BDSM Saved my Marriage and Life-S05E17

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to mydungeon. Welcome to Cauldron'scrypt. I'm your
host, mister Cauldron. If you'renear to the show, we are combined
thirty four years of BDSM experience inmy twenty years working in the psychology field
at the spell myths, get ridstereotypes, and to answer your questions about BDSM,

(00:27):
texting your questions or comments to eightsix five two six eight four zero
zero five or visit the Crypt atcauldronscrypt dot com. In this episode,
we are talking to longtime Crypt producerBuffalo Max about his introduction into BDSM and
how it saved his marriage and infact his life. Hello Mayfair, Hello

(00:47):
Cauldron. How goes it going?Pretty good? Yeah? Well, worried
about your internet but you know,yeah, so just a heads up to
everybody. Uh oh, and helloto the chat room. I'm the third
co host of the show, Davisb Lily Master Frostbite. Hope you all
are doing well. I'm sure there'smore coming in as we move along here,

(01:10):
but yeah, just heads up.My internet is shady today, so
hopefully I can make it through withoutany problems. But if not, Mayfair
is more than capable to provide theeducation, information, entertainment needed. So
yeah, I'm just going to bringMax in and we will find out all

(01:32):
the necessary impertinent information about his historyhis life through the ten licks. But
first it is those rules of loveby It brought to you by my Kinky
Woodworking company inclusion woodworks dot com.There is a link for that in the
show notes rules love by Rule numberone safe saying, consensual and informed drule
number two Kinky. That's K andK I Nstean comes from the Kinky app.

(01:57):
They are not a sponsor. Yeah, they are available on all platforms.
But it stands for knowledge, nointolerance, Kindness and integrity and rule
number three of the quote from PaulYoung, submission is not about authority and
it's not about obedience. It isall about relationships of love and respect.
Wow. I should not be thatrusty. So apparently it's not just your

(02:20):
Internet that's having a little off day. Yeah apparently. Oh there's fetish artists
and to join us. So hey, fetish artist. All right, Well,
let's bring in Buffalo Max and getto know him. And normally I
like to do the typical guest interviewintroduction, but we're going to kind of
do it our own way, aswe like to do things here. So

(02:42):
Hello Max, Hello, how areyou? Oh? I'm well and yourself?
Oh you know, I'm hanging inbeautiful southern California. So it's supposed
to be raining today and it's eightydegrees you ow. Nice, nice,
Wow, that's one hell of abeard. Thank you for those listening to

(03:08):
the audio only version of the podcast. He has the chords from the earbuds
resting ever so peacefully on that giantMaine that I didn't think you could see
it. I couldn't see it,all right, So quick get to know

(03:30):
you here. We've got ten licksthat we like to ask people the first
time here. These are just quickanswers. So whatever comes to you first,
just spit it out. That's right, making a lot of fun.
How long have you been into KingsFour and a half years? Five years
now? Top bottom, switch toprelationship status, Mary to myself, favorite

(03:55):
position? Take that how you want. Uh, I'm gonna stick with Doggie
favorite implement. I have a beautifulI think it's about three foot bulls penis,
a stretch bulls Penis. It's aking and there's a nice little purple

(04:16):
wrap on the handle. It's verynice. It's a modern day shambock.
Thank you. Yeah. Favorite roleplay, A favorite role play. Damn,
it's gonna have to be uh theoh, your husband, Let's get

(04:40):
this done before your husband gets home. Favorite kink orfetish splashing for sure.
We'll dive into that here shortly.For those that don't know what that is.
Favorite place for kink. Favorite placefor kink is anywhere where I have

(05:00):
more than twenty feet of space.Strangest place you've ever had sex. It's
a it's a toss up, butI'll go at the cemetery. Something you
want to try but I haven't yet? Uh? Man, and your beard

(05:25):
is scratching your microphone. Okay,so it's got to rest on top.
Okay, uh what was what wassomething you you haven't tried yet, but
you want to. I guess itwould have to be more uh, diving

(05:51):
into my pleasures, not just pleasuringothers. And I know that makes you
how to hear? Okay, thewife's going to be doing some pegging.
Huh. I'm not there yet,but we can talk about that in the
future, all right. So Igot to know Max here from the show,

(06:19):
and Max being a producer, cometo do something that I never do,
which is an informal long distance mentorship. Yeah. I had to fight
you on that for a while.Yeah, and if you want to hear
how that's turned out. Max hassince started his own podcast with one of

(06:43):
his brethren out there in the CaliSouthern Cali area called hang On Kinky Variety
Show with two nude dudes. Itis new Nude, New Dude. We're
naked. We we do the podcastnaked for no reason. Coming to porn

(07:08):
hubs sometime in the future maybe fans. Then you got to have prescription subscription
and all that stuff. That's whyI don't know. We're working on things.
I think we're only like seven episodesdeep. Yeah, it's it's still
new. It's still they're still gettingit figured out. But since he often
gave me crap about how much Ihated my first few episodes, I thought

(07:30):
I'd be sure to turn people onto your first few episodes. Thank you,
thank you. From the show.They have a lot of fun.
They're not using toys, so itusually starts off with a joke and some
drinks and uh, it's a varietyof things they do. Some some stuff
just for fun. There's bits ofeducation in every episode. I'm really enjoying

(07:55):
it. They you know, butthat's me. Give it a try if
you like it. It's only onSpotify right now, but I definitely wanted
to put that shout out out therebefore I forgot Thank you, Thank you
so much. We know have beenan adventure, all right. So the
reason that you're here today is becauseyou have told me a few times that

(08:22):
how much this show has meant toyou, which is not why you're here,
it's why it means things to you. Yeah, And I didn't know
in the four years I guess thatI've known you four and a half years,
I didn't know just how deep thiswent. Like, I didn't understand

(08:43):
whereat in depression and chaos things wereat the time that you come into.
So we're going to need some backstoryfrom you in what was going on and
how you ended up getting from whereyou're at, which was a marriage with

(09:09):
a couple of kids and whatever twonow being somebody who is could I would
consider sought after to play with forcertain things and just kind of flourishing in
the lifestyle. So what was goingon years ago? When was it all?

(09:33):
Right? So probably about six orseven years ago. I didn't have
any work, you know, Ithink I was still I had a one
year old at the time and athree year old, and my wife and
I we were staying with family andit was just a really rough patch and

(09:56):
in that time, staying in whereI grew up, where I spent most
of my teen years, getting introuble. And one one morning, Kitty
come to me with a cup ofcoffee and woke me up, which she
never does because she knows to leavethe sleeping bar alone. And she said,

(10:20):
you need to get up and weneed to have a talk. And
that talk resulted in I won't getinto too many details about that, but
she found some conversations that weren't sookay on my phone between another person and
I, and that that talk putme on edge. For the next two

(10:43):
years, I was walking on eggshells. I was, you know, just
trying to make I was forcefully tryingto be the better man, the better
husband, and you know, wewere able to sort of work through,
but there was really never that thatfull trust, that one hundred percent trust

(11:07):
she had for me until one dayafter we had moved out of that situation
and I had gotten gotten a reallygood job, and I come home from
work one day and she she andthis was back when TikTok was still sort
of new, and if we knowanything about TikTok, there's those different categories.

(11:31):
Well, she shows me this kinktalker, and it was it was
just a thirty second video on Hey, you're seeing this video because your loved
one wants you to know that they'rein the kink. I knew, but
I didn't know what any labels oranything like that were at that point.

