August 18, 2025 • 20 mins
Get ready to experience the unmatched wit, bold delivery, and fearless humor of Bernie Mac in this unforgettable Live from Jacksonville performance from the legendary Kings of Comedy tour. Known for his no-nonsense storytelling and razor-sharp observations, Bernie takes the stage with a presence that commands attention from the very first moment. His takes on everyday life, family, and society are delivered with his signature mix of authenticity and unapologetic honesty.
From laugh-out-loud anecdotes to relatable truths, this performance captures Bernie Mac at the height of his comedic genius. Whether you’re a long-time fan or discovering his work for the first time, this set is a masterclass in stand-up comedy that blends raw humor with undeniable charm. Sit back, relax, and prepare for a performance that proves why Bernie Mac will always be remembered as one of the greatest comedians of all time.
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From laugh-out-loud anecdotes to relatable truths, this performance captures Bernie Mac at the height of his comedic genius. Whether you’re a long-time fan or discovering his work for the first time, this set is a masterclass in stand-up comedy that blends raw humor with undeniable charm. Sit back, relax, and prepare for a performance that proves why Bernie Mac will always be remembered as one of the greatest comedians of all time.
bern mac live, kings of comedy, bernie mac standup, bernie mac comedy, live from jacksonville, stand up comedy classics, comedy legends, 90s standup comedy, raw comedy, bernie mac kings of comedy tour, bernie mac jokes, bernie mac live set, old school stand up, best of bernie mac, urban comedy legend, stand-up comedy special, hilarious standup, bernie mac uncensored, bernie mac live show, comedy podcast episode
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Make up her side the bed. My side be all
(00:02):
fucked up. She'll wash everybody's clothes, and my draw still
be in the dog on hamp She'll cook for all
the kids, won't cook for me. You know, I don't
know how to cook. So I'm hunger than the something.
But you know my stomach rubbing my back, you know
what I mean. I asked my son, let me get
a little back.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
He said, no, this holl she cooks. She's like all
she cooks.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I say, you selfish, some of them a bitch when
you jump like your fucking mama selfish. I'm hung and shit, man,
I'm telling them hunger. But you know when you make up,
when you when your fight with your woman, about three
or four days when you want to make up, But
you can't be the first one to make up because
if you do, you are the pump. So you stay mad.
You know, she walked this way, you walk that way.
Y'all just scoop byle like y'all want to touch each
(00:43):
other and shit, you know you be laying in the bed,
her leg touch your ors, you scoot on the other end.
But about the fifth day you'll dick hard or something.
But you know, what I mean that mocker jumping. You
know what I mean, you'll dick so hard as leaking.
You know, she walk around with panted one panty side
and the ass one teeddy out. You sitting there reading
(01:15):
the paper like you ain't looking and ship. You know,
did she come? You see women's some dirty mother buck
They dirty man, They see your dick to your drawers.
You know they see the ship hard.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Did she come? You sitting there looking at the TV?
She come by you, you've seen the TV.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
God, all headed, head.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Ed, make you want to rush off, mother fucker head.
Then when you think the funny part about it, when
you do get it, you'all be kissing all hard, wrestling
and ship. Then you finally get in, and that's when
she say something to when y'all get through with the
fucker's over? Mhm, Bernie, why you do me like that?
(02:05):
And you a pussy too? You did me like that?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
You did me too? You were playing too so growing
up an't numbers.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Some big ass kids.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Kids ain't numbers some fucking little ass adults.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
See that's why I don't play with no kids man, kids, man,
I fuck kids up. See see see see see see see.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Colorado won't never happen to me.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I know I'll be looking I go on my kids
wanting to me watch you in here.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
For cause the fuck I can. And let me see something.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
All life is gonna be a misunderstanding. Its gonna be
some furniture moving around this motherfucker time out ship our time,
my time, I'm playing game. I'm playing no goddamn game.
You see the kids fucking up, You see them, see
parents be speak fucked up. See our generation dropped the ball.
See because now we be seeing them talking about I
want to give my kids more than what we had.
More ain't better, No more ain't better, said, we fucked up.
