September 10, 2025 • 26 mins
CLWK = College Life With Kyra
This episode is all about my first couple days of graduate school at BYU. I’m loving it and feel grateful to be back in a classroom.
Believe it or not, I have two more episodes already recorded, and I’m really excited for one of them. It’s called, “Trembling From Love,” and I’m going to post it Friday. Monday’s episode will be titled, “CLWK: The Day That Was Hard.” That particular episode just happens to be about school too haha!
So here’s the warm-up episode, where everything is rainbows and sunshine. Next Monday’s episode is when I get REAL. All this said, if these type of episodes aren’t your thing, don’t skip out on Friday’s episode, “Trembling From Love.” It is a beautiful compilation of God’s infinite love for us.
Phew. That was all over the place. Long story short: feel free to skip this episode (and Monday’s) but please don’t miss Friday’s!
Here is a link to my table of contents: https://docs.google.com/docume...
Make sure to turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode!
This episode is all about my first couple days of graduate school at BYU. I’m loving it and feel grateful to be back in a classroom.
Believe it or not, I have two more episodes already recorded, and I’m really excited for one of them. It’s called, “Trembling From Love,” and I’m going to post it Friday. Monday’s episode will be titled, “CLWK: The Day That Was Hard.” That particular episode just happens to be about school too haha!
So here’s the warm-up episode, where everything is rainbows and sunshine. Next Monday’s episode is when I get REAL. All this said, if these type of episodes aren’t your thing, don’t skip out on Friday’s episode, “Trembling From Love.” It is a beautiful compilation of God’s infinite love for us.
Phew. That was all over the place. Long story short: feel free to skip this episode (and Monday’s) but please don’t miss Friday’s!
Here is a link to my table of contents: https://docs.google.com/docume...
Make sure to turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. Today. I'm going
to talk about my first week at graduate school, and
I can't decide. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna stick with
my pattern in my theme, but I can't decide if
I should do college Life with Kira the first week
of graduate school or my first week of graduate school.
So far, I don't know if you've noticed, I've been
(00:38):
doing the started every college Life with Kira title with
the So I think I'm gonna do that because I was.
I did the suitcase, the research conference, the dryer. The
search is over anyway, So I think I'm gonna stick
with my little pattern and title it the first week
(00:59):
of graduate school. But just no, I know it's a
little bit weird, and that's why I'm doing it, because
it's a pattern and it felt like a fun thing
at first, and now I'm like, hmm, I don't know
about this, but I'm gonna stick with it for now.
So my first week of graduate school was last week,
and it went really well. It felt really good to
be black, felt really good to be back in a
(01:20):
classroom and to be with people and students that loved learning,
and professors and all these things really it felt really good,
and because I wanted to follow the research that I've read,
because I've done a lot of reading recently for my
job and for just to prepare to go back to school.
One of the things that I read talked about the
(01:43):
importance of writing byhand your notes, so I decided I
was going to do that, and how distracting your phone
and technology can be. And so in class, I've been
turning my phone on noticed or and putting it in
my backpack because actually, if it's in your pocket, it
disturbs and disrupts your learning as well. Kind of interesting, huh,
(02:04):
if you're curious what I'm talking about. This is found
in the book The Extinction of Experience. What's it called? Yeah,
the extinction of experience being human in a disembodied world,
I think is what it's called by Christine Rosen. And honestly,
I could take out the book and read you the
quotes from it, but that just seems like a lot
(02:25):
of work, so just trust me on this. So it's
interesting kind of looking at how other people are taking
or the approach taking the approach to graduate school. You know,
everyone nowadays has a MacBook or a computer that they
type notes on and they found in these research studies
that typing notes just is not as good as writing
(02:48):
it by hand. And one of the reasons, there's a
few reasons, but one of the reasons is that your
hand can't write as fast as you can type, and
so your brain has to and deense things and summarize
things to keep up. Now. Of course, if there's enough
time to write down the whole slide, some people do that,
(03:08):
and I kind of been doing that here and there.
But also when you're just typing away, sometimes you're not
actually paying attention. You're just looking at the words to
type them down, you know, rather than to really learn it.
But yeah, they did these studies where children would comprehend
the material better and test better on it later. So
(03:31):
that's what I've been doing. I've been approaching graduate school
that way, because I did not really do that for
my undergrad I did for some of the classes for sure,
but some of them I just had my phone in
my pocket or I had it on my desk, and
it definitely disrupted my learning for sure. And I've noticed
that when people have their computers out, it's really hard
(03:51):
not to get distracted. There's a student next to me,
and she really is. She sits next to me in
one of my classes. She really is all in it.
She is in it to win it. I've noticed that
she's printed out all of the articles that we need
to read and she's highlighted them and taking notes on them.
