Romantic Depot

On the eve of Mother’s Day, Melissa implores you to get a Cadbury egg-shaped vibrator with arms for that special lady in your life. Amanda urges you to protect ya neck with wasp spray, but also swords, machetes and motion sensor lights. If the previous paragraph wasn’t weird enough, this episode takes a weirder, XXX rated turn when these two, always late to a viral moment, discover passages from 50 Shades Of Grey.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Well, it looks like you hada little nice evening out last night.
Where'd you go? Oho? Afriend of mine, producer friend of mine,
was in town here doing work foranother show where he's the showrunner,
and he's like, I'm only intown three days with a cast member from

(00:24):
this particular show. I have anight off. If you'd like to do
dinner, let's And I was like, oh, and the first time we'd
ever gotten dinner two years ago.We went to this place, so like
it was familiar. I was like, oh, I'll make a reservation.
Keep in mind, I am notlike you seem like an organized kind of

(00:46):
person where if you're in charge ofmaking the reservation, you're going to pick
a place that has good parking,You're going to pick a place that has
you know, seats available, You'regoing to pick a place that's you know,
in the middle of where everybody that'sgoing to this dinner will be whatever.
I really was just like, whatwas the name of that place we
went? He was like, oh, it was called this, So I
was like, okay, I pulledit up. I don't know, open

(01:07):
table reservation. I scrolled down thisand that. I pulled it up.
It looked exactly like what I remembered, and I pressed, here's the reservation.
Justin had had plans with his ownlittle friend and he was like,
well, if I'm driving you,my friend has to go to dinner with
your friend now. So it waslike a double day but not. But

(01:53):
it was perfect because these two friendsmade a good nection and now that they
could work together on something. Soit ended up being like a three way
business meeting between the three dudes andme again left out with my fancy drinks.
It's fine. Justin does it tome every time I swear I can't
take him nowhere. It's it's it'she's like a he's like a gay magnet,

(02:17):
and it's not about an attraction.It's about like he just becomes friends
with my people and then I justget boxed out. It was crazy,
and everybody at the dinner table wasclowning me. It was it was hysterical,
I guess at one point because Justinwas like, oh, who are
you? Who are you here withMelissa saying you're you're you're working on this

(02:43):
show and Justin's not familiar with anything. It's a reality TV show that will
remain unnamed. And he was like, oh, and then he started to
explain the genesis of the show thathe's working on. He goes, actually,
this network and this network linked upand dad and they needed to make
content that was easy. So theycopied the blueprint of a little known show

(03:06):
called Real World. That he startsexplaining it. And then he starts with
playing all the offshoots of these particularshows and like one of them is just
super crazy. And he was like, and we can thank your wife for
all of that kind of content.I was like, wow, wow,
just as a good job baby.So anyway, it was a nice poke

(03:27):
fun at the reality TV person atthe table night. It was fine though,
because I was ordering up shit.Okay, y'all go ahead, talk
all the ships you want. Iwillon't be paying this bill, um.
But it was really fun. That'sgood. I got to wear dry cleaning,
I got to wear shoes that makenoise. I got to have a
pretty drink. Did you see thetiny little red roses in the pink drink

(03:50):
I did? It was gorgeous.I was jealous. It was so cute.
I don't know if it tastes good. It tastes like roses, but
whatever, I would get it again. I love I love the idea of
floral scented or floral flavored drinks,but I don't like the execution. I
usually am not a fan, likelike lavender and anything that can't do it

(04:13):
rose. Sometimes it's just a littletoo perfume. Um, it was entirely
too perfume. But I had afloral dress on, so I had to
get a drink. So I just, you know, white knuckled my way
through it. Don't do it.We're not gonna do it. We're not

(04:35):
gonna do it. I'm holding itback because here I go. I'm gonna
tell you about how I wish wehad a slushy machine at our house because
I recently had my second froze everand that is such a nice, like
summer drink. I know it's notsummer yet, but it was on the
menu and I was like, letme have that. But now I'm like,
how do we get a frozen drinkmaker in our house on the ready?

(04:59):
Because that would be that would comein such like think about it,
like you having a party and you'relike, oh, let me have not
like I ever have parties, butI was like a family party. I
know. I don't know why Isaid that. I don't have parties.
I don't want people to come here. I'm kind of salty I have to
host Mother's Day, but it iswhat it is. Wait, you're hosting

(05:20):
Mother's Day? How many mothers?Um? Well, it will be my
mother in law and my sister inlaw. We'll both sisters in law,
but only the one has kids,and then us. And then I invited
my dad. So my sister isgoing to be with my mom that weekend
because her fiance's younger brothers graduating college, so she'll be there. And uh,

(05:44):
I got the text that said whowants to host? And I was
like, oh, I guess it'smy turn. So here we are that
and I feel bad because that's nota Mother's Day. Well, I'm gonna
make Chris cook, so oh okay, that's still a Mother's Day. Yeah,
I feel like if he you know, I was like, well,

(06:06):
we can just like use the grilland make burgers or something easy. And
I say that because I'm not theone that's going to have to do it.
The only rub is that he's goingto be out of town with Quinn
on Friday and Saturday, so hereally better be prepared by the time he
gets back into town on Saturday toyou know, worship me like the queen
that I am. Okay, butare you at least going to go to

(06:28):
Costco and buy all the buns andthe meat and this and that. No,
that is not my job. Thatis his job. So we're going
to have to make sure he doesit in advance. She said. Oh,
Chris's hosting Mother's Day, honey,it's just my house. I'll clean
the house. Um, I'll youknow, procure the gift, but the

(06:50):
rest is up to him. Idon't even know what to get my mother
in law. She literally is thewoman that has everything. Yeah, it's
so tricky. I feel the sameway. I just I ordered. I
thought today, like, okay,I'm going to order my mom flowers and
I'll send those down there. Um. I don't know what to give my
mother in law. She's so tricky. She has everything, and sometimes I

(07:14):
just don't think that she particularly likesthe gifts that I give her, and
I don't want to give her somethingshe doesn't like. So I'm struggling.
Dude. Every I've I've resorted toand you know, a particular generation their
generation doesn't really appreciate gift cards theway that ours would, you know,
like, just gave me the money, yes, yes, so that I

(07:36):
can do what I want to dowith the money. Right, But when
I started doing that, I hadto start doing gift cards because she if
if she has every Pandora bracelet,she has every's that bag, oh

(08:00):
goes to Brighton with the heavy silver. Yeah, and I'm not a silver
person, so I'd be like,Okay, I mean, I mean,
I don't have to like the ship. I'm just saying she has. She
has every Swarovski crystal necklace, earringcombination, she has every jewelry, she
has, every pashmina, she has, every shawl, she has, every

(08:22):
h just the trink gets the shehas it, and it's like, what
what else can we give her?So we started buying gift cards for like
really nice places to go to dinner. Yeah, and it feels really impersonal.

