December 12, 2024 • 46 mins
Season 7 Finale...
Today's guest is Life and Relationship Coach, Resolution Specialist, and Author Ashleigh Harrison. And of course we're talking life, love, and all that other SH&T!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
Today's guest is Life and Relationship Coach, Resolution Specialist, and Author Ashleigh Harrison. And of course we're talking life, love, and all that other SH&T!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Kicking and with Kiki, Kicking dippy ki Ki
kicking it the ki Ki for a little personality, switching
up the storyline on God we making this story.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
And hooks changing yes one day at the time.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Much problems to the side. Enjoy yourself, free your mind,
chickin it the ki Kee.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome to the season finale of
season seven Kicking It with Kiki, Life, love and all
that other ship. I am your host, of course you
know me by now. We're seven failings and I have
one of my closest friends joining me tonight, and we're
gonna get into all things life, love and all that
other shit. Y'all know how I like to do. I
(01:04):
like to left them my guest, that is, introduce themselves.
So what's that?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Ash Hey, how you doing good?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Good? Good? Thank you for coming to Kicking with me
telling people who you are and what you do.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So I am Ashley aka Bella Bella. I'm an author,
a life coach, and some other things that shall remain
nameless and quiet.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Y'all secret to today. Mm hmm, but I love it.
I love it. So we're gonna get into these these
topics of the of the of the show for the season,
the life, the love and all of the ship. It
has been great thus far. But we are in the
season finale of season seven, so you already know we
got to give the people something that's gonna keep them
(01:53):
ready for season eight.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Let's get it. Let's get it.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I always ask this question, and this has been the
question of the season, because I always have a season question. Right,
if you had to give a definition for life, what
would it be? And why?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
A definition for life? That's a saucy question life. I
almost want to say, I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I don't have one for that.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
That's answer.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
That's your answer.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
A definition for life? You come out the gates swinging.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Huh. You want me to tell you what mine is?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I want you to tell me what yours is, because
what I'm thinking, you don't want it.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
My definition of life at this moment in time is
peace mm hmm, our intention, our purpose mm hmmm. So yeah,
that would be my top three. If I had to
describe the life.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
That falls in line with one of the things that
I was thinking, and I would actually say abundance.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Ooh like that, I would say abundance.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's what I'm That's what
I'm feeling right now, That's what I'm what I'm thinking.
That's what I want for everybody life. I want abundance
in life for everybody.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Okay, so I'm playing. I'm gonna play Devil's advocate right
now because you say you want that for everybody. You know,
we like to pour into people as life coaches and
all the things. What would you say to someone who's listening,
who has been going through life trying to bring everybody
with them on their purpose or their healing journey, knowing
that everybody can go, What would you say to them
(03:57):
about that everybody can't go?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
I would tell them that sometimes you have to leave
people behind in order to grow. True enough, everybody cannot
go with you. Sometimes people weigh you down and you
don't even realize that you're being weighed down or weighed
down or pulled down by those people and their I
(04:22):
don't even want to say their negativity, but sometimes look
good and feel good for you, But in essence, all
they're doing is weighing you down.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Can't already know what happens when you get laid weighed down.
You can't fly. You can't.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
You can't excel, you can't move, you can't ascend, you
can't do anything. All you can do is sink. That's
all you do.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
And I think that it's okay to leave people where
they are, especially if you're moving forward and they're just
still in the process of learning or finding out who
they are are discovering their purpose. Okay. But if you
try to bring somebody along who is not there on
that particular same frequency I should say, vibrating to that capacity,
(05:11):
some resentment is gonna happen. Who some arguments gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
The arguments are definitely gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Some some calling folks and talking shit behind your back
is gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
That's gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I've learned a hard way that not everybody's gonna be
happy because you're growing, Okay, it's because they know the
old you, and so they're used to you being in
stuck in that and we're gonna get into all the
other ship and that falls into one of the questions
that I have for that. But yeah, I think that
(05:50):
it's okay to grow. I mean, that's the whole point
of of living, right, You want to grow, change, and
evolve into the best version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
But not everybody wants that. Not everybody wants to grow.
Not everybody wants to grow with you, nor do they
want to grow for themselves or better themselves. Some people
are okay with being right where they are and being
stuck in that spot because that's comfortable for them.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Believe that though.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I think it's lack of accountability. I think it's lack
of motivation. I think it is fear. I think that
it is also just probably just like I said, just fear,
just flat out fear of not knowing, you know, fear
(06:42):
of the unknown. You know, I don't know what's ahead.
I'm comfortable right here in this spot because I know
what's right here. Yeah, I don't want to ascend any
further than that because I don't know what's over there.
Yeah I don't know what I'm getting into. Yeah, I
get it.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
I get it. And and you know, there's no growth
in the comfort zone. We already know that, we already know.
Come about to get into your business a little bit.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
That's not Go ahead, girl, Go ahead.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Has been one of the biggest life lessons that you've
learned along your journey that you still carry from day
to day.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Hmm, that's a good one, I would say one of
my I guess an old friend always told me, to
those whom were given much, much is expected. And I
(07:45):
have carried that with me, Oh my gosh since high school,
and I have lived by that. I've I always say
that to myself, even to this day. I still say
that to myself, and I think that it's it's important
(08:06):
because it keeps me humble, and it keeps me grounded.
It keeps me in a space of knowing that, you know,
I was blessed to have both parents. I was blessed
to have, you know, not have any real issues growing
(08:28):
up that would have hindered me from doing the things
that I wanted to do, from you know, going to school,
from you know, having a successful job and things like that.
So I still operate from that place of, you know,
thinking and knowing that much is expected from me.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
I like that, you know. I was thinking about this
question when it came to me, and I was like,
I want to ask Ashley this question. But it also
made me go back to something that my daddy told
me and I was thirteen years old, and I asked, Dave,
you remember you told me this and he was like, no,
I said that. I said, yeah, but I think he
said it as a joke, but I took it as Okay,
(09:12):
this is something that I need to hang on to
because my dad don't really talk that much, but when
he do talk, he has something to say. If that
makes sense to somebody, somebody catch that tomorrows next week. Anyway.
He told me when I was thirteen years old, don't
be afraid to be your weird self. He said, keep
you weird. But I like it. I was like, dam and, Dad,
(09:32):
you come me weird. He said, no, don't take it
like a bad thing. I like that You're weird. You
know who you are. You don't try to address or
fit in, so just be who you are, be your
weird self. I like that. And I was like, Okay,
I've never took weird as a as a term for
myself because we do have some more that Groun'm weird
out here, okay, but I've never taken it as a
(09:56):
negative term for myself.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
I always embrace the the my uniqueness that's as chicolleg
because ain't gonna say weird. But yeah, my daddy told
me you weird and just be your weirdest little self.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I think that's cute though.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
I mean, here, I was the kid that nobody knew
they had because I always was under bed or in
the closet or something. Folks came to the house, I
was a ghost.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Yeah, you you were doing your own thing. M that's sweet.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, So I like that. I like that too much.
As to whom much is given, much is expected. I
like that. But we can talk about life all night. Well,
we're not doing that. We're gonna move on to the
hot topic, which is love. Love.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Oh mind.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Hmmm. You believe that life can be fulfilling without love?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Mhmm, gotting, mm hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Hear his thought all the time.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So do I believe that life can be fulfilling without love?
