Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to mydungeon. Welcome to Culture'scrypt. I'm your
host, mister Cauldern. If you'renew to the show, we is are
combined thirty four years of BDSM experiencein my twenty years work in the psychology
field. You spell misket, registereotypes, and ans your questions about BDSM.
(00:27):
You can text in your questions andcomments to a six five two six eight
four zero zero five, or visitthe Crypt at cauldronscrypt dot com. In
this episode, we're talking about anew study performed by the makers of the
Kinked that's k I n K dapp. It's a BDSM dating app that
(00:50):
shows sixty eight percent of women whotry BDSM through online meetups are sexually assaulted.
Hello Mate, Fair, Hello Cauldron, how are you doing. I'm
good, you, I'm good.We got to take an extra week off
with it being a fifth Sunday.Last Sunday, got an email making sure
(01:11):
we were okay. So I wantto thank the person that sent that.
Not going to give their name asI don't have permission to, but thank
you for checking in on us.Yeah. I was very happy for that
that extra streaking because I was sickthat entire weekend, and and we had
our annual Halloween party, so yeah, which went well, you were missed.
(01:34):
Had just a very small crowd thisyear. I think there was ten
or twelve of us, but yeah, it was still a great time,
So thank you to those of youwho made it out. And there was
a few people I meant to sendinvitations too that don't live nearby, and
I forgot to get those out andthought about it about an hour before we
(01:55):
started. So brain fog is stilla thing. Anyway, I'm shocked.
I don't know. I can't say. I'm not surprised by the statistic,
not shocked, pissed that this isaccurate. They talked over three thousand people,
(02:20):
and you know, so over twothousand of them, at sixty eight
percent, have been assaulted on meetups. So let's set those rules of loveby
and we're going to jump into this. You may have to excuse my tone
again. This whole topic just piscesme off that we have to talk about
this. So Rules the Love Byebrought to you by Inclusion Woodworks, my
(02:45):
kinky woodworking company. Check it out. Link is down below. In the
description Rules love by role number onesafe saying, consensual and informed role Number
two Kinky. That's k n KIthat comes from the Kinky app. It's
available on all platforms, but itis not a sponsor. It stands for
knowledge No Intolerance, Kindness and integrity, Knowledge No Intolerance, Kindness and Integrity.
(03:14):
That last one is a big onethere and r re number three of
the quote from mister Paul Young's submissionis not about authority and it is not
about obedience. It is all aboutrelationships of love and respect. And we're
going to talk about all three ofthese rules to love by today. As
we get into this, there isa very short article on this that I'm
(03:36):
going to spin through and pull outsome of the key points that is not
in our schedule to discuss as faras things that may fair and I are
going to come up with to talkabout from this article. You can see
the whole article at caldronscript dot comSlash five one six. This is season
(04:00):
five, Episode sixteen, four Novemberthe fifth, twenty twenty three. Oh
tomorrow is the podcast's birthday seven yearsI started at first episode was published on
November the sixth of twenty sixteen,So yeah, happy birthday to the crypt.
(04:20):
I guess that's kind of self serving, isn't it like giving myself a
blowjob or something? But it's likeliking your own post. If you can
give yourself a blowjob, I'm prettysure you'd be a happy person. Yeah.
I've seen people do it before.It's an interesting feat, all right.
(04:45):
So, like I said, Ican't post the link to this article
because YouTube will hit me for that. But you can find it at caldronscrypt
dot com. Yeah, no onecan sensually striking me caldronscript dot com slash
five one six. That site islive now so people can look at it
(05:08):
if they want to. So thisis Yahoo news dot com from the UK.
Sixty eight percent of women have havehad a non consensual experience trying BDSM
by Emily Lavinia. Wednesday, thefirst of November twenty twenty three, a
(05:29):
new piece of research was revealed thata staggeringly high number of women have had
a non consensual sexual experience while experimentingwith a partner keywords they're experimenting. The
research carried out by Kinked, adating app for BDSM and kink enthusiasts,
showed that sixty eight percent almost seventypercent of respondents claimed to have had a
(05:57):
non consensual kinky experience with people theyhad met online who claimed to be into
BDSM. Of more than three thousandwomen who use online dating apps, more
than half said they had the experiencehad experienced a violent or degrading act that
hadn't been agreed upon with prior consent. As BDSM grows in popularity thanks to
(06:24):
kinky dating apps, sex clubs,and movies like Fifty Shades hitting the mainstream,
knowing how to practice king safely ismore important than ever. According to
bed Bible, ownership of BDSM equipmentsuch as ropes and whips has increased,
with twenty three percent having used someform in twenty twenty three, compared to
(06:49):
only fourteen percent in twenty twenty seven. So if you're planning to allow someone
to tie you up because it turnsyou on, it's vital that you feel
safe. Kink arguably is not somethingthat should be practiced with a stranger,
as it requires a level of trustand a clear understanding of your partner's interests,
(07:11):
intentions, and boundaries. However,the Internet is a great place to
connect with like minded people who mightbe into the same stuff as you or
have the same sexual fantasies, andthat's why kinky dating apps work so well
in the diverse landscape of an alternativerelationship dating. These statistics underscore the importance
(07:33):
of constant evaluation and vigilance safety measures, says John MARTINUK, the founder of
Kinked. Our commitment isn't just toconnect individuals with shared interest, but to
ensure that their interaction remains consensual andsecure. I don't know why, because
they there's no way that they canmake sure that it remains consensual or secure.
(08:03):
So that's just signaling right there.No app can do that. I
don't care what kind of background checksthey do and all that, because there's
always the fact that fewer people getcaught at rape or something like that,
(08:24):
then what do get caught? Sosomebody just because it's not on the record
doesn't mean they haven't done it.The king community is serious about safety,
but if you're new to it,how are you supposed to know who is
a safe person to hook up withand who isn't. Well, we're going
to talk about that here in justa minute, or whether someone is being
(08:46):
honest about their level of experience.We're going to talk about that as well.
Yeah, I'm going to stop rightthere in the article. There is
a lot more. I'm going toskip to the very last two paragraphs.
Sixty eight percent is a shocking number. And with BDSM and kink on the
rise in the bedroom and why not, it can be very fun when practice
(09:09):
properly. It's up to everyone takingpart to have a conversation about consent before,
during, and after sex and aftersex very very important, especially if
it was good. You can takeit from good to fucking life shattering amazing
(09:30):
by having a conversation about it abouteach experience that you have with somebody.
