April 22, 2025 • 23 mins
A quiz show parody filled with absurd answers and hilarious panelists who comically misunderstand basic questions. Its satire of intellectual game shows made it a fan favorite.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Ladies and gentlemen. It pays to be ignorant.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Why do wedding bells ring because someone pulls the rope?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Correct?
Speaker 4 (00:30):
Pay the man eight dollars. What do they call little
cats in Ireland?
Speaker 5 (00:40):
Pay the man nine dollars.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Because it pays to be ignorant.
Speaker 6 (00:47):
And here he is the star of our show, mister
Tom Howard.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
Thank you Cannan.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Today's the day places New
York City. The program is at page to.
Speaker 7 (01:02):
Be Ignorant, a program that just asks.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Questions but never gets any answers. I bought of experts
or three people who are so dumb they think Emily
Post is a branch of the American legion.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
First, first we have to celebrate author mister Hi mcdaughton,
who is just written the.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Book entitled The Life of the Siamese Twins. Or your
spine is My spine. But here he is, mister Harry mcgaughton.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I have a poem as to how I have the
ear muff.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Yes, there was a young lady from Eaton whose figure
had penty of meat on.
Speaker 8 (01:35):
She said, Metty, meet Jack, and you'll find that my
back is a nice place to warm.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Your cool feet on, very cozy, A very tickless situation,
all right, than you nicely have a woman so fat
when she gets her shoes shine, she has to take
the Bootblack's.
Speaker 8 (01:50):
Word for it.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
A woman, a woman who when she was young, Billy
wasn't even a kid.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Miss Lulo McConnell.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Can I tell him it's to Howard? My old man
had an accident.
Speaker 8 (02:03):
Yeah, what now?
Speaker 5 (02:04):
He was run over by a steamroller.
Speaker 8 (02:07):
How did they get him in the house?
Speaker 5 (02:08):
I just left him under the door.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Lift him under the door?
Speaker 8 (02:11):
Did you skip him up? No?
Speaker 5 (02:13):
I left the plant, alright, alright, plee.
Speaker 8 (02:17):
Next we have a man who was born at home.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
When his mother saw him, she went to the hospital.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
A woman, A man so cheap rather that he counts
his money in front of a mirror. He don't even
trust himself unless the George shouting him there.
Speaker 8 (02:31):
I gotta learn it from my uncle Webfoot. This morning.
He told me he's crossing a turkey with a centerpede.
He's crossing a turkey with what's the idea?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
What he said?
Speaker 8 (02:40):
Next Christmas, everyone will get a link. That's quite a feat.
Speaker 7 (02:47):
All right, all right, here is the first question.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Chilly yes and you came out silly.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
No, madame, we have a nice apartment.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
It's small, but not all right.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Oh we have that's good service too. When we want
hot water, we just knock on the pipes three times.
That means we want hot water. Then the jenual knocks
back three time.
Speaker 8 (03:10):
And what does that mean?
Speaker 5 (03:11):
That means we ain't going together?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Where I have a nice room, I have steam, heat
and hot and cold running or hot and cold running.
Speaker 8 (03:21):
Watch, I don't know what they're running that.
Speaker 5 (03:25):
You know, I'm looking at a new ass to day.
The bathroom is out of this world?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Wouldn't that be rather inconvenient?
Speaker 8 (03:33):
I mean, especially on a cold night?
Speaker 4 (03:36):
No, well, you please try and make some effort in
answering the question.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
What room in the house is the kitchen? Rain?
Speaker 8 (03:41):
Oh? Range? All the other day I was putting a
little lunch and I opened the oupn.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Door of my range and the wreck jumped out of it.
Speaker 8 (03:47):
Boy did you shoot it? I couldn't you see? It
was out of my range? Been here and I need
to be on.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Our heads while I look around for a nasharm tablet.
Speaker 6 (03:58):
Certainly, Howard, And here's Harry Sawder and his orchestruck playing
the best things in life are free.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Think though, and now then who was our first contestant
this evening?
Speaker 9 (05:21):
Well, Tom, we have a very nice Jeff Iman coming
to our microphone, one who was well known to us all,
mister Ralph Bellamy.
Speaker 10 (05:28):
Oh wow, this is very a pleasure.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
Good evening, mister Bellamy, It certain is a pleasure.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I'll have you.
Speaker 11 (05:44):
I'm oh Ralph, yeah, raw, I saw him in the
movie because he's wonder Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Alright, blame Oh why you shut up, mister Sheldon.
Speaker 8 (05:58):
Throw a fish in that mound? What do you play?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I hope you'll pardon the interruption, but the seeing you
was quite a shock.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Till miss McConnell. Tell me what are you doing in
New York? Mister Bellamy?
