November 14, 2024 • 43 mins
TRIGGER WARNING!!!! This Episode talks about suicide.
Today, I’m Kickin’ it with Owner of A Bountiful Solution, Coach Ariska Scott.
You already know what this season is all about, but in case you are new to the show, we focus on Life, Love, & ALL That Other SH&T!
Coach Ariska drops gems about growing and going with the flow, being consistent, and making God your constant through it all.
Connect with Coach Risk on social media @yourselfishcoach
Visit her website: www.reigniteher.com
Or text her at (469)987-3558 mention KeKe for discount.
To take the 5 love languages quiz visit: 5lovelanguages.com
www.yourselfirst.com
or www.lovethrive.com
Get your digital or print copy of Nineteen Lifestyle Magazine at www.nineteen-magazine.com Coach Ariska is one of the features in this issue.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
Today, I’m Kickin’ it with Owner of A Bountiful Solution, Coach Ariska Scott.
You already know what this season is all about, but in case you are new to the show, we focus on Life, Love, & ALL That Other SH&T!
Coach Ariska drops gems about growing and going with the flow, being consistent, and making God your constant through it all.
Connect with Coach Risk on social media @yourselfishcoach
Visit her website: www.reigniteher.com
Or text her at (469)987-3558 mention KeKe for discount.
To take the 5 love languages quiz visit: 5lovelanguages.com
www.yourselfirst.com
or www.lovethrive.com
Get your digital or print copy of Nineteen Lifestyle Magazine at www.nineteen-magazine.com Coach Ariska is one of the features in this issue.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is Ryan here, and I have a question for you.
What do you do when you win?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Like?
Speaker 1 (00:05):
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ever at Chumbuck Casino dot com.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
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Speaker 4 (00:33):
Welcome to Kicking in Wikiki, Kicking It Piki Ki, kick
in It Piki Ki.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
For little Personalities, witching up the story on that we
make a s story and books Changing ours one day
and Fra prompt Sa enjoy sol for her.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Kicking it with.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Hello. Hello, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
Kicking It with Kiki, Life, Love and all that other Ship.
I am your host, Kiki Chanel. We are back in
season seven. Y'all, season seven and we're talking about life,
love and all that other ship for this season. These
seasons we talked about mindset and personal growth, but we
are going beyond that. Now, We're moving into a broader, popping,
(01:37):
good life, love and all that other shit. Today I'm
join with a very special guest. She is not new
to the platform, but I always still like to give
my guests the opportunity to introduce themselves coach and huska.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Hey y'all, Hey, hey, hey, beautiful souls, it's your girl.
Coach is your favorite selfish coach. I am the owner, founder,
and CEO of a Bountle for Solution, a personal development
organization where I offer transformation on life coaching for women.
I helped women recognize, identify sources, and eliminate self sabotage
and behaviors that disrupt their personal and professional lives.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I love it. I love it. So how you doing.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I'm good, good, good good, Welcome back. Thank you. Look.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
I was just going through my memories on Snapchat and
a picture of our first interview two years ago on
Instagram on Halloween popped up and again shout out to
Love Martin as hello girl.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yes, that was that we had. We had a fun
time that night and we got a little deep in
that conversation we did.
Speaker 5 (02:47):
We did talked about survivorship, We did about survivorship. Low
shared her experiences and I shared mine with breast cancer.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right absolutely, And we're gonna get into that. But you
know how you been.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
I've been good. I've been transitioning. Some things have transpired
over the past. Oh a couple of weeks. I'm no
longer working for them people, because y'all know that's what
i'fectionately called them some people job, my full time job.
I am now stepping into full time entrepreneurship.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Oh I love it. Congratulations, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
So it's it's been a journey these past couple of
weeks and adjusting to all the new things.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Okay, So now that you say that, I want to
just dive into we're talking about life doing this segment.
So when life throws you curve balls, how important is
it to have that mindset of pivoting.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
Oh oh yah. We just talked about pivoting the other day.
I was talking to somebody. You have to life is
about changing that. Life is the only it's not one.
Life is one of the only things that's consistently. Every
day something is changing in our lives. So you have
to embrace it. You have to embrace it. I don't
(04:06):
care how hard it may seem. It's going to happen.
You can't stay stuck forever. So just go and grow
with the flow.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Absolutely, you have to. Otherwise we know the alternative, right yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
You be stuck and constantly stuck and not get nowhere
when all you gotta do is just make one little step.
A world of difference, yep.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
And if you don't change with the times, you're.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Gonna get lost beyond very young, very.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What is one lesson that you have learned about life
that you carry to this day, one.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
Lesson that I learned about life that I care to
this day. For me, it will be that God is
my constant. Oh, no matter what happens in my life,
I don't care who come in and out of my life.
He is my constant. He is going to be with
me when nobody else is there. He's going to be
my confidante. He's going to listen, he's going to give
(05:07):
me advice, he is never going to steer me in
the wrong direction. So knowing and learning that God is
my constant throughout it all, that's it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I love that. And so speaking of life, when it
comes to God. Can you remember a time where you
didn't lean on God and how different your life was
then versus now when God is your constant.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
Ooh. I was the person that would always get in
my own way. I was the person that chose others
trying to fulfill a void. So I was the person
that was in and out of relationships. I'll jump out
of one relationship and hopping another one because I ain't
want to be by myself. I didn't want to be alone,
So I kept jumping in these relationship, jump out of
(05:53):
one relationship, being another one the next couple of months,
or whatever the case may be, never really taking a
time to be by myself and learn myself, learn and
learn a lean on God. So twenty sixteen when me
and my husband separated, No, we divorced in twenty sixteen.
We separated in twenty twelve. We divorced in twenty sixteen.
(06:15):
We had to sell our house and I wind up
moving into a least property. And that was the first
time in my adult life that I had to solely
depend on the risk of that was never it was
not a risker in somebody else that was nobody paying
the other half. Of the rent, nobody paying the other
half of the bills, nobody buying the food. It was
(06:36):
just me and I had my babies that I had
to take care of. So that was my pivotal point
in my life.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Oh wow. Yeah, And I talk about God a lot
on the podcast because that he is the head of
my life and without him, I am nothing. As you
begin to grow and develop and grow your relationship with God,
how did you notice a change in your life.
Speaker 5 (07:01):
I noticed a change in me and I noticed that, okay, girl,
you let me go back. So my house that we
had to sell. My house was in bankruptcy for years,
but at least two years I stayed in that house
two years without paying a mortgage. They never came got
(07:22):
my house or anything, and I was putting the money
on the side, but I was like, I'm not paying
no mortgage. It's in bankruptcy. It is what it is.
I'm not doing it. Two years, me and my kids
didn't get evicted. You didn't get put out. That's nobody begard, nobody,
nobody Begod. That I did not have to move out
(07:42):
of my house. They didn't even push for the paperwork
to the eviction paperwork of anything, and all that time,
I literally we literally ended up doing a quick sale
on the house. Bankruptcy didn't even take the house. I
literally sold the house and got money from the house.
So it was nobody but go in those two years
that me and my kids stayed there without paying the mortgage.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
You know, you did that with a house, and I
did it with a car I had. I thought I
was hiding the car, but it was nobody but God
that kept them people from five minute cars because I
needed my car. Was living in the city of Dallas
at the time. Oh you definitely, you know you need
your car, but otherwise you're gonna be on public relying
on public transportation.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
It's not in every area. It's not in every city
because where I said, we don't have public transportation out here.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Listen, I worked five minutes from where I lived and
I had to take three buses to work. That's how
bad the public transportation was. It didn't have just a
bus to go straight down the street. You got to
go to this way and that way or whatever. So
I understand what you're talking about isn't nobody but God.
It was nobody but God, because God knew I needed
a transportation because I needed to work.
Speaker 5 (08:50):
Yeah, and he knew me and my kids needed somewhere
to stay because I ain't had nothing nowhere to put
us right. Two years I remember like I could not
believe that, and it isn't until I moved out. We
sold the house and everything. Like I said, we sold
the house. We did af we sail on the house.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Mm wow, let's talk about it. But a little bit
about life and friendship. Do you have life long friends
where you've had like childhood friends, adult friends, and your
now friends, or do you just find yourself having this
one or two people that has always been a constant
(09:27):
throughout every phase of your life.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
I have lifelong friends. I have my girls that I've
been rocking with forever, and we don't talk every day.
I don't think some of at this point, I don't
think we talked in about a couple of months or
maybe a year. My best friend from elementary school, we've
been rocking since six fifth and sixth grade. And my
(09:51):
other friend that Shauna, and then my other friend Natasha.
Me and Tasha been rolling send to middle school, no
high school, and Tasha actually was my sister's best friend
and me and her ended up becoming best of friends.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Ye. How important to are those friendships when it comes
to life, especially people that grow with you versus somebody
just coming in. And I'm a believer that there's no
time on relationships when it comes to somebody that comes
in your life and you just know that energy is there.
You know, you just kind of click because that's how
we are. We ain't been knowing each other that long,
(10:25):
but you you my god for real?
Speaker 5 (10:27):
Yeah, real life.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
But yeah, I think that we need those different relationships
in life because it helps us stay grounded, it helps
us keep fighting, and we need people that will not
just be yes people. Right, So how are you? Would
you say?