I think that it can be to a certain degree.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Break it down for us.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, I think everybody needs love, but I don't necessarily
know that everybody needs it in the same capacity.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
You know, there are different facets, different types of love,
different things that you get from people who say that
they love you, and it may not be the same
type of love. So I do think that you can
you know, it can be fulfilling without, But it just
(11:57):
depends on what type of love it is that you
know that you're you're looking for and that you need
to be fulfilled. Because you can say, oh, well, no,
you know, I'm good. I have everything that I need,
But you've got love on a parental level and that's
(12:18):
enough for you. You know you don't need anything different.
Or you can say, well, I don't have my parents,
i don't have the familiar love, but I've got my
partner over here that gives me everything that I need
and you feel you're fulfilled in that area. So I mean,
(12:38):
I think it could happen. I think it happened. What
about you what you're thinking?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I mean, I agree, I agree. I also think that
the most important thing about when it comes to love
is being able to love yourself so that you can
either show or teach somebody how to love you in
that capacity, because not all love has created equal and
(13:06):
like you said, it's different types of love. So yeah,
I do believe that it can be fulfilling without it,
but at some point self love has to come in there.
So I don't think that anything is able to be
fulfilling without the love, that right, right, I.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Can agree with that. I can agree with that.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Now when it comes to love, what would twenty year
old Ashley tell forty year old Ashley? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
What would twenty year old Ashley tell forty year old Ashley?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Too easy? No, that's too easy. Oh speak to you, speak,
Come on, come on channel that twenty year old Ashley
and let us speak to you.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Your twenty year old Ashley was sunning.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Ooh, that's why I asked the question.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Twenty year old Ashley would tell forty year old Ashley. Girls,
still drop it like inside because you got it. I
don't stop dropping it till your knees give out, is
what twenty you old Ashley would tell forty year old Ashley. Yeah,
(14:36):
he's don't hurt. Don't do your think girl?
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Do you think listen? I like that.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I mean, and you're keeping it playful because yeah, I
think my I think. Twenty year old Kiki would tell
forty year old Kiki this chill out. We made it.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
That's real, that's real.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Chill out. We're gonna make it. We're gonna make it.
Chill out. Don't you overthink too much. You're just doing
to like chill out, enjoy life Yeah, we're gonna make
it and be all right.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
That's that's real. Twenty y old Ashley probably would not
be telling forty ye old Ashley that, but you know
it's all good.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Now, what would forty year old Ashley I tell thirty
year old Ashley about love?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
M drey, you coming up, you got some good you
got some good questions here, got my mind rolling?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Forty year old Ashley talking to thirty year old Ashley,
what would she tell her about love? Everything that glitter
ain't gold when it comes to love. And these folks
out here in these streats, don't believe the hype. Don't
(16:10):
believe the hype. Mm hmmm. Don't believe the hype. That's
that's that I got. Yeah, don't believe the hype.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
I mean, that's real, and that can that that I think.
I think each each decade of yourself can actually be
told that same thing and take it for what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
But I also think that it it hits different depending
on which decade of yourself is relaying that message. Hits different.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Yeah mm hm, oh, christ I'm gonna hit different. I
mean because when you were your thirties, you starting to
learn and know and you know see where your future
going and all these things. You know a little bit
more about your body, how your mind works, all this. Yes,
whereas when you fought it. I don't know about you,
but I'm I'm at a point where like it is
(17:07):
what it is at this point.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I'm there and I'm beyond.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And not in a negative way.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Oh no, definitely not negative, like you get what you
get and it just it is what it is. Like
you know, you can't. I'm not going to over extend
and over exert and expend energy where that is not reciprocated.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
There you go, not doing it. There you go, not
doing it.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
So I asked you a question that if you had
to give you a definition of life, So that's let's
go to the next thing. If you had to give
love a definition you what would you what would you
say it is for as?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Hmmm, You're killing me with these definitions.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
God. I had a guest this season shout out to
Portia and she said that her definition of love with action,
and I was like, wow, I could.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Get with that. Yeah, but for some reason, I'm drawing
a blank. I'm drawing a blank, and I don't know
if that that might be my answer, M. That literally
might be my answer.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Like elaborate on that though.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Because I think that.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Love is.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
It's within M. It's within me, It's within you know,
whoever it is that I'm loving on at the time,
or vice versa. It's within. So I can't necessarily say
that it's this word that word like it just it
(19:07):
just depends, like I'm and I gotta keep it real
on that one.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'm it's blank, I feel you. And I think that
I think that I liked Portia's answer because she was
she took She explained it from you know, being a
mom and having kids poring into them, and she says
she raised her kids to always show it versus letting
somebody tell you that they love you, but they treat
(19:33):
you like crap.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Now that I can, I can understand that and and
I can get with that because you know, saying you
love me is one thing, and you can say it
all day, but can you show it? And how do
you show it? And do I feel it when?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah, that that's that's the part right there. Yeah, Yeah,
I like that because.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Then that's not to say you're not showing it, but
it's just if I'm not feeling the love from your
actions or if I feel like you're just doing it
because I said that this is something that I want done.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Our allegation.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, yeah, you know, there's no there's nothing behind.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
That, right, I get it. I get it. Yes, indeed, yes, indeed.
Now this is another question, and this is another topic
that we have touched on for the whole season. And again,
you guys have been listening to Kicking and Waikiki. We
are in the season finale of season Step. I have
been joined with my friend life coach Ashley, and we're
talking about life, love and all the other shit. Do
(20:42):
you believe in the five love languages and why or
why not?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I do. I definitely think that that's important. I think
the five, all five of them important, but I also
think that there could possibly be more.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Oh did you listen to the episode because that's what
That's exactly what we said, because we talked about somebody
I love the languages and got nothing to do with
the five Like I like like consistency, like being able
to listen, like mak it ship, put forward effort. Let
me know that I'm mad.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
To see honesty, all of you know, all of that
is yeah, yeah, but I definitely believe and I think
that they're important in a relationship, but not just in
a you know, an intimate relationship. I think they're important
in all relationships. You know that that played. Those love
(21:43):
languages play a real part in, you know, knowing how
you communicate with other people, knowing how you interact, and
you know, just overall how you get along with people.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Mm hmm. And do you believe that they change over time? Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, as you age, they do change. They
definitely change some of the things that you know. At
that that twenty year old Ashley was looking for forty
year Ashley is just kind of like, nah, I'm good, right,
(22:22):
thank you, yeah, miss me, miss me with that keep
it over.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Their Yeah, I guess it's already there.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Don't bring me that.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Don't bring me that, right, absolutely all right. Someone switch
gears a little bit and I'm now. We talked about
the five love languages and stuff like that, and I
ask you about your definition of life and love.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Ask me another definition.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I'm not. I'm gonna ask you a song. Oh when
you think about love, what song embodies that for you?
