July 21, 2025 • 47 mins
Dr. Linda P. Chinn is a native of New London, CT who currently resides in Douglasville, GA. She fulfills her mission of uprooting and pulling down false belief systems in the lives of God's people to build them up by planting in them the incorruptible seed of the living Word through her various ministries. Dr. Chinn is an accomplished entrepreneur and the creator of Linda Chinn Ministries as well as the founder of Christian Women in Training Network.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Keeping It Real with Doctor Linda Chen. This
is the podcast where real life choices new Biblical truth
without the flock. Tune in every second and fourth Monday
at GWPM and Eastern Standard Time as Doctor Chen shares
faith filled, practical insights to navigate everyday challenges. Get ready
(00:21):
for real talk, real life and real answers.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Good afternoon, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. Welcome to another edition
of Keeping It Real with Doctor Lindaton on Audebelle Caring
to produce of the show. Hope you guys are having
a wonderful start to your Monday. We have a rainy
day here in Georgia, but that's okay because we can
enjoy the run just the same.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Today we got a.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Great show for you. It's called a Sanctity of relationships.
And let me just say this real quick. Without those,
we have nothing. Without relationships, relationship with people, good people,
and relationships with God, we have nothing. And I had
a conversation with someone just recently and they were talking
about the power of relationship, of relationships and how important
they are, and they are very important. So today doctor
Chen is gonna be talking about the sanctity of relationships.
(01:07):
So without further ado, let's bring it to the stage.
Good afternoon, how are you.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I'm good, can't complain, won't complain. You look good, you
look you look refreshed.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I think it's a yellow shirt. I've decided to put
on yellow cousins raining. I said, let me bring some
sunshine to this whole thing today.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I love it. How about to say, how you doing
doing well? Doing well? Just got back. I took my
leadership team on a retreat for a few days and
we just had a wonderful, wonderful time and uh, and
then I rested on you yesterday. So thank you for asking.
You're very welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Well, thank you for doing what you do. And I'm
sure your team appreciated that time away. And it's always
good to retreat and renew. So welcome back, and I
know you're ready to get started.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Thank you. Yes, you know. It's there's this wonderful timing
in God that I love. And I had a guest
already and we were getting the photos and everything together,
and it fell through, and I thought, Lord, well, you
know you and I talked about you know what I
was thinking about doing, and then I just started thinking
about relationships. As I was on the retreat and thinking
(02:19):
about the relationships and how long I had been serving
in ministry with one of the servants, and how many
years I'd been in a relationship with the other. And
you know, we sometimes take relationships for granted. And I
just heard the Lord say there is a sanctity of relationships.
(02:40):
And you know, we all know that there are many
different types of relationships, right, and then all of us
have multiple different types of relationship and multiple of similar
types of relationships. And you know, we have friendships based
on mutual things that we do, how we support one another,
(03:01):
and we share experiences together, life experiences, life, death, marriages, births, tragedies,
triumphs and all of those things. And they build relationships.
And you know, you got the romantic relationships where people
date or court however you do that, and where they're
(03:22):
attracted to one another and they start a relationship. And
then I thought about, this is a family relationship connecting
by blood or adoption or marriage, you know, and you know,
siblings and aunts and uncles and you know, and speaking
of family relationships, I want to if I'd like to
dedicate this episode to Malcolm Jamal Warner, where we learned
(03:45):
earlier today, and it was confirmed that he was on
a family trip with his with his family and drowned.
And you know, he just dropped a podcast a few
days ago called Not All Hood. But I thought about
him being with his family and the sanctity of that,
and not just the sanctity of it. I learned that
(04:06):
he kept in name. He had one child, I think
it was a daughter. That he kept their names private.
Why because of the sanctity of the relationship. So what
do I mean by this sanctity of relationships. It's the
state or the quality of being holy or sacred or sanctity.
(04:28):
And so for the purposes of this podcast, I like
to use the definition sacred right for this podcast, and
it means connected with God, or connected by God and
through God, or something that's dedicated to a religious or
for a religious purpose. But for the most part, the
(04:50):
sanctity of a relationship means it deserves some type of veneration,
meaning it deserves great respecta reverence. And there are relationships
that we have that deserve and have respect. And then
there's those relationships, Audrey, that we have that deserve and
(05:12):
command great respect. And that man had such great respect
for his wife and daughter that I believe that's due
to his industry. He decided to keep their names private, right, Yeah,
And so I don't think I'll speak for myself. I
don't think I think enough about the sacredness or the
(05:37):
sanctity of most of my relationships. And I don't think
like how much respect they deserve. We just kind of
go on in these relationships, right, I think unless and
until somebody in some way violates right the relationship across
(05:58):
the line. You know, when that sanctity or that sacredness
is broken, boundaries have to be revisited or new boundaries
have to be established, right, Because whether we realize it
or not, whether we stated or not, whether it's understood
(06:21):
or not, all relationships have some kind of boundaries. You agree,
I agree. You know you have boundaries in marriages, excuse me,
boundaries with your children, boundaries with co workers and so
forth and so on, and so we don't often think
(06:42):
about that enough until it's something almost that's nebulous. So,
for instance, we know that when you have relationships in
the workplace that you don't really You can have two
people who may be of the same religious belief but
you don't really discuss it at work. Respect that you have.
It could just be the policy company policy, but there's
(07:04):
that respect that you have for the company policies and
your business relationships that you just don't talk about them
in the office. You have those relationships where you have
some that are so close you can talk about money,
Like if you have a close friend and you're dealing
(07:25):
with some money issues and you're having financial challenges that
you can say that to certain friends because you have
that level of respect one for another. You have that integrity,
you have that honesty, you have that part of the
relationship where you know, I'm not gonna say anything to
anybody about you having problems with finances or why you're
(07:45):
having problems.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
You get what I'm saying, absolutely absolutely, And it's good
to have those type of relationships. I think about I
think about think about best friends, and I think about
I was telling my daughter. My daughter, I would say
I don't have any friends, and I will send to her, well,
I have friends, and I each one of them serve
a purpose in my life, that relationship and they all
have their purpose in my life.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
So that's really important. It is it is, and I've
been thinking a lot this year, as I minister quite
a bit in different places, but I think about lately,
particularly in social media and even some places where I've
been live, where other people are ministering and leaders are speaking,
(08:30):
there has been so much talk, if you will, of
one ministry talking about another ministry leader talking about the
way this one does at their church and the way
this one does it their ministry, and people sending videos
and what do you think of this video? What do
you think about this church? What do you think about
(08:52):
that pastor, what do you think about that pastor's husband
or wife? And what do you think about what they're
wearing and in the poolpen and all of these different things, right,
And I thought about that relationship where many of us
are talking about. Because of that, there's this division in
the Body of Christ. And while that is true to
(09:16):
some extent, I don't believe that all things when people
differ in ministry leadership and spiritual leadership and political leadership,
I don't believe all of it is division. And this
is what I mean is I was sitting quietly my
prayer room. I just I heard the Holy Spirit say this,
(09:37):
Not everything in the Kingdom of God and in ministry
is division. Some of it are just boundaries that have
been set. Doesn't mean that we're divided. We just have
boundaries that are set. Right. Even as great a man
as Moses was, God set a boundary where he could
(09:59):
lead the people. But he was not able to go
over into the promised Land himself. Not because what many
people think that he struck the rock twice. The Bible
doesn't say that. The Bible says that he failed to believe,
that he failed to sanctify God in the midst of
the people. That's why he couldn't go over right to
and see and experience of promise land for himself. And so,
(10:22):
but that did not sever his relationship or bring division
and his relationship with God. God put a boundary there
as a result of the consequences. Those are consequences of
him not sanctifying God right. And so, I think too
many times we don't think about the sanctity, the sacredness,
(10:43):
the goodness of relationships, and we sever sometimes when it's
not necessary. We cut people off because we're offended. We
stopped talking to people because we don't have enough respect
or honor or courage to address people. There is a
(11:06):
scripture A friend and I were talking about it today,
and we discuss in the Last Bible Study Christian women,
when the Bible teaches us, brethren, you which are spiritual,
if you see your brother or sister overtaken in a sin,
restore such a one in a spirit of meekness. We
don't do that. We don't we're not quick to restore
(11:28):
one another because we don't think about the sanctity of
the relationship as being brothers and sisters in Christ. We
go talk, we go talk about somebody, We talk about
each other. We say things like, well, what do you
think of this? And I didn't agree with that, and
we start conversations rather than going to the person, rather
(11:49):
than respecting the relationship and what the foundation of the
relationship was. And so really, I just want us to
be reminded that there is a sacredness to some degree
to all relationships. You can forgive people, like there's some
people I love and forget, but they can't come back
(12:10):
in my house. You're not welcome in my own I
love you, but you just can't come back into my space.
