August 8, 2025 • 19 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And this week we bring to you from Washington, that
national comedian and his empire cabinet, Jack Fenny.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Well, well, thank you hello again. This is a Jack
Benny coming to you from Washington, D C. And only
one mile from the White House. Think of a don
just one mile from the White House. Well, what's so
wonderful about that? That's closer now, smith Ever got me
is a great town down every place you go, you
meet senators, congressman, diplomat, statesman, jellow, salesman.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
I knew that, Say Jack, have you been to the
Smithsonian Institute yet?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Why? Don where else do you think I got my
jokes for tonight? Maybe you're right and they don Who
do you think you like that? And I like that
a lot, Jack? But who do you think I was
talking to this morning? The janitor? No, don stopped kidding.
I was talking to Senator Follett of Wisconsin, the fallat
of Wisconsin. I don't think I know him, Jack, Oh,
(01:05):
sure you do? You remember the fellow who said, la folette,
we are here.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I'm really not up on historical quotations. All I remember
is one, what's that when Sherman said Jello is well ah, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
And you remember when Patrick Henry said, give me strawberry
or give me death. I certainly do.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
And you remember what Mary Livingston said, Mary, I regret it.
I have it one joke to give to this program.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Say that's cute.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
You know, So this is Washington?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I jest, Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Isn't marvel how big city like this across the Delaware?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Well, it certainly is. You know, there are a lot
of things to see here. Mary. Have you been to
the Have you been to the Capitol yet? No?
Speaker 4 (01:54):
What's playing there?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
What's playing there? Mary? A congressional and investigations?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Oh, one of those mystery paches.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, Marry. Look you're in Washington.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
Now.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
This is where they have the treasury in the Supreme Court.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
It has Seattle and Tacoma too, hasn't it.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
No, that's the state of Washington. You see, Mary, there
are two Washington.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Don't you think they're overdoing it?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Jack? Now, there's always room for another one. Do you
elize that there are a lot of cities named after
great man? Mary? For there's Washington, d C. Lincoln, Nebraska,
Jefferson City, Missouri, Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Well, there's no city named after you, is it?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There? Isn't What about all, Benny, New York?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
And oh yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Next week we're going to play a town named after me.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
What do you mean Baltimore?
Speaker 4 (02:45):
Yes, Mary Plan Well, I see you, lady Jack. Hello, Kenny,
Hello Mary say Jack.
Speaker 6 (02:53):
Is it the main post office around.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
The corner, Yes, Kenny, that's the main post office of
the United States.
Speaker 6 (02:58):
Why I want to buy a lot of save when
I can get them wholesale.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Oh, you're gonna get stamps wholesale? Huh? Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
I got pre red stamps this morning for six cents.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Or are they in your hometown? Kenny? Two cents apiece? Oh? Fire,
were you? I'd buy hundreds of them, and don't forget
you can get green stamps for a penny a pee.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
Oh, I'd sooner pay a little more and get the
ripe one.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
There, Kenny, Kenny, kamire man. And I want to tip
you off to something this made surprise you. I just
found out that the airmail stamps are yellow. Oh they are? Yeah, geez,
they can't be so yellow. Make those airplane trips all
the time. Well they are. And listen, Kenny. The special
delivery stamps are blue. Why Jack, They're blue because they
(03:43):
can't take the same trip the airmail stamps too. I
got that one in.
Speaker 6 (03:48):
Oh, Hi, Hi, don't get it.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
What a dope?
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, tay, Jack, What it's Johnny Green? Turn now?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Oh? Yes, Well, it's always a pleasure to talk to Johnny,
after all, the Harvard man. At least you can hold
an intelligent commerce with him.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
Well, thank you, Jack. My mental faculty is await your disposition.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Well, well, how do you like being in Washington? Johnny?
Speaker 6 (04:07):
Oh, I'm just here on a mission of altruism to
obviate the prosaic tenor of this program.
Speaker 7 (04:15):
I think you're better off with Kenny.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
No, no, Mary, I'm all right, But of course one
word sort of staggered me there for a second. Mary,
what's pro sae a town in New Jersey? Oh? Yes,
for sake, New Jersey. Yes, that's right. I thought I
bought at what he meant.
