August 20, 2025 • 33 mins
Kadrianne and I met while we were both attending Southern Utah University, and we became dear friends. She is a wonderful person, piano player, disciple of Christ, and the list goes on and on! Kadrianne is one of the kindest people I know, and I feel so blessed to be her friend.
We recorded this the day after her homecoming (that’s when missionaries speak in church about their missions after they come home). She did a wonderful job, and I wanted to interview her for my podcast because she had such valuable insight that I wanted others to hear.
I hope you enjoy this message and remember that Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of you.
Here is a link to my table of contents: https://docs.google.com/docume...
Make sure to turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode!
We recorded this the day after her homecoming (that’s when missionaries speak in church about their missions after they come home). She did a wonderful job, and I wanted to interview her for my podcast because she had such valuable insight that I wanted others to hear.
I hope you enjoy this message and remember that Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of you.
Here is a link to my table of contents: https://docs.google.com/docume...
Make sure to turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. I apologize if
the audio is a little bit different than normal. We're
sitting outside in a front yard and we are in Huntington,
Utah or Huntington, Utah as they say, so it's not
super busy, but cars will be driving by. Speaking of
cars driving by, so you might be able to hear that,
(00:37):
but you know, you do what you can, and this
is what's happening. So why am I in hunting In Utah?
Great question. My best friend Kadrianne came home from her
mission just like two weeks ago, and she had her
homecoming yesterday and so I drove out to come see
her and listen to it. And you know her. If
(00:57):
you've been listening to my podcast, heard a couple episodes,
she's been on a couple and we did a music
one and then we did an embarrassing stories one. Do
you remember that?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yes? That was so crazy.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So those are the ones that we've done. And now
she's back from her mission. So I thought I kind
of just interviewer about that. But even though you've been around,
tell us a little bit about yourself for people listening.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Well, I'm Kadrianne. I was in I went to school
for a little bit, finally figured out what I want
to do. I want to be an elementary teacher, so
we're going to get started on that pretty soon. I
love playing the piano.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
She's a good piano player.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Oh thank you. And yeah, just living life, excited to
see what comes true.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And where'd you go on your mission?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I went to the Chile.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
That's awesome. So now she speaks Spanish, but not real Spanish.
It's like really quick, it's real Spanish. I'm just being but.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's like a Chilame versions. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
It's different because they talk really fast and they say
po at the end of.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Everything everything, and they breathe under their breath, like instead
of taking a passive breathing, they just breathe in and
keep talking.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Oh interesting, it was crazy interesting. Yeah, it's like that's
really interesting. I don't know why I think that's so interesting.
I'm like dank interested to make the most of every
single moment everything.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
It was so hard to like cut in because like
we had those limits, like how much.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Time you couldn't even wait till they took a breath.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Now I just had to start cutting in. I was like, well,
week found it go now. I'm so sorry, but thanks
for sharing all that. I want to hear more next time.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
There you go, she learned, She learned, Okay, I want
to hear the hardest part of your mission and what
you learned from it. The hardest part, yes, and I'm
sure there's lots of hard parts, but just pick one.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
I think the hardest thing was having the trust in myself.
I was too focused also on myself that it was like,
how in world am I gonna do this? But just
focusing on well, once I could let go of that
and be like, well, it's not about me. It's not
totally up to me. I just have to try and
God does the rest. It took forever forever to get
(03:26):
that down, and I was like, I had so many doubts.
I was like, I'm the worst missionary ever. I'm doing
everything wrong. I can't do this. They're gonna send me home.
I'm so scared of everything, and so like the first
half of my mission, I was like, they're just gonna
send me home. Like she's too scared, She's too I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Know, Timid. Timid, Yeah, that you said. You mentioned that
in your homecoming talk about how fear held you back
a lot. Tell me a little bit more about that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, so it was like this fear of like saying
the wrong words because like you're losing a new language
and how to be a missionary. And I was just
so scared of doing it wrong. And it's like you
can't learn how to do something new without making mistakes.
And that's the hardest part is like you are expected
to be the missionary and everyone has this like mantle
on you because you're the missionary. But we're so far
(04:16):
from perfect because we're still just like human beings. Yeah,
I'm just here trying to represent Jesus Christ, but I'm
not him. And it's pretty crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Okay, we're laughing because the be just flew by, and
it flew right by the mic and you could totally
hear it.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Buzz.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
That was kind of awesome. My old Mike wouldn't to
pick that up. That's so crazy. I picked it up
at all. Well, think I'm literally sitting all the way
back here and you can that's wild. It is.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Sorry, in case you didn't hear it and you wanted to,
I copied this so here it is Christ but Christ.
But yes, I think that's really interesting. But we talked
about how one thing that you've learned is you're a
little bit more certain now, yes, which I think is
really good because before you left, I would agree that
you were pretty timid about like making decisions and things
(05:08):
like that, and now you're like, Nope, that's what I'm
doing and not apologizing for you. You don't have to
apologize with it. It's so true, so true. Well, I
like that, and I really appreciate you sharing that. I'm
sure that it's so interesting. I wonder how many missionaries,
and I bet there's a lot feel like I'm not
doing enough, I'm not good enough. They're going to send
me home because I'm not enough, which is wild, literally,
(05:30):
like it's so irrational.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, because I think sometimes too, you take into perspective
like it's all up to you, and you forget they
have their own agency. Like the people you're working with,
you're just helping them try to come closer to Christ, right,
but you can't force it, you can't make the decisions.
You can extend an invitation and help them, but that's
that's it.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
So I don't really understand when people are like this
is the lowest baptizing area I'm like, well, what do
you want? Like, the missionaries can only invite what what more?
You know, it's got to do with the agency. So yeah,
that's really interesting. So what advice would you give to
a new missionary who is having the feelings that you had?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Like, just let go and let it be and remember
that God fixes everything. I made a lot of other
mistakes on the mission. I cause a little bit of
pain for other people, and it hurt and I felt terrible.
But Christ works with it and he makes all the difference.
It's his work. So just trust that even though your
(06:33):
imperfect efforts, they're there and he appreciates it and he'll
magnify them. You just gotta do your best and try
and improve, but just let him do it. I love that.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Thank you. I want to ask you what would you
say was your favorite part? Like what made you just.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So happy to be there? I just loved seeing the
change in myself and in other people.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Because Jesus does that. No, I totally I know what
you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
It's incredible just to see someone so much happier, changed
their whole life to have something better, And it's this
change for the better too, Like they're not picking up
some random thing that's like, no, they're actually coming closer
to Christ and they have this peace and their countenance change.
