August 15, 2025 • 28 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thankye out.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The Jello Program coming to you from the stage of
the Rich Theater in New York City, starring Jack Benny,
with Mary Livingston, Til Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly,
Don Wilson. The Orchestrope is a program with I hear bluebirds,
(00:26):
the old friends that used to be common kitchen practice,
the major ingredients by a pinch of this or a
little dab of that. But that was long ago, before
this modern scientific day of level teaspoons and exact oven temperatures. Nowadays,
the wise housewife makes it a habit to be strictly accurate,
not only in cooking and preparing recipes, but in buying
the foods that go into those recipes. For example, women
(00:47):
today don't ask their grossers for just the gelatin dessert, No, sir,
They're much smarter than that. They ask for jello. And
in that way, ladies and gentlemen, they make sure every
time of getting that rich, distinctive quality in play which
has made jell a famous the world over. So protect
your pleasure and your pocketbook as well by always asking
for Jello by name. Look for those big red letters
(01:10):
on the box. They tell you that here is America's
favorite gelatin dessert jello. That is, I hear bluebirds played
(01:43):
by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring
you the latest and greatest of Western heroes, a regged,
two fisted cowboy who rides like Roy Rogers, hoots like
Hoot Gibson, hops like hop Along Cassidy, and skips like
Alison Skipworth. Benny, Thank you, thank you, yippie Again, folks,
(02:10):
this is two gun Benny talking bang bang, and Don.
I gather from your introduction that you've seen Buck Benny
rides again at the Paramount this week. Tell me how
did you like it? Oh? Jack? I'm not saying this
just because I'm a friend of yours, but the picture
was swelling. You were great at it. Why thought you
told me it was going to be in technicolor? We
tried technicolor, but it didn't work out, you see, Don,
(02:30):
due to a peculiar pigment in my skin, I photographed plaid.
In fact, you couldn't tell where my suit left off
in my face began tell me, Don, how did the
picture go over? Does the audience seem to enjoy it?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Jack?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You mean to tell me that you haven't seen your
own picture yet. Well, I've been meaning to Don, but
it slipped my mind. I must drop in there one
of these days.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Why, Jack, Benny, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Mary? I'm speaking to Don the.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Idea of telling him a big sid like as well.
Never mind, Jack got a job as a nusher at
the Paramount so they could see his picture six times
a day.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I wait a minute to marry. That wasn't me at all.
That was my cousin Booboo. We look exactly alike in
the uniform.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
All I know is I said hello, Jack, you cousin Booboo,
and you turn flaid.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Mary. That wasn't me ushering? How many times do I
have to tell you that it wasn't me? Oh, Jack Dubbs, Please,
I mean, what is it?
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Don?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
See? Mary? You got me all confused? What do you want? Don?
I can't imagine you're taking your job as a nusher.
Why you could go ahead and see your picture any
time you want to? For Heving's sake, donn Are you
going to fall for everything? Mary says, I told you
it was my cousin Booboo. We resemble each other except
that he has a mole on his chest.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
What are you laughing at you got a hula dancer
with a mole on yours?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Now, Mary, for the last time, where you lay off
way off a Lilanie, And if it's all right with you,
I like to go back to where we were before
you came in. Say done. Did you see the reviews
on the picture? They were swell, weren't they? Yes? They were,
jack especially the one in Weekly Variety. Oh I missed that.
What did it say? It said, Puck Bunny is very
(04:19):
good entertainment. Well, and that Mark Sandridge, the director had
to give exercised his hypnotic influence over you. Well that's
a hypnotic influence. What do they mean by that? But
I suppose it means that you're just a fair actor.
But that mister Sandwich hypnotized you into being a great one.
Hypnotize me. That's a lot of baloney. I wasn't hypnotized
at all.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
And why were you laying in that apartment store window
for a week?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Oh my goodness, I hope I was decent. Way I
see Mark Sandridge? Well, if you think I'm gonna stand
for that? Oh, hello, Phil, I had Jackson. What do
you burned up about? I just found out something. Were
you ever hypnotized? Phil?
Speaker 5 (04:54):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
You know where everything goes blank and you don't know
where you are?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Boy, was I hypnotized? Phil? There's a difference between hypnotized
and paralyzed. So you were all celebrating. Ah, why not?
Did you see the swallow notices I got on our
picture what notices? Here's one right here? Get a load
of this and yesterdays paper it says Phil Harris definitely
scores both as a comedian and a dramatic accent. Let's
(05:19):
have more of this sterling artist in pictures. Let's see that. Hey,
wait a minute, that's not a movie review. That's in
the letter to the editor column? Well what about it?
If the public writes them, don't they public nothing? This
letter is signed Framley and frank Remley is your guitar
player of all the nerves. Hey it easy, Jackson. Just
because Frankie works for me don't mean he ain't sencere Look,
(05:46):
Phil acts silly. All your friends know that you two
are always together. Why didn't he sign the letter anonymous?
That's it, Frankie, That's the word we were trying to
think of. Yeah, oh, brother, Phil Harris definitely scores. Look
how he spells. Definitely d e a f oh Bill.
(06:09):
I hate to ask a sterling artist like you to
play a band number right now, but we're about due
for one, so get going, say mister Bennie. Ohllo, Dennis,
I didn't see it. What do you want? I just
want to tell you how much I enjoyed your picture
the other night. Well, that's very nice of you, Dennis.
