Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Merriweth the Global Ministries Tabernacle of Praise Church.
Merriweth of Global Ministries as a ministry that's at work
winning souls for Christ around the world, and welcome to
focus on our family parenting play book. I am Pastor Troy,
Reverend Doctor t. Welcome Miller Junior, and this beautiful woman
(00:23):
to my right is Paster t. Pastor t Thank you
for joining us today. On today's parenting playbook, we will
be talking about raising resilient children, strategies for helping children
(00:46):
cope with challenges. So thank you for joining us for
this session.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, our objective for today is Our objective for today
is to help equip parents with practice cool strategies to
help their children develop resilience.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
And effectively cope with life challenges, fostering a mindset that
enables them to bounce back from any adversity.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Oh mind, so let's get started focus on the family.
First thing is we need to look at the importance
of resilience and a child's development past. Yes, we will
gain an understanding by looking at this that challenges the
things are part of different parts of their life and
(01:35):
their learning, and it will give us an overview of
some key points that I'm sure you will share with us,
Paster Troy.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
But here's one thing I want you want to know.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
We have four adult children, and we have children, yes,
and so we have gone through the process.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Yes, yes, So Pastor Troy, take it away.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So first of all, we have to start by understanding
what is resilience. So let's look at it. Look at that.
So resilience, it's the ability to recover from setbacks, to
be able to adapt well to change, and to keep
going in the face of adversity. That's something that a
(02:18):
lot of children in today's society, in our technological age,
they have a problem with being able to recover from setbacks,
being able to adapt to change because all we live
in society that's rapidly changing, not every day, but every moment.
And so resilience it's crucial. It's something that's needed for
(02:43):
lifelong emotional health. It's needed for success.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yes, And you know, I feel so great with you
sharing this not just from the perspective of a father,
you're also.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
An early childhood healty.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah. Yeah, and so you know.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
A lot in reference to what needs to help with
the development of a child. Now let's look at the
biblical perspective, James. The first chapter, the second through the
fourth verse of the NIV it says, consider it pure
joy in my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials
or many kinds, those those challenges you were talking about, Yes,
(03:18):
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finishes work, so that you may be the
tour and complete, not lacking anything.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yes. Yes, So even the Bible it self speaks of resilience,
not only in the life of children, but just resilience
in the life of all believers, no matter what age
you might be.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
And listen, parents, we're talking to you too.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I know sometimes I've been through it. They can get
on your last reserve nerve. You can do some things
that you couldn't believe that your child would do.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
What if the world was going and you get them home,
you said, what were you thinking? I can't believe you
did that, And.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
They look at you with that blank say're like, oh,
I didn't mean to do it. Okay, Yeah, those kind
of things go ahead, Pastor Troy Away.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yes, So as parents and as grandparents meaning grandparents today
are raising children. So as parents and grandparents. We must
begin by promoting a positive mindset. So we have to
look at a growth versus a fixed mindset. You know
that's big and socially emotional learning today being able to
(04:33):
promote a growth mindset. So we need to encourage a
growth mindset where children see challenges as opportunities to grow
rather than insurmountable obstacles.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
To stopped your pastor, Troy, Now you have to attest
to this. I was on the line talking with our daughter, yes,
and one of my daughters, and I said to her,
I said, I know sometimes things are but look at
everything as an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Yes. I texted that.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
To them as well, look at everything as an opportunity, yes,
not realizing that we would be sharing, you know, from
our focus on our family saying that we have to
push a growth mindset, which is saying see challenges as
an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Okay, yes, yes, I know, even in the education and
thirty years of education pushing that growth mindset, when you
have that child that says I'll never learn it. That's
a fixed mindset, But the growth mindset says, I haven't
learned it yet, I'm going to learn it. I'll grow
to the point where I'll learn it, but I just
(05:45):
haven't learned it yet. Yes, yes, yes, And so what
a scripture say about a growth mindset? I can do
all things through Christ, who strengthens me. So when it
comes to dealing with our children, we need to have
positive self talk. So we need to teach our children
to replace their negative thoughts and their negative words with
(06:09):
positive affirmations. We need to get them to practice gratitude
and focus on their strengths. I know that so many
times in dealing with children, we try to get them
to focus on gratitude, guess in November around Thanksgiving, but
it needs to be a year round thing where we're
getting them to focus on gratitude. I know Pastor t
(06:33):
she's good about having gratitude journals and writing down things
that she's thankful for.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
Yes, and that's a great thing for our children.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yes, yes, I would always encourage them to write down
what they're thankful for. I think the only only two
that really took it to heart were Mariah and the kids.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Yes they real sorry. TJ and Keisha that took it
to heart and.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Really kept a journal of writing it down Tjay sometimes
Keisha every now and again, yes.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
I think Riah and the kids took it to heart
and wrote in their journal all the time things they
were grateful for and happy for.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
I think it's just ironic. Mariah texted me today talking
about things she had written in her journal. Wow. Yeah, yeah,
that's that's ironic.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
So it becomes a part of Listen, parents, Well, we're
trying to show you is things that he was stealing
them as children.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
They can carry them through the adult life.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
They're important things and in today, as you said, a
growth mind, growth.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Mind, you can move on them.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Sorry I keep interrupting you. Okay, positive self, you already
did that.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Listen to her people, I am so all past I
am I'm thinking we are one place and we are
in another. Well next, developing problem solving skills, see.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Solve that problem, yes so quickly.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Yes, we need to encourage thinking.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Yes, yes, we're learning to help your children to think
through problems by asking guided questions. Listen, if you ask
enough questions, you'll get the answer that you're trying to
get to. I love but they said, well, we're gonna
have practice and it's.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Gonna go over tonight instead of us getting off at
five like we normally do, we won't get.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Off to ay, oh okay, so what kind of things
and rather than saying you're not telling me the truth,
you know something else saying, so.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
What kind of things are you doing?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Are you learning a new routine? Yes, some other people
join the team.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, ask those open ended questions like you're talking about.
