July 4, 2025 • 28 mins
A few months ago, a brother on my temple shift shared a tender story that touched all of our hearts. (Seriously, everyone was shedding tears. Myself included!) After returning from military service, he struggled with severe PTSD. But through a series of divine interventions where the Lord clearly guided him and his family, he found healing—divine healing—in the House of the Lord.
His story was so powerful that many people on our shift asked if he would write it down and print copies to take home. I picked one up, and knowing how powerful the story was, felt prompted to ask if I could record and share it on the podcast. He kindly gave me permission.
I’m deeply grateful for our veterans—those who have risked their lives and carry the burden of trauma so that we can live in freedom. Especially the freedom to worship, to choose Christ, and to grow in discipleship.
I’m also profoundly thankful for the temple and the saving ordinances performed there. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us more than we can comprehend, and They are always inviting us to come home.
Here is a link to my table of contents: https://docs.google.com/docume...
Make sure to turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode!
His story was so powerful that many people on our shift asked if he would write it down and print copies to take home. I picked one up, and knowing how powerful the story was, felt prompted to ask if I could record and share it on the podcast. He kindly gave me permission.
I’m deeply grateful for our veterans—those who have risked their lives and carry the burden of trauma so that we can live in freedom. Especially the freedom to worship, to choose Christ, and to grow in discipleship.
I’m also profoundly thankful for the temple and the saving ordinances performed there. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us more than we can comprehend, and They are always inviting us to come home.
Here is a link to my table of contents: https://docs.google.com/docume...
Make sure to turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. I wanted to
say something that's really amazing is that the topic for
today kind of sort of has to do with July fourth.
Even though I didn't purposefully plan that, it just kind
of happened. But now I'm going to be able to
connect July fourth to today's episode because by the time
(00:40):
I post this, July fourth will be in two days,
I think, because I'm posting this on July third, or
I could just post this on July fourth, I don't know.
We'll see what I end up doing. I suppose, you know,
because I don't know, and some of you just check,
you know, the app occasionally to see if I've post
because I am not the most consistent person in the
(01:04):
world with my podcast. I really try to be, but
I have all these ideas. In fact, I just kind
of flow out of my ears. I just have so many.
I'm so grateful. Don't get me wrong, I am so
grateful for all the ideas, but sitting down to actually
record them is sometimes really hard. The good news is
today I prayed for motivation and I'm feeling really motivated,
(01:25):
so I might even record to today, which that is
gonna be awesome if I do, I think I will
this particular episode, I got permission to do, so I'm
gonna tell a little backstory before I get into that
actual episode. I am an ordnance worker at the Cedar
City Temple. I'm sure some of you know that, And
if you don't, now you know I have loved it.
(01:47):
I really really loved it. I actually serve two shifts.
I serve Thursday mornings and Friday mornings. Every week. I
find a lot of joy, a lot of fulfillment purpose
meaning all of the things there, and I love serving.
There is a brother on both of my shifts, actually,
(02:09):
and I'm gonna leave him anonymous because I asked for
his permission and he said I could as long as
it was anonymous. So it's gonna be anonymous. But there's
a brother who serves on my to on both those shifts,
and actually he serves almost every day, if not every day,
I think. I think he has a shift every single day.
I'm not kidding, And I'm always like, dang, this guy
is always here, like he basically lives here. That's wild. Anyway,
(02:33):
one of the days we have a prayer meeting or
preparation meeting before every shift, and so the actual shift
starts at seven thirty, but our prayer meeting starts at
seven every day. It used to start at six and
then our shift started at six thirty, but they changed it,
so now the temple opens later than it did, and
(02:53):
now it starts at seven thirty. During our prayer meeting,
we always do a little training or something like we
have a discussion or something. It's just it's kind of
an informal, formal way to talk through things, ask questions
all the things. And one day they decided to ask
(03:15):
one brother and one sister why they serve in the
temple or what they get out of serving in the temple.
And this brother was asked to share, and he shared
a very tender, tender story. Everybody liked it so much.
In fact, I liked it. I cried. It was a
very very tender story. He talked about how much he
(03:37):
loves the temple and how much of a gift it
has been to him, and so he tries to serve
every single day or be in the temple as much
as possible to pay back the debt or the words
that he used. He just says being in the temple
has changed his life, and so everyone really liked what
he said in several months after, because I'm pretty sure
he said that back in I don't know, January. Maybe
(04:01):
they had that little thing where he shared his story.
I don't know what it was, I forgot, but everyone
liked it so much that I guess someone asked him
if he would write it up, as in, type it
up and print it so that people could have a
copy of it. And originally just barely this last week
is when they did that, or two weeks ago, I
(04:22):
can't remember now, I just time just flies. Anyway, someone
asked if he would write it up, and so he did,
and they put copies out on the credenza for us
to grab. So I picked one up and then I
ran into him later and I asked him, Hey, I
have a podcast and I was curious if I could
read your story on the podcast. He said to be
(04:46):
completely anonymous, and he was like, yeah, if it's completely anonymous,
no problem. I said, okay, sweet, thanks, he said, let
me know when it comes out. Said all right, so,
if you're listening, thank you so so so much for
giving me permission to read this. And and I feel
really blessed to be able to share it with all
of my friends and family and everyone else who's joined
(05:07):
the journey, because if you're listening right now, then I
consider you a friend. So the title that he put
at the top is the Healing Power of the Temple,
and I decided I'm just going to read it. I
apologize in advance if I mispronounce something. I apologize in
advance if I talk about the guns, because he like
(05:29):
titled the guns I'm sixteen a two Like, if that's
not how I'm supposed to say, I'm sorry, So just
forgive me in advance. But yeah, it's pretty long, So
I don't know how long this episode will be because
it is one two, three, four five pages. It's actually
four and a half. So I'm just gonna read it
(05:49):
at a good pace and see how long it takes.