Speaker 6 (04:33):
You See, Jack, I'm glad to be here because this
is election year and I'm a leader of men you mean,
like Pershing, No, like white men. Oh, what this country
needs is more music.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You're wrong, Johnny. What this country needs is a good fight.
Saint Nicole, You're both wrong.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
What this country needs a bigger and better poems.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
You're all wrong.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
What this country needs is more jello. It's twice as
rich as ever.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Before the country. No the jello. What's your opinion, Johnny,
I've said that was you hit the spot from the
(05:16):
motion picture of Collegiate's played by Johnny Green and his Washingtonian.
I always like to get those things in, you know,
say Johnny, I see, I see you're all set for
Saint Patrick's Day next Tuesday. And what do you mean
I'm not in the parade or anything. No, but you
might as well take advantage of your last name, you know,
get it, say Johnny. Ireland. Ireland is a great country, though,
(05:36):
isn't it?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
It?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Sure is? Were you ever in Dublin?
Speaker 6 (05:40):
No, but I was on an amateur program and they
rang the bellf at.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh, Johnny, Johnny professional courtesy, please say, say Jack Yeah,
come here a minute, will you? Why what is it?
You know? Mary forgot to write a poem about March
to seventeenth. Well, look, Johnny, don't reminder of it. Let
well enough alone, you know, say Kenny, come here you too,
don Yeah, listen, Mary forgot to bring in a poem
(06:07):
about Saint Patrick's Day. So for heaven's sake, don't mention it,
or we won't. We won't. You know, we might get
away with it this time, you know, Kenny, you better
go into your song right away before she she thinks
of it. Okay, Jack, what number you're going to do, Kenny,
I'm going to sing a little town in the old
county down. Well that's appropriate right now? Yeah, just the fourteen?
Patrick say. Oh, by the way, Kenny, do you know
that old Irish mother of mine? No, but I'd have
(06:29):
to meet her sometimes. That reminds me. There's a place
in Ireland that gives me an idea.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
There is.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, it's called kill Kenny. See they approve of us.
Go ahead and sing. Oh wait a minute, answer answer
the phone, Mary.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Hello, Yes, it's light Lincoln. Why certainly, I'm glad you
reminded me.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Deer Old Island, Deer Old Island.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
With your pretty lakes and dells.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
You are sure a bit of heaven Dee Old Island.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
You are swell well so far it's all right, Nan
of Island. We salute you on this here Jane Patrick's day.
How we love you and adore you.
Speaker 8 (07:15):
On the seventeenth of.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
May seventeen there's seventeenth.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Of May, Yes, marchden rhyme.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Oh, believe me, folks, this is no blarney.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
How I love your dear Killarney and.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
That pretty spot where your river cannon flows. And though
I like your Dell's in Lakes, I'd love to win
your old sweet steaks, even if it's.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
The second prize.
Speaker 8 (07:39):
Goodness only knows well Mary the boys and you win
the sweet steak, then.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
What then Labor Day, Oh Labor day, you would disappear?
Speaker 8 (07:53):
What do you think of it?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Jack, I don't know what do you think, Wilson, don't
put me on the spot. Well anyway, folks, it's all
meant and fine, and I want to wish all our
Irish listeners are very happy Saint Patrick's Day. And now,
Kenny mccushla Baker, I will sing a little town in
the old County down, Kenny, I was Kenny Baker singing
(08:18):
a little town in the old County Down. And now tonight,
ladies and gentlemen, we'll say, what is it, Kenny? You
forgot to insult me this week? Oh? Well, some other times, Kenny,
I can't do it tonight. Don't worry.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Jack must be feeling good night.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Well, why wouldn't I marry? I'm very happy and I
feel highly honored. You See, tonight I've been invited to
be guests of honor at a banquet given by the
French Embassy. No embassy, it's not a station. Mary. Isn't
a wonderful or isn't a wonderful tribute they're paying me.
The who's who of Washington will be there, members of
the Cabinet, foreign diplomats, blue blood will I'm sorry, I
(08:58):
can't ask the rest of the gang along. Look here's
my hand graved invitation. It says hand engraved invitation says
you are fine. Master of ceremony. Anyone speaking says you are.