Don't ask just the yes and no questions, Ask open
ended questions so they'll have to give you more details and.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Then not just in those areas when that way, you're
not calling them names that offend them and hurt them,
because I love how they say, you know, my self esteem,
you're destroying my self esteeming, I.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
Can't believe you said that to me. Yes, and I'm
thinking to myself, well, I can't believe that you did that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yes, but we're learning not just through that, but critical
thinking in other areas of their life as well, when
it comes too and life and things that they encounter,
to help them to think problems by asking guide it
what even that As an adult when they call us
and even the grandchildren when dealing with them, we ask
(09:21):
more questions and allow them to answer, and then they
usually talk themselves through what it is that they are
experiencing so so really, I'm telling you parents it works.
Then role play, yes, different scenarios, the practice problem solving.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
I can't tell you how many times.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
I put this into action, the problem solving a scenario,
role play, you know you do it?
Speaker 4 (09:48):
What would you do? You know if this were you?
And how would you do this?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
When they come to me with an issue or a
problem and put them in that Okay, so this was you,
what would you do? And then usually through that role
playing different scenarios, the practice problem solving, then they discover, hey,
I'm capable of doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
True, so true, so true.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
And then decision making process. Oh good, my goodness.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Well well, well you know you get to see as
they go. I'm so excited that we're getting to do
this class because we're getting to share from a perspective
of that we've seen them go from little babies to adults,
and now we're experiencing that again with the grandchildren. And
so people just talking off with something, we're reading off
the book. We're telling you what we experience and what
(10:37):
we know. Decision making process. We have to teach our
children the steps of making a decision. First thing identified
the problem, then brainstorm some solutions.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
One solution may not be the solution.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Then weighing their options, choosing a solution, and reflecting on
the outcome.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Here's what I like about the past De Troy.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
This doesn't just apply to a life situations. This is
something that they can carry through their entire life.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
True.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Think about it. When you're at your.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Job and you guys are having your meetings, or when
I'm with my group or my team and we're meeting,
the first thing we do is identify the problem. Yes,
then we do a brainstorming. Yes, we weigh the options,
we choose a solution, and then guess what, We come
back and have an after action report, and we reflect
on the outcomes.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
So you're not just teaching them life skills for now
as your children.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
You're teaching them life skills that will they can use
for the rest of their lives.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
That really likes that true true, so true, very good,
very good, and applicable to just everyday life. Like you said, Yes,
it is, whether it's in the marketplace or at home. Yeah. Yeah.
And then we need to build emotional intelligence in our children.
That's a big thing today. So we need to build
emotional intelligence. So first of all, we need to help
(12:03):
them recognize how to name certain emotions. So we need
to help our children, our grandchildren identify and name their emotions.
And you might have to use something like an emotion
an emotional tool like an emotion chart. You can find
them online. And so, because so many times we see kids,
(12:26):
they they they act out with rage, or they act
out in a way that we don't really care for,
and they just don't know. They haven't had anybody to say, hey,
tap the brakes, sit down, how are you feeling? Name
that emotion? How are you feeling?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Here's the thing passenger, or they will tell you yes,
the little ones, believe me. From the little babies. You
can look at them and say how are you and
they'll go makeup base yes. So you'll know if they're
happy or sad, Yes, yes, what's going on with them?
