December 5, 2024 • 40 mins
Today's episode is all about sexual wellness with Kimberly Newman Your Favorite O! Coach
Kimberly Newman, aka The O! Coach
Certified Sexual Wellness Specialist | Menopause Coach | Certified Holistic Womb Wellness Coach & Advocate | CEO, Unleash The Power Of Her LLC
Empowerment Meets Pleasure:
As a Certified Sexual Wellness Specialist, Menopause Coach, Intimacy Advisor, and Certified Holistic Womb Wellness Coach & Advocate from Yoniversity Online Training Academy™, I’ve dedicated over 18 years to helping women embrace their bodies, reconnect with their sensuality, and reignite their confidence. My mission is to guide women through the transformative stages of perimenopause and menopause with grace, power, and pleasure.
Contact:
IG: @theocoach_69
Phone: 201 388-3340
Email: kimber701@gmail.com
Podcast: On The Couch With The O Coach
Featured in Nineteen Lifestyle Magazine Volume #4
www.nineteen-magazine.com
Book mentioned during this episode by Anita Phillips called The Garden Within available on Amazon.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
Kimberly Newman, aka The O! Coach
Certified Sexual Wellness Specialist | Menopause Coach | Certified Holistic Womb Wellness Coach & Advocate | CEO, Unleash The Power Of Her LLC
Empowerment Meets Pleasure:
As a Certified Sexual Wellness Specialist, Menopause Coach, Intimacy Advisor, and Certified Holistic Womb Wellness Coach & Advocate from Yoniversity Online Training Academy™, I’ve dedicated over 18 years to helping women embrace their bodies, reconnect with their sensuality, and reignite their confidence. My mission is to guide women through the transformative stages of perimenopause and menopause with grace, power, and pleasure.
Contact:
IG: @theocoach_69
Phone: 201 388-3340
Email: kimber701@gmail.com
Podcast: On The Couch With The O Coach
Featured in Nineteen Lifestyle Magazine Volume #4
www.nineteen-magazine.com
Book mentioned during this episode by Anita Phillips called The Garden Within available on Amazon.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Kicking and Wikiki.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Kicking Dippy ki Ki.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Kickin Dipi ki ki for.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
A little personality, switching up the storyline on God, were
making a story and hooks changing fids one day at
a time.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Much problems to the side. Enjoy yourself, free your mind,
Chicken diy ki kee.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
Kicking In, Wikiki, Life, love and all that other shit.
I am your host, Kiki Chanel, Award winning author, lifestyle blogger,
thirty five life coach, and owner of nineteen lifestyle magazine.
We're in season seven of Kicking It with Kiki, and
we have some amazing people that have been here and
(01:02):
we have one with us today. Listen, y'all already know
how I like to do. I like to give my
guests the opportunity to introduce themselves. Listen, don't tell too
much because we're gonna get into everything that you do, Okay,
So just give them a little little narrow introduction I
should say.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Okay, well, I'll just start off with today is thirsty
Thursday deep through thirsty Thursday. So you are now speaking
to the old coach right from New Jersey, and I
am a soxual wellness coach. I'm a menopause coach, and
I've been in business for twenty years. And plus I'm
(01:39):
a domestic violence advocate and I'm the.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Woman that you need to talk to.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Hey, and I thank you for coming to kidding with
me today. I look that it's a great introduction. Yes, yes, ma'am. So,
but before we get into the old coach, all things
the old coach and what you do, break it down
a little bit more for the listeners. I like to
ask this question to all of my guests this season.
(02:06):
If you had to give life a definition, what would
George be and why? Hmm.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
That's a good one and I love it. I love it.
I would give it interesting because I keep thinkings spicy.
I'm always involved in something that is interesting, and once
you get to hear who I am and what I do,
you'll see why I'm interesting.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
So I like interesting.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I love that. I love that, and you're the first
person to say that.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
So, Hey, we want to have a good show. Were
about to have a good show. I'm so excited. We
talk about life, love and all the other shit. Right,
So I want to dive into life a little bit.
What has been your biggest lesson that life has taught
you that you carry what you does.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
For being in a relationship and being lonely. Wow, being
in a relationship and being lonely because you know you're there,
You're occupying space, you and that person, and but you
(03:22):
still have that that loneliness in your soul and in
your heart and it's not a good feeling. You know,
you want to be loved by someone that you're partnered with.
And then you say, then you have to ask yourself,
should I just let this go or should I work
on it?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
But it's up to the individuals, and it's up to
the person that is making you feel that loneliness, and
maybe it might be them, maybe it might be you.
So you got to revisit and have a conversation with
that person. But let me tell you, don't walk around
feeling like that. You gotta make that decision to either
(04:04):
let it go or work it out.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
And sometimes working it out can make you become even lonelier,
especially when you've gone through your healing journey and the
person that you're with is not on theirs and feel
like they don't need to go on there. Then they've
done that. It didn't work out well. And I'm so
glad that I listened when God say hey, it's time
to go home, because I found I would have found
(04:27):
myself in a situation where I would have never met you. Yes, yes, yes,
Can life survive without love in your personal opinion? Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yes it can?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
And why it can because then you have the freedom
to do what you want, make the choices you need
to make.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And I explain that to a lot of women and
a lot of men.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
There's a lot of life out here, and there's a
lot of people that are interested in you. But sometimes
you have to take that time to step aside and
gather you, gather your your your piece back, gather who
you are and just be you. And it's fun to say,
you know what, I'm going on the trip this week
(05:13):
and I don't have to answer to nobody. I'm gonna
go home and I'm gonna lay down and I'm gonna
have to answer it to nobody. That is called piece.
Piece is the best thing, you know, Piece is the
best thing. It's like, some people stay around in relationships
for the numbers.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That's not a good way.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
To stay in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So being by yourself sometimes is the best way to
be because guess.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
What, then you get to find out who you are
and you get to tiple your own fancy in many ways.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Absolutely, I have not heard that term in so long,
and it just made me smile because my mom used
to say that all the time, and it just it
made me think of her. I mean, she's she's still
a lot of stuff, but she hadn't said that in
a while, so it just made me think of her
taking of my own fancy, and I love it. Let's
(06:05):
talk about the sexual wellness the old coach? How did
that come about? When did you become the old coach?
Speaker 4 (06:12):
I became the old coach in two thousand and seven,
and I crafted myself. At first, I was so nervous
to be the old coach and go out and explain
sexual wellness and vibrators and talk about your glitterists and
talk about your vaginanta and all of that stuff to people.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
But Baby, once I got that.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Niche underway and I built that foundation, it's been heaven
ever since.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Heaven must be like this, hello.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
But I love it. Did you always want to go
in sexual wellness to educate women about their bodies and
their desires and their passions and fantasies and things like that,
or did you just kind of stumble upon it.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
No, I did want to get out there and dive
into something. But I was a young mom, raising the
single mom like a lot of women, and I said, Okay,
my son is getting ready to graduate high school.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
What am I going to do? And I've always wanted
to tap in on it. And I was researching and looking.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Now I did sell Avon and I did sell Tupperware,
but now I got hooked up with the right tuppleware
and now I'm like, oh, okay, I.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Can do this.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
So my coworking introduce me to it, and I was like, wow,
I love this. So I have always wanted to go
out there and educate women on who they need to
be and how they can get their sexy back.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
So yes, I wanted to dive in deep with this.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Okay, we have a lot of stuff in coming. Because
I saw Avon, I did Mary Kay, and I also
did Passion Partner and what I found and I want
real quick that I am not a self. If you
tell me no, I'm not pushing okay no. And then
I love the you know, the community of women that
I got a chance to meet and especially with doing
(08:10):
the passion parties, I learned so much about my body,
about other women, knowing that I wasn't alone in certain
situations and stuff like that. It's just it wasn't a
part of my purpose. I'm excited to know that you
are living doing that. Excited about it because y'all, y'all
can't see her face, but she's over he smiling big, y'all,
(08:31):
she's smiling.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Big, like a diamond.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Yes. When it comes to love, let's talk about the
importance of self love first. Being the old coach, do
you find that more women struggle with self love than not?
