Release Overcommitting to Create Space for YOU in Your Own Life with Dawn Michele Jackson

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine
and tune in for Inspired Conversations with publisher Linda Joy
on Tuesdays at two pm Eastern. Linda creates sacred space
for leading female luminaries, empowering authors, heart centered female entrepreneurs, coaches,
and healers. A soulful venue where guests openly share the

(00:24):
fears and obstacles they've overcome, wisdom and lessons learned, and
the personal journey that led them to the transformational work
they do in the world. Inspired conversations to empower you
on your path to authentic, soulful living.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome to Inspired Conversations. I'm your host, Linda Joy, mindset
elevation coach, intentional living guide and publisher of the beloved
Aspire magazine. You know, I'm almost pinching myself because the
show is now in its ninth year. It's hard to
believe that we have shared hundreds of conversations over those years,

(01:05):
conversations to inspire you to live deeper, more authentic lives.
And today we're really talking about a topic that I
think all of us can resonate with right now, because
if you find yourself in the cycle of over committing
at the cost of your enner peace. You know, I
bet we have a whole virtual audience here saying, oh,

(01:25):
I can relate to that. Well. Today we're going to
be talking about the unique challenges faced by women who
over commit themselves while silently carrying the weight of grief
in their hearts. We're going to be delving into the
emotional toll of always putting others first, the importance of
honoring your healing journey, and Don will be sharing some

(01:47):
actionable steps to reclaim the joy that may feel out
of reach right now. I am so grateful that Don
Michelle Jackson is here with me today. Mindfully integrating three
decades of nursing experience, Dawn combines her insight with her
expertise as an advanced Grief Recovery method specialist and Infinite

(02:08):
Possibilities trainer to help women heal their hearts, transform their lives,
and rediscover joy. During her nursing career, caring for children, veterans,
trauma and surgical patients, she discovered the intricate connection between body, mind,
and spirit. Her personal journey of healing led to her

(02:30):
hot filled mission to help others illuminate their inner light
and transition from surviving to thriving. She's also the best
selling author of Journey to Peace and Healing and Journey
to Self Discovery one hundred Days of Soulful Reflections. Don welcome.
I'm so glad to hear for this critical conversation.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
Thank you, Linda. I am just honored to speak with
you today and to your audience, well, I.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Got to tell you your topic and your specialty is really
speaks to me as a woman because I can relate
to how many times in my life that I over
committed and it came from a wound within me, I believe,
But what I found is I would get resentful and
it was really no one's fault but my own. And

(03:20):
I was like, how do I end this pattern? So
let's talk about what it means to overcommit and why
do you think women are particularly prone to it?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
You know, it goes back I think decades, you know,
when women were typically the caretakers for the children, the household.
The men would go out and work, and so women
have always held this belief that they needed to care
for everyone else, and oftentimes that meant putting their needs aside.

(03:54):
And as society has changed, obviously there's many men that
are are now caretakers themselves, right, So I don't want
to say that it's just women that overcommit, because men
do the same thing, many men, but I will say
that women, it's like inherently in our system.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
To always be there for others.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
That feminine energy of wanting to help and to serve,
and often to just push our needs aside instead of
stepping back and realizing that when we do that, we
don't benefit ourselves or anyone around us, because, as you mentioned,
we do become resentful.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, And I think I can remember back, like especially
my forties, you know, grandchildren came and I had a
busy business. It was and I'm taking full of personal
responsibility because no one can take from us what we
don't give, right, And I didn't have any boundaries. It
was like, oh I can do that, Yeah, I can
take that. Oh let me help you with that. And

(04:58):
then I'm like exhausted, and I could feel that resentment
building in my heart and that's not who I am,
and I know that's not who you are all listeners are,
but it becomes it became such a pattern of putting
myself at the end of my to do list right.
You noticed that too, not only in your own life,

(05:20):
but in the clients that come through to you.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Oh, I do you know?