But I think it connects to July fourth because he
talks about being in the military and being in the Army,
and July fourth is about celebrating our freedoms, and because
of veterans and because of people in the military, we
(06:10):
have freedoms, and we have the freedom to choose and
the freedom to make the most of our agency and
have lives where we can choose Christ and not everyone
can say that, and so I'm really grateful. Here we
go the healing power of the Temple. In February of
two thousand and three, my Army unit was tapped to
go to Iraq as part of the second wave of
(06:31):
attack and Operation Iraqi Freedom. An MLRS battalion wasn't necessary
to the mission except to provide logistics support. We were
there more for our ability to haul equipment than we
were there for our missile launchers. I was the battalion
chaplain assistant. I wasn't actually supposed to be assigned to
the unit. I was there because of a paperwork er.
(06:53):
Someone at the Pentagon making assignments forgot to check a
seat if I had a secret security clearance. Wasn't discovered
until month before we left. Two factors kept me deploying
with that unit. The first was simple personnel counts. They'd
have to pull a regular soldier off the line to
act in my place for the six months they estimated
it would take to get a trained chaplain's assistant with
(07:16):
security clearance to replace me on its own. That may
or may not have been enough to keep me in
the unit. Add in the fact that I was one
of the few chaplains assistants available who also happened to
have principal protection bodyguard training. It wasn't much, but it
was more training than over ninety five percent of the
other assistants out there. I don't mention this to brag
(07:37):
about my knowledge. Like I said, it wasn't much training.
I mention it because to me, it shows that I
was exactly where the Lord wanted me. By regulation, I
didn't meet the requirements to be there, and the extra
training had more to do with a chance meeting with
a Master Sergeant who was an MP turned Chaplain's assistant
than had to do with any effort on my part.
I firmly believe that everything that happened to me that
(08:00):
deployment was supposed to happen. While I didn't like the
consequences of this deployment on myself and family, I believe
it was the only way to get me where I
needed to be spiritually. It's important to note here that
when I use the term traumatic event, it is gauged
not on the severity of the event itself, but on
the impact it had on my mind. The first event
(08:21):
I'll discuss is trivial and the second one routine by
army standards. Again, it shows the Lord's hand in what
was happening. I could have been exposed to much worse,
but it was geared almost personally, to be the minimum
amount of trauma to get the desired result the Lord
was looking for. The first event took place on the
convoy from Kuwait to Baghdad. This was supposed to be
(08:43):
a twenty hour operation. We were warned there would be
suicide bombers charging vehicles and to be cautious of people
approaching us. I don't know how much of that was
fact and how much was to keep us alert. Part
Way into the convoy, we were informed of the wrong
turn had been made and the convoy would last at
least twenty four hours. I was the only enlisted soldier
(09:07):
in our vehicle, which would normally mean I'd end up
driving through the whole operation. My chaplain opted to drive
for a small part of it so I could rest.
Part Way into that rest, we entered a populated area
and I was told to pull security. The chaplain carried
no weapon and the other officer in the vehicle only
had a pistol. I was pulling security with a loaded
(09:28):
M sixteen A two with an unloaded M two three
attached below it. The M two three is a grenade
launcher with a forty millimeter barrel that sits right beneath
the machine gun. A crowd slowed the convoy down to
a near stop. We were surrounded by people trying to
sell us everything from a racky money to watermelon. In
(09:49):
the midst of that, I saw a thin man with
a beard. I'd guess he was in his mid twenties.
He was wearing a loose blue robe and a blue
turban and was walking quickly toward our vehicle. I did
exactly what I was trained to do. I held up
my hand outside the window and motioned for him to stop.
He kept coming. I locked and loaded my weapon and
again motioned for him to stop. He continued. I took
(10:13):
aim and applied pressure to my trigger. At that point,
I'm not sure if he could see the rifle barrel.
I'm positive he saw that forty millimeter barrel underneath it,
just over the stub of my side. I saw his
face grow pale and the look of absolute care he wore.
He stopped. I disengaged, just like I was trained to do.
In that situation, he was obviously not a threat. The
(10:36):
vehicle started moving again and he was soon lost to sight,
but it would be almost two decades before I could
purge that image from my mind. I almost shot an
innocent man. A few weeks after our arrival, we accompanied
a convoy out to visit our radar battery. They were
not stationed at the airport complex like we were, so
(10:57):
visits were frequent and routine. On the return convoy, the
battery commander read the manifest. It was mostly normal, but
he had placed himself as tactical commander in my vehicle
and had the chaplain. Driving doctrine sometimes encourages the chaplain
to drive so the assistant can pull security. I was
opposed to this because ambushes often target the driver first.
(11:19):
This change alone, though, wouldn't have caused a problem for me,
because it was in the commander's authority to decide who
went in what vehicle. When he announced that I would
be in his vehicle as a tactical commander, Shagun, that
put me in an odd situation. My general order was
to guard the chaplain. I could not leave that post
without being properly relieved. So as shocked as the soldiers
(11:41):
were about me, saying directly that I was leaving my
post on his orders. I didn't really have much of
a choice. It turned out to be a good thing
I did. It was a pretty weak attack. No one
in our convoy was injured. I honestly didn't even realize
we were being fired out to begin with, the other
soldiers in the vehicle had started swearing at each other,
and I could hear a loud sound like someone hitting
(12:02):
two two by fours together. I asked the driver what
was happening, and he, between explatives, told me we were
under fire. That sound like knocking wood was AK forty
seven fire. While I'm not proud of being that clueless,
I am proud of what I did. Next. I bowed
my head and said a prayer. I don't remember the
exact words. I said something like, Heavenly Father, I'd really
(12:25):
liked to be able to return to my family. I'm
pretty sure I never ended that prayer, because despite all
the chaos and swearing and confusion around me, I felt
a deep and penetrating piece. There is no way that
it came from within my mind. Too much was happening
with that piece. I clearly heard three words enter my
mind and I immediately uttered them watch your lane. It
(12:48):
was what the other three people in the vehicle needed
to hear. Training took over and they knew exactly what
was expected of them. They fell silent and turned their
concentration to where it needed to be. As part of
my training, I was taught to recognize combat stress and PTSD.