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
And I got a quick question for you. I've heard
this a lot. There are people who say stuff, and
I think it's passive aggressive aggressiveness. I just don't want
to put any energy into that. But they go in
they're mad forever, but they won't put any energy into
the relationship to find out what happened, why it happened.
I just want to put an energy into that. But
they're mad forever and there's no conversation around it. What
(12:43):
do you say to those people? Because I hear that
a lot, and I got to sleep on it. I
got to pray on I got to lay on it,
I got to download it, and in my mind, I'm thinking,
just say it.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Anger is energy. Anger is energy, and it can be misguided.
It needs a place to go. All energy needs a
place to go. Energy really is movement and when it
takes energy to hold anger. I had a very dear,
(13:13):
very very dear person to me just last week talk
about how they hold grudges and you know, no, I'm
not like that. And they were talking about their brother
and their sister and how they're quick to forgive, and
I said there, and I said, you can't live like that.
You can't sit on the phone and call yourself a
believer and a Christian. And I have a real close
(13:34):
relationship where I can say this to this person and
tell me when you know that scripture says if you
won't forgive, neither will your father in heaven forgive you.
It takes energy to hold grudges and anger, and so
oftentimes that comes out of fear. When people say things
like that, they're afraid to address the issue with the person.
(13:55):
They're afraid of what they might say with the other person.
Say they're afraid they may have to address a fault
in themselves. Right, we all have faults, you understand what
I'm saying. Or it could be pride just too arrogant,
just too prideful to address the fact that maybe you're wrong,
(14:16):
maybe maybe you messed up. Yeah, yeah, And so it's
it's not good to disregard relationships. In fact, I submit
today that it's very important to to think about all
of the relations that relationships that you have, and by this,
(14:40):
this is what I'm saying, think about even the relationships
that are toxic. Right, we have, we have some toxic
relationships that maybe they need to be severed. Those things
that are not good for your health, those those relationships
where people manipulate you, where they're imbalanced, and you're always
the heavy, You're always paying for the meal, you're always
(15:03):
having to pick them up, you're always having to go
places and do the work, and you're always having to
make up for something that somebody else did. And maybe
you're the emotional one, the one doing all the physical work,
and the one bearing the most harm seemingly in toxic relationships,
and so we have to evaluate them. There's really nothing
(15:25):
sacred about toxicity.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, right, right, absolutely absolutely, But you know, I feel
like sometimes people can't even recognize toxic relationships because they've
been in them so long. It's just like it's a
part of my everyday life.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Now, that's well said, and that's something to be thought about,
and that's why we should evaluate relationships. And if you
have a real relationship with God, he will allow you
to hear correction, even from other people may not feel good,
but me personally, I love correction. I embrace I embrace
(16:08):
correction because I want to be on the right course.
You know, my baby sister said something to me a
couple of weeks ago, and I thought about it and
I'm like, you know what, she's absolutely right. But then
I evaluated, why did she have to address the thing
that she addressed what was making me behave and do
the thing that I was doing right. And it really
(16:29):
was something that was simple, something I could easily give up,
something that didn't mean a lot to me. It was
just a place where I was slipped. Now, the slope
is slippery, so you need someone to tell you you
know you're slipping right, Yeah, you headed down that slippery slope.
And so I value that relationship. I have six siblings,
(16:52):
and I greatly respect those relationships with all of my siblings,
greatly respect them. I have relationship with coworkers or former
co workers that I have respect for and even great
respect for, but I don't necessarily have a reverence for them.
(17:13):
You understand what I'm saying, m H. I think we
sometimes have reverential relationship with people that we only know virtually,
that we have virtual experiences within, that we hold it
such a high standard and venerate them and kind of
(17:36):
make idols out of them. I think we we should
really evaluate the things that we support, right, like grief
groups and AA and gambles anonymous. Those are kind of
relationships that are built on like a mutual encouragement and
mutual care mutual incident or circumstance, right, excuse me. I
(17:58):
respect my relationship with my doctor, but I do my
own research. I respect her education, I respect her knowledge,
I respect her experiences, but I go and I do
my own research. You understand what I'm saying, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Absolutely, because at the end of the day, they are
still human and so and they see a lot of
people and they help a lot of people. So sometimes
things can fall through the cracks. I totally understand.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
That things can fall to the through the cracks. But
I think we should really take time and sit quietly
and decide what are the great relationships that deserve my
great respect That maybe I haven't given respect to that,
Maybe I haven't given honor to that. Maybe I got
too familiar with that person and don't respect them the
(18:49):
way that I should, don't honor the gift that they
really are in my life, that I don't really respect
and honor the what they add to my very life,
to my every existence, to my being, how much they
have poured into me, how much wisdom. How many times
I go to them for wise counsel and they don't
(19:10):
turn me down, and they always give me advice that
didn't come to them free that didn't come to them freely.
You're a person I don't I don't bother you unless
I really really don't know what I'm doing, like like
I'm really in a mind or time is of essence
(19:31):
and I can't figure something out because I do greatly
honor our relationship. You understand what I'm saying absolutely, And
there's a difference. There are godly connections where God will
introduce you and meet and you'll meet somebody and you
know God brought you together. And then there's those connections
(19:55):
that are only held together by God and that only
that is very, very sacred. Other than my marriage, my
relationship with God, my marriage, I have this relationship with
my prayer partner. She and I've been prayer partners well
over two decades, and I can count the time on
(20:18):
probably one hand over these well over twenty years where
she and I have socialized and fellowshipped just the two
of us. We just don't do it. We've tried, but
inevitably God will intervene, and we have come to the
conclusion that the prayer relationship is so sacred that God
(20:43):
does not want it tainted by any outside conversation. That
we may have because it is easy to mix what
is a fleshly, earthly worldly of low value in will
something that is sacred. And that's why it's important to
(21:04):
value and evalue, eate our relationships. Perhaps you are mixing
something earthly and ungodly with something that should be sacred.
Perhaps you're talking too much outside of your marriage. Your
marriage is sacred. It is holy matrimony right between man
(21:29):
and woman. That's what it is. It's holy matrimony. And
sometimes we mix and mingle too much in sacred relationships
because we don't greatly respect them.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Doctor Chang, can you speak to having respect enough for
relationships to let them go? I remember, I think it
was last year. I was sitting outside on my back
porch and I was saying, God, I need you to
move all relationships from my life, that we should see
me fail, do me harm, and bring me bad energy. Now.
I said that prayer out loud, just like I'm talking
(22:03):
to you, right, and God started moving things. But here's
the thing I forgot, I said it, doctor Chen. And
so when people started dropping away, I'm like, I was
feeling bad, like, oh my God, what's happening. So but
then I had to go back and think, oh wait,
you asked for this. So sometimes there are relationships that
you should just respect enough to let go, but people
(22:23):
don't know how to. Can you talk about that a
little bit?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Yes, yes I can, and just by giving you Actually
an example of a relationship that I had with a mentee,
and the relationship got to be where they were pulling
on me so much that I began to get drained,
and we would pray and have Bible studying so much
(22:47):
so forth. But then I realized that this person was
not putting energy into the things they needed to to
grow the relationship. I was always going to be that.
I was always going to be the one who was giving.
I was always going to be the one where I
could never draw. Even a mentor should be able to
(23:08):
gain something from a mentee. If you're teachable, you should
be able to gain something from your protege and or
your mentee. And so I respectfully and I had the conversation.
I said, look, this relationship is not growing, and I
don't think we're good for each other anymore, and so
I gave a date after this time, we will no
(23:31):
longer be mentor and mentee. And it bothered them to
the point where they began actually harassing me, right and so,
but I had enough respect for that person because you're
not growing. If I am your mentor and you're not growing,
I'm not doing you any good. I have enough respect
for you and enough respect for my time that this
(23:55):
we need to sever this relationship. It's about having a conversation.
