August 22, 2025 • 29 mins
Step back in time with "Jack Benny," one of the most beloved comedians in radio history. His sharp wit, endearing personality, and hilarious routines made his show a staple of American entertainment. Tune in for a hearty dose of laughter and nostalgia, perfect for fans of classic comedy and vintage radio.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The Jello Program coming to you from Hollywood, California, starring
Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and
Yours Truly Don Wilson. The Orchestra opens a program with
Let's have another one. Did you ever wake up in
(00:24):
the sunshiny May morning and get a sudden attack of wonderlust?
You want to lock the car, pile the kids into
the car, and drive off for a care free day
in the country. But there's supper time to think of. Well,
here's one swell time saving idea. It's jello for dessert.
For Jello is magically quick and easy to prepare, dissolves instantly,
sets quickly, and there's.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Nothing to go wrong.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Why even get it ready before you leave in the morning.
Pop it into the refrigerator and there's a grand, colorful,
delicious dessert waiting for you when you get home. But
best of all, jello looks so lovely and tastes so
good that a dresses up the simplest meal. All six
colors glow with beauty, from the deep rose red that
reminds you of fresh strawberries to the pale, shimmering gold
(01:05):
of lemon, and all six flavors bring you delightful refreshment.
For jello is checked full of extra rich flavor that
rivals the real ripe fruit itself.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
So ask your.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Grocer tomorrow for jello. Look for the big red letters
on the box. They spell jello. Let's have another one
(01:50):
played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, mister
Charles G. Mortimer of General Foods, the sponsor of this program,
happens to be visiting the coast. Without further ado, we
take you to Jack Bunny's home in Beverly Hills, where
Jack is giving a dinner party and mister Mortimer's honor.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I look at you, and what do I do? I
can't speak, I can't sleep. I just side. I look
at you, and all I can SIGNE.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
My mind, Rochester. We should watch what you're doing. I
want this finish before mister child G. Mortimer gets here.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I'm doing the best I can, Boss, best you can.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
It started to give me this haircut forty minutes ago.
You haven't even gotten the sides done.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
Well, when I get the death valley on top, I'll
go fastest.
Speaker 6 (02:49):
Oh my hair isn't so thin.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
I may have one little ball spot up there, about
the size of a quarter.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Take a look in this mirror, Boss, inflation is set in. Whoop, Rochester?
That tickles.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
What are you doing back there?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
You'll call us free. I'm kimming that too.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
I remind the collar. Just shave my neck and get
this over with. That's probably miss Livingstone.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
Come in.
Speaker 7 (03:14):
Oh hello, Mary, Well, what in the world's going on here?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Rochester's giving me a haircut? Sit down and read that
police gazette.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
I'll be with you in a minute. Mister Charles G.
Mortimer ought to be here soon.
Speaker 8 (03:25):
You're certainly putting on the dog for our sponsor. Flowers
all over the house, cigars.
Speaker 7 (03:29):
On every table.
Speaker 8 (03:30):
Well, I can't understand why you're so worried about your option.
Speaker 7 (03:34):
He'll probably renew it.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Mary, I'm not worried about my option. I do as
much for any guest.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
Well, I'll be darn. Look at that picture you got
over the fireplace.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
What about it?
Speaker 7 (03:44):
It used to be September morning, Now it's mister Mortimer.
Speaker 6 (03:49):
I wait a minute.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
That picture above my fireplace wasn't September morn.
Speaker 6 (03:53):
It was Napoleon at Waterloo.
Speaker 7 (03:55):
Well, he had a gorgeous figure.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Oh stop, Rochester, be careful of that razor.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Okay, where's I dying? Boss?
Speaker 6 (04:03):
I had dying? Did you cut me again?
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Rochester?
Speaker 6 (04:06):
Did you cut me again?
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I'll just tighten you that time. That'll stop it.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
Never mind that, put a band aid on it.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Okay, okay, hurry up.
Speaker 9 (04:24):
See.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
I hope mister Mortimer find the house all right?
Speaker 8 (04:27):
How can he miss it? You've got a welcome mat
that covers the whole front lawn.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
Well, I think the occasion warrant said there you are.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I'm all through.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
I wait a minute, Rochester, don't cheat. I want some
bay rum on my face.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Not today, Boss.
Speaker 6 (04:38):
Rochester, do as I tell you.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Well, if I use a bay rum, what are we
gonna have for the cocktails?
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Cocktails? Have you been putting bay rum in my cocktails?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Boss? Rum is rum, no matter what's in front of it.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Well, I don't want those kind of cocktails today, Mary, Now,
how do I look?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Send me?
Speaker 7 (05:01):
See? She wins? Look how Rochester trimmed her sideburns?
Speaker 6 (05:07):
What's the matter with him?
Speaker 8 (05:08):
You look like Caesar Romere on one side and walk
Keegan Joe on the other.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Oh yeah, a Rochester, take that, raise her and make
them both walk. Heagan okay, heavens, I hope that is.
Mister Mortimer already come in.
Speaker 6 (05:23):
Oh hello, Don?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Hello? Jack? Are you Mary? Hello? Don have a seen
mister Wilson. There's nobody ahead of you.
Speaker 10 (05:29):
Now cut that off.
Speaker 6 (05:34):
And listen Rochester after the party starts.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
If I catch you running around with your shoe shining outfit,
you're fired.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
What does a payment do on my yacht?
Speaker 6 (05:43):
I don't care.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
If there is the idea of buying a yacht at
two dollars a week, it'll be forty years before you
own it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Forty three. I'm putting on a poop dick.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
I don't care what you're putting on. I won't have
you annoying my guests.
Speaker 6 (06:04):
Gee. I wish Don and the rest of the gang
would get here.
Speaker 7 (06:07):
Don's right here. You just said hello to him.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Oh yeah, Sit Don down?
Speaker 7 (06:10):
I mean sit down, Don, y is sitting down?
Speaker 6 (06:13):
Oh that's right, goodness, Jack, But you're nervous today. I
wouldn't worry about that option if I were you.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Who's worried, mister Mortimer? Sign you up, Don.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
That's not the reason I invited him over here. Who
cares about my job? There are other things besides radio.
Speaker 7 (06:26):
Sure, with that haircuts, you could bring back Vaudeville.
Speaker 6 (06:30):
I'm gonna stop with my haircut.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (06:32):
I hope mister Mortimer likes the dinner tonight.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh you like it, Jack, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Yeah, I wish Don would get here. I'm here, Jack,
Oh oh yeah, yeah, say Don. I want to be
sure that mister Mortimer has a good time tonight. So
after the party gets rolling, I wish you'd ask me
to do my imitation of a trained seal. People scream
whenever I do it at parties.
