Fraught

Amanda had a tough week with her sick dog Louis. Melissa, now an athlete, is having a harder time getting her heart rate up because she might be fit! Elsewhere in the episode, Beyoncé (always the winner), MGK and Jonah Hill. Plus, a little chat about the monetization of vulnerability. It’s like this is a real talk show or something!

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So last Tuesday, I came homewith Quinn. She had a pediatrician checkup,
so I brought her home and Iwent to let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs out? AndI, I can't every time I say
that, I just can't help.Who are going to put those doggies back?

(00:24):
No, my mom? It washer favorite song when it came out,
for like fucking years years Who lettingthose doggies out? Like it was
her fucking song? And then oneday it dawned out of her. She
goes, you know what I'm thinking? I said, what she's like,
who are going to put those dogHe's gonna And I used to kill with

(01:17):
that joke when I was a babystand up comedian for six months. It's
funny. Okay, continue, okay. So I opened the crate and Louie
is the dog that the minute hehears that door open or here's a car
in the driveway, he knows youwere home. He is ready to come
out. He is salivating, heis crying. Let him out. Opened

(01:41):
it up. I had to goto work, so I grabbed my stuff,
said goodbye to Quinn, walked outthe door, and when I got
home in seven thirty, that dogwas still in his crate, and I
asked her, I said, didyou put him back in there? She
said no, he never came out. I said, oh, it's odd
because that's not like him. SoI walked over opened the door because I
sometimes I think that his vision isa little like low and his hair is

(02:05):
really long right now, and Iwas like, maybe he's just being dumb
and he doesn't think that it's open. So I opened the door and he
tentatively came out, and I didn'tthink anything else of it. And then
over the next couple of days,he started acting just off. He wasn't
eating, he was walking really slowly, he was not following me. Normally,

(02:27):
this dog is my shadow. Hefollows me everywhere. And I will
say, this is your old dogor your baby dog. This is my
baby dog. I mean, he'snot really a baby. He's seven years
old. He'll be eight this year, so he's you know middle he's really
seventy eight. Okay, yeah,you know those dog maths, those dog
years. So I just thought itwas weird. He just was off.

(02:50):
So then Thursday morning, I stillwas like, he's not eating, he's
not following me, this is strange. Then Thursday night, he was in
bed and if I'm in my bedroom, he's in my bed, doesn't matter
if I'm in it or not.That's where he likes to sleep. And
so once I was ready to likelay down, I got in bed,

(03:12):
and the minute that my bottom hitsthat bed, he is on top of
me, ready to snuggle. Hedidn't move. He stayed on Chris's side,
and I was like, Oh,something's really wrong. And so I
was watching him and as he waslaying there, his breathing looked like it
was labored and he was shaking,and I thought, oh, my god,
is he cold, which was weirdbecause the space heater was on in

(03:34):
my bedroom. His coat is longbecause he gets really cold on the winter.
So I was like, this doesn'tmake sense. And so I thought,
oh my god, does my doghave a fever? But like,
how do you know if your doghas a fever? Like I don't have
a rectal thermometer or for my dog, Like how often do you have to
take a dog's tepa? Never,wait a second, that's a thing to

(03:54):
take a dog's temperature. I meanit's the most accurate way, just like
you would for a baby. Wait, dog owners have to take a dog's
temperature often. Is this a thing? Oh no, no, no,
it just it just crossed my mindbecause he was shaking, and I thought,
does he have a fever? Becausethat was the only thing that are

(04:15):
dedicated people, y'all are no people. I've never taken my dog's temperature,
but bring that booty. Holy god, no, that's so terrible. Okay,
I'm sorry. Continue. So Ipicked him up and I held him
and I was like petting him andtrying to calm him down, and he
stopped shaking, and I thought,okay, well, maybe he heard a

(04:36):
noise and he's nervous, because he'salso a nervous dog. So anyways,
this is just a long roundabout wayto say that by Friday morning, still
wasn't eating, was like walking likehe was a million years old, and
it's just sitting on the living roomrug not doing much of anything. So
Chris called in. He was like, I'll take him to the vet today.

(04:57):
So he took him in and hespent like three and a half hours
with the vet and they did labsand physical checks and all the shit,
and they finally called us at fiveo'clock and the doctor was like, I
think he has an intentional blockage.Could he have gotten into something or eating
anything? And I was like,lady, no, he does not that
dog ate a lego or like shewas like a sock or underwear, and

(05:18):
I was like, no, he'snot that dog. He does it in
his seven years of life. Hehas never once been a dog to eat
something that wasn't food. So Chrispicked him up and they were like,
we think you need to take himto the emergency vent. And of course,
whenever you hear that, like anypet owner is like to ching ching
ching, like you're out of pocketa lot of seventy eight hundred dollars,

(05:42):
frillions of dollars, like swept somechild in my family's not going to college
because we had to go to theemergency vent. So he takes pet insurance.
No, because I'm a dumbass.I've never had pet insurance. But
also like I've only ever owned thisis you know, he's my third dog,
and so I've never had like anymajor catastrophic issues except for the time

(06:06):
that Coco got into baby Ivory profenand that's a story for another day.
It's fucking a mess. So no, I don't because it's like I can
pay into it. Is it likethirty dollars a month. I don't even
know what it is. I don'teven know what it is. But like,
my dogs aren't sick, and youknow, they don't go to the
kennel, they don't go to thedog park, they don't go to daycare.