(08:45):
So what I've been doing is buyinga nice card to put that gift
card in and like doing my besthandwriting and writing a really nice note,
heartfelt note. She likes that becauseand I realized that she you know,
she she likes messages of affirmation,but I still always feel really bad about

(09:05):
my gift guard to Capital Grill becauseit's like, you know, I don't
know, like mercy is easy.I call Kira and go, what are
we doing, guys, and Kiragoes, give you this much money and
then yeah, really expensive rice cookershows up like it's fine, Like yeah,

(09:28):
yeah, those are easy when youcan go in with somebody on it,
like they'll usually I would say,like maybe every other year. We
do that for my in laws,but we've just kind of resorted over the
last few years to doing like youdo a restaurant gift card, because two
years ago we gave them a subscriptionto story Worth and I don't think they
wrote a single story and story Worthso I'm talking to Instagram, got you

(09:52):
girl, and they you know what. I gave one to my dad and
my dad completed his. I gaveone to my mom, she didn't do
anything. We gave him to myin laws, they didn't do anything.
I'm about to pass aggressively print outthe blank books and just send them there,
like I guess, guess your journalsnow your journal that's like and it's

(10:15):
not cheap. It's like, youknow, I think it was like one
hundred bucks, you know, forthe for the year of you know,
journal entries. But I thought thatwould be nice for the kids to have
because I have found that in theopportunity to have more time to spend with
my dad over the last two years, that I'm getting stories from him that
I never in a million years haveheard. And so I thought, oh,

(10:37):
well, this would be really fun. And he, you know,
is he's into like preserving family videosand pictures and all that shit. So
I thought he'd get a kick outof it. And I thought that you
know, everybody else would sentimentally belike, oh this, yeah, this
would be nice for the grandkids.Know they don't They're not gonna stories.
Only Daddy Jim showed up. OnlyDaddy Jim did work. I know,

(11:03):
Yeah, I don't know what todo. Well, more importantly, what
are you getting? I don't know? Well, I do know, actually
I know one of them because Chrisis a terrible secret keeper sometimes and yeah,
same he Okay, do you rememberlike in twenty twenty when they gave
me that bird feeder that clipped ontothe door and so I could like see

(11:26):
the birds as they were eating becausethey were right there on the glass.
Yes, okay, Well, thesquirrels found a way to fuck it up
and they broke my feeder last yearand Chris was tired of seed and bird
shit all over the patio. Sothere was a kickstarter or something. There
is a bird feeder with a videoand so I can watch real time live

(11:48):
footage of the birds coming to thebird feeder form my little camera, you
know, place in the yard.So I know that's coming for sure,
But I don't know. I don'tknow what else I've you know, I've
made hints at things that I wouldlike. I would love a hammock for
the backyard. Um. You know, I will never say no to a

(12:11):
beautiful pair of earrings. You know, I wouldn't mind us certificate to go
in a facial or a massage,so we'll see you never go wrong.
There. You were making me nervous. I thought you were gonna say that
you were getting your bird feeders replacedwith that thing that people are doing where

(12:31):
they're putting the bird feeder in theopen window and rats are coming in instead.
Yeah. Oh god, no,I was like, no, Amanda,
no, Amanda, please don't sayI was in my I was like
she's gonna say it. She's gonnasay it. Then I'm gonna have to
be like, don't get that.But then in my mind I go,
uh, perrymanopause, Melissa. Ifshe says she's getting the rat feeder in

(12:52):
the window, you're gonna say thatsounds cool, that's say never. Oh
god, no, you know thething I'm talking about. Yes, I
know exactly what we're talking about,because I watched a lady put one in
and then the rat coming. Yes, that's the same video I saw.
Okay, we now are now ourfeets are all drinking. Yeah, no

(13:13):
way, Oh god, I woulddie. I would I would absolutely die.
I had a dead mouse in mydriveway the other day. Actually he
was expiring when I saw him,because I'm pretty sure he got into the
poison that I have in my garage. And I was like, ah fuck.
So I scooped his little body offof the hot blacktop and I gently

(13:33):
laid him in the shade back inthe tall grasses of the backyard, where,
oh my gosh, so nice.Because in my mind, as you
were telling the story, I waslike, so you rolled the truck over
real quick. Yeah, it's like, oh it isn't this the consequences of

(13:54):
my actions? But I also don'twant them in my house. We only
caught the one, the whole allthose traps that my mouse guy said,
and we only caught the one,which is a relief. But also you
got to stop them before they comein. So I'm sorry. Okay,
So maybe there was only the one? Yeah, I know, how wild

(14:18):
is that? Well? Remember Iwas thinking it probably was only the one
because you were really lucky, hadto be only the one. Ah,
But it's never the one. It'snever the one. They always tell you
there's you know, if there's one, there's multiple, and then you wonder,
oh god, how many are theregoing to be? So anyways,
what are you wanting for Mother's Day? I'm on a lot of items,

(14:41):
and I don't think that he alwaysevery time we get to talk about the
gifts, I know you always areso lovely and so reasonable, and I
know I think a nice dinner,I think a cute pair of earrings,
and I'd be like, see Ididn't get the Louis Bazon trunk and I'm

(15:01):
just like, what the fuck isthis fucking roadcast or podcast machine? I
always sound like an ungrateful, wholepiece of shit. I don't even know
why I asked you, what areyou getting? I should even just glazed
over that it doesn't because I'm terrible. I want what I want because they're
only happening in these little tiny windowsof time, right, and I want

(15:22):
things that I won't get for myself. Correct, I deserve everything. So
for my birthday, he did getit right. I got addressed that I
wanted. I wore yesterday. Igot cash in an envelope. Yeah,
I said I want it. Isaid, I want cash. I just
want it. Doesn't matter the denominations. Just put a bunch of it.

(15:43):
It doesn't even really have to beHe could have put a hundred singles in
a envelope. I've been like,yup, I would have loved that because
I just want the feeling of havinga stack of cash. So he did.
He did do that right. ButI hope you understands like, I'm
okay with repeats of that too.So cash in the envelope again, please?

(16:11):
And then I sent him a linktoday to a bag. And the
bags that I've been wanting have beenway more reasonable because you know, there's
there's no reason to go crazy anymore. I have what I need in that
arena. Um, is it likea like an everyday bag or a fancy
night out bag. No, No, it's it's gonna be an everyday bag.