Speaker 8 (06:51):
You know, Oh, Jack, you're not gonna bore your sponsor
with that silly thing, are you silly?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Why?
Speaker 4 (06:56):
That's the funniest bit I've done since I used to
put a lambshade on my head and for ten I
was drunk.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
Remember, don't you.
Speaker 8 (07:03):
Do that trick anymore where you stab yourself with a
rubber knife and then pour a ketchup on your shirt.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Nah, that kind of stuff is dated. I'll do my
seal now. Don't forget Don when I say it.
Speaker 7 (07:14):
Probably mister Benny, may I see you for a minute.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Oh oh, it's you, missus Nichols. This is my new
cook Mary, and a very good one too. Watch on
your mind, Missus Nichols, I need some butter.
Speaker 7 (07:22):
Can I have the key for the icebox?
Speaker 6 (07:35):
Oh of course, of course.
Speaker 8 (07:37):
Well that tops to everything. I've padlock on your ice box.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Mary, I have forty eight dollars worth of caviar in there. Oh, no,
answer the phone, Mary, Okay, come on, missus Nichols. I'll
open the ice box for you.
Speaker 10 (07:49):
Hello.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
Yeah, oh, mister Mortimer, mister.
Speaker 6 (07:52):
Mortimer, give me that phone. Hello, Hello, mister Mortimer. Miss
jack Benny, what what take it eat?
Speaker 7 (07:58):
And he can hear you?
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Oh yeah, yeah what? Oh no, no, mister Mortimer. The
party is tonight. Well look, can't you go to the
theater tomorrow or the next night, the next night.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
I've invited the whole gang toll be awfully disappointed.
Speaker 7 (08:15):
But about my butter?
Speaker 6 (08:16):
Wait, we may not need it.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Well what, mister Mortimer, We're all waiting for you, so
do come over you will?
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Oh boy, that's well.
Speaker 7 (08:27):
Tell him to come early and get a haircut.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Come early, mister Mortimer, get married. Okay, mister Mortimer, see
you soon. You're always welcome at the Chatau Benny.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Well, bye, bye boy. I was worried there for a minute.
Speaker 7 (08:43):
Wait about that butter.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Oh yes, come on, mister Nichols. Gee, I wish Don
would get here. That's all right, Missus Nichols. You're doing
(09:30):
Swell Jesus. Stuff on the stove smells good, eh, Mary, Yeah,
sure is appetizing. What's in this great big kettle over here,
Missus Nichols.
Speaker 6 (09:38):
That's my laundry?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Oh yes, Mary imagined doing her laundry and preparing dinner
at the same time.
Speaker 8 (09:51):
Well, at your own fault for getting a cook from
Central casting.
Speaker 6 (09:55):
Yes, you're right.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
Well come on, Mary, you forgot to lost the ice box.
Speaker 6 (09:59):
Oh yes, thanks, that must be Phil. Answer the door, Rochester,
I'm shaving, mister Wilson, Never mind that, answer the door.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Okay, now, missus Nichols, I'm leaving the dinner entirely in
your hands, So do a good job.
Speaker 7 (10:13):
You could depend on me, kid.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Oh that's fine.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Come along, Mary, show you to want to share a pool,
mister Wilson, Rochester, cut out that stuff and set the table.
What do you think this is a barber shop?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
That ain't the north pole in the front yard.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
We'll go out there and take it down. I warned
you about that before. Oh hello, Dennis, Hello, Zeke.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Where'd you get the haircut?
Speaker 6 (10:48):
Dennis, I'm certainly surprised at you.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Well, gee, you look funny.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
I do a just for that young man. You're not
going to get one bit of caveyard tonight.
Speaker 6 (10:56):
Remember that.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
I'll leave the kid alone.
Speaker 8 (10:58):
Jack Why do you let Rochester cut your hair in
the first place because.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
He has nothing else to do?
Speaker 10 (11:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Boss, come now.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Oh you don't work so hard.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Instead of standing around here, go out in the kitchen
and make.
Speaker 6 (11:14):
A tray of ardrus or durs.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
What do you mean, make a.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Hand sandwich and cut it in forty pieces? Now get going, Okay,
barber Butler's show up a gardner nomen or.
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Guy's always complaining when people are around.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Open the door, open up in there.
Speaker 6 (11:35):
Well the mice row is there? Come in?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Well? Well hard Hello fell Hi Jackson, where's the punch bowl?
Speaker 6 (11:43):
Right over the air? And take it easy?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Hey, what happened to your head?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Nothing happened to my head. I just got a haircut. Well,
that's one thing a man can't do himself. You ought
to get a barber.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
I had a barber, but he didn't have his heart
in it.
Speaker 10 (12:00):
Phil.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
When our sponsor gets her, I want you to behave yourself,
and don't start pulling any of those corny cracks of yours.
Speaker 6 (12:05):
He won't like him. Can I tell the one about
the old maid that set the bear trap?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
No, it's not a bit funny. Besides, has no point
to it. Just keep quiet and we'll all be happy.
I remember, Fellas, I want everybody to be on their
best thing. Ye that's him, notion everybody, I mean sit down,
I mean asked to the door Rochester.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
Yes, remember what I told you, Fellas. Now smile everybody.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Pardon men live here?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Yes, ready one two for he's a jolly pal over he.
Speaker 11 (12:37):
Or he's all.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Mister charge Moore, come come right in, mister Mortimer, come
right in.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Well that was quite a reception you gave me.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Do you hear that, Fellas?
Speaker 6 (12:52):
That was quite a reception we gave him. You know
you know everybody here, don't.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
You, mister Martin?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Of course, of course, glad to see you all.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Well, this is great having you with us, mister Mortimer.
I'm sorry I spoiled your evening at a fitter.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Well, that's all right, Jack, I'd much rather be here
with you folks. After all, it's important that we get
together once in a while, don't you think.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
Oh I think, I mean, I think so. Well, come
come into the living room, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Thank you. Say this is a lovely home you have here, Jack.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I'm glad you like it. It's nearly paid for too,
about another year ought to do it? Yep, yes, sir, yep,
have some have some punch, mister Mortimer, No, thanks, I
never drink.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
That's not gonna help any I'll say.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
I mean, Mary, please, Jack, I can't get over what
a lovely place.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
You have here.
Speaker 6 (13:48):
Oh it's simple, but it's homie.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Whoa, I see you have my picture right above the fireplace.
Speaker 7 (13:54):
Yes, sir, tomorrow it'll be in it.
