July 23, 2025 • 30 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Jack Benny program, but very let me send fella Harris Rochester,
Dennisee and you're truly don welcome. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is a great pleasure that I present to you,
our master of ceremonies, that dignified thought of stage, screen
(00:30):
and radio, John Benny, Thank.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
You, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hello again, this is John Benny talking. And John, that
introduction was just what I wanted. Thanks for your cooperation.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
You're perfectly welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
But why after all these years do you.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Want to change your name from jack to job Well,
because I feel with the name John is much more dignified.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
For a dramatic actor. Dramatic actor, certain me, Mary.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Last week on my program, I started and I stand condemned.
The week before that, I did a dramatic part with
the Screen Guild players.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Oh yes, I heard that.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
What'd you think of my acting?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
You stand condemned?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Well, that's a natural reaction from one whose talents spring
from the stocking pounder at the May Company anyway.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
But I agree with John, there's no reason for changing
her name.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I like the name John because it'll people from calling
me Jackson and Jackie.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Boy.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Imagine I'm calling me Jackie boy. I'm not a kid anymore.
You know, I'm nearing thirty seven.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
Coming around again.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Eh.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yes, I was born in the Studa Baker.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
That's why I wear glasses on the back of my head. Anyway,
I remember kids the name is John, and that settled it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
But I think the whole thing is silly.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Whether it's John Benny or Jack Benny, I don't see
any difference, because, after all, Jack is a nickname for John.
That's exactly what I'm getting at. Nicknames have no dignity.
For instance, how would it sound of Charles Boyer made
passionate love to a girl like this, come with me.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
To decay, But he's me. It is your lover, Chuck Chuck?
I mean what girl would kiss boye? If his name
was Chuck?
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I kiss him off.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
His name was.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
All right, all right, say done?
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I kiss him if his name is Handelmeyer, Mary, say done?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
I kiss him in.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
His name was simple winner.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Mary put down?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Like telephone boy, Why do you always have Hello Dennis
Thomas Benny?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Oh, by the way, Dennis, From now on you'll notice
that all of your checks will.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Be signed John Benny. Who's he me?
Speaker 4 (02:59):
That's right? Man, it's Jack changed his name to John
because it makes him feel more important.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
And I also told Philip stop calling me Jack.
Speaker 7 (03:05):
Say mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Now that I have two shows, maybe I should change
my name.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Well possibly.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I think when a man reaches a certain point and
show business, he should acquire a new name and it
should be dignified. See that sounds good, right, then it's
dignified day. No, no, Dennis, Look, your last name Day
is all right, but it's it's your first name that's important.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Oh if he had to be either dignified or at
least something that commands respect.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
No, no, no, forget it now, kids, I want everybody
about Groundhog Day. No, I don't care what name you take,
just so you call me John. Now, kids, don't want
everybody's attention for the night dramatic offering.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
We're going to do our version of.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
That popular motion picture marking, and since we need as
many actors as possible, I asked Rochester to come down
and help us out. So as soon as you got kid,
Sorry I'm late, but I was held up in traffic.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Oh hello, Phil, I had Johnson.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Johnson like what you wanted in it? You wanted to
get yourself a hunk of dignity.
Speaker 7 (04:22):
So I'm digging you.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
John Phil Phil by dignity, Look, maestro, look by dignity.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Bill by dignity. I meant a name that has class.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
What's wrong with Johnson?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Johnson has no polate?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
What's river beginning?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Molly's selling hot takes?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Boy, am I sorry? I started it?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Oh? No, Jonathan, Oh Jonathan.
Speaker 8 (04:48):
Don't say that.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
You know?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I think you got something there? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Well, I don't like my first name either, Phil Harris,
It ain't got no class.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
What are you gonna change it to McGregor?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Harris McGregor, that's a Scotch name, said, you haven't got
me scotch and oh yes, yes, how stupid though that
your four to fifth Scotch and one fifth chaser. Your
name should be pul Harry. Anyway, kids, I'm gonna have
(05:19):
dignity on this program if I haven't.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Hello, olmus Vegas, port Chester.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Oh you've been listening to the program. Hey Rochester, why
aren't you at the studio? You're gonna be You're gonna
be in the sketch.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Well, while I was driving.
