Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
The Jello Program starrying Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and
Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestrape is a program.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
With I doubled area.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Although Christmas is six days away, we want to say
our Merry Christmas now. We hope you'll have a swell holiday,
lots of fun and plenty of good things to eat.
And here's a suggestion for these holiday nights at June
when you're also very very busy, serve jello for dessert.
It's quick and easy to prepare, and it's light and
delicious to eat, just the right dessert for the holiday meals.
(00:52):
A glowing mole of colorful jello.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Will tempt every appetite.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Or Jello is so gay and careful to look at,
with colors that match the holidays, and jello is perfectly.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Grand to taste. It frammed with extra rich.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Fruit flavor, a true fruit goodness.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It simply cannot be taught.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Only Jello brings you this extra rich fruit flavor, so
don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters
on the box. They spell Jello.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That was I double Dare you? Played by Phil Harris
and his Orchestra.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Now, ladies, and gentlemen, we bring you the only adults
in the world who wrote a letter to Santi Clause.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Jack Benny here glow again. This is a Jack Danny talking.
And Don, I would never have told you about writing
that letter if I thought you were gonna publicize it.
I only wrote the Santa Claus for sentimental reasons. That's off. Yes,
I've been corresponding with him for years, and I'm not
gonna break it off now. I merely asked him where
(02:12):
that sled was he promised me thirty five years ago.
Oh but Jack, you're too old for that sort of thing. Listen, Don,
this is the time of year when we should all
be kids, the only way to enjoy the holiday season. Well,
I guess you're right, Jack, So you're acting like kids
these days? Huh am? I why this morning I wouldn't
eat my finish till the cook gave me a nickel.
(02:32):
And you know what I did right after breakfast? What
I went out and played marbles with the kids are
Adolph Monju And don you know how kids are? We
even got into a big fight or what were you
fighting about? Well? He said he had bigger bags under
his eyes than I had, and you know, Don, that's
(02:54):
a lot. Imagine you two children fighting like that. Didn't
anyone try to stop him? Yes, his mother came on
and was going to give us a spanking, but she
had too much respect for our gray hair. Yeah. By
the way, Don not meaning to change the subject. I mean, well,
I won't be seeing you against laughter Christmas. So I well,
I thought I brought you a little crescent, you know,
(03:14):
a little remembrance, and I hope you like it. Oh.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
You didn't have to do that, I know, Don, But
here you are. Geez, thanks Jack, that's awfully sweet of you.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
What is it? Oh, nothing much. It's a little novelly
I picked up. It's a combination electric razor and shoebrush.
Oh there is a novelty, I'll say it is. You
can shave and get a shine at the same time.
You can. Yeah, of course you'll have to hang your
shoes on your ears. You gadget, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I can hardly wait to try it.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
But you know, Jack, this really makes me feel awfully cheap. Well,
you know, I was so busy this week that I
forgot to get something for you.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Oh what the what? Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I smile really frightfully sorry, Jack, would have just slipped
my mind.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Oh that's all right. Don say it could happen to anybody.
You just forgot, that's all Yes, I'm afraid I did.
You won't hold that against me, will you.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
If you walk in here some Sunday night and find
another announcer, this had nothing to do with it, believe me.
Oh Phil, Hey Phil, Yes, Jack, I don't suppose I'll
be seeing you either until next Sunday. So I brought
you a little something as a yule Tide remembrance. I
hope you like it. Oh yeah, Here you are, kid,
(04:40):
and Merry Christmas. Thanks Jack. That's awfully nice of you.
What is it? Well, Phil, I know how fussy you
always are about your appearance, So I bought you something
for your hair. If it's a ribbon, you can keep it.
It's not a ribbon. It's a new hair tonic and dressing,
sort of a Scout mayonnaise. That's fine. I'll have to
(05:03):
comb my hair with a solid fork, that's the idea. Phil.
