Kim DeYoung – Gain Clarity in Decision Making with the Choice Mapping Process - Inspired Conversations with Linda Joy

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine
and tune in for Inspired Conversations with publisher Linda Joy
on Tuesdays at two pm Eastern.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Linda creates sacred space for leading female luminaries, empowering authors,
part centered female entrepreneurs, coaches, and healers. A soulful venue
where guests openly share the fears and obstacles they've overcome,
wisdom and lessons learned, and the personal journey that led
them to the transformational work they do in the world.

(00:34):
Inspired Conversations to empower you on your path to authentic,
soulful living.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
Welcome to Inspired Conversations. I'm your host, Linda Joy, and
today we're going to be talking about a powerful topic,
especially for those who maybe struggle within decision or you
desire to act and live more intentionally than You're going
to love this conversation Today. Young is joining me. She

(01:01):
is passionate about supporting others to raise their level of
consciousness about the choices they make. She's a choice coach, facilitator,
and author of the book of Choice, which I was
passionate about sharing. In Aspiring Magazine's Top ten Inspiring Books list,
drawing on years of experience and research, Kim unveils a

(01:23):
fresh approach to decision making that will transform your way
of thinking. In her book, she is her comprehensive guide
and her choice mapping process to equip readers with practical
strategies to navigate life's complexities, empowering them to make choices
that align with their values and their aspirations. Her deepest desire,

(01:48):
as you're going to discover and passion, is supporting others
to have meaningful conversations about their choices. You can visit
her at Kimdyong dot com and welcome Kim.

Speaker 4 (02:02):
Thank you so much, Linda. I'm so glad to be
here with you.

Speaker 5 (02:05):
Well, you know when I first came.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
You know, we've been connected for a while, but when
I first connected with you about your book.

Speaker 5 (02:12):
I'm like, ooh.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
You know, I talked to so many people that are
always sitting on the fence about something in their life right,
whether it's a relationship, business, anything, and they get stuck
in that.

Speaker 5 (02:27):
Place of.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
I guess you can say indecision, but there's no momentum,
there's no movement because they can't make a choice. So
I was like, I got to get Kim on the show.
So let's talk about that, because you say there are
different types of decision makers, right, and how our choices
do shape our lives. So why don't we start with

(02:51):
what led you to this work in this path.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
You know, thank you for asking that.

Speaker 6 (02:58):
It began now around twenty fourteen, when I had a
circumstance that caused me to look back at a particular
choice that I was made, and I was looking at
that choice through the lens of what came from this
particular choice, like what showed up in my life, opportunities, people, experiences.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
Et cetera.

Speaker 6 (03:20):
And to capture what I believed was a lot, I
took a particular choice that I had made a year prior,
and I used a mind mapping software that allowed me
to keep track of all that I believed that had
come into my life in a two year window, and
in looking at what I had created, I was kind

(03:41):
of amazed to look back from the vantage point of, oh,
my God, had I not made that choice, everything that
it was on this piece of paper would not be
in my life in the moment. But then I had
a different vantage point, which was what was the new
choice that I could make today and what potentially might
come in to my life. So it was with that

(04:03):
very first map that I shared it with one friend
who said would I do one for her? And that
then sent me on a journey in the year of
twenty fourteen where I ended up exploring the choices of
twenty nine people in addition to going back through my
entire life and looking at the gamut of choices I had.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
Made and was making.

Speaker 6 (04:25):
And what was fascinating was that at the end of
that year, I had a very unusual vantage point about
choice and it was never anything I set out to do,
but I felt like, Wow, I am sitting on something
really special because choice touches everybody, nobody is immune to

(04:45):
making them. And I was really in a beautiful space
to hear the stories and the issues that people felt
about the choices they made.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Do you love when our own life pathed leads us
to our life purpose and we're able to just really
support others? There always lays me up when I hear
a woman's journey to the work that she's doing in
the world, And You're so right, A choice is a
part of every life, right every moment actually.

Speaker 6 (05:18):
And when you just stated something that I've never put
in words as succinctly as you just did that my
life's path led to my life's purpose.

Speaker 4 (05:26):
I mean, that's it couldn't be said more perfectly.

Speaker 6 (05:29):
And I feel unbelievably blessed for that to have happened,
because now every conversation I get to have, whether it's
with a young adult, someone in transition, someone elderly, about
their choices, they're always rich and interesting and like people
uncover things that they never thought about with regard to

(05:52):
their choices when we get into deep conversation, and that's
incredibly satisfying for me, helpful for them. It's just a
beautiful experience.

Speaker 5 (06:02):
Well, it's so funny.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
It's a question I often asked my guests because I've
always been enthralled with women's journeys, and I know from
my own experience similar to yours, is my whole life
led me to the work I'm doing now. And so
many years ago, I'd look back at my life and go,
I wish this didn't happen.

Speaker 5 (06:23):
I wish that didn't happen.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
I wish I made a different choice right, And now
I see, Oh, Lenn, you had to have all those
experiences in order to lead love and serve from the
place of who I am.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
Now do you look at your life that way too?