Speaker 9 (13:58):
Well.
Speaker 6 (13:58):
Nah, you know, mister Morton. Mary always has to be
the comedian.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
She never lets up.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, she's a clever little girl. Incidentally, Miss Livingston, I
want to tell you how much my wife and I
enjoy you on the program.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Well, thank you, mister, and i'd like to wish.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
You the best of luck on your presidential campaign.
Speaker 11 (14:13):
All fine, that's you're thinking of Gracie Allen, aren't you.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Oh yes, I'm terribly sorry, Miss Livingston.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
That's all right, forget it. Anyone can make a mistake.
I always say, I'm Mary.
Speaker 7 (14:34):
Shut up.
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Yes, sir, Hey Charlie, come on over here and have
some punch. Charlie, Thanks Phil, but I never touch it.
It's good stuff, Charlie. This is what you call Virginia punch?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
What drink? Can you read?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
You?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Lula?
Speaker 4 (14:51):
I uh, I must apologize for Phil, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 6 (14:56):
He's very corny.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
On the contrary, I think Phil has a great.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Say he has he has, and he's so sophisticated, you know,
mister Mortimer.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
Sometimes that filthy boy just has me in stitching.
Speaker 10 (15:11):
Charlie.
Speaker 6 (15:11):
Did you hear the one about the old maid to
put a bear trap under her bed?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Called affair?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Say, Phil, that's a bit I was poping you tell
that one.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
You know, mister Mortimer, he's a right say jack what.
Speaker 7 (15:29):
It's a boss like that kind of stuff. You've got
nothing to worry about, quiet.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
Mary, you know, mister Mortimer. Dennis, stop standing on your head.
Nobody's looking at you, you know, mister Mortimer. Mister mister Mortimer,
you know one thing about one thing about this gang.
(15:56):
There's no jealousy or friction here. We've been one happy
little family for six years, I mean five years.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
I was thinking of next year.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Jack's right, mister Mortimer. We do good to have a
good time together and really enjoy our works.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Well, you always sound like it too, and gone. I
want to compliment to you, especially on the way you
handle the commercials on our show.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Thank you, mister Mortimer. I realize their importance and how
much they mean to our listeners. Oh, I don't know
what we do with our dear old don.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And now that we're on the subject, Jack, i'd like
to tell you how good I think their shows have
been this year.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
Oh, that's very kind of you. Of course they could
have been much funnier.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
They weren't they.
Speaker 6 (16:45):
I mean, I mean, I mean a married Will you
have a cigar, mister Mortimer?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
No, thanks, I never smoked you guys, Well.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
And take one home for your wife. I mean I mean,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
He doesn't smoke him either.
Speaker 6 (17:01):
I know she doesn't.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
I'm a little mixed up, that's all.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
I'd like to have a cigarette, though, cigarette, digarette cigarette.
Speaker 6 (17:12):
There there you are, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Oh, Dennis, yes, please, he's such a polite kid, Dennis.
Before we sit down to dinner, how about singing a
song for mister Mortimer?
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Well, there's a party.
Speaker 6 (17:23):
I don't want to work now, Dennis.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Oh, Jackie doesn't have to sing if he doesn't want to,
but he wants to.
Speaker 6 (17:28):
Well, Dennis, what's it gonna be. I'm gonna sing?
Speaker 12 (17:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, Dennis.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
If that's not a picture of the same name, you're
gonna get a good coffy.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Go ahead, have you a mixed jerk.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Match Max max match?
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Oh, here's a box. Here's I like the cigarette for
you the second, the second?
Speaker 7 (17:53):
Stop taking for heaven, not shaking?
Speaker 6 (17:55):
Here you are, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
There sing Dennis, Sit right here, mister Mortimer, or don
came here matter?
Speaker 6 (18:00):
Yes, jack don't forget to ask me to do my tone?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
See you later.
Speaker 9 (18:03):
Hear my song?
Speaker 10 (18:17):
Dell the laughing?
Speaker 9 (18:23):
Why please see my be your lover?
Speaker 12 (18:33):
Say have we will now? Every night I'm dreaming on you.
Speaker 9 (18:47):
Every night.
Speaker 10 (18:49):
I want to lisper me.
Speaker 9 (18:52):
I love you.
Speaker 10 (18:54):
Hear my song? De youll here laughing.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Y'all?
Speaker 10 (19:09):
Coon Nobsen cool?
Speaker 9 (19:13):
Why I I me colling you a love me?
Speaker 13 (19:17):
Call your Coonarvin? But why I I he cotingional lobby.
Speaker 10 (19:33):
Every night? I'm dreaming on you.
Speaker 9 (19:41):
Every night.
Speaker 10 (19:43):
I want to restart. Love you.
Speaker 9 (19:56):
Your love.
Speaker 10 (20:00):
A fall, laughing, well.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
Well, Dennis, that was very good, very good, didn't you
think so, mster Mortimer.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Yes, that was excellent. I'm really having a grand time
here tonight.
Speaker 6 (20:24):
Jack, Yes, aren't you you know, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Mister, I've been thinking it's so silly of you to
stay at a hotel while you're in town. I have
an extra room and you could just as well stay
here at the house with me, Amry.
Speaker 7 (20:36):
Why not he can afford it, Marry.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
I wouldn't think of charging mister Mortimer. After all, he's
my boss, and I hope he will be for a
long time.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Now.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
I think we ought to have a little more entertainment.
Adon adon, Oh yes.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Uh say Jack, why don't you give your invitation of
a train?
Speaker 6 (20:59):
A train? Yes, I do a trained seal. Get the ball, Rochester.
That's the top to my baller ball. Now I won't
be able to do my seal act.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh well, don't bother about it, Jack, some other time.
Speaker 6 (21:11):
Well, I ought to do something to entertain. Excuse me
a minute, of course, get.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
All, mister Mortimer. Jack always tries to be a good
host and entertaine's guest.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yes, I noticed there, but he seems so nervous tonight.
Speaker 6 (21:22):
Oh he's always that way, oh, mister Mortimer. Mister Mortimer, look,
how's your party getting along?
Speaker 7 (21:29):
Yippy? Well, I'll be done. He's got the lampshade on.
Speaker 6 (21:37):
How's that, mister Mortimer. I was making off like I
was drunk.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Oh it was Berner.
Speaker 6 (21:41):
Yeah. Oh you'd have gotten right away if i'd a staggered.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I left that out.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Well, here's here's mister Billingsley our border. Good evening, mister Billingsley, Oh, good.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Evening, mister Penny entertaining again.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I see, yes, yes, won't.