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Yes, a lot of women suffer with self love because
they just did not ever tap into theirselves.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Again where mothers we wear many hats.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Some women with degrees, they think that they don't need
a man, they don't need love, or they don't need
a partner. Should I say, And it's important to find
that love within yourself because if you can't love yourself,
you can't love nobody else. Honey, Exactly, you have to
find that love within yourself. And there's lots of tips
(09:23):
that you know I can give that you can do
like one do some meditation. If you have spiritual guidance
in your life. I'm not saying you're in church rolling
in Poland, but you know you have some scriptures. Find
a scripture, find something that's motivating for you that you
can steal in you, so then you could find that love.
(09:44):
So then when you go out there and you find
that partner, now you know how to and you know
what you want for you.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
You know, when you know what you want and you
love yourself, then you can actually teach somebody how to
love you the way that you want to be loved
and not just settle. Because I want to speak about
the love languages real quick, and this has been like
a broad topic when it comes to the love part
of the segment. Do you believe in the five love languages? Why?
(10:13):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
M I do believe in them somewhat, because you have
to find your own language. So you need to do
the five love languages with yourself first and then incorporate
it with someone.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
And I've found for me from personal experience, and my
love language stems outside. Yeah, I've had the five, but
it's so much deeper than that because I like just
being considered that's a love language. Of mind. I like
for people to put forth effort in showing me that
I matter in their lives. That's a love language for mine.
(10:57):
Not so much on the physical touch, but I guess
it all depends on who it is. Because one I
may need a need a hug for my mama, I
need a might need a hug for my kids, or
you know, I don't need somebody to be up under
me twenty four seven. I'm listen, I get hot, and
I don't need all that to sweat. I sweat a lot.
I don't need you up. But acts of service. I
(11:18):
like acts of service, but I like doing acts of
service for other people. Yes, not so I don't need
I used to need that for myself. But one of
my love languages is I love being able to uplift
myself and validate myself and pour into other people. It's
it's just I love the love languages, but I think
that they're interchanging. And it's more than five.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Yeah, it's more than five because my love language is
listening and giving back serving you know, like some similar
to yours. I love listening. I'll stay quiet and then
I'll deliver. But that's my love language. My other love
language is desired. You know, I want somebody to desire me,
(12:01):
not like like you say, not.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
All up on me and not in a sexual way,
but desire me in a respectful as respect you know,
know my character, that's what that's my love language.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yeah, and I'm I'm I've always been like this, but
I guess the older I get to find that some
stuff just don't matter to me. Like a lot of
people in relationships like to share their location or check
phones and all that, I don't care about that as
long as you're being good to me. What you do
outside of the house, that speaks about your integrity or
your character. I'm not looking for anything because it's just
(12:38):
I'm just I just don't feel like I need to
if I got to do all that. What we're here for,
what we what were together for?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Exactly. I just said that to somebody the other day.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
You know, she's going through something, and I said, you know,
you matter first if that person don't show up at home.
And guess what you mad at first? You're getting your bachelor's,
you have three kids, you're you're working a full time job,
and you going to college full time. Get that bachelor's
and you getting ready to go to undergrad Come on, now,
(13:08):
you have to love you, you know, you have to
skip over certain things and you have to find your
own love.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
You do, and I think that comes with peace. When
you're at peace and you've done your healing journey, certain
stuff just don't matter to me no more. Like if
it's not going to affect my life in five minutes,
ten minutes, I'm not giving that energy to it. And
I've been called like I guess, like I don't care,
(13:34):
or it's kind of snobbish or whatever, or I'll be
all of that.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Oh well, my piece that my piece means more than me.
So I'll be whatever. I'll be whatever you want me
to be. It doesn't even matter. Guess what my cousin said.
It best over fifty, you don't give a shit.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Oh look, I ain't fifty yet, but I've been not
giving a shit.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
And I said, I don't care. And I told him,
I said, I don't care what age you are. You
don't give a shit because at the end of the.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Day, people people need to you need to move people
out of the way. People want to drag their stuff
and dump their stuff on you. That's not happening because
I have so much peace and so much love within myself. Man,
you can keep on moving because you're not doing nothing
over here, you.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Know, right? And im fir believe that when people live
and exist in chaos, they don't know how to be
They don't know how to be recepted to someone who
just like very peaceful nothing. I don't have no hitting agendas,
no motives, none of that. This is just who I am.
I don't care if you looked at a woman's ass
at at the grosure store.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's your business.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
As long as you ain't you ain't trying to feel
on it or whatever. And even if you decide to
feel on it, that is, that's still your business. You're
gonna have to be accountable for that because if you
could go to sleep at night knowing that you betrayed
me and I'm being good for you, that's on you,
not on.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Me, that said right there. So with that comment right there, Yes, So,
when it.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Comes to your business of sexual wellness, do you have
a more or less clientele having a hard time setting
boundaries when it comes with their self love?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yes? Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Why do you believe that it's hard? It's hard for
people to set those healthy boundaries. Let's put that out there.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Because they don't communicate.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
They do not communicate, and they think that they can
do whatever they want. You have to set that boundary.
But that goes back to tickling your fancy. You have
to tickle you and know you. You need to know
yourself in and out in order to you have.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
To set the boundary with love. And I hear so
many women step over their own boundaries of letting their
partner do what they want to do, and then they
complain about it. Don't complain about about it, do something
about it, and it's easy. It's an easy fix.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Now, if you feel as though it's not comfortable, you're
not comfortable with having a conversation with that partner, then
you can write them a letter. You can do something
different to speak to make the boundary happen in a
different way. You know, you can set the tone, you
(16:23):
can set the mood, whatever you want to do. But
whatever it is, you have to find some lines of communication.
But I feel like verbally speaking because this is you
and this is your boundary and this is your protection
right here. I have to set my boundary. I don't
want to do anal sex but you want me to
do it. I don't want to have oral sex or
you know, give you oral pleasure because that's not my jem.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
But you want me to do it.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
That's stepping over somebody's boundary, and you have to stop.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You have to set the boundaries. You have to.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Absolutelyness and not be afraid to stand on them boundaries
because sometimes you'll set boundaries, but then you will talk
yourself out of that. So I had to learn that.
I had to set boundaries within myself to say, you
know what, you got these boundaries in place for a reason.
Come on, now, this is why. And every time you
go against them, you end up hurting again because you
allow people to hurt you when you don't stand on business.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yes exactly, I agree with you. I agree with you
all right.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
So we want to get into all that other shit, right, yes,
all the other other shit, drop it on down. Listen.
