Season 8: Episode 7 "The Importance of Tone In Effective Communication"

Today's episode is about communication. I offer 7 ways to use your tone in a positve way to become a better communicator. Why is this important? Because we live in a world where people don't know how to have a positive conversation. Thank you for listening!
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Chicken and Kiki Kicking It we Ki Ki
kicking it the ki ki for little personality, switching up
the storyline on God. We're making a story books changing
us one day at the time, much problems to the side.

(00:25):
Is you yourself, free your mind Chicken it we ki keep.
Thank you for listening to another episode of Kicking at Wikiki, Life,
love and all that of the ship. I am your host,

(00:47):
Kiki Chanel Award win it Off the lifestyle Blogger and
certified Mindset and Personal Growth Coach. Today we are talking
about something that is very important but we tend to overlook.
That is how to create a positive tone when it
comes to communication. The importance of having the correct tone

(01:10):
when when you're communicating with somebody is pivotal on how
it is received or reposed because the way that we
say things can be very off putting or it can
be purposeful in a positive way. Effective communication is a
cornerstone for building positive relationships personal, business, situational. You know,

(01:38):
every day encounters with strangers, social interaction on social media
is all about tone. And sometimes I'm not listen. I'm
gonna go ahead and let y'all know that I'm not
really big on telephones. I'm not I did that when
I was younger, stayed on the phone for hours and hours,
and I just ain't got that time. But when it

(01:59):
comes to deciphering or trying to decipher what someone is
saying through a text message, then yeah, we let's have
a conversation, because sometimes tone can be misinterpreted when it
comes to text messaging. I've done it several times, and
I'm not proud to say that I got in my

(02:20):
feelings when I should have should not have, and may
other people feel a certain way when that was not
my intention. So one of the most critical elements of
communication is tone, the way our words are conveyed, and

(02:41):
I want to talk about seven different points to help
you create a positive tone when it comes to communication.
The first I want to talk about is enhancing clarity
and understanding. Be intentional about the message that's supposed to
be understood. People can't read minds, and neither can you.

(03:03):
So when you're communicating with somebody, I need I'm gonna
say not you, us, I need us when we are
trying to have a positive and purposeful conversation where each
party is heard. Because some people like to listen to
respond and not comprehend. So be intentional about the message

(03:29):
that is supposed to be understood. For example, if it's
time to have a serious conversation and you're being sarcastic
or you're being humorous about it, you may make the
other person who just needs to vent or talk or
be heard or whatever the case may be, feel depleted

(03:49):
or worse than what they came or like their voice
doesn't matter. So we don't want anyone to feel like
standing or misunderstood or taken for granted their joke to you,
so or us, we don't want anyone to feel like
that with us. So enhancing clarity and understanding is one

(04:13):
of the most important points when it comes to communication
with a positive tone, and that keeps us from having
to repeat ourselves from feelings frustrated, are feeling like the
conversation was a waste of time. Have you, guys, ever

(04:33):
had a conversation with someone and you feel drained afterwards
because you have fought tooth and nail to make them
understand your point of view and they were just so
closed off to it, and maybe because the intentions were
not set at the start of the conversation. I feel

(04:54):
like when we are at a place where we havehealed
ourselves enough personal trauma, childhood trauma and all the things
that we can set the stage for a positive conversation.
My friends and I do this, My siblings and I
do this. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but most

(05:15):
often than not, the person that you're having a conversation
with if you say, listen, I think that we need
to have a serious conversation about X y Z. I
didn't like the way it made me feel when we
talked about this, or I could tell by the look
on your face that you didn't like the way that
I said a certain thing. So let's just lead with love,
listen to understand and hear and see where the conversation goes.