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Very important because you need that foundation. So Shana Antasha
on my foundation. And as you grow and you get
older in life, you meet other people. People always say
no new friends, but you need new friends at every
level in your life. You're gonna need somebody who is
going to be there for you. Everybody is not on
the same level when it comes to friendships and different things,
(11:04):
so you need to surround yourself with different individuals. The
reason I got into entrepreneurship was because my two friends
that I was working with on them people Jazz were entrepreneurs.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
It is Ryan here and I have a question for you.
What do you do when you win?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
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Speaker 3 (11:41):
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Speaker 6 (11:48):
Black Friday is coming And for the adults in your
life who love the coolest toys, well there's something for
them this year too. Baptisian is the premiere craft cocktail
maker that automatically makes more than sixty seasonal and classic
cocktails each and out of thirty seconds at the push
of a button. And right now, Bartisian is having a
huge sight wide sale. You can get one hundred dollars
(12:09):
off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you
spend four hundred dollars or more So if the cocktail
lover in your life has been good this year or
the right kind of bad, get them Bartisian at the
push of a button, make bar quality Cosmopolitans, Martini's, Manhattan's,
and more, all in just thirty seconds, all for a
(12:31):
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Speaker 5 (12:47):
One was head of bacon business. That's why I thought it.
She helped me get bunch by a pound off the ground.
She told me all the things I needed to go
through and everything. My friend Larry. Larry helped me see
the importance. Dy both help me see the impultance of
having your own and doing your own things.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
People are there to teach us. We just have to
know who our people are not. Everybody is supposed to
be a part of our purpose. And let me ask
you this, do you believe that certain friendships can lead
your life down the wrong path?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
Hell yes, yes, ma'am. Everybody ain't meant to go to
distance everybody ain't meant to go to distance. You can't
pull everybody on a journey that God has a sign
for you. Sometimes you gotta let people go and you
got to be a friend from a distance. Or sometimes
those relationships just fade and you know, you don't even
(13:43):
know why they faded, but God know why.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah. I see this thing on Instagram all the time.
It says that the people are no longer in your
life because God heard conversations that you did not, And
we have to we have to tap into that discernment
when it comes to life, because life, life, life out here. Yeah,
and people be actually weird as.
Speaker 5 (14:06):
Hell beyond very rare with very weird my word.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
And I'm trying to figure out, like why you believe
that folks get so weird instead of having conversations. Do
you think it's easier just to just be weird than
the actual actually have the conversation.
Speaker 5 (14:21):
Because everybody don't want to have conversations. I'd rather just
assume what I want to assume took place, and I
don't want to talk about it. So what I have
in my mind is what really happened, and knowing not
knowing that may not even be the issue. But in
my mind, I'm going to take however I perceive it happened.
That's what I'm gonna run with, and I don't need
to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
And be bringing other folks on board having them think
the same thing. Yeah, we're gonna switch gears and we're
gonna ask about how is the business gone? Tell let
everybody how it's gone. What you got going on. I
know you said that you are full time entrepreneurship. Talk
talk to the people, let them know.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
It's only been a couple of weeks that I've been
in a full time entrepreneur role. Honestly, I've been doing
a lot of trainings. I've been getting going to a
lot of networking events locally, getting my name out there,
meeting all the people that's locally. I'm currently in a
leadership training. We have two more weeks or that. It
(15:21):
is a five week program. We have two more weeks
with that. I'm looking forward to hearing from another program.
This is a twelve week cool Heart that I applied for,
so I'm waiting to hear back from that. So I'm
just getting myself where I could build this solid foundation
to make a bouncer for solution what I wanted to
be the ultimate goal for a bouncer for Solution is
for it to be a community based organization where the
(15:43):
community could come and get the things that they need.
If they need notarization, they can come and get their
papers notarized, if they need to make copies of important documents,
if they need mailboxes, community mailboxes, if they need just
the resources in a community. I want to work with
the re entry population. That's what I did on my
previous job. I love, love, love working with the re
(16:04):
entry population and helping them get back on their feet,
helping them get the trainings that they need. I love
being a person that's full of resources. I love guiding
people to the place that they may be to get
the things that they need. So that's what the overall
goal for a BOUNTI for Solution to be.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I love that. I love that. So moving forward, we're
gonna talk about love. Hey, I love the topic.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
But they do they do?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
They do?
Speaker 5 (16:34):
That is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
It is, it is, and so I always this season,
I have asked the question to all of the guests
that are before you, what would be your definition of love?
Speaker 5 (16:47):
My definition of love is a commitment mhm. Loyalty hm hmm.
That's a good question. The commitment and loyalty friendship, that's
what I should have started with friendship, because you can't.
I just feel you have to have a solid friendship
(17:10):
to move into loving somebody for a long period of time.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
It ain't gonna last, otherwise it won't. H I love
that for me. Love is peace.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Yeah, definitely, they because I don't want nobody that's gonna
come through the dough disrupting my day and just all
in a rut. And like nah, I grew up in
a household like that, so I definitely don't want it
in my life.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Exactly. I did too, Like I mean, we had a
loving household, but it was a lot of it was
a lot of chaos in there, you know. And I
love my parents and they're still together with forty plus years.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Shout out to them. It was a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
You could tell that there was some level of friendship
because I don't think that they would have been able
to make it otherwise, right, Yeah, yeah, you're right. Do
you think that Shivery is dead?
Speaker 5 (18:06):
No, No, I don't. Sometimes you have to teach people
what you want. So me and my husband y'all heard
me say we divorced in twenty sixteen. Well we remarried
in twenty twenty one. And that's because of the friendship
and the consistency that he showed. Even despite the fact
(18:29):
that we were divorced. He would still show up where
he didn't have to show up. Even when I was
dating of the individuals, he would show up, so the
other individuals ain't even had opportunity to really show and
tell because he was showing up point period. But in
my dating phase, well, and I'm from New Orleans, them
(18:54):
dudes wasn't opening no doors down there. They don't open
those doors in Louisiana. Like you get you hopping, call
you go. I mean, you get on your side. I
get on my side and we go. But dating an
older guy here, he was like, don't touch that door.
And it was a process to learn and it was hard,
(19:15):
but it was like, I don't touch doors, I don't
open doors, I don't pump gas, I don't do none
of that stuff. That's what he's for. So I say,
chivalry is not dead. It all depends on the person.
So now since I experienced that, I tell I had
to teach my husband like I need you to open
this door, because that's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
And so I'm glad that we're talking about this because
some women just feel like I don't need no man
to open the door for me. I got it. What
would you say to the person who feels that way?
I mean, I don't think that you need to be
so hard as a person to not let someone who
has been taught to be a gentleman by the people
in his life are just looking and seeing and observing. You. Don't,
(20:00):
don't just don't. Don't just be so quick to just
shut that off. Nobody wants anything from you.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
I just want to be and Brazer experience in your
soft girl error. He may have been raised differently from you.
I know that's not something that you accustomed to. But
just embrace it and watch how you go to enjoying it,
because at one point, see now, I don't even go
I don't touch the door. I just sit in the
car and wait for him to come around.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Stand there today until you open.
Speaker 5 (20:33):
Yeah, So embrace to get in your soft girl error.
We so hard and we want to be so independent
that that ship is tiresome.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
That shit is stupid.
Speaker 5 (20:46):
We we we've been trained that we don't need a man.
We don't need this. We could do everything ourselves, which
we can. There is nothing that we cannot do. But
if you have somebody that's going to allow you to
be in your soft girl era and you don't have
to be hard and you don't have to do it
all the time, let them do it.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yep, let them do it.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
That's my love language, asks of kindness. That's it.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
You're going ahead. That's my next question. I was gonna
ask you, though, like, well, we don't. We talked about
the love languages and you said that yours is acts
of kindness. Do you believe that you go in and
out of different love languages? I did.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
I've grown because when I was younger, it was physical touch.
It was physical touch, and I just wanted to cuddle.
And I want now it's like get away from me.
I don't like all of that, but I like my
ex of kindness. I like for him to come through
the door and he just have some roses or some
type of flowers for me. I like when he gets
(21:43):
up and say what you want for breakfast? You ain't
gotta cook this morning, or what we eating for dinner.
I'm gonna cook it. I like all of that. When
I got in the house, when I brought my house,
we weren't together at the time, so I was painting
and things like that. He would come and he would
help paint the house and all of this stuff. So
those are the things show up for me because I
show up for people. So I want it in return.
(22:05):
I want people to and I don't want to have
to ask yeah. I just want you to do it
and be consistent in doing it.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Oh. I feel like if I got to ask.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
I don't want it exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
It don't mean that much to you.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
If I got to ask, yeah, don't I don't want
you to do it. If I got to ask you
to do.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
It, just do it. Well. What would you say to
someone who is listening that is trying to love somebody
with their love language versus loving them loving that person
with that person's love language.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Learn, sit down and have the conversation. Take the test together.
Just go to the website and say you just send
them the test and say, hell, I want you to
take this because that's what me and my husband did.
I want you to take this test so I can
know how to properly love you right, and I just
show you that I appreciate you and give you the
things that's going to make you feel good. My husband
(22:55):
likes to travel. I wasn't a travel person, but that's
something he liked to do.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
He's Ryan here and question for you, what do you
do when you win?