(06:29):
If I didn't have to have itas as a human, I wouldn't
have it. It's a scam.I have it. We have it.
It's important, it's necessary, butit's a scam. I want my money
back at the end of the yearif I didn't use it. That's if
I don't use it. Right,So we know we don't have pet insurance.
And they take him in, theycheck him in and they're you know,

(06:50):
they're running blood tests. All ofhis vitals are fine. They do
an X ray, they don't seeanything, and they start to suggest that
maybe he has um something wrong withit, gallbladder, because I guess there
was something that they saw on thefirst ultrasound, but it wasn't a high
resolution enough ultrasound for them to beable to make a diagnosis. Unfortunately,

(07:12):
gallbladder issues and dogs can range fromyou know, medically managed to a very
high risk surgery, and so ofcourse, you know, in my head,
I'm like, oh my god,he's dying. He's dead, like
just upset. So Chris leaves himthere. They say overnight, we're going
to continue to watch him. We'llcontinue to give him pain meds and fluids,
and then in the morning we'll havethe internal doctor come in and take

(07:38):
a look at him and we cando a higher resolution ultrasound and we can
really get in there and see.So they call us the next morning,
and of course, you know,now we're having to have this conversation of
what are we willing to put thisdog through in order to keep him alive?
Do you know, do we puthim through surgery where he has a

(07:58):
fifty fifty chance or survival? Wellthat just sounds cruel. So now you
have to talk about, well,what limits are you ready to go through
or are we just gonna, youknow, put the dog down so that
he doesn't have to suffer. So, of course, you know, Friday
night was a bad night. Whenit's time to record, it's time to
record, and I was like,it's sure has been quiet over there.
What's going on? What's going onover there? So I sent the eyeballs

(08:20):
and I was like, everything okay, and you're like, it's really not
okay, at which point I waslike, oh no. And then you
just briefly explain, you know,that the dog was going through things.
So I was like, girl,take your time, because I learned.
I know now dogs, y'all babydogs are y'all baby yeah, And it
is like a death, it reallyis. And I watched now Friends go

(08:43):
through that, first that medical mathand then that that thing where y'all got
to start figuring out where based onworst case scenario, and it feels like
the vets always tell you the worst. They'll be like it's cancer, it's
having seizures, it's not gonna last, it's not gonna make it. And

(09:05):
then you guys are halfway to digginggraves and then at the end of it,
they're like, oh my god,just diarrhea. You're like, why,
Yeah, that's keeps happening to y'all. I don't understand when I say
y'all, I mean dog owners.It's just like, y'all be on a
roller coaster with this ship continue right, we were. We were on a
fucking roller coaster because it was like, it's his First they thought it was

(09:28):
his teeth, then they thought thathe ate something. This was all at
like our family vet, and thenhe gets to the medvet and then they
think that it's his gall bladder.And then they're like, we're still going
to check for an intestinal blockage.And I was just like we have been
everywhere from he might need surgery,or he might need an antibiotic too.
He might need the surgery and there'sonly a fifty percent chance that he's gonna

(09:50):
survive it, so like good luck. Anyways, Saturday morning they did this
ultrasound. The doctor called and shesaid, heym, his gallbladder is not
an issue. I'm not seeing anythingthere. He has some debris, but
it's you know, consistent with hisage. But his kidneys are really in
flame. There's a lot of fluidaround them, and so I believe that
that is what's causing the problem.We were like, okay, so what's

(10:11):
next, and she's like, well, here's what we can do. So
she laid out the care plan andexplained that he would need another twenty four
hours there and this was survivable becausehis vitals were still strong. They just
needed to treat. Could we runsome extra tests to tech check for things

(10:33):
because they thought that he had akidney infection. So like dogs can get
UTIs and so basically this guy hada uti it went to his kidneys and
it was causing problems. So wewere like, yeah, you can,
you know, check for lime becausesometimes I guess lime disease can cause an
issue. So that came back negative, and she's like, we're just treating

(10:56):
him with broad spectrum antibiotics. He'son pain meds, he's on fluids.
Depending on how he does through thenight, you probably can take him home
on Sunday, but let's just kindof take it day by day. So
felt a little bit better than obviouslySaturday night, and then Sunday morning they
called and they said, he's eaten, he's taken a walk, he's asked

(11:16):
for belly rubs because his abdomen wasso distended and tender because his kidneys were
so messed up that like, onFriday morning, I gently touched his tummy
to give him a little scratch,and he cried, you couldn't touch his
backside, you couldn't touch his legs. Like the dude was so so much
in pain. So anyways, wewent to go see him yesterday at around

(11:43):
lunchtime, and the doctor was like, you know, he took a little
walk, he was, you know, very active. He seems much more
perky today. He has on apain patch, so he's got a little
fentinel patch on his backside. Iknow he's happy. He is high as
fuck. Oh my god, heate a little bit last night. He's

(12:03):
got an east more you know,well, so that is on for like
three to five days and it makeshim really sleepy, like he's just like
a lump. But he has liketwo antibiotics. He has a pain pill,
he has an appetite stimulat. Likeit was seriously thirty minutes this morning
of trying to feed a dog who'snot very hungry, trying to shove these

(12:26):
pills down his throat and get himto swallow them because they're also expensive,
so you don't want to lose anyhim. Yeah, he's he slept through
the night, and you know,she was saying that like when he comes
home, he'll probably just want tosleep because he's been poked every hour on
the hour since he's been here andhe can't rest and he's you know,
an anxious dog. Anyways, hestresses out when you take him in the

(12:50):
car, take him to the groomeror whatever. So he's currently upstairs resting
comfortably. He took a little walkthis morning with me. But I'm thankful
to say that he seems to beon the end and hopefully he continues.
Um. He's also going to needto get a job because we got bills.
Hey, well when those bills come, I have a perfect shredder that

(13:13):
I could recommend. You have anAmazon affiliate link because I'm not paying it.
I'm not paying it. I'm sorry, I'm not paying it. Thank
you though for your help. Hefeels better. And let me tell you
what Louis, which you don't know, is gonna be coming around with his
paw out talking about I'm gonna needforty dollar's gonna need a whole forty dollars

(13:35):
because he's gonna be trying to upthat patch. Pandem patches are addictive,
and now my dog is addicted toopioids. This is a whole problem.
I'm telling you, it's been,it's it's it's it's it's it's a problem
across the country. Dogs are nota fucking immune to this issue. Well,

(13:58):
she was very you got a problemon her, We got a problem.
She was very like when she toldus that he had this patch on,
she said, you know, ifI can put this patch on and
you're okay with it being at home, then that I'll save you another medication
that you have to administer. AndI was like, that's fine, and
she's like, I just want tomake sure that you are comfortable with it.
And I'm like, wait, whatdo you mean and she goes,
well, you know, do youhave you know, another dog in the

(14:20):
house that grooms him. I waslike, no, Coco doesn't even know
he's gone. She doesn't give ashit that he's here. So I'm not
worried about her getting into it whenshe's like and the children, and I
was like, the children aren't goingto pull a sticker off of his back.
But they were very specific, likewe have to take a plastic baggie
when we take it off, peelit off, fold it in half,
and then wrap it inside the baggyto throw it away. So I was

(14:41):
like, oh, okay, it'sa little girl, you better try it
on you. We're not wasting thatthing. I better rinsed it off and
stick it on you. What areyou talking about First of all, that
dog would have been she are youokay with this motherfucker? You better mummify
this dog and through so much pain, I want him happy and high.

