Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. I've decided I'm
not editing this episode because I am tired, and I
may or may not have waited till the very last
moment to record this, so that's why. But the story
is that there's gonna be some silence in here and
all the fun stuff, and I apologize. I think I'm
(00:38):
gonna put it into the app normalize the audio, which
I don't even know if that really even does anything,
but I'm gonna normalize it anyway, use this feature to
remove some silence and then call it a day. So
if there's little mistakes or there's extra silence the normal,
or if I say too many sows or too many
ants or a couple more anyway than normal, I don't
(01:00):
want to say any ways the normal because anyways is
gradically incorrect. But you know what I mean. If I
say any too many just random filler words, normally I
take some of those out, but today not gonna happen.
And then also I think I've been looking at screens
too long because my eyes are starting to like buzz out.
You know that happens? Has that ever happened to you?
When your eyes start to freak out at you and
(01:21):
then you look at a screen and it's like, I
don't even know, it just hurts. Your eyes are fatigued.
I am having that happen to me right now, and
I don't like it. So my eyes are actually closed
as I record this, which is kind of weird. Anyway,
there's number one. You do it a little count, Okay,
So I promised when I went down to one a week,
(01:44):
which is this is like the second time I've done
one a week, but I promised myself that I would.
There's gonna be breasts and yawns in there, because I
also normally take those out. Anyway, I promised myself that
I was not going to miss a week. I was like, okay,
I can go down to one a week, but if
I don't miss and that's the only way. And then
Monday or then Saturday came, I'm like, hey, it'd be
(02:06):
nice to already have one. Nah. And then Sunday came
and I was like, yeah, I'll do it tomorrow. And
then Monday came and then I was like, yeah, tomorrow.
And then today came Tuesday, as in yesterday. If you're
listening to this on the day that comes out and
I'm like, shoot, I haven't done it, and then all
day I was going to and then I just did it. Here,
(02:27):
I am, at what time is it? Ten? Oh it's
eleven o eight Now I was ten forty when I
was thinking about this, So that's why we're here. And
I was pondering on what I wanted to do this
episode about, and I decided I was going to do
Trembling from Love or the podcast version, the free for all,
(02:49):
the just brain dump of maybe it's not impossible after all,
which is different than the blog post because there's a
blog post of that already. But I kind of wanted
to gives them behind the scenes and some other thoughts. Uh,
there's being real over here, perfectly broken. I'm just kidding,
(03:10):
and I wanted to give some behind the thoughts, behind
the scene thoughts. But the problem with that is that
a lot of my little bullet points are on my phone,
and like I said, my eyes are bugging out, so
probably not that. Oh let me see, okay, So I
just paused it and looked there's actually not a note
about it. It's just the blog post. So actually this
(03:31):
would be perfect and it's probably not gonna be very long,
so This is kind of a behind the seeds. Oh great,
I've just yawned again. That's fine. I'm not editing this, Okay,
I'm not gonna do it. I might do it, I'm
not gonna do it, okay, future guyraud know. I don't
want to. I don't like editing. One of these days
(03:53):
when I'm rich, which I don't know, we'll see when
that happens. But one of these days, it'd be nice
to just pay someone to edit my podcast, you know
what I'm saying. That would take out a majority of
what holds me back, So that'd be nice. Oh great,
how about to yawn again? Maybe that's code for I
should go to bed anyway really quickly, though, I want
(04:15):
to hurry and talk about buying the scenes of Maybe
it's not impossible after all. So I already wrote about
all of this on my blog, and I already recorded
this on my podcast, So if you've listened to that,
then you kind of already know what I'm going to say.
But just some run of the mouth, brain dumb kind
of a situation. I seriously used to think feeling happy
(04:36):
and feeling I don't know, like a weight off my
chest just didn't seem like a possibility for me. It
didn't feel like something that would be doable. It didn't
feel like it would be something that would be long
term or long lasting. In fact, I kind of figured
that I would always suffer with depression. It kind of
(04:56):
just always be there. And a lot of times I
wonder for my future family, am I going to be
a burden? Is my husband gonna be like, oh great,
not again? Or future kids gonna be like, yeah, Mom's
just always depressed. And I just hated that thought, and
I hated thinking that, you know, that was what life
was going to be like for me. And so one day,
(05:17):
when I was sweeping and mopping at work, I just
had this idea and this realization that one day the
depression hadn't come back, and it hadn't come back for
like three years, and I was just kind of mind blown.