Connie requested to be our guest of honor at the
Ritz Fair tonight.
Speaker 6 (09:15):
And see that's swell. I hope you have a great time.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Joe, Thanks, Johnny. I know you'd enjoy it. But we
can't all be lucky. I guess I'll take my violin
a long case. Might ask me to play.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Something you know they won't, but you'll play.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
See, I don't know what to play either if they
ask me or Johnny. Do you know how the river
Shannon goes? It just flows? Along. Oh, I love that
I think grows or goes along. Well, I'll see you later. O. God,
that guy gets it on everything. The rich fair.
Speaker 8 (09:47):
Too'll worry John, We'll all be there.
Speaker 7 (09:49):
We will sure if he wants to keep his program
going play John.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Well, well it was very funny, duchess, very funny. Say
did you ever hear the one about the bowl leg
and crafts? No?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
How does it go?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
It does?
Speaker 8 (10:08):
Crawlednny, you're just sightless.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
A pardon me a moment some more get.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Her bride.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
Annoucing Senator and Missus Puddleberry of East Virginia.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, how did you? How did you come? Nik in?
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Senator?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I wanted to meet our guest of honor, Jack Denny.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
IM glad to know you, Senator, and you too, Sena
rita me all the folks back in walking You will
never believe this.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
What's that?
Speaker 8 (10:43):
The Secretary of War.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
You I'm not used to this.
Speaker 9 (10:56):
Announcing Congressman and Missus Hulkimer Van Snooth of Ministan.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Well, Well, well.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Oh, I'm so glad to see you, Congressman, and you're
a charming by Jack Denny. That's all right, we've been
swimming before.
Speaker 8 (11:12):
How do you do, won't you folks join us in cocktails?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Thank you?
Speaker 9 (11:19):
Announcing mister and missus strangler.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Loris see he's not throwing the party, is he? Pardon me? Hostes?
Is rather a filly question. But when do we eat?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Well, as soon as all the gets arrived, we'll dump
into the banquet hole.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 9 (11:39):
You're a little flat that time. Announcing Lord and lady
have a dish.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Have a dish of London, no jello.
Speaker 9 (11:49):
Announcing mister and MISSR.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Hey, wait for the bugle. Oh that's.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
Announcing MISSR and missus Benjamin Franklin.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Well's is indeed a tree?
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Oh Benjamin, can you just drankly? I'm so glad got here.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Well, I am thrill and I'm Jack Benny, the fellow
who takes the cracks on the radio. Well, I put
one in the liberty bell. Don't use it fly walk well, well, hostess,
what did you call me? Hostess? Oh? I thought you
said horse safe? Oh, perish the thought. You know. I've
(12:28):
been a palm beach Newport in the Riviera, but a
doesn't compare to this and write this way, sir, Let
me take your hat and coach. Thank you, Thank you, Ah,
mister Benny, how do you do? Let me feel you
a post? Now, what's the idea?
Speaker 7 (12:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Your mouth wi the cut your tongue? Say ah, who
are you? I'm the secretary of m Curia. When I
thought I thought he was a house doctor. There are
more secondaries here to night. They are in Hollywood.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Hello, everybody, I think I get here.
Speaker 9 (12:58):
Just a minute, miss, just a minute. Are you one
of the invited guests?
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Yes, I'm secretary of Labor Days.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Why Mary lives?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Quiet yeat? Don't clavit?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
They marry work Kenny Baker and he.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Came through the kitchen disguised as a ham.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Hey did you meet all the secretaries? Dear Mary?
Speaker 4 (13:14):
No, if I can't meet the.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Bosses and skip him, I should have skipped that line.
All right, come on.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Let's go into the banquet hall and meet the.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Rest of the crowd. We'll be glad to Mary, this
is our host, says she looks.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Like the damon bringing up father to pipe down olive
oil girl.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Girl, Please come on? So stable?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Is all sit on?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Whenso?
