower after the twa

(44:52):
and I like my second I wassaying, my third shower that day,
girl, it was your third shower. How did I find the time?
He shower for thing in the morning, had a shower after the event,
and then had a shower after jetevery way. I just laid down.
I was high as a kite though, because it Jade's wheat is fucking crazy.
It was wild. But I wasjust rewinding all of the moments of

(45:16):
the day and like thinking about Shalom'sexperience to like in her perspective, like
what her bought Mitzvah will mean toher later, and how it was just

(45:37):
everything that she could have wanted,which was to not have a lot of
attention on her, to have itbe casual, to get a new little
pair of heels, you know,to start a bank account, to hang
out with her frenzyating French toast likeI went and I asked her, I
said, what, how was yourday? How did it go? Because
we kind of were together, butwe had separate days in a way.

(45:57):
Yeah. Yeah, She was justlike, mom, it was great.
I said, what do you mean. She's like me and all my friends
had unlimited ice coffee. There wasno one there to tell us that we
couldn't put this many sugar packets in. She was like, we ate so
much French toast. Her little bestfriend, I'm not going to say boyfriend,

(46:20):
her little best friend. Every timethey walk home together and they pick
up Dunkin Donuts. Sometimes she'll say, can you get him the avocado toast
with bacon? Sometimes she'll say that, So I knew that he liked to
avocado toast, which is why thatwas on the menu, by the way,
special for Justice Swan person. OhI knew, you know. In

(46:43):
my mind, I'm thinking she doesn'twant the attention on her. I had
to force her to invite friends.I had to force her to invite him.
So I was like, I gottanaked so that he, you know,
feels at home too. And shewas like, Mom, she ate
a whole plate of avocado toast.Jesse, you saw that plate he ate.
It was a huge plate. Heate a whole plate of They were

(47:06):
like at least fifteen pieces of avocadotoasts per plate. She said, he
had a whole plate of avocado toastto himself. She's like, he had
such a nice time, you know, because a fourteen year old boy is
not trying to talk to your grandma. He's not right. Yeah, Well,
slam set him up the same wayshe set you up. I saw

(47:28):
that. I saw that right whenI walked in. She wasted no time.
It's a funny little game we playon people. We'll talk about it
in a second. But she's like, he had such a nice time,
and she had such a nice time, and all her little girlfriends were cute,

(47:50):
and everybody came in the clothes thatthey are comfortable in and want to
wear, which I also like.She was mad at him because he had
on Nike shorts and a Nike Tshirt. She was like, I was
like, and that was why shesent him through. Yeah, Mercy's gardening
slide show. So a running gagthat we had all weekend was Mercy will

(48:12):
show you that slideshow of her plantsfor twenty minutes. She'll go back and
forth. Here's the avocado tree,here's the watches, it the snapdragon apple,
what is it? The a sugarapple? Sugar apple. She will
go through the slide show, andyou will need to be in get you.
Honestly, you can handle the slideshowfor about a minute, but when

(48:36):
you're ten minutes in, you're like, bro. And the thing is is
that if you aren't, if youaren't used to talking to your mom,
her English is great, her accentis so thick. Sometimes you really there,

(48:57):
there's no zoning out during that commonversation. If you really need to
if you really want to follow what'sgoing on and be able to ask questions
so that you can have a conversation. There's no deviating from what you're looking
at or what you're listening to,so you have to. However, if
you try to follow too closely,yeah, you will end up being confused

(49:22):
because the conversation is not linear.And this is the thing I think that
people think, all the years thatI've been talking about this phenomenon, that
I'm exaggerating it for a comedic effect. I could see how you're not,
I could see how it could feelthat way, but I'm really not.
And at one point I literally snappedon your ass at breakfast. I was
like, Amanda, I'm going toneed you just stop pretending that this is

(49:45):
ever going to be a linear conversationand just start nodding. Just start nodding
because you because at one point youreally ask for clarification. I was like,
oh, this girl's and Justice islooking at you like, bro,
No. You were like, I'msorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Miss Mercy. Youjust asked me about Cincinnati, but now

(50:06):
we're talking about avocados. I justI'm Sorry, I just got lost in
the middle there, and you're tryingto be so nice Midwestern. Sorry,
I just got lost in the middle. So you want to know about since
I just didn't know where to.The conversation jumped and I literally grabbed your
leg under the table. I waslike, girl, it doesn't matter.
That's the part I'm keep telling.And so that's when Shalom devious the lass.

