March 6, 2025 • 35 mins
Today’s guest is Joy Harris owner of Joyfulconnections Life Coaching. Her insight into life, love, and all that other sh&t sheds light on maintaining a positive mindset, practicing self-care, and setting healthy boundaries. Her motto, “Be bold, brave, and beautiful.”
Connect with Coach Joy below:
Social media: @Joyfulconnections, Alicia (Joy) Harris
Website: www.joyfulconnections.com
Send all questions, comments, or feedback to kickinitwiitkekemedia@gmail.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
Connect with Coach Joy below:
Social media: @Joyfulconnections, Alicia (Joy) Harris
Website: www.joyfulconnections.com
Send all questions, comments, or feedback to kickinitwiitkekemedia@gmail.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/kickin-it-with-keke-life-love-all-that-other-sh-t--5060376/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Kicking and Wikiki. Kicking it you ki Ki.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Kicking it the ki ki for a little personality switching
up the storyline on God. We making the story and
hooks rise one day.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
At the time.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
How much problems to the side.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Enjoy yourself, free.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Your mind.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Kicking it we ki Kee.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Welcome back to another episode of Kicking and Wikiki, Life,
Love and all that other ship. I am your host,
Kiki Chanel. This platform is all about personal development, personal growth,
self love, and of course mindset. I am joining with
one of my show regulars, Joy from joy for Connections
Life and I'm going to turn it over to her
(01:02):
and let her introduce herself and tell the people who
you are and what you do. Thank you for coming
to kick with me today, Joe, How you doing it?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Think I'm doing great? Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I am coach Joy Harris of Joyful Connections Life Coaching,
where I coach beauty professionals to their own greatness to
get them to the levels of potential that they have
naturally within. Also to help them deal with time management issues,
confidence issues, even personal things that they're going through in
their life. While they're standing behind the chair. You know,
supplementing and helping their clients be beautiful and get to
(01:35):
their levels. I help them get to the levels that
they want to get to.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So that's when I do in.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
A nutshell, absolutely well, that's amazing, and we're going to
get into that in a little bit. But you know,
we were sticking to the theme of the show, the
tagline of the show this season, life, love, and all
that other shit. So we're going to talk a little
bit about all those three things before we get into
all things.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Joy, life coaching.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Okay, I have a question though, to ask you about life.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Go right ahead, okay, So, what is one lesson that
life has taught you that you carry to this day.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Life has taught me that, you know, I'm a natural
boring giver until it hurts, and life has taught me
over the years that I can still be that kind
of person, a giving person person, but I can't give
until it hurts me.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
So I was given out.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I can't give out till I'm totally depleted, so I
have to I had to learn how to set up
personal boundaries for myself to go and limits that I
cannot go beyond. So ever, since I've done that and
also been pouring some of the love into myself that
I pour into others. My life had made a major
shift that I've just been feeling better about everything and
it just helps me be more of who I am
(02:48):
and leave more time for me and my.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Own personal growth and my own personal well being.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Absolutely, I love that. And that's a good segue until
I want to talk about setting healthy boundaries, because sometimes
we can set boundaries in there it detriment because they're
not healthy. They're very unhealthy. So let's talk about the
importance of setting healthy boundaries. Now, when you were given
and be always being a giver and not getting your
cup refilled, how did you set those healthy boundaries to
(03:15):
make your people understand that, hey, this is what it is,
and if you want to be in my life, this
is what's gonna be.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
I'm more of a person that do I don't have
to do talking, but I do the actions. Actually my
actions when I kind of pull back some and I
start saying no a lot more and realizing no, it's
a complete sentence and it deserves no explanation unless I
love you enough to give you one or feel that
you're a title to one.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
But it went with saying no, and it went with it.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I had to become okay with people walking away from
me because they helped me realize the people who are
there just for what I can do for them, or
if you just there for me because you want to
be there with me. And I found out which was
a hurtful thing to find out, but it was a
great thing to find out that I had a lot
of people that was rocking with me because of what
I can give them do and when I start saying no,
they disappeared and went to the next host.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Let us talk about that, because I've been there and
I've lost people along the way because of that. What
are some of the tell tale signs that someone is
using you versus they're actually a true friendship?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
What did you notice?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
What I notice is always is one directional flaw. Everything
goes one direction, but never anything come back to my direction.
I'm always the one that got to give the bend
of the ear to listen, which I didn't mind. But
when I start seeing patterns where it's always that. But
if I was a little few times that I may
need something, they're not available or they're too busy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
A ol girl, You'll be okay.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
When I got that because I make sure that I
break down and help people process whatever they're coming to
me with.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
But I wasn't getting that same energy in that same care.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
So that's when I start being able to differentiate who's
the takers and who's the givers, and who's the nurturers
or who's really there. So and it left a little
bitty small crowd of people left for me.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, And I like that that you say that no.
It is a complete sentence. Sometimes people feel guilty for
saying no. We get those people, the listeners who may
want to say no but feel like it's their guilt
overtakes them when it comes to the people in their lives.
Just speak to them about importance of Sometimes no one
is necessary for sure.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
You know what, when the more you say no to
other things, the more you say yes to yourself, and
sometimes don't.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
We don't say enough yess to ourselves.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
It's easier for us to say yes to someone else
than our own self. And as we all know it,
our time is taken away each day, each hour that
we're here. That time will never get never get back.
So and me, as I've gotten in my fifties, I
realize that even more so, you know, we have to
start making time for ourselves and we have to get
to a point where in our life we don't feel
guilty about anything. Because if you if you really are,
(05:52):
if you've done something that you're really sorry about and
that's and you really feel remorseful about it, you can't.
You got to learn to forgive yourself and not be
guilty of things and carring because offensors and you, and
it really depletes the quality of your life when you
do that. It's okay to say no. That doesn't make
you a mean or bad person. That makes you a
person that's regarding yourself some which you're supposed.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
To absolutely and I'm glad I hope you guys are listening,
because it's okay to say no. You don't have to
try to take care of everybody when you are neglecting
yourself in the process. Right, anybody or anything that is
not refilling your cup and you're always feeling theirs, they
may be time to reevaluate those relationships because anything that's
(06:33):
one sided is not balanced, right, and you have to
have complete balance when it comes to your circle. And
as men and joy I always say, our circle has
become a sea. I can see you and they can
see me like it's okay to lead people where they
are not. Everybody can go with you on your journey
of elevation. And if you're stuck and you're comfortable in
(06:55):
that comfort zone, you will never elevate to your fullest
potential that as you pass for you, because there's no
elevation in the comfort zone. You're afraid of challenges, You're
afraid of change. You don't like change our challenges. And
if you're not challenging yourself, you are.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Staying the same right, stagnant.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
It's okay to challenge yourself. Challenges are good. They keep
you on your toes.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
They tell you what you need to work on or
what you may need to pull back on. It's all
right to challenge yourself. And I just wanted to speak
a little bit about life and self care. How are
the two hand in hand? They have to go hand
in hand. But for you, for coach Joy, how is
life and self care aligned in your life?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, it has to be aligned because my quality.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
If I don't do self care and practice that for myself,
my life is going to be mediocre.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I mean my life won't.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
It won't be much of a life if I didn't
do that, because you got to speak and breathe life
into yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
You got to pour a love into yourself because.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
You can't always rely on someone being around to do
that for you, and nobody can do it for you
like God, and you can do it for yourself anyways.