Speaker 3 (05:26):
My clients that I work with typically haven't focused on
self care because they felt that self care was selfish.
And that's a message that I feel strongly about is
letting individuals know that self care isn't selfish. It's caring
for yourself and caring for those you love. Because when

(05:47):
you make the time for you to honor what your
body and your mind and your spirit and your soul needs,
then you're able to show up for others in a
completely different way, which benefits them and helps them heal
as well. And by practicing this, ourselves were a model
for others and it gives them almost this unwritten permission

(06:11):
to do it for themselves.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
It's so true, isn't it. It's like when what we model,
especially like my daughter's forty. Thankfully she didn't pick up
my habits. Well, I got to tell you, maybe it's
how she's wired done, because I will never forget the
day I still can remember this, and she's, like I said,
she's forty. She was about fifteen and she was in

(06:39):
the in the bathroom and I could hear music and playing,
and you know, I knocked on the door because she
had been in there a little while and she had
like essential oils, the radio. She was painting the nails.
And I opened the door and she goes, Mom, what's up?
And I said, Oh, I was just wondering, make sure
you're good. She goes, this is my time, and I'm like,

(07:03):
she knew what it took me forty years to figure out.
She kind of innately knew to honor and nurture herself.
Isn't that what we want for our children and grandchildren.
I have grandchildren now, so of course that's what I want.
But somehow she skipped my modeling for a while. But

(07:24):
I think it's so critical for emotional and mental health
as well as our spiritual health.

Speaker 4 (07:31):
Oh, I would definitely agree.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
And I love that story because normally our kids pick
up what we teach them earlier in life, what we model.
Like there's so many times I wish that I had
had the tools that I have today when my son
was younger, but I didn't have those until, you know,
he was a teenager, and so I see him following

(07:55):
in my footsteps in some ways, you know, the not
always taking the time for himself.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
And you know, one of.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
The hardest lessons to learn is that we have to
let everybody have their own journey and learn things at
their own pace, versus expecting them to do things in
a way that we're trying to model them now but
we haven't modeled in the past.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
If that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Oh, it does. Because she's a cancer she's a born nurturer. Still,
her desire is always She's the one like that keeps
the family unit together, the extended family. She plans all
the family functions. So she has that innate nurturing spirit
and I'm so glad that she turned it towards her.

(08:46):
Now for me myself, it's still an ongoing journey, you know,
to learn how to find that balance, especially like you
and being an entrepreneur, right, we wear different right, But
what I've discovered, and you know, even getting to know
you and your message about the over committed woman and

(09:09):
emotional well being and all that is, we have to
start with ourselves, as you spoke about a moment ago,
not just to model now to a family, but it
affects our own personal energy, and that energy creates the
energy of the family. The energy of the community around

(09:31):
us and it ripples out. And when I got that
way back, when is my emotional and spiritual well being,
which I also call vibration well and for so many reasons,
So talk about that a little bit.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yeah, so I completely agree with you that, you know,
when my vibration and my energy is low, it affects
the people in my house, It affects my family, my friends,
everyone I come in contact with, because as I step
into a room or I step into a conversation, people
can feel that energy, especially those of us that are impaths,

(10:09):
you know, we can feel is this a good energy
that we resonate with or is this something that we
want to walk away from? And so it's important to
do our own healing, do our own self care, and
healing is you know, part of self care. As women,
we go through life, and as we were talking about earlier,

(10:30):
we tend to constantly care for others and many times
forget ourselves. And one of the things that gets forgotten
is our emotional health. So things can be happening in
our lives, but we've learned and we've come to the
beliefs that we need to keep pushing forward despite the

(10:53):
heartache that we incur, whether it's you know, something happened
with a friendship, we had a breakup in a relationship,
or a divorce, a death, you know, our kids leaving
the home and were empty nesters, whatever that changes in
our life. So many of us just keep trying to
push forward, and so we end up with heart that hurts,

(11:20):
and that comes out in every interaction that we have
with others. We, as you've talked about, become resentful, We
become burnt out. And it gets the point that not
only is our mental health suffering, but so is our
physical health. And I used to see that all the
time in my thirty years practicing as a nurse, is

(11:43):
that my patients would have all these physical health issues
and if they were finally able to take that step
towards doing some work on their part and their emotional healing,
their physical issues would improve.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah. Found that on my own life, our emotional health
affects our physical health, and the more we stuff things
down creates illness in other areas about life. Yea, and
we're gonna, We're gonna. I want to continue this thread
of the conversation because I know it's so important. We're
going to take our first break everyone, and I want
to invite you to learn more about down at Don

(12:22):
Michelle Jackson and Michelle has one l in it again
Don Michelle Jackson dot com.