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I'm going to say with you by Tony Terry.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yeah, yes, yeah, Okay, so you got to elaborate for
the people in the back that don't know this song,
like tell them, tell them to look a little breakdown
because Tony sung from his soul.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
When that definitely sung from his soul. Can I pick
another song too, Yeah by Tony Terry as well, Everlasting.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Love, y'all if y'all listening and y'all don't know nothing
about Tony Terry, go look him up on out there,
get out, get him out like for real. Yeah, and
Feel the Fire by Peebo brycele.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Forever for I Always for Love by Layla Had the
Way Half the Way.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, oh my god, I said, you're gonna have me
in here. I'm gonna have to go put the music.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Make a playlist, Go ahead, make a.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Year old Ashley. Gotta make a playlist. But it's not
gonna have twenty year old Ashley Jams on it. It's
gonna have the grown Ashley Jams on it.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Right. Yeah, I like, I'm glad that you say that,
Like I'm glad that you say those two sons, because yeah,
they do and and it makes you, it makes you
giddy and bloody and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, you
know that's the music.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
When you you're in the car and that song come on,
I'm like, oh wait, everything got to stop. If anybody riding, Hey,
you gotta be quiet.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Like I you can't be quiet, don't say.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Just be quiet. Yeah. That that's feel good music for me.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
It's still does.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
You know it takes me back to a time when
everything was right with the world in my love life.
You know, all that was good and things felt great,
and it was wonderful.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
It was wonderful, It was wonderful. It was brutiful. Yes,
I don't know where the brew came from, but that's
how I got people pronouncing it now like people is brutiful, right.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, beautiful?
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Yes, if I loved that. I loved that, great, great grade. Now,
did you want to ask me anything before we get
into this all this other ship?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Mm hmm. I'm tempted to just be like, let's just
jump in.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
That all that, let's get it, let's get into it
all that other ship. Can you remember a time in
your life that you was so bogged down into some
ship that you just didn't know whether you was coming
or going. How did you get through that. God, wish
(25:56):
I could see her face.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
He went to jail.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Girl, what you're talking about?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Oh my god, Wow, please tell us the story. I
was not expecting you to stay here, went to jail. Okay,
Oh my god, oh jeez.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. That was a long, long, long, long,
long long time ago.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Yeah. So how did you get through it though? How
did you do that? How did you get through it?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I left him alone in jail.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
You broke up with the man when he went to jail.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Left him alone in jail. I'm gonna say it again.
I left him alone in jail. Yeah. Yeah, I had
to do that though. I had to. Yeah, it is
I had to because if I didn't do that, I
(26:55):
promise you there was no elevation for me in that.
I was not going to grow. I was going to
stay stagnant, quick, saying down to the knees and sinking.
I was not Yeah, it wasn't happening. And I think
(27:18):
as much as I hated to do that, I knew,
you know, people around me were saying things like, you know,
oh my god, you know you should be with him anyway,
you shouldn't be with him, and you know, of course
when people are telling you that at a younger age,
you're like, okay, well that's gonna make me. You know that,
that just makes you gravitate toward that person even more.
(27:41):
Right So, I think when by the time he went
to jail, I was kind of starting to see it myself,
but still not quite ready to let go. And when
that happened, it was like, Okay, that's that's the wake
up call, because what you're gonna do. You can't do
(28:04):
anything with that. You know, you're running up to go
go vizit and putting money on books that you don't want,
money you don't have, you putting it on books. You know, like,
you can't do that. We can't keep living like that.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
So yeah, listen, I'm glad that you say that, because
somebody need to hear that that it may be their
season of letting go. As a life coach, and we speaking,
we speaking to coach Ashley right now. What would you
what the advice would you give a client when they
so come to you and say, listen, I am so
(28:39):
caught up in some shit and I need some help.
What would you what would you say to them in
that moment? Coach Ashley not not Bella, Coach Ashley answer
this question, that's coach Ashley, and then I'm gonna ask Bella.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
So I would have to ask them a question first
before I could say anything to them. And that question
would be are you ready? Because you can say that
you caught up, you bogged down, and you know I
(29:17):
got so much going on, but you truly may not
be ready. You may know that all of that is
going on around you, you may feel and see all
of that, but are you ready to change that? Because
if you're not ready to change it, nothing that I
tell you as coach Ashley is going to help you
(29:42):
because you're not receiving it. Right, So it would be
a question that I would ask before we could even
move any further.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Right. I like that. I like that, So answer the
question as a Belger because you know, y'all know Ashley.
She she has an alted ego. She writes erotica and
and Bella is. If you don't know who she is,
I need you try to go on over to Amazon
and check out the first book. When the book two coming,
book two coming in twenty twenty five for.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Us, definitely coming in twenty five, definitely happen.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
How would Bella answer the question somebody that's so bobbed
down into the some shit and they come to you
for some advice, our help. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
You don't, You don't want to know.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
She's gonna ask if it's a woman. She's gonna ask
this question. Mm hmmm mm hmmm, go ahead tell them.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
So Bella wouldn't have a question at all. Bella would
just have an answer, and that that, oh my gosh,
Bella would just say, tune it up, turn it over,
bust it over.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Beat it over all that.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
No, you know what, I thought she was gonna get
hibout it. You forget about it.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
It'll help you. Look, I thought she was gonna ask
if it's a woman coming to her, like, uh, it
must be good. Huh, you know it must be good.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Mm hmmm. No, no, no, I mean sometimes you you know,
you just need a little you just need to forget.
You just need to forget about it for just a
little while, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Na.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
That's not to say that it's gonna make you forget forever. Uh,
you know, and you're gonna be you're gonna be able
to really put it out of your mind, but at
least for that moment.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
But after them, after them, whatever minutes you get, you're
still gonna be in that ship.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Though, gonna be in that ship. You're gonna be in
that water. You are definitely gonna be in that water.
So telling them make it good. I mean that's all
Bella got.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Yes, indeed, Well now that we aren't Bella go a head.
Tell them people plug this book, man, plug you book
you killing give, and tell them how they can get it.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
So all that other ship, now we talk, we are
definitely in all that other shit. So book one, Book
one of the series series is called Dominant Exposure. Book
one is Intensity of Organic Chemistry. Don't do that. Don't
do that. Y'all need to see her face.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
So when you when I when you told me the
name of the book, I would like, what in the hell? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Yeah, I mean it's intense.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
I think that intense times a thousand. We're better described.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Okay, Well I like that. I like that. I like it.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
So let's see.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
If you're into little BDSM, if you're into lots of kink,
if you think you into lots of kink, if you
want to be into lots of freaky things, then you
need to check out Dominant Exposure gotta check it out.
(33:13):
Got to check out Dominant Exposure. Book two, Twisted Reflections
out in twenty twenty five. Come in your way Amazon,
check it out. You gotta pick up your copy. But
you can't get book two and understand it if you
(33:35):
don't pick up book one. So you gotta chemistry in
order to really know what's popping and what's going on
in Twisted Reflections.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
I love it. I love it. So what inspired you? Like?
Did you being in your own shit inspire you to
write about this shit?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Absolutely? Absolutely? But you got it and that's all I'm
gonna say about that. Okay, I'm gonna say about that.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Okay, So what has been your biggest lesson when it
comes to getting yourself out of all that other ship?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
I would say some serious self reflection and serious alone time.
You know, I know a lot of people feel like
when they're in that season of their life where things
(34:43):
are just i'll say going awry, when they just bogged down.