Speaker 6 (21:59):
You join us for dinner? Mister Billingsley, No thanks, I'm
on the wagon.
Speaker 10 (22:03):
Pick good night.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
You know that fellows quite a character on him.
Speaker 7 (22:10):
The lampshade looks good.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
It does the bad dinner, sir. There's a lotless time, folks,
so don't.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Knock.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
It's a way this way, nothing fancy, just a plain
home cooked meal, that's all.
Speaker 7 (22:27):
Say, Jack, What are you gonna speak to you about
your option?
Speaker 4 (22:30):
Don't bother me now please. Oh, mister Mortimer, the dining
room's over here to your last Yes, I see the
boys digging in already, you know, mister Mortimer. I have
something I want to talk over with you, but I
feel that's a home is no place to discuss business.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I definitely agree with you.
Speaker 7 (22:44):
Oh dead in.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Well, here we are.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
You sit right there at the head of the table,
mister Mortimer. Yes, that's it a Rochester. Yes, boss, you
set the table beautifully, but this is a special occasion.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Where's the hand painted china?
Speaker 3 (22:59):
You fin?
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I don't mean our old cook? Or do have some caviar,
mister Mortimer? John passing that big bowl of caviare?
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Will you surely?
Speaker 6 (23:08):
Hey are sir?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I thank you? But I never eat it.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
Oh, well, take it away, Rochester, take it away.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Now, Wait a minute, I want some of that caviar.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
I know you don't, mister Mortimer finds an offensive.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Oh I don't find it offensive, Jack, I just don't
eat it.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
All right, take it away, Rochester, take it away.
Speaker 7 (23:28):
What are you gonna do? Put it back in the fish?
Speaker 4 (23:30):
I'm not gonna put it back in the fish. I
eat Hotie, everybody. I hope you like pheasant, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Oh that's one of my favorite fishes.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Good jeeves.
Speaker 6 (23:38):
Hot in here of Dennis, take your elbow out of
Mary's soup now, Come on, everybody, dig in, eat, drink,
and be merry when you pass me the.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Soft weak Denny let me.
Speaker 6 (24:05):
Well, I'm glad you're all enjoying the dinner. Pass me
the asparagus.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Don here you are, see, Jack, is everything going to
be straightened out about next season?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Not yet.
Speaker 6 (24:12):
This is strictly a social gathering. While I'm loosen your bounce, everybody,
there's still plenty to eat. Will you have some more option,
mister Mortimer, I.
Speaker 10 (24:26):
Asparagus.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Mister Mortimer helped yourself.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
No thanks, Dick, I have plenty right here.
Speaker 6 (24:30):
Pretty good food, ah, Marty Grandfield, really delicious. Well eat hardy, folks,
is right here for you.
Speaker 7 (24:36):
Mister Denny. Would you please pass me the mashed potatoes?
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Why yes, I'll missus, Nichols. I wish you wouldn't sit
at the table.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
Your place is in the kitchen.
Speaker 7 (24:47):
Well, I'm lonesome, kid, I.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
Don't care if you are, and I'll get back there.
I'll go with it, you saida. I'm sorry, mister Mortimer,
but our cook is new here and I had a straightener.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Married Joe Jeffery today. Jack, I have never seen you
worct this way before.
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Well, I haven't been feeling very well.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Now here's the whole Thank Charlie.
Speaker 6 (25:07):
Jack's worried about I'll handle it. You just mind your
own business.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Oh yes, that reminds me. Say Jack, yes, please.
Speaker 6 (25:15):
I mean what is it?
Speaker 3 (25:16):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (25:16):
There is something I want to discuss with you as
soon as we get pre easy.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
There is good ee, I mean good. Well, first we'll
have our dessert and then we'll go into the other room. Oh, Rochester,
bring in the coffee and the apple pie.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Okay, boys, apple pie?
Speaker 6 (25:32):
What's the matter?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Apple pie for dessert?
Speaker 6 (25:35):
Why?
Speaker 5 (25:35):
What's the Oh my goodness, we forgot Joe, We forgot Jowel.
Speaker 7 (25:53):
Well here I go back to the May company.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Rochester, your fire, get out of this house. What's that?
Speaker 7 (26:04):
God will to just say?
Speaker 3 (26:05):
We'll get some water. Quick.
Speaker 6 (26:06):
Hack with the water, that hack with everything, I'm gonna
kill myself.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
No, no, wait a minute, Jack, wait a minute. Calm down.
It's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
You keep out of this. Oh biden me, mister Mortimer,
pardon me, I'm I'm all excited.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
No, Jack, take it easy. The whole thing was just
an oversight.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
It could happen to anybody if I can't understand it.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Mister Mortimer, we always serve America's favorite jealouy dessert in
this household. Why there isn't a day goes by that
we don't have some tempting and economical Jello and one
of its six delicious flavor. And believe me, mister Mortimer,
I always look for the big red letters on the box.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that, Jack, because
it's nice to know that a fellow as low as
you will.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
Be working for me again next year next year. Well thanks,
mister Mortimer. But wait a minute, how do you know
I'm available?
Speaker 7 (27:03):
Well, wild be so will I play hill?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
And now, ladies, if you'd like to add to your
reputation as a clever dessert maker, here's something you ought
to know about. It's a perfectly swell May Time dessert,
cheerful of sunshine, delicious as frish cool spring water. It's
a jello dessert layered cherries and bananas, made with jello
and any of its.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Three red colors. It's easy to make, and here's what
you do.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
There's all one package of your red jello and one
pint of hot water, then seed and cut into halves.
One cup of canned white cherries, arrange them on the
bottom of a mold and pour the shimmering red jello
over the cherries, Slice one banana over the.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Top, and chill until firm.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
And there's a real prize winning dessert, rich red jello
glowing with vivid color, crisp white cherries held firmly inside,
creamy bananas sliced for the final touch, and all combined
in the game hold of tempting beauty. So tomorrow, ask
your grocer for jello in one of those bright red colors.
Then try this swell new dessert layered cherries and bananas
(28:22):
made with jello.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
This is the last number of the thirty fourth program
in the current Yellow series, and we'll be with you
again next Sunday night. At the same time, Say, Mary,
wasn't it nice of mister Mortimer to sign us up
for next season?
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (28:42):
Why don't you celebrate and put the lampshade on again?
Speaker 6 (28:45):
I think I will, oh, mister Mortimer, yippie folks.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
All. The part of mister Charles J.
Speaker 6 (29:00):
Mortimer was played tonight by Russell Higgs.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
We tried to listen to the alridch.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Family heard in most communities every Tuesday night and talk
your local newspaper or radio guide for the day and
exact time of the Alridge family.
