July 7, 2023 • 53 mins
Melissa tells Amanda about how she and Justin attended a town meeting to make a noise complaint and as it turns out, it was the perfect date night. Something something something about trees, hence Lorax.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Well, I've discovered a new datenight, and what might that be?
What's so funny? I didn't evensay anything yet. I literally didn't did
not say anything yet. Correct,you didn't say anything. Yeah, But
if I've learned anything over the lastthree years is that you have a pretty
(00:21):
like consistent date night, just likeI have with my husband of a million
years. So the fact that youhave something new and exciting means that it
has to be it's not and you'renot going to tell me that. Like
you did couple's pottery, So wedid one time do couples pottery? Oh
(01:02):
you did? Oh wait, that'sright, I forgot you did, like
fancy fancy, like you threw itand all that good stuff. Yeah,
but like I also felt like i'dtake it back. I also felt like
we were the third wheel on abirthday celebration that should have just been intimate
for a man and his wife andhis sister in law, but then like
(01:25):
we were invited, but then anothercouple was invited but they didn't come,
So then it was like my firsttime meeting the actual birthday person. It
was my first time meeting the birthdayperson in it. At the end,
she was like it was so niceto meet you, Michelle, and I
was like, okay, well Itake it back. So not that you
went and through pottery, but youwent and did goat yoga. Okay,
(01:48):
So what is your new an excitingidea for a date night. Well it
was really accidental and they only happenedonce a month. But I'm like,
babe, I just had so muchfun at this thing that we have to
come every month, even if wehad not filing a complaint trying to get
(02:15):
up your town. Meeting your townwas a date night. You don't understand,
so I don't so please and late. So I would say for about
two and a half years now,I've lived here for over a decade decade
plus, and I only live inthis house because I was forced out of
(02:40):
my first house. I was forcedout of my first house by a terrible
neighbor. I've told the story fiftythousand different ways to Tuesday. Everybody knows
it. I had a horrible neighbor. I was forced to move out of
my house. That we literally spenta lot of time, blood, sweat,
and tears making it our own inside. We had one bathroom left to
(03:04):
do, but the neighbor was justsuch a fucking cunt that we had no
choice but to leave. And whenI say you know that, I mean
this person threatened the well being ofmy family and like it was restraining orders
and all kind of shit. Solike we had no choice but to leave,
and then the motherfucker had the nerveto die a year later. But
(03:27):
whatever. Oh, I was somad. I was tying the mattress to
the roof of my I was tyinga mattress to the roof of my car.
And then my neighbor from across thestreet called and I was like,
are you sitting down. I waslike, no, I'm tying a mattress
to the roof of my car.And she was like, he died.
I was like, what shit.But honestly, I couldn't have held out
(03:51):
after any year because he might havekilled us. I mean it was like
that level. It was really we'relaughing, but like I can't watch any
movies about like fucked up neighbors becauselike the shit is like triggering anyway,
I'm sure, yeah, because Ihave this personal experience with having a terrible
neighbor. I then moved into thisneighborhood where I like that it's quiet.
(04:15):
I like that it is serene andenchanting, and there's lots of trees,
and I don't see my neighbors oneither side unless I absolutely want to.
And since I don't want to,I don't like. I don't nod,
I don't do the nice you know, neighborly wave hello. I've chosen not
(04:36):
to do that. But it doesn'taffect me because they just don't see me.
Like it's one of those places whereyou don't see people in and out.
And I don't have a dog,so there's no reason for me to
stop at the corner and be like, oh, how what's your dog's naming?
He I don't have all that.Yeah, so I live in the
perfect place for a person who hasbeen traumatized by neighbors to not ever have
(04:57):
to deal with neighbors, but stillnot seem like, you know, the
old man in the Jumanji house.You know what I'm saying. Nobody's walking
by, like, oh, that'sthe old Beck house and it's haunted,
nobody's nobody's wondering. You really arein the perfect place for being in a
neighborhood and also not having to dealwith neighbors. Yeah, you saw it
(05:21):
and yeah, actually the haunted houseis on the corner. But anyway,
that's that's not the point of this. So we've been here for a really
long time, and I have forbidden, actually forbidden Justin Beck from ever becoming
friendly and neighborly. Not that hewould, but oddly enough, of the
(05:45):
two of us, he would bethe one to break our pact. He
would be the one to, like, you know, go next door and
be like, hey, your kidsball, he's in our yard and how
are you or really like you're flooring. And then the next thing you know,
he's got his shoes off and he'swalking around someone's house like he's done
that type of ship before. AndI'm like, why the fuck did you
go in there though? Why didyou go in there though? And then
(06:08):
we start getting invited to things andhe's like what should I say. I'm
like, well, that's because youwere friendly, you did that. So
I've forbidden him from doing anything neighborly. And you know, he can't help
himself. Sometimes he does help people. He's like, but their generator was
out no hood. So we've donewell, We've had a great run.
(06:32):
And I also think because he looksthe way that he like kind of intimidating
and weird. It's kind of workedin his favor that nobody's trying to talk
to him anyway. You know,he is one of those people that once
you start talking to him and hewarms up, you're like, I kind
of like that guy, and thenyou kind of want to get to know
that guy more. And now I'mfucking annoyed because now I gotta get to
know a motherfucker too. And itused to not be this way, funny.
(07:00):
It used to be that I wasreally friendly and shit, and then
one day I was just like,over that stage of my life anyway.
How the turns have tabled, dude, stay tabling. So we are in
a triangulation of noise, which isa great irony because Justin Beck is a
(07:28):
working musician and plays extremely loud musicand instruments of all kinds. So it's
not like, oh, he's justgonna diddle on the guitar. No,
he plays drums, he plays bass, he plays guitar, he can play
the piano, every fucking kind ofpercussion. You saw the percussion things I
had to you know, at myfingertips, those are all his ship impressive
impressive. Yeah. So, like, of all the people in the neighborhood
(07:51):
that should be you know, noisy, it would be us. It would
be the lady married to the guyin the hardcore band. That's but nobody
knows he's a musician because the houseis so well soundproofed, because he is
such a considerate person that the onlypeople suffering from the noise of a working
(08:16):
musician are his wife and children.As it should be. And sometimes this
podcast, yes, you'll hear itunderneath the stairs. Correct. So we
pride ourselves on being very considerate ofour neighbors by literally not existing, right,
(08:37):
not existing on any of the sameplanes. We don't know you.
I'm not backing out when you're backingout. I'm not checking my mail when
you check your mail. None.I do not want to be perceived.
I do not want to be received. We just stay away from each other.
I'm sure you're a great person.That's it. I want you to
think maybe I am too, ormaybe you don't think I am. I
(08:58):
don't fuck. As long as wedon't exist together, it's fine. So
it's been going well, but we'resurrounded on all sides by three people with
pool. So oftentimes they entertain,and that's perfectly fine. You can entertain
until eleven o'clock. Then then thenthen after eleven o'clock you're gonna have to
(09:20):
turn your music down, quiet yourteam, children, down, whever's going
on. Fair And that's a ruleeverywhere in suburbia. You know, yeah,
and and and and and I don'tmind the loud music, you know,
I don't listen to yacht rock allgod damn day because whatever gig you've
got is fantastic. And you workfrom home every day, and work from
(09:41):
home means whatever it is you're doingin that yard all day, I think
that's I'm happy for you. Actually, you are living the motherfuck and dream.
Okay, so you're Billy Joel allyour shit. I'll take whatever.
But what I can't do is somebodybehind us. Not one dog, not
(10:05):
two dogs, not three dogs,not four dogs. It sounds like eight
motherfucking dogs. It's like a kennel. It's like a kennel. It's like
a beyond a dog walking service.I feel like dogs are getting dropped the
fuck off. People are going toMexico for a minute, what you,
Caesar Milan, is your neighbor behindyou what I said, Caesar Milan,
(10:28):
is your neighbor behind you? Yes, no, no, not Caesar.
Caesar Milan would shut those dogs thefuck up. So the neighbor behind us,
I think is running an illegal kennel. That's what I think, and
that's what Justin and and it wouldbe fine if the dogs were quiet,
(10:50):
But it sounds like there's a lotof different dogs, so varying levels of
noise. And all I'm thinking aboutis like there's twelve dog buttholes in the
yard, but this it's just differentsounds. And I'm just like, yeah,
(11:11):
right, But like people can havedifferent breeds of dogs, and they
can have multiple dogs, and theycan all live under the same roof.
Like okay, I didn't hear,but twelve of them, twelve of them,
No, it sounds like twelve differentdogs, like twelve distinct different barking
as dogs. Okay, and allowedass motherfucker bark aouts like Eminem got it
(11:37):
right. So I, a verypatient person who has forbidden my husband from
being neighborly said it's okay. Atsome points, they're going to pick up
their dogs. At some point,this lady's gonna move. We're just gonna
have to endure this. It's notthat bad. We can handle it for
(11:58):
you know, six minutes, it'seight minutes. It's okay. He's like,
I can't sleep though, Babe.It's like, he's like, it
affects my life. I'm I'm irritated. And it's happening like in the middle,
in the middle of the night.It's happening all day, every day,
in the middle of the night,in the middle of the day,
all morning, a good afternoon,my octoroon. It's happening all mother fucking
(12:20):
day. Okay. Yes, SoI'm like, okay. And he's been
upset about it, upset about it, upset about it, and I let
eight months, nine months, nearlya year. Finally he was like,
Babe, I can't take it anymore. You have to allow me to say
(12:43):
something. And I said, Ireally don't want you engaging with the neighbors,
because if you start a dialogue witha neighbor and it goes downhill,
we now have a relationship with thisperson and it is a toxic. Yeah.