Speaker 9 (05:39):
Down, I got hungry, so I put the car in
the party lot.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Uh huh. And when I got back, the man wanted
to buy the car.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh well, I hope you told him my price was
one thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Uh huh.
Speaker 9 (05:49):
But he told me that the used car market has
dropped some of the last few days.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Oh well, what did he offer you?
Speaker 9 (05:55):
Seven fifty?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Well that's that isn't so bad.
Speaker 6 (05:59):
You want to see whether that is.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
What seven dollars and fifty cents for my car, Rabbit
fast boat.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I'm coming to the tires money and he ain't smiling.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Well, I don't care if he's smiling or not, offering
seven dollars and fifty cents for my car? Why the
steering wheel is worth more than that?
Speaker 6 (06:24):
We ain't got.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
One, no steering wheel.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
And how'd you get the car downtown?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Same old way.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Last us the sunset boot. I'll stop that and listen, Rochester.
I want to get a good price for that car.
It has a wonderful motor.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Oh, come down for it.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
That morning was all when you took it out of washing.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Magine, what's the difference? It runs, doesn't it?
Speaker 6 (06:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 9 (06:50):
But when you put it in reverse go fight fifth button?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Well, look, Rochester, you tell this fellow that if he
wants to buy my car, he can have it for
one thousand dollars and not a cent left.
Speaker 8 (07:01):
Okay, just a minute.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Imagine offering me seven dollars and a half in my
car and wonderful condition still has the original rubber on
the windshield wiper.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
I wouldn't sell a fart.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yes, the master, you'll give you nine dollars for the car.
You'll throw him the last sue?
Speaker 9 (07:20):
What ten cents if you'll teach you how to use.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It RockA So I'm not gaving glass shoo lessons. And
the idea of Batman offering me nine dollars for that car,
he must be crazy.
Speaker 9 (07:30):
Well let's take it vanage of it.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I'm not selling it for that kind of money.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Now hurry over to the studio.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Okay, Now, come on, Dennis, let's have your songs. What
are you gonna sing? I'm gonna introduce a brand new
song that's never been done before, Carls Falling in Love
is Easy. Well, that's the catchy titles.
Speaker 7 (07:48):
It was written by two.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Members of your staff, Robert Dollen and Sam Tern. Well
what do you know about that? Say Dennis? If you
sing this, what do you get out of it?
Speaker 7 (07:55):
What do I get out of it?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
They already gave me a check for fifty thousand pilados
Colardo jars.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
We don't have any money like that in this country,
I know, but if we ever do, I'll be rich.
I knew you'd put it over on them. Come on,
let's hear us.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Allll in love Ea easy, easier the baby see paper
falling off? Yes, for falling off, leave the pain where
you're hot, could be all in love, simple, simple as
(08:55):
fool and one smile the potter off, then a cloud
give the moon from you. You're no long about apologies.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
You would not a.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Wise men have my apology, but I followed something badly.
Speaker 6 (09:31):
Smile.
Speaker 8 (09:33):
Oh, you should have a quarrel.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
It's why you count. I'm not falling off. Yes, the
falling off, it will make you fall.
Speaker 6 (09:53):
In wy.
Speaker 7 (09:57):
Argy.
Speaker 8 (10:24):
If you should have wh.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
It's why you come to pay and more falling off letters,
falling off, we'll make you fall.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
Lordingber si si si si.
Speaker 6 (12:22):
Along you little little.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
And I'm ding gentlemen, five presearch fractioning tonight were I'm
going to offer our virsion of Daryl Exami twentieth century
Fox No Salgic production. Margine, I'm married. You're going to
be Margine and I'm gonna be.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
A schoozie the man you fall in love with and
eventually married.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I can Hiley wade h.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
The time is the present, and the opening scene is
where Margie and her husband, her former school teacher, are
at home looking over the family album.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Margie, I'm all thinking of you, Mary, I love you.
Don't parget your.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Margie. Oh Margie, what are you doing.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
I'm just looking over some of these old pictures in
my album. Most of these were taken way back when
I was in high school.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Oh yeah, saying I never saw that picture before.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Who's this young fellow?