(11:56):
So after that thirty second video,I saw to shut down, but not
in a negative way. It wasmore of I need to choose my words
very carefully at this point, becauseat this point I was still walking on
eggshells. I didn't talk to herfor about two or three days, and
not for anything negative other than Ispent those days researching the shit out of

(12:22):
this community. What the hell iskink? I was like, okay,
I mean our first sex toy whenwe got together was a straight jacket because
she's, you know, she's alittle bit of a psychopath. But it's
okay, a strait, not likea cockering or Dilda. No, she

(12:43):
wanted a straight jacket and we gotour first sex toy out of Spencer's of
all places. So we do that. Oh no, okay. So finally
after that second in her third dayof doing all this research, and I

(13:03):
really didn't know anything about podcasts.I thought people who listened or did podcast
sing were like the nerds of theworld. And you know, I wasn't
trying to follow fads. Yeah,I'm looking at you. You're big.
You're the big nerd. You're thebiggest nerd. I know. Uh,
four years later, I'm doing itmyself. No, I didn't know anything.

(13:26):
I didn't know that there was thatkind of education out there. And
one of the first podcasts that comesup was yours was was Cauldron's Crypt and
I did it so so precisely.I went all the way to episode one.

(13:52):
And this was before I was aproducer or anything. I before I
even was going to your your Munches. I started episode one and it took
me listening at work every day tomaybe five or six episodes a day.
So if you want to do thatmath, because I'm not good at that,

(14:13):
but it took me. However manymonths it did. I've but rewind
a little bit. So starting tolisten and starting to implement things with Kittie.
And I'm not going to be theonly one that's learning. If I
whatever education I'm going to come across, I need you to come across.

(14:37):
I need you to try to soakin. And so she started listening and
on her own time, and I'dcome home from work. I'd be like,
oh, did you listen to this? No? No, I could.
Okay, fine, you had thekids, It's fine. So when
I started realizing she couldn't keep upas much as I was doing my educating.

(14:58):
And I'm not saying yours was theonly podcast I listened to, but
from your podcast, learning about youknow the books that I call them the
beginner books. I don't know ifthat's appropriate or what, but like the
New Topping Book, the New BottomingBook, blanking on the rest of them,

(15:20):
because it's been a while since I'vepicked those up, but getting my
education from your show for those forthose months before my first monch with you
guys, my first mounch, Iremember and telling you this, telling you
how I went about the process oflistening to all of these months and I

(15:43):
should have been here a whole lotsooner. And it really it really put
life into perspective, not just forthe kinky you know sex. You know,
sex has gotten a whole lot bettersince this podcast and since all of
what I've gone through in the lastfour and a half years. And yeah,

(16:10):
it was it was really eye openingto know that there were other kinky
nerds out there that helped me openup to the fact that, yeah,
this is this is our life now. And I say kink, but it
really did something for my marriage andfor my life because I was, you

(16:33):
know, I think it was atthat point, I was coming off of
being like a really hardcore alcoholic,like I owned a bar at one point
that put me in the hole andthat kind of stuff. So I'm going
to try not to cry, Ipromise, but it's okay if you do,

(16:57):
I know, I know. Let'slet's dive back to that a little
bit. Stop this bitch your interestwould you like to be stop? So
at a point number one, Yeah, let's dive back to that a little

(17:19):
bit. And there's there's a fewthings that I want to really get into.
One of them real quick. You'renot I want everybody know that you're
not here as a pitch man forthe show. This is about your own
personal progress and and yes, theshow, your involvement in the munches,

(17:44):
your involvement and education, all ofthat played a part. But it was
your own decision and you have yourselfto think for making those good choices to
do the things that your wife neededyou to do. Oh yeah, definitely,
so that first. And as partof that, for the newbies and

(18:06):
anybody interested, what were some ofthose other Do you remember any of the
other shows that you listened to atthe time you two there was anything like
that? I mean, and Ihate to give them any sort of props,
but TikTok TikTok when when there wereactual educational kink talks on kink talkers

(18:27):
on there. Now, education cancome from anywhere. And I've learned this
over the last few years too.Is not everyone's right, Not everyone has
the right answer. It's how youtake the answer. It's it's how you
take what you what you've listened to. There's another podcast I listened to called

(18:47):
the Kinky af Podcast. I don'tknow if they're still running. I haven't
really listened much, but they werebig around here in southern California. Yeah,
Master Gear he's been on the show. Yeah, master gear, there
you go. I am not onehundred percent sure about the a lot of

(19:08):
the books, but one book thatI can say helped more recently for me
was the poly Secure Book. AndI'm not going to dive into the whole
poly thing, but that book inparticular helped unlock a lot of childhood things

(19:30):
that happened with me. And Ifeel like when you when you're able to
find that thing, it takes ittakes hours of reading, hours of you
know, listening to different shows oryou know, just doing your own research
to find what's going to click withyou. And then that case, the

(19:52):
poly Secure Book clicked with me witha lot of my childhood traumas and my
you know, I say childhood allthe way up until I was eighteen,
you know, with family and withwith who you surround yourself with and stuff
like that. So I believe thatthere is a lot of education out there,

(20:15):
and some of it's not going tobe for you, but take the
time and read it or listen toit and just see if there is something.
You know. You gave my podcasta little plug earlier. We're not
here for everyone. We're not herefor every kinkster in the lifestyle. We're

(20:38):
here for those kinksters, whether you'renew or old too, maybe hear it
in a different perspective. Yeah,yeah, and which, Yeah, there's
things on there, and we've talkedabout this before that I agree with and
things that I don't. But that'swhere it's good, is like when people

(21:00):
listen to mine, there's sayings thatpeople agree with and things that people don't.
Yeah, and that's I mean thatall the places have actual good information.
No, there are some that areabusive and encouraging abuse, so be
wary of that. Yeah, becauseI'm pretty sure the book that someone tried
to get you to to to readon air was an example of how bad

(21:23):
things can actually be. Oh thateveryone else, they're scene is not over
until they consume their own semen.Yep, Yeah, that's that book.
That's a little rough. Yeah,even if it takes you three weeks and
it's congealed on the TV for thelast three weeks, you're still unscene until
you drink it, according to tothe book. Yeah. Yeah, like

(21:47):
that's all that's all got to beconsensual too, Like I just want to
throw that out that was talked aboutit all okay, all right, consent
was not a was not a thing, all right. So that was the
first thing that I wanted to address, to give some of the newbies other
opportunities to find to find other pointsof view. And so going back there

(22:14):
was there was a tough morning wakingup. Yeah, it was some a
long period of seeking out information.What was your state of mind at the
time, Like when when you allhad this conversation and then you couldn't even

(22:36):
talk to her for three days?Where did that put where? I mean,
obviously it's going to be a badplace, but other people are going
through similar things and need to knowthat they're not alone. So can you
describe some of what that was foryou? Yeah, it was At first

(22:56):
it was very very much how amI going to do this? You know,
I'm her husband, I'm the manof you know, the man in
her life. I got to protecther. I got to make sure that
I'm providing for her in every way. And to be honest, it was

(23:21):
almost that first feeling of great,there's one more thing on my plate.
I have something else I have toworry about now, and very shortly after
it was okay, wait a second, let's take a step back. She
provides for me. She takes careof my kids, she makes sure that

(23:42):
the house is done, she makessure that I'm happy. She does her
part. Why can't I do thislittle extra because she's doing little extra for
me here and there? And thenit was Okay, that sounds really caveman
of me, and maybe I needto stop looking at this more as this