You know, it's like, oh, well, you don't want to
be alone because you know, no, you do want to
be alone. You do want to be alone because what
you don't need is everyone else telling you how you
should feel and how I should get over something, or
(35:03):
how you should proceed. You've got to be able to
sit in your own shit, and you have to be
able to reflect on the things that you've gone through
in order to determine a true path of where you
need to go. That's the only way you're going to
(35:24):
be able to figure it out, because if you got
all that noise from everybody else clouding your head, you
can't make the proper decisions. You're making decisions for other people,
you're not making them for yourself at that point. So
I would definitely say you gotta sit in it.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Sit in it, like sometimes you just got to stink
up the joint in order to realize just how smelly
it is. And then you get tired of it, so
you go wash yourself off and clean yourself up, and.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Then you get that time you get the work. Yeah,
you gotta get a little airfresh and spread that room up.
You gotta smell good air freshman.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
My ask is some bleach pneumonia. I don't mix that
together because that's.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Them like what you're doing that, let's saying that we
is not featuring you.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
That you gotta that you gotta put a disclaimer out
because people you do the wrong way, but you do,
you really do, all right. So this question right here,
do you think love and life would be worth going
through it all without that other ship?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Mm hmmm, absolutely not. You got you gotta have the
other ship to grow. If you don't have the other ship,
you can't grow. That's that is the catalyst for growth.
That other ship. That's what That's where your your your
life lessons are. That's where you're you know, you learn
(37:00):
all the things that you need to learn in order
to become who you want to become. You gotta go
through some shit in order to grow through some shit.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
So oh, I like that and I think that because
of that, all the other ship, it helps you establish
healthy boundaries. Yeah, it helps you understand and see people
for who they are, all right. It helps you see
(37:31):
yourself for who you are, too, because sometimes we have to,
like you said, you have to sit with it and
we have to realize, Hey, it ain't always them. Sometimes
it's us.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
That part. It's a lot of time, it's us. A
lot of time, it's us. And we don't you know,
like I said, we don't want to look in the mirror. Oh,
we want to turn the mirror around and look at
the brown side on the back as oppose to cover
it up. Yeah, yeah, we don't want to look at us.
A lot of times it is us.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
You know, I think the the more people realize that
and stop pointing the finger, the better off we would
be as as as a whole. You know, you gotta
look at you. You can't everything can't be everybody else's
fault exactly. Denominator is you?
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Then? Baby?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
You the problem?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
What are you to do? You are the problem? Sometimes
you are the problem. Someone is listening that really don't
think that they are. I just want to be the
one to tell you, babies, sometimes it's you. It's not
always them. Sometimes it's you.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Yeah, most of the time it's you, Like I'm gonna
keep it a hundred, he keep being nice. Sometimes most
of the time it is you.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Listen, m yes ma'am, Yes, ma'am. And so when it
comes to the to all the other ship and friendships
mm hmm. When do you know that, as a matter
of fact, not just friendships, We're gonna talk about relationships too.
Because all of this ride or die, oh, niches get
(39:23):
stitches and all this bs. I just I'm I don't
want to better love me to death, and I ain't
trying to be with somebody that's gonna put me through hell, okay,
so that I can get They loved once, they do
and did whatever, and they old and gray and don't
nobody else want them now they're trying to be.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Trying to do.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
When it comes to that, all that other ship, like
staying in relationships, whether monogamous are platonic, speak to the
people on that and let them know that it's okay
to let that shit go.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
I got three words, don't do it. Don't stay. Don't
stay if it's not serving you, if it is not
serving you. And I don't mean that in a selfish way,
because that type of love, that type of friendship, that
(40:25):
type of whatever you want to call it, it has
to be reciprocated, So it goes. It does go both ways.
But don't stay where you are not celebrated and appreciated.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Facts.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Don't do that because no matter who you are, no
matter what shit you got with you, you are worthy
of being loved, appreciated and celebrated. Absolutely, So don't stick
around for that. Don't stay.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Some shit just ain't worth it.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
A lot of shit just ain't.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
And I'm learning that some people in some situations are
just not worth it because all this going back and forth,
all this arguing, all this being mad one day and
then we talked the next day.
Speaker 5 (41:18):
I'll let confusion and yet that it's exhausting, and I'm
already I already be ready to get into bed at
six o'clock, you know, when the time changed.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
Even though it's getting dark at five o'clock, six o'clock,
it's midnight over here, so I'm ready to go to bed.
It's just some stuff just not worth it, Like if
it's taken away from my peace, you gotta go. And
I'm saying peace.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yes, yes, peace of mind is everything. Peace of mind
is everything. I never understood that when I was younger.
You know that that twenty year old actually didn't get it.
Twenty year old actually like chaos and was okay with
the little chaos. You know, it was it was, it
was good. Chaos was the thing. Patio Ash don't want
(42:07):
to chaos.
Speaker 3 (42:08):
I don't think that I've ever wanted chaos. I've always
been like a calm or peaceful person, and a lot
of people think that it's bullshit, but it's not. That's
just genuinely who I am. And it's like, yeah, I
could get a little rowdy, but for what mm hmm,
because the times that I did it made me look crazy. Yeah. Yeah,
(42:30):
so I'm making myself look crazy? Why am I doing this?
And then you're gonna You're gonna go home and do
whatever you're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Anyway, that part, that's that's what That's what twiny y Old
actually had to learn. M that's what she had to learn.
But in going through that, I learned what not to
accept and what not to put up with and what
(42:59):
I don't one. So again, I had to go through
that in order to grow and come out on the
other side.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
I love it. I love it. So listen, y'all. This
has been a great episode, Ashley. Thank you for coming
to kicking with me. I appreciate it. I'm loving that.
You're my season finale for season seven, Man, this has
been an awesome conversation. You always you, always talking about you.
I want the questions. I don't give the questions. Half
(43:31):
the time, I don't know the questions. So we can
look at this paper like I ain't got that many questions.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
On there no it's not a lot. It's not a lot.
I'm gonna be nice. I'm sorry, my baggirl.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Yes, So season eight is coming y'all, twenty twenty five,
February twenty twenty five. I'm coming back with season eight.
We have some amazing guests that's coming to hang out.
Season seven has been awesome. Before we close out the season,
do you have any words of encouragement, any words to
(44:07):
close out the year, because we're getting ready to cross
on over to a new year. That you want to
leave the listeners with this evening, be you.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Love you and do you whatever that looked like, and
be comfortable being you, loving you and doing you.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Bars that's far. If I had my Michael would drop that,
like for real, that's it. Be you love you, do you?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Yeah, and be comfortable. Be comfortable doing that.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
So as we get into the holiday season, I want
you guys to just, you know, do some self reflection,
take some time off of social media, spend some time
getting to know who you are so that you can
figure out who you want to become if you don't
like that person when you look in the mirror. But
make sure you take a look in the mirror though,
(45:10):
because if you can't see what other people see, you
will never fully understand the depths of who you are
and who God is calling you to be. I am
a firm believer that in order for us to grow,
we have to take a step back, figure out some
things inwardly, and then move forward. So I hope you
(45:32):
guys have happy holidays until I see you next year.