Here you are, kidd and Merry Christmas. Same to you,
old boy. But you know, Jack, you're giving me this
lovely gift makes me feel like a heel why Phil, Well,
I intended to get something for you, but I kept
putting it off and putting it off, and I didn't
get you a thing.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
It didn't tell.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
That's what I mean. Don't worry about it, Phil, No kidding, Jack,
I feel rotten about it. Oh forget it, Kid. After all,
is the thought that counts. And I know you were
thinking of me, Yes, I was. That's all it matters anyway, Jack.
(05:40):
I'll make up for it next Christmas. I'll buy you
a real present if you're here, Phil, if you're here anyway,
it's more fun to give than to receive.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Oh hello, Mary, h Jack, What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I'm playing Sandy Clause on a one way street. Well, Marry,
I see you're wearing that little charm bracelet I sent yesterday.
Do you like it?
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (06:08):
Jack?
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Is simply gorgeous. Pay still down look with Jackie's.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Hey, Mary, that's beautiful, that's all right.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
And look what it says on the inside, genuine fourteen
carriage gold plated.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
That's a misprint or I've been robbed one of those
charms there, Mary.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Well, here's a little mermaid, here's.
Speaker 6 (06:26):
A little six, a little frog, a seahart, a crab.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
A lobster.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
How do you like it? Mary?
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Finally, I'll have to keep it underwater. And oh Jack,
here's a charm. I can't make out.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
What is it? That's the price tag? Take it off.
Let's see that tag, Marry. Never mind that I paid
one hundred and ninety eight dollars for that bracelet.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
If you did the decimal points in the wrong place.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Sent them and pard you and a happy Christmas. Mary.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Thanks. You know Jack, I hate to say this, and
I suppose I'm the only one here.
Speaker 6 (07:01):
I go again, folks, but I didn't buy anything for you.
I thought of everything. I was going to get you
some gloves, but I didn't know what size you are.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Well that's natural, that's natural.
Speaker 6 (07:12):
And then I was going to get some handkerchief, but
I didn't know the size of your nose.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Well, that could happen too, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
And then I was going to get your bosses for god, if.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You didn't know the size of my.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Mouth, I know that's right. See, I'm so I shamed
of myself.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Oh don't feel that way, Mary, and listen, fellas, I
didn't give you these presents expecting anything in return, So
don't worry. Your pretty little heads about it. And now folks,
we uh come in Benny. Yes, once a year I
come to you and bring your greetings, good and true. Well,
and now that my good need is through, I'll say farewell,
(07:45):
and that's to you goodbye. You know, Mary, I'd like
a hand that guy on my Christmas tree.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Wait, that was he's CAUs he fans.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
He's terrific from the Cotton Club parade, played by the
man who thinks of me every Christmas and his archestra.
And say, Phil before I forget it, I brought I
brought a little present for the boys in your band.
I didn't want to forget them either. Here it is
a pint of good old California wine. A pint for
(10:00):
each of them. No, no, for one bottle for the
whole game. Okay, put a nipple on it and I'll
serve it. Oh, just pass it around, they can handle it.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Stay there. I got presents to the boys too.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Well, thanks, Mary. What have you got for a Mary?
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Well, I need little sweaters for all our instruments.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh it isn't that. There's nothing like a turtle neck saxophone.
But what did you get for the boys?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
The boy?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Oh, I need ADMN sack. But they turned out to
be knitten.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Oh that's fine. Imagine them putting mittens on their feet.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
When they weave at me, they'll fall down.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Well, anyway, Mary, your intentions were good and that would
really come. Oh hello, Kenny, Hello Jack, season's greeting. Thanks
to you, Kenny. You know Jack, this being so near Christmas,
I was thinking of you all week. You were yeah,
Oh what did you buy me? Oh? That I was subtle. Well, Kenny,
I've given everyone else a present I just got in.
(11:04):
I've got one for you too. Here it is what
is it the musical collar button?
Speaker 6 (11:10):
No?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Really, no, it is a musical. Every time it rolls
under the dresser it plays here, am.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I from the picture of the same name.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yes, I hope you like it. Kenny, Gee, I can't
wait till I lose it. Well, don't you dare? It
costs me a lot of money? Well?