(24:07):
is for hers. As I gotinto my research that this could be more
for the both of us, andthen finally getting more education, the mindset
changed to it's not for her andme, it's for me. This is

(24:30):
a lifestyle. I'm not saying thisfor everyone, but this is this specific
lifestyle is going to help me becomea better person. Hell in my well,
in my work life, I tooka lot of sort of dominant traits

(24:51):
and just started applying them to mywork life. I'm and it's it's hard
to explain, but at the jobthat I was at, I was just
cleaning toilets on the beach, Soit's hard to really put that into to
how I was making it work.But at my at my most recent job

(25:15):
that I've had, it was beingable to stop a supervisor from yelling at
me just from what I've learned,Okay, how do I defuse this situation
instead of let's make the situation worseand start yelling back. It's it was

(25:40):
very little things that I had todo to readjust the way I thought in
life, and there's this community,with the support and with the educators that
are in this community, I wasable to take those little things from here

(26:03):
and there to be Okay, listen, you want to be a dominant at
home, You've got to be adominant in your life, in your outside
world, in your vanilla world.Sort of understand where I'm coming with that,
Yes, yeah, okay, Andthat takes an immense amount of personal

(26:25):
growth. Oh I'm still working onit because you know, no one's perfect
and you still have those breakdowns likeI've been going through a big depression,
you know, over the last monthor so, just up and down.
But the way you can you canget past it is keep educating yourself,

(26:51):
keep learning, keep pushing yourself tobe a better person. So Fetish Artists
said on the flip side, whatwas interesting for me was my subside helped
with service jobs and vice versa.So it seems like, yeah, it
can definitely flow over and it does. We've talked about that many times,

(27:15):
Mayfair. I'm just gonna say,like, for me, having the outlet
for being submissive helps me be abetter leader at work, which is kind
of the opposite of what you guysare saying, because I was very much
a submissive person, but at workI'm very much not. So having that
outlet to be both was really importantfor me. And see I go ahay,

(27:42):
I'm sorry, I say. Evenmy managers commented on changes that I
still don't know what the heck theywere talking about, but they were like,
you have gotten so much better inthe past such and such timeframe,
and I'm like, I feel nodifference, but They're like, no,
it's there, trust us. Yeah. I feel like in this lifestyle I

(28:07):
can only identify as the top asbeing you know, the top energy and
how it's affected you know, mein that way. But that's the beautiful
part about this community is that everyone'sgoing to be affected in a different way.
Everyone's going to be affected, hopefullyin a positive way to where it

(28:30):
can benefit and grow their their flowerof life if you will, so,
am I allowed to side her name? Please? Okay? So shout out
to Kitty and what was what washer perspective on these changes? And what

(28:52):
was going on with you over thisperiod of time. I know that you
know she was at home. Yousaid she was busy with the and doing
this and that and had to taketake things a little bit slower in her
consumption of educational material. But consideringthat it all started with this you know,

(29:15):
hell day, I'll refer to itif you if that's okay, yeh,
this morning of waking up to thisjust chaotic life threatening event, relationship

(29:36):
threatening event. What was what wasshe feeling? How was she reacting as
you went through this process of learningdifferent things? And then we'll get into
what some of these things were thatmade these changes. So you're referring to

(29:56):
the hell morning, and then howshe until the two years later, and
how well what as you were asyou were starting to learn and implement some
of these things that you were learning, how did that affect her? And
and also you and her together?And I realize I'm asking you speak on

(30:21):
her behalf, but just a generalizationof that perspective from you witnessing the changes
in her? Did she become lessangry, more compassionate towards your situation,
more understanding of you know, twosides of the same coin, these kinds
of things. Yeah, well Ican. I can even tell you from

(30:45):
that morning until this day, she'salways had she's always been compassionate. She's
always been my rock. If shewasn't, she would have left me a
whole lot sooner then that morning.She would have left me before we had
kids. But she's always been verycompassionate to you know, she's seen my

(31:11):
family life, she's seen you know, we've known each other for almost thirteen
years now, and so she sawme right as I was coming out of
being a jiggalo in my little hometown. She saved me from that. So

(31:33):
she's always had deep compassion for what'sgoing on with me at that moment,
almost to the point where she willshut out her own feelings or whatever's going
on with her to focus on me, which could be a good and a
bad thing, but I think itreally she was on board with everything,

(31:59):
all the edge I was bringing hometo her, all of the hey did
you see this? Or hey didyou listen to this show today? Or
it was she was the one askingcan we can we can I buy this
book? Oh? I don't ask, just get it if it's something that
you want to read, go getit. It was almost very much like

(32:22):
she like I had always been likesuper controlling, which I know she'll say
no, And I don't know ifI'm the right person to ask if I
was the controlling type before this,but maybe she can write in the comments.
I don't know if she's listening ornot. Did you yourself is more
domineering prior to learning how to bedominant? Honestly, I mean domineering,

(32:49):
that pissed off, jealous teenager kindof thing. I'm still a jealous,
pissed off teenager to this day.But I think it was a lot worse,
a lot worse back in the dayI used to be a hothead.
I come from Italian roots, soI'm not blaming the Italians. I'm just
blaming my family for being the stereotype, you know. And yeah, no,

(33:20):
I don't think she's ever seen lookedat me. She's seen the bad,
but I don't think she's ever lookedat me as bad. You know.
I won't get too much into herstory, but she she came from
a really abusive line of assholes beforeI came along, so I think I
was not too my own horn,but her little having that, and I

(33:45):
was older. I was older thanall of her jackass sex boyfriends. I
was the old guy going to herprom. Oh god, how much older
are you than she is? Liketwo and a half years. Okay,
all right, it's not that bad, not that no, not not being

(34:07):
creepy. All right, So whatdo you remember what the first thing that
you really learned, that first ahha moment was the first aha moment that
that set everything into motion was redFlags. You you had done an episode

(34:37):
on red Flags. I think itwas a two part episode. I don't
remember, Oh three part excuse me, Yeah, that's that's season one,
like episode eight nine and ten ornine, ten and eleven. Yeah,
that was good early on. Soyeah, what was it about those those
episodes that I started seeing my ownred flags? I was like, oh,

(35:00):
you know, I don't have anyred flags and all that stuff,
But I started seeing how toxic Ireally was. Whether it was you know,
my behavior in certain situations that wouldget me super aggravated, which I'm
still guilty of today, but atleast I can catch it and hopefully not

(35:23):
fall too much further into it.But my red flags were almost very domineering,
at least the way it sounded tome. And I knew from early

(35:44):
research that this was the community thatI wanted to get into, that I
wanted to be a part of.I wanted to and you know, we've
had this talk before, be carefulabout trying to blow up, trying to
get my name big. That tooka little bit of time for me to

(36:05):
fully understand and comprehend. Maybe acouple wax accidents or something really really set
my It set me into set everythinginto motion of red flags. I need
to avoid I need to stop beingthat red flag person. And then it

(36:30):
was funny because I went on alittle bit longer and I realized the more
I focused on me trying not tobe a red flaggy person, that was
making me feel like I had morered flags. I guess what I mean
by that is, instead of focusingso much on the negative, just focus

(36:55):
on trying to be more positive.Focus on the the good, education,
the making your life better, becauseyou're not living your life for anyone else
but you and I could. Youknow you're married. It's not about our