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Jam He was my first steady boyfriend. The name of
Tommy Manvil.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Tommy Manville. I'll come you broke up and tell me.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Wasn't the marrying time?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Hey? Look at this picture.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
It was taking us a senior class picnic at lake
one of a huka makapuska in the pine. So I'm
gonna always have a tough time pronouncing pine.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Gosh.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I'll never forget that picnic. That was the day you
fell into the lake and I rescued you, and that
led to my proposing for your market.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Yeah, you know, Pal, I have a s sect in
the make. I really didn't fall in the lake.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
I jumped in on perfect Well, I have a spect
you make too. I didn't jump in after you. Somebody
pushed me say more, Well, here comes our sons.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Donald.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Yeah, you know Tam. He's growing up and we'll be leaving.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Here is John, and I think.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
It's time you had a man and man talk with him.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I think they're life.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
More.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Come here, Son, Yes, daddy.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
You know Son.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
More and I were just looking through the family album.
Here's a picture you when you were a baby three
weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
See I was cute, wasn't I.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, the only weigh one hundred and sixty pounds.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Just look at your laying there on that bear skin rug.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
To kill the bear when you lay on us.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
That's right, say daddy. When did you and mommy fall
in love with each other?
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Well?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I was a school he too. She was one of
my pupils.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Yes, right, son, I guess the first realized I was
in love with your father just before I graduated.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
From high school.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
I was born in the school with my best friend
Sarah Tower Brocking.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
You've been my INFI racing days.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I've ever.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
After all is sad and done?
Speaker 5 (16:42):
Only what is it there?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
What do you think of her?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Young teen?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Hear?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
Oh, I think you for catch to jammers?
Speaker 5 (16:54):
Really?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Yeah, he has the most beautiful blue eyes.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Well, how do you know he's here?
Speaker 5 (17:00):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
The other day I caught him with his glasses.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Down to me.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
He doesn't appeal. I got for Rudolph Valentine. Now say, Sarah,
you do see Rudolph Valentine on the cheek? Then I
josh when he went into his canton took off his
terrab and. I thought I'd say.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I'm the key.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
He's coming on me. You're alive, belie.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
To meeking.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Very mind and Sarah, what are you gonna have your
adnoids removed? I'm afraid to.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
It might lunch up my singing?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yeah the saint mindy? Are you really in love with
a teacher?
Speaker 5 (17:49):
Uh? Huh?
Speaker 4 (17:50):
Yesterday he made me stay after school whine well, while
he was out of the room, I drew a picture
of him on the blackboards. Blossa made him look handsome,
well whind against on.
Speaker 9 (18:00):
Well.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
While I was trying to picture, I didn't know where
to dry his hands, so I put it on his tips,
you know, Sarah, Oh there's a blace hearing goody.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
Good and.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Drink you my queen and I will go their football.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
You roll on my plate. I love your job well
way while.
Speaker 10 (18:36):
Good morning children, Good morning all my children be seated,
and our children and our children.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I should call a roll.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Dennis Day years, Maggieliby Somegan.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Betty Sullivan.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Hear teacher, Philip Haarra hear teacher, and I brought you
a hamhop.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Hair Ah Power brought me here, teacher.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I'm free, Bogard you missed me and sit down. Freddy Allen,
I'm here, teacher. Forty teachers in this school. He has
to be in my class.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Titus Moodie, Hardy birb.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Sammy Kittle is Sammy Kittle present.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
For hoo woo and my present?
Speaker 7 (19:42):
I think so?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
The sportsman brother m Melvin Blank of the other boo
of the boo boo other.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Melvin. Are you pleasant?
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Yes, her set I'm feet press, I'm I'm here, very well.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Very well, very well. Frankie Nelson.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, well, I'm happy to see all your brighton fotting faces.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Now, Dennis, say you may erase.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
The blackboards, Yes, teacher, I will start off with our
geography lesson children. The first lesson will be Dennis, stop
raising the blackboard with back and put it back on
my head.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
I'm sorry, teacher, I found it on the floor.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I'll let you get on with a geography lessons. Freddie Allen?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Where's Portland home with her murder?
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Portland's an Oregon with her murder? Now the next question
is the next question is where is Amsterdam?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Ooh?
Speaker 1 (20:51):
What he said, Dennis say, don't be silly.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I'll ask another question. Where's hell Sinkie?
Speaker 3 (20:59):
That's even worse?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Lenna Saby Choiet. I'm trying to teach you something. Does
anyone know where the House.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Of Parliament is?