The more you have that experience withthem, and the more you talk about
it what you like and you don'tlike, the better it's going to be.
So there is that anyway, ifyou've been impacted, So if you're
listening to this and you've been impactedby the information in this article, or
(09:54):
think that you've been the victim ofsexual assault or rape in the United States,
you could contact National Sexual Assault Hotlineat one eight hundred six five six
four six seven three one eight hundredsixty five six four six seven three.
If you live in the UK,you can contact the twenty four to seven
(10:16):
Rape and Sexual Assault Support Line twentyfour hours a day on zero eight zero
eight five hundred twenty two twenty twoeight eight five hundred twenty two twenty two,
or visit their website to start afree online chat. So there you
go again. Those phone numbers aredown below in the description. It will
(10:41):
be in the show notes for theaudio only version of the podcast, or
you can go to coldscript dot comslash five one six to find that So
mayfair, what do you think?I kind of agree with where Imar is
going with that, Like it soundslike victim blaming, But as a person
(11:05):
who is going to be bottoming forsomeone, you have to take your own
safety into your control. Like youcan't let someone you've just met online two
hours ago tie you up. Likethat's just not smart or safe. Yeah,
what the fuck is wrong with peoplethat thinks that that's safe? Like
(11:30):
no offense to anybody. I've doneit, and I wonder what was wrong
with me? I have a friendwho like she would do that all the
time, and I'm like, tellme, you made it safe, And
of course she never would, andlike she had to like block somebody because
he started stalking her. It's it'sonline dating is incredibly dangerous, especially if
(11:56):
you're seeking out folks who like tolive in edgeplay. Like you can't just
hook up with that. You've gotto like get to know somebody. That's
that's insane. Yeah, I knowyou read this comment. Did you put
it up on the screen? Idid? Okay, I didn't. I
(12:16):
didn't notice it. Uh ay,Oh I'm sorry. I apologize. Chat
room, Hello to the chat room. The third co host of the show,
Oh make bell is here, hadn'tseen you in a while. Subec's
thirteen yay, hello family, badcat. Uh hello, Bess spot he
(12:37):
read just from reading the title.This is what subecs thirteen says. This
doesn't surprise me the whole trying throughonline meetups. All right, So I
want to break down some apps.So you've got Kinked, that's Kate,
I n k D the kink DAP. You've got fet life. There are
(13:00):
Facebook groups. There is the absoluteworst defender of them all, and that's
kick Yeah, the Kinky. Ohgod, there's a time I should have
made a list, and I didn't. But my point here is like going
(13:24):
through Facebook, going through kick thesetraditional chat apps or platforms Instagram and TikTok.
Learning your kink from them, moretimes than not is going to lead
to bad things. I know tonsof people that use them like crazy,
(13:50):
and first off, most of themare extremely in experienced people that claim to
have tons of experience, or they'rethe ones who've been kicked out of their
local community because everyone knows they're abusive, or they think, you know,
(14:13):
you're interested in rope and they're like, oh, yeah, I'll tie you
up and fuck the dog shit outof you. Well, I just want
to be tied up. Oh okay, Well you know I'm a sadist.
No they're not. They're going totie you up, and they're an ist,
but it starts with an R,not an S. So yeah,
(14:37):
I don't. Or I argue withsome of my swinger friends all the time
about the kick app specifically and justhow bad it is, and they love
it. A lot of the swingersthat I know love it for that,
but not the not the the kinksters, sperienced kinksters. Let's see frost Master.
(15:05):
Frostbite says it's sad, but thepredators look for the ones that don't
know what they're doing. Yeah,yeah, they do, and the more
they get comfortable with it, themore they look for anybody, and some
of them start out. Subec thirteensays vetting exists for a reason, but
(15:28):
like Mr said, as far asmaster Frostbites comment says, I have I
had an experienced friend who felt thather need for a kinky connection was greater,
and she ended up having reconstruction surgeryof her genitals after her desperate encounter.
(15:48):
I think if that was anyway,I know of someone that very similar
things happened to. It may bethe same person. This was to master
frost bite Front or no another comment. I can see how someone new may
(16:11):
take more risks they feel it's theonly way to get people to play with
them when they're not known in thecommunity. We'll see that the I think
the biggest problem is that as faras the new people go, is that
they don't know that there's a communityout there. And they also think that
once they take part in a communitythat they're one hundred percent safe. They
(16:33):
they give that they get this falsesense of safety. What do you think
about that? Mayfair add hadn't hardtoday it did. I was reading and
I heard the what do you thinkabout that, but a false into safety.
But I don't with with newbies.If they if they are fortunate enough
(17:00):
to find information that leads them tothe public scene, to the community,
you know, private, private,yet public, that a lot of times
at first they'll feel like, well, just because they're there, they're safe,
and that's not at all true.No, it's I mean, honestly,
(17:26):
unless you know somebody super super well, you're never truly safe. And
even then, even someone you've knownfor years can actually end up hurting you
on person. It could be onpurpose and it could be on accident.
Like kink is not inherently safe.That's why the risk and the not risk
(17:55):
rack s s. See the newone that I can remember from the National
Coalition, Oh p p express itexplicit express consent or something. Yeah,
yeah, but hey, Kristen perkm R oh Andre nice, what's up?
(18:25):
Andre? So it is the sameperson, okay, em R,
thank you. Yeah, that's uha Percussio says, I remember that as
well. It's horrible and some justdon't grasp that fantasy does not twitch toward
reality. Well, yeah, soI remember just when fifty strades first came
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out, and this was like beforeI had ever actually entered the world of
kink, and was I think stillliving in Kentucky, so I definitely hadn't
known any of you guys. Butlike people were talking like, oh,
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they sound like it sounds hot whenyou reach over and he pinches her nipples
and twists, and then these peopleget out here and try it, and
you're like, oh, fuck,that really hurts. Yeah, that's the
point. But like it sounds,there's a lot of issues in like reading
it sounds great and you think youwant to do it, but then the
(19:33):
reality is you don't like the painas much as you thought you would.