(15:01):
Okay, right a matter of fact, cut me off a little piece.
Yeah right here. Definitely hit thedispensary yesterday after we got home, because
it's like, I am terrible.I have realized now, first of all,
all of the gold stars to Chris, because it is very clear that

(15:22):
when there is a a conflict,a tragedy, an emergency in this house,
I go into freeze and I shutdown. I do not handle it
well. I just want to likelay in bed and cry and thank God
that I chose somebody who can likepower through this kind of thing, Like

(15:45):
because I he he took him tothe vet. He took him to the
med vet. Like that shit's verytriggering for me at this point in my
life and I can't function and it'sbad. And He's like, I think
maybe we need to bring this upnext time you go to therapy, said
are you here? Are you dealingwith this right now? Have you talked
to her about this? I waslike, no, I had other shit.

(16:06):
I wouldn't want to do it eitherthough, because you already know you're
walking into either a a wall ofbills or be a wall of death.
There's no yeah, you know whatI'm saying. You can convince yourself that
it is going to be just youknow, a uti, which is great.
I'm happy that that's how it workedout. But I really do feel
like these vets, they'd be puttingy'all through it. It's hard not to

(16:32):
ride that emotional roller coaster. AndOh, I'm struck to day. I'm
in here, I'm laying down,my hands are in the air. I
showed laying for yoga. I criedthe first ten minutes of yoga on Thursday.
I was so stressed out about himnot being okay, and Chris was
like, we'll solve it. Hesaid, I'll take him tomorrow, they'll
take a look at him, they'llfigure it out, and we'll move on

(16:55):
with this. He was like,I don't understand. He's like, I
can't help you because I don't understand. And I was like, my brain
goes from something's wrong, somebody's dying. I said, there's no in between,
there's no gray area. We're alldead every time. Well, I
mean at least you're you don't yoursdoesn't manifest with anger, because when something's
wrong around here, I'm mad.I just I'm very angry. And Justin's

(17:18):
like, you can't get mad whensomeone breaks the wrist. Melissa, I'm
like, okay, but that's crazy. The whole time, I'm like,
what did the dog eat? Wasit a lego? And who left the
lego? Because now we've got aproblem. I swear he didn't eat anything.
And I'm either going from angry tojust you know, absolute well,

(17:45):
we're just gonna face it and andand and just have the wall of sadness
come as it may, like itdoesn't have to be be that way.
But I also I get mad.Even Justin beck Um I couldn't go to
gym today because he had he pulleda back thing. But like I was

(18:06):
like, you can't just be yourback because you've been paying all weekend.
Something's going on and you through extensivegoogles and not to violate the motherfucker's hip
hop I spent. I was atfive am this morning, like did you
call the man? Did you callthe man? Because you need to go
here. You need to go here, and you're gonna need to go there.
Then you're gonna need a test,and we pay a lot for this
insurance. I want you to getevery single thing. Why are you going
to work? Where are you talkingabout? Do you understand you could die?

(18:29):
Sir? Like, he was like, okay, you yelling at me,
Well I don't feel good. Isnot helping anything. I'm like,
I know, but are you gonnaget to the doctor though? You're gonna
get to the doctor though, right, Okay, so then it's solving everything,
So please stop this. I'll driveyou there myself. So like it
must be the mercury and retrograde againor something, because this has been something.
Something's wrong with Louie's stomach, somethingwrong with Jessic's stomach. And I

(18:52):
was like, please, God,don't tell me you got a new problem
here. But I'm happy to hear. Is he gonna go to the doctor
and does that work? He's atwork? I'm like, okay, okay,
Well, when the stepsis gets toyour brain, I'm my god,
I can't grown ass man. Yeah, but I'm gonna when we hang up

(19:14):
here, I'll be calling him andscreaming again this is what's going. And
then I'm also going to call thedoctor myself and tell the doctor everything the
way I want it to be told. Yeah, and then tell the doctor
don't say that I already said that, just sitting down and pretend like you're
just hearing this, you know,because they forget they leave out details,

(19:36):
big ones, big ones, andthat's why they can't, you know.
Like, I have an amazing trackrecord for diagnosing things around here from two
thousand and nine on. I've I'veif if if the child can't see,
I'm gonna know about it. Ifthe child, you know, has a
lip chunk tie, I'm gonna findout about it. Like it might take

(19:56):
me, you know, exhaustive research, but I'm gonna be up all night
in the Google's. And I wasup all night in the Googles with Justin
Beck's problem and what I think itis. We're gonna need an antibiotic,
but we're also gonna need to chillout, So maybe we need to put
a hold on your orange theory.Oh got it? Yeah. Every day

(20:18):
after Orange theory, it's oh dude, oh my god, do you knew
that it was? You know,when men get sick? Yeah, oh
I hate it. It's just NonStopwailing okay, oh man, it's so
crazy. And I'm just like,can you like, I'm in pain over
here too, and I too,am on the same fitness journey. Have
you heard a peep out of me? No, I'm sitting here eating my
protein bar and powering through it,and I'm gonna need you to do the

(20:42):
same. I'm telling you. Men'sthreshold for pain is just like total bullshit.
It's very low, very very low. Yes, like you just reach
for the remote. What's happening.It's like I've been in a kung fu

(21:03):
film ever since we joined a gymyo all fucking day with this. Meanwhile,
I'm like so fit. Okay.Today was the first time at Orange
Theory that I I'm gonna have tostart working harder to get my heart rate
to where it was, you knowwhat I mean, Like what I was

(21:25):
getting so many splat points whatever.And then today because I was there at
six am again, today, Ijust wasn't getting in the orange or red
zone. I was like, what'sgoing on here? Because I'm breathing heavy,
I'm feeling it. I don't understand. And I was like, oh
my god, my body exercises andit's like this is not enough. Now
you need to kick it up thoseeight pound waits. You a little bullshitter.