So it's always good to know what it is that
you need where you can pour that into yourself, even
if that means a quiet, whole quiet day for yourself,
not talking or answering the phone.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That's self love too.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Whatever it means to you, that's going to help you
feel rejuvenated and replenish. You have to do that to
make your life even flow it. It makes it aligns
everything when you start. But you have to start with
that self care and self love.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Absolutely. I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Well, where do you see yourself in the next twelve months?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Next twelve months, I see this business scaling and getting
bigger and better, and I got to I want to
get more international people. I have an international person now,
I want to go international. I see myself being more
fit and healthy. I see my business. I want to
ask some merchandise like some I want to get some
cutting capes and stuff and add some affirmations on them.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I have some things I want to I'm going to
be reading.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
I want to read thirty books before this year is out,
so I'm on my way to doing and whether or
even if I don't, if I'm.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Cheating, just listen to them. I'm going to do that.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
But I want to have thirty books of different things
that I've gained knowledge of, and also meeting some more
really great people who are doing way more and who
are on a higher level than me, so I can
continue to be inspired to reach and climb where they're
you know, climb up with them.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Absolutely. I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So we're going to move on to the next segment,
which is about love. Okay, what is your definition of
love and why love? For me?
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Love, the definition of love is when you love people
and you just see them for who they are and
you're not going to judge them.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You see them.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
You love them just because you can, because you want to.
It's a choice, and you love them because it's not conditional.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
They got to do something for you to love.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
You love them just because you want to, and that
because it makes you feel good to love. Love for
me also is forgiving is very forgiving.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
It is a listening ear.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
It is someone who just who elevates you and helps
edify your spirit. And when you're feeling low, someone who
cares enough to where it's almost selfless, where they'll put themselves.
They'll carry it, the pain and whateverything is that you're carrying,
they'll carry it with you so that when you don't
have to feel like you're on your journey alone, and
they add value to your life that you can't add
(10:17):
to yourself.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Listen you all, I didn't see you these questions or whatever,
but you said something with a question that I have.
The question is is there such a thing as unconditional love?
Or do you believe love should be love should have conditions?
You talked about that a little bit, but let's let's
just dive into that part. That's why I looked away
(10:40):
with a smile, because I'm like, Okay, God, that's alignment
right there.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
But you know, infect in a perfect world, it would
be great if love could be unconditional, but there is
some slight conditions to it. It's only it's only only
person has unconditional love as.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
God, and we can't love on that level.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
But I do try to get close to that, but
then there are some conditions that you know you can't
that you have to have a line even in boundary
in your love too, of how far you're going to go,
how far you're going to be your love's gonna be
misappropriated and misused, and how long you're gonna let love
allow you to be mishandled, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
So there is a limit to it. So it is
a sense you know it would be.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
It sounds like, oh, unconditional love, but there is some underline.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
There is some conditions too. I feel that it is
because you're not going to love someone until it hurts,
where you just you know, it don't.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Have to be perfect and peaches and cream either, but
you got to know work point where it's not you're
not adding value to each other.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You're not. You wake up and you can't stand this.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
You don't see this person in your life, the goals
that you have plan.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You don't see this person, this person that you love.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Next to you, like I don't see you going with
me there. So there is some conditions. But unconditional love
is something I'm always striving for, but it's never going
to be a perfect love like God's love. But I
do strive to to make sure that I'm open minded
and I see people for who they are and let
them be who they are. You know, nobody's perfect, because
I'm not, and I try to embrace everyone's idiosyncrasies.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
In their in their quirks and all that for that person.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
And I'm glad that you say that, because there are
conditions when it comes to love. Yes, we want a
conditional love. But when it comes to respect.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
Or peace, that right there, that is a condition.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You can't come in and disrupt my peace. You're not
gonna disrespect me. I have to feel like I'm valued
and you need to put forth effort and.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
I'm going to do those things in return.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
But if you feel like that is should be unconditional,
there's a problem right there, right because I don't want
anybody to be in a relationship with anybody that they
feel disrespect right.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Ah, this toxic type of love.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
That's going on right now, Like I don't want about it,
love me to death.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
I don't want to better to love me to it hurt.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
I don't want that because it's just it's not normal,
not healthy and healthy.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
M Yes, I love that absolutely. What is the hardest
thing you've learned about love.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I learned that love is not always enough.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
You know.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
I was in a marriage where I love love, love
served the dinner was a June cleaver wife loved harder
and harder.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
But it's hard.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
You know.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Love is when you're loving a person that's still broken
and they don't have the and you guys have two
different ideas and what love is, and you've seen love
demonstrated two different ways like I did. I saw love
in my home. I saw two people love. They demonstrated
what love was. But that's not necessarily going to be
the case. When you meet someone, whether it's boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, whoever,
(13:45):
they may not have seen a certain definition what love
looks like.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
So they're going to bring the way they love and
you bring the way you love us.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Sometimes they don't mesh right, and that becomes a problem,
you know, so but yeah, that's it becomes a problem.
So love is just is different because you have to
make sure you're on the same page and you guys
identified it as close as possible as you can so
that it can thrive and become an oasis for each other.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Absolutely, absolutely, that's a great lesson because speak to someone
who may be listening that feel like love isn't enough.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Because I feel like if you, if you.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Don't have all of the other necessities that it takes
to make love work, it will not last.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Right. Love also really, and first of all, it starts
with you. First. You got to love you. You gotta
love you.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
You got to embrace all your flaws, what you consider flaws.
You got to be able to just love is just
something that starts with you.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
First.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
If you don't love for you, it's hard for you
to expect someone else to love you. Yep, why would
they want to love you if you don't love yourself.
So that sometimes you may have to go on the journey.
I've been one on many journeys where I've taken myself
off off the map, you know, first being in relationships,
because I can see myself feeling depleted in the love
department of myself. So I said, okay, I need to
do some at least a year of pouring into myself
(15:02):
with no distractions of another person and get myself filled
up so that way I can be able to even give.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
On any love to someone else, you know, in a
healthy way.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Right, And let's talk.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Let's talk a little bit about love does not mean
that you have to be in a relationship in anybody else.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Right.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
A lot of people equate love with having partners.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
That's not necessary the case because I believe that, like
you just said, you cannot expect somebody else to come
in and love you if you cannot give that same
love to yourself, right, Right, So let's talk about the
importance of being able to love yourself before you can
expect to be in a loving and committed and healthy
(15:45):
relationship with someone else.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yes, you have to because like when you love you,
when you're in love with someone else, it requires lots
of forgiveness, lots of giving yourself great, lots of giving
grace I think, mercy on someone when they do something
that doesn't please you, all that. But if you can't
give yourself those things, you can't give yourself mercy when
you don't when you fall short, if you can't give
(16:08):
yourself grace when you didn't do what you thought you
could have.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Done, done it better, and you're not gonna be able
to do it for someone else.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
So it's better to start with yourself because that way,
when you bring that your unhealthy kind of love to
someone else's life. It makes that person's life miserable. It
makes them fee, It makes them feel like they got
to carry you. It makes them feel like they got
to always explain themselves or always got to pay for
what Ray Ray or somebody else did down the line.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
They had nothing to do with them. So you're gonna
make sure you're in the hill of place.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
First of all, it comes with being whole. If you
look up for another person to make you whole, you're
gonna be half through the rest of your life. You
have to make sure that you're a whole, and you
got to make sure you got the love for yourself
that's on a maximum level. And then anybody that comes
in your life, they're going to enhance that and amplify it.
