Top 10 Reasons NOT to Join Your Local Community-S05E23

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to mydungeon. Welcome to goldron'script. I means
Master Caldron. If you're new tothe show, we's are combined thirty five
years of BDSM experience in my twentyyears working in the psychology field. Good

(00:25):
spell mess, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about the BDSM.
You can text your questions and commentsto eight sixty five two six eight
four zero zero five, or visitthe Crypt at cauldronscrypt dot com. In
this episode, Mayfair and I aretalking about the somewhat controversial topic of not

(00:46):
joining or being involved with your localBDSM scene or community. Hey Mayfair,
Hi Cauldron. So I guess Ilet the cat out of the bag.
On fat Life just minutes ago saidthat this is going to be our final
main episode. I'm going to doa solo episode which I haven't discussed with

(01:10):
you, but surprise, and thenthere will be a final farewell where I'm
trying to get a few other peopleto come on and kind of check in
one last time before we go.That's not to say that I won't randomly
have a thought and post an episodeto the regular podcast feed, so don't

(01:34):
unsubscribe from it. I know it'sgoing to happen that I will have something
that pops up that I will doa little maybe a fifteen to thirty minute
episode about like I used to whenI first started. But as far as
regularly scheduled episodes every other Sunday liveon YouTube, that is going away.

(01:57):
The Discord group is not going goingaway. Anybody that is on our Patreon
supporters that will be canceled after March, and everybody will continue to be in
Discord for free. And if youwant an invite to the Discord emailmaster couldron
at gmail dot com or send mea message on fat life, but make
sure that you put Discord in thesubject line and there will be a vetting

(02:22):
process for that, as it hasalways been a private and protected group,
So make sure that you put discordbecause I may not see it if you
don't. All right, anyway,to ask you how you are today,
I'm a little frazzled right now.I'm good. Had a peaceful Sunday morning.

(02:47):
I posted a photo of my privateFacebook of both dogs curled up on
my lap this morning. Nice.I decided to go black and white today,
which is the mood it's a it'sa somber day. I mean,
this has been over seven years comingso but I've always said that this was

(03:07):
going to be my final big episodethat I do because it's gonna it's gonna
roufle some feathers and yeah, that'sokay because facts are facts and there's not
much that we can do about that. I reached out to my Patreon supporters,

(03:27):
my Patreon producers, I asked themto help me with this list.
So some of these are theirs.I'll try to remember to give credit to
those that come up with these.Hey that place, Hey Miter, how
is it going? Minor? Andmiss Miner. Oh goodness, all right,

(03:51):
yeah I am. I'm a littlemore rattled today than I expected to
be. So Top ten reasons,Well, let's hit the rules of love
by. I suppose rules Love Bye, brought to you by my Kinky Woodworking
company, which will stay in business. You can find that at Inclusionwoodworks dot
com. Rules love By Roll numberone Safe, Same, Consensual and Informed

(04:12):
Rule number two. Kinky that's kand KI that comes from the Kinky app.
It's available on all platforms. They'renot a sponsor, however. It
stands for knowledge no intolerance, kindnessand integrity, and rule number three the
quote from the Reverend Paul Young,I love it. Submission is not about

(04:33):
authority, and it's not about obedience. It is all about relationships of love
and respect. All right. Topten reasons not to join your local community,
Season five, episode twenty three forthis February the eighteenth of twenty twenty
four. You want to do?There our disclaimer you're muted there you go

(05:08):
spry that again. So we realizethat all communities have their own ups and
downs and overall cultures. We arenot saying that all communities have all some
or any of these issues. Weare speaking generally. Yep. All right,
So we're going to take these fromten down to number one. I

(05:32):
did put all of these in theshow notes in the description down below,
so feel free to follow along withus if you want. This comes from
Ben Number ten bad vibes. Payattention to your intuition nature. What does
that say to you? I meanthat is paramount for me. If you

(05:57):
give me HEBGB vibes or just mmmmm, I'm not gonna go back or I'm
not going to spend time around you. I am big on somebody's vibes like,
that's huge. So every time Idon't listen, I get fucked up.
Yeah, follow that natural instinct orsomeone else because I'm like, nope,

(06:25):
that's that's trouble. I'll tell otherpeople, but nobody wants to listen.
So I'm just like, I'm justget back and watch. They're gonna
prove it. I called it.Can you think of a case within the
lifestyle that that applies. Yes,absolutely. I'm not gonna call their name,

(06:49):
but they were a very good friendof yours. And they liked whips.
Yep, and I said great dangerWill Robinson danger. He ignored a
safe word. I saw it andI was like, no, no,
no, people got sucked up inthat one severely. Yeah, led to

(07:16):
surgery. And I know I'm soundinglike I'm light about it, but it
really was a serious situation. AndI don't mean to make light of it,
but yeah, yeah, and we'vereferenced that before. In fact,
she was supposed to come on andtalk about it. She went on a
couple of other podcasts. She's adear friend of mine to consider her sister,

(07:42):
but it never worked out where wecould do that, unfortunately. But
yeah, I think one of thebiggest mistakes is going into like frenzy and
not being able to pay attention.I mean, it's exciting, especially when
this is something that you you trulyfeel deep deep within yourself that this is

(08:09):
just part of who you are,and you're finally able to be around like
minded people and check it out,and you go into frenzy, which all
rational thought just stops at that point, or most and in a lot of
cases almost all so stopping to payattention and focus and try to, you

(08:39):
know, curb your enthusiasm so thatyou don't go into a full blown frenzy
and miss the obvious signs that mightbe staring you right in the face.
That oh, unsafe situation can alsodo that. Grief. Yeah, I

(09:01):
think I talked about this the othera couple episodes ago. I love you,
bro. We've never kissed, butmy dad had just died, so,
you know, some part of mybrain in the back was screaming like
run, don't do this, butI was like what I'm stead mm hmm.

(09:28):
Yeah, I mean, and anythingcan create grief in a sense of
loss or over excitement, job changes, moving, getting a new roommate,
and losing a roommate. Obviously,the big one's death of a loved one
can cause you to clearly not thinkstraight. So it's one of your biggest

(09:52):
defenses. Now, if you lookback at your life and you've been in
a lot of really in messed upsituations that when it's done and over with,
you go, yeah, I shouldhave paid attention to the signs.
Then you may want to really trustin the buddy system there, which I

(10:18):
highly recommend. Regardless, but saying, uh, are you gonna call me
out so hard today? Man,my intuition is crap. Can somebody else
helped me out in making my myimportant life decisions? Here? Do you

(10:39):
know how many times everyone in mylife is like you were not allowed to
choose your next partner? Yeah?I mean there was in discordeous The other
day I posted, Now, thiswas on a post from back in November
that I knew about but i'd nevercommented on. And I read it again

(11:01):
and I'm like, you know whatyou had said after your last couple of
DS relationships that you were going touse all of us in discord to vet
the next one, and it wouldbe up to us as to whether or
not you entered into anything with themnot going to call her out. But

(11:24):
yeah, all right, Number nineunsavory activities drugs drinking also by Ben,
thank you so much. I knowthat there there was one person at one
of the place spaces that we usedto go to locally that and was the

(11:45):
host that would drink a lot.And this was a long time ago when
they're closed down now, but youalways felt very uncomfortable around them. Yeah,
hell yeah I did. And thatwas a lot to do with the
uh, the drunker they got,the the more the non consensual smacks with

(12:15):
a bone crop came into play.I mean, Perk had to commn like
step in because he thought he wasgonna hit me, and I'd have punched
him in the face. Mm hmmm. He had one of the paddles and
he was popping everybody who went outthe door. Mm hmm. And I
would have punched him in the faceand I probably would have been banned,
but that would have just been theway it was. Mm hmm. Yeah.

(12:39):
No, it uh that that No, that's not calling her out.
That's saying thank you and recognizing himprobablicly for for saving uh saving somebody's life.

