August 20, 2025 • 29 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Jagiell The Jellal Program starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston,
Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and Yours truly, Don Wilson.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The Orchestra opens the program with this is it?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
You know it's always quite a compliment to say that
somebody is a good mixer.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Well, that's just what jello is for.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Jello combines perfectly with every sort of fresh and canned fruit.
And that's a swell idea for right now to brighten
up winter time, man use perhaps a game old of
orange jello with canned apricots inside. Maybe rich red strawberry
jello combined with sliced fresh oranges, or delicious cherry jello
arranged in shining layers with sliced bananas and canned cherries.
(00:52):
There are dozens of combinations to choose from, and they're
all grand. Forgello brings you that wonderful, extra rich fruit flavor,
so tempting and good. It rivals the taste of the
real ripe fruit, and jello's clear, glowing colors looked so
lovely with the fruits held shimmering inside.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
So give your family some of.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
These delicious jello combinations soon, but be sure to make
them with genuine Jello. If you want to enjoy Jello's
extra rich fruit flavor, look for the big red letters
on the box. They swell Jello.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Act buys. This is it, played by the orchestra.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who
used to be a beautiful baby, Jack Benny.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You know Jelo again.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
This is Jack Benny talking And Don, I liked that
beautiful baby introduction. Was that just a lucky guess or
did you have authentic information?
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Well, Jack, when I was over to your house for
dinner the other night, I took a peek at that
old family album of your Oh God, and I must say,
you were a gorgeous infant.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Were you really so good looking?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Well, I don't want to sound foolish or anything like that,
but for the first seventeen months of my life I
was a length ahead of Robert Taylor. In fact, I
won four blue diapers.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I can imagine.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And you know, Jack, one thing that impressed me very
much about your baby pictures.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You were always laughing and giggling.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
What made you so happy?
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, Don, my nurse used to slap me a lot.
I bet you were quite a healthy looking kid.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yourself, weren't you.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Well, Jack, I can just see you as a baby,
done bouncing your mother on your knees.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah, well, anyway, I'd like to be a baby again.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Gee, I really shouldn't keep talking like this, but yeah,
I was about the cutest little Dickens and Walkegan. In fact,
people from all around used to come to my father's.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Meat market just to see me. Meat market. Why I
thought your father ran a clothing store.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Well, Don, it was a combination meat market and clothing store.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
On Saturdays we used to have a special a.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Pound of hamburger with two pair of pants. Oh it
went over very big. Say that's quite a novelty. A
combination meat market and clothing store.
Speaker 6 (03:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
We used to sell legs of lamb with garters on us.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Oh those were the days. Believe me. You know, I
remember one time.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
When I was old, Jack, What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Me?
Speaker 7 (04:00):
Oh that again?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
See you later, Mary, come back here. It's not my fault.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Don just happened to mention that he saw my family
album and that I was a beautiful child.
Speaker 7 (04:08):
You beautiful?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yes, I was not only that I developed very quickly.
When I was only three months old, I had four
lovely teeth. Well, you're right back where you started from. Now, listen, Mary,
I have a full set of teeth right now. And
with the exception of a little argument I had with
(04:31):
a cab driver in Toledo, they're all my.
Speaker 7 (04:34):
Old go on, you've got more bridges than San Francisco.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Oh, running down San Francisco. That's the trouble with you
Los Angeles girls.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Jack, did I hear you say that you're had an
argument with a cab driver in Toledo.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Yes, but of course that was years ago.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
What was the fight all about? Oh? Nothing.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
He just happened to say something I didn't like and
he hit me.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Otherwise, Toledo was.
Speaker 7 (05:04):
Lovely, say don When you were looking through that album,
did you see the picture of Jack's uncle on the
big white horse.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I do.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
That was my uncle Beaumont.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
I need you see the tree in back with the
rope dangling from it and that big crowd of men
standing around.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Marry. My uncle didn't steal a la horse.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
That was just a scene from a Western movie he
was making, called The Code of the West.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It wasn't a real hanging. What are you laughing at?
Speaker 7 (05:31):
Just the same he never saw the preview.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
He did to him he was a fine actor, Saint Jack. Oh, hello, Kenny,
I didn't see you. It was around here. I heard
you telling everybody what a beautiful.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Baby you were.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Well, Don brought up the subject. I had never mentioned it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Have you got any cute baby pictures? Kenny?
Speaker 7 (05:48):
None where I'm facing the camera.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Oh, you know, Jack, I wasn't a very pretty kid,
but I was as smart as a whip smart. I'll
bet you were all right, you can laugh. But when
I was twelve years old, I recited the Gettysburg Address
at twelve? What's clever about that?
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Could Lincoln do it?
Speaker 8 (06:17):
All right?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Kenny, we won't go into that.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
But if you were so smart at the age of twelve,
I'd like to know what happened to you in the meantime,
so would I. Well, i'll tell you what, Kenny. Since
your song? Sing your song.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Now, we'll talk about it later.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Hey, Don, where's Bell?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Oh he's around here somewhere by the way. Jack, I
don't know whether.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I'll tell you this or not, but Phil's pretty sore
about that crack.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
You made last Sunday. What crag?
