The Missing Piece to Transforming Your Relationship with Stacey Martino

Air Date - 18 February 2025

In this empowering episode, you’ll learn about the missing piece to single-handedly transform your relationship and create harmony in your home. My good friend, Relationship Expert, Hay House author, and Aspire Mag Expert Columnist, Stacey Martino, joins me in sharing why the old relationship paradigm is broken, how anyone can single-handedly save their marriage, and so much more.

About the Guest:

Hay House Author and Relationship Expert Stacey Martino invented the Relationship Development® Methodology and hundreds of proprietary tools to empower anyone to save their marriage single-handedly, bring the passion back, eliminate the fighting, and bring harmony to their home.

For over 14 years, Stacey, & her husband Paul have helped thousands of people transform their marriages, parenting, and families! (all by working with only ONE spouse).

During a 6-year study of student results, the students in their RelationshipU® program had a 1% Divorce Rate all 6 years! Those results are unheard of, and that’s because…their methodology WORKS!

Through their profound work, the Martinos have shown that couples work doesn’t work; marriage issues are not mental health issues, and that relationship is a skill set that can be learned.  Stacey is the Expert Relationship Columnist for Aspire Magazine.

Their new book, The Missing Piece: A Proven Method to Single-Handedly Transform Your Relationship and Create Harmony in Your Home, is now available everywhere.

Learn more about their transformational programs at https://relationshipdevelopment.org.

Social Media:

Website: https://relationshipdevelopment.org/

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/StaceyMartinoLPC

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceymartinordo/

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine
and tune in for inspired Conversations with publisher Linda Joy
on Tuesdays at two pm Eastern. Linda creates sacred space
for leading female luminaries, empowering authors, part centered female entrepreneurs, coaches,
and healers. A soulful venue where guests openly share the

(00:24):
fears and obstacles they've overcome, wisdom and lessons learned, and
the personal journey that led them to the transformational work
they do in the world. Inspired conversations to empower you
on your path to authentic, soulful living.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to Inspired Conversations. I'm your host, Linda Joy, publisher
of the beloved Aspire magazine, celebrated in nineteen years of
inspiring women to live deeper, more authentic and inspired lives.
I'm going to tell you this is a special treat
for me today because I have known my guest for

(01:04):
well over a decade. She's made she and her husband Paula,
made such an impact in my life and in my relationship.
You'll hear more about that in a moment. And I'm
so honored because she's been a Spire Mag's relationship expert
for a decade, and today we're talking about some really
exciting news that I have been waiting for them to

(01:25):
do for so long. And we're going to be talking
with relationship expert Stacy Matino, one of my sol sister's
dearest friends, and we're going to be talking about learning
what the missing piece is to single handedly transforming your
relationship and creating harmony in your home. And you're going

(01:45):
to be really surprised what it is, because when she
came into my life a decade ago, I'm like, WHOA,
what is she talking about? And you we'll talk about
that in a moment. So Stacy is a hay House
author as well, and she joins me to share why
the old relationship paradigm is broken and how anyone, and

(02:07):
I mean anyone can single handedly save their marriage and
so much more so, let me tell you a little
bit about her. Then we're going to dive into this
juicy conversation. Heyo's author and relationship expert Stacy Martino invented
the relationship development methodology and hundreds of proprietary tools to

(02:27):
empower anyone to single handedly save the marriage, bring their
passion back, eliminate the fighting, and bring harmony to their home,
and I know that's what we all desire. For over
fourteen years, Stacy and her husband Paul have helped thousands
and I'm talking thousands of people to transform their marriages, parmenting,

(02:48):
and families, all by working with only one spouse. One.
During a six year study of student results, the students
in their Relationship You program had a one percent divorce
rate over all six years that I've witnessed this, My friends,
I have witnessed it. Those results are unheard of, and

(03:10):
that's because their methodology work. So I am so excited
to have you here today to talk about your new book,
The Missing Piece, a proven method to single handedly transform
a relationship and create how many in your home? Welcome Stacy.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah, thank you so much, Linda. That's a beautiful introduction
and I'm so so happy to be here.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Well, I got to tell you, I still remember the
time we met at a big event and we're all
sitting with you and Paul at the table before you
became a relationship calumnist, and of course you have two
relationship experts at the table. All the girls were like,
you know, everything came up and there was something you
shared and in fact, I had a conversation about what

(03:55):
you yes study with a client and said it changed
my life. And is about that one person can transform
the relationship, because you know what we've all heard, So
let's start there. Because how is it possible for one
person to transform a relationship? Because we've all heard it

(04:16):
a couples counseling, you got to work together, and I
found that not to be true, because yes.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
For sure, we've also found that not to be true.
So yeah, it only does take one person to transform
a relationship. And the way I like to explain it
is that, if you think of it, relationship is like
a closed loop between two people. You put something into
the loop, something comes back to you. Right, if you're
talking to someone and they roll their eyes at you,