I identified both many times during my time there, and
did the proper follow up procedures in each case. Identify, stabilize,
(13:11):
get help. It wasn't that I didn't recognize it in myself.
It was more that I didn't feel like it was
something that could happen to me. I treated it. I
couldn't possibly have it, or so I kept telling myself.
About two years after my return, I was walking along
a balcony at Uvu. A professor was walking before me.
We'd had a minor disagreement and we're heading back to
(13:32):
the class after a presentation. I said something she didn't
like and she turned quickly at me with her hand
out and her finger extended perceive threat. It could be
neutralized by taking the outstretched wrist and twisting down. This
action would neutralize the threat by tossing it over the balcony.
Rules of engagement, Force with force, Wait, stand down. She's
(13:54):
not holding a weapon, she's not a threat. It was
at that moment I realized I'd never left or Rack. Physically,
I was back in Utah, but my spirit was still
in combat, still in that desert. The PTSD was officially
diagnosed the following week by a doctor the PTSD specialist
and noted authority at the George Wallen Medical Center in
(14:16):
Salt Lake City. The eventual outcome was a seventy percent
disability rating for PTSD, but because of the circumstances leading
up to my diagnoses, I was listed as unemployable and
given the full one hundred percent disability. Several types of
treatments were tried with me, immersion dialectics, and ABC evaluations
(14:37):
among them. I would sometimes show some improvement, but it
was always very short lived. As soon as any stress
entered my life, all the progress of these programs was lost.
Attending church became impossible. Going once would lead me so
stressed it could be weeks before I could try again.
I eventually stopped trying. My local leadership wasn't very understanding
(14:59):
of my situation, eventually refusing to bring me the sacrament, because,
as they said, I could obviously attend church whenever I
wanted and was only trying to get special treatment or
just being lazy. I find it reassuring that the Lord
seemed to be very understanding of my situation. My testimony
did not falter. I continued my daily scripture, study and prayer,
(15:22):
and though I could not see how it could possibly
be his will, I knew he could heal me. While
VA's treatments did next to nothing to diminish my symptoms,
I was able to learn much about curbing my temper.
I'd always had a bit of one, and the PTSD
accentuated that. I still had my outbursts occasionally, but there
was noticeable improvement over the years. This trial was forcing
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me to become a better person, even though through all
my symptoms it may not have seemed like it. A
lot of that progress was reversed temporarily when our twins
were born. My youngest daughter was sixteen at that time.
My two oldest were still on record as being in college,
so I was supposed to be receiving benefits for them
instead of adding to dependents. Though via subtracted to we
(16:09):
were not financially ready to see a twenty percent pay decrease.
We were forced to sell our house to avoid foreclosure
and moved south where we could find an affordable place
about a fifth the size of our old home. The
pay was reinstated after three months of work with our
senator's office. Unfortunately, by that time my credit was in shambles.
(16:30):
The back pay would take almost three years to receive,
and all went to paying back past debts. It wasn't
nearly enough to cover the late charges and interest rates.
This too, was something the Lord had planned. Nothing short
of this drastic mistake could have made me move to
where he wanted me to be. About five years after
(16:50):
I moved, I had regained enough ground to qualify for
a VA loan. We moved into our current house in Enoch.
We knew as soon as we saw the pictures of
this house that it was where the Lord wanted us.
From the sign over the entryway to the grapevines in
the backyard, it fell like home. Without even visiting it.
We soon discovered that a good number of the ward
members were also veterans. I had decided during that time
(17:13):
that I would try to go to church every week
for as long as I could. The word was odd,
but all in a good way. They always start their
meetings on time. Seven years in and I've never heard
a travelogue in testimony meeting. They also have no idea
how to gossip. The bishop being changed wasn't even talked
about until it happened, and it came as a surprise
(17:34):
to everyone. Again, I could see the Lord's hand in
my life. He cared enough to send me to the
place my family and I desperately needed. At the time.
My first Sunday, the elderscorn present asked me to be
a home teacher. I respectfully refused, afraid it would mean
I wouldn't be able to meet my goal of attending
church every week. I did tell him that I'd be
(17:54):
happy to accept the call if I managed to attend
every Sunday, provided I was healthy and available for se months.
Six months later, I accepted a call as a home teacher.
My very first visit, I was introduced to a man
who had been suffering from PTSD for decades and didn't
know it. I recognized the symptoms and was able to
direct him to help. No one else had put things
(18:16):
together about his troubles. This was a turning point of
sorts for me, although a rather minor one. I went
from improving myself slowly to helping others improve. That was
part of what I had loved about being a chaplain's assistant,
helping people live better and being where the Lord wanted
me to be. It happened again at that time, for
the first time since the PTSD had first been diagnosed.
(18:39):
It was a small hope, but it was something. Maybe
the Lord would want me to be healed, maybe he
still needed me. During this time, Wounded Warrior Project contacted
me multiple times offering to send me to outpatient care
for PTSD. I refused each time. VA's treatments hadn't worked,
(18:59):
and I I felt like it would be a waste
of money to send me there. The Saviour's healing hand
seemed my only hope. Medicine had failed. My daughter suffers
from severe social anxiety, but decided to become a service missionary.
Many of her symptoms are similar to mine, and seeing
her work at the Record's operations center in Saint George
made me wonder if perhaps I could do something like that,
(19:21):
If those she worked with could accommodate her, maybe there
was work for me as well. I asked my bishop.