Speaker 5 (06:42):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
You know, and you told him that if he didn't
like it. Here he could go out and get his
own program. Oh well, gee, I was only kidding. I
didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 7 (06:51):
Well, phil Soo got pretty serious. Then he said he's gonna.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Leave, leave me.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Why why I made the guy?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
See when I picked him up, he was demonstrating curlers
in a drug store window. Oh I must talk to him,
sing kenny. See people are so sensitive nowadays. You tell
him to quit and they quit. I can't understand.
Speaker 9 (07:32):
See see see hear.
Speaker 10 (07:37):
A love song for a penny.
Speaker 9 (07:40):
See see see.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Just a penny Henna.
Speaker 11 (07:55):
Once I stray, needing all lovely, lovely life, and she
smiled while I sharply played off penny ceremony in horror,
(08:17):
shone the tender on off love and sweet siren. More
as for me, in my heart, I played a lover ceremony.
Speaker 9 (08:33):
See see see you can hear it for a penny.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
C s See.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Just a penny.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Serenad sees cec hear my love song for a penny.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
C s.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
See it's just a penny serename in not dreams or divine.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
She was mine.
Speaker 10 (09:04):
No word had been spoke. When I walked on my
dream she was gone.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
My poor heart was blown.
Speaker 10 (09:18):
Still I pray that forever.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Seen, maybe she will remain.
Speaker 10 (09:29):
In her heart, she will always hear my Penny Sir.
Speaker 9 (09:39):
Sec C c C.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
That was Penny serenade sung by Kenny Baker, my favorite
Tenor Say Kenny, did Phil happen to say anything further
to you about doing his own program?
Speaker 5 (10:15):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
He mentioned it, he did? Or what did he tell you?
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Funny?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
But I ain't no pigeonhole, that's tool, pigeon pigeonhole.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Say Mary, did Phil say anything to you about this
wild scheme of his?
Speaker 7 (10:33):
Well, yes and no?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
What do you mean yes or no?
Speaker 7 (10:36):
Yes he told me and no, I ain't gonna tell you.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Anyway.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I think Phil ought to be at least loyal enough
to discuss it with me before he takes any definite steps.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Hey, jack here comes Phil.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Now, Oh yeah, oh hello Phil, Hi at Jackson.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How's the boy?
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Jackson? You don't feel it's cute the way you called
me that every week?
Speaker 11 (10:54):
You know?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Say, what's this gag I hear about you getting your
own program?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
It's not a gag. You and I have been fighting
so much lately that I thought it'd be better to
call it quits. Oh that's silly, silly, nothing. You're just
tough to get along with, and that's all.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Woo me.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yes, you you're always flying off the handle.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I am not.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm sweet and love them. You're always yelling and shopping
at me, shouting at and you're always losing your temper.
Why you beggy? I didn't great.
Speaker 8 (11:20):
I never lose my temper.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And you know I love you you rat, Oh sure, sure,
Now you listen to me, Phil Harris, Gee, you think
they were married. Keep out of this, Kenny, Let's forget it.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Jack.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
You're just tough to work for.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
And that's that.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Oh, I'm tough to work for. Did you hear that? Mary?
You think I was a regular Simon Lagree?
Speaker 7 (11:47):
All you need is a whip.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I wasn't talking to you.
Speaker 7 (11:52):
Now.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Look Phil, Look, I'm not begging you to stay on
this program.
Speaker 7 (11:56):
Get up off your knees.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I'm not on my knees, and I wish this was
television so I could prove it. Look, Phil, I'm not
begging you to stay, but if you leave, you're making
a serious mistake.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
All right, Jack, give me one reason why I should
stick with you, just one reason. Well, well, in the
first place, oh, yeah, give me one reason.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, well, ladies and gentlemen, While Jack is thinking of
one reason, why don't you run out to your nearest
grocer and.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Ask for the package of jell.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
It comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry horns, lemonon, lyon.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Well, for one thing, Phil hair, all right, come on,
why should I stick with you?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Well, for one thing, We've got a contract, a fine contract.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I supply the orchestra, and when people throw money at us,
I have to split it with you. Well, how often
does that happen? Maybe once in a fort knit not another?
Speaker 7 (12:51):
Jack, what are you thinking about? Phil wants to go.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Let him go.
Speaker 7 (12:55):
Certainly you can get Ablyman to take his place.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Oh, that would be fine.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Ablyman happened to be the cab driver that punched me
in Toledo.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
That's all I need. Jack, you know a lot about music. Now,
why don't you form an orchestra of your own? Well?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Maybe I will say I could organize a darn good
swing band.
Speaker 7 (13:15):
Believe me, if you do, I got a swell name
for it.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Never mind, what is it?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Mary?
Speaker 7 (13:19):
Jack Bennie? And is cut rate twelve?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Mary, I don't have to worry about getting a band together,
because Phil is only bluffing. If he went out on
his own, where would he get a sponsor?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Don't worry about me. I've got a sponsor. Oh you
have a well who is it? I mean, what's your product?
Bixby's bubble gum. Bixby's bubble gum. I never heard of it. Well,
here have a stick, keep it bubble gum. That's not
the only offer I had. I could have gone on
the air for McMillan's corn plasters. Corn plaster, Yes, corn plaster.
(13:54):
Well that would be more your style. Half the time
your corny and the other half your plaster. Anyway, if
you're smart, Fian.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
You'd stay right here on the Jello program and I'll
try and make life a little easier for you.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And now, ladies and gentlemen, pardon me, come in well
the Mayor of ban Nyes Hello, Andy, hie you But.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Well, Andy, it's nice seeing here.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You don't get around here as often as you used to.
