August 22, 2025 • 29 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
From Rosebolt Face on Terminal Island, The Grape Nuts and
Grape Nuts Flakes program starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston,
Philaris dnis Day, Rochester and Yours truly.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Don Wilson. Would you believe it?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I've just discovered Homer Blunt as well.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
He's a shirker. Thou don't misunderstand me. Homer doesn't shirk
his work.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Not that guy.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
But do you know what that poor egg does? He
shirks breakfast, takes it on the sip and run. Thou listen, Homer,
It's mighty important for you to get a good breakfast
every morning. Remember you haven't had anything to eat for
the last ten.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Or twelve hours.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Why.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Nutrition experts say mornings the time we should get at
least one quarter of our entire day's nourishment.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
And they also tell.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Us the adequate breakfast should include.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
A cereal with whole brain food values.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well, that's grape nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes for you,
two delicious cereals that are cram full of whole nourishment,
iron nison and vitamin B one yes, and what downright
good eating? Grape nuts are crisp and crunchy and grape
nuts flakes tempting toasty brown flakes. Both were the same
distinctive sweet as a nut flavors.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Now, don't be a homer. Friends, eat a good breakfast,
do a better job, and for.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
A treat that can't be beat, feature grape nuts or
grape nuts flakes. Ladies and gentlemen, we're all gathered here
(01:52):
at the Navy's small Craft Training Center at Roosevelt Base,
Terminal Island. That is all except Jack and Mary, who
are driving down. They should you hear any minuteis and
left just a little while after weeks.
Speaker 5 (02:06):
Can't unda standard. We should have been there an hour ago.
Speaker 6 (02:08):
Well, it's your own fault for not following instructions.
Speaker 5 (02:19):
Gee, I hope we get there in time.
Speaker 6 (02:21):
Yeah, you know, Jack, we've played lots of Army camps
and Marine camps, but this is the first time we've
been to a Navy base this year.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
That's right, isn't it.
Speaker 6 (02:29):
Well, I'm glad we're going to Terminal Island today because
there's something I just love about a Navy base.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Really, what is it?
Speaker 6 (02:35):
Sailors?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
Oh, Mary, when we're when we're at an army camp,
you love soldiers. When we play for the marines. You
love marines. Now we're going to a navy base and
you say you love sailors.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 8 (02:49):
Lup Jack, A uniform is a uniform as long as
it isn't empty.
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Well, I can understand that, Mary. When I was in
uniform in the last war, the girls were nuts of
me too. What babes.
Speaker 6 (03:02):
That was twenty five years ago.
Speaker 8 (03:04):
It's about time you gave them up.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
Gee, I hope we're on the right road.
Speaker 7 (03:09):
I better take another look at the directions they wrote
down for us.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Here.
Speaker 7 (03:13):
It is follow Highway one hundred and one to San Pedro,
turn to the right and put on your brakes.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
Is that what they wrote down? Put on your brakes?
Speaker 7 (03:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (03:23):
They said.
Speaker 7 (03:23):
If I didn't, i'd hear an awful splash.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
I wonder what that could be.
Speaker 9 (03:30):
Probably us.
Speaker 8 (03:31):
That's where we crossed the drawbridge.
Speaker 7 (03:33):
Oh, for goodness sake, isn't there some other way we
can get over to the island.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
I hate going across those things.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Jack.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
It's a drawbridge, not a toll bridge.
Speaker 10 (03:41):
Oh oh oh oh oh.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
Now, let's see. I wonder where we are a Rochester Rochester?
Speaker 11 (03:55):
Yes, Bosk.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Rochester. Do you have any idea where we are?
Speaker 11 (04:05):
Well, let me see. An hour goal, we were in Wilmington.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
Uh huh.
Speaker 12 (04:11):
Two hours of goal, we were in Cugamonga.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
Uh huh.
Speaker 11 (04:15):
Three hours ago we were in Azusa.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
But where are we now?
Speaker 11 (04:19):
Three hours from Azusa?
Speaker 7 (04:23):
Oh for a minute I thought we were lost. Now
Rochester while we're doing our show. Put some gas and
oil in the car and fill the tires with air.
Speaker 11 (04:32):
Oh, Boss, not their from Terminal Island. The tide's out.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
Why not?
Speaker 11 (04:39):
Well, have you got a cold?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Yes?
Speaker 11 (04:42):
And I'll never be able to explain it to you.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
What does he mean, Mary?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Well, yeah, Terminal Islands where they have so many fish canneries.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Oh, why don't they do something about it? They do?
Speaker 11 (04:53):
It's the proving grounds, the gas mask.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Well, what do you know? Say you better step out
of Rochester? Will be late?
Speaker 6 (05:07):
Okay, hey Jack, we're almost there.
Speaker 11 (05:11):
That's right. There's the sign. What does it say four
hours from a Susan.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Does not?
Speaker 7 (05:18):
It says this way to termin Elilah.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
What's the matter?
Speaker 9 (05:22):
Say?
Speaker 11 (05:22):
Boss?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
This is a steep hill we're on, but you better
put the car in second.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
See it is, Steve.
Speaker 11 (05:29):
We ain't gonna make it, Boss.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
We'll give her a little more gas. Okay, keep out
of Rochester.
Speaker 12 (05:35):
Hey, you stop climbing up the drawbridge.
Speaker 7 (05:41):
Drawbridge, what'd you have to open it for? Is there
a boat passing under?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
No, it's just a P thirty eight flying low.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Oh a wise guy, Pete thirty eight. You expect me
to believe such? You're so watch out?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
There come another one?
Speaker 13 (06:07):
Now?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
What were you saying, buddy?
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Nothing?
Speaker 7 (06:10):
Look, Mary, the bridge is closing. Okay, Rochester, let's go.
Hey Jack, what is it?
Speaker 6 (06:21):
Would you like your windows washed?
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Of course not?
Speaker 8 (06:23):
Then you better wait for your other half of the
bridge to come down.
Speaker 7 (06:27):
Oh oh yes, it's all right now, Rochester.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
Go ahead.
Speaker 7 (06:41):
Of all the silly things having a drawbridge there and Rochester.
Speaker 9 (06:45):
Huh?
Speaker 7 (06:45):
Drive straight along here till you reach the sentry gate
with a big sign that says stop.
Speaker 14 (06:49):
Yes boss.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
I wonder what happens if you don't stop.
Speaker 11 (06:52):
There ain't no one alive.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I can tell you.
Speaker 7 (06:57):
Well, you better start slowing down. There's the sentry Oh.
Speaker 11 (07:03):
Who goes there?
Speaker 5 (07:04):
I'm Jack Benny.
