Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. You'll
see the news today.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
President Carter had some good news, said one unemployment hits
one hundred percent should start to level off. So that
Muhammad Ali's fighting again. It's gonna go back in the
ring next month. He's fighting buddy EPSOM.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Did you see that?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Should be a pretty excited.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
The Vicious Vicious band. Oh, you know, I noticed something
flying in here today. I do.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
You haven't know us when you fly that.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Pilots always have pilot names. You know, you got on
a plane yours here, Hi, it's your pilot, Mike Tiger,
will be flying to New York. Hi, I'm your pilot,
Jim Hunt.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
You never get Angelo Boubah flying a plan. We're going
to New York today.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And they always search you for weapons, you know, I
mean you walk through an X ray machine, they open
your luggage and then you sit down to eat, and
they give everybody's sneak knives. You know, I mean you
bring your own stag now either you get twenty years.
(01:08):
Some of them are just so pompous. You know, Delta
the airline run by professionals, what's twa volunteers?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I like LaGuardia Airport.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
That's my favorite. You got some New Yorkers here, You're
flying Laguada Airport. Yeah, this is the toughest airport in
the world. I mean, you hear announcements you don't hear
anywhere else.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Attention Vinny is dead.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
When a mister Lewis Knuckles pick up the red phone,
mister loon knuckles online night.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Now, I know that's unfair.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
You know, comedians always make fun of New York, but
there are things in New York you don't see anywhere else.
You know, about a month and a half ago, I
was riding the New York City subway and those of
you from New York will verify this. There's a sign
in the New York City Subway that always amazes me.
It just amazes me that it's there. It's in every
car and the sign says no spitting. And I hadn't
(02:05):
thought to spit when I got on the train. And
you realized they're making a value judgment here about people
at ryde just subways in New York.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And was the last time you got an airplane? This
dude has said we'll.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Be flying at thirty thousand feet to pilot has turned
down the no spitting. The auto industry is in a
lot of trouble. You know, It's true. These car dealers
will tell you anything to try and sell your car.
A couple of weeks ago, I was looking for a car.
Guy tried to sell me a seventy two pinto you
know when the ones were the exploding gas tank. Tried
(02:40):
to convince me it was a classic, said there wouldn't
be many of them left, and I said, oh no,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I like the general motors man, mister Goodrench.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You see, eh, isn't he just the most honest mechanic
in the world.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Ah a new engine?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Oh no, missus, myth it's just this little twenty nine
cent fused ha ha. Of course, this guy's never around
when you bring your car in for service. Excuse me,
is mister good Wrench here, mister good Wrench, he ain't
here right now, but it's brother in law, dead battery.
You'll take care of you, all right. Insurance is the
(03:20):
same way. You know, you have to have insurance to drive.
And it's always amazing you ever see these companies that
come on TV late at night or on the radio
and they try to get bad drivers to sign with them.
But they never call you a bad driver before you sign.
They always call you an unlucky driver. H Hey, you
know kind of follow every now and then you like
to up a few drinks, maybe plow into the side
(03:41):
of a school bus. Ah, sure you had a quarter
to kila, but maybe had a little bad luck, Dude,
didn't you?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I saw one the other day.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Now, as much as I hate jokes about this subject,
and all comedians make jokes about this subject, I'll tell
you the ad exactly the way the man says that
you've all seen this, you figured out. The man comes out,
he stands like this, and he says, preparation. H huh.
I will do this in a dignified manner. Preparation h
(04:09):
shrinks hemorrhoids. Now from here to here? Maybe an improvement?
All right, Well, you're still not walking around, you know,
I mean, I mean you may be able to roll over.
(04:33):
So you're not gonna win any dance contest tonight. I
can tell you that right now, this is a terrific
room to work. This is probably the best room in
Las Vegas. You know. See, when you first get started
in this business, you work so many strange places. One
of the first places ever worked was in Denver. I
did the Denver Playboy Club. Now I don't even be
sexists really, but many of the playboy bunnies have IQ
(04:56):
slightly below those of actual bunnies. You know, the band
nose from experience, Lady Galvin, I mean you go in
the lady's room, the little pellets on the floor.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
You know this is these people are coming.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Oh my mom always told me you can tell how
classy a place is by the washrooms you have. See
the washrooms they have here with fountains and people diving
in the tendons, swimming and all this kind of thing. See,
I'm always amazed that people that design public washrooms, because
I don't think these people have bathrooms in their own homes.
You know, you ever going to public washroom, The sink
is down here and the paper towels is about four
and a half feet higher than the sink. So when
you wash your hands, you go for towel of water
(05:37):
runs down your arm. See here they have towels, which
is a nice touch. So many places now trying to
be hip set ofing towels, have those stupid handblowers.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
They gotta staying words.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
People but handblowers and washrooms. Never assume that you might
want to wash your face. You've got to stand.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
There for twenty minutes with hot air.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
My eyes, it's my face dry, yet faces burned beyond recognition.