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Thanks Alsh and gentlemen. I know takes pleasure in presenting
to you our distinguished guests to be eating.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Mister Jack Benny.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Thank you, Thank you, Paul, thank you when I first
came to Washington. Now as I thought of the saying
when I first came into Washington, and now seeing the
honorable mister and missus rash rasp rasp rap rap rap,
(14:09):
well more than marryer. Oh hell hostess, where will miss Livingston?
Speaker 8 (14:14):
And I said, and may I see yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Imagine the third row at a banquet table.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
And you'd have to see a ticket speculator to eat
these days. Mister Benny's here right next to the Prince.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Thanks, but really I've never met him.
Speaker 9 (14:31):
Why hello Jack, Will I'll be glad to introduce you.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I Wilson, I didn't see you here.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Well I've better all even Oh h Jack meets the
French out of Shae monsieur rue.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
De la fay. Oh glad to know you, Rudin, Oh
chants if he's a great pleasure. I have held you
in today.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Yo, oh many times I think you are the nuns.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Well, thank you. I I would like to have you
meet see Mademoiselle living Stone met It is for me
to meet you a pleasure to me.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
It is for me to meet you a pleasure to him.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
We met my sare you are beautiful?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I kiss your hands, I kiss your cheese.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Don't let her get you, Frankie.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Marry, that's the adda shade.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I'm hungry. Allows everything in terrist anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
I Praiseurelye, Prajuly.
Speaker 6 (15:26):
And how is everything on your program?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Pray Tello, pray tello.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
There was an houd you get here?
Speaker 6 (15:32):
It was a commercial entrance.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
Wait the bill here and that cheek.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
A waiter waiter, old waiter mix.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Yes, the ambassadors from Spain?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Am I embarrassed? And that's all right? Things are slow
in spin I can't be a way of to oh, well,
hand me that billarpare fine bank where you have to
take out your own food? And they how are your
orders very nice?
Speaker 4 (15:57):
And yours?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
They are? Yes? But the widow as of the oh,
I say, we'll give me some consummet Julienne and Philly
of Hyaliah with the with the pimlicursurce yes, yes, and
a parlay it with a cup of coffee BC signor
(16:19):
by the way, have you met the French ambassador cec
we we Mary. Have you met these gentlemen? Please? Please? Oh?
Speaker 8 (16:27):
Yes, it's getting a bit late. I'd like to have
the optogener speak of say a.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Word it too. Oh, we haven't had dinner. Yes see I.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Was a diplomat, would take us to the automat.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I'll be glad to say a word. Is such a
distinguished assembly a lady.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
And jentlemen, we would now hear a few words from
our guests of honor.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Mister, members of the Senate Congress, statesman, waiters, stooges, and
ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Yes, Jack.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Unaccustomed I am for public speaking without a sponsor. I
want to tell you how grateful I am for this
lovely banquet you have kindred in my honor. I see
the Vice President is here, being in washing In reminds
(17:22):
me we are living in a great country, a country
where every man is free and equal. Well, we can
do as we please, and I am the one man
who's going to take advantage of her.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Oh, I guess he over did it.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Oh to shame.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
It's a shame, but we must carry on in the
right of free speech. So I say to you now,
ladies and gentlemen, that Cello is the first selling jealous
and dessert in the world and every day men.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
He's right, but they got him. So listen, ladies and gentlemen,
we must keep this a free country. And so I
say to you tonight, Washington, Oh Washington, You're the town
that I adore.
Speaker 7 (18:12):
They don't even stare women and children.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Move over, Jack.
Speaker 6 (18:14):
But I will continue with the Freedom of Beach Way Boy.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Twenty fifth program in the New Yellow Series, and we
will be with you again next Sunday night at the
same time. By the way, Mary, By the way, Mary
and I will appear on the stage hall next week
beginning Friday the twentieth, at Low Century in Baltimore, Maryland, and.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Say, Jack, what I just thought of a joke I'd
like to tell.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Well, I'll say to you, I've got an Irish ring.
Speaker 6 (18:43):
And then you asked me if it's real?
Speaker 3 (18:45):
All right, go ahead, Oh Jack, I've got an Irish ring.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Is it real?