Speaker 6 (07:05):
Don't antagonize him.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I hate to trouble you, mister Benny, but I'll have
to see your pass before I can let you into
the naval base.
Speaker 7 (07:15):
Oh yes, yes, sure, see Mary, No matter how important
you are, you've got to have a pass.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
Now, let's see where did I put it?
Speaker 6 (07:22):
Maybe it's in your wallet? No, in your change purse.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
No, I didn't put it there.
Speaker 6 (07:26):
In your money belt.
Speaker 7 (07:30):
No, I didn't put it there either, under your two pey.
Speaker 8 (07:34):
No.
Speaker 7 (07:34):
Oh stop, say I think I left my pass in
my other suit, your other suit, boss, Yes, in the
inside coat pocket.
Speaker 11 (07:44):
Well, shure enough here.
Speaker 7 (07:54):
Roger, I thought that suit looked familiar. I told you
not to wear any of my suits until they get
a little shiny.
Speaker 11 (08:00):
Boss, you wear them till there's a search light in
the stand.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
Never mind here you are, sailor.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
Do I need to pass to?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
No?
Speaker 12 (08:11):
Miss, As long as your father has one, it's all right.
Speaker 7 (08:16):
I'm not her father. Drive on Rochester. There's the auditorium
where we're doing the broadcast. He's a shamer so late.
Then he turned on the radio and let's hear what
the gang's doing.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Okay, And here's another one for you fellas.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
This is a lulu.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Don ask me why a sailor sleeps in a hammock?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Okay, well, why does a sailor sleep in a.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Hammer because he'd looks stilly laying there without anything holding
him up.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Oh, goll a few to fooon you.
Speaker 7 (08:48):
How my getting laught with that kind of stuff. Drive
past to Rochester before it's too late.
Speaker 10 (08:52):
Okay, we'll ruin the show.
Speaker 15 (09:05):
Long ago my heart of mine got together Ran designed
a wonderful girl aform me. Ah, what a fan to see?
All the idle of my heart can be ordered on
(09:26):
a card.
Speaker 9 (09:28):
I wonder if she will.
Speaker 15 (09:31):
Be always a fan to see?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Will lie ever f.
Speaker 15 (09:47):
Locker in my mind?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
A wand with my I?
Speaker 15 (10:01):
Maybe she's a dream, and yet she might be.
Speaker 9 (10:09):
Just around the corner.
Speaker 13 (10:14):
Waiting for me.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
Will I recognize on life in horror.
Speaker 14 (10:28):
On raby?
Speaker 15 (10:35):
Or will lie pass her by and never even know?
Speaker 13 (10:43):
Ge is my?
Speaker 15 (10:46):
Ay?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
No, she may be.
Speaker 9 (10:57):
While trusting say.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Salt.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Oh very good, Dennis, very good.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
That was my ideal, sung by Dennis Day.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
And now I fello, Okay, down, I'll take over, you know,
fellas as I was coming down here today.
Speaker 5 (11:39):
You know, Phil ans en Off, you can sack up
your corn now I'm here.
Speaker 9 (11:44):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 14 (11:45):
Jackson?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I got the audience warmed up for you. I told
some gags that had him rolling in the aisles, Phail.
Speaker 7 (11:50):
While I was driving down here, I tuned in the
program and heard one of your gags. You did, Jackson, Yes,
and it's the first time a radio ever changed stations
by itself. You ought to cut that stuff out. Oh,
what's the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Anyway? I pulled a gag and had got a big laugh,
didn't it.
Speaker 5 (12:08):
We'll pull up your pants.
Speaker 7 (12:09):
The laugh is over, you know, Phil, I don't mind
a guy getting laughed by dropping his pants. Well, when
you've got Abbitt and Costello tattooed on your knees, that's
going too hard.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Not even Abit and Costello do that.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Knuckle.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
Now, let's get on.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
With the thay.
Speaker 9 (12:30):
Mister Benny. If you don't like mister Harris's joke, I've
got a good riddle.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
Never mind.
Speaker 9 (12:35):
What is it that barks and has feathers?
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Barks and has feathers?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
All right?
Speaker 9 (12:40):
What is it a dog?
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Where are the feathers come in?
Speaker 9 (12:44):
It's a bird dog? Well, I'll be oh Tennis, you Hassenfeffer.
Speaker 7 (12:53):
You look kid, when you stop with that Hassentfeffer. I
had enough of it last week. What's got into you?
Speaker 9 (13:01):
Well, I'm gonna change my name from Dennis AE to
Dennis Hassenfeffer.
Speaker 7 (13:05):
Uh legally, geez, that sounds nice.
Speaker 9 (13:08):
Why Dennis Legally hassen Peffer.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
The last the silliest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
Dennis, Why do you want to change your name to Hawsonzeffer?
Day is such a simple name and so easy to remember,
Like Benny.
Speaker 9 (13:23):
Yeah, but that's going too far. What do you mean, Benny?
Dennis legally Hassenfepper.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
Look, kid junior, Now.
Speaker 7 (13:34):
Look Dennis, I just got here and I want to
talk to the sailor. So go over in the corner.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
And sit down.
Speaker 9 (13:39):
Okay, come on, pal, Dennis, who are you talking to?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Legally?
Speaker 7 (13:47):
Well, anyway, fellas, I don't know how many of you
know this, but I was a sailor in the last War,
and I was a Great Lakes that's about six miles
from my hometown, Walkegan, and I'll go back.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Do you mind if I had a rupture for just mom?
Speaker 5 (14:00):
No, don what is it?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Well, there's a friend of mine stationed here and he'd
like to say a few words.
Speaker 7 (14:04):
Oh, we'll let him talk. Any friend of yours is
a friend of our sponsors.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
Let's hear from us.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
All right, Old sailor, would you mind telling us what
your favorite breakfast food is? I know all that, But
why do you like grape nuts and grape nuts flakes?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Don?
Speaker 7 (14:24):
Did he say grape nuts and grape nuts flats? Yes, Jay,
I could have sworn he only said grape nuts.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Oh well, no, no he said them both. Really.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Now tell me, sailor, why do you like grape nuts
and grape nuts flakes?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Well, you're right, they.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Are crunchy and have that molly rich flavor, and they're
delicious with sugar and cream.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
And tell me, sailor, what else do you like about them? Oh,
you're right. Everybody knows they're toasty brown.
Speaker 5 (15:07):
If that sounded like toasty brown, I'll eat my hat.
Speaker 7 (15:11):
Don. What kind of a yeah? Yeah, with sugar and cream?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Don?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
What kind of a Thanks a lot, sailor. Goodbye, Don?