Speaker 12 (06:11):
Wow? Just finish the play and just between plays. Don't
know whether to go back to Hollywood or do another
play here.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Just what I'm going to do it the moment I
see well, I play you just finished was certainly a hit.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
That was a State of the Union.
Speaker 12 (06:24):
Was That's right?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Yes, I saw that. That was one wonderful play.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Speaking about Hollywood, I'm just curious how long have you
been in pictures, mister Bellamy?
Speaker 12 (06:33):
Since nineteen thirty. That's almost eighteen years.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
What do you think of that?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
How many pictures have you made in that time?
Speaker 9 (06:41):
I think it's eighty seven, eighty seven.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Just the age of miss McConnell. Eighty seven pictures.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
You ought to know you were there when I was born.
Speaker 8 (06:52):
All right.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I know, mister Bellamy, that our friends, our listeners, and
our guests here in the studio would love to know where.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Your hometown is.
Speaker 12 (07:04):
I was born in Chicago, Oh, Chicago.
Speaker 8 (07:07):
Chicago, Illinois. I used to.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Oh, yes, okay.
Speaker 8 (07:13):
Yeah, I was again in a lingerie shop. You were,
you were, you were again in a longerine shop. I
was bors of the Undie Wild.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Tell me, tell me mister about me.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
How long since it's been since you've been in Hollywood?
Speaker 12 (07:35):
H well, just before the play, which is a couple
of years.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Oh, yes, that's so a few years.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I was out in Hollywood a couple of years ago.
Speaker 8 (07:43):
You were.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh, I had a lot of influence in Hollywood.
Speaker 7 (07:46):
You had a lot of inview.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
One day I got a girl in the movie in Hollywood,
knowing the second goalcon a horay. Yes, you got wives
to us and threw us out.
Speaker 8 (07:56):
I imagine you know Ralph.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I I made some pictures out there, you know, but
I'm prid of that.
Speaker 8 (08:00):
I was an old Shakespearean.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
You ah Shakespeare, you know, wonderful.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
If all the world's the stage, where's the dressing room?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
Are you doing a thing after the program? A play?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Wat's that to you?
Speaker 5 (08:18):
And get a bike?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
A bike?
Speaker 4 (08:20):
That's a tough proposition, all right, Please, mister baby, I
don't want to apologize for these people.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Have you heard the program before?
Speaker 9 (08:31):
I certainly have time.
Speaker 12 (08:32):
I've heard it many times, one of my favorite programs.
And I just like to take a second here with
your permission, to say I think that you and miss
McConnell and mister McNaught and mister Shelton are really contributing
something in this these sort of days of frustration and
confusion by relieving us for the half hour that you
do with a little escape and a little fun and merriment,
(08:56):
which is all too lacking in our lives. And I
just might say so that you, for people, perhaps prove
the title of your program. Having been on the air
for so long, you prove that it does pay to
be ignorant.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Of courseness about me.
Speaker 7 (09:23):
That depends on what sponsor you got.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Well, that was very nice, and we certainly do appreciate
that compliment.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Really, we're all human and we all.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Love to hear such things, specially coming from a man
like Ralph Fellamy. I'd like to ask you one more question, Ralph,
while they're here. You see I'm getting familiar. I'm calling
you a round.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Do you prepare the stage or the pictures?
Speaker 12 (09:50):
It's kind of hard to answer. It's always I think
more fun to appear before an audience because you got
the audience reaction.
Speaker 9 (09:57):
And I think you will agree with that.
Speaker 12 (09:59):
You I know what I'm talking about. Pictures. Any picture
has a minimum audience of one hundred million, which is
not to be taken lightly. But a play, though it
has an audience of only about a thousand people, if
you have to be in a success, gives you the
reaction of the audience. And it's a different audience each night,
which is sort of like meeting a new person. It's
(10:19):
a collective sort of individual personality, and it's I think
more fun to appear before an audience in a play.
But you can't overlook that one hundred million minimum audience
in a picture. It's nice to do both.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
I see exactly what you mean, mister. I mean I
appreciate every word of it. Now I'm going to ask
you to do something. As I say, it's sure been
a pleasure to have you with us this evening.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
It certainly has.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
Well watch your first name, Ralph wonderful. Yes, oh what
a huncle man.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
You can just call me fuel oil. Yeah yeah, I'm
hard to get.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Yeah yeah, but your tank is too big.
Speaker 7 (11:05):
Now let's get on there.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Well, before you go, I'm going to ask you to
reach into the dunecap there and pick out a question
for us, if you will, And would you be good enough.
Speaker 8 (11:14):
To read the question?
Speaker 7 (11:15):
Anyone here, anyone just take a choice there.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
It wasn't making difference.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
They won't answer it anyhow.
Speaker 12 (11:21):
Says what great American actress is the Ethel Barramore Theater
named after?