(37:15):
spouses, It's about us. Becauseif we're not in a healthy mindset,
then they're not going to be ina healthy mindset. Yeah, And so
often people don't understand that that it'snot your job to make somebody else happy,
and it's not somebody else's job tomake you happy. You have to
be happy on your own. Youhave to be healthy on your own to

(37:37):
be in a healthy relationship with anybody, friendship or whatever. Exactly. So
red flags was going to be mybreaking point because that was the one that
I was focused so much on tryingnot to be. And then I got
a little bit smarter and it wasokay, stop folks sing on not having

(38:00):
any red flags and focus on myself. And in this time again, how
how receptive was the communication because there'sthere was some obvious bitterness. Yeah,

(38:20):
and how was this? Uh?Was this changing? Yes? Yes,
our communication Uh, in the inthe beginning was getting a whole lot better.
It didn't happen overnight, though ittook It's still an ongoing process.
We we can't communicate a whole lotbetter now than we have ever done in

(38:46):
even the last four years. Doesthat mean that there's still things that aren't
communicated? You know? Right when, right when that happens, right when
something happens no, no, Buttaking the time to figure out how you

(39:07):
want to communicate that is the smarterway that at least we have decided without
communicating is the better route, becausesometimes you come off and you want to
you spout off what you what youthink is open communication, and maybe your

(39:28):
partner at that moment in time isnot okay to have that kind of conversation
and you just blew this whole thingup. It works better for us to
hold on to it for a minuteand then proceed with with caution, but
being able to stay open. Soyou're saying, timming is also important.

(39:50):
It's part of communication definitely. Butyou know, you don't want to be
walking through the grocery store and allthe sudden, oh, by the way,
honey, and then proceed to diveinto some extremely extremely important deep topic

(40:13):
exactly, especially I mean talking kinkin public. That's that's another thing too.
You gotta you gotta be aware of. But and and I lump kink
in relationship together for at least myselfand kitty kink and relationship or married.

(40:37):
Now, if it's a matter ofyou know, the kids are losing their
ship in the grocery store, andyou lose your temper and you gotta be
like, come on, we gottado this now. We got to have
this talk. Now, that's myhot headed temper. So maybe you're right,
maybe that's something you don't see.I'm learning something every day. Never

(41:00):
stop learning. U uh may fair. This is, as far as I
know, the first time you're hearingany of this. So if you have
questions, comments, please jump in. Is there anything now that you would
like to No? Okay, allright, so you're still getting a lot

(41:21):
of scratchy there on that on thatbearded or miked beard of yours. Okay,
so you may just have to yeah, hold it there, I'll hold
it for you. Oh, bab, hold two hands for you, yes,
daddy, Yeah, that's right.All right. So uh, alright,

(41:43):
we've got communication, we've got figuringout red flags. We've got learning
to focus on the positive not thenegative. What timeframe are we talking here?
Oh? For what? For thingsto become better? Oh? It's

(42:04):
going to be a long process.But what because that's what people kinksters inherently
are looking for, instant gratification.We want things and we want them now,
especially the younger generation. Yes,so people have these expectations of well,

(42:24):
I'm want to do all this researchand then everything's going to be better.
So you know, you're watching thesetiktoks, you're listening to these different
podcasts, you're learning all this stuff. Six months later, was everything magically
just fixed? No? No,absolutely not. No more animosity and no
you're saying it. Actually for sometime, it's still taking time. There

(42:47):
are still days where Kittie and Iget into fights or and you know,
respectively or respectfully, it is itis me that mostly starts. But that's
something I did learn really early on, was it was me. It was

(43:09):
the fact that I would just losemy temper instead of taking it into consideration
everything in life. And that's whatI don't like about my generation. I
apologize if this offends anyone, butmy generation is that instant gratification. It's

(43:29):
never going to work. You knowhow many of us can remember Internet taking
too long to start up and weall just sat there and waited. Hi.
I mean my generation, everything hasbeen coming in so quick your life.

(43:52):
How you grow in your life,it's going to be until the day
you die. You will learn somethingnew about yourself, and it may take
you some time to actually implicate,implement, implement, implement it into your

(44:15):
life. I know what my issuesare. Do I try to work on
them every single day? I don't. I try to work on them when
i'm okay, when I know thatit's a big issue that has been consistently
happening. So no, there isno timeframe. And even just just in

(44:39):
kink. If you're an impact player, I think as you being you know,
a heavy impact player, you're stilllearning stuff yourself. And how many
years have you been doing this?The old ass's almost thirty, almost thirty,

(45:00):
almost as long as I've been alive. Yeah, yeah, what is
this October the nineteenth, So we'renot too far away from November twenty four.
Oh yeah, we're in November,November November nineteenth, so next year
will be twenty nine years see,And that's what that's if I can get

(45:23):
anything out there, is take yourtime, because you try to rush something,
someone's going to get hurt emotionally,physically, mentally. And all right,
I have I have a little alittle side story if you don't mind

(45:44):
about how it can mentally fuck youup trying to rush something. I probably
about two years ago, two orthree years ago, was fascinated with orgasm
control, and so Kitty and Idid it the wrong way, and well,

(46:09):
actually I did it the wrong way, and it was it broke her.
It broke her to the point whereshe couldn't orgasm anymore because I would
I would hold that back from herand be like, don't come, don't
do it. And then I realizedone day that it was I broke my

(46:35):
toy. I need to fix it. How do I fix it? And
so it's taken a while, butwe're back to we're back to business as
usual with a little extra help hereand there. Which is another thing.
Don't be afraid of toys. People, Yeah, toys, even if it's

(47:01):
not for you, it's just foryour partner, do it. Do it
for them, because it not onlyis going to help them, but it's
an experiment. It's an experience foryou. I think that was a Freudian
slip talking about toys and experimenting therewith that whole thing, we're going back.
No, no, we're not.We're not talking about pegging right now.

(47:22):
I said, that's for another episode. You're gonna have to tune into
the Two New Dudes to hear aboutthat. So, all right, we've
got just again to a quick recap. We've got this day where we're learning,

(47:43):
we're educating, we're moving along.Things are slow. You've talked about
communication. How big of a roledid communication play in in bringing you to
I don't want to say back together, because I don't know if that was
the case or not, but emotionallyokay, So bringing you emotionally back together,

(48:07):
it was the main thing that neededto happen for any of for us
to still be together. Communication.Communication, communication, Like every single day
we have sort of fallen off ofour scheduled check in times. But early

(48:30):
on and for probably the first coupleof years, it was we'd sit down
every day, you know, aspecific time and we would just talk.
And at one point I had herjournaling, and you know, there's a
perfect example of where I messed upwhere she would journal and I didn't take

(48:52):
the time myself to read it.So she hasn't picked it up since,
which I know is the better wayof her communicating to me. Do I
miss it? I miss it terribly, But I won't get that back until
she feels comfortable, until she feelslike I'm going to take that time.

