It Would Seem As Though We Are Coming Out

This week we talk about family and coming out stories

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
M it was hello, how are you? Oh my god?
You know, I am awake. I'm sitting.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Here.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
I am That's what you get.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
That's kind of all you can ask for some days.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm awake. Yeah, I'm upright. Honestly, today I haven't killed
anywhere today. I got out of ben and was like,
after the podcast, I put on a sweatshirt and some
little running shorts and said ready.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
So I'm ready.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
That is my day.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
This girl said, I am celebrating because I when an
entire week I didn't allow my trauma or anxiety or
anything to kill.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Oh my god, And so I'm celebrating and let's see
if we can make that.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
And she stretch on into the weekend. Honestly. Yeah. Well
well and yet and we were just talking in the trauma.

Speaker 4 (01:11):
So yesterday my younger brother, who was Aneka's bio dad Uh,
came to the house because he was supposed to meet
my other brother to take my mother out for lunch.
And here's why I'm already salty, because in the years

(01:31):
he's seen her twice, his mother, you know whatever, he's
made virtually zero effort to see his own mother, which
pisses me off.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, and.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Whatever, that's that's my thing. On my phone, as on
your phone, we have a little.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
Tracking device on the old woman's phone, so we can
see when she leaves. When I was at work and
I saw that she left home, she was moving very quickly,
so I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
They came off printing. She's one hundred dash.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
All the way to Elmer's on Stark, which is a
couple of miles. Yeah, that would be amazing considering that today.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
She rose anyway totally, So I was like.

Speaker 4 (02:13):
Oh God, they're already gone. I don't have to see him.

Speaker 3 (02:16):
Yeah, And.

Speaker 4 (02:20):
I would just like to pause right there to say
for those people who are like, that's your family, you
have to love, No, I don't.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Now I'm a grown asshoe.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
When I can like and hate who I want to,
I don't. Actually, Hey, I just have no issue. I
have no use for him. I have zero use for.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
Him, no issue that's wrong, and lots of issues. I
have no use for him.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Anyway.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Imagine my surprise and displeasure when I get home and
he's sitting in front of my house in his truck,
and I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 (02:47):
I know that the rest of them already gone.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
They're supposed to be gone, and so.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
Much against my will, I walked over because I was like,
I don't know how long he's gonna sit there, and
maybe he's gonna come to the door.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
I want to come into my house and I don't
want that to have.

Speaker 4 (03:00):
I watched overs was truck and I was like, weren't
you supposed to meet with Bryce?

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Well? Yo, what.

Speaker 4 (03:09):
It was like They're at Elmers on Stark, which from
my house.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
And it's very easy and it literally.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
Because they told him to go here's heye, just go
up to this corner. My streets A one my street
and no one way excuse me, dead in street.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
But it's like, so you have no you have to go.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
This one way to get out unless you're going to
wild a coyote through the.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
Then you see that body shape cutt, which should be hilarious,
which I love. Anyway, I said, go right, go to
the next block, go right, go down to the stop
saying one hundred and twelve, go right.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
And then follow it to Stark and you're literally the end.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
And then you can only go one because Stark is
one way going east, so you have to go to
the next street, which is Washington or Washington, those star goes.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yeah yeah, but they're all one way but start yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
And it's then once you get there, it's like four blocks.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
You can see it. Yeah yeah yeah, because it was
a big restaurant whatever.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
And he was like a grumble globle gum And I said,
do you have a GPS? Yeah, well to use that thing?
How old are you? Well, and I've known how to
use the GPS. It's I got a phone.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Well, and that's a crazy thing too. Is like they
were very I feel like he and my stepmother didn't
really progress in that kind of way. They probably have
smartphones now, but they were never technologically smart at all.
They didn't get the newest thing. They didn't have a computer,
you know, So like it doesn't shock me that he
was like, I've never used my GPS, which feels bananas

(04:46):
to me, you know, it feels so weird. It does well.

Speaker 4 (04:50):
And then I mean and literally I don't know how
you could not follow three rights and then you get
to start and you turn left or there. Yeah, but
clearly he couldn't because he sat out front my house
for another ten minutes and apparently called my brother he
was meeting, who is like trying to get a mire
step by step, and he still ended up getting lost.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
But my favorite part of that is when he said
to him on the phone which way miss was to
turn on the street. And my brother was like, well,
what street is it? Who knows by the house? Yeah,
we're not out in Carlton. Yeah, I was like, street,
I know, we're in the big city now. It was
funny to me. Of course, Portland, in the grand scheme

(05:33):
of things, isn't that big. No, not comparatively, you know,
like put it next to Seattle.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Or No, Los Angeles, San Francisco, those are big cities anyway,
blah blah totally.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
But of course I had.

Speaker 4 (05:47):
To warn my child here that man was sitting out
front of our house, so this shouldn't acciently.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Run into Yeah, yeah, yeah, Because of course I'm like
waiting for packages the mail to be delivered. I am
the laundry and doing laundry, and we share a laundry
and dryer, washer and dryer that's in your garage, and
so I have to leave my house and it's you know,
twenty feet whatever. But I was like timing it because
I too was watching the little track rap being like Okay,

(06:13):
she's gone. They're gone. And then when you had texted me,
I had already been over to your house a couple times,
and I was like what, Like, no, I don't trauma
responses are very interesting. I wouldn't say that I have.
I've had a lot of trauma from a lot of things, yes,
but I don't think that my I don't have a
lot of like, oh that's triggering me, that's triggering me.

(06:35):
And I didn't see him, I didn't interact with him.
But on Sunday, you and I went to Costco and
you told me he's coming with you know, your other brother,
to take Grammar to lunch. And I was like what.
And from that moment on Sunday like, I didn't sleep
well Sunday night. Monday, I woke up and I was
just like I felt so fucked. I was so like
high strung and not really outwardly, but internally I was

(06:58):
kind of fucked up. Right, you were killing yeah, And
then you know, I talked to you guys yesterday and
then you were like, he's here, and I was just
not right about it. I kept I did like other things, homework,
I cleaned, I kept trying to keep my mind busy.
But at some point I got my body just like
gave out, and I took a little nap because I

(07:18):
was like, I I don't know. You know, it's like
after you work out too hard and you're like, I
either stand up or I'm in bed for the rest
of the day. That's how I felt, you know, right,
And so Gavin went to go take a shower and
I'm like, oh, I'll just get up in a second. No.
I fell asleep because I was like, I'm my body
is worn out, right, you.

Speaker 4 (07:36):
Know when I get that, Yeah, I absolutely get that.
I one time when your a particularly messy breakup, and
all I could do was go lay down. Mm hmmm,
because honestly it was I.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
It had me, It had me fucked up.

Speaker 4 (07:53):
Yeah, And I was like I don't know what to
do with myself right this moment, and the only my
body was like going down.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
You have to you have to just going down.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Listen to your body, yeah, let it, you know.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, just he I was feeling very drowsy to begin
I was like, how why am I so drowsy? Why
do I feel like I'm so tired?