Speaker 6 (14:41):
Well, but by the time I get through with the
farm in the city hall and my love life, I'm
pretty busy.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Love Uh oh, say you're going in for a little romance.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
They Andy little nothing.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
She weighs three hundred pounds.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Three hundred pounds, while you never told me about her before,
make a nice wife for.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Andy a Verry.
Speaker 7 (15:02):
Yeah, he can hit her to the plow.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Well Andy, Well.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Andy, tell me you're gonna get married.
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Well, that's the reason I came down here, Buck, I'd
like to ask your advice.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Well, Andy, as long as you want my advice, all
I can say is, if you love the girl, go
right ahead and propose to her.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Well, I have, but every time I do, she just
looks at me and giggles.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Giggles.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
If Pa thinks she's an idiot, Oh, what is your
ma thing? Marsa? PA's a fine one to talk.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Well, Andy, don't pay any attention to them.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Just follow your own heart. Say is this girl from
Van Eyes?
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Yeah, she's in business out there. She's a plumber.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Oh a lady plumber?
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Well three hundred, say Addie, how do you manage to
hold her out?
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Your laugh?
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Oh? My hired man sits alongside.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Of me, Gladie.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
All I can say is, don't let anybody interfere with
your happiness.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
If you love the girl, marry and I wish you
a lot of luck.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
Thanks Buck, I feel better now.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
That's good, Andy, stick around. Well, he I'd like to
talk to you after the program. What about Phil, Well,
it's a business proposition and I don't want to discuss
it in front of Jack.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Now, Phil, you've got a number to play, So spit
out your bubble gum and go to work, okay, boss?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Oh Andy?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
How about coming over to my house tomorrow for dinner
and bring your folk?
Speaker 8 (16:35):
Thanks?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
Buck? Is it all right if my girl comes along?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Addie, bring her to dinner too?
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Why not about time she lost some wife?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Whyet Mary? I'm just trying to be nice? Play Phil?
Speaker 9 (18:45):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
That was well?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That was this can't be love played by smiling Phil
Harris and his rhythm rascals.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And Phil, that's what I call real class.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
You know that number had so much life and brilliance
to it.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Thanks, But I'm eving just the same, Phil. I wasn't
trying to flatter you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
That number was swell, and I fell. I ought to
give you and the boy's credit all.
Speaker 7 (19:08):
Of a sudden. The orchestra is good.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Yeah, some obviousness.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
No, I'm serious.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Well, anyhow to get on with our plate tonight, ladies
and gentlemen, As I announced last week we are going
to present our version of the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Now I will play the part.
Speaker 6 (19:27):
Say Buck, it's none of my business. But did you
hear fit Alan Wednesday night?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Alan?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
No, Andy, I missed him again? Tell me what did
my oriental friend have to say? I mean, anything worth
probing into?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (19:43):
He hopped all over you, Buck. He said he's gonna
push your spine so far down.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
Your pants are gonna walk like a tryphod.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Ha ha and cook.
Speaker 7 (19:58):
No kidding Jack, that makes you look like a nickel.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Listen, Mary, he couldn't make me look like a nickel
if my father was a buffalo.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
He's nothing but a fake fake. Then how come he
challenged you to a fight? That's a laugh?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
How can he fight in the first place? He's terribly nearsighted. Nearsighted. Yes,
I saw him at a party one night, trying to
make a date with a haul three. I finally had
to tell him that the umbrella stand was her.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Little boy that guy.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
No kidding Jack or Alan's eyes really that bad bad
down to him?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Heady Lamar is just a gorgeous blur. I'd go in
the ring with Alan anytime.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
He carefully, he might hit you from memory.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Listen, Mary, he couldn't hit me if he put wheels
on his wrists and.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
They ran up to my nose on a track.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Now, listen, Fellas, come here a minute, will you. I
got a sea about Alan that I've been guarding for years.
I never was going to mention it, but I'm so
burned up that tonight I'm going.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
To show you what a heel he really is. What
do you mean, jack Well?
Speaker 3 (21:10):
In the first place, he ought to be the last
one in the world to ever say anything against me.
Why Well, because twelve years ago, when we weren't vaudable together,
I saved Fred Allen's life.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
That's why you saved these lives. Yes, now, let's forget it.
I don't want to talk about it, Okay, Oh no,
you don't.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
It was It was twelve years ago in Altoona, Pennsylvania.
We were both we were both on the same bill,
Fred and I at the Palace Theater.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I'll never forget that night, Alan, who.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Was then a juggler, was standing in the wings to
go on, and I, the headliner, stopped.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
To give him a word of encouragement. Hello Freddy, Hello
mister Benny. Oh, you can call me Jack. What's the matter.
You seem a little nervous tonight, Freddie.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Well, Gee, mister Benny Hit, talking to a big star
like you is quite a thrill for me.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Oh, don't say that, well, Freddie, pinks.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Mules are about through, so time for your act. So
go out on the stage and juggle those clubs.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Gee, I wish I was a great comedian like you.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Well, why don't you try telling some gags while you're
out there juggling. Oh, I can never think of anything
clever to say.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
You see, folks.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Well, keep plugging, Freddy, you might get there one of
these days.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
They're ready for your act.