And if you go through a sitelike a dating app and you just hook
up with somebody, they may notbe they odds are not good that they
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care and will stop when you say, hey, actually I don't like that
it hurts. Yeah, And youknow, there used to be back back
in my younger days, consent wasa thing, but it was not such
(20:15):
a thing. I've talked about itbefore. I'm not going to get into
it again, but it used tobe that when Hell, when I first
started the show, it was onein three, So out of out of
(20:37):
that three thousand people, it wouldbe about a thousand people within the first
five years would have their their hardlimits violated. Now that's that could mean
that they get that that's being spankedas a hard limit and they they got
(21:00):
spanked right, which to some couldtranslate as a sexual assault. But this
specifically, this Kinked survey was specificallyabout sexual assault, not just hard limits
being broken. Seventy percent. We'renot doing our jobs. If it's supposed
(21:27):
to be each one teach one,then where are we failing? Like?
How are we not getting the wordout better? Those kinksters that I know
that are on kicked in all theseother apps? How we're not getting the
(21:53):
word out Maryville kinksters, Maryville areakinksters want my home group? You know,
most of the groups in the areadon't allow people to just go on
there and post bullshit for hookups.But one particular person will not allow those
(22:17):
types of posts to be banned.I don't know their reasoning. I've never
talked to them about it. Iwish they would ban them and put in
some education in the notes, youknow that tells people about why they're not
(22:37):
allowed and what's you know, what'sgoing on? Jackie says, I suspect
these numbers are deceptive in one particularway. I don't think sixty sixty percent
of doms out there are violating limits, but rather most subs are being violated
by a few repeat offenders in thecommunity, and I can see where there
(23:03):
would be some repetition in there.However, I disagree that these numbers are
really all that deceptive. And thereason why is that I that I disagree
with that is because of talking topeople and the messages that I get,
(23:23):
and you know, from here,the UK everywhere. I just I knew
it was worse than that one inthree with the hard limits. But you've
got a bunch I mean, thinkabout it. You've got people who are
(23:45):
not on fat life, probably becausethey don't know that it exists. They're
not which means that they're probably notgoing to their local play spaces or munches
or things like that. So they'reon all these apps, which really are
hookup apps. I mean they mayhave a kinky theme, but they're just
(24:11):
hookup apps, tender whatever, kink, I don't care if it's kinked or
kinky app or or whatever. They'renot getting the education. They're not they're
not understanding that this kind of stuffcan happen. They're allowing themselves foolishly to
(24:33):
be put in these situations. Thatdoesn't mean that they're responsible for being rape.
That means they're responsible for being anadult and getting education and figuring the
shit out. And that is thatthere's a lot of people out there that
want what they want, they don'tgive a fuck what they're going to do
(24:53):
to get it. And Yeah,I'm going to have a lot more foul
language today than normal obviously because thispisses me off. What you got there
may fair. Subec thirteen said shewould agree. It's not the actual doms,
it's the people thinking BDSM is aboutbeating someone and just getting to do
(25:17):
whatever they want. And like youmentioned, if they're not on fet life,
they don't know it. The otherside of it is that every time
they get on fet life, peoplecall them out because they're like, oh,
this person's a repetitive abuser. Whereasthese apps like that can't you can't
do that, like you can't marksomeone, you can't flag them as hey,
(25:38):
this guy's abusive and let other peoplesee, you know, like fet
life, we can all post aboutsomebody we know is abusing the community.
These apps, I can't. Imean, obviously I don't know. I've
never actually opened any of them,but I can't imagine that they actually allow,
(26:00):
you know, someone to say negativethings about the person on there,
like you can't in fet life.So like there's there's just no ability to
be called out on these apps.So yeah, I go on. I
own the domain bds vetting dot comand I've been trying for years to get
(26:26):
that built where you could actually goon there and rape people and it would
link in with people's fet life profilesand other app profiles and you go in
and you you you publicly rate them. And if people were being publicly rated
like that, it would cut alot of this ship down because they would
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know, you know, and ofcourse there's a whole respond process where the
person would get to respond to that. And it's a huge, huge app
to try to do. Yes,it's a rating site. That's exactly what
(27:11):
it is. It's Yelp for kingsters. Yes, exactly, it's exactly what
it is. Thank you Jack.If we're looking specifically at people trying BDSM
through online meetups, the number isdefinitely higher than sixty eight percent, is
(27:33):
what subex thirteen says, I can'timagine random hookup site being safe. Yeah,
I mean or not. It's justthe comments. If you are listening
to this through the podcast, goback to YouTube. But there are so
many comments coming in, not goingto have a chance to go through them
(27:57):
all, but they are all amazingthing, So please jump over the YouTube
channel and check that out. There'sa link down below or in the show
notes for that. So all right, I've bashed on these these sites and
I cannot I don't know. Mymind won't let me get away from it.
(28:19):
I'm kind of having tunnel vision rightnow because these are the primary focus
and the reason, uh at leastfrom the from the overview in the big
picture. But what we have todo is focus in on the people that
are using these And I know thatI've got listeners that are not or that
(28:47):
we have listeners that are not juston fet life the or that that are
not on fet life at all,and they use these apps. And I've
heard stories and maybe that's just thenature of the beast is people want to
contact me and ask for advice orwhatever because of these horror stories. What
(29:07):
I've never had is somebody contact meand tell me that it's good. So
it's going to be skewed to onedirection. I get that, right,
But at the same time, understandthat people are wanting to hook up and
that's what they're for, and theythink men who are not part of the
(29:30):
community, which are going to bemost of the people that you will meet
on these hookup apps outside of fetlife, let me tell you exactly what
they think about you, ladies.You're a slut, you're a whore,
you don't give a shit what peopledo to you. You have no self
(29:52):
worth, and you're there strictly fortheir pleasure because they're the dom and you're
this noess up or they're the masterand you're the slave, and they are
not a dom. They are nota master. And if you like bedroom
kink, uh, and that's reallyall you're into is bedroom kink, which
(30:19):
is there's nothing wrong with that.That's the majority of people. But if
that's what you are, then okay. So you might be a sexual submissive,
or you might just be a bottommeaning that you'd like to have the
things done to you, or youcould be a switch, which is what
(30:42):
most people are. But to mostof these guys on hookup apps, you're
you're just a dirty, fucking horn. I don't mean that in a good
way. There's a good way tosay that and a good way to mean
(31:03):
it. In the kinky world.These people aren't in the kinky world.
They're in the vanilla world doing bad, hateful things. Yes, I have
realized, Mayfair, I'm preaching,so almost shut up for me. You
got something. I'm just pissed,man, This just fucking pisses me off.