(03:03):
That's why kids shooting some bitches and all that type
of shit that said. Man, you come on, you bring
kids over to your house.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
What you hear when you're.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Real to bring the kids over to the down and
they jumping on on your couch, just jumping and ship brother,
and then he ain't gonna hurt nothing, cause the shit
ain't your That's why the fuck ain't gonna hurt that.
Get that ugly bashing off my goddamn so now our
babysit your kid all day. But if you if you
(03:31):
let me hear them. My baby said, if you don't
let me hit your kid, don't bring them something bitch
over hit my house. And when you let me keep
your kid, you don't need no hidden cameras, no videos
shrying to see how I'm treating them. I'll tell you
I'm treating them when you come pick your kid up.
And he got a knot on the corner of the
mother dead.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
What happened to my son? I took her hammer and
snapped the fuck out of him when he got a
rope burned around in his neck?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
What that rope I try to hand ain't the fuck
out his ah? I tell like this, I'm telling them
what you're scared to say. So I don't like no bullshit.
That's why I tell something else.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I lie.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I hate funerals. Black funerals. Oh, black funerals make me sick.
I'm sicking on something bites. I ain't going to another funeral.
I ain't going to mind.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I went to my cousin funerals last week.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Man, that was the most accavating experience I've experienced in
my life. I told my wife I ain't going to
no more fun as long as I'm black. White funerals
be just as just as normal.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Coffer laying up there.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
They got white curtains all around the heaven in the daytime,
you know, the woman man be singing.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Lord Ah for.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Heavenly f.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Ah boo.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
And they closed the coffer and go about they fucking.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Business one day. Black funerals three fucking days. And when
he died the next day, he gotta take some clothes
down there, like he going something fucking way.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Man, they lost my cousin.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
My cousin died last week. We had to go down
to Mississippi to go to my cousin funeral. Got to
the funeral board with almost four five other funerals because
they lost the body. They wheel there coughing up there,
opened the mount she said that ain't my motherfucking son.
You better five my motherfucker sign before I blow this
(05:51):
motherfucker up. Fire my baby, Fire my baby. They rolled
that motherfucker out, brought in another body. It was him,
but he had on black and that was the wrong outfit.
That motherfucker had on Monty. That ain't the I fit
(06:11):
our ball there. He don't like black.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
He wouldn't be caught, daddy black.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
I bought him brow y'all better get some bride on
my baby clothes the cold and rolled him to the back.
Three minutes came back.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
He was complete.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
She said, I that's my baby. How y'all change him
so quick? He said, we just changed heads. That all
the fucking dead. I swearter gonna on my line, my line,
my line to here. I ain't got I ain't got
timeline here all that.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Hall lot of change heads.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
To fuck him?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
He dad, he did what you keep flitting on?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Man? Man, we gotta stepp there and wash this humbitch
for three eggs. You got to wake you gotta go
to he got just sit there and watch.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
This fuck about it and every now thet like he breathing.
Why they call it the wake? He ain't wake it up?
Then the man?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
When when we want a perve when black person died,
we sure like to tell how he died, don't, Oh,
we want to hear how the person died, over and
over again, how he died? Girl, You know, I was
rolling my hair, and all of a sudden I heard
a thumb. I came downstairs. He was on the floor.
He was on the floor. He must have had a
heart attack. Then yeah, oh, he had a heart attack then,
(07:34):
so I would rolling my hair off on the phone.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I had a roll out rolled in my hair, and
I heard a thump.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
When I walked downstairs.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
He was in the middle of the floor.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I said, he oh, he him dead, him dead.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I don't know what I'm gonna do. I never will forget.
I was laying up there, I was rolling my heuth.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Well, I heard a thump. I can't downstand. He was
laying by the sink on the floor. I thought about
that the other day. I was rolling my motherfuckering the
house and him was dead. And I'm so tired of
black mins. Don't black minster.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Y'all got to explain to me why black ministers just
can't read the word normally. And John said, he's just
coming doll showing up. Why he just can't read the
ship like that? Why he got a fucking ground let
us hog God, damn you know, Moses, I can't walking
(08:43):
by and said to the Percy and come back and
boot shot. Why man, if you don't shut the fuck
up all that fucking noise, what the fuck is someboy
(09:05):
read the words? Sit your punk ass down, White minister
just read the word, gonna close the book. We got
to dance and holler and growl and doggle man. Then
after they do all that, they gotta introduce some fat
woman to come sing some song.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Now, don't nobody know this helper.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
The funeral power people don't know, and deceased family don't know.