Speaker 5 (08:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (08:15):
And I hadn't slept well and then yeah, it was
just so much, you know, and I it's Gavin and
I were talking about it because his childhood trauma is
like the death of his mother, sure, right, which is
and he was saying, like, it's a very different trauma, right,
it's a more of ethereal there's no like point of reference,
like it's.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
Just right, she just happens.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
And but he was like, but if my trauma was yours,
having the person who inflicted so much of it fifty
feet away from you and who you haven't seen, and
you know, and I've seen him. I think the last
time I saw him was like fifteen ish years ago,
maybe maybe ten years ago. But I didn't speak to him, right,
I haven't spoken to him in two decades plus, you know.

(08:55):
But yeah, I I don't know. It's just having like
the devil close to my church, you know what I mean?
It was you.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
And what So my other daughter's so cute. She when
she at first didn't know he was there because she
was downstairs with her papa doing puzzles.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, being a normal family.

Speaker 4 (09:19):
And didn't know there was a carsony out front. Yeah,
because the dogs were all down there with him, so
dogs didn't bark totally, you know whatever. It wasn't until
I got home and it was all Barker went downstairs
and told him what was going on. Well, she comes
upstairs and she goes that untrustworthy son of.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
A bitch yeah, And I was like, oh my god,
I hate him.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
And I was like, well, you don't really actually know.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
I don't care. Yeah, he hurt my big sister.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
No, I hate him. I love okay, and I don't
trust him.

Speaker 4 (09:50):
The last time he was here, I sat with my
fist sal balls up under the table, just in case.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
And I was like, what did you think? She's just
gonna win? He's just gonna win.

Speaker 4 (10:00):
I was like, what did you think was gonna happen?
And she's like, well, I don't know, but just in case,
I was like.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, in my house, in my house, I know. I
do love that come for me.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
And come for my children in my house, and that'll
be the last thing.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
I know. I just love that grace every time since
she was like young, because they've been very well aware
of like my story, you know, and it's just I
think it's very cute. It's very like honorable for her
to be like that sound of a bitch. I can't
trust him, you know, angry, spit and hate. I just
think it's so cute.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yeah, I know I probably should tell you that this
is It would seem as though, oh the podcast where
we talk about anything, everything and.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
Nothing mostly nothing. I'm I am best, I'm here. Okay,
that's what we've got. Whether has a personality behind it.
If there's a personality behind it, good for you. If not,
you know, it's just been super weird around my house.
And I know we talked about last week home my

(11:02):
mother went to the hospital blobby blade well, and things
haven't recovered, no at all.

Speaker 4 (11:07):
No, as a matter of fact, And I'm gonna tell
I'm gonna say this, and I know I've said this before,
but if you are someone who has to be a
caregiver for someone in this situation, there are things that
you have to laugh at because if you don't, you're
just gonna cry all the time and be super stressed
out or pissed off or pissed off. The other day,

(11:29):
we're just sitting there watching TV and the old lady's
hangle nap.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
In her chair per usual, and in her mind her
phone rang. It did not, but in her mind.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
It did, and so she picks up her hand and
answers her phone.

Speaker 4 (11:47):
Her she and had a conversation, a very animated conversation
with her hand. The other hand was just gesticulating. Well,
the one I was up to her face, you know,
talking and and then it was like both hands because
you know you got to hold hold her.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
And that phone must have grown or something. Her nineteen
eighties and yeah, that was her first phone, right.

Speaker 4 (12:11):
And again my daughter she when she got off her
phone call, she says, Grandma, were you talking to a ghost?

Speaker 1 (12:22):
To a siller? Like, what are you talking about? I know,
I know, such an angry oldlady, but it's so funny.

Speaker 4 (12:28):
There's a book that we bought for Parker years and
years ago because it was Parker as a child, and
the book is called Crankenstein and it's about like the
grumpiest child ever who's just mad about everything and.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
His response to almost everything is.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
So every time, I'm, you know, mocking her in my head,
think a little Crankington.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah, yeah, she it's it's it's weird because either she's
like vacant and there's nothing going on, and she's all
sunken in and just like her eyes aren't tracking she
doesn't recognize, or she's angry, or she thinks her or
she's very mushy like, yes, these are kind of it. Yeah,

(13:14):
that's that's her. That's the extent of her personality anymore.
And you know, I still my way to deal with
Grandma is humor and deflection because I feel like things
that she wants to talk about, or things that she'll
mention that I know we'll piss her off, noop, or
I laugh at her, or I'll say things like what
are you doing you old lady or the old hag
or something mean to her because she thinks it's cute

(13:35):
and fun. We're just teasing, you know, I don't. I
never anymore. I don't want to have any serious conversation
with her, even when she asks me like, well, what
are you studying, just because she has no concept, she
doesn't understand at all what I'm studying, and well, and.

Speaker 4 (13:51):
It doesn't matter because in five minutes she didn't remember anyway.
And you so you can tell her literally something different
every day. So you could be said studying marine by all, yeah,
tomorrow you could be studying for the priesthood.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
Yeah, and she would be like, okay, oh are you she.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Took classes in that when I was in college, and
she'll always say, well, I think that's really important. No
matter what it is, I think that's really important. It
is No we have ever told you this.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
But speaking of marine biology, Oh.

Speaker 4 (14:20):
My sister that I don't talk about so much, Darcy Sure,
the one who lives in Arizona with the scorpions.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
And she's a marine biologist in Arizona.

Speaker 4 (14:28):
Well, she actually is not. She's a college professor, I believe.
Now I'm probably getting it all wrong. I know that
she worked at the college about one college, the one college,
because there's only one college in the.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Entire country, Arizona State.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
No, she worked in Seattle, or she moved away from
Seattle worked at the college there, I see, And I
think she does the same work now.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
Okay, her story sucks. She's kind of reclusive, Okay, doesn't
really talk to him.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
You know.

Speaker 4 (14:57):
She talks to my other sister Linda. They're very close,
but not a lot of other people. And I'm certainly
not on the list. And that's fine.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
But I believe that before she changed to what she
does now, she was a marine biologists.

Speaker 4 (15:11):
Crazy, I want to say, and you know, Linda, if
you're listening to this and I'm getting it all wrong,
please hit me message to correct me. But I feel
like when she met her husband, they were on a
boat and she was doing her marine biologists work. Now,
this is how I remember things. I could have made
up the entire thing, but I don't think.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
She ever had a husband. There was no boat.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
Well, she had a husband while she was with her
first husband, Are you.

Speaker 1 (15:41):
Together? Exposing all the business?