Speaker 4 (18:49):
No, it's a shampack.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Why Mary, you told that joke last year.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
Well, if you want new jokes, buy me a new ring.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Good night, folks,
And this week we bring to you from Washington, that
national comedian and his empire cabinet, Jack Fenny.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Well, well, thank you hello again. This is a Jack
Benny coming to you from Washington, D C. And only
one mile from the White House. Think of a don
just one mile from the White House. Well, what's so
wonderful about that? That's closer now, smith Ever got me
is a great town down every place you go, you
meet senators, congressman, diplomat, statesman, jellow, salesman.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
I knew that, Say Jack, have you been to the
Smithsonian Institute yet?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Why? Don where else do you think I got my
jokes for tonight? Maybe you're right and they don Who
do you think you like that? And I like that
a lot, Jack? But who do you think I was
talking to this morning? The janitor? No, don stopped kidding.
I was talking to Senator Follett of Wisconsin, the fallat
of Wisconsin. I don't think I know him, Jack, Oh,
(01:05):
sure you do? You remember the fellow who said, la folette,
we are here.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I'm really not up on historical quotations. All I remember
is one, what's that when Sherman said Jello is well ah, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
And you remember when Patrick Henry said, give me strawberry
or give me death. I certainly do.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
And you remember what Mary Livingston said, Mary, I regret it.
I have it one joke to give to this program.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Say that's cute.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
You know, So this is Washington?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I jest, Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Isn't marvel how big city like this across the Delaware?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Well, it certainly is. You know, there are a lot
of things to see here. Mary. Have you been to
the Have you been to the Capitol yet? No?
Speaker 4 (01:54):
What's playing there?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
What's playing there? Mary? A congressional and investigations?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Oh, one of those mystery paches.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, Marry. Look you're in Washington.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
Now.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
This is where they have the treasury in the Supreme Court.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
It has Seattle and Tacoma too, hasn't it.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
No, that's the state of Washington. You see, Mary, there
are two Washington.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Don't you think they're overdoing it?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Jack? Now, there's always room for another one. Do you
elize that there are a lot of cities named after
great man? Mary? For there's Washington, d C. Lincoln, Nebraska,
Jefferson City, Missouri, Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Well, there's no city named after you, is it?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There? Isn't What about all, Benny, New York?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
And oh yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Next week we're going to play a town named after me.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
What do you mean Baltimore?
Speaker 4 (02:45):
Yes, Mary Plan Well, I see you, lady Jack. Hello, Kenny,
Hello Mary say Jack.
Speaker 6 (02:53):
Is it the main post office around.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
The corner, Yes, Kenny, that's the main post office of
the United States.
Speaker 6 (02:58):
Why I want to buy a lot of save when
I can get them wholesale.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Oh, you're gonna get stamps wholesale? Huh? Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
I got pre red stamps this morning for six cents.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Or are they in your hometown? Kenny? Two cents apiece? Oh? Fire,
were you? I'd buy hundreds of them, and don't forget
you can get green stamps for a penny a pee.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
Oh, I'd sooner pay a little more and get the
ripe one.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
There, Kenny, Kenny, kamire man. And I want to tip
you off to something this made surprise you. I just
found out that the airmail stamps are yellow. Oh they are? Yeah, geez,
they can't be so yellow. Make those airplane trips all
the time. Well they are. And listen, Kenny. The special
delivery stamps are blue. Why Jack, They're blue because they
(03:43):
can't take the same trip the airmail stamps too. I
got that one in.
Speaker 6 (03:48):
Oh, Hi, Hi, don't get it.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
What a dope?
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, tay, Jack, What it's Johnny Green? Turn now?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Oh? Yes, Well, it's always a pleasure to talk to Johnny,
after all, the Harvard man. At least you can hold
an intelligent commerce with him.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
Well, thank you, Jack. My mental faculty is await your disposition.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Well, well, how do you like being in Washington? Johnny?
Speaker 6 (04:07):
Oh, I'm just here on a mission of altruism to
obviate the prosaic tenor of this program.
Speaker 7 (04:15):
I think you're better off with Kenny.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
No, no, Mary, I'm all right, But of course one
word sort of staggered me there for a second. Mary,
what's pro sae a town in New Jersey? Oh? Yes,
for sake, New Jersey. Yes, that's right. I thought I
bought at what he meant.