They have this light in their eyes and just this comfort,
(07:25):
and they're positive about what they want. And I loved
seeing that.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
That is incredible. I do love that. Okay, Adriana, I
want to hear a miracle story.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
There's a few one that this was so crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
So we were out like locking doors, you know, just
talking to everyone in the street. This guy is like, yeah,
you can come by this other day. We set up
the day we go to find his house. We didn't
get his phone number, but we could not find his house.
It was like this number doesn't exist. So we start
asking the neighbors and they're like, we are not interested.
(08:01):
It was like I'm looking for someone.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah, You're like, okay, I'm not trying to convert you.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I just want to talk to this. But they're like,
I don't know anyone. So we tried the other neighbor
and he didn't know either, and we tried to just
see if he was interested, and he's like, no, I
have family that are members. I want nothing to do
with you.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Also, my wife's not here, but she'll be here at
the end of the month, so maybe you could come back.
Then we're like, okay, but here's just a pamphlet has
our number on the back. If you need help with anything,
just let us know. And we just left it at that.
We're like, dang, I can't we can't find these people.
What's up? And we found out like the other guy
gave us the wrong number just didn't exist on purpose,
(08:44):
I think, so I was like okay, so that was great,
But then we got in a call or like a
takes later on, and it was some random guy and
we're like, who are you. Man? He was meeting with
the missionary Osorno, which is like a little while away,
and they were trying. They wanted us to go give
(09:06):
him a Book of Mormon, and then we kind of forgot.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Which is so bad.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
But anyway, he reached out and texted us. He's like,
I've been meaning to do this for a little bit,
but I've just been nervous. I got the number from
this pamphlet that you left with my dad and we
were like, oh my gosh, we'll bring you your Book
of Mormon and everything, and he was just so ready
he was so ready to receive the light that Christ has,
(09:33):
and he ended up joining the church a little bit
like three weeks later, and his mom pry On. She
came and she loved everything. We showed her a picture
of like the celestial room in the temple. That was
her first time meeting with missionaries, and she loved it.
She's like, I want to be there, Like we want
(09:53):
you to be able to be there too. We'll help you.
And so that she ended up getting baptized as well
later and he baptized. Oh it was the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Wow, it's cool how that all happened. Yeah, so some
guy tried to lead you astray, which led you to
another guy who wasn't interested, but you left a pamphlet
and then his son used that number. That's wild. Yeah,
I love that. God's like I'm gonna make it hauppen.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Yeah, He's like, don't worry.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It's like your efforts matter, you never know.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, it's like, don't ever be afraid to go a
little above and beyond.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
That's gonna say. One thing that stands out to me
is none of that would have happened if you hadn't
one started asking around like you didn't stop when you're like, oh,
I guess we can't find it. We're done. We're like, no,
let's ask the neighbors. And then when you talk to
someone else, you're like, well, you're not interested. How about
we leave a pamphlet. So I feel like there's something
there that you don't have to be perfect in order
(10:49):
for God to make miracles happen.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Like just effort, Yeah, effort it is. It's like just
getting up going and talking to someone it changes their day.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, that's so true, man, that's wild. I love that story.
What would you say has been the hardest thing coming home?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Coming home would be trying to still live the same standards,
but at the same time you don't live the same
stand right.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Because it's not like you have a designated hour to
study every day exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Like that is the biggest that has been the hardest thing.
It's not having that time already set in Stille. And
I found that if I'm not doing my personal studies,
I am a mess. I cannot function. I'm so stressed
and I just worry that I'm doing everything so wrong.
And I think it's because like I had that daily
(11:43):
nutrition of the Gospels like drinking from that living water
every single day, and I try to do it now.
But it's so different because I'm not studying for a
specific person. It's like it's for me and figuring out
the questions that I have about my future. And even
though like you hit a point where you're like, Okay,
I have the answers I need for right now, but
(12:04):
I still need I need to feel the love of God. Yeah,
And trying to have that balance of like am I studying,
when do I do it? Do I do it?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Here?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I have to go to the doctor, It's like okay,
when am I going to do it? And sometimes it's
like okay, I have it mapped out in my head
and just like in the mission, everything goes out the window,
but in the mission like that was protected. It's included
in like the hours that never change. And so coming
home making sure I still have it has been a challenge,
(12:35):
Like I've I've found ways, but the days when it's
really hard, like they're they're difficult, It's like okay, I
and then you start overthinking everything and I'm so awkward.
In social studies, I'm like, oh my goodness, how are
you like to be able to like give a man
a hug. Again, I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
I don't want to do. But at the same time, like,
but am I being rude? Right, because so explain to me,
are explained to listeners who aren't aware of like missionary rules.
All right, yeah, so you can't hug men, but you
can hug women.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, okay, and it's just to like protect the missionaries
and everyone involved.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Does that mean the elders can hug men or okay? Interesting? Yeah,
I didn't know that.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
It's like, yeah, it was like you can hug someone
of the same gender, but you can't. You also just
have to be really careful with kids because you can't
ever be alone with kids. You can't babysit, you can't. Yeah, right,
you always have to be with your companion, and you
should just never be alone with the kids. Yeah, because
I don't know, things have happened. It's just to protect
like the kids, the missionaries, everyone.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
So by alone you mean you kid. But it's okay
if like, for example, you're outside and you and your
companion and there's a kid kind yeah, so that's still
looked down upon that a little bit.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You should just like you could talk to them but
you just it's more like a hey and move on,
like if like obviously, if a kid is missing from
their parents, you're going to try to right right right,
like I can't right, but.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
The rules say no, sorry, right, okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
And you can't enter someone's house, like the sisters can't
go in to a man's house if there's not a
woman there, and the elders can't go into a woman's
house if a man isn't there.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
It's just makes sense. Just want to protect you. But
they can probably come outside.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, okay, you can talk to everyone and just making
sure that nothing is misinterpreted because sometimes like when you're
feeling the spirit, sometimes you can have like the confusion
of feeling the spirit and romantic feelings, and so it's
just trying to make that and make sure the missionaries
are completely focused on their purpose.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
That would make sense, yeah, because feeling the spirit's like
a warm tingly yeah okay. Interesting. How did you help
friends and members or specifically friends recognize that what they
were feeling was the spirit? Did you ever say like
do you feel?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Do you feel?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
It was always like we would start out asking them
how they feel or what do they think and sometimes
they're like, I don't know, do you feel good? Is
it different after you've maybe read this scripture, after going
to church, after praying, and they say yes, And usually
it was followed by I just feel peaceful and I
feel calm, And I was like, that is the spirit
working in your life. It can manifest itself in different ways,
(15:26):
and just really explaining it because it's all new to
some people recognize it and learn something.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Need Yeah, okay, there's just gonna be trucks in the background.