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Thanks Jack.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I don't know how to tell you this, but hi,
well I feel like a heel I know. Listen, Kenny,
you didn't have to get me anything. You don't have
to worry about this. Hey, what did you get for
your girl?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
A traveling bag?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
She asked me to get her one a traveling bag
or what does she want with that? She's going to
load for some guy? Why, Kenny, do you know what
a loape means? No, it means she's gonna run away
and get married. What's she running for? What's she running for?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Do you hear that?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Mary?
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Now I'm gonna listen to John.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Go ahead, Don, ladies and gentlemen, as long as you're running,
run to your nearest grocer and ask for the package
of jello. It is tempting, economical and easy to make.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Oh thanks Mary, it was a plan of don Oh.
I enjoyed it tremendously too so unexpected. Don you're Jesse
Whizz and now going from the six Delicious flavors to
our sketch, tonight we will present the come in package
for Jack. Benny. Oh a package. It must be for
my father. He's the only one who thinks of me anyway.
Right here, boy, Oh wait a minute, here's a nickel
(12:29):
for you, Thanks Diamond, Jim Fresh guy. Gee, I wonder
what's in this package?
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Why don't you look at the card?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
The card? Oh yeah, well, I'll be readers, Jack oh
gee to our pal Jack, Merry Christmas from Don Phil Mary, Kenny,
Andy and Schlepperman say what is this anyway? Hey, this
is a surprise open to Jack?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
You love it?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Gee? Here kind of took me unawares there for a
that's for a minute, I thought that Jack open its
okay first I didn't expect this, fella. Oh my goodness,
sala faluza. Huh Jack, guys pretty snappy? Eh oh, I
can hardly call gee, fellas. What a present twim waffle
(13:27):
iron and a letter. Oh fellaws, you shouldn't have done it.
Do you like it? Jack? Oh? Boy? Now I'll never
have to wait for that extra waffle? Oh John, so
happy I could cook.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
We knew you'd like it, like it?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I adore it. But if I put on Weightfellas, it'll
be your fall forgive. This is a swell jip, think Kenny, Mary,
how do you whip up a strawberry waffle battery?
Speaker 5 (14:10):
It seems a love affair? Reason goodbye must mean there's
someone you.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
More.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
My hockey cannot be man.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
I ask only this of you.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
Once in a while, Will you try to.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Give one little thought? But someone else? Maybe you're all one?
Who will you for the moment I shared with you?
(15:10):
Moment before we lifted up.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
In lost mothering hand. One spark may remain if lost
till can remember.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
The first neighbor again. I know that all.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Tender national mamally.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Know you things of me. One that was once in
a while sung by Kenny Baker and very good Kenny.
(16:09):
I'm not saying that just to cause you chipped in
to buy my gifts either. And say, Kenny, I'll give
a big waffle party next week and you're all invited.
You know I never ate one puts the waffle jack. Well, Kenny,
a waffle is a sort of a well, it's a
cross between a pancake and a doiley. Is that clear, Kenny? Yeah?
(16:32):
And our folk is this holiday season is dedicated for
the most part of the happiness of little children. Our
play tonight is for the kiddies of America. So this
evening where I'm going to present our version of that
famous fairy tale Little Red Riding. Now I'll play the
part of old Manhood. Mary will be my daughter Red,
(16:53):
and Kenny will be my son Robin. Robin Hood are
laughing kiddies if they are?
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Is it something else?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Mary? Now, let's see Don and Phil. Oh. Yes, Don
Wilson will be a tree in the wood, and uh,
Phil Harris will be a wood chopper who cuts down Wilson.
It's easy, Phil, you know heart sick fish I have
let's see. Oh, yes, well, philill use a dull act.
That's all right. Now, let's see. We got our play
(17:21):
almost task. Oh my goodness, I forgot the most important
part of all the wolf. Now who'll be the wolf? Hey, Jack,
I'll take a fling at it. No, Phil, you're more
the rat type. I know what. I'll be the wolf myself.