Speaker 6 (04:33):
You See, Jack, I'm glad to be here because this
is election year and I'm a leader of men you mean,
like Pershing, No, like white men. Oh, what this country
needs is more music.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You're wrong, Johnny. What this country needs is a good fight.
Saint Nicole, You're both wrong.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
What this country needs a bigger and better poems.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
You're all wrong.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
What this country needs is more jello. It's twice as
rich as ever.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Before the country. No the jello. What's your opinion, Johnny,
I've said that was you hit the spot from the
(05:16):
motion picture of Collegiate's played by Johnny Green and his Washingtonian.
I always like to get those things in, you know,
say Johnny, I see, I see you're all set for
Saint Patrick's Day next Tuesday. And what do you mean
I'm not in the parade or anything. No, but you
might as well take advantage of your last name, you know,
get it, say Johnny. Ireland. Ireland is a great country, though,
(05:36):
isn't it?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
It?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Sure is? Were you ever in Dublin?
Speaker 6 (05:40):
No, but I was on an amateur program and they
rang the bellf at.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh, Johnny, Johnny professional courtesy, please say, say Jack Yeah,
come here a minute, will you? Why what is it?
You know? Mary forgot to write a poem about March
to seventeenth. Well, look, Johnny, don't reminder of it. Let
well enough alone, you know, say Kenny, come here you too,
don Yeah, listen, Mary forgot to bring in a poem
(06:07):
about Saint Patrick's Day. So for heaven's sake, don't mention it,
or we won't. We won't. You know, we might get
away with it this time, you know, Kenny, you better
go into your song right away before she she thinks
of it. Okay, Jack, what number you're going to do, Kenny,
I'm going to sing a little town in the old
county down. Well that's appropriate right now? Yeah, just the fourteen?
Patrick say. Oh, by the way, Kenny, do you know
that old Irish mother of mine? No, but I'd have
(06:29):
to meet her sometimes. That reminds me. There's a place
in Ireland that gives me an idea.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
There is.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, it's called kill Kenny. See they approve of us.
Go ahead and sing. Oh wait a minute, answer answer
the phone, Mary.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Hello, Yes, it's light Lincoln. Why certainly, I'm glad you
reminded me.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Deer Old Island, Deer Old Island.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
With your pretty lakes and dells.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
You are sure a bit of heaven Dee Old Island.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
You are swell well so far it's all right, Nan
of Island. We salute you on this here Jane Patrick's day.
How we love you and adore you.
Speaker 8 (07:15):
On the seventeenth of.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
May seventeen there's seventeenth.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Of May, Yes, marchden rhyme.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Oh, believe me, folks, this is no blarney.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
How I love your dear Killarney and.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
That pretty spot where your river cannon flows. And though
I like your Dell's in Lakes, I'd love to win
your old sweet steaks, even if it's.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
The second prize.
Speaker 8 (07:39):
Goodness only knows well Mary the boys and you win
the sweet steak, then.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
What then Labor Day, Oh Labor day, you would disappear?
Speaker 8 (07:53):
What do you think of it?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Jack, I don't know what do you think, Wilson, don't
put me on the spot. Well anyway, folks, it's all
meant and fine, and I want to wish all our
Irish listeners are very happy Saint Patrick's Day. And now,
Kenny mccushla Baker, I will sing a little town in
the old County down, Kenny, I was Kenny Baker singing
(08:18):
a little town in the old County Down. And now tonight,
ladies and gentlemen, we'll say, what is it, Kenny? You
forgot to insult me this week? Oh? Well, some other times, Kenny,
I can't do it tonight. Don't worry.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Jack must be feeling good night.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Well, why wouldn't I marry? I'm very happy and I
feel highly honored. You See, tonight I've been invited to
be guests of honor at a banquet given by the
French Embassy. No embassy, it's not a station. Mary. Isn't
a wonderful or isn't a wonderful tribute they're paying me.
The who's who of Washington will be there, members of
the Cabinet, foreign diplomats, blue blood will I'm sorry, I
(08:58):
can't ask the rest of the gang along. Look here's
my hand graved invitation. It says hand engraved invitation says
you are fine. Master of ceremony. Anyone speaking says you are.
