Ep. 7 - Imposter Syndrome and Confidence with Charessa Sawyer, Founder of Event Therapy Network

Guest: Charessa Sawyer, Owner SC Visionary Planning and Production Services, Creator Event Therapy Network, Publisher at Event Therapy Magazine

In this episode, Irene Tyndale sits down with Charessa Sawyer, a certified event planning professional that offers personal event coaching and teaches therapeutic communications to event and entertainment professionals. She simply helps event professionals discover strategic ways to love their fast-paced careers and find mental balance!

Tune in to learn how to find your confidence through pushing past imposter syndrome.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Inside the Wedding Planner's Mind podcast with
Irene Tyndale, chief Event officer of Irene Tyndale Weddings and Events.
All Right, insiders, here's Irene.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Welcome to another episode of Inside the Wedding Planner's Mind.
I'm your host, Irene Tyndale, and I'm so excited to
have Cheris with us today. She is the founder of
Event Therapy Network and Event Therapy Magazine, where she dedicated
to helping event professionals navigate the complexities of their careers
and mental wellness. Today, we're diving into a really, really

(00:35):
deep topic that many business owners face imposture, syndrome and confidence. So,
whether you're just starting out or have years of experience,
understanding and overcoming these challenges can make a significant difference
in your business success. So let's get into today's episode.
Hey friends, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome. How are you?

Speaker 1 (00:59):
I am doing well? How are you?

Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm good? I'm good. You know, it's the beginning of
the fall season, so trying to mentally prepare like the
rest of our brothers and sisters in this crazy industry
we call home. And so you know, so between you know,
fall events and the kids events, It's it's a hectic
time around here. But you know, would have it any
other way.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
You know what I say, this is the year. You
know this all the things, all the things are.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Right, yeah, all the things. It is a different year,
but it's supposed to be different. I mean it's it's
If it's the same, it would be boring. So you know,
and that's what we do. And that's what we love
the event industry because every day is a new day.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
It really is. It's a unique day. It's a unique exact.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
My grandma, my grandmother would say, you opened your eyes today,
it's a good day. Amen. Yes, someone did not. I'm like,
you're right, you're right. Yeah. So before we dive into
today's topic, I would love to hear your origin story.
I asked all of our guests, what is your origin
story and how did this wedding and event industry finds you?

(02:07):
And what inspired you to start Event Therapy Network and
Event Therapy Magazine.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yes, okay, so I wish I had such a fun,
like glamorous story.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
But but it's still your story, you know, you know.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
But the story really is that I've always loved creating
and putting things together honestly, even so much in high school,
you guys just could take it all the way back. Right.
It's in high school, I was the class president. I
am from a very small country area in North Carolina
called Pamlico County, and I was the class president for

(02:43):
three years and one of our tasks was to host
all the events for our class. I mean, that's that's
the prom. We have to do the prom, we have
to do our homecoming week, we have to do all
the things. And so that's kind of how I was,
like really in produced, right on top of my family,
always doing cookouts, always doing the things right. So that's

(03:07):
kind of how I got involved. I read, and it
really trickled up to college where you know, I will
be the one in my sorority handling the events right.
I did our anniversary events, our reunion events, I did
all the things. And then being a part of the NAACP,
I did my first ever pageants. I did three pageants

(03:30):
with that. So that was kind of like my introductions
from high schooling to college. And I realized like, not
only is this cool, but I'm good at this. You know,
I'm good at it, you know, and you can get
paid from it.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
When you figure that out, When you figure that out,
that's a whole game changer because you're just doing it
because you're good at it.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
You don't really know exactly. And I love it and
it's fun. It's fun to see. I love seeing people smile, right,
And that's just my heart. I just love to see
people smile. And at the end of the day, event
that is the goal, is to see the thrill, to
see the smile that people that people have from whatever
it is that you've created or helped to create. Right.
So that's kind of like where I started and from there, really,

(04:12):
irin I kind of just started doing my own thing
in North Carolina. I'm from a very small place, like
I said, rural North Carolina. And one of the things
that I recognized is that if we were from there,
we didn't do much. We didn't do a lot of
outside big things like go to you know, football games

(04:33):
and NFL, NFL games and NBA games and all of that.
So I started something called Vintage Vintage Star. That's crazy.
So I created that where I was able to get
those kids and start hosting events for them, take them
on college tours, you know, getting them at the NFL games,
giving them those first time experiences that we didn't get

(04:55):
a chance to have from a small place. I class
my high school I graduated with like well one hundred
other students, you know. Yeah, so we were very small,
so you know, we didn't get the opportunity. So I
started doing those type of events and it just kind
of started growing, you know, from there to me moving
here to Atlanta and you know, saying, okay, girl, do

(05:18):
this thing, like you can do it, and you can
do it for purpose, not just the money. I figured
that out, Yes, that's a good purpose, but the other
purpose is you know, giving people something that they can
they could take with them in their minds and their
hearts and having people to smile. So that's kind of
where it came from in regards to events.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Yeah, so then what so what led you to start
Event Therapy Network and Event Therapy Magazine Because it's it's
something that especially in our community, right in the background community.
It's something that I'm grateful now that it's talked about more.
It's still kind of there's still a little bit of
stigma around it, unfortunately, but the fact that you came
up with this whole entire network because we you know,

(05:59):
nine at a tent. The event industry is always stressful.
I know for my you know, my particular sector, the
event planning sector is always top three, top five, top
ten most stressful jobs. Which is crazy to look at
the list and be like, my job is as stressful
as a cardiologist and a doctor, a doctor, or a
police officer or crazy the military. You're just like what

(06:24):
And so I you know, when I came across, when
you and I connected, I was like, I really love this.
I love getting the magazine. Thank you so much for
sponsoring Becoming this past January. I mean, it's just a
it's a great concept. So, but what led you to
start that?

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Well, you know, I'm a therapist, so you know, in
going to college, you know, I went and got my
master's in therapy, started with you know, developmental disabilities, but
went onto like you know, mental health and things of
that nature. What I found was that once I got
into the really got into the event industry, I started
recognizing not own my feelings the stress, feeling overwhelmed, right,

(07:04):
but also recognize that my team members and everybody else
around me were dealing with some of the same some
of the same situations or issues and not able to
identify what was happening to them. Me as a therapist,
I can identify that this is a panic attack that's
happening right now. You know this is this is what's happening.
But many of my colleagues weren't able to truly identify

(07:25):
the emotions or to understand that these what you're feeling
is a real feeling. This is real emotion right now.
And so I recognize that. And then on top of that,
with your therapy our clients. We know that our clients
do a couple of things. We become their therapists in
their minds. Right, so they begin to lay their stuff

(07:48):
on us. Right, They also feel as though they don't
maybe not have anybody else to talk to about I
don't want my mother allowed to come to the birthday party.
I'm stressed out, you know, like this is something that
you know, you know, or they are already dealing with
their own anxiety or anxious moments, and you know, of

(08:11):
course that stress is again being laid on us. So
with the therapy one I began to I began to
talk to my clients and provide them with certain strategies.
Right because what I found as a therapist is I'm
not telling them I'm their therapists, but I'm providing them
these strategies because I know if they go and do
this worksheet and deal with what they're dealing with, it's

(08:32):
going to also support me and my team because I
could see the stress on my team members, right, I
can see it on them. And so event Therapy was
born because I understood that we needed additional support and
not to be fearful of the request for support. Right.
And then the magazine hit us because the pandemic hit us. Honestly,