I don't want to thank you for showing me to
that swell seat down in front dinner. I'll forget it.
Go ahead, Phil, showing him to a seat. Hey what
(06:31):
is this?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Jack's working his way to the Paramount this week?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
All right now, fellow, I've had just about enough of this.
I haven't been working at the Paramount. I'm not an
usher there, and I'm still running this program. Now, go ahead, Phil,
play something. Okay, you want a hot tune like Benny
Goodman or a sweet tune like Guy Lombardo. Just play
a blow the roof off tune and go to You
can do it so toon like Guy Lombardo. Yet hit
(06:58):
us hold it a minute, answer the phone, marye. Okay,
you know, Phil, no matter what you play at.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
All, we sounds no Yes, he's here. It's for you, Jack,
mister Whitman calling mister Whitman. He says he's a manager's
a Paramount theater.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Oh yes, I better talk to him out in the hall.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
What's the matter with this phone?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
It's none of your business. I'll be right back, fellas
what he wants? Hello? Oh hello, mister Whitman. Yes, yes,
this is number thirty two. What's that aisle? Fours in
(07:37):
an uproar? Well, I can't help that. I'm a balcony
man myself, I know. But mister Whitman, But but hurry up, Cash,
I'll be there in a minute. Mary, But now wait
a minute, mister Whitman. I don't care if I did
make a mistake. You're not gonna transfer me to flatboys.
(08:02):
All right, I'll be over in a little while. Goodbye,
I've gone more complications. I knew I should have got
someone to do my broadcast for me today. All right, Phil,
go ahead with your number. What is the manager of
the Paramoud want to talk to you about? Mary got
it wrong. It was the Paramount Clothing Company. They're making
a suit for me, and they're sending.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
The coat right over, but the pants are going to platbush.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Now, Mary, I told you to lay off.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Okay, thirty two?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
What's she talking about? Play? Phil, Mary? Thirty two is
my waist measurement? That was what a song played by
(10:01):
Phil Harris and as Peter Van Stehen. Sooja you know, Phil,
I like these boys you barred from Van Stephen better
than your own band, you do. Sure, they're real musicians.
You notice how they keep their eyes on you when
you're directing a number? Yeah? Why did they do that?
It makes me feel self conscious? Well, it is a
(10:22):
new experience for you. But Phil, I noticed when the
boys play just now, the fellow with the flute seemed
to be way off. He sounded pretty bad. It's Jackson,
that's Van Stephen himself. Van Stephen. Sure, come on over here, Pete,
I want you to meet jack Benny. Nice to have
not to you, Joe, come on over here. Why you
(10:48):
got a nice reception there, hire, mister Van Stephen. I
feel like a piano grand not fast for a star.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Right, so.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Well, he's from the Allen program. All right, hey, lay
off of him. Jackson Van Stephen's got a terrific sense
of humor. Thanks, deeb off, Kay sick? What a team
seven's seek.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
They make me seek.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
He said it. Hey Van Steeden, this is a Mary Livingston. Well,
glad to meet you. How about stepping out tonight, Livy?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
You should live he so long.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Mary, don't be crudey. Mister Harris's guest, Well.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
He's got a lot of nerve. I guess met him
right away. He wants you to have dinner with him
the al Morocco.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Mary. He didn't say a word about the al Morocco.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Well, I like where we're going?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh, you got it all settled. You hear that Pete
you would marry or going to the al Morocco. I
ain't no arab get it through?
Speaker 5 (11:58):
Man?
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That a lulu?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Lulu yet? Say Jackson, what did you hear him and
I on us the people the other night? What what
was that? Phil? I said? Did you hear him and
I on us the people? Ask we the people? I
don't know how a pair like you could ever do
a guest shot on an intelligent program. Oh yeah, don't.
I'm working a load of this. They've even asked us
(12:23):
to go on another big program Tuesday night. Imitation please
imitation please, he means inflation please.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
That's information Please.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
You two guys couldn't get on that program if Maxy
Rosenbloom asked the question and that went better even than Avelma.
Believe me. Listen, brother, brother, you wouldn't be so hot
(12:55):
on that program yourself. Oh I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
They.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Well, here's some news for you, Phil. I was invited
to go on Information Please only last week, but I
didn't accept the offer. Why not?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
You didn't know anything.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I knew enough not to go on tonight? Say, Pete,
let me ask you something. How long have you been
banned leader on the Fred Allen program? Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
About five years?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Five years with Allen? Oh my goodness, how can you
stand it? It doesn't follow me at all. I understand.
H I get it. Kid. Well, Peter, you can go
back to your band, Sadanna. We've got to continue with
our program.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Okay, Jackson, yes.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Sir, now let's see. Oh, Dennis, yes, please, it's about
time for your song. What's it gonna be tonight? I'm
gonna sing say it from your new pictures? And I
dedicated to my girlfriend, Miss Piffie LeRose. Dennis, we had
that all freshed out. I told you Feefe's my girl,
So forget about.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Her, Jack, I think it a crime. Dennis gets a
girl and you take her away from him.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Well, she's a gold digger, and I don't want Dennis
going out with her. But Jack, your heart is the
type of fellow that would go out with a gold digger.
Don't worry about me, done, I can handle him.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I'll say, you can tell down what your pull last night.