Speaker 6 (29:11):
This is an actual broadcasting company US
The Jello Program coming to you from Hollywood, California, starring
Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and
Yours Truly Don Wilson. The Orchestra opens a program with
Let's have another one. Did you ever wake up in
(00:24):
the sunshiny May morning and get a sudden attack of wonderlust?
You want to lock the car, pile the kids into
the car, and drive off for a care free day
in the country. But there's supper time to think of. Well,
here's one swell time saving idea. It's jello for dessert.
For Jello is magically quick and easy to prepare, dissolves instantly,
sets quickly, and there's.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Nothing to go wrong.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Why even get it ready before you leave in the morning.
Pop it into the refrigerator and there's a grand, colorful,
delicious dessert waiting for you when you get home. But
best of all, jello looks so lovely and tastes so
good that a dresses up the simplest meal. All six
colors glow with beauty, from the deep rose red that
reminds you of fresh strawberries to the pale, shimmering gold
(01:05):
of lemon, and all six flavors bring you delightful refreshment.
For jello is checked full of extra rich flavor that
rivals the real ripe fruit itself.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
So ask your.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Grocer tomorrow for jello. Look for the big red letters
on the box. They spell jello. Let's have another one
(01:50):
played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, mister
Charles G. Mortimer of General Foods, the sponsor of this program,
happens to be visiting the coast. Without further ado, we
take you to Jack Bunny's home in Beverly Hills, where
Jack is giving a dinner party and mister Mortimer's honor.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I look at you, and what do I do? I
can't speak, I can't sleep. I just side. I look
at you, and all I can SIGNE.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
My mind, Rochester. We should watch what you're doing. I
want this finish before mister child G. Mortimer gets here.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I'm doing the best I can, Boss, best you can.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
It started to give me this haircut forty minutes ago.
You haven't even gotten the sides done.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
Well, when I get the death valley on top, I'll
go fastest.
Speaker 6 (02:49):
Oh my hair isn't so thin.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
I may have one little ball spot up there, about
the size of a quarter.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Take a look in this mirror, Boss, inflation is set in. Whoop, Rochester?
That tickles.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
What are you doing back there?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
You'll call us free. I'm kimming that too.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
I remind the collar. Just shave my neck and get
this over with. That's probably miss Livingstone.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
Come in.
Speaker 7 (03:14):
Oh hello, Mary, Well, what in the world's going on here?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Rochester's giving me a haircut? Sit down and read that
police gazette.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
I'll be with you in a minute. Mister Charles G.
Mortimer ought to be here soon.
Speaker 8 (03:25):
You're certainly putting on the dog for our sponsor. Flowers
all over the house, cigars.
Speaker 7 (03:29):
On every table.
Speaker 8 (03:30):
Well, I can't understand why you're so worried about your option.
Speaker 7 (03:34):
He'll probably renew it.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Mary, I'm not worried about my option. I do as
much for any guest.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
Well, I'll be darn. Look at that picture you got
over the fireplace.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
What about it?
Speaker 7 (03:44):
It used to be September morning, Now it's mister Mortimer.
Speaker 6 (03:49):
I wait a minute.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
That picture above my fireplace wasn't September morn.
Speaker 6 (03:53):
It was Napoleon at Waterloo.
Speaker 7 (03:55):
Well, he had a gorgeous figure.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Oh stop, Rochester, be careful of that razor.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Okay, where's I dying? Boss?
Speaker 6 (04:03):
I had dying? Did you cut me again?
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Rochester?
Speaker 6 (04:06):
Did you cut me again?
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I'll just tighten you that time. That'll stop it.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
Never mind that, put a band aid on it.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Okay, okay, hurry up.
Speaker 9 (04:24):
See.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
I hope mister Mortimer find the house all right?
Speaker 8 (04:27):
How can he miss it? You've got a welcome mat
that covers the whole front lawn.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
Well, I think the occasion warrant said there you are.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I'm all through.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
I wait a minute, Rochester, don't cheat. I want some
bay rum on my face.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Not today, Boss.
Speaker 6 (04:38):
Rochester, do as I tell you.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Well, if I use a bay rum, what are we
gonna have for the cocktails?
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Cocktails? Have you been putting bay rum in my cocktails?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Boss? Rum is rum, no matter what's in front of it.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Well, I don't want those kind of cocktails today, Mary, Now,
how do I look?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Send me?
Speaker 7 (05:01):
See? She wins? Look how Rochester trimmed her sideburns?
Speaker 6 (05:07):
What's the matter with him?
Speaker 8 (05:08):
You look like Caesar Romere on one side and walk
Keegan Joe on the other.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Oh yeah, a Rochester, take that, raise her and make
them both walk. Heagan okay, heavens, I hope that is.
Mister Mortimer already come in.
Speaker 6 (05:23):
Oh hello, Don?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Hello? Jack? Are you Mary? Hello? Don have a seen
mister Wilson. There's nobody ahead of you.
Speaker 10 (05:29):
Now cut that off.
Speaker 6 (05:34):
And listen Rochester after the party starts.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
If I catch you running around with your shoe shining outfit,
you're fired.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
What does a payment do on my yacht?
Speaker 6 (05:43):
I don't care.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
If there is the idea of buying a yacht at
two dollars a week, it'll be forty years before you
own it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Forty three. I'm putting on a poop dick.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
I don't care what you're putting on. I won't have
you annoying my guests.
Speaker 6 (06:04):
Gee. I wish Don and the rest of the gang
would get here.
Speaker 7 (06:07):
Don's right here. You just said hello to him.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Oh yeah, Sit Don down?
Speaker 7 (06:10):
I mean sit down, Don, y is sitting down?
Speaker 6 (06:13):
Oh that's right, goodness, Jack, But you're nervous today. I
wouldn't worry about that option if I were you.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Who's worried, mister Mortimer? Sign you up, Don.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
That's not the reason I invited him over here. Who
cares about my job? There are other things besides radio.
Speaker 7 (06:26):
Sure, with that haircuts, you could bring back Vaudeville.
Speaker 6 (06:30):
I'm gonna stop with my haircut.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (06:32):
I hope mister Mortimer likes the dinner tonight.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh you like it, Jack, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Yeah, I wish Don would get here. I'm here, Jack,
Oh oh yeah, yeah, say Don. I want to be
sure that mister Mortimer has a good time tonight. So
after the party gets rolling, I wish you'd ask me
to do my imitation of a trained seal. People scream
whenever I do it at parties.