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Like?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Are you a fist pumper, a wooo, a handclapper, a
high fiver. If you want to hone in on those
winning moves, check out Chumbuck Casino choose some hundreds of
social casino style games for your chance to redeem serious
cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly, plus free
daily bonuses, so don't wait start having the most fun
ever at chumback Casino dot com.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Sponsored by Chump Casino. No purchase necessary VGW Group Ford.
We're prohibited by Law eighteen plus. Terms and conditions apply.
Speaker 6 (23:29):
Black Friday is coming and for the adults in your
life who love the coolest toys, well there's something for
them this year too. Bartisian is the premiere craft cocktail
maker that automatically makes more than sixty seasonal and classic
cocktails each and out of thirty seconds at the push
of a button and right now Bartisian is having a
huge sight wide sale. You can get one hundred dollars
(23:51):
off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you
spend four hundred dollars or more. So, if the cocktail
lover in your life has been good this year or
the right kind of bad, get them Bartisian at the
push of a button, make far quality Cosmopolitans, Martini's, Manhattans,
and more, all in just thirty seconds, all for a
(24:13):
hundred off. Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a
hundred off a cocktail maker when you spend four hundred
Through cyber Monday, visit bartisian dot com slash cocktail. That's
b A r T E s I a n dot
com slash cocktail.
Speaker 5 (24:29):
So when he say I want to go somewhere, I
gotta go and get on a computer and start looking
up trips and booking cruises because we always on a cruise.
As everybody know, I love a cruise.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Oh so yeah, yeah, And it takes work. It takes
a decision to do the work. Yeah, Because if.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
You're choice every day to love somebody, I have to
choose you every single day. When you love somebody, you
are choosing to love that person. You may not like them,
because there are days that I I don't like him,
but I'm making a conscious decision to love him every
single day of my life.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Okay, so this is about to be like maybe a
hard lesson for somebody, it may be for me. When
you are loving somebody the way that you see that
they want to be loved or like to be loved,
yet you're not being met with the same reciprocity, how
do you handle that when it comes to love.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
I walked away, That's why we were divorced, and I
kept trying despite the separation. I kept trying to get
to give him what he needed and to show him
what I needed, and it wasn't being received, so I
forwarded him. Now listen, now, I'm not telling nobody to
(25:49):
do what I did. Let's be real. And we were
younger then too, so let me we were younger then.
But if somebody is not showing you their pate you
and they love you, and they doing their pointing, you're
they're not giving you what you need and your steady
giving them what they need. Sometimes you have to evaluate
that situation and like, is this really the person for me?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Right?
Speaker 5 (26:12):
Maybe we need a break and we could come back together,
because that's what it took for us. That don't work
for everybody though, right, Yeah, only.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Work for us, right. And I was just about to
say she she is talking about personal experience when it
comes to love. We're not condoning the vorce and doing
all the things, but you as I'm.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
A marriage person, I believe in marriage. This is my
well technically it will be my third marriage. But again,
we married, we got married. Our first marriage was in
tw thousand and eight. We divorced in twenty sixteen and
got married remarried in twenty twenty one, so on paper
it is my third marriage when it's only my second,
it's only my second husband.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Listen. I love the fact that you're that you can
can talk to the listeners about that because you have
gone through it. Yeah, so I hope that you got
are recepted to what she's saying. Because she has loved
this man enough to walk away from this man and
then loved him enough again to remarry this man. So
he had to he had to learn and say, you
(27:12):
know what, how I won't lose this woman. Let me
had and get myself together.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
And we experienced a lot. We experienced a lot in
our separation. We experienced a lot. My husband was injured
on his job where he lost his left foot. He's
an amputeem, so we went through that in twenty fifteen.
In twenty seventeen, I went through my breast cancer journey.
In twenty nineteen, I went through a rotator cuff surgery.
(27:39):
So we've been through so many things in our separation
that we leaned on each other. We didn't lean on
nobody else. I don't care who he was dealing with.
And at the time of his accident, he was in
a relationship with somebody. He was baby. When I tell y'all,
it was a whole diriver mad black woman seeing at
that hot spit tole do, I promise, y'all, but you
(28:05):
see where he at.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
So the heart won't what the heart wants you hear me?
All this other shit, right that right that could have
been in all the other ship.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Yes, yes, if we could dive deeper, it's ain't just
look guess what I y'all know. I share. I'm I'm open,
honest and transparent. I don't have a problem with it, because.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
How do you feel about all the other ship that
goes on with love and life. How do you keep
from staying stuck in the negative part of all the
other ship and embrace the positivity so that something good
can come out of us.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
You gotta grow, You gotta grow, you gotta pre because
if you ain't got going in it, it ain't gonna
work in no way. And that that was one of
our disconnects too, because he didn't like a church y'all
was going to. So I'm trying to pivot to find
a church that he like in this than the other.
At the end of the day, when judgment they come,
he ain't gonna be standing next to me. So you
(29:05):
figure out what you're gonna do, and I'm gonna do
what I'm gonna do, and we gonna make it work together.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
You have to because you will exhaust yourself. Yeah, I'm
going to church. Where you going. Well, I see when
we get back, wein't got to be in the same
house as the Lord. But at least you getting get
fed something, have some type of something that you that
you're leaning on. And the fact that you talk about God,
especially when dealing with all of the other ship. Do
you remember a time when you were so doll bogged
(29:33):
down into all that other ship that you ain't have
no other choice but to call on God.
Speaker 5 (29:38):
Oh my cancer journey, that that was an experience in itself.
When I think about it, the night that I attempted suicide.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 5 (29:53):
This is gonna make trigger some people, but this is
my reality. I was tired. I was tired. I can't
remember what. I think it was like November. We started
chemo in August, so I think it was like late
October early November. And my kids were gone and I
had don't gain all this weight, my hair was gone.
(30:16):
I was tired. I was sick alligis sinus. I was
on steroids, which increased my sugar because I'm diabetic, so
steroids increases your sugar, so they had to put me
on insulin. It was just and I'm like, lord, I'm
tired of this. And I pulled out my gun and
I was like, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm
(30:37):
about to get just do it. I'm done. I'm just
done with life period. This is tired. I'm over it.
And this voice said, what about your babies? What about
your babies, especially the one that don't have a daddy,
who is she going to turn to who is going
to take care of her? You can't leave your baby.
(31:00):
You can't leave your babies, especially the one that don't
have that won't have anybody. Get up, get it together.
And that's what I did. I got up, I prayed,
put my gun up, and was in church the next morning.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
And I'm so glad that you listen me too, because
I listened because I was there too, and I was
taking her with me because I didn't want to leave
her to be a burden to anybody else. I mean,
her dad was not together at the time, and I
was a college student, overwhelmed with being a full time
college student, working full time, and being trying to be
a full time mom. And I thank God for my mom,
(31:40):
my dad, and my siblings who were younger than than
I that helped help, you know, take care of him
stuff when I was in college. But this one particular day,
she came to college with me, and I was standing
on the side of this curve and holding her, and
it's cars going through the campus at the time, and
I'm like, just walk out there, walk out in front
of them. I would have missed somebody's day.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Yeah, And then a lot of people, because not just
day day, you would have messed their family, lay up.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
And that and that anybody watching.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Yeah, that played in my head too, because my kids
would have had to come home and find me like that. Yeah,
and it is that the image that I really wanted
them to be stuck with for the rest of their life.
I found my mama dad. I remember the first time
my mama was in the first time my stepdad fought
my mama, and I was eight years old, and that
(32:29):
image still plays in my head to this day. Me
and my sister came home from school. They were in
the house allgain. My aunt stayed next door, so we
went next door to get him some time to cool
off or whatever. We get ready to walk back across
the yard. We met with my mama coming out the door,
blood just dripping, and my mama collapsed in front of us.
(32:50):
That image stays with me. And I'm forty six, forty
sixth Lord, I was about to say forty seven. I
am forty, Yes, February around the corner. I don't talk
about that, so that that image stuck with me to
this day. I still see that image. Yeah, So I
wouldn't want my I didn't want my kids to come
(33:11):
home and see them.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I'm just glad that we both listened to that voice
that was inside of us, because look at us now.
We can actually talk about it without breaking down, without
feeling ashamed, because some people don't like to share their
stories when they know that it can help somebody else. Definitely,
I don't have a problem talking about what I'd have
been through because I'm not there anymore. I am healed
(33:35):
from that. Thank God that I'm here from that. But
so many people are ashamed because they were probably made
to feel ashamed or they were once vulnerable with somebody
and then.
Speaker 5 (33:47):
It was not read with what told everybody would happen.
My safe space is my therapist. Shout out to Nikka Jones.
That is about safe space. I tell her everything. She's
all in my business and and I know that when
I go to her that it ain't going no where.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
It ain't going.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
And if you are not in therapy and you are
going through the things, please find you a therapist.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Plea. Okay, y'all, it is okay as black people, and
I'm gonna say used to be because right now therapy
is high, like the people are really trying to go
and get themselves healed from past traumas you and all
the beds. So we break in the stigma. We're not
(34:33):
staying with these generation curses and taking what we had
to go through and put the flyingess to our kids
and all that. No, we're not doing that anymore.
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Speaker 2 (36:12):
You know, I don't make my kids do anything that
they don't feel comfortable doing, you.