Speaker 5 (12:29):
We'll be right back, my friends, connecting you with the
best of the conscious minds in the world. Own Times Radio,
I own FM.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
It's time to create space for you and your life
instead of squeezing it in after you take care of
everyone else. If you're feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and resentful,
those signs are letting you know it's time for emotional
first aid. Mindfully integrating three decades of nursing experience, Don
Michelle combines her empathic insights with her expertise as an

(13:04):
advanced Greef Recovery Methods specialist and Infinite Possibilities trainer to
help women heal their hearts, transform their lives, and rediscover joy.
During her nursing career, caring for children, veterans, trauma and
surgical patients, Don discovered the intricate connection between the mind
and body. Today with a compassionate approach, she expertly guides

(13:28):
women to attain mind, body, and spirit wellness through her
coaching books and retreats. Learn more at Don Michelle Jackson
dot com.

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Speaker 2 (14:40):
Welcome back you listening to inspired conversations. I'm Linda Joey.
With me today is Don Michelle Jackson. She is here
talking about emotional well being, over committing and the cost
of that to your inner piece, your health, and more
so one of the things I've always been the opposite.

(15:03):
I think I've always been really strong in my emotional
and spiritual self care, and I think that's because I
struggled with anxiety and depression for the first thirty five years,
you know what I mean, And then I was not
as strong in my physical well being, you know, like

(15:23):
exercising in the right foods or at least even eat inconsistently.
What I noticed is when I wasn't maintaining my emotional
self care, I was more prone to everything, the anxiety
coming back, the guilt, physical illness, colds, bugs, flues. So

(15:45):
I love that you brought that up there in your
thirty years as a nurse, that you recognized it in
patients in the hospital, of that connection. So what do
you feel makes it so difficult for woman to prioritize
themselves in the healing. Did you notice a thread to

(16:08):
your time as a nurse as well as your time
now serving clients as an advanced grief recovery method specialist.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
You know, I think one of the things is, you know,
as I talked about at the beginning of our conversation,
is that women, you know, have this inherent belief and
desire to help so many people, and you know, it's
more of a recent thing that women have careers. Right
years ago, women used to stay home for the most

(16:38):
part and take care of the family, and now women
are trying to juggle their career, their job, family life, friends, their.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
Community, all these commitments.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
And when you have to sit back and make a
choice between taking time for yourself or all these commitments
that you feel are important, sometimes women say I'm just
going to put my self care aside. I mean, I
even through the work that I do, there are days

(17:11):
when I have to remind myself, you know what, I
need to take this fifteen minutes to meditate. I need
to take this hour to go for a walk because
my to do list is large. And so, you know,
I want to give a lot of grace to women
and say, you know, if you still struggle with this,
or you've never considered that you need to put yourself first,

(17:34):
you know, be gentle with you because this is a
new concept for many of us. But it is in
those steps of creating the time for our self care.

Speaker 4 (17:46):
And it's all of it.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
Like you said, it's physical, it's what we eat, it's
you know, exercising our body, stretching, it's being emotionally honest,
with what's going on inside of us and what's hurting
our heart. All of this, it's a package that we
need to make time for to be.

Speaker 8 (18:05):
Well and and for the way you just described, I
want every woman to hear that for a moment, you
have to make time to be well and done.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
You do. You write so much and you're such a
beautiful writer. So you know, you share a lot on
Aspire mag all about you know, soul nourishing practices and
so much more. And you also write for dot com. Yes,
so one of the things that you had shared with
the Aspire audience at one time with some soul nourishing

(18:41):
practices for navigating life when the world feels dark, and
it does right now without even going into the dy
of it. So we all have our personal stuff going on.
We have the stuff in our own personal communities, o
we loved ones lives, and then you go out to
the larger expansion the world. It can be overwhelming. So

(19:06):
what are some ways if someone is really feeling disconnected
from themselves and really overwhelmed from their own lives in
what's coming in the world, what are some strategies, tips,
insights you would share with them.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
Well, that's a great question, Linda, because you know, I
really see this right now, most of us struggle, like
we have the news at our fingertips all the time,
whether it's through social media, whether it's you know, we're
getting emails, TV. It's all around us, so you know,

(19:43):
we're seeing what's going on in the world, and then
we experience what's going on in our own lives. And
what I notice is that even if we don't know someone,
like when you watch the news and you see the
hurricanes or the fires, it doesn't matter if you know
someone that's being affected. Most people's hearts hurt watching these

(20:06):
things because we have.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
This connection with each.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
Other and we want the best for humanity, and so
we see these things and it breaks our heart and
then we don't know what to do. And so some
of the things I suggest are first of all, being
emotionally honest. That's not always easy because many of us
were taught to just be strong and you know, to

(20:33):
keep moving on and not talk about the way we're feeling.
And it's okay, maybe we aren't being affected by the
fire but personally, but we're watching it and it's causing
sadness because we see other people hurt. So finding those
people that can be a listening heart. And what that

(20:54):
means is they'll listen without judgment, they'll listen without advice giving.
They're just allowing space for you to be honest about
your feelings. That's really important to first be honest. Another
thing is it's also important to make time for that

(21:14):
self care.