And that's one way to kind of control the situation
(13:03):
of you being angry or upset with them because you're
not understanding.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
Just like you experience things they experience.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
And if you give them that space, sometimes they want
at first tell you how they're feeling, but just allow
them some cool downtime. Come back and do you know,
normally if you inquire about their emotions. They might need
a little cool downtime, but they'll always come back and
they're gonna tell you how they feel. But then also
(13:32):
we need to practice empathy by discussing how others might
feel in different situations. Always tell kids, our kids, our
grandkids kids. I teach empathy is putting yourself in someone
else's shoes.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Well, I gotta tell you, Okay, you know, there's always
a comparirent, there's the rational parent. And so I really
had to work on this part, the part of practicing
you know, empathy, because my mother and father great parents,
Lord of Jesus, great parents.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
But my mother was strict and you do certain things
that you did and certain things that you didn't do.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
And so we didn't do a lot of talking about
you know, it was you shouldn't have done it, you
shouldn't have.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Done don't do it again, don't do it again. And
I didn't blame her. She said, don't do it. I
didn't do it. And so the empathy for.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Discussing how others are feeling, uh, you know, I had
to grow into that, yes, But I got to tell
you it was so touching for me, and it really
made me cry a couple of years ago when my son,
our son TJ said to me. Our son said, he said,
you know, because you allow me to see how I
(14:47):
was feeling, what I was going through. You were always
there for me. When I could do that, I could
be myself and I could say it, and you didn't
jump in on me.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
You did.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
That meant so much to me. You know, even though
it's side I would be raging how to say, like
a carnado rend at a haul and go and say.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
You did what what were you thinking?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
But no, And so to hear that on that day,
that really meant a lot to me. So parents, we
have to practice empathy about we play to do that.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Yeah, and our putting ourselves and our kids on shoes.
Sometimes we have to remember that we were talking about
that the other day, that we were kids and we
made certain mistakes, and so sometimes we forget that when
when you have the kid that takes a little bit
of money off the counter, Well, I got in trouble
(15:41):
for sneaking change out of my mama's purse, and I
have to remember, hey, we made the same mistake. So
sometimes with that putting ourselves, we have to put ourselves
in our children's shoes also, and think about you know,
how are they feeling as they go through the situation.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And then you just as you say, you just talked
to them and remind them that's something they shouldn't have done. Yes,
but you know it's so you can see their eyes
and things light up when you say, hey, I make
that the same mistake. So it doesn't make you a
terrible person. It means that you made a bad decision.
You shouldn't decide to do that again.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yes, yes, so true, and this is why yes, yes,
And then we must teach our kids healthy expressions of
their emotions. So express your emotions, but do it in
a healthy way, not tearing up the room and slamming
doors and things like that. So we have to teach
our children appropriate ways to express their feelings, such as talking.
(16:41):
Sometimes they might not be able to talk it out,
but they'll be able to draw it or either even
through physical activity. You know, a couple of our daughters
are good artists, so they're good at drawing out their
emotions through dance.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Yes, even you know that's a professional dance.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
And so I mean even she's expressed sometimes that when she,
you know, experienced of it.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
She'll dance.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So that dances cathartic for her and helps her to
get out those those feelings, those emotions. And so what
does the Bible say about that? The Bible says, in
your anger, So the Bible's not discounting that we get angry.
The Bible says, in your anger, do not sin. Don't
let the sun go down while you're still angry. So
(17:29):
it's saying, hey, you're gonna get there. Sometimes we get angry,
and it's a right kind of anger, because we get
angry over what's wrong and things like that. But it's saying,
don't harbor that anger because if we harbor that anger, hey,
you know, it'll set up bitterness and malice in our hearts.
(17:50):
So we have to teach our kids, Yeah, you were
somebody wronged you at school, you had a right to
get mad, but don't hold onto that anger.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
But not just that.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Even in a discipline approach, she's telling us that if
we can be angry, but make sure when we're disciplining
that it does not get to the point where we're sinning. Yes,
that with those parities, and then don't let the sun
go down. Don't let that child go to sleep thinking
that you don't care anything about that they're the worst
(18:18):
child you've ever encountered, and all that kind of stuff,
because that gets in their spirit.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yes, one of the things that I think I've always
tried to practice, you know, because I don't want to
discipline and anger because you might go too far. So
taking the time that, okay, you're gonna sit the child down,
let them know you know why you're being disciplined, and
then discipline them. I know. Now, one thing you talked about,
the loving part. Now, my mom, I'm not gonna lie
(18:47):
you guys. She would whoop my behind, but she would
always come back and say, I love you, Troy. She
always showed me.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
That she loved me, and so yes, and so she
did not let the sun go down while she was
still angry with you.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Thank you for the pastor.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Trophy of that little excerpt.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Okay, we just thank you so much for that.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Moving right along home fostering independence and responsibility. We should
give age appropriate responsibilities.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Meaning give children tasks that match.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Their developmental stage to build confidence and independence. Sheencourage them
to take ownership of their actions and decisions. Then supporting autonomy,
allow children make choices and experience the consequences in the
safe environment.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Listen here, if I tell.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
You that if you're going out and you need to
be back by ten and you come back at twelve,
well then you know that you will be where you're
gonna be on punishment and you're not gonna be able
to go for a while because you chose to stay
out past the curfew times.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yes, yes, yes, so true.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Be supportive, but resist the urge to solve every problem
for them. You want to make them independent so their
self thinkers are able to do things for themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yes, true, true. One good point that you made was
encouraging kids to take ownership for their actions and decisions
that they need to know, Okay, certain choices have certain consequences,
and we have to own up to it, because I
know brothers and sisters are bad about blaming each other
when they, out of their own self will, made a choice,
(20:34):
or even when kids go to school, sometimes you get
to the root of it and they come home, well,
I got in trouble in school, Well, what did you
do with so and so made me do it? So
we need to help them take ownership for their actions
and the decisions that they make and not try to
pass the buck on someone else.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Because later in life, when they're at work and something's
going on and they haven't made the right to they're
able to say, hey, yeah, that was my era, but
I can fix it because they've learned how to own
up to it without feeling a shame or incapable, because
we've given them the space to do that, and you
(21:14):
have to allow them to grow in that way.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Yes, yes, And lastly, we must emphasize cultivating strong relationships.