Speaker 5 (15:22):
How come your friend talk so fast?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Well, Jackie's only got a three hour past and he
doesn't want to waste it around here.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Oh, I say it.
Speaker 7 (15:35):
Well, he appeared to be an awfully nice fellow from
what I saw.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
And what was I talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (15:41):
Yes, you know, fellas.
Speaker 7 (15:42):
When I was in the Navy in the Last War,
I was stationed at Great Lakes, And I'll never forget
when I enlisted.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
What a day?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Oh?
Speaker 9 (15:48):
I changed that to Hawson Pfeffer.
Speaker 7 (15:52):
Listen, Kit, I'm trying to tell the boys about the
last War when I was a sailor.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Say, Jack what you are? A jolly tar?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Well?
Speaker 6 (16:03):
You a sailor?
Speaker 5 (16:06):
What are you laughing at?
Speaker 6 (16:09):
Remember last night when you put sugar in your coffee?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
So what?
Speaker 8 (16:13):
It made a wave and you got seasick?
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Mary?
Speaker 7 (16:20):
Did you make up that little joke all by yourself?
Speaker 6 (16:24):
No one of your writers gave it to me.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
Well, if you just tell me which one, you'll save
me a lot of money. Now, Fellas as I was
saying when I enlisted in Saint Jackson, nobody's interested in
what happened to you in the last war.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
They want to be entertained.
Speaker 9 (16:37):
Let marry and me do a song.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
A song?
Speaker 6 (16:40):
Sure, you don't think the sailors just want to look
at me?
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Well, did you and Phil rehearse a song?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
No, we're gonna do it incognito.
Speaker 5 (16:47):
Oh brother, Well go ahead, let me hear it. Come
on here, a boy.
Speaker 9 (17:00):
You gotta talk me into it.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Talk me into it, baby. A little conversation might change
final to a maybe.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, I'll spread it on thick like water on bread,
and I'll get results if I.
Speaker 10 (17:15):
Use my head.
Speaker 9 (17:16):
I'm a baby lamb.
Speaker 6 (17:17):
I love to be led by you. You gotta baby
talk me, talk me into its baby?
Speaker 5 (17:26):
Well, if it's mendelsn you here, would you lend them there?
Speaker 15 (17:30):
Well?
Speaker 6 (17:30):
I don't know, maybe, but I'm a sinch for a.
Speaker 7 (17:33):
Clinch, a blaze for a phrase of love words.
Speaker 9 (17:36):
Now that I've told you.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
How, I will, I will spread out.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I got some giva mo quit here lest I'm going
to talk you into it, talk you winto with baby.
Speaker 6 (17:48):
Well, if it's Mendels and I hear, I might lend
them here.
Speaker 9 (17:51):
Maybe.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yes, You're a cinch for a clinch, a blaze for
a phrase of love words.
Speaker 9 (17:58):
Now that I've told.
Speaker 11 (17:59):
You, how won't you marry me?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
No?
Speaker 14 (18:01):
No, why doll.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Oh, I don't be nervous, don't go No. That was
you Gotta talk Me into a baby?
Speaker 7 (18:22):
Sung by Dinah Livingstone and Phil Sinatra. Let's see what
was I What was I talking about before your song?
Speaker 6 (18:34):
What you're always talking about? Jack Fanny?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (18:36):
Yes, yes, when I was in the navy. Well, it's
a long story. I'm not gonna bother about it now.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
No, no, go ahead, Jackson, tell them these sailors can
take anything.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
No, no, no, no, they don't want to hear about it.
Speaker 6 (18:47):
Okay, let's forget the whole thing.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Marry that isn't patrioti.
Speaker 7 (18:52):
It was nineteen seventeen. Our country was at war, and
something kept pulling me to join the navy. It was
two o'clock in the afternoon when I entered the recruiting office.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I was eager, anxious, enthusiastic about my new adventure.
Speaker 9 (19:17):
Here he is chief.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Okay, you can untie him now.
Speaker 7 (19:27):
Now wait a minute, I was coming here to join
the navy. Anyway, we'll stick to the business at hand,
young fellow.
Speaker 12 (19:32):
First of all, your name.
Speaker 7 (19:33):
Jackie Benny, Your age sixteen sixteen?
Speaker 5 (19:41):
Yeah, how come you need a shave?
Speaker 7 (19:44):
If you didn't shave for sixteen years, you'd need one too,
wouldn't you.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Never mind?
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Take this application and go into the next room for
your physical examination.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
Thank you, sir.
Speaker 7 (19:55):
Just imagine me, little Jackie Benny, about to join the navy.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
Hello doctor, Hello, a doctor.
Speaker 7 (20:05):
The recruiting officer told me to come in here for
my physical.
Speaker 9 (20:08):
Okay, stick out your tongue and say.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Ah, ah my, my, what a place for an airfield?
Speaker 5 (20:22):
An airfield? Why that's the silliest thing.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
What were you gonna say, buddy?
Speaker 5 (20:38):
Nothing?
Speaker 13 (20:41):
Now, I'll take this needle then give you a blood test.
A blood test, yes, roll up your leave like this.
That's right now, hold still steady, well it.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Doctor, of course, not good.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
Did you get any blood out of me?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
Congratulation, Thank you, And.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Now I think I'll listen to your doctor.
Speaker 10 (21:05):
Ferguson.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Doctor Ferguson, called your wife immediately.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Okay, now, young man, but doctor Ferguson, they wanted you
to call your wife immediately.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I always do.
Speaker 9 (21:14):
That's her name, immediately, Ferguson.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
What her name?
Speaker 5 (21:18):
Immediately?
Speaker 9 (21:18):
Ferguson, My name is Hassenfeffer.
Speaker 7 (21:22):
Denni's get out of here. This is twenty five years ago.
Speaker 9 (21:24):
I'm playing the part of my father. Oh boy, am
I gonna have a son.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
That's Lulu, now, doctor Lulu Hassenfepper.
Speaker 5 (21:43):
Now now, doctor, just a moment.
Speaker 13 (21:45):
Now, lie down on this rug and face the floor
like this. That's right now in hell.
Speaker 5 (21:54):
There now in.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Hall again once more.
Speaker 13 (22:01):
That's enough, and thank you, say doc, what was the
idea I haven't had?
Speaker 3 (22:05):
This place vacuumed.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
All in.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Love?
Speaker 5 (22:11):
Doc, Do I get in the navy or don't?
Speaker 13 (22:13):
I will son, I'm sorry, but I'll have to report
some bad news for me.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
No, for the navy you're in?
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Well?
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Why no?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
All right, boys, all right, all you new recruits, line
up for your uniforms.
Speaker 5 (22:31):
I take a size thirty four please?