It's fine, okay, so then yes. One thing that I
think is interesting is I think members sometimes don't know
what that feels like, and not just because like maybe
they don't ever realize what it is, but maybe they
(15:53):
have it all the time and they don't know they
don't recognize it. Because one thing that I love is
that spirit equals peace, you know, and a lot of
times we might feel peace in our lives but not
know that comes from God exactly. You know. I also
feel like one thing that I love is that Satan
cannot mimic peace.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
He can't.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
He can't mimic peace like he can mimic like happiness
and pleasure, and you know, he can mimic that, but
he can't mimic peace. And so when you feel peace,
you know it's from God. Which is really cool because.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
I had a lot of moments out there where I
questioned if this was from God, and like I had
like a lot of questions about coming home for some
of the decisions I was making at it a lot
of doubts and for good reasons, I would say, but
that was the one thing. Is that how I could
know it was an answer from God. It was because
(16:44):
it was peace. And I had a friend that literally
told me her name Solissa, he Lissa, She's like that
was what they focused on in their mission is Satan
cannot mimic peace. It's the one thing he can't mimic.
So that's how you know it's from But if you
have peace in your soul, that isn't an answer. That
is God's saying, let me help you. Because peace is
(17:07):
so true.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
It's even cooler when you're like I shouldn't be feeling peace,
Like there's a lot going on right now, I should
be stressed, and you're like, well, I'm not. You know,
I'm feeling fine. I'm just that's awesome, Okay. One thing.
I want to ask you, what would you say is
the best like materialistic item coming back?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
It would be the showers.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
The showers, the showers, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Because some of them were just kind of gross.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Oh yeah, you're like, I'm supposed to be cleaning off.
It doesn't feel like that because.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Like you have day set apart to like really clean
your apartment as a missionary. But sometimes missionaries don't do that,
and so it's like if you're not, it's like the maintenance.
If you're not maintaining, it's just getting worse. So like
you get in there and you're like what, But it's
really symbolic.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I feel like maintenance just in your life for daily repentance,
you need to do yes, let it slip.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
It's like, oh dear, I've made some crazy mistakes.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Not the oh dear, that's incredible.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Oh dear, Oh dear, I noticed when you said something
but put on that was awesome. That was awesome. Okay,
to final, to finish up, two things. Two things. One,
I want to title this episode what we talked about,
So tell me about the god of even if the
god if okay, good news, everybody, the truck's left. I
(18:36):
hope they don't come back. Okay, tell me about the
God of even if.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Okay, when I started the mission, I had so many fears.
I was scared of, like relationships at home with friends, family.
I had a lot of fear.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Give some examples, what if this happens.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I had a lot of fears for the challenges is
that my sister was going to face, Like what if
I can't help her? What if she is something.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Because I've always been there and now I won't be
able to be there in the same way.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And she's just gonna be doing this by herself. And
like with friendships, like what if something happens with this
friend and like just because we can't communicate as normal,
we just don't have that relationship anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
What if I lose this friendship exactly? Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I had a neighbor she's like my grandma, and she
was getting really old, and before I left, She's like,
I promise you that I'll be there, And I was
terrified that she was going to pass away while I
was gone. And I had fears of being a terrible companion,
having rough companions. I had fears of getting in the
way of helping someone come closer to Christ. Just lots
(19:42):
of fears of what if I just don't do it right,
what if I don't say things right? What if I
actually end up pushing them away? And all of the
fears that I had had actually happened while I was gone.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
That's terrifying, especially because you're like, don't worry, trust in God,
they won't happen. So no, they did.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
They did, Like everything, your neighbor.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Passed away, relationships changed, your sister had a hard time,
You had hard companions. There were times you were having
hard time.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
There was a time that I was I was the
rough companion.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I was like, no, I have a hard time believing that.
I was really hard time believing that, and I felt terrible.
And through all of those moments, I was like, oh
my gosh, like why is this happening? Like I I'm
trying to be better and I'm trying to do the
right things, but this is happening. And they were like
in the MTC, a girl had shared a poem that
(20:37):
her sister wrote that said, I'm the god of even if,
not a god of what ifs, And so as I've
meditated that throughout the missions, like even if this happens.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
I'm God, I'm all powerful. I'm going to fix it
like us humans, Like I'm only twenty one years old.
There's nothing that I can do to change God's God's plan.
I can't ruin his pond. I'm not that powerful. I'm
just a person.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I'm just a girl.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
I can't change it. And I can sure make a
good mess out of things, and I did. I did
a few times, and there were messes made in my
life and the lives of my friends from maybe me
other people. But God actually he fixed it, and it
was through Jesus Christ and what he did, and like
(21:28):
his great sacrifice for us, it changes everything and it's
hard you have to take those steps, but he makes
that difference and it's just one step at a time
and it takes a lot of time.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
So rather than saying, oh, what if this happens, it's like, no,
God will be there even if this happens. Yes, God
will be there when that happens.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
When it happens. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Interesting. I like that, especially because I think a lot
of times we are scared something's not going to go
our way, and we want to know that it's all
going to be okay, and we want to know that
that's not going to happen. But the good news, the
good news is that even if it does happen, things
are going to be okay. It is, you know, And
there's that saying that if things aren't okay, then it's
(22:14):
not the end, you know, because God is a god
of happily ever after he is, and as long as
you offer a broken heart and a contrite spirit, that's
all God asks of us. And I mean, obviously there's
covenance that we make, but it's all about your intentions
and how you care. And isn't it good news that
(22:35):
God knows the desires of our hearts? Like that's so
comforting to me. So many times I'm like, well, at
least he knows I didn't mean to do that, or
at least he knows I'm really trying he knows, or
at least he knows I really want to try. I
want to be good. Yes, yes, yes, I love that.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
There's actually my favorite scripture talks a little bit about that.
It was in second Nefy two verse nine that changed
like my whole mission that I've reflected on that and
gone back to that so many times where it's like
he sees. I mean, it doesn't talk about this exactly,
but it brought me so much peace. It says, for
(23:13):
the Atonement satisfieth the demands of His justice upon all
those who have not the law given to them, that
they are delivered from that awful monster death in hell
and the devil, and the lake of fire and brimstone,
which is endless torment, and they are restored to that
God who gave them breath, which is the Holy One
of Israel. And that changed everything. Like the things that
(23:35):
were so unfair that happened on my mission, in my
life in general, it's okay because Christ makes it okay.
Maybe not right now, but like you said, he's a
god of happily ever afters and it's coming. And I
was just talking to my mom about this this morning.
She's like, like, so much has happened just from coming home,
(23:56):
and like it was hard, but I'm so glad because
I've gained this extra strength because it's like something happened
in the rest of my life felt like it crumbled.