Speaker 7 (21:06):
I would like to.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Take a chance.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh the little kissel boy?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
All right, Sammy, help a track. Where is the House
of Parliament in London?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
That's right well, the middle and the big.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Ben on top?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Very good, Very good.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Now, Phillip Harris, where is bally Bally right below your
chesty kesty?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
I'll put that out. I'll never mind that. Now, children,
let's go to our history lesson.
Speaker 7 (21:45):
Frankie Nelson.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Frankie, why did George Washington throw a dollar across a Patomas.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I knew that would aggravate you.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Thrank me nothing. You come here and stand up in
front of my desk. I want to talk to you.
How the next time I asked you a question, I
don't want any more. That'spont Alex Paul. And if you
do that again, I'm.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Going off breathing on my gun. Cat wrote it down.
Now to continue with.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
What's all I'm giggling about?
Speaker 4 (22:24):
I job the teacher. Sell up. Harris is tinking saris
are rotten shell. Harris is sinking Sarah's are rotten.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Pinching, Phillip, you must stop annoying Sarah annoying I like him.
Now back to our history lessons. In medieval times, they
used to have many tortures. Can anyone described some of them?
Dennis had his hand up first.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
The worst torture of all was the rat.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
That's correct. Now, can you describe how the rat works?
Speaker 10 (22:53):
Yes, teacher, The rat was a big will and they
put a man on it and tie his hands at
one end and his feet at the other.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (22:59):
And then they turned racking with stretch as fine and
stretches and stretch it till finally free.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, that's a rather odd way of describing it.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
But your writing.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Now, children, it's time for the pre graduation debate. The
subject will be resolved that the fallery of the President
of the United States should not be increased. Margie Livington
will take the affirmative. Then to say the negative. Margie
will seek first.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Married teacher, fellow students, and my most worthy opponents. I
contend that the President should not receive any greater compensation.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
For the following reasons.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
The presidency of the United States is the highest selective
office in the world, and since the office is one
of honors, dignity, and precede, it should not be intaminated
by anything so mundaneous.
Speaker 10 (24:02):
Money.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Is that right?
Speaker 7 (24:03):
Teachers, well, I thank you.
Speaker 9 (24:10):
And now report Dennis Day learned teachers, fellow students, and
my worthy opponent Marti's Dennis, I believe that the President's
salary should be increased.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
Wouldn't it be a fine state of affairs?
Speaker 9 (24:26):
If the President didn't have enough money to pay his
rent and he was evicted.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
I conduct sees the four.
Speaker 9 (24:32):
Men standing on the steps of the White House yelling
open the door.
Speaker 7 (24:36):
Richard cool the President.
Speaker 9 (24:45):
Needs money to meet all the buildings contracts. While in
the White house. Yes, fellow students, streme members of maids.
What and in conclusion, I want to appease those famous
words of Kilroy.
Speaker 6 (24:57):
I ain't a very good, very good.
Speaker 10 (25:05):
Well children chill.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Then four is over.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Everybody can go home. But Margie, Margie, I kept you
after school because it gives a great pleasure to tell
you that you won the debate and you win first five.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Oh that's wonderful, teacher.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
What is the first tide me.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Tomorrow, Margie, I'll walk home with you.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
I'm only thinking.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yes. Then as your mother and I got married. What
are you laughing at, Bommie, then.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
You wouldn't been here at tennis had won that debate.
Speaker 8 (25:51):
That's my son.
Speaker 7 (26:11):
Botermills go, I'm even my.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Kill London.
Speaker 7 (26:21):
What's the good world?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Why your daughter?
Speaker 7 (26:26):
Beam? Mellows and I more?
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But hill.
Speaker 7 (26:35):
Man'll be my little dungy.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
And me.
Speaker 7 (26:40):
As happy as a Christmas break and for the warm
I love. I'm going to pop her that question, that
question why your talent to real? Little bee? If I
(27:05):
can on leave her.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
On you, oh bottom telling you now you know, keep it.
Speaker 7 (27:24):
In my saber Russian Lord Clama from Piet.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Family.
Speaker 7 (27:39):
When I'm leaving you of a fern bo get me
to the one I Love.
Speaker 8 (27:52):
You pad if you try.
Speaker 7 (27:58):
Hell The.