(05:42):
If you don't have people in your life that can
tell tell you these things and be an adult about it,
it's time to re evaluate your circle seriously, because don't
nobody have got time for that. Life is too short
and we have to be so careful and intentional. And

(06:05):
y'all probably gonna get tired of hearing that word, because
intentional is one of my favorite words right now, because
everything has a purpose for me at this moment in time.
I'm forty seven years old, and if it don't make
sense to me, it don't make sense. Why are you here?
Why are we wasting time? If we're not gonna listen

(06:26):
to understand and hear each other, what's the point of
having a conversation. And I wanted to talk about communication
because as a podcast host, it is important to know
how to communicate with guests so that you are clear
on the message that your guest is trying to convey
to the audience, on the conversation that you guys have

(06:48):
for the audience can gain some type of value in
the conversation, because otherwise, what's the point. And I've learned
so much about being a host. Didn't know that I
loved it, but I do. I love love meeting new people,
talking to different people, hearing their stories, and giving people
a voice on my platform. So communication is something that

(07:10):
is near and dear to my heart. And I take
pride in being a good communicator. Some people may not
say that, but majority of the people in my life
will say that I am a good listener and I'm
a good communicator. Yeah, I may have faults because I'm
passionate about certain things, so I can get a little
over zealous at times, especially when I feel like I'm

(07:33):
communicating to a brick wall. So Number one again was
enhance clarity and understanding. Knowing how to have the correct
tone in the communication will enhance the clarity and understanding
of the overall conversation. Number two, it builds trust and credibility.

(07:56):
Using an appropriate tone can build trust and established credibility,
which your audience with the person that you're having a
conversation with, or anybody that's listening. Because people are always listening,
they always watching, and they always listening. They remember how
you made them feel, and they don't remember what you
said and how you said it. I have a teacher
that I had in the third grade and she says

(08:18):
something to me that has stuck with me for all
of my life. She said, Nakipa, do not let anyone
make you feel that you are not good enough. Shout
out to miss Emma Williams, and I appreciate you for
pointing into my life at such an early age. The
things that we say to people matter, y'all. The things
that we say to people, they matter. They stick with people,

(08:41):
and it can tear people down and build them up.
So knowing how to use the right tone in communication,
it builds trust and it builds credibility. It also gives
off a sense of confidence and it tells the people.
It tells the person that you're speaking with that you
you are respectful in that you demand respect, You are professional,

(09:05):
and you are here to get the job done in
your personal life. It lets the person know that listen,
I am present, I am in the moment, I am
here with you. I am a safe space for you
at this moment in time. Open up your heart to
me with your words, and I am here for you.
It makes others more likely to engage positively with you

(09:28):
when you know how to effectively communicate with the right tone.
Number three, it conveys emotion and intent. There's the word intention.
Tone is powerful. It helps people express their emotions and intentions.
What do you aim to expire, console, persuade, or whatever

(09:49):
the situation may be. Using the correct tone helps to
enhance the experience and make a more impactful meaning for
your message. And number four, it helps to resolve conflict.
O my job, I talk to people ten hours a day.
My tone when they call sets the stage for that conversation.

(10:14):
If they call me and I don't feel like I
want to. If they hear in my voice that I
don't want to be bothered, or I'm just there for
a paycheck or whatever, guess what's gonna happen. They either
go treat me as such a hang up and call back.
It doesn't hurt anything to be pleasant, to have a
calm tone, to have great energy so that people can

(10:38):
adapt that because energy is contagious, y'all. So when we
effectively communicate, we can resolve conflicts before they even become conflicts,
because most people just looking for someone to listen and
understand and see where they're coming from and not try
to rush them or make them feel like their situation

(10:59):
is not important. I've been there, done that doesn't feel good.
I try my best now to put myself in situations
so that I can lead with compassion and empathy as
a human being. Kindness don't hurt anybody. Practice that. So
number five, it increases engagement and responsiveness. People respond to

(11:23):
people who they want to talk to. If you are cold,
are harsh, are mean? Do you think somebody want to
have a conversation with you? Nine times out of ten
you got somebody in the room rolling their eyes at you,
playing on their phone, messing with their nails, or looking
sideways or looking at you with the stink look like,
would you hurry up and sit down because I don't

(11:45):
want to hear nothing that you say. You're a mean
and I don't respect you, and no one likes you,
so we're done with this conversation. A tone that is
encouraging and positive can actively cause people to participate and
respond in the things that you're saying. A motivating and