It's very impressive. But she's on her computer and she'll
(04:13):
text people and people will text her. And no judgment. Really,
there isn't any judgment. I just wanted to add in
this as I'm briefly editing it and really not guys,
but trying to that she is genuinely incredible and is
always writing things down and always just typing things and
paying attention. So there really isn't any judgment. And honestly,
(04:36):
when I was an undergrad, I would text people all
the time and it cost so distracting. So I was
only making an observation. But I know that that's got
to be distracting, you know, I don't know. That's just
my opinion, and also it's backed by research, So there's
that though. If you think that typing is better for
(04:57):
your brain, okay, you know I'm not one to argue
with you. I'm just stating that I think writing by
hand is really useful in the way to learn. So anyway,
I will say, I wrote down on the thirteenth, was
the first day of school that I had this internal
need to pull out my phone. Isn't that funny? I
(05:21):
was like, Oh, it couldn't have been the thirteenth. Was
it really the thirteenth? That doesn't sound right. No, why
did I say the thirteenth? It's the third I had
wrote on the thirteenth, even though definitely not the thirteenth,
the third of September. So I wrote down I have
this internal need to pull out my phone. It's definitely
going to be a struggle to fight this. However, I
will say part of the reason is because my learning
(05:45):
suite so rather than canvas, which is just something that
you a platform to grab your assignments and to interact
with the class and turn things in BYU use this
learning suite. Some classes use canvas as well, but there's
this thing called learning suite. And because I've never been
a buy us didn't be or mine wasn't automatically working,
and I really wanted to check my email to see
(06:05):
if my professor had responded, and so there was this
huge level of anxiety to check that email, which I
think is why it was such a problem, this internal
need to pull out my phone. But once I actually
just check the email at the end of class, then
I didn't have a trouble with it at all. Next class,
I wasn't like, oh, I need to grab out my phone.
(06:26):
So that's kind of interesting. I will say that after class,
when I'm walking to my next class, or walking to
my bike or wherever, or just from building to building,
it feels really weird, like it feels like I forgot
my phone. If it's not in my pocket, it feels
really strange not in my pocket, and sometimes I even
check my backpack just to make sure it's still in there.
So that's definitely something that I acknowledge that I struggle with.
(06:49):
I am addicted to my phone like the rest of us.
Luckily it's not as severe as it could be, but
it's definitely something I want to get better at, especially
when I'm trying to learn, you know, and scripture study
as well. I still do my scripture study on my phone,
but I turn it on no disturb and I tried
really hard not to get distracted and to do other things.
(07:10):
It can be hard. So next thing, we started with
a prayer, and it was wild to me. It really is.
It's been a week now almost because today's Tuesday as
I'm recording this, and we've started with a prayer in
every class and it just shakes me to the core
every time. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but
it's just so weird for me because obviously at SUU
(07:31):
and in high school, you don't start class with a prayer,
and so it's just kind of wild. We never finish
with one. We only finished with a prayer one time,
and it's because I suggested it because it was like
a pretty spiritual class. But yeah, we don't ever really
say closing prayer, but we always start with one, so
that's interesting. So one of my professors was talking about
take home exams for statistics and he was like, Someone
(07:55):
was like, well, you know, I do we need to
download something? And he said, well, take home exam isn't
necessarily you have to take it home to do it.
You can do it on campus, you can do it
in the computer lab, you can do it in the library.
You just can't talk to someone else about it. You
can't consult with others. And someone said, well, can I pray,
and he laughed and said, you can consult with God. Yes.
(08:19):
I just thought that was funny, so I wrote it down.
I wrote down, I'm feeling so happy to be back
in class. It feels so good and it feels right.
And then later in a different class, I mentioned that
getting into graduate school was a Hail Mary, and the
foreign student had no idea what that meant. It was
(08:40):
actually funny because later the professor was like, hey, do
you know what that means? And she put her hands
together like in a prayer, and she's like that, we
have some really good Catholics, So she thought I was Catholic,
and I think that's funny. Also, I just want to say,
this girl in my cohort is a deer. She is
so kind and so nice and is really smart, and honestly,
(09:02):
the idea of learning in a second language much less
trying to learn the jargon in the euphemisms and the
metaphors in different language, like that's so wild. So seriously,
she's very impressive, and I'm not making fun of her.
I'm just making a statement that we like, I just
you know, said hail Mary or whatever. But obviously for
(09:24):
someone who's English, for someone where English is their second language.
It's just yeah, it was just kind of a funny situation.
But man, I am very impressed with her. But he
explained the metaphor and she understood. But yeah, hail Mary
is a football metaphor. And what you do is when
you're losing the game, or it's more likely when you're down,
(09:47):
and so the quarterback just chucks the ball down the
field and people run down the field to try to
catch it to score a football. But you just throw
it as hard as you can as far as you can.
The chances of someone catching it probably aren't great, but
you don't really have any other options, Like there's not
enough time to do something else that would actually lead
to a touchdown. So that's what a hell Mary's called.
(10:08):
It's like a very last chance, last time to try
to win. Okay. And then that same student, when we
were introducing ourselves, told us that she's from Italy. But
she said this, and it was really interesting. She said,
I wish I was from Utah. And it was interesting
to me because I think a lot of times when
we're from Utah, we're like, oh, I'm from Utah. You know,
(10:29):
it's like kind of embarrassing and not. I don't know
why it's embarrassing, but it is like that's just kind
of the culture nowadays. And when you're somewhere other than
Utah and you've lived anywhere else other than Utah, it's
almost like you claim that place because it's more exciting.
You know. I'm totally guilty of that. So I lived
in Arizona for six years of my life, and I've
(10:51):
lived in Utah the rest of my life. So I've
lived in Utah considerably longer. But if people ask me
where I'm from, I'll say Gilbert Orza because one it's
more exciting, and two it is where my family resides.