He wasn't sure what to do with me, but he
said he'd check on things. A week later, I was
called in to talk to him. He informed me that
I was too old to be a service missionary and
too young to be a senior missionary, so he was
going to call me to work at the temple. I
figured he'd meant I'd work in maintenance or grounds where
(19:44):
I wouldn't be around many people. I still remember very
clearly what I thought and thankfully didn't say aloud, when
he told me I'd be working in the baptistry. Are
you freaking crazy? You're going to take a combat veteran
with PTSD and have him work around the I still
accepted the call because I trusted my Bishop. I knew
(20:04):
he had a genuine love for me and the others
in my ward. I knew he had prayed about what
to do. I knew that I needed to trust him
and the Lord. My shift coordinators in the baptistry made
me feel so welcome and loved, and the others on
the shift were very supportive. I found I loved what
I was doing. One of them also suffered from PTSD.
(20:25):
He was so severe. He couldn't work directly with people
at all. He always worked as a font recorder. It
was my mother in law who first noticed something had changed.
She asked me how I was able to attend church
every week and also work every week at the temple,
where before just going to church would have been enough
to stress me out for weeks. I hadn't thought about
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it before. Honestly, I had just put myself into the work.
I didn't question it. The next time I went there,
I was more self aware. I noticed that my stress
level was at a certain point when I entered, but
that when I passed through those doors, stress was lifted.
I also realized that I wasn't really exhibiting much in
the way of symptoms while I was there. What was
(21:06):
happening could easily be attributed more to habit than symptoms.
When I left, the stress level returned to where it
had been, making it hard for me to notice the
change now that I noticed it. Though I threw myself
into that work with a passion. Every moment I spent there,
I was free of those awful, heavily weighted symptoms. I
wished I could have been as Samuel and put all
(21:28):
my time working in the house of the Lord. I
acknowledged my family responsibilities, but took the reprieve as often
as possible. When Wounded Warrior Project called again to offer
out patient care, I realized the Lord wanted me to
be healed, but I would have to do something on
my own. I accepted their offer and succeeded in getting
through the interview and screening process. It was then off
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to Chicago and their Rush Medical Center for three weeks
of out patient care. They tried everything there, acupuncture, immersion, mindfulness, yoga.
If it had ever shown any chance of helping people
with PTSD, they tried it. Interestingly enough, it wasn't so
much the treatments that helped, as it was finally confronting
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my biggest obstacle. I wasn't aware of it, and so
it had never come up in therapy. It was a
side comet by my therapist that made me realize something.
The root cause of my problem was my combat experiences,
but what was perpetrating it with something else? It was shame.
I was ashamed that such minor experiences had led to
(22:31):
such a huge disability. One of the other veterans there
single handedly resolved it. This man had been through the
worst trauma of any of us. He'd been hospitalized more
times than he could count. When he was in the
bomb squad in Iraq and Afghanistan, he saw dozens of
friends and associates killed in combat. My experiences seemed so
(22:52):
mild and so trivial in comparison to his. But when
I mentioned that in a group therapy session group therapy session,
he immediately dismissed it. He told me that the fact
that something like that would have such a harmful effect
on me spoke not of my weakness, but of my
true character. He would hope that something like that would
(23:14):
affect a chaplain's assistant, because if it didn't, then they
had no business in that job. If it had affected him,
then he had no business in his job. I have
yet to meet another soldier who could have, in so
few words, validated and forgiven me so much. I respect
him immensely, and his statement carried a weight that no
one else had been able to shoulder. Near the end
(23:38):
of my stay in Chicago, as I was showering to
get ready for another day, I realized something I was safe.
I hadn't felt that outside the temple since I left Iraq.
I was safe and I was home. The Lord threw
his hand and through the healing power of his house,
had healed me and I had been symptom free. Since
(23:59):
there are still some old habits to get past, but
that's all they are habits. I am still free. I
am still safe. For those who might doubt the Lord's
hand in my healing and try to attribute it to
the medical care in Chicago, I'll leave off with this question,
what is the medical cure for PTSD? There isn't one,
(24:20):
and that's it. That's what he wrote. I hope me
getting emotional, don't annoy you. But seriously, that is such
a powerful account and story. Oh wow. I've now read
it what three four times, and still cry every time. Anyway,
I just wanted to bear my testimony about the healing
(24:41):
power of the temple. Although he started off in baptistry,
he now works as an ordnance worker, so that means
he works upstairs, and like I said, I'm pretty confident
he serves every single day that the temple's open, though
I could be wrong. Feel like he has a shift
on Tuesday, so he serves at least three shifts a week,
(25:04):
and I'm pretty confident he serves every day, Like I
could be wrong, but I'm pretty confident. Anyway, he didn't
tell the full story. In fact, that's a lot more
details than he told in our little prayer meeting. So
it's really cool to get kind of the full story.
But it was just really tender when he bore his
testimony at the end that he knows without a doubt
(25:26):
that being in the Lord's House and the Savior himself
has healed him. And so he talked about how he
wants to be in the temple and to serve as
much as he can to thank the Savior for his
healing hand. I know that we take for granted the
(25:48):
temple and the blessings that we have there. And what's
really really incredible and really amazing is that somehow my
podcast has kind of sort of gone global. I don't know,
people have listened all over the world, and not like
virallly there's like one or two listens, I don't know,
(26:12):
maybe five to ten listens every couple of weeks in
a completely different part of the world. It's wild like Japan,
Islive Man, Nigeria, Somalia, Russia, the Philippines. I mean, I
could go on and on. Sometimes episodes are randomly listened
to on the other side of the world, and it's crazy.
(26:34):
So I don't want to say this to just the
audience in the United States, but in general, I think
that those who live close to the Temple take for
granted how incredible it is that we live so close
to the Temple. That's incredible, it's amazing, and I really
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hope that we can make it a bigger priority in
our lives to go, even if it's just once a month.