(49:17):
You see, that's the perfect example. You're if you mess it up,
you got to be willing to bringit back if that's something you really want.
I to this day, I wishI could, you know, get
her journaling again if she's not gettingthe hint right now. That sounds like

(49:43):
it sounds like some communication there isneeded of have you have you earned the
right to be able to make herdo that again? And that's probably a
no fair. When we were inDynamic, there was times where I would
be nearly a month behind, yeah, and catching up on journal entries,

(50:06):
things that I desperately needed to knowbecause that's a good way for her to
communicate. And you know, soI had to stop doing that, and
it got to be my routine towhere most of the times when i'd wake
up, that's how I would wakeup. I'd have coffee and I would

(50:28):
read journal entries or a journal entryafter I got caught up. Granted,
a lot of times I didn't remember, because well, car recks and memory
issues kind of go hand in handwhen there's a brain injury. But you
know, I did my best mostof the time, and that's all you

(50:53):
can do. Yeah, Well,and that's that's a thing that a lot
of people don't understand, and I'mdeaf not referring to Mayfair in this regard.
Don't you love it? Want totalk about you like you're not here,
Mayfair. But you know, peoplewant to say a relationship is fifty
to fifty, and you know,sometimes it's it's sixty forty or whatever,

(51:19):
but no, it's it's one hundredand one hundred. And sometimes you don't
have one hundred percent to give,and that's when the other person has to
pick up the slack and you justhave to try to keep it equaled out
to where you know, hey,today I had to pick up the slack.
Tomorrow they have to pick up theslack. And you know that's that's

(51:44):
a big part of that communication.Because if I'm becoming self aware and having
a bad day and I say,hey, you know it's it's a day
where my chronic depression is really hittingme hard and I'm just not going to
really be in it today. ButI know that we had this thing that

(52:07):
we needed to talk about. Inthis thing that we need to talk about,
we you know, I just needto let you know where I'm at.
Yeah, that's more important because ifsomebody comes to me and says,
hey, you know, this iswhere I'm at today, even though these
things were planned to talk about itthan were to do or whatever the case

(52:30):
may be, and I and I'mtold that they're not there yet, then
the smart thing to do would beOkay, let's table it and talk about
it another day, which I've hadto do with everybody in my life,
from friends to dynamics, to marriage, family, everything. Hell, just

(52:55):
a couple of days ago, mymother called me and you know what's going
on? Thanksgiving? Thanks Like,Mom, it's not a good day for
that. Can we talk about ittomorrow? And Mom, being mom,
tried to push her way through theconversation, and finally I just had to
set a boundary there and say enoughis enough. I love you and I

(53:19):
can't today. Let's talk tomorrow.I'll have more information anyway because of the
whole grocery shopping thing, So Ijust said a word. They're boundaries.
Boundaries is something that is extremely importantin every healthy relationship, and I really

(53:39):
want to dive into how boundaries havehas helped in yours and hopefully get some
examples from you. But before wedo that, I do need to thank
some Patreon producers real quick, becauseit's already five minutes till the hour,
so me do that, and thenwe're going to find out about some boundaries

(54:02):
and also about some splashing or splooshing, whichever you prefer to call it.
All right, So this is culdronscriptDot Comic, episode five seventeen, So
that season five, episode seventeen thatis live. If you want to go

(54:23):
back and see the show notes rightnow, there's just a few things there.
I hope to add some more whenthis comes out to the audio only
version of the podcast. But Ibring that up because there's a list of
our Patreon producers. We're of valuefor value. That means that we don't
take any corporate sponsors. We relyon the people who hear this to hopefully

(54:44):
see some value and then reciprocate thatvalue back to us through time, talent,
or treasure, and the people thatdonate treasure to us on a monthly
or yearly basis do so through Patreonor PayPal. Those links are listed in
the description, and we'll be inthe show notes for the audio only version

(55:05):
of the podcast. There's also amailing address there if your jam is sending
an old school letter gift, whetherthat be monetary or an actual gift like
Mayfair received earlier this year. Anawesome little bil Dee bear love that thing.
But those people that do donate tous executive producers coming in at twenty

(55:30):
five dollars a month, not theDaddy, Shadow of Fox, Juni Corn's
Angel, Johnny Farrell, Ray Webb, Haru Webb, Darling t In and
Sarge Cairo and Exploring Mermaid Senior producersat ten dollars a month. Trouble one
thirteen Alexandria Baby Love and t RexTies Daddy, Steve, Lily kJ Atzila

(55:52):
Ben Trinity Fay. Oh thank youWhattzila. I did receive an amazing gift.
Took her on a motorcycle ride onthe Dragon. It's local here in
Tennessee. It's Highway one twenty nine, very famous for car enthusiasts and motorcycle
enthusiasts. People travel from around theworld just to ride the Dragon. It's

(56:16):
eleven miles long and three hundred andeighteen curves. And she sent me three
beautiful pictures that was taken of uson the bike as we went through the
Dragon. So thank you so muchat Sila for that Ben Trinity, Faye,
m R Ken Hank Gentlemen, sayisLovely Sunshine, Nick and the Plumber

(56:36):
producers at five dollars a month,Kane Send That Place in Oklahoma City,
Hedia, NBR Poodle, Bad DogBad subecs thirteen, Who is Bad Dog,
Bad's Beautiful Slave Catnip Meow, WildTime and Deacon Sean Cheery, Query
Rabbit Archangel, John Shaw, SegmentsShadow, Grizzled Yetti and Joseph Fetish Artist,

(56:59):
Sir Nice Kitten three ninety nine,Neon Dan and Dawn from the Erotic
Awakening Podcast, Black Angel, Sirr J Rosefi, nix O nine Officer
Davis Finn, Peppa, Kinky Ja, Daddy's Princess, Kayla Valfrea and Little

(57:19):
Bear Junior producers at one dollar amonth, k two s O My Very
First Patroon Producer, MORGANA thirteen,Civil Disobedience Rope Officionado, Gator and Gizmo,
Alexa, Ashley Bag and astrod InChains. I also want to give
a shout out to the vendors thatwe know, like Trust News. Again,
these aren't corporate sponsors. There isone coupon code offered. There there's

(57:44):
a list of them down below.Today, I want to point out somebody
who is not on that list,and that would be fetish Artist. Check
him out fetish artist. I believeit's fetish artist dot com. I cannot
put the link think there because Iwill get booted from YouTube or take a

(58:05):
strike from YouTube for that link,but just amazing things. Check it out.
I think fetish Artists has said thatit hasn't been updated in a little
bit if I remember correctly, whichI may not, but yeah, check
it out. There's still things thereand yes, so that's going to do
it along with our contact information isdown below as well. So let's dive

(58:32):
into those boundaries. What well firstbefore I do that mayfair anything yet,
Okay, let's dive into those boundaries. And she doesn't always say a lot,
but when she does, damn yeah, it's she's always want Oh yeah,

(58:53):
that's what I live for. That'sthe only reason I stay till the
end of the episodes. Hey,there's there. Well, thanks, there's
gonna be there's gonna be an episodewhere I rip out all of her final
thoughts from all of the other episodesand just put those in there and then
make her talk about them. Yeah, yeah, but we don't need no

(59:15):
comments from the peanut gallery there,buddy, always always peanut gallery comments.
So what I imagine, and thisis being forward of me, and you
said you don't want to dive intoa lot of detail that morning, and

(59:35):
I respect that, so feel freeto tell me to fuck off with this
question. Okay, But I imaginethat when you were woke up and when
you got woke up to these,to this text or whatever the situation was,
there were some boundaries being laid down. Then is that safe to say?

(59:59):
Yeah? I mean the boundaries,the boundaries that I can confidently say
that we're set where that this doesn'tneed to happen again. I think it

(01:00:21):
was okay, all right, shehad gone through my phone, not trying
to I know, I know thatshe is. She consenting to this being
talked about. You know, it'sit's this is all how it started for
us. So I don't know ifthere is consent. Like I said,

(01:00:45):
I I can't see who's who's inthe chat, if she is or not,
so she can write in shut thefuck up, or I haven't seen
her yet, but she's often veryquiet, so very very quiet. She's
probably getting all read it was theboundaries hadn't been set at that point.