And nine times out of ten, they're not gonna be
easy conversations, but they're necessary and they feel better versus
something you lop off unnecessarily. There are some things you
(24:16):
have you can snip off piece by piece and gradually
cut off, and there's some things you have to just
lop off, whether they really you understand what I'm saying,
Some things you have to just lop off and have
enough respect for yourself, enough respect for your time and
your energy the other person's time, because you actually could
(24:37):
be a hindrance to someone else's growth if you're holding
on mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
H If if you are in a relationship with anybody
and you see the relationship has changed, and you know
you haven't done anything different, who should be the one
make that first step to find out what happened to
their relationship?
Speaker 3 (24:56):
The person that changed or you the person on whom
God lays, on whom God lays the issue's heart. Now,
Scripture tells us, if your brother we say it wrong. Oftentimes,
if you have aught with your brother before you, you know,
give your offering, you go and settle it with your brother.
Scripture says, if your brother has aught with you right,
(25:17):
and you settle it right between you and your brother
before you give your offering. And so if God lays
it on your heart, to go, whether you're right or wrong,
whether you're at fault or not at fault, whether you
don't really know which one is at fault, and God
lays it on your heart, go and reconcile. Then go
and reconcile. Just go and reconcile. And if you never
(25:39):
speak again, you can agree in your heart. Well it's okay,
whether the matter is settled or not. We are so
afraid to talk to human beings. We have so much
virtual content and virtual connection that we don't even know
how to have a conversation one with the other. We
(26:01):
run from it. We'll text it versus calling somebody right,
We'll dance around it, we'll hint around it, but we
won't just come right out and say, that's what I
love about correction. If I did something, tell me. If
(26:23):
I didn't do something, but you feel I did, tell me,
it's courage. It's lack of courage. We lack so much
courage and integrity and love in relationships because it's easy
to keep people at arm's length. It's easy to read
(26:43):
into a text. Right, So evaluate yourself, evaluate myself, is
what I'm saying. And I think about the relationships, and
that's where I am now. Had a wonderful relationship with
a friend to day and just talking about a family
(27:04):
member's role in the ministry and and so forth, and
you know, way, maybe it wasn't always it wasn't didn't
come out as my friend expected, but we now know
the truth. See we now my friend knows the truth
and can pray differently, strategize differently, plan differently, think differently,
(27:26):
ponder truth. It's truth that you know that makes you free.
The truth you know, you don't know the truth, You
may you may never be free. Yeah yeah, yeah, mm hmmm.
So I value relationships. I value every relationship that I have.
(27:48):
Now there's another relationship that we should evaluate, that codependency,
right where one person's need dominates the relationship. It just
a need potentially, you know, it creates like an unhealthy dynamic.
It's almost like the person where you see them come,
(28:11):
you're like, oh my god, like you really hate to
see them coming. When you when you see their name
come up on your call, you're like, oh my god.
Sometimes you'll answer, sometimes you feel like you should answer
and you need to answer. But that code dependency, that neediness,
and that's any bout a relationship that needs to be evaluate.
(28:31):
Where is the sanctity in that? Do you should you
have the conversation with the person in that? I don't
answer as much because I feel like you're tugging on
me too much. I feel like you're needing of me
too much. Not not doesn't feel good. But then I
would say, well, maybe I am needy. Maybe maybe maybe
(28:53):
I am just looking for attention. Do you respect the
relationship enough to receive the fact that maybe I'm just
being too needy? Hmm right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
I It was funny because I had a conversation with
one of my friends, I think it was Saturday, and
we were talking about being married and being cold dependent.
What do you say to that group? Because you know,
if you're with somebody for a long time. It's easily
become cold dependent on the other person.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
It's very easy.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
And then you find yourself looking mirroring just what they
do in their mirroring just what you're doing, and everything
is just kind of stuck in limbo right there. And
we had that and it was funny because we were talking.
I think she was talking about we were talking about
cleaning the house, right and my house. Her house is empty,
and my house is empty too, but she was saying,
how something about something about stuff being spacked on her
kitchen counter. Anyway, we talked about how you can become
(29:48):
cold dependent on your partner, and your partner can become
cold dependent on you to the point where you gots
start mirroring each other and nothing changes, everything just stays
the same.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
What do you say to like couples who are like that, Well,
call dependency is when one need, one person's needs dominates
the other right where you keep pulling and pulling and pulling.
In marriage, it should be inter dependency, right, it should
be interdependency. I'm depending on you for this, you depend
on me for this. I'm depending on you in this
(30:20):
particular time, and you're depending on me for this. I
may normally be the one to take out the garbage.
Well I need you to take out the trash this
sweek because I got this. So it's this inter connection.
They're interdependent. If you're married and one person's needs dominates
the other, suppose you have an ill spouse and maybe
(30:40):
one and you're taking care of a loved one because
they're ill, and maybe their physical needs and personal needs
may be more dominant. You still have to have enough
time for yourself. You have to have that great respect.
That's that's the sanctity of that holy matrimony and sickness
and and help rich and for poor, for sick, you
(31:01):
know what, for better or for worse. That is the sanctity,
that great respect that you have for one another where
you can have the conversation. And I'll give you another
example of a sanctity of a relationship that I've evaluated
and thought about. I have a niece very close to
(31:22):
this niece who is in ministry. And as she grow
grows and began to grow more and more as a
grown woman as a mother, as a wife, and and
and even into ministry. When we became really close, this
all wasn't going on in her life, and as I
(31:44):
watched the growth, the Holy Spirit would have me pull
back on things that I would freely say because he's
He would say to me, you know, she's a grown woman.
Like she's a grown woman. You you can't just say
those things because she's not a young lady anymore. Where
she needs to hear you say that she is a
(32:04):
minister of the Gospel, and you have to have a
greater respect for her place in the Kingdom than you
did as if you will a lay person where you
are now co laboring in this thing. You understand what
I'm saying. So a lot of great respect for their
(32:25):
spiritual leaders because they see them working harder, praying more,
doing more weddings, funerals and baptism and dedications and all
of that. And they have this great respect for the
time the energy that they put in. And I need
to pull back on my neediness of them. I need
to not be so familiar with them and treat them
(32:48):
like a friend. It could be we could have grown
up in grade school and high school together, but God
has elevated this person in the kingdom. I'm not just
talking about titles and all that, saying that I'm talking
about kingdom authority to where I need to pull back
and I just can't. You know, yo, doll, what's up?
And this and that and the other thing. God is saying,
(33:10):
I need you to hold this person at a different
level of respect, because that's who they are in me.
That's who they are in me. The people who Paul
was with when he was pillaging the church and holding
cults respected him differently when he as he was anointed
as by Christ and taught by Christ to plant churches.
(33:34):
Now he's a leader and overseer of all these different churches.
We must evaluate the sanctity and the level of respect
we need to give to people in our relationships. And
as relationships and people grow, relationships change, they do. They
(33:56):
absolutely do. That's the truth right there.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I remember when I first started out as an entrepreneur,
my party, you know, I like the party. You talked
about their doctors here, and like the party, love house music.
But when I had my daughter, and by the time
she turned three, all of that stuff stopped, and my
relationships changed drastically to the point where it was almost
like it was almost like part of you died because
(34:18):
now I have to be responsible dough.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I just can't be running the street and party, taking
all my money from my paycheck and going out having
a good time. So those things do really change and
you have to figure out how to change with them.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
I do have just dick it route it is. It
is because we don't want to let go of those
things sometimes and sometimes it's a little release at a time,
almost like those leashes that are on a real right
when you got a dog, when you just put put
them on and you connect them. As the dog goes
further away, the leash unwinds and allows them to go
(34:51):
further down. A loves them to go a little further
from you. I remember when I was first called into ministry,
where my friend and my cousins that I would hang
out with I was partying with listen, getting high and
getting drunk with and all of that stuff. They began
to treat me differently right, and and have show a
(35:11):
respect for me that I didn't understand. They would not
cuss like they used to, and say excuse me after
they said certain things, and not involve me in certain conversations.
And so the level of respect right because the sanctity
(35:32):
of the relationship the sacredness of the relationship had changed.