Speaker 4 (06:40):
One hundred percent? You know, I'm very aware from the
perspective of just the importance of intentionality with regard to
our choices.

Speaker 6 (06:50):
It's like, you know, here you are saying that all
of this happened because of choices you made. Now, the
truth is, if you were not to have taken action
certain things back in the day, you might not have
created what you did. So there was a It's kind
of a two part thing, like, yes, there was the
crossroads of the choice, but you also took action and

(07:13):
thus momentum and a lot more continued. So I'm a
real believer that it's one thing to have the choice
to have the idea, and then it's a very other
thing to begin to take action and create movement and
momentum from it. That's really the key, and that's when
you start to see the power of the choice that

(07:36):
you've made.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
I love that there are no accidents. I just got
off with a coating client. We were talking about exactly
what you just said. That without inspired action, right, for me,
everything comes from this place of deep inspiration from within.
But without that we can't create momentum towards the direction
we want to go. We can mull over every choice

(08:00):
in front of us. That doesn't create the transformation. It's
the action that leads us to the transformation. So I
love how you encapsulated it. That was beautiful because it's
so true. We have to act. And I've always said this,
you know, I would rather get off the fence of
indecision and move towards something. And even if it wasn't

(08:24):
the something for me, at least I took action and
then I can kind of reevaluate, go, is this the
direction I want to go? If not, it'll fork off
again and they'll make a new choice. But at least
I got off the fence.

Speaker 6 (08:38):
Okay, you just nailed like a key point that I
love to discuss, which is the difference between.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
A choice and a goal.

Speaker 6 (08:46):
So when you're really making a choice, it's just that
it's a springboard to take action to begin moving. Like
if you've made a choice to go in a direction
and it doesn't feel good, you're absolutely right. You make
a new choice, of course, correct, you can adjust Versus
the concept of the goal is something that's very out
in the distance, like you're moving towards something and they

(09:08):
both have a purpose, but the choice is something that
gets you moving toward where you want to go. And
you know, I have three kids now in their young
adults in their twenties, and you know, I'm often speaking
with them about and this comes up in many conversations
with young adults, like they don't know where they're heading,
and they're scared to move because what if where they're

(09:30):
moving isn't the right thing. And it's like all you
can really do is make the best choice you can
the in the moment and begin to take that action,
and then if you're not happy.

Speaker 4 (09:41):
With where you are, you adjust. I mean, it's in
some way it is actually as simple as that.

Speaker 5 (09:48):
It really is. It's, you know, kind of like a GPS.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
It's going to tell you where to go, but you know,
sometimes you want to take a short cut to go
get dunkin don't coffee or something, and then it recalibrates
you to get you back on the path. It's kind
of that's how I feel like, I just want to
get the energy moving. So I love this because it's
something you said earlier. We are all making choices in

(10:15):
every moment. What I try to guide my clients. Are
they conscious choices or unconscious choices based on old paradigms, havebits,
et cetera.

Speaker 5 (10:24):
Do you find that too?

Speaker 4 (10:26):
Well, you bring up an interesting point.

Speaker 6 (10:28):
I mean, my whole focus is the focus on the
choices that we make with intentionality, so certainly that, but
are there Like I was just having a conversation with
someone yesterday and we were talking about essentially the choice
she made by not making a choice, and I said.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
You know what, the truth is, not choosing is a
choice and how do we step out of that?

Speaker 6 (10:54):
So I'm always going to be a believer in doing
what feels right for you, bringing a level of intentionality
to the choice you're making. And a lot of it
starts with like why are you making this choice? Why
does this choice even matter to you? So to have
that clarity that allows you to then bring the intentionality

(11:14):
into moving forward with it.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
I love that because everything I live and teach and
all my brands are about intentional life, intentional business, right
because I've lived the other way so and I know
what it feels like. Well, when you do everything with
intention there's just my words are it creates magic, It
creates this energy within myself to know I'm aligned with

(11:41):
the truth of who I am instead of what maybe
I should be or should do based on other people's expectations.
So I am loving this conversation. We're going to take
a quick break and we come back.

Speaker 5 (11:53):
Kim. I want to talk.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
About your book, the Book of Choice, what readers can
expect from it. We want to talk also about your
choice mapping process. So, my friends, we will be back
in a moment. Stay with us, and I invite you
to visit Kim at Kimdyong dot com and listen. While
you're there, be sure to take her quiz called what

(12:17):
type of decision make around you.

Speaker 5 (12:20):
We'll be back in a.

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Speaker 3 (14:29):
Welcome back you listening to inspired Conversations Today. We're talking
about gaining clarity and decision making using the choice mapping process,
and Kim Deong is here with me today. So, Kim,
you know hear in your own personal journey and how
the choice mapping process was birth through that own journey,

(14:54):
tell us a little bit about your book, the Book
of Choice, and what they can expect to learn from it,
any inside you had while writing it.

Speaker 6 (15:03):
Yeah, you know what's so interesting in that I never
imagined writing a book, and I certainly never had the
vision for what the Book of Choice would ultimately be.
Considering that I began working on it in twenty fourteen
and I published it in twenty twenty three.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
It was a long journey.