(21:45):
It's time for you to kick itup to the twelves. Asshole.
I was like, oh my god, is that? What's happening to me?
Who are you? I don't know, but ever since January seventeenth,
I'm a fucking triathlon bitch. Coolrunning through this, bitch, I am
so fucking fit. You can't stopme. Okay all day? I'm so

(22:07):
happy for you. So you're aloving Orange Theory. We now, I
guess we follow Orange Theory on Instagrambecause I keep getting their little things in
our feed? Did you follow?Hell yeah, I did on our Instagram
show? Did I tag them?And this up? Orange Theory? I'm
one of y'all's. I mean,I don't narron ha motherfucker. I'm in
here. Are you doing the benchmarkworkout? I keep seeing that. What's

(22:30):
that? I don't know. Idon't pay attention all that. I just
I'm go in there and do mylittle work. I'd be on that rowing
machine rowing my ass off. I'mlike, bitch, row the boat.
So you know I have Let's see, I have ten more days to make
it to my thirty day mark.WHOA, I've been going three days a

(22:52):
week, sometimes four, and Ihave not seen a single change. The
number on the scale is the same. But that's okay because it's not about
that. It's not about that.I haven't put these jeans back on yet.
But that's fine because I'm actually,um, I'm giving up on the
idea of ever getting jeans back on. That's it's it's over, and that's

(23:15):
it's not who I am. Ithasn't been who I am since two thousand
and nine, So like, whyam I going to try to go back
there? And I also think thatI'm in a new phase of my life
where I'm going to go to modestdressing. I'm being serious. Why are
you laughing? You know that rappershine? This this has been like a

(23:37):
this has been I think, like, um, what I want to say
like a theme or a thread thatwe've been at for the last two and
a half years of like you're like, I want to be covered from my
neck to my toes. Correct,And I said, you know what,
why why have I just been dabblingwith it and like playing with it?
Um, But like you know,pandemic got us in those sweatpants every day,

(23:59):
sweatpants every day. But I hadbeen in likings. I had been
in the pants with the elastic atthe top since Shalon was born, you
know, so like pants with zippers. I think all that shit, I'm
not doing all that. But Istarted thinking about it, really thinking about
my relationship with clothes and my relationshipwith my body. And I think the
happiest place I'm going to be isif I just accept that. I think
that I am a modest dresser atheart. I love a skirt. I

(24:26):
love to put one dress on andput a shoe on. A bitch.
I want to be done with it. And I think that I just need
to embrace that and stop trying togo against what my body and my mind
want me to do. I don'twant to ever put jeans on. I
don't want to have to go buythe jeans. I don't want to go
get the jeans fitted. I don'twant to go, you know, snap
the jeans on at the section inmy drawer where the gene. There's literally

(24:48):
appair where they are. I don'tgo over there, you know what I
mean. And I wore them onnational television on the shorty and mercy episode.
So there they are that that wasthe last most of it, so
rest in peace, and now noone can ever see it because show got
canceled and s gone. So Isaw that I loved that for me.

(25:10):
I know that I shouldn't say that, but I kind of love that for
me. I wondered. I didn'tsay anything because I couldn't really I wasn't
really sure how you were going tofeel about it. And then I thought,
you know what, I think thatthis is like the best possible outcome
on Melissa. You know what,he did it, she got the check.
It lived for a little bit,now it's gone. Listen and and

(25:32):
and it's when I say it wasa neat little closure, And I feel
bad, you know, I dofeel bad because I do think that it
was good work we did. Itwas it got some critical acclaim. So
for the people that loved that showand the people that wanted to revisit that,
and for the people that like,you know, grew up on some
Danny from the real world, youknow, they got to like really see
his story come full circle. Theygot to really meet Tokyo. There were

(25:55):
a lot of good things that cameout of it. Do not get me
wrong, it was wonderful, butI also feel like it's reparations in this
motherfucker, and this was the bestway that that was going to go.
Because we're talking about five thousand USdollars for use of my likeness in perpetuity.
I don't know where the fuck that'sgonna go. I don't know when
it's going to pop up again.Still don't know versus you know, the

(26:18):
money that I got to show upfor three weeks to promote the show,
and then they aired it for lessthan a calendar year, and now it's
gone, Okay, that okay,that sounds great, Thank you. I
think that that was a sound andfair working relationship. I will give you
use of my face exploitation of mywords, however the fuck you want to

(26:40):
do it for this amount of time, and then I'm going to go back
into my hole where I belong,where every now and again, you know,
someone is reminded that, you know, they liked to see me on
TV. So maybe I'll get aphone call here and there, maybe I'll
go on a fucking meeting here andthere. And it's cute, but it
doesn't like, you know, Idon't go into that like a horrible place

(27:04):
where I gotta worry, like,oh God, one day they're gonna cut
the footage together of me going inand out of the shower, like it's
so stupid, and I just don'thave to worry about it anymore. I
mean, I'm sad about it that, you know, it's up for a
nomination for a Glad Award and nowit's not able to see. So we're
definitely not gonna win them. Motherfucker. But do we ever win them?
We don't win them. We don'twin them. It's like the we're the

(27:26):
Beyonce of the Grammys. It's soI feel like we have to address it.

(27:56):
We can't just let that go.You were in hell, you in
him in Dog Louis Heill. Soyou didn't watch the Grammys. I didn't,
um but I didn't watch it either. But irolled, I scroll,
and I She won a lot ofawards for songs and other things. Right,
so she is the most celebrated,She is the she is the artist

(28:21):
with the most Grammys ever. That'strue. However, she didn't win Album
of the Year, which we allknow is bullshit. Because the cultural impact
that Renaissance has has ongoing has becausethere are people that have still not stopped
playing it. Me is crazy,Yeah, is crazy. And don't get

(28:47):
me wrong, that's not to saythat Harry was undeserving. But there was
also Bad Bunny, who is massive, huge hit maker beckon the man can't
walk down the street. Um wait, Harry Styles one album of the year.
Yes, interesting with the TikTok songs. What's a Bad Bunny song?