(16:33):
It's gonna be an everyday bag.I'm a little on the fence though,
because it's I am veganed, andI was like, vegan leather?
FU, Like, what is that? Is it gonna hold up? Like?
What are we really talking about here? Is it plastic vegan leather?
It's pleather? Yeah, it's plastic. Oh and this costs way too much

(16:56):
for that. I'm like, I'mgonna go back and pick something else.
But I also I wanted to gothere's this adorable store. I don't even
know if we'll be able to keepthis in the episode. What have We're

(17:17):
all grown here, We're all grownhere. I don't go in the discord
in the after Dark channel. JustFYI, but we're all grown here.
I really don't. I don't goin there. I don't know what you
ladies are talking about it there.I'm sure, I'm sure it's spicy,
but I can't afford to have y'allfucking up my history with the links.
Y'all putting in there. Anyway.There's this really cute store in the city

(17:47):
and he went into it when hewas in the city doing something else.
He just was like walking past itand he was curious and he went in
there, and from the looks ofit outside, he thought it was one
thing, but when he got inthere, it was a whole other thing.
And he was like, Oh,I gotta remember what the fuck it's
called. Hold on, it's asex swis shop, but it doesn't look

(18:10):
like it at all. What doesit look like on the outside? Just
super cool, upscale, like hypebeast shit, what the fuck is it
called? That's a weird disconnect totally, but it got his ass in there.
He went in there. There waslike very little shit on our shelf,
you know, it was like sixshirts and it was just really well

(18:33):
designed inside, and I gotta lookit up. Hold on, Okay,
sex shop NYC. Oh my god, do you know how many things are
going to populate in that Google search? I know, Well, it's not

(18:55):
Babe Bland, the Pleasures has ShagBrooklyn, Purple Passion, Eves Garden,
Rainbow Station, and Exotics. It'snot any of those, um, but
it's not romantic deepot. What isit? Romantic depot? Can you imagine?
Like that sounds like the least sexyplace that you could go. It's

(19:18):
the depot. It's not, PleaseNYC. Yeah, it's not the Deepot.
Hold on, what the fuck isit called? It probably doesn't even
have like a like a sexy name. It probably just has like a normal

(19:38):
it doesn't it does, And that'sand that's why his ass, his ass
ventured in there because it had anormal name, and he thought he was
just going to be looking at,like, you know, young people clothes.
Yeah, and then when he gotin there and it wasn't that,
he was like, I couldn't leavenow because now I'm maybe here and I'm
asking them to ask questions, andnow I'm the old guy that know this

(20:00):
fucking cool thing was here. He'slike, so, now I gotta fucking
buy something, and he's like,so here and then he hands me the
sex to it, and I waslike, what the fuck is this?
It's like, I don't know,he's like the late he told me to
get this, Yeah, what thefuck? But but the with every purchase

(20:23):
of a sex toy, it comeswith a long stem red rose, which
I thought was a really classy touchum in a pass. So he gives
me yes, no, no,no, no, no, in a
in a little It has a littlevial of water at the bottom. Okay,
so really like a raw long stemred rose. So he gives it

(20:45):
to me, and I'm very confusedabout a long stem red rose. And
then this like, you know,nondescript box, uh huh. And then
he explains the story and he's likewalking in the fucking city and you know,
I'm just you know, taking alook at the stores, and he's
like it, now, I justyou have to buy something because now I've
asked all these fucking questions about thesquare footage of the store and this end
of that. And then I realizedI'm in a fucking really discrete dildo shop.

(21:07):
And now I'm like, oh yeah, I'll take that one. Um.
So he gets me this thing.I'll text you a picture. A
hands free vibrator. It's awful.I think you have to have the biggest
pussy lips in the world to keepit in place. Um. Usually usually

(21:30):
they have like straps, right,you know, like one for each leg.
Amanda, that's a lot of it. I'm like, what do you
mean one preach leg Well, Idon't know, like like they're like the

(21:52):
elastic part of your underwear, Likethe leg holes. I think that I've
seen them before. Where like itlooks like a butterfly but on either side
of the wings, or like twoelastic straps. It looks hella uncomfortable.
What I ended up getting was youneed to google it. It's called the
company is called Dame, the boxis gorgeous, and product is called Eva.

(22:15):
And so imagine me getting this beautifullong stem red rose in this really
cool bag, but then getting theEva by Dame. Oh oh of what?
And I was like, what thefun? I was like, Well,
I was like, is it anI ud like, it looks like
it could have a cute little faceon it and it would be a cute

(22:37):
little like kid robot toy. Yeah, it looks like a Pokemon. It
looks like a EVA has twelve hundredreviews and almost five stars. Does it
say must have huge pussy lips tokeep it in place? Nope? Nope,
it just says a wearable, handsfree plutorial vibe that stays in play

(23:00):
during partnered sex. Designed for asecure and comfortable fit. Hold on,
let me see it is um itis less quiet, it's not that intense,
and its vibration is towards buzzy.Well, I don't go to say
that means because because it wasn't handsfree, and I was like, I

(23:22):
can't, I can't, I can't. The second review is by an Amanda
S who just said love, well, I've been using it on my upper
arms after wait, like a littleegg that I roll over like my traps
because you do. Oh my god, because it doesn't fit and apparently it

(23:52):
was expensive and I was like,okay, well thanks babe, and he's
like, you don't like it.I was like, well, it's like,
first of all, it looks crazy, and second of all, up
like the too long arm things onthe side of the egg. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, not toget too graphic about my anatomy. Where's
all happen? Though, their stuffis pretty so so the store that he

(24:18):
went in, it's not this.They just sell this. They just sell
this. And the girl was like, because after he had asked questions and
was duped into believing he was lookingat it, you know a store that
sells six sweatshirts yea, and shesaid what it was? He didn't want
to look like he wasn't up onthat, so he was like, oh,
yeah, yeah, it's totally Andthen he's like, okay, well

(24:40):
what's the coolest thing. She's like, everybody loves this. He's like,
nice, cool, and he body. So then I was like, well,
the rose is really pretty, thanksbabe, and he goes, you'd
better fucking be really pretty. Hesaid apparently the rose was thirty five dollars.

