The Genie by William Quincy Belle

A tale that shows even time-worn entities like genies in lamps can be modernized.

William Quincy Belle is just a guy. Nobody famous; nobody rich; just some guy who likes to periodically add his two cents worth with the hope, accounting for inflation, that $0.02 is not over-evaluating his contribution. He claims that at the heart of the writing process is some sort of (psychotic) urge to put it down on paper and likes to recite the following which so far he hasn't been able to attribute to anyone: "A writer is an egomaniac with low self-esteem." You will find Mr. Belle's unbridled stream of consciousness here (https://www.amazon.com/stores/William-Quincy-Belle/author/B01M1IQ69G).  https://WilliamQuincyBelle.com

Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash

You can read "The Genie" at https://www.kaidankaistories.com.
Other stories by William Quincy Belle featured on the Kaidankai are:
The Fourteen-Fourteen Curse

Website: kaidankaistories.com
Please feel free to contact me through the website contact form.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the k K Podcast, where the eerie, the mysterious,
and the spine chilling come alive in stories that linger
long after the last word is spoken. I'm your host,
Linda Gould, and today I'm reading The Genie by William
Quincy Bell. It's a tale we're all aware of. We've

(00:30):
heard countless times, and we've even seen television versions of
the wish granting Genie, but you haven't heard it the
way William Quincy Bell tells it. William Quincy Bell is
just a guy. Nobody famous, nobody rich, just a guy
who likes to periodically add his two cents worth, with
the hope accounting for inflation. He says that two cents

(00:53):
is not over evaluating his contribution. He claims that at
the heart of the writing process is some sort of
psychotic urged to put it down on paper, and he
likes to recite the following, which so far he hasn't
been able to attribute to anyone. A writer is an
egomaniac with low self esteem. You can find Bell's website
and Amazon store in the episode description. So now dim

(01:17):
the lights, settle in, and prepare yourself for The Genie
by William Quincy bell Enjoy. Kelly stood at the entrance
and surveyed his new apartment. What a find, Heck, what

(01:38):
a steal. This was the perfect location in a great neighborhood,
and he couldn't ask for more. On top of it,
the moving company did a great job of getting everything
across town at the last minute and arranging the major
pieces of furniture. All he had to do was deal
with the smaller things and his personal stuff. Could life

(01:59):
get any better than this? He walked into the kitchenet
and opened several cupboards. It would take some thought to
figure out how to arrange his dishes, utensils, and cooking items.
He peeked inside a side cupboard extending to the floor,
the perfect spot for brooms and such. He frowned. There
on the floor, toward the back was an old cardboard box.

(02:23):
The previous owner must have missed it. Kelly picked it
up and carried it to the living room. He set
it on the coffee table and sat in an easy chair.
Pulling the flaps up, he peered into the box and
removed various items a rolling pin, several sponges, a flower vase,
and a plastic tray of utensils. At first glance, none

(02:43):
of this seemed of any value, certainly nothing he could use.
Getting rid of the box would be first on the list.
When he put out his garbage and recycling, something metallic
caught his attention. He reached into the box and pulled
out a handheld oil lamp. To be kidding me, he
said out loud. It was a Middle Eastern style, an

(03:04):
Aladdin magic lamp. Kelly chuckled. Should he rub it now?
This might be something worth keeping the rest of the
stuff he'd throw out, But the lamp had a novelty
aspect to it and would make for a good conversation piece.
He turned it over, looking for a clue to its origin.
There didn't seem to be any markings, not even a

(03:25):
price tag. He eyed it thoughtfully, shrugged, and then rubbed
the side of it. Blue smoke poured out of the spout,
and Kelly gasped. He shoved the lamp on the table
and jerked back, wide eyed as a cloud billowed throughout
the room. Waving his hands, he coughed as a pungent

(03:45):
aroma filled his nostrils. The blue smoke dissipated and Kelly's
vision cleared. He looked at the lamp, then glanced at
the box and the other items on the table. He
looked up. A man lay on his Holy crap. Kelly
jumped up from the chair and backed away, keeping his
gaze fixed on the intruder. Who the hell are you?