Speaker 5 (36:16):
Know, and both of them. I have a therapist, and
we all have our own therapists. We don't nobody sees
the same therapists. My oldest have her therapists, my youngest
has her own therapists. Nobody sees the same therapists.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
And that's and that matters. Like when you're dealing with
all that other shit because I know that they probably
have some trauma and stuff too that they may and
I know you and your kids talk about everything, but
they may just need to talk to somebody first to
fill it out and see before they can talk to you.
And that's okay, guys, that's okay to have some and
shop a hand man, you first splash shoes.
Speaker 5 (36:51):
You see consultations. Nobody consultations and it's free, you're not
paying for it. Just get on a consultation and see
if that person is the right fit for you, because
everybody's not going to be that fit. But I say this,
they say only wealthy people have therapists. I ain't wealth
there and I ain't rich, but I got a therapist,
(37:12):
and that what gives you a wealth put you in
a different class of wealth. I'm rich because I got
a therapist because I know helping me deal with the
issues that I have. Look at how many rich people,
famous people took their lives because they didn't.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
So they might have had a therapist and they still
didn't feel comfortable enough to share right.
Speaker 5 (37:33):
Well, one day them demons just got too much for
them and they didn't they didn't listen to that that
voice or reason.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, yeah, And then I want to talk about the
importance of paying attentions to your circle and your people,
especially when you know you've been dealing with your shit.
You know everybody else got their own shit to deal with,
but it is still important. Like I always reach out,
and I always say, well, you know what, I ain't
talk to risk, let me reach out, I ain't talk
(37:59):
to be let me reach out. I'll send y'all a
funny message or I'll send like a voice noted something.
And I do that with all the people that who
are important to me in my life, and I know
that y'all do the same for me. I had to
go missing for a minute. I had to go missing
to see who would would think about me or who
was notice me not being there. And it took about
(38:21):
a week. But everybody is almost like everybody was like,
wait a minute, ain't talk and everybody just started flooding me.
And I was so overwhelmed with I was just grateful,
and I was thinking God, because some people don't have that.
Some people just going through life and don't have anybody
to lean on, anybody to show themselves friendly to them,
(38:44):
especially dealing with life and with life that comes shit. Yeah,
so let's talk about that. Let's talk about like showing
like paying attention to your your circle, and showing up
for the people that mean the most of you.
Speaker 5 (38:58):
I ain't gonna lie. I used to do that, but
if it's not reciprocated, I'm not doing I don't do that.
I follow up with those who follow up with me.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
I did it. I get it now. I have been
more conscious lately. If people are dropped in my spirit,
I just pray for that.
Speaker 5 (39:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
That don't mean I got to reach out to you
unless God tells me call this person, send a message
or whatever. I just pray for him because we don't
talk for a reason, for a reason, And I'm not
mad at you for that, because sometimes.
Speaker 5 (39:32):
You just can't. You could be in a spot God
could have you in a certain area, a certain place
in your life where if you do talk to them,
it's going to trigger something and bring up something. Oh
so many people want to live in a past like
I'm not that person. I ain't the same person I
was yesterday. I woke up with a total different mindset
this morning than I had last night before I went
(39:55):
to bed, So I'm not that same person. So sometimes
it's just better have to reach out to some people,
pray for them and keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yes, when you have been through all the other shit,
the small stuff, some of the big stuff too, is it?
You tell me if you have this too, I don't
really care that much. I'm not putting forth energy to it.
If it's not something that I can change or something
(40:24):
that ain't gonna affect me or matter in ten minutes,
I'm not giving energy to it. You are you like that?
Speaker 5 (40:29):
Yeah, that's it. If it ain't ten minutes two minutes.
If I can't change it in two minutes, it's out,
I'm washing it. Lord, you got it, you got it.
I'm done. I don't want it. I'm giving it to you.
And that's how you got to realize that we have
to do. If it's something you cannot do within two
or five minutes yourself, let it go, give it to gold,
(40:52):
take out of it.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
I've been told that I was hard to act like
a dude because I don't care. It's not that I
don't care, it's just that some stuff just don't matter
to me. Yeah, Like, I'm not gonna keep talking to
you about the same stuff. I'm not gonna keep trying
to make you hear me or see me. I'm not
gonna try to make what I'm passionate about be what
(41:15):
you're passionate about. You just support me or you don't.
You do want to be in my life or you don't.
You do want me in your life or you don't.
And if you show yourself a certain way, I'm gonna
start believing that's who you are.
Speaker 5 (41:28):
But you want to tell you what that is. That's
because Kek know her work. See Keky had sat down
and identify what she's willing to accept and what she's
not willing to accept. And I'm okay with you not
being in my life because I know my work and
I'm gonna stand on that. I have my boundaries in
place for your reason, and I'm gonna stand on that period.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
With anybody that's it. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing when
you go through that hell and journey. Oh yeah, like
d down, get into that shit and realize that it's
stak real bad to the point where you're about to pass.
Speaker 5 (42:05):
Well, we don't want to, we don't want to identify it.
I just made a poster the other day about when
we really sit down and we think about where a
lot of our trauma come from as adults and stem
from our childhood. So when you start healing that childhood trauma,
you start recognizing that, identifying your triggers, working through it.
(42:26):
And I know we're supposed to be talking but personal development,
but it's what it is, y'all. Get what it is
like when you start identifying those things that make you
start wanting to do things differently and better and improve yourselves.
It should, yeah, because some people want to stay stuck
and play victim all the time. But where they think
the mentality gonna get you, because it's still getting you
(42:48):
in the same position that you be in day in
and day out. When you start having a victor mentality,
they ain't start changing when you start going on your
healing journey and identifying, oh, these are the things that
took place in my life that I didn't like as
a child. So I'm going to change these things. I'm
going to heal from these things. I'm going to keep
moving forward and not worry about what was, because what's
(43:10):
the coming so much greater, it's so much better, So
let it.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Go, Let it go, let it go. And for me,
I believe that at some point you have to grow up. Yep,
you have to grow up. And you have to realize
that the people who raised us, they only could do
what they could do. Yep.
Speaker 5 (43:30):
They did the best they can. And we don't know
what circumstances, the situation they went through when they was
growing up, and a lot of them and from our
from our parents' age, they don't even talk about what
happened when they were kids. We got to speculate on
what happened, but we know what But we knew what
happened with us when we grew up, and we took
we taking the opportunity to change the narrative because we
(43:52):
don't want our kids to go through what we went.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Through exactly exactly. Listen, I love it, and then all
that other shit gonna come.
Speaker 5 (44:00):
Yeah, I mean, life don't like regardless, that's what it's
what it's gonna do. But how you show up when
they go to life and what you do? Are you
gonna show up and get in a ring and boxing?
Are you gonna Are you gonna get in a corner
and wattle right up? You might come out beat up
(44:25):
like Martin was on that episode with Timmy Hearns you
ain't come out with some bruises and you know, but
you survived to fight another day like Topsy. Yes, when
sometimes you lose, but you survived to fight another day.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yes. Absolutely, learn learn to take an ass whipping. You know,
nowadays people don't want to take ass whipping the quick,
the poor girls now as humble you.
Speaker 5 (44:48):
Sometimes sometimes you need to. You need an ass whipping
because you need to be humbled.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Facts, facts, and sometimes all that other ship be the
greatest ass whipping you would ever have in your life.
Speaker 5 (45:02):
Yeah, because it it redirects you. You start seeing things differently.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Mm hm. Yes, So listen, this has been a great conversation.
I'm always look, we can go on and on and on,
but we always have some of the best conversations. And
I do thank you for being here. Next, what's next
for coach risk.
Speaker 5 (45:23):
A bountiful solution. It is next. It is your solution.
It is the solution to all your personal development needs.
Were starting one more one on one coaching and the
new year Reignite her. It is starting in January, which
is the group coaching for female entrepreneurs. We had such
(45:44):
an amazing time last year where earlier this year the
ladies loved it. So many amazing outcomes came from it.
Even one of the ladies wind up walking away from
her eight to five and becoming stepping into a free,
full time entreprene nordship herself. Everybody else been having major breakthroughs,
things that they will procrastinating and they stopped procrastinating. They've
(46:07):
been showing up for themselves. And as a coach, that's
the greatest thing for me. The transformation is the most
amazing thing to see and to know that you had
a hand and helping women see where they were procrastinating
and then where they were suffering and doing suffering with
stagnation and just not putting forth the effort that they needed.
They needed somebody to actually put it out there for them,
(46:31):
to actually show them because sometimes we needed to be
in our face. Yeah, because I don't see it. I
don't see it myself because it's something that you're doing
on a daily basis. But when I pointed out and
you was like, oh, that's really neat, and that's what
it took for a lot of them to see.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Oh nice. I love it. So if the people want
to work with you, tell them how they can.
Speaker 5 (46:53):
You could find me on Instagram at your selfish coach.
You could hit up my website www dot reignite her
dot com. You can find me on Facebook at a
bountiful solution. You can find me on LinkedIn at a
risk of Smith Scott. But all you could text me
text me forty six nine nine eight seven three three
(47:14):
five eights say I saw you on Kiki podcast. How
can I work with you? That's it? You might get
a discount if you shout out KEIKEI just say.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
All the information would be in the show notes. All
the information would be in the show notes, so you
don't have an excuse. Listen any final thoughts about life,
love and all that other shit that you would like
to share with the listeners.