And this is my forever home.I am not leaving here. Hopefully
(13:09):
my children take this house after I'mlong dead and gone, and they're not
leaving here. This is it forme. So I can't survive another long
term experience of hating my neighbors,which is why I was so patient and
(13:30):
accepting of the noise, right.But he said, I can't take it.
You you have to let me saysomething or do something. And I
said, okay, So what youcan do is you can write a letter
to the mayor and just explain whatyou think is going on and where they
(13:50):
had you fucked up legally because youcan't. You can't run a fucking kennel
out of out of a residential home. It's not a thing you can do
here. It's in the fucking codebook. It can't be. So I's
like, so, you know,doctorize and cross your tease that you are
observing a possible violation and you're notjust some you know, annoying old person
(14:15):
who has not that much to do, you know. So I let him
write the letter. I proof fredit whatever he sent it, and they're
like, you know, and theirsuggestion was, you know, talk to
them, and my husband was like, that's not an option for us.
Unfortunately, my wife will not allowme to talk to the neighbors. And
I said, I know that afterI following instructions. So now the letter
(14:39):
has started to just become a chainof documentation. So every time there's an
incident, my husband will just jotit down. You know, Wednesday,
seven pm to eleven pm, thedogs were motherfucking bargain all goddamn night,
you know, eight minutes at aclip, twelve minutes at a clip,
seventeen minutes at a clip. Sohe's documenting, documenting, documenting, documenting.
(15:01):
He's got videos, and now heseems like the crazy person he does.
I can't lie. He seems thechain is long, He's got a
folder in his phone of videos.He sounds crazy, but it's driven him
to the edge. And finally hegoes and he approaches the woman, especially
work from home pandemic he sees fromin the backyard, and he says,
(15:22):
excuse me, ma'am, I amso sorry. I'm your neighbor back here,
and I just have to ask,are all of these dogs yours?
And she knew where he was goingwith it, because certainly other people have
complained. Oh yeah, and sheimmediately jumps into I hate the term,
but Karen Zone exasperated and how dareyou? And well, why don't you
(15:50):
go. He was like, whydon't I go where I'm bucking sitting in
my house? What are's talking about? So the conversation automatically gets derailed,
and I said that was exactly whatI didn't want to happen, right,
Yeah, so we just had tolet it go. Whatever. The mayor
assures us that, you know,he's going to to to to see what
he can do, and they haveapproached and they've disgusted in da da da
(16:11):
Right, I guess the squeaky wheelgets the worm. Whatever the fuck the
grays? Yes, that well,I think. I think the other angle
(16:33):
too is that you know, arethe dogs in danger? I know that
that's not your first thought, butlike if are they leaving the dogs out
without water? Are the dogs perpetuallychained? Are like do the dogs have
adequate shelter from the from the elements? Like that would be something else that
I would put in there. Well, I mean I was so frustrated that
(16:55):
I was hoping that that was thecase for the dogs to be real with
you. Um so I guess becauseof the amount of complaints lodged, something
was finally done and and and theythat one day it just stopped. One
day the problem was just fixed.I don't know where she went or what
(17:18):
happened, but the there wasn't akennel of dogs anymore. Right, So
we're leaving, we're living free,were breathing easy. It's a fucking Corin
Bailey Ray video in this bitch.Every day we're running lilies. It's gorgeous
and and much to our chagrin,the the other neighbor and all the time
(17:41):
that we were worried about the kennel, adopted a dog, and as you
know, you adopt the dog,and then exactly seventeen days later, the
puppy becomes a wolf. I waslike, what's your meaning with they they
had a puppy? But then thedog becomes huge and has a bellow,
(18:07):
right, And Justin's like this,yeah, that dog was loud. I
heard that dog, that one tothe left. See see saying you're a
dog person, and you're a dogperson, and you watched we were sitting
on the deck, everybody leisurely havinga nice time, and then all of
a sudden the dog come out anddid the dog not bark incessantly for seventeen
minutes? Yeah? Yeah, anddidn't I say I didn't I looked right
(18:32):
at you, and I looked atMegan, and I said, any minute
now, my husband's going to openthe sliding glass door and he's gonna math
you this fucking dog. And didhe not do any and what I said
he did? And I feel badbecause he thought we were all laughing at
him. We weren't. You werelaughing at the fact that it was so
(18:53):
predictable that he was going to comeout here and be like that fucking dog.
I feel like you did that atleast twice the whole weekend, Like
it was just perfectly predicted, justinback behavior, and that one was particularly
just so well timed. I wasjust like jessin Mech's gonna come over here
and do this. And did henot do exactly the thing? So you
(19:19):
heard how long loud that dog isand so yeah, and and and you
saw me I was chill as fucked. I was not. It was like
I had I had a very shruglife approach to it. Its one days
um, but then Sunday, Yeah, I got my period and I was
(19:48):
hemorrhaging blood. I was like,let me, I was hoping to get
bolted into a submarine. That's howbad My question like, I just,
I just, I just I justwanted to disappear. I wasn't so much
pain, oh god, and Iwas so and I was exhausted from you
(20:15):
know, coming off of an adrenalinefilled week of celebration. I just I
just wanted to be comfortable and cozyand reminiscent. And instead I was like,
really, period, this is thisis how you pay me? Like
I just was coming up. Lifewas good and then all of a sudden
carry So, yeah, I'm sittingin the house. Justin goes if you
(20:41):
had a meeting or something. SoI'm sitting in the house. It's like
seven am, and it's my It'sMonday morning. So it's my first day
back to real life after you know, a prolonged celebration. And you know,
my house is in a state ofdisarray. I've just had house guests,
um galore. I'm now, youknow, trying to get my house
organized before I head off to work. Yeah, and it is that dog.
(21:08):
It is that dog. And Iwatched the clock. It was forty
seven long and during minutes of thedog and it wasn't that's so terrible.
I mean, that dog does notwant to be outside. Is that what
(21:29):
it is is that is it thatthey just open the door and let the
dog out and the dogs begging toget back in, or is the dog
yelping at bunnies and birds and andand no. I mean if the dog
is out there incessantly barking, thatdog does not want to be outside.
That dog wants to be let in. Like my dog will bark if he
hears the dog behind us, becausethey have a we have a privacy fence,
(21:51):
so we can't see the dog,but if he hears it, he'll
bark, or if he like seesa neighbor, you know, out in
the corner back here the art hillbark. But like the only time a
dog will be just like for thatlong barking is they want to be let
in. They're done. Okay,So I'm not wrong in being disturbed by
(22:15):
the incessant nature of this sound.And it was and you heard it.
I'm not like exaggerating. It wasloud. It was loud. Yeah,
And so I don't feel well myhouse is destroyed. Yeah, I'm hungry.
(22:38):
I'm ugly that there's things going on. And this is the first time
that I have reached this breaking point. We've been dealing with this so so
so the cannel problem was resolved aftermany, many months, and now suddenly
this baby puppy has turned into afucking giant what's that fucking animal from Never
(23:06):
Ending Story? Oh? Oh mygod, that's so funny. I was
just like, what is his name? It's not a tray you, but
um, what's his name? That? Oh? Shoot, yeah, I
know exactly yep, that white dog. So it's that big. So imagine
the sound that comes out of thatgiant animal. So keepond. I've never
(23:27):
seen the dog. I don't knowwhat the dog looks like. I don't
know. It's probably a golden doodle, which is the worst kind. That's
the kind word when they stand upon all fours, their butt holes in
your face because they're tall. Youdon't know how much I hate that dog.
I hate that brand of dog.I hate that fucking brand of dog.
(23:48):
I especially hate that brand of dogwhen it has that red around the
eyes and the red around the mouthand the red around the butt hole.
I don't like it. And itwalks in circles and it's using its tail,
and it's like, what's what areyou doing? Because everything okay?
Like, do you have Um,what do you call that? Do you
need to do? Um? Theeiler? What's it called? The Epley
(24:12):
maneuver? Do you have vertigo?What the fucking line of the dog?
I'm not kidding, like, andI feel bad. And it's been a
long time since since since we've hadan episode where I just had to be
myself. But listen, I getvery upset. I know you're having a
fucking good time. I'm in distressinghere. Oh. I had reached my
(24:38):
breaking point and I said, Icalled Justin. He was in a meeting,
and I said, nine one one, this is an emergency. I
need you to pick up your phone. I need you to pick up your
phone. I'm not okay, andhe calls me right here is everything okay
about? I am in a meetingAnd I was like, I know,
(25:00):
oh, that I have asked you, And I'm like, that's how I'm
talking. I know that I haveasked you so many times to not engage
and to let the dog barking go, and that it's something that we can
endure. We've been through so muchmore together. We've had a house,
We've had a tree collapse onto ourhouse. We have survived so many things
together. And I love you somuch. He's like, yeah, it's
(25:23):
really fucking that. What the fuck? And I was like, I was
like, I'm thinking harmful thoughts.I'm not okay. The dog has stopped
barking for forty seven minutes. He'slike, Jesus a booking dog. I
was like, dude, I waslike, today is the day. I'm
not gonna make it. He's like, you know what, write a letter,
(25:45):
write a letter, go do gogo go go down to city Hall.