Anybody asks this hell of to sing. But she want
to come sing so you can fuck with the deceased family.
But she want to make your crown purpose. She gonna
sing an old song, precious Lord, but she gonna rewrite
this ship. Were gonna have her egg selection from Siah saying.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Right, But here she come her fat air look like she's.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Like she's saying, I don't know. First giving on the
tip the pasta members and friends, I'm so happy to
be here this evening. And then in the graceivil God,
Hallelloa y'all, hell Helloi, y'all, hellollo y'all. I want you
all to bear with me while I attempt to sing
(10:16):
the song precious hard.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Take my hand and.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This is how you want to make you cry. Bear
with me. I just got out of the hospital. Just bear
with me.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Pray shus Lord.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Day my Hey me.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Me on, h let me.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Stand ah, I'm trying to get here.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Ah ah, bitch, if you don't put that motherfucker microphone up,
(11:54):
put that piss down.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
And they be looking at you, man, why are you
looking at me thinking like that, like I'm next or something.
You know, I wanta been the legid.
Speaker 6 (12:11):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I ain't lying. That's why I ain't having no funeral.
Hell with the funeral. You can't treat me right while
I'm alive. Fuck it, I ain't gonna know you're there.
That's why, man, I just wish I could just stage
my own death. Got to do this with black people.
Gotta do it with black people. Just play come dead.
I ain't dead for real. You know, say Burnie mc
(12:32):
died last night. So I can see the no good
something of bitches when they come to my funeral. I
be laying in the coffert like I'm dead, but I
ain't dead. I just wanna raise I just want to
raise up on a few people cuss their ass out.
I be laying there like I'm dead and a person
(12:54):
comes past. I don't like fuck you doing them. I
goddamn fhelished get your goddamn ask time. My goddamn fitted,
kill your ass. Oh, don't let a person come by
to owe you some money. That's not I'm gonna grab
(13:14):
their arm and shit. You know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Oh hell no, hell no, you got my mind kill
your motherfucker a kid.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
You know, you know you want to do it sometimes,
but you wanna tell people to fuck off sometime, but
you're scared. You're afraid people ain't gonna like it. You
know you wanna say fuck off. I said for your
fuck off. You know you said all time, man, all
the time, when you would You know, it is strange
how you can tell somebody to fuck off that you love,
or pot somebody that your love.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
You tell your woman, your.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Man to fuck off at a minute, but a person in
the street you won't stay shitting. Let it go. I
don't want no trouble.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Let it go.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
So I'm old now, man. You know more, A lot
of things I do I can't. You can't do no more.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Man.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You know I ain't gonna lie to tell you. Man.
Sex used to be my number one party, you know
now it's like number eight. I ain't thinking about no coach.
I ain't think about no damn coacher. You know, all
sex happening. I never thought that I have to refer
to all sex.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
You know, because I was a hammer.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
You know what I mean? Now I'm all sex or
now you know all you know I ain't no but
the nail. Now I ain't the hammer, you know, Ain't
that I got damn I'm saying, but boy, you gotta
know what you're doing All sex, man, everything I'm saying,
everyone say, i'm'na take all sex appart of life. Don't
make your bad person. Everybody here, everyone here love all sex,
(14:38):
y'a all lie see if a man came and touch
on your titty or put his hand on your ass,
you come back, then come back with the police. Day.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Hey, that's not matter.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Ifucker right there, that's the matter.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Freaks rape ast some matter, if I could ask him
right there.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
But if you whispering a woman in a woman's ears
and a girl I show like to eat your head, watch.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
What shein't gonna say.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Shit, she' gonna go get no police.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You crazy?