And I think sometimes when we partner with people, even
in ministry and and and and and business, that sometimes
when your purpose begins to shift, that relationship begins to
(35:52):
pull apart. And it's okay, it's not division. It's boundaries,
not always the vision. It's new boundaries that have to
be set, new boundary boundaries that have to be reevaluated,
and God will permit things to occur in order to
shift the relationship. Right. As a teacher of scripture, one
(36:23):
of the things that innately bothers me is things that
are taught, particularly repeatedly, out of context. When we pull
scripture out of out of context and make a whole
big ministry out of it, make a whole big thing
fluffing people up and puffing people up, and and and
(36:43):
and and you're going to heaven, and you'll go in
to heaven and you're gonna get imagined. And that's we
need balance in this thing. And so we begin to
pull away, and then they go develop, I develop, and
perhaps we can meet again. But that sanctity, that level
of respect has shifted. It's a boundary, not a division.
(37:07):
Are boundaries the borders have had to change doca change.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Sometimes when you when you change your boundaries, the people
around you, even if they know you changed it, they
don't adopt.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Well to that.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
They don't adapt well to the bound the boundaries that
you put in place, because they've lived with you for
so long in those relationships without these boundaries. So now
you can put these boundaries in and then they take
it as a slight towards them. What do you say
to those people who are put in boundaries? Not a
person that was that's a part of that boundaries feels like, okay,
you change, you think you're better than us, all this
kind of crazy stuff.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
What do you say to that person? I don't address
all of them. Sometimes some things you just don't need to.
It's not the same as I'm not gonna put energy
into that. It's it's this scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes
chapter three, there's a time to embrace, and there's a
time to refrain from embracing. Doesn't mean I don't love you.
(38:05):
I just need to refrain from embracing you. And and
sometimes there's a mutual understanding. When you have a high
degree of decernment, then you understand that you accept it
and it's okay, and you go on. When you have
people who are not necessarily spiritually mature or even emotionally
well right, a mature who won't ever understand it, and
(38:28):
you can never explain it to them. If you feel
led to share with them and to explain it, if
you know they're feeling badly about it, if they feel
like you have abandoned them, then address it. Then address it.
But there's some things, honestly, I have learned that you
are not supposed to even address that. You you not
even you can't even open your mouth about it. There's
(38:50):
a time to speak same scripture, and there's a time
to keep silence. You just have to keep silence and
let them come to it themselves. I share this with
the nephew last week. A man convinced against his will
is of the same opinion. Still they're not really convinced, right. Yeah,
(39:11):
it's the story where you tell Johnny and I think
I've said this already. You go stand in the corner
and he says, you know, my mind, I'm still sitting
down in my seat like I'm not hearing anything. You
you understand. So there's sometimes you just don't you just
don't try to explain. You trust the Lord. You trust
the Lord to bring peace and to make peace and
(39:32):
to bring it. And there's ways he can do that,
there's ways he will do it. We don't trust him
enough to where we have to, as I say, manipulate,
manipulate things. I want you to say this in the meeting.
I want you to say that in the meeting. I
want you to say this, that and the other. And
I have found that when you tell people and keep
(39:53):
telling people what you want them to say, you are manipulating.
That's manipulation. Yeah. If you I'm not led by God
and you're letting people tell you what to say, you
are being manipulated. Maybe not on purpose, maybe not intentional,
but that's manipulation. Mm hmmm mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
And some people, some people just real up. Some people
just feel like they can't do things by themselves, so
they let people manipulate them. They let them tell them
how to talk, what to say. How you know they
just let them do that? How do they move past that?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Look at your face? For me? I also times I
don't answer. I used to tell my granddaughter when she
was little and little, she would come run to me,
Grandma and ask me a question. And I would say,
I said, baby, you have a brain. I want you
to go back, and I want you to think about it.
(40:55):
Ask yourself the question out loud, and think about it.
And after you thought about it, then if you don't
know the answer, you come to Grandma and less. She
would come to me less and less and less. Then
in the interim she would come and she would run
and she would stop. That's right, Grandma, I have a brain.
So people who are asking you are so dependent and
(41:17):
asking you, I sometimes don't answer them. I asked them, well,
what do you think you should do? Mm hmm. I've
even had a conversation with a dear sister and friend
the other day who asked me about something and we
started talking and I said to her, I know you
know who you called? And we both started laughing. Right,
(41:40):
so she kind of knew, you know, the kind of
response she was going to get when she called me
before she called me. You get what I'm saying, absolutely,
So I will say sometimes I won't respond what do
you think you should do?
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Yeah, and think of this And this is a word
for somebody. If you're listening live or coming back. If
there's somebody that you continually go to for advice without
thinking or asking for yourself, ask yourself this question, remember
(42:19):
the bracelet, what would Jesus do? Rather than go to
that person, ask yourself, if I go to such and such,
what would they say to me? Then you don't have
to go to them right right.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Right, because you've been to them enough time to know
probably exactly what they would tell you.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
M evaluateships.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
I think a lot of times it's a confidence issue,
though I feel like that. I feel like the person
that does that a lot has more confidence in the
person that they're asking than they have confidence in themselves.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
If you're a that it is. But if you are
really loving of that person and respect that person, you
will help them build their confidence by not responding all
the time. Build them up, build them up, make them
think for themselves, make their do their own research. M
(43:23):
encourage them to go forward and to take the step
without you do the right thing. Mm hmm. Every there's
a sanctity in all healthy relationships, and I want, I'm
praying that you evaluate them and decide how greatly do
you really respect that relationship? Have you been the heavy
(43:46):
have you been the toxic one? Have you been the
co dependent one? Have have you been the one who
is the mentor and the mentee? Have the roles changed?
Do you need to back off now? Have enough respect
for the sacredness where God brought it together? Is He
in it? And evaluate where it needs to be at
(44:08):
this point. But the sanctity of relationships always needs to
be relevant, the sanctity. That's what happens in marriages. The
sanctity of my marriage is always holy. And my thoughts
about my husband, Linda, was that holy, Linda, do you
still respect him to the level that you already respected
(44:29):
him no matter what he has done or hasn't done.
Do I still have that same level of respect and
great reverence for my husband? Scripture tells that the wives
should revere their husband. Do I have that same reverence
for my dear husband that I did when I stood
at the altar and said, I do keep the sanctity
(44:54):
of the relationship holy and sanctified. Great writing that Listen,
This is a great episode as always, as always a
great episode. You know, I think a lot of people
are gonna get this, gonna watch this episode, and they're
gonna walk away and re evaluate something. They're gonna do
some relationship audits. That's what they're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
They're gonna order some relationship after this episode because I'm
sure that a lot of what you said is a
part of people's lives. I think of my own life
and I'm like, yeah, I'm bad with boundaries, and when
I see boundaries then people get mad at.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Me, you know.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
But it was like I moved past that part, like
I'm okay with that, but I'm still pretty bad at
setting boundaries and I gotta get better at that because sometimes,
you know, people will wear you down when you don't
have them, and you have to.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
Get better at that.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
So this is a great episode as always. I enjoyed
myself as always.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Man, thank you me too.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Yes, So listen, we are out of time. Doctor She
any closing remarks before we call it a call it
a day.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Yeah, I just Audrey said it best. Audit your relationships,
love on one another, respect each other. Tell us somebody
that you haven't told in a long time that you
love them, that you care about them. You don't have
to go on along conversation, but have a a level
of respect for your relationships in your life to let
(46:18):
people know you're important to me. Do that. Do it today.
Tomorrow's not promised. That's right.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
I'm so sorry here about when I you know, I
think about macaelm Jamar Wanner, I'm like, man THEO that's
the first thing popped in my life. So Mink dolenss
go out to his family and that was brough right there.
But anyway, thank you doctor Champ for what you do.
Speaker 3 (46:41):
Listen.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to
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or the website, subscribe to the channel. If you're listening
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Because when you share the show, we're able to reach
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Speaker 3 (47:00):
So do that.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
And if you want to support the show, go to
Lindachandministries dot com to support the show. Doctor Chan will
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we'll be back same place, same put, same place, same
time in two weeks, so be sure to subscribe. So
you don't miss it, Doctor Chan, thank you again and
thentil next time, everybody, the next time, make it a
(47:21):
great day.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
By now peace.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
You've been listening to Keeping It Real with Doctor Linda Chin.
If you enjoyed this episode, hit the like part and
insure it with a friend. Be sure to support the
show by going to Lindachinministries dot com. Subscribe to the
show so you never missed an episode, and tune in
again in two weeks at two pm Eastern Santime. Until
next time, keep the faith and keep it Real.