Just keep loving on you, man, keep loving on you,
and I will see you in the new year. So
take care, Purple hugs, and thank you again for tuning
in to another episode of Kicking with Kiki, Life, love
and all that other shit. Later, keep it with Ki
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Can come on and pat them
Welcome to Kicking and with Kiki, Kicking dippy ki Ki
kicking it the ki Ki for a little personality, switching
up the storyline on God we making this story.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
And hooks changing yes one day at the time.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Much problems to the side. Enjoy yourself, free your mind,
chickin it the ki Kee.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome to the season finale of
season seven Kicking It with Kiki, Life, love and all
that other ship. I am your host, of course you
know me by now. We're seven failings and I have
one of my closest friends joining me tonight, and we're
gonna get into all things life, love and all that
other shit. Y'all know how I like to do. I
(01:04):
like to left them my guest, that is, introduce themselves.
So what's that?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Ash Hey, how you doing good?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Good? Good? Thank you for coming to Kicking with me
telling people who you are and what you do.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So I am Ashley aka Bella Bella. I'm an author,
a life coach, and some other things that shall remain
nameless and quiet.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Y'all secret to today. Mm hmm, but I love it.
I love it. So we're gonna get into these these
topics of the of the of the show for the season,
the life, the love and all of the ship. It
has been great thus far. But we are in the
season finale of season seven, so you already know we
got to give the people something that's gonna keep them
(01:53):
ready for season eight.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Let's get it. Let's get it.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I always ask this question, and this has been the
question of the season, because I always have a season question. Right,
if you had to give a definition for life, what
would it be? And why?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
A definition for life? That's a saucy question life. I
almost want to say, I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I don't have one for that.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
That's answer.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
That's your answer.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
A definition for life? You come out the gates swinging.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Huh. You want me to tell you what mine is?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I want you to tell me what yours is, because
what I'm thinking, you don't want it.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
My definition of life at this moment in time is
peace mm hmm, our intention, our purpose mm hmmm. So yeah,
that would be my top three. If I had to
describe the life.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
That falls in line with one of the things that
I was thinking, and I would actually say abundance.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Ooh like that, I would say abundance.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's what I'm That's what
I'm feeling right now, That's what I'm what I'm thinking.
That's what I want for everybody life. I want abundance
in life for everybody.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Okay, so I'm playing. I'm gonna play Devil's advocate right
now because you say you want that for everybody. You know,
we like to pour into people as life coaches and
all the things. What would you say to someone who's listening,
who has been going through life trying to bring everybody
with them on their purpose or their healing journey, knowing
that everybody can go, What would you say to them
(03:57):
about that everybody can't go?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
I would tell them that sometimes you have to leave
people behind in order to grow. True enough, everybody cannot
go with you. Sometimes people weigh you down and you
don't even realize that you're being weighed down or weighed
down or pulled down by those people and their I
(04:22):
don't even want to say their negativity, but sometimes look
good and feel good for you, But in essence, all
they're doing is weighing you down.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Can't already know what happens when you get laid weighed down.
You can't fly. You can't.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
You can't excel, you can't move, you can't ascend, you
can't do anything. All you can do is sink. That's
all you do.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
And I think that it's okay to leave people where
they are, especially if you're moving forward and they're just
still in the process of learning or finding out who
they are are discovering their purpose. Okay. But if you
try to bring somebody along who is not there on
that particular same frequency I should say, vibrating to that capacity,
(05:11):
some resentment is gonna happen. Who some arguments gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
The arguments are definitely gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Some some calling folks and talking shit behind your back
is gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
That's gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I've learned a hard way that not everybody's gonna be
happy because you're growing, Okay, it's because they know the
old you, and so they're used to you being in
stuck in that and we're gonna get into all the
other ship and that falls into one of the questions
that I have for that. But yeah, I think that
(05:50):
it's okay to grow. I mean, that's the whole point
of of living, right, You want to grow, change, and
evolve into the best version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
But not everybody wants that. Not everybody wants to grow.
Not everybody wants to grow with you, nor do they
want to grow for themselves or better themselves. Some people
are okay with being right where they are and being
stuck in that spot because that's comfortable for them.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Believe that though.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I think it's lack of accountability. I think it's lack
of motivation. I think it is fear. I think that
it is also just probably just like I said, just fear,
just flat out fear of not knowing, you know, fear
(06:42):
of the unknown. You know, I don't know what's ahead.
I'm comfortable right here in this spot because I know
what's right here. Yeah, I don't want to ascend any
further than that because I don't know what's over there.
Yeah I don't know what I'm getting into. Yeah, I
get it.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
I get it. And and you know, there's no growth
in the comfort zone. We already know that, we already know.
Come about to get into your business a little bit.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
That's not Go ahead, girl, Go ahead.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Has been one of the biggest life lessons that you've
learned along your journey that you still carry from day
to day.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Hmm, that's a good one, I would say one of
my I guess an old friend always told me, to
those whom were given much, much is expected. And I
(07:45):
have carried that with me, Oh my gosh since high school,
and I have lived by that. I've I always say
that to myself, even to this day. I still say
that to myself, and I think that it's it's important
(08:06):
because it keeps me humble, and it keeps me grounded.
It keeps me in a space of knowing that, you know,
I was blessed to have both parents. I was blessed
to have, you know, not have any real issues growing
(08:28):
up that would have hindered me from doing the things
that I wanted to do, from you know, going to school,
from you know, having a successful job and things like that.
So I still operate from that place of, you know,
thinking and knowing that much is expected from me.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
I like that, you know. I was thinking about this
question when it came to me, and I was like,
I want to ask Ashley this question. But it also
made me go back to something that my daddy told
me and I was thirteen years old, and I asked, Dave,
you remember you told me this and he was like, no,
I said that. I said, yeah, but I think he
said it as a joke, but I took it as Okay,
(09:12):
this is something that I need to hang on to
because my dad don't really talk that much, but when
he do talk, he has something to say. If that
makes sense to somebody, somebody catch that tomorrows next week. Anyway.
He told me when I was thirteen years old, don't
be afraid to be your weird self. He said, keep
you weird. But I like it. I was like, dam and, Dad,
(09:32):
you come me weird. He said, no, don't take it
like a bad thing. I like that You're weird. You
know who you are. You don't try to address or
fit in, so just be who you are, be your
weird self. I like that. And I was like, Okay,
I've never took weird as a as a term for
myself because we do have some more that Groun'm weird
out here, okay, but I've never taken it as a
(09:56):
negative term for myself.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
I always embrace the the my uniqueness that's as chicolleg
because ain't gonna say weird. But yeah, my daddy told
me you weird and just be your weirdest little self.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I think that's cute though.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
I mean, here, I was the kid that nobody knew
they had because I always was under bed or in
the closet or something. Folks came to the house, I
was a ghost.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Yeah, you you were doing your own thing. M that's sweet.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, So I like that. I like that too much.
As to whom much is given, much is expected. I
like that. But we can talk about life all night. Well,
we're not doing that. We're gonna move on to the
hot topic, which is love. Love.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Oh mind.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Hmmm. You believe that life can be fulfilling without love?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Mhmm, gotting, mm hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Hear his thought all the time.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So do I believe that life can be fulfilling without love?