(12:11):
inclusive tone will inspire others to contribute and participate. We
have all had this one teacher that was monotone that
was boring that we just did not want to go
to their class. We remember those teachers because we didn't
like the way that teacher made us feel when we
went in the environment. We also have those teachers that

(12:34):
was live and vibrant and inclusive and they just loved
what they did and it showed in the way that
they conveyed the message or the lessons that they were
teaching us that day. We remember those conversations. We remember
those teachers as well. Same thing with tone and communication,
people will always remember how you made them feel. Making

(12:55):
sure that people are engaging openly or give them the
opportunity to engage openly with your pleasantries. It creates a
great experience for everyone involved. Number six is it supports
relationship building. Having the right tone when you're talking to

(13:17):
your people matters. We don't know what we will face
when we leave our homes. We don't know what people
have faced when they are at home, what they escaped
when they come to work or school or whatever. So
show respect and empathy toward people, whether it's in a

(13:38):
personal relationship, friendship, for first professional relationship, or what have.
You Just offer a smile, give a compliment. It don't
cost you nothing. Hey, you have a nice smile. Oh
I like those shoes you're wearing. I love the color
of your hair. That will can can open up a

(13:59):
conversation to have someone vent, to help someone see that
life is not as hard as you think it is.
You just needed a little bit of reassurance from someone
who came into your space. Knowing how to communicate and
have them that correct tongue can strengthen bonds in relationships
and promote a sense of community. I have people that

(14:24):
I've never met in my life, and they are like
sisters and brothers. To me because we have formed this
community where we can communicate with each other effectively and
openly and honestly without judgment. We can be transparent with
each other. When I'm down, I know that they got
me same thing. It's all about the way that I

(14:45):
set the intentions with the communication, and how my tone
delivered the message that I wanted them to receive. There
is life and death in the tongue, So be mindful
of how you make people feel. Be mindyful how you
make yourself feel, because this is just not for having relationships.
The best relationship that one can have is with themselves.

(15:07):
So you set the stage for every other relationship that
you will have moving forward by the way that you
treat yourself. People can tell how you treat yourself by
the way that you walk, by the way that you glanced,
by the way that you dress, by the way that
you stand, by the way that you have looks on

(15:27):
your face, by your smile. I have talked to people
every day, and I can tell the ones who have
a genuine soul about themselves, and I making my business
to tell them, Stay cool, stay who you are, stay
the lovable person that I hear in your voice. You know,
I talked to a couple a couple of months ago

(15:47):
and both of them they one person was talking to
me and the other one was on speakerphone. And by
the end of the conversation, she had winning their kitchen
and picked up the other phone. Yeah, they was on
the landline. It was funny, and I was having a conversation,
a three way conversation with the husband, the wife and myself,
and we just laughed and talked and we had the
most amazing time and we wished each other well. We

(16:12):
laughed and we got on off the phone. But I
remembered that conversation because I'm telling y'all about it now
and it was months ago, So people will remember how
you made them feel. When it comes to effectively communicating
in the tone that you set, a receptive tone goes
a long way, especially when you're talking to someone who

(16:34):
has healed and they ain't about that BS in their lives.
You're not gonna talk to me any kind of way.
So if you think that that's what this is, you
could keep it moving. And number seven, guys, having the
correct tone reflects professionalism and competence. A polished and appropriate

(16:59):
tone tells your counterparts, the coworkers, whatever, that you are competent,
you are confidence, you are a professional, you know what
you're talking about. You deserve to be in this space,
and they are going to listen to what you have
to say because of those things that your tone is

(17:20):
telling them about you. Before you even get into the
importance of your message or your speech, or your listen
or whatever it is, This right here can enhance your
reputation in your professionalism. People will talk about you when
you finish talking about what you're talking about. I have

(17:41):
gone and been speakers at churches in different events, and
I have heard people say your name preceides you. It's
a great feeling. And I'm not bragging. It is what
it is. It didn't happen overnight because I was once broken.
I was once the person believed in theyself, who didn't
love their self. So I was just a shell of

(18:04):
a person. But when I realized whose I am and
that that being was put on earth. This being was
put on earth with the purpose to help others, to
encourage others to pour into others. Man listen season eight