Never mind if he wanted to go to the store
club and Jack told her it was a maternity.
Speaker 7 (14:17):
Hospital, well it worked.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Anyway. We saw a wonderful movie instead. I was Rochester
in a shut up. Now, Dennis, as long as you're
standing there with your mouth open, you might as well
go into your song. I never saw such a hectic
hold it a minute, come in? Hello? Hello you mind Trudy?
(14:56):
Well we are right in the middle of a program.
Well look, could I say hello to Don? My wife
and I is most odd and fan Don Wilson away
there is say, aren't you the same?
Speaker 6 (15:06):
How do you do, mister Wilson?
Speaker 5 (15:08):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm so glad to know that you're such a loyal
fan of mine. Oh, I'm a regular pest around my neighborhood.
Everybody sets to me. Oh you and your big best
Don Willim. I know I've seen that fellow before. I
know it. Thank you, Thank you very much, mister mister
(15:32):
jerk Finkel. I know the name is Logan jerk Finkel.
I knew it. I look here, Logan, what's the big idea?
Last week he came up here and said that I
was your favorite. I switched. Well, frankly, jerk Finkel, I'm
(16:00):
I'm disappointed in you.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Oh Stopjack, You're a bigger thinkle than he is.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well, thanks, but I can't understand the guy. Last Sunday
he said that I was his number one entertainer. Well, look,
mister Benny, comedy is all right, but when John Wilson
talks about Jello, it just makes me forget everything. Oh well,
thank you, mister jerk Finkle. Now, mister Wilson, I hope
I'm not imposing, but would you mind saying a few
words right now about my favorite dessert? Oh hap be
glad do Logan. Ladies and gentlemen, whenever you're in the
(16:29):
mood for attempting and appetizing dessert, run down to your
neighborhood grocer and ask him for a package of Jello.
Sing a kid, Hello, God, you will find that jello
(16:53):
is not only economical and easy to make, it that
it comes in six delicious flavor. You tell him tubby
now now, now, please so remember, ladies and gentlemen, I'll
(17:15):
always be sure to insist on genuine jealous and look
for the big red letters in the box. I just
couldn't wait. Well, you heard what your water logan, So
when you please go home? We got to finish our
program and stop Wilson from laughing. All right, where's the door?
It's that thing with the knob on it? All right
to buy. I hope he doesn't follow us the Hollywood
(17:44):
sing logan or Dennis.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Long.
Speaker 6 (18:00):
Don't be so cuse me. Love won't make a fool
of me.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Please give me jump the fine.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Please say that you be mine?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Say they.
Speaker 6 (18:22):
Say, all over and over again, over and over again,
never stop.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Saying your mind.
Speaker 6 (18:38):
Say ever and ever to sweez, ever and ever.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
To sweez, just like an old Valentine.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
When you say I love you the same old I
love you, say, whisper and star pas and play.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
You can change. I love you the table.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I love you, Oh such a heavenly pray, Oh say
partly and gently unsay.
Speaker 6 (19:20):
Over and over again, never stopping.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Your When you say I love you the same old
I love you, They whispering stories and play you can
think I love you the same old I love you
(19:48):
for such a heaven lead bread, Oh say hotly and gently, undre.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
For for and all, never toptay.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
You by.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
That was say It by Frank Lesser and Jimmy McHugh,
sung by Dennis Day and accompanied by Phil Harris's orchestra,
which is really Peter Van Stephens except Frank Ramley, the
guitar player who still thinks he's in Hollywood. And now,
ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that we
are going to do an additional broadcast from New York
City next Sunday. For our feature attraction, we are going
(20:49):
to offer our version of one of radio's outstanding clam bait.
The program we are going to satirize comes to you
every Wednesday night and is headed by a guy who
eat cracker Jack all year so he'll have Christmas presents
for his friends. This ex juggler also killed Vaudeville.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Say Jack, you're referring to Fred Allen. You've got a
lot of nerves to say that he killed Vaudville.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Well, he did kill Vaudville. He sent powers elephants back
to India and.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
You back to Ushering.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Now cut that out, Mary, cut that out unless you
do a guest appearance in Gimbal's basis. Anyway, folks, be
sure and tune in next Sunday for our version of
town Hall tonight, said Jack Warner. Were on the subject
of Fred Allen. Wasn't Rochester Swell on his program Wednesday night?
Why what'd you say? Rochester was on the Fred Allen Show? Sure,
(21:44):
didn't you hear him, Jackson? Of course not. He's sure
spilled the beans on you, mister Benny. You mean he
had the nerve to go on Allen's program and discuss
my private life?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, Rochester said he had the staff water wings on
you before you got in the bathtub.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
That's a lie. I don't even wear. I'm in my
swimming pool anymore. I got it right this time, and
I think that my valet would be so disloyal. It
ain't his fault. Alan asked him questions and Rochester just
answered them. Well, that's the most embarrassing thing I ever
heard of. The idea of telling Allan I hide money
in my mattress.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
He never mentioned that.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Oh, why don't I keep my mouth shut? Mary? Get
me Rochester on the phone.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
What is number?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's the Teresa Hotel up in Harlem. I've got the
number right here. It's Lennox eight eight eight, come seven
and hurry, Okay, I'll fix him. Oh Jack, don't beat
two harsh. Remember they're putting out a tremendous celebration for
him up there. I'll say the hour. Why do you
know I passed the Teresa Hotel the other day and
(22:45):
there was a big banner clear across the front of
it saying Rochester's headquarters. That burns me up? Burn't, Jeff?