Can love survive without all that other ship? Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yes they can because there's some women.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
And men that have issues, you know, and those issues
are and we can speak freely. Those issues are issues
are ed lo lobido. So it ain't happening. So now
how do you make that happen? You know these other
techniques that you can do. Kama Sutra, there's ten, there's
(18:01):
lots of things that you can do. There's you know,
the Bard census. You know, let's tap into that.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
You know. I know someone personally that is.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Living with their partner and their partner has ED and
they're like, you know, their partner told them that you
can get a whole pass and she was like, no,
we can do something about this. You know, let's you
can you can fulfill me without you know, with having
your problem. But you know, yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
What do you say to someone who is experiencing that
with that partner with the ED and the partner didn't
tell them about it. They found out on their own
that they're they're experiencing that.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Mm hmmmm. So that has happened.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
And women have come to me and that one and
they and I tell them, well.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
We have some things. You can introduce a bedroom toy.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Okay, there's some stimulation creams for him.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Maybe he first need to start with the doctor. First
of all. We need to find go to the doctor.
If he can get a little something or if he
can do something natural, let's see how that works.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
If that doesn't work, then let's do some other self
pleasure things.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
You gotta self.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Pleasure, do some bold play, do some you know, you
gotta learn how to masterbate, you know, in front of
your partner.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Maybe that might get him off or and.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
If none of that, all that fails, then you have
to make a decision yourself. Some women do have play
toys right outside the house and call me up. I
need that great head, I need that loop, I need
the anal. I need the anal, I need the like
a virgin because I gotta go back home.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Just some cases, you know, he does.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
You know, it does rise to the attention, and it's
something what happens, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I gotta jump on it real quick. I gotta make
it tight and right again.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
For me, I said, well, babe, you need to do
some keybo exercises then every day every day.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
So what advice would you give to a listener who
has been dealing with a partner that's not satisfying them
and they verbalize that to their partner, but their partner
just withdraw altogether.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
We have to make a personal decision.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
And is intimacy Does intimacy play a big partner relationship? Yes,
it does because it grows that connection. So but I
always give my women this one advice, get it away,
bring it to the bedroom, tell your partner here. Here
you go, try this on me so I can be satisfied.
(20:53):
That's if you are that. You know, you're married. There's
some married women. I have married women that you know,
say I want to use this because he doesn't get there,
and they want to keep the marriage. They want to
keep the relationship. But then some women's like I'm out,
you know. And then those women that say that they're out,
then I say, you know, there was nothing else I
can do for them, you know, right, nothing else I
(21:14):
could suggest to them because they're you know, they're out,
they're checked out. They want they want to be satisfied.
You know, I have someone that have friendly vagina and
they want to be friendly, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Okay, so elaborate on the friendly vagina that I've never
heard that before instead.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Of calling some a woman a thought and I've heard
people say that calling them a hue.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And I was like, pause, I said, she has.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
Friendly vagina, So what her vagina is friendly and it
has other friends, So what's.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Wrong with that?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
As long as you're protecting your staff. Gay, knock yourself
out right friendly vagina, friendly vagina. Okaybout learned something new
today from me. Oh oh, to listen, so we don't
get into a topic that a lot of people need
to talk about. And we're talking about the G spot.
Not too many people can locate it.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
M m.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
They got to go on up and there to that
two that two inches and you know where to wait.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
The G spot is an amazing spot. But that two
to three inches in, that's an exciting spot. So as
you yes, as you enter and then they hit.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
That G spot, I'm telling you you'll have a dagon
squirting session going on.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Now.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Some women can squirt, some women can't. But hitting that
G spot is the right spot. You'll be doing the dishes,
getting flowers and everything for that partner.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Yes, absolutely, And we have to we have to know
that it's supposed to be exciting and fun and play
for and you know, just an adventure. I heard I
quote like years ago. It says that if you're having
sex and you're not laughing at some point doing sex,
you're doing it wrong.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
You are, Yeah, And if you're not moaning, you're doing
something wrong. What is that part it's supposed to be
screaming to the gods, the God.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Oh my god, I'm bleshing over here. Let's talk about
you know, you being a sexual wellness coach and you
deal with a lot of women, and we want men
to know about this too, the importance of knowing your body.
Not too many people know what they like because that
stigma is taboo. You don't do that. Certain good girls
(23:41):
don't do that. You just don't do that been taught
and it's carried from generation to generation. So let's talk
about the importance of knowing your body what you like
so that you can teach somebody else.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
And I'm glad you brought that up because so many
black women when I do it. I've done the sex
expos I've done the other events that are like forty thousand,
maybe four hundred thousand plus, and the black women walk
past the table and be like hmmm, like they holder
(24:14):
than that, like they don't do anything.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
When they come to the parties, they act like, oh no,
I don't do that.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
But when they get in that shopping room, girl put
that booty ease in that bag. I didn't want my
friend to know that, you know, Yeah, put the right
one in there, so you know, don't be ashamed of
your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Fill on your breast because feeling your breast helps massage them,
helps keep breast cancer away. Rub on your glitterist because
it never gets old. And guess what, that's stimulation, because
that's keeping the vagina nice.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
And healthy, and keep keeping the blood flow and keeping
the lubrication, the natural lubrication flowing down there, you know.
Rub on your legs, rub on your feet, you know,
find that zone. So then when that partner comes, you
know that they need to touch right there. They need
to hit right there. And that's why I encourage women,
you know, to you know, to buy a toy, you know,
(25:06):
or buy a buzz whatever you want to call it,
a toy, dildo, vibrator, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
But it's a difference between the dildo and a vibrator.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
But which everyone you want to purchase, just make sure
you use it so that you can find that spot.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
You find your own spot. So then when home slice
gets to that spot you like, ah, you touch that breast,
hit on that nipple, ah, hit that booty, you know
what I mean. That's how you got to know your
own spot. You can find up, Oh, you can find it.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
It's a text exploration. You have to be willing to
be open and honest with yourself to say, you know what,
there's nothing that's wrong with this, it's healthy. I am
doing this for me so that I'm able to be
satisfied when it comes to having, you know, sexual intercourse
with a partner.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
Yes, I mean you get in the shower and touch yourself,
You get in the bathtub and touch yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
So why can't you explore your right exactly exactly And
I love that word explore explore yourself.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Yes, so listen, what's the next for the Old Coach?
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Ooh, the Old Coach has a lot in store. The
Old Coach just featured in the Survivor edition of nineteen
and everybody should get out there and get that. Okay,
everybody needs to click the link. Click the link, because
that was all about surviving. Yes, it was October, but
we're still trying to survive because we just came We
(26:31):
just came into something on November, right, so we got
to survive that, right, yes, yes, And the Old Coach
also is part of a book anthology, and what anthology
is is when it's a group of people that are
in one book, and a visionary writer is Angela Hawkins.
(26:55):
And then we have fourteen mothers and it's called Different
Shades mother and my chapter is Pedals of Purple. We
all had to choose a color and we had to
speak about our journey on motherhood. And when I mean
that book is going to be a number one seller,
(27:18):
it's going to be a number one seller because all
of the stories.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
When we meet, we all have to tell a little
bit about our chapter.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
It was hot, heavy, and a lot of a mother's
journey because mothers go through so many things. And next
on my agenda is I am hosting talking about the
new thing that I've been talking about for many years, perimenopause.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So I have a course, an E course that I
am creating and I'm doing e course on perimenopause.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
All right, yeah, because we I'm in it. I'm in it,
in it And a lot of people think that it's
like they should be a shame when when that season
of their life comes over. Let's talk about that for
a minute, Like, how tell some about it that it's
okay to not to go older and what's the alternative?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Right?