Speaker 9 (22:49):
Now.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
That was his theme song, Folks Chinatown, get it. My
first trick, Ladies and Jim Gentleman, we'll be juggling three
Indian clubs at the same time, three clubs, some trick,
very goals, dropping him as usual, John Ock Renny ring
(23:17):
on Benny.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Altoona was one of my best towns.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Gee, Alan is nervous, And now for my next trick,
Ladies and gentlemen, I will juggle three Indian clubs and
a cannon ball at the same time. Cannon ball. I
never saw him do this one before. Say that's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Oh what heaven?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
A cannon ball dropped on Alan's fort.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
He's hurt badly, ring down with her. Stand back, everybody
give him there. What happened, mister?
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Can't you see he dropped the cannon ball on his spot.
Oh don't worry, Freddy.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
I'll take you to the hospital at once, and you're
gonna be all right. Well, folks, we finally got Alan
to the hospital and after I paid his efforts fee
which I never got back, they took him to the
(24:14):
operating room and the doctor called me aside and said.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Mister Bennie, I'm afraid this is serious.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
What do you mean doctor?
Speaker 8 (24:20):
When that cannon ball dropped on Ellen's foot, it severed
the fe mule and the anterior portion of the tibia.
Oh my goodness, there's only one thing that can save him.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
What's that, doctor, I'll do anything.
Speaker 8 (24:31):
He must have a blood transfusion immediately, a blood transfusion.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Thank you well doctor.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
All I can say is this unfortunate young man is
my friend, and if my blood can save his life,
I am ready. So they took Alan to the operating room,
placed my foot next to his, and the doctor said to.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
The nurse, are you ready for the transfusion that's to
do it? Yes, doctor, then hand me that ice pick.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Wait a minute, don't I get an anesthetic for this?
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Yes, oh, nurse fan mister Benny with a harry.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
If you do, I'll snap at it. Let's make it quick, doctor,
Oh doctor, doctor.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Hurry, doc, please helen the sinking fat.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
All right, we'll just tap your vein here and attach
a hose to it.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
Go ahead, doctor, I'm not afraid. Oh I'm an awful
pay now, folks, see what I went through for that
mandarin Here.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
We are, all right, the steward open the valve and
draw the blood.
Speaker 12 (25:37):
Yes, doctor, My goodness, they're taking easy.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Doctor.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
That's not tex, you know. And don't forget to wipe
my wind seel.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
All right, miss Stewart. That's enough enough.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
I look like a bottle of milk now. But it
was worth it for good old Fred so thanks to me.
The transfusion was successful, and the next day I visited
Allan in his private room in the hospital, which I
also paid for. Hello, Freddie, how do you feel, kid?
Speaker 3 (26:33):
I'm much better, mister Benny, and as long as I live,
I will never forget what you.
Speaker 9 (26:38):
Did for me.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Don't mention it, Freddy.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
You know, mister Benny, since that transfusion yesterday, I feel
entirely different. I feel so mentally alert, no fool, I
keep thinking of jokes all the time, and I owe
it all to you.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Now.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Please here, mister Benny, have a cigar.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Oh, thank you. I'll smoke it later. No, smoke it now,
I light it for you. Okay, say this cigar is
very Why darn you that cigar was logan.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
A ha haw haw That's my first joke. So you see,
ladies and gentlemen, my blood not only saved Alan's life
but made him the comedian he is today.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I thank you there you are, Fellas.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
That little play shows what a heel Alan really is.
Speaker 7 (27:39):
Oh Jack, I don't believe that they canniball really fell
on Alan's foot.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Oh you donateh well for your information, young lady.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
He still buys his shoes from the same store as
Donald Duck.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Play fell.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
He'speeds and mouthwatering goodness combined in one delicious new dessert.
You'll want to try it, and try it soon. Jello
chocolate pudding with that old time homemade goodness. Yes, sir,
it's every bit as good as the kind that mother
used to make. Rich, smooth as satin and real chocolated,
full flavored and tempting with a grand appetizing color and
(28:14):
a marvelous taste. For Jello chocolate pudding is made with
the fine, wholesome ingredients, the kind you'd use yourself right
in your own kitchen. You'll enjoy every creamy spoonful, and
you'll enjoy the other two flavors just as much, Jello
Butterscotch pudding and Jello vanilla pudding. For all three new
Jello puddings are smooth and rich, tasting.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
And delicious, and all three are easy to make.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
You'll find the simple directions on every package, and the
handiest way to buy is three packages at the time.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
So ask your.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Grocer tomorrow for Jello, Chocolate, Butterscotch and vanilla.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Pudding, the real homemade kind.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
This is the last number of the seventeenth program in
the New Jello series, and we will be with you
again next Sunday night at the same time. And don't forget, folks,
if you have not already done so, you can help
fight infantil paralysis by joining the March of dimes. You know, Mary,
I hated to expose Fred Allen like that, but after all,
what could I do?
Speaker 7 (29:13):
Oh, I don't blame you.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
I'll tell you something else, Mary.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
I'm the kind of a guy that if Allan needed
another transfusion, I'd be the first one to volunteer.