So it's like when I go home for the holidays. Anyway, Okay,
another thing is I felt kind of bad about this,
(11:12):
and the next day I woke up and actually felt
really bad about it. But I've since gotten over myself
and just realized I need to have a balance. But
what happened is I realized that I have this internal
need and this eternal internal desire not eternal internal desire,
for professors to like me, to be approved by them,
(11:32):
to have their approval, to be impressed by me, to
like me to accept me, and not necessarily that I
like being the teacher's pet, but kind of and I
was like, dang. So there were a couple times in
class where I was interacting with one of the professors
and his class is a really chill, interactive class, Like
we sit at this big table in a circle kind
(11:55):
of a situation. It's like a conference table. Think of
it like the round to the table of the Round
Nights or the round table for the nights of Camelot.
It's not actually round, it's more oval, but I'm just
saying it's like a conversation discussion based thing, so we
can talk on that class. And he was talking about
planned missingness, and without even thinking about it, I'm like, ah,
(12:17):
I hate planned missingness, those stupid multiple imputations. And I'm
sure you're listening and thinking, what fair. I just barely
learned what that was just in December or January or something,
and I'm not gonna explain it because it's just kind
of complicated. But he was like, yeah, you know what
I'm talking about, and you just smiled at me, and
(12:37):
I felt so good for two seconds, and then I
realized that I kind of ostracized myself and I might
have created imposter syndrome, and not on purpose because I
really don't want to make others feel dumb or stupid
or anything like that. And I didn't know what this
was until January, so it was really recent that I
(12:57):
even learned what that was. But yeah, you know how
sometimes you go to graduate school, or you go to school,
or you go somewhere where you think, oh, not another y'ad.
You think that you're supposed to know something, You're supposed
to be as smart as you claim you were or whatever,
be as spiritual as you think you are, or be
(13:19):
as spiritual as they think you are, and then someone
else shares something or they say something, or they ask
a question that you don't understand, and you're like, man,
I do not belong here. I am not as smart
as them, or I am not as spiritual as them,
or I am not as fill in the blank as
them prepared. And we realize that that's not really reality,
(13:41):
that most times a whole bunch of people don't know
what they're doing and they're just trying to figure it out.
So basically, I didn't feel imposter syndrome, but I might
have created it by making someone else feel like they
weren't smart, and that wasn't my goal, but I definitely
am aware of it and something that I need to
work on because I don't need to be the center
(14:01):
of attendent, you know. I want to hear from everyone,
and my internal drive to have the professors like me
is not necessary, so I need to work on that. Okay.
The professor told us that we should really work on
being good friends as a cohort and to get and
to dedicate or dedicate time to getting to know one another.
(14:24):
And he said, you're not competitors, so help each other out,
you know, So I liked that. He also talked about
utilizing my mentor and learning from him, so I liked that.
And then I helped my brother on the first day
of school over call ponder and brainstorm for his application
essays for BYU, just for the undergrad not for graduate school.
(14:47):
And I was just like throwing out some ideas and
he said, you're just coming up with us on the
spot and I was like yeah, and he said dumb.
So I do think that we get better with things
over time. Okay. The next thing is that in my
in my applied statistics class, we really had an interesting
lesson where it was very scripture based and it was
(15:09):
just interesting. I'm like, where am I? This is so weird.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I liked it, but
it was just different. So we talked about how being
a researcher can be like a preventative thing. So as
we research, we can prevent certain things from happening, or
we can help people implement strategies that are proven by
(15:31):
research and empirically supported to be effective, which might help
them avoid catastrophe or sadness or help them cope when
tragedy strikes. And I really thought that was interesting. And
then he talked about how we're among an elect group
and we're around smart people. And then he started talking
about imposter syndrome, and that was funny because there was
(15:55):
a circle, it was really small circle, and a really
big circle surrounding that circle. And he said, we think
imposter syndrome is the tiny circle inside the big circle
is what I know, and then the huge circle surrounding
us is what I think others know. And he said,
but the reality is there's a whole bunch of circles
and they're all kind of overlapping a little bit. And
(16:16):
then there's a circle in the middle that's overlapping all
the other circles. They're all the exact same size, but
they all overlap. So he's like, reality is we all
have something to add to the table. No one knows everything.
And so anyway, he was talking about that, and it
was just funny because as I was drawing it, I
accidentally drew the what I know a circle to be
(16:38):
way bigger than all the other ones so that I
could overlap all of them, and I wrote, the circles
are supposed to be the same size, especially the center one,
which is representing what I know. So I think that's funny, Okay.
Then we talked about unto versus in two and how
the learner has to accept the message and allow it
(17:00):
in otherwise they're not going to learn right. You have
to accept it. And then he talked about coming to
the class with the spirit or coming to class with
the spirit, and I was like, WHOA, that's wild, Like
how do we talk about that in school? Like what? Okay?
I thought that was funny. And then for my next class,
(17:24):
we talked about how gospel principles can intersect with research,
and I was like, whoa, Like my mind just felt blown. Okay,
just a couple more things for my first week. So
we talked about getting to know each other and one
of the questions we answered is where are you from?
(17:44):
And it was just funny because we talked about how
people state where they're from differently. They interpret that question differently,
and it's always fun to kind of hear what people
have to say. So it's funny. And then we talked
about how in grad school it's less about I have
to get an A to I want to learn this.
I get to learn this, and he said, so this
(18:06):
class isn't about getting a grade, it's about learning and
I love that. And then we also talked about helping
others see their potential and they wrote down, I love
this class already. And then in that class, we're going
to self grade, which is kind of wild. That's just
wild to me. Okay, last things. That was day one.