Speaker 4 (28:17):
Yes, it is so important to know so many different
things about this seventy two symptoms that you can develop
door menopause.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Okay, Like I have a wig on today. I ain't ashamed.
I don't want to be saying Jacson, rip it off
right now, right but Earth fell off?
Speaker 6 (28:40):
But you know I lost my hair, Like I am
shaved down because I lost my hair arthritis.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
You know, I walk different, I feel different. When you're
going through this journey. You need some support.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Yup, get me up. I'm doing one on ones, you know, I'm.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
I have I have it designed where we're doing one
on ones separately. Then I'm gonna have it formed into
a group so other women can hear what they're going through.
There's a woman right now that I can share a
little bit. And I told her, you know, if I
needed to, am I able to give her. I got
permission from her to speak about it.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
You know, she's grieving.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
The loss of two parents, you know, and she's going
through menopause. So grief in menopause it's not even fun.
Like she like literally said that she was making herself sick.
Now I got her to the point where she's uplifting herself.
She's getting her sexy back and you know it's baby
steps mm hmm. But it's important that we have support
(29:49):
and don't let no doctor or let nobody tell you
that you're crazy. If you're sure you got frozen shoulder,
that's part of erymnopause. If you're getting urinal tract infections,
that's part of men If you if you smell different
down there, that means your pH balance is off, you know,
and you feel ashamed about that stuff, but you know
it's okay. I can't take away nobody's feelings, That's what
(30:11):
I always say. But go to someone that can, that
can assist you with what's going on with you. And
I suggest like women do exercising, make sure you take
your vitamins. You know, there's some great tease out there
that you can take me and drink. There's so many
(30:32):
things that go on during the course of perimenopause. And
one of the number one things that people besides hot flashes,
and besides hot flashes and sleep disruption, a lot of
people say they feel.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Like they're losing theirselves m hm. And how can I
get myself back? And I said, I can tell you
that I felt like I lost myself, like I was
losing myself, but I had to keep pushing through, you know.
So I can help you with that pushing through. You know,
(31:07):
you need an accountability person during this journey. It's really
important to have that person, you know that that's going
through it.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
That's why I want to develop that support group, whether
it's on via zoom or in person, you know, because
we need each other right now.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
We need each other support. And some women had children
late in life, so when they have them late in life.
I have one client she had children late in life,
and she threw this term at me and I never
heard it before. She said, I'm a geriatric mom. I'm
going through menopause.
Speaker 4 (31:44):
My husband doesn't understand, my vagina is dry, and I
don't know what the hell to do.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
And I was like, okay, okay, she said, now, but
you're going to tell me what to do, right I
was like, okay.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Well, we can just add a little loup. Let's talk
about the loop real quick. Let's talk about look in
the mirror every day and say I love myself. There's
a mirror in your car, there's a mirror in every
bathroom that you go to, even if you don't even
if you don't love yourself that day. You tell yourself
you love yourself that day, it does not matter you
repeat it. You gotta re re retrain the mind. It's
(32:19):
like a piece of plastic. You can reshape it. So
you know, these two women are getting stronger.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
They're like, I'm glad, I'm glad that they have you.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yes, and you need me come on over.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
So so tell tell them. Some listeners might be needing
the old coach. How can they work with you?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
How they can work with the old Coach. You can
reach out to me.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
I'm on Instagram at the Old Coach Underscore sixty nine.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
That's t H e CEO A c H.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
Underscore six ' nine. Or you can reach out by
texting me and my phoneumber is two zero one three
eight eight three three four six. I'm nationwide and I'm
almost done with my certification, so I can be international
wherever I want to be with you, whoever needs to
(33:15):
jump on board with me. You can also email me.
You can email me at kimber k I M B
E R seven zero one at Gmail, and you can
also find me on Facebook and you can what the
kids call it, d M me at Kimberly Newman n
(33:38):
E W M A N slash Maybury m A B.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
R Y and all of her information would be in
the show notes, guys, so you would have her contact information.
If you want to work with her, just book a
call and see if you're a good fit for each other.
Because it's okay to shop around. Like therapy, you don't
have to go to the same therapists you just you
Just like buying shoes, you don't buy the first pair
(34:06):
you see unless you just really really love them and
they fit perfect and comfortable and all of the things.
The same thing with your coaches. Make sure that you
shop around to get the best fit. But you, that
was my last question, how to connect with you on
social media? You just told us all of that. It
would be listed before we get out of here. Do
(34:26):
you have any parting words for any listener who may
be feeling like they're alone on this journey called life, love,
and all that other shit.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Listen, grab ahold of yourself, grab ahold of therapy. You
know you think your friend's are therapy, No, get a therapist.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
It's okay, all right, And everybody doesn't need to know
that you have a therapist, because I find a lot
of people's hands.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Oh, my therapist said, what went on with you and
your therapist is? What went on with you and your therapist.
There's one person that I would love for people to
grab her book, and it's called Anita Phillips. She if
anybody that suffered with trauma. She is an amazing woman.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Now I left the day of her book at my desk,
but you can find her on YouTube and you can
definitely see her book because her book is like a
number one seller on trauma and how to get yourself
back on the right track, like she's a doctor, okay,
and she drops it like it's.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Hot with getting yourself back together. But I strongly suggest
your feelings are your feelings. No one can take them
away from you. You learn to stand tall, you learn
to be strong, and you learn to look in that
mirror and you learn to say I love me.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Okay, absolutely, and y'all would I would have that the
name of the book listed in the show notes as
well by Anita Phillip. And just reading is fundamental and
sometimes it's okay to sit back and read. You don't
have to listen as an audio book or find something
on YouTube, but whatever, it's okay to just sit back
(36:12):
and read, take some time out to just be a reader. Yeah,
but yeah, So miss Kimberly, thank you for coming and
kicking with me. Today has been fun as always.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Thank you so much for having me and everyone you have.
The Kiki is the she, She of the shit. Kiki
is the shit, I'm telling you, and I just met
her through a young lady at a content class. That's
how I met her. Like I'm in New Jersey and
she's in Louisiana.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Right, I'm messing up all the time, right, but that's
where she is, and I'm loving her like she's dope.
She's dope from a distance, you know.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
What I mean, from a distance. I love that. Thank
you so much. I felt that suit when we first met,
and it's just you could tell that it's genuine. And
I love what I do because I get to meet
some amazing people like yourself. So you keep shining, keep
pouring into other people. It's needed and it takes community
because we're getting ready to embark on this journey for
(37:18):
the next four years. That's gonna be serious.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
Yes, and black women stick together.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
You have to stop all of that looking at each other,
don't shame each other, lift each other, okay, and keep
keep telling you, yes.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
You know what I mean. Keep these women out here,
keep them together, girl.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I'm gonna try my best. Everybody that's keep listening. I
know that if I just reach one or two, I'm
doing what I need to do. But we in this
thing together, and that's why I do what I do.
I love pouring into people in a positive way because
it's all about how you talk to yourself and believe
in yourself. It starts in the mind. Mindset is crucial,
(38:01):
that personal development is crucial, that in boundary is crucial,
and self love is the most crucial of all because
when you love yourself, you says the stage for how
other people will love on you. Because I wasn't always there,
allowed the wrong people to love on me because I
wasn't loving on myself, and I felt like hell to
(38:21):
get out of that and I'm not going back. So yeah,
that's a part of my testimony.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I love it. I love it. I'm gonna have to
interview her on my podcast.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Listen, let me know when and I'm there. Let me
know when and I'm there.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
I got to tell that part my podcast is one
of the couch with the old coach. I know it's
a mouthful, but it's one the couch with the old coach.