(25:00):
It wasn't just a gift with thepurchase, I thought, I said.
I thought it was like with everypurchase, you get the rose.
He's like, no, bro,they're looking at me fucked up, like
if I didn't get the rose,I didn't really have the experience. And
he's like, and the rose iskind of the thing. I was like.
Then they were like, do youwant the rose? And in his
mind he was like they were justgonna throw it on for like a dollar

(25:22):
or whatever. And he was likeand then she told me the price and
I thought that was the price ofthe thing in the isn't I realized I
just paid thirty five dollars for afucking rose. Oh my god. M
hmm. So hold on, I'mgonna and now I'm googling NYC Long stemmed
Rose. Yes, what's it called. It's really cool packet. It's really

(25:45):
cool marketing though, whatever it is. Oh, I think that's just brought
up like a whole bunch of um. Hold on, let me, I
saved the pleasures. Oh no,that's just I saved the bag. I
saved the bag. I got around. Hold On, I have a separate
area in my UM closet where Ikeep personal items. Yeah, so I

(26:10):
gotta excuse me. I'm going tobe far away from the mic. I
have to dig in a drawer wayup top. Hold On, I saved
the bag. Well, okay,there's a place called shag. The Gothamist
is giving their list of no bestplaces. Oh the leather Man. That
sounds it's the pleasure chest. It'snot that. Although I think that we

(26:36):
found Amanda's the area of interest,I just I really wish that, um,
I really wish that I had somekind of visual on justin back being
uncomfortable in a sex toy shop.Okay, um, okay, the bag
doesn't have the fucking name on it. How can we give you free advertising

(27:00):
if you don't tell us. Thething is that I think the whole thing
is that they staying on the scriptand who think it's a fucking you know,
hype the store Anyway, that thebag was really pretty. It was
a large, dark brown bag withjust a white rose on it, so
I was like, oh yeah,cute, And then we got into the

(27:21):
story of how I got stuff.I'm hold on now, I got a'm
when we hear the name, it'sa fucking really cool store an idea.
I don't like the thing I got, but from the point is from Mother's
day, I want to go tothe physical store so I can see how
he got duped, and then I'mgonna pick someone else. That's the point.

(27:45):
Plus, I want a large sumof cash in an envelope. That's
what I want. I want togo to the fucking fancy Dale Doe store
and I want a large sum ofcat That's That's all that to say.
Hold on, um, then numberwhat is it called? Oh wow?

(28:11):
In my Looking for your sex toyshop, I just got directed to a
bag company in there is this bagthat is it's so big and impractical,
but oh my god, it's gorgeous. Girl. The phone number on the
bag I just googled is still noteven the number? Are they? Is

(28:34):
this like a moneyline? It's justlike mattress firm? Yeah? Right?
Why don't I know what the fuckthis is? Yeah? Why didn't I?
That's weird? Why are they makingit so hard to me to know
what store this was? Maybe hestepped into an alternate reality wherein that store
does not exist in our timeline.He just went into like a parallel timeline,

(28:55):
bought that toy. That's why it'sweird. It is built for vaginas
in that time line and not thevaginas in this timeline, and then came
out and came back into reality.And that's how you've ended up with it.
It's the only reasonable explanation. Ithink that's where we're at, because
there's no way this store doesn't thegirl. I cannot find the name of
this fucking store now. And nowif I go out of here and ask

(29:18):
him, babe, what's the nameof the sex store, and he's gonna
be good. Put that on thepodcast. That's what's gonna happen. Does

(30:21):
your husband listen anymore? Mind doesn't? Yeah, he does. He's a
little bit behind um, but heactually, as we were having dinner tonight,
he said, you know, uh, what are you guys talking about
tonight as you record? And Isaid, I don't know. We just
start and we see where it goes. And he said, well, has
Melissa taken the subway since since wewere there? Like maybe maybe maybe you

(30:45):
guys could do a recap of youknow, your meet up in December.
But then the follow up to thatis that Melissa has to now take the
train by herself. He said,do you think she's taken the train since
then? I said absolutely not.And I was like, had you listened
to that episode about her R andB dance night with Irelon, you would
know that she was not trying totake the train. So well, I

(31:10):
think he's still I think he's stilltraumatized by the fact that I don't have
Uber on my phone and when Ineed to get an Uber, i'd call
him my husband and tell him toget me an Uber and just hope that
he knows where I am. Andhe's like, what do you mean,
Melissa. He says that, like, I wouldn't do the same exact thing
because I also don't have Uber onmy phone. It's dangerous. Sorry,

(31:36):
I don't want to get murdered andeverybody says, well, they track everything
that he does. Okay, listen, the world is moving too quickly.
I just had to touched on it. Yeah, go ahead, we touched
on it. No, you goahead. Oh well, we just had

(31:57):
this like major if we just hadthis major security audit at work. And
part of that was it was likethis two hour thing and I only attended
the first hour because emotionally, mentally, I couldn't do the the stress what
they called it, a stress inoculatedsimulation. But this guy was like serious,

(32:22):
and he was like he had allthese stories. He was a very
like I could listen to him talkabout security and crime forever, Like he
was with the FBI now he worksas a consultant, and he was talking
about the things that they were doing, you know, within our organization to
make it safer, and things thatwe would need to be doing to make
it safer. But I was alsolike sitting there like how does nobody else

(32:43):
know? You know? He wastalking about this case where a guy shot
up a waffle house and they hadto you know, sequester all of the
people that were witnesses in the wafflehouse and they had to separate them,
and why did they have to separatethem. And I was like, so
that you could get an accurate storyfrom everybody, so that they're not all
sharing stories or getting their details mixedup. I was like, how does
how does nobody know this? Whyisn't anybody raising their hands? Why don't

(33:05):
you watch true crime? But it'sa very scary place to be, and
the things that he was talking aboutas like a good way to be alert
in your everyday life. I waslike, I do that every single time
I have to sit and face thedoor or my back needs to be to
the wall. I have my headon a swivel in public places. I

(33:29):
know where the eggits are. Ihave, you know, a plan.
Who knows if it's going to workout, but in the back of my
mind, I have a plan.And as a tip, do you know
what he said to keep in yourhouse for a weapon if an intruder were
to come in? What a sword? Wasp shot? What wasp shot?