Why why? Because of my hotel is Sherry, Netherlands. All
I did was hang a little handkerchief out of the
window to dry, and they made me take it in.
That's why Hello to reach the hotel.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I'd like to speak to Rochester. Van Jones, please give
me that phone.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Hello, Hello, Hello, Rochester. Just then I'll see if it's unpreoccupied,
unpreoccupied or not. I wanna talk to him. Who should
I say? As Charleton? Please?
Speaker 3 (23:25):
In other words?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Who is you? Who is I? Who is you? I'm
missus Van Jones the second time, missus de Witt, Well,
I'm mister Benny. Rochester's gore, so put him on. They're okay,
mister Ben Okay, get all his laughs.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Sure, he's wanted on the phone.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I'll find out what's going on.
Speaker 5 (23:50):
Oh is this who?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I think it is? Single? Yes, Rochester, that's mister Benny.
And I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, but there are
a few questions I'd like to ask. In the first place,
how can you afford to have a secretary.
Speaker 6 (24:08):
That makes three of us worry about the same thing.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Well, you should worry a Rochester getting down of business?
And I want the truth. Were you on mister Allen's
program last Wednesday? Wi's miss Allen? Mister Fred Allen? Were
you on his program? Let me check on that he
with Never mind that. Now, let me ask you something, Rochester.
Who gave you permission to appear on mister Allen's program?
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Mister Allen?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Oh he did? Well? Listen? Who you get paid by
mister Allen?
Speaker 5 (24:40):
Or me?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I had a little trouble with both of you. If
I could have told you I had trouble with him?
What'd he give you for appearing there?
Speaker 5 (24:50):
To face at a page of a smile of beauty
and a very little case.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
I thought so, I thought so. Say, Boss, I don't
know what I got to tell you this, but miss
Allen made me an offer. He wants me to be
his vallad. I don't know what he wants with a
valid he's only got one suit. Well, it needs prison,
you said it, now, Rochester, what did you do about
this offer?
Speaker 5 (25:13):
I turned him down?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Boss.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Well, thanks, Rochester, I couldn't leave you. Oh thanks, I'm
in too deep, Rochester. If you're referring to the back salary,
I owe. Yeah, I'm saving it for you later on.
I'm gonna give it to you an alum.
Speaker 6 (25:32):
I'd rather have you dribbled it.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Now.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Look, Rochester, I didn't call you have to talk finance.
I just want you to understand that you're not to
appear on mister Allen's program again without my permission. Okay, Boss,
make a notice that he's wi another thing. You can
fire that secretary. That wouldn't do no good. He's a relative.
I don't care what he is now, goodbye, goodbye? Oh
say mister Bennett.
Speaker 5 (25:56):
Why is it true he's gonna stay here one more week? Yes,
we are I'll never make it some boss, what a guy?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
I call it to bail him out and nothing happened.
Hey Jack, are you really saving Rochester's money for him?
I certainly am. Don snday he'll thank me for it.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Hey Mary, well, personally, I, oh, look what time it is.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Play Phil. You'll have to hold that for next week. Mary,
and I'll let us Zaman. Let call swing in the
spring with one of the grandest salads of the season. Yes,
I'm talking about Jella Pimento salad, the gay brilliant combination
of bright red pimento, juicy sweet pickles, and the type
refreshing flavor of rich lemon jello. Here's a wonderful treats
and there's no trick at all to making it. All
(26:40):
you have to do is first make up a package
of lemon jello. Next, take four individual moles and to
each one put one teaspoon of chopped pimeto and two
teaspoons of chopped sweet pickle. Then pour in the jello
and chill and prefirm. When it's already, serve it on
chris lettuce with mayonnaise and watch the family take up
where you left off. Tomorrow, order some lemon jello from
the grocer, blend it with Crimson permeto and delicious sweet pickle,
(27:02):
and decorates the dinner table with this new Jello treat
Jello Pimento salad. Good night, Joni, be a good girl.
And this is the last number of the thirtieth program
in the current Jello series, and we'll be with you
again next Sunday night at the same time. Broadcasting from
New York City. Hey, Jackson, Marty Lewis of the Movie
in Radio Guide is here and he'd like to make
(27:23):
an announcement. Oh hello Marty, Hello Jack, Ladies and gentlemen.
For the past few weeks, our magazine has been conducting
his seventh annual Stars Stars poll, and I am very
happy to tell you that Jack Benny was again voted
the most popular comedian on the air. So congratulations to you, Jack.
Thanks in behalf of Movie and Radio Guide magazine and
the millions of radio listeners. It gives me great pleasure
(27:45):
to present to you this trophy. Well, thank you, Marty,
thanks very much. You're welcome, Jack, and I also want
to announce that Don Wilson has again been selected as
Radio's Outstanding Announcer.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Thank you, Marty.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Thanks a lot. Well, gee, a trophy and everything. I
know just where I'm gonna put this in my living room?
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Hey Jack, what the manager of the paramount Just call
up until you better get over there right away or else.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Oh yes, I must hurry. Lucky, I got my uniform.
I'm during my under my suit. Good right. This is
the National Broadcasting Company.