Speaker 4 (15:43):
She and her husband had been together for a very
long time now, But the last time I physically saw
her was when we did one of the little family
things up in Duval, which is where she lived, which
is just this pretty little suburb of Seattle, which was
minutes from where my sister Linda lived. But it was

(16:04):
one of those houses much like Linda's, where once you know,
you're like, come off, it's a very busy street and
turn up into their street and you're like, I'm in
the woods. Yeah, it's literally literally like a block from
the city.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
And it was beautiful. Yeah, that's beautiful.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
But then they decided to move to Arizona, where they.

Speaker 4 (16:19):
Literally lived on eighty acres of sagebrush.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah, let me tell you. That is the thing that
I don't understand, like people moving away from here like
just I mean I have, yes, but I mean permanently
to be like, I'm moving to someplace so vastly different
and that's where I'm going to stay. And you know,
I had a mental breakdown when I lived in San
Francisco because I was like, I need to touch grass,

(16:46):
you guys, like I need to be in nature. And
so to move from here where it's so green and
wet and beautiful to Arizona.

Speaker 4 (16:54):
Right well, and to move from some place where you're
surrounded full lush nature because yard literally it.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
Was like being in a park.

Speaker 4 (17:04):
Yeah, it was gorgeous, but obviously, I mean, everybody has
their different things that it wouldn't be for me.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah, but what would be for me?

Speaker 4 (17:12):
And this is the part that I think is really
genius is so she and her husband bought forty acres,
and then when the neighbor decided to sell their forty acres,
they bought that too, so that nobody could build anything there.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
I love that.

Speaker 4 (17:23):
So they now have eighty acres of I don't know, tumbleweeds, dessert, yeah,
I mean, and now, of course, in my mind because
I've never seen it.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
I've never been there.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
In my mind, is you know, like an old Western
where you see the tumbleweeds blowing.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Through and you know every everywhere rattlesnake ye, there's lizards everyone. Yeah,
I get it. I mean that's probably my one of
my least favorite habitats is the desert, just because it's
not for me.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
It's not for me.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
It's too dry, it's too hot, and there's too many
scary things.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
I'm not a desert person.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
When my co.

Speaker 4 (17:58):
Said she went to visit her sister, now Zona, who
doesn't live in the day, who lives in town, and
very first night there was like, when you get up,
make sure you put on your shoes because sometimes scorpions
get into that.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
What.

Speaker 3 (18:10):
Nope, So when's the next flight home?

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Yeah, I'm leaving.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
I'm gonna go stay on the fortieth floor of some
hotel where the US can't get unless they know how
to write the elevator.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Young girl.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
And then I'm going home.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, I want you to.

Speaker 4 (18:21):
Yeah, because I if you told me no there was
a possibility scorpions were gonna be in your house, yeah,
I wouldn't be in your house.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
No, And I want you to know I even if
it was just a possibility, yeah, my house, because I'm
not like I don't know outside my house. There are
tons of spiders inside my house, tons of spiders. That's fine.
And genuinely often I see spiders and I'm like, you're
not in my way, you know what I mean, Like
you're cool, you're in the corner. I don't give a shit.
When am I going to knock your web down? For what?

Speaker 5 (18:50):
You know?

Speaker 1 (18:50):
I don't care. Also, sidebar, I learned and this is
gonna be weird that often if you see a spider out,
it's because it hasn't watched you long enough, because spiders
watch humans and learn their routine so they know when
to come out. So they're not like around a predator. Right,
So if you see a spider on your wall, it
hasn't watched you long enough. It's not unsettling. Here's my

(19:15):
terrible means, Oh were you not done? No? I wasn't.
But I couldn't imagine like having spider spine and they're
not gonna kill me. But like living in a place
like you know, Arizona or Australia where like oh, you know,
the hunt, the big scary fucking spider on your wall
that's twelve feet long. Oh, it just gets in. Here's
some time, Like, what do you mean it ate a
hole from the wall to get in. There's a pragmantis

(19:36):
eating a kitten and they're like, oh, look it's Joey, Like,
what do you fucking mean, weirdo? I don't get it.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
So here's my spider story, which is probably gonna make
me sound like a monster. But I relocated a spider
to a new neighborhood, okay, and.

Speaker 3 (19:52):
Kind of unintentionally, partially intentionally.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
Oh, we took Parker to the Orthodontis the other day
to get his wires removed, so the Dennis get x rays.

Speaker 3 (20:01):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
Well we get there and there's a spider on the
back of my car that's written all the way from
the house to the Orthodonois, which is on the other
side of town. Yeah, and I was all okay, And
so I took the end of my cane and had
it walk ont of my cane and then took it over
and tapped it off. And so he now lives in
north Portland. Right, He'll never see his family again.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
That's horrible. Horrible.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
So I was like, I'm kind of terrible, but you know,
at least I didn't kill.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
It was like, you live over here, now, yeah, make
me welcome. This is like the equivalent to moving across
the world. Very well.

Speaker 4 (20:37):
Do you think about how tiny a spider is.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
It kind of is the equivalent of moving like cross country.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Right, I guess I don't know. We'll never see you again.
Just say goodbye.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
Right, His family's all where Dad go?

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Wait, I'm hungry. Dad said he was going to go
get a pack of smokes, and he literally.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
Just left side and building the nest. Yeah we're building
an oh wow on the back.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Of this carl.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
Yeah, because it's nice and warm and y'all concern yourself.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
And then he never give me up. I know. Yeah.
Sometimes sometimes I'll go outside because you know, like water
my plants or whatever, and spiders have made homes and
places that I'm like, you know, I walk here, motherfucker.
You know I'm gonna walk through this. Do you want
me to destroy your home? Like the kool Aid man?
Like I don't understand. You know, I'm here, and you
know that I'm the shortest human that lives here, So like,

(21:26):
what are you doing. Make it higher, right, right, put
it somewhere else. Put it somewhere else. A human doesn't go.
And there's plenty of spaces, you know.

Speaker 4 (21:33):
Well, and if you look at my front porch, yeah,
there's spider webs all around it. Because I'm like, I
made them a promise long time ago. It's like, if
you're outside, I'm not gonna mess with you because that's
where you belong. If you're inside, yeah, no, there's you know,
it's no holes barred.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Yeah, I might kill you.

Speaker 5 (21:49):
I might.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
You might be lucky in somebody else in the house
who's gonna let touch you. We'll take you outside, yeah,
I yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Well, and if you made that promise, then so be it.
You set the ground pools. And if they broke them,
they know the concert once as right, because I logiced
it out with the spiders. Well, I will put logic
upon like don't put don't make treaties as a white woman,
white people are known to break them left and stuck
and right. You know.

Speaker 3 (22:19):
Anyway that is true. I was just going to tell
you something I don't know.

Speaker 4 (22:25):
Oh and now when it was back to dad went
out for smokes and everything.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yeah, I feel like I've.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
Told this story on here, and I may have it.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
Who cares?