(04:44):
you have a reaction to that. But if you're talking
to someone and they're smiling and nodding, you have a
different reaction to that. Right, A trigger goes into the loop,
a boomerang comes back. These are predictable patterns with predictable results.
It's not like tomorrow someone's gonna roll their eyes at you.
When it's gonna to be somehow magically a different response.
It's a predictable pattern with predictable results. But up until now,

(05:08):
these closed loot patterns have been invisible to us all
this time, So we unknowingly keep putting certain triggers into
the loop, getting these boomerangs, and we're like, hey, I
don't like the way you're acting to me. I don't
like that tone, I don't like how you're talking to me.
I don't like what you did there. But the truth
is they're not acting, they're reacting. It's just that the

(05:30):
top of the loop, the trigger going in, has been invisible.
And so once you get visibility into these closed loot
patterns of these triggers going in boomerangs coming back, you
can literally choose the boomerang you want from any interaction
by choosing what you put into the loop in that moment,

(05:51):
which is kind of like the prescriptive trigger that results
in that boomerang, and that's what's inside the missing piece
we just put. So like, we've discovered hundreds and hundreds
of these, but we put so many of these closed
loop boomerang patterns into the book. And what the beauty
of it is is that it only takes one person

(06:12):
to get the skill set of knowing what to change
going into the loop and the boomerang changes. You don't
need your partner to participate in the process of learning
it in order for them to change. If you changed
what you've done, they change their reaction to you. That
happens organically. The truth is, I know people say people

(06:32):
never change, but people do change, not because you tell
them to. They change when they want to. And what
we've done is show you how to organically create change
by changing what you're doing, which is kind of the
catalyst for their reaction to you. And it's just something
that's been invisible for people up until now. But we've

(06:54):
framed it all out and over the last fourteen years
figured out all these patterns and now we're teaching people
how to use the well.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
I'm in your community, we have mutual friends. I know
people that have gone through your retreats all this, and
I've seen the results in my own life, but I've
also seen them in numerous other people that I know
and have sent and it's been such a mindset have
a dim shift because we're like, I need you the

(07:22):
other person, to do this for me to be happy,
and we spent all our energy or I know I
did for many, for decades, trying to get them to
be what we want. And that's not the answer. We
can't change anyone.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Yeah, well, people don't love it when you tell them
to change so that you can be more happy. But look,
it's not our fault that you me. Everybody else has
done that. If you go back fifty years, if you
even go back to when you were raised, didn't your
parents constantly tell you sit up, don't do that, don't
say that, do this, don't wear that. Right. That's how

(07:59):
we were. We're taught, our teachers, our parents, everybody conditioned us, like,
do this to be more pleasing to me, do this
to be right, do this, do that, And so we
just come into relationship and we're still doing that. We're
still telling people, don't say that, oh I don't like that,
do this, like this. But as we know today, thank goodness,

(08:20):
we're a lot more empowered, we're a lot more free today,
and so people don't love it. Nobody came to Earth
to bend to your will and serve life up to
you the way you like it. That doesn't mean you
can never be happy. It just means you wouldn't want
your partner and I don't even have to say, wouldn't
you don't you don't want your partner telling you. Don't

(08:42):
talk to me like that, don't look at me like that,
don't do that, don't say that to another person because
you're sitting there feeling like, but I'm my own person too,
like what, I can't do that for a hundred years. Right,
So the truth is the old, outdated commanding of roach,
of telling someone else what to change so you can

(09:03):
be more comfortable. It's just expired, expired a long time ago.
But it's more than the fact that it doesn't work.
The truth is between two people. It breaks down the rapport,
the relationship, the trust, the connection between two people and
starts building the wall between us, the resentment, the distance,

(09:25):
the loneliness. The more we do this over time, so
that's why we say, right, the old paradigm, what we've
been handed is broken, doesn't work. Thank goodness for today's world,
and we created and invented this new paradigm for a
new approach for how you can be authentically who you
are and actually be happy. I know a lot of
people struggle, and we can talk about that today too

(09:47):
with So what does that mean? I'll never get what
I want. Like, obviously, our students wouldn't all say they're
the happiest they've ever been if they couldn't get what
they want. It's just the how that we've been handed
is old, broken and busted, and we're giving a new
how for how you can be happy and also be
happy together.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, and one thing about everything you do I have
to say, Stacy, whether it's rite in an autic or
for Aspire or teaching at your retreats, everything is about
proven strategies. Like it isn't like here's a concept everyone, No,
it's like you guys have created the strategies, the tools,
the processes to empower us, students and clients to transform

(10:30):
our relationships. And what I love too is we think
of our relationship as just our spouse, but we have
a relationship with our children and others. This actually works
with every relationship that we have and when.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
You are absolutely because the truth is, you know, we
teach that relationship is you and how you relate to
others in the world around you. So your relationship skill
set if you think of it that way, which I
know nobody has talked about or thought about that. It's
kind of a weird, hokey way to do it, but
that's how we do it. Your relationship skill set, your