Speaker 12 (22:33):
Well really?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (22:43):
Thirty four ways?
Speaker 11 (22:44):
Uh huh?
Speaker 7 (22:45):
Twenty nine pants leg yes, and thirty two sleeve length
on the.
Speaker 9 (22:50):
Cod will I'm glad you told.
Speaker 11 (22:52):
Me yes, any particular color?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
Well, would you happen to have something in blue?
Speaker 9 (22:59):
Blue? Well, buddy, you certainly are in love.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
I am, yeah.
Speaker 11 (23:05):
It just happens that I've got three million left.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
See, I am lucky.
Speaker 12 (23:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:12):
Next, but officer, keep moving, keep moving? Where do I
put on my uniform?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Right here?
Speaker 11 (23:16):
You're walking along.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
As I'm walking along?
Speaker 9 (23:20):
But my old clothes, Oh, just drop them. We have
chamber maids who'll come along and pick them up.
Speaker 8 (23:25):
It.
Speaker 12 (23:27):
Come on, come on, change your clothes, all of you.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Oh officer, I've almost got my uniform on.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Good.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Would you mind buttoning me up?
Speaker 12 (23:34):
That goes in front?
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Oh? Oh oh oh, either take them off and change.
I'm gonna turn around and keep moving.
Speaker 7 (23:59):
Yes, sir, and go over to that desk where it
says assignment officer. Yes there, see I'm a regular sailor
now okay, but he stop mumbling your sup and step
up to the desk.
Speaker 9 (24:10):
Me.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yes, you, it's my job to find out what you're
best suited for. I'll tell me what just did you
do in civilian life?
Speaker 5 (24:17):
I was the violinist.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Oh well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but
I don't think they'll be able to hear you during
the heat of battle.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
Oh I think they will. I play without a mute.
Speaker 7 (24:31):
Now tell me, young man, what part of the service
because you like, well, i'd kind of like to be
a submarine.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
I mean I like to be in I like to
be in a submarine.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
That's fine, but of course you know that being in
a submarine sometimes gives you the bends.
Speaker 7 (24:45):
Bends and these pants. I wouldn't dare anything else their now.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Then, except to give you my congratulations. You're now a
member of the United States Navy, one of the greatest
fighting forces in the world, and now that you're a
part of it, it's your two do up Polish traditions
in his honor. Yes, sir, I was starting your nighor
of Korea. You will be stationed at Great Lakes, Illinois.
Great Lakes, Gee, and let me give you a tip
if why you're there you work hard and do a
good job. Who knows, but that someday you'll be sent
(25:14):
to Terminal Island.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Terminal Island, yippie.
Speaker 5 (25:23):
See I wonder where that is?
Speaker 11 (25:25):
Four hours from Azusa?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Oh?
Speaker 13 (25:29):
Yes, play Phil.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
What makes anybody enjoy a meal?
Speaker 9 (25:52):
Why?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Flavor, of course? And what makes grape.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Nuts flakes America's fastest growing breakfast cereal flavor? Mally ritz
wheedes a nut flavor that's up standing.
Speaker 9 (26:00):
Say mister Wilson, Could I ask you something?
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Okay, Dennis?
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I guess ah.
Speaker 9 (26:04):
Well, I tried some grape nuts flakes this morning, and
I had a little trouble.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Now, Dennis, that couldn't be why those delicious, toasty brown
flakes are the most tempting breakfast treat you could ask for.
Because grape nuts flakes are a rich too grain blend
and they have a flavor that's tops.
Speaker 9 (26:18):
That's what I thought I heard you say, and that's
why I tried them.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
But I had a little trouble nonsense.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Grape nuts flakes have a luscious flavor and a crispy texture.
Speaker 9 (26:26):
Yes, the texture I had a little trouble with.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Now, Dennis, that's absurd.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So, friends, ask your grocer for that big economy sized
package of grape nuts flakes.
Speaker 9 (26:34):
Take it home, Open it up, Open it. Did you
say you open it?
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Why?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Certainly, Dennis, open the package. Pour out of helping and
go to it.
Speaker 9 (26:42):
Oh well, I guess that's where I had my trouble.
I didn't open the package.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
You didn't open it. Oh so long, Dennis.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Friends, ask your grocer for grape nuts flakes tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (26:53):
I want to thank all the men here at the
Small Craft Training Center, Roosevelt Base for a grand reception today.
There's a lot of fun being back in the Navy again.
Next Sunday we'll be coming to you at the same
time from the Army Air Base at Marshfield, California.
Speaker 6 (27:05):
Say, Jack, I want to ask you something.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Mary?
Speaker 6 (27:07):
Were you only sixteen when you joined the Navy?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (27:10):
Mary, that was about twenty five years.
Speaker 6 (27:11):
Ago, But that would make you forty one.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Now, Yeah, how'd I get that extra year?
Speaker 10 (27:16):
At it?
Speaker 4 (27:17):
On?
Speaker 5 (27:18):
I must have been fifteen when I joined. I thank him.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Well.
Speaker 7 (27:22):
Anyway, folks, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to be serious
for just a moment. It's the boy up the block
who's fighting.
Speaker 5 (27:30):
This war for us.
Speaker 7 (27:31):
It's the freckle faced kid who used to deliver the groceries.
It's the youngster fresh out of the local high school.
It's your neighbor's son, perhaps it's your own. Yes, the
kids who used to play cops and robbers are playing
for higher stakes. Now they're fighting a war for freedom,
and they're fighting.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
It for us.
Speaker 7 (27:49):
So, if you've been thinking that you can't afford an
extra one hundred dollars bond during this fourth War loan drive,
stop and think again. As you sit quietly at home
listening to the radio, think of the boys who will
never come back home. Then make up your mind to
buy that extra war bond. Too many people, it will
mean a sacrifice. Every one of us is asked by
(28:12):
at least one extra one hundred dollars bond. Now, how
can anybody say no?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
It's our war, it's our boys fighting it. So buy
that extra bond and don't wait. Because war doesn't.
Speaker 14 (28:28):
For a value that's super a treat that is real
Get the giant new package of grape nuts sweetmeal. Yes, lady,
that's thirty full ounces. You bet of the rich hot
brown cereal, the best eating yet. It's more for your money,
it's more for your dough. Get hot grape nuts sweetmeal.