Speaker 4 (21:15):
Like we've been talking.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
About, breathe, you know, shut off your phone, shut off
your TV, give yourself some space from you know, these
things that obviously are causing heartache for you. It's okay
to not always know what's going on, you know, every
hour of the day. So give yourself a break from

(21:38):
some of those and then to ask for help, like
if you need help processing some of this or if
it's bringing out something else for you, because this is
what happens when we see crisis in the world, When
we see devastation and heartbreak, it brings up things from
our past and we feel vulnerable, and oftentimes that's showing

(22:03):
us where we need to do some healing, where it
would benefit our lives. But we don't know how to start,
and it's not easy asking for help. So stepping back
and reaching out to those that we know that can
be supportive or provide us the tools or resources is
really important.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Those are such powerful practices. And I'm sitting here going,
you know, being emotionally honest, I think you really hit
something there too, because, as you said, depending on the
program when we picked up as a child, some of
us don't have that skill set that those tools right,

(22:45):
and that when everything they can't even explain to themselves
the deep sadness and pain. And that was me thirty
years ago, and I can remember the It was like
a staff, this is another thing, and I never released it,
so it was like energetically stacking so my grief, my pain,

(23:08):
my loss, my fear who it was just building right.
I looved that you said that and asking your questions,
especially when you said about it could be the feelings
that are intensified could be actually coming from something in
your past, but we're not conscious of that when it's happening.

(23:30):
And I can see that was my case back then,
but I didn't see it then. So that being emotionally
honest I think is key because it kind of I'm curious,
isn't it like almost like you're having a conversation with
those deep feelings that normally are buried. It's like, let
me listen, let me talk to you, tell me what

(23:51):
you want me to know. That's what I heard from
your description exactly.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
And you know, as you discussed, many of us were
programmed early in childhood to not talk about the way
we feel. I can't tell you how many of my
clients I talk to and I ask them, how did
your family deal with grief? If you know grandpa diet
or grandma died, or somebody else passed away in the family,

(24:16):
what happened, Well, they went in their room and isolated,
and then if they saw me sad, they would say,
you need to be strong, you know, and wouldn't want
me to talk about my feelings. And the problem with
that is that is then what gets carried on in
our lives. And so we learn that if we're sad

(24:37):
or angry or whatever our emotions are, to not talk
about them, and then we carry that on and one
thing after another happens. I compare it to having a backpack.
When you're born, your backpack is empty, and then all
those little grieving events happen and they fill up your
backpack until it's so full, like you cannot carry your

(24:58):
backpack anymore, and so then you start noticing things happening.
Maybe you're reacting to things that you wouldn't normally react to.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
And you don't know why.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Well, it's because you have all this grief inside, this sadness.
Your heart hurts, and you haven't been able to process it,
nor have you been able to give yourself that space
because you're so overcommitted in so many areas of your life.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
This really is hitting me. And you said something earlier too,
and we're going to talk about it because we're going
to take a next break. But it was about pausing, right,
And I think so many of us I'm just going
one hundred miles an hour and we're not really present
in our lives. I lived that way for forty years
and now I just love mindful pauses, spaciousness and all that.

(25:50):
So we come back. I want to talk about the
importance of pausing, because I really feel like it reconnects
us with ourselves and kind of pull us back from
everything else around us. So we'll be back in a moment,
my friends. I'm with don Michelle Jackson. You can learn
more at her website, Don Michelle Jackson dot com. Again,

(26:11):
that's Michelle with One L and While YadA. Be sure
to check out our best selling books Journey to Peace
and Healing as well as Journey to Self Discovery. I
am so grateful that Don is here with us today
talking about this important topic, and we'll be back to
continue the conversation, my friend.