(11:07):
ability to navigate conversations without arguing, not to run to
the end of your skill set and be like, I
don't know what to do about this, Like your skill
set in being able to relate to someone who's wired
completely differently than you. Those skill sets come with you,
with each of your children, with the people that they're

(11:28):
going to be in relationship with, with your co workers,
your team members, your family members, your community members. So
anytime we have people that trigger us or we trigger them,
or kerfuffles or upsets or stress or drama in long
term relationships, not someone you're never going to see again,

(11:48):
but in long term relationships, it's the same skill set
that you keep applying in all of these relationships. And
that's why people we have such a loneliness epidemic today,
which is truly just the result of us having we
don't have this the relationship skill set for today's times. Right,

(12:09):
that's what we're showing you because the old way of
doing relationship doesn't work, and not just in marriage. Marriage
is just one relationship of many, but across the board, right,
across the board in all of your relationships, which is
beautiful that there's a radius that once you learn how
to do this in one relationship, you're really not doing
it for the relationship at all. You're doing it for yourself.

(12:32):
So your experience of each relationship, all relationships is more harmonious,
less stressful, more connected, and more pleasant for your life experience,
because you know your relationships are a big part of
your life experience.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Yeah, and you know if for me it's something you
said and we're going to take a first break and
we come back, I want to talk about it because
you mentioned about the demand relationship, and I know you've
written first I have about that. That was a big one.
That was a big one because the old paradigm is
you do this, you put down the gauntlet, and then
the wall goes up and then you're like, hm, I

(13:11):
can't get over the wall. So let's talk about that. Stacy.
When we come right back and I am with Stacy
Martino my friends, I want you to visit and grab
a copy of their new book at the missingpiecebook dot com.

Speaker 4 (13:25):
We'll be back in a moment, connecting you with the
best of the conscious minds in the world, Ome Times Radio,
I own FM.

Speaker 5 (13:35):
It only takes one person to transform a relationship any relationship.
Relationship expert and Aspire magazine columnist Stacy Martino and her
husband Paul are the founders of Relationship Development dot Org
and The hay House, authors of The Missing Piece, a
proven method to single handedly transform your relationship and create

(14:00):
harmony in your home at a time when divorce rates
are sky high and families are unnecessarily suffering. The Missing
Piece provides powerful solutions to help you navigate real life
situations harmoniously, regardless of what you're currently facing. The Martinos
have successfully empowered thousands of students over fourteen years with

(14:23):
proven tools and strategies that work to transform their relationship
any relationship without their partner's participation. Transforming your relationship is
possible and begins with you. Start now by ordering your
copy of The Missing Piece at missingpiecebook dot Com.

Speaker 6 (14:48):
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and practitioners to a show that turns you on in
your business and amplifies your magnetism. I'm host, catalyst and

(15:08):
spiritual business coach Rosalind fun and I'm here the journey
with you into the juicy and help you discover where
the real gaps are. Ignite your mindset and soul with
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sweet spot that activates your soul gasmic business. By tuning

(15:29):
in on Tuesdays at ten a m. Mountain, join me
for your light language activation and let magnetize and monetize.

Speaker 4 (15:41):
Your conscious lifestyle on Steroids Home Times Radio, I own FM.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Welcome back. You're listening to Inspire Conversations and I'm so
excited to have relationship expert and hay Hosse author Stacy
Matino with me and we're talking about her and a
husband's new book, The Missing Piece. And in the last segment,
Stacey had mentioned you had mentioned about the demand relationship,
and that just set something off in me. It's like,

(16:09):
I want to talk about that because I in sixty three,
I remember my twenties and thirties like you do this,
you do that. It was this and I didn't know
any other way, and so the walls would go up
and I'd be trying to peak over the walls, like
what happened here, So talk about it from the framework
of relationship development in your methodology.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yeah, so that is really the old way what Paul
and I call demand relationship, which is really just telling
someone else how they need to change or be for
you to be more comfortable or happy. It could be
making demands or commands, right, like if you think about
some of your maybe your parents or an authority figure
in your life, and how they told you how you

(16:53):
need to talk, who you need to be, what you
need to do. But it's also demand relationship is kind
of like also pleasing someone so that they'll be better
to you, or asking them, hey, can you please change
the way you're talking so that I can feel more
comfortable or I really need you to do that, or
like hey, if you want to go to that party
on Saturday, that room better be clean. Like any time

(17:16):
we're trying to use our leverage in relationship to get
someone outside of us to change something so something inside
of us can feel more comfortable. That's what we refer
to as the old paradigm demand relationship, the outdated paradigm,
and why it doesn't work today, of course, is because
in a more empowered and elevated time where we live today,

(17:40):
and thank goodness for our children's generation, the younger generation,
they're like, no, thanks, right like, they're not intimidated by
that leverage. They don't care. They change the channel, they're like,
I'm good, right like, And it completely doesn't work. And
I know it frustrates a lot of parents, but I
will say they are the hope of the future because

(18:01):
where we were raised to be very intimidated by that
leverage or want to be considered a good person obeying
that leverage, they are so much freer than we ever were.
They are so much more empowered than we ever were,
and it completely fails on them. And of course then
most people turn up the volume like on their leverage,
but it can only go so far, and it doesn't.