And I was like, That's whatI'm gonna do here. And Justin
Beck is usually like when I'm He'slike and he goes, wait, are
you on your period? And Igo yes. He goes, well,
you know what the one time useit used to know your passion and your
energy. He's like, I loveit. I'm glad. I'm finally glad
you got here. You know what, babe, I believe in you go
(26:06):
down there, go down there.And he was egging me on go down
there. I was like, youknow, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go down I'm calling overthere. He's like, call over there,
call over there, tell him tellhim everything that go ahead. And
I was like okay, so youknow, he like he like charged my
little battery. Called down there.I said hello, my name is Melissa
Beek. I gave my address andI was like, I am calling to
(26:29):
find out when the next meeting isso that I may logic complaint. And
they were like, oh, wellit's actually tonight. And I was like,
well, that's wonderful. And theywere like, but you are not.
What is the nature of your complaintbecause and then she knows. She
sounded like she was riffling through papers. She was like, because we've already
(26:49):
got the agenda set and you wouldhave to sit through the whole thing and
we would add you at the end. And I said, nothing would please
me more. And then she said, uh, is this regarding permits?
No, and what is this regarding? And I was like, it's regarding
UM chapter one or two. Ifeel a neighbor's in violation of code.
(27:15):
And I had the whole shit.Oh you did, Oh my god,
Oh baby, don't play with me. Don't play with I. Don't play
Video Playing Day because once I'm pushedto the edge, you know, I'm
in any of a grand one.I did my homework before I made the
call. Wow, and um,she said, all right, well we'll
put you on there and when we'llsee you tonight. I got home,
(27:37):
I took a shower, we didour thing on alive, and then I
went to the meeting. And Justinwas like smiling ear to ear. He's
playing George benj He is so happythat I did a little little little no.
He's so happy that I'd finally gottento this place of rage. He's
(27:59):
got his hands in his pocket,he's you know, he's just smiling because
it's gonna be meat. That's gonnabe the asshole tonight. So we sit
and we go through the whole thing, and you know, they talk about
a bunch of boring shit and somepumps and yeah, beautification projects and that
at a yeah, and then theycall They call you based on your address.
(28:22):
So they call up the first addressand it's a lady who's been here
for thirty seven years and she hasa tree that she would like to cut,
but the arborist said the tree isnot dead. So the review board
said you can't cut that tree,and so she's very upset about that,
and she's not going to pay foranother arborist to come and give another opinion,
she wants the tree cut down.I've lived her thirty five years.
And it went back and forth likethat. Yeah, every other couple here
(28:45):
was about their complaint was about notgetting their way and having a tree cut
down. So and it was gettingheated. Well, I want the tree
cut down because it's a danger tomy family. I want the tree cut
down because it's a danger to thefoundation of my home. I want the
tree cut down. And it wouldbe back and forth, back and forth,
and like, but did you geta second opinion? So they're going
(29:06):
back and forth. The mayor isgetting heated. I'm sorry, is that
a threat? Like it was likeit was going off and I was like,
yo, I love it in here. Yeah. Me and Justin are
like yo, we're texting each otherin the back row like oh that.
I was like, uh, thearborists said that tree was fine, and
so now Justin's Google mapping and seeingHe's like that tree like we are.
We're in the back like And thecraziest part is, of all people,
(29:30):
I should hate trees, okay,but I am. I am a rule
follower, and the rules are verystrict here about how we treat the trees
and and and and tree life.It's like tree lives matter here big time,
Like we don't. I'm not playingwith you. Um and even if
you get an arborist to come inand say, you know what you want
(29:51):
them to say, they'll still belike, nah, arbora said no,
so good luck with that. Andyou were here. The fucking place is
full of trees. It's gorgeous.It's and that's the reason why it looks
like that is because the rules arevery strict. Yeah, um, so
it's it's. It's it's NonStop arguingback and forth with the town lawyer and
(30:14):
the mayor, and the people havefucking entire documents in their hand. People
have boards and and and explanations.They get you know, pointers and shit,
like they are really trying to getthese trees cut down. And I'm
sitting there like, hm, nope, nope, nope. My name Si
I'm just the old head delivery guy. But it seems like trees might be
(30:38):
worth a try, so I saylet it. My name is down and
my name's Rose Arson. I'm havinga good time, like I'm mad that
(32:00):
me and Justin didn't bring a cheesetray, like it was a great man
was like, and he just gotcotton a lie. He just got cotton
a lie. He said there wasdripping in his basement because of the foundation
was cracked. But then he saidthat that he didn't see that, and
like they were it was amazing,And it was tipped for tatting. It
was amazing. It was like beingon the set of Maury Povid show,
Like it was awesome. Are theyI'm having a great time. Are they?
(32:24):
Are they looking to get a resolutionthere at that meeting or do they?
Do you think they'll have to comeback again and like plead their case
again. Yes, they have tokeep coming back and they'll just keep arguing
and fighting until they get their way. And so like you know, and
and and and it's a town ofyou know, people that have a lot
of time on their hands, andand and people that are used to getting
(32:49):
their way. Yeah. Um,but as you can see, when it
comes to the trees, you ain'tgetting your way. Look around or not
us meeting fair for dogs. Well, so now we get to and people
leave after they're done with their complaints. So we were last, right,
(33:12):
and of the families arguing to geta tree cut, only one got the
answer. They wanted to hear.It was yes, but the reason why
they got the answer they wanted tohear is because they can't prepared. They
were like, yes, we didget a competing opinion. Yes, we
were told that this one has extensiveroot issues, and in order to appease
(33:32):
the village, we are willing toplant three more trees of this variety.
And then they pulled out all thefun language our variety, bloody blah da
da da, and this it growsto this big and da da da,
and it provides this much shade anddada and full grown. It does this
and it also looks like this,and they win like they had they were
(33:55):
prepared, and they were like verysmart, all in favor, yep,
all in favor, yes, andlike everybody was like rubbing their back like
oh you did it, yeah,muzzle like every So it was a very
heated first two hours and then theyfinally, you know, they look up
and we're the last couple in theroom, and they're like, all right,
(34:16):
and we have an addition to theagenda and they call our address and
that I was like hello, hi, wow, And I started it with
I don't know if I'm an environmentalistor a sociopath. But if it were
up to me, I agree withyou here today, all five of you
(34:37):
who say no to cutting the trees. We should not. No branch should
be touched. I want every treestanding. And I said, and I
say this as a person whose homewas actually demolished by a tree during hurricane
standing with the child underneath it.So I was like, fund some kids,
get on their good side. That'show I started. And they were
laughing. I got them good andbuttered up. And they're like, oh,
(35:05):
like, because you know, theydon't have people come in there saying
yes to the treat like I waspro treat Yeah. Um, like much
in the way that like a prolife activist stands outside of an abortion place.
I was like, you know,like trees please. Um. So
(35:27):
they're laughing whatever, and I said, I have to sit and I explain
the whole thing. I said.I have to say, I too,
am disappointed that I'm here today.I never ever want to be a person
that complains. I said, myhusband, I have been here for X
amount of years. You've probably neverseen me, which is great for all
of us. They laughed at that, my husband and just as naughty he's
(35:51):
like, it's really good. Youdon't see her. He's like, because
I see her when I have tosee her, and I'm telling you now,
and I was like relax, andI was like, um, I'm
I'm here to talk about noise.And I bring up the chapter and I
pull it up on my phone andI was like, first time. I
want to go through the definitions,and I wanted to make sure that I
(36:12):
hit the threshold for all the definitions. I said, I do understand what
a decibel is, and I explainedthe decibel blah blah blah, and I
said, nobody understands decibels more thanI do because I am the wife of
a musician. They're like, oh, you're a musician and he's like,
yeah, but you know that's notwhat we're here. And then everybody's asking
questions, oh, what kind ofeven I was like, he plays it.
Actually, it's it's just an iconiclong island good the class job.
(36:34):
I don't know if you guys knowabout that, and justice like maybe,
I'm like so, so I'm like, um, I also want to hit
the definition of reasonable person because Isee that reasonable person comes up a lot
in this code. And I said, I would like to say that I
have been the most reasonable I haveendured. I'm sure you've seen my husband's
(36:57):
multiple chains of emails about what heleaves to be an illegal kennel behind us
on Da Da Da, And Iwas like, um, I'm sure you've
been, you know, privy tohis multiple videos of dog barking. And
I said, and and in allof that, I've been absent because I've
asked him to refrain from engaging withany of this, engaging with you about
(37:20):
it, engaging with the neighbors themselvesabout it. I have really tried to
be the bigger person and ignore thissituation. I said, However, today
I have reached my breaking point,because when I wake up I should not
immediately be thinking about bb guns andguillotines. And so I am here tonight
too express that I think that weshould put more explicit language in the code
(37:42):
regarding noise. And here are mysuggestions. Keep mind, everybody there is
like in a mister Rogers fucking cardiganwith the fucking leather elbow patches, Like
yeah, you know they come intheir driving shoes that have the fucking rubber
like pads on the heels. Youknow, like they're very serious. They're
(38:06):
very serious, they're buttoned up thatthese people have dry cleaning on. And
I came in my you saw inthe blue version of the pink but che
of a dress that I had on. But you know, I also you
know, I hit him with myvocabulary and yeah, so you know,
they took notice. And I said, I think that the explicit language that
(38:28):
I would like to have added willcome into these three sections. I said,
I think we need to be veryclear about what a decibel is and
what a decibel violation is. Isaid, we need to add language in
there about the duration. I said, there's nothing here. I say,
if a dog is gonna dog,if a dog's gonna bark for ten minutes,
I get it. It's a dog. It's gonna bark for ten minutes.