Speaker 7 (29:21):
Go on, you haven't any more blood than a PiZZ of.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Salt pork the knife pols.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Oh if it compeys on the Jeble programs for Turnisher
of merbl Lauri production.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
This is in our Tuble Broadcast and Telling aut
Jagiell The Jellal Program starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston,
Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and Yours truly, Don Wilson.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The Orchestra opens the program with this is it?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
You know it's always quite a compliment to say that
somebody is a good mixer.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Well, that's just what jello is for.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Jello combines perfectly with every sort of fresh and canned fruit.
And that's a swell idea for right now to brighten
up winter time, man use perhaps a game old of
orange jello with canned apricots inside. Maybe rich red strawberry
jello combined with sliced fresh oranges, or delicious cherry jello
arranged in shining layers with sliced bananas and canned cherries.
(00:52):
There are dozens of combinations to choose from, and they're
all grand. Forgello brings you that wonderful, extra rich fruit flavor,
so tempting and good. It rivals the taste of the
real ripe fruit, and jello's clear, glowing colors looked so
lovely with the fruits held shimmering inside.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
So give your family some of.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
These delicious jello combinations soon, but be sure to make
them with genuine Jello. If you want to enjoy Jello's
extra rich fruit flavor, look for the big red letters
on the box. They swell Jello.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Act buys. This is it, played by the orchestra.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who
used to be a beautiful baby, Jack Benny.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You know Jelo again.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
This is Jack Benny talking And Don, I liked that
beautiful baby introduction. Was that just a lucky guess or
did you have authentic information?
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Well, Jack, when I was over to your house for
dinner the other night, I took a peek at that
old family album of your Oh God, and I must say,
you were a gorgeous infant.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Were you really so good looking?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Well, I don't want to sound foolish or anything like that,
but for the first seventeen months of my life I
was a length ahead of Robert Taylor. In fact, I
won four blue diapers.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I can imagine.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And you know, Jack, one thing that impressed me very
much about your baby pictures.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You were always laughing and giggling.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
What made you so happy?
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, Don, my nurse used to slap me a lot.
I bet you were quite a healthy looking kid.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yourself, weren't you.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Well, Jack, I can just see you as a baby,
done bouncing your mother on your knees.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah, well, anyway, I'd like to be a baby again.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Gee, I really shouldn't keep talking like this, but yeah,
I was about the cutest little Dickens and Walkegan. In fact,
people from all around used to come to my father's.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Meat market just to see me. Meat market. Why I
thought your father ran a clothing store.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Well, Don, it was a combination meat market and clothing store.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
On Saturdays we used to have a special a.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Pound of hamburger with two pair of pants. Oh it
went over very big. Say that's quite a novelty. A
combination meat market and clothing store.
Speaker 6 (03:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
We used to sell legs of lamb with garters on us.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Oh those were the days. Believe me. You know, I
remember one time.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
When I was old, Jack, What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Me?
Speaker 7 (04:00):
Oh that again?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
See you later, Mary, come back here. It's not my fault.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Don just happened to mention that he saw my family
album and that I was a beautiful child.
Speaker 7 (04:08):
You beautiful?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yes, I was not only that I developed very quickly.
When I was only three months old, I had four
lovely teeth. Well, you're right back where you started from. Now, listen, Mary,
I have a full set of teeth right now. And
with the exception of a little argument I had with
(04:31):
a cab driver in Toledo, they're all my.
Speaker 7 (04:34):
Old go on, you've got more bridges than San Francisco.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Oh, running down San Francisco. That's the trouble with you
Los Angeles girls.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Jack, did I hear you say that you're had an
argument with a cab driver in Toledo.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Yes, but of course that was years ago.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
What was the fight all about? Oh? Nothing.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
He just happened to say something I didn't like and
he hit me.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Otherwise, Toledo was.
Speaker 7 (05:04):
Lovely, say don When you were looking through that album,
did you see the picture of Jack's uncle on the
big white horse.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I do.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
That was my uncle Beaumont.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
I need you see the tree in back with the
rope dangling from it and that big crowd of men
standing around.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Marry. My uncle didn't steal a la horse.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
That was just a scene from a Western movie he
was making, called The Code of the West.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It wasn't a real hanging. What are you laughing at?
Speaker 7 (05:31):
Just the same he never saw the preview.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
He did to him he was a fine actor, Saint Jack. Oh, hello, Kenny,
I didn't see you. It was around here. I heard
you telling everybody what a beautiful.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Baby you were.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Well, Don brought up the subject. I had never mentioned it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Have you got any cute baby pictures? Kenny?
Speaker 7 (05:48):
None where I'm facing the camera.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Oh, you know, Jack, I wasn't a very pretty kid,
but I was as smart as a whip smart. I'll
bet you were all right, you can laugh. But when
I was twelve years old, I recited the Gettysburg Address
at twelve? What's clever about that?
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Could Lincoln do it?
Speaker 8 (06:17):
All right?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Kenny, we won't go into that.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
But if you were so smart at the age of twelve,
I'd like to know what happened to you in the meantime,
so would I. Well, i'll tell you what, Kenny. Since
your song? Sing your song.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Now, we'll talk about it later.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Hey, Don, where's Bell?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Oh he's around here somewhere by the way. Jack, I
don't know whether.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I'll tell you this or not, but Phil's pretty sore
about that crack.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
You made last Sunday. What crag?