Speaker 8 (28:04):
Mal Mon.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Don Wilson speaking the Jack Many program has come to
use for the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
The Voice of Information and Education
Speaker 5 (30:04):
Concluded not to hand
Jack Benny program, but very let me send fella Harris Rochester,
Dennisee and you're truly don welcome. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is a great pleasure that I present to you,
our master of ceremonies, that dignified thought of stage, screen
(00:30):
and radio, John Benny, Thank.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
You, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hello again, this is John Benny talking. And John, that
introduction was just what I wanted. Thanks for your cooperation.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
You're perfectly welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
But why after all these years do you.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Want to change your name from jack to job Well,
because I feel with the name John is much more dignified.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
For a dramatic actor. Dramatic actor, certain me, Mary.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Last week on my program, I started and I stand condemned.
The week before that, I did a dramatic part with
the Screen Guild players.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Oh yes, I heard that.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
What'd you think of my acting?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
You stand condemned?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Well, that's a natural reaction from one whose talents spring
from the stocking pounder at the May Company anyway.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
But I agree with John, there's no reason for changing
her name.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I like the name John because it'll people from calling
me Jackson and Jackie.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Boy.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Imagine I'm calling me Jackie boy. I'm not a kid anymore.
You know, I'm nearing thirty seven.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
Coming around again.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Eh.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yes, I was born in the Studa Baker.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
That's why I wear glasses on the back of my head. Anyway,
I remember kids the name is John, and that settled it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
But I think the whole thing is silly.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Whether it's John Benny or Jack Benny, I don't see
any difference, because, after all, Jack is a nickname for John.
That's exactly what I'm getting at. Nicknames have no dignity.
For instance, how would it sound of Charles Boyer made
passionate love to a girl like this, come with me.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
To decay, But he's me. It is your lover, Chuck Chuck?
I mean what girl would kiss boye? If his name
was Chuck?
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I kiss him off.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
His name was.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
All right, all right, say done?
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I kiss him if his name is Handelmeyer, Mary, say done?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
I kiss him in.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
His name was simple winner.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Mary put down?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Like telephone boy, Why do you always have Hello Dennis
Thomas Benny?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Oh, by the way, Dennis, From now on you'll notice
that all of your checks will.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Be signed John Benny. Who's he me?
Speaker 4 (02:59):
That's right? Man, it's Jack changed his name to John
because it makes him feel more important.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
And I also told Philip stop calling me Jack.
Speaker 7 (03:05):
Say mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Now that I have two shows, maybe I should change
my name.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Well possibly.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I think when a man reaches a certain point and
show business, he should acquire a new name and it
should be dignified. See that sounds good, right, then it's
dignified day. No, no, Dennis, Look, your last name Day
is all right, but it's it's your first name that's important.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Oh if he had to be either dignified or at
least something that commands respect.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
No, no, no, forget it now, kids, I want everybody
about Groundhog Day. No, I don't care what name you take,
just so you call me John. Now, kids, don't want
everybody's attention for the night dramatic offering.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
We're going to do our version of.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
That popular motion picture marking, and since we need as
many actors as possible, I asked Rochester to come down
and help us out. So as soon as you got kid,
Sorry I'm late, but I was held up in traffic.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Oh hello, Phil, I had Johnson.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Johnson like what you wanted in it? You wanted to
get yourself a hunk of dignity.
Speaker 7 (04:22):
So I'm digging you.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
John Phil Phil by dignity, Look, maestro, look by dignity.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Bill by dignity. I meant a name that has class.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
What's wrong with Johnson?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Johnson has no polate?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
What's river beginning?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Molly's selling hot takes?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Boy, am I sorry? I started it?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Oh? No, Jonathan, Oh Jonathan.
Speaker 8 (04:48):
Don't say that.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
You know?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I think you got something there? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Well, I don't like my first name either, Phil Harris,
It ain't got no class.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
What are you gonna change it to McGregor?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Harris McGregor, that's a Scotch name, said, you haven't got
me scotch and oh yes, yes, how stupid though that
your four to fifth Scotch and one fifth chaser. Your
name should be pul Harry. Anyway, kids, I'm gonna have
(05:19):
dignity on this program if I haven't.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Hello, olmus Vegas, port Chester.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Oh you've been listening to the program. Hey Rochester, why
aren't you at the studio? You're gonna be You're gonna
be in the sketch.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Well, while I was driving.
Speaker 9 (05:39):
Down, I got hungry, so I put the car in
the party lot.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Uh huh. And when I got back, the man wanted
to buy the car.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh well, I hope you told him my price was
one thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Uh huh.