(29:08):
I don't know. I just knowhe's really famous. I learned all that
from watching Twitter. But he's ahuge, massive um and like you know
for Puerto Ricans, like justin back, very important time for them. So
um, oh he's Puerto Rican.Puerto Rican. Oh yes, no,

(29:33):
but I watched the Grammys just byscrolling the Twitter, and then I had
gone into our discord to see whatthey were talking about. And then we
in the discord, you were youwere, you were in you know,
recovering from dog World. So wein the discord, we were all night,
we'd be all night. We werein there all night, um chatting

(29:55):
and it was quite lively. Therewas outfit discussion, there was wind discussion,
there was then you know, itwas it was a few arguments because
I started some um, but like, brace yourself because this week is going
to be a long week of Grammydiscourse. Because at one point, Harry

(30:22):
got on stage after the win andlike, you know, when Adele won
over Beyonce, she was like apologetic. She was like, yeah, I
don't even know why they did this, but thank you. This is crazy,
Like honestly it's yours. I'm sosorry, Like you know, as
you knew that ship belonged to her, girl, and respect. I respect
that because like one thing I dolike about Adele is she will you know,

(30:45):
she she is like as enamored byher colleagues, like you know,
she's impressed by their talents, andI like that. She's like jaded in
that way. But Harry went upthere and was like, you know,
this doesn't really happened for a personlike me, And I'm thinking to myself,
an attractive, heterosexual, white male, I mean, having a really

(31:07):
famous girlfriend, really, and youwere in the category with Beyonce and you're
gonna say that, Okay, Imean okay, I mean, okay,
girl, you're gonna get And Ifeel bad because I think he is lovely,
but like you're gonna get eight upon the Internet for a week or
more because you said that. Shit, it was the wrong time to say

(31:29):
that. And granted, everybody's like, no, he said it because he
was, you know, plucked fromobscurity. He was in a boy band
that was made on a TV showand you know this rise, this meteoric
rise. You know it was comingfrom a very you know, random place.
Perfectly understand that. But now they'restarting to pull out all these receipts
where his manager is a fucking producerconnected to the Grammys, and oh,

(31:56):
there's like a lot of weird likenepotism angles that they're going to explore to
anything to minimize his it's a win. Yeah, And and listen, it's
you know, you didn't fucked upthe hive. You don't poked the hive,
and yeah, we don't know thatthat is not the place that you
want to be corressing around. Yeah, and that's not his fault. He

(32:20):
didn't listen. He's like, like, whatever's happening now? His his publicists
needs to be like, here's whatyou can and can't say, and here's
how you can you know, um, graciously have conversations about what happened there.
But the hive is never going tolet this go ever, and they

(32:45):
and honestly the lemonade didn't win.What happened there? Remember that? Yep?
I wonder. Chris and I werewatching Saturday Night Live last night as
we were falling asleep, and ChrisMartin Coldplay, they were the musical guest,
and I just like had this randomthought. I was also quite high,

(33:07):
so that's probably what contributed to thisU thought experiment on like who decides,
like who decided that like Coldplay waslike worthy to become, you know,
as as big as they were.I feel like they're a bit obscure,
but I don't listen to them,so maybe they're still quite popular.

(33:27):
But like who decides that that's likethat you're going to be the one that
gets all of the fame and accolades, like because I think that he's quite
unremarkable in looks and in his singingvoice, And maybe I don't. I
also don't, like I can't recognizegood dancing. I have sometimes a bit
of a hard time recognizing like goodsinging. I think that part of my

(33:49):
brain doesn't work. But like,how who listens in charge? Is this
all fake? Is this actually real? Are people actually like looking at like
technique and musical theory and whatever elsethe fuck or is it just like what's
else? They're clearly not, becauseyou have to understand. For a couple

(34:12):
of years now, my favorite songhas been hey, okay, so you
know, fuck musicality. Like andI live with a musician and he is
so and he has a lot offeelings about what you know is hailed as

(34:35):
musical genius and what is left bythe wayside. And he is a musician
that listens to musicians music, solike the music that he listens to is
obscure enough, but like other musicianswho are about their craft listen to this
weird shit Okay, yeah, likethat's not you know, in the mainstream,

(34:57):
or that's not you know, goingto make it on a pop cultural
level, make a massive impact.That he's extremely critical about a lot of
stuff, which has rubbed off onme because I'd be like, yeah,
man, I don't get about bigacts. I'd be like, man,
that's bullshit. And then I can'ttell if I just think that because justin
Vex's my husband and I've heard himsay that, and I hear him and

(35:20):
how he talks to his musician friends, like the conversations they're having, or
if I too have an ear.I like to think I have an ear,
and he gets very upset with likehe's like, how are you how
are you moved by such trash music? And I'm like, you know,

(35:43):
I think I I like what Ilike, but I also do know good
music, you know, like ababy first one who's like a nineties on
a R and B connoisseur. Andwe can see where the decline in a
lot of different genres has come,you know, And I don't know if
it's SoundCloud or if it's TikTok,or if it's a tension span, or

(36:04):
if it's over saturation, or ifit's uh direct copying to the point of
zero originality, and you know,nobody takes chances. I don't know,
but I started reading, you know, all of the commentary last night,
which was coming in hot. Youknow, that's my favorite time on Twitter,

(36:28):
when there was a lot going onand you can't keep up. Whoo,
I love it. It was Twitterwas almost good again last night.
And apparently the Grammy voters it's noteven a requirement that you listen to the
nominated works, but which, ohyes, you don't even have then how
do you judge it? I'll sendyou the article. They they interviewed some

(36:53):
of the Grammy voters, and alot of their you know, answers to
these questions was just like, oh, I don't really know the songs,
but the song took off on TikTok, so definitely I'll vote for that one.
And I don't think Beyonce should winbecause she wins everything, so I'm
not going to vote for her.Like her winning everything is a testament to

(37:15):
her you know, attention to detailin her craft that should make you say
she's out of the running, likethat's crazy, And I don't know,
it's it's a lot. I thinka lot is going to be revealed in
the next week in terms of,you know, the behind the scenes of

(37:37):
how these decisions are made, becausepeople are now starting to look more scrutinizingly
at Yeah, what do you sayhow the sausage is made? And it's
fucking weird. Yeah, you thinkthat there would be You would think that