(33:50):
It's like, you know, likewasp killer, because it shoots, it's
sticky, and it stings, andit shoots up to I think he said
thirty feet. So he was talkingabout you know, a spray. Yeah,
it's like a wasp spray. Okay, I'll get that. Is it
on Amazon? Probably? I mean, I'm sure you could just go over
to home depot and pick it up. But you know, he was like

(34:13):
saying, like, if you wereto be awoken in the middle of the
night by an intruder, he said, the way that you're defending yourself,
you have literal seconds. And theywere talking about they were helping some either
like home builder or somebody do thistest where like they had access to this
home builder's model homes and they weretrying to see how quickly he could get

(34:37):
into the house and then determine wherethe master bedroom was. Let me take
that back. He needed to determinehow quickly he could find the primary bedroom
in the house. And so hewas asking, you know, from the
time somebody walks in your door untilyou don't say master bedroom anymore. I
didn't think we were allowed to,and I do like to follow instructions.
I'm calling it the goddamn master bedroom. Well you can, I can't,

(35:01):
Yes, you can. Fine,it's the primary bedroom around here, now,
Okay, go ahead, shit,you can call it whatever you want.
I don't think I'm allowed to.You're right, master bedroom he's kind
of fuck up, Okay, fine, primary bedroom continue and I think he

(35:22):
said it took him eight seconds,which was like really scary. He's like,
so like, let's say you havea gun. Not to politicize it,
you know, he's like, Idon't want to get into any of
that, but if you have agun, He's like, could you get
to your gun, like if youwere you know, startled out of deep
sleep. Yeah, did you getto your gun in the locked box and
load it? Yeah? And thenthe other part was he was like,

(35:44):
you know, a gun is justa tool. It's not a guaranteed thing.
So unless you're like actively practicing yourskills, he said, it's not
like in the movies. It's incrediblyhard to hit a target with a gun.
So unless you're actively practicing those skills, then it's not going to help
you. But then he was like, a great thing to have is a
wasp shot because you don't have toget close. It's sticking, it burns,

(36:06):
and it would buy you time toget out of there. Get your
sword right, you're machete no forwe that's we're laughing, but that those
are the two items we have.You keep a sword for self defense,
or you just have a sword forfrenzies. Justin back got a sword as

(36:30):
a gift, like a katana.What does that mean? Like it's like
a like a Samurai sword. Doesit go when it comes out? The
thing out of the sheath? Probablythey're doing the movies m He got a

(36:51):
giant sword from a fan. Whoa, and it came in this big long
box. I thought it was goingto be like, you know how really
rich guys send you the long stemroses in that big old bob. I
was like, ooh, what doyou get? I was so excited.

(37:13):
I thought it was gonna eat me. And as we just kept on wrapping
it unwrapping, we realize we areunwrapping a sword. So wait a minute,
why why would why would a glassshop fan send him a sword?
Do they make the swords, dothey like what's the significance? Or just

(37:34):
because it's cool. I think theperson just wanted to say thank you to
Justin for making his music that hemade because the music gave him clarity and
helped him to find what he reallyneeded to do in life, and what
he really needed to do in lifewas to write this particular book. I
think the book has the word swordin it, and the sword was kind

(37:55):
of like a marketing thing for thebook. I don't know, I don't
remember the wost knows we Yeah,all I know is we have this sword
and it's amazing and um, Icould stab you from thirty feet away.
Role Um yeah he. Jessin Beckhas gotten a lot of Jessein Beck and

(38:19):
Darryl Plumbo have gotten a lot ofreally interesting things from fans over the years.
I would say the sword is oneof the most unique items we've ever
gotten. But yeah, anyway backto self defense. Who gets swords?
Um, okay, I'll buy,I'll buy the wasps spraye. Know what

(38:45):
else you should do? What?Another good tip? If you, um,
you're rustling and shit outside your houseand you're scared. Yeah, if
you're like, if you're like startledout of your sleep because you think someone's
trying to get into your house,you should always sleep with you our car
keys, I your bedside table.Yes, I do that when Chris is

(39:06):
out of town, so that youshouldn't hit that panic button in your cargo.
Yeah, very good advice. Yeah. He had a lot of good
a lot of good tips and tricksand like one thing that I didn't think
about. He was like, youknow, you got to make sure if
you have small children in your house, or kids in general, or you

(39:27):
know, somebody else that lives withyou, they also need to know what
the plan is, he said,because if they're startled out of their sleep
in the middle of the night becauseof an intruder, what are they doing
They're running into your bedroom so andmaking helen noise. Yeah, I call
it attention to me, sending themright where they need to go. So

(39:49):
so no, he was saying thatit was helpful to tell them to shelter
in place and be very quiet sothat you can take care business and that
they will be safe, which Ithought I would that never cross my mind,
but it was extremely helpful and Icould. I would love to listen

(40:09):
to all of his stories because Iam a true crime junkie. I mean,
you really can never be too ready. But I would say the first
and foremost main thing you should do, which is crazy because I also listened
to a lot of true crime andwatch a lot of true crime. Almost

(40:29):
every episode starts with a really nicelady sitting stage right in a brightly lit
white or interview room. This isthe kind of town where we don't lock
our doors. Well, motherfucker,those towns don't exist downmar. Yeah,
the first thing you need to dois lock the doors. Damnass, lock
them, lock them good, lockthem tight. I don't understand this world

(40:52):
that anybody's ever lived in where theydon't lock the doors. I've never lived
in that world. I lived withroommates in college that did not like to
lock the doors, and then Iwas like, let me pull up the
assault statistics from campus police and letme post that down here, and maybe

(41:15):
that'll change somebody's mind. Hold on, what was their reasoning for not locking
the door? You know what?I honestly don't remember. But it was
such a point of contention that Iwent and I bought my own, like
heavy Judy door handle with a lockso that I could lock my room because
we lived in a townhouse and Iwanted to be able to lock my room

(41:36):
and my ship up when I wasgone. And I don't remember, I
honestly don't remember why. They saidthat was a rough year that I did.
That was not a fun year ofhaving roommates. It was not a
good time. Were was a weirdgirl upstairs in the loft. She was

(41:58):
kind of strange. It just wasa weird time. I can relate.
Yeah, um uh, I can'timagine any argument that would say, don't
lock the doors. That's another thing. Lock your car doors, totally,

(42:23):
lock your corridors, lock your frontdoors. Lock the doors, says the
woman who doesn't have locks on bedroomdoors in her house. Oh you don't.
Hm, that was a dumb assidea. Justin Beck talked me into
it. Why didn't he want lockson the doors. All of our family

(42:45):
living is upstairs, and he's like, what if there's a fire and our
kids got to get out. Idon't want the kids sleeping and locked bedroom
doors. Um, but also thisis a knocking household. Nobody should need
to lock their doors, was his. Well, I'm not thinking so much

(43:07):
about the kids. I mean,my kids don't lock their bedroom doors,
but I definitely lock mine. Ifit's if it's well, that's what I
that's that that's I was like,how are we gonna not have locks on
the doors. Yeah, and andmy my bedroom doors on a normal but

(43:27):
it's like too little, like toolittle doors that opened towards you, you
know, Yeah, they're not Frenchdoors. Exactly, but they're two doors,
so he has a old He hadto rig it so that we could
lock it because it locks at thetop and locks in the middle end locks
at the bottom because I'm not tryingto be in here. Caught on the

(43:50):
summer jam screen. That's like myworst nightmare. Yeah, but the girls
don't have locks on their bed roomdoors because we encourage knocking on people's doors
before you barge into their rooms.Yeah, there are locks on the bathroom
doors, though, and I thinkthat's fine. We have them on ours,