Speaker 9 (05:49):
But he told me that the used car market has
dropped some of the last few days.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Oh well, what did he offer you?
Speaker 9 (05:55):
Seven fifty?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Well that's that isn't so bad.
Speaker 6 (05:59):
You want to see whether that is.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
What seven dollars and fifty cents for my car, Rabbit
fast boat.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I'm coming to the tires money and he ain't smiling.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Well, I don't care if he's smiling or not, offering
seven dollars and fifty cents for my car? Why the
steering wheel is worth more than that?
Speaker 6 (06:24):
We ain't got.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
One, no steering wheel.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
And how'd you get the car downtown?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Same old way.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Last us the sunset boot. I'll stop that and listen, Rochester.
I want to get a good price for that car.
It has a wonderful motor.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Oh, come down for it.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
That morning was all when you took it out of washing.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Magine, what's the difference? It runs, doesn't it?
Speaker 6 (06:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 9 (06:50):
But when you put it in reverse go fight fifth button?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Well, look, Rochester, you tell this fellow that if he
wants to buy my car, he can have it for
one thousand dollars and not a cent left.
Speaker 8 (07:01):
Okay, just a minute.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Imagine offering me seven dollars and a half in my
car and wonderful condition still has the original rubber on
the windshield wiper.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
I wouldn't sell a fart.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yes, the master, you'll give you nine dollars for the car.
You'll throw him the last sue?
Speaker 9 (07:20):
What ten cents if you'll teach you how to use.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It RockA So I'm not gaving glass shoo lessons. And
the idea of Batman offering me nine dollars for that car,
he must be crazy.
Speaker 9 (07:30):
Well let's take it vanage of it.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I'm not selling it for that kind of money.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Now hurry over to the studio.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Okay, Now, come on, Dennis, let's have your songs. What
are you gonna sing? I'm gonna introduce a brand new
song that's never been done before, Carls Falling in Love
is Easy. Well, that's the catchy titles.
Speaker 7 (07:48):
It was written by two.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Members of your staff, Robert Dollen and Sam Tern. Well
what do you know about that? Say Dennis? If you
sing this, what do you get out of it?
Speaker 7 (07:55):
What do I get out of it?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
They already gave me a check for fifty thousand pilados
Colardo jars.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
We don't have any money like that in this country,
I know, but if we ever do, I'll be rich.
I knew you'd put it over on them. Come on,
let's hear us.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Allll in love Ea easy, easier the baby see paper
falling off? Yes, for falling off, leave the pain where
you're hot, could be all in love, simple, simple as
(08:55):
fool and one smile the potter off, then a cloud
give the moon from you. You're no long about apologies.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
You would not a.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Wise men have my apology, but I followed something badly.
Speaker 6 (09:31):
Smile.
Speaker 8 (09:33):
Oh, you should have a quarrel.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
It's why you count. I'm not falling off. Yes, the
falling off, it will make you fall.
Speaker 6 (09:53):
In wy.
Speaker 7 (09:57):
Argy.
Speaker 8 (10:24):
If you should have wh.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
It's why you come to pay and more falling off letters,
falling off, we'll make you fall.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
Lordingber si si si si.
Speaker 6 (12:22):
Along you little little.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
And I'm ding gentlemen, five presearch fractioning tonight were I'm
going to offer our virsion of Daryl Exami twentieth century
Fox No Salgic production. Margine, I'm married. You're going to
be Margine and I'm gonna be.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
A schoozie the man you fall in love with and
eventually married.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I can Hiley wade h.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
The time is the present, and the opening scene is
where Margie and her husband, her former school teacher, are
at home looking over the family album.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Margie, I'm all thinking of you, Mary, I love you.
Don't parget your.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Margie. Oh Margie, what are you doing.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
I'm just looking over some of these old pictures in
my album. Most of these were taken way back when
I was in high school.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Oh yeah, saying I never saw that picture before.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Who's this young fellow?