Thankye out.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The Jello Program coming to you from the stage of
the Rich Theater in New York City, starring Jack Benny,
with Mary Livingston, Til Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly,
Don Wilson. The Orchestrope is a program with I hear bluebirds,
(00:26):
the old friends that used to be common kitchen practice,
the major ingredients by a pinch of this or a
little dab of that. But that was long ago, before
this modern scientific day of level teaspoons and exact oven temperatures. Nowadays,
the wise housewife makes it a habit to be strictly accurate,
not only in cooking and preparing recipes, but in buying
the foods that go into those recipes. For example, women
(00:47):
today don't ask their grossers for just the gelatin dessert, No, sir,
They're much smarter than that. They ask for jello. And
in that way, ladies and gentlemen, they make sure every
time of getting that rich, distinctive quality in play which
has made jell a famous the world over. So protect
your pleasure and your pocketbook as well by always asking
for Jello by name. Look for those big red letters
(01:10):
on the box. They tell you that here is America's
favorite gelatin dessert jello. That is, I hear bluebirds played
(01:43):
by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring
you the latest and greatest of Western heroes, a regged,
two fisted cowboy who rides like Roy Rogers, hoots like
Hoot Gibson, hops like hop Along Cassidy, and skips like
Alison Skipworth. Benny, Thank you, thank you, yippie Again, folks,
(02:10):
this is two gun Benny talking bang bang, and Don.
I gather from your introduction that you've seen Buck Benny
rides again at the Paramount this week. Tell me how
did you like it? Oh? Jack? I'm not saying this
just because I'm a friend of yours, but the picture
was swelling. You were great at it. Why thought you
told me it was going to be in technicolor? We
tried technicolor, but it didn't work out, you see, Don,
(02:30):
due to a peculiar pigment in my skin, I photographed plaid.
In fact, you couldn't tell where my suit left off
in my face began tell me, Don, how did the
picture go over? Does the audience seem to enjoy it?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Jack?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You mean to tell me that you haven't seen your
own picture yet. Well, I've been meaning to Don, but
it slipped my mind. I must drop in there one
of these days.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Why, Jack, Benny, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Mary? I'm speaking to Don the.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Idea of telling him a big sid like as well.
Never mind, Jack got a job as a nusher at
the Paramount so they could see his picture six times
a day.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I wait a minute to marry. That wasn't me at all.
That was my cousin Booboo. We look exactly alike in
the uniform.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
All I know is I said hello, Jack, you cousin Booboo,
and you turn flaid.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Mary. That wasn't me ushering? How many times do I
have to tell you that it wasn't me? Oh, Jack Dubbs, Please,
I mean, what is it?
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Don?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
See? Mary? You got me all confused? What do you want? Don?
I can't imagine you're taking your job as a nusher.
Why you could go ahead and see your picture any
time you want to? For Heving's sake, donn Are you
going to fall for everything? Mary says, I told you
it was my cousin Booboo. We resemble each other except
that he has a mole on his chest.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
What are you laughing at you got a hula dancer
with a mole on yours?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Now, Mary, for the last time, where you lay off
way off a Lilanie, And if it's all right with you,
I like to go back to where we were before
you came in. Say done. Did you see the reviews
on the picture? They were swell, weren't they? Yes? They were,
jack especially the one in Weekly Variety. Oh I missed that.
What did it say? It said, Puck Bunny is very
(04:19):
good entertainment. Well, and that Mark Sandridge, the director had
to give exercised his hypnotic influence over you. Well that's
a hypnotic influence. What do they mean by that? But
I suppose it means that you're just a fair actor.
But that mister Sandwich hypnotized you into being a great one.
Hypnotize me. That's a lot of baloney. I wasn't hypnotized
at all.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
And why were you laying in that apartment store window
for a week?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Oh my goodness, I hope I was decent. Way I
see Mark Sandridge? Well, if you think I'm gonna stand
for that? Oh, hello, Phil, I had Jackson. What do
you burned up about? I just found out something. Were
you ever hypnotized? Phil?
Speaker 5 (04:54):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
You know where everything goes blank and you don't know
where you are?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Boy, was I hypnotized? Phil? There's a difference between hypnotized
and paralyzed. So you were all celebrating. Ah, why not?
Did you see the swallow notices I got on our
picture what notices? Here's one right here? Get a load
of this and yesterdays paper it says Phil Harris definitely
scores both as a comedian and a dramatic accent. Let's
(05:19):
have more of this sterling artist in pictures. Let's see that. Hey,
wait a minute, that's not a movie review. That's in
the letter to the editor column? Well what about it?
If the public writes them, don't they public nothing? This
letter is signed Framley and frank Remley is your guitar
player of all the nerves. Hey it easy, Jackson. Just
because Frankie works for me don't mean he ain't sencere Look,
(05:46):
Phil acts silly. All your friends know that you two
are always together. Why didn't he sign the letter anonymous?
That's it, Frankie, That's the word we were trying to
think of. Yeah, oh, brother, Phil Harris definitely scores. Look
how he spells. Definitely d e a f oh Bill.
(06:09):
I hate to ask a sterling artist like you to
play a band number right now, but we're about due
for one, so get going, say mister Bennie. Ohllo, Dennis,
I didn't see it. What do you want? I just
want to tell you how much I enjoyed your picture
the other night. Well, that's very nice of you, Dennis.