(18:27):
Technically this is day two, but also the exact same week.
It's just a different class. It's like a day and
B day, you know. Okay, So she talked about how
there's no difference between spiritual matters and everything else, and
to be consecrated is to live and learn and to
combine them together to integrate your learning, your scholarly life,
(18:50):
with your spiritual side. And I thought that was really cool.
And then once again we talked about learning for the
sake of learning and critical thinking, and then we also
talked about being better at recognizing truth and how this
is an ongoing restoration that is basically Oh wait, I
think I wrote a couple more things in this notebook.
(19:11):
What did I write here? Let's find out what I wrote?
Did you Oh? In class day two there were two
students who brought babies and it's adorable. I loved it.
I've only ever seen that one other time, so it
was just funny, just improvo. People have kids, more kids.
And then also I wanted to say, getting to know
you questions sometimes can be so weird because it's a
(19:35):
first impression, you know, so like what do you like
to do? What do you like to watch? Who? What's
important to you? You know, and you're like, shoot, what
do I say? Because if I say I just got
into the gym, then there's gonna be a certain impression
about that. If I say I like a certain show,
people are gonna have a certain impression about that. And
(19:56):
if there's a certain book that I like to read
that I share once again, people are gonna have a
certain impression about that. And if I talk about a podcast,
they're gonna think that I'm trying to self plug and
then I'm obsessed with myself, and there's a certain impression
about that. And so it's kind of hard to decide
what you're gonna share for get to know you question,
because that first impression really does have some weight and
(20:19):
some input, you know. So I talked about how my
dream job is to be a motivational speaker and I
have a blog and podcast to prepare, and I didn't
say any more than just that, So it was like
something that's important to me, something I like doing, but
I wasn't necessarily self plugging or anything. I don't know.
And then I also wrote that I want to push
(20:40):
myself and be as smart as I can and double
dip as much as possible, as in, if there's one
assignment that correlates with another assignment in another class, to
kind of put them together, and actually we get extra
credit if we do that for one of our assignments,
which I think is really cool. I also think it's
really cool and kind of wild that like I said,
(21:00):
we use scriptures. It's just wild and I love it.
And then we even talked about personal revelation and how
that speaks peace. Isn't that crazy? It's crazy, guys, Come on,
that's crazy. And if you've been to BYU, that's probably
not crazy to you, but to me, it's crazy. So
that was my first week as a graduate student in
(21:21):
the Marriage Family Human Development program at BYU. I am
loving it. I guess a couple other things that weren't
really class related. The very first day of school, I
rode my bike and I didn't really know one hundred
percent where I was going or the best path to take,
so that was hard. But I rode my bike again yesterday,
so basically half a week later or so, and I
(21:44):
actually discovered a path or a route that I like
and that's doable, and I think I'm gonna do that
more often. Definitely not in the winter when it's snowing
and stuff. That's just not going to happen. But I
do think I'm gonna ride my bike more often. That's
kind of exciting. So it only takes me about ten
to fifteen minutes to ride to campus, isn't that great?
(22:07):
And walking will take me like thirty five minutes or so,
so biking considerably shuts it down or shorts it shortens
it shuts it down. That's not what I want to say.
Biking shortens my journey. And then the bus takes like
twenty minutes, not like actually sitting on the bus takes
that long, but walking to the station, waiting for it
(22:29):
to show up, getting on the bus, all of the stops,
and then getting off the bus, and I've discovered it
takes about twenty to twenty five minutes, so biking's actually
the very fastest, believe it or not, just kind of crazy.
I also already bought a bikelock, and the first day
I didn't lock my helmet up in the little black bikelock,
(22:51):
but yesterday I did. And it's funny because when I
got to my bike at the end of the day,
I had realized that I had never turned the coat off,
so someone could have just undone my bike clock and
walked away because I never actually switched the dial, So
that's kind of funny. I do need to be better
at that. Oh and then my first day of class,
(23:13):
I also packed a lunch because I have class at
eleven to twelve fifteen, and then they don't have class
again until three thirty pm, so there's a huge break
in between, and I enjoyed eating lunch in between. And
then I did the same thing yesterday, so it's good.
And then I guess on Friday there was some other things.
(23:35):
There was just one class and it's a discipleships, disciple
scholarship class or something, so professors will come in and
talk about their testimony for an hour and their life
and it's really cool. And then at other times people
will talk about professionally developing themselves. And there's only six
classes in the whole semester. So anyway, it's good though.
(23:58):
I'm really enjoying it. I definitely recommend. It's been clear
as day, Like it is so clear it's not even
funny why I'm here and why God wants me to
be here, and He has blessed me abundantly. I mean,
think about it. I get to be in a class
and in school where we literally talk about our testimonies
(24:19):
in the scriptures in class, like that's crazy. My professor
that I just love from SEU said to me, Kaira,
at any other school, your faith would probably be a
liability but at by you, it's going to be a
strength Aaron. That has been true, and I'm really grateful
for that. So I recommend grad school. I think it's fun.