(13:00):
Oh but yeah, just paying attentionto that. There's another play space
that we used to go to.You absolutely hated going there, mm hmm.
And it was very understandable. I'mbetter at ignoring certain things. But
there was a lot of drinking.There, a lot of pot smoking,

(13:24):
and you know, for me,it was just a matter of paying attention
to who's doing those things so Iknow who not to play with. Well.
It was also a lot toward thebeginning of my journey, and I
don't know that I'm any more comfortablewith it, but like I was super

(13:46):
uncomfortable with all of the sex thatyou could not get away from. Yeah,
Like there was one time I wasthere, there was literally nowhere I
could go that someone wasn't having sexin front of me, beside me,
behind me, which was moving mychair. Go outside, there's people having
sex. You go upstairs, there'speople having sex, and I'm like,

(14:07):
what the fuck? I just wantedlike sex free moment, like Jesus.
And see for a lot of peoplelistening, they're like, oh, well,
that sounds like the perfect dungeon.But that's not for everybody, and
that's understandable. I mean, thisplace was more of a swinger based that

(14:28):
threw BDSM parties, So it wasunderstandable, but I also got eventually I
understood why it made you so uncomfortable. I mean honestly, at first I
didn't. I'm like, I don'tget it. I accept it kind of,

(14:50):
but like I really want to figureout the why. I mean,
at that point, I was stilllike, yeah, very new. I
was still embarrassed that other people werenaked around me. Nakedness was like whoop,
I'm not looking. But now I'msitting here feeling the couple have sex

(15:15):
behind me, and I'm like,oh god, what am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do? Andlike, no judgment to anybody being
naked or anybody you know having sexitparties, you do you? It was
my issue. I own that onehundred percent. I just didn't like to
be in the situation. Mm hmmm, uh sorry, I'm not I haven't

(15:37):
been looking at the the chat uhuh. And I forgot to say hello
to the chat room. The thirdco host of the show, I'd see
lissaying yep, she was the oneI was talking about since she called herself
out. Fetish Art says myth islike the new big red floor. Yeah,

(16:00):
I mean that's that's definitely something towatch out for. And if that
was actually allowed at a party,there's no way I would ever go go
back uh pile okay drinking? Okay, Yeah, Perk says, I remember
that, you remember saving me fromfrom the person or saving him for me?

(16:25):
I don't know which. Yeah.Oh, she definitely saved him from
you, no, no doubt aboutit. I've seen you angry all right.
People not taking no for an answer. That comes from from John Shaw,
Thank you John. Oh yeah,that's a huge red flag. And

(16:51):
that is something that in certain circles, certain communities, is a very common
thing. Like when you come in, they talk about safe saying and consensual
they do all this consensual preaching.But then when and they do this in
the classroom setting, but then whenit comes to actual parties and things like

(17:12):
that, they're like, you know, they'll only throw parties that are oh
god, I forget what they're called. There's a there's a time I heard
for them years a few years agothat I'd never heard before. But it
basically means that they are all Cand C parties or which is consensual non

(17:33):
consent, which means that just byattending the party and paying to be there,
you are consenting to having your consentbroken, and that's not I think
again that means that they consented tohaving their nose broke too, though,

(17:53):
or having body parts amputated, orbeing murdered or anything else. I mean
really that. I know I'm goingextreme here, but that's really what it
is like. And I think itcan be simpler than that, though,
like not even as extreme as islike that, right, I think you've
talked about it on the show.There was a group of folks that they

(18:18):
just kept being pushed into trying polyamory, and you actually help them start their
own their own lunches because they gottired of being pushed and pushed and be
like, oh, you'll get there, you'll get there. Something that simple.
It's not really breaking a boundary.It's just continually like pushing at it,

(18:40):
like verbally suggesting. It doesn't haveto be breaking consent. It's pressuring
people like they're like young teenagers.Oh okay, now go cry young man,
because she won't she won't sleep withyou or whatever. Uh it's ridiculous.

(19:03):
It's it's coercion and it's it's unethicaland uh yeah, so good one
John very good uh is talking aboutlet me go to the chat here put
it up. Huh Oh did Ichange it? Yeah, I said,

(19:27):
do you know what Perk is talkingabout? Lover's Lane even has a car
to hide in. Yeah, peoplegoing parking back in the day. Yeah,
and you can hide in the carto get away from Yeah, all
the people having sex that Lover's Lanenaturally blond, Hello, master Frostbite.

(19:53):
Glad you could spend a little timewith us. Uh. Coach Terra says,
I know it happens, but I'venever seen people having sex at a
party here though. I don't getout as much as I want. Fuck
that not happening. Uh. Thereis a swimmer club here that has that

(20:18):
blanket consent going on. They havea whole room that has almost no light,
and you just consent to whatever happensin said room. Yeah. You
know, that was one of thethings that they had to take away from
or that they had to remove fromFrolicon. They used to have the dark
room in there with big glowing Uh. There's big glow in the dark,

(20:40):
bowls of condoms, and you knowthat was basically the only rule. I'm
I'm definitely oversimplifying that like dom Conis a very respected event, but Frolikon
Okay, did I say don Conthe second time? Oh no no,

(21:03):
no, Frolicon isn't land very respectedas is dom Con. But yeah,
they had to do away with that. There was some complaints of you know,
is this an ethical thing? AndI think they just decided to do
away with it. I would loveto get frolikon pam on uh and talk

(21:30):
to her about that, but thosedays are over. We were supposed to
meet up a couple of years agoand for an episode, but we didn't.
Dom Con is no sex on theparty floor? Yeah yeah. John

(21:55):
also said number seven. John saysa lack of education. Obviously that's gonna
be a problem, mayfair for somebodybrand new. Why is that such a
problem. Well I'm not brand newnow, no, no, no,
no, I'm saying to address thatfor the people who may be brand spanking.

(22:18):
You don't know what you don't know, and if the people in charge
don't know either, then well fuck. Kind Of like how I had the
question growing up is well, ifwe're both two people are virgins, how
do they know what they're doing?Which I mean obviously it happens, but
it was very confusing to me asa child. It's like, well,
if I don't know what to doand you don't know what to do,

(22:41):
how the hell are we gonna getthis happening? Yeah, which is why
porn is the education for a lotof young people nowadays. And we see
what kind of damage that does.That is terrifying, but you know,
it gives young people such time,terrible body images and on and it's not

(23:04):
feasible, no, like they don'tthey like you may not realize that there's
like five hours worth of film forthe like twenty minutes, yeah, with
with many stops in between. Andthere's also pills involved nowadays, usually with

(23:27):
with some producers for or less reportle reputable companies. There's a lot of
drugs involved, and it used tobe that there was you know, pretty
much always drugs involved. That's nosecret. Everybody knows that. But yeah,
it's just it's just terrible. There'slack of education. There's things that

(23:48):
are so important for people to knowand to continue to grow. You're going
to need that education. But somecommunities and they want to base it on
being too small, like well,we don't have any real education program here
because we're too small. That's noexcuse. I've seen communities of like ten

(24:11):
people, twenty people bring in fromother cities, and if they put the
bat signal out, somebody will morethan likely volunteer their time. Or you
know, if you just rent thema hotel room for the night, pay

(24:32):
for gas, buy my meal.I mean, it's it's easily doable if
you really value education. And ifyou don't value the education, then chances
are you're looking at molding and shapingpeople into exactly what you want them to

(24:57):
be in instead well, and usuallywhen I find people that do that,
they're coming from an unethical place.Go ahead, man, very sorry.
I was going to say, wewent to a community that that wasn't very
large and we did education there inthe basement of a house. Yep.

(25:21):
Yeah. Perk also added that titleholders want to present just find their their
niche, their their thing. Andif you don't know what a title holder
is, that somebody that competes withinthe leather lifestyle. I did an episode

(25:45):
back a long time ago. Alot of that information is it's about fifty
to fifty on the accuracy of it. Some new information has come to light
that I didn't know at the time, which I've corrected over the years here
and there, but I never wentback and redone an actual episode on leather.