And I said, but once westart getting into eleven minutes, twelve
minutes, forty five minutes, onehour, one thirty am, I said,
(38:51):
we need to talk about duration,and we need to talk about time
and when it becomes a violation tothat of a reasonable person. So I
think maybe we need to get intodefining what a reasonable person is and if
I am a person that has enduredthis shit for this many emails. I've
(39:13):
proven that I'm reasonable, and Isaid anything further. The last thing is
its like I have never ever seenor heard in all of the years that
I've been here, anybody violating acode so much that they are actually fined.
And here I see that there isa fine. I have never seen
(39:34):
it applied. And if this isthe fine, I think it needs to
be triple quadrupled because this fine hereis not affecting anybody. I said,
the fine needs to be like itnesive. Yeah, it needs to be
punitive, and it needs to bemultipliable. So if you get a noise
(40:00):
complain about you one time, that'sfine two times, and now we're approaching
the fine three times, you're gettingthe fine four times. Justin goes,
maybe we put the dog down.They fucking laughed at that. That.
I was like, I want tosay all that um um, And so
(40:21):
then Justin was like, if Imay interject, and now he's you know,
he's like, you know, Hi, I'm Justin Beck. I've come
to a couple of these now,and you know, I do feel like
I have not been heard because youknow, we're still experiencing this and he
goes, but I want to reiteratethat my wife one of the other issues
(40:43):
that she has is she does notwant to have to engage with the neighbors
directly. I don't know if there'sa way that we could do this anonymously,
because he's like, I'm sure they'relovely people. He's like, I
don't want to have a contentious relationshipwith anybody. He's like, I want
these rules applied across the board toeverybody, not just me who's experiencing allowed
(41:04):
dog. And they're like no,no, no, And so then the
lawyer was like, actually, wehave on you know, on the agenda
for next month or whatever, newa new proposition to a change in the
noise code. So if you wantto come to that, it's a public
hearing, you can, you know, give your thoughts whatever. And I
(41:25):
said I would love to. Sothey actually had been already in discussions about
tightening up the language in the noiseCode, which has made me have even
more of a good time. Iwas like, oh, so then we
were on the same page here andthey're like, no, we all agree.
I guess like a combination of Justin'sletters on top of other people have
(41:47):
had to. I mean, ifyou live on the street, you hear
that dog. I was gonna say, I have to imagine that somebody else
has called either animal control or atleast called the city. If I out
what's going on, I mean,it's crazy. It's crazy. So all
that to say, date night atthe town meeting is awesome. I was
(42:14):
intellectually stimulated. Um, I'm hotgoss. I was telling Marion about it
and marn was like, this soundslike an episode of uh, Parks and
Recreation. She's like, it soundslike an exact episode of Parks and Recreation.
I was like, I've never seenthat. She's like, no,
(42:34):
no, no, She's like dadjokes combined with all the fucking nerdy shit
you're talking about and how excited youare about it. She's like, it
sounds exactly very like that, veryless. She was like, you guys
are like really adulting right now.I was like, are we? She's
like, yeah, you are excitedabout a town meeting. I was like,
(42:59):
it was so exciting though, andlike the fact that I was heard
and now I get to go tothe hearing about the fucking new language that
they're going to propose. M oneperson really can make a difference. Look
at you. Let's back dog barkingactivists or noise control activists. Service is
universal. I feel like I've donea service for the whole neighborhood. I
(43:25):
mean, really, that my impact, you know. So we leave there
and Justine's like it looks over atme. He's like, did you have
fun? I was like, babe, I just had so much fun.
He's like, dude, she gotdinner first. I was like, right.
I was like, she got dinnerfirst, and like, come to
(43:45):
this thing kind of tipsy. He'slike, dude, next, babe,
Next, put it on the calendar. What the next meeting is. I
was like for sure. And Iwas like I want to bring my laptop
and take notes. And he's like, I think you should be on the
board. I was like, youknow what, because you have to vote
it in. I'm going to runfor a seat on the board. I
(44:07):
think that would be the worst jobever. I'm doing it. I'm running
for a seat on the board.There are there's only one other woman on
there. There ain't no flavor crystals. It's time. It's time. I
am going to be the Kamala ofthe town board. I I'm going to
(44:30):
bring yes and I'm going to whichwill be a violation pinning them on all
the trees, but I'm gonna doit. Vote for me. I want
to be a trust up trees.Listen. Another thing that they had.
Another thing that they brought up wasthat they they are they want to dig
(44:51):
up the ground to do some kindof I don't know. It has to
do with the town next to uspumping water, this, that and the
other. And I was like,dig up the ground, you know,
like I was listening and I wasreally feeling like, you know, this
is going to change the quality oflife for a major section of the neighborhood
(45:14):
as they're digging up the ground tolike make sure that the pond doesn't overflow
or doesn't what do you call it, when the when the levels are low.
Whatever the point is. I wantto be on there and I want
to be the person that says,no, we're not cutting that tree down.
So you know, you can bringa little sad dog eys in here.
(45:37):
You can show us pictures of yourbabies. We don't give u.
Arborist said now. But I'm gonnasay professional life because I was just having
me a good old time, likeyou you really could have your own gavel.
Oh my god, Oh my god, can I have a gavel?
(45:58):
Oh my god, all in fairlittle engraving. Oh my god, misspec,
we don't we don't need you todo that. At one point they
said all in favor, and Isaid in favor and they're like, you're
not on the board. It waswait, you just sucked me up.
I'm gonna get a gavel. Ohmy god, I'm going to run for
(46:23):
the board. Oh my god.Congrats on fighting your new life's purpose and
a free date night idea. Honestly, I just I mean, if you're
(46:46):
not a neighborly person but you wantto be nosy, this is the way
to do it. Yeah. Andlike I wasn't even the bitchiest person in
the room, which was really amazing. Like I had I had all morning
(47:06):
from seven am until the meeting startedat seven pm. I said, Justin
was like maybe at twelve hours toget this, you know, to bring
it down and to get your mindright, don't come in there crazy.
I know you need to download thenext door app and you need to get
on your community's next door page.I think you would really thrive just as
(47:29):
a lurker. It's pretty amazing.I know. Well, I've been told
I should join it. But likepeople go on to make off but if
you want to make comments, youhave to make it with your real name.
Yeah, well you don't. Youdon't go on there to make comments.
(47:50):
You just go on to just watchpeople lose their ever loving minds over
the dumbest shit. I know.But have you met me. I'm not
gonna be able to not comment.Why do you think I don't go I
don't have public social accounts because Ican't not comment. Remember what happened when
(48:14):
we let me on Facebook? Rememberwhat happened? Yeah? Yeah, I
can't be fighting with people on Momsand dad Facebook page as me. That's
crazy. That's crazy. And noone wants to no one, no one
wants to know her. You knowwhat I'm saying. I want to be
anonymous lady at Lot, you knowtwenty four seed. I don't want to.
(48:37):
I don't want to be actor inMelissabeth because I'm fucking once I get
started, I can't. You've seenhow I alienate people in the discord.
I can't Yeah, okay, okay, but I can't be an amous if
(49:00):
you're on the If you're are,like you know, on the town board.
What if I wear sunglasses, peopleare gonna know your name, They're
gonna know who you are. Melissasaid no to my tree. I shitted
shit did And then I think,at might you know where you have your
(49:21):
little nameplate? At my nameplate,I'm going to have a picture of Justin
Beck standing in front of the degreeof our house, and I'd be like,
these are unbiased opinions. I actuallyam the only person in this room
who should be upset about a treeor tree as little that is a sapling,
it stays. Um, just beinga tree bully. I feel like
(49:42):
that's not a place that I've reallyexplored in my personality. Um, you're
the motherfucking lax. Look at yougo. Oh my gosh, am I
the Laax. You're tall enough.Just let me grow a mustache. Um
(50:04):
just probably wait. I feel likethat's what happens to us in paramedophs.
I just listen, how well howdoes that song go at the end?
Oh? Wait? We wax everyweek. My kids watch Laurax every week.
I cannot believe I'm blinking on thissong. We said, let it
(50:30):
grow, Let it grow. It'sthat yes, but there's kind of glows
da we say let it grow.Yep, that's gonna be me. I
want my thing to say, MelissaLaurax back, I'm serious legacy, and
(50:54):
then you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna have a gavel carved from
debrief the tree. This is myspecial tree gavel, and I'm saying no,
let's call back to a walking stick. You could have a walking stick
(51:14):
and a gavel carved from the sametree. God, oh my god,
I just I want to be legendary. Hi, hello, and thank you
as always for listening to Imperfect Strangerspodcast. New episodes come out every Friday,
(51:36):
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(51:59):
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(52:19):
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(52:44):
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(53:07):
of mouth referral. I don't knowwhere I'm going. It's been a long
week and it's only Wednesday, sowe will see you soon for a Monday
Night Live. Thank you again forlistening, and stay classy, San Diego.
(53:30):
I don't know me,
Well, I've discovered a new datenight, and what might that be?