If you don't have that wholeness for yourself, you might
as well just be. When that person not in your life,
(16:57):
you're gonna feel like you're half a person. Like I
never used the word that's my better half. No, I
want a better haul person because I'm hall and I
did the work and put it in years to be hall.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Oh I love that. And then and then you don't
need anybody to complete you. Oh, she can pleat me,
he can please me. No, you're a complete person before
you got with someone. You may just have flaws, or
you may be broken or need to go on a
healing journey. But don't ever think that you need somebody
that bad where when you lose them, you lose yourself.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Right, you want to give up on life?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Love is not flow that way.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
No, No, Only.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
The only love that should make you feel bad if
you don't feel it anymore, is the love of God.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
And that's just how exactly I believe that I agree
that you have because when you rely on another person,
it puts a lot of pressure on that person because.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It's like they got to be your happy pill.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
They got to be your everything, like their world like
if they can't see you today, the whole world, they're
just like doom and gloom. And I know somebody's going
through that right now. And I'm like, you got to
get to find your own value. You got to enjoy
you gotta learn to enjoy your own company. I'm buying
myself a lot, and I like it because that way
I can know. I know it's gonna be peaceful. I
know that nobody's gonna be getting on my nerves. I
don't have to share the TV remote with anybody right now,
(18:10):
and I enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
You know you are a vibe, so you should be
happy to be.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Enjoy I really enjoy my own company.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I love because I know I'm a peaceful person and
I know I do that out and I don't have
to have someone in my life, especially if they're not gonna.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Be kind to me or treat me.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I don't want someone to treat me less than I
treat myself, and I treat myself very well.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
So if you can't get on the bandwagon with that,
I will stay single. And I'm fine with that.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I don't feel inadequate or I don't feel like something's
wrong with me because I'm single by choice.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
And that's a big debate on social media where they
have these guys say that most women in their forties,
fifties or whatever are okay with being single.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Why do you believe that is?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Why do you believe that most women would rather be
single than deal with the BS that sometimes comes with relationships.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Well, I'll talk about me personally. In my experience, I'm used.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I'm a real, real person, Like when you meet me
the first time you met me at the first time.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It's not gonna be six months or three months down
the line then y'all see this other version of joy.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'm myself out the game so but not most people
are not like that because I want you to either
dig me or you don't. So I'm gonna let you
see who I am front front. I'm very vocal. I'm
a great communicator. I don't play games if I'm with you.
If I'm loyal, I'm loyal to you even if you're
not in my sight. But I can't seem to find
that too, you know, And I don't look for it.
(19:32):
But I'm open to it, you know, and available for it.
But whenever I do put myself out there in chry,
it's always some silliness or somebody else has another person
they want to add me to that. And some people
are in those relationships that's fine.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Not me. I'm more of a monogamous. I want to
be a one on one thing so we.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Can build and see what we can accomplish together, where
we can grow, pull our coins together. I'm not out
here someone that will have to buy me a Tiffany bracelet,
Louis Baton bags, whatever. I just want you to give
me the best parts of you, whatever that is.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Just bring you, yeah, bring you, Yeah, Just bring you
and just be a person that you know, be yourself.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
If you don't want to talk today and let me know,
like I'm in a cranky mood, just be very honest,
because I'm blatantly honest to a fought and I can
handle it.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I can handle the truth so much better than someone pretending.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah. Absolutely, I totally agree. I totally agree. And for
the people that's talking about that, you don't have to
be in a relationship all the time. Some people are
on their healing journey. Some people have had bad experiences
and they just want to get to know themselves before
getting to know someone else. Stop really killing people for
(20:43):
being by themselves. It just because they're by themselves does
not believe, but does not mean that they are alone
or lonely. Right, right, a relationship and be lonely, Oh.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Don't even go here to that one. I live that
life eleven years. I was.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
I always call myself a married single person. It was
like I did. I did the majority. And he was
a hard worker, you know, on his job, but when
his free time, it wasn't he didn't see the traditional family,
you know, like so he just he saw his dad
being a rolling stone so and just out and gone
with the friends. Those were his priority. So his friends
(21:21):
and his activities were his priority. And I was at
home being mom, business owner of a salon and had
a catering business, you know, And he just didn't know
how to pull together. He's not a bad person, he
just we just could never grow together to the height
because I wanted to have generational wealth, you know, from
our we only got a son together. But if somebody's
not on the same page and you're not, you're not
(21:43):
don't have the same mindset as you like he we portrayed,
and we had a plan set before we got married.
As soon as we got married, the plan totally diverted
to something different. So I felt tricked, but I stayed
because I wanted to work through things and see if
maybe we can just work. Don't want to I'm not
a person that gives up fast, but sometimes you realize
(22:03):
that you know, this is a this is a dead horse,
and I'm beating it's not going to work, and you
just have to separate in going your own way, which
was a hard.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Decision because I didn't want to be a divorced person.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah. Yeah, sometimes hard decisions are necessary in order for
you to grow and all for God to elevate you.
I saw something on social media the other day, are
you loving a livitation? Is the person that you're loving
limiting to you from from reaching your fullest potential? And
that was like, wow, you would do that all the time.
It's disheartening because people are so hard on themselves and
(22:39):
they don't believe that they deserve the love that they
are supposed to have.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Right, people believe.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
That they believe that they love they they believe that
they deserve the love that they've seen. Like you said,
you come from a loving home. You saw your family
structure was different than someone else's may have been. But
I think at some point we have to grow up
and realize we are not what we've seen. We have
to become what we are able to become, and that
(23:07):
that requires work.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
You know, I grew up in a family home where
you know, it was a lot of fussing. I don't
like the fuss and argue and I'm not doing that
because I've lived that and it was horrible.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
Imagine trying to sleep.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
And have peace and you can't. Right, So I'll tell
anybody stop stop staying stuck in that. Just because you
grew up a certain way. You are able to change
that now if you want to. It takes effort.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
You gotta want to.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Change, and on different mindset. You got to see it differently.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Create the family that you will want that you didn't have,
that you don't feel you had. You know, not that
our families was all bad and had everything whatever, But
it's like you can. You have the ability now that
you're grown. You can make your family dynamics what you
wanted to be.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
And that's a great part. It's all a.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Choice, absolutely, it is all a choice. I love it.
So we got on the time that other shit.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
This is my favorite segment because that comes with life,
love and everything in between. Yes, is life worth it
with all that other shit? In your opinion?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Life is? You know what? I like all the other
ship that comes with everything. I like it all. I
like a little hotshponge this and some of that. It
doesn't matter. I just like I like the things.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Everything doesn't have to flow perfectly, because otherwise it was
too easy, you know, everything was just all perfect in order.
Then that gets kind of boring too, but I don't
want it just depends on what the other sahi t is,
you know.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Yeah, yeah, yep, and on exactly. And I'm glad that
you said that, because.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Everybody all this season that I asked that question to
said the same thing, except for one lady. She was like, no,
it's not because of this, this and this and that,
and y'all have to go back and listen to her episode.
But majority of other people say, it depends on what
it is. And when I say all the other shit
I'm talking about like curve balls and challenges and things
(25:04):
like that, because if life was just perfect every day,
what's the point.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yes, we would be just stuck.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
We wouldn't know that we are strong, we didn't we
wouldn't know that we know how to pivot.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
We wouldn't know that.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
We know how to prade ourselves through certain situations. If
everything was perfect, I don't think that I would even
be here because I would probably be Ben took myself
out because I was just be bored out of my mind.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Right, I ain't a challenge like different, you know, change
basically when you do have like those curve BOMs, as
you just said, it just shows you more and who
you are when you navigate through them. It's gonna either
you're gonna sink or swim. Either you're gonna make a decision.
Are you gonna just lay down in this hole and
lay down here, or you're gonna get up and fight?
And that just makes me fight the more because I'm
(25:53):
kind of a fighter. I don't like like when life
isn't like I needed to be or wanted to be.
That makes me work that much harder and not get complacent.
And it makes me do the work and find different ways.