I'll play two parts. Oh did that sound like a wolf? Marriage?
Speaker 6 (17:41):
Sounded more like a toothache.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
All right, I'll be a wolf with a toothache. And now, folks, say, Jack,
who's going to be the grandmother? I won't tell. That's
a surprise. So now, folks, we are going to present
little Red riding Hood or mister Wolf goes to town.
The scene opens in the farmhouse of mister and Missus
riding Hood, where we find the elderly a little busy
decorating their Christmas tree. Hurson mcy Well, mau mat tree
(18:12):
tree is shaping up mighty pretty.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
I hope the children don't like it.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Oh they will, Oh, gone up Maul, we should put
your glasses on. That's the third time you try to
pin that star on my nose.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
I can't help it. It looks like a branch.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Well, that ain't exactly a freckle. You're inhaling truth. Let's see,
we only have one more thing to hang up on
the top of the tree. Hold this ladder while I
get up there. Hold it steady now, I got her, paw.
Sure looks pretty. Ain't been so high since class New
(18:47):
Year's Eve? Old, seay there more I'm holding I'm SnO
you fell down, Paul? Oh did I? You must be
psyche ah your flaws?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Ma?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Why didn't you hold the ladder?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Jeez?
Speaker 4 (19:10):
And I'm still holding it.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
That's the floor lamp. I told you to put your
glasses on. Dog gone. If this wasn't our anniversary, I'd
slugged you.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
You want to meet the next one?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
You better knock now. Listen, mar don't you threaten me,
or you'll be looking at Sandy class through a piece
of beef steak. Come in, Hello, Paul, Hello Ma, Hello son.
What's the idea of rapping on the door? Why didn't
you walk right in? I thought you and Ma might
be nothing. Oh, we're too old for that.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Speak for yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
You and need me Casanova, pipe down more. I'll put
termite in your bustle well Son, are you through with
your charge? Yep? Did you milk the cow? Sure? Did?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
I cringed?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Or too? Some farmer? Where's your sister, Red? I mean,
where's your sister rad? He's outside making a snowman. Dog
gone that girl. I wish he'd command the wolves or
(20:23):
thick of them thieves around here? Hello Red, Hello Pa,
Hello Ma, Hello Delores, Delores, that's the cat. Oh I
never knew her.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
Now we were worried about you.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Red, Yes, out there all along with all those wolves.
Any of them come close to you.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
How do you think I got this.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
For a coat? That's good looking fur. It feels nice
and silky.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Yes, I didn't kill him enough. Have you heard from
Vandma today?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Grandma? No, she's been stick in bed with a cold.
I wonder how she's coming along.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Why don't tall find out?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Thinkle will? Where's the phone on.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
The Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Ernest? Oh, yees, operator, get me broken down? Eight four hundred.
I hope you're better, your poppy. Oh, hold Grandma, how
are you feeling.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
I feel terrible, son.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Your coal seems to be getting work? Got me chills.
This ain't the rubb I'm doing. Grandma, you just stay
in bed and take care of yourself. I'll send Red
over with some hot tooth for you, okay, e her
bring some cigars too, all right? Goodbye? Goodbye son? What
kind of fruit we got? More?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Turtle?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Here?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
It is hurdle. That mock for green looks like mud
to me. It is now read. You get your basket
and take those victals over to your grandma.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Yes, and be careful going through the woods.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Okay, saloon pass alone, masod Bye Delores Joe and.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Pea Joe and Pea Florens had kittens pinged if she didn't,
and righten my hat. I'll be careful. Red. Remember, don't
talk to any wolf.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
I wouldn't think anything less than a silver fox.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I know that. Good Bye daughter, goodbye?
Speaker 4 (22:15):
Oh boy? Why do I listen to that wind howl
and listen to the snowfall?