What's so funny? I didn't evensay anything yet. I literally didn't did
not say anything yet. Correct,you didn't say anything. Yeah, But
if I've learned anything over the lastthree years is that you have a pretty
(00:21):
like consistent date night, just likeI have with my husband of a million
years. So the fact that youhave something new and exciting means that it
has to be it's not and you'renot going to tell me that. Like
you did couple's pottery, So wedid one time do couples pottery? Oh
(01:02):
you did? Oh wait, that'sright, I forgot you did, like
fancy fancy, like you threw itand all that good stuff. Yeah,
but like I also felt like i'dtake it back. I also felt like
we were the third wheel on abirthday celebration that should have just been intimate
for a man and his wife andhis sister in law, but then like
(01:25):
we were invited, but then anothercouple was invited but they didn't come,
So then it was like my firsttime meeting the actual birthday person. It
was my first time meeting the birthdayperson in it. At the end,
she was like it was so niceto meet you, Michelle, and I
was like, okay, well Itake it back. So not that you
went and through pottery, but youwent and did goat yoga. Okay,
(01:48):
So what is your new an excitingidea for a date night. Well it
was really accidental and they only happenedonce a month. But I'm like,
babe, I just had so muchfun at this thing that we have to
come every month, even if wehad not filing a complaint trying to get
(02:15):
up your town. Meeting your townwas a date night. You don't understand,
so I don't so please and late. So I would say for about
two and a half years now,I've lived here for over a decade decade
plus, and I only live inthis house because I was forced out of
(02:40):
my first house. I was forcedout of my first house by a terrible
neighbor. I've told the story fiftythousand different ways to Tuesday. Everybody knows
it. I had a horrible neighbor. I was forced to move out of
my house. That we literally spenta lot of time, blood, sweat,
and tears making it our own inside. We had one bathroom left to
(03:04):
do, but the neighbor was justsuch a fucking cunt that we had no
choice but to leave. And whenI say you know that, I mean
this person threatened the well being ofmy family and like it was restraining orders
and all kind of shit. Solike we had no choice but to leave,
and then the motherfucker had the nerveto die a year later. But
(03:27):
whatever. Oh, I was somad. I was tying the mattress to
the roof of my I was tyinga mattress to the roof of my car.
And then my neighbor from across thestreet called and I was like,
are you sitting down. I waslike, no, I'm tying a mattress
to the roof of my car.And she was like, he died.
I was like, what shit.But honestly, I couldn't have held out
(03:51):
after any year because he might havekilled us. I mean it was like
that level. It was really we'relaughing, but like I can't watch any
movies about like fucked up neighbors becauselike the shit is like triggering anyway,
I'm sure, yeah, because Ihave this personal experience with having a terrible
neighbor. I then moved into thisneighborhood where I like that it's quiet.
(04:15):
I like that it is serene andenchanting, and there's lots of trees,
and I don't see my neighbors oneither side unless I absolutely want to.
And since I don't want to,I don't like. I don't nod,
I don't do the nice you know, neighborly wave hello. I've chosen not
(04:36):
to do that. But it doesn'taffect me because they just don't see me.
Like it's one of those places whereyou don't see people in and out.
And I don't have a dog,so there's no reason for me to
stop at the corner and be like, oh, how what's your dog's naming?
He I don't have all that.Yeah, so I live in the
perfect place for a person who hasbeen traumatized by neighbors to not ever have
(04:57):
to deal with neighbors, but stillnot seem like, you know, the
old man in the Jumanji house.You know what I'm saying. Nobody's walking
by, like, oh, that'sthe old Beck house and it's haunted,
nobody's nobody's wondering. You really arein the perfect place for being in a
neighborhood and also not having to dealwith neighbors. Yeah, you saw it
(05:21):
and yeah, actually the haunted houseis on the corner. But anyway,
that's that's not the point of this. So we've been here for a really
long time, and I have forbidden, actually forbidden Justin Beck from ever becoming
friendly and neighborly. Not that hewould, but oddly enough, of the
(05:45):
two of us, he would bethe one to break our pact. He
would be the one to, like, you know, go next door and
be like, hey, your kidsball, he's in our yard and how
are you or really like you're flooring. And then the next thing you know,
he's got his shoes off and he'swalking around someone's house like he's done
that type of ship before. AndI'm like, why the fuck did you
go in there though? Why didyou go in there though? And then
(06:08):
we start getting invited to things andhe's like what should I say. I'm
like, well, that's because youwere friendly, you did that. So
I've forbidden him from doing anything neighborly. And you know, he can't help
himself. Sometimes he does help people. He's like, but their generator was
out no hood. So we've donewell, We've had a great run.
(06:32):
And I also think because he looksthe way that he like kind of intimidating
and weird. It's kind of workedin his favor that nobody's trying to talk
to him anyway. You know,he is one of those people that once
you start talking to him and hewarms up, you're like, I kind
of like that guy, and thenyou kind of want to get to know
that guy more. And now I'mfucking annoyed because now I gotta get to
know a motherfucker too. And itused to not be this way, funny.
(07:00):
It used to be that I wasreally friendly and shit, and then
one day I was just like,over that stage of my life anyway.
How the turns have tabled, dude, stay tabling. So we are in
a triangulation of noise, which isa great irony because Justin Beck is a
(07:28):
working musician and plays extremely loud musicand instruments of all kinds. So it's
not like, oh, he's justgonna diddle on the guitar. No,
he plays drums, he plays bass, he plays guitar, he can play
the piano, every fucking kind ofpercussion. You saw the percussion things I
had to you know, at myfingertips, those are all his ship impressive
impressive. Yeah. So, like, of all the people in the neighborhood
(07:51):
that should be you know, noisy, it would be us. It would
be the lady married to the guyin the hardcore band. That's but nobody
knows he's a musician because the houseis so well soundproofed, because he is
such a considerate person that the onlypeople suffering from the noise of a working
(08:16):
musician are his wife and children.As it should be. And sometimes this
podcast, yes, you'll hear itunderneath the stairs. Correct. So we
pride ourselves on being very considerate ofour neighbors by literally not existing, right,
(08:37):
not existing on any of the sameplanes. We don't know you.
I'm not backing out when you're backingout. I'm not checking my mail when
you check your mail. None.I do not want to be perceived.
I do not want to be received. We just stay away from each other.
I'm sure you're a great person.That's it. I want you to
think maybe I am too, ormaybe you don't think I am. I
(08:58):
don't fuck. As long as wedon't exist together, it's fine. So
it's been going well, but we'resurrounded on all sides by three people with
pool. So oftentimes they entertain,and that's perfectly fine. You can entertain
until eleven o'clock. Then then thenthen after eleven o'clock you're gonna have to
(09:20):
turn your music down, quiet yourteam, children, down, whever's going
on. Fair And that's a ruleeverywhere in suburbia. You know, yeah,
and and and and and I don'tmind the loud music, you know,
I don't listen to yacht rock allgod damn day because whatever gig you've
got is fantastic. And you workfrom home every day, and work from
(09:41):
home means whatever it is you're doingin that yard all day, I think
that's I'm happy for you. Actually, you are living the motherfuck and dream.
Okay, so you're Billy Joel allyour shit. I'll take whatever.
But what I can't do is somebodybehind us. Not one dog, not
(10:05):
two dogs, not three dogs,not four dogs. It sounds like eight
motherfucking dogs. It's like a kennel. It's like a kennel. It's like
a beyond a dog walking service.I feel like dogs are getting dropped the
fuck off. People are going toMexico for a minute, what you,
Caesar Milan, is your neighbor behindyou what I said, Caesar Milan,
(10:28):
is your neighbor behind you? Yes, no, no, not Caesar.
Caesar Milan would shut those dogs thefuck up. So the neighbor behind us,
I think is running an illegal kennel. That's what I think, and
that's what Justin and and it wouldbe fine if the dogs were quiet,
(10:50):
But it sounds like there's a lotof different dogs, so varying levels of
noise. And all I'm thinking aboutis like there's twelve dog buttholes in the
yard, but this it's just differentsounds. And I'm just like, yeah,
(11:11):
right, But like people can havedifferent breeds of dogs, and they
can have multiple dogs, and theycan all live under the same roof.
Like okay, I didn't hear,but twelve of them, twelve of them,
No, it sounds like twelve differentdogs, like twelve distinct different barking
as dogs. Okay, and allowedass motherfucker bark aouts like Eminem got it
(11:37):
right. So I, a verypatient person who has forbidden my husband from
being neighborly said it's okay. Atsome points, they're going to pick up
their dogs. At some point,this lady's gonna move. We're just gonna
have to endure this. It's notthat bad. We can handle it for
(11:58):
you know, six minutes, it'seight minutes. It's okay. He's like,
I can't sleep though, Babe.It's like, he's like, it
affects my life. I'm I'm irritated. And it's happening like in the middle,
in the middle of the night.It's happening all day, every day,
in the middle of the night,in the middle of the day,
all morning, a good afternoon,my octoroon. It's happening all mother fucking
(12:20):
day. Okay. Yes, SoI'm like, okay. And he's been
upset about it, upset about it, upset about it, and I let
eight months, nine months, nearlya year. Finally he was like,
Babe, I can't take it anymore. You have to allow me to say
(12:43):
something. And I said, Ireally don't want you engaging with the neighbors,
because if you start a dialogue witha neighbor and it goes downhill,
we now have a relationship with thisperson and it is a toxic. Yeah.
And this is my forever home.I am not leaving here. Hopefully
(13:09):
my children take this house after I'mlong dead and gone, and they're not
leaving here. This is it forme. So I can't survive another long
term experience of hating my neighbors,which is why I was so patient and
(13:30):
accepting of the noise, right.But he said, I can't take it.