And you know, I'm a problem solver, so I'm like,
what can I do? How can I solve this problem?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
You know?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
And it just makes me pray more to It gets
my spiritual life even more closer with God because I
know I have to rely heavily on Him to get.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Me through certain things, which I've done all my life basically.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
And so you just saved up my next question. Do
you believe that if we didn't have all that other ship,
would it would we even would our faith even be
as strong or where it is to this to this day.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
It probably wouldn't because we wouldn't feel like we need
God you know, everything's working out.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
What do we need God for? You know, I don't
think people.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
I don't think everyone and a lot of people would
just they would be even I think we would be
more the ne flexful of our relationship with God and
our faith because everything well, everything's going good, and as
soon as it goes bad, that's when we get back.
It's like a relationship that you're not really putting a
bunch of you know, emphasis on and effort into. So
I think I believe that's why God does trouble our water,
(27:00):
like that's one of the reasons, because if we get
too big for our bridges, we just forget all about him,
you know. And let me tell you, I've been there too,
And when I forgot all about him and put him
to the side because the money was flowing, my beauty
s line was flourishing, and all of a sudden, it's
like he said, oh okay, you're getting brand new huh,
And my whole world collapsed and my will ran dry
(27:22):
everything and they got it.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Is a word to say God is a jealous God.
Don't put enough before me. So when you start putting
those things above God, he will bring you back to reality.
You may not like the way that he does does it,
but it will happen.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
It's happened several times.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
And now I'm like, I hear you, Lord, if you're
right here with me, okay, because I don't. I make
sure I don't. I don't even make a decision without him.
Now I'm like, is this what we need to do?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
And I think about God though, Joy, and I loved it,
loved it, be more for this, even when we're going
through all that other shit, he is still right there.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
We may not acknowledge it, he is still right there.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
He don't leave us atone. It's like he had his
arms crossed.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Okay, yes, yes, I love it.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
So this has been amazing, Joy.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So we're going to talk about Joeful.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
You know, I love the pivot that you made. I
love the pivot that you made.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
So let's talk about you know, if anybody is listening
and then the profession and they want to work with you,
how can they can you know, get in touch with
you to work with you or get like a consultation.
I don't know if you do clarity calls and stuff
like that. So tell the listeners how they can work
with Joeful connections.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yes, if you would like to work with Joyful Connections,
even if you're an entrepreneur woman that's building a career.
I specialize in beauty professionals because I was one, but
I also have career women who are entrepreneurs or independent
contractors also, And I offer a half an hour discovery call.
It's complimentary to you and you can just call and
and just see if you like, if you feel like
(28:58):
you want to take a coaching in its area, in
your business or in yourself that you like to reach
higher levels in as far as building confidence, self esteem,
all those things. Even if you just feel like even
if you self sabotage some even that we can help you.
I can help you through that. And also I have
these chats with coach joy because some days some people
(29:19):
don't need a coaching journey, they just need a mood
boosting things so they don't hurt nobody today when they
go to work.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I offer those chats.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I offer a fifteen minute one for fifteen dollars and
a thirty minute for thirty dollars. And usually sometimes you know,
we just sometimes you wake up on the wrong side
of the bed and just be in a bad mood
and people who utilize those calls, they do though they
book it on my thing and to come to my
calendar and then we can discuss things and I'll do
everything I can and get your mood boosted, kind of
get you ready and get you going, just to get
(29:48):
you to work and just shift your mood to a
positive mood to really salvage your day more. But also
I can be reached on Instagram. My link is in
my bio. I'm revising my website. See the changes that's
on there. I still have more changes to make. And
also my website is www. Dot joyful Connections dot com.
(30:12):
And I have coaching journeys. I do like a three
month Some people just want a three month package, some
people want a six or twelve. It's up to you,
and I offer payment plans to make it easy because
I really just want you to come. I don't want
to be something where you feel like you can't afford
because I'm going to work with you, and I have
different methods of payments that you can utilize, and it's
all virtual.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
It don't matter if you're in Paris, if you're in England.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
If you're everywhere you are as long as you have
a video camera on the phone, I can talk to you.
And if you don't like being on camera, we can
just make it a phone call. It's your choice if
you want to be a video call or a phone call.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
I love that all of this information would be listed
in the note, so you guys don't have an excuse
if you want to work with Coach Joy. But yeah,
let's listen. You tell us where you hang out at
on Instagram? Are you on any other social media platforms
where they can connect with you?
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yes, I'm on Facebook too, and it's under you'll see
my first name is Alisha Ali Cia Harris and enjoys
and parentheses, but it's all me. And I'm also on TikTok.
I'm building a following over there. I'm not as active
over there as I am on Instagram and the other
modes of you know, social media, but I'm over there
(31:25):
and I'm going to be working on getting my YouTube
stuff together.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I want to. I have a YouTube page, but I.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Want to start putting some short clips over there and
things like that.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
So I'm regrouping. Just I'm just.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Enjoying when I'm doing the people I'm meeting. I mean
it's some wonderful people. And also I help barbers. They
don't have to be a lady. Stylis are gonna be barbers.
Any beauty professional doesn't matter what you are because you
know and everything is confidential, Everything is a safe, quiet space.
Everything is takes bravery to show up for yourself like
that and put yourself out on display. But you'll be
(31:58):
doing that with the right person. Because I'm I'm always
I'm a trust to confident as a stylist for over
thirty years, I got to go to my grave with somethings.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
So I just let that kind of in my coach
and beyond.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
My styling chair, I carry that same precedence for my clients.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
And so what's next? What's next for joy for Connections.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Joyful Connections, Like I said, Joyful Connections is going to
be doing some merchandise. I want to do some things.