(18:23):
Of course, none of that builds relationship. Nobody loves being
in a relationship with someone who's doing that. We just
haven't known what else to do, and so what Paul
and I created as a solution to that, our relationship
development method, is a set of skill sets. It's like
a bridge between two people. When you have someone who
does something different, says something different, it's a skill set

(18:45):
that builds a bridge between those two people, so neither
person needs to compromise or change who they are or
be more like the other just to be pleasing in
that moment. We can actually compliment who we are, authentically
are with skill sets that enable us to relate to
somebody else who's a free being in a way that

(19:09):
creates harmony instead of kerfuffle. And those are all the
skills and tools in the relationship development method because the
truth is, we also need the skill set to be
happy and genuinely happy and peaceful within regardless of what
goes on around us, regardless of the tone that somebody

(19:29):
is using, regardless of how somebody does something. If we
don't have the skill set to actually be happy and
relate to others, then that's where we're starting. Is we're
starting with the skill set of actually being happy, not
trying to tell ourselves let that go because that's garbage,
but actually shifting it, transforming and having a perspective shift,

(19:52):
even the perspective shift to appreciate, like, I'm so glad
my child is so free and so empowered and so
strong that they're like, you know, forget that, I'm not
listening to that like, you know what, I know you
need strategies, a boy, We're bottomless with strategies for how
to create the harmony you want. However, even just the
perspective shift of shifting to I'm so glad my daughter

(20:16):
is that empowered because I'm not going to be as
worried about her when I'm not around as somebody should
have been worried about me, right when I didn't know
how to be that empowered when I was her age.
Good for her for saying no. I hope she not
only says no to me, but everybody else sorr who's
going to be in our bath? And it's a good thing. Right.
We can have these perspective shifts and truly see it

(20:37):
differently and.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
Not receive her response as a truth within us, which
is our shit. So I love that.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
Definitely arts to solve.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, and let me see, there was something else I
wanted to bring up. There is something that you and
Paul talked about at one time, and it was about
so many of us think it's like a mental health
issue or a personality issue, or oh my god, we're
not a match. But you have found that in all

(21:09):
the fourteen years of working with thousands of people that
that's not the issue, and I think that's really important
to bring up.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
So could you talk about that, Stacy, Absolutely, And I
know everybody has the best of intentions, right, like, we're
all doing the best that we could with the skills
that we had, and we were taught for so long,
right that it's a couple's work you both have to
want to do. It turns out that's not true. And
the same thing we were also taught, like you know,
go to couples counseling, go like all that. You know,

(21:38):
when you have a marriage problem, it's a mental health issue.
Like what Paul and I have discovered and we have
worked with, as you know, thousands and tens of thousands,
hundreds of thousands of people whatever over the last fourteen years,
is that relationship is actually well. First of all, relationship
issues are not mental health issues, right, mental And I'm
not saying that because mental health is an important my lord,

(22:00):
mental health is extremely important and those issues need focus.
It's just that marriage issues aren't one of them. That's all.
Marriage issues are lack of skill set issues. Anytime someone
stuck in their relationship, they ran to the end of
their skill set. For how to navigate that I didn't.
They did, and that's fine. I did too twenty five

(22:21):
years ago, and now I've learned and mastered and created
all of these things, and so of all of our students.
It's a skill set like learning another language or learning karate.
Anybody can do it if you want to do it.
It's just a skill set. So yes, it's not a
mental health issue. The other thing is, as you brought up,
we've been so heavily conditioned, which I think is one
of the saddest things. And it's nobody's fault. But over

(22:44):
the years, so much of our human experience led us
to believe that the problem is either me or it's them,
or it's the two of us together. That's the problem, right,
that our personalities what they're like. And it's really a shame.
It's so sad. The number of relationships that end over

(23:06):
a false belief, a truly false belief like that, is
actually very heartbreaking. Families are suffering under a false belief,
and the truth is, it's your experience of your relationship
is so not about the personalities. It's not you, it's
not them, it's not the two of you together. It's
the lack of skill set in navigating and interacting with

(23:31):
someone who has a different wiring. Personality is nothing more
than the experience of different wiring. Their wiring is different
than yours. That's why we go to such great lengths
to map out so many solutions for so many ways
that people are wired, because when you have the skill
sets to interoperate with someone who's wired differently, then it's

(23:52):
it's not about their personality, it's just about a lack
of skill set. And I get it. Lots of people
are like, oh, but you don't know my partner, You
don't know what I'm dealing with. Like, okay, Like I've
kind of maybe not, but I've kind of seen it all.
We have done everything. We have worked with people who
have been they're in the process of divorce already, they've