Speaker 6 (15:24):
And it was a journey of many, many stops and starts.
And the reason being was that initially, when I mentioned
to you that I had begun having these conversations with
twenty nine people, I was now creating these very in
depth maps for them as a way for them to
see their choice in a new light. But never, ever, ever,

(15:47):
did I have a vision that I would share the
mapping process with anyone. I thought that what I was
sharing in my book were the concepts of how one
makes choices, all the things that I had learned about past, present,
and future choices, the distinctions between the personal choices we make,
the professional choices, the relationship choices.

Speaker 4 (16:09):
I was looking.

Speaker 6 (16:10):
Back at the stories that people hold with themselves with
regard to choices they've made in the past, potentially the
shame they feel because of that. There were so many
elements that I was dealing with, and I was never
imagining teaching the mapping process. And it wasn't until probably
five years into the writing process that one of my

(16:31):
editors said to me, Kim, you know, I think people
might be interested in your mapping.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
Which then caused me to say, how do I do
what I do?

Speaker 6 (16:40):
So I had to spend a bit of time watching
myself how did I map so that I could now
teach others to do it, And at first it was
quite complex, and I had another coach come into the
mix at one point who said, Kim, if you're going
to teach your mapping process, you must make it access
to everybody.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
You must make it feel And I don't.

Speaker 6 (17:03):
Know if this was her word or one that I internalized,
but almost like legos, like building blocks that as somebody
entered the journey of learning about the mapping process, I
would make it very accessible to them, making them feel like, oh,
this is something I can do, and then I build,
and I build, and I build on that process that
they can now expand upon. So at the simplest route,

(17:28):
what choice mapping is, and I do teach it quite
in depth throughout the book. And the beauty is that
not only am I teaching a process, but I'm supporting
it with so many examples from real life people that
are very relatable. But at the root, choice mapping is
a self discovery tool. It is a visual way for

(17:49):
you to track the details of what you're thinking about
a choice so that you can understand yourself better so
that you can make the choice that's right for you.
And it can be used to look at choices you
have made to understand who you were when.

Speaker 4 (18:03):
You made choices. It can be used for.

Speaker 6 (18:07):
A current time who you are at the moment, what
you're navigating about a choice, and really within the Book
of Choice, it teaches the entire process for somebody to
really understand, and it's really mapping becomes a complementary process
to journaling. So if you are someone who in the
past or still currently has enjoyed journaling and the fluidity

(18:31):
of journaling.

Speaker 4 (18:32):
Mapping is quite different.

Speaker 6 (18:33):
It's about really capturing the essence of what you're going
through with regard to your choice in smaller, bite sized nuggets.
And because those nuggets are shorter sentences, the words really
need to matter. And as the words matter, you're really
capturing your truth for what matters regarding your choice. So

(18:55):
it's incredibly powerful and another thing I'll just share with it.
And I just encountered this with a client recently. We
had done a pretty extensive map for her about a
choice that she had wanted to make, and then she
came to me probably two months later, and things had
shifted and she was now moving away from that choice,

(19:18):
and I was able to say to her, let's go
back to the original map. We captured a lot of
your truth. Does that still feel resonant for you right now?
If so, let's address that. So maybe you do stay
on track, maybe you're not moving forth with that choice today,
maybe it's in a year, or if in fact, maybe
if it doesn't feel resonant to you at the moment.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
That's fine too.

Speaker 6 (19:41):
Now at least you have a benchmark from which to
make adjustments. And it's just incredibly powerful because it captures
your truth for where you are in a moment that
you can always use as a reference point.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
I love this, and I'm a journaler, but I'm a
visual journaler, so I love line circles. So this process
is a visual process, right. It's like the old mind
mapping with the lines and circles.

Speaker 5 (20:09):
Is that correct?

Speaker 6 (20:10):
Yes, it is, And it can be done, you know,
on a computer. It can be done in a notebook
with pen and paper and workers.

Speaker 3 (20:19):
I love doing my little hearts and this path leads here.
So my question is is any technology special technology or
how you teach? It can be done as you just
shared on paper with a computer.

Speaker 4 (20:35):
It's incredibly accessible.

Speaker 6 (20:37):
I happen to use a mid mapping software just because
it's easy. It's easy for me to save my maps
on my computer to organize them by client or type.

Speaker 4 (20:46):
But I have many clients who are studying who.

Speaker 6 (20:50):
Prefer handwriting, and they will have a journal in their
you know, in their markers, and that's how they do it.
It's really the way that you map is less important
than the fact that you map. You know, it's really
a process of capturing your words and whatever way works
for you.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
I teach my process.

Speaker 6 (21:11):
But the beauty of what mapping is is it really
is an art and it's for you to take the
recipe that I give you and then to make it
your own.

Speaker 5 (21:20):
I love that, Love how you just described that.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
So I want to go backwards a little bit because
I know the work you're doing now. But when you
got on this path, what was the initial inspiration to
become a coach?

Speaker 6 (21:36):
Well, interestingly, so I became a coach back in the
late nineties, and I had come out of a retail background,
which I loved, but I had actually been let go
from a big job when I was pregnant with my
first child and we had.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
Just bought the house that required two incomes. So it
was a scary time.