I think that it can be to a certain degree.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Break it down for us.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, I think everybody needs love, but I don't necessarily
know that everybody needs it in the same capacity.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
You know, there are different facets, different types of love,
different things that you get from people who say that
they love you, and it may not be the same
type of love. So I do think that you can
you know, it can be fulfilling without, But it just
(11:57):
depends on what type of love it is that you
know that you're you're looking for and that you need
to be fulfilled. Because you can say, oh, well, no,
you know, I'm good. I have everything that I need,
But you've got love on a parental level and that's
(12:18):
enough for you. You know you don't need anything different.
Or you can say, well, I don't have my parents,
i don't have the familiar love, but I've got my
partner over here that gives me everything that I need
and you feel you're fulfilled in that area. So I mean,
(12:38):
I think it could happen. I think it happened. What
about you what you're thinking?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I mean, I agree, I agree. I also think that
the most important thing about when it comes to love
is being able to love yourself so that you can
either show or teach somebody how to love you in
that capacity, because not all love has created equal and
(13:06):
like you said, it's different types of love. So yeah,
I do believe that it can be fulfilling without it,
but at some point self love has to come in there.
So I don't think that anything is able to be
fulfilling without the love, that right, right, I.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Can agree with that. I can agree with that.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Now when it comes to love, what would twenty year
old Ashley tell forty year old Ashley? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
What would twenty year old Ashley tell forty year old Ashley?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Too easy? No, that's too easy. Oh speak to you, speak,
Come on, come on channel that twenty year old Ashley
and let us speak to you.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Your twenty year old Ashley was sunning.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Ooh, that's why I asked the question.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Twenty year old Ashley would tell forty year old Ashley. Girls,
still drop it like inside because you got it. I
don't stop dropping it till your knees give out, is
what twenty you old Ashley would tell forty year old Ashley. Yeah,
(14:36):
he's don't hurt. Don't do your think girl?
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Do you think listen? I like that.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I mean, and you're keeping it playful because yeah, I
think my I think. Twenty year old Kiki would tell
forty year old Kiki this chill out. We made it.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
That's real, that's real.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Chill out. We're gonna make it. We're gonna make it.
Chill out. Don't you overthink too much. You're just doing
to like chill out, enjoy life Yeah, we're gonna make
it and be all right.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
That's that's real. Twenty y old Ashley probably would not
be telling forty ye old Ashley that, but you know
it's all good.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Now, what would forty year old Ashley I tell thirty
year old Ashley about love?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
M drey, you coming up, you got some good you
got some good questions here, got my mind rolling?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Forty year old Ashley talking to thirty year old Ashley,
what would she tell her about love? Everything that glitter
ain't gold when it comes to love. And these folks
out here in these streats, don't believe the hype. Don't
(16:10):
believe the hype. Mm hmmm. Don't believe the hype. That's
that's that I got. Yeah, don't believe the hype.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
I mean, that's real, and that can that that I think.
I think each each decade of yourself can actually be
told that same thing and take it for what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
But I also think that it it hits different depending
on which decade of yourself is relaying that message. Hits different.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Yeah mm hm, oh, christ I'm gonna hit different. I
mean because when you were your thirties, you starting to
learn and know and you know see where your future
going and all these things. You know a little bit
more about your body, how your mind works, all this. Yes,
whereas when you fought it. I don't know about you,
but I'm I'm at a point where like it is
(17:07):
what it is at this point.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I'm there and I'm beyond.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And not in a negative way.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Oh no, definitely not negative, like you get what you
get and it just it is what it is. Like
you know, you can't. I'm not going to over extend
and over exert and expend energy where that is not reciprocated.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
There you go, not doing it. There you go, not
doing it.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
So I asked you a question that if you had
to give you a definition of life, So that's let's
go to the next thing. If you had to give
love a definition you what would you what would you
say it is for as?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Hmmm, You're killing me with these definitions.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
God. I had a guest this season shout out to
Portia and she said that her definition of love with action,
and I was like, wow, I could.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Get with that. Yeah, but for some reason, I'm drawing
a blank. I'm drawing a blank, and I don't know
if that that might be my answer, M. That literally
might be my answer.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Like elaborate on that though.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Because I think that.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Love is.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
It's within M. It's within me, It's within you know,
whoever it is that I'm loving on at the time,
or vice versa. It's within. So I can't necessarily say
that it's this word that word like it just it
(19:07):
just depends, like I'm and I gotta keep it real
on that one.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'm it's blank, I feel you. And I think that
I think that I liked Portia's answer because she was
she took She explained it from you know, being a
mom and having kids poring into them, and she says
she raised her kids to always show it versus letting
somebody tell you that they love you, but they treat
(19:33):
you like crap.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Now that I can, I can understand that and and
I can get with that because you know, saying you
love me is one thing, and you can say it
all day, but can you show it? And how do
you show it? And do I feel it when?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah, that that's that's the part right there. Yeah, Yeah,
I like that because.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Then that's not to say you're not showing it, but
it's just if I'm not feeling the love from your
actions or if I feel like you're just doing it
because I said that this is something that I want done.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Our allegation.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, yeah, you know, there's no there's nothing behind.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
That, right, I get it. I get it. Yes, indeed, yes, indeed.
Now this is another question, and this is another topic
that we have touched on for the whole season. And again,
you guys have been listening to Kicking and Waikiki. We
are in the season finale of season Step. I have
been joined with my friend life coach Ashley, and we're
talking about life, love and all the other shit. Do
(20:42):
you believe in the five love languages and why or
why not?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I do. I definitely think that that's important. I think
the five, all five of them important, but I also
think that there could possibly be more.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Oh did you listen to the episode because that's what
That's exactly what we said, because we talked about somebody
I love the languages and got nothing to do with
the five Like I like like consistency, like being able
to listen, like mak it ship, put forward effort. Let
me know that I'm mad.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
To see honesty, all of you know, all of that
is yeah, yeah, but I definitely believe and I think
that they're important in a relationship, but not just in
a you know, an intimate relationship. I think they're important
in all relationships. You know that that played. Those love
(21:43):
languages play a real part in, you know, knowing how
you communicate with other people, knowing how you interact, and
you know, just overall how you get along with people.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Mm hmm. And do you believe that they change over time? Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, as you age, they do change. They
definitely change some of the things that you know. At
that that twenty year old Ashley was looking for forty
year Ashley is just kind of like, nah, I'm good, right,
(22:22):
thank you, yeah, miss me, miss me with that keep
it over.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Their Yeah, I guess it's already there.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Don't bring me that.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Don't bring me that, right, absolutely all right. Someone switch
gears a little bit and I'm now. We talked about
the five love languages and stuff like that, and I
ask you about your definition of life and love.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Ask me another definition.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I'm not. I'm gonna ask you a song. Oh when
you think about love, what song embodies that for you?