(01:01:07):
She she that the night before hadgone through my phone, which never thought
was going to be an issue,and it actually after that whole incident opened
up for almost less boundaries. Codeto the phone, you know, look

(01:01:30):
through it if you want, wheneveryou want here, answer this text message,
answer this call. You know.That's when she started finding all of
the downloaded porn that I had,you know, saved. But that's that's
never been an issue for us.So it's a hard question to answer if

(01:01:52):
there were any boundaries set after that. I think the boundaries we've been focusing
on a lot, a lot sincewe've learned about boundaries, and I put
those in clothes because you're supposed tolearn about that as a child. But
the majority of the boundaries that wehave mostly put into play on our family,

(01:02:17):
on our friends, on maybe oneor two on ourselves, like personally,
but never with each other. I'mnot saying boundaries with your partners and
a bad thing. It's just forus. It worked out to being completely

(01:02:38):
open, completely you know, here, this is everything, use it at
your expense, it will and youcan we can talk about it. So
I think if anything. The biggestboundary was if something comes up, we

(01:03:01):
need to talk about it. ButI think in a way that the boundary
there also is that we don't needto have the boundaries, if that makes
sense. A locked phone that's aboundary I need to be able to access

(01:03:22):
your stuff because apparently something happened thatmade me have that. So you guys
set the boundary for each other thatwe don't need those boundaries. We need
to be open and share it.Am I close? That's where I was
trying to get to. You know, it's secrets is a boundary? Thank

(01:03:45):
you? It's yeah, I seewhat you're saying and where you're coming from
and where the majority of the boundarieswere set with other people. But you
had to start it home first.And it wasn't that you weren't setting boundaries
or opening things up. It wasthat you were opening things up by setting

(01:04:06):
boundaries. A lot of people thinkthey hear the word boundary and they think
restriction. And it's beautiful to methat what you see is freedom because by
your wording, putting these things intoplace where okay, there's not going to
be any secrets, there's not goingto be anything that will come between us.

(01:04:31):
That is an absolute statement of I'mdrawing the line here, and I
understand why and the need for it, and I agree to it and with
it so that we can have asuccessful relationship. And right now Buffalo Max
is trying to shut his dogs upthat you heard Blue. I'm sorry in

(01:04:55):
the background, so sorry, butyes, yes, I do. I
do feel like if you know whatMayfair is saying too, the boundaries of
freedom is a huge part of it. So if there were any boundaries said,

(01:05:15):
it was to be more open,more free with each other and ourselves.
So how has that progressed over theyou know, four or six years?
Sorry, Mayfard, did you havesomething else? Okay? I thought
I saw you unmut so mix?How did that? How does how has

(01:05:38):
that progressed over time? Because peopleI heard uh in I think it was
my wedding. The the person CaptainHowie that married us shot shout out to
Captain Howie on o Wahoo in Hawaii. He said that, you know,

(01:06:03):
a lot of times, especially preachersperforming weddings, will give a little speech,
a little sermon talking about you knowhow you two. I hope you
two love each other just as muchtoday as or in fifty years from now

(01:06:23):
as much as you do today.And Captain Hollie looked at us and said,
you know, I wouldn't wish thatfor anybody, because to spend fifty
years together and only be as inlove or as committed, or to only
love somebody as much as you didfrom day one to fifty years later is

(01:06:49):
just sad. Means that you haven'tgrown at all. He said. The
fact is one of two things isgoing to happen. You're either going to
grow closer together or you're going togrow apart. So boundaries is the same
way. And obviously you've grown closertogether. But how has this happened?

(01:07:15):
How has how has it progressed?And has there been setbacks? Again,
this is education for other people whohave who are experiencing or who have experienced
the same thing that you went throughand need some advice, They need some
help on this on you know,or what to expect? You know?

(01:07:35):
Right now we're instead of what toexpect when you're expecting what to expect when
you're entering into a kink relationship.Well, I can definitely confidently say the
majority of my setbacks and I specifymine because you know, Kitty, She's

(01:08:01):
just She's an awesome person. Shereally takes everything that she learns and holds
onto it and tries to implement inevery aspect, in every hour of the
day in her life. My biggestsetback is and this is just not just

(01:08:27):
in Kink, but in my Vanillaworld two, it's frenzy. Frenzy is
my biggest setback. I tend toget super excited or super not excited about

(01:08:47):
things, and when it's not anexciting thing, it sits on me.
I tend to start falling into thatdark headspace of this isn't where I want
to be, and then I festeron it and fester on it. Honestly,

(01:09:10):
the advice that I could give iswe all need to just realize that
we're all human beings. We're goingto have those off days, have that
off day, but the next day, try to make it a better day.
Try to make it better for yourself, don't make it better for anyone

(01:09:33):
else. Kitty and I, youknow, we had a third at one
point and a third partner, andmy frenzy was off off the radar to
the point where I was defending myfrenzy to her on a daily and it

(01:09:59):
would keep us up all night arguinginstead of me stepping back and realizing it's
not just me in this there was. I looked at at Mayfair, I

(01:10:20):
looked at my wife. I toldthem both, Hey, you both know
that I'm very susceptible to frenzy,which also makes me susceptible to NRA.
And I relied on them heavily topoint out, Hey, this is,

(01:10:40):
this is how you're acting, thisis you're headed down that path. And
most people who who are quick tofrenzy are quick to experience NRA. Yeah,
and for me, I'm an NRAaddict, Like it is validating to
experience that. I mean, anytimeyou have a new relationship of any kind,

(01:11:06):
whether it's a friendship or whatever,it's going to make you feel good
and depressed people or people will loveself esteems or whatever are very susceptible to
becoming an NRA junkie because it does. I mean, it's very uplifting,

(01:11:28):
very hard to convince that they're insuch headspace. Very hard. Yeah,
and Mayfair free to elaborate on that. Some you would get mad anytime we
said it. You're like, no, that's absolutely not what it is.
Like we some of our major fightswere over some new person, one in

(01:11:51):
particular, who I still have alittle about her, because it was really
weird that, no matter what,she was not willing to meet me or
your wife. And it definitely rubbedme absolutely the wrong way, because if

(01:12:15):
you're gonna jump into somebody like apoly group, you need to be willing
to at least acknowledge the other peoplewho are already there. And I had
a lot of issues with her notbeing willing to even communicate with either one
of us. Yeah, well that'san episode in itself, especially with us

(01:12:41):
practicing kitchen table. And I justcouldn't see it, absolutely not. I
could not see it when you arein frenzy. That is, at least
for me, the most blinding timeof my life. Yeah, because I
just want it to be okay,I want it to be good. I
wanted to everyone to feel what I'mfeeling, and you can't force that on

(01:13:04):
anyone. Yeah, And and tobe honest, I'm pretty sure I was
was this the married one, okay? And see that's that's the thing,
Like, I don't know if thisis blindness or perception on on both of

(01:13:28):
our parts, but I still don'tsee it that way. You know,
I still don't that there was arefusal there and the that's they married one
that was my mistake. Uh well, at the time, she wasn't married,

(01:13:48):
but she was with somebody that sheended up marrying, and uh that
was that was completely my mistake becauseit was confused by outside sources who were
there when we met that she infact did tell me that she was married,
but I was meeting about six newpeople at the same time, and

(01:14:12):
I thought that another one was marriedand the other one wasn't. It was
her And so I basically broke ahuge, huge ethical code of mine because
she was not honest with the personthat she was with. Yeah, still
have shame about that, and whichwe did in episode a couple of months

(01:14:36):
ago about shame. It was mainlyabout you know, being ashamed of your
kink, but it still applies witha lot of what we talked about.
So if you're experiencing shame, Ihighly recommend checking that episode out. But
anyway, so I just point thatout not to be argumentative about the situation,

(01:14:58):
because I would trust Mayfair's opinion ofthat situation that there was a refusal
over my own simply because well,one I trust Mayfair. That just should
be a given at this point.But two, I know the effect that

(01:15:21):
NRA and Frenzy has on me,and part of that is making me blind
to certain things to just about everydamn thing, to be honest. Yeah,
but even this is also is thebeautiful part of us as being humans.