Speaker 4 (11:26):
Well, thank you, that's quite a coincidence, right in your
line what great American actresses?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
So yes, no Baddymore theater named after Hart?
Speaker 8 (11:34):
Did you say a great American actress?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
That's right?
Speaker 5 (11:36):
Would it be me, miss Howard?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I said actress, not mattress.
Speaker 7 (11:47):
The woman I speak of is known by many as
the first Lady.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Of the theater.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Well, when I was a girl. I was known as
the first lady the theater.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
When you were a girl, they didn't have theaters.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Will you look at what you said?
Speaker 5 (12:00):
My old man will come up here and knocks those
bumps off of your head.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I have no bumps on my head.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
Well he puts some on them knocking, all right?
Speaker 8 (12:08):
Or your old man must be tough, sure is.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
Don't take his hat off to anyone?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Really, No, how does he manage to get his hair cutty?
Speaker 8 (12:17):
Good question?
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Look, the question is about a great American actress they
as the Barrymore Theater is named after her.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
Hard that's your brother Lionel?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Now a plate?
Speaker 8 (12:27):
That's right? Yeah it is. Yeah. Let me see who
do I know has a brother Lionel? Does he? Does
he make your electric trains?
Speaker 5 (12:35):
No?
Speaker 7 (12:35):
Please, you're on the look?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Can shoot three?
Speaker 8 (12:38):
Can't shoot?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Thief?
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Bugle brains get together and answer the question, brugal brain.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Wat's that approval is a sort of a musical instrument.
Speaker 8 (12:45):
Howdy James plays rock?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
No, No, that's bugo.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Oh it's a it's a it's a shot.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Yes, donut din see man depth then said man, yeah,
that's bagel.
Speaker 8 (13:00):
Oh no, you're wrong. A banker is a hunling jaw.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
That's thing, a strange looking creature with a heavy underslung body,
short legs, droop of years and a long No.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Now we're back to miss McConnell again, and him our.
Speaker 7 (13:14):
Good friend, mister May twenty four dollars and twenty five
such for.
Speaker 8 (13:17):
Hummed its not the same, Nay, I'll be glad to
mister Howard.
Speaker 9 (13:32):
Right now. The production of oil is at an all
time high. It's even greater than it was during the
war years. But that fact is a little comfort in
our present critical oil situation. And the situation is critical
because of the recent cold wave on the Atlantic seaboard.
The weather has been approximately twenty five percent colder than
it was last year. Transportation by rail, truck and tanker
(13:54):
has been insufficient already, the demand for heating oil exceeds
the supply in the East, certain sections of the South,
and in the Middle West. And as unpleasant as the
prospect is, we have to realize and unless odd uses
of fuel oil cooperate to cut their consumption, many families
may face heatless days before the end of the winter.
(14:15):
You can help yourself and every other person who uses
oil for heating by following these few rules, keep your
daytime temperature down to sixty eight degrees and your nighttime
temperature at sixty Turn off the heat in unused rooms,
and keep doors and windows closed, shades drawn at night,
and make sure your house is well insulated.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
Thank you, Ken.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Another thing Kara like to tell you, and mister Belney
has just requested we take that money that we've given
them as a prize and donated to care.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Isn't that sweet?
Speaker 9 (14:48):
Oh that's a wonderful certainly is well?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
What is Harry Sorer got for us?
Speaker 8 (14:53):
Now?
Speaker 9 (14:53):
Well, Harry Sola and the orchestra, Tom already with the
downbeat for I'll runch your grande.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Oh yeah, hi, go.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Hurry sl well can Who is our next contestant?
Speaker 9 (16:39):
A very lovely lady? Copy to our microphone now, Tom,
I should like to introduce to you missus Rose McGhee.
Speaker 8 (16:44):
And here she is.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Oh fuck, mister, how are you the same?
Speaker 11 (16:50):
I'm feel well?
Speaker 12 (16:51):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Well, I'm glad to hear that McGee. Is that right?
Speaker 8 (16:54):
You're not? Molly? I wish I were?
Speaker 7 (16:57):
I see well, we are very glad to have you
with us.
Speaker 8 (17:00):
Where are you from?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Would you care to tell it?
Speaker 8 (17:02):
From Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
Chelsea not Massachusetts.
Speaker 11 (17:05):
Nine Avenue, Oh nice lobe, I see, ritzy name for nine.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Is a nice place too.
Speaker 7 (17:12):
Do you live there?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
How long have you lived in New York?
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Twenty years?
Speaker 8 (17:15):
Twenty years?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Well you ought to know the neighborhood? Well, yes, missus
many christmasma alright, in case you don't know what this McNaughton.
Christmas is over.
Speaker 8 (17:27):
I know, but there'll be other happy New Years. Well
another year.
Speaker 7 (17:36):
Oh play, that's the colum.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
When you stop laying nice around here for the president
eggs today, I wish I could.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Lay them all right, say no attention to the characters.