(38:00):
there would be some kind of likerubric that a song is judged by,
or yea an artist is judged by, like it has to meet this criteria
in order to be considered and howsomebody could say, well, it was
just popular in TikTok. That's fine, Like eating food in your car is
popular in TikTok. Yeah, andthat doesn't mean it's good. And that's

(38:22):
the other thing popular on TikTok.If that was the rubric, she then
still should have won, because thatrecord is still massive, yeah, globally
so based on those few standards,even if you didn't listen to it or
consume the work as it was meantto be consumed, you know, in

(38:45):
an album format. She still pocketseverywhere. Somebody's talking about Beyonce. We
want to know where is Beyonce.They've been demanding the visuals for Beyonce.
Girl, I still listen to Lemonade. I still watch Lemonade like it's same.
It's not making any sense. Um. And you know, at some

(39:07):
point we're also going to have tospeculate about, you know, the race
aspect here, because white motherfucker's keepwinning these things and I'm like, this
is awesome. Sign a little alittle funny in the light. No,
but you know, I don't know. I don't know, but I can
I can tell you that there therethere must be no um, criteria because

(39:31):
remember, at one point, Chancethe Rapper was the most innovative artist,
and I'm sorry, I have tobring it back there. I can't let
it go. I'm not gonna letit go, never let it go,
and I don't care. And I'msaying it again, just in case you
haven't heard. I know that we'vebeen going to this podcast for six fucking
seasons deep. It's been three years, and I have not moved on.
I know that started in twenty sixteen, seventeen, or whenever that was.

(39:54):
I'm never going to let it go. So just go on ahead and fast
forward past part. I'm a remindeverybody again that Chance the Rapper was not
the most innovative artist because everything thathe said and everything that he put on
that album coloring book which he gotthe title from Glass Jaw years before,
did that album title and artwork androll out. Let me not put up

(40:19):
my motherfucking receipts. I have thedossier ready if you would like to review
it. I've seen the power point. It's good. Was it not compelling?
It was very compelling. You madea very strong case. I yes,
also have joined in on Fuck Chancethe Rapper. Yeah, So Listen.
I feel like if you can becalled the most innovative rapper on the

(40:45):
intellectual property of a obscure hardcore bandfrom Long Island and be celebrated at these
front facing pop culturally important awards shows, then you know there is no standard
or format or guide for how wechoose who the winners are. So I

(41:09):
feel better. Yeah, oh good. I mean it's crazy, It's absolutely
crazy. I'm not gonna let itgo. I don't care. Has he
done anything recently? I haven't seenno. You know why, because sophomoric
efforts of people that were never originalusually are not good. So Carmen just

(41:36):
came back and took care of him. Listen. I mean he's doing well.
He has a beautiful wife. Ithink she's gorgeous and lovely, so
at least he has that. Andif he were never to make a foray
into music again, I would behappy, or at least like, can
you come out and be like,yeah, man, I still all that
shit, even his even his musingsabout the state of the major label and

(42:04):
how it affects the creativity of amusician and the business side and how it
affects the creativity of a musician Allof those things were things that Glassjaw had
been saying since the early oughts,like you ain't bitch, Let me get
in a microfish and I'll show you. I'll point to exactly where you had

(42:24):
me fucked up. But it's it'sfine, it's fine. We don't we
don't make the rules, we don'tunderstand. At the end of the day,
Beyonce is the winner of all theawards period. She was late,
she won an award, She wonan award before she even arrived. Jay
Z was just sitting at the tablelike, I don't even know where she's
at. She was stuck in traffic. I guess they came in separate cars

(42:45):
or he was coming from somewhere else. So I was thinking in my mind,
I was like, oh, they'retrying to trick us, because yeah,
there's gonna be commercial break. Thewhole vibe was where is Beyonce?
Even the celebrities. Lizzo at onepoint is like turning in her seat like
where is Chito? Like you couldread her lips. She was looking for
her. Um So I was thinking, Oh, she's gonna come down from

(43:07):
the ceiling and start performing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,
she's gonna come. I was like, it's coming, It's coming from the
ceiling. That's what's gonna happen,is what's gonna happen. It didn't happen.
She really was just late. Shewalked in and then Trevor Noah like
walked her award that she had alreadywon, and then she made history by
being the most winningest you know artist. Yeah, but then didn't win the

(43:35):
Album of the Year, which iscrazy because everybody knows where they were when
Renaissance came out. Hell, everybodyknows where they were when Lemonade. Lemonade
came out. You know what I'msaying. My god, everybody knows where
they were when self titled came out. I remember tucking into bed. Chris
was out of town, the childrenwere asleep, and this was my time
to sit down and watch Lemonade inits entirety. Twice. M hm,

(44:02):
are you just come out? Ididn't hear did you just say something?
I said? Twice? Yeah?So good? Yeah, because you watched
it and you're like, holy shit, wait what and then you had to
go back and listen. I don'tknow, we don't we we don't know,
but um, we stand with you. Hive. We understand. And

(44:24):
then you know what today's um wordof the day is from Merriam Webster's Dictionary.
The word of the day. Mhmm fraught f r h T h
oh think no, not thought.I was like, oh my god,
are you trying to get us runoff the internet? No? Fraught,

(44:45):
fraud r a U g ht hightensions, high tensions. I was like,
yeah, that's that's a nod tothe Grammys. Yikes, m hm,
yikes. I don't know. You'regonna have fun. You're gonna you're
you're gonna scroll our discord, You'regonna scroll Twitter, You're gonna you're gonna

(45:06):
eat, You're gonna get like atsome point a little cliffs notes of what
happened last night, and you're gonnabe baffled. Were there any faux pause
of the night other than that,I mean, there were some wardrobe issues
all around. Are like ugly outfits, No, just ugly outfits, ugly

(45:35):
ugly outfits. At one point,MTV did a poll on Twitter and they're
like, who was the best dressed? And Taylor Swift was leading and she
literally had on a blue crop topand a skirt. And I was like,
what and Cardi Okay, yeah,Cardi B. You can just go
on our discord. All the outfitsare there. Cardi Bay, first of

(45:57):
all, was best dressed period ofstory, hands down. She was wearing
this gorgeous blue sculptural gown cartis is. I feel like, fashion wise,
she takes really big risks and theyalways pay off because she understands how to
dress her body, but she alsounderstands how to like move in in like

(46:22):
while wearing art. You know,she's just yeah, she's just perfect and
she but then she's still very somehowapproachable, Like the clothes don't wear her
in a in a crazy I can'teven explain it, but no, I
know she looked she looked fucking uhamazing. And then um uh the tribute

(46:45):
to take Off. I watched iton I watched a video of it.
I mean it was no dry eyein the house. It was very sad,
very sad um And then there wasthe hip hop medley where they went
through like there chronology and then youknow, towards the end they started doing
TikTok hip hop songs and I waslike, well, we should have left

(47:07):
that bart Off. We were ona high here. Oh Lizzos the Red
Rose Cape she wore. That wasbeautiful. No, I'm looking at this
like silver change. Yeah, that'snot cute. That was shange. Yeah,
there was a lot of foil mgK who was there winning an award.