(01:15:41):
We're all different. So what Mayfairsees and what you see when I
see or anyone else is going tobe totally different. Even if we can
all agree that it was the samething, we're all still going to see
three different things. Yeah. Yeah, because at the time I actually saw
it more of a refew usual uhon on Mayfair and the wife's side,

(01:16:06):
m hm, because they wouldn't theevents that I was going to at the
time were at a place that neitherone of them cared to go, and
kind to find out there was thereason why there wasn't anyone coming to dinner

(01:16:27):
was because well she was with herliving boyfriend that become her fiance that become
her husband. But the night wedid agree, she forgot up until like
an hour before that she had hermother's birthday to go to. Yeah,
so an hour before the event thatwhen she found out that that the wife
and I were going to be therethat night, she remembered her she had

(01:16:49):
to go with her mom for herbirthday. Yeah yeah, and at never
sent any communication to Lady Catherine afterplaying at your house for several hours.
Yeah, oh yeah, this isgoing to be a good episode. So

(01:17:12):
see, And that's that's what Iwant people to understand about it. Like,
even though the situation's over, there'sno emotional attachment for me, it's
still there's still a difference of fact. And again, because I know this

(01:17:33):
about myself, it's important for meto rely on the people that I trust,
that I care about and who careabout me, and which would be
Mayfair and my wife in this situation. So yeah, where does that come
into play? More so in thevanilla world for you, Max, the's

(01:17:58):
going back to the boundaries and communication. You said that it has caused you
to make changes even in your personallife with work, but how does this
stuff well, actually, forget aboutthe boundaries, forget about the communication.

(01:18:24):
Stick with the NRA or the frenzy, because that's something that's common too,
is experiencing frenzy with vanilla relationships orjobs or getting a new job and falling
in love with it and then fallingout of love with it and coming to
resent and hate it, you know, after the love has gone away.

(01:18:47):
So does that happen with you aswell? Oh yeah, I just recently
unemployed because the job that I thoughtI, you know, was gonna do
for a long time, the truecolors came out. And I feel like

(01:19:08):
it doesn't just happen for the newemployee. It happened that the nre the
frenzy. It happens to the employertoo. You know, they have a
new shiny you know, a toyto play with, and as the employee,
you sit back and you sort ofignore what's been going on, you

(01:19:30):
know, all of the negative that'sbeen going on. And you know,
at my last job, it tookme breaking my finger to to realize that
management didn't care and the fact thatI had to get to that point of
physical injury and that they had noresponse to that injury. That's sort of

(01:20:00):
where I was like, I fellout of it, you know, Yeah,
I was just digging graves. Butit wasn't just that because I had
to deal with management. I hadto deal with you know, them not
seeing me grow and in any sortof relationship, if the other party isn't

(01:20:26):
seeing your growth in something, yeah, you're gonna It'll take you a minute
like it took me, but itgets to you and then you start really
getting into that depressive state of mindof well, what the hell am I
doing? Yeah, And I wantto use that as a caution to people.

(01:20:47):
It's not always. It wasn't withme. I wasn't a big job
hopper. I've done. I've hada lot of different career paths, but
I will maintain a job for along period of time before I move on
to the next one. And butif you if you look at your your

(01:21:11):
work history and you see that you'rethe type of person who gets into a
new job, you love that newjob. It's the best saying ever.
You're gonna be there until it's timeto retire, and then six months,
a year or two years later,it's it's the absolute worst thing ever.
And every job is like that,like it's wash Rent's repeat. Then,

(01:21:35):
to quote doctor Phil, best predictorof future behavior is past behavior. That's
not just when it comes to jobs, that's also when it comes to relationships
and to the lifestyle and NRA anduh frenzy. You know, it's that
that forensic style of love bombing yourjob, and you know, just a

(01:22:00):
heads up, there's a good chancethat that's that's how you'll be when you
as you progress through the lifestyle aswell. So that's a really good cautionary
tale for people. You can lookat your vanilla life to see how you'll
be in your kink life. Youcan look at your kink life to see
how you'll be in your vanilla life. You know, because you are you,
it's we give our same ourselves thesenames. You know, I'm Caldron,

(01:22:26):
that's Mayfair. This is Buffalo Max, or just Max as I like
to call him, and but wealso have our other persona and sometimes we
get so deep involved into the roleplay of being Cauldron or Mayfair or Max

(01:22:47):
that it can appear that it's twodifferent people in our heads. We because
there's things that we can do.There's a certain freedom that being Cauldron allows
me, and it's it can bedetrimental to our psychiatric health, which leads

(01:23:08):
into all aspects of our life physically, emotionally, mentally. That we've got
to be careful in recognizing that weare all the same person. You know,
within those different characters and those differentrole plays. You know, I've
seen people go so deep into arole play within the lifestyle, like a

(01:23:33):
a kidnapping scene or even a pirateand wench scene, that they when it's
over, it takes them days oreven weeks to kind of come back to
reality from it. And you've gotto be real careful about that. Let
me touch on two comments real quick. Lily Chaos says, boundaries are an

(01:23:57):
area I feel like I've not onlygrown and enforcing but also respecting. Yes,
I agree with that, you definitely, absolutely, It wasn't something I
actually learned when I was a kid. We learned do what you're told,
and that was it. And thenFetish Artist says ge CEO SO General Electric

(01:24:23):
CEO Jack Welsh once said, thereis no such thing as loyalty, only
motivation, which doesn't mean that wehave to be mistrusting, but our established
behavior is where we derive trust,and that's that is so deep that in

(01:24:44):
itself could be an episode. There'sa lot of that that I agree with
and I understand the meaning behind it. There's also parts of it that I'm
like, I'm not so sure Iagree with that or not. But yeah,
I do agree with what you're sayingthere, fetish artist, and with

(01:25:04):
what good old Jack was trying tosay. So I think that it is
important to learn that trust and throughour established behavior, and that that in
itself is done by respecting people's boundarieswithin a relationship. But you have to

(01:25:28):
communicate what those are. So allright, we're coming up on our hour
and a half, and I coulddefinitely talk to you a lot longer about
this, but I know that peoplewould definitely be checking out, so we
will have to catch up on somefurther things later. Mayfair, you just
unmuted, which usually says you've gotsomething to say. We have to know

(01:25:51):
what his favorite kink is. Ohyeah, we don't know what it means
some of us anyway. All right, So sploshing or splashing, splashing splooshes
that never mind, I won't Iwon't get into that, but splashing.
You could hear my rant about splooshingon my podcast. But splashing is.