Missus McGee, tell me are you married?
Speaker 12 (17:53):
I am?
Speaker 8 (17:54):
Oh fine, missus McGhee, are you married?
Speaker 4 (18:04):
Well?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
What did you say?
Speaker 9 (18:09):
Mister mcdond?
Speaker 8 (18:10):
Christmas?
Speaker 5 (18:11):
All right?
Speaker 8 (18:13):
Tell me? Is your husband with you this evening?
Speaker 5 (18:14):
No he isn't. He's on sleeping. Oh he's home sleeping.
I'm sleeping too.
Speaker 10 (18:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
I rocked him to sleep.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
You rocked him to sleep.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
You can see the rock, all right, the rock.
Speaker 7 (18:30):
I tell it. I take it so much to say,
mister McGee that your husband.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Must work night work?
Speaker 11 (18:35):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
That's right?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I see? Tell me how long you've been married twenty
two years?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Oh, twenty two years or congratulations at marvels.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
It certainly has been pleasure to have you.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
So before you go, I'm going to ask you to
reach into the dunge cap there and pick out a
question for us, if you don't mind. And when you
get one, mister McGee, we'd love to have you read
it for us, if you would.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
In what year the blizzard of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Thank you?
Speaker 7 (19:01):
And and what year to the blizzard of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 9 (19:04):
O curR?
Speaker 8 (19:05):
Did you hear the question?
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Mister Shelton?
Speaker 8 (19:07):
Yeah, but I don't get the drift from it.
Speaker 7 (19:08):
I all right, never mind, herd, would you mind repeating
the Christians?
Speaker 4 (19:13):
And what year to the pressure of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 9 (19:16):
Occurve?
Speaker 8 (19:16):
Mister how what season of the year was it?
Speaker 3 (19:19):
What do you mean what season?
Speaker 9 (19:21):
Well?
Speaker 8 (19:21):
Was it spring, summer, autumn? Or was it during the
hunting season?
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Look, plaise Ice had blizzard pleasure. Don't you know what
a blizzard is?
Speaker 8 (19:28):
I do that now?
Speaker 4 (19:29):
What I do?
Speaker 8 (19:29):
All right? What is a blizzard?
Speaker 5 (19:31):
That's the inside of a chicken?
Speaker 8 (19:32):
That she's talking about a lizard? And then she's not.
Speaker 5 (19:40):
Right laz ice side blizzard?
Speaker 7 (19:42):
And what year to the bleazard of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 8 (19:45):
To curve mister Howe, wasn't that the year we had snow?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
All right?
Speaker 8 (19:51):
Jan Now what year was that was the year we
had snow? God?
Speaker 7 (19:56):
Why don't you write yourself a threatening letter?
Speaker 8 (19:58):
Or I did, mister Howard?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I wrote myself a threat?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Let her only yesterday?
Speaker 8 (20:01):
Won't just a threatening rare? What just say to yourself?
Speaker 4 (20:03):
I don't know.
Speaker 8 (20:04):
I won't get it till tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (20:07):
Look the winner of eighteen eighty eight, we had a
great snowfall.
Speaker 8 (20:10):
It was called a blizzard.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
We also had one about a month ago right here
in New York.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
Now what year was the one in eighteen eighty eight? Mister? First?
Tell me which one do we have first with?
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Please?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
The one in nineteen eighty eight?
Speaker 8 (20:23):
Why? Why that was Mike one? Shulling? You get under
my skin? You think there's room?
Speaker 7 (20:34):
The question?
Speaker 8 (20:35):
The question is about snow. Oh, snow, I hate snow.
I like spring.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Ever hear that poem spring spring, beautiful spring?
Speaker 8 (20:42):
I wrote that all right? Ever hear that point snow, snow,
beautiful snow?
Speaker 5 (20:47):
Did you write that?
Speaker 8 (20:48):
Nor a shovel it?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Play got to you camera to st up here and
give a charming guest twenty five dollars and seventy five
says for helping us out this evening.
Speaker 7 (21:06):
Well, folks, just.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
Now here comes at ignorant bartone of ours, to tell.
Speaker 9 (21:11):
You, Yeah, now we're going to listen to Harry Saber again,
who plays this time a great day manyana, Oh you're.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Now?
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Ho is the time we hear from that ignorant baritone
to tell you what we need?
Speaker 8 (22:16):
When we say it, we don't. We don't talk.
Speaker 7 (22:25):
It to be giving just like me?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Well won't one of our presence lay Our time is
given up, so we'll have to be mosing you all.
Speaker 7 (22:40):
But we'll be back with you again next week, same time,
same place, on your dime.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
We'd love to have you listen.
Speaker 8 (22:46):
So this is time I would saying good night and
good nonsense.