Speaker 8 (06:51):
You know, Oh, Jack, you're not gonna bore your sponsor
with that silly thing, are you silly?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Why?
Speaker 4 (06:56):
That's the funniest bit I've done since I used to
put a lambshade on my head and for ten I
was drunk.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
Remember, don't you.
Speaker 8 (07:03):
Do that trick anymore where you stab yourself with a
rubber knife and then pour a ketchup on your shirt.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Nah, that kind of stuff is dated. I'll do my
seal now. Don't forget Don when I say it.
Speaker 7 (07:14):
Probably mister Benny, may I see you for a minute.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Oh oh, it's you, missus Nichols. This is my new
cook Mary, and a very good one too. Watch on
your mind, Missus Nichols, I need some butter.
Speaker 7 (07:22):
Can I have the key for the icebox?
Speaker 6 (07:35):
Oh of course, of course.
Speaker 8 (07:37):
Well that tops to everything. I've padlock on your ice box.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Mary, I have forty eight dollars worth of caviar in there. Oh, no,
answer the phone, Mary, Okay, come on, missus Nichols. I'll
open the ice box for you.
Speaker 10 (07:49):
Hello.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
Yeah, oh, mister Mortimer, mister.
Speaker 6 (07:52):
Mortimer, give me that phone. Hello, Hello, mister Mortimer. Miss
jack Benny, what what take it eat?
Speaker 7 (07:58):
And he can hear you?
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Oh yeah, yeah what? Oh no, no, mister Mortimer. The
party is tonight. Well look, can't you go to the
theater tomorrow or the next night, the next night.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
I've invited the whole gang toll be awfully disappointed.
Speaker 7 (08:15):
But about my butter?
Speaker 6 (08:16):
Wait, we may not need it.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Well what, mister Mortimer, We're all waiting for you, so
do come over you will?
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Oh boy, that's well.
Speaker 7 (08:27):
Tell him to come early and get a haircut.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Come early, mister Mortimer, get married. Okay, mister Mortimer, see
you soon. You're always welcome at the Chatau Benny.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Well, bye, bye boy. I was worried there for a minute.
Speaker 7 (08:43):
Wait about that butter.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Oh yes, come on, mister Nichols. Gee, I wish Don
would get here. That's all right, Missus Nichols. You're doing
(09:30):
Swell Jesus. Stuff on the stove smells good, eh, Mary, Yeah,
sure is appetizing. What's in this great big kettle over here,
Missus Nichols.
Speaker 6 (09:38):
That's my laundry?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Oh yes, Mary imagined doing her laundry and preparing dinner
at the same time.
Speaker 8 (09:51):
Well, at your own fault for getting a cook from
Central casting.
Speaker 6 (09:55):
Yes, you're right.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
Well come on, Mary, you forgot to lost the ice box.
Speaker 6 (09:59):
Oh yes, thanks, that must be Phil. Answer the door, Rochester,
I'm shaving, mister Wilson, Never mind that, answer the door.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Okay, now, missus Nichols, I'm leaving the dinner entirely in
your hands, So do a good job.
Speaker 7 (10:13):
You could depend on me, kid.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Oh that's fine.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Come along, Mary, show you to want to share a pool,
mister Wilson, Rochester, cut out that stuff and set the table.
What do you think this is a barber shop?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
That ain't the north pole in the front yard.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
We'll go out there and take it down. I warned
you about that before. Oh hello, Dennis, Hello, Zeke.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Where'd you get the haircut?
Speaker 6 (10:48):
Dennis, I'm certainly surprised at you.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Well, gee, you look funny.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
I do a just for that young man. You're not
going to get one bit of caveyard tonight.
Speaker 6 (10:56):
Remember that.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
I'll leave the kid alone.
Speaker 8 (10:58):
Jack Why do you let Rochester cut your hair in
the first place because.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
He has nothing else to do?
Speaker 10 (11:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Boss, come now.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Oh you don't work so hard.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Instead of standing around here, go out in the kitchen
and make.
Speaker 6 (11:14):
A tray of ardrus or durs.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
What do you mean, make a.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Hand sandwich and cut it in forty pieces? Now get going, Okay,
barber Butler's show up a gardner nomen or.
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Guy's always complaining when people are around.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Open the door, open up in there.
Speaker 6 (11:35):
Well the mice row is there? Come in?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Well? Well hard Hello fell Hi Jackson, where's the punch bowl?
Speaker 6 (11:43):
Right over the air? And take it easy?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Hey, what happened to your head?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Nothing happened to my head. I just got a haircut. Well,
that's one thing a man can't do himself. You ought
to get a barber.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
I had a barber, but he didn't have his heart
in it.
Speaker 10 (12:00):
Phil.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
When our sponsor gets her, I want you to behave yourself,
and don't start pulling any of those corny cracks of yours.
Speaker 6 (12:05):
He won't like him. Can I tell the one about
the old maid that set the bear trap?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
No, it's not a bit funny. Besides, has no point
to it. Just keep quiet and we'll all be happy.
I remember, Fellas, I want everybody to be on their
best thing. Ye that's him, notion everybody, I mean sit down,
I mean asked to the door Rochester.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
Yes, remember what I told you, Fellas. Now smile everybody.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Pardon men live here?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Yes, ready one two for he's a jolly pal over he.
Speaker 11 (12:37):
Or he's all.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Mister charge Moore, come come right in, mister Mortimer, come
right in.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Well that was quite a reception you gave me.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Do you hear that, Fellas?
Speaker 6 (12:52):
That was quite a reception we gave him. You know
you know everybody here, don't.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
You, mister Martin?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Of course, of course, glad to see you all.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Well, this is great having you with us, mister Mortimer.
I'm sorry I spoiled your evening at a fitter.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Well, that's all right, Jack, I'd much rather be here
with you folks. After all, it's important that we get
together once in a while, don't you think.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
Oh I think, I mean, I think so. Well, come
come into the living room, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Thank you. Say this is a lovely home you have here, Jack.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I'm glad you like it. It's nearly paid for too,
about another year ought to do it? Yep, yes, sir, yep,
have some have some punch, mister Mortimer, No, thanks, I
never drink.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
That's not gonna help any I'll say.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
I mean, Mary, please, Jack, I can't get over what
a lovely place.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
You have here.
Speaker 6 (13:48):
Oh it's simple, but it's homie.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Whoa, I see you have my picture right above the fireplace.
Speaker 7 (13:54):
Yes, sir, tomorrow it'll be in it.
Speaker 9 (13:58):
Well.