You'll thank me. I know you bet thirty full ounces
of the best hot brown cereal yet with fresh roasted
wheat flavor, full bodied texture, real whole wheat nourishment. That's
(28:51):
the money saving big new economy sized package of grape
nuts sweetmeal. This broadcast from Roosevelt Base does not constitute
an endorsement of our products.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
By the Navy Department. This is the National Broadcasting Company
From Rosebolt Face on Terminal Island, The Grape Nuts and
Grape Nuts Flakes program starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston,
Philaris dnis Day, Rochester and Yours truly.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Don Wilson. Would you believe it?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I've just discovered Homer Blunt as well.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
He's a shirker. Thou don't misunderstand me. Homer doesn't shirk
his work.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Not that guy.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
But do you know what that poor egg does? He
shirks breakfast, takes it on the sip and run. Thou listen, Homer,
It's mighty important for you to get a good breakfast
every morning. Remember you haven't had anything to eat for
the last ten.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Or twelve hours.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Why.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Nutrition experts say mornings the time we should get at
least one quarter of our entire day's nourishment.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
And they also tell.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Us the adequate breakfast should include.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
A cereal with whole brain food values.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well, that's grape nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes for you,
two delicious cereals that are cram full of whole nourishment,
iron nison and vitamin B one yes, and what downright
good eating? Grape nuts are crisp and crunchy and grape
nuts flakes tempting toasty brown flakes. Both were the same
distinctive sweet as a nut flavors.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Now, don't be a homer. Friends, eat a good breakfast,
do a better job, and for.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
A treat that can't be beat, feature grape nuts or
grape nuts flakes. Ladies and gentlemen, we're all gathered here
(01:52):
at the Navy's small Craft Training Center at Roosevelt Base,
Terminal Island. That is all except Jack and Mary, who
are driving down. They should you hear any minuteis and
left just a little while after weeks.
Speaker 5 (02:06):
Can't unda standard. We should have been there an hour ago.
Speaker 6 (02:08):
Well, it's your own fault for not following instructions.
Speaker 5 (02:19):
Gee, I hope we get there in time.
Speaker 6 (02:21):
Yeah, you know, Jack, we've played lots of Army camps
and Marine camps, but this is the first time we've
been to a Navy base this year.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
That's right, isn't it.
Speaker 6 (02:29):
Well, I'm glad we're going to Terminal Island today because
there's something I just love about a Navy base.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Really, what is it?
Speaker 6 (02:35):
Sailors?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
Oh, Mary, when we're when we're at an army camp,
you love soldiers. When we play for the marines. You
love marines. Now we're going to a navy base and
you say you love sailors.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 8 (02:49):
Lup Jack, A uniform is a uniform as long as
it isn't empty.
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Well, I can understand that, Mary. When I was in
uniform in the last war, the girls were nuts of
me too. What babes.
Speaker 6 (03:02):
That was twenty five years ago.
Speaker 8 (03:04):
It's about time you gave them up.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
Gee, I hope we're on the right road.
Speaker 7 (03:09):
I better take another look at the directions they wrote
down for us.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Here.
Speaker 7 (03:13):
It is follow Highway one hundred and one to San Pedro,
turn to the right and put on your brakes.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
Is that what they wrote down? Put on your brakes?
Speaker 7 (03:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (03:23):
They said.
Speaker 7 (03:23):
If I didn't, i'd hear an awful splash.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
I wonder what that could be.
Speaker 9 (03:30):
Probably us.
Speaker 8 (03:31):
That's where we crossed the drawbridge.
Speaker 7 (03:33):
Oh, for goodness sake, isn't there some other way we
can get over to the island.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
I hate going across those things.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Jack.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
It's a drawbridge, not a toll bridge.
Speaker 10 (03:41):
Oh oh oh oh oh.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
Now, let's see. I wonder where we are a Rochester Rochester?
Speaker 11 (03:55):
Yes, Bosk.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Rochester. Do you have any idea where we are?
Speaker 11 (04:05):
Well, let me see. An hour goal, we were in Wilmington.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
Uh huh.
Speaker 12 (04:11):
Two hours of goal, we were in Cugamonga.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
Uh huh.
Speaker 11 (04:15):
Three hours ago we were in Azusa.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
But where are we now?
Speaker 11 (04:19):
Three hours from Azusa?
Speaker 7 (04:23):
Oh for a minute I thought we were lost. Now
Rochester while we're doing our show. Put some gas and
oil in the car and fill the tires with air.
Speaker 11 (04:32):
Oh, Boss, not their from Terminal Island. The tide's out.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
Why not?
Speaker 11 (04:39):
Well, have you got a cold?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Yes?
Speaker 11 (04:42):
And I'll never be able to explain it to you.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
What does he mean, Mary?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Well, yeah, Terminal Islands where they have so many fish canneries.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Oh, why don't they do something about it? They do?
Speaker 11 (04:53):
It's the proving grounds, the gas mask.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Well, what do you know? Say you better step out
of Rochester? Will be late?
Speaker 6 (05:07):
Okay, hey Jack, we're almost there.
Speaker 11 (05:11):
That's right. There's the sign. What does it say four
hours from a Susan.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Does not?
Speaker 7 (05:18):
It says this way to termin Elilah.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
What's the matter?
Speaker 9 (05:22):
Say?
Speaker 11 (05:22):
Boss?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
This is a steep hill we're on, but you better
put the car in second.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
See it is, Steve.
Speaker 11 (05:29):
We ain't gonna make it, Boss.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
We'll give her a little more gas. Okay, keep out
of Rochester.
Speaker 12 (05:35):
Hey, you stop climbing up the drawbridge.
Speaker 7 (05:41):
Drawbridge, what'd you have to open it for? Is there
a boat passing under?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
No, it's just a P thirty eight flying low.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Oh a wise guy, Pete thirty eight. You expect me
to believe such? You're so watch out?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
There come another one?
Speaker 13 (06:07):
Now?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
What were you saying, buddy?
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Nothing?
Speaker 7 (06:10):
Look, Mary, the bridge is closing. Okay, Rochester, let's go.
Hey Jack, what is it?
Speaker 6 (06:21):
Would you like your windows washed?
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Of course not?
Speaker 8 (06:23):
Then you better wait for your other half of the
bridge to come down.
Speaker 7 (06:27):
Oh oh yes, it's all right now, Rochester.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
Go ahead.
Speaker 7 (06:41):
Of all the silly things having a drawbridge there and Rochester.
Speaker 9 (06:45):
Huh?
Speaker 7 (06:45):
Drive straight along here till you reach the sentry gate
with a big sign that says stop.
Speaker 14 (06:49):
Yes boss.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
I wonder what happens if you don't stop.
Speaker 11 (06:52):
There ain't no one alive.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I can tell you.
Speaker 7 (06:57):
Well, you better start slowing down. There's the sentry Oh.
Speaker 11 (07:03):
Who goes there?
Speaker 5 (07:04):
I'm Jack Benny.