Speaker 9 (22:51):
Can love.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Ye, but I'm more God
Speaker 9 (23:01):
Think me
Ladies and gentlemen. It pays to be ignorant.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Why do wedding bells ring because someone pulls the rope?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Correct?
Speaker 4 (00:30):
Pay the man eight dollars. What do they call little
cats in Ireland?
Speaker 5 (00:40):
Pay the man nine dollars.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Because it pays to be ignorant.
Speaker 6 (00:47):
And here he is the star of our show, mister
Tom Howard.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
Thank you Cannan.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Today's the day places New
York City. The program is at page to.
Speaker 7 (01:02):
Be Ignorant, a program that just asks.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Questions but never gets any answers. I bought of experts
or three people who are so dumb they think Emily
Post is a branch of the American legion.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
First, first we have to celebrate author mister Hi mcdaughton,
who is just written the.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Book entitled The Life of the Siamese Twins. Or your
spine is My spine. But here he is, mister Harry mcgaughton.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I have a poem as to how I have the
ear muff.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Yes, there was a young lady from Eaton whose figure
had penty of meat on.
Speaker 8 (01:35):
She said, Metty, meet Jack, and you'll find that my
back is a nice place to warm.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Your cool feet on, very cozy, A very tickless situation,
all right, than you nicely have a woman so fat
when she gets her shoes shine, she has to take
the Bootblack's.
Speaker 8 (01:50):
Word for it.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
A woman, a woman who when she was young, Billy
wasn't even a kid.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Miss Lulo McConnell.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Can I tell him it's to Howard? My old man
had an accident.
Speaker 8 (02:03):
Yeah, what now?
Speaker 5 (02:04):
He was run over by a steamroller.
Speaker 8 (02:07):
How did they get him in the house?
Speaker 5 (02:08):
I just left him under the door.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Lift him under the door?
Speaker 8 (02:11):
Did you skip him up? No?
Speaker 5 (02:13):
I left the plant, alright, alright, plee.
Speaker 8 (02:17):
Next we have a man who was born at home.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
When his mother saw him, she went to the hospital.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
A woman, A man so cheap rather that he counts
his money in front of a mirror. He don't even
trust himself unless the George shouting him there.
Speaker 8 (02:31):
I gotta learn it from my uncle Webfoot. This morning.
He told me he's crossing a turkey with a centerpede.
He's crossing a turkey with what's the idea?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
What he said?
Speaker 8 (02:40):
Next Christmas, everyone will get a link. That's quite a feat.
Speaker 7 (02:47):
All right, all right, here is the first question.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Chilly yes and you came out silly.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
No, madame, we have a nice apartment.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
It's small, but not all right.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Oh we have that's good service too. When we want
hot water, we just knock on the pipes three times.
That means we want hot water. Then the jenual knocks
back three time.
Speaker 8 (03:10):
And what does that mean?
Speaker 5 (03:11):
That means we ain't going together?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Where I have a nice room, I have steam, heat
and hot and cold running or hot and cold running.
Speaker 8 (03:21):
Watch, I don't know what they're running that.
Speaker 5 (03:25):
You know, I'm looking at a new ass to day.
The bathroom is out of this world?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Wouldn't that be rather inconvenient?
Speaker 8 (03:33):
I mean, especially on a cold night?
Speaker 4 (03:36):
No, well, you please try and make some effort in
answering the question.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
What room in the house is the kitchen? Rain?
Speaker 8 (03:41):
Oh? Range? All the other day I was putting a
little lunch and I opened the oupn.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Door of my range and the wreck jumped out of it.
Speaker 8 (03:47):
Boy did you shoot it? I couldn't you see? It
was out of my range? Been here and I need
to be on.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Our heads while I look around for a nasharm tablet.
Speaker 6 (03:58):
Certainly, Howard, And here's Harry Sawder and his orchestruck playing
the best things in life are free.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Think though, and now then who was our first contestant
this evening?
Speaker 9 (05:21):
Well, Tom, we have a very nice Jeff Iman coming
to our microphone, one who was well known to us all,
mister Ralph Bellamy.
Speaker 10 (05:28):
Oh wow, this is very a pleasure.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
Good evening, mister Bellamy, It certain is a pleasure.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I'll have you.
Speaker 11 (05:44):
I'm oh Ralph, yeah, raw, I saw him in the
movie because he's wonder Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Alright, blame Oh why you shut up, mister Sheldon.
Speaker 8 (05:58):
Throw a fish in that mound? What do you play?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I hope you'll pardon the interruption, but the seeing you
was quite a shock.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Till miss McConnell. Tell me what are you doing in
New York? Mister Bellamy?
Speaker 12 (06:11):
Wow? Just finish the play and just between plays. Don't
know whether to go back to Hollywood or do another
play here.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Just what I'm going to do it the moment I
see well, I play you just finished was certainly a hit.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
That was a State of the Union.