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I'm going to say with you by Tony Terry.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yeah, yes, yeah, Okay, so you got to elaborate for
the people in the back that don't know this song,
like tell them, tell them to look a little breakdown
because Tony sung from his soul.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
When that definitely sung from his soul. Can I pick
another song too, Yeah by Tony Terry as well, Everlasting.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Love, y'all if y'all listening and y'all don't know nothing
about Tony Terry, go look him up on out there,
get out, get him out like for real. Yeah, and
Feel the Fire by Peebo brycele.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Forever for I Always for Love by Layla Had the
Way Half the Way.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, oh my god, I said, you're gonna have me
in here. I'm gonna have to go put the music.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Make a playlist, Go ahead, make a.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Year old Ashley. Gotta make a playlist. But it's not
gonna have twenty year old Ashley Jams on it. It's
gonna have the grown Ashley Jams on it.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Right. Yeah, I like, I'm glad that you say that,
Like I'm glad that you say those two sons, because yeah,
they do and and it makes you, it makes you
giddy and bloody and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, you
know that's the music.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
When you you're in the car and that song come on,
I'm like, oh wait, everything got to stop. If anybody riding, Hey,
you gotta be quiet.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Like I you can't be quiet, don't say.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Just be quiet. Yeah. That that's feel good music for me.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
It's still does.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
You know it takes me back to a time when
everything was right with the world in my love life.
You know, all that was good and things felt great,
and it was wonderful.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
It was wonderful, It was wonderful. It was brutiful. Yes,
I don't know where the brew came from, but that's
how I got people pronouncing it now like people is brutiful, right.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, beautiful?
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Yes, if I loved that. I loved that, great, great grade. Now,
did you want to ask me anything before we get
into this all this other ship?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Mm hmm. I'm tempted to just be like, let's just
jump in.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
That all that, let's get it, let's get into it
all that other ship. Can you remember a time in
your life that you was so bogged down into some
ship that you just didn't know whether you was coming
or going. How did you get through that. God, wish
(25:56):
I could see her face.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
He went to jail.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Girl, what you're talking about?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Oh my god, Wow, please tell us the story. I
was not expecting you to stay here, went to jail. Okay,
Oh my god, oh jeez.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. That was a long, long, long, long,
long long time ago.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Yeah. So how did you get through it though? How
did you do that? How did you get through it?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I left him alone in jail.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
You broke up with the man when he went to jail.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Left him alone in jail. I'm gonna say it again.
I left him alone in jail. Yeah. Yeah, I had
to do that though. I had to. Yeah, it is
I had to because if I didn't do that, I
(26:55):
promise you there was no elevation for me in that.
I was not going to grow. I was going to
stay stagnant, quick, saying down to the knees and sinking.
I was not Yeah, it wasn't happening. And I think
(27:18):
as much as I hated to do that, I knew,
you know, people around me were saying things like, you know,
oh my god, you know you should be with him anyway,
you shouldn't be with him, and you know, of course
when people are telling you that at a younger age,
you're like, okay, well that's gonna make me. You know that,
that just makes you gravitate toward that person even more.
(27:41):
Right So, I think when by the time he went
to jail, I was kind of starting to see it myself,
but still not quite ready to let go. And when
that happened, it was like, Okay, that's that's the wake
up call, because what you're gonna do. You can't do
(28:04):
anything with that. You know, you're running up to go
go vizit and putting money on books that you don't want,
money you don't have, you putting it on books. You know, like,
you can't do that. We can't keep living like that.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
So yeah, listen, I'm glad that you say that, because
somebody need to hear that that it may be their
season of letting go. As a life coach, and we speaking,
we speaking to coach Ashley right now. What would you
what the advice would you give a client when they
so come to you and say, listen, I am so
(28:39):
caught up in some shit and I need some help.
What would you what would you say to them in
that moment? Coach Ashley not not Bella, Coach Ashley answer
this question, that's coach Ashley, and then I'm gonna ask Bella.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
So I would have to ask them a question first
before I could say anything to them. And that question
would be are you ready? Because you can say that
you caught up, you bogged down, and you know I
(29:17):
got so much going on, but you truly may not
be ready. You may know that all of that is
going on around you, you may feel and see all
of that, but are you ready to change that? Because
if you're not ready to change it, nothing that I
tell you as coach Ashley is going to help you
(29:42):
because you're not receiving it. Right, So it would be
a question that I would ask before we could even
move any further.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Right. I like that. I like that, So answer the
question as a Belger because you know, y'all know Ashley.
She she has an alted ego. She writes erotica and
and Bella is. If you don't know who she is,
I need you try to go on over to Amazon
and check out the first book. When the book two coming,
book two coming in twenty twenty five for.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Us, definitely coming in twenty five, definitely happen.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
How would Bella answer the question somebody that's so bobbed
down into the some shit and they come to you
for some advice, our help. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
You don't, You don't want to know.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
She's gonna ask if it's a woman. She's gonna ask
this question. Mm hmmm mm hmmm, go ahead tell them.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
So Bella wouldn't have a question at all. Bella would
just have an answer, and that that, oh my gosh,
Bella would just say, tune it up, turn it over,
bust it over.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Beat it over all that.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
No, you know what, I thought she was gonna get
hibout it. You forget about it.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
It'll help you. Look, I thought she was gonna ask
if it's a woman coming to her, like, uh, it
must be good. Huh, you know it must be good.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Mm hmmm. No, no, no, I mean sometimes you you know,
you just need a little you just need to forget.
You just need to forget about it for just a
little while, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Na.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
That's not to say that it's gonna make you forget forever. Uh,
you know, and you're gonna be you're gonna be able
to really put it out of your mind, but at
least for that moment.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
But after them, after them, whatever minutes you get, you're
still gonna be in that ship.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Though, gonna be in that ship. You're gonna be in
that water. You are definitely gonna be in that water.
So telling them make it good. I mean that's all
Bella got.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Yes, indeed, Well now that we aren't Bella go a head.
Tell them people plug this book, man, plug you book
you killing give, and tell them how they can get it.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
So all that other ship, now we talk, we are
definitely in all that other shit. So book one, Book
one of the series series is called Dominant Exposure. Book
one is Intensity of Organic Chemistry. Don't do that. Don't
do that. Y'all need to see her face.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
So when you when I when you told me the
name of the book, I would like, what in the hell? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Yeah, I mean it's intense.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
I think that intense times a thousand. We're better described.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Okay, Well I like that. I like that. I like it.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
So let's see.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
If you're into little BDSM, if you're into lots of kink,
if you think you into lots of kink, if you
want to be into lots of freaky things, then you
need to check out Dominant Exposure gotta check it out.
(33:13):
Got to check out Dominant Exposure. Book two, Twisted Reflections
out in twenty twenty five. Come in your way Amazon,
check it out. You gotta pick up your copy. But
you can't get book two and understand it if you
(33:35):
don't pick up book one. So you gotta chemistry in
order to really know what's popping and what's going on
in Twisted Reflections.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
I love it. I love it. So what inspired you? Like?
Did you being in your own shit inspire you to
write about this shit?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Absolutely? Absolutely? But you got it and that's all I'm
gonna say about that. Okay, I'm gonna say about that.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Okay, So what has been your biggest lesson when it
comes to getting yourself out of all that other ship?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
I would say some serious self reflection and serious alone time.
You know, I know a lot of people feel like
when they're in that season of their life where things
(34:43):
are just i'll say going awry, when they just bogged down.