(18:32):
of the podcast, and I don't see myself stopping at
any moment. I don't see myself stopping. I love it.
I don't care if I only reach one or two people.
I have done my job and I know a lot
of people like numbers and stuff like that, and numbers
are good when you are trying to get sponsorship and

(18:54):
you know, build up community, a content community and things
like that. But you have to put into work. You
have to be in sinstant. You have to offer value,
and you have to let people know that I am
who I am. Every time that you turn on kicking
it with Kiki, this is who you're gonna get. The
little girl from Greensburg, Louisiana who loves to talk and

(19:15):
pour into people in a positive way. The next time
that you are having a conversation with someone, just remember
to set your expectations high so that understanding can be
the overall goal. So that the person that you're having
a conversation with feel seen and heard, that their voice

(19:38):
is safe and you are giving it wings to fly.
And I promise you the relationships you have will grow.
The people who are not supposed to be in your
life will eventually counsel themselves out. Leave with love, lead

(20:00):
with empathy, lead with intention, and just be kind and
any conversation that you have, even if it's a hostile conversation,
it will not be hostile if you do those things

(20:24):
and set your tone so that people can understand yeah,
but yeah, And if you don't know what I just said,
you got the right one today. And I can speak
to someone just like you. Hear me speaking right now,

(20:48):
be very firm on what I'm trying to convey. Not
use a curse word or demeaning word or anything else.
But that person will respect me by the time that
we finish the conversation because of my integrity, because of
my tone, because of the confidence, and because that I

(21:09):
understand that sometimes it is not about me. Sometimes that
person has had a bad day because bad shit just
has happened to them and they don't know how to
let that go or shake it off and move on
to the next thing. Hurt people, hurt people. Do you
know how many people don't have somebody to talk to?

(21:30):
And if you have somebody in your life that you
can talk to and you choose not to talk to them,
shame on you. Shame on you, because at some point
you need to grow up and understand that, yeah, I
may not have had the space to communicate openly and
effectively and honestly and transparent or whatever. As a kid,
my parents didn't let me talk or whatever. You are

(21:51):
grown as hell, your parents are grown. It's time to
move on and let go. People did what they could
do because that's all they saw, or that that's all
they were able to give. It is hard out here, guys.
It is hard, and us contributing to the madness is unnecessary.

(22:16):
So all I want to say in closing, and I
want to thank you for tuning in to another episode
of Kicking that wikiki communication has to happen. We are
not here to go through life alone. And it's okay
to sometimes talk to yourself because sometimes we have to
check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. And I know I

(22:39):
just told my age, but whatever, But just move with intention, man,
move the way that you want to be that you
want people to see you, and everything else will be okay.
Trust God, trust the process, and trust yourself. If you
do those three things, any conversation that you have would

(23:03):
be an effective one. Just set your tone, set the expectations,
and enjoy. Enjoy the time that we have with each other.
And I hate to get a little sentimental but people
are leaving here. You see them one minute and the
next couple of hours you hear that they are no
longer with us. And it is crazy, but it's life.

(23:24):
Is something that we all must bear. Yes, it's hard,
but that should motivate us even more to just be
in the moment with each other, speak with each other
in love and compassion, and shake all that other shit off.

(23:45):
It's unnecessary and it ain't doing up and hurting hurting
you in the long run, it's turned down relationships and
we don't need that, especially in the family. So with
that being said, you got us have been listening to
another episode of Kicking a Wikiki Life, Love and all
that other shit. I am back every Thursday on all

(24:07):
major streaming podcasts platforms. I probably set that backward. If
I be on on Google, Apple, iHeartRadio, I am on Audible, Pandora,
or all the things. So go subscribe and follow the channel.
I should be back on YouTube for next season, so

(24:30):
go subscribe to the channel. Catch up on past episodes,
and I would love to hear your feedback. If you
would like to have questions ask our topic that I
that you would like for me to share, just send
all of your questions or comings to Kicking It Wikiki
Media at gmail dot com that would be listed in
the show notes. You guys be blessed. Purple hugs, check

(24:54):
in it with Can you come on with ca them