So we need to build a supportive network for our kids,
our grandkids. We need to encourage children to develop relationships
with trusted adults and peers who can offer support and guidance.
(21:40):
So they need to have even peers that will support
them in positive things and not try to get them
to do negative things. Well, what does the Bible say
about that? It says a friend loves at all times
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
So we need to model healthy relationships. Pastor Tea kind
(22:04):
of touched on modeling earlier. So we need to model
what we want to see in our children our grandchildren.
So we need to demonstrate positive relationships and conflict resolution
with our families. So we need to demonstrate for them
what a positive relationship looks like. And when you have conflict,
(22:25):
how do you resolve that conflict in a positive way.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Because those are things that go on through life.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yes, you did they work at home, in school, at
the play as an adult. It is so effective when
you already understand these concepts.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, because yes, because if we don't. You've seen those
people on the jobs and they have adults because they
weren't taught conflict resolution as kids.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
You can't say anything. You say it wrong, look at
them wrong, that's all.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
They actually have adult temper tantrum. Yes, and so we
need to teach the value of forgiveness and reconciliation that yes,
people do offend, but we need to be able to
forgive and where reconciliation can take place, we need to
reconcile broken relationships.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
And then guess what for those For those that are
that have the the things in your life that you
feel like that you can't forgive your parents for yes,
you just forgive your siblings for we invite you on
the day to do then, yes, the value of forgiveness
because you're a parent, you want your child to know
(23:34):
what forgiveness is, you have to forgive?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
You are father and you want your children to know
what forgiveness is, you.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Have to Yes, yes, yes so true and sile yes,
yes so true.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
So let me just take you back through what our
key points was and then Pastor Troll will wrap it.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Up on today.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
We told you the objective or raising resilience strategies to
help our children cope with challenges.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
Our objective today is to equip parents, that's you.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Yes, yes, us we now with practical strategies to help
our children to develop resilience and effective coping with life challenges.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Then we gave you what the key points were and
how you can do that. Understanding resilience, we told you
resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks that will
have a change and keep going in the face of adversities.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
The main points was.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Or were promoting a positive mindset, developing problem solving skills, yes,
decision making process, building emotional intelligence, fostering independence and responsibility,
and lastly, cultivating strong relationships.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yes yes, and so listen to night friends. We want
to encourage parents to consistently apply these strategies and be
patient as your children are learning them, as they're growing,
be patient during the process. And then we want to
just remind you of the importance of your role in
(25:22):
modeling resilience and providing a supportive environment for your kids.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Yes, and so what I need for you to do,
I'm gonna give you some homework Gary.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Listening.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
In first thing is share this with other people so
that they can go back and just where we can
get to where everyone.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Is understanding raising the resilient children.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Practice at least one resilience building activity with your child's
each day. Then encourage children to reflect on their experiences
and discuss them as a family.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
As a child, I couldn't wait to get home because
I knew my parents were going to ask me about
my day, and once I shared it with them, I
would feel better, uh huh.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
And I shared it with my brothers and sisters.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
And then even though sometimes people have their own opinions,
it still made everything that I knew that I could
go home.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
And share in my day and what had happened with
my family.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, So they your parents set up the type of
environment where you could be open and where you could
share what was going on in your life. Yes, yes, yes,
and so by integrating these strategies into your daily life, parents, listen,
you can help your children develop resilience of something that's
(26:41):
needed to navigate life's challenges with confidence and with faith.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
You know, we thank you so much for yes yes
us today as we are sharing these techniques with you,
we will be coming on intermittently sharing yes, focus on
our family with you and things that can help us
as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles that we can help to
make a more healthier and happier life for the children
(27:10):
and those that we experience within our family.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
Can you close us out in prayer passages?
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yes, Yes, Heavenly Father, we just come before you, thanking you,
thanking you just for those who are tuning in. Thank
you for not only parents that are raising kids, but
grandparents and even in some cases great grandparents, uncles, aunts,
surrogate parents that have stepped in into the life of children.
We're just praying that you would undergird them with the
(27:37):
great strength, the direction and wisdom that they need to
just guide their children whom they're given care to through
every station and area of life, but especially in just
building resilience so that they'll have that strength to keep
going on by faith in a positive way. That they'll
(27:59):
be able to have empathy for other people, that they'll
be forgiving, that they'll reconcile broken relationships, that they'll just
be good people who are good to other people. Lord, God,
we're just praying for your grace over every family of
every person who's tuning in today and in the future.
(28:22):
Just blessed in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Until next time, we want to encourage you to continue
to be blessed of the Lord.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
The Lord Yes,
Welcome to Merriweth the Global Ministries Tabernacle of Praise Church.
