April 16, 2025 • 42 mins
In this episode, Leslie sits down with Spokane radio legend, Ken Hopkins, and his wife, Trish Hopkins as they talk about the day of Ken's paralyzing bicycle accident, and how he lives his life with a spinal cord injury. You won't want to miss this emotional, heartfelt retelling of Ken's story from he and his wife's point of view. Learn how they handled that difficult time as a family, along with the support of the Spokane Community.
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Hear more from The Leslie's Lowdown on Life Podcast on KHQ here: https://www.khq.com/podcasts/lowedown/
#LeslieLowe #LesliesLowedown #Leslie #Lowe #NonStopLocalKHQ #KenHopkins #trishhopkins
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome everybody to Leslie's low down on life. This is
a great one today, a heartfelt sit down with two
of my favorite people. Honestly, two of the nicest people
I've ever met my entire life. And we're talking today
about how life can change on a dime and just
in a heartbeat.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
So today I've got with us.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Ken Hopkins, you know him from Dave, Ken and Mollie
the trio there and his beautiful wife Trisha Hopkins the
other side. You know they the better half. Is that
the better half?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Finely better half. People can see any him foreign life.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh you guys have been married for thirty nine.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Years and county counting and again, just two of the
nicest people I've ever met my entire life.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
You're one of our favorites. Also, Yes, we're just going
to do this.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, that's just.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
That's just a sign how people can be fooled. I mean,
I'm as nice as she allows me.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Hey, we're good, We're a good partner.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
We're pretty good.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, it's a pretty good for your ship.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah, you guys that you've been through a lot together
and I want to I'm going to start with you,
Ken and say take us back to July thirteenth, twenty fifteen.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Why did that day start?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
That was a Monday. I remember that day pretty well.
It was a really warm day and I had a
regular day at work, and I remember coming home, sitting
at my desk and I was listening to music and
I can still remember the song I was. I won't
talk about the song, but I was obsessed with a
(01:51):
song and I'm listening and I'm I remember texting my
nephew and Boise, Idaho for about something I don't know.
And I was obsessed with riding bike. I usually run
or ride bikes, find something to get in shape, and
(02:11):
I was a Trish had come home and was making
dinner and I was thinking, I can get my bike
ridehead real quick bike ride and I'll be home. And
she said, oh, come on if the dinner's ready, and
I really I just I said, I'm gonna jump on
my bike real quick, do my little ride. And I
(02:34):
did my entire ride. I can remember it all except
my fine little swoop into our neighborhood. Oddly enough, was
where I apparently hit a curb, and I don't remember
much after that.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Trash take it from there, mine that yes, he decided
to go on a bike ride when I was putting
dinner on the table, and I remember he was standing
at the front door and it was beautiful sunny day.
It was beautiful, and he just said, I'll be I'll
be right back. This isn't you know, I'm just going
(03:11):
to take a quick ride and I'll be back. And
all of our kids were at home. Our oldest daughter
was finishing her college, Dylan was a soft more in
high school, and our middle son was in college. So
(03:31):
you know, when you make dinner as a mom, you're like, okay,
it's ready, everybody sit at the table. But he was
giving me the it'll just be a bit and he
I remember, it was like, okay, this is a longer
bike ride than he told me. And you know, I
had done the dishes. I was back in my bedroom
and my daughter knocked and said, there's neighbors at the door.
(03:56):
And I could just tell by Taylor's my daughter's luck
on her face that it wasn't good, and that he
was right at the entrance of our housing development. And
the neighbor came and got me and took me to him,
and the whole neighborhood was out. But immediately the paramedics
(04:18):
said to me, this isn't good. I just want you
to know that it's a bad situation and he can't,
you know, feel anything, And Kendall was talking to me.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I don't remember much of that.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
And you know, from that point, I just knew that
I never I knew he was going to be paralyzed,
that he wasn't going to be able to walk again.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Why did you either one of you.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Did you have any kind of like a weird.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Feeling that day of premonition?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You know how sometimes you get that kind of good
thing where you're seen.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
For me, maybe I shouldn't do that or not at all.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
I mean, when I see him in my mind, it's
like I can still see him standing at the door
waving to me with the sun behind him at the
front door when he left, which I would say, maybe
that was maybe that was a little bit of an
odd moment, because that is still clear in my mind.
(05:26):
Maybe it's the thing that happens before something traumatic happens.
I don't know if other people have.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
That, it is it is odd hell that time. I remember.
The first thing I remember was apparently I was in
the ambulance and Trisha was whispering in my ear, and
I just felt I mean, I wasn't in pain. I
(05:55):
just felt like I was so deep inside some dark
little place in my head was where I was couldn't
feel anything. I could tell that. I remember raising my
hands in the ambulance and saying in my head, I
was saying, I think I'm gonna be okay, you know,
(06:17):
But Tricius whispered, you've been in an accident or on
our way to the hospital, and I could just just
hear her voice, and that's what I hung on to.
But I remember rolling down there or going to the hospital,
and I remember inside just thinking, I don't I don't
(06:40):
know if I'm going to walk again. I just had
that it just felt like an any you know, can
you feel this? Can you feel this? And I knew
in my head, man, I want to feel a poke,
But I just I couldn't feel anything. I didn't know
what was happening.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
It was just really kind of a freak accident, wasn't
it just very because you had your helmet on you,
you were doing all the right things.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
You were almost home.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I was almost home. My surgeon apparently said I've never
seen an accident or damage this bad. That wasn't that
a motor vehicle wasn't involved with. Basically, he's never seen
well just somebody fall off the.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Well. You about two weeks later you said to me
that when he was at the hospital, he goes, you know,
I remember putting my hand up, and he goes, you know,
if someone was close, too close to me, I put
my hand up, and he did remember that. I don't.
I don't think anybody hit him, but I think there was.
(07:54):
I may have car that came in, Yeah close startled
you off, Yeah that startled Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
It was busy, and that that was something that resurfaced.
And Trisha was referencing when I was on my bike,
you know, the hand signals and when I pulled into
my own neighborhood. Usually I just pulled in. I didn't
really feel the need to hand signal if there wasn't traffic,
but I do distinctly remember putting my hand up like officially,
(08:25):
like I'm turning in, just so everybody knew. I don't
know if that meant anything, but that was just something
that kind of resurfered.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Now one of those things said, I mean, honestly, it
could be one of those things where you were just
you felt a little startled or maybe rushed or needed
to get out of the way, probably right lost your.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Balance and I could have. And there's a little median
with trees and a little curb, and I hit that
curb and then a tree. Basically the tree stopped at
my moment, and that's where the back of my head
to hit. And thankfully was wearing that helmet, yeah, which
(09:05):
I still have the helmet, and just to look at
it and say, I can't believe that this saved my life. Probably.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I mean, it's a good reminder, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yes, Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it was just the way
you fell.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
It was just the way I landed. And I've talked
to many people saying I probably landed that way playing
football or sports a hundred times. You know who knows,
he just the just the freak way you land I guess.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So take me from there.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Then you're in the hospital, and I'm sure it's all
kinds of hurried, busied neits around.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
We went right, of course, to the er and they
had the neural searcheon came in and he asked me
what he did for a living, and I told him,
and he said he can. I don't know that. He
gives you that little sliver. It was a little much
for Candle, but he's like, you know, he can go
back to work. And I was like, you know, later on,
(10:09):
it's like, you know, you can go back to work.
That's what the neurosurgeon said, and it gave us a goal.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
And he did in all of anything from here on
until Saint Luke's basically twenty three days at Sacred Heart.
I do have glimpses of memories, but I have to
rely on trash. Yeah. The surgeon came into her immediately
and said what does he do for a living? And
she said he works in radio. Good he will be
(10:39):
able to return to work and that.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
But it was pretty chaotic.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
That gave her a lot of energy, but just the
chaos of things going on, which I wasn't even aware
of right.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Because he was giving me passwords like Okay, now you
need to tell so and so this is the password this,
and he was just reeling. So he was really he
was very conscious and talking and before you went into surgery, but.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I wasn't quite aware of what I was repeating. For
some reason, I kept giving her the password to my
work email, like they're gonna need to and I and
then I thought, well, I'm sure the it I could
probably get into my email of anybody needed.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Trying to get some order, familiar what's going to happen tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
And to be honest, there was part of my process
was I would many times eat dinner and I would
jump back on the laptop get things, you know, remotely,
And I had not got gotten the music set for
Tuesday on the radio station and yet and I was
(12:01):
at a hospital at ten o'clock at night. So my mantra,
I guess I was, uh, Trisha had to call everybody
and tell them what happened.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And you were still trying to do what you needed
to do. Your brain was trying to like normalize everything.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
My brain was just spitting out just random, random things.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Familiarity, yeah, yeah, just all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
So your's what I forgot to do, do this, do this, yeah,
I mean, and then for you, you're on the back
side of that, trying to manage everything. And I'm sure,
I mean, your kid's wife, you're worried about him.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, you're trying to.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Read about us that I was about our kids, our family. Yeah,
our family, how this you know? And really with the
doctor saying that, I'm I really I didn't know if
he was really going to be able to return to
work and.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
When Yeah, and when a scary and answer questions.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
And navigating that all with his work, like you know,
eventually we it was like what needed to be done
there so he could return to work. And he did
have When he was a sacred Heart, he had a
spinal stroke, which we have never talked about.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
What is that we talk if you.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Don't affected his it affected his arms, so he had
full function of his arms. But it's something to do
with nerve, your nerve damage, So he lost half of
the feeling in his arms, and the nerve pain was terrible,
the nerve it was. The neurologist and the neural surgeon
(14:02):
were going back and forth as to what to do,
and he was in terrible pain and they were The
neural surgeon wanted him to get to Saint Luke's and
the neurologist was, no, he needs we think he had
his final stroke. He needs to stay in the hospital. Well,
(14:22):
the surgeon won and he went to Saint Luke's. But
you only get so many days of rehabilitation, and he couldn't.
They had to put a sign on his door. He
couldn't even stand to hear the click on the door chutting.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
So those are fake memories.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
And it is that sensitivity is because of this stroke.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yes, And the bottom line is what I wasn't probably
strong enough to be discharged yet.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
So they sent him back to.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Heart.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
I think two more weeks before he.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Went back to put a bump in the road. I
don't remember it being that long.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
I know we were just talking about that he didn't.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It's hard to im now.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And just for the stroke, I hope I get all
the numbers right. My original right chest level was my
injury at the four thoracic four, and then a higher.
They believe at some point I had a stroke that
(15:29):
affected T five and T six, so it went up
two more notches and that caused I guess it almost
feels like I'm warning sleeves or gloves or does it
still like that. It's numbness. It doesn't hurt unless I
can't get some nerve pain. But that just happened while
(15:53):
I was laying in bed at Sacred Heart. I don't
mean I do remember two professionals. They were arguing about
what happened happen and I'm just here going I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
I'm right here.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Can't just tell me where I should go. I don't know.
But that was interesting. Trisha was probably more involved in that.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It's just probably the trauma on your body.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
It could have been. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Wow, So you learned pretty I learned pretty fast how
to be his advocate when you have a loved one
in the hospital, you know, making sure, sticking up for what.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I was going to ask you about that.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Because you're already being married and being married for a
long time, three kids together, you're already naturally each other's advocates.
But that takes it up at twenty notches, you know,
and you're having to step in and speak for him
and make sure that he's getting what he needs.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yeah, that doesn't and that doesn't come to me naturally.