Speaker 3 (38:48):
On the couch with the old coach.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I'm on YouTube and I'm on Spotify.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
So y'all go and support her, tap into the podcast,
become a supporter, need each other. It's enough for all
of us to go around and together. We would make it. Together.
We would make it. We've made it thus far. And
God is in control. He is the head of my
life and I know that he is not blind or sleep.
Great things are our heads. So you just got to
(39:17):
believe that and it will happen. But until next time,
you guys have been listening to another episode of Kicking
It with Kiki, Life, love and all the other shit.
I have been joined with the old coach. Y'all go
and make sure that y'all's happen to them, show notes
and support her and following all the things. Just just
be be open, be honest, be transparent, especially with yourself
(39:41):
and with your partner, so that you can live that
that that sexual life that you're supposed to have. It's
supposed to be fun and free and excited.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
Let's make it happen.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Right, But you guys be blessed love.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
You have a good one.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
He can let the key keep the co
Welcome to Kicking and Wikiki.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Kicking Dippy ki Ki.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Kickin Dipi ki ki for.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
A little personality, switching up the storyline on God, were
making a story and hooks changing fids one day at
a time.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Much problems to the side. Enjoy yourself, free your mind,
Chicken diy ki kee.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
Kicking In, Wikiki, Life, love and all that other shit.
I am your host, Kiki Chanel, Award winning author, lifestyle blogger,
thirty five life coach, and owner of nineteen lifestyle magazine.
We're in season seven of Kicking It with Kiki, and
we have some amazing people that have been here and
(01:02):
we have one with us today. Listen, y'all already know
how I like to do. I like to give my
guests the opportunity to introduce themselves. Listen, don't tell too
much because we're gonna get into everything that you do, Okay,
So just give them a little little narrow introduction I
should say.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Okay, well, I'll just start off with today is thirsty
Thursday deep through thirsty Thursday. So you are now speaking
to the old coach right from New Jersey, and I
am a soxual wellness coach. I'm a menopause coach, and
I've been in business for twenty years. And plus I'm
(01:39):
a domestic violence advocate and I'm the.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Woman that you need to talk to.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Hey, and I thank you for coming to kidding with
me today. I look that it's a great introduction. Yes, yes, ma'am. So,
but before we get into the old coach, all things
the old coach and what you do, break it down
a little bit more for the listeners. I like to
ask this question to all of my guests this season.
(02:06):
If you had to give life a definition, what would
George be and why? Hmm.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
That's a good one and I love it. I love it.
I would give it interesting because I keep thinkings spicy.
I'm always involved in something that is interesting, and once
you get to hear who I am and what I do,
you'll see why I'm interesting.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
So I like interesting.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I love that. I love that, and you're the first
person to say that.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
So, Hey, we want to have a good show. Were
about to have a good show. I'm so excited. We
talk about life, love and all the other shit. Right,
So I want to dive into life a little bit.
What has been your biggest lesson that life has taught
you that you carry what you does.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
For being in a relationship and being lonely. Wow, being
in a relationship and being lonely because you know you're there,
You're occupying space, you and that person, and but you
(03:22):
still have that that loneliness in your soul and in
your heart and it's not a good feeling. You know,
you want to be loved by someone that you're partnered with.
And then you say, then you have to ask yourself,
should I just let this go or should I work
on it?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
But it's up to the individuals, and it's up to
the person that is making you feel that loneliness, and
maybe it might be them, maybe it might be you.
So you got to revisit and have a conversation with
that person. But let me tell you, don't walk around
feeling like that. You gotta make that decision to either
(04:04):
let it go or work it out.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
And sometimes working it out can make you become even lonelier,
especially when you've gone through your healing journey and the
person that you're with is not on theirs and feel
like they don't need to go on there. Then they've
done that. It didn't work out well. And I'm so
glad that I listened when God say hey, it's time
to go home, because I found I would have found
(04:27):
myself in a situation where I would have never met you. Yes, yes, yes,
Can life survive without love in your personal opinion? Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yes it can?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
And why it can because then you have the freedom
to do what you want, make the choices you need
to make.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And I explain that to a lot of women and
a lot of men.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
There's a lot of life out here, and there's a
lot of people that are interested in you. But sometimes
you have to take that time to step aside and
gather you, gather your your your piece back, gather who
you are and just be you. And it's fun to say,
you know what, I'm going on the trip this week
(05:13):
and I don't have to answer to nobody. I'm gonna
go home and I'm gonna lay down and I'm gonna
have to answer it to nobody. That is called piece.
Piece is the best thing, you know, Piece is the
best thing. It's like, some people stay around in relationships
for the numbers.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That's not a good way.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
To stay in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So being by yourself sometimes is the best way to
be because guess.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
What, then you get to find out who you are
and you get to tiple your own fancy in many ways.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Absolutely, I have not heard that term in so long,
and it just made me smile because my mom used
to say that all the time, and it just it
made me think of her. I mean, she's she's still
a lot of stuff, but she hadn't said that in
a while, so it just made me think of her
taking of my own fancy, and I love it. Let's
(06:05):
talk about the sexual wellness the old coach? How did
that come about? When did you become the old coach?
Speaker 4 (06:12):
I became the old coach in two thousand and seven,
and I crafted myself. At first, I was so nervous
to be the old coach and go out and explain
sexual wellness and vibrators and talk about your glitterists and
talk about your vaginanta and all of that stuff to people.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
But Baby, once I got that.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Niche underway and I built that foundation, it's been heaven
ever since.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Heaven must be like this, hello.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
But I love it. Did you always want to go
in sexual wellness to educate women about their bodies and
their desires and their passions and fantasies and things like that,
or did you just kind of stumble upon it.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
No, I did want to get out there and dive
into something. But I was a young mom, raising the
single mom like a lot of women, and I said, Okay,
my son is getting ready to graduate high school.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
What am I going to do? And I've always wanted
to tap in on it. And I was researching and looking.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Now I did sell Avon and I did sell Tupperware,
but now I got hooked up with the right tuppleware
and now I'm like, oh, okay, I.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Can do this.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
So my coworking introduce me to it, and I was like, wow,
I love this. So I have always wanted to go
out there and educate women on who they need to
be and how they can get their sexy back.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
So yes, I wanted to dive in deep with this.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Okay, we have a lot of stuff in coming. Because
I saw Avon, I did Mary Kay, and I also
did Passion Partner and what I found and I want
real quick that I am not a self. If you
tell me no, I'm not pushing okay no. And then
I love the you know, the community of women that
I got a chance to meet and especially with doing
(08:10):
the passion parties, I learned so much about my body,
about other women, knowing that I wasn't alone in certain
situations and stuff like that. It's just it wasn't a
part of my purpose. I'm excited to know that you
are living doing that. Excited about it because y'all, y'all
can't see her face, but she's over he smiling big, y'all,
(08:31):
she's smiling.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Big, like a diamond.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Yes. When it comes to love, let's talk about the
importance of self love first. Being the old coach, do
you find that more women struggle with self love than not?
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Yes, a lot of women suffer with self love because
they just did not ever tap into theirselves.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Again where mothers we wear many hats.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Some women with degrees, they think that they don't need
a man, they don't need love, or they don't need
a partner. Should I say, And it's important to find
that love within yourself because if you can't love yourself,
you can't love nobody else. Honey, Exactly, you have to
find that love within yourself. And there's lots of tips
(09:23):
that you know I can give that you can do
like one do some meditation. If you have spiritual guidance
in your life. I'm not saying you're in church rolling
in Poland, but you know you have some scriptures. Find
a scripture, find something that's motivating for you that you
can steal in you, so then you could find that love.