Merriweth of Global Ministries as a ministry that's at work
winning souls for Christ around the world, and welcome to
focus on our family parenting play book. I am Pastor Troy,
Reverend Doctor t. Welcome Miller Junior, and this beautiful woman
(00:23):
to my right is Paster t. Pastor t Thank you
for joining us today. On today's parenting playbook, we will
be talking about raising resilient children, strategies for helping children
(00:46):
cope with challenges. So thank you for joining us for
this session.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, our objective for today is Our objective for today
is to help equip parents with practice cool strategies to
help their children develop resilience.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
And effectively cope with life challenges, fostering a mindset that
enables them to bounce back from any adversity.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Oh mind, so let's get started focus on the family.
First thing is we need to look at the importance
of resilience and a child's development past. Yes, we will
gain an understanding by looking at this that challenges the
things are part of different parts of their life and
(01:35):
their learning, and it will give us an overview of
some key points that I'm sure you will share with us,
Paster Troy.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
But here's one thing I want you want to know.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
We have four adult children, and we have children, yes,
and so we have gone through the process.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Yes, yes, So Pastor Troy, take it away.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So first of all, we have to start by understanding
what is resilience. So let's look at it. Look at that.
So resilience, it's the ability to recover from setbacks, to
be able to adapt well to change, and to keep
going in the face of adversity. That's something that a
(02:18):
lot of children in today's society, in our technological age,
they have a problem with being able to recover from setbacks,
being able to adapt to change because all we live
in society that's rapidly changing, not every day, but every moment.
And so resilience it's crucial. It's something that's needed for
(02:43):
lifelong emotional health. It's needed for success.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yes, And you know, I feel so great with you
sharing this not just from the perspective of a father,
you're also.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
An early childhood healty.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah. Yeah, and so you know.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
A lot in reference to what needs to help with
the development of a child. Now let's look at the
biblical perspective, James. The first chapter, the second through the
fourth verse of the NIV it says, consider it pure
joy in my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials
or many kinds, those those challenges you were talking about, Yes,
(03:18):
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finishes work, so that you may be the
tour and complete, not lacking anything.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yes. Yes, So even the Bible it self speaks of resilience,
not only in the life of children, but just resilience
in the life of all believers, no matter what age
you might be.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
And listen, parents, we're talking to you too.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I know sometimes I've been through it. They can get
on your last reserve nerve. You can do some things
that you couldn't believe that your child would do.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
What if the world was going and you get them home,
you said, what were you thinking? I can't believe you
did that, And.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
They look at you with that blank say're like, oh,
I didn't mean to do it. Okay, Yeah, those kind
of things go ahead, Pastor Troy Away.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yes, So as parents and as grandparents meaning grandparents today
are raising children. So as parents and grandparents. We must
begin by promoting a positive mindset. So we have to
look at a growth versus a fixed mindset. You know
that's big and socially emotional learning today being able to
(04:33):
promote a growth mindset. So we need to encourage a
growth mindset where children see challenges as opportunities to grow
rather than insurmountable obstacles.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
To stopped your pastor, Troy, Now you have to attest
to this. I was on the line talking with our daughter, yes,
and one of my daughters, and I said to her,
I said, I know sometimes things are but look at
everything as an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Yes. I texted that.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
To them as well, look at everything as an opportunity, yes,
not realizing that we would be sharing, you know, from
our focus on our family saying that we have to
push a growth mindset, which is saying see challenges as
an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Okay, yes, yes, I know, even in the education and
thirty years of education pushing that growth mindset, when you
have that child that says I'll never learn it. That's
a fixed mindset, But the growth mindset says, I haven't
learned it yet, I'm going to learn it. I'll grow
to the point where I'll learn it, but I just
(05:45):
haven't learned it yet. Yes, yes, yes, And so what
a scripture say about a growth mindset? I can do
all things through Christ, who strengthens me. So when it
comes to dealing with our children, we need to have
positive self talk. So we need to teach our children
to replace their negative thoughts and their negative words with
(06:09):
positive affirmations. We need to get them to practice gratitude
and focus on their strengths. I know that so many
times in dealing with children, we try to get them
to focus on gratitude, guess in November around Thanksgiving, but
it needs to be a year round thing where we're
getting them to focus on gratitude. I know Pastor t
(06:33):
she's good about having gratitude journals and writing down things
that she's thankful for.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
Yes, and that's a great thing for our children.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yes, yes, I would always encourage them to write down
what they're thankful for. I think the only only two
that really took it to heart were Mariah and the kids.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Yes they real sorry. TJ and Keisha that took it
to heart and.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Really kept a journal of writing it down Tjay sometimes
Keisha every now and again, yes.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
I think Riah and the kids took it to heart
and wrote in their journal all the time things they
were grateful for and happy for.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
I think it's just ironic. Mariah texted me today talking
about things she had written in her journal. Wow. Yeah, yeah,
that's that's ironic.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
So it becomes a part of Listen, parents, Well, we're
trying to show you is things that he was stealing
them as children.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
They can carry them through the adult life.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
They're important things and in today, as you said, a
growth mind, growth.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Mind, you can move on them.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Sorry I keep interrupting you. Okay, positive self, you already
did that.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Listen to her people, I am so all past I
am I'm thinking we are one place and we are
in another. Well next, developing problem solving skills, see.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Solve that problem, yes so quickly.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Yes, we need to encourage thinking.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Yes, yes, we're learning to help your children to think
through problems by asking guided questions. Listen, if you ask
enough questions, you'll get the answer that you're trying to
get to. I love but they said, well, we're gonna
have practice and it's.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Gonna go over tonight instead of us getting off at
five like we normally do, we won't get.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Off to ay, oh okay, so what kind of things
and rather than saying you're not telling me the truth,
you know something else saying, so.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
What kind of things are you doing?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Are you learning a new routine? Yes, some other people
join the team.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, ask those open ended questions like you're talking about.