(08:55):
the pandemic said no more workshops right now, or more person,
no more in person. I was doing a lot of
workshops and things, and so with the magazine, I decided, Okay,
how can I still impact our industry with the proper
information given, sharing stories, sharing, you know whatever. And the
magazine was born that way, like, Okay, you know, let's

(09:18):
do the magazine. Let's see if we can go go
global with this, so that we can really keep talking
about therapy and mental health and understanding what these symptoms
are and how it's impacting us as industry professionals in
the service field.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
Oh I love it. So much, so much, so many
gems in that that that just hit my head when
you were saying, yeah, I always joke like I'm you know,
Ayana van zandt and Oprah and doctor fell overall for
some of our clients. And whether it's corporate clients or
whether it's you know, our social wedding clients. Yeah, there's

(09:56):
times you know that they come to us with their
they lay their burdens down, you know, and I and
I with our I joke with our my brides, but
they all agree. I was like, you know, after your
obg y N, I'm probably the next most intimate you know,
person you've hired and person you work with. Now I
need to know everything that's going on. And I, you know,

(10:18):
because I'm a little older, I find myself, you know,
giving advice or just life advice. But then I've had
times where like I have a couple of you have
you and have someone else that I'm like, listen, you
really need a professional. So you need it for yourself,
whether you need it as a couple or shoot, whether
you need it as a family. But beyond that, I
also love that you have you know, you give advice

(10:41):
to all of us on how to help our clients,
you know, with whatever they're going through. But you've even
helped us individually as what we're going through because as
we know, you know, I am always saying this to
my coaching clients, like we're out here, life is happening
while we're planning someone's biggest day. And you know, while
we're helping them plan their biggest day, we still have

(11:02):
our parents to deal with, our kids to deal with.
There's illnesses, there's ups and downs. Like I've known planners
and other individuals that were going through divorce themselves, and
I'm just like I could not imagine. So it's it's
great to know that we have there's that we have
you and we can reach out to you. But then
your magazine gives us like health and wellness tips and

(11:23):
you know you take you know, mental you know, Mental
Awareness Month really seriously around here at E and Therapy,
Like you give it us tips on how to do it,
and when the busy season comes around, you know, she'll
pop into our feeds and be like remind us to
breathe and drink our water. It's like you can brief
sister or or stop right stop for a second. We
were just talking about that before we record. Like you know,

(11:46):
when you when you set goals and you make and
you have prayers and you get you set out to
to get to work in and then it all starts
coming out. You know, No he now ever, say that
I'm going to send this you one by one and
I'm gonna have a conference call with you and say
is it's okay that you get booked for this and
get booked for that. Sometimes it comes all at once,
and it's how you deal with that. I appreciate you for,

(12:09):
you know, seeing the need and and doing something about it,
which helps our helps our clients, and you know, but
also helps us as a whole. And I've seen so
many of your articles and so many of me our
of our colleagues, you know, bear their souls and tell
their stories in your magazine that the next one goes
you know what I'm dealing with that or it gives

(12:30):
it gives language to gives language to what we're feeling,
because sometimes you're like depending what generation your friend, sometimes
girl like pick up, put on your shoes, put your
lipstick on, you know, be a big girl and go
ahead and go. But sometimes you got to stop and
be like, no, this is a real feeling and all
that good stuff. So I love that. Thank you so much.
I just want to tell you, give you your flowers,
thank you for that because when I thank you, and

(12:53):
I think it was during the pandemic when I came
across yourself, I was like, this is genius, Like we
all need it. We're crazy people sing, crazy people like
it's just like another but a normal like that's who.
I had a friend in high school years ago that
said I'm not normal because normals are setting on a
washing machine and that it's like that that's a good way,
and what is normal?

Speaker 1 (13:13):
You know, right?

Speaker 2 (13:14):
None of us are like everybody has.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
They're all unique. It's uniqueness, like we're all are unique.
And I want to piggyback real quick. And I know
we're about to move on to the next but you
mentioned something about the magazine giving guys language or giving
us language, because I write in there too. You know.
One of the things that keeps me pushing or going
with the magazine even when it gets hard. I know

(13:37):
we're talking about imposter sysm later, right when it gets
really hard is those calls that I get and those
messages that I get that said, Okay, listen, what such
and such row in here helped me in this moment
because I am a such and such planner and I
don't I didn't know that I could. I just couldn't
do it because I'm dealing with this in my life.

(13:59):
There's one butt story in one of the magazines and
her name is name is Jackie. Jackie. One of the
issue talks about infertility and she talks about being a
you know, dealing with that, but also been a party
planner that also produces, you know, baby showers and things
of that nature. And so that's an eye opener. Like,

(14:22):
we love what we do. However, as all these things
are happening, our life is happening too, so the very
things we want to walk down the aisle right as well,
or we're getting a divorce like you said, But I
have to make this wedding perfect and so this is
what I'm dealing with, and so those emotions are real.

(14:43):
Our goal as event producers, wedding planners, whomever you are
in this industry is to produce smiles at the end
of the day, right, to make people feel great. But
my goal on the event therapy end is while you
are doing that let us help you produce your smile
or maintain your spout, or help you to save help

(15:05):
to save a smile one our end, because what happens
is eventually the joy and satisfaction in this industry, it
gets gets lost. And you know, we want to save
the industry by saying spous that's my thing.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
I love that, Yeah, I that just reminds me of
I was a huge fan still am of Robin Williams.
And you know, from child, since I was a child,
my mom introduced me to Mork and Mindy, So I've
been watching him since as far back as I can remember.
And you know, when he took his own life, his
daughter said, like the quote always sticks out to me

(15:41):
and like give me every hair in my body stand up.
And she said, you know, for a man that made
everyone happy and smile, he didn't have happiness. And I'm
just like, oh my goodness. And and you know, I've
seen people where with their clients there one way and
then behind the scenes there another way. And I and
I'm always mindful of you don't know what someone's going through,

(16:04):
and not everybody is able to, you know, put it
into compartments like I was taught like, whatever happens at work,
leave it on the doorstep, whatever happens at home, leave
it on the doorstep before you walk into the space.
But that's also not healthy, right, like one hundred percent
healthy of to kind of that kind of thing. But
I love like saving smiles because if it's you know,
if I've had times and you probably had this at

(16:26):
work atmospheres that weren't the best, you know, working for
my you know, corporate jobs weren't the best, but my
home life was good, My spiritual life was good, so
I still walked in enjoy. But then there's times in
life where everything is going in disarray and you're like,
how do you do that? Because they're looking at you
for that smile. They're looking at you for that reinsurance

(16:47):
regardless of well, they looking at you for that confidence,
which is what we're getting ready to talk about. Thank you,
thank you God for that, because it's shoots like our
clients are looking at us so when we're not feeling
our best, when we're not feeling so confident like what
to do and who to turn to? And I feel
like Event Therapy Network is such a genius thing. So
it's like there is someone to go to or something
to read, or someone to reach out to. But like

(17:10):
when I read that article, I was just like, oh,
my heart aches because you just don't think like that.
You know, You're like, oh, we're out here to a
baby shows. How do you know, like this person may
be going through something and you just don't know what
someone is going through.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
So oh that's right, Oh that's right.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Oh goodness. So let's at since we kind of when
I kind of breached on a little bit on confidence
in today's episode, we're talking about imposter syndrome and what
does it mean, and and you know, we're always over comparing,
like I call it OCD over comparison disorder, right, Like
just I know the phrase of OCD, Like we're we
have our imposter syndrome and then the lack of confidence thereof.