Speaker 12 (06:24):
Was That's right?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Yes, I saw that. That was one wonderful play.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Speaking about Hollywood, I'm just curious how long have you
been in pictures, mister Bellamy?
Speaker 12 (06:33):
Since nineteen thirty. That's almost eighteen years.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
What do you think of that?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
How many pictures have you made in that time?
Speaker 9 (06:41):
I think it's eighty seven, eighty seven.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Just the age of miss McConnell. Eighty seven pictures.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
You ought to know you were there when I was born.
Speaker 8 (06:52):
All right.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I know, mister Bellamy, that our friends, our listeners, and
our guests here in the studio would love to know where.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Your hometown is.
Speaker 12 (07:04):
I was born in Chicago, Oh, Chicago.
Speaker 8 (07:07):
Chicago, Illinois. I used to.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Oh, yes, okay.
Speaker 8 (07:13):
Yeah, I was again in a lingerie shop. You were,
you were, you were again in a longerine shop. I
was bors of the Undie Wild.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Tell me, tell me mister about me.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
How long since it's been since you've been in Hollywood?
Speaker 12 (07:35):
H well, just before the play, which is a couple
of years.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Oh, yes, that's so a few years.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I was out in Hollywood a couple of years ago.
Speaker 8 (07:43):
You were.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh, I had a lot of influence in Hollywood.
Speaker 7 (07:46):
You had a lot of inview.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
One day I got a girl in the movie in Hollywood,
knowing the second goalcon a horay. Yes, you got wives
to us and threw us out.
Speaker 8 (07:56):
I imagine you know Ralph.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I I made some pictures out there, you know, but
I'm prid of that.
Speaker 8 (08:00):
I was an old Shakespearean.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
You ah Shakespeare, you know, wonderful.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
If all the world's the stage, where's the dressing room?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
Are you doing a thing after the program? A play?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Wat's that to you?
Speaker 5 (08:18):
And get a bike?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
A bike?
Speaker 4 (08:20):
That's a tough proposition, all right, Please, mister baby, I
don't want to apologize for these people.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Have you heard the program before?
Speaker 9 (08:31):
I certainly have time.
Speaker 12 (08:32):
I've heard it many times, one of my favorite programs.
And I just like to take a second here with
your permission, to say I think that you and miss
McConnell and mister McNaught and mister Shelton are really contributing
something in this these sort of days of frustration and
confusion by relieving us for the half hour that you
do with a little escape and a little fun and merriment,
(08:56):
which is all too lacking in our lives. And I
just might say so that you, for people, perhaps prove
the title of your program. Having been on the air
for so long, you prove that it does pay to
be ignorant.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Of courseness about me.
Speaker 7 (09:23):
That depends on what sponsor you got.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Well, that was very nice, and we certainly do appreciate
that compliment.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Really, we're all human and we all.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Love to hear such things, specially coming from a man
like Ralph Fellamy. I'd like to ask you one more question, Ralph,
while they're here. You see I'm getting familiar. I'm calling
you a round.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Do you prepare the stage or the pictures?
Speaker 12 (09:50):
It's kind of hard to answer. It's always I think
more fun to appear before an audience because you got
the audience reaction.
Speaker 9 (09:57):
And I think you will agree with that.
Speaker 12 (09:59):
You I know what I'm talking about. Pictures. Any picture
has a minimum audience of one hundred million, which is
not to be taken lightly. But a play, though it
has an audience of only about a thousand people, if
you have to be in a success, gives you the
reaction of the audience. And it's a different audience each night,
which is sort of like meeting a new person. It's
(10:19):
a collective sort of individual personality, and it's I think
more fun to appear before an audience in a play.
But you can't overlook that one hundred million minimum audience
in a picture. It's nice to do both.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
I see exactly what you mean, mister. I mean I
appreciate every word of it. Now I'm going to ask
you to do something. As I say, it's sure been
a pleasure to have you with us this evening.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
It certainly has.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
Well watch your first name, Ralph wonderful. Yes, oh what
a huncle man.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
You can just call me fuel oil. Yeah yeah, I'm
hard to get.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Yeah yeah, but your tank is too big.
Speaker 7 (11:05):
Now let's get on there.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Well, before you go, I'm going to ask you to
reach into the dunecap there and pick out a question
for us, if you will, And would you be good enough.
Speaker 8 (11:14):
To read the question?
Speaker 7 (11:15):
Anyone here, anyone just take a choice there.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
It wasn't making difference.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
They won't answer it anyhow.
Speaker 12 (11:21):
Says what great American actress is the Ethel Barramore Theater
named after?
Speaker 4 (11:26):
Well, thank you, that's quite a coincidence, right in your
line what great American actresses?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
So yes, no Baddymore theater named after Hart?