Speaker 6 (07:05):
Don't antagonize him.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I hate to trouble you, mister Benny, but I'll have
to see your pass before I can let you into
the naval base.
Speaker 7 (07:15):
Oh yes, yes, sure, see Mary, No matter how important
you are, you've got to have a pass.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
Now, let's see where did I put it?
Speaker 6 (07:22):
Maybe it's in your wallet? No, in your change purse.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
No, I didn't put it there.
Speaker 6 (07:26):
In your money belt.
Speaker 7 (07:30):
No, I didn't put it there either, under your two pey.
Speaker 8 (07:34):
No.
Speaker 7 (07:34):
Oh stop, say I think I left my pass in
my other suit, your other suit, boss, Yes, in the
inside coat pocket.
Speaker 11 (07:44):
Well, shure enough here.
Speaker 7 (07:54):
Roger, I thought that suit looked familiar. I told you
not to wear any of my suits until they get
a little shiny.
Speaker 11 (08:00):
Boss, you wear them till there's a search light in
the stand.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
Never mind here you are, sailor.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
Do I need to pass to?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
No?
Speaker 12 (08:11):
Miss, As long as your father has one, it's all right.
Speaker 7 (08:16):
I'm not her father. Drive on Rochester. There's the auditorium
where we're doing the broadcast. He's a shamer so late.
Then he turned on the radio and let's hear what
the gang's doing.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Okay, And here's another one for you fellas.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
This is a lulu.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Don ask me why a sailor sleeps in a hammock?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Okay, well, why does a sailor sleep in a.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Hammer because he'd looks stilly laying there without anything holding
him up.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Oh, goll a few to fooon you.
Speaker 7 (08:48):
How my getting laught with that kind of stuff. Drive
past to Rochester before it's too late.
Speaker 10 (08:52):
Okay, we'll ruin the show.
Speaker 15 (09:05):
Long ago my heart of mine got together Ran designed
a wonderful girl aform me. Ah, what a fan to see?
All the idle of my heart can be ordered on
(09:26):
a card.
Speaker 9 (09:28):
I wonder if she will.
Speaker 15 (09:31):
Be always a fan to see?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Will lie ever f.
Speaker 15 (09:47):
Locker in my mind?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
A wand with my I?
Speaker 15 (10:01):
Maybe she's a dream, and yet she might be.
Speaker 9 (10:09):
Just around the corner.
Speaker 13 (10:14):
Waiting for me.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
Will I recognize on life in horror.
Speaker 14 (10:28):
On raby?
Speaker 15 (10:35):
Or will lie pass her by and never even know?
Speaker 13 (10:43):
Ge is my?
Speaker 15 (10:46):
Ay?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
No, she may be.
Speaker 9 (10:57):
While trusting say.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Salt.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Oh very good, Dennis, very good.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
That was my ideal, sung by Dennis Day.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
And now I fello, Okay, down, I'll take over, you know,
fellas as I was coming down here today.
Speaker 5 (11:39):
You know, Phil ans en Off, you can sack up
your corn now I'm here.
Speaker 9 (11:44):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 14 (11:45):
Jackson?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I got the audience warmed up for you. I told
some gags that had him rolling in the aisles, Phail.
Speaker 7 (11:50):
While I was driving down here, I tuned in the
program and heard one of your gags. You did, Jackson, Yes,
and it's the first time a radio ever changed stations
by itself. You ought to cut that stuff out. Oh,
what's the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Anyway? I pulled a gag and had got a big laugh,
didn't it.
Speaker 5 (12:08):
We'll pull up your pants.
Speaker 7 (12:09):
The laugh is over, you know, Phil, I don't mind
a guy getting laughed by dropping his pants. Well, when
you've got Abbitt and Costello tattooed on your knees, that's
going too hard.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Not even Abit and Costello do that.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Knuckle.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
Now, let's get on.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
With the thay.
Speaker 9 (12:30):
Mister Benny. If you don't like mister Harris's joke, I've
got a good riddle.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
Never mind.
Speaker 9 (12:35):
What is it that barks and has feathers?
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Barks and has feathers?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
All right?
Speaker 9 (12:40):
What is it a dog?
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Where are the feathers come in?
Speaker 9 (12:44):
It's a bird dog? Well, I'll be oh Tennis, you Hassenfeffer.
Speaker 7 (12:53):
You look kid, when you stop with that Hassentfeffer. I
had enough of it last week. What's got into you?
Speaker 9 (13:01):
Well, I'm gonna change my name from Dennis AE to
Dennis Hassenfeffer.
Speaker 7 (13:05):
Uh legally, geez, that sounds nice.
Speaker 9 (13:08):
Why Dennis Legally hassen Peffer.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
The last the silliest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
Dennis, Why do you want to change your name to Hawsonzeffer?
Day is such a simple name and so easy to remember,
Like Benny.
Speaker 9 (13:23):
Yeah, but that's going too far. What do you mean, Benny?
Dennis legally Hassenfepper.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
Look, kid junior, Now.
Speaker 7 (13:34):
Look Dennis, I just got here and I want to
talk to the sailor. So go over in the corner.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
And sit down.
Speaker 9 (13:39):
Okay, come on, pal, Dennis, who are you talking to?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Legally?
Speaker 7 (13:47):
Well, anyway, fellas, I don't know how many of you
know this, but I was a sailor in the last War,
and I was a Great Lakes that's about six miles
from my hometown, Walkegan, and I'll go back.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Do you mind if I had a rupture for just mom?
Speaker 5 (14:00):
No, don what is it?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Well, there's a friend of mine stationed here and he'd
like to say a few words.
Speaker 7 (14:04):
Oh, we'll let him talk. Any friend of yours is
a friend of our sponsors.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
Let's hear from us.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
All right, Old sailor, would you mind telling us what
your favorite breakfast food is? I know all that, But
why do you like grape nuts and grape nuts flakes?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Don?
Speaker 7 (14:24):
Did he say grape nuts and grape nuts flats? Yes, Jay,
I could have sworn he only said grape nuts.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Oh well, no, no he said them both. Really.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Now tell me, sailor, why do you like grape nuts
and grape nuts flakes?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Well, you're right, they.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Are crunchy and have that molly rich flavor, and they're
delicious with sugar and cream.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
And tell me, sailor, what else do you like about them? Oh,
you're right. Everybody knows they're toasty brown.
Speaker 5 (15:07):
If that sounded like toasty brown, I'll eat my hat.
Speaker 7 (15:11):
Don. What kind of a yeah? Yeah, with sugar and cream?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Don?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
What kind of a Thanks a lot, sailor. Goodbye, Don?