(24:13):
been living apart, they've been told by multiple therapists or
counselors or relationship experts divorce is their only option, and
they transform their relationship to a loving, thriving relationship better
than it ever was before, happier than they've ever been
through what we do. So I would say, like, is
it really worth your future happiness to bank on what

(24:36):
we've proven as a false belief, or maybe just look
at what we've figured out and apply it to yourself,
because what I would want people to know is it's
not about the personality. It is not about you or them.
It has purely been a missing piece and our understanding
of human dynamics, and everyone deserves to know what that is.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
I love and I've always been drawn to your use
of the word skill set because then it made me
feel like I can learn this right where you know,
relationship stuff can be real big, But when you hear
skill set, like you said, it's like learning a language,
learning algebra, It's like, oh okay. If I follow the

(25:20):
methodologies and embody them and really am consciously using them,
then it can shift. The relationship can transform. I think
that is one of your superpowers. Your in palls about
the methodology that proven processes, the steps in the way
you teach in the book and your programs, et cetera.

(25:43):
Makes it all relatable inactionable, right, because we can't change
if we don't if we don't take action. So speak
about that. Why that was so important to you over
the course of these years to I know how much
you poured into define in the methodology. It's been a

(26:06):
labor of love and commitment for you and Paul.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah, And the truth is we've rarely invented, and we
have over five hundred tools now that we've invented, which
are really step by step actionable frameworks and steps that
real people take for real life situations. And how we
invented them was in response to every question we've ever
been asked. So Paul and I still to this day,

(26:31):
even fourteen years later, we still do live Q and
A with our students all the time. We've done thousands.
I think last time we checked, we had four thousand
hours of Q and A on recording that we slice
up and put into our program, so that every question
has been answered, and we create tools in response to

(26:52):
every real life situation so that that person whoever's whoever's
starting like you may have a question that you need
answer which is completely different than the next person who
comes in. Large job me and paulis have all the answers,
so you can pick the ones you need, they can
pick the ones they need. No family is left out

(27:12):
of that. And so in responding, Paul and I don't
do theory or ideas or any garbage like that, it's
so useless. Relationship is happening in real life through talking.
It's real people, and so you need to know what
to think differently, what to say differently, what you're doing,
and how to shift it. Very much like a martial art,

(27:35):
where your sense might be like, ah, turn your hip
like this, not like that. Right. Oh yeah, you were
actually moving your hand, but your fingers like this not
like that.

Speaker 6 (27:44):
Like.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
That's the difference in actually getting the result you want
and thinking you heard what you heard, but getting a
different result. That's why we created all of our tools
and strategies so that any human can actually learn it
and implement it, because because otherwise it's useless people who
talk about like well don't feel that way. Let that

(28:05):
go so much garbage, Like I feel what I feel.
So unless we're going to change and truly have an
epiphany on how I think about it differently, which is
what we're constantly showing people, right is like, look at
how your partner's wire differently. One of the most common
reactions we get from people is what that can't possibly be?
How come nobody told me this twenty years ago? Right,

(28:26):
Like we were never taught this stuff, But when you
see it, You're like, oh my gosh, of course, what
do I do differently? And then we have the tools
and the strategy, so it has to be actionably because
that's where relationships happen, in real life action and I
love that.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
And something you guys use all the time is that
word connection, which really speaks to me right, especially in
the way the world is now. That connection and all
your tools help elevate the connection between two people. That's
how I've always felt it and experience it. It's almost
for me. I'll use my own language. It may not
be yours. For me, it was like I'm seeing the

(29:02):
essence of who they are instead of who I want
them to be. And I'm communicating using your tools from
that higher place within myself. So we're going to take
another Breakstace, and we come back. I want to continue
this juicy conversation, and everyone, please grab your copy. You
don't have to do this alone. Turn to the Missing

(29:26):
piecebook dot com. Grab a copy, get involved with her community.
I'm going to share another UURL because you've heard us
talking about it. It's Relationship Development dot org, so you
can learn about everything they're doing. And we'll be back
in a moment, My friends.

Speaker 4 (29:44):
The best of the holistic, spiritual and conscious world, Own
Times Radio, I own FM.