But I did learn to do that to, you know,
stick up for him and speak my mind and when
I didn't think care was what should be or you know,
I mean, just you're there with your loved one. So
(17:15):
I did learn how to do that. That sacred heart
and Saint.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Luke's quite strongly and made lifelong friends.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Saint Luke's is our family with some.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Of the members there, and I just, yeah, I do
remember most of the time at Saint Luke's, but prior
to that, it's just glimpses of guests. And I remember
a therapy dog that came a sacred heart, and that
(17:52):
was the happiest I had been up to that, putting
my hand on that warm.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Dog, and it was just laying a comforting and.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Amazing Not to.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Mention, yeah, everything that was happening in the community and
on the radio with Dave and Molly's spearheading.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I do want to ask you about that, because when
this happened, it was devastating for you as a family.
It was devastating for the community. I'll never forget that that,
oh my gosh, what happened? How can we help? And
then just to see this community rally around you and
your family, and it shows how much you're loved and
(18:42):
how embedded you've been in this community for years.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Well, and people, you know, you usually hear the negative stories,
but we really learned that there is an overwhelming amount
of people that are so generous. I mean, he still
goes out and people ask him how he's doing, and
(19:09):
or he'll somebody's pushed you in the van once, or
you know, he loves he loved to go to the
grocery store before and so he still will do that
for small things, and he'll somebody will reach something on
a top shelf for him. I mean, people are really helpful.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
I just people are just wonderful. And it's really I
hope I don't crumble here, but when someone comes up
and says like I prayed for you, or I bought
(19:50):
a coffee and I don't even drink coffee, I mean,
it's just so special, it really is.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I'm sorry, but you know it's it's it just it
speaks volumes. For again, you are kind of Spokane's family,
and when this happened, everybody wanted to jump in and
to do everything. And I think in a world where
you said it a second ago, there's so much negative
and we hear so much bad. Right to see the
(20:21):
good and to see the love that really is there
and it is the foundation is a great reminder.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
How's that changed you, guys?
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Oh boy, tremendously.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
I mean I think I've mentioned through our journey and
the people we've met because of my accident. You're kind
of in a new club that nobody wants to be in,
a disability club or whatever. But the unbelievable people that
have been there before you m hm, among others, just
(21:05):
you know, and just the the friendship and just the
just the support verbally and monetarily and in so many ways.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
I know that you guys are involved in some organizations
because knowing your hearts, you want to make sure that
you're there for anybody else who goes through this because
it is a club. You never sign up, You don't
want to sign.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Up, You don't want anybody in this club.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
This is not a club you want to join. No,
but if you're.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
You know, if you're in the club, you want to
feel loved and supported. And I know that that's what
you guys are doing. Now what does that mean to
you and what does that look like for you?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Guys?
Speaker 4 (21:53):
We went through a Christopher Reeve peer training, so like,
for example, for myself, I would maybe talk to people
that are the family or friend that is involved in
the care of someone with spinal cord injury. And I
could do that by phone or somebody will message me
(22:17):
on Facebook Messenger, like for example, Sean's wife messaged me
she knew a family that went through it, and so
I became friends with this family, and it's it's just
meeting and listening and and you know, in turn, when
(22:40):
you do that it was helpful. It's just as helpful
for me more so more so to be there for
somebody else that it's that they're just in the thick
of it, you know. And my mantra for that was always, Okay,
I'm gonna it's one second, one minute, one hour, one day,
(23:07):
and one year. And I remember somebody saying, you won't
believe how different things will be after a year, and
I just thought that it's going to be Impossible's true,
And so I tried to just really live by I
would just say that in my head, it's like, okay,
(23:27):
you know, whatever was happening for the day, I would
just really take things in very small increments because it
was impossible, yeah, take it all. And so that was huge.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
That's a great mantra. Actually, one second, one minute, one.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Hours is very small, Yes.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
It's yeah, how how things just the priorities just got
down to just minute by minute. I remember in Saint Luke,
by the time I got there and it was cognizant
and I was in truly rehab form. I was still recovering,
but I just looked at my board every morning and
(24:12):
that was my day. It was, oh, breakfast, then I
go to the gym, and I have a little break.
Then it's lunch, then I go to the gym, and
then I got this, this and this and and it's
like I knew, I knew I could do that. I
I you know, I've been on teams, I've a coach
(24:32):
tells you to do something. I just did it, so
I knew I could do that. I knew I could
get through the program on time, but you did. Nobody knows.
I didn't know how life was going to be after
I get out of here. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It's got to be overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
You're hoping it all works out. But I remember know
for now is I can go to the gym and
I can do what they say that I will do that.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
When you when I came in one day at Saint
Luke's and he he was learning how to dress himself.
I mean it's just the basic things, and I was like,
you know, it's like, look, you can go back to work.
You know your life isn't over, and he's like, but
I I'm trying to learn how to get my pants here.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And it's gotta be scary.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Yeah, it is so those first few I mean, it's
kind of automatic now, but those first few, first few months,
I should say. I do remember Trush coming in and
I was so proud that I got my pants and
socks off, you know, because I'm laying and sitting and uh,
(25:50):
and I was exhausted, but I was just so thrilled.
My parents are, hey, the doctor said you can go.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Back to work too. You're like, but you've got your
paints on it.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
You can sit up by yourself. Now.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
It is all those things that we take for granted, right,
it's just our everyday routines, and then relearning it.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Is one hundred. Even though I was a full grown
man with a full grown mind, your body is you're
a toddler. You. I mean, it was almost ironically funny
because just a few years prior, you know, we're assisting
(26:40):
my elderly father and they become just like your little
toddlers and you help them and it's like, man, I'm
learning to walk. I can't hardly even pick anything up.
I'm dropping the phone on my face. I guess it
was a mess, but it's amazing how and they did say,
(27:04):
just wait, you won't believe a year for now, and
I'm saying I can't even think a day from now.
It was frustrated.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
How did you guys get through that? Was it humor?
Because I know that you guys are I mean, you're funny.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
And I remember you're strong. The recreational therapist that first
time you went out and that's like where you have
to learn how to transfer into a car. I wasn't
even with him. I was like, okay, we're going to
meet you at a restaurant.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It was my first fee.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
I can't remember if they took you downtown, but I
think just with his job and speaking, he you know,
he had to kind of even talk slower, make sure
he's formulating his words. It didn't bother him to be
out in front of people, which is difficult for people
(27:56):
after they're paralyzed. Right, being in a wheelchair and just
feeling awkward. You're different, and I think that helped you
quite remember the therapist saying that that you weren't bothered
by being out in a wheelchair.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
So that's something I never thought of until Trush told me, because, yeah,
most people, you're being looked at because you're in a wheelchair,
and not that I'm like you on TV, but out
and about people might recognize me. Yes, I was always
(28:35):
used to people looking at me and just so if
they looked at me in a wheelchair, I'm just that's great.
That didn't bother me. I'm more used to that. But
a lot of people out walking with canes or walkers. Yeah,
you don't want to be noticed.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
But that's kind of a blessing that you were able
to take that piece of it.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You'll be okay with it.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
And I love nothing more than if someone comes up
and asks me a question specifically about my chair or
my disability. I'm just really comfortable with that, probably because
I was in the public eye and I'm kind of
used to that. Yeah, So I mean, I do love
(29:20):
it when little kids. Parents just are mortified when their
little kids come up to me because the parents don't
know what they're going to ask.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
It's true, right, I absolutely love it.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Why are you writing in that? Well, I'll tell you
what I was in an accident and now here's what
and they just I love kids. They're just no question
is off the board for them.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
They're so sweet and they're so innocent. They've really actually
they look at you like a superhero.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
You're like, look at this.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, it's almost more like where's your cape?
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
I've had many funny little instance. I I do tend
to drop things off my lap quite a bit. I
was at a little grocery store and uh there was
a gal with a little toddler in her cart and
the toddler I thought. The toddler said uh oh, And
(30:20):
I thought, oh, did I drop something? And so I
looked down and I told the mom I said, I thought,
I thought, she said oh oh, and she said no.
Anytime she said sees wheels, she it's go, go, oh,
(30:41):
go go. Kids love wheels. I can see their eyes
go right to It's.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Like you've got your own hot wheels.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
So how how did this change how you prioritize life
as a couple and as a family.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Boy, that was tough, the toughest.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
We've had ten years of pretty big things happening.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
We have. You know when you said.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
About put things in perspective, because when you can put
them on a shelf in an order, The latest was pretty.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Tough, right, little work transition was tough in there, you know,
blashing back to humor, which humor is a huge part
of probably all of our lives in dealing with things.
But I do remember Lane in Saint Luke's and there
(31:43):
were there were some humorous times. There were a lot
of dark times. And I remember telling Trash, I said,
I just I don't know if I can just go
on the radio and just laugh about trivial stuff. I
just I couldn't imagine doing that, like whatever Madonna's doing now.
I mean, I just thought, I just don't know if
(32:06):
I will get back to that. I did, but there
was a time when I just thought, I just can't
imagine just laughing about oh some sitcom on TV or something.
It just didn't It's felt so far away.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
And you had an avenue to to talk about just
what it's like living in a wheelchair, which there's not
many odds, there's not very many opportunities where people that
are living in a wheelchair get to hear somebody who's
doing that right, right, And so I mean, really that's
(32:44):
what it came down to, was being able to share that.
And you do have a good sense.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Of you I'll tell you there's a lot of disability
is a clown show. I mean, there's a lot of
All of our lives are hilarious if you peel it back,
but I mean you just got to deal with the
humor of it. And you know, a lot of that
(33:10):
is meeting people that have been there before me. I
it's I can't believe we're coming up on ten years.
I was just talking to a friend of mine who
is about my age, and I said, I'm almost ten
years in and he said, well, I'm almost forty years in.
All of my friends, my wheelchair friends, I would say,
(33:31):
are I still feel like a newbie? I still learn
and find a new idea? Or why have I been
doing it this way for ten years? I can do?
You know, just little shortcuts of about how to live life.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's amazing, isn't it interesting?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
How you introduce a whole new community that you didn't
even think about probably a lot before. But you say
your wheelchair friends. I don't, but you know that's I mean,
but that's I mean, that's so real and that's so honest.
But you don't normally like think about that, but you know,
you say, you're ten years in you've got a friend
(34:13):
these forty years in but you probably learn so much
from each other and gather so much strength and just
having that camaraderie and that relationship with somebody who knows
and understands.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
Yeah, it is amazing. Yeah. I look at my class
I was with at Saint Luke's, which is an odd
way to look at it. I was what fifty four, Yeah,
it was all twenty somethings. It was all motorcycle, car accident, diving,
(34:48):
maybe just in and they had.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
A whole different set of maybe they weren't married, or
they had just gotten married, and they don't have any
children yet, and what were they gonna They couldn't go
back to what their job was before, right, And so
we tried to find positives of things that Wow, he
(35:15):
was really lucky. He got to do all these things,
these activities, and there's I mean, spinal cord injuries come
so far. I mean people water ski and snow ski
and play.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Basketball sports, yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
And have children, and which.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Is so great.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Yeah, it's amazing. I did. And I even shared with
a couple of the guys. There was one young lady
there too, and you'd see them in the gym there
wasn't a lot of camaraderie, but I mean you were
just such on the same level. You could look at
each other and communicate almost. But I just felt so
(35:58):
thankful that I was married, I am married, kid's job,
all the things that I got to do before this
unfortunate thing happened. I just couldn't imagine being twenty one
and maybe you're in college and what am I going
to do now? It was but I learned from them.