(04:07):
How did you get in here? The man lay full length,
his head propped up by the end arm. His eyes
were closed. Look at me, and look at me closely.
I'm wearing a turban. I have traditional Arabic shoes. He
wiggled one of his feet. Note the style of my

(04:29):
Middle Eastern attire. He motioned with one hand down the
length of his body. Who do you think I am?
Kelly gulped some air and took a step forward to
study the figure. This, this is impossible. The man opened
one eye and looked at him. Oh, ye of little faith.

(04:50):
He sat up and put his feet on the floor.
Kelly crouched, ready to sprint out the door. The man
lounged back, spread his arms out on the back of
the couch, and half smiled. I am Youhinna diab mutsen
Hussein Muddy, the all powerful, all knowing genie of the

(05:11):
eternal magic lamp. But you can call me Fred. He nodded,
at your service. Blah blah blah. Get out. This is
a gag. I'm being pranked, aren't I? Kelly looked around.
Is this being filmed? Fred let out a long sigh
and rolled his eyes. Oh boy, here we go again?

(05:34):
Or should I say here I go again? Kelly scowled,
What are you talking about? I always have to go
through this, and I find it tedious, go through what
having to convince you I'm the real deal. Convince me

(05:56):
whoever is the current owner of the lamp. They can't
believe I'm a genie. And we go through this, back
and forth, back and forth until I convince them I am,
in fact a genie. Magic blue smoke, grant wishes and
all that. Kelly stood upright and eyed the man suspiciously. Okay,

(06:20):
wise guy, can you prove you say who you are?
Fred held out his arm and a bunch of flowers
appeared in his clenched fist. Ah, a magician's sleight of hand.
You pulled that out of your sleeve. The flowers disappeared.
Kelly looked perplexed and held up his hand a bouquet
in his clenched fist whoa. He dropped the flowers and

(06:41):
backed up a step. How'd you do that? He stared,
wide eyed at the floor. Does the magician reveal his secrets?
Where's the magic in that? This is a load of bs,
Kelly said. A snort sounded behind Kelly. He whipped around
to find a horn. I'm to steer standing in the

(07:01):
middle of his kitchenette. The animal snorted again and defecated
with a loud PLoP on the linoleum floor. Still think
it's a load of ooo, Kelly winced and held his nose. Okay, okay, okay,
you've made your point. Make it disappear. Fred shrugged. The
animal was gone. Hey, what about the manure? Kelly pointed

(07:23):
to the kitchenette for crying out loud. Get rid of that,
Fred shrugged again. Magicians and animal acts have their problems.
If you gotta go, you gotta go. Hilarious, Fred said.
He sat down in the easy chair. So you're a genie, yep,

(07:46):
you grant wishes and all that. Well that I do. However,
plural has been downgraded to singular. Pardon, I don't grunt wishes.
I grant a wish, just one. Well, what happened to
three wishes, cutbacks, inflation, expenses have gone up. Kelly furrowed

(08:09):
his brow. I think you're pulling my leg. Fred gestured
toward him, and an invisible force tugged on his right leg,
pulling him forward on the chair. Hey, what are you doing?
You said I didn't wish it? Hm, true? Kelly straightened
up in the chair. So what do I wish for?

(08:31):
That is up to you. I can wish for anything,
anything at all. Well, how about a ton of cash? Sure? However,
a ton is a ton, and when I drop it
on you, you'll be crushed. Kelly opened his mouth, paused,

(08:51):
then shut it, and leaned back in the chair. Well
what if I ask for gold? That's fine, but have
to get it from someplace, and Fort Knox seems like
a good choice. Of course, I'll have to leave an
IOU with your name and address. Why I'm a genie,

(09:12):
not some petty theF jeez? Do you think I'm dishonest?
Kelly pursed his lips. I take it I have to
be specific when making a wish. What you say is
open to interpretation. A million bucks, a million mail reindeer, okay, okay,

(09:32):
a million dollars, a one dollar Bill copied one million
times good for the charge of counterfeiting. Okay, I mean
one million dollars, all different and legitimate, one million Zimbabwe
dollars currently equal to about twenty eight hundred dollars us.