Speaker 6 (13:58):
Nah, you know, mister Morton. Mary always has to be
the comedian.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
She never lets up.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, she's a clever little girl. Incidentally, Miss Livingston, I
want to tell you how much my wife and I
enjoy you on the program.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Well, thank you, mister, and i'd like to wish.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
You the best of luck on your presidential campaign.
Speaker 11 (14:13):
All fine, that's you're thinking of Gracie Allen, aren't you.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Oh yes, I'm terribly sorry, Miss Livingston.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
That's all right, forget it. Anyone can make a mistake.
I always say, I'm Mary.
Speaker 7 (14:34):
Shut up.
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Yes, sir, Hey Charlie, come on over here and have
some punch. Charlie, Thanks Phil, but I never touch it.
It's good stuff, Charlie. This is what you call Virginia punch?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
What drink? Can you read?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
You?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Lula?
Speaker 4 (14:51):
I uh, I must apologize for Phil, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 6 (14:56):
He's very corny.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
On the contrary, I think Phil has a great.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Say he has he has, and he's so sophisticated, you know,
mister Mortimer.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
Sometimes that filthy boy just has me in stitching.
Speaker 10 (15:11):
Charlie.
Speaker 6 (15:11):
Did you hear the one about the old maid to
put a bear trap under her bed?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Called affair?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Say, Phil, that's a bit I was poping you tell
that one.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
You know, mister Mortimer, he's a right say jack what.
Speaker 7 (15:29):
It's a boss like that kind of stuff. You've got
nothing to worry about, quiet.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
Mary, you know, mister Mortimer. Dennis, stop standing on your head.
Nobody's looking at you, you know, mister Mortimer. Mister mister Mortimer,
you know one thing about one thing about this gang.
(15:56):
There's no jealousy or friction here. We've been one happy
little family for six years, I mean five years.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
I was thinking of next year.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Jack's right, mister Mortimer. We do good to have a
good time together and really enjoy our works.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Well, you always sound like it too, and gone. I
want to compliment to you, especially on the way you
handle the commercials on our show.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Thank you, mister Mortimer. I realize their importance and how
much they mean to our listeners. Oh, I don't know
what we do with our dear old don.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And now that we're on the subject, Jack, i'd like
to tell you how good I think their shows have
been this year.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
Oh, that's very kind of you. Of course they could
have been much funnier.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
They weren't they.
Speaker 6 (16:45):
I mean, I mean, I mean a married Will you
have a cigar, mister Mortimer?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
No, thanks, I never smoked you guys, Well.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
And take one home for your wife. I mean I mean,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
He doesn't smoke him either.
Speaker 6 (17:01):
I know she doesn't.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
I'm a little mixed up, that's all.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
I'd like to have a cigarette, though, cigarette, digarette cigarette.
Speaker 6 (17:12):
There there you are, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Oh, Dennis, yes, please, he's such a polite kid, Dennis.
Before we sit down to dinner, how about singing a
song for mister Mortimer?
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Well, there's a party.
Speaker 6 (17:23):
I don't want to work now, Dennis.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Oh, Jackie doesn't have to sing if he doesn't want to,
but he wants to.
Speaker 6 (17:28):
Well, Dennis, what's it gonna be. I'm gonna sing?
Speaker 12 (17:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, Dennis.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
If that's not a picture of the same name, you're
gonna get a good coffy.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Go ahead, have you a mixed jerk.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Match Max max match?
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Oh, here's a box. Here's I like the cigarette for
you the second, the second?
Speaker 7 (17:53):
Stop taking for heaven, not shaking?
Speaker 6 (17:55):
Here you are, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
There sing Dennis, Sit right here, mister Mortimer, or don
came here matter?
Speaker 6 (18:00):
Yes, jack don't forget to ask me to do my tone?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
See you later.
Speaker 9 (18:03):
Hear my song?
Speaker 10 (18:17):
Dell the laughing?
Speaker 9 (18:23):
Why please see my be your lover?
Speaker 12 (18:33):
Say have we will now? Every night I'm dreaming on you.
Speaker 9 (18:47):
Every night.
Speaker 10 (18:49):
I want to lisper me.
Speaker 9 (18:52):
I love you.
Speaker 10 (18:54):
Hear my song? De youll here laughing.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Y'all?
Speaker 10 (19:09):
Coon Nobsen cool?
Speaker 9 (19:13):
Why I I me colling you a love me?
Speaker 13 (19:17):
Call your Coonarvin? But why I I he cotingional lobby.
Speaker 10 (19:33):
Every night? I'm dreaming on you.
Speaker 9 (19:41):
Every night.
Speaker 10 (19:43):
I want to restart. Love you.
Speaker 9 (19:56):
Your love.
Speaker 10 (20:00):
A fall, laughing, well.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
Well, Dennis, that was very good, very good, didn't you
think so, mster Mortimer.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Yes, that was excellent. I'm really having a grand time
here tonight.
Speaker 6 (20:24):
Jack, Yes, aren't you you know, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Mister, I've been thinking it's so silly of you to
stay at a hotel while you're in town. I have
an extra room and you could just as well stay
here at the house with me, Amry.
Speaker 7 (20:36):
Why not he can afford it, Marry.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
I wouldn't think of charging mister Mortimer. After all, he's
my boss, and I hope he will be for a
long time.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Now.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
I think we ought to have a little more entertainment.
Adon adon, Oh yes.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Uh say Jack, why don't you give your invitation of
a train?
Speaker 6 (20:59):
A train? Yes, I do a trained seal. Get the ball, Rochester.
That's the top to my baller ball. Now I won't
be able to do my seal act.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh well, don't bother about it, Jack, some other time.
Speaker 6 (21:11):
Well, I ought to do something to entertain. Excuse me
a minute, of course, get.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
All, mister Mortimer. Jack always tries to be a good
host and entertaine's guest.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yes, I noticed there, but he seems so nervous tonight.
Speaker 6 (21:22):
Oh he's always that way, oh, mister Mortimer. Mister Mortimer, look,
how's your party getting along?
Speaker 7 (21:29):
Yippy? Well, I'll be done. He's got the lampshade on.
Speaker 6 (21:37):
How's that, mister Mortimer. I was making off like I
was drunk.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Oh it was Berner.
Speaker 6 (21:41):
Yeah. Oh you'd have gotten right away if i'd a staggered.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I left that out.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Well, here's here's mister Billingsley our border. Good evening, mister Billingsley, Oh, good.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Evening, mister Penny entertaining again.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I see, yes, yes, won't.
Speaker 6 (21:59):
You join us for dinner? Mister Billingsley, No thanks, I'm
on the wagon.
Speaker 10 (22:03):
Pick good night.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
You know that fellows quite a character on him.