Welcome to Keeping It Real with Doctor Linda Chen. This
is the podcast where real life choices new Biblical truth
without the flock. Tune in every second and fourth Monday
at GWPM and Eastern Standard Time as Doctor Chen shares
faith filled, practical insights to navigate everyday challenges. Get ready
(00:21):
for real talk, real life and real answers.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Good afternoon, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. Welcome to another edition
of Keeping It Real with Doctor Lindaton on Audebelle Caring
to produce of the show. Hope you guys are having
a wonderful start to your Monday. We have a rainy
day here in Georgia, but that's okay because we can
enjoy the run just the same.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Today we got a.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Great show for you. It's called a Sanctity of relationships.
And let me just say this real quick. Without those,
we have nothing. Without relationships, relationship with people, good people,
and relationships with God, we have nothing. And I had
a conversation with someone just recently and they were talking
about the power of relationship, of relationships and how important
they are, and they are very important. So today doctor
Chen is gonna be talking about the sanctity of relationships.
(01:07):
So without further ado, let's bring it to the stage.
Good afternoon, how are you.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I'm good, can't complain, won't complain. You look good, you
look you look refreshed.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I think it's a yellow shirt. I've decided to put
on yellow cousins raining. I said, let me bring some
sunshine to this whole thing today.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I love it. How about to say, how you doing
doing well? Doing well? Just got back. I took my
leadership team on a retreat for a few days and
we just had a wonderful, wonderful time and uh, and
then I rested on you yesterday. So thank you for asking.
You're very welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Well, thank you for doing what you do. And I'm
sure your team appreciated that time away. And it's always
good to retreat and renew. So welcome back, and I
know you're ready to get started.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Thank you. Yes, you know. It's there's this wonderful timing
in God that I love. And I had a guest
already and we were getting the photos and everything together,
and it fell through, and I thought, Lord, well, you
know you and I talked about you know what I
was thinking about doing, and then I just started thinking
about relationships. As I was on the retreat and thinking
(02:19):
about the relationships and how long I had been serving
in ministry with one of the servants, and how many
years I'd been in a relationship with the other. And
you know, we sometimes take relationships for granted. And I
just heard the Lord say there is a sanctity of relationships.
(02:40):
And you know, we all know that there are many
different types of relationships, right, and then all of us
have multiple different types of relationship and multiple of similar
types of relationships. And you know, we have friendships based
on mutual things that we do, how we support one another,
(03:01):
and we share experiences together, life experiences, life, death, marriages, births, tragedies,
triumphs and all of those things. And they build relationships.
And you know, you got the romantic relationships where people
date or court however you do that, and where they're
(03:22):
attracted to one another and they start a relationship. And
then I thought about, this is a family relationship connecting
by blood or adoption or marriage, you know, and you know,
siblings and aunts and uncles and you know, and speaking
of family relationships, I want to if I'd like to
dedicate this episode to Malcolm Jamal Warner, where we learned
(03:45):
earlier today, and it was confirmed that he was on
a family trip with his with his family and drowned.
And you know, he just dropped a podcast a few
days ago called Not All Hood. But I thought about
him being with his family and the sanctity of that,
and not just the sanctity of it. I learned that
(04:06):
he kept in name. He had one child, I think
it was a daughter. That he kept their names private.
Why because of the sanctity of the relationship. So what
do I mean by this sanctity of relationships. It's the
state or the quality of being holy or sacred or sanctity.
(04:28):
And so for the purposes of this podcast, I like
to use the definition sacred right for this podcast, and
it means connected with God, or connected by God and
through God, or something that's dedicated to a religious or
for a religious purpose. But for the most part, the
(04:50):
sanctity of a relationship means it deserves some type of veneration,
meaning it deserves great respecta reverence. And there are relationships
that we have that deserve and have respect. And then
there's those relationships, Audrey, that we have that deserve and
(05:12):
command great respect. And that man had such great respect
for his wife and daughter that I believe that's due
to his industry. He decided to keep their names private, right, Yeah,
And so I don't think I'll speak for myself. I
don't think I think enough about the sacredness or the
(05:37):
sanctity of most of my relationships. And I don't think
like how much respect they deserve. We just kind of
go on in these relationships, right, I think unless and
until somebody in some way violates right the relationship across
(05:58):
the line. You know, when that sanctity or that sacredness
is broken, boundaries have to be revisited or new boundaries
have to be established, right, Because whether we realize it
or not, whether we stated or not, whether it's understood
(06:21):
or not, all relationships have some kind of boundaries. You agree,
I agree. You know you have boundaries in marriages, excuse me,
boundaries with your children, boundaries with co workers and so
forth and so on, and so we don't often think
(06:42):
about that enough until it's something almost that's nebulous. So,
for instance, we know that when you have relationships in
the workplace that you don't really You can have two
people who may be of the same religious belief but
you don't really discuss it at work. Respect that you have.
It could just be the policy company policy, but there's
(07:04):
that respect that you have for the company policies and
your business relationships that you just don't talk about them
in the office. You have those relationships where you have
some that are so close you can talk about money,
Like if you have a close friend and you're dealing
(07:25):
with some money issues and you're having financial challenges that
you can say that to certain friends because you have
that level of respect one for another. You have that integrity,
you have that honesty, you have that part of the
relationship where you know, I'm not gonna say anything to
anybody about you having problems with finances or why you're
(07:45):
having problems.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
You get what I'm saying, absolutely absolutely, And it's good
to have those type of relationships. I think about I
think about think about best friends, and I think about
I was telling my daughter. My daughter, I would say
I don't have any friends, and I will send to her, well,
I have friends, and I each one of them serve
a purpose in my life, that relationship and they all
have their purpose in my life.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
So that's really important. It is it is, and I've
been thinking a lot this year, as I minister quite
a bit in different places, but I think about lately,
particularly in social media and even some places where I've
been live, where other people are ministering and leaders are speaking,
(08:30):
there has been so much talk, if you will, of
one ministry talking about another ministry leader talking about the
way this one does at their church and the way
this one does it their ministry, and people sending videos
and what do you think of this video? What do
you think about this church? What do you think about
(08:52):
that pastor, what do you think about that pastor's husband
or wife? And what do you think about what they're
wearing and in the poolpen and all of these different things, right,
And I thought about that relationship where many of us
are talking about. Because of that, there's this division in
the Body of Christ. And while that is true to
(09:16):
some extent, I don't believe that all things when people
differ in ministry leadership and spiritual leadership and political leadership,
I don't believe all of it is division. And this
is what I mean is I was sitting quietly my
prayer room. I just I heard the Holy Spirit say this,
(09:37):
Not everything in the Kingdom of God and in ministry
is division. Some of it are just boundaries that have
been set. Doesn't mean that we're divided. We just have
boundaries that are set. Right. Even as great a man
as Moses was, God set a boundary where he could
(09:59):
lead the people. But he was not able to go
over into the promised Land himself. Not because what many
people think that he struck the rock twice. The Bible
doesn't say that. The Bible says that he failed to believe,
that he failed to sanctify God in the midst of
the people. That's why he couldn't go over right to
and see and experience of promise land for himself. And so,
(10:22):
but that did not sever his relationship or bring division
and his relationship with God. God put a boundary there
as a result of the consequences. Those are consequences of
him not sanctifying God right. And so, I think too
many times we don't think about the sanctity, the sacredness,
(10:43):
the goodness of relationships, and we sever sometimes when it's
not necessary. We cut people off because we're offended. We
stopped talking to people because we don't have enough respect
or honor or courage to address people. There is a
(11:06):
scripture A friend and I were talking about it today,
and we discuss in the Last Bible Study Christian women,
when the Bible teaches us, brethren, you which are spiritual,
if you see your brother or sister overtaken in a sin,
restore such a one in a spirit of meekness. We
don't do that. We don't we're not quick to restore
(11:28):
one another because we don't think about the sanctity of
the relationship as being brothers and sisters in Christ. We
go talk, we go talk about somebody, We talk about
each other. We say things like, well, what do you
think of this? And I didn't agree with that, and
we start conversations rather than going to the person, rather
(11:49):
than respecting the relationship and what the foundation of the
relationship was. And so really, I just want us to
be reminded that there is a sacredness to some degree
to all relationships. You can forgive people, like there's some
people I love and forget, but they can't come back
(12:10):
in my house. You're not welcome in my own I
love you, but you just can't come back into my space.