(17:47):
So can you start off by defining what imposter syndrome
is for us and how it manifests in the event
planning industry, just in the wedding and event planning industry
and in general, and maybe it's some common signs and
all that good stuff. So let's just dive into that.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, yeah, so imposter syndrome, I mean it is exactly
what it says. It's like, you know, you feeling like
an imposter, like you are a fraud, like as if
the whatever skills that you have are not good enough,
that that you have some sort of a mask you know,
over you, that you are not what we all say

(18:24):
that you are. You know, and imposter syndrome leads. Even
though it's not considered a disorder, right, it is something
that it's not considered an actual mental health disorder. However,
it definitely is a It leads to anxiety, which is
what we hear so much about in regards to the

(18:45):
event industry and with the industry, but also depression because
once you begin to feel as though that you're not
good enough, right, you're not good enough, You're not who
they say you are. I don't have enough skills to
be able to stand on this stage just speak, you know,
I don't speak well enough. I've hadn't been in the
industry long enough, you know, comparison, like you said, especially

(19:09):
with social media, what they're producing is not necessarily what
I'm producing. Therefore, no one's gonna really really invite me
to the party, right, and if they do, it's because
they feel sorry for me. Or it's a pity party.
You know, that's why they're doing it. It's not because
I'm really good or skilled. It's because they pity me. Right,

(19:30):
So it becomes a thing I ring where we're that
negative talk becomes much much higher on this scale than
any positive talk, right, and so that's why it tends
to lead to those that anxiety, and it tends to
lead to that depression if you don't have, of course,
the skills and strategies of mechanisms to help you to

(19:51):
you know, better balance or align yourself when you're having
those moments. In regards to the event industry, it's all
the same, all of what I said, But I want
to take another step when we talk about social media. Yes,
when we talk about or think about where we are
today in the world, right this tech world we got,
AI we got, it's just been it's blowing up so much.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
I can't keep up, you can't.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
And here's the thing right there. Life is moving fast,
but so is everything around us is moving fast. So
we feel as though we can't keep up with all
of these things, then we're not good enough. We're not
able to produce or show visually show on social media.
These great things. And I can even use myself as

(20:37):
as an example for that, especially during the pandemic. You know,
pandemic gave you time to look, but it also gave
you time to compare at a much higher deeper level. Right,
And so I remember myself even as not someone that's
made like deep into weddings, looking at all these beautiful

(20:58):
weddings and these wedding planners, just like, wow, they're doing this,
they're doing this. I'm not doing that. I don't have
photos like that. And then you begin to second guess
or doubt what you're capable of doing, not realizing that
you're in two different lanes.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Right, And it's okay, it.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Is definitely okay. But the impost syndrome tells you that
you it's not because you're in two different lanes. It's
because you're not good enough, not that you're in two
different lanes. You know. The negative talk is that you're
not good enough, or you don't produce enough, or nobody
really wants to want want to pay you for the service, right,

(21:37):
or they're not gonna pay you enough, or they're not
gonna pay you like them. And so the imposta centrolm
that's why though it's not considered a mental health disorder
in itself, it leads to that DSM five, you know,
disorders such as depression and anxiety.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
That's crazy to think. Yeah, I mean I never thought
it was an actual disorder for real, for real, like,
but you know, because you good all the time. I
just thought was something that was thrown out there. But
you're right, it does. It's kind of leads one thing
leads to another, needs to another because I something I
tell my coaching clients, like everyone, you could have a
weak moment, a down moment, whatever you want to call it,

(22:13):
where you're just like like you're spiraling right, But it's
a moment I tell them all the time. You feel
better you just let it all out, that that whole
narrative that you just made up in your head that
you y'all all notice is a faith based podcast. When
you let the enemy get in your head and talk
to you, and the little meat comes out and all
the insecurities come out. Listen, and then I'm like, it's

(22:36):
a moment. I don't let you sit in it. Like
I'm like, I don't let you sit in it. If
you if you with if you were friends, if you
are a colleague, if you're coaching with me, if you're
a team member, won't feel the fields because I want
you to. You have to feel them because it's I'm
not gonna say what you crazy, you're not feeling that. No,
that's what you're feeling at the moment.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
That's real.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
But what led you to that. I literally just said
this to the other day to a group chat of
I was like, go through your feed and unfollow people
that trigger you into going down this rabbit hole. And
there's nothing that they did. It's just that you, the
two of you started your business at the same time
and they they got five employees, you got none, or
they got fifty weddings and you have none, or you

(23:18):
know whatever it is. And unfollow them. And if they
ask you why you unfollow them. If you run into
one of them at a network and be honest, be like, girl,
I just I'm drinking my water in mine of my business.
And that's what you need to do because you have
to protect your piece. No one's gonna do it, but yourself.
Have to protect your piece.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Yeah, I'm glad you said protect your piece on Ireen
because you know with impost syndrome what's really happening is
that that inner critic in you is louder than anything else, right,
And so this is why you have to work on
your inner piece and your inner healing because if you
when you when you have lack of peace inner piece, right,

(23:56):
that critic that we all have an inner critic, you know,
we all are hard on ourselves from this, that or
or the other. But the inner critic becomes more powerful.
And that's what we have to what the messing Water said,
you know, we have to you know, regain our time.
I'm saying like, we have to. We have to get
our power back right from that inner critic because if not,

(24:17):
the inner critic is going to be the one that's
going to take over you. And we don't know in
regards to the duration of how long you may have
because somebody asked me that how long you know, well,
imposter syndrome, uh last. For me, there's different, there's no
nessy it comes back. It's about exactly, it's about your

(24:38):
response to that that critic in you that comes out.
What is your response And that's what we want on
therapy to teach you how to respond to the things
that comes comes about.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
For us I think also to what I've what I've
noticed on myself and others that I coach, is that
the apostles imposture center comes from Okay, I know. I
mean I always joke and say that I can plant
anything blindfolded, gagged hand ties behind my back, right like
it's innately in me. I'm a planner. But the being

(25:08):
a business owner, being a CEO is something that for
the past eleven almost twelve years that I had to
It's uncomfortable, it's putting myself out there. It's constantly I
feel like I'm constantly going back to school for something another.
And you know, then you add all these ai you
got all these technology, and you add SEO, and you
add algorithms, and you know, the list goes on and

(25:29):
on and on. So I think the also the imposters
and it was like like, okay, who am I to
have this business? And then you know not to be
I'm just going to say it too. As people of
color sometimes that plays in the role over it too.
But because it's like, oh, how am I going to
walk into this room and I am the only person
of color or I'm in an area that they are predominantly,

(25:52):
you know, Caucasian planners or designers or whatever the case
may be. And who am I to walk in this room?
So a lot comes with it, and so you know,
I'm here to say that as a business, you know.
And I was raised to be a confident woman and
my mom raised me to walk into every room like
I belong there. It doesn't mean that when I walk

(26:13):
in some rooms, I'm like, wow, oh what I say?
I just keynotes. I just did a keynote and I
can count us on a hand. But I was like,
I have to share. I have to share. You know
what I'm saying. I have you know, I have to share,
have to share. But then I also see shres like
the imposters comes in on how we charge and the
packages that we are and the kind of clients we offer.