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(30:40):
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Speaker 6 (30:52):
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Speaker 3 (31:17):
Welcome Ole in my Shoes.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
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Speaker 2 (31:46):
Welcome back. I'm talking to hey hosts author in relationship
expert Stacy Martino. Her and a husband, Paul, have just
released the new book that I have been waiting for
as well as thousands of other people, called The Missing Piece,
and Stacy, thank you for joining me today.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Yeah, absolutely, so glad to be here.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
So one of the other things, too, is you've touched
about it over the years, but you brought it up
a little bit today. Is about couple's work and it
can actually be destructive. And I remember when you first
wrote about that way back when for at five, I
was like, ooh, this is this is powerful because we
think something's wrong with us when the relation couple's counseling

(32:30):
don't work. Well, Like, I failed talk about that because
I think it's so important.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
Yeah, So, first of all, the paradigm of couple's work
really it doesn't work, as we've proven it, and I'll
explain the dynamics of why. But you actually said something
that I think is just so important because even with
the best of intentions, people I know go to couple's
counseling or you tell a friend you know what about

(32:56):
couples counseling, and what they don't actually know. And I
think what everybody deserves to know is that couples counseling
is what Paul and I often refer to very often
is the nail and the coffin move for a relationship,
because look, most people don't love it, right. Usually there's
at least one person in the relationship who really doesn't
want to go. But everybody, well a lot of people

(33:19):
will feel like, hey, I want to feel like I
did everything I possibly could, you know, for my family,
my kids, whatever, and may at the end, right, decide
they want to go or or before things break down.
And unfortunately, what happens, and you can look at the statistics,
look at the studies yourself, or you could just open
your eyes and look around, is that people go to

(33:40):
couples counseling or couple's work it fails. And when it does,
usually that person who was like, I want to make
sure I did everything I could feels like they got
that box checked and turn around and say, see, I
told you nothing was going to work. I'm done it'll
I just need to be done with this, And it
very often is that that third party validation stamp of

(34:03):
this is my last moment, my last try, my last straw,
and they head for divorce. And the statistics and the
reality of that is everywhere. You don't actually you don't
have to look far to see it happening. And so
it's so important that people know that. Right. You wouldn't
actually go to a hospital where a surgeon, you know,

(34:26):
a surgery generally has like a ninety eight percent success rate,
but one surgeon has like a fifty five percent death
rate on the same surgery. You wouldn't actually walk into surgery.
The hospital would never let them practice, and yet there
are people doing quote unquote relationship work every single day
where if you really look, they're just not they're not

(34:49):
required to report, but if you looked, the divorce weight
behind them is massive. But no, there's no reporting on that.
And so you just have to know that that's not
your only option, and it has been proven to be destructive.
And so I'll take one example of it, which is
something that we say that we've shown in the book.

(35:10):
We actually devoted two chapters to it in the book
because it's so contradictory to everything we've ever been taught
about relationship. It takes me a minute to explain it,
and you can go more depth into it into the book.
But the piece that I want to talk about right
now is that compromise actually destroys relationships. It's a silent

(35:31):
killer in the long term. And look, everybody's been told
to compromise. In fact, a lot of couple's work is
literally an arbitration. To compromise who's being reasonable, who's being unreasonable.
You both tell your sides, and the third person picks
who needs to compromise and who wins. Like, but compromise.
Here's what I want to share is that compromise as

(35:51):
a destroyer, whether you're working with couple's work or you're
just in your own home. This old paradigm of compromised
is actually based on the win lose right in the
my way versus your way. We ended up in a
the way I see it is different than the way
they see it. We can't both get our way, so
now what do we do? It's a my way versus

(36:12):
your way battle, and compromise just decides who gets their
way this time. And it is an elevated approach, right
compared to the domination approach of past generations, where one
person in the relationship was always getting their way and
the other person was never getting their way, right it,
compromise was an elevated approach of like, let's try to

(36:35):
be fair, let's at least alternate who gets their way,
or let's just make it based on who's making the
best case for it. But what was one's progress has
now become primitive because the truth is that in a
long term relationship with the same two people in that relationship,
every time there's a compromise, one person loses and the

(36:58):
other person wins or gets their way. But every time
someone in a relationship loses, the relationship itself takes a hit,
the distance between the partners increases, the connection decreases. They
have less trust in the team, they have less confidence

(37:19):
in the team, they feel less supported by their partner,
they feel less valued by their partner. And if it's
just going to be a one time thing, that's one thing.
But in a long term relationship with the same two people,
if compromises the approach, then every time one person loses,
the relationship loses. The next time the other person loses,

(37:42):
but the relationship still loses. And as these happen, the
resentments build, The things we can't talk about build, the
I'm not even going to bring that up to my
partner because I know how they're going to react to
me builds. Because in a long term relationship, if the
relation relationship is taking a hit every time and stacking up,

(38:04):
then compromise is slowly destroying that relationship over time until
someone gives up. And that's the truth of the dynamic
of what compromise results in.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
And I've experienced that over thirty relationships and it doesn't
feel good. And I love how you describe it's you,
your partner in the relationship, like as I was receiving
your message, that has its own energy, It isn't It
has to be nurturing the relationship almost like an entity.

(38:39):
Is that how you see it? It's like not just
us as individuals. Is the beauty of the whole, which
is the two combined.

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Is you are experiencing the relationship, right, The relationship is
what you're experiencing and what they're experiencing. Okay, and yeah,
very much. That We often teach the metaphor of the plant.
Your relationship is like an apple tree. And when in
the old way we were taught to go to your

(39:12):
relationship to get something right, like stop talking that way,
do this for me right, like there's a holiday coming up,
Make me feel special, like I need to feel special
from my relationship. I want to feel valued, like you
didn't do enough for my birthday or whatever it is.
It's the going to the tree for fruit kind of metaphor.
But what happens is over time is these resentments build.