Speaker 6 (15:05):
That a mother.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
When you want to do it. And if you ain't
doing mad sex, if it ain't done right, I'll make
you fight.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Women. If you don't do it right, women get mad
at you. And men get mad at you if you're
doing all sex or woman tall you to get up
in a minute, Get up, get up, get up, get up,
get up, stop stop stop stop, go all over that,
sit down.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
I do it.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
My motherfuckerself gone.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Sound.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
So you sitting there watching me and too well. We
get all sex and ain't done right. We get mad.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
If a woman give your head, it ain't nothing wrong.
We all grown.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
If a woman give me your head, it's a part
of life, especially when it's with your man, with your
with your wife or whatever it is. You like somebody
and your woman doing it. It's different.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
She ain't doing it right.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's a fight, you know. She gives me hey hey, hey, hey,
hey hey hey, your broke tooth is cutting? It be cuting.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It's jagging, is jagged, dagg.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Don't tell me how to fuck I do. I know
what I'm doing. I'm just saying you're cutting that. It's tender?
Are you arger? Joe?
Speaker 6 (16:30):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
When sex? You are? If you move it when a
woman tall you right there, she means right there.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Don't move with your back be hurting like a sum
bit junker.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Fuck right there.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
You've been saying yourself be gloving at the bitch.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Come you'd be tired. You'll be right there.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Don't move it.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That's when you lock it. Don't move it.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
You just lock it and squeeze.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Are hard.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
They gotta say, that's it.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
All sex the same wayoo.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
M hm ooh, make me sick. Oh mean you won't
be looking for a four more hours. And then when
you be looking, you have to come up for air.
Just ask a question, you get ready to come. Huh
(17:41):
And all of a sudden, right there, oh.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Oh, oh wait, the fuck's some ooh.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Buster not you're killing me.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
You're killing it now, that's sucking, sucking, licking, nicking, licking.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And see they're kid, they're key. See now I'm strong.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Now I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
This is my second year. I'm a southhomore.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
You know I had to get beat up before I
learned the trick for the trade. Now I know the trick,
and I'm trading. See no longer, no more giving me
here ches, no more knocking my toufe up in my arms,
see cause I.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Put my arm up in there.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
See look look what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
You learn something what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
You put your arm up in there. See how I
put my arm, it's no more slimmer. You put your
arm up in there and you lock it and you
do your business. You're driving crazy. They'll be trying to
(18:56):
back up off her, but you got them locked.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
You ain't gonna You don't want.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Boy, they be screaming, you're trying to kill me. Boy,
you know you got them. You know when you do
it good, and you know when you're good at it.
When you get up in the morning, when they made
your breakfast and they call you boob.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Mhm, here boob, you hungry boob, You got down right,
I'm hungry.
Speaker 6 (19:34):
You would be bout down right I am. You'd be
problem hungry in a mother for I am. When you
fuck real good.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Just they gonna give you some confidence.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
When you know when you really treat your woman real,
you've done a good job. You get up in the
morning and your draws your shut off.
Speaker 8 (19:54):
It's a certain walk. There's a certain hall. Baby heard, baby,
don't funk with the money anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I chance to
Make up her side the bed. My side be all
(00:02):
fucked up. She'll wash everybody's clothes, and my draw still
be in the dog on hamp She'll cook for all
the kids, won't cook for me. You know, I don't
know how to cook. So I'm hunger than the something.
But you know my stomach rubbing my back, you know
what I mean. I asked my son, let me get
a little back.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
He said, no, this holl she cooks. She's like all
she cooks.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I say, you selfish, some of them a bitch when
you jump like your fucking mama selfish. I'm hung and shit, man,
I'm telling them hunger. But you know when you make up,
when you when your fight with your woman, about three
or four days when you want to make up, But
you can't be the first one to make up because
if you do, you are the pump. So you stay mad.
You know, she walked this way, you walk that way.
Y'all just scoop byle like y'all want to touch each
(00:43):
other and shit, you know you be laying in the bed,
her leg touch your ors, you scoot on the other end.
But about the fifth day you'll dick hard or something.
But you know, what I mean that mocker jumping. You
know what I mean, you'll dick so hard as leaking.
You know, she walk around with panted one panty side
and the ass one teeddy out. You sitting there reading
(01:15):
the paper like you ain't looking and ship. You know,
did she come? You see women's some dirty mother buck
They dirty man, They see your dick to your drawers.