Speaker 8 (11:34):
Did you say a great American actress?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
That's right?
Speaker 5 (11:36):
Would it be me, miss Howard?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I said actress, not mattress.
Speaker 7 (11:47):
The woman I speak of is known by many as
the first Lady.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Of the theater.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Well, when I was a girl. I was known as
the first lady the theater.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
When you were a girl, they didn't have theaters.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Will you look at what you said?
Speaker 5 (12:00):
My old man will come up here and knocks those
bumps off of your head.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I have no bumps on my head.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
Well he puts some on them knocking, all right?
Speaker 8 (12:08):
Or your old man must be tough, sure is.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
Don't take his hat off to anyone?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Really, No, how does he manage to get his hair cutty?
Speaker 8 (12:17):
Good question?
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Look, the question is about a great American actress they
as the Barrymore Theater is named after her.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
Hard that's your brother Lionel?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Now a plate?
Speaker 8 (12:27):
That's right? Yeah it is. Yeah. Let me see who
do I know has a brother Lionel? Does he? Does
he make your electric trains?
Speaker 5 (12:35):
No?
Speaker 7 (12:35):
Please, you're on the look?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Can shoot three?
Speaker 8 (12:38):
Can't shoot?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Thief?
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Bugle brains get together and answer the question, brugal brain.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Wat's that approval is a sort of a musical instrument.
Speaker 8 (12:45):
Howdy James plays rock?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
No, No, that's bugo.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Oh it's a it's a it's a shot.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Yes, donut din see man depth then said man, yeah,
that's bagel.
Speaker 8 (13:00):
Oh no, you're wrong. A banker is a hunling jaw.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
That's thing, a strange looking creature with a heavy underslung body,
short legs, droop of years and a long No.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Now we're back to miss McConnell again, and him our.
Speaker 7 (13:14):
Good friend, mister May twenty four dollars and twenty five
such for.
Speaker 8 (13:17):
Hummed its not the same, Nay, I'll be glad to
mister Howard.
Speaker 9 (13:32):
Right now. The production of oil is at an all
time high. It's even greater than it was during the
war years. But that fact is a little comfort in
our present critical oil situation. And the situation is critical
because of the recent cold wave on the Atlantic seaboard.
The weather has been approximately twenty five percent colder than
it was last year. Transportation by rail, truck and tanker
(13:54):
has been insufficient already, the demand for heating oil exceeds
the supply in the East, certain sections of the South,
and in the Middle West. And as unpleasant as the
prospect is, we have to realize and unless odd uses
of fuel oil cooperate to cut their consumption, many families
may face heatless days before the end of the winter.
(14:15):
You can help yourself and every other person who uses
oil for heating by following these few rules, keep your
daytime temperature down to sixty eight degrees and your nighttime
temperature at sixty Turn off the heat in unused rooms,
and keep doors and windows closed, shades drawn at night,
and make sure your house is well insulated.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
Thank you, Ken.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Another thing Kara like to tell you, and mister Belney
has just requested we take that money that we've given
them as a prize and donated to care.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Isn't that sweet?
Speaker 9 (14:48):
Oh that's a wonderful certainly is well?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
What is Harry Sorer got for us?
Speaker 8 (14:53):
Now?
Speaker 9 (14:53):
Well, Harry Sola and the orchestra, Tom already with the
downbeat for I'll runch your grande.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Oh yeah, hi, go.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Hurry sl well can Who is our next contestant?
Speaker 9 (16:39):
A very lovely lady? Copy to our microphone now, Tom,
I should like to introduce to you missus Rose McGhee.
Speaker 8 (16:44):
And here she is.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Oh fuck, mister, how are you the same?
Speaker 11 (16:50):
I'm feel well?
Speaker 12 (16:51):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Well, I'm glad to hear that McGee. Is that right?
Speaker 8 (16:54):
You're not? Molly? I wish I were?
Speaker 7 (16:57):
I see well, we are very glad to have you
with us.
Speaker 8 (17:00):
Where are you from?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Would you care to tell it?
Speaker 8 (17:02):
From Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
Chelsea not Massachusetts.
Speaker 11 (17:05):
Nine Avenue, Oh nice lobe, I see, ritzy name for nine.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Is a nice place too.
Speaker 7 (17:12):
Do you live there?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
How long have you lived in New York?
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Twenty years?
Speaker 8 (17:15):
Twenty years?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Well you ought to know the neighborhood? Well, yes, missus
many christmasma alright, in case you don't know what this McNaughton.
Christmas is over.
Speaker 8 (17:27):
I know, but there'll be other happy New Years. Well
another year.
Speaker 7 (17:36):
Oh play, that's the colum.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
When you stop laying nice around here for the president
eggs today, I wish I could.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Lay them all right, say no attention to the characters.
Missus McGee, tell me are you married?
Speaker 12 (17:53):
I am?