(44:12):
but that's just because that's how thehouse came. And I never thought
twice about it. But nobody everlocks themselves in their rooms, so I
guess it's never been a thing thatI thought about. We had locks on
hard doors growing up. But alsothe locks didn't mean shit. All you
had to do was stick a littletoothpick and they boom. I'm in Oh

(44:34):
yeah, no, my dad.When I was younger, my dad installed
a knob on my bedroom door witha lock on it because my sister would
constantly go in and steal my stuffand it would make me be curious.
And I think my parents got sosick of the arguing that he just went
ahead and gave me a door knobwith a lock, like a like a

(44:54):
key lock. I know that's right. Yeah, yeah, so locking doors
is probably your your your your yoursafest bet. I also like motion sensor
lights, oh yes, love thosetimes on doors. Yeah, love a

(45:19):
camera, I love um. Ilove lights on a timer yep. So
all of our lights in the gardenand lights on the house they're set on
a a timer and they come onat certain times. But then there's also
motion sensor lights where yeah, ifyou come near certain areas, boom,

(45:40):
I got as it's a light right, um. But I mean we're living
in a world where we are.My whole thing is you can never be
too safe. But that's not reallyhow we grew up, you know what

(46:04):
I mean, Like we grew upin a time when we talked about a
little bit on you know last week'sepisode, um or was it the week
before girl, I can't remember.But like when we were young, the
biggest things we should have been scaredof were whether or not you were gonna
get kidnapped, or whether or notyou were going to do hard drugs and

(46:24):
a deep dive. Yeah. Butlike, oh my campaign scared me.
They were. I was very scared. I was also very scared that I
was going to somehow end up inQuicksand did you ever feel like there at
any moment that you could be Ohmy god, quicksand was such a threatening
thing. Yes, why, yeah, we're back on again. Negatively,

(46:46):
I think this is Quicksand what dowe do now? Talk, we use
our physic survival skills, like yellingfor help, affirmative. There was so
much quicksand, and there was quicksandbefore you got to the catacoms. I
don't know why you would be inthe cass but those those ads that were

(47:13):
designed to scare you worked, andlike, we don't have anything equivalent to
that now. They're like, ourchildren are not scared of shit. They
need to be. They think thatI'm crazy with my level of precautions,
and I'm like, the guys,you really have to be aware and understand.
Like, I don't know, I'mtrying to find that healthy place between

(47:38):
like where they are afraid but thenalso like feeling like confident, like they
can take care of themselves and movethrough the world safely. I don't know,
because I just always want to livein that place of like fear and
terror and like just stay home,don't go do anything, don't don't talk
and make friends because everyone he's probablya pedophile. They are though, because

(48:07):
every day on the news. What'scrazy is I've been seeing every day on
the news the lady teacher is gettingin trouble way more. Now. Yeah,
you can't even trust the woman anymore. She's raping your child, just
every day with that kid, likeeight times. And then I was like,
please don't tell your mom. Idon't I shouldn't laugh, but I

(48:27):
was like, really, you're gonnalook at that kid and be like,
please don't tell your mom. Iwant to know why. You're a nasty
bitch, Mary Kay. I wantto know why, Like what how do
you look at a thirteen year oldboy? Oh god, oh yeah,
I'm doing that. You're a crazybit. You're gross. You need to
get jail, straight to jail.So gross. And I hate the way

(48:50):
the headlines depict it. They say, for having sex with a such and
such child. It's not having sexwith a child. It's assaulting. It
is raping it child. Yeah,say words mean things. Um, it's
really gross and I can't I'm tryingto like really understand it from like a

(49:10):
sociological perspective, like do people gointo the teaching profession at such a young
age and they're not really all theway materialize as an adult because of how
they interact on social media? Likeis everyone just dumber? You mean?

(49:36):
I mean, I don't think thatyou can relate to a teenager. I
don't think that this is a newphenomenon. I don't know why. I
mean even the thought of Like soyou're saying you don't think it's a new
thing that's happening. It's just anew thing we're hearing more about because now
we get to hear about everything.I think, so, yeah, because

(50:00):
it's gross, And I think withwomen it's more unexpected because you don't maybe
you don't necessarily expect a woman tobe gross like that. You know,
you expect a woman to have aweird motherly you haven't you expected you expect
a woman to have it built inmoral company right or wrong? Yeah,

(50:25):
motherly instinct to protect, yeah,to not violate. So when that's not
there, we're like, how areyou, as a twenty five year old
teacher in a place of authority lookingat a thirteen year old kid and be
like, yeah, i'd hit that. What. Yeah, you're gross.
You need to be hit upside thehead with a two by four. You're

(50:46):
gross, You're gross. It's justhis mind boggling. Did you see that
documentary? Um, I don't knowwhich one is on Amazon Hulu. There's
fifty streaming, there's fifty streamers.Ain't nothing to watch? Which is also

(51:07):
that the truth a societal plague?Why the fuck you give me all these
options and you ain't give me nooptions anyway? No, I only before
we sat down here to record,Chris and I laid in bed and snuggled
for like thirty minutes trying to findsomething on TV. There's nothing good.
There's nothing good right now. Anyway. A girl, a lady did a

(51:36):
documentary on how she in high schoolwas groomed by her teacher. Yeah,
but that she thought that it wasnormal because he praised her this, that
and the other. And then whenshe got older, seventeen eighteen whatever,
she ended up being with him likeit was her boyfriend. But he still

(51:57):
lived with his wife, but shelived in their basement. It was fucking
weird thing. Yes, it's calledkeep This between Us or something like that.
Well, that sounds familiar. Iwonder if I've seen that. It
sounds so familiar. But yeah,I mean I just listen, if I

(52:20):
were in a position to be datingsomebody, I wouldn't even want to date
somebody in their thirties. That isgross to me. What does a thirty
year old have to talk to meabout? Correct? Like, you know,
what what are sharing that dude talkingabout? Okay? Because what's his
name? I don't even know.He reminds me from my so called life.