Also I've been working on I was going to launch
my oils because I love the Blend oils. I'm always
I smell super good all the time in real life,
and I decided I was going to create my own
you know, I always mix and mix of my own
personal blends, so.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I have them.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
I have a lot of them already bottled up, but
then it got put on postponed because we moved and everything.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
But I'm looking to launch those. I want to launch
them at.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Least by Easter and definitely Mother's Day because I want
to get all the bags and I want to get
some little little other things to put inside the gift
packages when I send them out.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I have some little information.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Books like notebook things that I have at because I
want to do some the oils and then also add.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Little gifts in there further people.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
And if you don't want to smell good and stop
traffic and have your husband or whoever chase you around,
don't buy these oils, because that's what's going to happen.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
I need.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
They're so wonderful.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
Yes, well, I love it.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Joy. It is always a pleasure having you come kick
it with me. Is there any last words of encouragement
or empowerment that you would like to leave with listeners
today before we get on out of here.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
I want everyone to just be whatever it is to
be your authentic self.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Just be that.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
You don't have to portray and pretend to be something
that you're not. Just show up as you and that
always gets the job done. Just being your own self,
whatever that is, and you don't have to have everything
off figured out. I used to think when I wanted
to start my business that why I had to have
everything perfect because I had this perfectionist thing. And you
don't have to do it perfect. You just need to
do it period. Just do it, and then everything else
(33:57):
just kind of rolls into place. Place yourself in great
communities with people, even like Keykey She's I've learned a
lot from Kiki and her content creation classes and everything.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I to pay people to do that.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Now create my own things and you know, just growing
like that, being around the right people who are gonna
nurture you, who's going to shepherd over you and help
you get to the levels you want. But just show
up as you. Stop worrying about what other people say
about you. Who because everybody's not gonna like you, You're
not gonna appeal to everyone.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Everyone is not your audience and they're not supposed to be.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
But when you show up at yourself, you're you're going
to attract the perfect audience for yourself. And I just
want you to do that and just keep blowing and
growing and just keep being broke, both brave and bea
faul at the same time.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
But that being said, you guys have been listening to
another episode of Keeping It with Kiki, Life, love and
all that other shit. I have been joined today with
Ms Joey Harris with a joyful connections life coaching. I
am back with another episode on Thursdays at noon.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
You can catch us.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
On all streaming power all podcast streaming platforms, so make
sure that you tune in subscribe to the show.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Leave us some information.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
On what we can do better on the show, and
we would love to hear your feedback. You can always
send any comments or concerns to email Kicking in Wikiki
Media at gmail dot com. See you guys until next time,
lad up, purple hugs
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Or love you, Thank you all Cheekended with Kiki
Welcome to Kicking and Wikiki. Kicking it you ki Ki.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Kicking it the ki ki for a little personality switching
up the storyline on God. We making the story and
hooks rise one day.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
At the time.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
How much problems to the side.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Enjoy yourself, free.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Your mind.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Kicking it we ki Kee.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Welcome back to another episode of Kicking and Wikiki, Life,
Love and all that other ship. I am your host,
Kiki Chanel. This platform is all about personal development, personal growth,
self love, and of course mindset. I am joining with
one of my show regulars, Joy from joy for Connections
Life and I'm going to turn it over to her
(01:02):
and let her introduce herself and tell the people who
you are and what you do. Thank you for coming
to kick with me today, Joe, How you doing it?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Think I'm doing great? Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I am coach Joy Harris of Joyful Connections Life Coaching,
where I coach beauty professionals to their own greatness to
get them to the levels of potential that they have
naturally within. Also to help them deal with time management issues,
confidence issues, even personal things that they're going through in
their life. While they're standing behind the chair. You know,
supplementing and helping their clients be beautiful and get to
(01:35):
their levels. I help them get to the levels that
they want to get to.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So that's when I do in.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
A nutshell, absolutely well, that's amazing, and we're going to
get into that in a little bit. But you know,
we were sticking to the theme of the show, the
tagline of the show this season, life, love, and all
that other shit. So we're going to talk a little
bit about all those three things before we get into
all things.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Joy, life coaching.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Okay, I have a question though, to ask you about life.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Go right ahead, okay, So, what is one lesson that
life has taught you that you carry to this day.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Life has taught me that, you know, I'm a natural
boring giver until it hurts, and life has taught me
over the years that I can still be that kind
of person, a giving person person, but I can't give
until it hurts me.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
So I was given out.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I can't give out till I'm totally depleted, so I
have to I had to learn how to set up
personal boundaries for myself to go and limits that I
cannot go beyond. So ever, since I've done that and
also been pouring some of the love into myself that
I pour into others. My life had made a major
shift that I've just been feeling better about everything and
it just helps me be more of who I am
(02:48):
and leave more time for me and my.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Own personal growth and my own personal well being.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Absolutely, I love that. And that's a good segue until
I want to talk about setting healthy boundaries, because sometimes
we can set boundaries in there it detriment because they're
not healthy. They're very unhealthy. So let's talk about the
importance of setting healthy boundaries. Now, when you were given
and be always being a giver and not getting your
cup refilled, how did you set those healthy boundaries to
(03:15):
make your people understand that, hey, this is what it is,
and if you want to be in my life, this
is what's gonna be.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
I'm more of a person that do I don't have
to do talking, but I do the actions. Actually my
actions when I kind of pull back some and I
start saying no a lot more and realizing no, it's
a complete sentence and it deserves no explanation unless I
love you enough to give you one or feel that
you're a title to one.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
But it went with saying no, and it went with it.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I had to become okay with people walking away from
me because they helped me realize the people who are
there just for what I can do for them, or
if you just there for me because you want to
be there with me. And I found out which was
a hurtful thing to find out, but it was a
great thing to find out that I had a lot
of people that was rocking with me because of what
I can give them do and when I start saying no,
they disappeared and went to the next host.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Let us talk about that, because I've been there and
I've lost people along the way because of that. What
are some of the tell tale signs that someone is
using you versus they're actually a true friendship?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
What did you notice?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
What I notice is always is one directional flaw. Everything
goes one direction, but never anything come back to my direction.
I'm always the one that got to give the bend
of the ear to listen, which I didn't mind. But
when I start seeing patterns where it's always that. But
if I was a little few times that I may
need something, they're not available or they're too busy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
A ol girl, You'll be okay.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
When I got that because I make sure that I
break down and help people process whatever they're coming to
me with.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
But I wasn't getting that same energy in that same care.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
So that's when I start being able to differentiate who's
the takers and who's the givers, and who's the nurturers
or who's really there. So and it left a little
bitty small crowd of people left for me.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, And I like that that you say that no.
It is a complete sentence. Sometimes people feel guilty for
saying no. We get those people, the listeners who may
want to say no but feel like it's their guilt
overtakes them when it comes to the people in their lives.
Just speak to them about importance of Sometimes no one
is necessary for sure.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
You know what, when the more you say no to
other things, the more you say yes to yourself, and
sometimes don't.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
We don't say enough yess to ourselves.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
It's easier for us to say yes to someone else
than our own self. And as we all know it,
our time is taken away each day, each hour that
we're here. That time will never get never get back.
So and me, as I've gotten in my fifties, I
realize that even more so, you know, we have to
start making time for ourselves and we have to get
to a point where in our life we don't feel
guilty about anything. Because if you if you really are,
(05:52):
if you've done something that you're really sorry about and
that's and you really feel remorseful about it, you can't.
You got to learn to forgive yourself and not be
guilty of things and carring because offensors and you, and
it really depletes the quality of your life when you
do that. It's okay to say no. That doesn't make
you a mean or bad person. That makes you a
person that's regarding yourself some which you're supposed.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
To absolutely and I'm glad I hope you guys are listening,
because it's okay to say no. You don't have to
try to take care of everybody when you are neglecting
yourself in the process. Right, anybody or anything that is
not refilling your cup and you're always feeling theirs, they
may be time to reevaluate those relationships because anything that's
(06:33):
one sided is not balanced, right, and you have to
have complete balance when it comes to your circle. And
as men and joy I always say, our circle has
become a sea. I can see you and they can
see me like it's okay to lead people where they
are not. Everybody can go with you on your journey
of elevation. And if you're stuck and you're comfortable in
(06:55):
that comfort zone, you will never elevate to your fullest
potential that as you pass for you, because there's no
elevation in the comfort zone. You're afraid of challenges, You're
afraid of change. You don't like change our challenges. And
if you're not challenging yourself, you are.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Staying the same right, stagnant.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
It's okay to challenge yourself. Challenges are good. They keep
you on your toes.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
They tell you what you need to work on or
what you may need to pull back on. It's all
right to challenge yourself. And I just wanted to speak
a little bit about life and self care. How are
the two hand in hand? They have to go hand
in hand. But for you, for coach Joy, how is
life and self care aligned in your life?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, it has to be aligned because my quality.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
If I don't do self care and practice that for myself,
my life is going to be mediocre.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I mean my life won't.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
It won't be much of a life if I didn't
do that, because you got to speak and breathe life
into yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
You got to pour a love into yourself because.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
You can't always rely on someone being around to do
that for you, and nobody can do it for you
like God, and you can do it for yourself anyways.
So it's always good to know what it is that
you need where you can pour that into yourself, even
if that means a quiet, whole quiet day for yourself,
not talking or answering the phone.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That's self love too.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Whatever it means to you, that's going to help you
feel rejuvenated and replenish. You have to do that to
make your life even flow it. It makes it aligns
everything when you start. But you have to start with
that self care and self love.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Absolutely. I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Well, where do you see yourself in the next twelve months?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Next twelve months, I see this business scaling and getting
bigger and better, and I got to I want to
get more international people. I have an international person now,
I want to go international. I see myself being more
fit and healthy. I see my business. I want to
ask some merchandise like some I want to get some
cutting capes and stuff and add some affirmations on them.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I have some things I want to I'm going to
be reading.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
I want to read thirty books before this year is out,
so I'm on my way to doing and whether or
even if I don't, if I'm.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Cheating, just listen to them. I'm going to do that.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
But I want to have thirty books of different things
that I've gained knowledge of, and also meeting some more
really great people who are doing way more and who
are on a higher level than me, so I can
continue to be inspired to reach and climb where they're
you know, climb up with them.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Absolutely. I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So we're going to move on to the next segment,
which is about love. Okay, what is your definition of
love and why love? For me?