Speaker 5 (47:37):
Life gone life, show up for it, Show up for
it with your gloves on, ready to box.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
So all I got absolutely and look y'all go get
the October edition. Yes, coch a Risker is a featured
She is sharing her story of survival in nineteen magazines,
So y'all go get it over night. Being dash magazine
dot com, the information would be in the show notes
as well. Thank you guys again for tuning in. I'm
(48:06):
back every Thursday with a new episode. Y'all make me
smile for real, because y'all could be listening to any
other podcast, but y'all chose to listen to Kicking In
with Kiki. So you are appreciated, you are loved, and
I am grateful for you. So until next time, I'll
see you later.
Speaker 5 (48:23):
Purple Hub checking it Withiki.
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Black Friday is coming, and for the adults in your
life who love the coolest toys, well there's something for
them this year too. Bartisian is the premiere craft cocktail
maker that automatically makes more than sixty seasonal and classic
cocktails each and under thirty seconds at the push of
a button, and right now, Bartisian is having a huge
sight wide sale. You can get one hundred dollars off
(49:30):
any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you spend
four hundred dollars or more so, if the cocktail lover
in your life has been good this year or the
right kind of bad, get them Bartisian at the push
of a button, make Bark quality Cosmopolitans, Martini's, Manhattan's, and more,
all in just thirty seconds, all for a hundred off.
(49:53):
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Speaker 4 (00:33):
Welcome to Kicking in Wikiki, Kicking It Piki Ki, kick
in It Piki Ki.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
For little Personalities, witching up the story on that we
make a s story and books Changing ours one day
and Fra prompt Sa enjoy sol for her.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Kicking it with.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Hello. Hello, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
Kicking It with Kiki, Life, Love and all that other Ship.
I am your host, Kiki Chanel. We are back in
season seven. Y'all, season seven and we're talking about life,
love and all that other ship for this season. These
seasons we talked about mindset and personal growth, but we
are going beyond that. Now, We're moving into a broader, popping,
(01:37):
good life, love and all that other shit. Today I'm
join with a very special guest. She is not new
to the platform, but I always still like to give
my guests the opportunity to introduce themselves coach and huska.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Hey y'all, Hey, hey, hey, beautiful souls, it's your girl.
Coach is your favorite selfish coach. I am the owner, founder,
and CEO of a Bountle for Solution, a personal development
organization where I offer transformation on life coaching for women.
I helped women recognize, identify sources, and eliminate self sabotage
and behaviors that disrupt their personal and professional lives.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I love it. I love it. So how you doing.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I'm good, good, good good, Welcome back. Thank you. Look.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
I was just going through my memories on Snapchat and
a picture of our first interview two years ago on
Instagram on Halloween popped up and again shout out to
Love Martin as hello girl.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yes, that was that we had. We had a fun
time that night and we got a little deep in
that conversation we did.
Speaker 5 (02:47):
We did talked about survivorship, We did about survivorship. Low
shared her experiences and I shared mine with breast cancer.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right absolutely, And we're gonna get into that. But you
know how you been.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
I've been good. I've been transitioning. Some things have transpired
over the past. Oh a couple of weeks. I'm no
longer working for them people, because y'all know that's what
i'fectionately called them some people job, my full time job.
I am now stepping into full time entrepreneurship.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Oh I love it. Congratulations, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
So it's it's been a journey these past couple of
weeks and adjusting to all the new things.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Okay, So now that you say that, I want to
just dive into we're talking about life doing this segment.
So when life throws you curve balls, how important is
it to have that mindset of pivoting.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
Oh oh yah. We just talked about pivoting the other day.
I was talking to somebody. You have to life is
about changing that. Life is the only it's not one.
Life is one of the only things that's consistently. Every
day something is changing in our lives. So you have
to embrace it. You have to embrace it. I don't
(04:06):
care how hard it may seem. It's going to happen.
You can't stay stuck forever. So just go and grow
with the flow.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Absolutely, you have to. Otherwise we know the alternative, right yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
You be stuck and constantly stuck and not get nowhere
when all you gotta do is just make one little step.
A world of difference, yep.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
And if you don't change with the times, you're.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Gonna get lost beyond very young, very.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What is one lesson that you have learned about life
that you carry to this day, one.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
Lesson that I learned about life that I care to
this day. For me, it will be that God is
my constant. Oh, no matter what happens in my life,
I don't care who come in and out of my life.
He is my constant. He is going to be with
me when nobody else is there. He's going to be
my confidante. He's going to listen, he's going to give
(05:07):
me advice, he is never going to steer me in
the wrong direction. So knowing and learning that God is
my constant throughout it all, that's it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I love that. And so speaking of life, when it
comes to God. Can you remember a time where you
didn't lean on God and how different your life was
then versus now when God is your constant.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
Ooh. I was the person that would always get in
my own way. I was the person that chose others
trying to fulfill a void. So I was the person
that was in and out of relationships. I'll jump out
of one relationship and hopping another one because I ain't
want to be by myself. I didn't want to be alone,
So I kept jumping in these relationship, jump out of
(05:53):
one relationship, being another one the next couple of months,
or whatever the case may be, never really taking a
time to be by myself and learn myself, learn and
learn a lean on God. So twenty sixteen when me
and my husband separated, No, we divorced in twenty sixteen.
We separated in twenty twelve. We divorced in twenty sixteen.
(06:15):
We had to sell our house and I wind up
moving into a least property. And that was the first
time in my adult life that I had to solely
depend on the risk of that was never it was
not a risker in somebody else that was nobody paying
the other half. Of the rent, nobody paying the other
half of the bills, nobody buying the food. It was
(06:36):
just me and I had my babies that I had
to take care of. So that was my pivotal point
in my life.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Oh wow. Yeah, And I talk about God a lot
on the podcast because that he is the head of
my life and without him, I am nothing. As you
begin to grow and develop and grow your relationship with God,
how did you notice a change in your life.
Speaker 5 (07:01):
I noticed a change in me and I noticed that, okay, girl,
you let me go back. So my house that we
had to sell. My house was in bankruptcy for years,
but at least two years I stayed in that house
two years without paying a mortgage. They never came got
(07:22):
my house or anything, and I was putting the money
on the side, but I was like, I'm not paying
no mortgage. It's in bankruptcy. It is what it is.
I'm not doing it. Two years, me and my kids
didn't get evicted. You didn't get put out. That's nobody begard, nobody,
nobody Begod. That I did not have to move out
(07:42):
of my house. They didn't even push for the paperwork
to the eviction paperwork of anything, and all that time,
I literally we literally ended up doing a quick sale
on the house. Bankruptcy didn't even take the house. I
literally sold the house and got money from the house.
So it was nobody but go in those two years
that me and my kids stayed there without paying the mortgage.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
You know, you did that with a house, and I
did it with a car I had. I thought I
was hiding the car, but it was nobody but God
that kept them people from five minute cars because I
needed my car. Was living in the city of Dallas
at the time. Oh you definitely, you know you need
your car, but otherwise you're gonna be on public relying
on public transportation.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
It's not in every area. It's not in every city
because where I said, we don't have public transportation out here.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Listen, I worked five minutes from where I lived and
I had to take three buses to work. That's how
bad the public transportation was. It didn't have just a
bus to go straight down the street. You got to
go to this way and that way or whatever. So
I understand what you're talking about isn't nobody but God.
It was nobody but God, because God knew I needed
a transportation because I needed to work.
Speaker 5 (08:50):
Yeah, and he knew me and my kids needed somewhere
to stay because I ain't had nothing nowhere to put
us right. Two years I remember like I could not
believe that, and it isn't until I moved out. We
sold the house and everything. Like I said, we sold
the house. We did af we sail on the house.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Mm wow, let's talk about it. But a little bit
about life and friendship. Do you have life long friends
where you've had like childhood friends, adult friends, and your
now friends, or do you just find yourself having this
one or two people that has always been a constant
(09:27):
throughout every phase of your life.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
I have lifelong friends. I have my girls that I've
been rocking with forever, and we don't talk every day.
I don't think some of at this point, I don't
think we talked in about a couple of months or
maybe a year. My best friend from elementary school, we've
been rocking since six fifth and sixth grade. And my
(09:51):
other friend that Shauna, and then my other friend Natasha.
Me and Tasha been rolling send to middle school, no
high school, and Tasha actually was my sister's best friend
and me and her ended up becoming best of friends.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Ye. How important to are those friendships when it comes
to life, especially people that grow with you versus somebody
just coming in. And I'm a believer that there's no
time on relationships when it comes to somebody that comes
in your life and you just know that energy is there.
You know, you just kind of click because that's how
we are. We ain't been knowing each other that long,
(10:25):
but you you my god for real?
Speaker 5 (10:27):
Yeah, real life.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
But yeah, I think that we need those different relationships
in life because it helps us stay grounded, it helps
us keep fighting, and we need people that will not
just be yes people. Right, So how are you? Would
you say?
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Very important because you need that foundation. So Shana Antasha
on my foundation. And as you grow and you get
older in life, you meet other people. People always say
no new friends, but you need new friends at every
level in your life. You're gonna need somebody who is
going to be there for you. Everybody is not on
the same level when it comes to friendships and different things,
(11:04):
so you need to surround yourself with different individuals. The
reason I got into entrepreneurship was because my two friends
that I was working with on them people Jazz were entrepreneurs.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
It is Ryan here and I have a question for you.