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Jam He was my first steady boyfriend. The name of
Tommy Manvil.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Tommy Manville. I'll come you broke up and tell me.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Wasn't the marrying time?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Hey? Look at this picture.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
It was taking us a senior class picnic at lake
one of a huka makapuska in the pine. So I'm
gonna always have a tough time pronouncing pine.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Gosh.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I'll never forget that picnic. That was the day you
fell into the lake and I rescued you, and that
led to my proposing for your market.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Yeah, you know, Pal, I have a s sect in
the make. I really didn't fall in the lake.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
I jumped in on perfect Well, I have a spect
you make too. I didn't jump in after you. Somebody
pushed me say more, Well, here comes our sons.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Donald.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Yeah, you know Tam. He's growing up and we'll be leaving.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Here is John, and I think.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
It's time you had a man and man talk with him.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I think they're life.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
More.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Come here, Son, Yes, daddy.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
You know Son.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
More and I were just looking through the family album.
Here's a picture you when you were a baby three
weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
See I was cute, wasn't I.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, the only weigh one hundred and sixty pounds.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Just look at your laying there on that bear skin rug.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
To kill the bear when you lay on us.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
That's right, say daddy. When did you and mommy fall
in love with each other?
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Well?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I was a school he too. She was one of
my pupils.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Yes, right, son, I guess the first realized I was
in love with your father just before I graduated.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
From high school.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
I was born in the school with my best friend
Sarah Tower Brocking.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
You've been my INFI racing days.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I've ever.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
After all is sad and done?
Speaker 5 (16:42):
Only what is it there?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
What do you think of her?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Young teen?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Hear?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
Oh, I think you for catch to jammers?
Speaker 5 (16:54):
Really?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Yeah, he has the most beautiful blue eyes.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Well, how do you know he's here?
Speaker 5 (17:00):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
The other day I caught him with his glasses.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Down to me.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
He doesn't appeal. I got for Rudolph Valentine. Now say, Sarah,
you do see Rudolph Valentine on the cheek? Then I
josh when he went into his canton took off his
terrab and. I thought I'd say.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I'm the key.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
He's coming on me. You're alive, belie.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
To meeking.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Very mind and Sarah, what are you gonna have your
adnoids removed? I'm afraid to.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
It might lunch up my singing?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yeah the saint mindy? Are you really in love with
a teacher?
Speaker 5 (17:49):
Uh? Huh?
Speaker 4 (17:50):
Yesterday he made me stay after school whine well, while
he was out of the room, I drew a picture
of him on the blackboards. Blossa made him look handsome,
well whind against on.
Speaker 9 (18:00):
Well.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
While I was trying to picture, I didn't know where
to dry his hands, so I put it on his tips,
you know, Sarah, Oh there's a blace hearing goody.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
Good and.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Drink you my queen and I will go their football.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
You roll on my plate. I love your job well
way while.
Speaker 10 (18:36):
Good morning children, Good morning all my children be seated,
and our children and our children.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I should call a roll.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Dennis Day years, Maggieliby Somegan.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Betty Sullivan.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Hear teacher, Philip Haarra hear teacher, and I brought you
a hamhop.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Hair Ah Power brought me here, teacher.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I'm free, Bogard you missed me and sit down. Freddy Allen,
I'm here, teacher. Forty teachers in this school. He has
to be in my class.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Titus Moodie, Hardy birb.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Sammy Kittle is Sammy Kittle present.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
For hoo woo and my present?
Speaker 7 (19:42):
I think so?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
The sportsman brother m Melvin Blank of the other boo
of the boo boo other.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Melvin. Are you pleasant?
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Yes, her set I'm feet press, I'm I'm here, very well.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Very well, very well. Frankie Nelson.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, well, I'm happy to see all your brighton fotting faces.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Now, Dennis, say you may erase.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
The blackboards, Yes, teacher, I will start off with our
geography lesson children. The first lesson will be Dennis, stop
raising the blackboard with back and put it back on
my head.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
I'm sorry, teacher, I found it on the floor.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I'll let you get on with a geography lessons. Freddie Allen?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Where's Portland home with her murder?
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Portland's an Oregon with her murder? Now the next question
is the next question is where is Amsterdam?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Ooh?
Speaker 1 (20:51):
What he said, Dennis say, don't be silly.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I'll ask another question. Where's hell Sinkie?
Speaker 3 (20:59):
That's even worse?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Lenna Saby Choiet. I'm trying to teach you something. Does
anyone know where the House.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Of Parliament is?