I don't want to thank you for showing me to
that swell seat down in front dinner. I'll forget it.
Go ahead, Phil, showing him to a seat. Hey what
(06:31):
is this?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Jack's working his way to the Paramount this week?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
All right now, fellow, I've had just about enough of this.
I haven't been working at the Paramount. I'm not an
usher there, and I'm still running this program. Now, go ahead, Phil,
play something. Okay, you want a hot tune like Benny
Goodman or a sweet tune like Guy Lombardo. Just play
a blow the roof off tune and go to You
can do it so toon like Guy Lombardo. Yet hit
(06:58):
us hold it a minute, answer the phone, marye. Okay,
you know, Phil, no matter what you play at.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
All, we sounds no Yes, he's here. It's for you, Jack,
mister Whitman calling mister Whitman. He says he's a manager's
a Paramount theater.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Oh yes, I better talk to him out in the hall.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
What's the matter with this phone?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
It's none of your business. I'll be right back, fellas
what he wants? Hello? Oh hello, mister Whitman. Yes, yes,
this is number thirty two. What's that aisle? Fours in
(07:37):
an uproar? Well, I can't help that. I'm a balcony
man myself, I know. But mister Whitman, But but hurry up, Cash,
I'll be there in a minute. Mary, But now wait
a minute, mister Whitman. I don't care if I did
make a mistake. You're not gonna transfer me to flatboys.
(08:02):
All right, I'll be over in a little while. Goodbye,
I've gone more complications. I knew I should have got
someone to do my broadcast for me today. All right, Phil,
go ahead with your number. What is the manager of
the Paramoud want to talk to you about? Mary got
it wrong. It was the Paramount Clothing Company. They're making
a suit for me, and they're sending.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
The coat right over, but the pants are going to platbush.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Now, Mary, I told you to lay off.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Okay, thirty two?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
What's she talking about? Play? Phil, Mary? Thirty two is
my waist measurement? That was what a song played by
(10:01):
Phil Harris and as Peter Van Stehen. Sooja you know, Phil,
I like these boys you barred from Van Stephen better
than your own band, you do. Sure, they're real musicians.
You notice how they keep their eyes on you when
you're directing a number? Yeah? Why did they do that?
It makes me feel self conscious? Well, it is a
(10:22):
new experience for you. But Phil, I noticed when the
boys play just now, the fellow with the flute seemed
to be way off. He sounded pretty bad. It's Jackson,
that's Van Stephen himself. Van Stephen. Sure, come on over here, Pete,
I want you to meet jack Benny. Nice to have
not to you, Joe, come on over here. Why you
(10:48):
got a nice reception there, hire, mister Van Stephen. I
feel like a piano grand not fast for a star.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Right, so.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Well, he's from the Allen program. All right, hey, lay
off of him. Jackson Van Stephen's got a terrific sense
of humor. Thanks, deeb off, Kay sick? What a team
seven's seek.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
They make me seek.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
He said it. Hey Van Steeden, this is a Mary Livingston. Well,
glad to meet you. How about stepping out tonight, Livy?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
You should live he so long.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Mary, don't be crudey. Mister Harris's guest, Well.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
He's got a lot of nerve. I guess met him
right away. He wants you to have dinner with him
the al Morocco.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Mary. He didn't say a word about the al Morocco.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Well, I like where we're going?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh, you got it all settled. You hear that Pete
you would marry or going to the al Morocco. I
ain't no arab get it through?
Speaker 5 (11:58):
Man?
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That a lulu?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Lulu yet? Say Jackson, what did you hear him and
I on us the people the other night? What what
was that? Phil? I said? Did you hear him and
I on us the people? Ask we the people? I
don't know how a pair like you could ever do
a guest shot on an intelligent program. Oh yeah, don't.
I'm working a load of this. They've even asked us
(12:23):
to go on another big program Tuesday night. Imitation please
imitation please, he means inflation please.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
That's information Please.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
You two guys couldn't get on that program if Maxy
Rosenbloom asked the question and that went better even than Avelma.
Believe me. Listen, brother, brother, you wouldn't be so hot
(12:55):
on that program yourself. Oh I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
They.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Well, here's some news for you, Phil. I was invited
to go on Information Please only last week, but I
didn't accept the offer. Why not?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
You didn't know anything.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I knew enough not to go on tonight? Say, Pete,
let me ask you something. How long have you been
banned leader on the Fred Allen program? Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
About five years?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Five years with Allen? Oh my goodness, how can you
stand it? It doesn't follow me at all. I understand.
H I get it. Kid. Well, Peter, you can go
back to your band, Sadanna. We've got to continue with
our program.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Okay, Jackson, yes.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Sir, now let's see. Oh, Dennis, yes, please, it's about
time for your song. What's it gonna be tonight? I'm
gonna sing say it from your new pictures? And I
dedicated to my girlfriend, Miss Piffie LeRose. Dennis, we had
that all freshed out. I told you Feefe's my girl,
So forget about.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Her, Jack, I think it a crime. Dennis gets a
girl and you take her away from him.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Well, she's a gold digger, and I don't want Dennis
going out with her. But Jack, your heart is the
type of fellow that would go out with a gold digger.
Don't worry about me, done, I can handle him.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I'll say, you can tell down what your pull last night.