Speaker 4 (22:33):
I'm until again when I was researching my ancestry stuff.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
Yeah, if you've never.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
Been on ancestry dot com or any of those kind
of sites, know that it is a fucking rabbit hole
that you can get lost in for days because it's like, oh,
here's another hits, or here's another person, or here's another whatever.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
And Family Search is another one that's.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Like that cocaine, it is crack cocaine because.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
It is run by the Mormons, and the Mormons have
all of the records.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
The Mormons have all the knowledge. Yeah, they do where.

Speaker 3 (23:04):
This is concerned.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
And so I was telling this one particular rabbit hole
and it was like this person is your.

Speaker 3 (23:12):
I don't know, sixth great grandfather, whatever the fuck he was.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Who cares?

Speaker 4 (23:15):
And sometimes their stories included like this is so mister
Mann disappeared in this year. And here's what was reported, right,
So it was reported that Jim Bob left his house

(23:35):
to go chopwood. Okay, so he went went outside his
little cabin to chopwood. Love that, because you know they
need a fire inside because it's cold.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
It's cold. Girl.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
When along came carpet gross and kidnapped him, and the
family never saw him again. Interesting, Yeah, because he didn't
they didn't kidnap him for ransom. Yeah, here's what I
think really happened. Okay to your mom, Like I'm going
to be out chopping wood, come get me at you know.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, but I didn't have watches and how you know
the time when the sun is?

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, when your sun dial points or whatever.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yeah, I mean I don't know when they had clocks.

Speaker 4 (24:15):
I don't I know nothing, So come by, make a
rat a ruckus, throw me in the buckboard and run off.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
Bitches making up words at those points. No buck board
is like you know, the wagon or whatever.

Speaker 3 (24:34):
Anyway, I think he planned it out.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Yeah, I'm out of here.

Speaker 4 (24:37):
I'm tired of taking care of this household of eighteen children.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
I don't know how many. Oh my god. Okay, I
was about to be like what, I don't want to
run a farm anymore.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
I'm tired. And you don't want to be married to
Bertha anymore.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Her eighteen children, right, because her fault.

Speaker 4 (24:52):
So let's you know, get that kidnapped work, steal me
away beggars, because then a.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
Half that time carpet beggers were an actual I.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
Don't even know what that is, someone who just steals people.

Speaker 3 (25:02):
It's you steal your carpet and put it in a bag.
I don't like the I.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Was. I don't know why they're called carpetbaggers. Well you
keep talking, okay.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
But that story just it just tickled me because it
was in my imagination.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Of course, that's where all that went. Right. Oh, yeah,
of course. And wait did he come back? Oh? I thought,
I thought, never to be seen again. How funny? Okay.
A carpetbager is a term often used pejoratively to describe
someone who moves to a new area, especially to seek
political or financial gain, and is perceived as an outsider

(25:43):
with no real stake in the community. Historically, it was
applied to Northerners who moved to the South after the
Civil War, often holding political office.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
But why is it called carpetbag I need you to
know everything.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
What is the edible the term origining? It's from the
cheap carpet bird suitcases, carpetbags that some people carried their
belongings and during the nineteenth century.

Speaker 4 (26:06):
Yeah, because I'm one of those, I'm frankly, I love
a carpet bag. I've had a couple of really nice
carpet bags. It's like, because that's what Mary Poppins carried.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Oh okay, okay, you know, but it wasn't cheap.

Speaker 4 (26:19):
Yeah, I mean obviously she could pull a whole lamp
out of it.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
It's funny to me because like, I just think that
they made a really nice suitcase and then got some
really bad shag carpet and like like stapled it on,
and that's what I think of it. I'm like, why
would anybody do that? But then of course you say
Mary Poppins, like I'm with yeah, right, Ray, Ray wasn't
hers why I can apothecarry bag.

Speaker 4 (26:41):
Kind of but it was big and you know, but
it was upholstery fabric, and so they're.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Called so interesting. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
The more you know, the more you know, you just
learned something. Listen. I was thinking, all the crazy shit.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Going on in the world, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (26:58):
It might be nice to do something fun, possible, So
Bible study. Bible study, That's what I was because that's
fun and positive.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Right, It's been so long since I've read the Bible.
I know, it's joyous anyway, we're I.

Speaker 4 (27:16):
Was thinking like reading some like coming out stories, okay, right, yeah,
which I mean I probably should have told you before we.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
Got to give so you could look some up on
your own, because I didn't know prepare.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
No, I yeah, I know, y yeah yeah yeah yeah,
and you know you go ahead and I will look.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
Okay, I'm going to start with this one. When I
came out, I was thirteen, having just realized I was
pan after an all girls sleepover. Very classic story, I know.
I told my other queer friends, who were wonderfully supportive.
Then I told my now former best friend, who was
less accepting, and outed me to everyone in our summer camp.

(27:57):
My parents took a while to come around, and I'm
still not sure if my mom completely gets it, but
my dad insists I'm buying me pride merch. I love
that today I'm a queer college student with a cool
gay with cool.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
Gay and straight friends.

Speaker 4 (28:14):
I remember being comforted by the stories unhere back then,
and now I'm proud to share mind to anyone figuring
out who they are. It's okay not to know yet,
and it's okay for your identity to change. Just remember
the things that things will get better, and you will
find people in the world who love you for who
you are. From a female ish queer love that.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
I love that.

Speaker 4 (28:37):
One of the things that she touches on is it's
okay to not know who you are. It's okay for
your identities also to change and progress and evolve. Because
as you first figured out, you might go, oh, I'm
this because that's the title, you know, or that's the
box that you've heard of, or that's the person the

(28:57):
only person you know who's queer maybe fits in that.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
You're like, oh, okay, me too.

Speaker 4 (29:02):
But then as you learn more, you go, oh, but
I'm a little more this a little off center of that.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
Yeah. I think that there is also something interesting is that.
I mean, if you're growing up around like small community
and there are people who are outwardly queer and they're
treated poorly, it could be like a closeted or like
a saving face kind of thing of not being that
I'm not that kind of queer, you know what I mean, Like,

(29:29):
I'm not that kind of person. And I think that's
very interesting is how other people come out and how
other queer people perform their queerness really really does inform
how you come out and how you Yeah, I don't know.
I never felt because I never did either, no one
you know what I mean. As a youth, I never

(29:50):
came out of it. It was just kind of assumed,
you know what I mean. And then your mother decided
when I transferred high school decided it was like an
idea to tell everyone I was queer, and I was like,
but it was not my decision, and I didn't tell anybody,
you know what I mean. It was I was in
the country. I was gonna wait until I was older
and leave like that was my goal.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
Well, because it seems like the safest thing, which we've.

Speaker 4 (30:10):
Talked about on yeah, is if you want to come
out and you don't feel you're safe, then don't. Then
don't come out until you are safe and you can
safely come out without fear of.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Antrib Yeah, I know. So I think I don't know
if you do or you don't come out. You don't
need to come out to be true to you, you
know what I mean. I think you can still always
know who you are and always have like that sense
of a strong identity without labeling yourself as an identity.