And for those that live far away from a temple,
I hope that you don't take your scripture, study and
prayer for granted, because I know that the Savior can
heal you even if you don't have access, at least
close access to a temple. I have a test tophony
(27:17):
in the healing power of the Temple, and I'm so
so grateful to be able to serve there as an
ordnance worker, and I really hope that each person in
their life has the opportunity to do so, whether that's
now or in ten years, twenty years. It's such a
wonderful opportunity and I've loved, love, loved doing it. Thank
(27:40):
you so much to this brother who gave me permission
to read this story. I know that it's a super
powerful story, and I'm so grateful that he's willing to
share it for others to benefit from. I know that
the principles are true. God loves us with an abounding,
in finite love, and the Savior's atonement can heal any
(28:03):
aspect of our lives. And I say these things in
the name of my son Jesus Christ. Amen. Thank you
so much for listening. Don't forget to embrace and perfection,
find meaning, satisfaction and joy from the journey. I'm Kyra
and this is imperfectly broken. The podcast
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. I wanted to
say something that's really amazing is that the topic for
today kind of sort of has to do with July fourth.
Even though I didn't purposefully plan that, it just kind
of happened. But now I'm going to be able to
connect July fourth to today's episode because by the time
(00:40):
I post this, July fourth will be in two days,
I think, because I'm posting this on July third, or
I could just post this on July fourth, I don't know.
We'll see what I end up doing. I suppose, you know,
because I don't know, and some of you just check,
you know, the app occasionally to see if I've post
because I am not the most consistent person in the
(01:04):
world with my podcast. I really try to be, but
I have all these ideas. In fact, I just kind
of flow out of my ears. I just have so many.
I'm so grateful. Don't get me wrong, I am so
grateful for all the ideas, but sitting down to actually
record them is sometimes really hard. The good news is
today I prayed for motivation and I'm feeling really motivated,
(01:25):
so I might even record to today, which that is
gonna be awesome if I do, I think I will
this particular episode, I got permission to do, so I'm
gonna tell a little backstory before I get into that
actual episode. I am an ordnance worker at the Cedar
City Temple. I'm sure some of you know that, And
if you don't, now you know I have loved it.
(01:47):
I really really loved it. I actually serve two shifts.
I serve Thursday mornings and Friday mornings. Every week. I
find a lot of joy, a lot of fulfillment purpose
meaning all of the things there, and I love serving.
There is a brother on both of my shifts, actually,
(02:09):
and I'm gonna leave him anonymous because I asked for
his permission and he said I could as long as
it was anonymous. So it's gonna be anonymous. But there's
a brother who serves on my to on both those shifts,
and actually he serves almost every day, if not every day,
I think. I think he has a shift every single day.
I'm not kidding, And I'm always like, dang, this guy
is always here, like he basically lives here. That's wild. Anyway,
(02:33):
one of the days we have a prayer meeting or
preparation meeting before every shift, and so the actual shift
starts at seven thirty, but our prayer meeting starts at
seven every day. It used to start at six and
then our shift started at six thirty, but they changed it,
so now the temple opens later than it did, and
(02:53):
now it starts at seven thirty. During our prayer meeting,
we always do a little training or something like we
have a discussion or something. It's just it's kind of
an informal, formal way to talk through things, ask questions
all the things. And one day they decided to ask
(03:15):
one brother and one sister why they serve in the
temple or what they get out of serving in the temple.
And this brother was asked to share, and he shared
a very tender, tender story. Everybody liked it so much.
In fact, I liked it. I cried. It was a
very very tender story. He talked about how much he
(03:37):
loves the temple and how much of a gift it
has been to him, and so he tries to serve
every single day or be in the temple as much
as possible to pay back the debt or the words
that he used. He just says being in the temple
has changed his life, and so everyone really liked what
he said in several months after, because I'm pretty sure
he said that back in I don't know, January. Maybe
(04:01):
they had that little thing where he shared his story.
I don't know what it was, I forgot, but everyone
liked it so much that I guess someone asked him
if he would write it up, as in, type it
up and print it so that people could have a
copy of it. And originally just barely this last week
is when they did that, or two weeks ago, I
(04:22):
can't remember now, I just time just flies. Anyway, someone
asked if he would write it up, and so he did,
and they put copies out on the credenza for us
to grab. So I picked one up and then I
ran into him later and I asked him, Hey, I
have a podcast and I was curious if I could
read your story on the podcast. He said to be
(04:46):
completely anonymous, and he was like, yeah, if it's completely anonymous,
no problem. I said, okay, sweet, thanks, he said, let
me know when it comes out. Said all right, so,
if you're listening, thank you so so so much for
giving me permission to read this. And and I feel
really blessed to be able to share it with all
of my friends and family and everyone else who's joined
(05:07):
the journey, because if you're listening right now, then I
consider you a friend. So the title that he put
at the top is the Healing Power of the Temple,
and I decided I'm just going to read it. I
apologize in advance if I mispronounce something. I apologize in
advance if I talk about the guns, because he like
(05:29):
titled the guns I'm sixteen a two Like, if that's
not how I'm supposed to say, I'm sorry, So just
forgive me in advance. But yeah, it's pretty long, So
I don't know how long this episode will be because
it is one two, three, four five pages. It's actually
four and a half. So I'm just gonna read it
(05:49):
at a good pace and see how long it takes.
But I think it connects to July fourth because he
talks about being in the military and being in the Army,
and July fourth is about celebrating our freedoms, and because
of veterans and because of people in the military, we
(06:10):
have freedoms, and we have the freedom to choose and
the freedom to make the most of our agency and
have lives where we can choose Christ and not everyone
can say that, and so I'm really grateful. Here we
go the healing power of the Temple. In February of
two thousand and three, my Army unit was tapped to
go to Iraq as part of the second wave of
(06:31):
attack and Operation Iraqi Freedom. An MLRS battalion wasn't necessary
to the mission except to provide logistics support. We were
there more for our ability to haul equipment than we
were there for our missile launchers. I was the battalion
chaplain assistant. I wasn't actually supposed to be assigned to
the unit. I was there because of a paperwork er.