Don't ask just the yes and no questions, Ask open
ended questions so they'll have to give you more details and.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Then not just in those areas when that way, you're
not calling them names that offend them and hurt them,
because I love how they say, you know, my self esteem,
you're destroying my self esteeming, I.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
Can't believe you said that to me. Yes, and I'm
thinking to myself, well, I can't believe that you did that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yes, but we're learning not just through that, but critical
thinking in other areas of their life as well, when
it comes too and life and things that they encounter,
to help them to think problems by asking guide it
what even that As an adult when they call us
and even the grandchildren when dealing with them, we ask
(09:21):
more questions and allow them to answer, and then they
usually talk themselves through what it is that they are
experiencing so so really, I'm telling you parents it works.
Then role play, yes, different scenarios, the practice problem solving.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
I can't tell you how many times.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
I put this into action, the problem solving a scenario,
role play, you know you do it?
Speaker 4 (09:48):
What would you do? You know if this were you?
And how would you do this?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
When they come to me with an issue or a
problem and put them in that Okay, so this was you,
what would you do? And then usually through that role
playing different scenarios, the practice problem solving, then they discover, hey,
I'm capable of doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
True, so true, so true.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
And then decision making process. Oh good, my goodness.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Well well, well you know you get to see as
they go. I'm so excited that we're getting to do
this class because we're getting to share from a perspective
of that we've seen them go from little babies to adults,
and now we're experiencing that again with the grandchildren. And
so people just talking off with something, we're reading off
the book. We're telling you what we experience and what
(10:37):
we know. Decision making process. We have to teach our
children the steps of making a decision. First thing identified
the problem, then brainstorm some solutions.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
One solution may not be the solution.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Then weighing their options, choosing a solution, and reflecting on
the outcome.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Here's what I like about the past De Troy.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
This doesn't just apply to a life situations. This is
something that they can carry through their entire life.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
True.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Think about it. When you're at your.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Job and you guys are having your meetings, or when
I'm with my group or my team and we're meeting,
the first thing we do is identify the problem. Yes,
then we do a brainstorming. Yes, we weigh the options,
we choose a solution, and then guess what, We come
back and have an after action report, and we reflect
on the outcomes.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
So you're not just teaching them life skills for now
as your children.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
You're teaching them life skills that will they can use
for the rest of their lives.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
That really likes that true true, so true, very good,
very good, and applicable to just everyday life. Like you said, Yes,
it is, whether it's in the marketplace or at home. Yeah. Yeah.
And then we need to build emotional intelligence in our children.
That's a big thing today. So we need to build
emotional intelligence. So first of all, we need to help
(12:03):
them recognize how to name certain emotions. So we need
to help our children, our grandchildren identify and name their emotions.
And you might have to use something like an emotion
an emotional tool like an emotion chart. You can find
them online. And so, because so many times we see kids,
(12:26):
they they they act out with rage, or they act
out in a way that we don't really care for,
and they just don't know. They haven't had anybody to say, hey,
tap the brakes, sit down, how are you feeling? Name
that emotion? How are you feeling?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Here's the thing passenger, or they will tell you yes,
the little ones, believe me. From the little babies. You
can look at them and say how are you and
they'll go makeup base yes. So you'll know if they're
happy or sad, Yes, yes, what's going on with them?