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
And I got a quick question for you. I've heard
this a lot. There are people who say stuff, and
I think it's passive aggressive aggressiveness. I just don't want
to put any energy into that. But they go in
they're mad forever, but they won't put any energy into
the relationship to find out what happened, why it happened.
I just want to put an energy into that. But
they're mad forever and there's no conversation around it. What
(12:43):
do you say to those people? Because I hear that
a lot, and I got to sleep on it. I
got to pray on I got to lay on it,
I got to download it, and in my mind, I'm thinking,
just say it.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Anger is energy. Anger is energy, and it can be misguided.
It needs a place to go. All energy needs a
place to go. Energy really is movement and when it
takes energy to hold anger. I had a very dear,
(13:13):
very very dear person to me just last week talk
about how they hold grudges and you know, no, I'm
not like that. And they were talking about their brother
and their sister and how they're quick to forgive, and
I said there, and I said, you can't live like that.
You can't sit on the phone and call yourself a
believer and a Christian. And I have a real close
(13:34):
relationship where I can say this to this person and
tell me when you know that scripture says if you
won't forgive, neither will your father in heaven forgive you.
It takes energy to hold grudges and anger, and so
oftentimes that comes out of fear. When people say things
like that, they're afraid to address the issue with the person.
(13:55):
They're afraid of what they might say with the other person.
Say they're afraid they may have to address a fault
in themselves. Right, we all have faults, you understand what
I'm saying. Or it could be pride just too arrogant,
just too prideful to address the fact that maybe you're wrong,
(14:16):
maybe maybe you messed up. Yeah, yeah, And so it's
it's not good to disregard relationships. In fact, I submit
today that it's very important to to think about all
of the relations that relationships that you have, and by this,
(14:40):
this is what I'm saying, think about even the relationships
that are toxic. Right, we have, we have some toxic
relationships that maybe they need to be severed. Those things
that are not good for your health, those those relationships
where people manipulate you, where they're imbalanced, and you're always
the heavy, You're always paying for the meal, you're always
(15:03):
having to pick them up, you're always having to go
places and do the work, and you're always having to
make up for something that somebody else did. And maybe
you're the emotional one, the one doing all the physical work,
and the one bearing the most harm seemingly in toxic relationships,
and so we have to evaluate them. There's really nothing
(15:25):
sacred about toxicity.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, right, right, absolutely absolutely, But you know, I feel
like sometimes people can't even recognize toxic relationships because they've
been in them so long. It's just like it's a
part of my everyday life.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Now, that's well said, and that's something to be thought about,
and that's why we should evaluate relationships. And if you
have a real relationship with God, he will allow you
to hear correction, even from other people may not feel good,
but me personally, I love correction. I embrace I embrace
(16:08):
correction because I want to be on the right course.
You know, my baby sister said something to me a
couple of weeks ago, and I thought about it and
I'm like, you know what, she's absolutely right. But then
I evaluated, why did she have to address the thing
that she addressed what was making me behave and do
the thing that I was doing right. And it really
(16:29):
was something that was simple, something I could easily give up,
something that didn't mean a lot to me. It was
just a place where I was slipped. Now, the slope
is slippery, so you need someone to tell you you
know you're slipping right, Yeah, you headed down that slippery slope.
And so I value that relationship. I have six siblings,
(16:52):
and I greatly respect those relationships with all of my siblings,
greatly respect them. I have relationship with coworkers or former
co workers that I have respect for and even great
respect for, but I don't necessarily have a reverence for them.
(17:13):
You understand what I'm saying, m H. I think we
sometimes have reverential relationship with people that we only know virtually,
that we have virtual experiences within, that we hold it
such a high standard and venerate them and kind of
(17:36):
make idols out of them. I think we we should
really evaluate the things that we support, right, like grief
groups and AA and gambles anonymous. Those are kind of
relationships that are built on like a mutual encouragement and
mutual care mutual incident or circumstance, right, excuse me. I
(17:58):
respect my relationship with my doctor, but I do my
own research. I respect her education, I respect her knowledge,
I respect her experiences, but I go and I do
my own research. You understand what I'm saying, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Absolutely, because at the end of the day, they are
still human and so and they see a lot of
people and they help a lot of people. So sometimes
things can fall through the cracks. I totally understand.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
That things can fall to the through the cracks. But
I think we should really take time and sit quietly
and decide what are the great relationships that deserve my
great respect That maybe I haven't given respect to that,
Maybe I haven't given honor to that. Maybe I got
too familiar with that person and don't respect them the
(18:49):
way that I should, don't honor the gift that they
really are in my life, that I don't really respect
and honor the what they add to my very life,
to my every existence, to my being, how much they
have poured into me, how much wisdom. How many times
I go to them for wise counsel and they don't
(19:10):
turn me down, and they always give me advice that
didn't come to them free that didn't come to them freely.
You're a person I don't I don't bother you unless
I really really don't know what I'm doing, like like
I'm really in a mind or time is of essence
(19:31):
and I can't figure something out because I do greatly
honor our relationship. You understand what I'm saying absolutely, And
there's a difference. There are godly connections where God will
introduce you and meet and you'll meet somebody and you
know God brought you together. And then there's those connections
(19:55):
that are only held together by God and that only
that is very, very sacred. Other than my marriage, my
relationship with God, my marriage, I have this relationship with
my prayer partner. She and I've been prayer partners well
over two decades, and I can count the time on
(20:18):
probably one hand over these well over twenty years where
she and I have socialized and fellowshipped just the two
of us. We just don't do it. We've tried, but
inevitably God will intervene, and we have come to the
conclusion that the prayer relationship is so sacred that God
(20:43):
does not want it tainted by any outside conversation. That
we may have because it is easy to mix what
is a fleshly, earthly worldly of low value in will
something that is sacred. And that's why it's important to
(21:04):
value and evalue, eate our relationships. Perhaps you are mixing
something earthly and ungodly with something that should be sacred.
Perhaps you're talking too much outside of your marriage. Your
marriage is sacred. It is holy matrimony right between man
(21:29):
and woman. That's what it is. It's holy matrimony. And
sometimes we mix and mingle too much in sacred relationships
because we don't greatly respect them.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Doctor Chang, can you speak to having respect enough for
relationships to let them go? I remember, I think it
was last year. I was sitting outside on my back
porch and I was saying, God, I need you to
move all relationships from my life, that we should see
me fail, do me harm, and bring me bad energy. Now.
I said that prayer out loud, just like I'm talking
(22:03):
to you, right, and God started moving things. But here's
the thing I forgot, I said it, doctor Chen. And
so when people started dropping away, I'm like, I was
feeling bad, like, oh my God, what's happening. So but
then I had to go back and think, oh wait,
you asked for this. So sometimes there are relationships that
you should just respect enough to let go, but people
(22:23):
don't know how to. Can you talk about that a
little bit?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Yes, yes I can, and just by giving you Actually
an example of a relationship that I had with a mentee,
and the relationship got to be where they were pulling
on me so much that I began to get drained,
and we would pray and have Bible studying so much
(22:47):
so forth. But then I realized that this person was
not putting energy into the things they needed to to
grow the relationship. I was always going to be that.
I was always going to be the one who was giving.
I was always going to be the one where I
could never draw. Even a mentor should be able to
(23:08):
gain something from a mentee. If you're teachable, you should
be able to gain something from your protege and or
your mentee. And so I respectfully and I had the conversation.
I said, look, this relationship is not growing, and I
don't think we're good for each other anymore, and so
I gave a date after this time, we will no
(23:31):
longer be mentor and mentee. And it bothered them to
the point where they began actually harassing me, right and so,
but I had enough respect for that person because you're
not growing. If I am your mentor and you're not growing,
I'm not doing you any good. I have enough respect
for you and enough respect for my time that this
(23:55):
we need to sever this relationship. It's about having a conversation.
And nine times out of ten, they're not gonna be
easy conversations, but they're necessary and they feel better versus
something you lop off unnecessarily. There are some things you
(24:16):
have you can snip off piece by piece and gradually
cut off, and there's some things you have to just
lop off, whether they really you understand what I'm saying,
Some things you have to just lop off and have
enough respect for yourself, enough respect for your time and
your energy the other person's time, because you actually could
(24:37):
be a hindrance to someone else's growth if you're holding
on mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
H If if you are in a relationship with anybody
and you see the relationship has changed, and you know
you haven't done anything different, who should be the one
make that first step to find out what happened to
their relationship?