(50:29):
She's sitting right by you and she'slooking right at me in my face,
and she's like, I'm gonna doit. It was just the eyes
that said it, and I waslike, don't do that. I'm looking
at her and I'm my eyes saydon't do that to her, and she
does it. Nanny, she didit. Wouldn't you like Amanda to see
your garden? Get your Do youhave your phone? Get your phone?
Amanda wants to see your garden.I was like, oh, here we
go. Yeah, And so you'resitting through in that moment, I was

(50:53):
like, we Shalom tried it.I haven't even met this child but once
in person, and not even probablymore than five minutes, because she and
Quinn just went off and hid ina bedroom together by themselves, making tiktoks,
and she said, let me justset this lady up real quick.
My mom a break. So whenher little BF walked into the brunch and

(51:15):
she noticed he was in his outfitthat he was literally going to the gym
in after because he just ate aplate of avocado toast and he's quote cutting
right now, Um, how areyou cutting it? And you just ate
fifteen pieces of bread that was allyour carbs in fat for a day,

(51:35):
sir, for two days. Shewas upset with him because he didn't dress
up, and I said, youcan't be mad at him about that because
the invitation said come as you are. It literally said come as you are,
good food, good people, nopressure. That was the extent of
an invitation that jessicin Becka wrighte notcelebrate my weather, and it was it

(51:55):
was not flowery. It was comeas you are, good food, good
people, no pressure, or don'tcome. I don't give a fuck,
Like he might as well have justput that on the conversation on the invitation.
Um. So she goes, shegoes, nanny, this is my
friend. She introduces it, andof course he's Asian. So my mom

(52:16):
lit right up. She was like, oh, Slone had the chair ready.
She pulled the chair out and shewas like, have a seat.
Why don't you watch my grandmother's slideshow of gardens. And so I watched
him sit there doing I had picturesof him struggling through the slide show.

(52:36):
So finally I rubbed his back andI was like, um, your friends
are looking for you over there.I'm sorry mom, because it's like enough,
are ready with this avocado? I'veseen this one. Yeah, So
he leaves and I walk him overto the teen table and I was like,
was that hard. He's like,oh, it's really hard. I
was like, you won't have todo damn. So sorry, Slone was

(52:57):
so mean. He's like, yeah, it was crazy, but yeah.
It was just it was lovely allaround. So when I was laying in
my bed recapping it to myself,I mean I was just beaming. I
was smiling. I have a picturewith every single person that was there.
Somehow someway even though I didn't havea photograph. It was just really it

(53:23):
was just really really restorative, andlike, because you know, you spend
the whole top of your year,you spend the whole end of the school
year, you spend the whole holidays, like dreading stuff. And I have
to say I did dread this alot. I did because it was having

(53:44):
to do stuff. But the stuffwas so worth it. It was so
worth it, and I'm like sohappy, and I'll have these pictures forever.
I'll have these little memories forever,and like, who can say they
became a butt misspit with their kid. Yeah, it was really special.