Speaker 5 (15:22):
How come your friend talk so fast?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Well, Jackie's only got a three hour past and he
doesn't want to waste it around here.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Oh, I say it.
Speaker 7 (15:35):
Well, he appeared to be an awfully nice fellow from
what I saw.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
And what was I talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (15:41):
Yes, you know, fellas.
Speaker 7 (15:42):
When I was in the Navy in the Last War,
I was stationed at Great Lakes, And I'll never forget
when I enlisted.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
What a day?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Oh?
Speaker 9 (15:48):
I changed that to Hawson Pfeffer.
Speaker 7 (15:52):
Listen, Kit, I'm trying to tell the boys about the
last War when I was a sailor.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Say, Jack what you are? A jolly tar?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Well?
Speaker 6 (16:03):
You a sailor?
Speaker 5 (16:06):
What are you laughing at?
Speaker 6 (16:09):
Remember last night when you put sugar in your coffee?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
So what?
Speaker 8 (16:13):
It made a wave and you got seasick?
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Mary?
Speaker 7 (16:20):
Did you make up that little joke all by yourself?
Speaker 6 (16:24):
No one of your writers gave it to me.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
Well, if you just tell me which one, you'll save
me a lot of money. Now, Fellas as I was
saying when I enlisted in Saint Jackson, nobody's interested in
what happened to you in the last war.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
They want to be entertained.
Speaker 9 (16:37):
Let marry and me do a song.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
A song?
Speaker 6 (16:40):
Sure, you don't think the sailors just want to look
at me?
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Well, did you and Phil rehearse a song?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
No, we're gonna do it incognito.
Speaker 5 (16:47):
Oh brother, Well go ahead, let me hear it. Come
on here, a boy.
Speaker 9 (17:00):
You gotta talk me into it.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Talk me into it, baby. A little conversation might change
final to a maybe.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, I'll spread it on thick like water on bread,
and I'll get results if I.
Speaker 10 (17:15):
Use my head.
Speaker 9 (17:16):
I'm a baby lamb.
Speaker 6 (17:17):
I love to be led by you. You gotta baby
talk me, talk me into its baby?
Speaker 5 (17:26):
Well, if it's mendelsn you here, would you lend them there?
Speaker 15 (17:30):
Well?
Speaker 6 (17:30):
I don't know, maybe, but I'm a sinch for a.
Speaker 7 (17:33):
Clinch, a blaze for a phrase of love words.
Speaker 9 (17:36):
Now that I've told you.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
How, I will, I will spread out.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I got some giva mo quit here lest I'm going
to talk you into it, talk you winto with baby.
Speaker 6 (17:48):
Well, if it's Mendels and I hear, I might lend
them here.
Speaker 9 (17:51):
Maybe.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yes, You're a cinch for a clinch, a blaze for
a phrase of love words.
Speaker 9 (17:58):
Now that I've told.
Speaker 11 (17:59):
You, how won't you marry me?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
No?
Speaker 14 (18:01):
No, why doll.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Oh, I don't be nervous, don't go No. That was
you Gotta talk Me into a baby?
Speaker 7 (18:22):
Sung by Dinah Livingstone and Phil Sinatra. Let's see what
was I What was I talking about before your song?
Speaker 6 (18:34):
What you're always talking about? Jack Fanny?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (18:36):
Yes, yes, when I was in the navy. Well, it's
a long story. I'm not gonna bother about it now.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
No, no, go ahead, Jackson, tell them these sailors can
take anything.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
No, no, no, no, they don't want to hear about it.
Speaker 6 (18:47):
Okay, let's forget the whole thing.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Marry that isn't patrioti.
Speaker 7 (18:52):
It was nineteen seventeen. Our country was at war, and
something kept pulling me to join the navy. It was
two o'clock in the afternoon when I entered the recruiting office.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I was eager, anxious, enthusiastic about my new adventure.
Speaker 9 (19:17):
Here he is chief.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Okay, you can untie him now.
Speaker 7 (19:27):
Now wait a minute, I was coming here to join
the navy. Anyway, we'll stick to the business at hand,
young fellow.
Speaker 12 (19:32):
First of all, your name.
Speaker 7 (19:33):
Jackie Benny, Your age sixteen sixteen?
Speaker 5 (19:41):
Yeah, how come you need a shave?
Speaker 7 (19:44):
If you didn't shave for sixteen years, you'd need one too,
wouldn't you.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Never mind?
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Take this application and go into the next room for
your physical examination.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
Thank you, sir.
Speaker 7 (19:55):
Just imagine me, little Jackie Benny, about to join the navy.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
Hello doctor, Hello, a doctor.
Speaker 7 (20:05):
The recruiting officer told me to come in here for
my physical.
Speaker 9 (20:08):
Okay, stick out your tongue and say.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Ah, ah my, my, what a place for an airfield?
Speaker 5 (20:22):
An airfield? Why that's the silliest thing.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
What were you gonna say, buddy?
Speaker 5 (20:38):
Nothing?
Speaker 13 (20:41):
Now, I'll take this needle then give you a blood test.
A blood test, yes, roll up your leave like this.
That's right now, hold still steady, well it.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Doctor, of course, not good.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
Did you get any blood out of me?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
Congratulation, Thank you, And.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Now I think I'll listen to your doctor.
Speaker 10 (21:05):
Ferguson.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Doctor Ferguson, called your wife immediately.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Okay, now, young man, but doctor Ferguson, they wanted you
to call your wife immediately.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I always do.
Speaker 9 (21:14):
That's her name, immediately, Ferguson.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
What her name?
Speaker 5 (21:18):
Immediately?
Speaker 9 (21:18):
Ferguson, My name is Hassenfeffer.
Speaker 7 (21:22):
Denni's get out of here. This is twenty five years ago.
Speaker 9 (21:24):
I'm playing the part of my father. Oh boy, am
I gonna have a son.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
That's Lulu, now, doctor Lulu Hassenfepper.
Speaker 5 (21:43):
Now now, doctor, just a moment.
Speaker 13 (21:45):
Now, lie down on this rug and face the floor
like this. That's right now in hell.
Speaker 5 (21:54):
There now in.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Hall again once more.
Speaker 13 (22:01):
That's enough, and thank you, say doc, what was the
idea I haven't had?
Speaker 3 (22:05):
This place vacuumed.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
All in.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Love?
Speaker 5 (22:11):
Doc, Do I get in the navy or don't?
Speaker 13 (22:13):
I will son, I'm sorry, but I'll have to report
some bad news for me.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
No, for the navy you're in?
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Well?
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Why no?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
All right, boys, all right, all you new recruits, line
up for your uniforms.
Speaker 5 (22:31):
I take a size thirty four please?