(24:42):
I know i'm gonna get stressed out and I know
i'm probably gonna cry, and it's gonna be a whole thing,
but I'm enjoying it, and it's good to be back
in class and it's good to be back learning and
discussing and stimulating my brain, you know. So thank you
so much for listening and and caring about my life,
because this is one of those dreaded college life with
(25:06):
Kyra episodes, which I don't know how fun they are,
but I'm doing them anyway. So yeah, thank you for
caring about my life and for listening. I hope that
it was interesting and entertaining, and honestly, I'm probably not
gonna edit it, and if I do, it will just
be taking the yawns out. I think I got all
the yawns, but I'm not sure it was a quick edit,
(25:28):
And at that point I don't even know, because they're
just randomly sporadically throughout. I can't help it. I don't know. Okay,
don't worry, I got eight hours of sleep last night,
actually got eight hours and ten minutes according to my fitbit,
so doing good. Thank you so much for listening. Don't
forget to embrace imperfection, find meaning, satisfaction and joy from
(25:50):
the journey. I'm Kyra and this is imperfectly broken.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
The podcast The Dad
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Don
Hello, and welcome back to my podcast. Today. I'm going
to talk about my first week at graduate school, and
I can't decide. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna stick with
my pattern in my theme, but I can't decide if
I should do college Life with Kira the first week
of graduate school or my first week of graduate school.
So far, I don't know if you've noticed, I've been
(00:38):
doing the started every college Life with Kira title with
the So I think I'm gonna do that because I was.
I did the suitcase, the research conference, the dryer. The
search is over anyway, So I think I'm gonna stick
with my little pattern and title it the first week
(00:59):
of graduate school. But just no, I know it's a
little bit weird, and that's why I'm doing it, because
it's a pattern and it felt like a fun thing
at first, and now I'm like, hmm, I don't know
about this, but I'm gonna stick with it for now.
So my first week of graduate school was last week,
and it went really well. It felt really good to
be black, felt really good to be back in a
(01:20):
classroom and to be with people and students that loved learning,
and professors and all these things really it felt really good,
and because I wanted to follow the research that I've read,
because I've done a lot of reading recently for my
job and for just to prepare to go back to school.
One of the things that I read talked about the
(01:43):
importance of writing byhand your notes, so I decided I
was going to do that, and how distracting your phone
and technology can be. And so in class, I've been
turning my phone on noticed or and putting it in
my backpack because actually, if it's in your pocket, it
disturbs and disrupts your learning as well. Kind of interesting, huh,
(02:04):
if you're curious what I'm talking about. This is found
in the book The Extinction of Experience. What's it called? Yeah,
the extinction of experience being human in a disembodied world,
I think is what it's called by Christine Rosen. And honestly,
I could take out the book and read you the
quotes from it, but that just seems like a lot
(02:25):
of work, so just trust me on this. So it's
interesting kind of looking at how other people are taking
or the approach taking the approach to graduate school. You know,
everyone nowadays has a MacBook or a computer that they
type notes on and they found in these research studies
that typing notes just is not as good as writing
(02:48):
it by hand. And one of the reasons, there's a
few reasons, but one of the reasons is that your
hand can't write as fast as you can type, and
so your brain has to and deense things and summarize
things to keep up. Now. Of course, if there's enough
time to write down the whole slide, some people do that,
(03:08):
and I kind of been doing that here and there.
But also when you're just typing away, sometimes you're not
actually paying attention. You're just looking at the words to
type them down, you know, rather than to really learn it.
But yeah, they did these studies where children would comprehend
the material better and test better on it later. So
(03:31):
that's what I've been doing. I've been approaching graduate school
that way, because I did not really do that for
my undergrad I did for some of the classes for sure,
but some of them I just had my phone in
my pocket or I had it on my desk, and
it definitely disrupted my learning for sure. And I've noticed
that when people have their computers out, it's really hard
(03:51):
not to get distracted. There's a student next to me,
and she really is. She sits next to me in
one of my classes. She really is all in it.
She is in it to win it. I've noticed that
she's printed out all of the articles that we need
to read and she's highlighted them and taking notes on them.
It's very impressive. But she's on her computer and she'll
(04:13):
text people and people will text her. And no judgment. Really,
there isn't any judgment. I just wanted to add in
this as I'm briefly editing it and really not guys,
but trying to that she is genuinely incredible and is
always writing things down and always just typing things and
paying attention. So there really isn't any judgment. And honestly,
(04:36):
when I was an undergrad, I would text people all
the time and it cost so distracting. So I was
only making an observation. But I know that that's got
to be distracting, you know, I don't know. That's just
my opinion, and also it's backed by research, So there's
that though. If you think that typing is better for
(04:57):
your brain, okay, you know I'm not one to argue
with you. I'm just stating that I think writing by
hand is really useful in the way to learn. So anyway,
I will say, I wrote down on the thirteenth, was
the first day of school that I had this internal
need to pull out my phone. Isn't that funny? I
(05:21):
was like, Oh, it couldn't have been the thirteenth. Was
it really the thirteenth? That doesn't sound right. No, why
did I say the thirteenth? It's the third I had
wrote on the thirteenth, even though definitely not the thirteenth,
the third of September. So I wrote down I have
this internal need to pull out my phone. It's definitely
going to be a struggle to fight this. However, I
will say part of the reason is because my learning
(05:45):
suite so rather than canvas, which is just something that
you a platform to grab your assignments and to interact
with the class and turn things in BYU use this
learning suite. Some classes use canvas as well, but there's
this thing called learning suite. And because I've never been
a buy us didn't be or mine wasn't automatically working,
and I really wanted to check my email to see
(06:05):
if my professor had responded, and so there was this
huge level of anxiety to check that email, which I
think is why it was such a problem, this internal
need to pull out my phone. But once I actually
just check the email at the end of class, then
I didn't have a trouble with it at all. Next class,
I wasn't like, oh, I need to grab out my phone.