This thing that I thought was impossible, this thing that
I thought would never ever happen to me, was not
(05:39):
only possible, but it was happening in real time for
the past three years. And I just had this immense
amount of gratitude and happiness. And then as I was thinking,
I keep yawning, So I'm pausing it and playing it
and honestly, I'm just gonna leave it all in here.
So I really apologize because yeah, I'm just yeah, that's
(06:01):
my compromise for today. I'm going to get something better
out next week. Okay. So anyway, I thought it did
it was impossible, and I realized that it was and
then I was thinking about other things in my life
that have seemed impossible, and another thing that has seemed
impossible has been losing weight. I don't know, it's just
(06:21):
always felt like this impossible thing that doesn't happen to me.
You can't it doesn't happen, like you just don't know
how to make it happen. And so as it actually happened,
and as I actually did lose weight and gained muscle
or maintained muscle and lost fat, I was like, oh
(06:41):
my gosh, maybe it's not impossible after all. Maybe this
really is a possibility, Maybe this really is something that
I can do. And it's interesting because my relationship with
this concept has changed up and down all the way around.
And I've thought about doing this episode so many times,
but a lot of times, when I'm ready to record
(07:02):
this episode, I'm thinking, oh, man, no, I just barely
hit a slump in my weight loss journey, or I
just barely hit a slump in my macros or whatever
I'm eating, and I just don't feel like I can
talk about that right now because I've actually plateaued for
like the last week and I don't want to talk
about it. So that's happened to me a couple of times,
(07:23):
which is why this episode is coming out a couple
months after the blog post. And then recently I've kind
of plateaued a little bit again because I'm about to
move until I'm really tired, and I was not trying
to sit really tired. I guess I just am. I'm
(07:43):
about to move, and so I'm really stressed anxious about that,
and I think my body's holding on to weight because
of that, so that is not fun. But I've just
decided it's not a race. I don't know why I
keep thinking it's a race. It's literally not a race.
It is not our race, and I feel like I
didn't remind myself that all the time. And then the
(08:04):
last thing that I thought was impossible that wasn't obviously,
because I've gotten in is getting into grad school, and
it's been a really wonderful, miraculous blessing to not only
get into a program, but to get into a program
that I know is right for me. And I'm really
really grateful for that. And then just to add a
(08:24):
little ps in there, moving feels impossible. I just barely
started packing yesterday, and I'm like, oh no, actually help.
Starting packing actually helped me realize that I don't have
that much stuff. I just figured, like this idea of
moving was just terrifying to me. But now that I've
actually started packing, I feel a lot more relaxed about it,
(08:48):
like it's gonna be okay. You know. So, I feel
like this episode was all over the place, and I apologize,
but you know what, Episode two hundred and episode two
hundred and one are really solid. If you've listened to
nine and a half minutes of me just ramble for
literally no reason and not nothing super important, then go
(09:10):
spend time listening to those two, because those two are
much better than this one, I promise. And I just
want to say that I'm so grateful to Henley Father,
who loves me and helps me see that things that
I think are impossible are not to him, and with
his help, I can do all things with Christ, with
(09:31):
his son and with him, and I'm really grateful for
that Philippians four thirteen. Yeah, by the way, okay, that's it.
That's all I'm gonna say, because I don't want to
have dead at this and I don't want to speak
for much longer. And I thought this episode was gonna
be pretty good, this whole idea. This whole time, I'm like, yeah,
behind the scenes of maybe it's not impossible after all,
(09:52):
will be such a will be such a cool episode,
And now I'm realizing that it's just not. But that's okay,
that is okay. I'll finish off with a quote and
I don't know whose it is because someone gave it
to me as a going away present, but there's not
an author at the bottom anyway. It says faith is
not believing that God can, it is knowing He will.
(10:16):
And I will leave you with that in the name
of Jesus Christ. Amen. Thank you so much for listening, yes,
even to this one. Don't forget to embrace imperfection, find meaning,
satisfaction and joy from the journey. I'm Kira, and this
is imperfectly broken. The podcast