You know, let's pick up the girls, Larry. My retina melted.
And I have never seen anybody go the distance with
a hand blow. Huh. I see guys coming out of
the washrooms in five hundred dollars suits going.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
That's some of.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Them have been the washroom at the gas station.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
That's the lowest. I like, you feel like a crook.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Excuse me?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Can I have the key to the washroom? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Here it is done, this big ring, and don't try
to steal it.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I'less a human, very very nice, enjoy your day.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
We all.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Let you know what you didn't do.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I was watching and we were all laughing backstage. He
is one honey fell, but you didn't.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Go on here a little emasculated mic. I feel like
a man's mic should have a chord. All right, but
go ahead, I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
Whether any luck, we will cut your cord while you're
standing here any way, Jay, but you didn't do the
playboy boy.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I can't do that on television. You keep asking me
to do that.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
I you can't know. But in the Playboy clubs, that
always was my favorite part of the show. In the showroom,
when the little bunny would come out and introduce the acts.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
I always screw up the names. You know.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Our next act is mister J.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I said, no, honey, this is true. I said, it's
not mister J. I said, it's jay Lenolino. Is okay,
if you forget it, it's Jaylen wh I said, yeah,
that's fine, And they come out with the thing. Our
next act is it's too pave it.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
You're having a good time, and I'm having.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
A good time, having a good time.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I went to see one of the Elvis.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
This is getting in, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Down the strip here they had popular They had Alan
a tribute to Elvis. But it's getting so bad. Across
the street they have Carl a tribute to Alan. Have
you seen him?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Family here with you? Did your mom and dad? No,
they didn't come this time.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
I've told your story, you know, several times about your
girl and when you take her home, yeah, and you
and your mother doesn't know how to introduce her to
your friends.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Huh, that's true. This is you know, uh, my girlfriend.
My mother's a little embarrassed that we're living together. Time
she introduced us to name, but she said, well.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
This is my son Jay and his h.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
A lot of moms know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Does your girl mind that that she's known as No No?
Soon she will be missus. So that'll be did they
come to see Perry co?
Speaker 4 (09:01):
They must have come to see you with Perry.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I gotta tell you a story and my mother, my
mother will get mad at me for telling the story.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
This is a true story, just to show you.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
We were working, you know, Garden State Arts Center in
New Jersey.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
That's a beautiful theater in New Jersey.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And I got my mama's seat right in the front right.
So at the concession stand they sell boxes a chocolate
chip cookies. So my mom goes up, she buys a
box of chocolate chip cookies and she comes. He puts
the stuff in her seat, and she comes backstage to
talk to me. So we talk a little bit and
I said, well, my o, the show is gonna start,
you know, you better get out there.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
She goes, ohky, So she goes.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Back to her seat and a guy sitting next to
her is eating the chocolate chip cookies.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
You know.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So my mother is not the type to say anything,
you know. She sits there and she's getting madder and madder,
and I'm on stage, you know, and I'm kind of
watching this, and she's so Finally she just reaches in
the guy's boxy and eats one of the cookies, you know,
and the guy looks at her, you know, and he
eats a cookie, and then my mother she eats one, and.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Then he eats one.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
This goes back and forth, and I'm watching this from
the stage, and there's one cookie left and the guy
breaks it in half and he kind of offers it
to my mom.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
My mother is getting angry and she goes, he's that cookie.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You know. So the show ends, I said, lame, gentlemen,
I made fine. Ever, they asked my mom. So they
give her a nice round applause. Mother's like, as well,
the man will apologize now, and the guy still doesn't apologize,
and my mother goes n givesn't this mean? Looking comes backstage,
I said, what's going on? She's telling me a story
about the rude man. And she's telling me the story.
She opens a purse and they ask her box of cookies.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Oh oh, she benieagan guy's cookies for about an hour
and a half.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Oh So, whenever I come on your show, I always
call my mother and say that guy's watching him.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
He seems like such a nice follow but his mother
is the rudest woman.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
That is as bad a story as a friend of
mine who was going down the subway in New York
to work one day about eight thirty in the rush hour,
and he reached to get a dollar out of his
wallet and realized that the wallet was gone, and he
had felt this guy bump into him. And he saw
the guy rushing to the turnstile, so he jumped over
the turnstile. The subway doors were opened, the guy jumped
(11:03):
on the subway doors closed, he was outside. He reached
in and grabbed the guy by the sleeve, pulled hard
as the subway was leaving, and pulled the guy sleeve
right off. And there he is standing with a sleeve
and no wallet, and he's furious. He gets the office
and calls his wife. He said, you can't believe what
happened to me on the subway. She said, how did
you get on you left your wallet at home.
Speaker 5 (11:26):
He's got the guy sleeve. He ought to meet your
mother with a cookies, but in New York they forget
about it. In our Jay, it is great to share
a stage with you. You're the best, jaylen En.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
We'll be back.