It's like, really another unfair thing, Like I just got
hold I did something so great, and I.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Mean it's not about me, but still, you know, you
have those thoughts of like I don't deserve this, you know,
or I'm trying to be good, trying like.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Why is this happening? And it took like the week,
the couple weeks to rebuild it, and Christ has and
it's stronger, and I I'm closer to him now and
I have like this more of a hope, like I'm
not scared for the future anymore. I'm done being scared
and I'm done being angry about life.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
And so that's that's what I was.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Christ really does that. It's a process. It's uncomfortable, it's painful,
it's sad, it's frustrating, but his promises are sure and
we're going to be at that last day, saved from death,
hell from the.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Are influence of th person? Yeah, and the impacts all
of it. Yeah. I have two questions for you, okay,
and you decide which one you want to answer first.
These are the questions that I want to answer before
the episode ends. One, how did this relation? How did
your relationship with the Savior change? And what do you
know about him now that you didn't know before? And
(25:20):
my other question is what would you say to people
who have loved ones on a mission? Or or going
to have loved ones on a mission. How can you
best support them during one of the most challenging experiences
of their life of going on a mission. So which
one do you want to answer first? Should we end
with Christ?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Okay? So what would you say to people who want
to support missionaries and they want to help their loved ones,
whether that's a friend, cousin, you know, sibling, child, what
would you say, is the best thing that you can
do to be an impact in their lives, to influence
them for good, to be a support when they're maybe
(25:57):
thousands of miles away. What would you.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Say, Share the love that you have with them and
never let them forget it. Let them feel the love
that you have in the Savior House for them because
even though they're like surrounded and they're trying to do
the same thing they need it to and and pray
for them and let them know that you're praying for them. Like,
(26:20):
there were hard things on the mission, and the second
that I would ask my family to pray for it,
that's when we started to see the answers. I love
that and don't ever be afraid to ask other people
to pray because there's so much power in that. Yeah, God,
here's all the prayers, and the more prayers the better, right,
So true.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I totally agree with that. Oh that's so good. Okay, yeah,
I love that. So when you email them, express your love, yes,
express your love for them, express your love for the
Savior because even though they are trying to do that
and they are trying to serve, I bet sometimes people
forget that they need that love too.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Right, cool, thank you?
Speaker 1 (26:55):
I love that. That's good. That's helpful. I'm always like,
I don't know how to help. I don't know how
to support. You know, I want to be there, but
I also don't want to overwhelm them. Okay, so make
maybe your message is to them meaningful, meaningful. Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I like that. Sure, like the love and that you're
just grateful for what they do and it is enough.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Oh, you're grateful for what they do and it's enough.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Oh I like that. That's good. That's really good. Okay.
Final question, what did you learn about the Savior that
you didn't know before your mission and how did your
relationship grow.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I didn't understand his love for me before the mission.
I felt that my whole life. I was like, you
have to earn it and like always hearing the like
God loves you and Jesus Christ loves you, how you are,
where you are, Like I liked it, but at the
same time, I was like, but I didn't do anything. Yeah,
I'm just here.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah. I talked about this. I was gonna say. I
felt the exact same way as a youth, and it
ticked me off. I didn't do anything like what I
wanted the pay. I wanted his love to matter to me. Yeah,
And I felt like if I didn't do anything, then
it didn't matter, right, which isn't true. Oh it's crazy Monkertown,
(28:06):
crazy town.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Yeah, And so it took the whole like it was
like my last few weeks as I was talking to
my mission president and he's just like he was talking
about God's love and this idea of perfection and it's
like we'll get there. But as I was studying what
he gave me to read, I began to understand God's
love for us that we do not have to earn it,
(28:30):
and in this life we're here to understand his love
and receive it, not just be like, oh God loves me,
it's like, but receive it and let that change you.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
So we're not here to earn his love. We're here
to receive and understand it.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes, understand like with your heart because like you will
always feel that. You will always feel that, and we'll
get you crying. But once you understand it with your
mind too, it's like I am his child and Christ
gave it.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
What that actually nice?
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I love that. It's like I can do. I'm here
to grow and become like him. Yes, I'm not gonna
do it right now, but I'm gonna start taking those steps.
And he's going to change me. And he loves me,
and he's happy with my progress, with my efforts, and
he's gonna change.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
That's so beautiful. Sticking cars coming by. I wanted to
reinvite the listeners. There is a book that just came
out really recently and it's called Is God Disappointed In Me?
And then the subtitle is Removing Shame from a Gospel
of Grace. It's by Kurt Frankam and I read it
(29:39):
very very very good book, and on a whim, I've
always been someone that's like just my very very best
to follow promptings, very like I try so hard and
so on a whim, I just thought like, you should
reach out to him and see if he wants to
record a podcast. And so I went onto his website
because he has a website called Leading Saints and a
(30:00):
lot of contact form and was like, would you record
a podcast with me? And he responded within ten minutes
and said sure, I'd love to, or like I'd love
to or something like that. Right, So I'm inviting listeners
now to pick up the book. It's at Desert Book Amazon.
I mean, I'm sure you can order it on I
mean I bought it on Kindle, so wherever you want
to buy it, but I really recommend you read it.
(30:22):
So is God disappointed in me? Removing shame from a
gospel of grace and one of the main messages, the
very most important message, is God's love and how God
cannot be disappointed in you because think about it. When
are you disappointed with someone when they don't meet your expectations? Right,
(30:43):
That's that's when you're disappointing with someone when you have
expectations and they don't meet him. Well, God knows the
beginning from the end, so he doesn't have expectations. Think
about it. He doesn't. God doesn't have expectations because he
already knows.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Right, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
And so he talks about how God cannot be disappointed
in us because he already knows. And so God's expectations
are in the atonement of Jesus Christ, which was already performed. Oh,
isn't that wild? He expects his son atonement to work
because it will because it will. Isn't that wild?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
So is it more like he's expecting us to learn
how to use it and receive it.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I don't know. It doesn't talk about it, doesn't talk
about how he expects us to do anything, because I
think he already knows. It's wild. It's a thought process
or it's a book that really gets you in your thinks,
you know, like you really are thinking and really pondering.
So I was just going to do an episode and
then invite people to read it after I interviewed him.
(31:42):
But if you want to read it now and then
you'll actually know what we're talking about when I do
interview him, which is so awesome. Isn't that awesome? You
know what he does for his full time job? But
does he do literally his podcast? He has his own Oh,
it's called Leading Saints isn't that wild? So yeah, that's
not even and like my goal one day, but I
do plan on doing this for the rest of forever,
(32:03):
so you're stuck with me. I'm just kidding, but yeah, okay, Kidrian,
thank you so much for coming on my podcast. I
learned so much from you and I really really value
you and your friendship and just who you are and
I just love you with all my heart. So so
I'm just really grateful for you as a person and
(32:24):
grateful for your time and everything. So thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I'm so glad things can just go back to like, yes, just.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Picked up and go. Thank you so much for listening.