(26:07):
But the basic thing there is ifsomebody is talking about the one true
way or no, this is howit's done, this is how it's always
been done, they don't caveat Yeah, if they're teaching you a hard skill,
yeah, okay. There is aright way and a wrong way to

(26:32):
hit people. There is a rightplace in a wrong place to hit people,
and those things do need to bepaid attention to. Thank you,
Yu, don't hit people in thekidneys. I'm thinking of one of the
later parties we went to, Ohyeah, oh my god, they've not

(26:57):
stopped hitting the kidney. Mm hmm. I never did ask him if he
was pissing blood the next day.So our skills should be paid attention to.
Yeah, what I was talking about, and thank you, because that
was like the curse of knowledge iswhat it's called. So I knew what

(27:22):
I was talking about, and andI forgot that I am trying to point
toward new people and they may notknow what I'm talking about. What I'm
talking about is traditions, the earningof a vest or boots or a cover
something like that. Collar. Yeah, collar, and there's which with a

(27:48):
collar. There's a lot of goodtraditions on that, but a lot of
bad ones. The book that wewe've talked about were males submissive scenes don't
end unless they drink their come.Yeah, Like, that's that's false.
That's it could be a rule withinyour dynamic if you're both okay with it,

(28:14):
but it is not absolute. Mmhmmm. It doesn't have happen.
And you know there's speaking of that, and this is just a little caveat
that. I don't think it's onthe list. There are some communities that
absolutely shun male submissives and they won'tlive and and they tend to run the

(28:41):
female dominance out. So if yousee that going on, that's a problem,
and that that comes from a lackof education on the participants part.
If if you think that that's okay, like if that's your community, that's

(29:04):
that's not okay for a community thatpreaches all about inclusion and acceptance. I'm
seeing more and more these days,and I'll be honest, which is one
reason why I'm done with doing theshow, is how there's so much preaching

(29:30):
of acceptance and inclusion, but yetit's it's it's a lot of talk and
the practice of it is becoming lessand less. So yeah, there's that,

(29:53):
uh number six, a culture ofpressuring people to go further than there
than they're officerable with or they want. That comes from Ben. That's kind
of going into John's number eight peoplenot taking no for an answer. This
is the same except different. Butthat pushing people leads to number six a,

(30:22):
which is a culture of breaking slavesand subs. That is a very
dangerous thing that happens on a deeplypsychological level that people shouldn't play around with.
But yet I have been to communitieswhere that was. You know,

(30:45):
you've got some communities that owe they'reimpact based or their rope based, or
needle and wax and this kind ofstuff. Like it seems like most communities
have their primary tipepe of scenario,and there are communities out there where the

(31:07):
primary focus, the primary culture ofthat community is based around breaking the slaves
and the subs. And what thatmeans is you basically take away safe words

(31:29):
and you beat them until enough isenough and they're completely broke down and crying,
and you know, it's a andit's different from just a cathartic scene.
It is where you know, it'slike you're breaking their spirit, you're

(31:56):
breaking their will, and they getto they get past that point of the
tears and then they just lay thereand take it like it's it's very unhealthy
and unethical. I think that couldbe done psychologically too. Yeah, yeah,
I mean absolutely, but you knowthat that being a culture like and

(32:22):
and I'm not saying that that can'tbe something that is done between some consenting
people. And I'm not saying thatI don't see the purpose of it or
the point in it, but Ithink that it's such a very very narrow

(32:46):
window where that is an okay thingthat for an entire community to be to
to have that as their primary kingis just dangerous and abusive. Sorry,
I've kind of ruled that with mayfair, go ahead with whatever you're I mean,

(33:19):
I I feel like a lot ofthat is represented in Fifty Shades of
Gray if you've read or watched,Like Christian Gray just pushes her and tries
to get her passed whatever she wantsand like constantly goes past where she says,
well, they never actually talk aboutconsent, for being honest, but

(33:43):
like, even when she's uncomfortable,he keeps pushing past that, and that
may be we're part of that.I don't know how long that's been around.
I've been kinky since before Christian Gray, but I really didn't find fet
life until after. But like it. The whole thing is he's just trying

(34:13):
to basically break her from who sheis and to make her well fits him.
And I think that that can bedone both physically and or mentally.
Oh yeah, almination things like well, if you were a better submissive,
or if you were really a submissive, you would do this for me,

(34:36):
or you would be okay with that. I think those are like potentially very
triggering statements. Oh one that acrypto back years ago. We had a
very very long conversation about this becausetheir dom told them that they were a

(34:57):
decent sub but they would never beslave material because in her mind, slave
was the ultimate in submission and thatwas the biggest manipulation of a statement that
her dom could make to her,and it was completely to break her down

(35:22):
and it did, I mean takingit from from king to vanilla. I
think it's the same as the abusive, narcissistic relationships where if you loved me,
you would you wouldn't say that.I think it's the same. I
think those student sentences are identical.They mean the exact same thing I thought

(35:44):
you were going to go with.It's the same in relationships where somebody says,
oh, yeah, you know,they've been together for a while and
they start talking and somebody brings upmarriage and the other person's like, well,
you're great boyfriend material or great girlfriendmaterial and I love living with you,

(36:05):
but you're not wife material or you'renot husband material. I haven't been
told that one. Now, I'mjust I'm just saying I thought that's where
he was going to go with it. But that kind of applies. However,
the difference between a submissive and aslave, and there's a lot of
varying ideas on that when it reallycomes down to it, and some people

(36:30):
will submissive is is just you know, in certain situations, and a slave
it only applies to total power control. Well, then you get into leather,
and a lot of the leather peoplethat I know, they refer to

(36:53):
all submissives as slaves. And butthen there's other leather people that have a
difference between a sub and a submissive, so it don't don't let people tie
you up in that. I've knowntotal power control subs twenty four to seven,

(37:15):
and for play I had a playpartner that when we were playing,
it was total total power exchange andthat was the only way that she wanted
it. And you know, so'sshe a slave or was she a submissive?

(37:37):
It's terminology. You know, whatdo you do? My My point
is is just for BDSM, makeit yours, thank you, and be
careful of these cultures. Number yeahwait, yeah, you were talking about

(37:59):
male Smith's female doms and the chathad some things. Okay, So mister
Frostbright said he's seen a lot offrowning of switches, especially if the switch
is most of the time a damera top fetish artists, that I stand

(38:22):
my ground on switches rights and notrespecting switches is old tired. And if
you're critical, is so many Ionly top people often bottom behind closed doors.
Yeah, I thought they were goodadditions to what you had. Absolutely,
And on that note, I talkedabout in a very early episode that

(38:50):
only twenty percent of all people areor less than I'm sorry, not twenty
only less than twenty percent of allpeople are on top one percent bottom.
And when it comes to women whoare very die hard feminists and men who

(39:19):
are very die hard masculine, alot of them feel that it's insulting to
themselves or that people will look downon them if they if they bottom to
the opposite sex, especially and youaren't as a man, I imagine that

(39:44):
bottoming to another man would be justas equally detrimental to that. Yeah,
I have known some very non homophobicpeople who was personally ho my phobic.
It wasn't that that they were gay, it was and they didn't have a

(40:08):
problem with anybody else being gay.They just were terrified that people would think
that they were gay, and like, why why would you be so afraid
of that? And only one ofthem out of all these and I've known

(40:31):
a lot of people like this,and only one of them actually had an
answer that I could respect in athat wasn't homophobic, I guess, and
that was simply, Hey, mybrother's gay. I've seen all the shit

(40:54):
that he's had to go through.I don't want to have to go through
that. And I'm like, oh, okay, but like, what does
it matter? Well, you know, it really doesn't and I really I
guess I really don't care, butI just rather not that that be on
there because I having to answer questions. You know, I hate people.