(39:32):
Is the wall between us builds. The tree is dying, right,
the relationship is dying. And it doesn't matter if you
have a dead or dying tree. You can yell at it.
Manipulate it, be pleasing to it, beg it, threaten it.
You can do all the old tactics of relationship. That

(39:53):
tree is not going to give you fruit. However, when
we take this new approach of like, I actually need
to learn how to contribute to this relationship. I have
to water it, give it air, give it light. I
have to be doing things because the relationship needs me.
Not what I can get from it, but this relationship

(40:14):
needs me. Then the relationship can grow. And then not
only can you ask it for fruit, but it'll just
stop start dropping fruit on you without you even asking,
which is what happens when a relationship is thriving. And
that's the difference in what your skill set is creates
that experience.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
I got to tell you something you know, and I
know I've said this to you a long time ago.
Relationships if mama and her partner, I'm not happy. It
affects everyone. The children are learning our skill sets, and
then the pattern repeats and repeats for generations. So to me,
and I've said this to you before, this is such

(40:56):
sacred and important work because it's create in the next
generation of relationships. And we have to end the cycle.
And you and Paul and the book The Missing Piece
give us the tools to do that. And it's you know,
like I said, I've known Stacy Impaul for a long time.
I actually share a birthday with Paul. I have yeah,

(41:17):
like birthday babes, and they lived this message. And I
want to share something else because Stacy shared a lot
of things. I'm in her private communities every story that
she shared with you. I've witnessed people on the verge
of divorce months later saying thank you. Parents who had

(41:38):
kerfuffles which is Stacy's beautiful word, with their children and
they thought there was no hope and they were losing
the connection. Like it's been beautiful to I get emotional,
beautiful to watch within her private communities of the hope,
the people who are like, oh my goodness, I can
feel the shift happening. This is working. I've seen that

(42:01):
hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times. So I want
to invite everybody to whether you wish to make a
great relationship even better, rescue a marriage on the brink
of divorce, or even heal a copaymenting relationship with a spouse,
I'm going to tell you you want this book and

(42:23):
it's called the Missing Piece, a proven method to single
handedly transform your relationship and create harmony in your home.
And you know what, now more than ever we need
harmony in the home. And again I'm going to give
the UURL and then we're going to chat some more.
But I really want to get that message across. This works,

(42:46):
and you can go to the missingpiecebook dot com and
you can learn more about Stacy and Paul's transformational work
at relationshipdevelopment dot org. There's so many resources there, free
to class everything, check it out. So, Stacey, we still
have about eight or nine minutes. What is one piece

(43:08):
of information along with everything else you have shared that
you feel is really important that listeners walk away with today.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Well, I think that one of the keys is understanding
this opportunity that you have in front of you, that relationship,
your experience of relationships. You're not at the whim of
all the other people in your life. I think where

(43:37):
the old broken dynamic of relationship has left us is
almost like being a victim begging everyone around us to
have better behavior. And it's a terrible place to be.
It's a horrible feeling to carry when you're like, please
be nicer to me, please don't do this and ruin

(43:59):
the holiday for us, like or or you're like, you
know what, forget you don't even come right like. We
wind up boomeranging between being pleasers and begging and steamrolling
and isolating, and it's all leaves us feeling like a

(44:20):
disempowered victim at the whim of other people. And I
think now more than ever, when you look around, people
are constantly begging other people to change, or shaming other
people to change, or angrily shouting that other people need
to change to do what they think is right. And
the truth is every human came to this planet for

(44:44):
their go round. This is their adventure, this is their experience,
and it's actually disempowering even if someone agrees, even if
someone in your life is like, you know what, You're
the most important thing in the world to me. Fine,
I can do that for you. But are each of
your children going to your folks, your siblings, your coworkers,

(45:07):
your neighbor No. So I often say that having triggers
inside of you where you need other people not to
like trigger you because this is your trigger, is kind
of like wearing a leash around your neck that anyone
can grab and yank you all over the place. And
instead of instead of begging or barking at everybody, don't

(45:30):
touch it, don't touch a leash. Don't you're getting too
close to the leash. Don't like actually solve it. I
know that it's not popular. People have been screaming trigger
for years, but nobody's been showing people how to actually
solve these pains that are inside so you can take
the leash off of your neck and be free. That's
why we devoted an entire chapter to solving triggers, with

(45:55):
trigger frameworks that you can use to solve them. We
have twenty four to seven support, three hundred and sixty
five days a year to help you solve them so
that you can be free. Because it's only the empowered
person who doesn't actually need someone else to give her
the life that she wants, but actually has learned how