Connie requested to be our guest of honor at the
Ritz Fair tonight.
Speaker 6 (09:15):
And see that's swell. I hope you have a great time.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Joe, Thanks, Johnny. I know you'd enjoy it. But we
can't all be lucky. I guess I'll take my violin
a long case. Might ask me to play.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Something you know they won't, but you'll play.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
See, I don't know what to play either if they
ask me or Johnny. Do you know how the river
Shannon goes? It just flows? Along. Oh, I love that
I think grows or goes along. Well, I'll see you later. O. God,
that guy gets it on everything. The rich fair.
Speaker 8 (09:47):
Too'll worry John, We'll all be there.
Speaker 7 (09:49):
We will sure if he wants to keep his program
going play John.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Well, well it was very funny, duchess, very funny. Say
did you ever hear the one about the bowl leg
and crafts? No?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
How does it go?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
It does?
Speaker 8 (10:08):
Crawlednny, you're just sightless.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
A pardon me a moment some more get.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Her bride.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
Annoucing Senator and Missus Puddleberry of East Virginia.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, how did you? How did you come? Nik in?
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Senator?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I wanted to meet our guest of honor, Jack Denny.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
IM glad to know you, Senator, and you too, Sena
rita me all the folks back in walking You will
never believe this.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
What's that?
Speaker 8 (10:43):
The Secretary of War.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
You I'm not used to this.
Speaker 9 (10:56):
Announcing Congressman and Missus Hulkimer Van Snooth of Ministan.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Well, Well, well.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Oh, I'm so glad to see you, Congressman, and you're
a charming by Jack Denny. That's all right, we've been
swimming before.
Speaker 8 (11:12):
How do you do, won't you folks join us in cocktails?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Thank you?
Speaker 9 (11:19):
Announcing mister and missus strangler.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Loris see he's not throwing the party, is he? Pardon me? Hostes?
Is rather a filly question. But when do we eat?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Well, as soon as all the gets arrived, we'll dump
into the banquet hole.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 9 (11:39):
You're a little flat that time. Announcing Lord and lady
have a dish.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Have a dish of London, no jello.
Speaker 9 (11:49):
Announcing mister and MISSR.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Hey, wait for the bugle. Oh that's.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
Announcing MISSR and missus Benjamin Franklin.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Well's is indeed a tree?
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Oh Benjamin, can you just drankly? I'm so glad got here.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Well, I am thrill and I'm Jack Benny, the fellow
who takes the cracks on the radio. Well, I put
one in the liberty bell. Don't use it fly walk well, well, hostess,
what did you call me? Hostess? Oh? I thought you
said horse safe? Oh, perish the thought. You know. I've
(12:28):
been a palm beach Newport in the Riviera, but a
doesn't compare to this and write this way, sir, Let
me take your hat and coach. Thank you, Thank you, Ah,
mister Benny, how do you do? Let me feel you
a post? Now, what's the idea?
Speaker 7 (12:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Your mouth wi the cut your tongue? Say ah, who
are you? I'm the secretary of m Curia. When I
thought I thought he was a house doctor. There are
more secondaries here to night. They are in Hollywood.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Hello, everybody, I think I get here.
Speaker 9 (12:58):
Just a minute, miss, just a minute. Are you one
of the invited guests?
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Yes, I'm secretary of Labor Days.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Why Mary lives?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Quiet yeat? Don't clavit?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
They marry work Kenny Baker and he.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Came through the kitchen disguised as a ham.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Hey did you meet all the secretaries? Dear Mary?
Speaker 4 (13:14):
No, if I can't meet the.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Bosses and skip him, I should have skipped that line.
All right, come on.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Let's go into the banquet hall and meet the.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Rest of the crowd. We'll be glad to Mary, this
is our host, says she looks.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Like the damon bringing up father to pipe down olive
oil girl.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Girl, Please come on? So stable?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Is all sit on?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Whenso?