You you have to let me saysomething or do something. And I
said, okay, So what youcan do is you can write a letter
to the mayor and just explain whatyou think is going on and where they
(13:50):
had you fucked up legally because youcan't. You can't run a fucking kennel
out of out of a residential home. It's not a thing you can do
here. It's in the fucking codebook. It can't be. So I's
like, so, you know,doctorize and cross your tease that you are
observing a possible violation and you're notjust some you know, annoying old person
(14:15):
who has not that much to do, you know. So I let him
write the letter. I proof fredit whatever he sent it, and they're
like, you know, and theirsuggestion was, you know, talk to
them, and my husband was like, that's not an option for us.
Unfortunately, my wife will not allowme to talk to the neighbors. And
I said, I know that afterI following instructions. So now the letter
(14:39):
has started to just become a chainof documentation. So every time there's an
incident, my husband will just jotit down. You know, Wednesday,
seven pm to eleven pm, thedogs were motherfucking bargain all goddamn night,
you know, eight minutes at aclip, twelve minutes at a clip,
seventeen minutes at a clip. Sohe's documenting, documenting, documenting, documenting.
(15:01):
He's got videos, and now heseems like the crazy person he does.
I can't lie. He seems thechain is long, He's got a
folder in his phone of videos.He sounds crazy, but it's driven him
to the edge. And finally hegoes and he approaches the woman, especially
work from home pandemic he sees fromin the backyard, and he says,
(15:22):
excuse me, ma'am, I amso sorry. I'm your neighbor back here,
and I just have to ask,are all of these dogs yours?
And she knew where he was goingwith it, because certainly other people have
complained. Oh yeah, and sheimmediately jumps into I hate the term,
but Karen Zone exasperated and how dareyou? And well, why don't you
(15:50):
go. He was like, whydon't I go where I'm bucking sitting in
my house? What are's talking about? So the conversation automatically gets derailed,
and I said that was exactly whatI didn't want to happen, right,
Yeah, so we just had tolet it go. Whatever. The mayor
assures us that, you know,he's going to to to to see what
he can do, and they haveapproached and they've disgusted in da da da
(16:11):
Right, I guess the squeaky wheelgets the worm. Whatever the fuck the
grays? Yes, that well,I think. I think the other angle
(16:33):
too is that you know, arethe dogs in danger? I know that
that's not your first thought, butlike if are they leaving the dogs out
without water? Are the dogs perpetuallychained? Are like do the dogs have
adequate shelter from the from the elements? Like that would be something else that
I would put in there. Well, I mean I was so frustrated that
(16:55):
I was hoping that that was thecase for the dogs to be real with
you. Um so I guess becauseof the amount of complaints lodged, something
was finally done and and and theythat one day it just stopped. One
day the problem was just fixed.I don't know where she went or what
(17:18):
happened, but the there wasn't akennel of dogs anymore. Right, So
we're leaving, we're living free,were breathing easy. It's a fucking Corin
Bailey Ray video in this bitch.Every day we're running lilies. It's gorgeous
and and much to our chagrin,the the other neighbor and all the time
(17:41):
that we were worried about the kennel, adopted a dog, and as you
know, you adopt the dog,and then exactly seventeen days later, the
puppy becomes a wolf. I waslike, what's your meaning with they they
had a puppy? But then thedog becomes huge and has a bellow,
(18:07):
right, And Justin's like this,yeah, that dog was loud. I
heard that dog, that one tothe left. See see saying you're a
dog person, and you're a dogperson, and you watched we were sitting
on the deck, everybody leisurely havinga nice time, and then all of
a sudden the dog come out anddid the dog not bark incessantly for seventeen
minutes? Yeah? Yeah, anddidn't I say I didn't I looked right
(18:32):
at you, and I looked atMegan, and I said, any minute
now, my husband's going to openthe sliding glass door and he's gonna math
you this fucking dog. And didhe not do any and what I said
he did? And I feel badbecause he thought we were all laughing at
him. We weren't. You werelaughing at the fact that it was so
(18:53):
predictable that he was going to comeout here and be like that fucking dog.
I feel like you did that atleast twice the whole weekend, Like
it was just perfectly predicted, justinback behavior, and that one was particularly
just so well timed. I wasjust like jessin Mech's gonna come over here
and do this. And did henot do exactly the thing? So you
(19:19):
heard how long loud that dog isand so yeah, and and and you
saw me I was chill as fucked. I was not. It was like
I had I had a very shruglife approach to it. Its one days
um, but then Sunday, Yeah, I got my period and I was
(19:48):
hemorrhaging blood. I was like,let me, I was hoping to get
bolted into a submarine. That's howbad My question like, I just,
I just, I just I justwanted to disappear. I wasn't so much
pain, oh god, and Iwas so and I was exhausted from you
(20:15):
know, coming off of an adrenalinefilled week of celebration. I just I
just wanted to be comfortable and cozyand reminiscent. And instead I was like,
really, period, this is thisis how you pay me? Like
I just was coming up. Lifewas good and then all of a sudden
carry So, yeah, I'm sittingin the house. Justin goes if you
(20:41):
had a meeting or something. SoI'm sitting in the house. It's like
seven am, and it's my It'sMonday morning. So it's my first day
back to real life after you know, a prolonged celebration. And you know,
my house is in a state ofdisarray. I've just had house guests,
um galore. I'm now, youknow, trying to get my house
organized before I head off to work. Yeah, and it is that dog.
(21:08):
It is that dog. And Iwatched the clock. It was forty
seven long and during minutes of thedog and it wasn't that's so terrible.
I mean, that dog does notwant to be outside. Is that what
(21:29):
it is is that is it thatthey just open the door and let the
dog out and the dogs begging toget back in, or is the dog
yelping at bunnies and birds and andand no. I mean if the dog
is out there incessantly barking, thatdog does not want to be outside.
That dog wants to be let in. Like my dog will bark if he
hears the dog behind us, becausethey have a we have a privacy fence,
(21:51):
so we can't see the dog,but if he hears it, he'll
bark, or if he like seesa neighbor, you know, out in
the corner back here the art hillbark. But like the only time a
dog will be just like for thatlong barking is they want to be let
in. They're done. Okay,So I'm not wrong in being disturbed by
(22:15):
the incessant nature of this sound.And it was and you heard it.
I'm not like exaggerating. It wasloud. It was loud. Yeah,
And so I don't feel well myhouse is destroyed. Yeah, I'm hungry.
(22:38):
I'm ugly that there's things going on. And this is the first time
that I have reached this breaking point. We've been dealing with this so so
so the cannel problem was resolved aftermany, many months, and now suddenly
this baby puppy has turned into afucking giant what's that fucking animal from Never
(23:06):
Ending Story? Oh? Oh mygod, that's so funny. I was
just like, what is his name? It's not a tray you, but
um, what's his name? That? Oh? Shoot, yeah, I
know exactly yep, that white dog. So it's that big. So imagine
the sound that comes out of thatgiant animal. So keepond. I've never
(23:27):
seen the dog. I don't knowwhat the dog looks like. I don't
know. It's probably a golden doodle, which is the worst kind. That's
the kind word when they stand upon all fours, their butt holes in
your face because they're tall. Youdon't know how much I hate that dog.
I hate that brand of dog.I hate that fucking brand of dog.
(23:48):
I especially hate that brand of dogwhen it has that red around the
eyes and the red around the mouthand the red around the butt hole.
I don't like it. And itwalks in circles and it's using its tail,
and it's like, what's what areyou doing? Because everything okay?
Like, do you have Um,what do you call that? Do you
need to do? Um? Theeiler? What's it called? The Epley
(24:12):
maneuver? Do you have vertigo?What the fucking line of the dog?
I'm not kidding, like, andI feel bad. And it's been a
long time since since since we've hadan episode where I just had to be
myself. But listen, I getvery upset. I know you're having a
fucking good time. I'm in distressinghere. Oh. I had reached my
(24:38):
breaking point and I said, Icalled Justin. He was in a meeting,
and I said, nine one one, this is an emergency. I
need you to pick up your phone. I need you to pick up your
phone. I'm not okay, andhe calls me right here is everything okay
about? I am in a meetingAnd I was like, I know,
(25:00):
oh, that I have asked you, And I'm like, that's how I'm
talking. I know that I haveasked you so many times to not engage
and to let the dog barking go, and that it's something that we can
endure. We've been through so muchmore together. We've had a house,
We've had a tree collapse onto ourhouse. We have survived so many things
together. And I love you somuch. He's like, yeah, it's
(25:23):
really fucking that. What the fuck? And I was like, I was
like, I'm thinking harmful thoughts.I'm not okay. The dog has stopped
barking for forty seven minutes. He'slike, Jesus a booking dog. I
was like, dude, I waslike, today is the day. I'm
not gonna make it. He's like, you know what, write a letter,
(25:45):
write a letter, go do gogo go go down to city Hall.
And I was like, That's whatI'm gonna do here. And Justin
Beck is usually like when I'm He'slike and he goes, wait, are
you on your period? And Igo yes. He goes, well,
you know what the one time useit used to know your passion and your
energy. He's like, I loveit. I'm glad. I'm finally glad
you got here. You know what, babe, I believe in you go
(26:06):
down there, go down there.And he was egging me on go down
there. I was like, youknow, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go down I'm calling overthere. He's like, call over there,
call over there, tell him tellhim everything that go ahead. And
I was like okay, so youknow, he like he like charged my
little battery. Called down there.I said hello, my name is Melissa
Beek. I gave my address andI was like, I am calling to
(26:29):
find out when the next meeting isso that I may logic complaint. And
they were like, oh, wellit's actually tonight. And I was like,
well, that's wonderful. And theywere like, but you are not.