Speaker 3 (24:56):
The person that changed or you the person on whom
God lays, on whom God lays the issue's heart. Now,
Scripture tells us, if your brother we say it wrong. Oftentimes,
if you have aught with your brother before you, you know,
give your offering, you go and settle it with your brother.
Scripture says, if your brother has aught with you right,
(25:17):
and you settle it right between you and your brother
before you give your offering. And so if God lays
it on your heart, to go, whether you're right or wrong,
whether you're at fault or not at fault, whether you
don't really know which one is at fault, and God
lays it on your heart, go and reconcile. Then go
and reconcile. Just go and reconcile. And if you never
(25:39):
speak again, you can agree in your heart. Well it's okay,
whether the matter is settled or not. We are so
afraid to talk to human beings. We have so much
virtual content and virtual connection that we don't even know
how to have a conversation one with the other. We
(26:01):
run from it. We'll text it versus calling somebody right,
We'll dance around it, we'll hint around it, but we
won't just come right out and say, that's what I
love about correction. If I did something, tell me. If
(26:23):
I didn't do something, but you feel I did, tell me,
it's courage. It's lack of courage. We lack so much
courage and integrity and love in relationships because it's easy
to keep people at arm's length. It's easy to read
(26:43):
into a text. Right, So evaluate yourself, evaluate myself, is
what I'm saying. And I think about the relationships, and
that's where I am now. Had a wonderful relationship with
a friend to day and just talking about a family
(27:04):
member's role in the ministry and and so forth, and
you know, way, maybe it wasn't always it wasn't didn't
come out as my friend expected, but we now know
the truth. See we now my friend knows the truth
and can pray differently, strategize differently, plan differently, think differently,
(27:26):
ponder truth. It's truth that you know that makes you free.
The truth you know, you don't know the truth, You
may you may never be free. Yeah yeah, yeah, mm hmmm.
So I value relationships. I value every relationship that I have.
(27:48):
Now there's another relationship that we should evaluate, that codependency,
right where one person's need dominates the relationship. It just
a need potentially, you know, it creates like an unhealthy dynamic.
It's almost like the person where you see them come,
(28:11):
you're like, oh my god, like you really hate to
see them coming. When you when you see their name
come up on your call, you're like, oh my god.
Sometimes you'll answer, sometimes you feel like you should answer
and you need to answer. But that code dependency, that neediness,
and that's any bout a relationship that needs to be evaluate.
(28:31):
Where is the sanctity in that? Do you should you
have the conversation with the person in that? I don't
answer as much because I feel like you're tugging on
me too much. I feel like you're needing of me
too much. Not not doesn't feel good. But then I
would say, well, maybe I am needy. Maybe maybe maybe
(28:53):
I am just looking for attention. Do you respect the
relationship enough to receive the fact that maybe I'm just
being too needy? Hmm right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
I It was funny because I had a conversation with
one of my friends, I think it was Saturday, and
we were talking about being married and being cold dependent.
What do you say to that group? Because you know,
if you're with somebody for a long time. It's easily
become cold dependent on the other person.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
It's very easy.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
And then you find yourself looking mirroring just what they
do in their mirroring just what you're doing, and everything
is just kind of stuck in limbo right there. And
we had that and it was funny because we were talking.
I think she was talking about we were talking about
cleaning the house, right and my house. Her house is empty,
and my house is empty too, but she was saying,
how something about something about stuff being spacked on her
kitchen counter. Anyway, we talked about how you can become
(29:48):
cold dependent on your partner, and your partner can become
cold dependent on you to the point where you gots
start mirroring each other and nothing changes, everything just stays
the same.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
What do you say to like couples who are like that, Well,
call dependency is when one need, one person's needs dominates
the other right where you keep pulling and pulling and pulling.
In marriage, it should be inter dependency, right, it should
be interdependency. I'm depending on you for this, you depend
on me for this. I'm depending on you in this
(30:20):
particular time, and you're depending on me for this. I
may normally be the one to take out the garbage.
Well I need you to take out the trash this
sweek because I got this. So it's this inter connection.
They're interdependent. If you're married and one person's needs dominates
the other, suppose you have an ill spouse and maybe
(30:40):
one and you're taking care of a loved one because
they're ill, and maybe their physical needs and personal needs
may be more dominant. You still have to have enough
time for yourself. You have to have that great respect.
That's that's the sanctity of that holy matrimony and sickness
and and help rich and for poor, for sick, you
(31:01):
know what, for better or for worse. That is the sanctity,
that great respect that you have for one another where
you can have the conversation. And I'll give you another
example of a sanctity of a relationship that I've evaluated
and thought about. I have a niece very close to
(31:22):
this niece who is in ministry. And as she grow
grows and began to grow more and more as a
grown woman as a mother, as a wife, and and
and even into ministry. When we became really close, this
all wasn't going on in her life, and as I
(31:44):
watched the growth, the Holy Spirit would have me pull
back on things that I would freely say because he's
He would say to me, you know, she's a grown woman.
Like she's a grown woman. You you can't just say
those things because she's not a young lady anymore. Where
she needs to hear you say that she is a
(32:04):
minister of the Gospel, and you have to have a
greater respect for her place in the Kingdom than you
did as if you will a lay person where you
are now co laboring in this thing. You understand what
I'm saying. So a lot of great respect for their
(32:25):
spiritual leaders because they see them working harder, praying more,
doing more weddings, funerals and baptism and dedications and all
of that. And they have this great respect for the
time the energy that they put in. And I need
to pull back on my neediness of them. I need
to not be so familiar with them and treat them
(32:48):
like a friend. It could be we could have grown
up in grade school and high school together, but God
has elevated this person in the kingdom. I'm not just
talking about titles and all that, saying that I'm talking
about kingdom authority to where I need to pull back
and I just can't. You know, yo, doll, what's up?
And this and that and the other thing. God is saying,
(33:10):
I need you to hold this person at a different
level of respect, because that's who they are in me.
That's who they are in me. The people who Paul
was with when he was pillaging the church and holding
cults respected him differently when he as he was anointed
as by Christ and taught by Christ to plant churches.
(33:34):
Now he's a leader and overseer of all these different churches.
We must evaluate the sanctity and the level of respect
we need to give to people in our relationships. And
as relationships and people grow, relationships change, they do. They
(33:56):
absolutely do. That's the truth right there.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I remember when I first started out as an entrepreneur,
my party, you know, I like the party. You talked
about their doctors here, and like the party, love house music.
But when I had my daughter, and by the time
she turned three, all of that stuff stopped, and my
relationships changed drastically to the point where it was almost
like it was almost like part of you died because
(34:18):
now I have to be responsible dough.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I just can't be running the street and party, taking
all my money from my paycheck and going out having
a good time. So those things do really change and
you have to figure out how to change with them.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
I do have just dick it route it is. It
is because we don't want to let go of those
things sometimes and sometimes it's a little release at a time,
almost like those leashes that are on a real right
when you got a dog, when you just put put
them on and you connect them. As the dog goes
further away, the leash unwinds and allows them to go
(34:51):
further down. A loves them to go a little further
from you. I remember when I was first called into ministry,
where my friend and my cousins that I would hang
out with I was partying with listen, getting high and
getting drunk with and all of that stuff. They began
to treat me differently right, and and have show a
(35:11):
respect for me that I didn't understand. They would not
cuss like they used to, and say excuse me after
they said certain things, and not involve me in certain conversations.
And so the level of respect right because the sanctity
(35:32):
of the relationship the sacredness of the relationship had changed.
And I think sometimes when we partner with people, even
in ministry and and and and and business, that sometimes
when your purpose begins to shift, that relationship begins to
(35:52):
pull apart. And it's okay, it's not division. It's boundaries,
not always the vision. It's new boundaries that have to
be set, new boundary boundaries that have to be reevaluated,
and God will permit things to occur in order to
shift the relationship. Right. As a teacher of scripture, one
(36:23):
of the things that innately bothers me is things that
are taught, particularly repeatedly, out of context. When we pull
scripture out of out of context and make a whole
big ministry out of it, make a whole big thing
fluffing people up and puffing people up, and and and
(36:43):
and and you're going to heaven, and you'll go in
to heaven and you're gonna get imagined. And that's we
need balance in this thing. And so we begin to
pull away, and then they go develop, I develop, and
perhaps we can meet again. But that sanctity, that level
of respect has shifted. It's a boundary, not a division.