What do you do when you win?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
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Speaker 6 (11:48):
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cocktails each and out of thirty seconds at the push
of a button. And right now, Bartisian is having a
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Speaker 5 (12:47):
One was head of bacon business. That's why I thought it.
She helped me get bunch by a pound off the ground.
She told me all the things I needed to go
through and everything. My friend Larry. Larry helped me see
the importance. Dy both help me see the impultance of
having your own and doing your own things.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
People are there to teach us. We just have to
know who our people are not. Everybody is supposed to
be a part of our purpose. And let me ask
you this, do you believe that certain friendships can lead
your life down the wrong path?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
Hell yes, yes, ma'am. Everybody ain't meant to go to
distance everybody ain't meant to go to distance. You can't
pull everybody on a journey that God has a sign
for you. Sometimes you gotta let people go and you
got to be a friend from a distance. Or sometimes
those relationships just fade and you know, you don't even
(13:43):
know why they faded, but God know why.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah. I see this thing on Instagram all the time.
It says that the people are no longer in your
life because God heard conversations that you did not, And
we have to we have to tap into that discernment
when it comes to life, because life, life, life out here. Yeah,
and people be actually weird as.
Speaker 5 (14:06):
Hell beyond very rare with very weird my word.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
And I'm trying to figure out, like why you believe
that folks get so weird instead of having conversations. Do
you think it's easier just to just be weird than
the actual actually have the conversation.
Speaker 5 (14:21):
Because everybody don't want to have conversations. I'd rather just
assume what I want to assume took place, and I
don't want to talk about it. So what I have
in my mind is what really happened, and knowing not
knowing that may not even be the issue. But in
my mind, I'm going to take however I perceive it happened.
That's what I'm gonna run with, and I don't need
to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
And be bringing other folks on board having them think
the same thing. Yeah, we're gonna switch gears and we're
gonna ask about how is the business gone? Tell let
everybody how it's gone. What you got going on. I
know you said that you are full time entrepreneurship. Talk
talk to the people, let them know.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
It's only been a couple of weeks that I've been
in a full time entrepreneur role. Honestly, I've been doing
a lot of trainings. I've been getting going to a
lot of networking events locally, getting my name out there,
meeting all the people that's locally. I'm currently in a
leadership training. We have two more weeks or that. It
(15:21):
is a five week program. We have two more weeks
with that. I'm looking forward to hearing from another program.
This is a twelve week cool Heart that I applied for,
so I'm waiting to hear back from that. So I'm
just getting myself where I could build this solid foundation
to make a bouncer for solution what I wanted to
be the ultimate goal for a bouncer for Solution is
for it to be a community based organization where the
(15:43):
community could come and get the things that they need.
If they need notarization, they can come and get their
papers notarized, if they need to make copies of important documents,
if they need mailboxes, community mailboxes, if they need just
the resources in a community. I want to work with
the re entry population. That's what I did on my
previous job. I love, love, love working with the re
(16:04):
entry population and helping them get back on their feet,
helping them get the trainings that they need. I love
being a person that's full of resources. I love guiding
people to the place that they may be to get
the things that they need. So that's what the overall
goal for a BOUNTI for Solution to be.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I love that. I love that. So moving forward, we're
gonna talk about love. Hey, I love the topic.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
But they do they do?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
They do?
Speaker 5 (16:34):
That is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
It is, it is, and so I always this season,
I have asked the question to all of the guests
that are before you, what would be your definition of love?
Speaker 5 (16:47):
My definition of love is a commitment mhm. Loyalty hm hmm.
That's a good question. The commitment and loyalty friendship, that's
what I should have started with friendship, because you can't.
I just feel you have to have a solid friendship
(17:10):
to move into loving somebody for a long period of time.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
It ain't gonna last, otherwise it won't. H I love
that for me. Love is peace.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Yeah, definitely, they because I don't want nobody that's gonna
come through the dough disrupting my day and just all
in a rut. And like nah, I grew up in
a household like that, so I definitely don't want it
in my life.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Exactly. I did too, Like I mean, we had a
loving household, but it was a lot of it was
a lot of chaos in there, you know. And I
love my parents and they're still together with forty plus years.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Shout out to them. It was a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
You could tell that there was some level of friendship
because I don't think that they would have been able
to make it otherwise, right, Yeah, yeah, you're right. Do
you think that Shivery is dead?
Speaker 5 (18:06):
No, No, I don't. Sometimes you have to teach people
what you want. So me and my husband y'all heard
me say we divorced in twenty sixteen. Well we remarried
in twenty twenty one. And that's because of the friendship
and the consistency that he showed. Even despite the fact
(18:29):
that we were divorced. He would still show up where
he didn't have to show up. Even when I was
dating of the individuals, he would show up, so the
other individuals ain't even had opportunity to really show and
tell because he was showing up point period. But in
my dating phase, well, and I'm from New Orleans, them
(18:54):
dudes wasn't opening no doors down there. They don't open
those doors in Louisiana. Like you get you hopping, call
you go. I mean, you get on your side. I
get on my side and we go. But dating an
older guy here, he was like, don't touch that door.
And it was a process to learn and it was hard,
(19:15):
but it was like, I don't touch doors, I don't
open doors, I don't pump gas, I don't do none
of that stuff. That's what he's for. So I say,
chivalry is not dead. It all depends on the person.
So now since I experienced that, I tell I had
to teach my husband like I need you to open
this door, because that's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
And so I'm glad that we're talking about this because
some women just feel like I don't need no man
to open the door for me. I got it. What
would you say to the person who feels that way?
I mean, I don't think that you need to be
so hard as a person to not let someone who
has been taught to be a gentleman by the people
in his life are just looking and seeing and observing. You. Don't,
(20:00):
don't just don't. Don't just be so quick to just
shut that off. Nobody wants anything from you.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
I just want to be and Brazer experience in your
soft girl error. He may have been raised differently from you.
I know that's not something that you accustomed to. But
just embrace it and watch how you go to enjoying it,
because at one point, see now, I don't even go
I don't touch the door. I just sit in the
car and wait for him to come around.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Stand there today until you open.
Speaker 5 (20:33):
Yeah, So embrace to get in your soft girl error.
We so hard and we want to be so independent
that that ship is tiresome.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
That shit is stupid.
Speaker 5 (20:46):
We we we've been trained that we don't need a man.
We don't need this. We could do everything ourselves, which
we can. There is nothing that we cannot do. But
if you have somebody that's going to allow you to
be in your soft girl era and you don't have
to be hard and you don't have to do it
all the time, let them do it.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yep, let them do it.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
That's my love language, asks of kindness. That's it.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
You're going ahead. That's my next question. I was gonna
ask you, though, like, well, we don't. We talked about
the love languages and you said that yours is acts
of kindness. Do you believe that you go in and
out of different love languages? I did.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
I've grown because when I was younger, it was physical touch.
It was physical touch, and I just wanted to cuddle.
And I want now it's like get away from me.
I don't like all of that, but I like my
ex of kindness. I like for him to come through
the door and he just have some roses or some
type of flowers for me. I like when he gets
(21:43):
up and say what you want for breakfast? You ain't
gotta cook this morning, or what we eating for dinner.
I'm gonna cook it. I like all of that. When
I got in the house, when I brought my house,
we weren't together at the time, so I was painting
and things like that. He would come and he would
help paint the house and all of this stuff. So
those are the things show up for me because I
show up for people. So I want it in return.
(22:05):
I want people to and I don't want to have
to ask yeah. I just want you to do it
and be consistent in doing it.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Oh. I feel like if I got to ask.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
I don't want it exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
It don't mean that much to you.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
If I got to ask, yeah, don't I don't want
you to do it. If I got to ask you
to do.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
It, just do it. Well. What would you say to
someone who is listening that is trying to love somebody
with their love language versus loving them loving that person
with that person's love language.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Learn, sit down and have the conversation. Take the test together.
Just go to the website and say you just send
them the test and say, hell, I want you to
take this because that's what me and my husband did.
I want you to take this test so I can
know how to properly love you right, and I just
show you that I appreciate you and give you the
things that's going to make you feel good. My husband
(22:55):
likes to travel. I wasn't a travel person, but that's
something he liked to do.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
He's Ryan here and question for you, what do you
do when you win?
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Like?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
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Speaker 6 (23:29):
Black Friday is coming and for the adults in your
life who love the coolest toys, well there's something for
them this year too. Bartisian is the premiere craft cocktail
maker that automatically makes more than sixty seasonal and classic
cocktails each and out of thirty seconds at the push
of a button and right now Bartisian is having a
huge sight wide sale. You can get one hundred dollars
(23:51):
off any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you
spend four hundred dollars or more. So, if the cocktail
lover in your life has been good this year or
the right kind of bad, get them Bartisian at the
push of a button, make far quality Cosmopolitans, Martini's, Manhattans,
and more, all in just thirty seconds, all for a
(24:13):
hundred off. Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a
hundred off a cocktail maker when you spend four hundred
Through cyber Monday, visit bartisian dot com slash cocktail. That's
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Speaker 5 (24:29):
So when he say I want to go somewhere, I
gotta go and get on a computer and start looking
up trips and booking cruises because we always on a cruise.