Speaker 5 (26:32):
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Speaker 2 (28:38):
You're listening to inspired conversations. Welcome back. I am so
glad that you're here with me and Advanced Brief Recovery
Methods Specialist Don Michelle Jackson, who is really passionate about
helping women unpack the grief, loss, emotions that they have
been carrying around, as she beautifully said earlier, like what

(29:02):
carrying this backpack of pain that we've never unpacked. And
so if you're feeling over committed, overwhelmed, lost, keep listening
and be sure to visit her website. So don talk
a little more about the pause and how we can

(29:22):
if someone's not used to doing that, because you know,
when you have a trauma response and you're always like
on heightened alert, we kind of get into that hympster
will I must not stop, I must not stop. So
talk about the power of the pause and helping us
with emotional healing.

Speaker 3 (29:39):
Yeah, that pause is really important. In fact, when you
were talking about that, it reminded me that I used
to until I learned new tools, chaos was normal for me.
And when I wasn't in chaos meaning constantly busy problems,
you know, trying to take care of everybody else's problems,

(30:01):
I felt uncomfortable because I wasn't used to that quiet,
that pause, And once I started doing my own personal
growth work and learn new tools, it became very uncomfortable
for me to be in that chaos anymore.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
It was like I felt sick my.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
Nervous system was amped up, and that's still what happens today.
So I've learned that that pause is such an important thing.
And maybe we don't have, you know, three hours in
our day where we can go walk in the woods
or on the beach. Maybe we just have fifteen minutes.

Speaker 4 (30:40):
But that pause allows us.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
To round ourselves in recenter and come from a healthier state.
Especially when we're interacting with others.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
We can so.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
Often react versus respond, where reacting as kind of an
automatic response. Right oftentimes it's anger, it's being short with somebody.
But when we can take that pause and step back,
we can respond, we can come from the highest version
of ourself. And that's why it's so important to take

(31:16):
that time.

Speaker 4 (31:17):
And it doesn't matter what you do.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
If you want to just breathe, focus on your breath,
if you want to step outside for a few minutes,
if you want if you can't get away from anybody
unless you go sit in the bathroom, then go sit
in the bathroom, you know, and just have a few
moments to yourself for that pause, because it benefits everyone

(31:40):
around you, and most of all, it benefits you because
when we cannot show up as the highest version of ourself.
We beat ourselves up. I'm sure you can relate to that.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Oh yeah, the shame, you know, condemnation like oh my god,
I can't believe I did that because I isn't taking
care of me. Then we blow right, and then we
feel better, But then we caused pain and chaos, right,
And it's almost like like the kettle, right, it starts
building until the whistle starts. That's what it feels like

(32:16):
when we come from a place of reaction. So, oh,
I agree, And I'll have a lot of listeners like
you and myself who are EmPATH sensitives, and our nervous
systems are so sensitive and sometimes I'm not aware of that, right,
we're not aware that it's a nervous system reacting. But

(32:38):
what you said earlier was you know you would be
in this non stop I'll use my words agitation. So
let's say, right now, with everything going on, people are
feeling their nervous system is like overstiming. They don't know
how to calm it down. So we're on this track.

(33:00):
Let's talk about that because right now someone could be
listening going, I understand all this, but I don't know
how what can I do to calmly nervous system down
when I'm feeling activated, is the word I use, Yeah,
or practices you could.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
Share m h Yeah, definitely. And you know, this one
thing that I really want to bring up that's important
is that many of us impass live with someone that
maybe isn't quite as sensitive to energy and they have
ways in their body that they can process a lot
of this stuff coming in. Maybe it's because they've had

(33:36):
a background in the military or whatever it is. And
so for those people who live with someone that isn't
quite is energetically sensitive, it's really important to be honest
about how things affect us.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
And sometimes we just have to.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
Give ourselves that distance. Like you know, maybe go into
a room and listen to some calm healing music. I
oftentimes have YouTube on its actually on in the living
room with just healing vibrational sounds because it just changes
the energy in my house. So it's really important to

(34:20):
honor that what we need, even if there's other people
that live in our house that don't need the same
type of support for their emotional wellbeing. Right, A lot
of times, going outside, just spending time in nature, going
out and letting the sun come onto your face and picking.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
Up that vitamin D. That's really important. Journaling.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
I love journaling because it's a way that we can
get out our emotions and our thoughts and sometimes that's
all we need for the moment, is to just get
them out on a piece of paper so we can
kind of move on.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Right, Well, Journaling to me is like I always have
always said, it's like a conversation with my soul. It's
not for anyone else, right, it's like for this almost
like a two way communication because because I believe that
whatever shows up on the paper is no accident. There's
a message. And so I love that. And you spoke
about one of my favorites ways to soothe my nervous