Speaker 12 (22:33):
Well really?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (22:43):
Thirty four ways?
Speaker 11 (22:44):
Uh huh?
Speaker 7 (22:45):
Twenty nine pants leg yes, and thirty two sleeve length
on the.
Speaker 9 (22:50):
Cod will I'm glad you told.
Speaker 11 (22:52):
Me yes, any particular color?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
Well, would you happen to have something in blue?
Speaker 9 (22:59):
Blue? Well, buddy, you certainly are in love.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
I am, yeah.
Speaker 11 (23:05):
It just happens that I've got three million left.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
See, I am lucky.
Speaker 12 (23:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:12):
Next, but officer, keep moving, keep moving? Where do I
put on my uniform?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Right here?
Speaker 11 (23:16):
You're walking along.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
As I'm walking along?
Speaker 9 (23:20):
But my old clothes, Oh, just drop them. We have
chamber maids who'll come along and pick them up.
Speaker 8 (23:25):
It.
Speaker 12 (23:27):
Come on, come on, change your clothes, all of you.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Oh officer, I've almost got my uniform on.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Good.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Would you mind buttoning me up?
Speaker 12 (23:34):
That goes in front?
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Oh? Oh oh oh, either take them off and change.
I'm gonna turn around and keep moving.
Speaker 7 (23:59):
Yes, sir, and go over to that desk where it
says assignment officer. Yes there, see I'm a regular sailor
now okay, but he stop mumbling your sup and step
up to the desk.
Speaker 9 (24:10):
Me.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yes, you, it's my job to find out what you're
best suited for. I'll tell me what just did you
do in civilian life?
Speaker 5 (24:17):
I was the violinist.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Oh well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but
I don't think they'll be able to hear you during
the heat of battle.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
Oh I think they will. I play without a mute.
Speaker 7 (24:31):
Now tell me, young man, what part of the service
because you like, well, i'd kind of like to be
a submarine.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
I mean I like to be in I like to
be in a submarine.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
That's fine, but of course you know that being in
a submarine sometimes gives you the bends.
Speaker 7 (24:45):
Bends and these pants. I wouldn't dare anything else their now.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Then, except to give you my congratulations. You're now a
member of the United States Navy, one of the greatest
fighting forces in the world, and now that you're a
part of it, it's your two do up Polish traditions
in his honor. Yes, sir, I was starting your nighor
of Korea. You will be stationed at Great Lakes, Illinois.
Great Lakes, Gee, and let me give you a tip
if why you're there you work hard and do a
good job. Who knows, but that someday you'll be sent
(25:14):
to Terminal Island.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Terminal Island, yippie.
Speaker 5 (25:23):
See I wonder where that is?
Speaker 11 (25:25):
Four hours from Azusa?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Oh?
Speaker 13 (25:29):
Yes, play Phil.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
What makes anybody enjoy a meal?
Speaker 9 (25:52):
Why?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Flavor, of course? And what makes grape.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Nuts flakes America's fastest growing breakfast cereal flavor? Mally ritz
wheedes a nut flavor that's up standing.
Speaker 9 (26:00):
Say mister Wilson, Could I ask you something?
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Okay, Dennis?
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I guess ah.
Speaker 9 (26:04):
Well, I tried some grape nuts flakes this morning, and
I had a little trouble.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Now, Dennis, that couldn't be why those delicious, toasty brown
flakes are the most tempting breakfast treat you could ask for.
Because grape nuts flakes are a rich too grain blend
and they have a flavor that's tops.
Speaker 9 (26:18):
That's what I thought I heard you say, and that's
why I tried them.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
But I had a little trouble nonsense.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Grape nuts flakes have a luscious flavor and a crispy texture.
Speaker 9 (26:26):
Yes, the texture I had a little trouble with.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Now, Dennis, that's absurd.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So, friends, ask your grocer for that big economy sized
package of grape nuts flakes.
Speaker 9 (26:34):
Take it home, Open it up, Open it. Did you
say you open it?
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Why?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Certainly, Dennis, open the package. Pour out of helping and
go to it.
Speaker 9 (26:42):
Oh well, I guess that's where I had my trouble.
I didn't open the package.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
You didn't open it. Oh so long, Dennis.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Friends, ask your grocer for grape nuts flakes tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (26:53):
I want to thank all the men here at the
Small Craft Training Center, Roosevelt Base for a grand reception today.
There's a lot of fun being back in the Navy again.
Next Sunday we'll be coming to you at the same
time from the Army Air Base at Marshfield, California.
Speaker 6 (27:05):
Say, Jack, I want to ask you something.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Mary?
Speaker 6 (27:07):
Were you only sixteen when you joined the Navy?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (27:10):
Mary, that was about twenty five years.
Speaker 6 (27:11):
Ago, But that would make you forty one.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Now, Yeah, how'd I get that extra year?
Speaker 10 (27:16):
At it?
Speaker 4 (27:17):
On?
Speaker 5 (27:18):
I must have been fifteen when I joined. I thank him.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Well.
Speaker 7 (27:22):
Anyway, folks, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to be serious
for just a moment. It's the boy up the block
who's fighting.
Speaker 5 (27:30):
This war for us.
Speaker 7 (27:31):
It's the freckle faced kid who used to deliver the groceries.
It's the youngster fresh out of the local high school.
It's your neighbor's son, perhaps it's your own. Yes, the
kids who used to play cops and robbers are playing
for higher stakes. Now they're fighting a war for freedom,
and they're fighting.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
It for us.
Speaker 7 (27:49):
So, if you've been thinking that you can't afford an
extra one hundred dollars bond during this fourth War loan drive,
stop and think again. As you sit quietly at home
listening to the radio, think of the boys who will
never come back home. Then make up your mind to
buy that extra war bond. Too many people, it will
mean a sacrifice. Every one of us is asked by
(28:12):
at least one extra one hundred dollars bond. Now, how
can anybody say no?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
It's our war, it's our boys fighting it. So buy
that extra bond and don't wait. Because war doesn't.
Speaker 14 (28:28):
For a value that's super a treat that is real
Get the giant new package of grape nuts sweetmeal. Yes, lady,
that's thirty full ounces. You bet of the rich hot
brown cereal, the best eating yet. It's more for your money,
it's more for your dough. Get hot grape nuts sweetmeal.
You'll thank me. I know you bet thirty full ounces
of the best hot brown cereal yet with fresh roasted
wheat flavor, full bodied texture, real whole wheat nourishment. That's
(28:51):
the money saving big new economy sized package of grape
nuts sweetmeal. This broadcast from Roosevelt Base does not constitute
an endorsement of our products.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
By the Navy Department. This is the National Broadcasting Company
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