As everybody know, I love a cruise.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Oh so yeah, yeah, And it takes work. It takes
a decision to do the work. Yeah, Because if.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
You're choice every day to love somebody, I have to
choose you every single day. When you love somebody, you
are choosing to love that person. You may not like them,
because there are days that I I don't like him,
but I'm making a conscious decision to love him every
single day of my life.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Okay, so this is about to be like maybe a
hard lesson for somebody, it may be for me. When
you are loving somebody the way that you see that
they want to be loved or like to be loved,
yet you're not being met with the same reciprocity, how
do you handle that when it comes to love.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
I walked away, That's why we were divorced, and I
kept trying despite the separation. I kept trying to get
to give him what he needed and to show him
what I needed, and it wasn't being received, so I
forwarded him. Now listen, now, I'm not telling nobody to
(25:49):
do what I did. Let's be real. And we were
younger then too, so let me we were younger then.
But if somebody is not showing you their pate you
and they love you, and they doing their pointing, you're
they're not giving you what you need and your steady
giving them what they need. Sometimes you have to evaluate
that situation and like, is this really the person for me?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Right?
Speaker 5 (26:12):
Maybe we need a break and we could come back together,
because that's what it took for us. That don't work
for everybody though, right, Yeah, only.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Work for us, right. And I was just about to
say she she is talking about personal experience when it
comes to love. We're not condoning the vorce and doing
all the things, but you as I'm.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
A marriage person, I believe in marriage. This is my
well technically it will be my third marriage. But again,
we married, we got married. Our first marriage was in
tw thousand and eight. We divorced in twenty sixteen and
got married remarried in twenty twenty one, so on paper
it is my third marriage when it's only my second,
it's only my second husband.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Listen. I love the fact that you're that you can
can talk to the listeners about that because you have
gone through it. Yeah, so I hope that you got
are recepted to what she's saying. Because she has loved
this man enough to walk away from this man and
then loved him enough again to remarry this man. So
he had to he had to learn and say, you
(27:12):
know what, how I won't lose this woman. Let me
had and get myself together.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
And we experienced a lot. We experienced a lot in
our separation. We experienced a lot. My husband was injured
on his job where he lost his left foot. He's
an amputeem, so we went through that in twenty fifteen.
In twenty seventeen, I went through my breast cancer journey.
In twenty nineteen, I went through a rotator cuff surgery.
(27:39):
So we've been through so many things in our separation
that we leaned on each other. We didn't lean on
nobody else. I don't care who he was dealing with.
And at the time of his accident, he was in
a relationship with somebody. He was baby. When I tell y'all,
it was a whole diriver mad black woman seeing at
that hot spit tole do, I promise, y'all, but you
(28:05):
see where he at.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
So the heart won't what the heart wants you hear me?
All this other shit, right that right that could have
been in all the other ship.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Yes, yes, if we could dive deeper, it's ain't just
look guess what I y'all know. I share. I'm I'm open,
honest and transparent. I don't have a problem with it, because.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
How do you feel about all the other ship that
goes on with love and life. How do you keep
from staying stuck in the negative part of all the
other ship and embrace the positivity so that something good
can come out of us.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
You gotta grow, You gotta grow, you gotta pre because
if you ain't got going in it, it ain't gonna
work in no way. And that that was one of
our disconnects too, because he didn't like a church y'all
was going to. So I'm trying to pivot to find
a church that he like in this than the other.
At the end of the day, when judgment they come,
he ain't gonna be standing next to me. So you
(29:05):
figure out what you're gonna do, and I'm gonna do
what I'm gonna do, and we gonna make it work together.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
You have to because you will exhaust yourself. Yeah, I'm
going to church. Where you going. Well, I see when
we get back, wein't got to be in the same
house as the Lord. But at least you getting get
fed something, have some type of something that you that
you're leaning on. And the fact that you talk about God,
especially when dealing with all of the other ship. Do
you remember a time when you were so doll bogged
(29:33):
down into all that other ship that you ain't have
no other choice but to call on God.
Speaker 5 (29:38):
Oh my cancer journey, that that was an experience in itself.
When I think about it, the night that I attempted suicide.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 5 (29:53):
This is gonna make trigger some people, but this is
my reality. I was tired. I was tired. I can't
remember what. I think it was like November. We started
chemo in August, so I think it was like late
October early November. And my kids were gone and I
had don't gain all this weight, my hair was gone.
(30:16):
I was tired. I was sick alligis sinus. I was
on steroids, which increased my sugar because I'm diabetic, so
steroids increases your sugar, so they had to put me
on insulin. It was just and I'm like, lord, I'm
tired of this. And I pulled out my gun and
I was like, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm
(30:37):
about to get just do it. I'm done. I'm just
done with life period. This is tired. I'm over it.
And this voice said, what about your babies? What about
your babies, especially the one that don't have a daddy,
who is she going to turn to who is going
to take care of her? You can't leave your baby.
(31:00):
You can't leave your babies, especially the one that don't
have that won't have anybody. Get up, get it together.
And that's what I did. I got up, I prayed,
put my gun up, and was in church the next morning.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
And I'm so glad that you listen me too, because
I listened because I was there too, and I was
taking her with me because I didn't want to leave
her to be a burden to anybody else. I mean,
her dad was not together at the time, and I
was a college student, overwhelmed with being a full time
college student, working full time, and being trying to be
a full time mom. And I thank God for my mom,
(31:40):
my dad, and my siblings who were younger than than
I that helped help, you know, take care of him
stuff when I was in college. But this one particular day,
she came to college with me, and I was standing
on the side of this curve and holding her, and
it's cars going through the campus at the time, and
I'm like, just walk out there, walk out in front
of them. I would have missed somebody's day.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Yeah, And then a lot of people, because not just
day day, you would have messed their family, lay up.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
And that and that anybody watching.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Yeah, that played in my head too, because my kids
would have had to come home and find me like that. Yeah,
and it is that the image that I really wanted
them to be stuck with for the rest of their life.
I found my mama dad. I remember the first time
my mama was in the first time my stepdad fought
my mama, and I was eight years old, and that
(32:29):
image still plays in my head to this day. Me
and my sister came home from school. They were in
the house allgain. My aunt stayed next door, so we
went next door to get him some time to cool
off or whatever. We get ready to walk back across
the yard. We met with my mama coming out the door,
blood just dripping, and my mama collapsed in front of us.
(32:50):
That image stays with me. And I'm forty six, forty
sixth Lord, I was about to say forty seven. I
am forty, Yes, February around the corner. I don't talk
about that, so that that image stuck with me to
this day. I still see that image. Yeah, So I
wouldn't want my I didn't want my kids to come
(33:11):
home and see them.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I'm just glad that we both listened to that voice
that was inside of us, because look at us now.
We can actually talk about it without breaking down, without
feeling ashamed, because some people don't like to share their
stories when they know that it can help somebody else. Definitely,
I don't have a problem talking about what I'd have
been through because I'm not there anymore. I am healed
(33:35):
from that. Thank God that I'm here from that. But
so many people are ashamed because they were probably made
to feel ashamed or they were once vulnerable with somebody
and then.
Speaker 5 (33:47):
It was not read with what told everybody would happen.
My safe space is my therapist. Shout out to Nikka Jones.
That is about safe space. I tell her everything. She's
all in my business and and I know that when
I go to her that it ain't going no where.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
It ain't going.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
And if you are not in therapy and you are
going through the things, please find you a therapist.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Plea. Okay, y'all, it is okay as black people, and
I'm gonna say used to be because right now therapy
is high, like the people are really trying to go
and get themselves healed from past traumas you and all
the beds. So we break in the stigma. We're not
(34:33):
staying with these generation curses and taking what we had
to go through and put the flyingess to our kids
and all that. No, we're not doing that anymore.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
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Speaker 6 (35:13):
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(35:34):
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(35:57):
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Speaker 2 (36:12):
You know, I don't make my kids do anything that
they don't feel comfortable doing, you.
Speaker 5 (36:16):
Know, and both of them. I have a therapist, and
we all have our own therapists. We don't nobody sees
the same therapists. My oldest have her therapists, my youngest
has her own therapists. Nobody sees the same therapists.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
And that's and that matters. Like when you're dealing with
all that other shit because I know that they probably
have some trauma and stuff too that they may and
I know you and your kids talk about everything, but
they may just need to talk to somebody first to
fill it out and see before they can talk to you.
And that's okay, guys, that's okay to have some and
shop a hand man, you first splash shoes.
Speaker 5 (36:51):
You see consultations. Nobody consultations and it's free, you're not
paying for it. Just get on a consultation and see
if that person is the right fit for you, because
everybody's not going to be that fit. But I say this,
they say only wealthy people have therapists. I ain't wealth
there and I ain't rich, but I got a therapist,
(37:12):
and that what gives you a wealth put you in
a different class of wealth. I'm rich because I got
a therapist because I know helping me deal with the
issues that I have. Look at how many rich people,
famous people took their lives because they didn't.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
So they might have had a therapist and they still
didn't feel comfortable enough to share right.
Speaker 5 (37:33):
Well, one day them demons just got too much for
them and they didn't they didn't listen to that that
voice or reason.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, yeah, And then I want to talk about the
importance of paying attentions to your circle and your people,
especially when you know you've been dealing with your shit.
You know everybody else got their own shit to deal with,
but it is still important. Like I always reach out,
and I always say, well, you know what, I ain't
talk to risk, let me reach out, I ain't talk
(37:59):
to be let me reach out. I'll send y'all a
funny message or I'll send like a voice noted something.