(09:54):
Kelly stared at Fred. You're an evil genie, aren't you.
I told you that what you say is open to interpretation. Well,
either you're not too bright or you're mean. No need
to be insulting how to win friends and influence genies.
You're going to make this difficult for me, Kelly said,

(10:17):
Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Well, how about
Kelly tapped his index finger on the arm of the
easy chair. How about making me the richest guy in
the world. I transport you to an uninhabited world, and
you are now the richest person, the only one but
the richest. Immortality doable, although you didn't also ask for

(10:46):
eternal youth. So one hundred years from now you'll be
a walking skeleton with the last remnants of flesh rotting
off your bones. Oh well, that sounds quite unpleasant. Well,
you pay the price for your folly, the folly of
not being specific, Kelly said, you're catching on. Exasperated, Kelly

(11:07):
waved his hand at Fred. Well, why can't you grant
my wish? Why can't you do something nice for me?
Be careful what you wish for, meaning there may be
unintended consequences. Nothing in life is free, and nobody should

(11:27):
look for the easy way out. True rewards don't come
from wishes. They come from desire, purpose, and hard work.
Are you a philosopher, Genie Kelly asked. Fred tilted his
head in reflection. I've seen a lot. How long have
you been doing this? A few millennia? You've seem kind

(11:51):
of cynical. I've seen people at their worst, egotistical, self centered, greedy,
power hungry, a complete lack of compassion, no sympathy, certainly
no empathy, and an ignorant about life that is astounding.
They're short sighted and just plain stupid. It's hard to

(12:12):
believe humans are at the top of the food chain.
You seem jaded. It's hard not to be. Is that
why you interpret what I say so literally? Is that
why you want to sabotage my wish? Bad things happen
to bad people. Well, I like to think I'm not bad,

(12:36):
Kelly said. Let's say you're not perfect. Well, who is
do I deserve to be punished for it? Am I
supposed to be all merciful? Stuff happens If you stick
your finger in a light socket, you get electrocuted. Ignorance
or stupidity is no excuse in the theory of evolution.

(12:59):
It's a way of weeding out the week and unfit.
Kelly stared at Fred, prompting the genie to ask, what, well,
this isn't my lucky day? Why not you found this
nice apartment? Things seemed to be looking up while I
was talking about you. I'm here to fulfill your wish. Well,

(13:23):
now I'm wondering why the last tenant left your lamp behind.
Kelly pursed his lips. She wished to be happy? And
and what well did you make her wish come true?
Is she happy? Oh? Very much so? Kelly squinted, Well,

(13:49):
what did you do? How did you interpret her wish? Well,
let's say, for a scump was a happy guy. For
a scumpump, at least he wasn't sad. What do you mean?
Kelly paused, Wait, did you make her dumber? Did you

(14:11):
give her an IQ of seventy five? Oh? I think
she's quite content now. Certainly, politics is of no importance
to her. Besides, who can follow that stuff anyway? It's
enough to wipe the smile off any face in just
a second. Kelly said, she wishes to be happy, and
your interpretation is to make her as dumb as for

(14:34):
as gump. Hey, you make the wish, I interpret how
to fulfill it. You're dangerous. I'm just doing my job. Well,
I'm gonna make a wish and you're gonna royally screw
me just doing my job. And just what exactly is
that job? You seem to be more of a bad

(14:55):
genie than a good one. With a change of clothes,
i'd be calling you the devil. Uh No, different department.
Kelly glanced around, rubbing his chin. The genie asked Penny
for your thoughts, I think I'll ask you to go
back in the lamp. What about your wish? I don't
trust you. I'll do exactly what you say. Yeah, that's

(15:22):
what I'm afraid of. Kelly picked up the lamp. Do
I just rub it a second time? That would do it?
And I'll add that you're making the right choice. I wonder.
Kelly said, how many innocents over the ages have found
themselves in undesirable circumstances. Oh, they weren't innocent, believe me. Yeah,

(15:51):
I'll take your word for it. I'll get on with
the rest of my life all on my own. In
the long run, the genie said, you'll have a better
sense of accomplishment. Nobody values anything they get for free.
But if you work hard, struggle, even your eventual success
will be all that much more satisfying. Kelly laughed. In