You know they see the ship hard.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Did she come? You sitting there looking at the TV?
She come by you, you've seen the TV.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
God, all headed, head.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Ed, make you want to rush off, mother fucker head.
Then when you think the funny part about it, when
you do get it, you'all be kissing all hard, wrestling
and ship. Then you finally get in, and that's when
she say something to when y'all get through with the
fucker's over? Mhm, Bernie, why you do me like that?
(02:05):
And you a pussy too? You did me like that?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
You did me too? You were playing too so growing
up an't numbers.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Some big ass kids.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Kids ain't numbers some fucking little ass adults.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
See that's why I don't play with no kids man, kids, man,
I fuck kids up. See see see see see see see.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Colorado won't never happen to me.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I know I'll be looking I go on my kids
wanting to me watch you in here.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
For cause the fuck I can. And let me see something.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
All life is gonna be a misunderstanding. Its gonna be
some furniture moving around this motherfucker time out ship our time,
my time, I'm playing game. I'm playing no goddamn game.
You see the kids fucking up, You see them, see
parents be speak fucked up. See our generation dropped the ball.
See because now we be seeing them talking about I
want to give my kids more than what we had.
More ain't better, No more ain't better, said, we fucked up.
(03:03):
That's why kids shooting some bitches and all that type
of shit that said. Man, you come on, you bring
kids over to your house.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
What you hear when you're.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Real to bring the kids over to the down and
they jumping on on your couch, just jumping and ship brother,
and then he ain't gonna hurt nothing, cause the shit
ain't your That's why the fuck ain't gonna hurt that.
Get that ugly bashing off my goddamn so now our
babysit your kid all day. But if you if you
(03:31):
let me hear them. My baby said, if you don't
let me hit your kid, don't bring them something bitch
over hit my house. And when you let me keep
your kid, you don't need no hidden cameras, no videos
shrying to see how I'm treating them. I'll tell you
I'm treating them when you come pick your kid up.
And he got a knot on the corner of the
mother dead.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
What happened to my son? I took her hammer and
snapped the fuck out of him when he got a
rope burned around in his neck?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
What that rope I try to hand ain't the fuck
out his ah? I tell like this, I'm telling them
what you're scared to say. So I don't like no bullshit.
That's why I tell something else.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I lie.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I hate funerals. Black funerals. Oh, black funerals make me sick.
I'm sicking on something bites. I ain't going to another funeral.
I ain't going to mind.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I went to my cousin funerals last week.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Man, that was the most accavating experience I've experienced in
my life. I told my wife I ain't going to
no more fun as long as I'm black. White funerals
be just as just as normal.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Coffer laying up there.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
They got white curtains all around the heaven in the daytime,
you know, the woman man be singing.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Lord Ah for.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Heavenly f.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Ah boo.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
And they closed the coffer and go about they fucking.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Business one day. Black funerals three fucking days. And when
he died the next day, he gotta take some clothes
down there, like he going something fucking way.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Man, they lost my cousin.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
My cousin died last week. We had to go down
to Mississippi to go to my cousin funeral. Got to
the funeral board with almost four five other funerals because
they lost the body. They wheel there coughing up there,
opened the mount she said that ain't my motherfucking son.
You better five my motherfucker sign before I blow this
(05:51):
motherfucker up. Fire my baby, Fire my baby. They rolled
that motherfucker out, brought in another body. It was him,
but he had on black and that was the wrong outfit.
That motherfucker had on Monty. That ain't the I fit
(06:11):
our ball there. He don't like black.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
He wouldn't be caught, daddy black.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
I bought him brow y'all better get some bride on
my baby clothes the cold and rolled him to the back.
Three minutes came back.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
He was complete.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
She said, I that's my baby. How y'all change him
so quick? He said, we just changed heads. That all
the fucking dead. I swearter gonna on my line, my line,
my line to here. I ain't got I ain't got
timeline here all that.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Hall lot of change heads.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
To fuck him?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
He dad, he did what you keep flitting on?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Man? Man, we gotta stepp there and wash this humbitch
for three eggs. You got to wake you gotta go
to he got just sit there and watch.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
This fuck about it and every now thet like he breathing.
Why they call it the wake? He ain't wake it up?