(01:26:15):
I grew up as a restaurant baby, And if you don't know what that
is, my parents owned a restaurantfor the first fifteen years of my life.
I then took over the family businesswhen I was eighteen and I fell
in love with food and when Ifound out that because like my fantasy,

(01:26:39):
my fantasy growing up being a homeschoolchild was seeing all those those food fights
in you know, high school cafeterialike in the movies and around shows or
whatever, and I never got toexperience that. Now I'm in my I
was in my late twenties when Icame into this. But food play,

(01:27:04):
I like, one of my favoritethings is to turn Kitty into a cupcake.
It's just a lot of different texturedfoods that I like to just smear
all over her. Now that's probablynot how other splashing kinksters will describe it,

(01:27:24):
but that's how I describe it.Messy play. And so yeah,
I play with food because that wasmy childhood dream. It's like the human
table. Oh, I would loveto do that out, Like the food
is all over their body and youjust like eat off of them. I

(01:27:45):
haven't experienced that, but it's morewhat I've done is more humiliation of just
smearing it all over them. Soif this sounds interesting to you, I'm
going to point you in the signdirection that appointed Max all those years ago,
and that is scratched myself there,look Google Vice Yes sp l O

(01:28:15):
O s h I ng and wewere we were in a month. So
those Patreon producers that I mentioned earlierhave access to our private discord group and
we have. Now it's a oncea month monch. During the pandemic,
we were doing it every week andthen we went to every other and now
it's once a month because thankfully peoplehave their lives back. But he was

(01:28:44):
expressing how he liked food play andI had seen this video and I pulled
it up and shared my screen andplayed it for everyone. And it's a
Vice documentary on just that very topic. And you will see a woman getting
putting on or in a bikini,kneeling down in a tub and being covered

(01:29:08):
in food, and that it's atype of sensation play. Food based sensation
play. You can, as Maxsaid, they introduce humiliation or degradation into
the scene whatever. Pretty much,whatever you want to implement into the scene.
It can be a combination of foodand impact or electrical or whatever you

(01:29:30):
want to do. It can prettymuch go along with everything. Now to
me, and I'm not yucking onMax, as young Max knows this,
that is an absolute nightmare for me, because I've said this before. I'm
the guy that cannot stick my handsin my hand into a bag of Cheetos
because it grosses me out when Iget the cheeto dust on the back of

(01:29:51):
my hand. But some people,a lot of people are into food play.
So yeah, if you also wantto remind you, I also want
to remind you. You are theone that got me into wax play.
So so when I can't split splash, I resort to wax play, and

(01:30:13):
I always think about you in themiddle of those scenes. So how can't
you get wax on you? Orhow can you get you can't get food
on you, but you can't getwax on you. It doesn't get on
his hands. I don't get waxon me. I put it on other
people, and I play different thaneven the oil he put gloves on.

(01:30:36):
Oh see, that's all part ofit. When I put that oil on
before I before I paint the waxon, I glove up because I don't.
I just I don't want that.Like using soaps that have moisturizer in
them and they don't leave your handssqueaky clean. I can't stand that.
Like give me the dawn dish soap, so my hands are going to be

(01:30:59):
squeaky clean when I get down washingthem. But I was also a lot
of paper towels. Oh yeah,me too. I was also a germophobe.
Got it. Used to be usedto be a severe germophobe. It's
funny. During the pandemic, Iactually became less of a germophobe. Were
you one of those German not diggingout germophobes? But were you one of

(01:31:20):
those that used to bring your silveryour own silverware at to restaurants? No,
because I didn't want because of socialanxiety. I didn't want the embarrassment
of being sung that way. Iwas very shameful about it. And uh
but I would never eat at arestaurant by myself, got it. I

(01:31:43):
just I still to this day,I don't like doing that. But anyway,
so that's what splashing is. Notto be a very simple term.
Wow, buddy, it's splooge.So all right, well, uh that's
gonna have to do us for today, unfortunately. Again, thank you to

(01:32:05):
all the Patreon producers. If youwould like to become a Patreon producer,
go to culturescript dot com, slash, Patreon, or culturescrypt dot com,
slash PayPal, and uh yeah,thank you so much. In advance,
Mayfair, you haven't said a lot, You've listened a lot. What are

(01:32:26):
your final thoughts on what we've talkedabout. I mean, honestly, it
comes down to communication. Everything I'veheard is just we need to We need
to not just have a better communicationwithin Kink, we need to work on

(01:32:50):
just as a society being able tofucking communicate and be honest about shit.
M h. Don't be afraid tooffend each other and be ashamed of who
you are. Like, yeah,yeah, I agree with that, Max.

(01:33:11):
Since you're the one that lived it, how would you sum it all
up? I mean, the communicationdefinitely on point. But it's not just
with your significant other, your partner, you know the world. Communicate with
yourself, be honest with yourself.If you don't know how to get that

(01:33:34):
education. If you're listening to this, any one of us, you can
find any one of us through Cauldronreach out because if we can't help you,
we know people that can. Andif you don't work on yourself,

(01:33:55):
you're not going to be able towork with other people. Yeah, definitely.
So there's a few things I'd liketo have you back on to talk
about a part of it would bea part two of this where we actually
get into because we failed to addressthe actual title of the episode, which

(01:34:17):
is how It Saved your life andmarriage. I'd like to talk about that.
There comes a point in kinkster's life, every kinkster's life where they feel
compelled to talk to their friends,their vanilla friends about it. I know
what your experience, I know whatyour experience there was. That's something that

(01:34:40):
a lot of people ask me about. And whenever or if ever you were
willing to share your experience with that, that's also a conversation that I would
really love to have to help otherpeople, because there's times when it goes
well in times when it doesn't,and you never know, with friends and

(01:35:06):
family, they will shock you.Oh yeah, one way or the other,
they will shock you. So yeah, I would like to have you
back on to also talk about that, on how to communicate effectively to others
when you feel compelled and usually itis premature that you feel compelled to talk

(01:35:30):
about it. I think you're justtalking to me. No no, no,
no, no, I know Igot my own stories. When it
comes to my own history. Sothere's a few things, a few reappearances
of Max back on the show.Awesome, I'm glad you agree to that.

(01:35:54):
We'll get that set up. Iwant to talk about a special guest
that fetish artist is setting up beforeus Mayfair, and that is Mistress me
A dark a pro Dom is goingto be on the show. We met
her at dom Con I believe,as her website says a six foot three

(01:36:19):
or six foot four cis gender proDom. She's going to come on.
I'm not quite certain having to pindown details of what all we're going to
talk about. Of course we willdive in to her pro experience, her
personal experience in lifestyle and these kindsof things. But everybody has something that

(01:36:42):
they're passionate to talk about, andgiven the experience of her and their respect
level that I have for her,I cannot wait to find out what her
passion is and what she really wantsto educate people on. But that's going
to come soon before the end ofthis year. And yeah, that's all
I know about now, but thatis a lot for me to look forward

(01:37:03):
to. We were supposed to doa book interview. I never reached back
out to them. Mayfair, Idon't know if you ever read that book
or not. I've sent it toyou a couple of times. I still
haven't read it myself. Uh butyeah, all look at the embarrassment.
All right. Well, Max,I hope you, I hope you listen

(01:37:24):
to the end of all those episodes. If so, you'll know what to
do. If not, you'll looklike most who are sitting here and going
big. But this has been masterCauldron and Mayfair and Buffalo Max for couldronscript
dot com unearthed the truth? Byeeverybody,

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