(09:44):
So then when you go out there and you find
that partner, now you know how to and you know
what you want for you.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
You know, when you know what you want and you
love yourself, then you can actually teach somebody how to
love you the way that you want to be loved
and not just settle. Because I want to speak about
the love languages real quick, and this has been like
a broad topic when it comes to the love part
of the segment. Do you believe in the five love languages? Why?
(10:13):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
M I do believe in them somewhat, because you have
to find your own language. So you need to do
the five love languages with yourself first and then incorporate
it with someone.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
And I've found for me from personal experience, and my
love language stems outside. Yeah, I've had the five, but
it's so much deeper than that because I like just
being considered that's a love language. Of mind. I like
for people to put forth effort in showing me that
I matter in their lives. That's a love language for mine.
(10:57):
Not so much on the physical touch, but I guess
it all depends on who it is. Because one I
may need a need a hug for my mama, I
need a might need a hug for my kids, or
you know, I don't need somebody to be up under
me twenty four seven. I'm listen, I get hot, and
I don't need all that to sweat. I sweat a lot.
I don't need you up. But acts of service. I
(11:18):
like acts of service, but I like doing acts of
service for other people. Yes, not so I don't need
I used to need that for myself. But one of
my love languages is I love being able to uplift
myself and validate myself and pour into other people. It's
it's just I love the love languages, but I think
that they're interchanging. And it's more than five.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Yeah, it's more than five because my love language is
listening and giving back serving you know, like some similar
to yours. I love listening. I'll stay quiet and then
I'll deliver. But that's my love language. My other love
language is desired. You know, I want somebody to desire me,
(12:01):
not like like you say, not.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
All up on me and not in a sexual way,
but desire me in a respectful as respect you know,
know my character, that's what that's my love language.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yeah, and I'm I'm I've always been like this, but
I guess the older I get to find that some
stuff just don't matter to me. Like a lot of
people in relationships like to share their location or check
phones and all that, I don't care about that as
long as you're being good to me. What you do
outside of the house, that speaks about your integrity or
your character. I'm not looking for anything because it's just
(12:38):
I'm just I just don't feel like I need to
if I got to do all that. What we're here for,
what we what were together for?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Exactly. I just said that to somebody the other day.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
You know, she's going through something, and I said, you know,
you matter first if that person don't show up at home.
And guess what you mad at first? You're getting your bachelor's,
you have three kids, you're you're working a full time job,
and you going to college full time. Get that bachelor's
and you getting ready to go to undergrad Come on, now,
(13:08):
you have to love you, you know, you have to
skip over certain things and you have to find your
own love.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
You do, and I think that comes with peace. When
you're at peace and you've done your healing journey, certain
stuff just don't matter to me no more. Like if
it's not going to affect my life in five minutes,
ten minutes, I'm not giving that energy to it. And
I've been called like I guess, like I don't care,
(13:34):
or it's kind of snobbish or whatever, or I'll be
all of that.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Oh well, my piece that my piece means more than me.
So I'll be whatever. I'll be whatever you want me
to be. It doesn't even matter. Guess what my cousin said.
It best over fifty, you don't give a shit.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Oh look, I ain't fifty yet, but I've been not
giving a shit.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
And I said, I don't care. And I told him,
I said, I don't care what age you are. You
don't give a shit because at the end of the.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Day, people people need to you need to move people
out of the way. People want to drag their stuff
and dump their stuff on you. That's not happening because
I have so much peace and so much love within myself. Man,
you can keep on moving because you're not doing nothing
over here, you.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Know, right? And im fir believe that when people live
and exist in chaos, they don't know how to be
They don't know how to be recepted to someone who
just like very peaceful nothing. I don't have no hitting agendas,
no motives, none of that. This is just who I am.
I don't care if you looked at a woman's ass
at at the grosure store.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's your business.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
As long as you ain't you ain't trying to feel
on it or whatever. And even if you decide to
feel on it, that is, that's still your business. You're
gonna have to be accountable for that because if you
could go to sleep at night knowing that you betrayed
me and I'm being good for you, that's on you,
not on.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Me, that said right there. So with that comment right there, Yes, So,
when it.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Comes to your business of sexual wellness, do you have
a more or less clientele having a hard time setting
boundaries when it comes with their self love?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yes? Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Why do you believe that it's hard? It's hard for
people to set those healthy boundaries. Let's put that out there.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Because they don't communicate.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
They do not communicate, and they think that they can
do whatever they want. You have to set that boundary.
But that goes back to tickling your fancy. You have
to tickle you and know you. You need to know
yourself in and out in order to you have.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
To set the boundary with love. And I hear so
many women step over their own boundaries of letting their
partner do what they want to do, and then they
complain about it. Don't complain about about it, do something
about it, and it's easy. It's an easy fix.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Now, if you feel as though it's not comfortable, you're
not comfortable with having a conversation with that partner, then
you can write them a letter. You can do something
different to speak to make the boundary happen in a
different way. You know, you can set the tone, you
(16:23):
can set the mood, whatever you want to do. But
whatever it is, you have to find some lines of communication.
But I feel like verbally speaking because this is you
and this is your boundary and this is your protection
right here. I have to set my boundary. I don't
want to do anal sex but you want me to
do it. I don't want to have oral sex or
you know, give you oral pleasure because that's not my jem.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
But you want me to do it.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
That's stepping over somebody's boundary, and you have to stop.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You have to set the boundaries. You have to.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Absolutelyness and not be afraid to stand on them boundaries
because sometimes you'll set boundaries, but then you will talk
yourself out of that. So I had to learn that.
I had to set boundaries within myself to say, you
know what, you got these boundaries in place for a reason.
Come on, now, this is why. And every time you
go against them, you end up hurting again because you
allow people to hurt you when you don't stand on business.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yes exactly, I agree with you. I agree with you
all right.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
So we want to get into all that other shit, right, yes,
all the other other shit, drop it on down. Listen.
Can love survive without all that other ship? Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yes they can because there's some women.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
And men that have issues, you know, and those issues
are and we can speak freely. Those issues are issues
are ed lo lobido. So it ain't happening. So now
how do you make that happen? You know these other
techniques that you can do. Kama Sutra, there's ten, there's
(18:01):
lots of things that you can do. There's you know,
the Bard census. You know, let's tap into that.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
You know. I know someone personally that is.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Living with their partner and their partner has ED and
they're like, you know, their partner told them that you
can get a whole pass and she was like, no,
we can do something about this. You know, let's you
can you can fulfill me without you know, with having
your problem. But you know, yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
What do you say to someone who is experiencing that
with that partner with the ED and the partner didn't
tell them about it. They found out on their own
that they're they're experiencing that.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Mm hmmmm. So that has happened.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
And women have come to me and that one and
they and I tell them, well.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
We have some things. You can introduce a bedroom toy.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Okay, there's some stimulation creams for him.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Maybe he first need to start with the doctor. First
of all. We need to find go to the doctor.