(36:21):
I hope they learned from me and learning new normals.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
I'm Mary.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
That's what the entire thing is called. The new normal.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
The new normal.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
It's just you do you try to do approach things
the phrase we were given, you know, how do you do?
What do you do if you want to do this
and this and well what did you do before? Well
most of it you can still do the same. You
just have to adapt adapting.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
How are the kids doing.
Speaker 4 (36:55):
I think they're doing great. They're all just making their
way in the world on what they want to do.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
They are I you know, I still feel, as Trish said,
it disability or an injury of this mangitude. It's not
just me, it's the whole family. I mean it just
affected them so much, and it's tough for me to
(37:25):
look back at that. But from where we all were
as a family and where we're at now, I'm so
proud of our kids and they're so helpful in mental,
physical ways, emotional ways.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
We're just normal parents where it's like, oh, I'm sorry,
you know, I should have done it this way. I
wish I would have, you know, even I was just
in this little I was just making it every day,
like I knew what time I needed to be down
at the hospital, and you know, I had three kids
at home, our daughter, you know, our middle our youngest
(38:05):
son found out he's a Type one diabetic when he
was a freshman in high school. And then he's a
sophomore and his dad is paralyzed, and so our oldest
had to and he didn't have a driver's license, so
she had to take on Dylan helping get all of
(38:27):
his stuff ordered because Kendall did that and get him
to drivers ed. I mean, she kind of had to
take over a parent role because Kendall and I were
just surviving every day as to what was going to
happen next. And our middle son had a really really
(38:52):
hard time. Yeah, her he struggled. It was of our
three kids just devastated him, but his dad wasn't going
to walk again, and he just really has struggled with
all of that. And you know, they're all amazing in
(39:13):
their own way, but kind of survived it in different different.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Ways because different personalities still things in different ways.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
And yeah, he's the.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Middle right, and he's the medal, tends to be a
little more sensitive.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
And I've even mentioned on uh publicly, he was given
all the darn middle child syndrome.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
That's such a sorry. I can sympathize with you.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
I will see this through. That just volcano of destruction
that seemed to be happening at the time. That did
lead to him getting diagnosis and medications and help.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
It was a long road, long road, but it's hard.
It's hard to watch somebody that you love going through something.
Probably felt like he couldn't help you or fix it,
and that's difficult to do too. And yeah, so we
all handle things in our own different ways, and it
just takes time.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
It takes time.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
It has time.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Yeah, I'm just so impressed with you guys as a family.
I want to ask you a couple of questions and
then I'll wrap it up. But what do you say
to your coworkers, because I know that they were like
just right there, they were fierce.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Yeah, well that's.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
When I say that. I mean David Mully, Well.
Speaker 4 (40:55):
They came in from the get go. I mean I
was calling, you know, from before he was taken in,
letting them know. I think I called Dave Kendall's boss
at the time, and then I think Dave called Molly and.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
The word kind of spread.
Speaker 4 (41:18):
They would just come in and just be there, just
not saying anything, just being there. And you know, it's
a business of relationships. They were been in this room
together every morning for years, and they're so loyal to
(41:40):
each other in supportive and.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Family.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
Family. Yes, And it was.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
In those early days actually the month at Sacred Heart basically,
I do remember the early days. I don't remember, but
I can remember Dave just sitting quietly. I remember Molly
bringing Slurpy because I just was obsessed with a Slurpy.
Speaker 4 (42:11):
And everybody just wants to be able to do right.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Do something and just and then.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
About the time I think I was going to Saint
Luke's and then I heard about their fundraising, and I
mean I was just so overwhelmed with all that. They
were fierce.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
They were fierce even to hear them talk about what
you went through.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Now they're still fierce, yeah about.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
It, loyal to each other's supportive and us to them.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yes, yeah, you.
Speaker 4 (42:49):
Know, And that could be a whole other podcast to
be like, you know, because I know when I was
driving him the first year to work and what was
happening at home because he could you know, there was
several times he passed out in the mornings before I
get him to work, and there was a whole thing
(43:10):
with that. But it then it's like, okay, there you go,
Dave and Molly, here he is. I mean they spent early.
I mean he was back at work three months.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Which is amazing.
Speaker 4 (43:22):
That is those too early, but it was amazing and
Dave and Molly, I mean that's something.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
They they integrated. They came to Saint Luke's and they
practiced how to get me back into my chair should
I fall out. I mean they've they came up to
my house, our house the first time that I went
up and there was a gang of people in the
bedroom watching me transfer onto our bed and it's like, wow, I've.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
Never known that much geting.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
Yeah, I mean just the incorporation of people and for
them to get comfortable with with me, and they're totally
comfortable now. You know, it's because they had that.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
Had to be pretty nerve wracking when he initially went
back to work. I mean it was pretty soon after
his final cord injury and.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
It was quite soon.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
What was that therapeutic for you?
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Yes, I look back on it both two ways because
we have a Gallax Saint Luke's who is a confidant,
and many times I told her, or I've told her
I should I went back to work way too early,
but she said, that's that's really what drove you to
(44:53):
get out of the hospital and is absolutely right. Get
back to my family. Obviously sleep, but just that drive
to I know there's still life out there. I know
I can still I can still do this, I could
still talk. I can still do that if I can
just get to where I need to go and function.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
You wanted to get started on your new normal, yes, yeah.
Speaker 4 (45:19):
And our first airplane trip was to a radio convention.
Was that Atlanta was quite a first trip to take and.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
We did go. Trisiaan and Dave and Molly were there
so we were a little team together. Obviously Tricia and
I are a pretty good little team individually. But it
was awesome.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
I think Mollie would get us all checked in.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
Wherever Mollie was on she was on track on that airfare.
She was not going to let me get messed around
with her.
Speaker 4 (45:57):
I came back thou, It's like, where is he, what's doing?
Speaker 2 (46:03):
What's happening now?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
So what have been what's been the most difficult transition
and what has been the best transition?
Speaker 2 (46:13):
You would say, Wow, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
I think a difficult thing for us is there's very
few things that we can't do. They're really I mean,
we can fly, we can travel, we can do whatever.
It just has to be at our own time, and
(46:46):
sometimes people have their own We just I just can't
turn things around that fast, getting out of bed and
getting dressed. I just can't do it as fast as
I used to. We just have to do that at
our own time.
Speaker 4 (47:01):
And we're going at a slower pace right now. We're
taking more time time. It's the big deal for us
right now, and learning not to have a schedule.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
And which is really nice.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
And I'm still doing all the same things I was
doing before he got pre retired. Yeah, so it's getting
used to that new system with him being home. And
I think sometimes, don't you think it wasn't all the
physical of this. It's the mental.
Speaker 3 (47:39):
That's a whole other podcast. As I said before, when
I looked at my gym chart for the day, I
knew I could do that. I knew I could do
the physical stuff if they said it can be done.
And look at that guy over there, he did it.
I said I can do that. I still don't if
(48:00):
I can do the mental part. To be honest with you,
I mean, I think I'm better at being inspirator or
whatever for someone on the physical end, but that ends
up helping you mentally and emotionally, and it's as much
(48:21):
of a help for me. And so it is the
mental journey is I mean that for all of us,
the mental journey is the toughest part.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
It really is how do you how do you get
through those hard days? Because they happen, so how do
you work through them? Is it though one second, one minute,
one hour?
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Well, I complain a lot, you know, Yeah, there's there's
I'll say this, I don't know if my disability really
causes the dark days. It's just life in between and
(49:03):
where we are in life. Uh. I guess just maybe
I would say, oh, now we have to deal with
that too, you know, But it's like just life happens.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
And it's just like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Yeah, and how do you deal with the dark days?
Speaker 4 (49:23):
Sometimes it's like, just give me a minute here, you know,
I just need a minute and I'll get myself turned around.
But you know, it's it is. It's hard watching your
your loved one suffer or going through hard a hard time,
(49:47):
and you know, I want to do battle for it, you.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
Know, and I do. I'm here's the vanity of me.
I try to make my disability footprint as invisible as
possible because I don't want people worried about me. I
(50:12):
really am fine for what I have and for what
I do, so I try to minimize that. But I
mean it does effect. It just takes up so much time.
It is almost a full time job, and everybody kind
of knows what I've done and what I do. My
(50:33):
wife has like five jobs and is busy, busy, busy,
and it's all at home. She worked at home before
anybody knew what that was. And add caretaking onto that.
You know, some days more than others. But it's it's
(50:54):
just adapting, I guess.
Speaker 4 (50:56):
Yeah, you just circle back to you know, good positive
things that you have happening.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
Always just take a minute. I always would say, just
get through today.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
Yeah, tomorrow will be better, right, Yeah, absolutely, get through
today exactly. So we talked so much about that physical
piece of things and the recovery on that end, but
there's such a mental piece that has got to be
so incredibly difficult as well.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
You guys, absolutely, that's kind of the unknown, well, the
unknown journey that we're all traveling.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
It's the biggest.
Speaker 3 (51:39):
It is the biggest. And I mentioned before, I knew
I could do the physical part, and really a lot
of that was just healing from surgery and injury and
getting myself to where I could get my strength back
to function. And really I'm a physically fond. The only
(52:01):
problem is I'm getting old and getting achy and cranky.
But that's the only physical and it is the mental. Uh,
That mental journey is the toughest, and it's the it's
the one that it was probably the darkest laying in
(52:21):
the hospital because you you know, you can physically get there,
but you just don't. Can I mentally do this? And
you don't even know what the journey's even going to
be like.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
Because you're in your own head. Yeah, I mean you
are in your own head.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
So you talk about being dark and in your own
head and you're hearing your own voice go through that.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
Can I do this? You know what does this look like?
Speaker 3 (52:46):
And and it is the the process of the grief process,
I guess which you go through immediately, the loss of.
Speaker 4 (52:58):
The loss of the loss of your being able bodied. Right,
you know, he's was used to being in all sorts
of different activities and and you get it. He's got
a change in his height too.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
I mean that shorter than ever.
Speaker 2 (53:18):
We were about the same height.
Speaker 3 (53:19):
Now, hey, I love I absolutely love people that are
about my same height. Yeah, yeah, that's great. But yeah,
the I'll say this. I we have an aunt who
is now ninety six years old, and I had no
(53:45):
idea the connection that a further connection that I would
make with her talking about the grief process. And she
she has gone through grief. She she informed me that
the three toughest things to deal with in grief are
(54:05):
number one, the loss of a child. Number two, the
loss of a spouse number three paralysis, and I didn't
not know that. I greatly respect her because she has
lost two spouses and a child, and I said, I,
this gives me no room to complain about anything, but
(54:29):
it gives you. I just look at someone like that
and say, I can get through this mentally, no matter
where I am, because this person is telling me I can.
And look what she's been doing.
Speaker 4 (54:44):
She was teaching me about the grieving process like it's okay.
Speaker 3 (54:51):
Because it just keeps spinning. It keeps it does. One
day you wake up and you know whether it's about
a job change or your physical One day you wake
up and you're just mad about stuff, and then another
day you have a not a care in the world,
and then two days later you're sad, and then you're
(55:14):
in denial about stuff. I mean, it just happens. It
just keeps going over and over and over.