(46:17):
to be the person who can navigate life successfully regardless.
And when you do, it's such a richer life because
now you can appreciate all the unique, wonderful beings around
you as opposed to worrying about how they might interfere
with your experience of life. And we all deserve to
elevate and have this peace and happiness and love within

(46:40):
and but also with the skill set to interoperate with
people in a way that builds up our relationships with
them instead of breaking them down.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
I go tell you, I'm a visual person. So that
story with the leash, it was like, oh my god,
it just really hit me of take a power back right,
stop being led around. That was powerful. And I want
to also share too, is not only do you have

(47:10):
all the strategies in this book, this has been a
labor of love my friends. I've been watching this journey unfold.
So it's like a guide book really because if say
they have a trigger, they can go look up in
your triggery. Are you so talk a little bit about
what they can expect. We have three minutes left. What
they can expect in the book.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, So there's tools and strategies, and unlike a lot
of books that every chapter is about the same topic,
there's twenty two chapters and the topic changes every single chapter.
And the reason why Paul and I did that is
because we know you got a lot going on, so
we wanted to shove as much as we could into
it in order to do that. So the strategies around triggers,

(47:54):
the strategies around dealing with things that are coming between you,
about healing blod aim and forgiveness, about the perspective, just
understanding the differences between masculine and feminine. Oh my god,
it's so such an eye opening experience. How to instead

(48:14):
of compromise, be able to actually get to the win win.
How to align even when you don't agree, how to
rebuild trust if there's been betrayal, Like topic after topic
after topic. If you think of the top three kerfoocals
that are causing you pain, upset, stress, or loneliness in
your life right now, if those could be solved by

(48:37):
what we're teaching, like it'd be worth checking it out.
And that's why we've put so many topics, whether it's
for your relationship with your kids, at work, your marriage,
your family, whatever relationships are important to you.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
This is such a sacred gift to the world, and
I am so excited for everyone that is going to
grab a copy because I will tell you, if you
read it, take action, implement it your life, your relationships
are going to shift. Stacy and Paul have been a
big part of my relationship with Dana they were here
and came in one time, and we've got to spend

(49:14):
time together. But even as a Spire Mag's relationship columnists,
what an honor to be able to share and give
these tools out there for a decade because I know
it makes a difference. So I want to invite everyone again,
please give yourself the gift of this book and you
can go to the missingpiecebook dot com, grab a copy

(49:37):
and listen. You have children who have their marriages, now
their relationship, give them a copy. That's the next generation
being come up. Get a copy, spread the love and
let's transform the world one relationship at a time with
Stacy and Paul Martino. Stacey, I love you, my friend.

(49:57):
Thank you for the gift of the wisdom and strategies
that we all need to elevate our relationships.

Speaker 4 (50:04):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (50:04):
I love you, Linda, and I thank you in the
book because you have been an unbelievable support, friend and
guide to us from the very beginning. And I just
love and adore you and I'm so grateful, and honestly,
if you hadn't come into our lives, I don't know
that I'd be sitting here being able to have this
conversation with you, and of course you talked me off

(50:25):
the ledge so many times writing the book and getting
through the book, which is really a big undertaking. And
I'm just so grateful for you in my life. I
adore you.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
No, I love you too until paul I said hello,
and I am already ordered my copy. So love you,
my friend. And until next time, my friends, choose love,
Choose joy, Choose happiness.

Speaker 5 (50:47):
Blessings everyone, Thanks for listening to Inspired Conversations with publisher
Linda Joy. Join our Sacred space every Tuesday at two
pm Eastern and meet leading female visionaries, empowering authors, heart
centered female entrepreneurs, coaches, and healers. Inspired Conversations with Linda

(51:09):
Joy is a soulful venue where guests share the obstacles
they've overcome, along with wisdom and lessons learned on their
personal journey that led them to the transformational work they
do in the world. Inspired Conversations to empower you on
your path to authentic and soulful living. Are you ready

(51:33):
to create and live the divinely guided life intended for you,
a life not bound by your past or tied to
a specific future, A life beyond your fears and what ifs?
That is filled with limitless possibilities. Experiencing an empowered life
of fulfillment, joy, and connection is possible when you embrace
a spiritual, solutions centered lifestyle. Through her transformational teachings and programs,

(51:59):
Lisa Empowered Life view Guide, life transformation mentor and founder
of Love Is the Seed, empowers women to break the
barriers holding them back from living their sacred truth so
they can find greater connection with their inner wisdom and
their divine source to co create a life that brings peace,

(52:20):
joy and self acceptance. Visit love isthseeed dot com for
positive guidance and valuable resources to support you in embracing
an empowered life view. Life quakes or life transitions and
the aftershocks that follow are something we all experience. A
life quake can stem from the heartbreaking grief that arises

(52:43):
from the loss of a loved one, or the disorientation
felt when life suddenly shifts due to the loss of
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(53:09):
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Learning to accept support as you navigate your way through
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(53:35):
dot com. Are you ready to make the second half
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