Speaker 6 (21:59):
And yet I made the choice in that moment that
I was going to go the entrepreneurial path versus going
back to the corporate job. But it was at that
time as I was doing I was getting coached about
where I was in the world, that a coach said
to me that they saw.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
Me as a coach that that was, you know, kind
of the.

Speaker 6 (22:20):
Essence of who I was, which, interestingly, once I began
to share that with all of my friends, none of
them were surprised because I'd always had that kind of
coaching sensibility. So since nineteen ninety nine two thousand, I
have been coaching, and I've the.

Speaker 4 (22:37):
Person that I have coached has changed a bit.

Speaker 6 (22:39):
Over the years, but the truth is at the heart
of it. You know, I am someone who's always loved
digging in and asking questions.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
That's probably, you know, my sweet spot.

Speaker 6 (22:53):
And so now to have created choice mapping and now
to specifically coach people of all ages around the choices
that they're making. Now I've got a process that kind
of works along with the coaching that I've been doing.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Well, yeah, I think it's just a powerful tool that
you've created.

Speaker 5 (23:13):
And what I love about it is because I kind
of do it.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
I just doodle in my journal. It's when we see
the possibilities. Do you notice that too, Like sometimes we're
so in our head that we make stories about our choices.
But when what I'm feeling is when you put it
down on paper or on a computer and you start
to map out. As you just beautifully shared the choice
in front of us, it almost shifts the energy into

(23:40):
a possibility thinking instead of limited thinking.

Speaker 4 (23:44):
Well, you're bringing up something very key.

Speaker 6 (23:47):
So in one of my the main map that I
teach people about is something called an exploration map, which
is an opportunity to look at a past, present, or
future choice with the depth of a lot of inquiry.
And two of the key questions in that map are,
here's this choice I want to make. So one question
is what could hold me back from that choice? The

(24:09):
limiting beliefs, the fears, the stuff, the noise, the obstacles.
But then the other key question is what becomes possible
as I step into this choice. And those two questions
together it's almost like a tug of war. The question
about what could hold you back is really kind of
keeping you in the past versus this question about what

(24:30):
is possible is pulling you forth into the future. And
once I find that people have really captured a lot
of the stuff that could hold them back from stepping
into this choice that matters to them, they're able to
look at those specific fears or beliefs with adult eyes
to say, wait a minute, here's this choice that really

(24:51):
matters is this, Am I going to let this particular
belief get in my way or this particular fear. Now,
in some cases, the fear or the belief might be
a really big one that has a that has a
pull for you or a charge, and one that you
need to address. Other times, and I've seen this happen
numerous times, is once somebody has kind of captured the

(25:14):
fears or that the beliefs that they think could hold
them back, they're able again with an adult perspective, to say,
I am not going to that's not going to get
in my way, Like this is such an important choice,
and I see all that's possible, and I've captured all
these exciting ideas of what could be, who I could be,
how I.

Speaker 4 (25:32):
May serve others with this choice, whatever it may be.
And so the possibility can often pull you forth from
the fears that could have gotten in your way.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
Ladies, are you listening to this? I love this because
I'm all about possibilities. And one of the questions that
came up is I love what you said about a
lot of times the fear is holding us back in
the past and stop from living on dreams. Whatever that
dream may be for each of us, right and for

(26:05):
so many people, I think that fear is what keeps
them on the fence from making a choice. You know,
before they've heard about your amazing tool I'm talking about.

Speaker 5 (26:14):
So it's fear that keeps them on the fence. Is
that what you notice is no doubt?

Speaker 6 (26:19):
I mean, fear is one thing that keeps people on
the fence. I think another thing that keeps people on
the fence is a self imposed label of the type
of decision maker they are. So I hear many many
people just say kind of almost without thinking, Oh, I'm
not really good at decisions, I'm very indecisive, I'm avoidant.
You know that's these are very common ways that people

(26:40):
describe themselves. So regardless of if they have the fear
or not, they've kind of put themselves in a box
of being someone who doesn't make decisions easily. So because
they think it, then they can't. You know, it kind
of goes in hand.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
I want to go deeper into this, the decision making styles,
because I think that's so so enticing to discover what
kind of decision maker we are. So we're going to
take a quick break, ladies, stay with us. You're listening
to inspire conversations with Kimdyong. You can learn more at

(27:14):
Kimdjong dot com and take that quiz while you're there,
what type of decision maker are you? We'll be right back.

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Speaker 3 (29:32):
Thanks for circling up with me and my special guest,
Kim Deyong. I am so excited to hear about this.
So you have a quiz on on your site called
what type of decision maker value? And in the last
segment you were starting to touch on that, and I'm like,
ooh when you said that, I can name two people
who fall into that, the avoidant one and to truth

(29:55):
be told, that was me for the first thirty years
of my life. So guide us through that, Like what
you've discovered, And as you were writing this book and
doing this work, is this how you came up with
those types of the decision makers? You've kind of started
noticing patterns very much.