Speaker 1 (55:19):
I always tell people grief is grief, no matter what
you've been through, that grief is real.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
But what's so.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Interesting about grief and mental health issues is people can't
see it. Generally, they can't see it, and we tend
to mask that.
Speaker 2 (55:34):
Very well.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
M M.
Speaker 4 (55:36):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (55:37):
I've always said for myself and anybody else who's physically disabled.
They can look at you and immediately see what your
physical issue is, but everybody else walking around has just
as many maybe physical that you can't see. And we
all have emotional scars that we're dealing with, or issues
(56:02):
or trying to work things out. So I I kind
of feel like people look at me and immediately have empathy,
but they might look at you and say, oh, well,
Leslie smiling, she's perfect, she has not a care in
the world. No, we all have cares in the world.
Speaker 2 (56:25):
It's true that mental peace is I mean, everybody goes
through the dark days.
Speaker 1 (56:30):
They go through the dark days, and when you've been
through something traumatic like you have, I mean some of
those days, I'm sure feel darker. When you go through
a loss, it's darker and it's just maneuvering through that.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
I can get sarcastically dark, I really can, and Trisha
has to set me straight.
Speaker 2 (56:49):
Does that help you?
Speaker 3 (56:50):
Though? I can get the darkest humor. It's not even humor.
I can say this happened on purpose. I'm I'm I
made a joke about a disabled person when I was five,
and that's why this happened or I laughed at somebody
or I did. I mean, I can just go down
to that level, but then I know that's not true,
(57:12):
but it kind of helps me get negative out.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
Maybe sometimes I think we all have different ways of
dealing with that, and I think that you know, the
dark humors, not I get that exactly.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
We can all be our worst enemy, I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (57:29):
And then Trisha's a caregiver. I mean, I'm sure you've
had things running through your mind that you don't want
to say out loud, right right, Because I've.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Been on the caregiver side of things too.
Speaker 4 (57:40):
I had to find support groups with other I think
it's it's called wags and it's on social media, and
I started following them. It was two women whose husbands
were paralyzed and they started this group for wives and girlfriends,
(58:01):
but I you know, it's for anybody. And then I
also found, you know, like my friend that stepson was
going through. I don't know, finding people that have gone
through a similar that you're able to talk to because sometimes,
you know, I would say, I've got my befour friends
who are wonderful because they're still with me, and my
(58:24):
after friends that I've obtained after.
Speaker 3 (58:29):
Which we would have had no idea existed out I mean,
we know they exist out there, but we had not
a connection, and all of a sudden, you're just intimately connected.
Speaker 4 (58:41):
Yeah, sometimes it's hard to filter all the advice people
have for you that haven't been through what you're going
through can be hard to take that on.
Speaker 1 (58:57):
Sometimes what advice do you give people when they're trying
to find the right thing to say, because you know,
it's hard for people.
Speaker 4 (59:06):
It is hard for people they really when they care
about you, you know, And we were talking about that,
you know, where I've learned to have empathy and wanting
people to know that we really are fine. And I you.
Speaker 1 (59:22):
Know, but you tend to make people, you make yourself
fine so that everybody else feels fine.
Speaker 4 (59:29):
And that's why I do that. Yes, and sometimes and
you can't usually do that forever.
Speaker 2 (59:35):
No, that's not sustainable.
Speaker 4 (59:37):
At a point, I mean I knew at a point
it's like, Okay, I need to get help for myself.
I need somebody to talk to. So I did that
and I found gosh. I went to therapy at Saint
Luke's for a little while, just different avenues to deal
with what was happening in our family, and we had
(01:00:02):
things happening with our kids that were going through different things. Also,
it can be a hard way when you're trying to
juggle all those those things.
Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
And from the mental health side, I very quick. One
issue I deal with a lot, not as much is
just guilt or putting my family in that situation, for
putting my coworkers just disappeared for three months and somehow
(01:00:35):
they had to get it just and I know it
wasn't anything that I did on purpose, but it just
changed everybody's life so much turbulence, and it has settled
and life is good and we've yeah, there's been so
(01:00:57):
many shining moments in our after in our new life,
you know. But I mean that's something my ideal with
a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
I mean, you kind of surprise me when you said
that at first, and then I thought, Okay, yes, I
could see guilt, maybe shame, all of those things that
are just natural things that we take on, Yeah, because
we want to protect the people around us.
Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
It was tough just laying and not being able to
help with anything because we had a home, we have
a rental property, we have three kids, and not being
able to help with anything, and you know, life was
still going on on the home side, and you know,
all of a sudden we added all the medical things.
(01:01:52):
But that grief process, it does keep rolling, but it
does make amise and it changes a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
What would you tell somebody, whether they're dealing with disability
or just a dark time. They've had a loss they
whether it be a spouse, a child, a job, an
income somehow, you know, because losses or losses, what advice
would you give them when they're going through those dark
moments and they're suffering and nobody can see them.
Speaker 4 (01:02:29):
I mean, you've got to find somebody to talk to,
you know, in whatever avenue that is, whether it's someone
that has gone through something similar as you. You can't
carry the burden by yourself. I mean I try to
(01:02:52):
do that for a long time, thinking I could handle
everything this impossible and embracing imperfect also like it's okay,
but I'm having a down day today. There's nothing wrong
with that. I mean, you know, it's like we talk
about social media. I mean that's part of mental health
(01:03:12):
where everything on there usually is the best of us.
And you know, the life isn't like that. I mean,
it's wonderful to see that.
Speaker 3 (01:03:24):
But it took me a long time to be able
to look at Facebook because it's like, wow, I wish
I had something fantastic to put.
Speaker 4 (01:03:34):
Up there, but you know, somebody's on a hike, somebody's
on a trip, somebody's and it's like the things you
can sit in that and say, these are the things
that we can't do, you know, yes.
Speaker 3 (01:03:51):
And that obviously, yeah, we have generations growing up with
that and we didn't grow up with I'm glad I
didn't have to grow up with that would have changed
does but yeah, just the things out there.
Speaker 4 (01:04:05):
I like to have boundaries like, Okay, that's enough of that.
Or like this year, I decided, okay, I'm going to
keep I'm going to read. I really love to read,
but I just, you know, I'm like, okay, it's been
ten years. I need to I've read self help books.
It's time for me to read some fiction, you know.
(01:04:27):
And so I decided I'm going to keep track of
all the books I read this year. Fiction and.
Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
You know, tanneling your brain somewhere.
Speaker 4 (01:04:39):
Else, yeah, not you know, being purposeful, Yes, I guess
you know.
Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Yeah, it's.
Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Yeah, you mentioned people just want you to be okay,
and I I want people to feel comfortable. I think
it's almost my duty to, like if I roll into
a place, I just want people to be comfortable. And
it seems like I mean, David Mall, I don't think
(01:05:12):
they notice a wheelchair. They probably didn't. After two weeks
it was just like, all right, we're doing our deal.
And I mean I love that that can be normalized.
And I know for a lot of people it is
still awkward and they're real uncomfortable with people looking at them.
And I mean, the one thing with disability is it
(01:05:38):
can be noisy. I mean, a normal activity can just
look like I'm struggling, but it is. I'm just it's
the normal process. And Trisha, it's so used to it now,
but you know, it just it's just yeah, when I'm transferring,
(01:06:02):
sometimes it looks good. Sometimes it's it's a yard sale.
Speaker 4 (01:06:07):
That was the other day. It's like, okay, I've learned.
Like at first it was five alarm fire. I would
just be like, now it's like, okay, assess the situation.
Are you bleeding like it? The last one was that
it was a what do you call it? A yard stand?
(01:06:27):
Everything was everywhere everywhere.
Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
I hit the deck, I very much.
Speaker 4 (01:06:34):
But well, we have Dylan home right now, so it's
like Dylan and he's a fit, young yes guy, and
can he's I grab Kendall's legs and Dylan just dead
list him in chair. But we do have a system,
the two of us to get him off the floor.
Speaker 3 (01:06:53):
It's a pretty good system. It's a really good system
so far. Our dog doesn't help. He usually he comes
over and grabs my shoe.
Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
And leaves, or at least get the other shoe.
Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
I know one I just mentioned our dog. We get
a pet if you're a pet person. We got our
dog one year after my accident, So my accident will
be ten, he'll be nine and the greatest I mean
if we're dog people. But my goodness, he's our emotional
(01:07:33):
support dog.
Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
And there's a reason why they have them, right because
they really are.
Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
You know, talking.
Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
You were talking about putting your hand on the support
dog at Saint Luke's and I'm like, it's just comforting.
Speaker 3 (01:07:48):
Yeah, that just put me in a completely different space. Yeah,
I absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:07:55):
Remember that mental health is a process, and I love
that you guys are really telling people that it's okay
to take the steps and go through the process.
Speaker 3 (01:08:07):
Yeah. Absolutely, And you said, what do you tell people?
I you know, very generally people care, they do someone cares,
so you can make it through. Just fight.
Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
Yeah, So I went in with this, and I do
think we have a whole other podcast just on the
mental side of things, because that really is just it
is just a battle. And I think for so many
people in so many different ways. But for somebody who
is is new to this club, somebody who is just
now experiencing this, or even somebody who's been you know,
(01:08:54):
in this, but they don't have the support system or
they're looking for ways that they can climb out of this.
What would you tell them how what would you tell
them to give them hope or encourage them?
Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Well, the first thing is their life is still out there.
You know, it just looks so dark at the time.
I can put myself right back there and I you know,
(01:09:30):
you will, You'll get through your tough stuff and people
are behind you. And people there's a lot of people
that don't have near the support we have. Some of
the toughest things they have to deal with is life
at home. Life at the hospital was great because they
had attendees everywhere. But that's tough. But I you know,
(01:09:54):
from the physical side, if your body can heal, then
there is life out there. It's just going to be different.
It looks different, but the same enjoyments are out there.
Speaker 4 (01:10:11):
Yeah, and it's it's true. Tomorrow it's going to be
a different day. And you get a start over and
just take take time and short increments when you're going
through a difficult traumatic time in your life, and just
try not chew off too much look too far in
(01:10:33):
the future. I mean, I just couldn't operate if I
did that. I couldn't. I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
It was impossible. Yeah, and all the little uh, all
the little increments that come. She referenced she driving me
to work for the first probably six months, and then
and then when I could drive, that that was a
whole new life. I just I relived. It was like
(01:11:02):
I was sixteen getting my license again.
Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Freedom.
Speaker 3 (01:11:07):
Freedom you do basically, Yeah, from injury to exit of
the hospital, you're working on your own freedom to be
able to do things to prove that now I am
good enough that I can do this by myself, and
that I you know, you still need to.
Speaker 4 (01:11:29):
At the middle school, you know where we took our kids.
Speaker 3 (01:11:33):
But at the same time, just one week ago, I
fell out of my chair right on the bedroom floor
and my wife had to assist me into my chair.
It still happens, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
There are those moments.
Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
Yeah, And I told myself in the hospital they went
through all that, and I said, never going to happen
to me. I'm going to be so careful, never going
to happen. It's dozens of times it's happened.
Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
It's not how many times you fall, it's how many
times you get back up again.
Speaker 3 (01:12:03):
Right, Well, I'm never going to trip again. I'm just
never gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (01:12:09):
We all do. You just got it.
Speaker 4 (01:12:11):
You got to get back up, to get.
Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
Up, and then one second, one minute, one hour, one day.
Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:12:18):
Thank you guys, Thank you so much for being here,
thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being
the inspiration that you are to me and to so
many other people out there. And we will do this again. Yes,
we will do this again. I love this. Thank you
everybody for joining us. Go make the rest of your
(01:12:39):
days the best of your days.
Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
See you next time.
Welcome everybody to Leslie's low down on life. This is
a great one today, a heartfelt sit down with two
of my favorite people. Honestly, two of the nicest people
I've ever met my entire life. And we're talking today
about how life can change on a dime and just
in a heartbeat.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
So today I've got with us.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Ken Hopkins, you know him from Dave, Ken and Mollie
the trio there and his beautiful wife Trisha Hopkins the
other side. You know they the better half. Is that
the better half?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Finely better half. People can see any him foreign life.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh you guys have been married for thirty nine.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Years and county counting and again, just two of the
nicest people I've ever met my entire life.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
You're one of our favorites. Also, Yes, we're just going
to do this.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, that's just.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
That's just a sign how people can be fooled. I mean,
I'm as nice as she allows me.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Hey, we're good, We're a good partner.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
We're pretty good.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, it's a pretty good for your ship.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah, you guys that you've been through a lot together
and I want to I'm going to start with you,
Ken and say take us back to July thirteenth, twenty fifteen.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Why did that day start?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
That was a Monday. I remember that day pretty well.
It was a really warm day and I had a
regular day at work, and I remember coming home, sitting
at my desk and I was listening to music and
I can still remember the song I was. I won't
talk about the song, but I was obsessed with a
(01:51):
song and I'm listening and I'm I remember texting my
nephew and Boise, Idaho for about something I don't know.
And I was obsessed with riding bike. I usually run
or ride bikes, find something to get in shape, and
(02:11):
I was a Trish had come home and was making
dinner and I was thinking, I can get my bike
ridehead real quick bike ride and I'll be home. And
she said, oh, come on if the dinner's ready, and
I really I just I said, I'm gonna jump on
my bike real quick, do my little ride. And I
(02:34):
did my entire ride. I can remember it all except
my fine little swoop into our neighborhood. Oddly enough, was
where I apparently hit a curb, and I don't remember
much after that.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Trash take it from there, mine that yes, he decided
to go on a bike ride when I was putting
dinner on the table, and I remember he was standing
at the front door and it was beautiful sunny day.
It was beautiful, and he just said, I'll be I'll
be right back. This isn't you know, I'm just going
(03:11):
to take a quick ride and I'll be back. And
all of our kids were at home. Our oldest daughter
was finishing her college, Dylan was a soft more in
high school, and our middle son was in college. So
(03:31):
you know, when you make dinner as a mom, you're like, okay,
it's ready, everybody sit at the table. But he was
giving me the it'll just be a bit and he
I remember, it was like, okay, this is a longer
bike ride than he told me. And you know, I
had done the dishes. I was back in my bedroom
and my daughter knocked and said, there's neighbors at the door.
(03:56):
And I could just tell by Taylor's my daughter's luck
on her face that it wasn't good, and that he
was right at the entrance of our housing development. And
the neighbor came and got me and took me to him,
and the whole neighborhood was out. But immediately the paramedics
(04:18):
said to me, this isn't good. I just want you
to know that it's a bad situation and he can't,
you know, feel anything, And Kendall was talking to me.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I don't remember much of that.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
And you know, from that point, I just knew that
I never I knew he was going to be paralyzed,
that he wasn't going to be able to walk again.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Why did you either one of you.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Did you have any kind of like a weird.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Feeling that day of premonition?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You know how sometimes you get that kind of good
thing where you're seen.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
For me, maybe I shouldn't do that or not at all.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
I mean, when I see him in my mind, it's
like I can still see him standing at the door
waving to me with the sun behind him at the
front door when he left, which I would say, maybe
that was maybe that was a little bit of an
odd moment, because that is still clear in my mind.
(05:26):
Maybe it's the thing that happens before something traumatic happens.
I don't know if other people have.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
That, it is it is odd hell that time. I remember.
The first thing I remember was apparently I was in
the ambulance and Trisha was whispering in my ear, and
I just felt I mean, I wasn't in pain. I
(05:55):
just felt like I was so deep inside some dark
little place in my head was where I was couldn't
feel anything. I could tell that. I remember raising my
hands in the ambulance and saying in my head, I
was saying, I think I'm gonna be okay, you know,
(06:17):
But Tricius whispered, you've been in an accident or on
our way to the hospital, and I could just just
hear her voice, and that's what I hung on to.
But I remember rolling down there or going to the hospital,
and I remember inside just thinking, I don't I don't
(06:40):
know if I'm going to walk again. I just had
that it just felt like an any you know, can
you feel this? Can you feel this? And I knew
in my head, man, I want to feel a poke,
But I just I couldn't feel anything. I didn't know
what was happening.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
It was just really kind of a freak accident, wasn't
it just very because you had your helmet on you,
you were doing all the right things.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
You were almost home.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I was almost home. My surgeon apparently said I've never
seen an accident or damage this bad. That wasn't that
a motor vehicle wasn't involved with. Basically, he's never seen
well just somebody fall off the.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Well. You about two weeks later you said to me
that when he was at the hospital, he goes, you know,
I remember putting my hand up, and he goes, you know,
if someone was close, too close to me, I put
my hand up, and he did remember that. I don't.
I don't think anybody hit him, but I think there was.
(07:54):
I may have car that came in, Yeah close startled
you off, Yeah that startled Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
It was busy, and that that was something that resurfaced.
And Trisha was referencing when I was on my bike,
you know, the hand signals and when I pulled into
my own neighborhood. Usually I just pulled in. I didn't
really feel the need to hand signal if there wasn't traffic,
but I do distinctly remember putting my hand up like officially,
(08:25):
like I'm turning in, just so everybody knew. I don't
know if that meant anything, but that was just something
that kind of resurfered.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Now one of those things said, I mean, honestly, it
could be one of those things where you were just
you felt a little startled or maybe rushed or needed
to get out of the way, probably right lost your.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Balance and I could have. And there's a little median
with trees and a little curb, and I hit that
curb and then a tree. Basically the tree stopped at
my moment, and that's where the back of my head
to hit. And thankfully was wearing that helmet, yeah, which
(09:05):
I still have the helmet, and just to look at
it and say, I can't believe that this saved my life. Probably.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I mean, it's a good reminder, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yes, Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it was just the way
you fell.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
It was just the way I landed. And I've talked
to many people saying I probably landed that way playing
football or sports a hundred times. You know who knows,
he just the just the freak way you land I guess.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So take me from there.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Then you're in the hospital, and I'm sure it's all
kinds of hurried, busied neits around.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
We went right, of course, to the er and they
had the neural searcheon came in and he asked me
what he did for a living, and I told him,
and he said he can. I don't know that. He
gives you that little sliver. It was a little much
for Candle, but he's like, you know, he can go
back to work. And I was like, you know, later on,
(10:09):
it's like, you know, you can go back to work.
That's what the neurosurgeon said, and it gave us a goal.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
And he did in all of anything from here on
until Saint Luke's basically twenty three days at Sacred Heart.
I do have glimpses of memories, but I have to
rely on trash. Yeah. The surgeon came into her immediately
and said what does he do for a living? And
she said he works in radio. Good he will be
(10:39):
able to return to work and that.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
But it was pretty chaotic.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
That gave her a lot of energy, but just the
chaos of things going on, which I wasn't even aware
of right.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Because he was giving me passwords like Okay, now you
need to tell so and so this is the password this,
and he was just reeling. So he was really he
was very conscious and talking and before you went into surgery, but.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I wasn't quite aware of what I was repeating. For
some reason, I kept giving her the password to my
work email, like they're gonna need to and I and
then I thought, well, I'm sure the it I could
probably get into my email of anybody needed.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Trying to get some order, familiar what's going to happen tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
And to be honest, there was part of my process
was I would many times eat dinner and I would
jump back on the laptop get things, you know, remotely,
And I had not got gotten the music set for
Tuesday on the radio station and yet and I was
(12:01):
at a hospital at ten o'clock at night. So my mantra,
I guess I was, uh, Trisha had to call everybody
and tell them what happened.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And you were still trying to do what you needed
to do. Your brain was trying to like normalize everything.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
My brain was just spitting out just random, random things.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Familiarity, yeah, yeah, just all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
So your's what I forgot to do, do this, do this, yeah,
I mean, and then for you, you're on the back
side of that, trying to manage everything. And I'm sure,
I mean, your kid's wife, you're worried about him.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, you're trying to.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Read about us that I was about our kids, our family. Yeah,
our family, how this you know? And really with the
doctor saying that, I'm I really I didn't know if
he was really going to be able to return to
work and.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
When Yeah, and when a scary and answer questions.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
And navigating that all with his work, like you know,
eventually we it was like what needed to be done
there so he could return to work. And he did
have When he was a sacred Heart, he had a
spinal stroke, which we have never talked about.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
What is that we talk if you.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Don't affected his it affected his arms, so he had
full function of his arms. But it's something to do
with nerve, your nerve damage, So he lost half of
the feeling in his arms, and the nerve pain was terrible,
the nerve it was. The neurologist and the neural surgeon
(14:02):
were going back and forth as to what to do,
and he was in terrible pain and they were The
neural surgeon wanted him to get to Saint Luke's and
the neurologist was, no, he needs we think he had
his final stroke. He needs to stay in the hospital. Well,
(14:22):
the surgeon won and he went to Saint Luke's. But
you only get so many days of rehabilitation, and he couldn't.
They had to put a sign on his door. He
couldn't even stand to hear the click on the door chutting.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
So those are fake memories.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
And it is that sensitivity is because of this stroke.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yes, And the bottom line is what I wasn't probably
strong enough to be discharged yet.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
So they sent him back to.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Heart.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
I think two more weeks before he.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Went back to put a bump in the road. I
don't remember it being that long.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
I know we were just talking about that he didn't.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It's hard to im now.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And just for the stroke, I hope I get all
the numbers right. My original right chest level was my
injury at the four thoracic four, and then a higher.
They believe at some point I had a stroke that
(15:29):
affected T five and T six, so it went up
two more notches and that caused I guess it almost
feels like I'm warning sleeves or gloves or does it
still like that. It's numbness. It doesn't hurt unless I
can't get some nerve pain. But that just happened while
(15:53):
I was laying in bed at Sacred Heart. I don't
mean I do remember two professionals. They were arguing about
what happened happen and I'm just here going I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
I'm right here.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Can't just tell me where I should go. I don't know.
But that was interesting. Trisha was probably more involved in that.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It's just probably the trauma on your body.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
It could have been. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Wow, So you learned pretty I learned pretty fast how
to be his advocate when you have a loved one
in the hospital, you know, making sure, sticking up for what.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I was going to ask you about that.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Because you're already being married and being married for a
long time, three kids together, you're already naturally each other's advocates.
But that takes it up at twenty notches, you know,
and you're having to step in and speak for him
and make sure that he's getting what he needs.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yeah, that doesn't and that doesn't come to me naturally.