(26:35):
Like it's there's so many things that this, this one
little phrase can get and these little like we get
into our heads and we talk ourselves out of our blessings.
Really we do, we do? We do? My goodness, So
you personally, how if you personally dealt with imposter syndrome
in your career, and if so, how did you recognize it?

(26:58):
And then what steps have you taken? To were coming
because I feel like giving some giving an example from you,
and of course grace to her and kudos to her
she is a therapist. But I would also say that
I have friends who are a therapist and psychologists and psychiatrists,
and they're like it is, don't think we got it
all together. A therapist needs a therapist. A psychiatrist needs

(27:22):
a psychiatrist, like like.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
A doctor needs a doctor.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
I know, like doctor medical doctor in medically taking care
of himself and like prescribing himself. I think that's why
illegal anyway, right, But you know, I mean we've all
dealt with it, but I would love to hear an
example of the time that you've had that in your career,
whether it's in the event career or before where you
felt that imposter syndrome and I think you know and

(27:46):
then also have you experienced it in different stages of business?

Speaker 1 (27:51):
Mm hmm, yeah for sure. I mean I may mention
of one, but even all the things that you said
when it comes to pricing, right, you know that part
of it, you know, especially that you you just start
speaking how do I price this? Then do I price it? Like?
Do I do this? How? You know? Does it make sense?
Are they gonna does it gonna if I give you

(28:11):
this price? Are they okay with that? Like? Because it's me,
little old country Teresa, you know. So I've had those
talks and even going to just in the event event
world in itself, just producing the events, you know. You
know again, pricing is always a big one, I think,
you know, for me when it comes to like events,
you know, just questioning is this right? And it's this right?

(28:36):
But I think the other one is just the speaking right.
So I always say, I think, I don't know if
you've read my post what I said, I've never I
never envisioned speaking on stages at all, in front of
hundreds of people. I always get nervous. I deal with it.
I always get major nervous. I have to take and
use my coping strategies before I get on stage.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
And I see I have to and I've seen her
her moment. Let me just give me five minutes.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
I have to, Yeah, you have to. I have to
have that moment because I get really nervous. And a
part of it is are they gonna hear me? You know?
And what I'm seeing doesn't make sense to them? And
even sometimes even to this day. I may stand on
the stage, I'm speaking, I'm an interjet and all of that,
but something is still in here, like okay, you know,

(29:26):
you know, let me find some people to look at,
you know. And and oftentimes the way I deal with
it at times is like okay, I mean like I'm
gonna look at you. Okay. I'm like, I may go
and find my people, like you're my person. Okay, young lady,
You're gonna be my person, So just smile and shake
your head, you know, I pre right, And then I

(29:47):
let them know, like listen, I'm gonna prep myself beforehand,
but I definitely use my COPA stretches. I go to
the restroom and I go in there and I breathe.
I do my my my breathing techniques. I speak positive
talk to myself because that inner critic will come out,
but I have to be my positive self has to
be louder than that. And so once I tell myself, like, girl,

(30:10):
you're the brown swan I wrote my swan. You may
see that swan on me. It's a confidence builder for me.
And so that I know, hey girl, you got this.
You're not in that duckling stage right now, you're in
that Brown Swan stage. So you're about to go out
here and you're gonna say what you need to say,
and you're gonna even if you mess up, you're gonna
learn from that. You know what I'm saying, And that's

(30:31):
what I do when I'm dealing with that impost syndrome
and that lack of confidence before and even during you know,
when I'm on stage. And let me just add this
last thing and this is going back to you, Irene.
So the session that we did for Whip Up on Friends, right,
the natural support that is so important because when you

(30:54):
are someone who deals with imposta syndrome, for me, I
have to have certain I have to have my team,
my not my event team, but my people, my natural
supports that I can reach out to, that can talk
to me, who can help bring a little bit more
life to me in those moments. And that has been
very very supportive and helpful for me as I'm going

(31:16):
into this stage of being a speaker and being in
the speaker circuit. That's been very very helpful for me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
I love that. Yeah, that was one of my favorite
talks of yours as we did because it's true it's
like you you need a support system.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
You know.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
I've told this to girlfriends of mine in the industry
or even other friends that are business owner, and I
was like, don't don't sit, don't sit in the you know, yes,
you need your quiet time. You need to what is
that deep thinking time, your white space time to be
a CEO and to plan and to strategize. You need
that time. That time should be put on your schedule,

(31:52):
blocked on your schedule every month, y quarter, every year.
You need to do that, right, we all need to
do that. Yeah. Yeah, but I think when you're in
that and Aposta syndrome, I don't know, bubble, you know,
moment or whatever you want to call it, there is
someone you should reach out to to say, even if
it's just a text message of like hey I'm dealing

(32:13):
with ABC, please pray for me, or can you get
on a call. We'll take a walk, because I know
I have, you know, for different things that I have
a couple of different bubbles of friends that I'm like
I could just call. And that's with anything. I mean,
because listen, I'm a mom of teenagers and I remember
when I saw this, I saw this other mom say
this on a reel. She's like when her daughter became

(32:34):
a teenager, She's like, listen, I've been a teenager, but
I've never been a parent to a teenager, a teenage girl.
So let's have grace for each other. Like you've never
been a teenager and I've never a parent to a teenager.
So it's kind of like having grace and then and
in those moments, but then having people that you can
talk to, whether it's a friend, whether it's a coach.
It's so true, and you know you know who to call,

(32:56):
you not to call, Like everybody has those friends and
family members. That is like dooms day every day, we
don't call those people. You hear me, don't call those people.
It's like if you don't go to if someone has
never bought a house, you don't go to them for
advice to buy a house. If they've never had a
healthy marriage, you don't go to them for a marriage.
And if they've never started a business and ran a business,

(33:18):
don't go to them for those deep things. Just tell
them they only want to hear the good stuff, right
They they might they might be a family member, they
might be a close friend, but find find your people
like find your people to help you, because you're right,
like when we're experiencing them, Like I've had it in
different stages, like right now in life it's it's the

(33:39):
speaking and the coaching, and I'm just like, okay, Wow,
this is a different And I've always mentored it. I've
always coached and I've always poured into people, but now
I'm being called to do it on a different level.
And the compensations that are being had behind the scenes
with my coaches and my team, like and my brain's
E're like, Okay, you got to show up more, you
got to show up different. You're just like, ah, it's

(34:02):
just like, how am I gonna do it all? And
it's like, oh, you know, And so you get into
those moments. I get into those moments like okay, no,
and when I start feeling myself when I'm secluding myself
from things and people and whatever the case may be,
and I see I feel myself sinking personally, you know,
I say a prayer, I take a deep breath, I
say a prayer, and I let someone know that cares

(34:24):
about me, there's been through it, that understands it, who
knows me and knows what I'm like, who knows me
to the core and knows what I'm trying to do.
Who's going to pull me out of it? Because sometimes
you can't pull yourself out of it. Sometimes you can't, Right,
you can't pull yourself out of it. You could try,
but you can't pull yourself card you could try. Sometimes
you're like, but you have to recognize, like, you know what,
I need to have a conversation with somebody, and and

(34:47):
my favorite thing to do is take a walk and
call somebody at the same time, like just kind of
ye or you know, or if I'm feeling it in
the car and I'm sitting in traffic, I'm gonna call
some friends and we're gonna have you know, two way,
three way whatever and have a conversation and you know, you,
I feel like everybody needs a cheerleading squad, like a
real one, Like girl, you crazy, you are fabulous, don't