Like, Ohia preach, she postedthat before you even said, yeah,
(31:33):
I know I'm preaching. I mean, unfortunately, we know predators are
always going to be there. Asa person who is gonna be putting that
vulnerable position, you have to dobetter about making sure you're not putting yourself
(31:55):
somewhere. And I know, likeas women, it's especially for females,
it's you can't walk down this alleyat night. You can't do this,
But like, that's the world welive in and it doesn't go away.
Online. Those creepy guys who youcan't go walking down the dark alley pro
(32:15):
they're they're online too. And youknow we talk about all the ways to
stay safe when we're walking alone atnight. You know, don't play with
your phone, hold your keys inyour hand, don't be digging through your
purse, keep your hair down soit's harder for them to grab. Like
you need to think, like somebodyneeds to come up with some maybe we
(32:37):
need to like brainstorm as as thecrypt and be like, okay, what
are some online safety things to tellpeople that we need to start trying to
get out, just like the crapwe have to tell each other walk into
a parking lot. Yeah, aslike Percussio said, are commented in the
(33:00):
chat about when she flew out tomet a couple, to meet a couple
pre nine to eleven, when youcould actually go to the gate to meet
somebody coming off a plane, andher mom literally taped a credit card to
her shoulder or with a credit cardor a phone card, one or the
(33:21):
other in case she ran into trouble. I'm guessing a credit card. I'd
have to scroll back and read it, but yeah, so a credit card
and people just look the education systemtoday are around where we live Mayfair,
(33:45):
it seems like kids are smarter butdumber than when I was a teenager,
Like teenagers now and people in theirearly twenties, they seem like in some
ways, they're a hell of alot smarter, but in general, like
thought process of common sense, whichI understand is common sense is not common
(34:12):
but they seem like there's so muchdumber. And I know I'm generalizing here,
but that's actually one of the thingsthat I've talked to some of the
tea in Giers in our area about, And there's a couple of them that
were pissed because I suggested that,and some of them are like, oh
(34:35):
hell yeah, yeah, No.Most of the people my age are pretty
fucking stupid when it comes to commonsense. So again, this is just
an opinion, and I say thesethings out of concern, like why is
it so damning culturally to think aboutyourself and to consider that bad things might
(35:04):
happen to you? Yeah? Morenaive? There you go, more naive.
I don't know. Maybe it's allthe helicopter parents from my generation that
are raising the kids now in Mayfair'sgeneration. What do you think, Mayfair,
I mean, accountability is probably abig portion of it. Do you
(35:30):
know that word's been canceled? Right? I don't give a damn Along with
work ethics, you can't talk aboutaccountability or work ethic, both of those
things have been canceled. Oh maybethat's part of the problem, along with
personal responsibility that's been canceled as well. You are responsible for the situations you
(35:52):
put yourself in, and if youmake dumb decisions, you get dumb consequences.
Mm hmm. And I think weneed to to, you know,
let people fail when they're younger,like, hey, don't climb on that,
(36:14):
You're gonna fall. Oh wait,you Phil, I bet you want
to do that again, and youknow then you've learned that, hey,
actions have consequences. Mm hmm.Yeah, Sorry, my aditi is hitting
in my being pissed off. Jackiesays, it's two groups of offenders,
(36:37):
and thank you for pointing this out, Jackie. This was actually one of
the things that I wanted to getto and I wasn't going to I completely.
It's two groups of offenders, thosewho are really kinksters in the kink
world and those who are untrained,not in our world, garade as experienced
(37:00):
kinkstures. Both are dangerous in theirown way. Yes, and that's why
I said earlier when I was talkingabout not being safe, not being one
hundred percent safe. Once you finallyget you know, bring yourself. To
the point of going to the munchesand going to the local play space is
(37:24):
because there are still those prayers outthere. We just our local play space
just put into place their first facilityban of someone and I got the message.
I think it was last night becauseI'm in the leadership group or the
(37:45):
host group whatever it is for ourlocal event center. And you know,
it's creepy and it's somebody that apparentlydeserves it according to what read. I
don't know them, don't know thesituation, hadn't vetted the situation myself.
I don't throw any public parties.If I throw a party, it's private,
(38:08):
so I don't have to worry aboutthat particular person anyway. But yeah,
you people, please be more careful. There's a link for this this
person, what is it coldronscrypt dotcom slash episode slash five one six.
(38:34):
Slash five one six is where youcan find it. We can't share the
link because you two gets angry.Yeah, yeah you can if you go
to colderscript dot com slash five onesix, which that link is down below
in the description. Uh, itwill take you to the show notes which
(38:58):
has the full UK Yahoo article andyou go to that, and then there's
links there for the Kinked app.It's actually a little bit of a pain
they ask to find as far asthe actual Kinked survey, but it is
(39:21):
there. Uh where was that post? A dark Alley training center for online
offline transitional meetups? Mr says,I teach the people I mentor to use
(39:43):
their SOS app on their phones whenthey go to kink meetups and events.
Excellent. Yeah, now we're goingto get We're getting into these things other
than just preaching about how unsafe theworld is and how people some people can't
seem to understand that, whether itbe due to naivete or whatever. And
(40:04):
when I say that, I knowI'm sounding harsh. I don't mean it
that way. I promise I'm nottrying to offend anybody. I'm passionate about
this because I care. As Percussiossaid when we first got started on this
topic, preventing this abuse is theexact reason why I started the show seven
(40:27):
years ago tomorrow. So I'm notYeah, the banning at the ec oh,
where was the banning? Where wasthat posted? That was in the
group leadership chat. It's it's notpublic knowledge, so they're They're not putting
(40:59):
it out there for everybody. They'rejust they've just said to everybody that hosts
parties here, this person is notallowed on property. I think we've focused
a lot on like the danger itis to be the bottom in the situation,
(41:20):
But I also think we need tomention that you can also run into
predatory submissives. So as the domyou, it may not be the same
kind of abuse. It could bethey out you or try to take financial
take advantage of you financially. Butthat is also a risk of going online
(41:45):
because there are predatory subs who havebeen banned for similar reasons that predatory doms
get banned. So it isn't justdangerous for one side of the slash,
can be dangerous for both well.And and this focused on this particular survey
(42:06):
focused on women. They are alsogoing to do a survey on men.