And I do that with all the people that who
are important to me in my life, and I know
that y'all do the same for me. I had to
go missing for a minute. I had to go missing
to see who would would think about me or who
was notice me not being there. And it took about
(38:21):
a week. But everybody is almost like everybody was like,
wait a minute, ain't talk and everybody just started flooding me.
And I was so overwhelmed with I was just grateful,
and I was thinking God, because some people don't have that.
Some people just going through life and don't have anybody
to lean on, anybody to show themselves friendly to them,
(38:44):
especially dealing with life and with life that comes shit. Yeah,
so let's talk about that. Let's talk about like showing
like paying attention to your your circle, and showing up
for the people that mean the most of you.
Speaker 5 (38:58):
I ain't gonna lie. I used to do that, but
if it's not reciprocated, I'm not doing I don't do that.
I follow up with those who follow up with me.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
I did it. I get it now. I have been
more conscious lately. If people are dropped in my spirit,
I just pray for that.
Speaker 5 (39:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
That don't mean I got to reach out to you
unless God tells me call this person, send a message
or whatever. I just pray for him because we don't
talk for a reason, for a reason, And I'm not
mad at you for that, because sometimes.
Speaker 5 (39:32):
You just can't. You could be in a spot God
could have you in a certain area, a certain place
in your life where if you do talk to them,
it's going to trigger something and bring up something. Oh
so many people want to live in a past like
I'm not that person. I ain't the same person I
was yesterday. I woke up with a total different mindset
this morning than I had last night before I went
(39:55):
to bed, So I'm not that same person. So sometimes
it's just better have to reach out to some people,
pray for them and keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yes, when you have been through all the other shit,
the small stuff, some of the big stuff too, is it?
You tell me if you have this too, I don't
really care that much. I'm not putting forth energy to it.
If it's not something that I can change or something
(40:24):
that ain't gonna affect me or matter in ten minutes,
I'm not giving energy to it. You are you like that?
Speaker 5 (40:29):
Yeah, that's it. If it ain't ten minutes two minutes.
If I can't change it in two minutes, it's out,
I'm washing it. Lord, you got it, you got it.
I'm done. I don't want it. I'm giving it to you.
And that's how you got to realize that we have
to do. If it's something you cannot do within two
or five minutes yourself, let it go, give it to gold,
(40:52):
take out of it.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
I've been told that I was hard to act like
a dude because I don't care. It's not that I
don't care, it's just that some stuff just don't matter
to me. Yeah, Like, I'm not gonna keep talking to
you about the same stuff. I'm not gonna keep trying
to make you hear me or see me. I'm not
gonna try to make what I'm passionate about be what
(41:15):
you're passionate about. You just support me or you don't.
You do want to be in my life or you don't.
You do want me in your life or you don't.
And if you show yourself a certain way, I'm gonna
start believing that's who you are.
Speaker 5 (41:28):
But you want to tell you what that is. That's
because Kek know her work. See Keky had sat down
and identify what she's willing to accept and what she's
not willing to accept. And I'm okay with you not
being in my life because I know my work and
I'm gonna stand on that. I have my boundaries in
place for your reason, and I'm gonna stand on that period.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
With anybody that's it. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing when
you go through that hell and journey. Oh yeah, like
d down, get into that shit and realize that it's
stak real bad to the point where you're about to pass.
Speaker 5 (42:05):
Well, we don't want to, we don't want to identify it.
I just made a poster the other day about when
we really sit down and we think about where a
lot of our trauma come from as adults and stem
from our childhood. So when you start healing that childhood trauma,
you start recognizing that, identifying your triggers, working through it.
(42:26):
And I know we're supposed to be talking but personal development,
but it's what it is, y'all. Get what it is
like when you start identifying those things that make you
start wanting to do things differently and better and improve yourselves.
It should, yeah, because some people want to stay stuck
and play victim all the time. But where they think
the mentality gonna get you, because it's still getting you
(42:48):
in the same position that you be in day in
and day out. When you start having a victor mentality,
they ain't start changing when you start going on your
healing journey and identifying, oh, these are the things that
took place in my life that I didn't like as
a child. So I'm going to change these things. I'm
going to heal from these things. I'm going to keep
moving forward and not worry about what was, because what's
(43:10):
the coming so much greater, it's so much better, So
let it.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Go, Let it go, let it go. And for me,
I believe that at some point you have to grow up. Yep,
you have to grow up. And you have to realize
that the people who raised us, they only could do
what they could do. Yep.
Speaker 5 (43:30):
They did the best they can. And we don't know
what circumstances, the situation they went through when they was
growing up, and a lot of them and from our
from our parents' age, they don't even talk about what
happened when they were kids. We got to speculate on
what happened, but we know what But we knew what
happened with us when we grew up, and we took
we taking the opportunity to change the narrative because we
(43:52):
don't want our kids to go through what we went.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Through exactly exactly. Listen, I love it, and then all
that other shit gonna come.
Speaker 5 (44:00):
Yeah, I mean, life don't like regardless, that's what it's
what it's gonna do. But how you show up when
they go to life and what you do? Are you
gonna show up and get in a ring and boxing?
Are you gonna Are you gonna get in a corner
and wattle right up? You might come out beat up
(44:25):
like Martin was on that episode with Timmy Hearns you
ain't come out with some bruises and you know, but
you survived to fight another day like Topsy. Yes, when
sometimes you lose, but you survived to fight another day.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yes. Absolutely, learn learn to take an ass whipping. You know,
nowadays people don't want to take ass whipping the quick,
the poor girls now as humble you.
Speaker 5 (44:48):
Sometimes sometimes you need to. You need an ass whipping
because you need to be humbled.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Facts, facts, and sometimes all that other ship be the
greatest ass whipping you would ever have in your life.
Speaker 5 (45:02):
Yeah, because it it redirects you. You start seeing things differently.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Mm hm. Yes, So listen, this has been a great conversation.
I'm always look, we can go on and on and on,
but we always have some of the best conversations. And
I do thank you for being here. Next, what's next
for coach risk.
Speaker 5 (45:23):
A bountiful solution. It is next. It is your solution.
It is the solution to all your personal development needs.
Were starting one more one on one coaching and the
new year Reignite her. It is starting in January, which
is the group coaching for female entrepreneurs. We had such
(45:44):
an amazing time last year where earlier this year the
ladies loved it. So many amazing outcomes came from it.
Even one of the ladies wind up walking away from
her eight to five and becoming stepping into a free,
full time entreprene nordship herself. Everybody else been having major breakthroughs,
things that they will procrastinating and they stopped procrastinating. They've
(46:07):
been showing up for themselves. And as a coach, that's
the greatest thing for me. The transformation is the most
amazing thing to see and to know that you had
a hand and helping women see where they were procrastinating
and then where they were suffering and doing suffering with
stagnation and just not putting forth the effort that they needed.
They needed somebody to actually put it out there for them,
(46:31):
to actually show them because sometimes we needed to be
in our face. Yeah, because I don't see it. I
don't see it myself because it's something that you're doing
on a daily basis. But when I pointed out and
you was like, oh, that's really neat, and that's what
it took for a lot of them to see.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Oh nice. I love it. So if the people want
to work with you, tell them how they can.
Speaker 5 (46:53):
You could find me on Instagram at your selfish coach.
You could hit up my website www dot reignite her
dot com. You can find me on Facebook at a
bountiful solution. You can find me on LinkedIn at a
risk of Smith Scott. But all you could text me
text me forty six nine nine eight seven three three
(47:14):
five eights say I saw you on Kiki podcast. How
can I work with you? That's it? You might get
a discount if you shout out KEIKEI just say.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
All the information would be in the show notes. All
the information would be in the show notes, so you
don't have an excuse. Listen any final thoughts about life,
love and all that other shit that you would like
to share with the listeners.
Speaker 5 (47:37):
Life gone life, show up for it, Show up for
it with your gloves on, ready to box.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
So all I got absolutely and look y'all go get
the October edition. Yes, coch a Risker is a featured
She is sharing her story of survival in nineteen magazines,
So y'all go get it over night. Being dash magazine
dot com, the information would be in the show notes
as well. Thank you guys again for tuning in. I'm
(48:06):
back every Thursday with a new episode. Y'all make me
smile for real, because y'all could be listening to any
other podcast, but y'all chose to listen to Kicking In
with Kiki. So you are appreciated, you are loved, and
I am grateful for you. So until next time, I'll
see you later.
Speaker 5 (48:23):
Purple Hub checking it Withiki.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
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Speaker 6 (49:09):
Black Friday is coming, and for the adults in your
life who love the coolest toys, well there's something for
them this year too. Bartisian is the premiere craft cocktail
maker that automatically makes more than sixty seasonal and classic
cocktails each and under thirty seconds at the push of
a button, and right now, Bartisian is having a huge
sight wide sale. You can get one hundred dollars off
(49:30):
any cocktail maker or cocktail maker bundle when you spend
four hundred dollars or more so, if the cocktail lover
in your life has been good this year or the
right kind of bad, get them Bartisian at the push
of a button, make Bark quality Cosmopolitans, Martini's, Manhattan's, and more,
all in just thirty seconds, all for a hundred off.
(49:53):
Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a hundred off
a cocktail maker when you spend four hundred Through Cyber Monday,
visit bartisian dot com slash cocktail. That's p a r
T E s i a n dot com slash cocktail
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