Speaker 7 (21:06):
I would like to.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Take a chance.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh the little kissel boy?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
All right, Sammy, help a track. Where is the House
of Parliament in London?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
That's right well, the middle and the big.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Ben on top?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Very good, Very good.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Now, Phillip Harris, where is bally Bally right below your
chesty kesty?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
I'll put that out. I'll never mind that. Now, children,
let's go to our history lesson.
Speaker 7 (21:45):
Frankie Nelson.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Frankie, why did George Washington throw a dollar across a Patomas.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I knew that would aggravate you.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Thrank me nothing. You come here and stand up in
front of my desk. I want to talk to you.
How the next time I asked you a question, I
don't want any more. That'spont Alex Paul. And if you
do that again, I'm.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Going off breathing on my gun. Cat wrote it down.
Now to continue with.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
What's all I'm giggling about?
Speaker 4 (22:24):
I job the teacher. Sell up. Harris is tinking saris
are rotten shell. Harris is sinking Sarah's are rotten.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Pinching, Phillip, you must stop annoying Sarah annoying I like him.
Now back to our history lessons. In medieval times, they
used to have many tortures. Can anyone described some of them?
Dennis had his hand up first.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
The worst torture of all was the rat.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
That's correct. Now, can you describe how the rat works?
Speaker 10 (22:53):
Yes, teacher, The rat was a big will and they
put a man on it and tie his hands at
one end and his feet at the other.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (22:59):
And then they turned racking with stretch as fine and
stretches and stretch it till finally free.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, that's a rather odd way of describing it.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
But your writing.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Now, children, it's time for the pre graduation debate. The
subject will be resolved that the fallery of the President
of the United States should not be increased. Margie Livington
will take the affirmative. Then to say the negative. Margie
will seek first.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Married teacher, fellow students, and my most worthy opponents. I
contend that the President should not receive any greater compensation.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
For the following reasons.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
The presidency of the United States is the highest selective
office in the world, and since the office is one
of honors, dignity, and precede, it should not be intaminated
by anything so mundaneous.
Speaker 10 (24:02):
Money.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Is that right?
Speaker 7 (24:03):
Teachers, well, I thank you.
Speaker 9 (24:10):
And now report Dennis Day learned teachers, fellow students, and
my worthy opponent Marti's Dennis, I believe that the President's
salary should be increased.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
Wouldn't it be a fine state of affairs?
Speaker 9 (24:26):
If the President didn't have enough money to pay his
rent and he was evicted.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
I conduct sees the four.
Speaker 9 (24:32):
Men standing on the steps of the White House yelling
open the door.
Speaker 7 (24:36):
Richard cool the President.
Speaker 9 (24:45):
Needs money to meet all the buildings contracts. While in
the White house. Yes, fellow students, streme members of maids.
What and in conclusion, I want to appease those famous
words of Kilroy.
Speaker 6 (24:57):
I ain't a very good, very good.
Speaker 10 (25:05):
Well children chill.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Then four is over.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Everybody can go home. But Margie, Margie, I kept you
after school because it gives a great pleasure to tell
you that you won the debate and you win first five.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Oh that's wonderful, teacher.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
What is the first tide me.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Tomorrow, Margie, I'll walk home with you.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
I'm only thinking.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yes. Then as your mother and I got married. What
are you laughing at, Bommie, then.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
You wouldn't been here at tennis had won that debate.
Speaker 8 (25:51):
That's my son.
Speaker 7 (26:11):
Botermills go, I'm even my.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Kill London.
Speaker 7 (26:21):
What's the good world?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Why your daughter?
Speaker 7 (26:26):
Beam? Mellows and I more?
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But hill.
Speaker 7 (26:35):
Man'll be my little dungy.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
And me.
Speaker 7 (26:40):
As happy as a Christmas break and for the warm
I love. I'm going to pop her that question, that
question why your talent to real? Little bee? If I
(27:05):
can on leave her.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
On you, oh bottom telling you now you know, keep it.
Speaker 7 (27:24):
In my saber Russian Lord Clama from Piet.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Family.
Speaker 7 (27:39):
When I'm leaving you of a fern bo get me
to the one I Love.
Speaker 8 (27:52):
You pad if you try.
Speaker 7 (27:58):
Hell The.
Speaker 8 (28:04):
Mal Mon.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Don Wilson speaking the Jack Many program has come to
use for the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
The Voice of Information and Education
Speaker 5 (30:04):
Concluded not to hand
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