(52:47):
We don't even know, but like, what's happening? And is he
just you know, quietly pilfering hermoney? Probably? And if that's the
case, why come Share doesn't havepeople for that because she share? My
guess is these you can't tell shareanything? Okay, but share? I

(53:15):
know this young man has a babywith a lady who has a tattoo on
her face. But that's not necessarilybad. Wait a minute, he had,
so he had that's amber Rose's babydaddy. Stop it, that's amber
Rose's other baby daddy. Hollywood isso weird. Hollywood relationships are so strange

(53:43):
to me, especially the ones thatare like four pr only, like I
can't know what it is what peopledon't have boundaries. They don't care about
that part. They don't care aboutboundaries out there, and it's it's really
strange and like everything miss everything.Everything is mismatched. Like the last couple

(54:07):
that made sense to me is likeGoldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Everybody half
how they get together? You knowwhat I'm saying, Yeah, it doesn't
fit, Like this doesn't make sense. I want to know I did did
Prianka Chopra? No? When NickJonas song? You know what I'm saying,

(54:37):
Like, where did the Game ofThrones lady meet the other Jonas?
She seems so above him and Idon't know why, but it seems that,
like what do they talk about?What about the man that owns Snapchat?
Married that model lady who that she'sreally pretty? But she used to

(55:04):
be with Katie Katie Perry's Wait isit Katy Perry's ex or Katy Perry's current
baby daddy? She went out withMiranda, Yeah, her name Miranda Kerr.
She used to go out with what'shis name, Oliver m What is
his name? I know who you'retalking about, Legols. It's Katy Perry

(55:28):
got a baby with Yeah, Legolshim. Yeah, I think those two
were together. But then he said, I'm gonna go out with Katy.
I don't know who the fuck KatyPerry goes out with. But the point
is the Snapchat man who why dowe even know the man who invented snapchat?
Anyway, he married her? Okay, but I guess also too,

(55:51):
if you're a billionaire, you canmarry a supermodel. It's fine. Yeah,
I mean, if you've got thecash, I'm sure there are plenty
of women that are willing to dowhatever to have access. Well that's why.
Well that particularly, I don't knowwhat the how that particular relationship came
to be. I'm not talking aboutthat. I'm talking in the abstract now.

(56:13):
But I think a lot of thesethings happened after yacht girl shit,
which I went on a deep diveabout yacht girls the other day. So
wait a minute, is this likea prevalent thing because I was in yacht
girl territory maybe like nine months ago. Is it like it's still a thing,

(56:38):
like this is a way that wemeet really rich future husbands. Apparently
I just started. I just readan article about it, just because I
came across the term and was likeoll, so, yeah, all of
these pictures that we see on theinternet of these very gorgeous women hanging out

(57:00):
with that hashtag yacht life, Yeah, but we never see the man of
the yacht is just like scantily cladwomen hugged up on each other drinking champagne
and eating strawberries and ship. Butlike, where are the gross ugly men
where we ain't gonna show them?Yeah, but apparently it's a it's a

(57:22):
it's a it's a a non secretbut secret that women can elevate their Hollywood
star by getting on this yacht circuitwhere they get on the yacht to meet

(57:46):
dudes specifically, but also there arethere's a level of like escort service to
it, but nobody talks about it. But like a girl can get paid
thirty thousand dollars to hang out onthe yacht with like some random tech dorc
stop M. I didn't realize therewas payment associated. I just thought you

(58:07):
got a free vacation out of itand you had to you know. No,
there's payment, and there's there's sexand payment. They're sex, it's
prostitution and some of it sex.I'll send you the article that I read.
Yeah, Oh my gosh. Yeah, it's not like you're just getting
on a yacht and now you getto fucking post pictures to your Instagram and

(58:30):
the man just has to look atyou. Oh no, baby, this
is a transaction. Oh that's alot of work. And I'm wondering,
like, is it one of thosethings where what happens out in the Great
White Ocean stays in the motherfucking GreatWhite Ocean? You know what I'm saying,

(58:50):
Like it's motherfucker's dude doing on eachother and shit, you know what
I mean, Like what's going on? Because you know what, you know
what I just if it can bedepraved, it probably is, you know
what I'm saying. You don't know, you don't know. We live in
a world, correct, We livein a world where you know where where
I think second toes is crazy,it's apparently not. Because we have people

(59:16):
on regular morning radio talking about fartingin people's mouths like that's a real thing,
like like a like a fetish,like a kink. I get.
We're not allowed to kink shame.No, I'm never allowed to do kink
shaming. And I know they're not. I don't even know what kinks are

(59:38):
to shame them. So when Ihear these things that are kinks, I'd
be like, wait a second,what And I'm really thinking about the mechanics
of shit. I was like,how do you have? Like what?
Okay, so y'all were just eatingdinner right and then you guys are talking
is it a second date? Isa third day? And he says,

(59:59):
hey, are you going to fartin my mouth tonight? Like what?
You know what I mean? Like, what people that have kinks? How
do you get to a place whereyou can safely talk about them with a
person? You know what I mean? Like do you have to build up
to it or can you just likestart right off the bat? And I

(01:00:19):
have to preface this with like,clearly I'm a square if because don't kink
shame girl. I don't know enoughabout kinks to shame them. I would
even know what the kink is?What? And how did you get here?
And that's another thing. Anytime Ihear about a new one, Yeah,
how did you discover this? Ithink I'm so um so out of

(01:00:44):
it that I you know, theonly thing that really comes to mind immediately
is like you know, like BDSMor like being dominated because I feel like
that that SM stand for UM.I know that SM is sado masochism.

(01:01:04):
Yeah that part what's the bad babydaddy sado? What is it? Would
it be like? Find dominate what? I see it all the time b
DSM. But then I don't evenknow. Maybe we shouldn't, Okay,
Internet, Am I a dumbass?No? I mean we're providing a service.

(01:01:27):
We're learning here. BDSM stands forbondage and discipline, dominance and submission,
Sadism and Masochism. The acronym haslargely replaced the earlier term sado masochism.
Yeah, but you just said bDBD s M. Yeah. Well,
I'm just telling you what the googlesare telling me. This is from

(01:01:47):
uh dannd online dot com. Youdidn't even go into an incognito mode.
The little man with the sunglasses inthe corner. I'm serious. Sometimes i'd

(01:02:08):
be having questions, quiet voice,all owercase letters. But no. But
I like, I really the samefear that was instilled in me as a
child, you know, to keepmyself from getting kidnapped, Never get to
a second location, don't ever pickup a pipe, all that shit.

(01:02:29):
I have that about everything. Stillso like, I know not to go
on the internet and start searching fistit because the second that I search fucking
Eileen Warno, some bad's gonna happento Justin. I'm gonna end up in
jail because I searched I Lean Warnos. I gotta sit up in the court
and explain I wasn't that. Youknow what I'm saying, Like, I'm
very scared of what happens to theseinternets. Just so I just be trying
to keep it real clean on here, just keep it to my potietry.