But I did learn to do that to, you know,
stick up for him and speak my mind and when
I didn't think care was what should be or you know,
I mean, just you're there with your loved one. So
(17:15):
I did learn how to do that. That sacred heart
and Saint.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Luke's quite strongly and made lifelong friends.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Saint Luke's is our family with some.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Of the members there, and I just, yeah, I do
remember most of the time at Saint Luke's, but prior
to that, it's just glimpses of guests. And I remember
a therapy dog that came a sacred heart, and that
(17:52):
was the happiest I had been up to that, putting
my hand on that warm.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Dog, and it was just laying a comforting and.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Amazing Not to.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Mention, yeah, everything that was happening in the community and
on the radio with Dave and Molly's spearheading.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I do want to ask you about that, because when
this happened, it was devastating for you as a family.
It was devastating for the community. I'll never forget that that,
oh my gosh, what happened? How can we help? And
then just to see this community rally around you and
your family, and it shows how much you're loved and
(18:42):
how embedded you've been in this community for years.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Well, and people, you know, you usually hear the negative stories,
but we really learned that there is an overwhelming amount
of people that are so generous. I mean, he still
goes out and people ask him how he's doing, and
(19:09):
or he'll somebody's pushed you in the van once, or
you know, he loves he loved to go to the
grocery store before and so he still will do that
for small things, and he'll somebody will reach something on
a top shelf for him. I mean, people are really helpful.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
I just people are just wonderful. And it's really I
hope I don't crumble here, but when someone comes up
and says like I prayed for you, or I bought
(19:50):
a coffee and I don't even drink coffee, I mean,
it's just so special, it really is.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I'm sorry, but you know it's it's it just it
speaks volumes. For again, you are kind of Spokane's family,
and when this happened, everybody wanted to jump in and
to do everything. And I think in a world where
you said it a second ago, there's so much negative
and we hear so much bad. Right to see the
(20:21):
good and to see the love that really is there
and it is the foundation is a great reminder.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
How's that changed you, guys?
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Oh boy, tremendously.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
I mean I think I've mentioned through our journey and
the people we've met because of my accident. You're kind
of in a new club that nobody wants to be in,
a disability club or whatever. But the unbelievable people that
have been there before you m hm, among others, just
(21:05):
you know, and just the the friendship and just the
just the support verbally and monetarily and in so many ways.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
I know that you guys are involved in some organizations
because knowing your hearts, you want to make sure that
you're there for anybody else who goes through this because
it is a club. You never sign up, You don't
want to sign.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Up, You don't want anybody in this club.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
This is not a club you want to join. No,
but if you're.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
You know, if you're in the club, you want to
feel loved and supported. And I know that that's what
you guys are doing. Now what does that mean to
you and what does that look like for you?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Guys?
Speaker 4 (21:53):
We went through a Christopher Reeve peer training, so like,
for example, for myself, I would maybe talk to people
that are the family or friend that is involved in
the care of someone with spinal cord injury. And I
could do that by phone or somebody will message me
(22:17):
on Facebook Messenger, like for example, Sean's wife messaged me
she knew a family that went through it, and so
I became friends with this family, and it's it's just
meeting and listening and and you know, in turn, when
(22:40):
you do that it was helpful. It's just as helpful
for me more so more so to be there for
somebody else that it's that they're just in the thick
of it, you know. And my mantra for that was always, Okay,
I'm gonna it's one second, one minute, one hour, one day,
(23:07):
and one year. And I remember somebody saying, you won't
believe how different things will be after a year, and
I just thought that it's going to be Impossible's true,
And so I tried to just really live by I
would just say that in my head, it's like, okay,
(23:27):
you know, whatever was happening for the day, I would
just really take things in very small increments because it
was impossible, yeah, take it all. And so that was huge.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
That's a great mantra. Actually, one second, one minute, one.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Hours is very small, Yes.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
It's yeah, how how things just the priorities just got
down to just minute by minute. I remember in Saint Luke,
by the time I got there and it was cognizant
and I was in truly rehab form. I was still recovering,
but I just looked at my board every morning and
(24:12):
that was my day. It was, oh, breakfast, then I
go to the gym, and I have a little break.
Then it's lunch, then I go to the gym, and
then I got this, this and this and and it's
like I knew, I knew I could do that. I
I you know, I've been on teams, I've a coach
(24:32):
tells you to do something. I just did it, so
I knew I could do that. I knew I could
get through the program on time, but you did. Nobody knows.
I didn't know how life was going to be after
I get out of here. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It's got to be overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
You're hoping it all works out. But I remember know
for now is I can go to the gym and
I can do what they say that I will do that.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
When you when I came in one day at Saint
Luke's and he he was learning how to dress himself.
I mean it's just the basic things, and I was like,
you know, it's like, look, you can go back to work.
You know your life isn't over, and he's like, but
I I'm trying to learn how to get my pants here.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And it's gotta be scary.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Yeah, it is so those first few I mean, it's
kind of automatic now, but those first few, first few months,
I should say. I do remember Trush coming in and
I was so proud that I got my pants and
socks off, you know, because I'm laying and sitting and uh,
(25:50):
and I was exhausted, but I was just so thrilled.
My parents are, hey, the doctor said you can go.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Back to work too. You're like, but you've got your
paints on it.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
You can sit up by yourself. Now.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
It is all those things that we take for granted, right,
it's just our everyday routines, and then relearning it.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Is one hundred. Even though I was a full grown
man with a full grown mind, your body is you're
a toddler. You. I mean, it was almost ironically funny
because just a few years prior, you know, we're assisting
(26:40):
my elderly father and they become just like your little
toddlers and you help them and it's like, man, I'm
learning to walk. I can't hardly even pick anything up.
I'm dropping the phone on my face. I guess it
was a mess, but it's amazing how and they did say,
(27:04):
just wait, you won't believe a year for now, and
I'm saying I can't even think a day from now.
It was frustrated.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
How did you guys get through that? Was it humor?
Because I know that you guys are I mean, you're funny.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
And I remember you're strong. The recreational therapist that first
time you went out and that's like where you have
to learn how to transfer into a car. I wasn't
even with him. I was like, okay, we're going to
meet you at a restaurant.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It was my first fee.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
I can't remember if they took you downtown, but I
think just with his job and speaking, he you know,
he had to kind of even talk slower, make sure
he's formulating his words. It didn't bother him to be
out in front of people, which is difficult for people
(27:56):
after they're paralyzed. Right, being in a wheelchair and just
feeling awkward. You're different, and I think that helped you
quite remember the therapist saying that that you weren't bothered
by being out in a wheelchair.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
So that's something I never thought of until Trush told me, because, yeah,
most people, you're being looked at because you're in a wheelchair,
and not that I'm like you on TV, but out
and about people might recognize me. Yes, I was always
(28:35):
used to people looking at me and just so if
they looked at me in a wheelchair, I'm just that's great.
That didn't bother me. I'm more used to that. But
a lot of people out walking with canes or walkers. Yeah,
you don't want to be noticed.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
But that's kind of a blessing that you were able
to take that piece of it.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You'll be okay with it.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
And I love nothing more than if someone comes up
and asks me a question specifically about my chair or
my disability. I'm just really comfortable with that, probably because
I was in the public eye and I'm kind of
used to that. Yeah, So I mean, I do love
(29:20):
it when little kids. Parents just are mortified when their
little kids come up to me because the parents don't
know what they're going to ask.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
It's true, right, I absolutely love it.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Why are you writing in that? Well, I'll tell you
what I was in an accident and now here's what
and they just I love kids. They're just no question
is off the board for them.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
They're so sweet and they're so innocent. They've really actually
they look at you like a superhero.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
You're like, look at this.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, it's almost more like where's your cape?
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
I've had many funny little instance. I I do tend
to drop things off my lap quite a bit. I
was at a little grocery store and uh there was
a gal with a little toddler in her cart and
the toddler I thought. The toddler said uh oh, And
(30:20):
I thought, oh, did I drop something? And so I
looked down and I told the mom I said, I thought,
I thought, she said oh oh, and she said no.
Anytime she said sees wheels, she it's go, go, oh,
(30:41):
go go. Kids love wheels. I can see their eyes
go right to It's.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Like you've got your own hot wheels.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
So how how did this change how you prioritize life
as a couple and as a family.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Boy, that was tough, the toughest.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
We've had ten years of pretty big things happening.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
We have. You know when you said.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
About put things in perspective, because when you can put
them on a shelf in an order, The latest was pretty.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Tough, right, little work transition was tough in there, you know,
blashing back to humor, which humor is a huge part
of probably all of our lives in dealing with things.
But I do remember Lane in Saint Luke's and there
(31:43):
were there were some humorous times. There were a lot
of dark times. And I remember telling Trash, I said,
I just I don't know if I can just go
on the radio and just laugh about trivial stuff. I
just I couldn't imagine doing that, like whatever Madonna's doing now.
I mean, I just thought, I just don't know if
(32:06):
I will get back to that. I did, but there
was a time when I just thought, I just can't
imagine just laughing about oh some sitcom on TV or something.
It just didn't It's felt so far away.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
And you had an avenue to to talk about just
what it's like living in a wheelchair, which there's not
many odds, there's not very many opportunities where people that
are living in a wheelchair get to hear somebody who's
doing that right, right, And so I mean, really that's
(32:44):
what it came down to, was being able to share that.
And you do have a good sense.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Of you I'll tell you there's a lot of disability
is a clown show. I mean, there's a lot of
All of our lives are hilarious if you peel it back,
but I mean you just got to deal with the
humor of it. And you know, a lot of that
(33:10):
is meeting people that have been there before me. I
it's I can't believe we're coming up on ten years.
I was just talking to a friend of mine who
is about my age, and I said, I'm almost ten
years in and he said, well, I'm almost forty years in.
All of my friends, my wheelchair friends, I would say,
(33:31):
are I still feel like a newbie? I still learn
and find a new idea? Or why have I been
doing it this way for ten years? I can do?
You know, just little shortcuts of about how to live life.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's amazing, isn't it interesting?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
How you introduce a whole new community that you didn't
even think about probably a lot before. But you say
your wheelchair friends. I don't, but you know that's I mean,
but that's I mean, that's so real and that's so honest.
But you don't normally like think about that, but you know,
you say, you're ten years in you've got a friend
(34:13):
these forty years in but you probably learn so much
from each other and gather so much strength and just
having that camaraderie and that relationship with somebody who knows
and understands.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
Yeah, it is amazing. Yeah. I look at my class
I was with at Saint Luke's, which is an odd
way to look at it. I was what fifty four, Yeah,
it was all twenty somethings. It was all motorcycle, car accident, diving,
(34:48):
maybe just in and they had.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
A whole different set of maybe they weren't married, or
they had just gotten married, and they don't have any
children yet, and what were they gonna They couldn't go
back to what their job was before, right, And so
we tried to find positives of things that Wow, he
(35:15):
was really lucky. He got to do all these things,
these activities, and there's I mean, spinal cord injuries come
so far. I mean people water ski and snow ski
and play.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Basketball sports, yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
And have children, and which.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Is so great.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Yeah, it's amazing. I did. And I even shared with
a couple of the guys. There was one young lady
there too, and you'd see them in the gym there
wasn't a lot of camaraderie, but I mean you were
just such on the same level. You could look at
each other and communicate almost. But I just felt so
(35:58):
thankful that I was married, I am married, kid's job,
all the things that I got to do before this
unfortunate thing happened. I just couldn't imagine being twenty one
and maybe you're in college and what am I going
to do now? It was but I learned from them.