(54:07):
Now I'm curious, do you thinkthat Maja will want to do something similar
or do you think that she'll wantto have something different. I originally thought
Maja was a shy child in theway that shell is introverted, But I'm

(54:28):
starting to see that she is not. She just takes a minute to warm
up to people, and also shetakes a minute to warm up to normal
people. She is an odd birdand likes to find other odd birds,
but once she finds her odd birds, like she's the oddest of the birds,
you know what I mean. So, yeah, I don't know what
she's gonna want to have. AndI already had it in my mind that

(54:49):
we would just replicate this two moretimes for the girls, you know,
because you saw her. She wasloving this. She was she was having
a good old time. She hadher shaker, she was making commentary.
You know, she was being theperfect little antagonists little sister, but appropriately
so, and it was still loving, you know. Yeah, So I

(55:12):
don't know what she's gonna want tohave. And I know that, you
know, a lot of girls thatare in her friend group are having you
know, very big blowout parties,which by the time Mass thirteen, she
might very well deserve that. Andhow many birthday parties of Mass have been
destroyed in the short ten years ofher life, yea too many? Fourth

(55:34):
thing, and then she's keeping scoreand she is, you know, like
she's having half birthdays every summer becausethey just keep getting ruined. So I
don't know what she's going to wantto do, but I do know that
she's already started Hebrew due Lingo,and she's like in a little game with
her dad with it, so she'salready very much engaged with it. So
another good thing that has come outof this is that the fact that Saloon

(55:59):
was not coerced to do her Hebrewlessons. We didn't have to persuade her
and nag her to go. Itwasn't a thing that she dreaded she wanted
to go. She wanted to spendtime, you know, with our Hebrew
teacher. She even said, whenMaja starts going, sometimes I'll come with
you and we'll wait for Majah,you know, like she likes hanging out
in Miss Francie's house. Like yeah, So we've already kind of set the

(56:23):
tone and the pace for how thisis a special thing and a fun thing
and a thing you should look forwardto. So Maja is she's got to
start her lessons. We're taking thesummer off, and then when the school
years starts, she'll start. SoI don't know what kind of event she
will want or you know, howshe'll be in three years time, but

(56:47):
I know that this is on thetable and she saw how fun it could
be, and you know, wecould just re engineer it to suit her
interests or you know, if startingto look like she wants to have a
big shebang, we'll start saving now. Yeah, we'll see. But I

(57:13):
just I just love that their introductioninto you know, active Jewish life has
been you know, within a villagethat's very warm and cozy and you know,
filled with you know, shoes thatdon't pinch your feet and you know,
prayer books that are boring you todeath. So yeah, it was

(57:36):
really and like now I'm in theafterglow of it, so like later on
I'm going to drop off all herdresses to the try cleaner, and that's
going to make me happy. Andthen later on I'm gonna sit there and
fuss with different envelopes and see howI can fit this colored place mat into,
you know, a standard envelope,and see how dumb it looks,
and try to come up with waysto make it cute. I don't know,

(58:00):
so that a week from now,when you get it in your mail,
you're like, oh my god,remember that time. Yeah, so
I just wanted to keep It's likea It's like you throw a little pebble
in the pond, and it's justlike a good feeling, a good feeling,
a good feeling, A good feeling, A good feeling, a good
feeling, and then soon enough thewhole motherfucking ripple of the good feeling is
everybody has it. I don't know. I feel great. I do ROUTI

(58:22):
old me, I do as youshould, as you should. Thank you
so much for coming. Really,truly, it was my pleasure. I'm
so happy you did, and itwas like forty eight whole hours away from
your whole life. You don't betraveling by yourself. You had to go
back and it was Father's Day.There was a lot of shit you had
to leave behind it come and bea part of this. And like I

(58:45):
keep saying it, every single personthat was there, they were there because
their presence made the thing what itwas. So thank you for real though,
for real, for real. Ohwell, I wouldn't have missed it.
I'm glad that it all worked out. I'm glad that I could,
you know it. I think thatfor me personally, when things The first

(59:07):
thing that I had to do wasfigure out what to do with the children.
Because I looked at Chris and Isaid, is it possible for you
to take the day off work?And he said no, this is not
the time. I said, Okay. I was a little salty because I
was like, I don't ever getasked that question when you have to travel.
But okay, listen, we haveto tell okay, let me not

