Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boy, there are some stupid jobs beside mine. I find
out out every day. I'm driving my car. The other day,
here this guy come on the radio and he says,
eat delicious clean peaches. A message from the California Cling
Peach Advisory Board, the Clean Peach Advisory Board. What kind
of cushy ass job is it. You're gonna imagine the
(00:23):
life and death decisions they must make down there on
a daily basis. Yeah, mister Johnson, we got a man
online nine. He wants to have clean peaches with corn flakes. Yeah,
I got no problem with that. Yeah, that's fine. I
got Atlanta Superstation. Anybody he ever been to Atlanta? I'll
tell you something. Atlanta is a terrific town, but thanks
(00:44):
to late night TV, it's getting a terrible reputation. Why
do all stupid products come from Atlanta? Against you Night's
bamboo steamers, Slim Whitman records, like they took the whole
country of Taiwan stuck in the middle of Georgia somewhere.
You know, anybody got against her knife come with a
fifty year guarantee, like you're gonna go back in twenty
(01:04):
twenty nine. I'll just grow, you know, I like about
the Gamester Knight cuts through anything? Would steel, plastic, metal, iron,
rubber cuts through anything? Then? As have you auto? Now
that is any absolutely free to additional knives? What fo
you got a knife that'll cut through everything? What are
you gonna do? Cut out the other two nights? My
(01:25):
favorite pole Peel's pocket fishermen. Ah, and I see we
have a lot of true outdoorsmen here tonight. I think
how great will be when they come out with those
pocket fish should go along with her? What a stupid idea?
A fishing pole you carry around in your pocket? Where
are you possibly gonna use this? Like you stand in
(01:46):
the line at the movies. We got a few extra minutes, honey,
those sends buying that expensive candy. I'll just catch some bats.
We came from the end. You know what's disappointing to
me why the big stars I like Glenn Ford, I
like George Kennedy. Why do they have to try and
sell these sleeze ball insurance policies to the elderly? Are
(02:09):
you fifty to eighty and thinking about life insurance? Come on,
what eighty year old guy is just thinking about life insurance?
You know, honey, our children are in their sixties now,
and well, God forbid if we ever had that motorcycle accident. See,
I just want to know those kids are taken care of, huh,
(02:30):
and the benefits of your hospitalized. I pay you fifty
dollars a day cash, fifty dollars. How you gonna spend
that kind of dough at a hospital? Ah, you want
to put an extra stitch in my head, doc, I'm
getting fifty a day. Okay, here's an extra two bucks.
You split that with a head surgeon. Go on there there. Hey,
that's not all. They'll pay you fifty dollars every day hospitalized,
(02:53):
regardless of length of stay. Let's be honest. As soon
as his hospital finds out you're only getting fifty bucks
a day, you're not gonna be hospitalized too much longer.
All right, pow, he'll be in a rollaway bed in
the parking lot. By the time I'm watching TV, I
see an ad for Grecian formula. The man in the
ad has white hair. The next day he has black hair.
(03:17):
Nobody seems to notice this major phenomenon. He goes to
the office secretary says, I look younger. The boss wonders
if I've lost weight. Here's a company gonna wind up
on the fortune five hundred and a half. It says,
right on the bottle, no one will know you're using it.
If nobody knows I'm using it? Why am I paying
(03:39):
for this shit? In the fresh blad I flew in,
you know, And I was thinking about this in the wing.
I flew in on American Airlines and they always get like,
do you work for American Airlines? Now? What do you
do for them? Sir? You fly? You're a pilot. You
just fly. I guess you mean when you mean when
the pilot you sneak the planes out at night? Is he?
Do you mean to now? What do you mean? You fly?
(04:01):
You a steward on the plane? Oh? I see. Let
me ask you about that American Airlines magazine that they have.
You ever see this and it says this is free
take one if you has anybody ever taken one of
those out of a plane. I'm curious. And they always
have those controversial articles like Walt Disney Man of Vision.
(04:21):
You know what I like is the American I like
is the American Airlines gift catalog. I'm looking through that thing.
I'm looking to the gift catalog and they have a
Sony nineteen inch Trinitron color TV. Who buys a color
TV from American airlines? Bad enough? You pay full list
and wait eighteen weeks for delivery? What are you doing?
This thing breaks? Just stand in line at baggage claim?
(04:43):
Could you take a look at the horizontal hole on
this for me? There? I see? Oh, this is a
good crew. How's that camera? What happened to the camera boys,
the Gavone brothers? What happened down here? What happened you guys?