(06:26):
So that's kind of interesting. I will say that after class,
when I'm walking to my next class, or walking to
my bike or wherever, or just from building to building,
it feels really weird, like it feels like I forgot
my phone. If it's not in my pocket, it feels
really strange not in my pocket, and sometimes I even
check my backpack just to make sure it's still in there.
So that's definitely something that I acknowledge that I struggle with.
(06:49):
I am addicted to my phone like the rest of us.
Luckily it's not as severe as it could be, but
it's definitely something I want to get better at, especially
when I'm trying to learn, you know, and scripture study
as well. I still do my scripture study on my phone,
but I turn it on no disturb and I tried
really hard not to get distracted and to do other things.
(07:10):
It can be hard. So next thing, we started with
a prayer, and it was wild to me. It really is.
It's been a week now almost because today's Tuesday as
I'm recording this, and we've started with a prayer in
every class and it just shakes me to the core
every time. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but
it's just so weird for me because obviously at SUU
(07:31):
and in high school, you don't start class with a prayer,
and so it's just kind of wild. We never finish
with one. We only finished with a prayer one time,
and it's because I suggested it because it was like
a pretty spiritual class. But yeah, we don't ever really
say closing prayer, but we always start with one, so
that's interesting. So one of my professors was talking about
take home exams for statistics and he was like, Someone
(07:55):
was like, well, you know, I do we need to
download something? And he said, well, take home exam isn't
necessarily you have to take it home to do it.
You can do it on campus, you can do it
in the computer lab, you can do it in the library.
You just can't talk to someone else about it. You
can't consult with others. And someone said, well, can I pray,
and he laughed and said, you can consult with God. Yes.
(08:19):
I just thought that was funny, so I wrote it down.
I wrote down, I'm feeling so happy to be back
in class. It feels so good and it feels right.
And then later in a different class, I mentioned that
getting into graduate school was a Hail Mary, and the
foreign student had no idea what that meant. It was
(08:40):
actually funny because later the professor was like, hey, do
you know what that means? And she put her hands
together like in a prayer, and she's like that, we
have some really good Catholics, So she thought I was Catholic,
and I think that's funny. Also, I just want to say,
this girl in my cohort is a deer. She is
so kind and so nice and is really smart, and honestly,
(09:02):
the idea of learning in a second language much less
trying to learn the jargon in the euphemisms and the
metaphors in different language, like that's so wild. So seriously,
she's very impressive, and I'm not making fun of her.
I'm just making a statement that we like, I just
you know, said hail Mary or whatever. But obviously for
(09:24):
someone who's English, for someone where English is their second language.
It's just yeah, it was just kind of a funny situation.
But man, I am very impressed with her. But he
explained the metaphor and she understood. But yeah, hail Mary
is a football metaphor. And what you do is when
you're losing the game, or it's more likely when you're down,
(09:47):
and so the quarterback just chucks the ball down the
field and people run down the field to try to
catch it to score a football. But you just throw
it as hard as you can as far as you can.
The chances of someone catching it probably aren't great, but
you don't really have any other options, Like there's not
enough time to do something else that would actually lead
to a touchdown. So that's what a hell Mary's called.
(10:08):
It's like a very last chance, last time to try
to win. Okay. And then that same student, when we
were introducing ourselves, told us that she's from Italy. But
she said this, and it was really interesting. She said,
I wish I was from Utah. And it was interesting
to me because I think a lot of times when
we're from Utah, we're like, oh, I'm from Utah. You know,
(10:29):
it's like kind of embarrassing and not. I don't know
why it's embarrassing, but it is like that's just kind
of the culture nowadays. And when you're somewhere other than
Utah and you've lived anywhere else other than Utah, it's
almost like you claim that place because it's more exciting.
You know. I'm totally guilty of that. So I lived
in Arizona for six years of my life, and I've
(10:51):
lived in Utah the rest of my life. So I've
lived in Utah considerably longer. But if people ask me
where I'm from, I'll say Gilbert Orza because one it's
more exciting, and two it is where my family resides.
So it's like when I go home for the holidays. Anyway, Okay,
another thing is I felt kind of bad about this,
(11:12):
and the next day I woke up and actually felt
really bad about it. But I've since gotten over myself
and just realized I need to have a balance. But
what happened is I realized that I have this internal
need and this eternal internal desire not eternal internal desire,
for professors to like me, to be approved by them,
(11:32):
to have their approval, to be impressed by me, to
like me to accept me, and not necessarily that I
like being the teacher's pet, but kind of and I
was like, dang. So there were a couple times in
class where I was interacting with one of the professors
and his class is a really chill, interactive class, Like
we sit at this big table in a circle kind
(11:55):
of a situation. It's like a conference table. Think of
it like the round to the table of the Round
Nights or the round table for the nights of Camelot.