(36:21):
I hope they learned from me and learning new normals.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
I'm Mary.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
That's what the entire thing is called. The new normal.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
The new normal.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
It's just you do you try to do approach things
the phrase we were given, you know, how do you do?
What do you do if you want to do this
and this and well what did you do before? Well
most of it you can still do the same. You
just have to adapt adapting.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
How are the kids doing.
Speaker 4 (36:55):
I think they're doing great. They're all just making their
way in the world on what they want to do.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
They are I you know, I still feel, as Trish said,
it disability or an injury of this mangitude. It's not
just me, it's the whole family. I mean it just
affected them so much, and it's tough for me to
(37:25):
look back at that. But from where we all were
as a family and where we're at now, I'm so
proud of our kids and they're so helpful in mental,
physical ways, emotional ways.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
We're just normal parents where it's like, oh, I'm sorry,
you know, I should have done it this way. I
wish I would have, you know, even I was just
in this little I was just making it every day,
like I knew what time I needed to be down
at the hospital, and you know, I had three kids
at home, our daughter, you know, our middle our youngest
(38:05):
son found out he's a Type one diabetic when he
was a freshman in high school. And then he's a
sophomore and his dad is paralyzed, and so our oldest
had to and he didn't have a driver's license, so
she had to take on Dylan helping get all of
(38:27):
his stuff ordered because Kendall did that and get him
to drivers ed. I mean, she kind of had to
take over a parent role because Kendall and I were
just surviving every day as to what was going to
happen next. And our middle son had a really really
(38:52):
hard time. Yeah, her he struggled. It was of our
three kids just devastated him, but his dad wasn't going
to walk again, and he just really has struggled with
all of that. And you know, they're all amazing in
(39:13):
their own way, but kind of survived it in different different.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Ways because different personalities still things in different ways.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
And yeah, he's the.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Middle right, and he's the medal, tends to be a
little more sensitive.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
And I've even mentioned on uh publicly, he was given
all the darn middle child syndrome.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
That's such a sorry. I can sympathize with you.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
I will see this through. That just volcano of destruction
that seemed to be happening at the time. That did
lead to him getting diagnosis and medications and help.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
It was a long road, long road, but it's hard.
It's hard to watch somebody that you love going through something.
Probably felt like he couldn't help you or fix it,
and that's difficult to do too. And yeah, so we
all handle things in our own different ways, and it
just takes time.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
It takes time.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
It has time.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Yeah, I'm just so impressed with you guys as a family.
I want to ask you a couple of questions and
then I'll wrap it up. But what do you say
to your coworkers, because I know that they were like
just right there, they were fierce.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Yeah, well that's.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
When I say that. I mean David Mully, Well.
Speaker 4 (40:55):
They came in from the get go. I mean I
was calling, you know, from before he was taken in,
letting them know. I think I called Dave Kendall's boss
at the time, and then I think Dave called Molly and.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
The word kind of spread.
Speaker 4 (41:18):
They would just come in and just be there, just
not saying anything, just being there. And you know, it's
a business of relationships. They were been in this room
together every morning for years, and they're so loyal to
(41:40):
each other in supportive and.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Family.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
Family. Yes, And it was.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
In those early days actually the month at Sacred Heart basically,
I do remember the early days. I don't remember, but
I can remember Dave just sitting quietly. I remember Molly
bringing Slurpy because I just was obsessed with a Slurpy.
Speaker 4 (42:11):
And everybody just wants to be able to do right.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Do something and just and then.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
About the time I think I was going to Saint
Luke's and then I heard about their fundraising, and I
mean I was just so overwhelmed with all that. They
were fierce.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
They were fierce even to hear them talk about what
you went through.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Now they're still fierce, yeah about.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
It, loyal to each other's supportive and us to them.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yes, yeah, you.
Speaker 4 (42:49):
Know, And that could be a whole other podcast to
be like, you know, because I know when I was
driving him the first year to work and what was
happening at home because he could you know, there was
several times he passed out in the mornings before I
get him to work, and there was a whole thing
(43:10):
with that. But it then it's like, okay, there you go,
Dave and Molly, here he is. I mean they spent early.
I mean he was back at work three months.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Which is amazing.
Speaker 4 (43:22):
That is those too early, but it was amazing and
Dave and Molly, I mean that's something.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
They they integrated. They came to Saint Luke's and they
practiced how to get me back into my chair should
I fall out. I mean they've they came up to
my house, our house the first time that I went
up and there was a gang of people in the
bedroom watching me transfer onto our bed and it's like, wow, I've.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
Never known that much geting.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
Yeah, I mean just the incorporation of people and for
them to get comfortable with with me, and they're totally
comfortable now. You know, it's because they had that.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
Had to be pretty nerve wracking when he initially went
back to work. I mean it was pretty soon after
his final cord injury and.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
It was quite soon.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
What was that therapeutic for you?
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Yes, I look back on it both two ways because
we have a Gallax Saint Luke's who is a confidant,
and many times I told her, or I've told her
I should I went back to work way too early,
but she said, that's that's really what drove you to
(44:53):
get out of the hospital and is absolutely right. Get
back to my family. Obviously sleep, but just that drive
to I know there's still life out there. I know
I can still I can still do this, I could
still talk. I can still do that if I can
just get to where I need to go and function.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
You wanted to get started on your new normal, yes, yeah.
Speaker 4 (45:19):
And our first airplane trip was to a radio convention.
Was that Atlanta was quite a first trip to take and.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
We did go. Trisiaan and Dave and Molly were there
so we were a little team together. Obviously Tricia and
I are a pretty good little team individually. But it
was awesome.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
I think Mollie would get us all checked in.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
Wherever Mollie was on she was on track on that airfare.
She was not going to let me get messed around
with her.
Speaker 4 (45:57):
I came back thou, It's like, where is he, what's doing?
Speaker 2 (46:03):
What's happening now?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
So what have been what's been the most difficult transition
and what has been the best transition?
Speaker 2 (46:13):
You would say, Wow, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
I think a difficult thing for us is there's very
few things that we can't do. They're really I mean,
we can fly, we can travel, we can do whatever.
It just has to be at our own time, and
(46:46):
sometimes people have their own We just I just can't
turn things around that fast, getting out of bed and
getting dressed. I just can't do it as fast as
I used to. We just have to do that at
our own time.
Speaker 4 (47:01):
And we're going at a slower pace right now. We're
taking more time time. It's the big deal for us
right now, and learning not to have a schedule.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
And which is really nice.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
And I'm still doing all the same things I was
doing before he got pre retired. Yeah, so it's getting
used to that new system with him being home. And
I think sometimes, don't you think it wasn't all the
physical of this. It's the mental.
Speaker 3 (47:39):
That's a whole other podcast. As I said before, when
I looked at my gym chart for the day, I
knew I could do that. I knew I could do
the physical stuff if they said it can be done.
And look at that guy over there, he did it.
I said I can do that. I still don't if
(48:00):
I can do the mental part. To be honest with you,
I mean, I think I'm better at being inspirator or
whatever for someone on the physical end, but that ends
up helping you mentally and emotionally, and it's as much
(48:21):
of a help for me. And so it is the
mental journey is I mean that for all of us,
the mental journey is the toughest part.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
It really is how do you how do you get
through those hard days? Because they happen, so how do
you work through them? Is it though one second, one minute,
one hour?
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Well, I complain a lot, you know, Yeah, there's there's
I'll say this, I don't know if my disability really
causes the dark days. It's just life in between and
(49:03):
where we are in life. Uh. I guess just maybe
I would say, oh, now we have to deal with
that too, you know, But it's like just life happens.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
And it's just like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Yeah, and how do you deal with the dark days?
Speaker 4 (49:23):
Sometimes it's like, just give me a minute here, you know,
I just need a minute and I'll get myself turned around.
But you know, it's it is. It's hard watching your
your loved one suffer or going through hard a hard time,
(49:47):
and you know, I want to do battle for it, you.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
Know, and I do. I'm here's the vanity of me.
I try to make my disability footprint as invisible as
possible because I don't want people worried about me. I
(50:12):
really am fine for what I have and for what
I do, so I try to minimize that. But I
mean it does effect. It just takes up so much time.
It is almost a full time job, and everybody kind
of knows what I've done and what I do. My
(50:33):
wife has like five jobs and is busy, busy, busy,
and it's all at home. She worked at home before
anybody knew what that was. And add caretaking onto that.
You know, some days more than others. But it's it's
(50:54):
just adapting, I guess.
Speaker 4 (50:56):
Yeah, you just circle back to you know, good positive
things that you have happening.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
Always just take a minute. I always would say, just
get through today.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
Yeah, tomorrow will be better, right, Yeah, absolutely, get through
today exactly. So we talked so much about that physical
piece of things and the recovery on that end, but
there's such a mental piece that has got to be
so incredibly difficult as well.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
You guys, absolutely, that's kind of the unknown, well, the
unknown journey that we're all traveling.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
It's the biggest.
Speaker 3 (51:39):
It is the biggest. And I mentioned before, I knew
I could do the physical part, and really a lot
of that was just healing from surgery and injury and
getting myself to where I could get my strength back
to function. And really I'm a physically fond. The only
(52:01):
problem is I'm getting old and getting achy and cranky.
But that's the only physical and it is the mental. Uh,
That mental journey is the toughest, and it's the it's
the one that it was probably the darkest laying in
(52:21):
the hospital because you you know, you can physically get there,
but you just don't. Can I mentally do this? And
you don't even know what the journey's even going to
be like.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
Because you're in your own head. Yeah, I mean you
are in your own head.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
So you talk about being dark and in your own
head and you're hearing your own voice go through that.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
Can I do this? You know what does this look like?
Speaker 3 (52:46):
And and it is the the process of the grief process,
I guess which you go through immediately, the loss of.
Speaker 4 (52:58):
The loss of the loss of your being able bodied. Right,
you know, he's was used to being in all sorts
of different activities and and you get it. He's got
a change in his height too.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
I mean that shorter than ever.
Speaker 2 (53:18):
We were about the same height.
Speaker 3 (53:19):
Now, hey, I love I absolutely love people that are
about my same height. Yeah, yeah, that's great. But yeah,
the I'll say this. I we have an aunt who
is now ninety six years old, and I had no
(53:45):
idea the connection that a further connection that I would
make with her talking about the grief process. And she
she has gone through grief. She she informed me that
the three toughest things to deal with in grief are
(54:05):
number one, the loss of a child. Number two, the
loss of a spouse number three paralysis, and I didn't
not know that. I greatly respect her because she has
lost two spouses and a child, and I said, I,
this gives me no room to complain about anything, but
(54:29):
it gives you. I just look at someone like that
and say, I can get through this mentally, no matter
where I am, because this person is telling me I can.
And look what she's been doing.
Speaker 4 (54:44):
She was teaching me about the grieving process like it's okay.
Speaker 3 (54:51):
Because it just keeps spinning. It keeps it does. One
day you wake up and you know whether it's about
a job change or your physical One day you wake
up and you're just mad about stuff, and then another
day you have a not a care in the world,
and then two days later you're sad, and then you're
(55:14):
in denial about stuff. I mean, it just happens. It
just keeps going over and over and over.
Speaker 1 (55:19):
I always tell people grief is grief, no matter what
you've been through, that grief is real.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
But what's so.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Interesting about grief and mental health issues is people can't
see it. Generally, they can't see it, and we tend
to mask that.
Speaker 2 (55:34):
Very well.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
M M.