(30:42):
As long as you are honest, you don't need to
be honest with anyone but yourself.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
So this queen that I follow, Darby, who was the
host of in My Homosexual Opinion.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah, it's just as imho, but that's what that stands for.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
I was watching a video of her this morning.

Speaker 4 (30:58):
So she is an identical twin, and she was raised
in a very religious household, and she was the only
one who did not carry on the religion because she's queer,
and she's a drag queen, you know, a drag queen
married to a man.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
Oh my god, she's all the awful things right.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
Her brother was also in you know, stayed in the
religion for quite a while and had troubles with her
because you know, religion tells you, you know, to be
hind mighty and not of the people in your life
if they're not perfect. Well, so he then stepped away
from Christianity and they've become very close since, but his parents.

Speaker 3 (31:42):
Still do not talk to him.

Speaker 4 (31:44):
And the line that he said at the end of
this video that made me just go oh was it
was easier to throw away their child than their community.
And it was like, if you said that my child
was not acceptable in your community.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
I would want no part of it.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
Well, ma'am, I was like, I'm sorry, but this is
my child.

Speaker 4 (32:08):
And one of the things that she also said is
and he realized, I'm going back and forth with pronouns,
but she is a boy, which I know is a
funny sentence, but a drag queen who identifies as a boy. Anyway,
one of the things she said was you are tasked
with one thing, as apparent in this to love your
children no matter what.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
And that's not that hard, you know.

Speaker 4 (32:34):
And if you are taking religion as a reason to
not love your children, then you're a garbage person and
your religion sucks well.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
And I would like to know when Jesus was like,
oh you're queer, get out. Oh I'm not going to
wash your fear, go ahead and throw them out on
the street. Oh I don't like your identity, so you
don't get to eat today, or I'm not going to
hear you, or you don't get to follow me. That's
I want to read the Bible that these Christian people have,
because those make a look of fucking sense. Girl. Having
read what eyebrod, I'm like, where are you.

Speaker 3 (33:04):
People get in your notes?

Speaker 1 (33:05):
You know what I mean? Where are you getting these quotes?
Because I think you're just making shit up, right? Yeah?
I think it's kind of no, kind of. I do
think it's monstrous, and I hate the idea that people
need to just come out. But I also feel like
coming out is as much for the person who is
coming out as it is for the people that you're

(33:27):
coming out too, because it's you affirming and I don't know,
standing on your own and saying like this is who
I am. It's you bearing your cross right, like it's
you saying this is me, and you like it or
you don't like it. And I think that coming out
is important for people individually anymore. I think it's kind

(33:48):
of like me, you know, I don't really.

Speaker 4 (33:50):
I think what's most important is just finding your tribe
one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
Find your people. Find your people. There's people for you everywhere,
you know what I mean? Right right? You don't me
to read another one or one? Yeah, totally, I've got one.
It's this one right here. Okay. This was written on
May second of this year, so it's fresh. When I

(34:16):
came out, I added myself to my best friend when
we were talking about a conversation she had with my mom.
My mom is really pushy about knowing everything about school
and my social life, and I didn't realize that not
all parents are like that. I said something about my
mom pestering me about the boys in my grade and
if I had a crush, and then my friend asked

(34:37):
me if I what if I had a crush, And
then my friend asked me if I had a crush.
I was currently crushing on a girl in our grade,
and I told her. She didn't make a big deal
out of it, and we had a very short conversation
about my sexuality out of sleepover that weekend. I recently
told her that I was exploring my gender identity and
that I might be non binary, and she has been
using my preferred name and pronouns. I haven't told any
of my other friends or family, so that will be

(35:00):
an interesting It will be interesting, but that'll be interesting.
But someone accepts me. They wrote this really incorrectly, that's
very sweet. I just think it's kind of like, I'm
glad that you came out to a person. You know,
I'm glad that you have your person was good. Yeah,
And the fact that they're only like, okay, I, you know,

(35:20):
will use your name in pronouns that you want me
to use. And I think that is the most important
because listen as like a queer person or as a
person who is playing with gender. Name choosing is not
like you wake up one day and you're like, oh
my god, my name will be Barbara. You know what
I mean, I got my name will be Sophia. No,
it's not like that if you wake up and you're like,

(35:41):
you know what, let's try Jennifer, you know, and.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
Then people are like feeling very Jennifer to it.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
And then you know, if you trust people, you tell
the people around you like, oh, I think I like Jennifer,
and then they call you Jennifer and after a while
you're like yay, or you're like, that's not me. I'm
not a Jennifer, you know whatever. So I do love
that though, and that this friend is just supportive because anymore, too,
sexuality and gender is nothing but fluid, right, So right,

(36:10):
I just think, I you know, I've always thought ever
since I was a kid, I was like, I think
it's important for people to fall in love with the
soul of someone else, the person. And I like that ambiguity,
and I think more and more as gender and sexuality
gets blurrier and blurrier. I like the ambiguity. I don't like.
I don't necessarily need someone to tell me I'm a

(36:32):
boy or I like women or whatever. I don't really
need that unless you're coming on to me. I don't
need to know. And also I don't want you don't
look at me. I have a man, you know what
I mean? Like, that's how I feel. I just I
know sexuality and gender hugely important for people in their identity.
It's for navigation, for love, for pleasure, for a lot

(36:52):
of reasons. But as a person. Again, unless you are like, oh,
I really like you, I'm going to come on too,
I don't. It doesn't I don't care.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
I'm just gonna say this about that.

Speaker 4 (37:02):
I have always been so up to when I don't
ever know unless you're like super like.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
I want to fuck you. I'm like what they were
hitting on me?

Speaker 4 (37:12):
They were me I don't know, because I'm just I'm
really just like, well, I don't I don't pay attention.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
Okay, And we're upset because I just assumed everybody wanted
to find me. I just said that you're speaking to me,
you're looking at me, you want to pick me. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:32):
When I came out, I was fifteen, Despite knowing I
was queer for a very long time. I had only
identified as trans mask for a year, though, and the
attraction I suddenly felt for boys was new as well.
So it was nerve wracking, but I had realized I
couldn't live with the dysphoria and the pain I felt daily.
I wanted literally nothing more than to be seen as

(37:54):
a boy, to have a boyfriend, to be finally happy
and comfortable. I told two for first and it didn't
go over wells, which was discouraging, but I pushed on
and I'm glad I did. It was awkward and really
weird at first, honestly, but over time it got better.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
It's been a while and I don't have a boyfriend
just yet.

Speaker 4 (38:17):
But in the words of Ethel Caine, I don't know
who that is it was meant to be, then it
will be.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
If you're reading these.