Then the man?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
When when we want a perve when black person died,
we sure like to tell how he died, don't, Oh,
we want to hear how the person died, over and
over again, how he died? Girl, You know, I was
rolling my hair, and all of a sudden I heard
a thumb. I came downstairs. He was on the floor.
He was on the floor. He must have had a
heart attack. Then yeah, oh, he had a heart attack then,
(07:34):
so I would rolling my hair off on the phone.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I had a roll out rolled in my hair, and
I heard a thump.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
When I walked downstairs.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
He was in the middle of the floor.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I said, he oh, he him dead, him dead.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I don't know what I'm gonna do. I never will forget.
I was laying up there, I was rolling my heuth.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Well, I heard a thump. I can't downstand. He was
laying by the sink on the floor. I thought about
that the other day. I was rolling my motherfuckering the
house and him was dead. And I'm so tired of
black mins. Don't black minster.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Y'all got to explain to me why black ministers just
can't read the word normally. And John said, he's just
coming doll showing up. Why he just can't read the
ship like that? Why he got a fucking ground let
us hog God, damn you know, Moses, I can't walking
(08:43):
by and said to the Percy and come back and
boot shot. Why man, if you don't shut the fuck
up all that fucking noise, what the fuck is someboy
(09:05):
read the words? Sit your punk ass down, White minister
just read the word, gonna close the book. We got
to dance and holler and growl and doggle man. Then
after they do all that, they gotta introduce some fat
woman to come sing some song.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Now, don't nobody know this helper.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
The funeral power people don't know, and deceased family don't know.
Anybody asks this hell of to sing. But she want
to come sing so you can fuck with the deceased family.
But she want to make your crown purpose. She gonna
sing an old song, precious Lord, but she gonna rewrite
this ship. Were gonna have her egg selection from Siah saying.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Right, But here she come her fat air look like she's.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Like she's saying, I don't know. First giving on the
tip the pasta members and friends, I'm so happy to
be here this evening. And then in the graceivil God,
Hallelloa y'all, hell Helloi, y'all, hellollo y'all. I want you
all to bear with me while I attempt to sing
(10:16):
the song precious hard.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Take my hand and.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This is how you want to make you cry. Bear
with me. I just got out of the hospital. Just bear
with me.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Pray shus Lord.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Day my Hey me.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Me on, h let me.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Stand ah, I'm trying to get here.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Ah ah, bitch, if you don't put that motherfucker microphone up,
(11:54):
put that piss down.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
And they be looking at you, man, why are you
looking at me thinking like that, like I'm next or something.
You know, I wanta been the legid.
Speaker 6 (12:11):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I ain't lying. That's why I ain't having no funeral.
Hell with the funeral. You can't treat me right while
I'm alive. Fuck it, I ain't gonna know you're there.
That's why, man, I just wish I could just stage
my own death. Got to do this with black people.
Gotta do it with black people. Just play come dead.
I ain't dead for real. You know, say Burnie mc
(12:32):
died last night. So I can see the no good
something of bitches when they come to my funeral. I
be laying in the coffert like I'm dead, but I
ain't dead. I just wanna raise I just want to
raise up on a few people cuss their ass out.
I be laying there like I'm dead and a person
(12:54):
comes past. I don't like fuck you doing them. I
goddamn fhelished get your goddamn ask time. My goddamn fitted,
kill your ass. Oh, don't let a person come by
to owe you some money. That's not I'm gonna grab
(13:14):
their arm and shit. You know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Oh hell no, hell no, you got my mind kill
your motherfucker a kid.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
You know, you know you want to do it sometimes,
but you wanna tell people to fuck off sometime, but
you're scared. You're afraid people ain't gonna like it. You
know you wanna say fuck off. I said for your
fuck off. You know you said all time, man, all
the time, when you would You know, it is strange
how you can tell somebody to fuck off that you love,
or pot somebody that your love.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
You tell your woman, your.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Man to fuck off at a minute, but a person in
the street you won't stay shitting. Let it go. I
don't want no trouble.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Let it go.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
So I'm old now, man. You know more, A lot
of things I do I can't. You can't do no more.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Man.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You know I ain't gonna lie to tell you. Man.