On the male. The penis hadnot men, but the penis having people
about being submissive and how often.And I'll be honest with you, women
(42:32):
dominant women get pissed off at mefor saying this, I'm gonna say it
anyway, So go ahead and fireup whatever email app you use. It's
master cauldron at gmail dot com oryou can find it just Cauldron Cauldron on
(42:52):
fet life. So get ready.But if it's honest and they do the
survey from the instead of the vaginahaving side, the penis having side,
Yeah, exactly, I'm about tostart some shit, they will find just
(43:15):
as far as boundaries go and assaultgoes, more female dominance violate hard limits
than male dominance. Do. Youdon't hear about it as much because there's
fewer female dominance. You don't hearit about it as much because for most
(43:43):
male submissives, having certain boundaries shatteredis in fact part of their fantasy.
Though it's not C and C becausein their mind it is. In their
mind it's see and see, butin reality it's not because it was never
(44:05):
actually consented on. It was justthe non consensual part. It just also
happened to align with their fantasy.And men will men deal with that differently
than women do. Just a fact, psychological fucking fact. And again that's
going to piss people off, butI don't. I'm I'm not here to
(44:27):
give a shit if people get pissedoff. I'm here to care about those
people who are being abused. Jackiesays Caldron. This has been true in
my experience. I've never had astranger male dom grab me out of nowhere
or get in my lap, butI've had multiple pro lady doms do that.
(44:52):
Thank you, thank you. AndJackie comes from one of the big
gest scenes in the United States andin the world, so thank you so
much for backing me up. Shehas tons and tons of experience. And
(45:14):
uh, yeah, it's it's likeyou said, they're playing to the fantasy
of taking charge but without negotiating negotiation. Yeah, it's more Uh, why
is this not? Oh mayfair?Thank you? And I were fighting on
posting a comment. We'll go aheadsince you wanted to throw it up there,
(45:35):
said uh, and I was thinkingthe same thing, but I was
debating on calling it out. Butit's more of an embarrassment for men when
they're violated, and that goes that'slike just like not even kink related,
Like men don't even report rape morethan women don't report rape, and women
(45:55):
already don't report rape, but likepeople believe men so much less than women
because well, you're the big strongman, Like how were you raped?
How did you get take an advantageof you could have just pushed her away,
you know, to that point.I've had I've had uh, several
(46:21):
male submissive friends, and there's Iguess it's just the beatdown of taking a
heterosexual male and forcing them to performoral on another man. That just turns
dominant women on h But I knowthree just since twenty sixteen, since coming
(46:53):
back into the scene, I knowthree who have basically been mouth raped completely
non consensually. It was a coercionmanipulation one of them. I mean they
(47:21):
were completely tied up and uh yeah, it was blindfolded and was told to
open up and next thing they knewthey were taking somebody's load that was standing
there and working it up and jerkedoff in their mouth. I really probably
would have been it. Yeah,ma, no, you do something.
(47:49):
Somebody does that shit, I'm gonnabite it as hard as I can,
put your teeth through flesh until youfill teeth again. See master Frostby says,
also seems that male subs are treateddifferently than female subs. Yeah.
Yeah, it's more of an embarrassment. Yep, you went over that one.
(48:15):
Jackie says, you have very sadthat so many male survivors find after
being violated, that there is nota support system for them, or that
they should feel ashamed or emasculated.Sexism hurts us all, thank you,
It does. It does. I'mnot a feminist, I'm not a chauvinist.
(48:40):
I'm a humanist. Give everybody therespect that every human deserves. WTG
mayfair way to go. I saidI would bite it off basically, Yeah,
I'm sure. All right, Soyou guys have listened to us rant
(49:05):
about this, or you listening tothe podcast. You've listened to us rant
about this and me being pissed off, and now I'm starting to come down.
My adrenaline really coicked hard there fora minute. So I'm going to
get into that ere sounding version ofmyself. How do you prevent this?
(49:25):
Well, other than barking things atyou, we're going to talk about how
to actually prevent this. Uh yeah, Jackie, you are on a roll
today. I've missed you being herefor the lives. I love it when
you pop in, I love itwhen everybody pops in. Hell Master frostbite.
(49:49):
I don't think we've had fifteen presentfor a while. Yeah. Yeah,
now, well it's a big topic. A bad cat. Oh,
I missed a bad cat comment says, I've scene of fat life on fat
Life people being called out that seemedunfair and know of allegations that I know
were false. Yeah, I meanthat that does happen, absolutely, but
(50:14):
you still have like the people whoknow better, they can still post like,
hey, I was there, Isaw it. This person is lying.
Like we had one person who's likebanned from everything now that they did
that. They said that they wereviolated, and in the middle of the
play spase. Yeah, and thateverybody everybody who was there, Like,
(50:37):
dude, you asked for all ofthat, Like you went crawling over there
and you did it. Like youcannot say you didn't want it. Nobody
even asked you to do it.You just like like, hey, I'm
going to do the thing. Yeah, yeah, and go ahead. I
was just having the ability to putscenarios out there for people to see good
(51:04):
and bad, like that helps someonenew make that decision. M hmm,
Like, oh, maybe maybe Idon't meet this guy alone the first time.
Maybe I wait and we'll do likegroup activities for the first few times,
and then maybe we'll see it justgives you more information. Yeah,
well, And also, I meanthe false allegations, and they do happen.
(51:31):
They are prevalent in the BDSM community. Due to this, the psychological
nature of a lot of the peoplewho now flocked to the scene, which
that used to be different. WhenI first started the show, I said
that the psychology of those who arein the scene is not unlike the rest
(51:54):
of the healthy population for the majority. Now that has changed because of this
massive influx the majority of the scene. And I'm going to catch ship for
this and risk being canceled. Idon't care, because it's true. The
(52:16):
majority of the scene is now.It's now filled with people who suffer from
different types of mental illness, whetherit's anything as mild as you know which
mild to major chronic depressive state,social anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or
(52:40):
other personality disorders supposed d I Dor in real D idea which if you
know what that stands for, thenyou're either shaking your head yes or no,
and you've had to deal with it. For those of you who don't
(53:01):
know what that is, the ideais dissociative identity disorders. Now what is
grouped in as a multiple personality disorderor what used to be that that no
longer technically exists in the DSM asa diagnosis. It's now gone to dissociative
identity disorder, which encompasses that anda lot of other things. And that
(53:30):
dissociative state is something that I seevery frequently. It is actually part of
BDSM for a lot of people.If you like a cathartic scene, then
typically you will dissociate a little bitas your chemistry gets going, and then
(53:50):
you know you're in a very vulnerablestate and you need to be doing this
shit with somebody that you can trust, not somebody that you just fucking met.