Speaker 4 (38:25):
For motivation to come out, as I did for years
before I actually did this, this will be your sign
to go for it if you know you're in a
safe situation. At least, I promise you it's worth it.
It may be weird, it may be awkward. It may
even hurt a little, but nothing can beat the happiness
of living your true self. I promise so female to

(38:49):
male trans sixteen year old.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, I'll I don't know either. Oh hey, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (38:57):
We had to pause for a moment because my son
was calling me and he knows that I'm doing a pod.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
So I assumed it was something earth shattering and.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
Very important, and it wasn't it. Yeah, it was important enough,
I suppose. I mean, but it literally the power was
out for a minute, so the power blinked. Yeah, it's like,
oh my god.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
Which the power goes out. That means the internet goes out.
The Internet goes out. That means they have nothing to do.
Their life is over.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Life is hard. Let's go shopping. Yeah, yeah, you know,
I want something. It's important to mention is that people
you come out to people people are like can be
against it, not like it. Think you lied to them?
Think you why do you keep this from me? You

(39:45):
know that's not how I raised you. It doesn't matter
if it's a parent or a friend or whatever. There
are gonna be people who think less of you no
matter how you come out right, you could do it,
and the way the best way, the most like taking
yourself out of the equation, putting you know, everyone else's

(40:05):
feelings first. You could be selfish about it. You could
create a PowerPoint, you could get people money. No matter
how you come out, there's always going to be a
person or people who are like, well, I can't believe it,
and I miss my son or my daughter, and it
feels like my child is dying, which you know is crazy.
It is so crazy because here's the thing. Often, if

(40:27):
if queer people didn't get to live their life as
the person they're supposed to be and meant to be,
whether you were gay or lesbian, or bisexual or trains
or whatever, you would more likely end up dying. Yeah, absolutely,
from you know, harming yourself. And so I think the

(40:48):
idea don't want people do that shit to you, You
know what I mean? There's always, no matter where you are,
there's something bigger and better than what you have currently.
And for a lot of people who aren't out or
your families aren't supportive, the bigger, better thing is getting
to be your true self in a place that's safe
and where you don't have to I don't closet those

(41:09):
parts of yourself because living a half life is not
living you know, right, but you can't Also if you
want to be super disruptive, which come out in small
town USA, sure, but also there are consequences. I remember
as a youth, I was very kookie. I was like
very I wanted to wear that cool stuff like to school.

(41:29):
I was like it'd be edgy or whatever. But I
remember wearing things that were you know, too too weird
or too effeminate or too whatever. In Grandma saying and
your Mova saying to me, like, you can wear whatever
you want, whatever you want, but like you have to
understand that not everyone's going to get that, and people

(41:50):
aren't gonna like it. But if you can handle that,
people aren't gonna like it and people are gonna say things,
wear it. If you're good with it, then wear it.
And I love that. I was like always kind of
what she said, you know, because I will say that.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
When I was eighteen and dyed my hair Fuchia and
was still living in Carlton, and she said to me
that it's like you can't do something that makes you
really stand out and then be mad that people stare you. Yes,
And it was like, and that is something I've kept
with me for the rest of my life because I
believe that's true. You cannot, you know, walk around the

(42:25):
mohawk and tattoos or whatever and then be mad that.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
Someone's looking at you.

Speaker 4 (42:28):
Yeah, you clearly are a piece of walking art man
to be looked at.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:33):
And I was like, because I know, am and I'm
oldly my hair color has been normal for a while,
but I'm covered with tattoos.

Speaker 3 (42:41):
Yeah, you know. And it's like, I know, look at me,
don't look at me.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
I'm now kind of oblivious to it.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
The thing that's so weird to me is that like
having fushia hair in Carlton, right, people looking at you
and being like, oh my god, that's so weird. That's
so different, that's so cool, that's so whatever it is.
But like, I don't understand seeing something that is different,
like seeing fushre hair in a small town and being like, oh,
I hate it so much, I got to kill it.
Like that is so those are the response I've never understood.

Speaker 3 (43:11):
Well, you're different from me, so.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
You have to die. Die Like I like it, don't
like it, love it, hate it, it doesn't even matter. But
like the fact that people some people's responses is that
person is different, they should be harmed. Is like that
is the failing of the unit.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
I'm feeling some kind of threat because you feel uncomfortable.
You feel comfortable enough to live outside of the box.
I don't, and I can't and I won't, So I
need to. I need to take you away from my
field the vision because you are a reminder that I
can't live the way.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
I have to remove you from this equation. Right, you're
giving me the answers, and I can't look at those answers, right.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
Yeah, oh exactly. And I've always felt that way. It's
like you're mad because you don't.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
Have the freedom.

Speaker 4 (43:56):
You're not allowing yourself the freedom or someone else isn't.
But it's like, as a grown person, if there's somebody
who's not allowing you the freedom to be yourself, then
you need to.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Not be with that person.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, what the fuck?

Speaker 4 (44:09):
And if it's a heart I mean, And I know
sometimes it's not as easy as just walking away.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
No, I get that, you know, but you gotta figure
out a way to walk away.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, girl, walk the fuck away? Walk away?

Speaker 3 (44:20):
Renee?

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Fine, friends, and guess what I I have housed many
a person who's been like I don't have any places
to go right now, come to me. And even if
we weren't like tight close to Judy's, you know, I
was like, there are many people in my life that
I was like, you're having a hard time, you need
a place to stay, Come stay my good my Now,
like a really good friend, Angel, who lived with us

(44:41):
in this house. He is from la and we worked
together at Starbucks and he went through really bad breakup
and was sad. He came over to hang out one
day and I said, baby, you can move in, and
he like cried and was so grateful, and I was like, yeah,
of course, you know, like and it wasn't anything like
his gender, his sexuality was just him breaking up with
his girlfriend. And it was just a lot. And I

(45:03):
remember like, I you know, there's people want to help
if they can help, you know what I mean? And
people will help you. You got to find the community though,
right And it's not like I let Angel Angel moved in.
He lived here for a while. He paid rent, minimal rent,
but like you know, like whatever he could he paid,
and like, I don't know, part of that is just

(45:23):
helping a homie, and you should all be able to
want to help your friends and the people you love.
But like, even I don't know, I've helped people that
were like acquaintances of mine. I've helped people because a
friend was like, I have this friend who needs a
couch to sleep on for the night or whatever. You know, Okay,
Like it's.