What is the nature of your complaintbecause and then she knows. She
sounded like she was riffling through papers. She was like, because we've already
(26:49):
got the agenda set and you wouldhave to sit through the whole thing and
we would add you at the end. And I said, nothing would please
me more. And then she said, uh, is this regarding permits?
No, and what is this regarding? And I was like, it's regarding
UM chapter one or two. Ifeel a neighbor's in violation of code.
(27:15):
And I had the whole shit.Oh you did, Oh my god,
Oh baby, don't play with me. Don't play with I. Don't play
Video Playing Day because once I'm pushedto the edge, you know, I'm
in any of a grand one.I did my homework before I made the
call. Wow, and um,she said, all right, well we'll
put you on there and when we'llsee you tonight. I got home,
(27:37):
I took a shower, we didour thing on alive, and then I
went to the meeting. And Justinwas like smiling ear to ear. He's
playing George benj He is so happythat I did a little little little no.
He's so happy that I'd finally gottento this place of rage. He's
(27:59):
got his hands in his pocket,he's you know, he's just smiling because
it's gonna be meat. That's gonnabe the asshole tonight. So we sit
and we go through the whole thing, and you know, they talk about
a bunch of boring shit and somepumps and yeah, beautification projects and that
at a yeah, and then theycall They call you based on your address.
(28:22):
So they call up the first addressand it's a lady who's been here
for thirty seven years and she hasa tree that she would like to cut,
but the arborist said the tree isnot dead. So the review board
said you can't cut that tree,and so she's very upset about that,
and she's not going to pay foranother arborist to come and give another opinion,
she wants the tree cut down.I've lived her thirty five years.
And it went back and forth likethat. Yeah, every other couple here
(28:45):
was about their complaint was about notgetting their way and having a tree cut
down. So and it was gettingheated. Well, I want the tree
cut down because it's a danger tomy family. I want the tree cut
down because it's a danger to thefoundation of my home. I want the
tree cut down. And it wouldbe back and forth, back and forth,
and like, but did you geta second opinion? So they're going
(29:06):
back and forth. The mayor isgetting heated. I'm sorry, is that
a threat? Like it was likeit was going off and I was like,
yo, I love it in here. Yeah. Me and Justin are
like yo, we're texting each otherin the back row like oh that.
I was like, uh, thearborists said that tree was fine, and
so now Justin's Google mapping and seeingHe's like that tree like we are.
We're in the back like And thecraziest part is, of all people,
(29:30):
I should hate trees, okay,but I am. I am a rule
follower, and the rules are verystrict here about how we treat the trees
and and and and tree life.It's like tree lives matter here big time,
Like we don't. I'm not playingwith you. Um and even if
you get an arborist to come inand say, you know what you want
(29:51):
them to say, they'll still belike, nah, arbora said no,
so good luck with that. Andyou were here. The fucking place is
full of trees. It's gorgeous.It's and that's the reason why it looks
like that is because the rules arevery strict. Yeah, um, so
it's it's. It's it's NonStop arguingback and forth with the town lawyer and
(30:14):
the mayor, and the people havefucking entire documents in their hand. People
have boards and and and explanations.They get you know, pointers and shit,
like they are really trying to getthese trees cut down. And I'm
sitting there like, hm, nope, nope, nope. My name Si
I'm just the old head delivery guy. But it seems like trees might be
(30:38):
worth a try, so I saylet it. My name is down and
my name's Rose Arson. I'm havinga good time, like I'm mad that
(32:00):
me and Justin didn't bring a cheesetray, like it was a great man
was like, and he just gotcotton a lie. He just got cotton
a lie. He said there wasdripping in his basement because of the foundation
was cracked. But then he saidthat that he didn't see that, and
like they were it was amazing,And it was tipped for tatting. It
was amazing. It was like beingon the set of Maury Povid show,
Like it was awesome. Are theyI'm having a great time. Are they?
(32:24):
Are they looking to get a resolutionthere at that meeting or do they?
Do you think they'll have to comeback again and like plead their case
again. Yes, they have tokeep coming back and they'll just keep arguing
and fighting until they get their way. And so like you know, and
and and and it's a town ofyou know, people that have a lot
of time on their hands, andand and people that are used to getting
(32:49):
their way. Yeah. Um,but as you can see, when it
comes to the trees, you ain'tgetting your way. Look around or not
us meeting fair for dogs. Well, so now we get to and people
leave after they're done with their complaints. So we were last, right,
(33:12):
and of the families arguing to geta tree cut, only one got the
answer. They wanted to hear.It was yes, but the reason why
they got the answer they wanted tohear is because they can't prepared. They
were like, yes, we didget a competing opinion. Yes, we
were told that this one has extensiveroot issues, and in order to appease
(33:32):
the village, we are willing toplant three more trees of this variety.
And then they pulled out all thefun language our variety, bloody blah da
da da, and this it growsto this big and da da da,
and it provides this much shade anddada and full grown. It does this
and it also looks like this,and they win like they had they were
(33:55):
prepared, and they were like verysmart, all in favor, yep,
all in favor, yes, andlike everybody was like rubbing their back like
oh you did it, yeah,muzzle like every So it was a very
heated first two hours and then theyfinally, you know, they look up
and we're the last couple in theroom, and they're like, all right,
(34:16):
and we have an addition to theagenda and they call our address and
that I was like hello, hi, wow, And I started it with
I don't know if I'm an environmentalistor a sociopath. But if it were
up to me, I agree withyou here today, all five of you
(34:37):
who say no to cutting the trees. We should not. No branch should
be touched. I want every treestanding. And I said, and I
say this as a person whose homewas actually demolished by a tree during hurricane
standing with the child underneath it.So I was like, fund some kids,
get on their good side. That'show I started. And they were
laughing. I got them good andbuttered up. And they're like, oh,
(35:05):
like, because you know, theydon't have people come in there saying
yes to the treat like I waspro treat Yeah. Um, like much
in the way that like a prolife activist stands outside of an abortion place.
I was like, you know,like trees please. Um. So
(35:27):
they're laughing whatever, and I said, I have to sit and I explain
the whole thing. I said.I have to say, I too,
am disappointed that I'm here today.I never ever want to be a person
that complains. I said, myhusband, I have been here for X
amount of years. You've probably neverseen me, which is great for all
of us. They laughed at that, my husband and just as naughty he's
(35:51):
like, it's really good. Youdon't see her. He's like, because
I see her when I have tosee her, and I'm telling you now,
and I was like relax, andI was like, um, I'm
I'm here to talk about noise.And I bring up the chapter and I
pull it up on my phone andI was like, first time. I
want to go through the definitions,and I wanted to make sure that I
(36:12):
hit the threshold for all the definitions. I said, I do understand what
a decibel is, and I explainedthe decibel blah blah blah, and I
said, nobody understands decibels more thanI do because I am the wife of
a musician. They're like, oh, you're a musician and he's like,
yeah, but you know that's notwhat we're here. And then everybody's asking
questions, oh, what kind ofeven I was like, he plays it.
Actually, it's it's just an iconiclong island good the class job.
(36:34):
I don't know if you guys knowabout that, and justice like maybe,
I'm like so, so I'm like, um, I also want to hit
the definition of reasonable person because Isee that reasonable person comes up a lot
in this code. And I said, I would like to say that I
have been the most reasonable I haveendured. I'm sure you've seen my husband's
(36:57):
multiple chains of emails about what heleaves to be an illegal kennel behind us
on Da Da Da, And Iwas like, um, I'm sure you've
been, you know, privy tohis multiple videos of dog barking. And
I said, and and in allof that, I've been absent because I've
asked him to refrain from engaging withany of this, engaging with you about
(37:20):
it, engaging with the neighbors themselvesabout it. I have really tried to
be the bigger person and ignore thissituation. I said, However, today
I have reached my breaking point,because when I wake up I should not
immediately be thinking about bb guns andguillotines. And so I am here tonight
too express that I think that weshould put more explicit language in the code
(37:42):
regarding noise. And here are mysuggestions. Keep mind, everybody there is
like in a mister Rogers fucking cardiganwith the fucking leather elbow patches, Like
yeah, you know they come intheir driving shoes that have the fucking rubber
like pads on the heels. Youknow, like they're very serious. They're
(38:06):
very serious, they're buttoned up thatthese people have dry cleaning on. And
I came in my you saw inthe blue version of the pink but che
of a dress that I had on. But you know, I also you
know, I hit him with myvocabulary and yeah, so you know,
they took notice. And I said, I think that the explicit language that
(38:28):
I would like to have added willcome into these three sections. I said,
I think we need to be veryclear about what a decibel is and
what a decibel violation is. Isaid, we need to add language in
there about the duration. I said, there's nothing here. I say,
if a dog is gonna dog,if a dog's gonna bark for ten minutes,
I get it. It's a dog. It's gonna bark for ten minutes.
And I said, but once westart getting into eleven minutes, twelve
minutes, forty five minutes, onehour, one thirty am, I said,
(38:51):
we need to talk about duration,and we need to talk about time
and when it becomes a violation tothat of a reasonable person. So I
think maybe we need to get intodefining what a reasonable person is and if
I am a person that has enduredthis shit for this many emails. I've
(39:13):
proven that I'm reasonable, and Isaid anything further. The last thing is
its like I have never ever seenor heard in all of the years that
I've been here, anybody violating acode so much that they are actually fined.