(41:15):
I'm like, okay, but areyou sure it's not like a little self
homophobia there? Like, I don'tknow, it's a weird it's a weird
cultural thing. Of course, automaticallyyou're labeled as homophobic even if you're not,
And you just don't want that wrongperception of yourself being put out there,

(41:37):
which is kind of you know,it's an identity thing, I guess,
and we can understand that with withtrends and gender nonconforming, yeah,
non binary or gender fluid, wherethey don't want to be miss gendered.

(41:57):
Well what about being wrongly typed inyour sexuality? Yeah? Anyway, so
far off topic, but anyway.Number five lack of education by a partner.
This comes from Daddy's Princess. Asyou can tell, lack of education
is definitely a problem. But wherethis comes from, specifically is several conversations

(42:28):
within discord about how do I introducemy current partner to this in a way
that they can understand. I've triedto explain to them this way and this
way and this way. What Iwant, what I need, what makes
me feel good, what I findsexy, and I'm receiving pushback or things

(42:57):
aren't making sense to them, oryou know, they think it's a sin
or whatever the case may be.And finding a way to educate your own
partner into understanding what it is thatyou truly want, need and desire,
that's a huge, huge thing.Good lord, my phone just keeps going

(43:20):
off, so and I don't meanto sound however it may come out,
but like, doesn't that seem likea reason to contact your local community?
Yeah, instead of not too well? Now, this is from thank you

(43:43):
for saying that, because this ismore from the perspective of one person is
doing education and interested in getting outthere and contacting the other, but the
other partner, who's not really intoit, doesn't want to get it out
there and feels like, you know, well, you're just going to be

(44:07):
out there sleeping around and all ofthis stuff, and they have a lot
of fears. So not joining,not just saying you know what, screw
you, I'm going to go tothis thing. If you respect the person
that you're with, you're not goingto do that. You're going to try

(44:27):
to educate them, and then you'regoing to have opening, honest communication about
your relationship and about these ones needsand desires, and you may have to
reevaluate that relationship if it's something thatyou actually need in your life. But
you don't just go straight out tothe community. Well, no, but
I guess your partner's wishes and goahead. I mean I would think that

(44:55):
being like, Okay, hey,come to a munch and talk to these
people and meet these people and kindof understand and talk to other people,
so you see that it's not aboutme going getting plowed by five guys,
Like do they have burgers and fries? I mean, you might need it

(45:17):
if you're going to take five guysin a row. God bless, I
need a snack break here, holdon, hydrate pivot. No, I
see what you're saying, And yes, from that standpoint, absolutely, but
from I'm explaining or trying to explainwhy that one is on the list from

(45:43):
other perspective, So yeah, bothboth are appropriate. Like lack of education
by partner could be a reason toparticipate, but it can also be detrimental
to your relationship and a reason thatyou shouldn't just yet. Yeah, I

(46:04):
was confused. No, no,thank you, Because if you're you're part
of the show and you're in somethingthat I've said has confused you, I
guarantee that it's not made sense tomost of the other people who are listening.
So that's that's why a second perspective, or many perspectives is always important.

(46:25):
Number four, partner's feelings about thesafety of our relationship. Also from
Daidiest Princess that that that ties obviouslyright into the lack of education by partner,
not knowing what you're going to bedoing, who you're going to be

(46:45):
around, and no matter how kinkyyou are, what kind of life you've
led. A lot of times,the perception of people who have ever been
to a dungeon is that it's anorgy, and sometimes it is, as

(47:08):
we talked about earlier with there wasno place that you could go in that
in that one particular place where somebodywasn't having sex. But most of the
time you said that wasn't at anyof the other Yeah, yeah, most
of the time that's not the case. But that's that's almost always the perception

(47:31):
of somebody who has never been andso making sure that you're you're validating your
partner's feelings and trying to get themto open up and come with you if
it meets their safety profile. Again, you don't want to coerce them into

(47:52):
going out and doing these things,but it can come to a point where
it's time to reevaluate your relationship andbe ethical about it. Don't sneak Yeah
that I've got a thing on feltlife an open letter to a cheater where

(48:13):
they had contacted me and they werethey had been running around on their partner
and their partner was vanilla. Theywere not, and they were they were
cheating. You know, if youmake a pact with somebody that you're not
going to do it, then don'tdo it. Oh goodness, anything on

(48:37):
those four or five and four?Anything in the chat? What ivy say?
I was told once by someone whowasn't my dom that I wasn't a
good sub if I didn't take theircigar ash in my mouth. Oh yeah,

(49:00):
that's not that's not okay, Hey, John welcome in. Fetisher says
I was in a house with anothersub who kept saying I wasn't a good
sub because I had boundaries and wasn'ta full time slave. Uh, that's

(49:25):
such such bs exquisit. Kitting Hellosays I have run into issues with being
a switch. Yeah, yep,I've seen that firsthand. You have,

(49:52):
as has a lot of people.Unfortunately, I don't think I said it
before we talking about that. Butfor those who feel that they have to
be one way or another due towell society says it's wrong for a man

(50:15):
to be submissive, blah blah blahbullshit, or if a woman is submissive,
she's weak, or any of that. Like the bravest, best thing
you can do to show that youare that man or that woman is own
your own shit. Like you wantto prove to the world that you're woman

(50:39):
enough or man enough to do something, Then do the thing that you want
and laugh in the face of anybodywho says it makes you less because they're
afraid of their own truth. Butif you own your own truth, fuck
them. Yeah, pardon for mine, No, one hundred percent. I

(51:02):
met a pro dom out in NewYork, young, very young one,
but absolutely phenomenal at what she didand she was she focused in psychological domination
and her hard skills as far asusing different toys was okay. At best,

(51:30):
but she wasn't. She knew thatand that was not the primary focus
of the services that she offered,so she wasn't egotistical about it, which
made her really good at what shedid. She was aware that she was
very proficient at the psychological domination andme at hard skills. I respected her

(52:00):
immensely and we got talking about personalrelationships and whether or not in her personal
life she was submissive, and atfirst she didn't want to talk about it.
I'm like, look, I'm nota client. I understand how you
wouldn't want to talk about that toa client, and says, well,

(52:23):
it's not just clients, it's otherprofessionals that I've come across in her area
in New York, and how theywould look down on her if she admitted
that she herself had a dominant AndI'm like, well, you know,

(52:44):
you are very well respected by alot of people. Jeez, do you
need their respect? You know,own who you are and be comfortable in
your own skin, don't care whatother people say. Yes, I get

(53:05):
it's easier said than done, butyeah. In fact, she was accosted
here when she was visiting by somebodybecause she had a collar on and you
know, they said that because shewas wearing a collar, she she needed
to quit claiming that she was dominant, which was a fashion statement and a

(53:32):
very beautiful one. And it wasfunny she didn't Nobody really commented on the
ring that she was given that wasbased on what's his name, H.
R. Geiger, one of hisown personal rings that he had designed because
it was a family friend. Inever will forget that, absolutely stunning.

(54:00):
I was around for that, andI can't remember them. I don't,
well, you I told you aboutit. Maybe that's what it is.
I told you about it, butyou weren't there at the It wasn't one
of our regular spots. I waslike, this just seems very familiar.
It was at a bar where alot of us had gathered for karaoke.