Speaker 4 (45:39):
Well, And I know for me that when I had
a particularly tough time in my life, yeah, and not
a single one of my friends stepped up. It was
a total stranger who helped me. Yeah, because he was
a friend of a friend yep. And my friend was like, well,
I there's I have nowhere for you to be.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
But mm hmm. I talked to his friend of mine, yeah,
who has an extra room and.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
And it was like, so a stranger is going to
help me when the people who claimed to be my friends,
which by the way, I'm not friends with any of
those people, because it wasn't like I want to move
in with you. Yeah, it was like I need somewhere
to be for a couple of days. So I figured
shit out totally.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Oh now it's not a good time.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
No, No, it's really not a good time.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
You're und a good time for anybuddy, bitch, What do
you mean? Yeah, No, that shit's bananas to me. Well,
like in when I lived in La I lived with
my then boyfriend in his house and he went crazy
one day and kicked me out and I didn't have
any place to go, and I called my friend Anna
and she was like, call my mom. So I called

(46:43):
her mom and she was like, move in. And her
mom lived in like a small it was like a
mother in law house, like a yeah called she shut
I don't know, but it was big enough. It had
like a two rooms, but sharedy lived there with her
two teenage kids. But she was like, you can sleep
on the couch. And I lived with her for the
summer because I was like, I have no place to go,
and so it was like my friend's family that took

(47:04):
me in, you know. And I don't know, There's always
there will always be somebody you just And that's the
hard part too, is being like I need help, because
a lot of people have that have been told like
pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You can do it
by yourself, but like if you are, because it's somehow
shameful to ask to ask for help, which is crazy.

(47:25):
You're not asking someone to put the bill for your life.
You're saying, can you help me in this moment? Right, yeah, exactly.
So I think that even if in some of the
most unexpected people again a stranger, a friend's family, like,
we're like, yeah, come on, we got you and I
and that is that's when I'm the most that I
feel super grateful.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
You know.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
Well, I think that's one of the things that I
think the queer community does, probably better than most yep,
is the creed because most of us have had to
have you know, chosen or created family, and so we
underst and the importance of finding your people.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
You know, we.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
Understand that just because you were born into a family
does not make them your family. It doesn't make the
people that are going to be there to support you
and love you and house you and do whatever when
you need it.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
No.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
And I like to clarify between like my relation and
my family, because my relation are people I share blood with,
share like a heritage with right genes. But my family
are people that some of them I share blood with,
but often most of them. No, they're just the people
who've been there for me and I've been there for them.
We've taken care of each other, my logical and biological Yeah, yeah,

(48:38):
you know. I love logical family, my logical and my
illogical iological family. Yeah, all right, I don't have any
I don't have any Okay, Well was it right? I
didn't get a prep and reading something.

Speaker 3 (48:51):
I know it's all my fault. I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (48:53):
When I came out, it wasn't all at once. I
came out as bisexual at thirteen, and came out as
frans a trans man to my friends at fifteen and
to my family at sixteen. Trying to discover my sexuality
was intertwined with trying to discover my gender, and vice versa.
I was trying to suppress who I was because evangelical

(49:14):
family members called who I was a sin. I refused
to live in shame again. So non binary, trans man,
twenty five bisexual. So he's just checking off all of
the crazy monks. God, But that goes back to what
we're talking about with the evangelical You know, Jesus told
you your life is a crime and so you need

(49:36):
to be stone, which is so bananas.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
I don't know anywhere in the Bible where Jesus says,
you know what kills those people? Ooh, the ones who
switch genders kill him dead. I love that. But you
know what's crazy. You can look up like there are
like trans saints within the church, there are trans people
who've been sainted. I mean you have to look. But
there's like hundreds of what do you mean, of course

(50:01):
there's trans people. Like it's crazy what I feel. All
through history.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Now, I don't do that, and I hate to break
it to anybody who is in this current religious state
who believes trans is a new thing.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
And that's what's harm to your children.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (50:18):
By the way, in this year, just in twenty twenty five,
there have been sixteen, six year seventeen folks in the church,
whether that be ministers, youth ministers, whatever, who've been arrested
for pedophilia.

Speaker 1 (50:32):
Oh shocking. Not one of them.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
I'm not a single transperson, not a single drag queen.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
No, of course, not, of course not. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
Yeah, So that whole thing just blows my mind.

Speaker 4 (50:43):
It's like, well, my God tells me this, But if
you look through history, you will find trans people. Like
we've talked about before, there was an emperor, Roman emperor
who was trans. There's people all through history if you
pay attention, if you just have to.

Speaker 5 (51:00):
Do a little bit of look and get a little
bit though, just a little bit also, you're but like
a lot of mythologies have dual gendered God's goddesses priests, Like,
it's not a new fucking phenomenon if it was happening
in ancient Mesopotamia, bitch.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
Which is like the cradle of civilization. What are we
talking about? What are we talking about in the year
of twenty twenty five of our Lord and our Savior.
And you're telling me trains is bad? Get fucked? You're trying.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
Maybe that's what they need to get fucked.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
Girl, Look, everyone wants listen. You put it out there,
someone's gonna want to fuck it, you know what I mean.
So to all you JK rowling Mama, go get dick down,
you know what I mean. I think that's what you need.
You're like, you need a lobotomy sometime in the sight
a padded room.

Speaker 5 (51:55):
All right.

Speaker 4 (51:57):
When I came out, I came out at thirty eight
after a lifetime of repressing my bisexuality. A childhood's meant
being mocked for anything about me that was different. Had
taught me to mask myself so carefully. Even I didn't
know it until a new friend showed me a path
through realizing everything about me is normal. And I figured

(52:19):
it out and came out, and I'm happy now. I'll
always feel a sense of grief for the versions of
me that never got to live, but I'm grateful to
know who I am, to understand what happened to me,
to love myself for who and what I am, and
to live completely free of the shame that ruled my
entire life for so long. I hope for a world

(52:41):
where everyone can know this freedom. I'm out and proud
because I want to build that world. There's work to do,
and I refuse to hide from it.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
So Mail thirty eight bisexual, Thank god, the fact that.

Speaker 4 (52:54):
He didn't get to come out, or wasn't able to
come out and feel he had to come out, so
it was thirty eight that to me is a little heartbreaking.
But at the same time, he finally figured it all
out and was like, Oh, all these things that I
was afraid of, all these things I was ashamed of,
all these things people told me was wrong. We're fine,
it's just normal. It's nothing, you know. And again, probably

(53:17):
because he was raised in a church. I would imagine
that anybody was like, Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
You're horrible. You're a sinner, you're a monster. So I
want to read this thing that I passed through on
Facebook years ago. But it's like this thread from a
queer person and it revolts, and it's regarding the conversation.
It's regarding queerness, but it's talking about whether the queer
is a slur. But it says, when I came out,
everything was gay and lesbian. We all call ourselves gay

(53:42):
and lesbian because that's what we had been, that's what
had been yelled at us in our youth. The symbol
was the pink triangle. The pink triangle was used by
hate groups and oppressors to identify us. We took it back,
We took gay back. During my time at McAllister, the
group name changed from Gay and Lesbian Lion to LGBT Union.
We listened, we learned, we included more people more explicitly.

(54:05):
The symbols were the pink triangle and the AIDS ribbon,
two badges of death, and you would take them out
of our cold dead hands, motherfucker. Right right after I graduated,
the rainbow flag became predominant, made by AIDS activists, by
the way, still coming out of death, and queer became
the thing. It was more inclusive, and the tea was
moving from transsexual to transgender. And what about married by folks?