(35:09):
you know who you are? But yeah, so it's very
real with you when you mess up and you need
to like, you know, slap you out of it also
at the same time, right all the time, you know, Yeah,
like tough with love is what I say, tough with love. Yeah,
So what are some strategies or practices do you recommend
for business owners. It doesn't even matter what a business

(35:32):
owner in general, it doesn't even matter if as a dustry,
but to build and maintain their confidence, because I feel
that I think sometimes a lack of confidence. It's kind
of like the first Domino and the whole little situation.
So like it, having low confidence triggers the imposter syndromes,
which again is going to trigger you. Like you said,
which if y'all didn't hear them, I'll play that again

(35:52):
for you. Having no confidence imposter syndrome is going to
lead to you having stress and anxiety and panic attacks.
And the list goes on and on, and we all
know when all that starts taking place. It affects your heart,
it affects your weight, I'm gonna say, it affects your weight,

(36:13):
it affects all of that, your foods, hair loss. I mean,
just the list goes on and on. What stress does
for you and what you know anxiety does to your body.
But what are some strategies that you could recommend for
us as business owners to maintain confidence or to build
our confidence in our life and work.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
So one of the things I would say is and
this is attaching this to imposter syndrome, right is recognizing
you know the types of imposter syndrome too. Right, So
you may be that person that's a perfectionist, and so
your confidence is low because you have put you're trying
to be perfect at every like one perfect at every

(36:57):
single thing, right, and statistically that ain't something That is
the truth, right, is that you know, we.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Know there's only one perfect lamb. There was only one
perfect lamb, that's right.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
And what we do know when it comes to events
is that there's something that's gonna happen. So if we're
real with ourselves right now, nobody else may know, but
there's something that's gonna that's gonna take place, and that
may impact you because you are a perfectionist, right, and
now you begin to have all these these these other
concerns or issues. So one recognizing that you know perfection

(37:34):
is not I believe perfection is not a goal to
strive for, right, because if you're if you're striving to
be perfect in everything, that's what's gonna hinder you, know,
your ability to improve your confidence and improve your your
skills because things aren't good enough for you, right, nothing's

(37:55):
good enough, right, and then also being like the superhero,
you know, being the superhero or the soloists, like I
talked about this, and we're talking about you know, confidence.
Sometimes people the individuals with low confidence, they are soloists
because they're trying to hoard all the tasks. And it's
because I can do it. I can do it.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
No one's gonna be can do it.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
You know. We try to hold I call us task
qorders right, And so that's us having concerns or issues
with delegating things because we're not confident that we are
able to support someone who gonna who are gonna do
it like you or at least something like yours, right,
And so what ended up happening is again the anxiety, depression,

(38:42):
panic attacks, all this stuff begin to take place. So
in order for us to build our confidence, one we
have to recognize where we are in this quadram. You know,
are we you know, perfectionist superhero or we're a soloists?
Are we trying to be the expert? You know who
are we? Right? Recognizing that, then I think the next
piece of it is once you recognize where you are

(39:03):
on that for as a subtype of like imposter syndrome
is that you have to begin to put yourself on
trial and be real with yourself, like when I say
put yourself on trial is our confidence sometimes because we
don't know how good we really are, you know, and
all we see everything, the negative is always louder than positive.

(39:26):
It's always louder if the event is beautiful, everything that
is great for the event, but somebody tripper and over
something that's all they're gonna talk about. They're not going
to talk about all the other stuff, right, So that
becomes louder than everything else. And so we have to
put ourselves on trial in a sense of really or

(39:46):
oddit than I should say ourselves, Well, you know how
good is how good are we on this? And you
know who? Where do we need to ask for support?
Because if I'm not the best in this area and
I know this, I'm gonna irene for it. In that way,

(40:06):
I'm not beating myself about something that wasn't for me
to be doing anywhere in the first place.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
That's not your ministry. Everything is not your.

Speaker 1 (40:13):
Because that lowers your confidence. Yep, everything is not your ministry,
and that lowers your confidence when you begin to try
to do everything in the in the in the box.
You know that it's not doesn't belong to you, so
I think you know again, building your confidence is one
assessing yourself when it comes to where you are, and
then making sure that we have those people around us

(40:35):
that we were talking about before to help like our cheerleaders, right,
and then have be your own ultimate cheerleader.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
Listen that right there.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
Sometimes be your own cheerleader.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yes, yes, I used to tell my girlfriends that we
were in college here it's like it would be like
Valentine's Day and they would be so depressed. I don't
have a Valentine. I'm like, girl, if you don't get dressed,
I love you, you love me. Let's go out this
make it happen. Right, It's about love and say it
has to be like a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband and wife. Love.
It means yeah, you love me, I love you. This

(41:08):
is before it's funny, cause I tell my husband that's
before Galentine's Day became a thing. I used to host
Galantine's Day. But that's because my dad taught me. My
dad's like he brought us gifts and he made a
big deal Valentine's Day for my mom and he did
it for us, and he was like, that's when you
don't expect no boy to have to do it for you.
So to me, it's like it's a day. I love
you every day, So today let's love each other a
little bit more. Not one or the other, but yeah,

(41:30):
being your own like your own person, like like cheerleaders,
sometimes you.

Speaker 1 (41:34):
Have to, yeah, and I'm telling you I have to.
When I'm in that mirror before I session, I'm like, girl,
you got this. You are a beautiful brown squan like I.
Sometimes you have to change the tone. You have to affirm,
you know, come up with some affirmations their own union.
I'm not saying go to YouTube and get affirmations there.

(41:55):
Create your own affirmation that speaks to you, yeah, and
begin to just put that into practice on your daily,
your morning, your midday, and your nightly routine where you're
speaking life over yourself. You're telling yourself who you are
and why you are that person. And I'm talking about
the positive things, yes, because we can list a lot
of things.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
But always we can go through the negatives, you know,
all day long, all.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
Day yeah, yeah, but be intentional about who you are,
you know. So I think being intentional helps to also
build your confidence. Affirm yourself. I am great at what
I do. Yeah, you know, I am this. You know
I I am enough. You know, because the inner critic

(42:40):
is saying you're not enough. Say you can say what
you want to say, inter critic, because I know that
I'm enough. Like speak to yourself in those ways where
you're building up you and you have your truitness to
help you do that as well.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
I love that. And one of the things that you
said is it's easier for us to point out the
things that are the negati things right. And it's an
exercise that I have my coaching clients do and I
have my team do, is like go through your calendar
every quarter or every month, and what did you accomplish?
Like look at the things people, look at all the checklists,

(43:16):
look at all the site visit exp you know, ABC
and even the smallest things. As you know, somebody one
time was like, well I just registered my business. You
know it was one hundred dollars in the city. I'm like,
that's huge. We're going to talk about that. Or or
I gotta referral from a photographer or a photographer call
me because they want to work, whatever it is, and

(43:38):
it's like, look at every little thing because your eye
is going to go automatically to what did not get accomplished.
You know, look at that to do list from the quarter.
I'm gonna look at that because I you know, we
have it in our system. I write it out so
it's in front of me. And but then I'm like,
well we did this, we did this, or you know
this big goal we took. We did five mini tasks

(43:58):
from this big goal, so we're closer to it. So
it's you that in your life too. It's like speak
life over you, like you're fearfully in, wonderfully made, and
if you are a person of faith, like go through
the Bible and look and pull out all the things
that He says good about you. Like one of our
favorite movies here as a family is The Overcomer. I
don't know if you've seen it with the little girl