(35:24):
system and my soul is going out in nature. There's
something even if it's the days I can't walk for
thirty minutes and I live in New England, so right
now we've got snow. But John sometimes like if I'm
in between tapings or client calls in good weather, I'll
walk around my house three times. It takes maybe eight minutes. Right, Like,

(35:48):
there's something about giving yourself that gift of the and
that's like a pause, right, a pause in my day
and I'm in nature, tapping in it grounds me, it recalibrate,
it's me m h. So journaling you mentioned stepping outside
in nature, howly quiet the little mind that is like, well,

(36:09):
you got to focus on this and you got to
focus on that in the world. Is this how do
you calm the mind down.

Speaker 4 (36:19):
For me?

Speaker 3 (36:20):
I Actually I've noticed even more and more recently that
it is those healing vibrational sounds that kind of calm
my mind down and focusing on breathing. So many times
I'm I think just barely breathing, and I've actually had
healthcare providers say you really need to take deeper breaths.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, that's me, honestly done.

Speaker 4 (36:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
I think it's left over from things in my childhood
and times where I didn't feel or I was worried
about whether it was my emotional safety, my physical safety,
something like.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
That, waiting for the other shoe to drop energy exactly.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
Yeah, and so I would be like holding my breath, right,
it's like being quiet, so nobody sees you. So I
constantly have to remind myself, okay, take a deep breath.
Let you know, the oxygen fill my lungs completely. And
flow through my body. And that's such a great way

(37:22):
for me to calm the mind as well as listening
to those healing, energetically calming sounds, because our world, let's
be honest, is full of so many sounds that are
not calming. Whether it's the overacting, yeah, our cell phone's
going off, you know, dings on computers, cars, the news,

(37:48):
whatever it is. And I used to work in the ICU,
and so I would go home and dream about alarms
because there were monitors on.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
For all my patients.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
And people don't realize how disruptive that is to your
nervous system. And after a period of time, your nervous
system has a really hard time calming down. And so
you know, doing these things that help you feel more
calm in your body. And it's different for everybody, but

(38:23):
what I would say is, drop into your body and
your intuition. What are those situations that help you feel
more at ease, that help you know that all is well,
that you're going to be okay, And then try and
put yourself in those situations, whether it's sitting out in

(38:43):
the sun or listening to something you know, spiritually uplifting,
spending time and meditation. Whatever it is that can give
you a few minutes a reprieve from your constant to
do list and your thoughts benefits you greatly.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
I laughed and talked about the breath because when I
first met Dana, we've been together thirty years ago, we'd
be watching TV. Goes hey, breathe, What are you talking about?
Because you were holding your breath and I didn't even realize.
I was holding my breath constantly, and it comes back,
of course, from childhood. Now I'm much better, but I

(39:25):
was sick a couple of weeks ago, and I had
a lot going on on my plate, and all of
a sudden, he goes hey, breathe, and I'm like, oh
my goodness, I can't believe I did it, but I
can actually feel it because all of a sudden, I
go and let it out right. So many of us
don't realize our breath has so much information, right, And
I am like you, I have to remind myself to

(39:47):
take those deep breaths because I am a shallow breather
because of past trauma, and so I could relate to
what you're saying. So thank you for sharing that, because
I don't think some people would even recognize that that
there is a sign of I want to say, anxiety, stress,

(40:11):
all of the above, right, So I'm glad that you
brought that up. So what We're going to take a
final breakdown, and when we come back, I want to
continue this conversation and also talk about some of the
feelings because I want to normalize having these feelings which
you write about and talk about a lot, versus dismissing them,

(40:34):
especially during these crazy times. So ladies, stay with us.
We'll be back in a moment with don Michelle Jackson.
You can visit her at don Michelle Jackson dot com.
Grab her free gift. She has multiple there, grab a
copy of her books and learn more about her work
as an advanced grief recovery method specialist. We'll be back

(40:57):
in a moment, my friends.

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Speaker 2 (43:14):
Welcome back. You're listening to inspired conversations and I'm with
Don Michelle Jackson. Don. Right before the break, you are
going to add to the conversation and we have to
jump to break. Is there anything you wanted to add
about the breadth and what we were discussing prior? Oh?