(16:14):
that get up, I can see you as a spiritual guru,
sitting on a mountaintop somewhere, or spouting wisdom to all
those who dare make the pilgrimage. Fred chuckled, too, have
a good life, Kelly. He rubbed the lamp and the
genie disappeared on a cloud of blue smoke. Kelly stared
at the lamp for a moment, then put it back
in the box. He rode the elevator down to the

(16:36):
building garbage room and left the box just inside the door.
Maybe another resident could make use of the items. He
put his hand on the door handle to exit and stopped.
He took the lamp out of the box and tossed
it into an industrial bin marked garbage. When Kelly got
back to his apartment a Chinese food delivery guy who

(16:58):
was knocking on the door across the hall. A flustered
man answered, oh my god, I forgot about this. He
reached for his wallet quick. How much do I owe you?
Kelly opened the door to his apartment. Hey, you neighbor.
The man pointed at Kelly as he handed the delivery
man several bills. Do you want a free dinner? Um? Pardon,

(17:19):
Kelly said, My wife's water just broke and I have
to get her to the hospital right away. She wasn't
due for another two weeks. But then bingo, we're off
the delivery. The man thrust the large paper bag into
Kelly's hands and disappeared back into his apartment. The delivery
man grinned at Kelly and headed down the hall to
the elevators. A man and woman came out of the apartment,

(17:41):
and the man locked the door. It's okay, honey, we're
only about ten minutes away. I've already called the doctor,
so everything is set. They're waiting for us. The two
of them went down the hall to the elevators. Good luck,
Kelly said after them. He went inside and shut the door,
setting the bag on the kitchen tape. He pulled various
cardboard containers out, examining each one in turn. They all

(18:05):
smelled appetizing. At the bottom of the bag was a
white slip of paper the bill. Kelly picked it up
and read down the list twenty four dollars in total. Hmm,
this was a pleasant surprise. He hadn't yet figured out
what he's going to have tonight. Kelly turned the slip
over and there, written in blue ink was the message,

(18:26):
Dinner's on me. Fred Kelly looked in the direction of
his apartment door seriously. He looked again at the message,
chuckled and shook his head. He picked up a plastic
fork and opened the first container. I like how this

(18:47):
story took information that we all know so deeply and
turned it into a philosophical conversation. I mean, what Bell
wrote about is not new to us, right, but having
it laid out like that and showing exactly how words
can be misconstrued is actually helpful in all areas of life.

(19:11):
And I say that because recently I had a conversation
with someone and we ended up in kind of a
heated argument, only to find out that it was our
different understandings of the meaning of a particular word that
caused that argument and caused us to be kind of
talking parallel to each other. And that kind of thing

(19:31):
manifests when we're writing as well, because we are in
our story. We are so sure of everything that we
write in our story, of what the characters are doing,
of what someone says, and then when we ask someone
to read and they're like, yeah, this isn't not clear.
I mean, I can't understand this. It can kind of

(19:51):
be annoying. Sometimes you're like, well, this is why they
did it. In this story, though, the genie intentionally mischaracterized
he was asking for, and if you were like me,
you just wanted to kind of shake him a little
bit and say, you know, you know what he's asking for.
But no, that's the point. We know what we intend,
and we have personal definitions for things like happiness and wealth.

(20:15):
But Kelly's experience with the genie reflects that our struggles
with greed, ambition, and the fine print of our own desires.
So in the end, the story reminds us that true
fulfillment comes from effort, not magic. And that's just I mean, yes,
we all know it, but God, don't we need to

(20:35):
be reminded of that sometimes, so thank you William Quincy
Bell for that reminder. I have to ask, though, what
would you have done? Would you have done is Kelly
and just put the genie back in the bottle, or
would you think long and hard about what you would
ask for in a way that the genie couldn't screw up.
Check out the kaitan Kai substack to see what inspired

(20:58):
William Quincy Bell to write this story, and also please
subscribe to the podcast. More subscribers bring these stories to
more people. The Kai Tunkai also has a Facebook page,
and we're on Instagram and Blue Sky, and all that
information is in the episode description. So thank you so
much for listening today, and I'll see you next week