Speaker 5 (06:42):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
You know, and you told him that if he didn't
like it. Here he could go out and get his
own program. Oh well, gee, I was only kidding. I
didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 7 (06:51):
Well, phil Soo got pretty serious. Then he said he's gonna.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Leave, leave me.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Why why I made the guy?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
See when I picked him up, he was demonstrating curlers
in a drug store window. Oh I must talk to him,
sing kenny. See people are so sensitive nowadays. You tell
him to quit and they quit. I can't understand.
Speaker 9 (07:32):
See see see hear.
Speaker 10 (07:37):
A love song for a penny.
Speaker 9 (07:40):
See see see.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Just a penny Henna.
Speaker 11 (07:55):
Once I stray, needing all lovely, lovely life, and she
smiled while I sharply played off penny ceremony in horror,
(08:17):
shone the tender on off love and sweet siren. More
as for me, in my heart, I played a lover ceremony.
Speaker 9 (08:33):
See see see you can hear it for a penny.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
C s See.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Just a penny.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Serenad sees cec hear my love song for a penny.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
C s.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
See it's just a penny serename in not dreams or divine.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
She was mine.
Speaker 10 (09:04):
No word had been spoke. When I walked on my
dream she was gone.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
My poor heart was blown.
Speaker 10 (09:18):
Still I pray that forever.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Seen, maybe she will remain.
Speaker 10 (09:29):
In her heart, she will always hear my Penny Sir.
Speaker 9 (09:39):
Sec C c C.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
That was Penny serenade sung by Kenny Baker, my favorite
Tenor Say Kenny, did Phil happen to say anything further
to you about doing his own program?
Speaker 5 (10:15):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
He mentioned it, he did? Or what did he tell you?
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Funny?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
But I ain't no pigeonhole, that's tool, pigeon pigeonhole.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Say Mary, did Phil say anything to you about this
wild scheme of his?
Speaker 7 (10:33):
Well, yes and no?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
What do you mean yes or no?
Speaker 7 (10:36):
Yes he told me and no, I ain't gonna tell you.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Anyway.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I think Phil ought to be at least loyal enough
to discuss it with me before he takes any definite steps.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Hey, jack here comes Phil.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Now, Oh yeah, oh hello Phil, Hi at Jackson.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How's the boy?
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Jackson? You don't feel it's cute the way you called
me that every week?
Speaker 11 (10:54):
You know?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Say, what's this gag I hear about you getting your
own program?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
It's not a gag. You and I have been fighting
so much lately that I thought it'd be better to
call it quits. Oh that's silly, silly, nothing. You're just
tough to get along with, and that's all.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Woo me.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yes, you you're always flying off the handle.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I am not.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm sweet and love them. You're always yelling and shopping
at me, shouting at and you're always losing your temper.
Why you beggy? I didn't great.
Speaker 8 (11:20):
I never lose my temper.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And you know I love you you rat, Oh sure, sure,
Now you listen to me, Phil Harris, Gee, you think
they were married. Keep out of this, Kenny, Let's forget it.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Jack.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
You're just tough to work for.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
And that's that.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Oh, I'm tough to work for. Did you hear that? Mary?
You think I was a regular Simon Lagree?
Speaker 7 (11:47):
All you need is a whip.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I wasn't talking to you.
Speaker 7 (11:52):
Now.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Look Phil, Look, I'm not begging you to stay on
this program.
Speaker 7 (11:56):
Get up off your knees.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I'm not on my knees, and I wish this was
television so I could prove it. Look, Phil, I'm not
begging you to stay, but if you leave, you're making
a serious mistake.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
All right, Jack, give me one reason why I should
stick with you, just one reason. Well, well, in the
first place, oh, yeah, give me one reason.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, well, ladies and gentlemen, While Jack is thinking of
one reason, why don't you run out to your nearest
grocer and.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Ask for the package of jell.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
It comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry horns, lemonon, lyon.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Well, for one thing, Phil hair, all right, come on,
why should I stick with you?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Well, for one thing, We've got a contract, a fine contract.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I supply the orchestra, and when people throw money at us,
I have to split it with you. Well, how often
does that happen? Maybe once in a fort knit not another?
Speaker 7 (12:51):
Jack, what are you thinking about? Phil wants to go.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Let him go.
Speaker 7 (12:55):
Certainly you can get Ablyman to take his place.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Oh, that would be fine.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Ablyman happened to be the cab driver that punched me
in Toledo.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
That's all I need. Jack, you know a lot about music. Now,
why don't you form an orchestra of your own? Well?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Maybe I will say I could organize a darn good
swing band.
Speaker 7 (13:15):
Believe me, if you do, I got a swell name
for it.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Never mind, what is it?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Mary?
Speaker 7 (13:19):
Jack Bennie? And is cut rate twelve?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Mary, I don't have to worry about getting a band together,
because Phil is only bluffing. If he went out on
his own, where would he get a sponsor?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Don't worry about me. I've got a sponsor. Oh you
have a well who is it? I mean, what's your product?
Bixby's bubble gum. Bixby's bubble gum. I never heard of it. Well,
here have a stick, keep it bubble gum. That's not
the only offer I had. I could have gone on
the air for McMillan's corn plasters. Corn plaster, Yes, corn plaster.
(13:54):
Well that would be more your style. Half the time
your corny and the other half your plaster. Anyway, if
you're smart, Fian.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
You'd stay right here on the Jello program and I'll
try and make life a little easier for you.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And now, ladies and gentlemen, pardon me, come in well
the Mayor of ban Nyes Hello, Andy, hie you But.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Well, Andy, it's nice seeing here.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
You don't get around here as often as you used to.