(54:27):
All right, Moving on Number three, predators and the protection of predators by
the community. Thoughts, Sorry Ihad dog issues. I mean that that

(54:58):
happens. I think we've heard storiesfrom pretty much every part of Discord where
people everybody knew that this person wasdoing something dangerous and they were still allowed
to be part of it. AndI'm not going to get any specifics because

(55:23):
I don't want to call any particularcommunity out, but I mean there's one
community that I know that they completelysplit in half. They did have one
large board of twelve members, Ithink, and half of them just left

(55:46):
because they were not going to toleratethe person's stuff. And now they can't
go to any of the stuff that'stoasted because they won't support said abusive person.
Mm hmm. So it happens.It's everywhere, unfortunately. Yeah,

(56:08):
yeah, I've seen this a lot. And if you are a club owner,
a dungeon owner, if you area group host, you know,
munch host, an event, host, throw house parties, and you are

(56:35):
made aware of violation that has takenplace, there are witnesses. Especially when
there are witnesses, and you stillallow this person to come because they're your
friend, then you're saying that thatabuse is okay, and that's just do

(57:06):
you know everybody can agree with that, everybody can say yes. But it
happens all the time. I talkto listeners in over one hundred countries over
the years, and this is somethingthat has come up with nearly every community

(57:29):
that I have spoken with that Miter'son here. With the exception of Miter,
I've never heard anything like this outof that place. So I can
honestly say that I've heard it outof the LA scene, well, all

(57:53):
the southern California, the different scenesInland Empire, LA. You know,
I've and I'm not specifically by askingthem, I've heard it from Florida.
Oh not the Woodshed. I haven'theard anything like that from the woodshed anybody

(58:15):
that I've taught to that goes theredown in Orlando, So those two places,
you know, it just it's somethingthat needs to be addressed, you
know it. I seen it happenlocally three or four times, and there's

(58:39):
no excuse for it. Like youwere, you were giving them permission to
violate again. Now on the flipside of that, bad Cat says,
false accusations of consent violations Absolutely,I mean that that happened here in our

(59:00):
community with witnesses, and the accuserwas banned. Mm hmm. Yeah,
you know I'm talking about even ifyou don't catch on right now, but
you know, I was reading acomment, some of my mine wasn't completely
focused on it, but yeah,I mean I can. Yeah. Bad

(59:23):
Cat all went on to say,and let's see false accusation, false accused
of a consent violation and banned.She was a new vendor at a con.
I helped her when I said thatI wanted to vend too at the
next con, made false claims ofbad behavior by not consent. She was

(59:45):
my top to get you banned.Oh yeah, people think that that bottoms.
That brings up a good point,that bottoms submissives can't be predator,
and that is one false I meanthat's who the one I referred was a

(01:00:07):
bottom. Yeah. Yeah, Uh. I can honestly say in the past
five years, I have seen morepredatory bottoms than I have tops. It's
it's become like a cultural thing,and most of the time it's out of

(01:00:32):
buyer's remorse. Oh we you know, we broke up, so you know,
why'd you break up? Oh mygod, he was so abusive or
she was so abusive, they wereso abusive. Don't don't do that.

(01:00:52):
You know, if you agreed toplay, then you agreed to it.
If you wake up the next morningand you regret it, that's on you,
not on them. If they didn'tcoerce you, uh, drug you
force you lie to you, it'son you. I think that's a fine

(01:01:16):
line. To tread. I don't. I think it's pretty I think it's
pretty damn simple. If you're agreeto do something and you do it,
then don't you can't. I'm notsaying like, oh, I didn't agree
to that, but like the wholewhen we break up, now I can

(01:01:37):
see that there was abuse there becausethe I mean the person who we talked
about earlier, we were all theway back up at app induation. I
mean they the victim wasn't claiming abuseuntil they left because they realized that the

(01:02:00):
victim did know that she was beingabused while they were together. I never
heard any so maybe I just wasn'tin the loop. But that's how it
appeared to the community, is everythingwas fine until they broke up. And
like that's why I say it's afine line with that. Like I'm not

(01:02:22):
I'm not saying that people don't havebuyer's remorse and just regret what they've done,
but like that's where I'm at withthe fine line is sometimes you don't
see the abuse that happened until youwere out of the situation, or you
don't acknowledge it. You see it, but it takes you effort to get

(01:02:43):
to the point where you can speakit if that makes sense. Well,
you know, I was scared todeath one time because I thought somebody was
going to claim rape on me becauseI checked in with them the next day
and they had regrets. So no, it was you know, it was

(01:03:05):
it was fun, It was agreat time. I wish I hadn't done
it though, Oh shit, I'mlike, can we talk on the phone
instead of text? Yea. Somy primary thing was not to go into
safety mode. It was to makesure that they were safe, and then

(01:03:30):
you know, why what's going on? Did did I do something wrong?
You know, for me, that'slike when somebody calls red. You don't
immediately go into why'd you call red? Why'd you call red? Why'd you
call red? No, you gointo making sure that they are safe and
that they are okay, and mentallythey're going to be as okay. But

(01:04:00):
then after, you know, atthe end of that conversation, there was
that question of like, well,you know, do you know Actually it
was closer toward the beginning because ofthe conversation led it. There naturally was
well you know, do you areyou feeling that I like pushed her pressure

(01:04:26):
and you know, the huge senseof relief, even though I knew that
I didn't when she's like, no, no, no, I just wish
that I hadn't done it under thosecircumstances because of the way that she was
feeling at the time and what ledher to that that point. Yeah,

(01:04:55):
so you know, just be cautious. So I'm all right, Mayfair,
if you want to read through thecomments while I'm going through, I do
need to thank people. I wishI would have got the entire list of
all the supporters over the year,over the years. That will be on

(01:05:16):
the farewell episode where I recognize everysingle supporter. I've got to pull up
the current list though, becuz Idon't have that in these show notes.

(01:05:36):
I just realized, all right,so we have been a value for value
podcast. We have never taken anycorporate sponsors. I have promoted a couple
of products here and there, butall of them that I actually used and

(01:06:02):
paid for, with the exception oftwo manscape and then the stickers and whatnot
by darkdlightshop dot com. She sentme free stuff. She's awesome. I

(01:06:23):
was already going to give her agood review because I bought stuff. But
nevertheless, our producers that we liketo think Our executive producers at twenty five
dollars a month, a ju ToKorn's Angel, Johnny Farrell, Ray Webb,
Harry Webb, Darling tenn and SergeCairo and Exploring Mermaid Senior producers at

(01:06:47):
ten dollars a month. Trouble onethirteen, Alexandria, Baby Love and t
Rex Ties, Daddy, Steve,Kjtzila, Ben Trinity, Faye, em
r Ken Hawk Gentlemen say this LovelyShunshine, Nick and Marie producers at five
dollars a month. Kane send thatplace in Oklahoma City, Thank you,
Mitter not the Daddy, Hedia,nb r Apoodle, Bad Dog, Bad

(01:07:11):
Subbecs thirteen Lily Chaos, Catnip Meow, Wild Time and Deacon Shawn Cheery,
Query Rabbit Archangel Johnshaw, Second Shadow, Grizzled Yetti and Yo's a Fetish Artist,
Sir be Nice, Neon, Danand Dawn from the Erotic Awakening podcast,
Black Angel, Sir r J,Ris Sufi, nixx O nine Officer,

(01:07:33):
Davis Finn, Pepa, Kinky J, Daddy's Princess, Caleb Alfrea,
Maria and Miss Troy and I apologize, Miss Troy, I have missed calling
you out for being a producer forseveral for sometime a few months, and

(01:07:55):
I apologized to you for that.I don't know how it missed in my
list update Junior producers one dollar amonth, k Twoso Rope of Fisiono,
Gator and Gizmo, Alexa, megAstrod and Chains, Little Bear and Taya.
So thank you so much for thatlist that I was talking about at
vendors that we know like trust anduse. It is down below. You'll

(01:08:16):
find that Manscape is not on thatlist, though. That was a very
very good weed whacker. I wishI hadn't lost the charger for it.
I actually loved that thing really good. My contact information is also down there.
So all right, Mayfair, didyou find any I've been calling them

(01:08:38):
out as we went. Okay,well I was away looking at another screen,
so been calling them out as wewent. Yeah, oh, you
been putting them up there? Youokay? Nothing that needs well, that
won't work for the for the podcast. That only works for the video when

(01:09:02):
we talk about them, just likeI've always done. There are stuff that
you may want to read. Idon't know if you want to read them
out loud, but just like ohsorry, let me address this one.
Maria says, is there any waythat on the last episode you can do

(01:09:26):
a double episode or do it anhour or so later. I want to
be there for the full episode,however, I'm not trying to ask for
a special favor or a special thingjust for me. Yeah. I can't
start it late, however that probablywill go longer. So yeah, you'll

(01:09:57):
end up getting there for sure.All right, go ahead, Mayfair?
Meg Bell? Oh I love MegBell. Yeah. Yeah, when this
is over, go back and youwatch the beginning part of this and see

(01:10:19):
where I talked about it, what'sgoing to take place in the future.
But yes, go ahead, Mayfair. Next, that's it number two,
okay, I mean number two.I didn't know if there's any other comments.