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Thanks Alsh and gentlemen. I know takes pleasure in presenting
to you our distinguished guests to be eating.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Mister Jack Benny.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Thank you, Thank you, Paul, thank you when I first
came to Washington. Now as I thought of the saying
when I first came into Washington, and now seeing the
honorable mister and missus rash rasp rasp rap rap rap,
(14:09):
well more than marryer. Oh hell hostess, where will miss Livingston?
Speaker 8 (14:14):
And I said, and may I see yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Imagine the third row at a banquet table.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
And you'd have to see a ticket speculator to eat
these days. Mister Benny's here right next to the Prince.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Thanks, but really I've never met him.
Speaker 9 (14:31):
Why hello Jack, Will I'll be glad to introduce you.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I Wilson, I didn't see you here.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Well I've better all even Oh h Jack meets the
French out of Shae monsieur rue.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
De la fay. Oh glad to know you, Rudin, Oh
chants if he's a great pleasure. I have held you
in today.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Yo, oh many times I think you are the nuns.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Well, thank you. I I would like to have you
meet see Mademoiselle living Stone met It is for me
to meet you a pleasure to me.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
It is for me to meet you a pleasure to him.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
We met my sare you are beautiful?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I kiss your hands, I kiss your cheese.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Don't let her get you, Frankie.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Marry, that's the adda shade.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I'm hungry. Allows everything in terrist anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
I Praiseurelye, Prajuly.
Speaker 6 (15:26):
And how is everything on your program?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Pray Tello, pray tello.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
There was an houd you get here?
Speaker 6 (15:32):
It was a commercial entrance.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
Wait the bill here and that cheek.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
A waiter waiter, old waiter mix.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Yes, the ambassadors from Spain?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Am I embarrassed? And that's all right? Things are slow
in spin I can't be a way of to oh, well,
hand me that billarpare fine bank where you have to
take out your own food? And they how are your
orders very nice?
Speaker 4 (15:57):
And yours?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
They are? Yes? But the widow as of the oh,
I say, we'll give me some consummet Julienne and Philly
of Hyaliah with the with the pimlicursurce yes, yes, and
a parlay it with a cup of coffee BC signor
(16:19):
by the way, have you met the French ambassador cec
we we Mary. Have you met these gentlemen? Please? Please? Oh?
Speaker 8 (16:27):
Yes, it's getting a bit late. I'd like to have
the optogener speak of say a.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Word it too. Oh, we haven't had dinner. Yes see I.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Was a diplomat, would take us to the automat.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I'll be glad to say a word. Is such a
distinguished assembly a lady.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
And jentlemen, we would now hear a few words from
our guests of honor.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Mister, members of the Senate Congress, statesman, waiters, stooges, and
ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Yes, Jack.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Unaccustomed I am for public speaking without a sponsor. I
want to tell you how grateful I am for this
lovely banquet you have kindred in my honor. I see
the Vice President is here, being in washing In reminds
(17:22):
me we are living in a great country, a country
where every man is free and equal. Well, we can
do as we please, and I am the one man
who's going to take advantage of her.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Oh, I guess he over did it.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Oh to shame.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
It's a shame, but we must carry on in the
right of free speech. So I say to you now,
ladies and gentlemen, that Cello is the first selling jealous
and dessert in the world and every day men.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
He's right, but they got him. So listen, ladies and gentlemen,
we must keep this a free country. And so I
say to you tonight, Washington, Oh Washington, You're the town
that I adore.
Speaker 7 (18:12):
They don't even stare women and children.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Move over, Jack.
Speaker 6 (18:14):
But I will continue with the Freedom of Beach Way Boy.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Twenty fifth program in the New Yellow Series, and we
will be with you again next Sunday night at the
same time. By the way, Mary, By the way, Mary
and I will appear on the stage hall next week
beginning Friday the twentieth, at Low Century in Baltimore, Maryland, and.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Say, Jack, what I just thought of a joke I'd
like to tell.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Well, I'll say to you, I've got an Irish ring.
Speaker 6 (18:43):
And then you asked me if it's real?
Speaker 3 (18:45):
All right, go ahead, Oh Jack, I've got an Irish ring.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Is it real?
Speaker 4 (18:49):
No, it's a shampack.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Why Mary, you told that joke last year.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
Well, if you want new jokes, buy me a new ring.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Good night, folks,
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