(44:19):
that racist and all that God she's in track and
field and her her her I guess the people who
were trying to adopt her, her foster parents, like they
were teaching her in the Bible all the things that
God says about her and all the promises she says
about her. My daughter loves this movie and it's true.
It's kind of like like you, if we're made in
his image, he ain't junk so but you but even

(44:42):
Jesus needed to kind of talk himself pick himself up
sometimes because it's hard, but you really like, what what
are the good things that are happening in my life? Like?
Who am I? What are clients saying? And another thing
that somebody said this past week that I thought it
was was like great for your social media, great for
your marketing, was to look at your reviews and like

(45:03):
the text messages and your client sends you. But I
also think there's something to be said to go back
and read the reading those the days that you're like,
oh you know what I'm saying, like you don't feel
like it. It's like having them on a post it
or putting them in somewhere that you can go back
and reread them and be like, Okay, I can do this,
you know, and it's okay. And also knowing that in

(45:25):
every stage of business, what every level, you're going to
have these doubts about yourself and stuff like that. But
you know, I have a coaching client or is that
she is opening another market in another city, and she was,
of course frustrated because it's like, you know, you feel
like you're starting all over again. And that's what she says,
I feel like I'm starting all over again. I'm like, oh,

(45:45):
it feels like that. But what you didn't have the
first time around was experience. You didn't have the experience
and that foundation of being a business owner. Guess what
you have now? You have experience, you know what to do.
You have strategy, you just have to copy and paste.
And she was like, oh, so get to some one
of those friends too, who just speaks to you a

(46:06):
matter of fact, talks you off the ledge and tells you,
you know, wash your face and put some lipstick on
and keep it moving, but freaking it like you know,
logically to the forefront. You're like, oh, you know what,
You're right. So I love that you said that, Like
I do an audit of yourself audit because I think
sometimes when we do an audit, we're like, oh, what
am I not doing? Like what am I not good
at what I'm doing? But what are you good at?

(46:28):
And what are you good at? And those natural abilities
that you have, all those things, those skills that you
have learned, how can you how can you add to them,
how can you get more training for them to make
things better? And what is it that you don't have?
That's if you're having a little confidence in something and
imposteris them and something. I firmly believe it is because
it's a lack of knowledge sometimes too, and you're in

(46:51):
a lack of understanding being scared ask for help. We
had an episode about that a couple of weeks ago
about like, why are we so afraid to ask for help?
Because it makes us look it makes us look like
we don't know what we're doing. But we can't be
out here by himself. I use example of Jesus didn't
mean not not one of those twelve crazy fools called
the Disciples. Because we're watching The Chosen and my kids

(47:11):
are like when we started watching The Chosen, my kids
are like they were like a mess. It was like,
oh yes, honey, relast one of them had something going
on with them. They were not perfect whatsoever it and
and he had a whole polse. So what makes you
think that we got out here like we ain't gotta
we don't need nobody, and we're gonna be out here

(47:31):
by ourselves soaking in this imposter syndrome and then next
you know, God forbid, you are having anxiety attacks, your
business goes down, which is my next question. My next
point is, you know, I feel also to the imposters,
imposter syndrome and lack of confidence. It's going to impact
your business. Oh sure, I mean, do you like how

(47:55):
how do you think that that impacts your business, like
the growth of your business, you know, the success of
your business, especially in the competitive field of event planning,
event design that's producing.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
Yeah, because you know, we go for what we believe
we can do or that we can accomplish. And so
if we don't feel that we're good enough, if we
don't feel like we have the knowledge, if we don't
feel like what we you know, the knowledge that we
have to that can go in a book is not
going to be acceptable. Then we're not going to write

(48:29):
the book, you know, or we may take a long
time to write the book. I eat Arsta in her
first book, right, you know, you know, you know, you
know you're not gonna take on I saw somebody today
post how I just need to apologize to all my
clients because they have been asking me to design and

(48:51):
bea her fear, the fear that she had in doing
it because I don't know if it's gonna be good enough.
She she didn't say yes to the ask, but she
finally did it. Eventually, she finally did it and now
and it was beautiful, right, but she didn't have that confidence.
So you know, it impacts our business because we don't
go forward because we feel that we don't have enough

(49:13):
in us to do it, or we got we gotta
take another class. You know, I had someone to get
on me like Tresta. You don't need another class, but
this like you got it, you know, but we keep
taking classes, or we keep asking additional questions when some
of those questions can be asked while you're doing.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
It to say yes and we'll figure it out later,
like just see.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
We figure it out later exactly. But the Impost center
will tell you that you can't figure it out later
because you have to have all the details now. And
I just believe in business you don't get all the
details before because business, just like you said at the beginning,
like you, I'm good at this, but back in the business,
there's some things that you just have to learn as

(49:54):
you grow, not as you go, but learn as you grow.
And so the imposta central stops you from growing if
you don't get a handle on it right, you know,
and so you become stagnant. That self doubt sometimes it's
self doubt, not sometimes most of the time, the self doubt,
the fear, all of that shows up on your face

(50:19):
and how you move in the industry. And so your
clients can see that, or your potential clients can see
or your potential vendors or collaborators they can see that.
And so if they seed you with the lack of
confidence or this seem like you are afraid to take
that next step, then they may bypass you for somebody

(50:40):
who can look who not as good as you and
design or whatever, but because they move in a different
way there may get the business over you. So that's
how that impacts, and that's why it's important for us
to you know, if we're fearing, if we're fear something,
do it anyway, yeah, you know, depending on what it is,

(51:03):
of course, you.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Know, but true within legal limits.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Legal limits now, but yeah, you have to be able
to go forward because the imposter syndrome, black of confidence,
all of that will definitely definitely hinder your business and
impacted negatively.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yeah, I could see that because it's it's it stops
you because you literally And I've also seen people's being
in business air quotes in business for three, four or
five years, but not doing business, not building business, not
just saying I'm a business own I'm a business owner,
but not commute, stagnant, not growing, not moving, it's staying

(51:44):
with the same clients, like the same pay I mean,
the list goes on and on and I and I
love when I have planners that I work with, the
plans I talked to and they have the aha momment
like I've been playing, like I've been holding myself back
and not doing what's in my heart to do what
I you know, my secret desires or my you know,

(52:04):
my vision to myself. And I said, that's why I
tep people, you know, write your vision, make it plain,
and share it with people that that are going to
hold you accountable, because when you're having those little pity parties,
that person I will remember the bigger vision what is
ABC and that is why you're going You're going to
go through something to get through to get to the
other side, right, And it's kind of like you don't

(52:26):
want to, you know, not do what you were called
to do, especially if it's on your heart, like you know,
are you're thinking about starting a business, or you starting
a business and you're thinking about the next type of
clients you want, Well, the only way you're going to
get there is if you grow. But you sometimes you know,
it can't be everybody else's fault, Like it's not everyone else.
It's like this, you know, I'm trying to take that

(52:48):
negative talk. Oh it's yeah, things are a little bit
slower this year. But what are we doing with that
slow time? Are you growing? Are you are you laying
a good foundation? Are you putting up the walls, are you,
you know, laying the tie or whatever it is to
get ready for when ye when when things start going
back to you know, back to normal or the influx
comes in, Like we just can't be like, well it's
gonna I'm just gonna sit here and then hopefully this

(53:09):
will things will grow. You have to work at it.
And and and I'm trying to say I I something
I've read the other day and it just hit my spirit.
It was like I'm trying not to say say it.
I'm doing it scared, Like I'm doing it in faith,
I'm doing an annointing. If I don't understand it, I'm
getting the information I need to get as quick as
I can, as efficient as I can figure it out.