(01:10:41):
Relationship issues Now, this can bewithin your own relationship, like we
talked about earlier, but we've alreadyaddressed that. Let's address relationships when both
of you are within the community.Uh. There is someone that I know
of who apparently has a history nowwhere they've dated two or three people who

(01:11:05):
were brand new to the community,and then when he was done with them,
told them that they couldn't come back. Right. Well, I was
here first, you know, theseare my people, So you just need
to go away. Uh. Firstoff, that's abuse, that's that's predatory
behavior. That there's so many thingsthat is unethical about that, and it's

(01:11:30):
such bullshit. Uh, embrace yourinner brat and say fuck you, I'm
gonna do it anyway. Okay,back to seriousness. Don't ever, don't
ever let anybody tell you that that'sthe way that it works, because that's
absolute crap. And if they startharassing you, that's against law. But

(01:11:56):
report it to somebody. Talk tosomebody about that, the club owner or
whatever. That's childish, immature,just disgusting, deplorable behavior. And yeah,

(01:12:19):
the other thing is you may needto take a break, You may
need to alternate days or weeks atthe club. Don't spend your whole time
bad mouth and the other person.That's just childish and immature and it's a

(01:12:44):
bad look and quite frankly, mostpeople don't want to hear it, and
the people who do want to hearit are going to change the story and
run and tell everybody. It's thatwhole telephone game, you know, where
you sit in a circle with yourthird party classmates and the teacher tells the
first kid something, and then thatkid tells the next one, and it

(01:13:05):
goes around the circle. And whatstarted out is I like green beans,
ends up being something about an elephantin space screwing the sun with a magnetic
cockering or some crazy Your undergarten classeswere weird. I'm just saying, you

(01:13:32):
know, it's it can be thisweird, freaky thing, but don't do
that, Like that's not I don'tjust don't understand that, and I just
I don't know. Like the jobwhere I was an inventory associate, Okay,

(01:13:55):
we traveled everywhere with our entire teamevery week, so you basically lived
with these people Monday through Thursday.I had to train the bitch who was
fucking around with my boyfriend, andI rode the van with her everywhere we

(01:14:19):
went, and yet there was noreal drama, but other than between me
and the boyfriend when we were backat our hotel room. Like, fuck,
be a grown fucking adult. Youdon't like somebody, don't fucking talk
to them. You can't tell themthey're not allowed somewhere unless it's your own

(01:14:39):
fucking house. Like that's fucking stupid. Yeah, that is the epitome of
you're a child and you've not grownthe fuck up. Sorry, but that's
now you're spot on. I agree, I agree, And my thing is,

(01:15:00):
I look at these people who dothis stuff. They're immature. And
if if that's how immature you are, that that means that you're not mature
enough to be able to participate inBDSM. You know, there should be
a certain level of emotional maturity,just like there's a certain level of physical

(01:15:23):
maturity or numerical maturity. We callthat eighteen years old, but that does
nothing to talk about the brain exquisitekadAnd yeah, that is not okay.
And some people will know who I'mtalking about. Some people in here may

(01:15:44):
be friends with this person, andit's absolutely deplorable activity. I'm still going
to tell you, especially if it'sa public place, base or a public
anything. You don't get to tellsomebody where the fuck they can be.
You're not god fucking stupid grow up. If I had to teach that bitch,

(01:16:12):
and I taught her well within amonth of my training, she did
it by herself, and she didn'teven know how to turn on a fucking
computer when I started with her.Percussius is Yeah, that's where I have
a disconnect. Just put on theadult pants and behave in a socially acceptable
manner. Yeah. Absolutely, Inmy opinion, if you're in a BDSM

(01:16:34):
relationship, there should be a higherlevel of maturity because of the added trust
and dynamic that has to be givenwithin the relationship. Marie, you're right,
it should be that way. Onehundred percent agree, one hundred percent
agree. Unfortunately that's not the wayit is. Oh, some people logged
off when I talked about that situation. I don't know who it was,

(01:16:59):
but it is because I apparently that'sa trigger point for me, because that
pissed me off. No, Imean childish. Well, it's a deplorable
behavior. But yet people are stillfriends and and there's some people who are
trying to ban are one of ourlocal place bases because of it and because

(01:17:21):
of the lies being told by theother person. And I was like,
do you not realize that this personis a predator? Like picked off at
least two, if not three newbies, And it's been confirmed, there's there's
text messages that prove that this tookplace. You know, it's like,
come on, people, it's ridiculous. Uh So relationship issues just be mature.

(01:17:45):
But it could be a reason thatyou don't want to go back to
it to a local scene. Goahead. If you were abused and the
community let that happen, then absolutelyI support you don't go back, But
you don't go back. You don'ttry to say. I mean, if

(01:18:08):
in a perfect world, the abuserwould be banned because everyone would have known
it and believe it, and abuseis banned. But unfortunately that's not the
world we live in. We glorifyabusive bullshit half the time. But oh

(01:18:29):
yeah, I agree, it's fuckedup. I need to drink. I
don't have anything. Yeah, allright, this last one. And I
don't know if Perk read ahead andmade the comment about Craig Cray earlier.
I was saving it. Let mescroll up through here and see if I
can find where where she said CraigCray. Let's see Craig Cray. It's

(01:18:54):
a label. Neither is oh okay. She was just saying that it's crazy
that being a domb top bottom subslave or a switch, it's just a
label that you know, being aswitch is just a label. Neither is
better than one. Nor are thereuniversal criteria like what like that, which

(01:19:21):
is frustrating. Yeah. No,And with that, it's important to note
that while it may be a veryimportant part of our lives, it's still
just role playing and you still haveto live in reality. And that's the
problem. Like this particular person buysinto their own shit, and you know,

(01:19:44):
it's easy to have. It's easy, especially when you become a well
known top whether it's locally, nationally, whatever, and it can become easy
to buy into your own shit.Like it does messed up things. But

(01:20:06):
just that's why friends are so important, Real friends that will put you in
check and tell you, look,you're you're starting to get it to be
an egotistic class. You're forgetting thatfront to back or back to front.

(01:20:29):
Everybody's got to wipe yep, Isaid it all right. The number one
reason and this is my number oneand this is one of the reasons why

(01:20:49):
the show is ending. People arecrazy and I'm tired of dealing with it.
All of the crypto are absolutely amazing, but because we have ten thousand
people that listen a month, it'snot just the cryptus that I have to

(01:21:10):
interact with. There's local scenes thatI have to deal with. There's communities
outside of my own that I haveto deal with and coming from that psych
background and people you see in showsall the time, somebody will call somebody
crazy in a psych hospital and say, oh, we don't use that.

(01:21:32):
We don't use that term here.They're mentally ill or they you know,
they've got problems. No, no, no, that's that's a lie.
Within a psych hospital, we douse the term crazy. And here's the
difference. Crazy is when a personknows the issues that they have and they

(01:21:57):
refuse to get help for them,which means that they choose to be how
they are acting. It's like Isaid on those episodes about the the problems
or the mental illnesses a borderline personI disorder and history on personal disorder.