Speaker 6 (14:41):
Well, but by the time I get through with the
farm in the city hall and my love life, I'm
pretty busy.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Love Uh oh, say you're going in for a little romance.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
They Andy little nothing.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
She weighs three hundred pounds.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Three hundred pounds, while you never told me about her before,
make a nice wife for.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Andy a Verry.
Speaker 7 (15:02):
Yeah, he can hit her to the plow.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Well Andy, Well.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Andy, tell me you're gonna get married.
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Well, that's the reason I came down here, Buck, I'd
like to ask your advice.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Well, Andy, as long as you want my advice, all
I can say is, if you love the girl, go
right ahead and propose to her.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Well, I have, but every time I do, she just
looks at me and giggles.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Giggles.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
If Pa thinks she's an idiot, Oh, what is your
ma thing? Marsa? PA's a fine one to talk.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Well, Andy, don't pay any attention to them.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Just follow your own heart. Say is this girl from
Van Eyes?
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Yeah, she's in business out there. She's a plumber.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Oh a lady plumber?
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Well three hundred, say Addie, how do you manage to
hold her out?
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Your laugh?
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Oh? My hired man sits alongside.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Of me, Gladie.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
All I can say is, don't let anybody interfere with
your happiness.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
If you love the girl, marry and I wish you
a lot of luck.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
Thanks Buck, I feel better now.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
That's good, Andy, stick around. Well, he I'd like to
talk to you after the program. What about Phil, Well,
it's a business proposition and I don't want to discuss
it in front of Jack.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Now, Phil, you've got a number to play, So spit
out your bubble gum and go to work, okay, boss?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Oh Andy?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
How about coming over to my house tomorrow for dinner
and bring your folk?
Speaker 8 (16:35):
Thanks?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
Buck? Is it all right if my girl comes along?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Addie, bring her to dinner too?
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Why not about time she lost some wife?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Whyet Mary? I'm just trying to be nice? Play Phil?
Speaker 9 (18:45):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
That was well?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That was this can't be love played by smiling Phil
Harris and his rhythm rascals.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And Phil, that's what I call real class.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
You know that number had so much life and brilliance
to it.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Thanks, But I'm eving just the same, Phil. I wasn't
trying to flatter you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
That number was swell, and I fell. I ought to
give you and the boy's credit all.
Speaker 7 (19:08):
Of a sudden. The orchestra is good.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Yeah, some obviousness.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
No, I'm serious.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Well, anyhow to get on with our plate tonight, ladies
and gentlemen, As I announced last week we are going
to present our version of the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Now I will play the part.
Speaker 6 (19:27):
Say Buck, it's none of my business. But did you
hear fit Alan Wednesday night?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Alan?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
No, Andy, I missed him again? Tell me what did
my oriental friend have to say? I mean, anything worth
probing into?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (19:43):
He hopped all over you, Buck. He said he's gonna
push your spine so far down.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
Your pants are gonna walk like a tryphod.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Ha ha and cook.
Speaker 7 (19:58):
No kidding Jack, that makes you look like a nickel.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Listen, Mary, he couldn't make me look like a nickel
if my father was a buffalo.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
He's nothing but a fake fake. Then how come he
challenged you to a fight? That's a laugh?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
How can he fight in the first place? He's terribly nearsighted. Nearsighted. Yes,
I saw him at a party one night, trying to
make a date with a haul three. I finally had
to tell him that the umbrella stand was her.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Little boy that guy.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
No kidding Jack or Alan's eyes really that bad bad
down to him?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Heady Lamar is just a gorgeous blur. I'd go in
the ring with Alan anytime.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
He carefully, he might hit you from memory.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Listen, Mary, he couldn't hit me if he put wheels
on his wrists and.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
They ran up to my nose on a track.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Now, listen, Fellas, come here a minute, will you. I
got a sea about Alan that I've been guarding for years.
I never was going to mention it, but I'm so
burned up that tonight I'm going.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
To show you what a heel he really is. What
do you mean, jack Well?
Speaker 3 (21:10):
In the first place, he ought to be the last
one in the world to ever say anything against me.
Why Well, because twelve years ago, when we weren't vaudable together,
I saved Fred Allen's life.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
That's why you saved these lives. Yes, now, let's forget it.
I don't want to talk about it, Okay, Oh no,
you don't.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
It was It was twelve years ago in Altoona, Pennsylvania.
We were both we were both on the same bill,
Fred and I at the Palace Theater.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I'll never forget that night, Alan, who.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Was then a juggler, was standing in the wings to
go on, and I, the headliner, stopped.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
To give him a word of encouragement. Hello Freddy, Hello
mister Benny. Oh, you can call me Jack. What's the matter.
You seem a little nervous tonight, Freddie.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Well, Gee, mister Benny Hit, talking to a big star
like you is quite a thrill for me.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Oh, don't say that, well, Freddie, pinks.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Mules are about through, so time for your act. So
go out on the stage and juggle those clubs.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Gee, I wish I was a great comedian like you.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Well, why don't you try telling some gags while you're
out there juggling. Oh, I can never think of anything
clever to say.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
You see, folks.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Well, keep plugging, Freddy, you might get there one of
these days.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
They're ready for your act.