(06:53):
Someone at the Pentagon making assignments forgot to check a
seat if I had a secret security clearance. Wasn't discovered
until month before we left. Two factors kept me deploying
with that unit. The first was simple personnel counts. They'd
have to pull a regular soldier off the line to
act in my place for the six months they estimated
it would take to get a trained chaplain's assistant with
(07:16):
security clearance to replace me on its own. That may
or may not have been enough to keep me in
the unit. Add in the fact that I was one
of the few chaplains assistants available who also happened to
have principal protection bodyguard training. It wasn't much, but it
was more training than over ninety five percent of the
other assistants out there. I don't mention this to brag
(07:37):
about my knowledge. Like I said, it wasn't much training.
I mention it because to me, it shows that I
was exactly where the Lord wanted me. By regulation, I
didn't meet the requirements to be there, and the extra
training had more to do with a chance meeting with
a Master Sergeant who was an MP turned Chaplain's assistant
than had to do with any effort on my part.
I firmly believe that everything that happened to me that
(08:00):
deployment was supposed to happen. While I didn't like the
consequences of this deployment on myself and family, I believe
it was the only way to get me where I
needed to be spiritually. It's important to note here that
when I use the term traumatic event, it is gauged
not on the severity of the event itself, but on
the impact it had on my mind. The first event
(08:21):
I'll discuss is trivial and the second one routine by
army standards. Again, it shows the Lord's hand in what
was happening. I could have been exposed to much worse,
but it was geared almost personally, to be the minimum
amount of trauma to get the desired result the Lord
was looking for. The first event took place on the
convoy from Kuwait to Baghdad. This was supposed to be
(08:43):
a twenty hour operation. We were warned there would be
suicide bombers charging vehicles and to be cautious of people
approaching us. I don't know how much of that was
fact and how much was to keep us alert. Part
Way into the convoy, we were informed of the wrong
turn had been made and the convoy would last at
least twenty four hours. I was the only enlisted soldier
(09:07):
in our vehicle, which would normally mean I'd end up
driving through the whole operation. My chaplain opted to drive
for a small part of it so I could rest.
Part Way into that rest, we entered a populated area
and I was told to pull security. The chaplain carried
no weapon and the other officer in the vehicle only
had a pistol. I was pulling security with a loaded
(09:28):
M sixteen A two with an unloaded M two three
attached below it. The M two three is a grenade
launcher with a forty millimeter barrel that sits right beneath
the machine gun. A crowd slowed the convoy down to
a near stop. We were surrounded by people trying to
sell us everything from a racky money to watermelon. In
(09:49):
the midst of that, I saw a thin man with
a beard. I'd guess he was in his mid twenties.
He was wearing a loose blue robe and a blue
turban and was walking quickly toward our vehicle. I did
exactly what I was trained to do. I held up
my hand outside the window and motioned for him to stop.
He kept coming. I locked and loaded my weapon and
again motioned for him to stop. He continued. I took
(10:13):
aim and applied pressure to my trigger. At that point,
I'm not sure if he could see the rifle barrel.
I'm positive he saw that forty millimeter barrel underneath it,
just over the stub of my side. I saw his
face grow pale and the look of absolute care he wore.
He stopped. I disengaged, just like I was trained to do.
In that situation, he was obviously not a threat. The
(10:36):
vehicle started moving again and he was soon lost to sight,
but it would be almost two decades before I could
purge that image from my mind. I almost shot an
innocent man. A few weeks after our arrival, we accompanied
a convoy out to visit our radar battery. They were
not stationed at the airport complex like we were, so
(10:57):
visits were frequent and routine. On the return convoy, the
battery commander read the manifest. It was mostly normal, but
he had placed himself as tactical commander in my vehicle
and had the chaplain. Driving doctrine sometimes encourages the chaplain
to drive so the assistant can pull security. I was
opposed to this because ambushes often target the driver first.
(11:19):
This change alone, though, wouldn't have caused a problem for me,
because it was in the commander's authority to decide who
went in what vehicle. When he announced that I would
be in his vehicle as a tactical commander, Shagun, that
put me in an odd situation. My general order was
to guard the chaplain. I could not leave that post
without being properly relieved. So as shocked as the soldiers
(11:41):
were about me, saying directly that I was leaving my
post on his orders. I didn't really have much of
a choice. It turned out to be a good thing
I did. It was a pretty weak attack. No one
in our convoy was injured. I honestly didn't even realize
we were being fired out to begin with, the other
soldiers in the vehicle had started swearing at each other,
and I could hear a loud sound like someone hitting
(12:02):
two two by fours together. I asked the driver what
was happening, and he, between explatives, told me we were
under fire. That sound like knocking wood was AK forty
seven fire. While I'm not proud of being that clueless,
I am proud of what I did. Next. I bowed
my head and said a prayer. I don't remember the
exact words. I said something like, Heavenly Father, I'd really
(12:25):
liked to be able to return to my family. I'm
pretty sure I never ended that prayer, because despite all
the chaos and swearing and confusion around me, I felt
a deep and penetrating piece. There is no way that
it came from within my mind. Too much was happening
with that piece. I clearly heard three words enter my
mind and I immediately uttered them watch your lane. It
(12:48):
was what the other three people in the vehicle needed
to hear. Training took over and they knew exactly what
was expected of them. They fell silent and turned their
concentration to where it needed to be. As part of
my training, I was taught to recognize combat stress and PTSD.
I identified both many times during my time there, and
did the proper follow up procedures in each case. Identify, stabilize,
(13:11):
get help. It wasn't that I didn't recognize it in myself.
It was more that I didn't feel like it was
something that could happen to me. I treated it. I
couldn't possibly have it, or so I kept telling myself.
About two years after my return, I was walking along
a balcony at Uvu. A professor was walking before me.
We'd had a minor disagreement and we're heading back to
(13:32):
the class after a presentation. I said something she didn't
like and she turned quickly at me with her hand
out and her finger extended perceive threat. It could be
neutralized by taking the outstretched wrist and twisting down. This
action would neutralize the threat by tossing it over the balcony.