Speaker 7 (22:10):
The lampshade looks good.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
It does the bad dinner, sir. There's a lotless time, folks,
so don't.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Knock.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
It's a way this way, nothing fancy, just a plain
home cooked meal, that's all.
Speaker 7 (22:27):
Say, Jack, What are you gonna speak to you about
your option?
Speaker 4 (22:30):
Don't bother me now please. Oh, mister Mortimer, the dining
room's over here to your last Yes, I see the
boys digging in already, you know, mister Mortimer. I have
something I want to talk over with you, but I
feel that's a home is no place to discuss business.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I definitely agree with you.
Speaker 7 (22:44):
Oh dead in.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Well, here we are.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
You sit right there at the head of the table,
mister Mortimer. Yes, that's it a Rochester. Yes, boss, you
set the table beautifully, but this is a special occasion.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Where's the hand painted china?
Speaker 3 (22:59):
You fin?
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I don't mean our old cook? Or do have some caviar,
mister Mortimer? John passing that big bowl of caviare?
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Will you surely?
Speaker 6 (23:08):
Hey are sir?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I thank you? But I never eat it.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
Oh, well, take it away, Rochester, take it away.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Now, Wait a minute, I want some of that caviar.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
I know you don't, mister Mortimer finds an offensive.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Oh I don't find it offensive, Jack, I just don't
eat it.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
All right, take it away, Rochester, take it away.
Speaker 7 (23:28):
What are you gonna do? Put it back in the fish?
Speaker 4 (23:30):
I'm not gonna put it back in the fish. I
eat Hotie, everybody. I hope you like pheasant, mister Mortimer.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Oh that's one of my favorite fishes.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Good jeeves.
Speaker 6 (23:38):
Hot in here of Dennis, take your elbow out of
Mary's soup now, Come on, everybody, dig in, eat, drink,
and be merry when you pass me the.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Soft weak Denny let me.
Speaker 6 (24:05):
Well, I'm glad you're all enjoying the dinner. Pass me
the asparagus.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Don here you are, see, Jack, is everything going to
be straightened out about next season?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Not yet.
Speaker 6 (24:12):
This is strictly a social gathering. While I'm loosen your bounce, everybody,
there's still plenty to eat. Will you have some more option,
mister Mortimer, I.
Speaker 10 (24:26):
Asparagus.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Mister Mortimer helped yourself.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
No thanks, Dick, I have plenty right here.
Speaker 6 (24:30):
Pretty good food, ah, Marty Grandfield, really delicious. Well eat hardy, folks,
is right here for you.
Speaker 7 (24:36):
Mister Denny. Would you please pass me the mashed potatoes?
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Why yes, I'll missus, Nichols. I wish you wouldn't sit
at the table.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
Your place is in the kitchen.
Speaker 7 (24:47):
Well, I'm lonesome, kid, I.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
Don't care if you are, and I'll get back there.
I'll go with it, you saida. I'm sorry, mister Mortimer,
but our cook is new here and I had a straightener.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Married Joe Jeffery today. Jack, I have never seen you
worct this way before.
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Well, I haven't been feeling very well.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Now here's the whole Thank Charlie.
Speaker 6 (25:07):
Jack's worried about I'll handle it. You just mind your
own business.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Oh yes, that reminds me. Say Jack, yes, please.
Speaker 6 (25:15):
I mean what is it?
Speaker 3 (25:16):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (25:16):
There is something I want to discuss with you as
soon as we get pre easy.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
There is good ee, I mean good. Well, first we'll
have our dessert and then we'll go into the other room. Oh, Rochester,
bring in the coffee and the apple pie.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Okay, boys, apple pie?
Speaker 6 (25:32):
What's the matter?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Apple pie for dessert?
Speaker 6 (25:35):
Why?
Speaker 5 (25:35):
What's the Oh my goodness, we forgot Joe, We forgot Jowel.
Speaker 7 (25:53):
Well here I go back to the May company.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Rochester, your fire, get out of this house. What's that?
Speaker 7 (26:04):
God will to just say?
Speaker 3 (26:05):
We'll get some water. Quick.
Speaker 6 (26:06):
Hack with the water, that hack with everything, I'm gonna
kill myself.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
No, no, wait a minute, Jack, wait a minute. Calm down.
It's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
You keep out of this. Oh biden me, mister Mortimer,
pardon me, I'm I'm all excited.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
No, Jack, take it easy. The whole thing was just
an oversight.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
It could happen to anybody if I can't understand it.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Mister Mortimer, we always serve America's favorite jealouy dessert in
this household. Why there isn't a day goes by that
we don't have some tempting and economical Jello and one
of its six delicious flavor. And believe me, mister Mortimer,
I always look for the big red letters on the box.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that, Jack, because
it's nice to know that a fellow as low as
you will.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
Be working for me again next year next year. Well thanks,
mister Mortimer. But wait a minute, how do you know
I'm available?
Speaker 7 (27:03):
Well, wild be so will I play hill?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
And now, ladies, if you'd like to add to your
reputation as a clever dessert maker, here's something you ought
to know about. It's a perfectly swell May Time dessert,
cheerful of sunshine, delicious as frish cool spring water. It's
a jello dessert layered cherries and bananas, made with jello
and any of its.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Three red colors. It's easy to make, and here's what
you do.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
There's all one package of your red jello and one
pint of hot water, then seed and cut into halves.
One cup of canned white cherries, arrange them on the
bottom of a mold and pour the shimmering red jello
over the cherries, Slice one banana over the.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Top, and chill until firm.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
And there's a real prize winning dessert, rich red jello
glowing with vivid color, crisp white cherries held firmly inside,
creamy bananas sliced for the final touch, and all combined
in the game hold of tempting beauty. So tomorrow, ask
your grocer for jello in one of those bright red colors.
Then try this swell new dessert layered cherries and bananas
(28:22):
made with jello.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
This is the last number of the thirty fourth program
in the current Yellow series, and we'll be with you
again next Sunday night. At the same time, Say, Mary,
wasn't it nice of mister Mortimer to sign us up
for next season?
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (28:42):
Why don't you celebrate and put the lampshade on again?
Speaker 6 (28:45):
I think I will, oh, mister Mortimer, yippie folks.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
All. The part of mister Charles J.
Speaker 6 (29:00):
Mortimer was played tonight by Russell Higgs.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
We tried to listen to the alridch.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Family heard in most communities every Tuesday night and talk
your local newspaper or radio guide for the day and
exact time of the Alridge family.
Speaker 6 (29:11):
This is an actual broadcasting company US
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