(47:31):
I don't know a single song ofhis. Do you know a song
by a machine Gun Kelly? Yes? Um, yes, and no.
I know there's one that's popular rightnow and it's really annoying, but I
couldn't tell you out. Okay,Well, he was there to win a
Grammy, and I was very confusedbecause I heard any of his songs.

(47:52):
He won a Grammy, No,no, he was nominated. Oh crazy,
Chris is going to be really upset. Chris hates him with the fire
of a thousand sons. Well,you know what it is is like,
what's the genre, sir? Areyou pop punk? Are you a rapper?
Which is it? Like? Whatdo you know? I think he
tried pop punk and he failed miserably, and so he thought, we'll let

(48:14):
me try rap. Well, Ithink that my ex's best friend. Let
me see. Oh yeahkated Yeah thatsong. I don't know what that song
is. This is a slip knothousehold. So I am not allowed to

(48:34):
like mg K just always because hesaid mean things about slip Knot. He
said something about Slipknot about their maskswhatever. But the last time I checked,
Slipknot is a legacy band and they'llbe playing arenas forever. More So,
he seems like he would be onan exhausting person to be around.
Drew Barrymore likes him really well.You know what, she's a little You

(49:00):
saw that clip where like he's like, you know, it's like, I
didn't really feel like coming to thisinterview because you know, I got a
lot of social anxiety and I gota lot you know, I'm feeling down
sometimes and so and like they're paintingeach other's nails and he's vulnerable in this
and that, and you know,we touched on it a little bit in
the last episode about social media andthis new wave of vulnerability and how it

(49:25):
is a brand. Now. Ohyeah, when you overshare and you're sad
and you're forlorn and you can articulatethese feelings, which is fine. I
think that's great, and I thinkthat's brave to a point. But at
what point are you selling me aproduct of this box that you've put yourself
in like I'm sorry, but likeyou're constantly sad and you're constantly oversharing all

(49:52):
of your deepest, darkest inner feelingsfor the public. You know, you
don't, you don't want the attentionall on you, but you're also dressed
as the tin man. So Iwant to know which is it? You
know what I'm saying, That's allI'm saying. Yeah, I think that
there's a disconnect, right because weknow what it feels like to be socially
anxious. So we know what itfeels like to have anxiety just in general,

(50:15):
and we also know what it feelslike to have to be in a
space to be like ready to beon socially, and those two things don't
go together either you are you aren't. And I think that sometimes there's no
amount of masking that you can doin those situations. Like I can go
into a social situation with people Idon't know and mask for maybe a good

(50:37):
then twenty minutes and then I needto like go hide in the bathroom and
I'll come back when I'm good andgod damn ready, because this was just
a lot for me. I don'twant to be here. I don't know
how you can fake it for thatlong. But I also feel like you're

(50:58):
chosen profession how he used to behere. Yes, and that's where I'm
like, if you agreed to dothis and this is how you get paid,
then let's do it. You knowwhat I mean? Yeah, just
show up and do your job andthen just go home and stay the funk

(51:20):
out of the limelight, Like,don't complain about why I'm here. And
that's why I have massive respect forJonah Hill, who I have. I
have, um, you know,turned a corner with him, I have
I have I went from because heused to be just so stank and ornerary
in his interviews, like he justdidn't want to be there. And don't

(51:42):
get me wrong, people asked himfucked up questions about his body and his
body image, and you know,the relationship that he should have still had
with the persona that he used toget famous, you know, the sarcastic,
chubby friend. And it's just like, you know, I'm a whole
person outside of that. I doother things and I have whole ass feelings.

(52:05):
Anyway, he went to therapy,which we love, yes, love
that, and he figured out whatthat is. So he was angry in
his interviews because he didn't like thetypes of questions he was asked that they
would never ask someone else, youknow, without his body. Yeah,
And so he finally just you know, took the power back and was like,

(52:28):
I would really fucking appreciate it ifyou didn't ask me shit about my
body. How about that asshole?And I was like, you know what.
Respect. And then when I watchedSTUTSM his documentary that he filmed about,
you know, his therapist, andhe talked about the shadow self and
how the shadow self is the personthat goes into the rooms and is the

(52:49):
person that's reacting and responding to theworld around you and doesn't let your real
self be peaceful and present. Iwas like, Oh, that's what's going
on with him. He was livingin the shadow self and I bitch.
I had to pause as shit acouple of times when he got to the
shadow self. I was like,girl, because you know, I was
quiet in the dark for a holelong after doing something down astral world.