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah, So I reminded myself of something and actually I
learned about it in one year programs, and that is
I have an app on my phone and yes it
does make a sound, but it's a really beautiful chime
and what it is is it's a mindfulness bell. So
every hour on the hour, it goes off between working hours,

(43:53):
and what it does is it takes me out of
my present thought, which sometimes you know, is oh what
do I have to do next or what hasn't been
done today, and reminds me to be present with myself.

Speaker 4 (44:09):
It reminds me.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
To take a deep breath and to focus on all
the blessings in my life.

Speaker 4 (44:16):
So it's actually been a huge gift. You know.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
People will say, what is that ding that goes off
on your phone, and I'm like, it's my mindfulness bell,
And it really has helped me like recenter when I
find myself kind of in thoughts of that aren't helpful
to me, right, And so I thank you because that's
how I learned about it was from you.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
Well, I got to tell you why. I think it's
so important too, especially for those of us, and you
and I sound like we have like similar way of processing.
I always can go by and I'm doing energy. I'm
not even present in my body. I'm probably sometimes not
even present in the room, and I've realize, you know,

(45:01):
I got to break the pattern, right as you should.
Just hearing that beautiful sound. At first, I was like, oh,
come on, I don't have time to stop. And now
it's just such a pattern. I it's a beautiful pattern
because then I come back into my body, I come
back into being present. And then I'm like, is what

(45:21):
you're doing really important? Is the train of thought you
were having serving you right?

Speaker 3 (45:26):
Right?

Speaker 2 (45:26):
It's like a don't you feel like it's a It's
a touchstone, It's a touch point.

Speaker 4 (45:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:31):
It's like a little reminder to love me, to honor me,
and what I need versus just going through the you know,
motions of I need to get this done, or I
need to you know, focus on this project or this task.
It just brings me back to myself, which is really important.

(45:54):
And it only takes a few seconds every hour, So
I just find it really nurturing to my soul.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Yeah. And one of the things, especially for you, I
could see it even being more powerful for you because
for thirty years you're a trauma nurse, so you go
around high alert, waiting for the shoe to drop. So
I can't imagine how activated your nervous system was, especially
as an mpath. And then this is a way to
say every hour, it's a touch point. Are you here?

(46:23):
Are you in your body? Everything is safe, You are good.
You don't have to be doing doing chasing and waiting
for the shoe to drop. Is that how it feels
for you, because that's what it feels like in my
body for myself.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
Oh, it definitely does.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
Because you know, when I was doing my work as
a trauma nurse, you know, there were times where I
didn't get a break. In fact, when I was pregnant,
I went out early on maternity leave because I wasn't
getting my breaks. I couldn't eat because people's lives were
at stake, Like I didn't have time sometimes to just
eat or to put my feet up or to just

(46:59):
take a deeper Yes, so my nervous system really learned
to constantly be on It was like a fight or
flight thing. And so I can find myself easily getting
back into that.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
And so I have to be conscious.

Speaker 3 (47:13):
I really have to nurture my nervous system so that
I can stay in a state of non fight or flight,
a calm state.

Speaker 4 (47:25):
If that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Yeah, it does, because then that energy ripples out to
the world. So it's really the gift that we give
ourselves is actually a gift that we give to others,
but it has to begin with us, yes, And so
why do you feel it so important, especially in times
like this, to normalize our feelings instead of dismissing them.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
Because when we dismiss our feelings, it's adding to that
backpack that we talked about earlier, or we can compare
it to a tea kettle. Right, you just shove more
in there and try to keep moving.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
Being forward without.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Just being emotionally honest with your feelings and allowing them
to be processed. And it ends up we are resentful,
our nervous systems stressed out, We're not showing up how
we want to show up in the world. And so
you know, when I talk about grief, it's always the
elephant in the room for so many people.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
You know.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
In fact, when I became a grief recovery specialist, before
I signed up for the training, I said, I don't
have any grief. Because a funny story is my significant
others signed us both up. He wanted me to go
through it with him, and I said, I don't have
any grief. And I joke about that now because we're
all grievers. One hundred percent of us. We have grieving

(48:45):
experiences from the time we're born until the time we die.
But the thing is is that we haven't normalized grief.
It's always that big elephant in the room, that scary thing.
Many people equate it just with death. But we have
grieving experiences over so many things. I mean, we think about,
you know, times maybe kids weren't nice to us when

(49:07):
we were in elementary school or middle school or high school.
There's any significant change in our life or thing that
doesn't feel good, event that happens to us leads to grief.
And so it's important that we normalize the way we

(49:28):
feel because grief is a normal and natural reaction to
things that happen in our life. And when we normalize
our own grief and our own heartache, then we can
normalize it for other people and we can be that
listening heart when they need support. We can sit there
and hold space.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
And really that's one of.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
The most beautiful gifts we can give someone that's hurting
is we don't have to say anything. We could just
sit there and hold space and say I can't imagine
how you're feeling, but I'm here to support you.