Don't forget to embrace the perfection, find meaning, satisfaction and
joy from the journey. I'm Kaira, I'm kid and this
is imperfectly broken. The podcast
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. I apologize if
the audio is a little bit different than normal. We're
sitting outside in a front yard and we are in Huntington,
Utah or Huntington, Utah as they say, so it's not
super busy, but cars will be driving by. Speaking of
cars driving by, so you might be able to hear that,
(00:37):
but you know, you do what you can, and this
is what's happening. So why am I in hunting In Utah?
Great question. My best friend Kadrianne came home from her
mission just like two weeks ago, and she had her
homecoming yesterday and so I drove out to come see
her and listen to it. And you know her. If
(00:57):
you've been listening to my podcast, heard a couple episodes,
she's been on a couple and we did a music
one and then we did an embarrassing stories one. Do
you remember that?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yes? That was so crazy.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So those are the ones that we've done. And now
she's back from her mission. So I thought I kind
of just interviewer about that. But even though you've been around,
tell us a little bit about yourself for people listening.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Well, I'm Kadrianne. I was in I went to school
for a little bit, finally figured out what I want
to do. I want to be an elementary teacher, so
we're going to get started on that pretty soon. I
love playing the piano.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
She's a good piano player.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Oh thank you. And yeah, just living life, excited to
see what comes true.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And where'd you go on your mission?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I went to the Chile.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
That's awesome. So now she speaks Spanish, but not real Spanish.
It's like really quick, it's real Spanish. I'm just being but.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's like a Chilame versions. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
It's different because they talk really fast and they say
po at the end of.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Everything everything, and they breathe under their breath, like instead
of taking a passive breathing, they just breathe in and
keep talking.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Oh interesting, it was crazy interesting. Yeah, it's like that's
really interesting. I don't know why I think that's so interesting.
I'm like dank interested to make the most of every
single moment everything.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
It was so hard to like cut in because like
we had those limits, like how much.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Time you couldn't even wait till they took a breath.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Now I just had to start cutting in. I was like, well,
week found it go now. I'm so sorry, but thanks
for sharing all that. I want to hear more next time.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
There you go, she learned, She learned, Okay, I want
to hear the hardest part of your mission and what
you learned from it. The hardest part, yes, and I'm
sure there's lots of hard parts, but just pick one.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
I think the hardest thing was having the trust in myself.
I was too focused also on myself that it was like,
how in world am I gonna do this? But just
focusing on well, once I could let go of that
and be like, well, it's not about me. It's not
totally up to me. I just have to try and
God does the rest. It took forever forever to get
(03:26):
that down, and I was like, I had so many doubts.
I was like, I'm the worst missionary ever. I'm doing
everything wrong. I can't do this. They're gonna send me home.
I'm so scared of everything, and so like the first
half of my mission, I was like, they're just gonna
send me home. Like she's too scared, She's too I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Know, Timid. Timid, Yeah, that you said. You mentioned that
in your homecoming talk about how fear held you back
a lot. Tell me a little bit more about that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, so it was like this fear of like saying
the wrong words because like you're losing a new language
and how to be a missionary. And I was just
so scared of doing it wrong. And it's like you
can't learn how to do something new without making mistakes.
And that's the hardest part is like you are expected
to be the missionary and everyone has this like mantle
on you because you're the missionary. But we're so far
(04:16):
from perfect because we're still just like human beings. Yeah,
I'm just here trying to represent Jesus Christ, but I'm
not him. And it's pretty crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Okay, we're laughing because the be just flew by, and
it flew right by the mic and you could totally
hear it.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Buzz.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
That was kind of awesome. My old Mike wouldn't to
pick that up. That's so crazy. I picked it up
at all. Well, think I'm literally sitting all the way
back here and you can that's wild. It is.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Sorry, in case you didn't hear it and you wanted to,
I copied this so here it is Christ but Christ.
But yes, I think that's really interesting. But we talked
about how one thing that you've learned is you're a
little bit more certain now, yes, which I think is
really good because before you left, I would agree that
you were pretty timid about like making decisions and things
(05:08):
like that, and now you're like, Nope, that's what I'm
doing and not apologizing for you. You don't have to
apologize with it. It's so true, so true. Well, I
like that, and I really appreciate you sharing that. I'm
sure that it's so interesting. I wonder how many missionaries,
and I bet there's a lot feel like I'm not
doing enough, I'm not good enough. They're going to send
me home because I'm not enough, which is wild, literally,
(05:30):
like it's so irrational.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, because I think sometimes too, you take into perspective
like it's all up to you, and you forget they
have their own agency. Like the people you're working with,
you're just helping them try to come closer to Christ, right,
but you can't force it, you can't make the decisions.
You can extend an invitation and help them, but that's
that's it.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
So I don't really understand when people are like this
is the lowest baptizing area I'm like, well, what do
you want? Like, the missionaries can only invite what what more?
You know, it's got to do with the agency. So yeah,
that's really interesting. So what advice would you give to
a new missionary who is having the feelings that you had?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Like, just let go and let it be and remember
that God fixes everything. I made a lot of other
mistakes on the mission. I cause a little bit of
pain for other people, and it hurt and I felt terrible.
But Christ works with it and he makes all the difference.
It's his work. So just trust that even though your
(06:33):
imperfect efforts, they're there and he appreciates it and he'll
magnify them. You just gotta do your best and try
and improve, but just let him do it. I love that.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Thank you. I want to ask you what would you
say was your favorite part? Like what made you just.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So happy to be there? I just loved seeing the
change in myself and in other people.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Because Jesus does that. No, I totally I know what
you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
It's incredible just to see someone so much happier, changed
their whole life to have something better, And it's this
change for the better too, Like they're not picking up
some random thing that's like, no, they're actually coming closer
to Christ and they have this peace and their countenance change.
They have this light in their eyes and just this comfort,
(07:25):
and they're positive about what they want. And I loved
seeing that.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
That is incredible. I do love that. Okay, Adriana, I
want to hear a miracle story.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
There's a few one that this was so crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
So we were out like locking doors, you know, just
talking to everyone in the street. This guy is like, yeah,
you can come by this other day. We set up
the day we go to find his house. We didn't
get his phone number, but we could not find his house.
It was like this number doesn't exist. So we start
asking the neighbors and they're like, we are not interested.