(37:07):
Are boundaries the borders have had to change doca change.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Sometimes when you when you change your boundaries, the people
around you, even if they know you changed it, they
don't adopt.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Well to that.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
They don't adapt well to the bound the boundaries that
you put in place, because they've lived with you for
so long in those relationships without these boundaries. So now
you can put these boundaries in and then they take
it as a slight towards them. What do you say
to those people who are put in boundaries? Not a
person that was that's a part of that boundaries feels like, okay,
you change, you think you're better than us, all this
kind of crazy stuff.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
What do you say to that person? I don't address
all of them. Sometimes some things you just don't need to.
It's not the same as I'm not gonna put energy
into that. It's it's this scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes
chapter three, there's a time to embrace, and there's a
time to refrain from embracing. Doesn't mean I don't love you.
(38:05):
I just need to refrain from embracing you. And and
sometimes there's a mutual understanding. When you have a high
degree of decernment, then you understand that you accept it
and it's okay, and you go on. When you have
people who are not necessarily spiritually mature or even emotionally
well right, a mature who won't ever understand it, and
(38:28):
you can never explain it to them. If you feel
led to share with them and to explain it, if
you know they're feeling badly about it, if they feel
like you have abandoned them, then address it. Then address it.
But there's some things, honestly, I have learned that you
are not supposed to even address that. You you not
even you can't even open your mouth about it. There's
(38:50):
a time to speak same scripture, and there's a time
to keep silence. You just have to keep silence and
let them come to it themselves. I share this with
the nephew last week. A man convinced against his will
is of the same opinion. Still they're not really convinced, right. Yeah,
(39:11):
it's the story where you tell Johnny and I think
I've said this already. You go stand in the corner
and he says, you know, my mind, I'm still sitting
down in my seat like I'm not hearing anything. You
you understand. So there's sometimes you just don't you just
don't try to explain. You trust the Lord. You trust
the Lord to bring peace and to make peace and
(39:32):
to bring it. And there's ways he can do that,
there's ways he will do it. We don't trust him
enough to where we have to, as I say, manipulate,
manipulate things. I want you to say this in the meeting.
I want you to say that in the meeting. I
want you to say this, that and the other. And
I have found that when you tell people and keep
(39:53):
telling people what you want them to say, you are manipulating.
That's manipulation. Yeah. If you I'm not led by God
and you're letting people tell you what to say, you
are being manipulated. Maybe not on purpose, maybe not intentional,
but that's manipulation. Mm hmmm mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
And some people, some people just real up. Some people
just feel like they can't do things by themselves, so
they let people manipulate them. They let them tell them
how to talk, what to say. How you know they
just let them do that? How do they move past that?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Look at your face? For me? I also times I
don't answer. I used to tell my granddaughter when she
was little and little, she would come run to me,
Grandma and ask me a question. And I would say,
I said, baby, you have a brain. I want you
to go back, and I want you to think about it.
(40:55):
Ask yourself the question out loud, and think about it.
And after you thought about it, then if you don't
know the answer, you come to Grandma and less. She
would come to me less and less and less. Then
in the interim she would come and she would run
and she would stop. That's right, Grandma, I have a brain.
So people who are asking you are so dependent and
(41:17):
asking you, I sometimes don't answer them. I asked them, well,
what do you think you should do? Mm hmm. I've
even had a conversation with a dear sister and friend
the other day who asked me about something and we
started talking and I said to her, I know you
know who you called? And we both started laughing. Right,
(41:40):
so she kind of knew, you know, the kind of
response she was going to get when she called me
before she called me. You get what I'm saying, absolutely,
So I will say sometimes I won't respond what do
you think you should do?
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Yeah, and think of this And this is a word
for somebody. If you're listening live or coming back. If
there's somebody that you continually go to for advice without
thinking or asking for yourself, ask yourself this question, remember
(42:19):
the bracelet, what would Jesus do? Rather than go to
that person, ask yourself, if I go to such and such,
what would they say to me? Then you don't have
to go to them right right.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Right, because you've been to them enough time to know
probably exactly what they would tell you.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
M evaluateships.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
I think a lot of times it's a confidence issue,
though I feel like that. I feel like the person
that does that a lot has more confidence in the
person that they're asking than they have confidence in themselves.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
If you're a that it is. But if you are
really loving of that person and respect that person, you
will help them build their confidence by not responding all
the time. Build them up, build them up, make them
think for themselves, make their do their own research. M
(43:23):
encourage them to go forward and to take the step
without you do the right thing. Mm hmm. Every there's
a sanctity in all healthy relationships, and I want, I'm
praying that you evaluate them and decide how greatly do
you really respect that relationship? Have you been the heavy
(43:46):
have you been the toxic one? Have you been the
co dependent one? Have have you been the one who
is the mentor and the mentee? Have the roles changed?
Do you need to back off now? Have enough respect
for the sacredness where God brought it together? Is He
in it? And evaluate where it needs to be at
(44:08):
this point. But the sanctity of relationships always needs to
be relevant, the sanctity. That's what happens in marriages. The
sanctity of my marriage is always holy. And my thoughts
about my husband, Linda, was that holy, Linda, do you
still respect him to the level that you already respected
(44:29):
him no matter what he has done or hasn't done.
Do I still have that same level of respect and
great reverence for my husband? Scripture tells that the wives
should revere their husband. Do I have that same reverence
for my dear husband that I did when I stood
at the altar and said, I do keep the sanctity
(44:54):
of the relationship holy and sanctified. Great writing that Listen,
This is a great episode as always, as always a
great episode. You know, I think a lot of people
are gonna get this, gonna watch this episode, and they're
gonna walk away and re evaluate something. They're gonna do
some relationship audits. That's what they're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
They're gonna order some relationship after this episode because I'm
sure that a lot of what you said is a
part of people's lives. I think of my own life
and I'm like, yeah, I'm bad with boundaries, and when
I see boundaries then people get mad at.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Me, you know.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
But it was like I moved past that part, like
I'm okay with that, but I'm still pretty bad at
setting boundaries and I gotta get better at that because sometimes,
you know, people will wear you down when you don't
have them, and you have to.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
Get better at that.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
So this is a great episode as always. I enjoyed
myself as always.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Man, thank you me too.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Yes, So listen, we are out of time. Doctor She
any closing remarks before we call it a call it
a day.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Yeah, I just Audrey said it best. Audit your relationships,
love on one another, respect each other. Tell us somebody
that you haven't told in a long time that you
love them, that you care about them. You don't have
to go on along conversation, but have a a level
of respect for your relationships in your life to let
(46:18):
people know you're important to me. Do that. Do it today.
Tomorrow's not promised. That's right.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
I'm so sorry here about when I you know, I
think about macaelm Jamar Wanner, I'm like, man THEO that's
the first thing popped in my life. So Mink dolenss
go out to his family and that was brough right there.
But anyway, thank you doctor Champ for what you do.
Speaker 3 (46:41):
Listen.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to
the channel. Whether you're watching it on Facebook or YouTube
or the website, subscribe to the channel. If you're listening
to on podcasts Alexa, Apple Podcasts, Google, wherever you listen,
to subscribe to the episode and share with two friends.
Because when you share the show, we're able to reach
more people and get the message out to more people.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
So do that.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
And if you want to support the show, go to
Lindachandministries dot com to support the show. Doctor Chan will
greatly appreciate it and it helps her keep doing the work
that she's doing that we need to have happen. Okay,
we'll be back same place, same put, same place, same
time in two weeks, so be sure to subscribe. So
you don't miss it, Doctor Chan, thank you again and
thentil next time, everybody, the next time, make it a
(47:21):
great day.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
By now peace.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
You've been listening to Keeping It Real with Doctor Linda Chin.
If you enjoyed this episode, hit the like part and
insure it with a friend. Be sure to support the
show by going to Lindachinministries dot com. Subscribe to the
show so you never missed an episode, and tune in
again in two weeks at two pm Eastern Santime. Until
next time, keep the faith and keep it Real.
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