(59:27):
around here. That was not untrue. Your life can continue on. But
okay, I don't ever ask foranything. I don't ever leave, but
I'm not going to do all andmaybe I'm gonna hold on to it just
a little bit. But I said, let me move on. So I
reached out to my sister in lawn, to my mother in lawn. I
said, hey, I know thisis last minute, but could either of

(59:49):
you just take them for the day. That's it. I will pack them
lunches, they will come with things. You don't have to do anything to
them if you don't want to,just keep them safe and alive. My
sister in laws said, yeah,hey, I'll take them. I'll take
them, no problem. So oncethe children were taken care of the world,
you and I knew that everything elseyet was going to be relatively easy.
Right. So I found the flight, I got a sub right away

(01:00:12):
for work. So those two things, I was like, Okay, then
this is meant to happen. Thisisn't a struggle. I'm not sweating trying
to, you know, figure thingsout. So that was my sign that,
you know, the universe was like, yes, go have this time.
And I did. And there werehuge swaths of time where I did
not think about home, which isfor a homebody, for somebody who does

(01:00:34):
not like to leave her home,that's big. I mean it and I
told you this. I initially feltso bad having the nerve to have an
event because I know what it takesfor a mom to be able to come

(01:00:55):
to a no kids event, youknow, like I understand all of the
planning that's required of a person togo and do something. You know,
like the fact that you were readyto put you know, a peanut butter
sandwich in a knapsack and tied itto a stick and be like, just

(01:01:17):
you just gotta keep them alive,you know, like that seems like a
small thing, but it's a bigthing. You're meal planning, You're planning
their outfits, you're planning their activities, you you know, down to you
know, the hour, because they'restill not that not that the people in
your life can't handle it, butit's still with you that it's your responsibility

(01:01:40):
to make sure that not only thekids stay alive, but they eat at
some point and they're entertained at somepoint so that they're not noticing that you're
not there, you know. Yeah, yeah, Well, and then the
prep for Father's Day. I wentto the store on Thursday and got everything
that Quinn would need to make breakfastfor Sunday morning. Because Sunday morning,

(01:02:01):
Father's Day breakfast is my That's whatI do. I don't cook, but
I will make Father's Day pancakes andbacon and get it all that good stuff.
So I even had everything covered.It was just it went together so
seamlessly. And I was so happyto get away. And even though I
was so anxious, I was sonervous to travel by myself because I have
not done that. It was alsoa huge wake up call that I should,

(01:02:22):
like really step outside of my bubblemore regularly. Well, now you
know you can do it, becauseI was. I scheduled my own Uber
just I just want to let thatI've never used it. I've never done
an Uber by myself before. You'rea woman now too, Okay, I'm
a woman, Matt offered. Matt, he heard me on the phone with

(01:02:46):
Chris on Saturday as I was liketrying to set up my own Uber account
because Chris was like, you needto do this on your own. I
will help you, but you haveto do it. I am so sick
of Chris. He's had that samespeech to me and I I ended up
not being able to create my ownaccount for whatever reason. And Matt was
like, I just do it foryou, and I was like, no,

(01:03:06):
I have to do this on myown. But Chris then had to
give me his login and password andI had to use his account because I
could not make my own. ButI did it. I scheduled it and
it was cute, right you're likeanyway, which it was cute. Imperfect

(01:03:28):
Stranger friends, Hi, thanks forlistening to this episode of Imperfect Stranger's podcast,
and thank you for tuning in everyweek. Thank you for joining us
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And if you've been here since Maytwenty second, twenty holy shit, thank

(01:03:52):
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(01:05:18):
So with that, thank you toeveryone near and far, and let's send
a hearty hug, good vibes asMelissa and Shalom become daughters of the Mitzvah
this week. All right, thanks, we'll see you soon. Bye.