And here I see that there isa fine. I have never seen
(39:34):
it applied. And if this isthe fine, I think it needs to
be triple quadrupled because this fine hereis not affecting anybody. I said,
the fine needs to be like itnesive. Yeah, it needs to be
punitive, and it needs to bemultipliable. So if you get a noise
(40:00):
complain about you one time, that'sfine two times, and now we're approaching
the fine three times, you're gettingthe fine four times. Justin goes,
maybe we put the dog down.They fucking laughed at that. That.
I was like, I want tosay all that um um, And so
(40:21):
then Justin was like, if Imay interject, and now he's you know,
he's like, you know, Hi, I'm Justin Beck. I've come
to a couple of these now,and you know, I do feel like
I have not been heard because youknow, we're still experiencing this and he
goes, but I want to reiteratethat my wife one of the other issues
(40:43):
that she has is she does notwant to have to engage with the neighbors
directly. I don't know if there'sa way that we could do this anonymously,
because he's like, I'm sure they'relovely people. He's like, I
don't want to have a contentious relationshipwith anybody. He's like, I want
these rules applied across the board toeverybody, not just me who's experiencing allowed
(41:04):
dog. And they're like no,no, no, And so then the
lawyer was like, actually, wehave on you know, on the agenda
for next month or whatever, newa new proposition to a change in the
noise code. So if you wantto come to that, it's a public
hearing, you can, you know, give your thoughts whatever. And I
(41:25):
said I would love to. Sothey actually had been already in discussions about
tightening up the language in the noiseCode, which has made me have even
more of a good time. Iwas like, oh, so then we
were on the same page here andthey're like, no, we all agree.
I guess like a combination of Justin'sletters on top of other people have
(41:47):
had to. I mean, ifyou live on the street, you hear
that dog. I was gonna say, I have to imagine that somebody else
has called either animal control or atleast called the city. If I out
what's going on, I mean,it's crazy. It's crazy. So all
that to say, date night atthe town meeting is awesome. I was
(42:14):
intellectually stimulated. Um, I'm hotgoss. I was telling Marion about it
and marn was like, this soundslike an episode of uh, Parks and
Recreation. She's like, it soundslike an exact episode of Parks and Recreation.
I was like, I've never seenthat. She's like, no,
(42:34):
no, no, She's like dadjokes combined with all the fucking nerdy shit
you're talking about and how excited youare about it. She's like, it
sounds exactly very like that, veryless. She was like, you guys
are like really adulting right now.I was like, are we? She's
like, yeah, you are excitedabout a town meeting. I was like,
(42:59):
it was so exciting though, andlike the fact that I was heard
and now I get to go tothe hearing about the fucking new language that
they're going to propose. M oneperson really can make a difference. Look
at you. Let's back dog barkingactivists or noise control activists. Service is
universal. I feel like I've donea service for the whole neighborhood. I
(43:25):
mean, really, that my impact, you know. So we leave there
and Justine's like it looks over atme. He's like, did you have
fun? I was like, babe, I just had so much fun.
He's like, dude, she gotdinner first. I was like, right.
I was like, she got dinnerfirst, and like, come to
(43:45):
this thing kind of tipsy. He'slike, dude, next, babe,
Next, put it on the calendar. What the next meeting is. I
was like for sure. And Iwas like I want to bring my laptop
and take notes. And he's like, I think you should be on the
board. I was like, youknow what, because you have to vote
it in. I'm going to runfor a seat on the board. I
(44:07):
think that would be the worst jobever. I'm doing it. I'm running
for a seat on the board.There are there's only one other woman on
there. There ain't no flavor crystals. It's time. It's time. I
am going to be the Kamala ofthe town board. I I'm going to
(44:30):
bring yes and I'm going to whichwill be a violation pinning them on all
the trees, but I'm gonna doit. Vote for me. I want
to be a trust up trees.Listen. Another thing that they had.
Another thing that they brought up wasthat they they are they want to dig
(44:51):
up the ground to do some kindof I don't know. It has to
do with the town next to uspumping water, this, that and the
other. And I was like,dig up the ground, you know,
like I was listening and I wasreally feeling like, you know, this
is going to change the quality oflife for a major section of the neighborhood
(45:14):
as they're digging up the ground tolike make sure that the pond doesn't overflow
or doesn't what do you call it, when the when the levels are low.
Whatever the point is. I wantto be on there and I want
to be the person that says,no, we're not cutting that tree down.
So you know, you can bringa little sad dog eys in here.
(45:37):
You can show us pictures of yourbabies. We don't give u.
Arborist said now. But I'm gonnasay professional life because I was just having
me a good old time, likeyou you really could have your own gavel.
Oh my god, Oh my god, can I have a gavel?
(45:58):
Oh my god, all in fairlittle engraving. Oh my god, misspec,
we don't we don't need you todo that. At one point they
said all in favor, and Isaid in favor and they're like, you're
not on the board. It waswait, you just sucked me up.
I'm gonna get a gavel. Ohmy god, I'm going to run for
(46:23):
the board. Oh my god.Congrats on fighting your new life's purpose and
a free date night idea. Honestly, I just I mean, if you're
(46:46):
not a neighborly person but you wantto be nosy, this is the way
to do it. Yeah. Andlike I wasn't even the bitchiest person in
the room, which was really amazing. Like I had I had all morning
(47:06):
from seven am until the meeting startedat seven pm. I said, Justin
was like maybe at twelve hours toget this, you know, to bring
it down and to get your mindright, don't come in there crazy.
I know you need to download thenext door app and you need to get
on your community's next door page.I think you would really thrive just as
(47:29):
a lurker. It's pretty amazing.I know. Well, I've been told
I should join it. But likepeople go on to make off but if
you want to make comments, youhave to make it with your real name.
Yeah, well you don't. Youdon't go on there to make comments.
(47:50):
You just go on to just watchpeople lose their ever loving minds over
the dumbest shit. I know.But have you met me. I'm not
gonna be able to not comment.Why do you think I don't go I
don't have public social accounts because Ican't not comment. Remember what happened when
(48:14):
we let me on Facebook? Rememberwhat happened? Yeah? Yeah, I
can't be fighting with people on Momsand dad Facebook page as me. That's
crazy. That's crazy. And noone wants to no one, no one
wants to know her. You knowwhat I'm saying. I want to be
anonymous lady at Lot, you knowtwenty four seed. I don't want to.
(48:37):
I don't want to be actor inMelissabeth because I'm fucking once I get
started, I can't. You've seenhow I alienate people in the discord.
I can't Yeah, okay, okay, but I can't be an amous if
(49:00):
you're on the If you're are,like you know, on the town board.
What if I wear sunglasses, peopleare gonna know your name, They're
gonna know who you are. Melissasaid no to my tree. I shitted
shit did And then I think,at might you know where you have your
(49:21):
little nameplate? At my nameplate,I'm going to have a picture of Justin
Beck standing in front of the degreeof our house, and I'd be like,
these are unbiased opinions. I actuallyam the only person in this room
who should be upset about a treeor tree as little that is a sapling,
it stays. Um, just beinga tree bully. I feel like
(49:42):
that's not a place that I've reallyexplored in my personality. Um, you're
the motherfucking lax. Look at yougo. Oh my gosh, am I
the Laax. You're tall enough.Just let me grow a mustache. Um
(50:04):
just probably wait. I feel likethat's what happens to us in paramedophs.
I just listen, how well howdoes that song go at the end?
Oh? Wait? We wax everyweek. My kids watch Laurax every week.
I cannot believe I'm blinking on thissong. We said, let it
(50:30):
grow, Let it grow. It'sthat yes, but there's kind of glows
da we say let it grow.Yep, that's gonna be me. I
want my thing to say, MelissaLaurax back, I'm serious legacy, and
(50:54):
then you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna have a gavel carved from
debrief the tree. This is myspecial tree gavel, and I'm saying no,
let's call back to a walking stick. You could have a walking stick
(51:14):
and a gavel carved from the sametree. God, oh my god,
I just I want to be legendary. Hi, hello, and thank you
as always for listening to Imperfect Strangerspodcast. New episodes come out every Friday,
(51:36):
so make sure you are subscribed towherever you listen to podcasts. If
you want more Imperfect Strangers, youcan find us on Instagram at Imperfect Strangers
Underscore podcast. You know, wehave a Twitter and I'm not the Twitter
person, but from what I havelearned from our fellow Stranger friends who are
deeply attached to or were attached to, the Twitter, we're not really put
(51:59):
except there anymore. For the Ithink everybody's leaving. So if you're still
on Twitter and you'd like to lookat old stuff. I guess you can.
We're over there at imp Strangers.We are on TikTok and I'm going
to open that app up right nowso I can tell you exactly who we
are. We are at Imperfect Strangerspod, so give us a follow if
(52:19):
you enjoy that app. We're alsoon the worldwide web Imperfect Strangers podcast dot
com. And if you would liketo support this podcast with your dollhaars and
get some free bonus stuff in exchangefor that, you can find us on
Patreon at patreon dot com, forwardslash Imperfect Strangers and we have four different
(52:44):
tiers, each with its own setof benefits, so check that out or
don't. And if you'd like tosupport this podcast and not do it with
your money, that's fine too.You can leave us a review on Apple
Podcasts. You could also share thispodcast with a friend or maybe post about
your favorite episode on your social media, because the best support is that word
(53:07):
of mouth referral. I don't knowwhere I'm going. It's been a long
week and it's only Wednesday, sowe will see you soon for a Monday
Night Live. Thank you again forlistening, and stay classy, San Diego.
(53:30):
I don't know me,
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