(08:01):
It was like I'm looking for someone.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah, You're like, okay, I'm not trying to convert you.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I just want to talk to this. But they're like,
I don't know anyone. So we tried the other neighbor
and he didn't know either, and we tried to just
see if he was interested, and he's like, no, I
have family that are members. I want nothing to do
with you.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Also, my wife's not here, but she'll be here at
the end of the month, so maybe you could come back.
Then we're like, okay, but here's just a pamphlet has
our number on the back. If you need help with anything,
just let us know. And we just left it at that.
We're like, dang, I can't we can't find these people.
What's up? And we found out like the other guy
gave us the wrong number just didn't exist on purpose,
(08:44):
I think, so I was like okay, so that was great,
But then we got in a call or like a
takes later on, and it was some random guy and
we're like, who are you. Man? He was meeting with
the missionary Osorno, which is like a little while away,
and they were trying. They wanted us to go give
(09:06):
him a Book of Mormon, and then we kind of forgot.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Which is so bad.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
But anyway, he reached out and texted us. He's like,
I've been meaning to do this for a little bit,
but I've just been nervous. I got the number from
this pamphlet that you left with my dad and we
were like, oh my gosh, we'll bring you your Book
of Mormon and everything, and he was just so ready
he was so ready to receive the light that Christ has,
(09:33):
and he ended up joining the church a little bit
like three weeks later, and his mom pry On. She
came and she loved everything. We showed her a picture
of like the celestial room in the temple. That was
her first time meeting with missionaries, and she loved it.
She's like, I want to be there, Like we want
(09:53):
you to be able to be there too. We'll help you.
And so that she ended up getting baptized as well
later and he baptized. Oh it was the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Wow, it's cool how that all happened. Yeah, so some
guy tried to lead you astray, which led you to
another guy who wasn't interested, but you left a pamphlet
and then his son used that number. That's wild. Yeah,
I love that. God's like I'm gonna make it hauppen.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Yeah, He's like, don't worry.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It's like your efforts matter, you never know.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, it's like, don't ever be afraid to go a
little above and beyond.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
That's gonna say. One thing that stands out to me
is none of that would have happened if you hadn't
one started asking around like you didn't stop when you're like, oh,
I guess we can't find it. We're done. We're like, no,
let's ask the neighbors. And then when you talk to
someone else, you're like, well, you're not interested. How about
we leave a pamphlet. So I feel like there's something
there that you don't have to be perfect in order
(10:49):
for God to make miracles happen.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Like just effort, Yeah, effort it is. It's like just
getting up going and talking to someone it changes their day.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, that's so true, man, that's wild. I love that story.
What would you say has been the hardest thing coming home?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Coming home would be trying to still live the same standards,
but at the same time you don't live the same
stand right.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Because it's not like you have a designated hour to
study every day exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Like that is the biggest that has been the hardest thing.
It's not having that time already set in Stille. And
I found that if I'm not doing my personal studies,
I am a mess. I cannot function. I'm so stressed
and I just worry that I'm doing everything so wrong.
And I think it's because like I had that daily
(11:43):
nutrition of the Gospels like drinking from that living water
every single day, and I try to do it now.
But it's so different because I'm not studying for a
specific person. It's like it's for me and figuring out
the questions that I have about my future. And even
though like you hit a point where you're like, Okay,
I have the answers I need for right now, but
(12:04):
I still need I need to feel the love of God. Yeah,
And trying to have that balance of like am I studying,
when do I do it? Do I do it?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Here?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I have to go to the doctor, It's like okay,
when am I going to do it? And sometimes it's
like okay, I have it mapped out in my head
and just like in the mission, everything goes out the window,
but in the mission like that was protected. It's included
in like the hours that never change. And so coming
home making sure I still have it has been a challenge,
(12:35):
Like I've I've found ways, but the days when it's
really hard, like they're they're difficult, It's like okay, I
and then you start overthinking everything and I'm so awkward.
In social studies, I'm like, oh my goodness, how are
you like to be able to like give a man
a hug. Again, I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
I don't want to do. But at the same time, like,
but am I being rude? Right, because so explain to me,
are explained to listeners who aren't aware of like missionary rules.
All right, yeah, so you can't hug men, but you
can hug women.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, okay, and it's just to like protect the missionaries
and everyone involved.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Does that mean the elders can hug men or okay? Interesting? Yeah,
I didn't know that.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
It's like, yeah, it was like you can hug someone
of the same gender, but you can't. You also just
have to be really careful with kids because you can't
ever be alone with kids. You can't babysit, you can't. Yeah, right,
you always have to be with your companion, and you
should just never be alone with the kids. Yeah, because
I don't know, things have happened. It's just to protect
like the kids, the missionaries, everyone.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
So by alone you mean you kid. But it's okay
if like, for example, you're outside and you and your
companion and there's a kid kind yeah, so that's still
looked down upon that a little bit.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You should just like you could talk to them but
you just it's more like a hey and move on,
like if like obviously, if a kid is missing from
their parents, you're going to try to right right right,
like I can't right, but.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
The rules say no, sorry, right, okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
And you can't enter someone's house, like the sisters can't
go in to a man's house if there's not a
woman there, and the elders can't go into a woman's
house if a man isn't there.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
It's just makes sense. Just want to protect you. But
they can probably come outside.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, okay, you can talk to everyone and just making
sure that nothing is misinterpreted because sometimes like when you're
feeling the spirit, sometimes you can have like the confusion
of feeling the spirit and romantic feelings, and so it's
just trying to make that and make sure the missionaries
are completely focused on their purpose.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
That would make sense, yeah, because feeling the spirit's like
a warm tingly yeah okay. Interesting. How did you help
friends and members or specifically friends recognize that what they
were feeling was the spirit? Did you ever say like
do you feel?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Do you feel?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
It was always like we would start out asking them
how they feel or what do they think and sometimes
they're like, I don't know, do you feel good? Is
it different after you've maybe read this scripture, after going
to church, after praying, and they say yes, And usually
it was followed by I just feel peaceful and I
feel calm, And I was like, that is the spirit
working in your life. It can manifest itself in different ways,
(15:26):
and just really explaining it because it's all new to
some people recognize it and learn something.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Need Yeah, okay, there's just gonna be trucks in the background.