Speaker 9 (22:49):
Now.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
That was his theme song, Folks Chinatown, get it. My
first trick, Ladies and Jim Gentleman, we'll be juggling three
Indian clubs at the same time, three clubs, some trick,
very goals, dropping him as usual, John Ock Renny ring
(23:17):
on Benny.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Altoona was one of my best towns.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Gee, Alan is nervous, And now for my next trick,
Ladies and gentlemen, I will juggle three Indian clubs and
a cannon ball at the same time. Cannon ball. I
never saw him do this one before. Say that's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Oh what heaven?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
A cannon ball dropped on Alan's fort.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
He's hurt badly, ring down with her. Stand back, everybody
give him there. What happened, mister?
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Can't you see he dropped the cannon ball on his spot.
Oh don't worry, Freddy.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
I'll take you to the hospital at once, and you're
gonna be all right. Well, folks, we finally got Alan
to the hospital and after I paid his efforts fee
which I never got back, they took him to the
(24:14):
operating room and the doctor called me aside and said.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Mister Bennie, I'm afraid this is serious.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
What do you mean doctor?
Speaker 8 (24:20):
When that cannon ball dropped on Ellen's foot, it severed
the fe mule and the anterior portion of the tibia.
Oh my goodness, there's only one thing that can save him.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
What's that, doctor, I'll do anything.
Speaker 8 (24:31):
He must have a blood transfusion immediately, a blood transfusion.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Thank you well doctor.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
All I can say is this unfortunate young man is
my friend, and if my blood can save his life,
I am ready. So they took Alan to the operating room,
placed my foot next to his, and the doctor said to.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
The nurse, are you ready for the transfusion that's to
do it? Yes, doctor, then hand me that ice pick.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Wait a minute, don't I get an anesthetic for this?
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Yes, oh, nurse fan mister Benny with a harry.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
If you do, I'll snap at it. Let's make it quick, doctor,
Oh doctor, doctor.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Hurry, doc, please helen the sinking fat.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
All right, we'll just tap your vein here and attach
a hose to it.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
Go ahead, doctor, I'm not afraid. Oh I'm an awful
pay now, folks, see what I went through for that
mandarin Here.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
We are, all right, the steward open the valve and
draw the blood.
Speaker 12 (25:37):
Yes, doctor, My goodness, they're taking easy.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Doctor.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
That's not tex, you know. And don't forget to wipe
my wind seel.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
All right, miss Stewart. That's enough enough.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
I look like a bottle of milk now. But it
was worth it for good old Fred so thanks to me.
The transfusion was successful, and the next day I visited
Allan in his private room in the hospital, which I
also paid for. Hello, Freddie, how do you feel, kid?
Speaker 3 (26:33):
I'm much better, mister Benny, and as long as I live,
I will never forget what you.
Speaker 9 (26:38):
Did for me.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Don't mention it, Freddy.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
You know, mister Benny, since that transfusion yesterday, I feel
entirely different. I feel so mentally alert, no fool, I
keep thinking of jokes all the time, and I owe
it all to you.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Now.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Please here, mister Benny, have a cigar.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Oh, thank you. I'll smoke it later. No, smoke it now,
I light it for you. Okay, say this cigar is
very Why darn you that cigar was logan.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
A ha haw haw That's my first joke. So you see,
ladies and gentlemen, my blood not only saved Alan's life
but made him the comedian he is today.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I thank you there you are, Fellas.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
That little play shows what a heel Alan really is.
Speaker 7 (27:39):
Oh Jack, I don't believe that they canniball really fell
on Alan's foot.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Oh you donateh well for your information, young lady.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
He still buys his shoes from the same store as
Donald Duck.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Play fell.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
He'speeds and mouthwatering goodness combined in one delicious new dessert.
You'll want to try it, and try it soon. Jello
chocolate pudding with that old time homemade goodness. Yes, sir,
it's every bit as good as the kind that mother
used to make. Rich, smooth as satin and real chocolated,
full flavored and tempting with a grand appetizing color and
(28:14):
a marvelous taste. For Jello chocolate pudding is made with
the fine, wholesome ingredients, the kind you'd use yourself right
in your own kitchen. You'll enjoy every creamy spoonful, and
you'll enjoy the other two flavors just as much, Jello
Butterscotch pudding and Jello vanilla pudding. For all three new
Jello puddings are smooth and rich, tasting.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
And delicious, and all three are easy to make.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
You'll find the simple directions on every package, and the
handiest way to buy is three packages at the time.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
So ask your.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Grocer tomorrow for Jello, Chocolate, Butterscotch and vanilla.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Pudding, the real homemade kind.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
This is the last number of the seventeenth program in
the New Jello series, and we will be with you
again next Sunday night at the same time. And don't forget, folks,
if you have not already done so, you can help
fight infantil paralysis by joining the March of dimes. You know, Mary,
I hated to expose Fred Allen like that, but after all,
what could I do?
Speaker 7 (29:13):
Oh, I don't blame you.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
I'll tell you something else, Mary.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
I'm the kind of a guy that if Allan needed
another transfusion, I'd be the first one to volunteer.
Speaker 7 (29:21):
Go on, you haven't any more blood than a PiZZ of.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Salt pork the knife pols.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Oh if it compeys on the Jeble programs for Turnisher
of merbl Lauri production.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
This is in our Tuble Broadcast and Telling aut
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