And I love pick a play,but I don't do pick up play
in private, like that's not goingto happen. I need the safety of
(54:10):
being at a club around others whereother people can see it, because if
there's any allegations, I need peoplethat's got my back to say no,
that didn't happen, or that willhave their back and say, yeah,
he hit me on the calf andI told him that I'm about to have
(54:36):
surgery on my achilles tendon and theycan't have my calf hit because it hurts
too damn bad. And he didit anyway, you know it's for the
protection of everybody involved. And youknow you mentioned I didn't touch on this
a minute ago, but you mentionedpredatory subs. I've been dealing with two
(54:57):
predatory subs for the past two years. You're gonna half two years, and
that is just some goddamn bullshit.I'm not going to get into it other
(55:22):
than that, other than to saythat that is something that can absolutely ruin
a person, and a lot oftimes that becomes their goal is to ruin
a person, whether it be throughtwisting the truth or completely lying, whatever
(55:47):
the case may be. That's alsosomething that people need to understand and watch
out for if you're on if youare on the top or dominant side of
the slash. All right, onceyou got Mayfair, I know you're reading
those comments. See Sebek said,I think the biggest factor is in preventing
(56:15):
is knowledge of what BDSM really is, of yourself and of the people you're
playing with. Absolutely, we havepeople drop off After I said that.
Mr says, we get so manypeople who aren't stable because we as kinksters
have advertised ourselves as inclusive. Hugemistake on our part. Well, Mr,
(56:43):
you're my hero. You're also onthat I don't give a fuck what
people think, bandwagon, but that'sso true. We do not need to
include those who are mentally unstable.They need to get help, and we
if we were better people and notso afraid to hurt their feelings, that's
(57:04):
the direction that we would send themis to get help first. Then while
you're you're you're better, sure,but the second that you're not doing well,
or if you never get to thepoint of where you're safe, then
(57:25):
we're going to continue to keep youaway from the scene. But we don't
do that. It's oh, you'rebeing discriminatory, discriminatory. Uh, you're
you're this, you're that, you'reyou're fucking canceled, and yeah, anyway,
go ahead, mayfair. I mean, honestly, getting into the scene
(57:49):
is what kind of sparked me togo to my therapy. I hadn't ever
went to therapy until you know,I got involved and it was like,
I need to addressed some of theshit. Like so I don't I don't
one hundred percent. I think agreethat we just need to close the door,
but we need to be like,okay, look you can get help
(58:15):
if if if you took from that, I think we need to close the
door. I made a mistake,because that's not what I meant it kind
of as a person who was like, well, shit, when I got
here, I I had issues thatwere very much untouched. I can't even
say in result, because fuck,I didn't even know what the issues were.
(58:37):
I thought I did, But yoursweren't dangerous for other people. That's
true. That's what I'm talking aboutis those who are dangerous to others because
of their inability to control their borderlinepersonality disorder and their attention seeking behavior and
shit like that. Sorry, no, I just I was like, hey,
(59:00):
I felt like I was like,wait, no, Well you know
what, if you felt that way, then other people felt that way,
so I'm thank you for speaking up. It was like, we just need
to encourage these people to get thehelp, like, hey, we'll be
happy to play, but I needto see some progress. Like because that
was I mean, that was basicallywhat happened with us. You were like,
(59:22):
okay, no, we're we needyou. I need you to get
some help because this is a thingthat I can't touch, and until you're
working on that, we can't goforward. And I think that's that.
You know that it didn't make meget help, but it gave me incentive
(59:42):
to get help because I thought Ihad it well under control. Yeah,
this is how she rephrased. Iwas about to point that out. Go
ahead, so em R, becauseI don't I know both well. I
(01:00:04):
don't know EMR super well, butI don't think either one of you guys
were being like, Okay, getthe hell out, but like it felt
that way as a person who Sothis is her response, she says,
let me rephrase that there are unstablepeople who feel that they don't have to
take their ends and see the communityis their therapy group and safety in it.
(01:00:27):
And yeah, I'm more on board. I just I was feeling a
little like, eh, yeah,sorry. And those who feel that it's
their stage and that they should ownthey own it. And I'm not this
time. I'm not talking about peoplewho come in trying to be leaders and
rule the community with an iron fistand that shit. I'm talking about people
(01:00:51):
who come in and think that everybody'sattention needs to be put on them.
But and we're not off topic here. All of this is abusive. All
of this is painful for those whoare on the receiving end. Of it,
and all of this is the samenon consensual type thing. Sixty eight
(01:01:16):
percent of women sexually assaulted new toBDSM. My apologies to you Mayfair.
Thank you for correcting me. MR says, I love you. I
wasn't like I just felt a littleoften and that doesn't seem like what you
(01:01:37):
guys are saying. Yeah, no, I'm glad that well. Emar and
I are obviously both very thankful thatyou pointed that out, because here's the
thing, you and I could havetalked about that once we ended the episode
today and gotten it straightened out.However, if you didn't speak up,
which is something that you wouldn't havedone five six years ago, thank you
(01:02:01):
therapy. But other people who listenedto this, who felt like you did
from what Mr and I said,probably would stop listening and wouldn't come back
because they felt that they felt thatthey were being attacked And just like you
(01:02:24):
know me talking about Bordline personal disorder, people may that listen to this if
they have BPD, they may thinkthat I'm attacking them and I'm not.
I'm not at all attacking them.There's you know, like in the intro
my twenty years of experience working inthe psych field. I worked at an
(01:02:45):
impatient hospital. If you're new tothe show, I worked at an impatient
hospital psychiatric hospital for many, manyyears, and I treated everything from addiction
to severe almost terminal schizophrenia. Andif you don't think schizophrenia can be terminal,
(01:03:07):
wow it You know when when youdon't take your medication, or when
it's progressed so bad that you knowyou're completely there's no hope before bringing you
back to reality, and you setyour house on fire with yourself in it
(01:03:27):
because you know you're trying to killall the bugs or the aliens or the
government cameras that are where they're spyingon you. You know that kind of
thing. That's when it's it's it'ssymptoms of the disease that become terminal,
not the illness itself. But I'mnot picking on anybody with any mental illness.