(01:22:27):
It's an explanation, not an excuse. That's it. It's an explanation for
your behavior. And not everyone ishealthy enough to participate in the lifestyle.
Said it done. A lot ofpeople do. One of our former cryptors

(01:22:49):
lives in another state, had thishappen, needed advice on what to do
because they had somebody with a severeyour mental illness and every time that they
played they would become suicidal afterward.That is that person healthy enough hell to

(01:23:11):
participate, and they had to banthem. They had to bring them in
and talk to them and tell them. The board or the owners of the
club, whatever it was, hadto bring them in and sit them down
and say, look, we don'tknow if you're seeing this or not,
but this is the pattern. Afteryou play every single time, then later

(01:23:35):
that night or the next day,crisis services are being called. You've talked
about this, You've told us aboutthis. We don't want to be rec

(01:24:00):
responsible for you going into drop andcommitting suicide. And given what just took
place in Atlanta, and I saidthis, I think I posted about this,
but Atlanta and one of the clubsthere is it's absolutely horrific what took

(01:24:25):
place. It's on fat Life.I'm not going to talk about it.
I don't know. I only knowthe basic details of it. But basically,
well I just said I'm not goingto talk about it, So I'm
not going to talk about it.Thoughts and prayers with the Atlanta community as
a whole. May they soon findpeace and be able to move forward.

(01:24:55):
But so no knowing that you havethese problems and refusing to deal with and
refusing to acknowledge them, and insistingon thrusting them into everybody else's lives.
This drama, this bullshit, thisabusive nature. I'm just I'm just done

(01:25:25):
with it. Like I got hurt, I can't play like I used to.
So I've stepped away from my localscene a lot anyway. But there's
just so much madness in the worldand so much extreme that I just don't

(01:25:53):
want to do with it. Imean, now, when people ask me,
you know, should I join mylocal community, I tell them,
you know what, check it out, see what you think. Pay close
attention, visit, make that asinvolved as you want to get if that's

(01:26:17):
the case, depending on the peoplethere. But make sure you don't get
sucked in. Don't forget the realworld. Don't forget your vanilla friends.
That's a huge thing that happens aspeople jump head first into the lifestyle and
then all of their vanilla friends goaway. That's not healthy. I did

(01:26:40):
it, wasn't healthy. In fact, I've done it like three or four
times in my life, and noneof them were healthy. Anyway, mayfair,
what do you have on that?I'm still a little stuck on.

(01:27:02):
There was a question that we thoughtit may not be appropriate to tell the
person you almost commit to U sideevery time you play baby. No,
we're not your mental health protectors.Like kink is not like it can help
you face some things, but youneed therapy. Yeah, and I say

(01:27:27):
that to everybody. Everybody can benefitfrom having a good therapist. You're not
always going to find it the goodone right away. Some of them make
their dinner while you're talking. Butit kills me every time. Fuck like,
if you were hazardous to anyone,including yourself, you were not safe

(01:27:56):
to play. And just if allyou're gonna do is harass someone and get
stuck on talking about the person,even if it was an abusive X,
that's not healthy for you. Focuson what makes you happy, do the
good stuff, stop holding on tothe bullshit, stop getting stuck in the

(01:28:17):
petty drama, and grow up.Get help. If you don't like somebody,
if you feel that they abused you, if you feel that, you
are allowed to feel that way,but you don't get to dictate it to
everybody else. Because, for instance, my ex we were on again,

(01:28:41):
off again for ten years. Hewas horribly abusive for me. He was
damaging, damning to my mental health. Absolutely, do I think he's an
abusive person. No, he wasunhealthy for me. He doesn't treat other
women that way. I've seen it. He doesn't do them that way.

(01:29:02):
Sometimes people are just toxic for eachother. That doesn't mean yeah, oh
well, we've seen it within thelifestyle. I saw it my wife.
We had this group of friends thatshe worked with that were they were absolutely

(01:29:28):
amazing, two of them, acouple of the most beautiful souls I have
ever met. We still haven't talkedto them in years, and I mean
years, like twenty almost love them, would do, would do anything for

(01:29:51):
them still to this day. However, when they started dating, don't know
what it was. These two amazinglybeautiful people who we both knew while they
were dating other people, when theystarted dating, became one of the most

(01:30:16):
toxic, drama filled pairs of peopleI have ever seen. And of course
it broke up the little group thatwe had and it never it was never
repaired. But you know, sometimesthat happens. That doesn't mean that while

(01:30:39):
those two there was just something abouttheir personalities that once they got into a
relationship, because neither one of themacted like that in other relationships. So
I understand what you're saying. Mayfairlike. That makes total sense to me.
It's they were so abusive to eachof us, and I'm sure when

(01:31:01):
it was done and over with,they were ashamed, absolutely ashamed of how
they acted toward each other. Atleast I hope they were. Otherwise they're
not the beautiful people that I thoughtthey were. But you know, it
just it can happen. But notbringing that into the lifestyle is so important.

(01:31:27):
There's so many comments here from allof you about crazy. We'll say
about number one about people being crazy. There are so many amazing comments there.
I really don't have time to getto all of them. But Maria

(01:31:50):
says, no mental illness is anexcuse. For instance, I personally have
BPD. To pray and I'm notsure if you mean borierline personal disorder or
bipolar disorder. None of my business, just stating I don't know what you're
referencing depression and MDD, and Irefuse to use it as an excuse.

(01:32:15):
Unfortunately, my husband is the opposite. He is autistic and has ADHD.
That can lead to some pretty drasticfireworks at times, I'm sure. But
the thing is is that I knowthat you're a mature person in speaking with
you the little that I mean,there's there's quick ways to recognize that that
I've learned over my years working inthe side field, and so I'm fairly

(01:32:40):
certain that with your level of maturity, you are probably pretty quick to say
pause before this gets out of hand, let's take a break, let's step
away, because that's the mature thingto do and prevents you from becoming and

(01:33:00):
crazy. You know, doing thesame thing over and over and expecting a
different result is the common way thatpeople define insanity, and it really is
insanity, that is craziness. However, people do that by nature all the
time, and I see it.I have people both locally and internationally that

(01:33:26):
talk to me and complain about thesame thing every six months to every couple
of years, and of course they'reat the exact center of what they're complaining
about, and they don't realize it. And if you're going to be true,
if you're going to be a friendto them, you have to tell
them, Look, we've been talkingfor six seven years. This is four

(01:33:51):
times that this exact thing has comeup. And the only thing that has
stayed the same about the situation,other than everything that you're complaining about the
only people that has stayed the sameis you. What are you doing to
either invite this into your life orto create this? But people don't want

(01:34:15):
to hear that shit. People don'twant to be accountable anymore. Uh,
they want to They want to preacha good a good game, but not
actually be accountable to it. Andwe're all guilty of it. I'm not
talking anybody specific. Everybody has doneit. Everybody is a hypocrite, every

(01:34:36):
saint is a sinner. That typeof thing. We've all screwed up.
And the thing is to recognize it, to try to seek penance for it
with the people that we have wronged, and hopefully move forward. Yes,
it's not always possible, but youknow we can try. We can.

(01:34:57):
We can only do our best anyway. Self accountability is a son of a
bitch, says Kiratera, And yes, I agree, it certainly can be.
No one wants to admit they fuckedup. Yeah, And the lower

(01:35:18):
your self esteem is, the lessyou want to admit that you've you've screwed
up, and the less psychologically thatyou're able to admit that you screwed up.
That's where the problem tends to be. With everybody else. Everybody thinks

(01:35:38):
that a narcissist has a super youknow, like super ego, high high
self esteem. They think they're thebest. Narcissism comes from having a and
the worst self esteem that a personcan have. That's why they can't admit
that they're not perfect or that somethingis their fault, because it breaks their

(01:36:02):
reality. It's the extreme version oflow self esteem. So the lower your
self esteem, the harder it isto admit that you've screwed up. Mayfairy,
you look very perplexed. I havepretty low self esteem. But I
will be the first to say,yep, by fucked that up. That's

(01:36:25):
me right here. I did that. I'm speaking generalities here, of course.
Yeah, I'm just thatndsn't fit.It doesn't fit because there's also a
maturity level, like I don't thinkvery I'm working on it, okay,

(01:36:45):
working on liking me, but well, And I also want to say,
and this isn't directed at you,but there are some people who enjoy screwing
up and then admitting that they shouldthrew up because they like the attention of
it. They play, They useit to play the victim. Yeah,

(01:37:09):
I don't know. And that's notyou. I mean no, no,
but there are there are a lotof people out there that do that.
I have no desire to be thevictim. If I'm gonna do something,
I'm gonna go into it eyes wideopen and say, fuck it, let's
try it. If it don't goright, will I knew it was possible.