Speaker 8 (17:54):
Oh fine, missus McGhee, are you married?
Speaker 4 (18:04):
Well?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
What did you say?
Speaker 9 (18:09):
Mister mcdond?
Speaker 8 (18:10):
Christmas?
Speaker 5 (18:11):
All right?
Speaker 8 (18:13):
Tell me? Is your husband with you this evening?
Speaker 5 (18:14):
No he isn't. He's on sleeping. Oh he's home sleeping.
I'm sleeping too.
Speaker 10 (18:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
I rocked him to sleep.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
You rocked him to sleep.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
You can see the rock, all right, the rock.
Speaker 7 (18:30):
I tell it. I take it so much to say,
mister McGee that your husband.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Must work night work?
Speaker 11 (18:35):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
That's right?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I see? Tell me how long you've been married twenty
two years?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Oh, twenty two years or congratulations at marvels.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
It certainly has been pleasure to have you.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
So before you go, I'm going to ask you to
reach into the dunge cap there and pick out a
question for us, if you don't mind. And when you
get one, mister McGee, we'd love to have you read
it for us, if you would.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
In what year the blizzard of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Thank you?
Speaker 7 (19:01):
And and what year to the blizzard of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 9 (19:04):
O curR?
Speaker 8 (19:05):
Did you hear the question?
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Mister Shelton?
Speaker 8 (19:07):
Yeah, but I don't get the drift from it.
Speaker 7 (19:08):
I all right, never mind, herd, would you mind repeating
the Christians?
Speaker 4 (19:13):
And what year to the pressure of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 9 (19:16):
Occurve?
Speaker 8 (19:16):
Mister how what season of the year was it?
Speaker 3 (19:19):
What do you mean what season?
Speaker 9 (19:21):
Well?
Speaker 8 (19:21):
Was it spring, summer, autumn? Or was it during the
hunting season?
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Look, plaise Ice had blizzard pleasure. Don't you know what
a blizzard is?
Speaker 8 (19:28):
I do that now?
Speaker 4 (19:29):
What I do?
Speaker 8 (19:29):
All right? What is a blizzard?
Speaker 5 (19:31):
That's the inside of a chicken?
Speaker 8 (19:32):
That she's talking about a lizard? And then she's not.
Speaker 5 (19:40):
Right laz ice side blizzard?
Speaker 7 (19:42):
And what year to the bleazard of eighteen eighty eight?
Speaker 8 (19:45):
To curve mister Howe, wasn't that the year we had snow?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
All right?
Speaker 8 (19:51):
Jan Now what year was that was the year we
had snow? God?
Speaker 7 (19:56):
Why don't you write yourself a threatening letter?
Speaker 8 (19:58):
Or I did, mister Howard?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I wrote myself a threat?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Let her only yesterday?
Speaker 8 (20:01):
Won't just a threatening rare? What just say to yourself?
Speaker 4 (20:03):
I don't know.
Speaker 8 (20:04):
I won't get it till tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (20:07):
Look the winner of eighteen eighty eight, we had a
great snowfall.
Speaker 8 (20:10):
It was called a blizzard.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
We also had one about a month ago right here
in New York.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
Now what year was the one in eighteen eighty eight? Mister? First?
Tell me which one do we have first with?
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Please?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
The one in nineteen eighty eight?
Speaker 8 (20:23):
Why? Why that was Mike one? Shulling? You get under
my skin? You think there's room?
Speaker 7 (20:34):
The question?
Speaker 8 (20:35):
The question is about snow. Oh, snow, I hate snow.
I like spring.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Ever hear that poem spring spring, beautiful spring?
Speaker 8 (20:42):
I wrote that all right? Ever hear that point snow, snow,
beautiful snow?
Speaker 5 (20:47):
Did you write that?
Speaker 8 (20:48):
Nor a shovel it?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Play got to you camera to st up here and
give a charming guest twenty five dollars and seventy five
says for helping us out this evening.
Speaker 7 (21:06):
Well, folks, just.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
Now here comes at ignorant bartone of ours, to tell.
Speaker 9 (21:11):
You, Yeah, now we're going to listen to Harry Saber again,
who plays this time a great day manyana, Oh you're.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Now?
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Ho is the time we hear from that ignorant baritone
to tell you what we need?
Speaker 8 (22:16):
When we say it, we don't. We don't talk.
Speaker 7 (22:25):
It to be giving just like me?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Well won't one of our presence lay Our time is
given up, so we'll have to be mosing you all.
Speaker 7 (22:40):
But we'll be back with you again next week, same time,
same place, on your dime.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
We'd love to have you listen.
Speaker 8 (22:46):
So this is time I would saying good night and
good nonsense.
Speaker 9 (22:51):
Can love.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Ye, but I'm more God
Speaker 9 (23:01):
Think me
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