It's fine, okay, so then yes. One thing that I
think is interesting is I think members sometimes don't know
what that feels like, and not just because like maybe
they don't ever realize what it is, but maybe they
(15:53):
have it all the time and they don't know they
don't recognize it. Because one thing that I love is
that spirit equals peace, you know, and a lot of
times we might feel peace in our lives but not
know that comes from God exactly. You know. I also
feel like one thing that I love is that Satan
cannot mimic peace.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
He can't.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
He can't mimic peace like he can mimic like happiness
and pleasure, and you know, he can mimic that, but
he can't mimic peace. And so when you feel peace,
you know it's from God. Which is really cool because.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
I had a lot of moments out there where I
questioned if this was from God, and like I had
like a lot of questions about coming home for some
of the decisions I was making at it a lot
of doubts and for good reasons, I would say, but
that was the one thing. Is that how I could
know it was an answer from God. It was because
(16:44):
it was peace. And I had a friend that literally
told me her name Solissa, he Lissa, She's like that
was what they focused on in their mission is Satan
cannot mimic peace. It's the one thing he can't mimic.
So that's how you know it's from But if you
have peace in your soul, that isn't an answer. That
is God's saying, let me help you. Because peace is
(17:07):
so true.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
It's even cooler when you're like I shouldn't be feeling peace,
Like there's a lot going on right now, I should
be stressed, and you're like, well, I'm not. You know,
I'm feeling fine. I'm just that's awesome, Okay. One thing.
I want to ask you, what would you say is
the best like materialistic item coming back?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
It would be the showers.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
The showers, the showers, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Because some of them were just kind of gross.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Oh yeah, you're like, I'm supposed to be cleaning off.
It doesn't feel like that because.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Like you have day set apart to like really clean
your apartment as a missionary. But sometimes missionaries don't do that,
and so it's like if you're not, it's like the maintenance.
If you're not maintaining, it's just getting worse. So like
you get in there and you're like what, But it's
really symbolic.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I feel like maintenance just in your life for daily repentance,
you need to do yes, let it slip.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
It's like, oh dear, I've made some crazy mistakes.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Not the oh dear, that's incredible.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Oh dear, Oh dear, I noticed when you said something
but put on that was awesome. That was awesome. Okay,
to final, to finish up, two things. Two things. One,
I want to title this episode what we talked about,
So tell me about the god of even if the
god if okay, good news, everybody, the truck's left. I
(18:36):
hope they don't come back. Okay, tell me about the
God of even if.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Okay, when I started the mission, I had so many fears.
I was scared of, like relationships at home with friends, family.
I had a lot of fear.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Give some examples, what if this happens.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I had a lot of fears for the challenges is
that my sister was going to face, Like what if
I can't help her? What if she is something.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Because I've always been there and now I won't be
able to be there in the same way.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And she's just gonna be doing this by herself. And
like with friendships, like what if something happens with this
friend and like just because we can't communicate as normal,
we just don't have that relationship anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
What if I lose this friendship exactly? Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I had a neighbor she's like my grandma, and she
was getting really old, and before I left, She's like,
I promise you that I'll be there, And I was
terrified that she was going to pass away while I
was gone. And I had fears of being a terrible companion,
having rough companions. I had fears of getting in the
way of helping someone come closer to Christ. Just lots
(19:42):
of fears of what if I just don't do it right,
what if I don't say things right? What if I
actually end up pushing them away? And all of the
fears that I had had actually happened while I was gone.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
That's terrifying, especially because you're like, don't worry, trust in God,
they won't happen. So no, they did.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
They did, Like everything, your neighbor.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Passed away, relationships changed, your sister had a hard time,
You had hard companions. There were times you were having
hard time.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
There was a time that I was I was the
rough companion.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I was like, no, I have a hard time believing that.
I was really hard time believing that, and I felt terrible.
And through all of those moments, I was like, oh
my gosh, like why is this happening? Like I I'm
trying to be better and I'm trying to do the
right things, but this is happening. And they were like
in the MTC, a girl had shared a poem that
(20:37):
her sister wrote that said, I'm the god of even if,
not a god of what ifs, And so as I've
meditated that throughout the missions, like even if this happens.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
I'm God, I'm all powerful. I'm going to fix it
like us humans, Like I'm only twenty one years old.
There's nothing that I can do to change God's God's plan.
I can't ruin his pond. I'm not that powerful. I'm
just a person.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I'm just a girl.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
I can't change it. And I can sure make a
good mess out of things, and I did. I did
a few times, and there were messes made in my
life and the lives of my friends from maybe me
other people. But God actually he fixed it, and it
was through Jesus Christ and what he did, and like
(21:28):
his great sacrifice for us, it changes everything and it's
hard you have to take those steps, but he makes
that difference and it's just one step at a time
and it takes a lot of time.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
So rather than saying, oh, what if this happens, it's like, no,
God will be there even if this happens. Yes, God
will be there when that happens.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
When it happens. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Interesting. I like that, especially because I think a lot
of times we are scared something's not going to go
our way, and we want to know that it's all
going to be okay, and we want to know that
that's not going to happen. But the good news, the
good news is that even if it does happen, things
are going to be okay. It is, you know, And
there's that saying that if things aren't okay, then it's
(22:14):
not the end, you know, because God is a god
of happily ever after he is, and as long as
you offer a broken heart and a contrite spirit, that's
all God asks of us. And I mean, obviously there's
covenance that we make, but it's all about your intentions
and how you care. And isn't it good news that
(22:35):
God knows the desires of our hearts? Like that's so
comforting to me. So many times I'm like, well, at
least he knows I didn't mean to do that, or
at least he knows I'm really trying he knows, or
at least he knows I really want to try. I
want to be good. Yes, yes, yes, I love that.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
There's actually my favorite scripture talks a little bit about that.
It was in second Nefy two verse nine that changed
like my whole mission that I've reflected on that and
gone back to that so many times where it's like
he sees. I mean, it doesn't talk about this exactly,
but it brought me so much peace. It says, for
(23:13):
the Atonement satisfieth the demands of His justice upon all
those who have not the law given to them, that
they are delivered from that awful monster death in hell
and the devil, and the lake of fire and brimstone,
which is endless torment, and they are restored to that
God who gave them breath, which is the Holy One
of Israel. And that changed everything. Like the things that
(23:35):
were so unfair that happened on my mission, in my
life in general, it's okay because Christ makes it okay.
Maybe not right now, but like you said, he's a
god of happily ever afters and it's coming. And I
was just talking to my mom about this this morning.
She's like, like, so much has happened just from coming home,
(23:56):
and like it was hard, but I'm so glad because
I've gained this extra strength because it's like something happened
in the rest of my life felt like it crumbled.
It's like, really another unfair thing, Like I just got
hold I did something so great, and I.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Mean it's not about me, but still, you know, you
have those thoughts of like I don't deserve this, you know,
or I'm trying to be good, trying like.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Why is this happening? And it took like the week,
the couple weeks to rebuild it, and Christ has and
it's stronger, and I I'm closer to him now and
I have like this more of a hope, like I'm
not scared for the future anymore. I'm done being scared
and I'm done being angry about life.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
And so that's that's what I was.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Christ really does that. It's a process. It's uncomfortable, it's painful,
it's sad, it's frustrating, but his promises are sure and
we're going to be at that last day, saved from death,
hell from the.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Are influence of th person? Yeah, and the impacts all
of it. Yeah. I have two questions for you, okay,
and you decide which one you want to answer first.