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Love, the definition of love is when you love people
and you just see them for who they are and
you're not going to judge them.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You see them.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
You love them just because you can, because you want to.
It's a choice, and you love them because it's not conditional.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
They got to do something for you to love.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
You love them just because you want to, and that
because it makes you feel good to love. Love for
me also is forgiving is very forgiving.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
It is a listening ear.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
It is someone who just who elevates you and helps
edify your spirit. And when you're feeling low, someone who
cares enough to where it's almost selfless, where they'll put themselves.
They'll carry it, the pain and whateverything is that you're carrying,
they'll carry it with you so that when you don't
have to feel like you're on your journey alone, and
they add value to your life that you can't add
(10:17):
to yourself.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Listen you all, I didn't see you these questions or whatever,
but you said something with a question that I have.
The question is is there such a thing as unconditional love?
Or do you believe love should be love should have conditions?
You talked about that a little bit, but let's let's
just dive into that part. That's why I looked away
(10:40):
with a smile, because I'm like, Okay, God, that's alignment
right there.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
But you know, infect in a perfect world, it would
be great if love could be unconditional, but there is
some slight conditions to it. It's only it's only only
person has unconditional love as.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
God, and we can't love on that level.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
But I do try to get close to that, but
then there are some conditions that you know you can't
that you have to have a line even in boundary
in your love too, of how far you're going to go,
how far you're going to be your love's gonna be
misappropriated and misused, and how long you're gonna let love
allow you to be mishandled, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
So there is a limit to it. So it is
a sense you know it would be.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
It sounds like, oh, unconditional love, but there is some underline.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
There is some conditions too. I feel that it is
because you're not going to love someone until it hurts,
where you just you know, it don't.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Have to be perfect and peaches and cream either, but
you got to know work point where it's not you're
not adding value to each other.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You're not. You wake up and you can't stand this.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
You don't see this person in your life, the goals
that you have plan.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You don't see this person, this person that you love.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Next to you, like I don't see you going with
me there. So there is some conditions. But unconditional love
is something I'm always striving for, but it's never going
to be a perfect love like God's love. But I
do strive to to make sure that I'm open minded
and I see people for who they are and let
them be who they are. You know, nobody's perfect, because
I'm not, and I try to embrace everyone's idiosyncrasies.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
In their in their quirks and all that for that person.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
And I'm glad that you say that, because there are
conditions when it comes to love. Yes, we want a
conditional love. But when it comes to respect.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
Or peace, that right there, that is a condition.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You can't come in and disrupt my peace. You're not
gonna disrespect me. I have to feel like I'm valued
and you need to put forth effort and.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
I'm going to do those things in return.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
But if you feel like that is should be unconditional,
there's a problem right there, right because I don't want
anybody to be in a relationship with anybody that they
feel disrespect right.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Ah, this toxic type of love.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
That's going on right now, Like I don't want about it,
love me to death.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
I don't want to better to love me to it hurt.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
I don't want that because it's just it's not normal,
not healthy and healthy.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
M Yes, I love that absolutely. What is the hardest
thing you've learned about love.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I learned that love is not always enough.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
You know.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
I was in a marriage where I love love, love
served the dinner was a June cleaver wife loved harder
and harder.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
But it's hard.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
You know.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Love is when you're loving a person that's still broken
and they don't have the and you guys have two
different ideas and what love is, and you've seen love
demonstrated two different ways like I did. I saw love
in my home. I saw two people love. They demonstrated
what love was. But that's not necessarily going to be
the case. When you meet someone, whether it's boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, whoever,
(13:45):
they may not have seen a certain definition what love
looks like.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
So they're going to bring the way they love and
you bring the way you love us.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Sometimes they don't mesh right, and that becomes a problem,
you know, so but yeah, that's it becomes a problem.
So love is just is different because you have to
make sure you're on the same page and you guys
identified it as close as possible as you can so
that it can thrive and become an oasis for each other.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Absolutely, absolutely, that's a great lesson because speak to someone
who may be listening that feel like love isn't enough.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Because I feel like if you, if you.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Don't have all of the other necessities that it takes
to make love work, it will not last.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Right. Love also really, and first of all, it starts
with you. First. You got to love you. You gotta
love you.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
You got to embrace all your flaws, what you consider flaws.
You got to be able to just love is just
something that starts with you.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
First.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
If you don't love for you, it's hard for you
to expect someone else to love you. Yep, why would
they want to love you if you don't love yourself.
So that sometimes you may have to go on the journey.
I've been one on many journeys where I've taken myself
off off the map, you know, first being in relationships,
because I can see myself feeling depleted in the love
department of myself. So I said, okay, I need to
do some at least a year of pouring into myself
(15:02):
with no distractions of another person and get myself filled
up so that way I can be able to even give.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
On any love to someone else, you know, in a
healthy way.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Right, And let's talk.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Let's talk a little bit about love does not mean
that you have to be in a relationship in anybody else.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Right.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
A lot of people equate love with having partners.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
That's not necessary the case because I believe that, like
you just said, you cannot expect somebody else to come
in and love you if you cannot give that same
love to yourself, right, Right, So let's talk about the
importance of being able to love yourself before you can
expect to be in a loving and committed and healthy
(15:45):
relationship with someone else.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yes, you have to because like when you love you,
when you're in love with someone else, it requires lots
of forgiveness, lots of giving yourself great, lots of giving
grace I think, mercy on someone when they do something
that doesn't please you, all that. But if you can't
give yourself those things, you can't give yourself mercy when
you don't when you fall short, if you can't give
(16:08):
yourself grace when you didn't do what you thought you
could have.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Done, done it better, and you're not gonna be able
to do it for someone else.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
So it's better to start with yourself because that way,
when you bring that your unhealthy kind of love to
someone else's life. It makes that person's life miserable. It
makes them fee, It makes them feel like they got
to carry you. It makes them feel like they got
to always explain themselves or always got to pay for
what Ray Ray or somebody else did down the line.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
They had nothing to do with them. So you're gonna
make sure you're in the hill of place.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
First of all, it comes with being whole. If you
look up for another person to make you whole, you're
gonna be half through the rest of your life. You
have to make sure that you're a whole, and you
got to make sure you got the love for yourself
that's on a maximum level. And then anybody that comes
in your life, they're going to enhance that and amplify it.