It's not actually round, it's more oval, but I'm just
saying it's like a conversation discussion based thing, so we
can talk on that class. And he was talking about
planned missingness, and without even thinking about it, I'm like, ah,
(12:17):
I hate planned missingness, those stupid multiple imputations. And I'm
sure you're listening and thinking, what fair. I just barely
learned what that was just in December or January or something,
and I'm not gonna explain it because it's just kind
of complicated. But he was like, yeah, you know what
I'm talking about, and you just smiled at me, and
(12:37):
I felt so good for two seconds, and then I
realized that I kind of ostracized myself and I might
have created imposter syndrome, and not on purpose because I
really don't want to make others feel dumb or stupid
or anything like that. And I didn't know what this
was until January, so it was really recent that I
(12:57):
even learned what that was. But yeah, you know how
sometimes you go to graduate school, or you go to school,
or you go somewhere where you think, oh, not another y'ad.
You think that you're supposed to know something, You're supposed
to be as smart as you claim you were or whatever,
be as spiritual as you think you are, or be
(13:19):
as spiritual as they think you are, and then someone
else shares something or they say something, or they ask
a question that you don't understand, and you're like, man,
I do not belong here. I am not as smart
as them, or I am not as spiritual as them,
or I am not as fill in the blank as
them prepared. And we realize that that's not really reality,
(13:41):
that most times a whole bunch of people don't know
what they're doing and they're just trying to figure it out.
So basically, I didn't feel imposter syndrome, but I might
have created it by making someone else feel like they
weren't smart, and that wasn't my goal, but I definitely
am aware of it and something that I need to
work on because I don't need to be the center
(14:01):
of attendent, you know. I want to hear from everyone,
and my internal drive to have the professors like me
is not necessary, so I need to work on that. Okay.
The professor told us that we should really work on
being good friends as a cohort and to get and
to dedicate or dedicate time to getting to know one another.
(14:24):
And he said, you're not competitors, so help each other out,
you know, So I liked that. He also talked about
utilizing my mentor and learning from him, so I liked that.
And then I helped my brother on the first day
of school over call ponder and brainstorm for his application
essays for BYU, just for the undergrad not for graduate school.
(14:47):
And I was just like throwing out some ideas and
he said, you're just coming up with us on the
spot and I was like yeah, and he said dumb.
So I do think that we get better with things
over time. Okay. The next thing is that in my
in my applied statistics class, we really had an interesting
lesson where it was very scripture based and it was
(15:09):
just interesting. I'm like, where am I? This is so weird.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I liked it, but
it was just different. So we talked about how being
a researcher can be like a preventative thing. So as
we research, we can prevent certain things from happening, or
we can help people implement strategies that are proven by
(15:31):
research and empirically supported to be effective, which might help
them avoid catastrophe or sadness or help them cope when
tragedy strikes. And I really thought that was interesting. And
then he talked about how we're among an elect group
and we're around smart people. And then he started talking
about imposter syndrome, and that was funny because there was
(15:55):
a circle, it was really small circle, and a really
big circle surrounding that circle. And he said, we think
imposter syndrome is the tiny circle inside the big circle
is what I know, and then the huge circle surrounding
us is what I think others know. And he said,
but the reality is there's a whole bunch of circles
and they're all kind of overlapping a little bit. And
(16:16):
then there's a circle in the middle that's overlapping all
the other circles. They're all the exact same size, but
they all overlap. So he's like, reality is we all
have something to add to the table. No one knows everything.
And so anyway, he was talking about that, and it
was just funny because as I was drawing it, I
accidentally drew the what I know a circle to be
(16:38):
way bigger than all the other ones so that I
could overlap all of them, and I wrote, the circles
are supposed to be the same size, especially the center one,
which is representing what I know. So I think that's funny, Okay.
Then we talked about unto versus in two and how
the learner has to accept the message and allow it
(17:00):
in otherwise they're not going to learn right. You have
to accept it. And then he talked about coming to
the class with the spirit or coming to class with
the spirit, and I was like, WHOA, that's wild, Like
how do we talk about that in school? Like what? Okay?
I thought that was funny. And then for my next class,
(17:24):
we talked about how gospel principles can intersect with research,
and I was like, whoa, Like my mind just felt blown. Okay,
just a couple more things for my first week. So
we talked about getting to know each other and one
of the questions we answered is where are you from?
(17:44):
And it was just funny because we talked about how
people state where they're from differently. They interpret that question differently,
and it's always fun to kind of hear what people
have to say. So it's funny. And then we talked
about how in grad school it's less about I have
to get an A to I want to learn this.
I get to learn this, and he said, so this
(18:06):
class isn't about getting a grade, it's about learning and
I love that. And then we also talked about helping
others see their potential and they wrote down, I love
this class already. And then in that class, we're going
to self grade, which is kind of wild. That's just
wild to me. Okay, last things. That was day one.
(18:27):
Technically this is day two, but also the exact same week.
It's just a different class. It's like a day and
B day, you know. Okay, So she talked about how
there's no difference between spiritual matters and everything else, and
to be consecrated is to live and learn and to
combine them together to integrate your learning, your scholarly life,
(18:50):
with your spiritual side. And I thought that was really cool.
And then once again we talked about learning for the
sake of learning and critical thinking, and then we also
talked about being better at recognizing truth and how this
is an ongoing restoration that is basically Oh wait, I
think I wrote a couple more things in this notebook.
(19:11):
What did I write here? Let's find out what I wrote?
Did you Oh? In class day two there were two
students who brought babies and it's adorable. I loved it.
I've only ever seen that one other time, so it
was just funny, just improvo. People have kids, more kids.