Rules of engagement, Force with force, Wait, stand down. She's
(13:54):
not holding a weapon, she's not a threat. It was
at that moment I realized I'd never left or Rack. Physically,
I was back in Utah, but my spirit was still
in combat, still in that desert. The PTSD was officially
diagnosed the following week by a doctor the PTSD specialist
and noted authority at the George Wallen Medical Center in
(14:16):
Salt Lake City. The eventual outcome was a seventy percent
disability rating for PTSD, but because of the circumstances leading
up to my diagnoses, I was listed as unemployable and
given the full one hundred percent disability. Several types of
treatments were tried with me, immersion dialectics, and ABC evaluations
(14:37):
among them. I would sometimes show some improvement, but it
was always very short lived. As soon as any stress
entered my life, all the progress of these programs was lost.
Attending church became impossible. Going once would lead me so
stressed it could be weeks before I could try again.
I eventually stopped trying. My local leadership wasn't very understanding
(14:59):
of my situation, eventually refusing to bring me the sacrament, because,
as they said, I could obviously attend church whenever I
wanted and was only trying to get special treatment or
just being lazy. I find it reassuring that the Lord
seemed to be very understanding of my situation. My testimony
did not falter. I continued my daily scripture, study and prayer,
(15:22):
and though I could not see how it could possibly
be his will, I knew he could heal me. While
VA's treatments did next to nothing to diminish my symptoms,
I was able to learn much about curbing my temper.
I'd always had a bit of one, and the PTSD
accentuated that. I still had my outbursts occasionally, but there
was noticeable improvement over the years. This trial was forcing
(15:45):
me to become a better person, even though through all
my symptoms it may not have seemed like it. A
lot of that progress was reversed temporarily when our twins
were born. My youngest daughter was sixteen at that time.
My two oldest were still on record as being in college,
so I was supposed to be receiving benefits for them
instead of adding to dependents. Though via subtracted to we
(16:09):
were not financially ready to see a twenty percent pay decrease.
We were forced to sell our house to avoid foreclosure
and moved south where we could find an affordable place
about a fifth the size of our old home. The
pay was reinstated after three months of work with our
senator's office. Unfortunately, by that time my credit was in shambles.
(16:30):
The back pay would take almost three years to receive,
and all went to paying back past debts. It wasn't
nearly enough to cover the late charges and interest rates.
This too, was something the Lord had planned. Nothing short
of this drastic mistake could have made me move to
where he wanted me to be. About five years after
(16:50):
I moved, I had regained enough ground to qualify for
a VA loan. We moved into our current house in Enoch.
We knew as soon as we saw the pictures of
this house that it was where the Lord wanted us.
From the sign over the entryway to the grapevines in
the backyard, it fell like home. Without even visiting it.
We soon discovered that a good number of the ward
members were also veterans. I had decided during that time
(17:13):
that I would try to go to church every week
for as long as I could. The word was odd,
but all in a good way. They always start their
meetings on time. Seven years in and I've never heard
a travelogue in testimony meeting. They also have no idea
how to gossip. The bishop being changed wasn't even talked
about until it happened, and it came as a surprise
(17:34):
to everyone. Again, I could see the Lord's hand in
my life. He cared enough to send me to the
place my family and I desperately needed. At the time.
My first Sunday, the elderscorn present asked me to be
a home teacher. I respectfully refused, afraid it would mean
I wouldn't be able to meet my goal of attending
church every week. I did tell him that I'd be
(17:54):
happy to accept the call if I managed to attend
every Sunday, provided I was healthy and available for se months.
Six months later, I accepted a call as a home teacher.
My very first visit, I was introduced to a man
who had been suffering from PTSD for decades and didn't
know it. I recognized the symptoms and was able to
direct him to help. No one else had put things
(18:16):
together about his troubles. This was a turning point of
sorts for me, although a rather minor one. I went
from improving myself slowly to helping others improve. That was
part of what I had loved about being a chaplain's assistant,
helping people live better and being where the Lord wanted
me to be. It happened again at that time, for
the first time since the PTSD had first been diagnosed.
(18:39):
It was a small hope, but it was something. Maybe
the Lord would want me to be healed, maybe he
still needed me. During this time, Wounded Warrior Project contacted
me multiple times offering to send me to outpatient care
for PTSD. I refused each time. VA's treatments hadn't worked,
(18:59):
and I I felt like it would be a waste
of money to send me there. The Saviour's healing hand
seemed my only hope. Medicine had failed. My daughter suffers
from severe social anxiety, but decided to become a service missionary.
Many of her symptoms are similar to mine, and seeing
her work at the Record's operations center in Saint George
made me wonder if perhaps I could do something like that,
(19:21):
If those she worked with could accommodate her, maybe there
was work for me as well. I asked my bishop.
He wasn't sure what to do with me, but he
said he'd check on things. A week later, I was
called in to talk to him. He informed me that
I was too old to be a service missionary and
too young to be a senior missionary, so he was
going to call me to work at the temple. I
figured he'd meant I'd work in maintenance or grounds where
(19:44):
I wouldn't be around many people. I still remember very
clearly what I thought and thankfully didn't say aloud, when
he told me I'd be working in the baptistry. Are
you freaking crazy? You're going to take a combat veteran
with PTSD and have him work around the I still
accepted the call because I trusted my Bishop. I knew
(20:04):
he had a genuine love for me and the others
in my ward. I knew he had prayed about what
to do. I knew that I needed to trust him
and the Lord. My shift coordinators in the baptistry made
me feel so welcome and loved, and the others on
the shift were very supportive. I found I loved what
I was doing. One of them also suffered from PTSD.
(20:25):
He was so severe. He couldn't work directly with people
at all. He always worked as a font recorder. It
was my mother in law who first noticed something had changed.