Run out of film? I guess there was a union
saying I will break every nine minutes? Is that the thing? Now? Fellas?
(05:03):
These guys are almost too easy? I can't, I can't.
So that looks like a good group you have here tonight.
Let's see, how are you two gentlemen doing the night?
Pretty good shape? I guess the girls are probably stuck
in traffic. Huh they should. There'll probably be along any
(05:25):
minute now there. Now, what kind of work you do sir?
This gentleman here? Are you really an undertaker? No, you
don't really do that. You see the new rules now
for undertakers? Now they changed it. Now they're no more,
you know, bow speakers in the funerals and no more
the air cushion insole things, and they change all that.
How about you say, what do you do an agent?
(05:48):
What kind of an agent to a real estate? Not secret?
I guess no, this is I don't care. Are you
from andover? Did you go to end of high school?
I guess he has no reason to finish? I guess
huh not not in this day and age with MTV?
What do you need high school? You know? I see now?
(06:13):
In fact, Stoffers has a line of MTV dinners. Have
you seen these? It's just a little tray of frozen drugs.
You just kind of sit there and wait for the
thaw and joah, what up? What is that? Sheer madness? Listen,
they may have weapons. I'm gonna try and keep them
(06:34):
talking until the authorities arrive later. And gentlemen, d man,
how about you said, what do you do chemical sales?
You know? Live in Whooping Bunny? Chance? Do you say? Huh?
Maybe late at night? Ah? Just dump his shit off
here and get home. Ah, come on, the wife's waiting
(06:54):
for me. Give me that thing of dioxint? Here we go? Yeah, yeah,
just now, what kind of chemical? Serious? Just a door
to door thing for you pretty much. You're just chemical sales,
that's see, that's a fascinating chemicals. What do you do?
What do you do? You work for an investment advisor? Now,
(07:15):
see that's one of the jobs I'm talking about. See investor.
You can go to work and go home nobody knows
you were there at least a fire. Hey it's still burning,
Get back in there. The hell is that? Investment? Now? Investments?
You know, that's a classically American job stock vocal, you know,
because it's one of the few jobs we can sell
shit that doesn't belong to you and not go to
jail for. What else did we got? How about you, sir?
(07:39):
I see you have a jacket and tie, obviously your
first time here. What uh? What kind of work you do? TV?
I see? What do you do on TV? Sir? What
is that? Producer? And I guess you put out oil
fires on weekends too? Just trying to get laid out?
You say, I produce producer on TV? How about you, sir?
(08:05):
What do you do? Sir? You what you're looking for work?
What kind of job you're looking for? Maybe we can
help you out tonight. Banking you want a job in banking?
What job do you want when the line gets too long?
You want them to close another window? That kind of jobs.
Who has that job in the bank? Whenever the line
(08:25):
starts to get short, go to lunch, Betty, go to lunch, Bob,
they should be out the door. Yeah, it's banking. How
about you, sir? What do you do? Producer for k
Tel Records in Atlanta? Well, that's a pretty popular job there, sir,
as you can sell what else that we got? Yeah?
(08:47):
How about you? What do you do? A flight attendant?
What airline? US? There? We got an American guy over here?
The US there. That's the one that shows the silent movie,
isn't it? As? I remember? Why is it? When you fly?
Pilots always have pilot names. You ever know that he
(09:08):
got on a plane them out a way you go,
and you always hear that Hi is your pilot, Mike
Tiger will be flying to New York. Hi's your pilot,
Jim Hunt. You know you you never get Angelo Boobah
flying a plane anyway. Huh, we're going to the oct
todet am I let's go. How about you, dear? What
do you do radio news? You mean like two radios
(09:28):
were broken today when they were dropped from a that
kind of thing, anything involving radios. I guess you're right there.
I guess a broken dioute of blown vacuum tube. You're
right in there with the story. Huh, all right, I
see radio news all right now, aren't you youngsters? The
(09:48):
Beatles woke me out. I know I'm getting old boy.
And I remember seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan eighth
grade I was in when he had Beatles him. Here's
a hard question for you. The Beatles around Ed Sullivan.
But who was the comedian that went on before the Beatles.
Here's a dream show business job. Huh, how would you
(10:09):
like Alan King? Alan King went on, Ed Sullivan said,
right before the Beatles, mister Alan King, and just having
one hundred and twenty two million American teenagers going fuck,
it was a horrible It's a terrible job, you know.
(10:30):
And I said, oh, I feel sorry for that guy.