Speaker 4 (55:36):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (55:37):
I've always said for myself and anybody else who's physically disabled.
They can look at you and immediately see what your
physical issue is, but everybody else walking around has just
as many maybe physical that you can't see. And we
all have emotional scars that we're dealing with, or issues
(56:02):
or trying to work things out. So I I kind
of feel like people look at me and immediately have empathy,
but they might look at you and say, oh, well,
Leslie smiling, she's perfect, she has not a care in
the world. No, we all have cares in the world.
Speaker 2 (56:25):
It's true that mental peace is I mean, everybody goes
through the dark days.
Speaker 1 (56:30):
They go through the dark days, and when you've been
through something traumatic like you have, I mean some of
those days, I'm sure feel darker. When you go through
a loss, it's darker and it's just maneuvering through that.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
I can get sarcastically dark, I really can, and Trisha
has to set me straight.
Speaker 2 (56:49):
Does that help you?
Speaker 3 (56:50):
Though? I can get the darkest humor. It's not even humor.
I can say this happened on purpose. I'm I'm I
made a joke about a disabled person when I was five,
and that's why this happened or I laughed at somebody
or I did. I mean, I can just go down
to that level, but then I know that's not true,
(57:12):
but it kind of helps me get negative out.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
Maybe sometimes I think we all have different ways of
dealing with that, and I think that you know, the
dark humors, not I get that exactly.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
We can all be our worst enemy, I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (57:29):
And then Trisha's a caregiver. I mean, I'm sure you've
had things running through your mind that you don't want
to say out loud, right right, Because I've.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Been on the caregiver side of things too.
Speaker 4 (57:40):
I had to find support groups with other I think
it's it's called wags and it's on social media, and
I started following them. It was two women whose husbands
were paralyzed and they started this group for wives and girlfriends,
(58:01):
but I you know, it's for anybody. And then I
also found, you know, like my friend that stepson was
going through. I don't know, finding people that have gone
through a similar that you're able to talk to because sometimes,
you know, I would say, I've got my befour friends
who are wonderful because they're still with me, and my
(58:24):
after friends that I've obtained after.
Speaker 3 (58:29):
Which we would have had no idea existed out I mean,
we know they exist out there, but we had not
a connection, and all of a sudden, you're just intimately connected.
Speaker 4 (58:41):
Yeah, sometimes it's hard to filter all the advice people
have for you that haven't been through what you're going
through can be hard to take that on.
Speaker 1 (58:57):
Sometimes what advice do you give people when they're trying
to find the right thing to say, because you know,
it's hard for people.
Speaker 4 (59:06):
It is hard for people they really when they care
about you, you know, And we were talking about that,
you know, where I've learned to have empathy and wanting
people to know that we really are fine. And I you.
Speaker 1 (59:22):
Know, but you tend to make people, you make yourself
fine so that everybody else feels fine.
Speaker 4 (59:29):
And that's why I do that. Yes, and sometimes and
you can't usually do that forever.
Speaker 2 (59:35):
No, that's not sustainable.
Speaker 4 (59:37):
At a point, I mean I knew at a point
it's like, Okay, I need to get help for myself.
I need somebody to talk to. So I did that
and I found gosh. I went to therapy at Saint
Luke's for a little while, just different avenues to deal
with what was happening in our family, and we had
(01:00:02):
things happening with our kids that were going through different things. Also,
it can be a hard way when you're trying to
juggle all those those things.
Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
And from the mental health side, I very quick. One
issue I deal with a lot, not as much is
just guilt or putting my family in that situation, for
putting my coworkers just disappeared for three months and somehow
(01:00:35):
they had to get it just and I know it
wasn't anything that I did on purpose, but it just
changed everybody's life so much turbulence, and it has settled
and life is good and we've yeah, there's been so
(01:00:57):
many shining moments in our after in our new life,
you know. But I mean that's something my ideal with
a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
I mean, you kind of surprise me when you said
that at first, and then I thought, Okay, yes, I
could see guilt, maybe shame, all of those things that
are just natural things that we take on, Yeah, because
we want to protect the people around us.
Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
It was tough just laying and not being able to
help with anything because we had a home, we have
a rental property, we have three kids, and not being
able to help with anything, and you know, life was
still going on on the home side, and you know,
all of a sudden we added all the medical things.
(01:01:52):
But that grief process, it does keep rolling, but it
does make amise and it changes a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
What would you tell somebody, whether they're dealing with disability
or just a dark time. They've had a loss they
whether it be a spouse, a child, a job, an
income somehow, you know, because losses or losses, what advice
would you give them when they're going through those dark
moments and they're suffering and nobody can see them.
Speaker 4 (01:02:29):
I mean, you've got to find somebody to talk to,
you know, in whatever avenue that is, whether it's someone
that has gone through something similar as you. You can't
carry the burden by yourself. I mean I try to
(01:02:52):
do that for a long time, thinking I could handle
everything this impossible and embracing imperfect also like it's okay,
but I'm having a down day today. There's nothing wrong
with that. I mean, you know, it's like we talk
about social media. I mean that's part of mental health
(01:03:12):
where everything on there usually is the best of us.
And you know, the life isn't like that. I mean,
it's wonderful to see that.
Speaker 3 (01:03:24):
But it took me a long time to be able
to look at Facebook because it's like, wow, I wish
I had something fantastic to put.
Speaker 4 (01:03:34):
Up there, but you know, somebody's on a hike, somebody's
on a trip, somebody's and it's like the things you
can sit in that and say, these are the things
that we can't do, you know, yes.
Speaker 3 (01:03:51):
And that obviously, yeah, we have generations growing up with
that and we didn't grow up with I'm glad I
didn't have to grow up with that would have changed
does but yeah, just the things out there.
Speaker 4 (01:04:05):
I like to have boundaries like, Okay, that's enough of that.
Or like this year, I decided, okay, I'm going to
keep I'm going to read. I really love to read,
but I just, you know, I'm like, okay, it's been
ten years. I need to I've read self help books.
It's time for me to read some fiction, you know.
(01:04:27):
And so I decided I'm going to keep track of
all the books I read this year. Fiction and.
Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
You know, tanneling your brain somewhere.
Speaker 4 (01:04:39):
Else, yeah, not you know, being purposeful, Yes, I guess
you know.
Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Yeah, it's.
Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Yeah, you mentioned people just want you to be okay,
and I I want people to feel comfortable. I think
it's almost my duty to, like if I roll into
a place, I just want people to be comfortable. And
it seems like I mean, David Mall, I don't think
(01:05:12):
they notice a wheelchair. They probably didn't. After two weeks
it was just like, all right, we're doing our deal.
And I mean I love that that can be normalized.
And I know for a lot of people it is
still awkward and they're real uncomfortable with people looking at them.
And I mean, the one thing with disability is it
(01:05:38):
can be noisy. I mean, a normal activity can just
look like I'm struggling, but it is. I'm just it's
the normal process. And Trisha, it's so used to it now,
but you know, it just it's just yeah, when I'm transferring,
(01:06:02):
sometimes it looks good. Sometimes it's it's a yard sale.
Speaker 4 (01:06:07):
That was the other day. It's like, okay, I've learned.
Like at first it was five alarm fire. I would
just be like, now it's like, okay, assess the situation.
Are you bleeding like it? The last one was that
it was a what do you call it? A yard stand?
(01:06:27):
Everything was everywhere everywhere.
Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
I hit the deck, I very much.
Speaker 4 (01:06:34):
But well, we have Dylan home right now, so it's
like Dylan and he's a fit, young yes guy, and
can he's I grab Kendall's legs and Dylan just dead
list him in chair. But we do have a system,
the two of us to get him off the floor.
Speaker 3 (01:06:53):
It's a pretty good system. It's a really good system
so far. Our dog doesn't help. He usually he comes
over and grabs my shoe.
Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
And leaves, or at least get the other shoe.
Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
I know one I just mentioned our dog. We get
a pet if you're a pet person. We got our
dog one year after my accident, So my accident will
be ten, he'll be nine and the greatest I mean
if we're dog people. But my goodness, he's our emotional
(01:07:33):
support dog.
Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
And there's a reason why they have them, right because
they really are.
Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
You know, talking.
Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
You were talking about putting your hand on the support
dog at Saint Luke's and I'm like, it's just comforting.
Speaker 3 (01:07:48):
Yeah, that just put me in a completely different space. Yeah,
I absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:07:55):
Remember that mental health is a process, and I love
that you guys are really telling people that it's okay
to take the steps and go through the process.
Speaker 3 (01:08:07):
Yeah. Absolutely, And you said, what do you tell people?
I you know, very generally people care, they do someone cares,
so you can make it through. Just fight.
Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
Yeah, So I went in with this, and I do
think we have a whole other podcast just on the
mental side of things, because that really is just it
is just a battle. And I think for so many
people in so many different ways. But for somebody who
is is new to this club, somebody who is just
now experiencing this, or even somebody who's been you know,
(01:08:54):
in this, but they don't have the support system or
they're looking for ways that they can climb out of this.
What would you tell them how what would you tell
them to give them hope or encourage them?
Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Well, the first thing is their life is still out there.
You know, it just looks so dark at the time.
I can put myself right back there and I you know,
(01:09:30):
you will, You'll get through your tough stuff and people
are behind you. And people there's a lot of people
that don't have near the support we have. Some of
the toughest things they have to deal with is life
at home. Life at the hospital was great because they
had attendees everywhere. But that's tough. But I you know,
(01:09:54):
from the physical side, if your body can heal, then
there is life out there. It's just going to be different.
It looks different, but the same enjoyments are out there.
Speaker 4 (01:10:11):
Yeah, and it's it's true. Tomorrow it's going to be
a different day. And you get a start over and
just take take time and short increments when you're going
through a difficult traumatic time in your life, and just
try not chew off too much look too far in
(01:10:33):
the future. I mean, I just couldn't operate if I
did that. I couldn't. I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
It was impossible. Yeah, and all the little uh, all
the little increments that come. She referenced she driving me
to work for the first probably six months, and then
and then when I could drive, that that was a
whole new life. I just I relived. It was like
(01:11:02):
I was sixteen getting my license again.
Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Freedom.
Speaker 3 (01:11:07):
Freedom you do basically, Yeah, from injury to exit of
the hospital, you're working on your own freedom to be
able to do things to prove that now I am
good enough that I can do this by myself, and
that I you know, you still need to.
Speaker 4 (01:11:29):
At the middle school, you know where we took our kids.
Speaker 3 (01:11:33):
But at the same time, just one week ago, I
fell out of my chair right on the bedroom floor
and my wife had to assist me into my chair.
It still happens, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
There are those moments.
Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
Yeah, And I told myself in the hospital they went
through all that, and I said, never going to happen
to me. I'm going to be so careful, never going
to happen. It's dozens of times it's happened.
Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
It's not how many times you fall, it's how many
times you get back up again.
Speaker 3 (01:12:03):
Right, Well, I'm never going to trip again. I'm just
never gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (01:12:09):
We all do. You just got it.
Speaker 4 (01:12:11):
You got to get back up, to get.
Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
Up, and then one second, one minute, one hour, one day.
Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:12:18):
Thank you guys, Thank you so much for being here,
thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being
the inspiration that you are to me and to so
many other people out there. And we will do this again. Yes,
we will do this again. I love this. Thank you
everybody for joining us. Go make the rest of your
(01:12:39):
days the best of your days.
Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
See you next time.
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