(01:03:54):
I have chronic depression, social anxietyused to be debilitating social anxiety.
I'm just pointing out that these typesof behaviors there is treatment for them.
The behaviors don't make you a badperson. However, with that said,
(01:04:15):
you're not you're not particularly a greatperson. If you know that you have
a problem, and you don't seektreatment for it. Unfortunately, that is
part of the disease. H.No, not that particular disorder. Some
(01:04:40):
of them, some of them yes, some of them yes, and those
I'm not referring to. But youknow, it's growing up. Say,
say if I grew up in ahouse where which I did, where it
was husband beats wife, and Inever learned that that was not okay.
(01:05:02):
And I met a woman who grewup in a house where husband beats wife.
So both of us come from thatenvironment and we never had any education
whatsoever on husband beating wife not okay. So we date, we get married,
(01:05:23):
we have kids, husband beats wifethe whole time, and then all
of a sudden we move to adifferent community where husband beats wife is not
okay, and we come to understandwhy it's not okay. So culturally it
(01:05:45):
was fine before, it should befine now except for I've learned. And
once you come to that point ofunderstanding, that moment of enlightenment that husband
beats wife is not okay. IfI continue to do it, if I'm
not seeking help to prevent it,then I'm a piece of shit. I'm
(01:06:06):
a bad person. That's what Imean by that. It's not I'm not
doubting anybody with mental illness. Imiss working in the psych hospital so much
and helping people and being compassionate.I'm a very compassionate person, which may
surprise some people, but I truly, truly am. The Syke filled my
(01:06:33):
greatest pleasure, my greatest honor.I actually can't say pleasure, but my
greatest honor in life was to beable to help God in ten years,
seventy thousand patients in just ten years, because we saw seven thousand patients a
year and I saw basically every singleone of them, teaching classes and whatnot
(01:06:58):
on anger management and stuff like that. But anyway, sorry, I just
if you know, we get alot of new listeners coming and going and
whatnot, so I wanted them tounderstand, Uh, if if they were
new, they haven't heard that before, what next? My fair perk says,
(01:07:25):
there, those those of us thatare deep diving lifestyle, we have
a lot of personal introspection that isn'tmainstream transparency, so we can appear more
educated. Appearing educated can get youoverlooked because society can be society be hellish,
and we are not the low hangingfruit. I don't know that I
(01:07:48):
understand what you're saying, love,but the add is strong for me today.
No, I'm struggling with that too, like I get it kind of.
But yeah, all right, soI think we've reached a good point
(01:08:08):
here. I'm one to do thequick shout out to all the Patreon producers.
We are a value for value podcast, which means that we don't take
any corporate sponsors. Nobody pays usanything except for people who find value in
what we do, and they reciprocate. They send value back to us,
whether it be time, talent,or treasure. You can make a one
(01:08:30):
time, a monthly, or yearlydonations The links are down below through either
Patreon or PayPal, or sending anold school snell Mill gift whether it be
monetary or physical. But the peoplewho do this yearly and monthly. Executive
producers coming in at twenty five dollarsa month, not the Daddy at Shadowy
(01:08:55):
Fox, Juni Horn's Angel, JohnnyFerrell, Ray Webb, Hurry, Web,
Darling, ten Sarge, Cairo,and Exploring Mermaid Senior producers at ten
dollars a month. Trouble one thirteenAlexandria, Baby Love and t Rex Ties,
Daddy, Steve, Lily kJ Otzila, Ben Trinity, Faye, m
R Kenhawk, Gentleman, Sadist,Lovely Sunshine Nick and the last one is
(01:09:20):
the Plumber in the ten dollars category. In five dollars, we got Caine
Sen that place in Oklahoma City.Thank you, Miter Hey, Dia,
mbr A Poodle, Bad Dog,Bad Subex thirteen Catnip Meow, Wild Time
and Deacon Sean Cherry Query Rabbit Archangel, Johnshaw, Segment Shadow, Grizzled Yetti
(01:09:42):
and Yosa, Fetish Artist, Sirb Nice Kitting three ninety nine, Neon
Dan and Dawn from the Erotic Awakeningpodcast. That's another great podcast if you
knew and you've never listened to that. They I think they were the first
kinky podcast that come out still goingstrong fifteen sixteen years later something like that.
But I highly recommend them. Greatpeople with tons of information. Black
(01:10:08):
Angel, Sir r J Risufi,Nicks O nine Officer, Davis Finn,
Peppa, Kinky J, Daddy's Princess, Kayla Valfreya and Little Bear twenty two
Junior Producers is a dollar a monthk, Twoso, MORGANA thirteen, the
Little Disobedience Rope, Officionado, Gatorand Gizmo, Alexa Ashley meg and astrod
(01:10:31):
In Chains aka Jacque Alexa Stop.There's also a list of vendors that we
know, like Trusting News. Ireally need to update that list and grow
that list, but yeah, thereis that. All right, So thank
you so much again. If youhave ever considered donating to the show,
(01:10:58):
now is definitely the time to doit. As I was in a rather
difficult situation last year, had anaccident at work, not my fault,
and yeah, benefits are ending.I can't go back to work due to
physical disabilities, and yeah, soI do greatly appreciate all the support that
(01:11:26):
we get. Thank you so much. Well, I might as well have
just pulled up a sign in atin can and started rattling out huh oh,
that's embarrassing. I won't do thatagain. Mr clarified what Perk was
saying, and it's basically, she'sthe more you know, the less the
(01:11:53):
predators want you. Well, actuallyI don't think she means just predators.
Yeah, probably M trying to beyeah, trying to be positive with it.
But that's what I thought Perk wassaying, but I didn't want to
just take a guess. So thereason that it's more than just predators is
(01:12:18):
because there's people who become intimidated ifa sub has more experience and more knowledge
than them, which I got tosay, that's not a very dominant trade
to become insecure or something like that. It's not very dominant trade at all.
What's even worse is the domineering typesthat would like to take Perk behind
(01:12:43):
the shed and and teach her theirone true way, one two way.
We're going to do an update onthe Leather scene and Old Guard and I'm
definitely mr going to call on youand Perk if you too would fill up
(01:13:06):
to coming on and talking about itwith me and having a round table conversation
about that. So just a littleupdate for the future. All right,
Well, I think we've been atit for an hour and fifteen minutes.