Never mind if he wanted to go to the store
club and Jack told her it was a maternity.
Speaker 7 (14:17):
Hospital, well it worked.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Anyway. We saw a wonderful movie instead. I was Rochester
in a shut up. Now, Dennis, as long as you're
standing there with your mouth open, you might as well
go into your song. I never saw such a hectic
hold it a minute, come in? Hello? Hello you mind Trudy?
(14:56):
Well we are right in the middle of a program.
Well look, could I say hello to Don? My wife
and I is most odd and fan Don Wilson away
there is say, aren't you the same?
Speaker 6 (15:06):
How do you do, mister Wilson?
Speaker 5 (15:08):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm so glad to know that you're such a loyal
fan of mine. Oh, I'm a regular pest around my neighborhood.
Everybody sets to me. Oh you and your big best
Don Willim. I know I've seen that fellow before. I
know it. Thank you, Thank you very much, mister mister
(15:32):
jerk Finkel. I know the name is Logan jerk Finkel.
I knew it. I look here, Logan, what's the big idea?
Last week he came up here and said that I
was your favorite. I switched. Well, frankly, jerk Finkel, I'm
(16:00):
I'm disappointed in you.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Oh Stopjack, You're a bigger thinkle than he is.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well, thanks, but I can't understand the guy. Last Sunday
he said that I was his number one entertainer. Well, look,
mister Benny, comedy is all right, but when John Wilson
talks about Jello, it just makes me forget everything. Oh well,
thank you, mister jerk Finkle. Now, mister Wilson, I hope
I'm not imposing, but would you mind saying a few
words right now about my favorite dessert? Oh hap be
glad do Logan. Ladies and gentlemen, whenever you're in the
(16:29):
mood for attempting and appetizing dessert, run down to your
neighborhood grocer and ask him for a package of Jello.
Sing a kid, Hello, God, you will find that jello
(16:53):
is not only economical and easy to make, it that
it comes in six delicious flavor. You tell him tubby
now now, now, please so remember, ladies and gentlemen, I'll
(17:15):
always be sure to insist on genuine jealous and look
for the big red letters in the box. I just
couldn't wait. Well, you heard what your water logan, So
when you please go home? We got to finish our
program and stop Wilson from laughing. All right, where's the door?
It's that thing with the knob on it? All right
to buy. I hope he doesn't follow us the Hollywood
(17:44):
sing logan or Dennis.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Long.
Speaker 6 (18:00):
Don't be so cuse me. Love won't make a fool
of me.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Please give me jump the fine.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Please say that you be mine?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Say they.
Speaker 6 (18:22):
Say, all over and over again, over and over again,
never stop.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Saying your mind.
Speaker 6 (18:38):
Say ever and ever to sweez, ever and ever.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
To sweez, just like an old Valentine.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
When you say I love you the same old I
love you, say, whisper and star pas and play.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
You can change. I love you the table.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I love you, Oh such a heavenly pray, Oh say
partly and gently unsay.
Speaker 6 (19:20):
Over and over again, never stopping.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Your When you say I love you the same old
I love you, They whispering stories and play you can
think I love you the same old I love you
(19:48):
for such a heaven lead bread, Oh say hotly and gently, undre.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
For for and all, never toptay.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
You by.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
That was say It by Frank Lesser and Jimmy McHugh,
sung by Dennis Day and accompanied by Phil Harris's orchestra,
which is really Peter Van Stephens except Frank Ramley, the
guitar player who still thinks he's in Hollywood. And now,
ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that we
are going to do an additional broadcast from New York
City next Sunday. For our feature attraction, we are going
(20:49):
to offer our version of one of radio's outstanding clam bait.
The program we are going to satirize comes to you
every Wednesday night and is headed by a guy who
eat cracker Jack all year so he'll have Christmas presents
for his friends. This ex juggler also killed Vaudeville.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Say Jack, you're referring to Fred Allen. You've got a
lot of nerves to say that he killed Vaudville.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Well, he did kill Vaudville. He sent powers elephants back
to India and.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
You back to Ushering.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Now cut that out, Mary, cut that out unless you
do a guest appearance in Gimbal's basis. Anyway, folks, be
sure and tune in next Sunday for our version of
town Hall tonight, said Jack Warner. Were on the subject
of Fred Allen. Wasn't Rochester Swell on his program Wednesday night?
Why what'd you say? Rochester was on the Fred Allen Show? Sure,
(21:44):
didn't you hear him, Jackson? Of course not. He's sure
spilled the beans on you, mister Benny. You mean he
had the nerve to go on Allen's program and discuss
my private life?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, Rochester said he had the staff water wings on
you before you got in the bathtub.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
That's a lie. I don't even wear. I'm in my
swimming pool anymore. I got it right this time, and
I think that my valet would be so disloyal. It
ain't his fault. Alan asked him questions and Rochester just
answered them. Well, that's the most embarrassing thing I ever
heard of. The idea of telling Allan I hide money
in my mattress.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
He never mentioned that.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Oh, why don't I keep my mouth shut? Mary? Get
me Rochester on the phone.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
What is number?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's the Teresa Hotel up in Harlem. I've got the
number right here. It's Lennox eight eight eight, come seven
and hurry, Okay, I'll fix him. Oh Jack, don't beat
two harsh. Remember they're putting out a tremendous celebration for
him up there. I'll say the hour. Why do you
know I passed the Teresa Hotel the other day and
(22:45):
there was a big banner clear across the front of
it saying Rochester's headquarters. That burns me up? Burn't, Jeff?