Speaker 6 (22:28):
He has fun walking through the snow crunk, crunch, crunch,
getting jaws. Then I see looking in yond bush.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
It's me kitties. I'm a wolf. Now, hello, little girl,
Hello are you a bolt. I ain't ren crew of
the mountain. Where you're going, my little chickadee, I'm.
Speaker 6 (22:54):
Going to my grandmother's with the fact of the food, hoody,
They can't.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
What's in there?
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Rusty throw brypie.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I'm talking as custard. What no hopples anything else in
the basket? Well attention kitties.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Little Red Riding Hood's basket also contains several packages of
Jella at Talking Tree, each of which can be identified
by the big red letters on all. Remember, children, when
you're beating a basket accord to your grandmother's, always include
in terms of.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Six delicious plays carrying alive? What are you howling for?
I'm hungry? Don now, Little Red Riding Hood, Hey, Red,
where are you? You? Ran away? Ha? Ha curses oiled again, snarl, snarl.
I know what I'll do. I'll take a short cut
through the woods and beat her over to her grandmother,
and when I get there, I'll eat her. Are you shivering, kitty?
(23:59):
It's my fee the plate and now to get in wool.
There it's Little Red riding hard gods shoes, got a
cool wood. Come in, hello, Grandma, you're not a little
Red Riding but you're a wool. Yes, I'm a wolf,
and I'm going to eat you uppy yummy, yummy, yummy,
(24:21):
yuh now whole still, it will be over in a minute.
You I take my shoes on. No, I like shoes
and everything. Here you go. I guess et, Grandma, Kitty
John no foods. That must be a little red riding hood.
(24:46):
Now kind of what I'll do. I'll put it on
this night cat and get under the cover, battle fooler,
just like Grandma. She'll ever recognize me.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Come in red, Hello, Grandma, I brought you back to
the food god.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Stupid the first I want to talk to you. Come
over here by the bed, my.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Dear, my grandma, you look so strange. I hardly know you.
Oh Grandma, what the guys you have.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
The better to see you with my dear?
Speaker 4 (25:21):
And oh Grandma, what along know you have the.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Better to win races with my dear?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
And oh Grandma, what rotten jokes you have?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Never mind that? Where do you want to get to teeth?
Speaker 4 (25:37):
Right now? Oh Grandma? What they think you had?
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Better to eat you with? My dear? You won't where
my Grandma, I swallowed around your nest. I'm coming babies,
of course, boils again.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
Cheat him nothing.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I'm gonna take my axe and chop him right too.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
You sat moist, whether there's snow in the air or
(26:40):
flowers in the front yard.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Here's a grand December dessert.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
It's jello plum pudding, the best holiday plumpudding you ever tasted.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You can make it with lemon or cherry jello, whichever
you prefer.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Combine one package of jello with half a teaspoon of cinnamons,
a quarter teaspoon of clothes, and a dish of salt
at one pint of hot water, and chill until the jello.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Is dissolved well until slightly thickened. Then fall in three
fourth cup eat of finally cut raisins, cooked pones and nutmeat.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Have one quarter cup of citrate bold and served with
foot cream or a regular pudding sauce, and you have
a prize running Christmas pudding. It's far less expensive the
most plum puddings.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
It's quite a needy to suggest, and it's very easy.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
To make the perm rich mold of jello filled with
all the spicy things that make.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
A plum pudding so delicious.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
So make a jello plum pudding for the holidays, and
be sure you use genuine Jello.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
This is the last number of the twelve program in
the new Yellow series, and we'll with you again next
Sunday night. At the same time.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
You're going to visit Fred Allen on his program Wednesday night.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Is that right? Yes? I am Mary. I've got a
business deal along with him.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
And what's it aboadcast?
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Oh you find out?
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Is it animal vegetable? Monroe?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
I am talking La la, la la.
Speaker 6 (28:13):
Last mystery will be continued next Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Jersey Next n is from Love on Folk. Kenny Baker appears.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
On the Jello programs. We're Purvicly A Love and Law
Productions List is an Arsenal broadcast in PubL