Sex used to be my number one party, you know
now it's like number eight. I ain't thinking about no coach.
I ain't think about no damn coacher. You know, all
sex happening. I never thought that I have to refer
to all sex.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
You know, because I was a hammer.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
You know what I mean? Now I'm all sex or
now you know all you know I ain't no but
the nail. Now I ain't the hammer, you know, Ain't
that I got damn I'm saying, but boy, you gotta
know what you're doing All sex, man, everything I'm saying,
everyone say, i'm'na take all sex appart of life. Don't
make your bad person. Everybody here, everyone here love all sex,
(14:38):
y'a all lie see if a man came and touch
on your titty or put his hand on your ass,
you come back, then come back with the police. Day.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Hey, that's not matter.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Ifucker right there, that's the matter.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Freaks rape ast some matter, if I could ask him
right there.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
But if you whispering a woman in a woman's ears
and a girl I show like to eat your head, watch.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
What shein't gonna say.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Shit, she' gonna go get no police.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You crazy?
Speaker 6 (15:05):
That a mother.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
When you want to do it. And if you ain't
doing mad sex, if it ain't done right, I'll make
you fight.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Women. If you don't do it right, women get mad
at you. And men get mad at you if you're
doing all sex or woman tall you to get up
in a minute, Get up, get up, get up, get up,
get up, stop stop stop stop, go all over that,
sit down.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
I do it.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
My motherfuckerself gone.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Sound.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
So you sitting there watching me and too well. We
get all sex and ain't done right. We get mad.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
If a woman give your head, it ain't nothing wrong.
We all grown.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
If a woman give me your head, it's a part
of life, especially when it's with your man, with your
with your wife or whatever it is. You like somebody
and your woman doing it. It's different.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
She ain't doing it right.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's a fight, you know. She gives me hey hey, hey, hey,
hey hey hey, your broke tooth is cutting? It be cuting.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It's jagging, is jagged, dagg.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Don't tell me how to fuck I do. I know
what I'm doing. I'm just saying you're cutting that. It's tender?
Are you arger? Joe?
Speaker 6 (16:30):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
When sex? You are? If you move it when a
woman tall you right there, she means right there.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Don't move with your back be hurting like a sum
bit junker.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Fuck right there.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
You've been saying yourself be gloving at the bitch.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Come you'd be tired. You'll be right there.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Don't move it.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That's when you lock it. Don't move it.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
You just lock it and squeeze.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Are hard.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
They gotta say, that's it.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
All sex the same wayoo.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
M hm ooh, make me sick. Oh mean you won't
be looking for a four more hours. And then when
you be looking, you have to come up for air.
Just ask a question, you get ready to come. Huh
(17:41):
And all of a sudden, right there, oh.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Oh, oh wait, the fuck's some ooh.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Buster not you're killing me.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
You're killing it now, that's sucking, sucking, licking, nicking, licking.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And see they're kid, they're key. See now I'm strong.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Now I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
This is my second year. I'm a southhomore.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
You know I had to get beat up before I
learned the trick for the trade. Now I know the trick,
and I'm trading. See no longer, no more giving me
here ches, no more knocking my toufe up in my arms,
see cause I.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Put my arm up in there.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
See look look what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
You learn something what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
You put your arm up in there. See how I
put my arm, it's no more slimmer. You put your
arm up in there and you lock it and you
do your business. You're driving crazy. They'll be trying to
(18:56):
back up off her, but you got them locked.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
You ain't gonna You don't want.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Boy, they be screaming, you're trying to kill me. Boy,
you know you got them. You know when you do
it good, and you know when you're good at it.
When you get up in the morning, when they made
your breakfast and they call you boob.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Mhm, here boob, you hungry boob, You got down right,
I'm hungry.
Speaker 6 (19:34):
You would be bout down right I am. You'd be
problem hungry in a mother for I am. When you
fuck real good.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Just they gonna give you some confidence.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
When you know when you really treat your woman real,
you've done a good job. You get up in the
morning and your draws your shut off.
Speaker 8 (19:54):
It's a certain walk. There's a certain hall. Baby heard, baby,
don't funk with the money anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I chance to
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