(54:30):
I mean when I came out, I knew people who
call themselves trainees because that was still a thing then.
So anyway, queer queer was the word like gay that
got shouted from passing cars. What are you a fucking queer? Queer?
But when accused of being hated by a thing, you
can take two paths. You can deny being the thing

(54:51):
and agree with your accuser that this is that being
this thing is awful the worst of course you're not
that thing, or or you can increase being that motherfucking thing.
Am I a dike? Really? Wash me, cut my hair
and buy a leather jacket and wear silk ties, You
son of a bitch? Call me a queer? Really? You
cannot handle the queer. Sometime after that, other acronyms and

(55:12):
terms started being used, quilt bag, for instance, ace arrow.
These are now in use lots of terms, but nearly
all the things we call ourselves have been used as
weapons against us. Nearly all the symbols we use for
our resistance have origins in our death, not just oppression death.
So when you say you want the term, you want

(55:34):
the term dike, I will try to remember that for you.
If you call yourself a flaming faggot, I will not
and move on. If I call myself queer and you flinch,
I will try to respect that. But you don't get
to tell me to stop. Everybody who came out before
you has taken the rocks and bottles and made them
into shields and wind chimes. If I am unashamed of
being queer, you do not get to give that word

(55:56):
back to the fuck what's who made it a slur. Resistance,
jubilee and freedom go one way. We grow more expansive,
more inclusive, louder, larger, brighter. We don't have to all
like each individual sequence strobe light or pixie stick at
the party. But you sure shit don't get to lock
anybody out. And I think that is the tea bitch
to queerness bitch is I think every term, every act

(56:21):
that has been used not just an impression or oppression,
but death of queer people. Take that shit back. You
know what I mean, And I think coming out is
a part of it, and I think you take your
identity back. You get to take the things about you
that people have used against you. You're too feminine, you're
too much of a fag, you're too queer, you're too
your girl, whatever, use the shit out of it. Then

(56:43):
you know what I mean? Yes, absolutely, because you coming
out as resistance and resilience. No matter how much I
fucking hate resilience. I mean it's been built into people
and people who have to survive through times of hatred,
through time of oppression. There are times of you know,
whether it's like state or local, like thumbing you down right, Like,

(57:08):
I think it's important to remember that our terms, our acronyms,
our symbols, our names, what we call ourselves, that all
has power to it. So you decide to be a
part of the queer community, you have to take the
power that comes with that. And sometimes that power brings
too much attention to you.

Speaker 4 (57:26):
Yeah, you know, absolutely, Yeah, but that was I like that.
That was very powerful and very accurate. Yeah, and it
is interesting. I hadn't really thought about that. The symbols
of power for the quer comunity are all symbols of death.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Huh. Yeah, I know. I am
one more, one more. Okay, then we're gonna get the
fuck out of here.

Speaker 4 (57:47):
Yeah, we're gonna go get in our covered wagon and
hit the organ trail.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Oh, I don't want to. When I came out, it
was tough, not only for me, but my family as well.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
We were a very strict and religious household, which is
really kind of the theme here. Yeah, and my parents
firmly believe that heterosexuality is the only sexuality that is
deemed good. A couple of hours after I came home
from school, me and my family were eating dinner, and
my dad brought up politics, which he normally does as

(58:17):
a lawyer, and I blurted out my bisexuality and non
binary identity.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
I'm just sorry, I'm gonna pousseive. I just think it's
so funny and it's like so politics at work, and
you're all I'm the biomic Oh god, sorry, it just
blurted off.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
I just off in the newspaper.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
I'm out.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
Well, you know, my mom looked at me as if
I was crazy, and my dad dramatically let out a groan.
We haven't talked since but it feels like a bit
relieving that I'm out.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
You haven't talked since Tuesday night's dinner. Jesus right, it
was like.

Speaker 4 (58:55):
I get it though, that now it's like you're not
sitting on a secret anymore.

Speaker 3 (58:58):
Yeah, And that in itself is very powerful, being able.

Speaker 4 (59:02):
To just start living in your truth, because.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
Sitting on that secret just festers.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
Yes, and it feels it doesn't feel good to have
that kind of secret. If you have a secret that
is like a little dishy tea secret about it that's.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
Always different, that's delicious.

Speaker 4 (59:20):
Having a secret about yourself that you know could be
destructive to your life, Yeah, is rough uncomfortable, I think.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
Yeah, having anything that you're hiding or denying about your
intrinsic identity is of course going to have mental health repercussions.
Did you just drool on yourself? I don't know, maybe
just water, maybe just the condensation, maybe anyway, probably anyway,
But yeah, I think that it is detrimental, you know,

(59:51):
if you have to hide any part of your identity,
you know, even if you yeah, I think that you
will start to suffer wholeheartedly, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:00:00):
Anyway, So even if your family's not accepted and as
long as they're not going to abuse you or throw
you out on the street, if you're able to start,
because you can then hopefully start letting them know because
you know, they don't know what any of that means. No,
they know what they've heard from the church, and they
know what they've heard from other people who just you know,

(01:00:20):
from Fox News, from whatever the media, but learning it from.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
Your point of view, if they're open to that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
It'd be huge, honestly, and it can be. It cannot.
Only you opening up and them being willing to learn
will not only bond you, but it will change both
of you for life and for the better. Because often
when I realized that, it takes for people who don't
like or they're bigoted, or they're hateful towards queer people
because they don't know queer people. And so often it

(01:00:50):
takes them being a queer person being like talk to me, like,
ask me whatever you want to ask, you know what
I mean, Like, let's get down to it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
Well, because it comes back down to that, it's harder
to hate people up close.

Speaker 4 (01:01:01):
It's easy to hate an idea, Yeah, It's hard to
hate someone who's actually realities who we're talking to and
you're like, oh, this is a real person.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Yeah, you know, I believe one DC.

Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
On that note, call it a day.

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
I'm sick of your ship.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Who is I'm sick of it?

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
So I get that. I gotta go.

Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
I have things to do, people to see, I have
things to not do, and people to not see.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Much of that. But you know, we do this every week.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
We do very faithfully get together in our fancy, fancy
studio and you know, we users the cat and two dogs,
two crazy dogs, and our show comes out every Wednesday
at one o'clock. And so we hope that you enjoy
our show. We hope they will join us. And if

(01:01:55):
you don't, that's okay too.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
You know, did Journey say like share subscribe? I didn't,
but you know, you know, and send us emails or
hate mails or whatever money. It would seem as though
at jamal dot com Jamal is Gmail if you don't know,
right and on that now.

Speaker 4 (01:02:11):
For my sister Linda, and I got any of the
facts about Dorsey wrong and they weren't indeed facts, please.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Tell me so that yeah, Aunt Linda, tell her she's
a dumb hell.

Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
It would you would not be the first person.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
To do, nor would you be inaccurate. Okay, we will
see you next week maybe.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
Now I'm all horrified by the horrible things that my
child's saying to me.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Oh okay, I mean they're accurate, but they're opera. All right,
we'll see you next week. Bye.