And then also I wanted to say, getting to know
you questions sometimes can be so weird because it's a
(19:35):
first impression, you know, so like what do you like
to do? What do you like to watch? Who? What's
important to you? You know, and you're like, shoot, what
do I say? Because if I say I just got
into the gym, then there's gonna be a certain impression
about that. If I say I like a certain show,
people are gonna have a certain impression about that. And
(19:56):
if there's a certain book that I like to read
that I share once again, people are gonna have a
certain impression about that. And if I talk about a podcast,
they're gonna think that I'm trying to self plug and
then I'm obsessed with myself, and there's a certain impression
about that. And so it's kind of hard to decide
what you're gonna share for get to know you question,
because that first impression really does have some weight and
(20:19):
some input, you know. So I talked about how my
dream job is to be a motivational speaker and I
have a blog and podcast to prepare, and I didn't
say any more than just that, So it was like
something that's important to me, something I like doing, but
I wasn't necessarily self plugging or anything. I don't know.
And then I also wrote that I want to push
(20:40):
myself and be as smart as I can and double
dip as much as possible, as in, if there's one
assignment that correlates with another assignment in another class, to
kind of put them together, and actually we get extra
credit if we do that for one of our assignments,
which I think is really cool. I also think it's
really cool and kind of wild that like I said,
(21:00):
we use scriptures. It's just wild and I love it.
And then we even talked about personal revelation and how
that speaks peace. Isn't that crazy? It's crazy, guys, Come on,
that's crazy. And if you've been to BYU, that's probably
not crazy to you, but to me, it's crazy. So
that was my first week as a graduate student in
(21:21):
the Marriage Family Human Development program at BYU. I am
loving it. I guess a couple other things that weren't
really class related. The very first day of school, I
rode my bike and I didn't really know one hundred
percent where I was going or the best path to take,
so that was hard. But I rode my bike again yesterday,
so basically half a week later or so, and I
(21:44):
actually discovered a path or a route that I like
and that's doable, and I think I'm gonna do that
more often. Definitely not in the winter when it's snowing
and stuff. That's just not going to happen. But I
do think I'm gonna ride my bike more often. That's
kind of exciting. So it only takes me about ten
to fifteen minutes to ride to campus, isn't that great?
(22:07):
And walking will take me like thirty five minutes or so,
so biking considerably shuts it down or shorts it shortens
it shuts it down. That's not what I want to say.
Biking shortens my journey. And then the bus takes like
twenty minutes, not like actually sitting on the bus takes
that long, but walking to the station, waiting for it
(22:29):
to show up, getting on the bus, all of the stops,
and then getting off the bus, and I've discovered it
takes about twenty to twenty five minutes, so biking's actually
the very fastest, believe it or not, just kind of crazy.
I also already bought a bikelock, and the first day
I didn't lock my helmet up in the little black bikelock,
(22:51):
but yesterday I did. And it's funny because when I
got to my bike at the end of the day,
I had realized that I had never turned the coat off,
so someone could have just undone my bike clock and
walked away because I never actually switched the dial, So
that's kind of funny. I do need to be better
at that. Oh and then my first day of class,
(23:13):
I also packed a lunch because I have class at
eleven to twelve fifteen, and then they don't have class
again until three thirty pm, so there's a huge break
in between, and I enjoyed eating lunch in between. And
then I did the same thing yesterday, so it's good.
And then I guess on Friday there was some other things.
(23:35):
There was just one class and it's a discipleships, disciple
scholarship class or something, so professors will come in and
talk about their testimony for an hour and their life
and it's really cool. And then at other times people
will talk about professionally developing themselves. And there's only six
classes in the whole semester. So anyway, it's good though.
(23:58):
I'm really enjoying it. I definitely recommend. It's been clear
as day, Like it is so clear it's not even
funny why I'm here and why God wants me to
be here, and He has blessed me abundantly. I mean,
think about it. I get to be in a class
and in school where we literally talk about our testimonies
(24:19):
in the scriptures in class, like that's crazy. My professor
that I just love from SEU said to me, Kaira,
at any other school, your faith would probably be a
liability but at by you, it's going to be a
strength Aaron. That has been true, and I'm really grateful
for that. So I recommend grad school. I think it's fun.
(24:42):
I know i'm gonna get stressed out and I know
i'm probably gonna cry, and it's gonna be a whole thing,
but I'm enjoying it, and it's good to be back
in class and it's good to be back learning and
discussing and stimulating my brain, you know. So thank you
so much for listening and and caring about my life,
because this is one of those dreaded college life with
(25:06):
Kyra episodes, which I don't know how fun they are,
but I'm doing them anyway. So yeah, thank you for
caring about my life and for listening. I hope that
it was interesting and entertaining, and honestly, I'm probably not
gonna edit it, and if I do, it will just
be taking the yawns out. I think I got all
the yawns, but I'm not sure it was a quick edit,
(25:28):
And at that point I don't even know, because they're
just randomly sporadically throughout. I can't help it. I don't know. Okay,
don't worry, I got eight hours of sleep last night,
actually got eight hours and ten minutes according to my fitbit,
so doing good. Thank you so much for listening. Don't
forget to embrace imperfection, find meaning, satisfaction and joy from
(25:50):
the journey. I'm Kyra and this is imperfectly broken.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
The podcast The Dad
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Don
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