Speaker 6 (30:16):
So, so I wrote the book and then I created
the quiz because it was after essentially a decade of
having you know, now hundreds of choices, hundreds of conversations
with people about their choices, I was I had really
an intimate advantage point into how people see themselves as
decision makers. And I realized if I could craft a

(30:39):
quiz that would give people an insight into, you know,
the type of decision maker they are and therefore the
strengths that come with that decision making style, as well
as the opportunities for growth. I thought that would be
helpful and what's been fascinating. So the quiz has been
live probably close to eighteen months at this point, and

(31:01):
I crafted five different types that I saw people in
and it's been very interesting watching the results come in
to see kind of where the bulk of the people lie.
And at the simplest there are I almost say there
are two camps of people. There are those who have

(31:22):
a decision to make and you know, maybe they've got
an internal process where they process quickly or something, but
kind of once they know, they move they're that person.
And then there's really almost everybody else who is that
other person who really they have a decision to make
and they're going to deliberate in some form, They're going

(31:43):
to take in information, they're going to think about it,
all of the above. But then the distinction between those
who deliberate falls into some different categories. There's the person
who deliberates, but then once they've got their information, they
move forward quickly. They don't waiver, they've got what they needed,
they move forward. Then there are those who gather the

(32:06):
information and they still they stick their head in the sand.

Speaker 4 (32:09):
They become avoidant.

Speaker 6 (32:11):
There are those who are scared to make a mistake
so they don't make the decision. There are some who
feel they need the support of a group to make
their decision. So there are kind of subtleties around those
people who deliberate. But I would say that that's the
biggest component in general, is that most people need time

(32:33):
to deliberate, and it's a really interesting tool to understand,
whether it be within your own family, to understand, like
you know, your family of origin or your current families,
the way that they make decisions. That can be very
fascinating with a corporate team because you may find maybe
as the leader, you're the quick one.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
You know, you're the rhino.

Speaker 6 (32:54):
You gather the information, you move forth, and there could
be others on your team who spend more time.

Speaker 4 (33:00):
I'm thinking they want more data, they want more stuff.
There are some who kind of are guided more intuitively
for their decisions. So it's really just understanding yourself and
more importantly, understanding what holds you up for making the
decisions you want to make. Because there's a statistic that
we make thirty five thousand choices in a day, and

(33:22):
those are everything from you know, am I turning left right,
eating this or that, putting on this shirt or that shirt.
Those are kind of the daily ones.

Speaker 6 (33:30):
But you know, if any choices are to get in
our way, like we've all had that experience standing in
front of the refrigerator or standing in front of our closet,
not being able to decide. You know, again, those can
seem like small decisions, but if you don't make them,
you kind of can't move on to the bigger ones.
So it becomes this opportunity for you if you want

(33:50):
to move forward with your life to how are you
moving through the decisions that you need to make on
a pretty quick basis.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
I want to say the uil again, Kimdyong dot com.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
So I have a question for you.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
Can your decision making type evolve over time? Because, as
you were speaking, in my younger years, meaning you know
up to probably mid thirties, I was I had wicked
anxiety depression. So there was a lot of that fear
based energy within me. So of course I look back

(34:29):
now and go I was the avoid right, I would
avoid things instead of making the choice. But then as
I did got on the path of personal and spiritual development,
I became what you call in the two camps, they
just know.

Speaker 5 (34:46):
So now as.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
Long as I know and receive that guidance, it's a
it's an intuitive yes for me, and my decision making
is all like that now, So do you? I guess
the question is that's a normal evolution that we type
can change based on our own you know.

Speaker 4 (35:06):
What, one hundred percent say yes to that.

Speaker 6 (35:08):
But to that point, your change was again a conscious change,
like you realize that you were avoidant and you have
been on your own spiritual growth path and you have
also you are also someone who has grown to trust
your intuition, so that becomes a really viable source. I
mean that takes time also, I mean to speak to

(35:30):
a twenty year old about trusting their intuition. Of course,
there are some that may but you know, that's often
a skill that's developed as we age and as we
get more comfortable and we've.

Speaker 4 (35:40):
Had more experience with it.

Speaker 6 (35:42):
So I definitely think one's decision making style can evolve.
I also think that sometimes people have artificially put themselves
in a box to say, how I am avoidant, Oh
I am indecisive, and it becomes a label that it's
almost like are you really or have you just labeled

(36:02):
yourself as that?

Speaker 4 (36:04):
And there becomes an opportunity.

Speaker 6 (36:06):
To really question yourself, like, so you do have a decision,
and it'd be very quick to say, oh, yeah, I'm indecisive,
I don't make decisions. Well, but what if you had
a shift, What if you shifted those those words to
say I am in the process of making decisions more
easily something like that, And now that supports you to

(36:26):
evolve a bit.

Speaker 9 (36:28):
Well.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
I love that because I have two young family members
in my extended family around the twenty four year month,
and when you would just speaking, I'm like, oh my god,
that's what he says all the time.

Speaker 5 (36:40):
I can't make a decision. What resta? What do you
want from this restaurant?