If he can get a little something or if he
can do something natural, let's see how that works.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
If that doesn't work, then let's do some other self
pleasure things.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
You gotta self.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Pleasure, do some bold play, do some you know, you
gotta learn how to masterbate, you know, in front of
your partner.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Maybe that might get him off or and.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
If none of that, all that fails, then you have
to make a decision yourself. Some women do have play
toys right outside the house and call me up. I
need that great head, I need that loop, I need
the anal. I need the anal, I need the like
a virgin because I gotta go back home.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Just some cases, you know, he does.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
You know, it does rise to the attention, and it's
something what happens, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I gotta jump on it real quick. I gotta make
it tight and right again.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
For me, I said, well, babe, you need to do
some keybo exercises then every day every day.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
So what advice would you give to a listener who
has been dealing with a partner that's not satisfying them
and they verbalize that to their partner, but their partner
just withdraw altogether.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
We have to make a personal decision.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
And is intimacy Does intimacy play a big partner relationship? Yes,
it does because it grows that connection. So but I
always give my women this one advice, get it away,
bring it to the bedroom, tell your partner here. Here
you go, try this on me so I can be satisfied.
(20:53):
That's if you are that. You know, you're married. There's
some married women. I have married women that you know,
say I want to use this because he doesn't get there,
and they want to keep the marriage. They want to
keep the relationship. But then some women's like I'm out,
you know. And then those women that say that they're out,
then I say, you know, there was nothing else I
can do for them, you know, right, nothing else I
(21:14):
could suggest to them because they're you know, they're out,
they're checked out. They want they want to be satisfied.
You know, I have someone that have friendly vagina and
they want to be friendly, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Okay, so elaborate on the friendly vagina that I've never
heard that before instead.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Of calling some a woman a thought and I've heard
people say that calling them a hue.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And I was like, pause, I said, she has.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
Friendly vagina, So what her vagina is friendly and it
has other friends, So what's.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Wrong with that?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
As long as you're protecting your staff. Gay, knock yourself
out right friendly vagina, friendly vagina. Okaybout learned something new
today from me. Oh oh, to listen, so we don't
get into a topic that a lot of people need
to talk about. And we're talking about the G spot.
Not too many people can locate it.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
M m.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
They got to go on up and there to that
two that two inches and you know where to wait.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
The G spot is an amazing spot. But that two
to three inches in, that's an exciting spot. So as
you yes, as you enter and then they hit.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
That G spot, I'm telling you you'll have a dagon
squirting session going on.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Now.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Some women can squirt, some women can't. But hitting that
G spot is the right spot. You'll be doing the dishes,
getting flowers and everything for that partner.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Yes, absolutely, And we have to we have to know
that it's supposed to be exciting and fun and play
for and you know, just an adventure. I heard I
quote like years ago. It says that if you're having
sex and you're not laughing at some point doing sex,
you're doing it wrong.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
You are, Yeah, And if you're not moaning, you're doing
something wrong. What is that part it's supposed to be
screaming to the gods, the God.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Oh my god, I'm bleshing over here. Let's talk about
you know, you being a sexual wellness coach and you
deal with a lot of women, and we want men
to know about this too, the importance of knowing your body.
Not too many people know what they like because that
stigma is taboo. You don't do that. Certain good girls
(23:41):
don't do that. You just don't do that been taught
and it's carried from generation to generation. So let's talk
about the importance of knowing your body what you like
so that you can teach somebody else.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
And I'm glad you brought that up because so many
black women when I do it. I've done the sex
expos I've done the other events that are like forty thousand,
maybe four hundred thousand plus, and the black women walk
past the table and be like hmmm, like they holder
(24:14):
than that, like they don't do anything.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
When they come to the parties, they act like, oh no,
I don't do that.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
But when they get in that shopping room, girl put
that booty ease in that bag. I didn't want my
friend to know that, you know, Yeah, put the right
one in there, so you know, don't be ashamed of
your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Fill on your breast because feeling your breast helps massage them,
helps keep breast cancer away. Rub on your glitterist because
it never gets old. And guess what, that's stimulation, because
that's keeping the vagina nice.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
And healthy, and keep keeping the blood flow and keeping
the lubrication, the natural lubrication flowing down there, you know.
Rub on your legs, rub on your feet, you know,
find that zone. So then when that partner comes, you
know that they need to touch right there. They need
to hit right there. And that's why I encourage women,
you know, to you know, to buy a toy, you know,
(25:06):
or buy a buzz whatever you want to call it,
a toy, dildo, vibrator, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
But it's a difference between the dildo and a vibrator.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
But which everyone you want to purchase, just make sure
you use it so that you can find that spot.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
You find your own spot. So then when home slice
gets to that spot you like, ah, you touch that breast,
hit on that nipple, ah, hit that booty, you know
what I mean. That's how you got to know your
own spot. You can find up, Oh, you can find it.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
It's a text exploration. You have to be willing to
be open and honest with yourself to say, you know what,
there's nothing that's wrong with this, it's healthy. I am
doing this for me so that I'm able to be
satisfied when it comes to having, you know, sexual intercourse
with a partner.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
Yes, I mean you get in the shower and touch yourself,
You get in the bathtub and touch yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
So why can't you explore your right exactly exactly And
I love that word explore explore yourself.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Yes, so listen, what's the next for the Old Coach?
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Ooh, the Old Coach has a lot in store. The
Old Coach just featured in the Survivor edition of nineteen
and everybody should get out there and get that. Okay,
everybody needs to click the link. Click the link, because
that was all about surviving. Yes, it was October, but
we're still trying to survive because we just came We
(26:31):
just came into something on November, right, so we got
to survive that, right, yes, yes, And the Old Coach
also is part of a book anthology, and what anthology
is is when it's a group of people that are
in one book, and a visionary writer is Angela Hawkins.
(26:55):
And then we have fourteen mothers and it's called Different
Shades mother and my chapter is Pedals of Purple. We
all had to choose a color and we had to
speak about our journey on motherhood. And when I mean
that book is going to be a number one seller,
(27:18):
it's going to be a number one seller because all
of the stories.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
When we meet, we all have to tell a little
bit about our chapter.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
It was hot, heavy, and a lot of a mother's
journey because mothers go through so many things. And next
on my agenda is I am hosting talking about the
new thing that I've been talking about for many years, perimenopause.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So I have a course, an E course that I
am creating and I'm doing e course on perimenopause.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
All right, yeah, because we I'm in it. I'm in it,
in it And a lot of people think that it's
like they should be a shame when when that season
of their life comes over. Let's talk about that for
a minute, Like, how tell some about it that it's
okay to not to go older and what's the alternative?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Right?
Speaker 4 (28:17):
Yes, it is so important to know so many different
things about this seventy two symptoms that you can develop
door menopause.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Okay, Like I have a wig on today. I ain't ashamed.
I don't want to be saying Jacson, rip it off
right now, right but Earth fell off?
Speaker 6 (28:40):
But you know I lost my hair, Like I am
shaved down because I lost my hair arthritis.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
You know, I walk different, I feel different. When you're
going through this journey. You need some support.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Yup, get me up. I'm doing one on ones, you know, I'm.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
I have I have it designed where we're doing one
on ones separately. Then I'm gonna have it formed into
a group so other women can hear what they're going through.
There's a woman right now that I can share a
little bit. And I told her, you know, if I
needed to, am I able to give her. I got
permission from her to speak about it.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
You know, she's grieving.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
The loss of two parents, you know, and she's going
through menopause. So grief in menopause it's not even fun.
Like she like literally said that she was making herself sick.
Now I got her to the point where she's uplifting herself.