(01:13:29):
Normally would go an hour and ahalf. But Master frost By says a
cauldron don't feel bad. Unlike peoplebegging for money, you were doing something
for it. You're providing value inexchange. We appreciate all you do.
Thank you so much. I appreciatethat I missed you being around. I'm
(01:13:54):
glad you're back. All right,mayfair anything else? Final wrap up,
final thoughts anything. It is yourresponsibility to manage the risks you take.
No app can do it, noperson can do it for you. You
(01:14:16):
have to hold yourself accountable to keepyourself safe, no matter what slide is,
the slash year on what you're lookingfor, your safety is and should
well it should be your top priority. But it is your responsibility to take
care of yourself. Yeah, myfinal thoughts. I'm going to touch on
(01:14:41):
a few comments here, but firstI need to say that if you are
now, if this is your firsttime listening, thank you for taking steps.
I'm always open to having a conversationwith people, whether it's something that
we agree on or not. Ifwe disagree, If you want to be
constructive in your feedback and have aconversation, I welcome that again. Just
(01:15:06):
email me Master Cauldron at gmail dotcom or Ryan at caldronscript dot com or
no Cauldron at caldronscript dot com.Yeah, I don't care. I'm out,
so I don't care if people knowwhat my real name is. But
also if you are new and you'rewanting to know like signs to look for,
(01:15:28):
go all the way back to seasonone and listen to I think it's
episode seven, eight nine or eightnine ten, something like that on red
Flags, fake Doms, and predators, and we're I go into detail about
these things. Those were shorter episodesback then. You can eat through all
of them in a single setting andget a lot of information. This is
(01:15:53):
not something that hasn't been addressed andhow to protect yourself. These things have
been a rest Just go back there. They're in your podcatcher. They're here
on YouTube, not as videos,uh well, not as me actually talking
in a video. It's just ablank screen with a audio file for way
(01:16:17):
way back then, six years,seven years ago. But those comments that
that I wanted to touch on realquick. Mr says, I don't believe
in the Old Guard, Middle Guardor New Guard. Yeah, there's there's
the Old Guard. According to RaceBannon, I believe it was who is
(01:16:44):
one of the most well respected leathermanthat I know of. He says that
the Old the quote unquote Old Guard, the myth of that actually started in
the nineties in Atlanta. New Guard. No, Yeah, thank you both
(01:17:05):
for tackling all of this, Jackiesays, and Percussio says, in a
world of complex broken arms, asprain is not even considered a problem to
be treated. So too with mentalhealth sometimes, absolutely, I hate therapist
(01:17:26):
shopping. Yes, and it maytake you six or seven appointments before you
find a therapist that you get alongwith. They can actually help you.
Getting along with a therapist actually isn'timportant. A therapist isn't there necessarily for
(01:17:47):
you to get along with. It'ssomebody for you to vent to and that
can ask you the right questions.Now, having that you get along with
in the sense of you like them, you feel comfortable with them, that's
what's important. I didn't get alongwith the best therapist ever had. I
(01:18:13):
didn't particularly get along with him rightoff the bat, but I knew he
wasn't going to bullshit me, sothat was the important thing to me.
It's not like Mayfair's experience where Ihad somebody fixing their lunch or eating their
lunch while I was trying to havea session. That still kills me.
I mean, we've took I've broughtthat up one hundred times on the show,
(01:18:34):
but it still kills me that thathappened. Mm. She even left
the room to microwave it. Youknow you, I really don't think you've
ever said that before. You toldme she microwaved it. I thought the
(01:18:56):
micro microwave was in her office.Nope, Jesus Christ said, I have
a therapist that I can address vanillaworld stuff, but do not trust them
with my BDSM stuff. Yeah.Yeah. If you are fortunate enough to
(01:19:18):
find a kink a kink of wearprofessional, kink awar professional therapist, please
have them go on to the NationalCoalition of Sexual Freedom's website and register as
a kink awar or kink friendly therapist. I tell people all the time,
if you can't find one, findone that preaches diversity and inclusion and has
(01:19:46):
something about lgbt Q two plus A. I don't know the whole acronym.
I don't think anybody does, though, because it's like seventeen latters long.
But they are usually much more understandingthan than therapists that don't advertise for it.
(01:20:12):
That's just that's just been my experienceanyway. So all right, Uh,
that's going to do it for us. I guess mayfair right. Do
you have any final thoughts? No, I get my final thoughts. Okay,
go back and listen to some ofthe old episodes where we really dive
into it and well, you guystoo, I wasn't here yet. Well
(01:20:38):
yeah, that's by myself. Thenthose are the best three episodes ever did.
I was all alone on them.That's fine, I'm kidding. We've
done some good ones. Hell,even you know me in fun Size did
some some good ones. I've donesome good ones with guests that I've really
(01:20:59):
enjoyed. I guess, yeah,I do want to take a minute.
This is my final final thought.My my PPS, pete is it PPS
or pss PS? Now I alreadygave one PS, so this would be
the p s S or PPS anyway? Who writes actual letters anymore? Thank
(01:21:21):
you again to all of you thosewho have been around. There's a there's
a few about one hundred or sopeople that have been around since the very
beginning that I know of that I'vetalked with. We don't talk often.
(01:21:41):
Some of them I haven't talked toin three or four years, but they'll
pop up. They'll they'll leave acomment on Twitter or something like that,
so I know that they're still around, they're still listening, And I never
thought i'd have I free out whenI hit what ten listeners and then twenty
(01:22:02):
five, and then fifty, andin one hundred, I'm like, oh
my god, I'm almost at theaverage for podcasts. People don't realize it,
but the average listenership of a podcastis one hundred and twenty five listens
per episode, and we passed thata long, long, long long time
ago. So thank you so much. Oh Maria, you're coming in late.
(01:22:25):
Yeah, we're wrapping up now,but I'm glad you got to pop
in for a minute. So anyway, thank you everyone for seven years of
podcasting fun and family and friends andthe greatest friendships that I've had in my
life have come because of this show. So I really I'm sincere about that.
(01:22:49):
I mean that that's not just smokebeen blown, but that's going to
do it. So uh for sevenyears of podcasting fun. This has been
Cauldron and that has been Mayfair forcolderscript dot com. UH on Earth the Truth h