Speaker 2 (50:04):
M just that response, right Yeah, that resonated with me
on a deep level because I think sometimes sometimes I
think the majority of us and I grew up this
way is Oh, I'm feeling this, and the feeling me says,
let me fix it, or they get tried, get over it,

(50:26):
just let me just let me be with it. There
was either fixing, smothering, or dismissing, and so that becomes
all our patterns, right what maybe not all free for everybody.
And just what you said, I can't imagine how you're feeling. Wow,
what a validation for that person. Well, no matter what

(50:47):
they're going through, maybe they lost a job, a relationship,
or like you said, which I think is so important
to keep educating people doing the way you do is
grief is not just from the laws of a loved one.
Maybe it was a dream, loss of a career. It
could be so many things that leaves grief in our body. Yes,

(51:08):
that was beautiful. Be a listening heart, and I'm going
to take that one into the next few weeks with
me because there is so much going on and I
have family members you know, and friends that are hurting,
and that really spoke to me on how I can
be more present with them. And not fall into wanting
to fix it or will minimize it.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
Yeah, so most of us don't want to see those
we love hurting, and so we learned that Okay, let's
try and fix it. Let's try and help them fix
this problem so they'll feel better. But the thing is,
most grievers just want to be heard. They don't want
to be fixed. They just want somebody to listen and

(51:53):
just be that space, that beautiful loving space, just knowing
that someone has heard your story. I can't tell you
how many, and it makes me want to cry right now.
Women that I talk to that have experienced a miscarriage
and no one knows in their life except for their partner,

(52:15):
because they didn't feel like people would be supportive because
so many times they hear, well you have other children,
well you can try again, those type of unhelpful comments
people say because they don't know what else to say.
But it makes our heart feel worse. And so many

(52:35):
people suffer in silence because they don't feel safe talking
about the way they feel. So I always tell you know,
my clients, my friends, my family, just be that listening heart,
old space. Don't compare, because you know, even if you
and I had lost, Like say, we were sisters and

(52:59):
we lost our mom. I'm not going to know how
you feel, and you're not going to know how I feel,
because we have unique relationships with mom exactly, exactly, yeah,
and we both have different thoughts and feelings and life experiences.
And so by saying to someone I know how you feel,
that minimizes their feelings.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
I'm so glad you brought this up. It's a beautiful
way too, about the listening heart and all your guidance.
It's a beautiful way to bring that conversation to a close,
and it's one that really resonated with me. A lot
of what you said resonated, but the listening heart. I
want to be that listener. So I want to invite everyone, please,

(53:43):
you know right now it's a difficult time. Don is
an extraordinary listener and she's also an extraordinary writer, and
I want to write you. Visit her at don Michelle
Jackson dot com for her content for she has so
many tips and strategy You're going to find powerful supportive
gifts on her website, also including five principles of emotional

(54:08):
first aid for the over committed woman. And follow her
on all her social media platforms. Now more than ever,
we need the tools to help us navigate these times
and stay emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy. So don thank you,
Thank you, my friend for circling up with me today.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
Well, thank you, Linda for inviting me to be a
part of your conversation. It's been such an honor to
share with your community.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
Well, thank you, my friend, and thank you for the
work you're doing in the world. Until next time, my friends,
choose love, Choose joy, Choose happiness. Blessings everyone.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
Thanks for listening to Inspired Conversations with publisher Linda Joy.
Join our Sacred space every Tuesday at two pm Eastern
and meet leading female visionaries, empowering authors, heart centered female entrepreneurs, coaches,
and healers. Inspired Conversations with Linda Joy is a soulful

(55:09):
venue where guests share the obstacles they've overcome, along with
wisdom and lessons learned on their personal journey that led
them to the transformational work they do in the world.
Inspired Conversations to empower you on your path to authentic
and soulful living.

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