She asked me how I was able to attend church
every week and also work every week at the temple,
where before just going to church would have been enough
to stress me out for weeks. I hadn't thought about
(20:46):
it before. Honestly, I had just put myself into the work.
I didn't question it. The next time I went there,
I was more self aware. I noticed that my stress
level was at a certain point when I entered, but
that when I passed through those doors, stress was lifted.
I also realized that I wasn't really exhibiting much in
the way of symptoms while I was there. What was
(21:06):
happening could easily be attributed more to habit than symptoms.
When I left, the stress level returned to where it
had been, making it hard for me to notice the
change now that I noticed it. Though I threw myself
into that work with a passion. Every moment I spent there,
I was free of those awful, heavily weighted symptoms. I
wished I could have been as Samuel and put all
(21:28):
my time working in the house of the Lord. I
acknowledged my family responsibilities, but took the reprieve as often
as possible. When Wounded Warrior Project called again to offer
out patient care, I realized the Lord wanted me to
be healed, but I would have to do something on
my own. I accepted their offer and succeeded in getting
through the interview and screening process. It was then off
(21:50):
to Chicago and their Rush Medical Center for three weeks
of out patient care. They tried everything there, acupuncture, immersion, mindfulness, yoga.
If it had ever shown any chance of helping people
with PTSD, they tried it. Interestingly enough, it wasn't so
much the treatments that helped, as it was finally confronting
(22:10):
my biggest obstacle. I wasn't aware of it, and so
it had never come up in therapy. It was a
side comet by my therapist that made me realize something.
The root cause of my problem was my combat experiences,
but what was perpetrating it with something else? It was shame.
I was ashamed that such minor experiences had led to
(22:31):
such a huge disability. One of the other veterans there
single handedly resolved it. This man had been through the
worst trauma of any of us. He'd been hospitalized more
times than he could count. When he was in the
bomb squad in Iraq and Afghanistan, he saw dozens of
friends and associates killed in combat. My experiences seemed so
(22:52):
mild and so trivial in comparison to his. But when
I mentioned that in a group therapy session group therapy session,
he immediately dismissed it. He told me that the fact
that something like that would have such a harmful effect
on me spoke not of my weakness, but of my
true character. He would hope that something like that would
(23:14):
affect a chaplain's assistant, because if it didn't, then they
had no business in that job. If it had affected him,
then he had no business in his job. I have
yet to meet another soldier who could have, in so
few words, validated and forgiven me so much. I respect
him immensely, and his statement carried a weight that no
one else had been able to shoulder. Near the end
(23:38):
of my stay in Chicago, as I was showering to
get ready for another day, I realized something I was safe.
I hadn't felt that outside the temple since I left Iraq.
I was safe and I was home. The Lord threw
his hand and through the healing power of his house,
had healed me and I had been symptom free. Since
(23:59):
there are still some old habits to get past, but
that's all they are habits. I am still free. I
am still safe. For those who might doubt the Lord's
hand in my healing and try to attribute it to
the medical care in Chicago, I'll leave off with this question,
what is the medical cure for PTSD? There isn't one,
(24:20):
and that's it. That's what he wrote. I hope me
getting emotional, don't annoy you. But seriously, that is such
a powerful account and story. Oh wow. I've now read
it what three four times, and still cry every time. Anyway,
I just wanted to bear my testimony about the healing
(24:41):
power of the temple. Although he started off in baptistry,
he now works as an ordnance worker, so that means
he works upstairs, and like I said, I'm pretty confident
he serves every single day that the temple's open, though
I could be wrong. Feel like he has a shift
on Tuesday, so he serves at least three shifts a week,
(25:04):
and I'm pretty confident he serves every day, Like I
could be wrong, but I'm pretty confident. Anyway, he didn't
tell the full story. In fact, that's a lot more
details than he told in our little prayer meeting. So
it's really cool to get kind of the full story.
But it was just really tender when he bore his
testimony at the end that he knows without a doubt
(25:26):
that being in the Lord's House and the Savior himself
has healed him. And so he talked about how he
wants to be in the temple and to serve as
much as he can to thank the Savior for his
healing hand. I know that we take for granted the
(25:48):
temple and the blessings that we have there. And what's
really really incredible and really amazing is that somehow my
podcast has kind of sort of gone global. I don't know,
people have listened all over the world, and not like
virallly there's like one or two listens, I don't know,
(26:12):
maybe five to ten listens every couple of weeks in
a completely different part of the world. It's wild like Japan,
Islive Man, Nigeria, Somalia, Russia, the Philippines. I mean, I
could go on and on. Sometimes episodes are randomly listened
to on the other side of the world, and it's crazy.
(26:34):
So I don't want to say this to just the
audience in the United States, but in general, I think
that those who live close to the Temple take for
granted how incredible it is that we live so close
to the Temple. That's incredible, it's amazing, and I really
(26:54):
hope that we can make it a bigger priority in
our lives to go, even if it's just once a month.
And for those that live far away from a temple,
I hope that you don't take your scripture, study and
prayer for granted, because I know that the Savior can
heal you even if you don't have access, at least
close access to a temple. I have a test tophony
(27:17):
in the healing power of the Temple, and I'm so
so grateful to be able to serve there as an
ordnance worker, and I really hope that each person in
their life has the opportunity to do so, whether that's
now or in ten years, twenty years. It's such a
wonderful opportunity and I've loved, love, loved doing it. Thank
(27:40):
you so much to this brother who gave me permission
to read this story. I know that it's a super
powerful story, and I'm so grateful that he's willing to
share it for others to benefit from. I know that
the principles are true. God loves us with an abounding,
in finite love, and the Savior's atonement can heal any
(28:03):
aspect of our lives. And I say these things in
the name of my son Jesus Christ. Amen. Thank you
so much for listening. Don't forget to embrace and perfection,
find meaning, satisfaction and joy from the journey. I'm Kyra
and this is imperfectly broken. The podcast
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