Speaker 4 (36:43):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (36:43):
I can't make a decision. You pick, well a restaurant?
Do you want to go? I can't make a decision.
Drives me crazy.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
And so his own self language is defining his decision
making process.

Speaker 6 (36:58):
And he's a perfect example. I mean, we all know
that person.

Speaker 4 (37:02):
You know. I think back to a very funny example
of being in a diner with my sister years ago
and to get a diner menu, you know that's ten
pages long with every option, you know, and she looked
at it, She's like, I'll have page two. Like she
didn't even know where to go with the menu. It
was so overwhelming.

Speaker 6 (37:20):
But to take the example that you're sharing of this
young adult, it could be as simple as them committing,
even just for their own sake of like, I'm no
longer going to say that I am indecisive.

Speaker 4 (37:33):
And maybe it.

Speaker 6 (37:34):
Starts with the small choices of you know what, when
it comes to am I eating a hamburger a chicken,
I'm just going to make the choice quickly, or am
I going to restaurant A or B. I'm just going
to make the decision quickly. Like, these are not life
or death decisions, And it can be the opportunity to
flex a muscle to really just begin experimenting on the

(37:54):
choices that don't matter so much so that you can
kind of build trust in yourself that you can make
choices and that will then ideally spill over into making
more meaningful choices.

Speaker 5 (38:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
I want to have a conversation with him the next time.
I loving conversation just to help him shift that because
it's already become such a pattern at this point in
his life. Because I love him, I wouldn't want him
to continue that way without at least showing an option
in giving you your book.

Speaker 6 (38:28):
So, but your point is, so you're so valid about
the evolution of like, of course he can evolve. Of
course he can grow and change from the decision maker
that he is.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
He just has to want to.

Speaker 5 (38:41):
Yeah, And I think that's the big part.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
And you know, of course he's still maturity, so I
know he can do this as well as my other
family member. So good, take a final break, and when
we come back, I want to ask you what kind
of advice you would give to someone like him who
is struggling to make maybe a difficult choice in their life.

(39:04):
And we'll be back in a moment. My friends, I
invite you to grab Kim's book, The Book of Choice.
You can do so at Kimdyong dot com as well
as all book sale websites, and.

Speaker 5 (39:18):
We'll be right back.

Speaker 7 (39:20):
The best of the holistic, spiritual and conscious world Ome
Times Radio, IOMFM.

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Speaker 3 (41:33):
He thanks for circling up with us today. You'll listening
to inspired conversations. I'm Linda Joy and with me today
is Kim DeYoung and we've been diving into the power
of choice, the different types of decision make is and
how our choices shape our lives. So, if someone is
really struggling to make a difficult choice right now in

(41:54):
any area of their life, what would your guidance be.

Speaker 6 (41:58):
My simplest guidance would be to go inward to have
a conversation with themselves, which is essentially what a choice
map is. It's an opportunity for you to have your
own internal dialogue and to ask themselves a few questions.
Number one, it's you know, why does this choice matter
to you that you're considering?

Speaker 4 (42:19):
So that's key.

Speaker 6 (42:20):
You have to get to the bottom of that, and
then once you know that, to then say to yourself, Okay,
what could hold me back from making this choice that
I really want to make. Third question becomes, now, what
is possible, what's exciting? What could I imagine comes for
me for others, et cetera as this choice I want
to make. And the fourth and this goes back to

(42:42):
the very beginning of our conversation, what action will I
take so that I can create some momentum?

Speaker 4 (42:49):
And in theory, it is a pretty.

Speaker 6 (42:51):
Simple process that is very easy to focus on these
few questions to get.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
The clarity for yourself.

Speaker 6 (42:58):
And it's it takes the traditional pro and con list
a little bit deeper. The questions give you a bit
more information, and as you come up with the answers,
you have the choice how you know how much do
you want to pull apart the details of each answer
to then continue going a little bit deeper and deeper
for yourself.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
I love this And in your book, the Book of Choice,
what is the key concepts that you guide them through
just so they can you know what to expect when
they what are a copy.

Speaker 6 (43:35):
The key thing that I teach is is the premise
of the exploration map, which is rooted in these key questions.
And so I'm guiding people through numerous examples of how
might you look at a personal choice that you're navigating?
How might you navigate a professional choice that you're up against.

(43:56):
Maybe you're dealing with a relationship choice, or are you
staying in a relationship leaving one looking to make one
that you're in better and using these questions as a
way to understand yourself better. So I go into a
lot of detail, through a lot of explanation and examples
of how you can see you can see yourself in

(44:17):
other people's examples, and.

Speaker 4 (44:21):
It's just it's very powerful.

Speaker 6 (44:23):
I teach people how to look back at choices they
did make, how to look at choices they are making,
and how even to get excited about the possibility of
future choices that they want to make.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
Ladies and listening, the answers you're looking for are waiting
for you in the Book of Choice. Be sure to
order a copy at Kimdyong dot com. And while you're there,
take the quiz what type of decision make around you?
So something you said earlier, use the word examined life.

(44:56):
So what does it mean to you to live in
examined life? Why do you feel that's important?

Speaker 4 (45:02):
So it's interesting.