And that's one way to kind of control the situation
(13:03):
of you being angry or upset with them because you're
not understanding.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
Just like you experience things they experience.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
And if you give them that space, sometimes they want
at first tell you how they're feeling, but just allow
them some cool downtime. Come back and do you know,
normally if you inquire about their emotions. They might need
a little cool downtime, but they'll always come back and
they're gonna tell you how they feel. But then also
(13:32):
we need to practice empathy by discussing how others might
feel in different situations. Always tell kids, our kids, our
grandkids kids. I teach empathy is putting yourself in someone
else's shoes.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Well, I gotta tell you, Okay, you know, there's always
a comparirent, there's the rational parent. And so I really
had to work on this part, the part of practicing
you know, empathy, because my mother and father great parents,
Lord of Jesus, great parents.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
But my mother was strict and you do certain things
that you did and certain things that you didn't do.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
And so we didn't do a lot of talking about
you know, it was you shouldn't have done it, you
shouldn't have.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Done don't do it again, don't do it again. And
I didn't blame her. She said, don't do it. I
didn't do it. And so the empathy for.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Discussing how others are feeling, uh, you know, I had
to grow into that, yes, But I got to tell
you it was so touching for me, and it really
made me cry a couple of years ago when my son,
our son TJ said to me. Our son said, he said,
you know, because you allow me to see how I
(14:47):
was feeling, what I was going through. You were always
there for me. When I could do that, I could
be myself and I could say it, and you didn't
jump in on me.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
You did.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
That meant so much to me. You know, even though
it's side I would be raging how to say, like
a carnado rend at a haul and go and say.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
You did what what were you thinking?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
But no, And so to hear that on that day,
that really meant a lot to me. So parents, we
have to practice empathy about we play to do that.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Yeah, and our putting ourselves and our kids on shoes.
Sometimes we have to remember that we were talking about
that the other day, that we were kids and we
made certain mistakes, and so sometimes we forget that when
when you have the kid that takes a little bit
of money off the counter, Well, I got in trouble
(15:41):
for sneaking change out of my mama's purse, and I
have to remember, hey, we made the same mistake. So
sometimes with that putting ourselves, we have to put ourselves
in our children's shoes also, and think about you know,
how are they feeling as they go through the situation.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And then you just as you say, you just talked
to them and remind them that's something they shouldn't have done. Yes,
but you know it's so you can see their eyes
and things light up when you say, hey, I make
that the same mistake. So it doesn't make you a
terrible person. It means that you made a bad decision.
You shouldn't decide to do that again.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yes, yes, so true, and this is why yes, yes,
And then we must teach our kids healthy expressions of
their emotions. So express your emotions, but do it in
a healthy way, not tearing up the room and slamming
doors and things like that. So we have to teach
our children appropriate ways to express their feelings, such as talking.
(16:41):
Sometimes they might not be able to talk it out,
but they'll be able to draw it or either even
through physical activity. You know, a couple of our daughters
are good artists, so they're good at drawing out their
emotions through dance.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Yes, even you know that's a professional dance.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
And so I mean even she's expressed sometimes that when she,
you know, experienced of it.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
She'll dance.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So that dances cathartic for her and helps her to
get out those those feelings, those emotions. And so what
does the Bible say about that? The Bible says, in
your anger, So the Bible's not discounting that we get angry.
The Bible says, in your anger, do not sin. Don't
let the sun go down while you're still angry. So
(17:29):
it's saying, hey, you're gonna get there. Sometimes we get angry,
and it's a right kind of anger, because we get
angry over what's wrong and things like that. But it's saying,
don't harbor that anger because if we harbor that anger, hey,
you know, it'll set up bitterness and malice in our hearts.
(17:50):
So we have to teach our kids, Yeah, you were
somebody wronged you at school, you had a right to
get mad, but don't hold onto that anger.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
But not just that.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Even in a discipline approach, she's telling us that if
we can be angry, but make sure when we're disciplining
that it does not get to the point where we're sinning. Yes,
that with those parities, and then don't let the sun
go down. Don't let that child go to sleep thinking
that you don't care anything about that they're the worst
(18:18):
child you've ever encountered, and all that kind of stuff,
because that gets in their spirit.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yes, one of the things that I think I've always
tried to practice, you know, because I don't want to
discipline and anger because you might go too far. So
taking the time that, okay, you're gonna sit the child down,
let them know you know why you're being disciplined, and
then discipline them. I know. Now, one thing you talked about,
the loving part. Now, my mom, I'm not gonna lie
(18:47):
you guys. She would whoop my behind, but she would
always come back and say, I love you, Troy. She
always showed me.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
That she loved me, and so yes, and so she
did not let the sun go down while she was
still angry with you.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Thank you for the pastor.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Trophy of that little excerpt.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Okay, we just thank you so much for that.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Moving right along home fostering independence and responsibility. We should
give age appropriate responsibilities.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Meaning give children tasks that match.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Their developmental stage to build confidence and independence. Sheencourage them
to take ownership of their actions and decisions. Then supporting autonomy,
allow children make choices and experience the consequences in the
safe environment.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Listen here, if I tell.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
You that if you're going out and you need to
be back by ten and you come back at twelve,
well then you know that you will be where you're
gonna be on punishment and you're not gonna be able
to go for a while because you chose to stay
out past the curfew times.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yes, yes, yes, so true.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Be supportive, but resist the urge to solve every problem
for them. You want to make them independent so their
self thinkers are able to do things for themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yes, true, true. One good point that you made was
encouraging kids to take ownership for their actions and decisions
that they need to know, Okay, certain choices have certain consequences,
and we have to own up to it, because I
know brothers and sisters are bad about blaming each other
when they, out of their own self will, made a choice,
(20:34):
or even when kids go to school, sometimes you get
to the root of it and they come home, well,
I got in trouble in school, Well, what did you
do with so and so made me do it? So
we need to help them take ownership for their actions
and the decisions that they make and not try to
pass the buck on someone else.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Because later in life, when they're at work and something's
going on and they haven't made the right to they're
able to say, hey, yeah, that was my era, but
I can fix it because they've learned how to own
up to it without feeling a shame or incapable, because
we've given them the space to do that, and you
(21:14):
have to allow them to grow in that way.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Yes, yes, And lastly, we must emphasize cultivating strong relationships.