These are the questions that I want to answer before
the episode ends. One, how did this relation? How did
your relationship with the Savior change? And what do you
know about him now that you didn't know before? And
(25:20):
my other question is what would you say to people
who have loved ones on a mission? Or or going
to have loved ones on a mission. How can you
best support them during one of the most challenging experiences
of their life of going on a mission. So which
one do you want to answer first? Should we end
with Christ?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Okay? So what would you say to people who want
to support missionaries and they want to help their loved ones,
whether that's a friend, cousin, you know, sibling, child, what
would you say, is the best thing that you can
do to be an impact in their lives, to influence
them for good, to be a support when they're maybe
(25:57):
thousands of miles away. What would you.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Say, Share the love that you have with them and
never let them forget it. Let them feel the love
that you have in the Savior House for them because
even though they're like surrounded and they're trying to do
the same thing they need it to and and pray
for them and let them know that you're praying for them. Like,
(26:20):
there were hard things on the mission, and the second
that I would ask my family to pray for it,
that's when we started to see the answers. I love
that and don't ever be afraid to ask other people
to pray because there's so much power in that. Yeah, God,
here's all the prayers, and the more prayers the better, right,
So true.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I totally agree with that. Oh that's so good. Okay, yeah,
I love that. So when you email them, express your love, yes,
express your love for them, express your love for the
Savior because even though they are trying to do that
and they are trying to serve, I bet sometimes people
forget that they need that love too.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Right, cool, thank you?
Speaker 1 (26:55):
I love that. That's good. That's helpful. I'm always like,
I don't know how to help. I don't know how
to support. You know, I want to be there, but
I also don't want to overwhelm them. Okay, so make
maybe your message is to them meaningful, meaningful. Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I like that. Sure, like the love and that you're
just grateful for what they do and it is enough.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Oh, you're grateful for what they do and it's enough.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Oh I like that. That's good. That's really good. Okay.
Final question, what did you learn about the Savior that
you didn't know before your mission and how did your
relationship grow.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I didn't understand his love for me before the mission.
I felt that my whole life. I was like, you
have to earn it and like always hearing the like
God loves you and Jesus Christ loves you, how you are,
where you are, Like I liked it, but at the
same time, I was like, but I didn't do anything. Yeah,
I'm just here.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah. I talked about this. I was gonna say. I
felt the exact same way as a youth, and it
ticked me off. I didn't do anything like what I
wanted the pay. I wanted his love to matter to me. Yeah,
And I felt like if I didn't do anything, then
it didn't matter, right, which isn't true. Oh it's crazy Monkertown,
(28:06):
crazy town.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Yeah, And so it took the whole like it was
like my last few weeks as I was talking to
my mission president and he's just like he was talking
about God's love and this idea of perfection and it's
like we'll get there. But as I was studying what
he gave me to read, I began to understand God's
love for us that we do not have to earn it,
(28:30):
and in this life we're here to understand his love
and receive it, not just be like, oh God loves me,
it's like, but receive it and let that change you.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
So we're not here to earn his love. We're here
to receive and understand it.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes, understand like with your heart because like you will
always feel that. You will always feel that, and we'll
get you crying. But once you understand it with your
mind too, it's like I am his child and Christ
gave it.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
What that actually nice?
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I love that. It's like I can do. I'm here
to grow and become like him. Yes, I'm not gonna
do it right now, but I'm gonna start taking those steps.
And he's going to change me. And he loves me,
and he's happy with my progress, with my efforts, and
he's gonna change.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
That's so beautiful. Sticking cars coming by. I wanted to
reinvite the listeners. There is a book that just came
out really recently and it's called Is God Disappointed In Me?
And then the subtitle is Removing Shame from a Gospel
of Grace. It's by Kurt Frankam and I read it
(29:39):
very very very good book, and on a whim, I've
always been someone that's like just my very very best
to follow promptings, very like I try so hard and
so on a whim, I just thought like, you should
reach out to him and see if he wants to
record a podcast. And so I went onto his website
because he has a website called Leading Saints and a
(30:00):
lot of contact form and was like, would you record
a podcast with me? And he responded within ten minutes
and said sure, I'd love to, or like I'd love
to or something like that. Right, So I'm inviting listeners
now to pick up the book. It's at Desert Book Amazon.
I mean, I'm sure you can order it on I
mean I bought it on Kindle, so wherever you want
to buy it, but I really recommend you read it.
(30:22):
So is God disappointed in me? Removing shame from a
gospel of grace and one of the main messages, the
very most important message, is God's love and how God
cannot be disappointed in you because think about it. When
are you disappointed with someone when they don't meet your expectations? Right,
(30:43):
That's that's when you're disappointing with someone when you have
expectations and they don't meet him. Well, God knows the
beginning from the end, so he doesn't have expectations. Think
about it. He doesn't. God doesn't have expectations because he
already knows.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Right, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
And so he talks about how God cannot be disappointed
in us because he already knows. And so God's expectations
are in the atonement of Jesus Christ, which was already performed. Oh,
isn't that wild? He expects his son atonement to work
because it will because it will. Isn't that wild?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
So is it more like he's expecting us to learn
how to use it and receive it.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I don't know. It doesn't talk about it, doesn't talk
about how he expects us to do anything, because I
think he already knows. It's wild. It's a thought process
or it's a book that really gets you in your thinks,
you know, like you really are thinking and really pondering.
So I was just going to do an episode and
then invite people to read it after I interviewed him.
(31:42):
But if you want to read it now and then
you'll actually know what we're talking about when I do
interview him, which is so awesome. Isn't that awesome? You
know what he does for his full time job? But
does he do literally his podcast? He has his own Oh,
it's called Leading Saints isn't that wild? So yeah, that's
not even and like my goal one day, but I
do plan on doing this for the rest of forever,
(32:03):
so you're stuck with me. I'm just kidding, but yeah, okay, Kidrian,
thank you so much for coming on my podcast. I
learned so much from you and I really really value
you and your friendship and just who you are and
I just love you with all my heart. So so
I'm just really grateful for you as a person and
(32:24):
grateful for your time and everything. So thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I'm so glad things can just go back to like, yes, just.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Picked up and go. Thank you so much for listening.
Don't forget to embrace the perfection, find meaning, satisfaction and
joy from the journey. I'm Kaira, I'm kid and this
is imperfectly broken. The podcast
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