If you don't have that wholeness for yourself, you might
as well just be. When that person not in your life,
(16:57):
you're gonna feel like you're half a person. Like I
never used the word that's my better half. No, I
want a better haul person because I'm hall and I
did the work and put it in years to be hall.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Oh I love that. And then and then you don't
need anybody to complete you. Oh, she can pleat me,
he can please me. No, you're a complete person before
you got with someone. You may just have flaws, or
you may be broken or need to go on a
healing journey. But don't ever think that you need somebody
that bad where when you lose them, you lose yourself.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Right, you want to give up on life?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Love is not flow that way.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
No, No, Only.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
The only love that should make you feel bad if
you don't feel it anymore, is the love of God.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
And that's just how exactly I believe that I agree
that you have because when you rely on another person,
it puts a lot of pressure on that person because.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It's like they got to be your happy pill.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
They got to be your everything, like their world like
if they can't see you today, the whole world, they're
just like doom and gloom. And I know somebody's going
through that right now. And I'm like, you got to
get to find your own value. You got to enjoy
you gotta learn to enjoy your own company. I'm buying
myself a lot, and I like it because that way
I can know. I know it's gonna be peaceful. I
know that nobody's gonna be getting on my nerves. I
don't have to share the TV remote with anybody right now,
(18:10):
and I enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
You know you are a vibe, so you should be
happy to be.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Enjoy I really enjoy my own company.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I love because I know I'm a peaceful person and
I know I do that out and I don't have
to have someone in my life, especially if they're not gonna.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Be kind to me or treat me.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I don't want someone to treat me less than I
treat myself, and I treat myself very well.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
So if you can't get on the bandwagon with that,
I will stay single. And I'm fine with that.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I don't feel inadequate or I don't feel like something's
wrong with me because I'm single by choice.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
And that's a big debate on social media where they
have these guys say that most women in their forties,
fifties or whatever are okay with being single.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Why do you believe that is?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Why do you believe that most women would rather be
single than deal with the BS that sometimes comes with relationships.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Well, I'll talk about me personally. In my experience, I'm used.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I'm a real, real person, Like when you meet me
the first time you met me at the first time.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It's not gonna be six months or three months down
the line then y'all see this other version of joy.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'm myself out the game so but not most people
are not like that because I want you to either
dig me or you don't. So I'm gonna let you
see who I am front front. I'm very vocal. I'm
a great communicator. I don't play games if I'm with you.
If I'm loyal, I'm loyal to you even if you're
not in my sight. But I can't seem to find
that too, you know, And I don't look for it.
(19:32):
But I'm open to it, you know, and available for it.
But whenever I do put myself out there in chry,
it's always some silliness or somebody else has another person
they want to add me to that. And some people
are in those relationships that's fine.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Not me. I'm more of a monogamous. I want to
be a one on one thing so we.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Can build and see what we can accomplish together, where
we can grow, pull our coins together. I'm not out
here someone that will have to buy me a Tiffany bracelet,
Louis Baton bags, whatever. I just want you to give
me the best parts of you, whatever that is.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Just bring you, yeah, bring you, Yeah, Just bring you
and just be a person that you know, be yourself.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
If you don't want to talk today and let me know,
like I'm in a cranky mood, just be very honest,
because I'm blatantly honest to a fought and I can
handle it.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I can handle the truth so much better than someone pretending.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah. Absolutely, I totally agree. I totally agree. And for
the people that's talking about that, you don't have to
be in a relationship all the time. Some people are
on their healing journey. Some people have had bad experiences
and they just want to get to know themselves before
getting to know someone else. Stop really killing people for
(20:43):
being by themselves. It just because they're by themselves does
not believe, but does not mean that they are alone
or lonely. Right, right, a relationship and be lonely, Oh.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Don't even go here to that one. I live that
life eleven years. I was.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
I always call myself a married single person. It was
like I did. I did the majority. And he was
a hard worker, you know, on his job, but when
his free time, it wasn't he didn't see the traditional family,
you know, like so he just he saw his dad
being a rolling stone so and just out and gone
with the friends. Those were his priority. So his friends
(21:21):
and his activities were his priority. And I was at
home being mom, business owner of a salon and had
a catering business, you know, And he just didn't know
how to pull together. He's not a bad person, he
just we just could never grow together to the height
because I wanted to have generational wealth, you know, from
our we only got a son together. But if somebody's
not on the same page and you're not, you're not
(21:43):
don't have the same mindset as you like he we portrayed,
and we had a plan set before we got married.
As soon as we got married, the plan totally diverted
to something different. So I felt tricked, but I stayed
because I wanted to work through things and see if
maybe we can just work. Don't want to I'm not
a person that gives up fast, but sometimes you realize
(22:03):
that you know, this is a this is a dead horse,
and I'm beating it's not going to work, and you
just have to separate in going your own way, which
was a hard.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Decision because I didn't want to be a divorced person.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah. Yeah, sometimes hard decisions are necessary in order for
you to grow and all for God to elevate you.
I saw something on social media the other day, are
you loving a livitation? Is the person that you're loving
limiting to you from from reaching your fullest potential? And
that was like, wow, you would do that all the time.
It's disheartening because people are so hard on themselves and
(22:39):
they don't believe that they deserve the love that they
are supposed to have.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Right, people believe.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
That they believe that they love they they believe that
they deserve the love that they've seen. Like you said,
you come from a loving home. You saw your family
structure was different than someone else's may have been. But
I think at some point we have to grow up
and realize we are not what we've seen. We have
to become what we are able to become, and that
(23:07):
that requires work.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
You know, I grew up in a family home where
you know, it was a lot of fussing. I don't
like the fuss and argue and I'm not doing that
because I've lived that and it was horrible.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
Imagine trying to sleep.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
And have peace and you can't. Right, So I'll tell
anybody stop stop staying stuck in that. Just because you
grew up a certain way. You are able to change
that now if you want to. It takes effort.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
You gotta want to.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Change, and on different mindset. You got to see it differently.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Create the family that you will want that you didn't have,
that you don't feel you had. You know, not that
our families was all bad and had everything whatever, But
it's like you can. You have the ability now that
you're grown. You can make your family dynamics what you
wanted to be.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
And that's a great part. It's all a.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Choice, absolutely, it is all a choice. I love it.
So we got on the time that other shit.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
This is my favorite segment because that comes with life,
love and everything in between. Yes, is life worth it
with all that other shit? In your opinion?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Life is? You know what? I like all the other
ship that comes with everything. I like it all. I
like a little hotshponge this and some of that. It
doesn't matter. I just like I like the things.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Everything doesn't have to flow perfectly, because otherwise it was
too easy, you know, everything was just all perfect in order.
Then that gets kind of boring too, but I don't
want it just depends on what the other sahi t is,
you know.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Yeah, yeah, yep, and on exactly. And I'm glad that
you said that, because.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Everybody all this season that I asked that question to
said the same thing, except for one lady. She was like, no,
it's not because of this, this and this and that,
and y'all have to go back and listen to her episode.
But majority of other people say, it depends on what
it is. And when I say all the other shit
I'm talking about like curve balls and challenges and things
(25:04):
like that, because if life was just perfect every day,
what's the point.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yes, we would be just stuck.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
We wouldn't know that we are strong, we didn't we
wouldn't know that we know how to pivot.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
We wouldn't know that.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
We know how to prade ourselves through certain situations. If
everything was perfect, I don't think that I would even
be here because I would probably be Ben took myself
out because I was just be bored out of my mind.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Right, I ain't a challenge like different, you know, change
basically when you do have like those curve BOMs, as
you just said, it just shows you more and who
you are when you navigate through them. It's gonna either
you're gonna sink or swim. Either you're gonna make a decision.
Are you gonna just lay down in this hole and
lay down here, or you're gonna get up and fight?
And that just makes me fight the more because I'm
(25:53):
kind of a fighter. I don't like like when life
isn't like I needed to be or wanted to be.
That makes me work that much harder and not get complacent.
And it makes me do the work and find different ways.
And you know, I'm a problem solver, so I'm like,
what can I do? How can I solve this problem?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
You know?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
And it just makes me pray more to It gets
my spiritual life even more closer with God because I
know I have to rely heavily on Him to get.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Me through certain things, which I've done all my life basically.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
And so you just saved up my next question. Do
you believe that if we didn't have all that other ship,
would it would we even would our faith even be
as strong or where it is to this to this day.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
It probably wouldn't because we wouldn't feel like we need
God you know, everything's working out.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
What do we need God for? You know, I don't
think people.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
I don't think everyone and a lot of people would
just they would be even I think we would be
more the ne flexful of our relationship with God and
our faith because everything well, everything's going good, and as
soon as it goes bad, that's when we get back.