So we need to build a supportive network for our kids,
our grandkids. We need to encourage children to develop relationships
with trusted adults and peers who can offer support and guidance.
(21:40):
So they need to have even peers that will support
them in positive things and not try to get them
to do negative things. Well, what does the Bible say
about that? It says a friend loves at all times
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
So we need to model healthy relationships. Pastor Tea kind
(22:04):
of touched on modeling earlier. So we need to model
what we want to see in our children our grandchildren.
So we need to demonstrate positive relationships and conflict resolution
with our families. So we need to demonstrate for them
what a positive relationship looks like. And when you have conflict,
(22:25):
how do you resolve that conflict in a positive way.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Because those are things that go on through life.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yes, you did they work at home, in school, at
the play as an adult. It is so effective when
you already understand these concepts.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, because yes, because if we don't. You've seen those
people on the jobs and they have adults because they
weren't taught conflict resolution as kids.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
You can't say anything. You say it wrong, look at
them wrong, that's all.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
They actually have adult temper tantrum. Yes, and so we
need to teach the value of forgiveness and reconciliation that yes,
people do offend, but we need to be able to
forgive and where reconciliation can take place, we need to
reconcile broken relationships.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
And then guess what for those For those that are
that have the the things in your life that you
feel like that you can't forgive your parents for yes,
you just forgive your siblings for we invite you on
the day to do then, yes, the value of forgiveness
because you're a parent, you want your child to know
(23:34):
what forgiveness is, you have to forgive?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
You are father and you want your children to know
what forgiveness is, you.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Have to Yes, yes, yes so true and sile yes,
yes so true.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
So let me just take you back through what our
key points was and then Pastor Troll will wrap it.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Up on today.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
We told you the objective or raising resilience strategies to
help our children cope with challenges.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
Our objective today is to equip parents, that's you.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Yes, yes, us we now with practical strategies to help
our children to develop resilience and effective coping with life challenges.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Then we gave you what the key points were and
how you can do that. Understanding resilience, we told you
resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks that will
have a change and keep going in the face of adversities.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
The main points was.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Or were promoting a positive mindset, developing problem solving skills, yes,
decision making process, building emotional intelligence, fostering independence and responsibility,
and lastly, cultivating strong relationships.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yes yes, and so listen to night friends. We want
to encourage parents to consistently apply these strategies and be
patient as your children are learning them, as they're growing,
be patient during the process. And then we want to
just remind you of the importance of your role in
(25:22):
modeling resilience and providing a supportive environment for your kids.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Yes, and so what I need for you to do,
I'm gonna give you some homework Gary.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Listening.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
In first thing is share this with other people so
that they can go back and just where we can
get to where everyone.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Is understanding raising the resilient children.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Practice at least one resilience building activity with your child's
each day. Then encourage children to reflect on their experiences
and discuss them as a family.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
As a child, I couldn't wait to get home because
I knew my parents were going to ask me about
my day, and once I shared it with them, I
would feel better, uh huh.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
And I shared it with my brothers and sisters.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
And then even though sometimes people have their own opinions,
it still made everything that I knew that I could
go home.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
And share in my day and what had happened with
my family.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, So they your parents set up the type of
environment where you could be open and where you could
share what was going on in your life. Yes, yes, yes,
and so by integrating these strategies into your daily life, parents, listen,
you can help your children develop resilience of something that's
(26:41):
needed to navigate life's challenges with confidence and with faith.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
You know, we thank you so much for yes yes
us today as we are sharing these techniques with you,
we will be coming on intermittently sharing yes, focus on
our family with you and things that can help us
as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles that we can help to
make a more healthier and happier life for the children
(27:10):
and those that we experience within our family.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
Can you close us out in prayer passages?
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yes, Yes, Heavenly Father, we just come before you, thanking you,
thanking you just for those who are tuning in. Thank
you for not only parents that are raising kids, but
grandparents and even in some cases great grandparents, uncles, aunts,
surrogate parents that have stepped in into the life of children.
We're just praying that you would undergird them with the
(27:37):
great strength, the direction and wisdom that they need to
just guide their children whom they're given care to through
every station and area of life, but especially in just
building resilience so that they'll have that strength to keep
going on by faith in a positive way. That they'll
(27:59):
be able to have empathy for other people, that they'll
be forgiving, that they'll reconcile broken relationships, that they'll just
be good people who are good to other people. Lord, God,
we're just praying for your grace over every family of
every person who's tuning in today and in the future.
(28:22):
Just blessed in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Until next time, we want to encourage you to continue
to be blessed of the Lord.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
The Lord Yes,
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
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Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com