(53:31):
And again, like what you just said a few minutes
ago earlier, you said, you know, stop thinking you have
to do it all yourself and then not hoidering it
and like and be in that here, like oh, I'm
going to keep this to myself, And then you're wondering
when the confidence is low, the business is not moving
because you're not you can't do all the things, Like
you can't do all the things. And I'm at that

(53:52):
point in my CEO journey it was like, there's so
much that our vision and my vision for the company
and for what we're doing is so big. I can't
do it all by myself. Even mister Tindale can't help
me do it all by myself. And it's like then
I start worrying about like, oh my gosh, I have
a team, and how am I how we're going to
grow this team? And you start I start falling down
the imposter syndrome. I'm like, wait, damn, stop it. You

(54:15):
know it's not it's not your place to figure out
how all of it's going to get done. Right now,
it's just one step by the time, one task at
a time, one goal at a time, and adventure ards division.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
You know. What happens is we're starting you start packing,
so you start packing everything on, so everything is being
packed on or break by break by brick, and it's
become so heavy that you end up not doing anything
at all.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Oh yeah, or you end up.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
Doing something but not at the at your best, you know.
So that's something that ended up ends up happening as well,
is we begin to start packing and packing and packing
so many things that either we end up not doing
it or completing the task that we're supposed to be completing, right,
or we end up doing it but not doing it

(55:04):
at the best of our abilities.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
Yeah, and then you wind up it winds up hurting
your business. All of it does, right, because if you
have let's just say you have ten sales calls this
week and you are in one of those imposter syndrome,
you know, scenarios, and you're confidence and slow. People could
feel that on the zoom, people could feel it on
the other line, and you're not going to get a booking.
You're not because especially let me say something wedding planners

(55:29):
out there, you have to be you are that couple's cheerleader.
You're that couple's guard dog. You're that like you're I
would say, you're their soldier, like you're there general like
you have to so if you're not confident in your
abilities when you're talking to them and letting them know,
I got this, like we say and are like one
of our slogans is very Olivia popish. It's handled like

(55:51):
it's handled my initials are it. It just worked out.
It's handled at irene to and the events. It is handled.
We got you. We handle it all as much as
we can. Of course we can't you know the emotional
side of it. We could be there in support, but
we can't go and tell your mama off. We might
be able to take your mama in the room, but
we can't, right right, like help you help a little
bit with it, you know that kind of didn be

(56:11):
a referee like that, but if you know sure that
a groom one time he and I planned the whole
wedding because the bride was just starting her own law
firm and so she was slammed. She was leaving her
old law firm, shouting a law firm, and so she
was like, there's like two or three things that she
was really invested in, and that's what she She took over.
The rest of it was he and I and we
did a great job. At one point he wanted to

(56:32):
give me his credit card and just showed up and
I was like, no, no, you gotta make decisions. And
he was mad all the whole time, the whole seven
eight months we planned. Right before walking down the oist,
he literally looked like a man getting ready to watch
his wife give birth, like the way they you know
in the movies that they be paced it in the
waiting room. I was like, boy, what's wrong with you?
He was like he was like, why are you not nervous?

(56:54):
And I was like what, He's like why and like
he said it slower. I was like, what he says,
why are you not nervous? And I was like, if
you don't pay me to be nervous, I said, first
of all, this is my wedding day. I have my
wedding day. I'm teen years ago. That's the window. But two,
you don't pay me to be nervous. If you're nervous
and I'm nervous, what good is that to anybody? If

(57:16):
I have little confidence and no one's gonna give me
their money to plan one of the biggest days of
their life. If I'm walking around here looking like you
are from pool down looking for my tail, it's not.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Gonna happen, right, you know.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
It's kind of like and even like if you say
fake it to your make it sometimes she like, she
was like, sometimes you gotta hype yourself up and be like,
I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing.
I've produced this many events, I've produced this many weddings.
I've gotten training, I have a mentor, I have a coach, whatever,
they can have an amazing team and do it anyway,
do it anywhere. I've had more like and I've had

(57:50):
moments where someone's like, I'm giving you a quarter of
a million dollars or you know, six figures plus plus
to plan this wedding. And I remember my first wedding,
I was like, Okay, when we send out that design budget,
design proposal was thirty some thousand dollars, I was like
me and the designer, I said, well, the price is
the price is what they wanted? Said a prayer hit

(58:10):
some men. The next morning, she was like, Oh, let
me talk to my money manager and get that check
cut for the deposit. I was like, oh, and it
was it was like I remember executing that that wedding
and not realizing that I felt like I was holding
my breath for months. And then the day after, when
everything was said and done, I put her in the
limo in the car service to go to get her
to go on her honeymoon. And I'm getting all these

(58:32):
praises from family members at the hotel and I'm sitting
down having breakfast and I just start sobbing because I
was like, we did that, Like we did that. And
I am a very humble and very like loving Like
I'm humble, and I'm like, you know, I don't go
around boasting about myself, but I'm good at what I do.
And I was like, oh, this is this feels good.

(58:54):
I had done it for years before I got that
first six figure plus wedding, and I was like, oh,
I could do this, we could good. Yeah, We're doing
a few more of these. But it took that time,
and I had people that I can call the first
time we had an NFL player call for their wedding,
and I had a coach called my coach, one of
my coaches and mentors, like, girl, this is what I
just got. She walked me through the process of how

(59:15):
it works. So when I got on that the Discovery
call with the bride, I was I was on it
because I was I was weird and loaded up with
information and knowledge. And it's somebody again, you're cheerleaders. The
person's gonna push you and whatever else. So get you
some of those friends. If you don't have those kind.

Speaker 1 (59:31):
Of friends coach, and she didn't trust those friends and
trust me, if you chose them, you have to trust
them as well that what they're telling you is true
about yourself, right, and then then also trust yourself, you know,
because once you get that first one, like you said,
like when you were staying there, I'm like I felt
like I was sitting there right there with you, like
watching you just be like, yes, I got this, you

(59:54):
know I could do I could do more, and it
feels good. Like once you get that one, I can
only imagine and sitting there like you said, and having
that one and being like wow, mm hm, there's nothing
that's gonna stop me for this next one. Like it
builds that confidence.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
Right, you learn, you take the good and the bad
and the ugly from every event and you get better.
You just get better and better. And that's what business
and that's everything you do. So any advice for new
planners for those you know, first coming into the industry
that may be struggling with their self doubts because we
have a great mixture of listeners. People are just starting out,

(01:00:30):
people are in the growth phase, people are in the
scaling phase, but those are like first starting out, Yeah,
some doubt. Any practical tips or even research resources, excuse
me to suggest help to overcome these challenges like the
imposter syndrome, the self doubt, the low confidence and their
new and you know, in their new adventure, because this

(01:00:52):
is what it is. Being an entrepreneur is a new adventure.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
It is. I think the first is just that understanding
that what you're doing as a new adventure, you know,
so giving yourself grace to understand that piece. And then
I think also we've said so many and I think
it works for you or whomever in this industry. But
you know one is, you know, take inventory of your