Speaker 6 (45:03):
When I was writing my book, I had an experience
where someone said to me, and this was a woman
who was a beta reader.

Speaker 4 (45:13):
Of my book. She said, Kim, I'm fascinated with your book,
but I want to understand why is it important for
me to even think about the choices that I make?
Like why do I care?

Speaker 6 (45:24):
And as I really reflected on her question, I thought
about actually the opposite. I thought, what would happen if
we don't care about our choices, Like if we're not
paying attention to what we do and life is just
happening to us, Like we know that that does not
feel good. So the alternative is to now pay attention

(45:44):
to your choices, to bring a level of intentionality and
consciousness to the choices that you make, so that you
create what you want to have happen in your life.
So I have used the term living an examined life
in the past, but I think a nice alternative to
that is living a life in which you're being intentional
and thoughtful about your choices. And I had an experience

(46:08):
right after my book was published. A dear friend over
eighty had reached out to me and she said, Kim,
is it too late? And I said, is it too
late for what? And she said, is it too late
for me to live in examined life? She said, I
have never made my own decisions. I come from a
generation where my husband made the decisions. I was not
raised to do that. Could I start now? I said,

(46:31):
you can start any day. So regardless of your past,
regardless of how you've made decisions, how you think about
how you've made decisions, at any day, you could draw
a line in the sand today and to say, you
know what, today, I want to make my intentions really thoughtfully, consciously, intentionally,
and that becomes who you are, and you just take

(46:51):
the steps to begin doing that.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
I love the intention behind everything you just shared, and
for me, as you know that, it's a big keyword
because I think when we live with intention and make
decisions from intention, for myself, it feels like I'm coming
from my highest truth and not the fears of my
lower self, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (47:13):
I just feel it's for me.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
It's a more aligned, joyful way to live, to live
with intention and make my choices with intention.

Speaker 5 (47:24):
You know.

Speaker 6 (47:24):
I had a conversation with a young man a few
years ago. I had been coaching him kind of through
his college education, and as he came to the end
of his graduation, he had the opportunity to go for
kind of a big job or a startup, and he
chose the startup, but he knew that in choosing the
startup the salary was much lower, but he was excited

(47:45):
for what he would learn. Anyway, he moves forward with
that job, and eighteen months later he came to me
and he said, can I feel like I'm a loser?
And I said why? And he said, because I'm not
making the money that my friends are making. I said,
first of all, let's take a step back. You're not
making the money that your friends are making because you
made the choice to go to the startup, like you
knew what you were doing. You were very thoughtful, conscious, etc.

(48:08):
And you knew that money would be tighter.

Speaker 4 (48:10):
Your friends went for service industry jobs, like their salaries
are higher. That's a truth.

Speaker 6 (48:15):
You could make a new choice today to say, you
know what, I'm walking away from the startup because i
want to make more money and therefore I'm going to
go service industry.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
Or you could say I really love what I'm doing.

Speaker 6 (48:27):
Maybe I'm going to get a side hustle to bring
some extra money in because I really love this startup. Like,
there are many other choices you can make but be
careful to not speak speak about yourself negatively for a
choice you made because you were thoughtful about it, and
again you could course correct.

Speaker 4 (48:44):
You could look at it now eighteen months later and
say I want to shift gears. That's perfectly fine.

Speaker 6 (48:50):
So it just becomes bringing thoughtfulness kind of to where
you are in the moment and looking at it honestly,
and not brating yourself for the choice you did make,
because likely whatever choice you made, you did it as
thoughtfully as you could in the moment, and you now
have an opportunity in today's moment to bring whatever you've

(49:10):
learned along the way to making the most thoughtful choice
you can today, and then you will learn from it
in tomorrow's choice.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
I love that story because I think we can all
recognize ourselves in that pattern of we make the choice
and we find out that the life of Korea or
a relationship isn't what we wanted.

Speaker 5 (49:31):
Then what happens. I know I've done this.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
I judge myself from making the wrong choice, but the
reality is, and I've come to learn I made the
best choice I could in that moment, and now we'll
make a new one.

Speaker 5 (49:44):
But we fall into the self judgment.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
Don't you notice that, like, oh I made the wrong one,
You didn't make the wrong one.

Speaker 4 (49:51):
You know.

Speaker 6 (49:52):
One of my favorite chapters in the book is actually
called No Wrong Choices, and essentially the message of that
chapter is that we don't make wrong choices.

Speaker 4 (50:01):
We make choices that provide us with lessons.

Speaker 6 (50:04):
And if we're open to learning the lesson from the
choice we made that you know, maybe we've not deemed
as the most perfect choice.

Speaker 4 (50:11):
Then it becomes valuable for who we are now.

Speaker 6 (50:14):
So that really is such a key thing. I mean,
there's no doubt we all sit with shame and regret
for things that we may have done in the past.
But the real question in today's time, how can you
learn from it? What were the What do you want
to do differently than you did so you don't bring
that forth into the future, Like every choice is an

(50:34):
opportunity for learning and for growth.