She's getting her sexy back and you know it's baby
steps mm hmm. But it's important that we have support
(29:49):
and don't let no doctor or let nobody tell you
that you're crazy. If you're sure you got frozen shoulder,
that's part of erymnopause. If you're getting urinal tract infections,
that's part of men If you if you smell different
down there, that means your pH balance is off, you know,
and you feel ashamed about that stuff, but you know
it's okay. I can't take away nobody's feelings, That's what
(30:11):
I always say. But go to someone that can, that
can assist you with what's going on with you. And
I suggest like women do exercising, make sure you take
your vitamins. You know, there's some great tease out there
that you can take me and drink. There's so many
(30:32):
things that go on during the course of perimenopause. And
one of the number one things that people besides hot flashes,
and besides hot flashes and sleep disruption, a lot of
people say they feel.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Like they're losing theirselves m hm. And how can I
get myself back? And I said, I can tell you
that I felt like I lost myself, like I was
losing myself, but I had to keep pushing through, you know.
So I can help you with that pushing through. You know,
(31:07):
you need an accountability person during this journey. It's really
important to have that person, you know that that's going
through it.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
That's why I want to develop that support group, whether
it's on via zoom or in person, you know, because
we need each other right now.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
We need each other support. And some women had children
late in life, so when they have them late in life.
I have one client she had children late in life,
and she threw this term at me and I never
heard it before. She said, I'm a geriatric mom. I'm
going through menopause.
Speaker 4 (31:44):
My husband doesn't understand, my vagina is dry, and I
don't know what the hell to do.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
And I was like, okay, okay, she said, now, but
you're going to tell me what to do, right I
was like, okay.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Well, we can just add a little loup. Let's talk
about the loop real quick. Let's talk about look in
the mirror every day and say I love myself. There's
a mirror in your car, there's a mirror in every
bathroom that you go to, even if you don't even
if you don't love yourself that day. You tell yourself
you love yourself that day, it does not matter you
repeat it. You gotta re re retrain the mind. It's
(32:19):
like a piece of plastic. You can reshape it. So
you know, these two women are getting stronger.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
They're like, I'm glad, I'm glad that they have you.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yes, and you need me come on over.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
So so tell tell them. Some listeners might be needing
the old coach. How can they work with you?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
How they can work with the old Coach. You can
reach out to me.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
I'm on Instagram at the Old Coach Underscore sixty nine.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
That's t H e CEO A c H.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
Underscore six ' nine. Or you can reach out by
texting me and my phoneumber is two zero one three
eight eight three three four six. I'm nationwide and I'm
almost done with my certification, so I can be international
wherever I want to be with you, whoever needs to
(33:15):
jump on board with me. You can also email me.
You can email me at kimber k I M B
E R seven zero one at Gmail, and you can
also find me on Facebook and you can what the
kids call it, d M me at Kimberly Newman n
(33:38):
E W M A N slash Maybury m A B.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
R Y and all of her information would be in
the show notes, guys, so you would have her contact information.
If you want to work with her, just book a
call and see if you're a good fit for each other.
Because it's okay to shop around. Like therapy, you don't
have to go to the same therapists you just you
Just like buying shoes, you don't buy the first pair
(34:06):
you see unless you just really really love them and
they fit perfect and comfortable and all of the things.
The same thing with your coaches. Make sure that you
shop around to get the best fit. But you, that
was my last question, how to connect with you on
social media? You just told us all of that. It
would be listed before we get out of here. Do
(34:26):
you have any parting words for any listener who may
be feeling like they're alone on this journey called life, love,
and all that other shit.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Listen, grab ahold of yourself, grab ahold of therapy. You
know you think your friend's are therapy, No, get a therapist.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
It's okay, all right, And everybody doesn't need to know
that you have a therapist, because I find a lot
of people's hands.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Oh, my therapist said, what went on with you and
your therapist is? What went on with you and your therapist.
There's one person that I would love for people to
grab her book, and it's called Anita Phillips. She if
anybody that suffered with trauma. She is an amazing woman.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Now I left the day of her book at my desk,
but you can find her on YouTube and you can
definitely see her book because her book is like a
number one seller on trauma and how to get yourself
back on the right track, like she's a doctor, okay,
and she drops it like it's.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Hot with getting yourself back together. But I strongly suggest
your feelings are your feelings. No one can take them
away from you. You learn to stand tall, you learn
to be strong, and you learn to look in that
mirror and you learn to say I love me.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Okay, absolutely, and y'all would I would have that the
name of the book listed in the show notes as
well by Anita Phillip. And just reading is fundamental and
sometimes it's okay to sit back and read. You don't
have to listen as an audio book or find something
on YouTube, but whatever, it's okay to just sit back
(36:12):
and read, take some time out to just be a reader. Yeah,
but yeah, So miss Kimberly, thank you for coming and
kicking with me. Today has been fun as always.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Thank you so much for having me and everyone you have.
The Kiki is the she, She of the shit. Kiki
is the shit, I'm telling you, and I just met
her through a young lady at a content class. That's
how I met her. Like I'm in New Jersey and
she's in Louisiana.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Right, I'm messing up all the time, right, but that's
where she is, and I'm loving her like she's dope.
She's dope from a distance, you know.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
What I mean, from a distance. I love that. Thank
you so much. I felt that suit when we first met,
and it's just you could tell that it's genuine. And
I love what I do because I get to meet
some amazing people like yourself. So you keep shining, keep
pouring into other people. It's needed and it takes community
because we're getting ready to embark on this journey for
(37:18):
the next four years. That's gonna be serious.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
Yes, and black women stick together.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
You have to stop all of that looking at each other,
don't shame each other, lift each other, okay, and keep
keep telling you, yes.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
You know what I mean. Keep these women out here,
keep them together, girl.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I'm gonna try my best. Everybody that's keep listening. I
know that if I just reach one or two, I'm
doing what I need to do. But we in this
thing together, and that's why I do what I do.
I love pouring into people in a positive way because
it's all about how you talk to yourself and believe
in yourself. It starts in the mind. Mindset is crucial,
(38:01):
that personal development is crucial, that in boundary is crucial,
and self love is the most crucial of all because
when you love yourself, you says the stage for how
other people will love on you. Because I wasn't always there,
allowed the wrong people to love on me because I
wasn't loving on myself, and I felt like hell to
(38:21):
get out of that and I'm not going back. So yeah,
that's a part of my testimony.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I love it. I love it. I'm gonna have to
interview her on my podcast.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Listen, let me know when and I'm there. Let me
know when and I'm there.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
I got to tell that part my podcast is one
of the couch with the old coach. I know it's
a mouthful, but it's one the couch with the old coach.
Speaker 3 (38:48):
On the couch with the old coach.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I'm on YouTube and I'm on Spotify.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
So y'all go and support her, tap into the podcast,
become a supporter, need each other. It's enough for all
of us to go around and together. We would make it. Together.
We would make it. We've made it thus far. And
God is in control. He is the head of my
life and I know that he is not blind or sleep.
Great things are our heads. So you just got to
(39:17):
believe that and it will happen. But until next time,
you guys have been listening to another episode of Kicking
It with Kiki, Life, love and all the other shit.
I have been joined with the old coach. Y'all go
and make sure that y'all's happen to them, show notes
and support her and following all the things. Just just
be be open, be honest, be transparent, especially with yourself
(39:41):
and with your partner, so that you can live that
that that sexual life that you're supposed to have. It's
supposed to be fun and free and excited.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
Let's make it happen.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Right, But you guys be blessed love.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
You have a good one.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
He can let the key keep the co
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