(53:15):
And that's what it was. Whatit was is people are married to this
idea of you that they liked ordidn't like, whichever whichever which way it
goes but it was the way thatyou were seeing in the world, and
it happened to be tied to yourself worth and possibly tied to your money,
so you had to perform in away. And it was just like,

(53:37):
I don't have to do that,and I'm allowed to have boundaries around
that, and I don't have totreat the person that I was when I
got to this place like shit,because it feels like shit that the world
only wants me to be that.So I was like, hold on,
not this knowledge, and I'm fuckingTuesday afternoon. Let me turn this off

(54:00):
because you weren't expecting to go totherapy yourself. Watching the sh my god,
and I was like, Jonah Hill, Oh my god, Jonah Hill,
I get it now, because youknow I used to like really was
like, why are you unappreciative?Damn, why are you acting like that?
And now I get it. Andso then I just watched his new

(54:21):
film You People, which oh Ihaven't seen that yet. I mean I
liked it, but you know,it's it's black and Jewish people, and
I like that shit. I likethat kind of comedy ensure. There was
some you know, there was someI thought some blind spots, but whatever.
And then I realized that he didnot do press for the for the

(54:42):
film. Everybody else did, buthe did not, and that was my
choice. So when he says hegoes to work, I do my work.
You know, he writes his films, he performs in his films,
and then he goes the fuck home, I was like, dude, respect
because nobody is O your time thatway. Yeah. I think that the

(55:04):
difference between that forced vulnerability that's constantlycoming out in your social media or in
your interviews, it starts to feeldisingenuous. And that doesn't mean that maybe
that person's not feeling it, butyou know, like you were saying last
week, like you can't be anxiousand then get on there and film fourteen
different versions of a TikTok and thenpost it online because either you are or

(55:24):
you aren't, and you know fromyour own personal experience that if you are,
you're not necessarily going to be outthere like creating content about that one
thing for other people to consume.So I think that the difference between the
forced vulnerability, like you're saying withlike machine Gun Kelly versus Jonah Hill,

(55:45):
is that like there's that self awarenessthere of like I only have to I
can show up and be vulnerable,but I only have to do it in
this way. Or I can showup and do my work and do it
in this way, but then Istill get to be who I am on
my own time. And I thinkthat that, you know, even if
you're not a celebrity, even asjust like a civilian, we all do

(56:09):
that in certain aspects of our life. Yeah. That. There was an
article that came out today, Ithink maybe in the Times, I'm not
sure, but it's about a YouTubertwelve years old. She started and she
just quit at the age of twentyfour, and she writes about feigning vulnerability

(56:31):
because that was her brand, andabout oversharing private moments that she would not
have otherwise shared, but she hadto because her self worth and her her
what do you call that viewer countand subscriptions were tied to you know,

(56:54):
how much she gave of herself.Yeah, I read that and went to
therapy. I was like, okay, and she was just like, you
know, there are a lot ofpeople who monetize their personalities and their vulnerabilities,
because I guess at the end ofthe day, anybody that's looking at

(57:15):
social media is kind of looking atit because they just don't want to feel
alone. They want to feel likethey could relate to some shit out in
the world, and even the mostunrelatable shit somehow people are making it relatable.
You know, everybody has ADHD.Now, even I got this year.
I didn't even know I had to. You know what I mean.
Everybody has ADHD. They're all autistic, everybody has parental trauma. They're you

(57:37):
know, you could you could siton TikTok for thirty minutes and diagnose yourself
fifteen times over. Oh my god. I I had no idea the levels
to which I have suffered from ADHD. I was like, wow, this
sounds exactly like me. I wentthrough I did a whole checklist. I
was like, I have all ofthese things, and then I was like,
wait, do I not have allof these things? And this is
just telling me I have these thingsbecause at the end of this, it's

(57:59):
gonna go tell to buy a fidgetspinner or or they're like, PDF course,
guy, thirty days to solving yourADHD. Yeah. Somebody's like always
shilling something. Yeah, and Ican't tell if I really have the ship
or or do I have this shipbecause I'm looking at this ship, you

(58:20):
know what I mean, Like,yeah, maybe I have no attention span
because I've been looking at this fuckingphone for ten years. Maybe that's it.
Maybe it has nothing to do withmy brain chemistry, you know.
And like, do I have parentaltrauma? No, I definitely got it.
But but like, I don't know. I think this new place we're

(58:45):
going to where everybody's got a sourceof you know, pain that they must
share. You know, it's justlike, oh god, damn even us
talking right now? You know who? Yeah, this is all I mean.
We are all in a giant circle. Come on your face, no,

(59:10):
no, on my chest. AndI'm just kidding Kung Fu film all
days, Like, okay, whatjust happened? So I think this would
be a good stopping point. Iwas gonna say, well, I definitely
spent the first fifteen minutes talking aboutmy trauma from the weekend and how my

(59:32):
anxiety was and my sad dog.And we're gonna make fifty cents on spreaker
because of that. You're welcome,listen. I think it's where I think
we might actually make seventy two centsbecause we mentioned Beyonce. Hashtag that in
the hashtag Harry Style shit hashtag Grammys, hashtag my Dog's eyed, hashtag year

(59:54):
in Air, tract defiction hashtag Pennishirt, hashtag Orange Theory, hashtag pet
insurance. Did you say that one? Yeah? Hashtag the hashtag Jonah Hill
hashtag Jonah Hill, hashtags, dentshashtags, hashtag happy Past. Did you

(01:00:19):
know yesterday was Rosa Parks Day?Hashtag Rosa Parks. Yeah. Hello out
there in the Imperfect Strangers podcast universe. Thank you for listening to the show.
Thank you for your support. Ifyou want more Imperfect Strangers in your
life, make sure that you aresubscribing to the show wherever you listen to

(01:00:40):
podcasts, except for Spotify. We'resorry about that, but we just did
not like being over there given someof the stuff that happened within the last
year. So sorry Spotify users.But there are tons of other places where
you can listen to the show,and you can find links to those from
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(01:01:06):
We've recently joined TikTok. We're tooledto be doing this, but there we
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(01:01:29):
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like, give me more content,and we're like, okay, come join
our Patreon, Patreon, dot comforward slash Imperfect Strangers. We have extra
episodes so you can get not one, but two episodes a week over there,

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and our actual Friends Tier we havestrangers with benefits. They get access
to Monday Night Lives, so ifyou miss Alive on a Monday, you
can always catch up over there.On Patreon, we are working our little
behindsoft give you early and add freecontent. So if you want to get
the episode before everybody else gets iton Friday, and you can do that

(01:02:12):
through our Patreon as well. Wehave a private discord, so go over
there. Check out the website Patreondot com, forward slash Imperfect Strangers to
see what else is there. Wealso have brand new merch you can find
that linked in our Instagram bio.We're releasing seasonal capsules now, so right
now. We have all kinds ofapparel. We have a sticker, we
have a mug. So if youwant to represent your second favorite podcast on

(01:02:34):
your body or in your little hand, you can do so by buying our
merch and thank you for supporting us. We will see you next Friday with
a brand new episode. Bye.