Speaker 5 (50:38):
It is.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
I mean, I wouldn't be doing the work I do now,
or in the relationship I have now if I didn't keep.

Speaker 5 (50:47):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (50:48):
I call it sometimes conscious pivoting, Like well, how'd I
get here? I know I made the choices to get there.
It's like, what are the new choices, so I can
kind of.

Speaker 5 (50:56):
Like course correct.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
Yeah, And I've always given the one thing I think
I can say has been one of my superpowers is
I always give myself permission to be okay with falling
and failing. Wh are in my first thirty years I
would stay frozen because I had a deep sense of failure,

(51:18):
not because of others perspectives. I just didn't want to fail.
And it wasn't just in business, it was in I
didn't want to make the wrong decision, so of course
I made none, which means my life was stuck. So
now I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of I think
even as an adventure, Okay, I'm going to try this

(51:40):
because that's what my intuition's telling me, and I go
all in with full trust, and I'd say ninety percent
of the time it works out in the other ten percents,
like what you just said, Oh well, these are wonderful
lessons to learn. So and then of course correct And
to me, it's an adventure. What's down this path, what's
down that trail? And I think when you if from

(52:00):
myself anyway, when I hold that mindset, that's a beautiful adventure.
Let me see where this choice will take me. I
think it's empowering.

Speaker 4 (52:10):
And I couldn't agree more.

Speaker 6 (52:12):
And I think to be at that place to feel
that confidence takes wisdom experience. So I speak with a
lot of young adults and they're nervous. They don't have
the life experience to necessarily trust themselves. Their parents have
been involved in, you know, many of their choices. So

(52:34):
here they are, post college, for example, making their first
personal and professional relationship choices, and they're nervous. They haven't
necessarily developed their intuition, They don't have the arsenal of
experiences to draw upon, just to know with confidence like okay,
even if that's not the perfect choice, like I'll be okay,
Like to feel the solid foundation of who they are

(52:57):
that comes with age.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Uh, definitely, most definitely. And I can remember my daughter's
forty one now. I can't even believe him saying that
out loud.

Speaker 5 (53:10):
And she is different from me.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
But one of the things I feel I really did
well as a mom was because of my fear and
anxiety and.

Speaker 5 (53:24):
My not being confident in making decisions.

Speaker 3 (53:27):
I didn't want her to have that, So even at
a young age, I would invite her to make choices,
simple choices, what do you want away?

Speaker 5 (53:35):
Atter school? So that she could learn to trust herself.
You know, what do you want to eat?

Speaker 4 (53:39):
Like?

Speaker 3 (53:40):
Instead of me projecting as a parent, wear this to
do this? So at a young age, I started that,
and now I witness her doing that. My granddaughter's thirteen
and is the most empowered child. I'm like yes, because
she got the opportunity to make choices so she could
build her trust. And I think for a lot of us,
myself included, we weren't raised with that. We were raised

(54:04):
with do this, do that, et cetera, et cetera. So
we have one more minute before we have to close.
I want to hear your insights on that.

Speaker 4 (54:12):
Well, you know, I have a big vision.

Speaker 6 (54:15):
I have the url called the Choice school dot com,
which I have yet to fully expand, but it speaks
to that vision of we have not been taught how
to make choices as we've grown up. And you know,
so a vision I dream of and I welcome the
collaborative support of many, is how do we bring the
education of choice into all levels of education?

Speaker 4 (54:36):
I mean, think how powerful that would be?

Speaker 6 (54:38):
Like, you're fortunate that your thirteen year old is an
empowered choice maker because she was getting it passed down.

Speaker 4 (54:45):
From you to your daughter to her many or not,
and to.

Speaker 6 (54:49):
Now to be given those skills at an early age
so that they have the confidence and they can make
the choices. I mean, it's just it's it's an incredible
skill and one that we as the older generation can
do our best to be supportive of those in the
younger generation as they're making their choices.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Beautifully said, and I'll hold that vision with you, my friend,
for that to come to life. And I want to
thank you, Kim for joining me today. I love this conversation,
so thank you, my friend.

Speaker 4 (55:20):
Well, thank you for having me. I'm so I have
followed you for so long and I love the work
that you're doing in the world.

Speaker 6 (55:27):
And I'm honored that you invited me to be here
and to just have this conversation from the heart and
just to go there.

Speaker 5 (55:35):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
I was so glad when you said yes. So until
next time, my friends, choose love, Choose joy, Choose happiness.
Blessings everyone.

Speaker 1 (55:46):
Thanks for listening to inspired conversations with publisher Linda Joy.
Join our sacred space every Tuesday at two pm. Eastern
and me leading female visionaries, empowering authors, heart centered email entrepreneurs,
coaches and healers. Inspired Conversations with Linda Joy is a
soulful venue where guests share the obstacles they've overcome, along

(56:11):
with wisdom and lessons learned on their personal journey that
led them to the transformational work they do in the world.
Inspired Conversations to empower you on your path to authentic
and soulful living.

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Kim DeYoung – Gain Clarity in Decision Making with the Choice Mapping Process

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Kim DeYoung – Gain Clarity in Decision Making with the Choice Mapping Process