Why why? Because of my hotel is Sherry, Netherlands. All
I did was hang a little handkerchief out of the
window to dry, and they made me take it in.
That's why Hello to reach the hotel.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I'd like to speak to Rochester. Van Jones, please give
me that phone.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Hello, Hello, Hello, Rochester. Just then I'll see if it's unpreoccupied,
unpreoccupied or not. I wanna talk to him. Who should
I say? As Charleton? Please?
Speaker 3 (23:25):
In other words?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Who is you? Who is I? Who is you? I'm
missus Van Jones the second time, missus de Witt, Well,
I'm mister Benny. Rochester's gore, so put him on. They're okay,
mister Ben Okay, get all his laughs.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Sure, he's wanted on the phone.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I'll find out what's going on.
Speaker 5 (23:50):
Oh is this who?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I think it is? Single? Yes, Rochester, that's mister Benny.
And I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, but there are
a few questions I'd like to ask. In the first place,
how can you afford to have a secretary.
Speaker 6 (24:08):
That makes three of us worry about the same thing.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Well, you should worry a Rochester getting down of business?
And I want the truth. Were you on mister Allen's
program last Wednesday? Wi's miss Allen? Mister Fred Allen? Were
you on his program? Let me check on that he
with Never mind that. Now, let me ask you something, Rochester.
Who gave you permission to appear on mister Allen's program?
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Mister Allen?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Oh he did? Well? Listen? Who you get paid by
mister Allen?
Speaker 5 (24:40):
Or me?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I had a little trouble with both of you. If
I could have told you I had trouble with him?
What'd he give you for appearing there?
Speaker 5 (24:50):
To face at a page of a smile of beauty
and a very little case.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
I thought so, I thought so. Say, Boss, I don't
know what I got to tell you this, but miss
Allen made me an offer. He wants me to be
his vallad. I don't know what he wants with a
valid he's only got one suit. Well, it needs prison,
you said it, now, Rochester, what did you do about
this offer?
Speaker 5 (25:13):
I turned him down?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Boss.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Well, thanks, Rochester, I couldn't leave you. Oh thanks, I'm
in too deep, Rochester. If you're referring to the back salary,
I owe. Yeah, I'm saving it for you later on.
I'm gonna give it to you an alum.
Speaker 6 (25:32):
I'd rather have you dribbled it.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Now.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Look, Rochester, I didn't call you have to talk finance.
I just want you to understand that you're not to
appear on mister Allen's program again without my permission. Okay, Boss,
make a notice that he's wi another thing. You can
fire that secretary. That wouldn't do no good. He's a relative.
I don't care what he is now, goodbye, goodbye? Oh
say mister Bennett.
Speaker 5 (25:56):
Why is it true he's gonna stay here one more week? Yes,
we are I'll never make it some boss, what a guy?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
I call it to bail him out and nothing happened.
Hey Jack, are you really saving Rochester's money for him?
I certainly am. Don snday he'll thank me for it.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Hey Mary, well, personally, I, oh, look what time it is.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Play Phil. You'll have to hold that for next week. Mary,
and I'll let us Zaman. Let call swing in the
spring with one of the grandest salads of the season. Yes,
I'm talking about Jella Pimento salad, the gay brilliant combination
of bright red pimento, juicy sweet pickles, and the type
refreshing flavor of rich lemon jello. Here's a wonderful treats
and there's no trick at all to making it. All
(26:40):
you have to do is first make up a package
of lemon jello. Next, take four individual moles and to
each one put one teaspoon of chopped pimeto and two
teaspoons of chopped sweet pickle. Then pour in the jello
and chill and prefirm. When it's already, serve it on
chris lettuce with mayonnaise and watch the family take up
where you left off. Tomorrow, order some lemon jello from
the grocer, blend it with Crimson permeto and delicious sweet pickle,
(27:02):
and decorates the dinner table with this new Jello treat
Jello Pimento salad. Good night, Joni, be a good girl.
And this is the last number of the thirtieth program
in the current Jello series, and we'll be with you
again next Sunday night at the same time. Broadcasting from
New York City. Hey, Jackson, Marty Lewis of the Movie
in Radio Guide is here and he'd like to make
(27:23):
an announcement. Oh hello Marty, Hello Jack, Ladies and gentlemen.
For the past few weeks, our magazine has been conducting
his seventh annual Stars Stars poll, and I am very
happy to tell you that Jack Benny was again voted
the most popular comedian on the air. So congratulations to you, Jack.
Thanks in behalf of Movie and Radio Guide magazine and
the millions of radio listeners. It gives me great pleasure
(27:45):
to present to you this trophy. Well, thank you, Marty,
thanks very much. You're welcome, Jack, and I also want
to announce that Don Wilson has again been selected as
Radio's Outstanding Announcer.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Thank you, Marty.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Thanks a lot. Well, gee, a trophy and everything. I
know just where I'm gonna put this in my living room?
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Hey Jack, what the manager of the paramount Just call
up until you better get over there right away or else.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Oh yes, I must hurry. Lucky, I got my uniform.
I'm during my under my suit. Good right. This is
the National Broadcasting Company.
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