(01:01:16):
skills of what you do, of how you do it
and your services so that you can know because sometimes
I think that self doubt is because we don't really
know what we're capable of doing. But take that internal inventory, right,
So that's one thing. And when I say take it,
I'm not saying just write, I mean just think about
it and talk to yourself. I'm talking about write it down,

(01:01:36):
write down, you know, put your hand, your pin to paper.
I'm able to do this. You know this is what
and how did you learn about it? Who are those
people that you can connect with. I can go to
coach Irene, I can go to you know, event therapy.
I can go to these individuals, these groups to learn
more about these areas of business in the areas that

(01:01:59):
I feel like I don't you know, I haven't mastered
yet if you will. So I think those two things definitely.
I think we also when we're talking about, you know,
for new industry professionals is and I said it, but
giving yourself grace. I think a lot of us in
this industry because we want to perfect the service. Yeah,

(01:02:23):
because we want to and our save all smiles. We
forget that we have to save our own you know
what I'm saying. So because we're trying to save everybody
else and make sure everybody else is good and make
sure everybody else is getting giving you the best reviews,
that we tend to not review ourselves in the most

(01:02:44):
positive like ourselves. So sometimes we end up being the
ones that give the batter review when everybody's giving good
reviews of ourselves.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
Right, you can also be the negative and stuff. Everyone
is like laughing and smiling and clapping, and you're like,
yeah's went wrong, and that's went wrong?

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
Do your hair different? Like, but you know she didn't
party the right way. Girl, the hair looks good. You
know what's gonna gives.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
You a compliment about a blouse, You're like, oh, this
old thing, I got it for two dollars at Walmart,
Like nobody asked you that, ya, thank you just say that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
Yeah. You know, I feel that's called a confidence blocker,
where you block your own build of confidence. That's what
we tend to do, right because either we're nervous or
because we are dealing with impostor syndrome. So I think
for anyone who is a new industry professional, is the
one give yourself raise and understand that this industry and

(01:03:40):
even entrepreneurship is forever learning.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:43):
I always say, once you stop being a student in
any industry, you might also well.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
Retire absolutely because what now you know, even though they
retire go back teaching, Like you know how many people
retire from being whatever, like you know, ACPA another teaching
or they are they're voluntary for the SBA places because
they're like, Okay, I'm so bored, like not doing anything
because because they're bored because all that knowledge that they

(01:04:10):
have in their head of the years of mastering this
this skill. It's like okay, well I'm gonna sit here
and do nothing in my rocker all day long. No,
but you should always be something and know that. I mean,
I know you you probably feel this with too, Like
I feel like when I start what I'm almost getting
ready to master something like a new level in my
business or new area or SEO or whatever, it is like, Okay,

(01:04:33):
we got this, and we at something else comes up,
some new shakeup happens in the team, or something else happens.
You're just like, oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
So but then I feel like it's for ever growing,
It's forever, forever changing, forever growing. You know I think
you know, as a new industry professional, we have to
learn how to make sure that our positive words are
showing up, that we're using the affirmations that we're putting
pantsed paper. Like I said that we are putting ourselves
on trial. When I say putting ourselves on try again,

(01:05:02):
we're doing exactly what you said earlier, areada is We're
writing down, you know, all the great things that we've
been able to do. Like you know, this is my
first month. I was able to you know, get my LLC.
I was able to create a schedule appointment with my
first coach. I was able to do this, like begin
to start start in the beginning of doing things like that.
Because if you start in the beginning doing things like that,

(01:05:23):
it becomes a habit. And now you're building like I
did this, and you begin to celebrate all these little accomplishments.
Every big accomplishment has small accomplishments that happen beforehand. So
we have to remember, though and celebrate those little things.
So I believe that helps you build your confidence, That
helps you get out of that imposter syndrome when it

(01:05:45):
starts to creep up, and it helps you to fight
that inner critic that you have that all of us
deal with. It helps you to fight.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
And believe me everybody like everybody, everybody, like I tell
people tell me. I was like, I think I think
I told my daughter once. I'm like you, I don't think
that these supermodels are out here nippicking stuff about themselves,
like everyone as something. And I remember the Becoming retreat
in January, like my team had to keep reminding me
to be present and in a moment with the attendees

(01:06:15):
because I'm a planner first and foremost. Like, I'm a
planner and it's kind of like everyone's having a great time,
but I'm seeing certain things and other people might not
be seeing. And I'm already thinking about how to improve
next year. And I you know, my people kept kept
snapping me back and said like, nope, nope, be in
this moment we got. We'll take notes, put it in
your note phone, or text message to somebody your thoughts,

(01:06:37):
or just save your thoughts for some Monday night, like
Monday when we're done or we're reefing, you know that
kind of thing. So what an enlightening conversation and discussion.
Thank you so much for sharing all those insights on
imposter syndrome and how do we build our confidence. So
before we wrap up, can you tell the people, can
you tell my insiders what's going on with you with

(01:06:58):
event Therapy, with Event Therapy Magazine and exciting projects or
initiatives that you have coming up.

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
Yeah, of course, of course. So Event Therapy Network our
membership is open now, So we're super excited about that
with all the great benefits that comes along with it,
including professional mentors in various areas. We're gonna, you know,
start talking more about that. So we we're open for
individuals who join our membership, which also includes access to

(01:07:27):
our magazine, so we've been Therapy magazine. We always have
opportunities for contributors for advertising. That also you know, you know,
connects with our social media as well, so we you know,
I'm all over the place. You already know that. So
I'm speaking in different stays. I'm headed to Maine and
a couple mos I'm headed to where else, Missouri? So

(01:07:51):
you know, this year is definitely filled with a lot
of speaking engagements and getting out there and getting the
lounge out there and letting people know that this type
of service event therapy that is is available for those
of us who are in this industry and simply need
to vent at times and process. Vent and processing, right,
so we have those mental detop sessions that are available

(01:08:15):
for that type of for individuals who are needing to
simply vent and process or just need a little coaching
when it comes to confidence building and a post syndrome,
stress management, things of that nature. So we have a
lot that's coming up over the next four months that
is I ring and so that they can just go
to our website which is event theapynetwork dot com where

(01:08:36):
they can find a magazine and the coaching sessions and
all the things. I always say all the things. Find
it all the things, or email us at hello at
eventtherapynetwork dot com. I'm very active on social social media,
so everything is event Therapy Network, so you can just
definitely find us there. So a lot happening over here

(01:08:59):
for our organization. We're looking forward to to support and
helping as many people as possible to save a smile.

Speaker 2 (01:09:06):
Thank you, Thank you so much so to our listeners,
thank you for tuning in today to Inside the Wedding
Planner's Mind. We hope you found today's episode valuable. As
we close, I like to leave you with an inspirational
scripture about confidence. So do not throw away your confidence.
It will be richly rewarded Hebrews ten thirty five. Remember
confidence is key to your success and your growth. Be

(01:09:29):
sure to subscribe and stay tuned to more inspiring conversations
with industry experts. And until next time, keep planning with
passion and with confidence. Love you all, Bye bye.

Speaker 1 (01:09:42):
Hey their insiders. Big news for all you wedding planners
out there.

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
Whether you're kickstarting your business and pushing for growth or
aiming to scale up, You've got to check out the
coming the Business Retreat for wedding planners. It's happening January
thirty first through February third.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
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Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
We've got three peck days of workshops, networking, and yes,
some pretty fun nights too. Learn from top industry pros,
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Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
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Speaker 2 (01:10:14):
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