(01:37:30):
No desire to play the victim unlessit's a role player. Right.
Well, in that case, chaseyou through the woods. And I mean
we're talking reality here, not roleplay. That that absolutely throw me down,
take away my ability to get away, like fucking love it, right

(01:37:53):
and see, oh yeah, hmm, let's go. But we're talking we're
talking reality here, right. Percussio, percussio through a a bad word in
there. I'm shocked. I rarelyever hear her cuss So I'm just like,

(01:38:14):
there's an I fucked that up.But then there's also the oh my
god, I can't believe I didthat. Yeah, yeah, don't can
sit to bottoming for life? Yeah, life makes a shitty top. I
agree, give a damn about yourboundaries. That needs to be a shirt,

(01:38:36):
right, That needs to be ashirt. Life makes a shitty top.
I love that can you imagine howmany people would get stuck trying to
figure out what that fucking meant?Right, and to keep it friendly to
everybody, you can just say,uh, you know life makes a terrible

(01:39:00):
top. Yeah, I can makethat and put it on. He's gonna
make it. Okay, he'll makethat happen. Expect a T shirt design.
Cool, I'll put it on thethe the tea public t shirt site.

(01:39:21):
Are you going to shut up?Yeah? Yeah, that'll stay open
because I'm paying to leave the podcastup and all the videos will stay up.
I'm not gonna, you know,light it on fire. I just
and and I'm still going to doa show. Like I said, if

(01:39:43):
something strikes me or mayfair, ifsomething hits you and you want to throw
out an episode or talk about something, You're more than welcome to do that.
I'm not doing this shit without you, buddy, I got together.
You're gonna have to come in herewith me because I ain't just talking.
That's fine, that's fine. Wecan't be sporadic with it. Uh.

(01:40:10):
All the Salt Life bumper stickers ona slut life, I mean I kind
of really did. I was likewhat I guess I did because I've never
knowingly saw a slut Life bumper sticker, so yeah, I'm sure I've read
them all A Salt Life. Yeah, that's that's what she's saying. Is

(01:40:32):
you see slut instead of salt?Right? Yeah? When you first look
at it, you're like, oh, why is it say slut life?
Oh wait, no, it's saltmy bed. And I thought I thought,
for me was what the fuck issalt Life? I thought there was
rip off of the Salt Life wherethey put bumper stickers out that actually read

(01:40:55):
slut life. That's what I thoughtshe was saying. I don't think ok
uh, character says real talk.Cauldron's crypt needs to stay up. It's
a real eye opener for many peopleand shows both the good and the bad
of the lifestyle. Thank you,and and it will I mean it'll stay

(01:41:17):
up. But all right, well, uh we are about twelve minutes over
here. May fair any final thoughts? Anything that you want to mention that
we didn't talk about on the listthere that wasn't on the list. No,

(01:41:40):
I just own your shit like that'sbeen my recurrent theme. I think
I've said that a lot. Ifeel like like you just like you're not
less because you have bad thoughts.You're not more because you have less bad

(01:42:00):
thoughts. Like it, everybody isimperfect, and the more you can just
accept you for who the fuck youare, the better everything else will be.
Because kind of trying to keep upthe fake and the bullshit and the
pretend, it's exhausting. Just acceptyourself. Now. The caveat is I'm

(01:42:26):
not saying it's okay to sleep withchildren or animals. Okay, that's not
okay. No rape, no,you know, as long as you're not
harming other people or entities, beings, creatures, lives, own your shit

(01:42:48):
and just be it and cup whatthe world said. Character says, remember
everyone shits. I have to commenton something else that he said too,
because he says, I've been sendingpeople here for years. Yeah. Man,

(01:43:10):
I remember when you were still servingand you were going out of country
and couldn't talk about it, didn'tknow where you were headed, and I
was That was when I was firstgetting to know you. But I was

(01:43:30):
so worried, and I knew Iwouldn't know for God only knew how long.
Yeah, yeah, Africa exactly,which I found out after the fact
after you came back. But Jesus, that was so many Oh you're in
some ma allya. Holy shit,I had every reason to be Did you

(01:44:00):
really fucking cut out? Are youserious? Wh Yeah? There you are
your college. Oh well that sucks. I'm worried stout. You're still robot.

(01:44:25):
I can't do anything about it,I know, all right? Uh?
And I do want to bring upalso K two s O, who
was my very very first Patreon producerstill to this day a dollar a month

(01:44:45):
for the past six and a halfyears. Uh. That dude's fighting a
good fight and just mad respect forhim wife and this community. That was
the community that we went to beachat Mafair in Kentucky that you mentioned earlier.

(01:45:10):
Yeah, I I don't recall thatI put that together. I don't
yeh. That's okay. Wherever connectK two K two s O and Mistress
Malice. So I love those twoto death. Amazing, amazing people.
I hope they're doing well. Allright? Am I still a robotic?

(01:45:34):
Or? Am I back to ben? Okay? You're okay? All right?
Good? Uh? Well, thatis going to wrap us up.
So Miter James Kildor's Crip has beena place I direct people interested in the
lifestyle and BDSM to gain different perspectives. Thank you so much, matter and

(01:45:58):
coming from you, that's an honor. I have such respect for you.
Never met you in person, onlyheard lots and lots of good things about
you. Fetishar says, wo,thank you so much. Have a super
Sunday, and likewise to you andto everybody, we will be back here
on. Let me pull my calendarup March the third, which will be

(01:46:25):
the day before my forty seventh birthday. Wow, is it us or just
you that day? Well, thatwill just well, I'll talk to you
about it offline about what that topicis going to be. Ok It's actually
going to be a double episode whereI talk about a couple of things that

(01:46:49):
I've promised for years and never done. Okay, so by that one of
those is religion, I figured.But I build this as the last,
the final main episode of the showbecause I was absolutely planning on doing that

(01:47:09):
one by myself. But if youwant to, I'll talk to you about
it. If you want to bea part of it, you can.
But you'll definitely be back for thefinale or the farewell, which will be
on March St. Patti's Day.March seventeenth, Are we going to have
the green beer? Well that wasnot Irish. No, that wasn't Irish

(01:47:30):
at all. My family should beashamed we're Irish. Yeah, you really
should be. Oh my god,Matt Farless, I thought I saw your
name float by. Ever since Imet Couldren years ago, been recommending the
podcast to a lot of people.Melancholy feeling today, dude, we need

(01:47:54):
to to connect so many things hashappened. We talked about the Religion show
back in twenty sixteen, Yeah,we did, and we talked. I
have talked about Yeah, I've promisedthat for a long, long long time
since the show started, the veryintroduction of the first episode, and I

(01:48:18):
think it's very fitting now before wedo the farewell to talk about it.
But anyway, Matt, I hopeyou're doing well. I hope everybody out
there is doing well. Everybody's pippedin. If you haven't commented, still,
thank you for being here. Andwe'll see in a couple of weeks
for a much different kind of episode, and very controversial stuff is what we'll

(01:48:48):
be talking about with religion and raceplay. Saving it to the very end,
so don't in case, I totallyget care anceled so doing fine.
Y'all have a great rest of yourday. All right, well, this
has been my Caldron and Mayfair caldronscriptdot com OnEarth the truth. Bye everybody,

(01:49:12):
Thanks for a great show today

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