(01:02:52):
But I do be going in thatincognito window and be like, how the
fuck did you know what I'm saying? Like, you can never be too
careful. You can't. You can't. Yeah, no, um, because
when they come to make your datelineprofile, that's going to be definitely something

(01:03:12):
that you don't want them to find. Um, Wow, what do you
say to stand aforgon b D Yeah, dominance. I just found a second
that backs it up. Be abondage and discipline, dominance and submission and
sado masochism. That's b D DS s M. Yeah. They really

(01:03:36):
just um, they really dropped theball on coming up with that acronym,
so like you just want it,You're just okay with someone slapping you.
Well, I mean insert, Ithink that there are I think that BDSM

(01:03:57):
falls on a spectrum, and Ithink that there are probably very vanilla ways
that people engage in that in theiryou know, in their everyday sex life.
And then there are the very committedfolks who go to clubs and parties
and you know, people that havelike full time jobs dominating. I mean,

(01:04:17):
I've seen documentaries on women who likevirtually dominate men and basically they just
take their money, Which isn't thatthe best? That's like the little girl
on Euphoria. Yeah. Yeah,they'll just be like give me, give
me, you know, ten thousanddollars from your savings account, and like

(01:04:41):
that is a way to dominate somebody. So I think that there's all different
kinds of ways that people, youknow, can become aroused under those you
know definitions. You don't have tobe in somebody's dungeon in a you know,
in a latex suit with the ballgag, because that's really what I'd

(01:05:02):
be thinking. Yeah, same,But I think that that's the visual that
we're you know, sent by TVand movies when that topic comes up,
right, or you think of,um, what's that oh that move that
that book that had everybody, ohshoot, you know the one where he

(01:05:23):
had the sex room. His nameis Christian Gray, fifty Shades of Gray.
I think that that's what people thinkof, you know. I never
read that book or watched that movie. Oh god, I tried. I
tried to read the first book.I could not. It was so cheesy.
Was it gross? It wasn't gross, it was just like it was

(01:05:45):
so unrealistic and it was so predictable. I just, um, it just
it wasn't interesting to me. Hewas such an asshole the whole time,
and I just could not like he. I just didn't find it sexy,
Like he just seemed like such adick. Zing Um. I never read

(01:06:09):
the book. I never watched themovie. But I also like, I
I must just be a square.I I can't suspend my belief system.
M hmmm. So these fucking impromptu, fucking spontaneous fuckings, what y'all doing?

(01:06:38):
You're really gonna show up in amotherfucking suit? You've been in that
suit all day? Like, solike, I'm like, I can't even
get involved in this ship well interested. I think a lot of these books,
like like Fifty Shades of Gray,at least from the first one that
I read, A lot of theselike weird erotica, because I feel like

(01:07:01):
Twilight was kind of this like weirdlike pg ya erotica, um, some
of these, like you know,fantasy books. I feel like the man
is always like this lost, emotionallystunted, hurt man, and the female

(01:07:24):
lead of the book it's like alwaysher job to like nurture him and like
fulfill his desires, and you knowshe's she's so attracted to being able to
save him or you know, uhI fix him and to me him.
You don't want no at all,I don't. I don't get it.

(01:07:49):
I never got the Fifty Shades ofGray thing. I never got it.
But it wasn't for me. Yeah, no, it just wasn't for me.
I tried, I couldn't. Andalso, like Mara of Fact,
I want to read a passage fromFifty Shades of Grace so I could try
to understand hold on. I feellike it's perfect imperfect. If this is

(01:08:14):
perfectly imperfect strangers examine something that wasviral ten years ago, I feel like
it started off as fan fiction.As an aside, we are starting a
fifty Shades of Gray book club.If you'd like to read along. We
are going to start with chapter oneand go through to chapter five. Should
we read fifty Shades of Gray together? Oh? My god, and recap

(01:08:35):
mate? Hold On, is thatgross that I just said that? Hey,
Amanda, the lady that I onlyjust met in December, I want
to read the sex book? Okay? Hold on, Okay, we are
just now talking about something that happenedin twenty fifteen, so just be aware

(01:09:00):
that we are fucking assholes. Okay. Twenty five raunchy excerpts from E.
L. James's latest arousing book.Though we're not sure we needed this book,
we sure are excited that it's here. Oh it's called fifty Shades of
Gray because his name was Christian Gray. Yeah, I didn't know that.

(01:09:20):
Okay, here's an excerpt, ofcourse. Not I like having you here.
The statement surprises me as I sayit. I do like having her
here, being with her. She'sso dot dot dot different, and I
want to fuck her and spaker andwatch her alabaster skin pink beneath my hand.

(01:09:44):
Wait, that's for real? Yeah, alabaster skin pink? What's that
mean? And watch her alabaster skinpink like when you get like a smack
your skin. Well, pink's nota verb, but okay, yeah,
and watch her a pink up?Can't you say, like to pink up

(01:10:04):
like your cheeks would pink up?Um, I'm brown, No, I
know, but we're talking about awhite lady here. Well, clearly alabaster.
Okay, I gotta start over.Go see this is what this is.
Fifty year olds grappling with erotica.Take two. Well, grammatically it

(01:10:30):
felt wrong to me. Okay,hold on, hell, I gotta start
over. And I want to fuckher and spank her and watch her alabaster
skin pink beneath my hands. That'sout of the question, now, isn't
it? Perhaps not the fucking PerhapsI could could m hm, I can't
see that. It's underneath the Pinterestsymbol. Thought is a revelation. I

(01:10:54):
could take her to bed break somethingsomething, Something would be a novel experience
for both of us, would she, girl, it's blocked by something?
Next? Okay, here we go. You feel so good. I tell
her that I was supposed to besexy. You feel so and repeat the

(01:11:14):
move again, circling my hips asI go, Sir, I don't want
to see you doing that slowly inout out, in in out. No,
you're making this up. This isnot for reason. I'm not that's
what That's what the book says.Her insights start to tremble. Oh she's

(01:11:38):
dying. Her insights start to tremble. Oh no, baby, not yet,
No way, I'm letting you come. Not when I'm enjoying this so
much. Oh please, she cries. I want you sore, baby,
bitch. I pull out and sinkinto Then the pinterest signe is covering it.

(01:11:59):
Every time you move tomorrow. Iwant you to be pinch sign is
covering it. Only me. Youare mine. Keep mind these are the
twenty five best excerpt excerpts. Sohere's the next one. I palm her
ass, girl, what and Iease my weight onto her. Okay,

(01:12:25):
I'm going to take you from behind, Anastasia, don't ever say that.
What are you talking about? Bendover your behind? Okay. Um,
with my other hand, I grabher hair at the nape. This is

(01:12:47):
a white lady. Don't don't fuckingtouch my hair. Um crying hello out

(01:13:09):
there in the Imperfect Strangers Podcast Universe. Thank you for listening to the show.
Thank you for your support if youwant more Imperfect Strangers in your life,
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(01:13:30):
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