You know, it's like, oh, well, you don't want to
be alone because you know, no, you do want to
be alone. You do want to be alone because what
you don't need is everyone else telling you how you
should feel and how I should get over something, or
(35:03):
how you should proceed. You've got to be able to
sit in your own shit, and you have to be
able to reflect on the things that you've gone through
in order to determine a true path of where you
need to go. That's the only way you're going to
(35:24):
be able to figure it out, because if you got
all that noise from everybody else clouding your head, you
can't make the proper decisions. You're making decisions for other people,
you're not making them for yourself at that point. So
I would definitely say you gotta sit in it.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Sit in it, like sometimes you just got to stink
up the joint in order to realize just how smelly
it is. And then you get tired of it, so
you go wash yourself off and clean yourself up, and.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Then you get that time you get the work. Yeah,
you gotta get a little airfresh and spread that room up.
You gotta smell good air freshman.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
My ask is some bleach pneumonia. I don't mix that
together because that's.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Them like what you're doing that, let's saying that we
is not featuring you.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
That you gotta that you gotta put a disclaimer out
because people you do the wrong way, but you do,
you really do, all right. So this question right here,
do you think love and life would be worth going
through it all without that other ship?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Mm hmmm, absolutely not. You got you gotta have the
other ship to grow. If you don't have the other ship,
you can't grow. That's that is the catalyst for growth.
That other ship. That's what That's where your your your
life lessons are. That's where you're you know, you learn
(37:00):
all the things that you need to learn in order
to become who you want to become. You gotta go
through some shit in order to grow through some shit.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
So oh, I like that and I think that because
of that, all the other ship, it helps you establish
healthy boundaries. Yeah, it helps you understand and see people
for who they are, all right. It helps you see
(37:31):
yourself for who you are, too, because sometimes we have to,
like you said, you have to sit with it and
we have to realize, Hey, it ain't always them. Sometimes
it's us.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
That part. It's a lot of time, it's us. A
lot of time, it's us. And we don't you know,
like I said, we don't want to look in the mirror. Oh,
we want to turn the mirror around and look at
the brown side on the back as oppose to cover
it up. Yeah, yeah, we don't want to look at us.
A lot of times it is us.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
You know, I think the the more people realize that
and stop pointing the finger, the better off we would
be as as as a whole. You know, you gotta
look at you. You can't everything can't be everybody else's
fault exactly. Denominator is you?
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Then? Baby?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
You the problem?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
What are you to do? You are the problem? Sometimes
you are the problem. Someone is listening that really don't
think that they are. I just want to be the
one to tell you, babies, sometimes it's you. It's not
always them. Sometimes it's you.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Yeah, most of the time it's you, Like I'm gonna
keep it a hundred, he keep being nice. Sometimes most
of the time it is you.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Listen, m yes ma'am, Yes, ma'am. And so when it
comes to the to all the other ship and friendships
mm hmm. When do you know that, as a matter
of fact, not just friendships, We're gonna talk about relationships too.
Because all of this ride or die, oh, niches get
(39:23):
stitches and all this bs. I just I'm I don't
want to better love me to death, and I ain't
trying to be with somebody that's gonna put me through hell, okay,
so that I can get They loved once, they do
and did whatever, and they old and gray and don't
nobody else want them now they're trying to be.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Trying to do.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
When it comes to that, all that other ship, like
staying in relationships, whether monogamous are platonic, speak to the
people on that and let them know that it's okay
to let that shit go.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
I got three words, don't do it. Don't stay. Don't
stay if it's not serving you, if it is not
serving you. And I don't mean that in a selfish way,
because that type of love, that type of friendship, that
(40:25):
type of whatever you want to call it, it has
to be reciprocated, So it goes. It does go both ways.
But don't stay where you are not celebrated and appreciated.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Facts.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Don't do that because no matter who you are, no
matter what shit you got with you, you are worthy
of being loved, appreciated and celebrated. Absolutely, So don't stick
around for that. Don't stay.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Some shit just ain't worth it.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
A lot of shit just ain't.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
And I'm learning that some people in some situations are
just not worth it because all this going back and forth,
all this arguing, all this being mad one day and
then we talked the next day.
Speaker 5 (41:18):
I'll let confusion and yet that it's exhausting, and I'm
already I already be ready to get into bed at
six o'clock, you know, when the time changed.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
Even though it's getting dark at five o'clock, six o'clock,
it's midnight over here, so I'm ready to go to bed.
It's just some stuff just not worth it, Like if
it's taken away from my peace, you gotta go. And
I'm saying peace.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yes, yes, peace of mind is everything. Peace of mind
is everything. I never understood that when I was younger.
You know that that twenty year old actually didn't get it.
Twenty year old actually like chaos and was okay with
the little chaos. You know, it was it was, it
was good. Chaos was the thing. Patio Ash don't want
(42:07):
to chaos.
Speaker 3 (42:08):
I don't think that I've ever wanted chaos. I've always
been like a calm or peaceful person, and a lot
of people think that it's bullshit, but it's not. That's
just genuinely who I am. And it's like, yeah, I
could get a little rowdy, but for what mm hmm,
because the times that I did it made me look crazy. Yeah. Yeah,
(42:30):
so I'm making myself look crazy? Why am I doing this?
And then you're gonna You're gonna go home and do
whatever you're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Anyway, that part, that's that's what That's what twiny y Old
actually had to learn. M that's what she had to learn.
But in going through that, I learned what not to
accept and what not to put up with and what
(42:59):
I don't one. So again, I had to go through
that in order to grow and come out on the
other side.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
I love it. I love it. So listen, y'all. This
has been a great episode, Ashley. Thank you for coming
to kicking with me. I appreciate it. I'm loving that.
You're my season finale for season seven, Man, this has
been an awesome conversation. You always you, always talking about you.
I want the questions. I don't give the questions. Half
(43:31):
the time, I don't know the questions. So we can
look at this paper like I ain't got that many questions.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
On there no it's not a lot. It's not a lot.
I'm gonna be nice. I'm sorry, my baggirl.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Yes, So season eight is coming y'all, twenty twenty five,
February twenty twenty five. I'm coming back with season eight.
We have some amazing guests that's coming to hang out.
Season seven has been awesome. Before we close out the season,
do you have any words of encouragement, any words to
(44:07):
close out the year, because we're getting ready to cross
on over to a new year. That you want to
leave the listeners with this evening, be you.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Love you and do you whatever that looked like, and
be comfortable being you, loving you and doing you.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Bars that's far. If I had my Michael would drop that,
like for real, that's it. Be you love you, do you?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Yeah, and be comfortable. Be comfortable doing that.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
So as we get into the holiday season, I want
you guys to just, you know, do some self reflection,
take some time off of social media, spend some time
getting to know who you are so that you can
figure out who you want to become if you don't
like that person when you look in the mirror. But
make sure you take a look in the mirror though,
(45:10):
because if you can't see what other people see, you
will never fully understand the depths of who you are
and who God is calling you to be. I am
a firm believer that in order for us to grow,
we have to take a step back, figure out some
things inwardly, and then move forward. So I hope you
(45:32):
guys have happy holidays until I see you next year.
Just keep loving on you, man, keep loving on you,
and I will see you in the new year. So
take care, Purple hugs, and thank you again for tuning
in to another episode of Kicking with Kiki, Life, love
and all that other shit. Later, keep it with Ki
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Can come on and pat them
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.