It's like a relationship that you're not really putting a
bunch of you know, emphasis on and effort into. So
I think I believe that's why God does trouble our water,
(27:00):
like that's one of the reasons, because if we get
too big for our bridges, we just forget all about him,
you know. And let me tell you, I've been there too,
And when I forgot all about him and put him
to the side because the money was flowing, my beauty
s line was flourishing, and all of a sudden, it's
like he said, oh okay, you're getting brand new huh,
And my whole world collapsed and my will ran dry
(27:22):
everything and they got it.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Is a word to say God is a jealous God.
Don't put enough before me. So when you start putting
those things above God, he will bring you back to reality.
You may not like the way that he does does it,
but it will happen.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
It's happened several times.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
And now I'm like, I hear you, Lord, if you're
right here with me, okay, because I don't. I make
sure I don't. I don't even make a decision without him.
Now I'm like, is this what we need to do?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
And I think about God though, Joy, and I loved it,
loved it, be more for this, even when we're going
through all that other shit, he is still right there.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
We may not acknowledge it, he is still right there.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
He don't leave us atone. It's like he had his
arms crossed.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Okay, yes, yes, I love it.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
So this has been amazing, Joy.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So we're going to talk about Joeful.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
You know, I love the pivot that you made. I
love the pivot that you made.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
So let's talk about you know, if anybody is listening
and then the profession and they want to work with you,
how can they can you know, get in touch with
you to work with you or get like a consultation.
I don't know if you do clarity calls and stuff
like that. So tell the listeners how they can work
with Joeful connections.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yes, if you would like to work with Joyful Connections,
even if you're an entrepreneur woman that's building a career.
I specialize in beauty professionals because I was one, but
I also have career women who are entrepreneurs or independent
contractors also, And I offer a half an hour discovery call.
It's complimentary to you and you can just call and
and just see if you like, if you feel like
(28:58):
you want to take a coaching in its area, in
your business or in yourself that you like to reach
higher levels in as far as building confidence, self esteem,
all those things. Even if you just feel like even
if you self sabotage some even that we can help you.
I can help you through that. And also I have
these chats with coach joy because some days some people
(29:19):
don't need a coaching journey, they just need a mood
boosting things so they don't hurt nobody today when they
go to work.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I offer those chats.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I offer a fifteen minute one for fifteen dollars and
a thirty minute for thirty dollars. And usually sometimes you know,
we just sometimes you wake up on the wrong side
of the bed and just be in a bad mood
and people who utilize those calls, they do though they
book it on my thing and to come to my
calendar and then we can discuss things and I'll do
everything I can and get your mood boosted, kind of
get you ready and get you going, just to get
(29:48):
you to work and just shift your mood to a
positive mood to really salvage your day more. But also
I can be reached on Instagram. My link is in
my bio. I'm revising my website. See the changes that's
on there. I still have more changes to make. And
also my website is www. Dot joyful Connections dot com.
(30:12):
And I have coaching journeys. I do like a three
month Some people just want a three month package, some
people want a six or twelve. It's up to you,
and I offer payment plans to make it easy because
I really just want you to come. I don't want
to be something where you feel like you can't afford
because I'm going to work with you, and I have
different methods of payments that you can utilize, and it's
all virtual.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
It don't matter if you're in Paris, if you're in England.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
If you're everywhere you are as long as you have
a video camera on the phone, I can talk to you.
And if you don't like being on camera, we can
just make it a phone call. It's your choice if
you want to be a video call or a phone call.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
I love that all of this information would be listed
in the note, so you guys don't have an excuse
if you want to work with Coach Joy. But yeah,
let's listen. You tell us where you hang out at
on Instagram? Are you on any other social media platforms
where they can connect with you?
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yes, I'm on Facebook too, and it's under you'll see
my first name is Alisha Ali Cia Harris and enjoys
and parentheses, but it's all me. And I'm also on TikTok.
I'm building a following over there. I'm not as active
over there as I am on Instagram and the other
modes of you know, social media, but I'm over there
(31:25):
and I'm going to be working on getting my YouTube
stuff together.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I want to. I have a YouTube page, but I.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Want to start putting some short clips over there and
things like that.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
So I'm regrouping. Just I'm just.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Enjoying when I'm doing the people I'm meeting. I mean
it's some wonderful people. And also I help barbers. They
don't have to be a lady. Stylis are gonna be barbers.
Any beauty professional doesn't matter what you are because you
know and everything is confidential, Everything is a safe, quiet space.
Everything is takes bravery to show up for yourself like
that and put yourself out on display. But you'll be
(31:58):
doing that with the right person. Because I'm I'm always
I'm a trust to confident as a stylist for over
thirty years, I got to go to my grave with somethings.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
So I just let that kind of in my coach
and beyond.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
My styling chair, I carry that same precedence for my clients.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
And so what's next? What's next for joy for Connections.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Joyful Connections, Like I said, Joyful Connections is going to
be doing some merchandise. I want to do some things.
Also I've been working on I was going to launch
my oils because I love the Blend oils. I'm always
I smell super good all the time in real life,
and I decided I was going to create my own
you know, I always mix and mix of my own
personal blends, so.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I have them.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
I have a lot of them already bottled up, but
then it got put on postponed because we moved and everything.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
But I'm looking to launch those. I want to launch
them at.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Least by Easter and definitely Mother's Day because I want
to get all the bags and I want to get
some little little other things to put inside the gift
packages when I send them out.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I have some little information.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Books like notebook things that I have at because I
want to do some the oils and then also add.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Little gifts in there further people.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
And if you don't want to smell good and stop
traffic and have your husband or whoever chase you around,
don't buy these oils, because that's what's going to happen.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
I need.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
They're so wonderful.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
Yes, well, I love it.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Joy. It is always a pleasure having you come kick
it with me. Is there any last words of encouragement
or empowerment that you would like to leave with listeners
today before we get on out of here.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
I want everyone to just be whatever it is to
be your authentic self.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Just be that.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
You don't have to portray and pretend to be something
that you're not. Just show up as you and that
always gets the job done. Just being your own self,
whatever that is, and you don't have to have everything
off figured out. I used to think when I wanted
to start my business that why I had to have
everything perfect because I had this perfectionist thing. And you
don't have to do it perfect. You just need to
do it period. Just do it, and then everything else
(33:57):
just kind of rolls into place. Place yourself in great
communities with people, even like Keykey She's I've learned a
lot from Kiki and her content creation classes and everything.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I to pay people to do that.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Now create my own things and you know, just growing
like that, being around the right people who are gonna
nurture you, who's going to shepherd over you and help
you get to the levels you want. But just show
up as you. Stop worrying about what other people say
about you. Who because everybody's not gonna like you, You're
not gonna appeal to everyone.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Everyone is not your audience and they're not supposed to be.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
But when you show up at yourself, you're you're going
to attract the perfect audience for yourself. And I just
want you to do that and just keep blowing and
growing and just keep being broke, both brave and bea
faul at the same time.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
But that being said, you guys have been listening to
another episode of Keeping It with Kiki, Life, love and
all that other shit. I have been joined today with
Ms Joey Harris with a joyful connections life coaching. I
am back with another episode on Thursdays at noon.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
You can catch us.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
On all streaming power all podcast streaming platforms, so make
sure that you tune in subscribe to the show.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Leave us some information.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
On what we can do better on the show, and
we would love to hear your feedback. You can always
send any comments or concerns to email Kicking in Wikiki
Media at gmail dot com. See you guys until next time,
lad up, purple hugs
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Or love you, Thank you all Cheekended with Kiki
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